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nyasiaaaaa · 3 months

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In the Bleak Mid-Winter

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Fem reader (Nurse) Fem reader x Arthur ( platonic )

Summary: This is a story about two people who become constants in each others lives, and eventually fall for each. While one learns to love again, the other learns the cost of loving a man like him.

Word count: 5k

Warnings: Cursing, angst, fluff ,Tommy Shelby, y/n eats ( If I missed anything or you think something should be added please tell me.) Major character death from season 4 episode like 1/2

A/N: part 1 takes place during season two, part 2/3 season 3 and 4/5/6 season 4. This is a Slow burn there will be smut eventually.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 part 5

********************

It's been a year.

A lot of things have changed since then; you've changed.

You're not the same person you were a year ago; you're still a nurse and still work in the hospital, but in London now.

You know the other nurse in hospital like the last, you eat lunch together but never go out. They always ask, but you always have the same excuse.

It's not like you're lying. You really don't have anyone to watch her, but if you wanted to, you could find someone, but don't. Honestly, though, you prefer the company of a bottle of whiskey over anyone else.

You also never have the energy to do anything anymore; you wake up throughout the night, then wake up to go to work, come home tired from a 12-hour shift, and go to sleep to do it all over again.

You barely eat, you barely sleep.

When you look in the mirror, you're just a hollow version of yourself, like you don't have control over your body. You're just sitting back as it goes through the motions, as someone else controls you.

She's not the only reason you can't sleep; if she's not waking you up because of her screams, you're waking yourself up with your own.

These nightmares are so haunting that most times, after you wake up, you just stay up.

And that's where you're at now, waking up from a dream like every other night.

You thrash around in your bed and suddenly wake up coughing as you grab hold of your throat. You get up from your bed, covered in sweat, and walk downstairs to the kitchen, rubbing your chest as you catch your breath.

You walk around the corner to the kitchen and instantly jump when you see someone sitting at your table in the dark. The old you would've freaked, grabbed your gun and threatened them.

But you now couldn't care less; you just grabbed two glasses and a bottle of whiskey off the drink table. You bring it over and set it down, pouring the whiskey into each cup, filling it halfway, and then sliding one over to your companion.

You then sit down and take a swing of your drink before reaching for your pack of cigarettes.

"Want one," you ask, holding a cig out to them.

They take it, and you pull out one more for yourself; you then strike up a match, reaching towards them to light theirs first; once they got closer to the flame, it became clear who was sitting at this table with you.

You light the cigarette, then pull the match to light your own; you take a drag, hold it in, and then blow it out. You do this action a couple more times, and neither of you says a word as you smoke; you both just sit there in silence.

You finish up your cig, put it out in the ashtray, then proceed to light another. Again, you smoke in silence, but this time, as you're almost finished with your cig, you speak up.

"I thought you would've sent Micheal," You say as you reach to ash your cig in the ashtray.

He finishes up his cig, putting it out before responding to you. "He was busy," he shrugs.

"'M honestly, I would've preferred Micheal." You put your cig out and then took a sip of your drink.

"Well, looks like you're out of luck 'cause I'm here."

"Yes, you are; please do tell me why it is that you're here after all this time."

"We got served a black hand," he spoke with such seriousness, but you were confused.

"Ok, am I supposed to know what that means or what it has to do with me"

He took a deep breath and said, "We have to tighten house. We killed one of theirs way back, and now they're coming to get even."

You pursed your lips and turned your head to the side, slightly shrugging your shoulders. "And what does that have to do with me."

"They killed John."

"May he rest in peace? "even though you didn't mean for it to, it had come out more like a question than a statement.

"But again, what does this have to do with me," you asked

He let out a dry laugh, licking his lips, then got up and got in your face. He took hold of your wrist and bent down to your height.

"Because the Italian Mafia doesn't care if you don't fuck with me, they are going to kill everyone that has ever spoken to me, anyone who's ever been close to me to hurt me to break me down before killing me."

Even though he tried to seem calm and collected, you couldn't see it in his eyes or face, but you could hear it in his voice.

He was hurting.

You ripped your wrist from his grip and stood up, moving closer to him and getting in his face.

"Well, Tommy, it seems like you have a real problem on your hands; best of luck to you." You smiled at him, then stood up and began to walk away

Suddenly, you were pushed against the wall and turned to face him.

"Look, I—"his speech was cut short once he heard a cry coming from upstairs; his eyes darted down to you, his head tilted as he looked at you.

"Tommy, I-"you start but stop once Tommy pushes off you.

You tried to get past him to go up the steps first, but he pulled out a gun on you and pushed you back into the kitchen. He slowly took a step back as you took steps forward.

"Do it, Do it, Tommy. Be a man. Do it," You said as you walked forward; you held your head high as you spoke so there was no room for doubt on Tommy's part.

He looked at you, puzzled, then shut the door in your face. You immediately rushed to the door, but it was too late. He locked it. You tightened your grip on the door knob as you jiggled it relentlessly,

"Tommy…. Fuck— Tommy, please" You were starting to panic; you had to get to her first.

You dashed over to the drawers and started to throw everything out and slam it shut as you moved on to the next one. The key was in one of these drawers; it had to be you had remembered putting it in here you—

You found it in the last drawer; you ran over to the door but slipped on the things you had thrown on the floor and fell on your back, making the key fall out of your hand. You hop on your knees, ignoring the pain in your back that grew with every move you made as you searched the now messy floor for the key; you can already barely see because of the darkness, but the tears that start to build only make it worse.

Your hand brushed against something sharp, and you turned your head in its direction as you stretched your hand out again, patting it around. Your hand instantly comes in contact with the cold metal key. You grab it, rushing to the door. You try to place the key in the door, but it keeps brushing past the hole.

You stopped, took a deep breath, and tried again, and despite your shaking hand, you were able to place the key in and unlock the door. As soon as the door opens, you ran up the step to her room.

It's too late.

You walk into the room and see Tommy holding your daughter in his hands.

Without thinking, you say, "She's not yours."

It's a lie, you know it, and so does he. Anyone could see from a mile away that she was his, and it's not like she looked like him or you even; she was still too young to look like anyone. But she had those eyes, the same eyes her father had.

You look up at Tommy and know you are in trouble. He had just met her, and already he was in love. He was already hell-bent on taking you with him, but now that he knew of her, there was no way he was letting y'all go.

You're about to speak up but get cut off by some men behind you.

"We're here, Mr.Shebly. What do you want us to do?"

You didn't turn around to see if you knew the men; you just kept your eyes forced ahead on Tommy.

"Pack up the house, everything; we'll go through it later and see what we want." He barely spoke above a whisper and never looked up as he slowly rocked your baby back and forth.

"Oi sir and your car is ready when you are."

"Thank you, curly."

They left, leaving you and Tommy alone.

You opened your mouth to speak but didn't know what to say, so you stood there like a gaping fish as you struggled to find words.

"It doesn't matter what you say; tonight, you will leave here with me, and so will the baby. You can put up a fight, but we will drug you if we must." The way he spoke, you knew he meant it; there would not be a fight, you couldn't take on Tommy, let alone all the men downstairs.

So you just nodded your head, ok.

Satisfied with your answer, he proceeded to exit the room but then stopped and turned towards you.

"What's her name," he asks.

"Ruby"

"Ruby," He whispers, "Hi. Ruby, grab what you want and meet me in the car," He says, then leaves and goes downstairs.

You want to cry, tear the room to pieces, throw a fit, and just sit there and cry. But you can't, so you make yourself and your daughter a travel bag, packing only what you need and leaving the rest for the guys to pack up.

You finish packing and head upstairs; you walk past the men packing up your kitchen and head straight for the car. Once you're outside, you see a man waiting for you by the backseat door; he opens it for you as you approach it. You walk up to him, handing off your luggage, giving him a smile, and thanking him before sliding in next to Tommy, who's still holding your daughter tight to his chest.

The driver places your stuff in the trunk, runs over to the driver's side, and hops in, wasting no time. He takes off instantly, driving to a destination unknown to you.

You glance over at Tommy, who is still in awe at seeing your daughter. You don't even try to take your baby away from Tommy, knowing that he will hold her as long as he can.

So you sit there staring out the window, saying goodbye to the place you've called home for the past year, and try not to cry.

************************

For a long time, you were confused; you knew this wasn't the way to Tommy's house. It was east, and you had been heading west. You were about to ask where you were going, but then you started to recognize your surroundings, the shops you've walked past hundreds if not thousands of times. You even saw some people you knew past patients.

You were back in Birmingham.

Soon after you cross the line into Birmingham, it doesn't take long for you to reach your destination; you pull up next to many small townhomes.

Before you get the chance, your door is opened for you, thanking the driver as you step out and observe your surroundings.

"Where are we, Tommy," you ask.

"We're home," he says simply, then starts making his way into one of the homes.

You follow closely behind him as he steps into the house; you take in your new surroundings as you follow him; there are steps directly in front of you and a living room to your right that leads Into a kitchen. As soon as you step into the living room following Tommy, you're greeted by a maid who cut you off as you are about to ask Tommy another question.

"Welcome back, Mr. Shebly. I set Charlie down for a nap upstairs a few minutes ago and just put dinner in the oven. Do you need anything else from me before I go"

"No, Mary, that will be all thank you."

"It's not a problem, Mr.Shelby," she said, then went to leave but suddenly stopped at the door. "Oh, and I've had a bassinet put upstairs per your request." She gave both of you a tight smile, shutting the door as she exits, leaving you and Tommy alone.

Tommy doesn't say a word as he turns away from you and walks upstairs; you're about to start looking around when a knock comes at the door. You get to the front to open it and is greeted by the driver, who has your bags in hand. You reach out, taking them from his hands and setting them to the side before giving him a smile.

"Thank you so much; hold on, let me find my purse to pay you," you say as you step away from him in search of your bags.

The driver quickly stops you in your tracks when he calls after you using a name you've never heard associated with you.

"Oi, that's quite alright, Mrs.Shebly; Tommy pays me good," he said, giving you a smile, then shuts the door before you could even correct him.

"Ok," you say yourself as you shrug it off; you turn around just in time to see Tommy walking down the step, and you notice that your daughter is no longer in his hand. You assumed he must've put her down upstairs in the crib Mary set up.

Once he gets down the steps, he immediately makes his way toward the Living room. He sits down in one of the chairs, and you decide to take a seat across from him.

He pulls out his pack of cigs, offers you one, which you accept, and then takes one for himself. His lights yours first, then his own. You take a couple drags of your cig, then begin asking him a million questions you have swimming around in your head.

"How long do we have to stay here," you ask as you blow out smoke and then take another drag.

He shrugs his shoulders as he waves his hand around in no particular manner, "for however long it takes."

You press your lips tightly and roll your eyes; you take a deep breath and let it out as you speak again, "Are we staying here with you."

"Yeah"

"Is it safe?"

"Yeah, you will have two guards stationed outside 24/7."

"And where will you be?"

"Out"

"So Tommy, let me get this straight: I'm supposed to stay here for who knows how long, under constant surveillance from your men, and I'm assuming I'm not allowed to leave." You paused, waiting for an answer, to which he gave you a slight nod back. "Right, so basically, I'm a prisoner; I'm your prisoner. I'm not ok with that, Tommy. I-"

Arthur suddenly burst through your door, calling out for Tommy.

"Oi Tommy, I- "Arthur paused once his eyes landed on you; a big smile slowly crept up his face as he started making his way towards you.

"Sista, it's good to see you," Arthur said as he hugged you, picking you up slightly.

"It's good to see you too...... I'm so sorry about John," you said as you hugged him back, and you were being honest. You didn't miss anything from your old life, but Arthur. After all the years, y'all were around each other. He truly started to feel like the brother you never had.

Arthur pulled back from you slightly and looked you in the eyes; you gave him a tight smile, then pulled him back closer and hugged him tighter.

Arthur pulled back again as he asked you a question, "Oi, I heard I had a niece. Where she."

Before you were able to answer his question, Tommy interrupted you.

"Are you two finished yet" You heard Tommy ask from behind you, making Arthur drop you.

"Sorry, Tommy," he chuckled as he stepped further from you. "There's been an incident down at the boat house; we need you down there."

"Thank you, Arthur; I'll meet you outside," Tommy said, then went into the kitchen to gather his things.

Arthur gave you a small smile and whispered a quick bye before heading outside.

You turn to face Tommy, who is putting on his coat; you see his collar sticking up, so you go over to him to help him fix it. You grab onto the jacket and pull him in close to you.

"When will you be back?" You ask as you pat down his collar.

"When I'm finished"

"That's not cool, Tommy; we have things we need to talk about." You grab on his collar and tighten.

He gave you a look that you could only describe as assumed, then pulled you off him, holding your wrist in his hands.

"And we will when I get back," he said, dropping your wrist and walking away. He suddenly stopped and turned around to face you. "Watch Charlie for me," He said with a tight smile, then reached for the door.

You are so fed up with his bullshit that you pick up the first thing your hands touched and throw it at him.

"Fuck you, Tommy" You screamed at him as the glass cup left your hands.

Your aim is ass, so the cup smashed against the wall next to him, missing him by a couple feet. But still, it stopped him in his tracks; he stood there for a second, then turned around to face you, gave you a smug smile, then said

"You already did love."

He quickly went to the door, leaving you there standing there stunned.

You're so mad at him for coming into your life (again), picking you up, and dragging you into his mess (again). He constantly treats you like gum on the bottom of his shoe, and you're tired of it.

You have this anger building up inside you; you're so mad, so you do the only thing you can think of.

You scream.

You stand there and scream; you yell out towards the ceiling; you scream till your lungs start to burn. And then you collapse onto the floor.

How did you end up here again? You thought you finally got away from this life.

Before you had a chance to wallow in your self-pity, you heard a cry come from upstairs. You get slowly and make your way up the narrow stairs. Once you get upstairs, you notice there are only two rooms upstairs, one the bathroom and the other the bedroom.

You enter the bedroom and see Charlie still fast asleep on the bed, the only bed, you might add. Your baby cried from her bassinet, and you went over, picking her up and rocked her back and forth in her arms. She must've heard your scream and got startled. You were really loud; you're shocked that Charlie didn't wake up.

You were able to get her back to sleep quite quickly; you placed her back in her bassinet and walked out the door back downstairs.

As you walked down the steps, you started to sniff the air around you; it smelled like something was burning.

You took off sprinting towards the kitchen once you remembered the dinner Mary said she had placed in the oven. You yanked the oven open and reached in to take the pan out.

You jump back, saying a million curse words as you immediately pull your thumb in your mouth. You are so out of it that you forgot an oven mitt. You suck on your thumb for a couple of more seconds as you glance around the kitchen till your eyes land on the oven mitt. You grab them off the counter, head back to the oven, and pull the pot, placing it on the top of the stove.

You open the pot, and to your surprise, it's a chicken roast dinner, and it's not that burnt, only a bit; really, it just looks extra crispy.

You place the top back on and glance down at the clock next to the stove; it's barely a quarter past three.

You decide to let the meal cool down, you get your bag from the door, and put it up where you see best upstairs.

After you finished unpacking what you had on hand, you pre-made a couple of bottles for your daughter and then joined Charlie in the bed for a little nap after scooting him over a bit.

That boy sleeps wild.

***********************

You felt yourself being shaken back and forth softly as if it was too hard for the person to push you. You open your eyes slowly and squint as they try to adjust to the dark; you look around the room in search of the person who worked you up, and soon, your eyes land on the smaller version of Thomas Shelby.

The little boy turned his head to the side as she looked at you curiously.

You sat up on your elbows and took a quick glance over to the clock next to you; it was seven on the dot. You turned back and looked over at Charlie, who was still looking at you.

"Yes, Charlie," you asked.

"I'm hungry; where, Da," he asked, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands.

"He's out right now; I'm here. Is that ok," you asked; he nodded slowly in response.

"Ok, good, I have some food downstairs for you; we just have to get the baby up and well go, ok."

"Baby?"

"Yeah, come look." You stood up, grabbed him, placed him on your hip, and showed him the baby below.

"Who that"

You thought about your answer before you responded to him. You didn't see the harm in telling him the truth, so you said, "She's your sister; her name is Ruby."

He turned up to look at you so quick that you thought he gave himself whiplash.

"My sista," he gasped and then tried to reach down to touch her.

"Yep, but wait, be careful, I'll put you down, and I'll grab her and show you."

You put him down softly and then pick up your little girl; she begins to stir as you gently pick her up. You turned to see Charlie sitting waiting patiently with his feet swinging off the side of the bed.

You sat down next to him and turned your body to face him; he glanced down at the baby, up at you, and down at the baby again.

"Wow!" He said, then jumped down from the bed and took hold of your hand.

"Come on, me and baby hungry," he said, leading you downstairs.

Once you got downstairs, you had him sit at the small table in the kitchen, and you kept Ruby in your arms as you fixed him a plate and then yourself. You warmed both plates on the stove and grabbed a pre-made bottle from the fridge while you waited.

You sat down next to Charlie and offered him a proposition: "You want to feed her with me."

He shook his head up and down so fast and tried to reach out to her.

You pulled away from him slightly. "Wait, I'll hold her, and you hold the bottle, ok?"

He nodded and waited for you to give him the bottle; you showed him how to hold the bottle at an angle best for the baby and then let him take over.

He reached over you slightly as he held the bottle to Ruby, and she took it instantly, drinking fast.

After she was finished, you took her back upstairs to sleep; when you came back down, your food was finished warming, so you took both your plates out and cut up the food for him before handing it to him.

Together, y'all both sat at the table and ate in silence.

"Are you my new ma"

The piece of chicken you placed in your mouth instantly went down the wrong pipe, and you started to cough, your eyes began to water as your chest tightened. You reach for your glass of water on the table as you beat against your chest.

As you drank your water, you glanced over at Charlie, who had started playing with his food. You cleared your throat a couple of times as you rubbed against it and drank more water, then set the cut back down next to your plate.

You smack your lips against your teeth as you begin to speak. "Umm, w-what makes you uhhh what makes you say that."

Charlie shrugged his causal shoulders, still glancing down at his food. "You're staying here with me and da; you sleep in the same bed as me and da and your baby’s ma."

You tilted your head to the side, a puzzled look dancing across your face; you leaned down closer to Charlie and asked him a question, "You're four right."

"Yep," he said, popping a piece of chicken in his mouth.

"Um, yeah, no, Charlie, I'm not your "new" ma, and if I was, I wouldn't be your new ma, just another one, ok. Cause you ma Grace will always be your ma."

He didn't say anything back to you, just nodded back slowly; it was clear that he was full now and probably was sleepy again. You assumed that you both had a long day of travel and these significant changes would take a second to get used to.

You took both plates away, deciding that you were also finished eating; you quickly cleaned the plates and placed them in the drying rack. After you put the pot of food in the fridge, you pick Charlie up, take him upstairs with you.

By the time your foot hit the last step, Charlie was somehow fast asleep; you brought him into the bedroom and carefully placed him down in the middle of the bed. You grab the covers, bring them over his body, and tuck him in slightly.

After you check on your baby and find her still fast asleep. You decide to go back downstairs and sit in the living room to wait for Tommy; he should be home soon; he has been gone for hours now. Whatever he had to work on should be done by now……. Right?

You feel your oxygen supply getting cut off, and you start to struggle to breathe; you try to turn your head but to no avail because whatever's is on top of you is keeping you in place.

You begin to panic as you realize that you are asleep and have to force yourself away to be able to deal with whatever is keeping you from breathing.

You feel your fingers begin twitching, then your eyes, and finally, after what seems like forever, you're able to open your eyes.

You squint your eyes as you try to help them adjust to the darkness, but it's still pitch black; you soon realize that the reason you can't see isn't because it's dark but because something lays on top of you.

You lift your hand cautiously as you slowly lift Charlie's body off your head and back into the middle.

You lay there for a second as you try to catch your breath, then slowly, you sit up to check on your daughter, seeing as she has yet to wake you for a bottle tonight. You take a quick peek over into her bassinet.

She's not there.

You quickly shoot up in a panic, thinking your eyes are playing jokes on you, but once you get closer to the bassinet, you can confirm that she is not in there.

You try to take deep to calm yourself down, but it gets caught in your throat as you slowly begin to spiral, and your mind starts to race with a million questions.

Where is she?

How could I not hear someone take her?

When did I get up here?

Wait, you pause for a second and try to think back to tonight. You didn't get in the bed. You remember waiting on the couch for Tommy; you must've fallen asleep, but how did you get up here?

Your head quickly pans over your shoulder, and in the bed next to Charlie, you see Tommy and your daughter lying on his chest and a half-empty bottle on the nightstand next to him.

Relief floods your body as you slowly sit back down on the bed; you look back over at Tommy. The sight before you is truly something; if Tommy wasn't the devil reincarnated, it might make your heart swell. But instead, you're sitting there contemplating whether or not to get her off him and place her back in her bed.

She seems fine, and there isn't much room for her or Tommy to roll around plus the risk of having to deal with her waking up in a sour mood if you move her isn't something you feel like doing right now.

You lay back in bed next to Charlie, deciding to leave them be.

As you fall back to sleep, instead of counting sheep, you tell yourself repeatedly.

That this is just for now and that

Thomas Shelby is in your past and not your future.

***********************

Tag list:

@thhriller@macchiadinchiostro @naevisct @johnmurphys-sass @fannibalsrule @mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @sis7890

I apologize if y/n having a kid is a huge turn-off for some people, mainly because there isn't any warning, and we're so deep into the story. I wanted it to be a surprise, but again, I'm sorry. Also, this isn't the last part. There are two more, and then that's it; I broke it down because I felt like having everything In one or two parts would've made it seem like Y/n and Tommy's end result would become too quick and not in a organic way. Also, I've been told this story gives dead doves don't cry or something like that; it's not, I promise, a happy end or as happy as person can be with Thomas Shelby. Anyways, thanks for reading. The story should be finished and fully uploaded all parts by Friday, Feb 9th.

P.S: I can't tell if this chapter is shitty or not I was just trying to get it out for yall so I'm sorry if it is.

#cillian murphy #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #peaky blinders #tommy shelby fanfic #thomas shelby fanfic #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #arthur shelby #john shelby #michael gray #polly gray #ada shelby #thomas shelby x y/n #tommy shelby x y/n

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nyasiaaaaa · 3 months

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Could you please put me in the taglist for the next chapter of In The Bleak Mid-Winter? Thank you!!

Yes of course thank you for reading 🥰

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nyasiaaaaa · 3 months

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when are you planning to upload part 6? :")

Monday morning like 12 east coast time☺️

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nyasiaaaaa · 3 months

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I'm confused, is "In the Bleak Mid-Winter" finished? If not, can I be in the taglist for the next chapter? I LOVE IT.

No it’s not over, I will drop the rest of the part ( 2) very soon. And yes of course I’ll add u thank you for reading. 🥰

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nyasiaaaaa · 3 months

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So I just binged through all six chapters of In the Bleak Mid-Winter… holy shit, it’s amazing! You’re such a great writer!

Thank you soooo much. 😭 Sorry it took me a min to responded been a bit sick. But seriously all this love for this story is overwhelming. It too much y’all gonna make me drop out of college at this rate. 🤪

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nyasiaaaaa · 3 months

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Ma'am I just hid in the bathroom to read part 5 and as soon as I get on break we need to talk because that was ABSOLUTE PERFECTION AND I NEED TO SHARE MY THOUGHTS

Stoppppppp 😭😭😭 tell me y we are the same cause I was lost in class and was like 🤪 welp might as well upload part five. Like I don’t need this class to get my degree 😮‍💨.

Ok I waiting for uuuuuuu 🫡

Break come sooon🤞🏾

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nyasiaaaaa · 3 months

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Thank you for part 3 and 4 😭🩷

Thank you for reading 🥰 truly it makes me so happy.

Pssssss I just uploaded part 5 🫣🤭

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nyasiaaaaa · 3 months

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In the Bleak Mid-Winter

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Fem reader (Nurse) Fem reader x Micheal ( platonic )

Summary: This is a story about two people who become constants in each others lives, and eventually fall for each. While one learns to love again, the other learns the cost of loving a man like him.

Word count: 8.4k

Warnings: Cursing, guns, Smut, piv, ,oral (both M & F), overstimulation, dacryphilia, dub con ( not really but putting this warning here just in case) Kissing, angst, hurt/ no comfort ,Tommy Shelby, ( If I missed anything or you think something should be added please tell me.)

A/N: part 1 takes place during season two, part 2/3 season 3 and 4/5/6 season 4. This is a Slow burn there will be smut eventually.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 part 6

******************

One week goes by, and you're good. A second week goes by, and you start to get back to how you were before Thomas; you've been going out with your friends and sleeping in your own bed.

Life has been............... okay.

By the third week, not only were you acting like your old self, but you were also starting to feel like your old self.

Slowly but surely, you were leaving Thomas Shelby in the past and looking towards the future. It helped that you never seen peaky men, like never. None came to the hospital or out at the bars. If you were crazy, you would've thought it had something to do with you, but you heard in passing that something was going on between the Russians and Tommy.

You're just grateful that you're no longer a part of that life; instead of spending your nights watching over and fixin' peaky men, you're out with your girls.

Like today, you're on your way home after celebrating your friend's birthday; you're tired. You worked a 12-hour shift and might've finished a whole bottle of gin by yourself.

It takes you a while to get home; you get lost twice and stop often to stop yourself from throwing up. But finally, you found your way home. You push through the building door and pull yourself up the steps to your door. Once you reach the top, you stop to take a breather; you look up and realize your door is slightly open.

You might not be 100% there right now, but you know for a fact that when you left this morning, you locked the door.

Maybe your landlord came through, but that wouldn't make sense. You didn't report anything broken, and your rent hasn't been late in months.

You decide to just get up because you won't figure out who's in there by just sitting there. You pull yourself up with the rail and walk towards your front door.

You're hesitant.

You stand at the door, peeking through the crack, trying to see if you could see anything, but it's pitch black.

You take a deep breath and slowly push the door open; you peek your head in and scan the room, not seeing anything or anyone. You continue into the room and slowly shut the door behind you. Slowly and as quietly as possible, you make your way into the kitchen to grab a knife.

You grab the biggest knife out of the holder and tighten your grip as you scan the room again. Once it's clear, you start heading towards your bedroom. The bedroom door is also slightly cracked; you can't remember if you left it open.

You stand in front of the bedroom door and again try to peak through the crack but cannot see anything, so slowly, you push open the door to the room.

You kinda see a silhouette lying in the bed; their back is towards you, so you can't make out a face; even if they were facing you, it's too dark to see anything.

Carefully, you place your feet on the wooden floor, careful to not make too much noise as you creep forward to the intruder in your bed. You get close to them, still unable to see their face as their arm is lying on top of their covering it.

You get a little closer to them, trying to see their face, but instantly, you take a couple of steps back after catching a whiff of them. They reeked of whiskey like they soaked themselves in a bath of it.

Taking a deep breath before trying to step to them again. With one hand, you slowly reach down to remove their arm from their face; with the other, you hold the knife up high.

You feel kinda dumb cause just a second ago, you were hovering above this mystery person, and now you lay beneath them with a gun pressed to your side.

You lay there confused for a second before you realize who's on top of you.

Thomas

You mustard up all your strength and push Tommy off you; you get up off the bed and take a couple of steps away from him.

Your pissed or……. That’s how you try to seem but it's hard to convey an emotion you don't feel.

"What are you doing here, Tommy?" you ask.

"sleepin," he said like it was the most obvious thing.

"Tommy, don't play. What are you doing here in my bed uninvited."

"your place is closer than mine; I was out." he shrugged his shoulders before turning over and lying back down.

"What are you doing, Tommy? You have a place here in Birmingham." You walk over to him to stop him from going back to sleep, but either it was too late, or he was faking it cause no matter how hard you shook, he didn't get back up.

You have mixed emotions. You don't know how you feel. But honestly, you're too drunk to try to figure those out now. You grab the blanket from the end of the bed along with a pillow and head towards your living room to sleep on the couch.

You get comfortable on the couch and fall fast asleep.

***************

You wake up with a slight headache, but besides that, you feel pretty good. You're surprised; you've slept on that couch several times, and each time was worse than the last. It looks pretty, but that's it.

As you stretch out, you realize that not only are you not hurt, but the couch feels really soft, like bed soft.

You shoot up and realize that you're, in fact, not on the couch but in your bed. And your alone, you touch the other side of the bed, and it's kinda warm; Tommy was here not too long ago. You wonder how long ago he left and when exactly did you end up in this bed.

You sit on the edge of your bed, scanning the room over, seeing if any of his things are still here, but everything is gone, indicating that he did, in fact, leave.

You are still not sure how to feel, but you were praying that it was a one-time thing because you had just started feeling like yourself,

barely,

you're right at the edge.

And if you saw Tommy again under any circumstances, you might just go over that cliff.

You shake your head to get rid of your thoughts; you have a long day at work and need a clear head to get through it. You get up, pop a few pills, and head out the door to go to work.

**********************

When you were younger, your mom always said, "Be careful what you wish for because it might just come true."

Back then, it was just childish kids' things like no more school, but in this moment, you can't help but think back on that. How right she was how things seem to come true even if you wish them unconsciously.

You'll admit there was a part of you not that deep down that wanted Tommy to come back into your life, and then last night, he appeared. Earlier today, another part of you wished you could come home to him again.

And yes, you understand that coming home to him isn't the same as what you trying to make it seem.

But you don't care.

So when you came home later that night and saw Tommy in your bed again, you couldn't help the slight smile that crept up your face.

As you approached him, you noticed that he seemed to be sleeping again, but only this time, he didn't seem passed out drunk, and he left the covers next to him and flipped over, leaving room for you.

At this point, you didn't care about what happened a couple of weeks ago; maybe he wasn't ready for anything serious like that. Grace hadn't died that long ago. But it's obvious that he's open to it; he's here right now, meaning he's making an effort.

Right?

Honestly, you knew the excuses you were coming up with were full of shit, but you didn't care; you stripped off your clothes and changed into a nightgown. You walked towards your bed and hopped between the sheets, snuggling up, trying to get warm.

Warmth came quick as Tommy turned over and pulled you by your waist closer to him. You lay there listening to his breath, which slowly evened out as he fell back asleep. You pulled your hand out from underneath his and placed it onto his.

You moved back closer to him, nuzzling up to him; you were enjoying this a bit too much. You knew this, but it felt good to be close to him like this again. To have his arm wrapped around you like this, the things it made you feel, was better than any drug.

You fall asleep in minutes.

When you woke up, Tommy was gone again.

And again, you got up, got dressed, and went to work, but this time, your prayers weren't so slight.

You think you are some kind of witch because that can be the only reason Tommy is in your bed again that night.

Again, you got undressed and into a nightgown before crawling into the sheets with Tommy, who immediately grabbed you close and held you. And just like last night, you savored this feeling, this warm feeling, this safe feeling.

You soaked it all up as you fell asleep.

The next day, you woke up alone again and came home to him again. It got to the point where you didn't even have to hope that he would be there because you already knew he was going to be.

And every morning when you woke up, he was gone. No words were exchanged, no conversations were held, Y'all just slept; it was nothing more.

You don't know how long this went on, maybe a month, you forget, but every day you saw him waiting for you was another great day.

*********************

You woke up one morning and were surprised by the sight of Tommy.

At some point in the night, he had let go of you and just laid facing you.

You scooted closer to him and started tracing his face with your eyes.

He looked so peaceful when he slept; he didn't look stressed or murderous; he actually looked friendly, warm, and inviting.

You can't help yourself, and you reach out to push back some of his hair that has fallen out of place; as you do this, Tommy leans into your touch. You pull back, startled by the sudden movement.

Tommy opens his eyes but doesn't make a move, and neither do you.

Even though you two have been physically intimate, this felt more exposing.

You don't know why you asked this, but it has been on your mind for quite some time, and seeing as this is one of the rare times you caught him awake, you decide to just blurt it out.

"What do you mean when you say "In a bleak winter" like, why do you say it?"

Tommy was quiet for so long that you thought you had crossed a line, but then he suddenly started talking. He tells you how he, his brothers, and Jeremiah were trapped in a Tunnel with no way to escape and the enemy closing in. They were scared but tried to put on brave faces, and that's when Jeremiah said maybe they should all sing In a bleak mid-winter, and they did. They vowed to God that If he spared their life, they would be grateful and make the most of the time they've been granted. But when it is their time to go, they will say In a bleak mid-winter to remember when God spared them once and to fully accept that their time has now come.

You lay there for a second before pushing aside your second thoughts and pulling Tommy close and kissing him; you kissed him with everything you had. You poured every feeling you ever felt for him into that kiss.

And you swear he kissed you back as if he felt the same.

You pulled back and held his face in your hands as you spoke.

"We know each other, we can talk, we're the same. You know. I've never met a man like you, Tommy. Someone who gets me like you do, someone who I feel like I know like no other. "

Tommy gave you this look; you couldn't read his face to save your life. It didn't waver your feelings in the slightest; you didn't expect him to say anything back anyway. You gave him one last kiss before letting him go.

You had a good feeling, but you didn't know why; things just felt like they were finally heading in the right direction like you and Tommy had finally jumped over that last hurdle that was keeping you back.

Tommy even gave you a goodbye kiss before he walked out.

Things could only go up from here.

***********************

You didn't see Tommy for a week.

Every night, you came home, and he wasn't there; you even waited the first couple of nights. Maybe he got caught up, you thought, but it was clear he wasn't coming when it was a quarter past 3 am.

The next night, you tried to wait up again but fell asleep soon after you got in bed. When you woke up, you reached out to the other side and found it cold. Again, you slept alone, and the night after that, and the one after that, too.

This might sound crazy if you said it out loud, but you have gotten so used to sleeping with Tommy that you have forgotten how to sleep alone.

All night, you would constantly toss and turn, never finding a comfortable position.

You were hurting.

Not only cause of the lack of sleep, but again, in came Tommy, and you completely lost yourself.

You don't know what it is about Tommy Shelby that makes you lose all common sense; you've never felt like this for any other man; you've gotten to the point where you question your sanity. What is it about Tommy? Do you get off with being with a man like Tommy?

Or is it something deeper? Does this all go back to that night,

that night, you saved him.

**************************

You had just finished up your shift at the hospital and was walking home. It was dark and cold; you were tired, so you grabbed the sides of your jacket, pulling it closer to your body as you buried your chin in your jacket. You kept your head down and walked faster; you couldn't wait to get home.

You had been so focused on getting home and a little too caught up in your head to notice a car had slowed down and been riding alongside you.

The only reason you did notice was because the car had come to a stop making a noise, and someone had gotten out, making their way towards you. The darkness outside, combined with the bright lights from the car, made it impossible to see who was approaching you.

In a panic, you reached into your purse to search for the gun Tommy had given you a couple of weeks back; it was a small handgun, small enough to fit into your purse without being noticed, but still, if fired, it would get the job done.

You pull the gun out and aim it towards your attacker with your finger on the trigger. Without hesitation, you pull the trigger, but at the same time, your arm gets pushed up, and you get pushed against the wall.

You start thrusting around and screaming as you struggle against your capturer.

They immediately put their hand on your mouth and pressed their body against yours.

You had been so distracted with trying to get away that you didn't even notice that the person holding you captive had been calling your name. You only notice after you are forced to calm down.

You blink your eyes rapidly in an effort to get rid of your tears as you lean closer to the person pressed against you. It takes you a couple of seconds, but soon, you realize who has you against the wall. You let your head fall back against the brick wall as you exhale the breath you've been holding.

After they realize you've calmed down, they back off you and take a couple of steps back.

Taking one last deep breath, you push yourself off the wall as you confront the man standing before you.

"What the fuck, Micheal? What's with ya running up on me like that? I could've killed ya."

He let out a dry laugh as he licked his lips. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? Bloody hell, you almost put me on the ground."

"it's your fault who runs up on women like that at night."

He looks at you for a second, utterly puzzled, then in a flash, he's in your face, so close you could feel his breath on your cheek as it warms your face.

"Maybe next time— you should pay more attention to your surroundings. Like you said, you are women walking all alone at night." His finger trailed down your arm as he spoke to you.

He licks his lips and stares down at yours, his eyes darting back and forth between your eyes and lips. Slowly, he leans down and—

You push him off you and slap him across his face.

He laughs and grabs his face, his thumb sweeping across his lips as he wipes the small amount of blood you drew.

"What Do You Want?" Annoyance laced in your voice; you're physically and mentally tired

"Tommy." Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of the name. "He sent me to get you Ch—"

"Did he also tell you to try to kiss me, or did you add that all on your own?"

Again, the only response was a slight chuckle; he walked away from you and reached for the car door handle, opening it before continuing.

"It's Charlie; he was kidnapped and wanted you to give him a check."

Your heart dropped

Quickly, you moved off the wall and walked towards the car; you got in and pulled the door behind you, shutting it. Micheal jogged to the other side, hopped in, and took off.

You were nervous,

Nervous to see Tommy and nervous about whatever happened to Charlie. Was he hit or abused? It made you sick to your stomach to think of what these people could've possibly done to this little boy.

You understand there are no rules when it comes to life like Tommy's, but people have to have their own morals about things, at least when it comes to children.

You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn't notice that you had already pulled up to the house until Micheal opened your door.

You got out and followed Micheal through the house; you thought back to the only other time you had been here and how you wished you were there now under such joyous circumstances.

Micheal brings you up to a room on the top floor and pushes open the doors, letting you go first and him follow.

You see Charlie being bounced by a maid as he cries out; as you enter the door, she turns and looks at you; she gives you a once over before walking up to you and handing the baby off to you.

She does it with such quickness that it catches you off guard, making you basically have to catch the baby in mid-air. She quickly walks out of the room, mumbling something about needing a smoke break.

You glanced down at Charlie before looking over at Micheal, who gave you a creepy smile.

You roll your eyes as you take the baby to the changing table. To your surprise, you see some basic medical tools already at the table: a stethoscope, blood pressure pad, and more.

You reached down, picked up the stethoscope, and began your exam.

*************************

You had just finished up your exam and were bouncing Charlie in your arms as you attempted to put him to sleep. You paced around the room, all while Micheal stared at you, following your every move.

Soon, Charlie fell asleep, and you were able to put him in his crib; you didn't want to leave until you gave Thomas the update on his son personally, but also, you just wanted to see him check in on him, with everything going on you know he must be stressed out.

You decided it was ok to leave the baby with Micheal and went for the door to head out. Almost instantly, Micheal got up, blocking your way out.

Frustrated, you blow out a puff of air as you step back and look at him with a hand on your hip.

"Where you going?" he asked as he moved away from the door and walked towards you.

"What's it to you?" you stood in your place, trying to stand your ground.

"You're going to see Tommy?" he questioned you, even though he already knew the answer.

"And If I was"

"Then I guess you're not the woman I thought."

This time, it was you that step closer to him.

"And what do you mean by that?" you asked.

"I just thought you had more respect for yourself than that, I guess' He said, shrugging, then walked away.

Without hesitation, you pushed him against the wall. You tried your best to seem intimidating, but it was useless; even though you had him in this position, he still towered over you, and you still had to look up to him.

"What are you saying? Just spit it out," you said

"It's just I don't understand how you let him in your bed night after night, even after he slept with Lizzie or his horse girl, but never you. Well, not in that way—"

"You lie."

He pushed your arm off him as he stood up, towering over you but keeping his closeness.

"And why would I do that?" he said with a smile on his face like he knew he had you.

You were about to speak up again when suddenly the door opened, and Arthur came in; he paused as he looked at you and Michael's closeness. You step away from Micheal with haste and cross the room closer to where Charlie is. You even pretend to check if he is still sleeping, but you already know he is.

"Yeah, Arthur," Micheal asked.

"Tommy calling a family meeting now," he said before giving you a glance over once more and walking out of the room.

Micheal gives you a slight smile before heading out of the room and shutting the door. You stood there for a couple of minutes feeling dumb, honestly. Today had just been a lot in a short amount of time.

You decide to sit down and wait for the maid to come back, seeing as you didn't want to leave the baby alone, and you had decided to give the report of Charlie's check-up to her because you didn't give it to Micheal before he left.

You didn't feel the need to see Tommy anymore.

You walked across the room and sat in the rocking chair closest to Charlie's crib; you sat down and looked down at the baby as he slept. He looked so peaceful, you envied that.

As you rocked back and forth, your throat started to hurt as you tried to fight back your tears. Time and time again, you let Tommy hurt you in so many ways, and Time and Time again, you let him back into your life without so much as a sorry.

You felt pathetic. Micheal was right not to recognize you cause you don't even recognize yourself.

You put your hand to your mouth as you try to muffle a cry; you would like to wake the baby.

You sit back in the chair, slowly rocking yourself as tears start to fall freely now. Occasionally, you bring your sleeve up to wipe your face as you stare out the window, slowly rocking yourself till you eventually fall asleep.

*****************************

You don't know how long you were asleep, but when the maid came in and woke you up, it was still dark out, and Charlie was still asleep. You had tried to leave after she took over, but she said Tommy requested to see you and to relay the update only to him. When you tried to decline, she insisted, stating that everyone was out and he was the only one here to take you home.

This is one of the few rare moments where you actually wish Micheal was here.

The maid had came and woke you up about thirty minutes ago. Finding his study only took about ten minutes, so you've been standing outside his office for about 20 minutes.

You haven't even attempted to knock. You know he's in there. You can hear moving around, but you just stand there.

You're not ready.

You don't know what will happen once you go through these doors, but you just know you're not ready.

You take a deep breath and try to remind yourself that you're only here to give him an update, and once that's over, you need to leave.

You raise your hand slowly and pause again; you're so nervous, not because you have to see Tommy but because you know whenever you get around him, you just lose yourself.

You quickly knock on the door before you can second-guess yourself.

"Come in."

You push open the door and brace yourself as you walk in and close the door behind you.

When you walk in, you see Tommy sitting at his desk with a glass of whiskey in his hand, staring at the fire lit in the fireplace.

He looks over at you for a second before focusing his attention on the fire.

"How Charlie?" he asks

"He's fine besides a few scratches that honestly seem self-inflicted his fine."

"Thank you," he says but still doesn't look at you.

"You welcome. Is that all I can go no-"

"What's going on with you and Micheal?" he spoke, his voice laced with venom and whiskey.

You were taken aback, confused at first why he asked you something like that, but then your mind went back to how Arthur caught you and Micheal earlier.

"What's it to you? Why do you care who I fuck” Even if it wasn't true, you didn't care; how dare he get mad at you after all he's done.

You swear you didn't even see him get up

You swear you blinked, and the next thing you knew, he was in your face; you tried to back away from him. But to no avail as you back hit the door.

"Cause he ignored a direct order." He was so close to you that you could smell the whiskey on his breath.

You were sad before, honestly hurt, but now you were angry.

"So let me get this right, you can fuck Lizzie and that horse bitch and come lay in my bed after. But I can't fuck who I want."

"Your damn, right?"

"Fuck You, Tommy" You pushed him off you as you tried to turn around to open the door but immediately got pushed back against the door.

"Tomm-"you got cut off when his lip landed on yours.

Again, you tried to push him back but were only able to take a gasp of air before you were back against the wall with his lip against yours.

This kiss wasn't like the one before; it wasn't slow or gentle, it was rough and sloppy.

When you tried to push him off you again, he grabbed onto your hands and pinned them above your head against the door; he then placed his knee in between your legs, separating them.

"Say you mine," he said as he lifted your dress.

"Tommy Wh-" you gasped when his finger glazed across your clit over your panties.

"Say your mine."

You tried to fight it, but your silence only encouraged him more as he slipped his hand into your panties and started rubbing slow circles on your clit.

"Say it," He whispered against your ear as he nibbled on your ear lobe before trailing down your neck.

"Say your mine," he practically begged you as he increased his pace on your clit

You don't know if it's cause you haven't been touched in so long or because Thomas Shebly is practically begging on his knees for you, but finally, you gave in.

His lips brushed against yours once again, and this time, you kissed him. You kissed him with everything you had; this time, you knew he did too.

Suddenly, he pulled his hand from your panties and pulled back from kissing you; you stared up at him, confused and scared,

Not again, you thought.

To your surprise, Tommy slowly let go of your hands and got down on his knees; his hand slowly went down your body as he fell to his knees.

You looked down at him as he slowly pulled your panties down your legs and helped you step out of them.

He bunched them up in his hand before bringing them up to his face to take a sniff; his eyes rolled as he let out a low groan; he quickly placed them in his pants pocket, then placed himself in between your legs and slowly lifted one your legs over his shoulder.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you reached out in an attempt to grab onto something to not only brace yourself but hold you up.

He pulled you down to him as he came closer to your cunt, he rubbed his face between your thighs as he took another sniff, and again he let out a low groan, but this time, you could feel it, and it went straight to your core causing you to clinch around air.

He was playing, and as he hovered over right where you needed him most, you started to bounce up and down as you lost patience.

"Tommy, please."

"Say it."

"What"

"Say it."

You suddenly realize that you had never said it, what he has been begging you to say, and at this point, you don't care what Micheal thinks of you or what you even think of yourself.

"I'm yours," you whisper out, and at first, you don't think he heard you, so you say it again.

"I'm yours, Tommy. I'm you-"The words get caught in your thought as he starts to attack your clit

Your mouth falls open as you let out a string of moans; with one hand on the door nob, the other reaches out as you grab his hair, and you try to pull him closer as if he can come closer.

His tongue did circles on your clits before he started fucking you with his tongue,

"F-fuck Tommy," you said as you fucked yourself on his face.

You were close, and he could feel it by the way you clinched around his tongue.

"Tommy, please, I'm so close, please."

Tommy drew away from you for a second before replacing his tongue with his fingers; you cried out as he curled his finger in you. Your hips bucked as he started sucking on your clit.

You tried to warn Tommy that you were about to come but couldn't seem to find the words as your legs clamped around his head and your eyes rolled back as you came undone.

You rode out your high on Tommy's face, and he didn't seem to mind as he never came up for air and licked everything up, not letting anything slip by.

He moves back from between your legs, giving you a few pecks along your thigh before setting your leg down and slowly standing up, lifting your dress up as he goes.

You raise your arms as you help him help you out of the clothes; he tosses them across the room and instantly captures your lips in a kiss; this kiss is more gentle than the first.

Your tounges dance along each other, and you taste yourself along his lips, letting out a soft moan.

You stay pushed against the wall as he brushes his hand up against your breast, trailing up, bringing his hand up to your throat; he closes his fingers around your throat, pushing you back harshly.

His lips pull away from yours but stay hovering above as they tease you.

His lips playfully brush across yours a couple of times before he leans back in for a kiss, then pulls away again; he slowly backs up, giving you a slight tung at the neck to follow. He drops his hand from your neck and grabs your hand, pulling you along to the couch in the middle of the room.

He pushes you done to the couch before standing in front of you. Your face to face with his cock, but he grabs your chin with his thumb forcing you to look up at him. You lick your lip, looking up at him all doe-eyed.

He binds down, giving you one last peak before standing up and taking off his suspenders; he drops them, proceeds to unbutton his pants, and pulls them down along with his boxers in one swoop.

Your mouth waters at the sight of him; you lick your lips once more before grabbing hold of him and leaning forward; you give the head a kiss and a quick kitten lick.

You glance up at Tommy, who doesn't seem to be in the mood to play; you laugh slightly before opening your mouth and taking in as much as you can.

You stick your tongue out as you bob your head, going in a circular motion; Tommy's head falls back as he starts thrusting his hip to meet your lips.

This causes you to gag, but Tommy doesn't care as he reaches behind your head and grabs a fist full of your hair, setting the pace and holding you in place a couple of times.

You stare up at him as he fuck your face. Wanting to mess with him, you suddenly hollow your cheeks out, causing his moments to falter.

He taps lightly against your cheek, telling you to let go. You slowly pull back off him, making a POP noise when you finally do.

You take a deep breath before pulling him back in and allowing him to use you freely.

Seeing that Tommy isn't going to cum anytime soon and the fact that your jaw is starting to hurt.

You tap against Tommy's legs, telling him you need air, and he lets go of your hair, allowing you to pull back; you cough slightly as you pull back and wipe the sides of your mouth, disconnecting the string of salvia that's attached to his dick.

He glances down at you, taking your face in his hand; he rubs away the tears that have fallen from your eyes; he bends down and starts kissing you once again, but this time, it doesn't stop.

He pushes you back down on the couch as he climbs on top of you. He kicks the rest of the clothes off before settling on top of you. He pulls you up slightly and reaches behind you to unclip your bra. You let it fall down your shoulders, and he grabs it, tossing it across the room.

He breaks away from your lips, kissing down your neck, and he continues to your chest till he reaches your breast. He cups your right breast in his hand and closes his mouth around it.

You reach down and pull him up by his hair off you; as much as you were enjoying all this attention to you, you just need him to fuck you.

"Please, Tommy, no more games, please."

He doesn't respond and only pushes you down more as he spreads your legs, settling himself in between them; he rubs his dick along your slit a couple of times.

"Tommy, please, "You beg."" Please just fuck me""

He chuckles at your request" "I thought you said you didn't want to fuck”

You open your mouth to protest, but only a moan slips through your lips as Tommy enters you. He stretches you thin to a point where it's almost painful. He fills every inch of you up slowly to the point where you question if all of him is going to fit.

Soon, he bottoms out and stills his moments to give you a second to adjust. He buries his head in your neck as he awaits your go-ahead. As soon as you feel comfortable, you nod your head. He starts moving.

At first, he's moving slowly; it's nice, but you want more. You grab his head, pull him down to your lips, and whisper for him to go faster.

He pulls your legs around him, and you get the hit to wrap them around his waist. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you both up slightly and placing you on the floor.

With your legs still around him, he grabs your hands and places them above your head. Slowly, he pulls out of you and then quickly starts snapping his hips into you relentlessly,

You moan out loud as your back starts to arch off the floor; Tommy quickly pushes you back down with his other hand as he continues to pound into you.

That feeling in the pit of your stomach starts to build up again quicker than you expected, and you start meeting Tommy's thirst halfway.

""F-fuck Tommy, baby, I'm so close,"" you moan out, unable to think straight.

Tommy feels the way you clench around and reaches down and toy with your clit, rubbing it harshly.

That was all you needed to send you over the edge.

You squeeze your legs around Tommy's waist, and your toes curl as your second orgasm of the night comes crashing down.

Tommy fuck you through you high and soon you realize when his thurst don't falter that he has yet to come, you were about to say something when he suddenly pulls out of you and flips you over on to your stomach on all four.

He slides back in with ease and continues at the same pace as before, if not faster.

Tommy gives your ass a couple of slaps on each cheek, then pulls you up to his chest; you fall against his chest with your head resting on his shoulder from exhaustion.

""Tired already"" Tommy laughed.

You were too tired to even talk back; this was too much; even though he slowed down his pace, this was all still too much.

""Come on, sweetheart, you got one more in ya for me, don't you"" He asked as his hand came up and wrapped itself around your throat.

Still unable to speak, all you did was nod back.

""Good girl"" He said before picking his pace right back up and pounding into you.

You felt the need to be closer to him, so you reached around his head and grabbed onto the back of his neck, which resulted in him his reach down and playing with your clit.

""There, you sweet girl, almost there"" he whispered in your ear.

""Now tell me again, who do you belong to?""

Your hips started to stutter against his, and Tommy quickly slipped an arm around your waist to keep you upright as he asked you again.

"Who darling, who do you belong to?"

"You, Tommy, only you." Tears fell from your eyes as you spoke.

It only took you one more thirst, and you fell apart.

A cry slipped from your lips, and your body began to buck against his, all this becoming too much for you to handle. Tommy tried to keep you still as your orgasms came down hard.

Tommy gave a few more sloppy thirst before he followed you with his own release and came inside you. Tommy rode his high, then slowly laid you down against the ground; he got up and grabbed a tissue, cleaned you up, then grabbed a blanket and laid down next to you, pulling you in close.

You nestled your head on Tommy's shoulder, finding comfort in his embrace. He kissed the top of your head, pulling you closer, and together, y'all fell asleep.

***********************

You woke up to Tommy calling your name; when you looked outside, the sun had just started to come up. You sat up, stretched, and looked around the room to see Tommy fully dressed and sitting at his desk, lighting a cigarette.

""Good Morning"" you said, stretching" "What time is it""

Tommy pulled out his pocket watch, checking it before responding, "It's 15 till 7; you have to get up and dressed. They be here soon.""

You were confused about who would be here soon; you were about to ask when Tommy suddenly threw some clothes in your direction and got up and left. Now you really lost, first, who was coming, and second, you were confused at Tommy's behavior towards you; you thought last night was special. It felt special, but now you don't know.

You decide to get up and put the clothes on, not wanting to be naked any second longer, and it is good that you did cause only a couple of minutes later, Tommy comes back in with a couple of coppers.

You stand there completely clueless about what's about to happen next.

"Don't resist; I pushed them off till this morning; John and them left last night and had to spend a night in jail""

""Tommy, what? ""You started to get nervous. Your chest tightened as you looked at the police officers, and it didn't help that they looked like their mother had just been killed.

"Tommy, please, what's going on?" You started to cry, not caring who was in the room.

Tommy tried to get closer to you, but you held your arm out to him, trying to keep your distance, as you continued to back up.

Tommy took a deep breath before he spoke again," "You will go with these men, and I will get you out soon""

A sob left your mouth as you started to have a full-blown panic attack.

""No, no, no"" you cried out, but all Tommy did was step aside as the police officers came forward.

You wanted to run, but where would you go? There were more of them than you, and they would catch you instantly.

So you let them grab onto your hand and cuff you,

""You are being charged with the murder of Dr.Brown"" one of them said as they continued to tell you your rights. You didn't listen to them; you couldn't hear them as you continued to cry and scream at Tommy.

"Fuck you, Thomas, I regret the day I ever met you; I should’ve just let you die; I should’ve never have dug you out that grave" This whole time, you didn't get a reaction from him until you said that last part. His eyes quickly darted over yours; as he watched you get dragged out of his office.

When you got outside, you quieted down and hopped into the truck. Even though you weren't screaming anymore, you still were crying silently to yourself.

Never in your life have you felt this kind of betrayal; in that moment in that cold, dirty truck, you promised yourself that no matter what, you would never ever lay with Thomas Shelby again or give him the time a day.

For real, this time, you're done with him and everything that comes with him.

******************

You don't know how long you were in that truck, but it has been a while because you have stopped crying and even fell asleep when the doors finally opened.

You squint your eyes in pain brought on by the harsh, sudden light. The same police officer you saw earlier comes in and helps you out of the truck. Together, you walk into the cells and down the hall.

You're calm; while you were back there, you came up with a plan; you knew a lawyer, granted he was more of a trustee lawyer. (You met him when your parents passed away.)

Still, he was a lawyer who probably knew other lawyers who could help you with your case; you were, hopefully, there's no way they could pin this all on you; at best, they had you as an accessory to the crime.

You were hopeful cause you had a plan; you were so confident in your plan that you even had a slight skip to your step.

You were so caught up in your head that you didn't even know that they hadn't taken you to registration, and you just passed the last cell. You immediately looked over to the guard, who kept his head straight as he continued walking.

""Where are we going?"" You asked but got no answer

""Sir, where are we going"" You asked, but this time, your voice cracked as you started to get nervous

Your questions were soon answered once you reached the end of the hall and the door was open. Inside, you saw Polly standing on a stage with a rope beside her. You looked before you, and another rope hung from the ceiling.

You immediately start pulling away from the guard as you try to get away; he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you along with him. You threw your body around and kicked and screamed in protest. This causes another guard to come to you and grab you by your feet. Both of them carry you up the step towards the rope.

You were crying hysterically now as they placed you right side up. They held you in place as they placed the rope around your neck and tightened it. Now unable to move, all you did was cry; you looked to your left and saw Polly muttering something; it sounded like prayers.

Soon, a pastor came in and started citing some prayers from his book, which only made you cry harder as you remembered every single moment in your life; you swear at that moment, you even remembered when you took your first steps.

And for some stupid reason, one memory stayed in your head out of everything you've gone through. It was the day you woke up, and Tommy was still there in your room, and you asked him why he said what he said before he died.

You don't know why you're thinking about this in your last moments; you hate yourself for giving your last-minute thoughts to a man who literally put you on your deathbed.

But still, you can't help but think about what he said, about when his time comes, he will just accept it because of that first time that God has spared him.

You couldn't count the number of times you had a close call as a nurse in the war or all the times everyone around you caught the flu and died but you. You have been blessed many times and have lived to see so much.

So maybe it's your time, maybe you should just accept it.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath; when you open them, you see your parents in the distance. They stand before you, waiting for you, smiling at you, waving toward you.

Again, tears start to build in your eyes once more; you turn your head and see that the pastor has finished and the policeman has placed their hands on the lever, getting ready to end your life.

You smile once more at your parents and close your eyes; you feel the tears break and fall down your cheek slowly; you take one more deep breath before saying.

""In a bleak mid-winter""

********************

tag list:

@naevisct@johnmurphys-sass @fannibalsrule @mysticalbouquetwolf-posts

148 notes · View notes

nyasiaaaaa · 3 months

Text

In the Bleak Mid-Winter

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Fem reader (Nurse)

Summary: This is a story about two people who become constants in each others lives, and eventually fall for each. While one learns to love again, the other learns the cost of loving a man like him.

Word count: 4.3k

Warnings: Cursing, blood, Slight smut ( hand job), Kissing, angst, hurt/ no comfort Tommy Shelby, ( If I missed anything or you think something should be added please tell me.) ( Also Y/N is on dick, IDKY she acts like this)

A/N: part 1 takes place during season two, part 2/3 season 3 and 4/5/6 season 4. This is a Slow burn there will be smut eventually.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 part 6

******************************************

Week 1:

The first 72 hours after surgery were rough; everyone was waiting around to see if he would slip in the night. He made it through. Well, he started breathing on his own, so that was good, but he still hasn't woken up. In the mornings, you would continuously walk past his room, peaking through the window, seeing if he was still alive, seeing who visited him. You always watched, but you never went in. During the day, you worked with other patients, and at night, you would sit by his bed and watch him sleep every night.

Week 2:

Tommy was still in a coma, and every day, your fears worsened. All the what-ifs ran through your head; what if he never woke up? Still, every night, you were by his side waiting, watching.

Week 3:

Two nights ago, Tommy woke up; you were "talking" to him, which you did most nights to help with the silence and pass the time. You were busy ranting about your day and this horrible patient who had come into the ER as you knitted a sweater.

"So then she yelled at me, telling me I'm a stupid bitch who needs to go get a real doctor to check her out. So then, you know what I did? I gave her a piece of my mind," you said, pausing to focus on the sweater for a second.

"You did, eh?"

If it wasn't for the fact that you could see his eyes open, you would've thought you had hallucinated. You rushed over to him, dropping the sweater on the floor.

"Tommy, are you ok? How do you feel? Do you need some water? Hold on, let me go get the Doctor." You were about to rush off when you felt yourself being pulled back slightly

"Let another nurse get the doctor; you didn't finish telling me your story." His words came out rushed, almost as if he was pushing them out so he could take a breath.

"Ok," You laughed as you wiped the tears on your face and held his hand tightly.

Week 4:

Tommy was getting better every day; he wasn't making huge milestones, but he was meeting his goals.

You walked in to check on Tommy during lunch after finishing up with most of your work for the day. You caught him trying to bring his head down to his hands so he could put the cig in his mouth. This might not seem like much, but the fact that he could get the cig out of the box in the first place was huge.

You walked up to him, taking the cig out of his hand before licking your lip and running the cig across them. You held the cig between your lips as you reached down and got a match from the box; you lit up, taking a drag before placing it in Tommy's mouth.

"Thank you"

"You welcome."

You walked towards the end of his bed, picking up the paper for Today and walking back up towards him, pulling a chair with you along the way. You placed the chair next to him, taking a seat as you flipped through the paper.

You stopped flipping to reach up and take the cig from Tommy to ash it before giving it back to him.

"Anything interesting," he asked.

"Nope, the only thing is that it seems your horse came in 3rd place at the derby; congratulations, Mr.Shebly."

Again, you reached up, taking the cig from his mouth, ashing it, and then giving it back. Tommy rested his head back and closed his eyes as he finished his cig.

"What else does it say?" he turned to look at you. "Read it to me," he asked, and you did; for the rest of the afternoon, you sat there reading the paper to Tommy as you lit and ashed his cigs for him.

Week 5:

It didn't take long for you to catch on that Tommy couldn't read. Well, it's not that he couldn't read, but he couldn't see. Tommy was on a load of medication, and you couldn't even remember everyone, let alone the dose of each one. You were getting his medicine ready for him, but you could only remember three out of six of the medications, and you didn't read the doses for them.

You looked around for Tommy's chart and saw it was on the nightstand across the room next to him.

"Tommy read the medicines and doses out loud for me; I can't remember if I'm doing this right, so just read them all, please,"

Tommy grabbed the clipboard and looked at it; you waited a bit, giving him some time to locate the information.

Seconds turn into minutes, and Tommy still hasn't said a word; you turn around to catch him holding the clip close to his face, moving it far away, and then back close up.

"Tommy"

He looked over the papers one more time before handing the clip out to you; you walked up, took it out of his hand, and then walked back over to the medicines; you fished up and brought them all over to Tommy.

"I'm going for lunch with the other nurse. I'll be back." You walked toward the door, opening it before you turned back toward Tommy.

"I'll send for the eye doctor to come about." You gave him a tight smile before closing the door and heading out for lunch with your friends.

Week 6:

Tommy started his physical therapy a couple of days ago, and every day, you accompanied him. You didn't have to be there for his physical therapy, but you wanted to, and you had the feeling Tommy did, too.

You sat at the opposite side of Tommy, who stood at the end of parallel bars; he held himself up as the physical therapist told him what to do.

"Ok. Now, Mr.Shelby, when you are ready, start walking down to her; take your time. Don't rush."

Tommy started to walk towards you. It wasn't the most stable, and it was very slow as he basically dragged himself along the bars as he walked. He only made it a few steps before taking a break to catch his breath. You could tell he was embarrassed if anyone saw him right now….

It's been a few minutes, and Tommy still hasn't moved; you don't know if he's in pain or if his mind is racing with fear of the future.

You pick the newspaper up next to you and quickly glance over.

"Tommy, I knew you had a horse racing this weekend, but you didn't say it won first place." You held the newspaper up, covering your face as you spoke. Your poker face wasn't the best, but you needed to get Tommy out of his head.

"Bring it here."

You knew you had him, seeing as it was early in the morning, and neither John nor Arthur had been by to tell him the actual placing of his horse.

"Wow, won by an Inch, a close call, they say. Hey, what's the type of payout from a win like this?" You Ignored him as you continued to "Skim" through the paper.

You peeked around the paper to see Tommy walking towards you. He was still struggling, but his steps had much more determination behind them.

He reached the end of the bars and leaned on them as he held his hand out.

"Oi, give it here."

"You can't even see the words on the paper, Tommy."

"Don't care"

You handed him the paper, and even though Tommy couldn't see, it didn't really matter; on the cover of the newspaper was a big picture of a gangster who had been killed.

Tommy's horse had raced the other day, and the papers had the result, but it would be on Today's paper, and Tommy was holding yesterday's.

He let out a puff of air as he read over the paper. He looked up at you raising the papers, and he did,

"Where's today's paper?"

"I don't know; I think the mail boy is running late." You glanced over your shoulder as if you were looking for him. "He should be here soon, maybe even by the time you finish your therapy," you gave him a smile with a thumbs up.

"Now, going on, turn around; you still have about an hour to go," you said, cheering him on.

He looked at you briefly before Turning around and walking back towards the Doctor.

You watched Tommy continue on the bars before switching to some weight lifting and more. Today ( Monday) was the start, but by Friday, you could already see the difference in his steps and how confidently he took them; he was getting better and stronger every day.

Later, you learn that his horse did, in fact, win first place.

Week 7:

Tommy has been doing very well in physical therapy to the point where he is off the bars and is now walking around with a cane; he can't go far, but it's a start. You still go to every appointment even though no one asked you to; you still go, just like how you still sit with Tommy through the night even though he's been out of the woods for weeks. You don't know why you are doing this, but you can't stop.

Week 8:

You were exhausted; you had been doing this for eight weeks now, and to be honest, you were surprised you had been able to keep this up; you hadn't spent a night at your apartment in weeks. You were always at the hospital during the day and night; you slept next to Tommy at night but only caught a couple of hours if you were lucky.

And your body ached in places you never knew could hurt; sleeping in that chair every night started to make you have bad posture. You had to stop; you had to start going home, getting a good night's sleep, and taking showers in the comfort of your own home; you need rest and space.

You decide that starting Today, you will go home instead of staying with Tommy for the night; you finish your shift like usual, but instead of heading towards Tommy's room, you head outside to head home. You decide not to tell Tommy that you aren't going to be "staying the nights" anymore; you don't see any reason to. Tommy is usually asleep by the time you come, and you are gone by the time he wakes up, so he wouldn't know the difference anyway, and you feel like if you did say something, he might see you as…… Creepy.

Week 9:

You ended up taking three days off. That first night you got home, you slept the best you have in your whole life, and the following day, you couldn't get up, so you called off; you stayed home relaxed, read, and just spent time with yourself. You didn't realize how bad you need this until day two came, and you called out again because the idea of returning to work makes you sick.

Again, you rested, cleaned, and just spent time with yourself; the quiet is what you enjoyed the most, and the smell of anything other than chemicals and bleach. Again, on the third day, you called out, but you told yourself that this would be the last day; after this, you would head back to work, so you needed to enjoy it while it lasted, and you did. You went to the market and shopped for food, went out to the pictures during the time, so it was empty and quiet, and even went to a boutique in town that you've always seen but never gone to. By the end of your day, you were tired, but in a good way, you felt good enough to head back to work.

The next day, you headed to work with a bit of a skip in your step; you missed Tommy; you would never say that out loud, but you did.

You walked in and said a quick hello to the other nurses before. Heading off to Tommy's room, as soon as you entered the room, you smelled opioids. You looked around the room for the source and found a pipe next to Tommy on the bed. You picked it up and turned it over in your hands as you studied it.

You reached down and pushed Tommy.

"Wake up, Tommy. Wake up." You pushed him again; he was lying on his stomach, and his arms circled his pillow. You pushed his once more as you yelled, "TOMMY!"

He began to stir as he lifted his head up to look at you; you looked at yourself dazed before darting his eyes to what was in your hands and then back to your face.

"What?" his voice was raspy.

"W-what is this, Tommy? This is bad for you, and especially with your injury, you have no business doing this; the damage it could cause is irreversible.” You were upset. You had gone over everything Tommy could and couldn't have, what he could and couldn't do.

"I needed to sleep," he said before laying his head back down.

"You sleep fine; if you didn't, you could've asked for some tablets to help."

You guess he was tired of hearing your voice cause he covered his ears, letting out a groan; he Lay there for a second before turning and sitting up; he looked at you and nodded his head toward the cane, leaning up against the wall.

You walked over, got it for him, handing it to him as you still awaited an answer for why he was smoking this.

"Tommy, you don't make sense; I've been watching over you for weeks; not once have you had trouble sleeping; every night when I'm here with you, you've fallen asleep like a baby full off milk. Smoking this can cause brain-"

You stopped talking as you realized what you just said. He didn't wait for you to continue, and he stood up, putting all his weight on the chain as he pushed himself off the bed. He starts walking, and you let him pass with a word as he heads to the bathroom.

**************

You haven't talked to Tommy all day, you've been avoiding him, and you're unsure what to say.

You've walked past his room a couple of times, and every time you peak in, it's like he can sense you cause he immediately stops what he's doing and turns to catch your eyes. You quickly turn away and rush off to do nothing, nowhere.

Nightfall came, and you couldn't go home; you didn't want to.

You walked towards his room slowly; you were nervous.

You enter the room and is relieved as you see Tommy asleep; you pull up a chair next to the bed. You rest your legs against his bed as you slide down in the chair, trying to get comfortable; you close your eyes as you try to call to sleep.

"The bed would be more comfortable."

If he could see in the dark, he would definitely know that you're awake. Your body practically flinched at his statement; your eyes remained closed, though, too scared of what you might see when you open them.

You lay as still as possible, hoping that he would think you were sleeping.

"You can sleep there if you want, but if you don't," he trailed off as he pulled back the blanket and made space for you.

You remain quiet not because you still want him to think you sleep but because you don't know what to say or what to do. Getting in bed with him would be highly inappropriate; he's your patient, and you're his nurse.

But your body was already starting to hurt from this chair, and the night had barely begun, and besides, it was just sleeping.

You crack your eyes open to get a quick look and find Tommy already lying back down with the covers still thrown over, making a spot for you; you get up slightly before sitting back down; you couldn't do this; there's no way you should just g-

You got up so quick that you didn't even realize that you had started to walk towards the side of the bed where Tommy had made space for you; you slipped your shoes off as you slowly crawled into the bed.

You were glad that Tommy had his back towards you; you couldn't even begin to imagine what might happen if he watched you crawl up next to him.

You lay down, slipping your legs under the covers as you pull the top half over your body. You also decide to lay with your back towards Tommy, leaving plenty of room between the two of you. You snuggled up in the cover and let out a sigh of relief as the aches your body felt started to go away.

You close your eyes and again called out to sleep.

You felt the bed shake, and you froze.

You were already warm, but now you felt hot.

Tommy had pressed up against you and put his arm around your waist, tugging you back closer to him,

"Tommy wh-"

"Shhh," he whipped softly.

He had nuzzled his head in between your neck. He molded his body to fit yours. You just lay there, unsure of what to do, but as soon you realized that his body stilled and his breath evened out, You knew that he was sleeping and that you were stuck. You lay there for what seemed like forever till, eventually, your eyes grew heavy, and you fell asleep.

Week 10:

Things between you and Tommy were…… something. It wasn't awkward, but a lot of things went unsaid. You were grateful for the lack of conversation; nothing ruins the moment more than asking what this was. Though you fought it at first, now you can't imagine a night that doesn't end with you in his arms. To say you're conflicted doesn't even come close; every night, you're one step closer to doing something you can't come back from, something that would be hard to regret.

Week 11:

You were trying to do paperwork at the nurse's station when you heard your name being called by a fellow nurse; you looked up, giving her your full attention.

"Mr.Shelby refuses to let me give him a bath and request that you come see him."

"Ummm, ok, thanks." You slowly get up and head toward Tommy's room

Tommy hurt himself a couple of days ago. Because of his incident, he required help doing things like using the restroom, putting on clothes, and showering. You had helped him with the clothes but had been off shift when help with the other things was requested.

You entered the room and headed to the bathroom, seeing as you didn't see him anywhere; once you entered, you saw him sitting in the tub with his back facing you. As you slowly walked closer to him, you saw that he was smoking; as soon as you were in his peripheral, he turned his head to meet your eyes. He took a long drag as he looked you up and down; you stood there uncertain, hopping from foot to foot; your discomfort was written on your face, clear as day. You couldn't help it; Thomas Shelby was sitting In front of you in a bath, fully naked.

"You asked for me?" He just looked at you, eyes skimming your body repeatedly as he finished his cig.

"Doc says I need help, can't do much, hate to tear my stitches."

"And what was wrong with the other nurse?"

"I don't know her." he struggled his shoulder and put the cig out, looking up at you.

You tried to take a deep breath, but it got cut short once you remembered the situation you were in. Your throat felt as if it was closing with every step you took toward him. Your hand fidgeted by your side, grabbing your dress and trying to ground yourself. You took one final breath as you reached him.

Deciding you couldn't look him in the face, you got behind him on your knees. He sat up straight in the tub, and you reached towards the wall to grab the sponge from the hook. You dipped the sponge in the water and started washing his back.

It was painfully quiet; all you could hear was the water splashing and your shaky breaths.

You finished with his back and put your hand on his shoulder, pulling him towards you.

You're so close that his back rests against your chest; you press your hand to his chest to keep him in place as you continue to wash his chest.

He stares up at you, but you keep your eyes focused,

because your eyes are glued to his chest, you can't help but notice the scars littered across it.

You let go of the sponge and began to trace every scar that you see across his chest,

You know there's a story behind everyone

And you want to hear it.

Suddenly, he reaches up and grabs your hand; your eyes snap up to look at his, and his eyes dart down to your lips before looking back at you.

You were barely breathing before, and you're certainly not breathing now.

He let go of your hand and reached up to grab your face; he brushed his thumb across your cheek before pulling you in.

Your lips brushed against his playfully, almost as if you were hesitant,

But you weren't

You crashed your lips into his

He grabbed your head in between his hands, pulling you closer. His lips were rough against yours, and he tasted slightly of tobacco, but you didn't care.

You were close but felt the need to be closer. You reached your hand down in the water and grabbed him; you gave him a slight squeeze before stroking him.

His cock twitched in your hand, and his breath hitched.

He let go of your face as his head fell against the rim of the tub; his breath quickened as you increased your pace and bent down to kiss his chest and up his neck.

You stop at his jaw, nibbling along it before going back down to the base of his neck and slowly licking up; you lick up till you reach his lips, pausing and hovering above them.

You slow down your pace and stroke him slowly as you kiss him.

Suddenly, Thomas places his hand on top of yours, stopping your movements; he pulls your face back from his and just stares at you.

You're not sure what the look is, but the feeling in your stomach tells you it's not good.

You pull your hand away from him and sit back on your knees.

He gives you a look over once more before clearing his throat and turning away from you.

He grabs a cigs and lights it before putting his head back and closing his eyes.

You just sit there.

You look down at the floor, your eyes shifting back and forth as your eyes begin to fill up with tears.

Your throat starts to burn as you hold back your tears.

You get up almost in a panic; you refuse to cry in front of this man.

You walk out of the bathroom, and you don't run.

He can't know.

The door barely closes behind you before you let the tears fall. You wipe your face fast with your hands.

Your walk slowly turns into a jog before you start running towards the nearest bathroom.

You push open the door, shutting it and locking it behind you.

You take deep breaths to calm yourself down; words can't describe how you feel.

Why

Why.

Millions of reasons and insecurity raced through your head, you felt sick to your stomach.

You've never felt so stupid in your life; of course, ...... of course, he would never.

You kept saying to yourself, but you couldn't even think of a real reason as to why.

You felt someone knock on the door and yell something, but you weren't listening; you were trying to get out of your head.

You pushed yourself off the door and walked towards the mirror. You gripped the side of the sink as you stared yourself down.

You took one last deep breath before standing straight and fixing your hair and clothes.

You grab a couple of paper towels, cleaning your face up.

You stand there looking at yourself in the mirror, making sure you look presentable.

You nodded towards yourself before heading out of the bathroom and back towards your station.

You sit back at your desk and begin some paperwork.

The rest of your day goes smoothly, Thomas never rings, and you never go in there.

You finish up your day and head home.

Once you arrive home, you grab the bottle and take it to bed with you.

You lay in the bed, all bundled up, taking the occasion swing of your drink.

Staring at nothing.

Till you fall asleep

Week 12:

You haven't seen Thomas since that night.

Not because you've been avoiding him, but when you came to work the next day, he was gone.

An overnight nurse said he checked out a little after you left.

You don't know how you felt about that, honestly.

You aren't conflicted between feeling happy or sad about it.

Honestly, you feel sorta relieved,

Now you don't have to decide whether you could be with a man like him.

You felt free,

from him

And from being honest with yourself about how you feel about him.

The only thing that you know for sure is that you'll pray that you never run into Thomas Shelby again.

Because honestly—

Despite everything

You're still hooked.

**************************

Tag List:

@fannibalsrule @mysticalbouquetwolf-posts

111 notes · View notes

nyasiaaaaa · 3 months

Text

In the Bleak Mid-Winter

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Fem reader (Nurse) Fem reader x Arthur ( platonic) Fem reader x John( platonic )

Summary: This is a story about two people who become constants in each others lives, and eventually fall for each. While one learns to love again, the other learns the cost of loving a man like him.

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: Cursing, blood, death, , drinking, alcohol, talks of war, guns, murder, Tommy Shelby, ( If I missed anything or you think something should be added please tell me.) ( Also Y/N is on dick, IDKY she acts like this)

A/N: part 1 takes place during season two, part 2/3 season 3 and 4/5/6 season 4. This is a Slow burn there will be smut eventually.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 part 6

*****************************

It was early, though you didn't know how early; sunlight filled the room slowly, and you heard birds chirping in the distance. You were still on the floor, but your position had changed slightly. Tommy was now lying to your right on his side with his head in your lap, and your legs were stretched out in front of you with one hand on your lap and the other playing with his hair. Neither of you had to gone to sleep; even though Tommy's eyes were closed, you knew he wasn't asleep.

You didn't know how long you had been laying there, and honestly, your body was aching, but you were going to stay till he was ready to get up.

It wasn't long after the sun completely filled the room that Tommy got up without a word or a glance in your direction. He walked to the bathroom that was in the room and shut the door, locking it.

You stood up and stretched, then you stood there debating whether to wait for him or leave. He needs space, right?

Yeah— he needed space; you decided to leave and go check on Gracie's body to make sure she was ready to be transported. You headed towards the nurses' station, hoping to get an update.

As you approached the station, you were glad to see a nurse you knew and liked.

"Hey Jackie," your voice fell flat as you slightly smiled.

"Hi, you OK. "

"Yeah, just tired. Uh, did Grace's body get taken care of? Is it all stitched up and down in the morgue?"

"Yeah, and one of the other doctors had to stitch her up. Dr. Brown's hands weren't the steadiest between the Whiskey and Grace dying on his watch. And now the board wants to do an investigation," she said and smacked her teeth.

"I had told them— I told the board that Dr. Brown was a drunk and that It was only a matter of time before someone got killed." You had pushed the papers on the counter in frustration before resting your arms on it and placing your head in your hands. "Maybe— I don't know."

You had been too caught up in your emotions to notice that your friend had gone silent. You didn't notice till someone cleared their throat behind you; slowly, you raised your head to see your friend frozen in fear.

You turned around and saw Tommy standing behind you; he cleared his throat again before licking his lip and then running his cigarette across them. He placed it in his mouth, lit it, and took a long drag, all while his eyes remained on the floor.

Pulling the cig from his lip, he lifted his head to look at you.

His eyes looked different; they were darker, and they looked.... empty.

"I'll send someone for Grace," he said before turning and leaving the hospital.

You watched him as he walked away from you. You wanted to say something, but what could you say?

You just watched him walk away till he was out of your sight.

You were sick, you knew about Dr.Brown, and you never said anything, and now Tommy Kn-

Wait

Tommy had just heard you admit that you knew Dr.Brown was a drunk, and you never told him, and now Grace was dead because of him.

Because of you.

You fell back, but Jackie caught you; people around you asked questions, but you couldn't hear them, let alone see them, as your vision started to get blurry and your chest tightened.

Tommy was going to kill you, no doubt about it.

*******************************

You had yet to die; you were so sure that by nightfall, you would be in a shallow grave right next to Dr.Brown. But surprisingly, you and Dr.Brown were still alive, and it had been one week since Grace's death.

For the first couple of days after Grace's death, you had been slightly paranoid, constantly checking your surroundings on the lookout for Tommy or any peaky man. But after a week of not seeing anyone, you started to calm down.

Everything had been quiet and slow. It didn't feel right, like the calm before the storm.

You had been sitting at the nurse's station doing paperwork when a fellow nurse came up to you and told you that you had been requested to exam room one.

You were petrified.

You got up slowly from your chair. Your legs had a slight shake to them as you walked. Had he done this on purpose? Did he wait you out just to kill you when you least expected it? Your breath started to come out shaky, and you started feeling light-headed. You looked at the wall, counting down the exam rooms as you walked. It was like the universe was laughing at you, giving you your very own count down to your death, 5….4….3….2…1.

You stood in front of exam room one.

It was time.

You couldn't move, your arms felt glued to your side, you couldn't move them, you couldn't open the curtain.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

On three, you would go in.

One

Two

Three

You didn't move, not an inch.

You felt like screaming; you brought your hands up to your mouth to keep you from making a sound.

Your face suddenly felt cold and wet; you reached up to touch your cheek; it was tears you were crying.

You couldn't do this. Maybe you could run away; you did have an Aunt in America somewhere, you think. You could-

The curtain was pulled back, and in front of you stood John and Arthur.

You started to back up, and your tears flowed more freely.

"No, no, no, Please," you sob out.

Arthur said your name as he reached for you, but you flinched away and continued to back up until you hit a wall.

You were trapped; there was nowhere you could run, so you just slid down the wall and curled into yourself.

"Calm down, will you? I don't know what you think is going on, but we need your help," John said

You raised your head out of your knees and looked up to John before looking over at Arthur.

"It's true here; take my hand," he said, reaching his hand out to you; you hesitated but eventually took it. He helped you up to your feet, guided you into the exam room, and closed the curtains behind y'all.

"What do you need?" your voice was strained, and you kept sniffing.

Arthur took out his handkerchief, handing it to you; you took it and wiped your face.

The two shared a look before Arthur spoke up, "Tommy wants the doctor dead, the one who worked on Grace."

You were confused. If they weren't here to kill you, then what did they want, and why are they telling you this.

"OK, what does that have to do with me?"

"The Doctor isn't taking any visitors or new patients. He's keeping himself locked up, and we're having difficulty getting to him. We need your help. Tommy said you would know how to help." John was blunt, and while Arthur stood, there was a look on his face that you could quite read. You had heard that the Doctor locked himself up in his office days ago, so it made sense that they couldn't reach him.

You had assumed Tommy was talking about taking the Doctor down the hall you snuck him out of. It made sense; they could snatch him as soon as he walked out the door, he wouldn't suspect a thing, and there would be no witness. It's not like anyone would snitch anyway.

You didn't take a second to think about it cause there was nothing to think about. You had no choice but to help them, so you said, "OK, follow me."

You lead them to the hallway and out the door; you tell them your plan and tell them to wait there for you. Once they understood, you left them and headed towards Dr. Brown's office.

You walked fast. There was no reason to drag this out.

You arrived at his office and jiggled the handle, but it was locked, so you reached up and knocked.

"Doctor, it me open up. It's me, Dr.Brown; open up."

You heard footsteps approach the door, then a lock turn; he peeked out the door slightly before shutting it again. You were confused and about to knock again when you heard stuff being moved around. He must've barricaded himself inside, not taking any risk.

You waited, and soon, he came to the door again and opened it; he pulled you inside before closing the door and locking it again.

It smelled like shit,

you looked around; the room was a mess; the trash cans were overfilled, spilling onto the floor, papers were everywhere, and furniture was tossed around. You turned back to look at the Doctor, who was already looking at you. He looked like he had been rolling around dirty; his clothes and hair were all messed up, and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

You felt bad for what you were about to do.

"They're here, Tommy, Arthur, John. They're all here. They're looking for you." You tried to sound panicked so he would believe you.

He started to pace around the floor and ran his finger through his hair. "What—here—no, no." He stopped and turned to look at you. "Why are you here, you with them? You here to kill me, please, please don't. I'm a good guy; you know I'm a good guy." Tears fell down his face as he got on his knees in front of you and begged.

You felt your eyes start to water; you couldn't do this; you panicked and turned your back towards him.

You closed your eyes and calmed yourself down.

You turned back to face him and hoped he wouldn't read into what just happened.

"Get up; I'm not here to kill you; I'm here to help you."

"What"

"If I was with them, they would have come through the doors instead of me. Now Get Up!"

He looked at you briefly, got up, grabbed some cash from his desk, and met you at the door.

"OK, we'll have to be quick; they could be anywhere. I will let you out on the south side, and after that, you're on your own." He nodded at you, tears still falling from his eyes.

You quickly opened the door before you could stop yourself. You pretended to check if the coast was clear before telling him to follow you.

Your walk to the south end of the hospital felt so slow but fast at the same time. You were approaching the final stretch of hallway, the door was in your sight, and you picked your pace up,

you just wanted to get this over with.

"Thank you so much. I had prayed for a way out, and in came you."

His words caused you to let a few tears sip; you quickly wiped them and reached out to open the door.

As soon as the both of y'all were out the door and it closed, Arthur and John came around from the wall. You heard him panic but kept walking straight. He yelled your name as he begged for his life,

that only made you walk even faster.

You passed Arthur and John, but you didn't look them in the eye; you couldn't.

You heard the gun cock, and that's when his begging ended, and he started saying prayers.

"By The Order Of The Peaky Blinders"

Then the gun went off.

You jumped, frightened, and quickened your pace.

You walked to the front of the building and into the hospital. You walked up to the nurses' station and grabbed your things. Some other nurses were there, and you told them you weren't feeling well and would be out for a few days. You didn't wait to hear their response and rushed home.

When you got home, you immediately went and showered; you felt dirty. You were in there for over an hour, and you kept soaping up and washing it off over and over again. No matter how hard you scrubbed, you still felt like there was blood on you.

When you finally got out of the shower, your skin was sore, and you were tired. You were too tired to even put clothes on; you hopped on your bed in your towel and balled yourself up real tight.

At the angle you were lying at, you could see yourself in the mirror; you just looked at yourself.

It wasn't like you were looking at a completely different person; you knew it was you. It wasn't a stranger in the mirror. It was just a different version of you that you hadn't seen since the war.

A version you didn't want coming back.

************************************

It had been a month since you saw Tommy and a few weeks since the Dr.Brown thing.

You had taken a week off to handle your emotions; it was your first week back, and you were doing fine. You weren't your happiest self, but you spoke when you were spoken to, ate with everyone else, and even laughed at people's jokes.

Was any of it genuine? No, but you are all about faking it till you make it.

You had also been trying to write a letter to Tommy. It will say how you are genuinely grateful for everything that he has done, but you can't do this anymore. You would back pay him in rent when you could, but for now, if he could stop the protection detail and send his men to get fixed up, you would greatly appreciate it.

You were having a hard time sounding stern. You had to make sure he understood that you couldn't do this anymore; you couldn't keep a man like him in your life,

cause it was starting to cost you.

You were chewing on your pencil as you stared down at the letter you had written. The paper was smudged, and eraser pieces were everywhere.

You had glanced up the clock to check the time; it was late, a quarter to midnight. You were working a night shift at the hospital; it wasn't bad. It was a chill night, pretty quiet.

You stood up about to get a snack when you heard a tire screech outside; you peeked around the corner and saw a car in the ambulance bay; it must have been pretty serious if someone had driven here instead of calling an ambulance. You started walking towards the door of the bay when they suddenly burst open; a young lady yelled as she fell back.

"Help, please, someone help."

You rushed over to help her, and that's when you realized the woman was Ada and the man she was holding in her arms was

Tommy.

"Ada, what happened?" You grabbed Tommy off her and signed for her to stand up; together, you both lifted him on a gurney and rushed him to an exam room.

"I don't know, h-he said," She was struggling to speak as she cried, "he said he had a cracked skull, concussion, internal bleed, and something about hemorrhaging."

You looked at her, confused; if he had all that, he would be dead right now; he should be dead. You placed Tommy in a room and started to look him over; he was severely injured.

"OK, Ada, look at me." You grabbed her arm tightly to get her attention. "I needed you to run towards the hospital's front desk and tell them that I need help. OK, say my name and tell them I need a neurosurgeon to come." She looked at you, hesitant to leave Tommy

"Please, Ada, I can only do so much."

She nodded and took off. You put gloves on before assessing Tommy.

He had bruised ribs and a dark purple stomach; he might have been right about the internal bleeding; you went up to check his pupil reacting, and you grabbed his head softly, turning it up toward you before flashing your light. One eye was blown, but the other was good.

He was in serious trouble; the likelihood of him dying outweighed the possibility of him not.

You were about to walk away to grab some gauze when someone grabbed your wrist; you tuned in and saw Tommy blinking; you rushed over and stood over him.

"Tommy, hey, can you see me? Can you hear me? You are in the hospital. Everything's going to be OK." He let out grunts of noise, not making any sense.

"Shhh, it's OK. Don't speak, please; you might hurt yourself."

"G-Grace "

You immediately got nervous; if he was seeing Grace, he didn't have much time left.

"Tommy, no, it's me, hey, it's me." You grabbed his face in your hands and made him look at you.

He whispered your name.

"Yeah, Tommy, it's me." Tears had been falling from your face, but you didn't notice until you tasted them.

"Yo- You h-hav-e to P-ull me out."

"What?" You reached up to wipe your tears; you were so confused.

"Pu-ll me out." That time, he spoke just above a whisper, but you still heard him and were still confused.

The Doctor then rushed in and quickly assessed Tommy; Ada stood behind in the distance.

You stayed next to Tommy; you held his hand instead of his head, out of the Doctor's way.

Before you knew it, other nurses had pushed the wheels into a moving position. They were about to take off towards the surgery room. You jogged alongside them to the room.

"It's going to be OK, Tommy; they're going to take good care of you, OK?" You squeezed his hand for reassurance.

"In t-he-"

"What, what did you say?" You leaned closer to his face to hear him better.

"In the Bleak Mid-winter"

You had reached the surgical room and let his hand go; you didn't want to put up a fight; this wasn't your specialty. You knew you would only delay his care if you fought to be in the room when you weren't needed.

You had slowly walked back to the ER; your mind raced so fast you couldn't keep up.

You had heard that before; you didn't know where, but you were sure you'd heard "In a bleak mid-winter" before. And not at church but in a way Tommy just said, in a "final good-bye" kind of way

You were so confused and so caught up in your thoughts that you didn't even realize that you had made it back to the ER. Once you pushed through the door, you were immediately rushed by Tommy's family, who asked you a million questions.

You backed up a bit before speaking.

"I don't know anything. I don't know if he will live or die. I don't know the extent of his injuries. All I know is that he's in good hands; this Doctor is the best in the county. "

Even though no one seemed satisfied with your answer, they all backed off. You had decided to lead them to the same private room they were in before to await Tommy's fait. You had been waiting no longer than 20 minutes when a nurse came in; you had all gotten a bit nervous, someone coming in so soon.

He had to be dead.

He wasn't, though, and the nurse had just come to gather some information about Tommy.

Ada helped, and you stared off, trying to remember. You weren't listening to them, but she said something that caught your attention.

"What did you say?" You asked Ada; you had pushed yourself slightly out of your seat to get closer to her and hear her properly.

"I said Tommy was a tunneler in the war and had been in a Tunnel collapse."

You nodded your head slowly as you sat back down,

"In a bleak mid-winter," you whispered as you slowly remembered where you had heard that before; your head was starting to hurt as the memories came rushing back in.

It all started to make sense now, from your first in contour, the way he looked at you, and why he trusted you so quick without even knowing you, not only with his life but with his men, Grace, and his son. The reason he pays your rent and the reason you have a protection detail.

You never understood it before; you never understood how you made such an impression on Tommy after one night or why he made you a constant in his life.

But now you understand, this isn't the first time you met Tommy.

You met him all those years ago when you dug him out of the dirt, brought him back, and saved his life.

That's what he meant with Grace, how you saved him but couldn't save her.

He knew who you were this whole time, yet he didn't say anything.

Why didn't he say anything?

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