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Would you ever consider me? | buddie fic | 400 words

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Would you ever consider me?

It’s embarrassing how much Eddie’s hands are shaking as he hits send. But, he’s trying to cut himself some slack, since the last time he felt like he was doing something this brave, Shannon gently kicked the shit out of him on a rooftop in downtown LA, and then the random cruelty of the universe promptly finished the job.

Given that, he figures the racing heart and sweaty palms are allowable. It’s just nerves. A biological response. He can breathe through it.

What’s actually embarrassing about this is that he’s doing it via text message.

A last resort.

He’s been trying to work up the courage to say something in person ever since Buck ended things with Jason several weeks ago. Well… he’d wanted to do it after things ended with Britney, who was before Jason and after Tommy, but he’d taken too long, kept chickening out.

He’s not letting it happen again.

Buck’s reply is almost immediate: consider you what??

The panic is instant. He nearly drops his phone. If he was thinking clearly, he’d be smart enough to send a simple oops wrong person or something. Instead, he sends a nothing and a never mind back to back, like an idiot. Which, obviously, does nothing to convince Buck to back off.

The it’s not important doesn’t work either. But letting Buck’s call go to voicemail and the please just drop it he sends once the ringing stops seems to finally do the trick.

Ok I'll drop it

Relief and self-loathing are a potent combination.

The sweaty palms, racing heart, and shaky hands wear off pretty quickly. The utter humiliation and feeling like a complete and total coward take longer.

That’s what video games are for.

And headphones, so he doesn’t wake up Chris. Eddie should get to bed too, but he knows a sleepless night of tossing and turning and ruminating on exactly how pathetic he is when he sees one, so… Video games. Headphones.

It's why he doesn't hear the jeep pull up. Why the knock on his door startles the controller from his hand, killing his character instantly.

There’s only one person it could be and, sure enough, when he opens the door, there’s Buck, looking a little crazed and a lot beautiful in his hoodie and shorts and bathed the warm glow of Eddie’s porch light.

“I didn't drop it.”

#911 #buddie #fic #buck has never dropped anything to do with eddie in his LIFE #i love this!

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it's either going to be a classic romance song or you got a friend in me like.....

#these men are singing baby got back #911 #spoilers

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buddie + the sh*t eddie says that sounds like it's from a romance novel [buck] requested by anonymous

#okay look buck says some crazy romance novel shit #but he's got nothing on edmundo 'BECAUSE. EVAN.' diaz #911 #eddie diaz #evan buckley

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"you should be at the club" I can't go to the club I'll be in there saying shit like "perchance" and "thrice"

#me age 19 at the actual club #i'd be like hey the lyrics of this song are from ulysses #and my friends would be like 😒

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Miss Congeniality (2000) dir. Donald Petrie

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9-1-1: BATHENA IN EVERY EPISODE 2.08 Buck Actually

#afraid to be alone with each other MY ASS #writers you need to get athena a new issue because this one is done #911 #athena grant #bobby nash

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but sir that’s my emotional support mutual who’s way cooler than me that i can’t believe actually follows me 

#my very dope mutuals #i love you so!

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New Oliver interview dropping tomorrow morning.

#what did i JUST FUCKING SAY #i'm about to spray him with a water bottle #911

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tomorrow oliver is gonna be like well, i do have eyes and there’s that scene in season 3 where they’re talking in buck’s kitchen, and i do see how that could be interpreted as sexual tension… i mean buck did say “i’d still take you” you know?… and i wouldn’t disagree with buck possibly wanting to get on his knees… that’s just our chemistry and ryan’s a beautiful man so…

#the day before the next episode he's out there like 'i played THIS scene like buck wanted to fuck nasty on eddie's couch #unconsciously of course #but the couch is a metaphor obviously and buck's favorite couch is eddie's #and subconsciously as a bisexual man buck would definitely bend over for eddie on that couch' #911 #evan buckley #eddie diaz

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WIP Tuesday

Something about Buck and Eddie hugging for the first time in like four years made me think about how affectionate Buck is and then this happened.

“Does it feel weird to you?” Eddie asked when Buck had returned with more beer. “Not weird. Different, I mean.”

“What, being with a guy?” Buck tipped his head back and forth in a so-so gesture when Eddie nodded. “Sometimes. I keep catching myself feeling like I’m not supposed to like something, and I have to train myself to stop.”

“Like what?” Eddie asked before he thought it through. He held up a hand. “No intimate details.”

Buck laughed, his entire face going pink. He ducked his head and took a sip of beer. “Well, that is part of it. But no, it’s more like…he, uh, he calls me baby. And he holds me. I don’t think anyone’s ever done that, because I’m bigger, right? And the women I’ve dated, they liked that I was bigger and stronger than they were. And I’m discovering I kinda like that too. But.”

“But it feels like you’re not supposed to like it,” Eddie said.

“Yeah. So there’s a lot of arguing with my own stupid hang-ups.” Buck sighed. “I really didn’t think I had that many. Not about masculinity or whatever.”

Eddie hummed, not quite in agreement, thoughtful. Would he feel weird about it if a guy held him? Probably a little. He wasn’t very physically affectionate at the best of times, although he found it easier after he’d been dating someone a while. Really, he’d only ever been perfectly comfortable touching a few people. Chris, of course, after the awkwardness of figuring out how to hold a baby. Shannon, when they weren’t fighting.

And Buck. He was very comfortable touching Buck, so there was at least one guy he wouldn’t feel totally weird about being held by. For a moment he imagined the two of them wrapped around each other and it warmed him so much he smiled down at his beer—he could almost feel it, Buck throwing his whole body into it and tucking his face into Eddie’s neck like he did when they hugged. But it would be longer than a hug, and they’d relax into it, breathe each other in. Breathe easier, probably, because they wouldn’t have to pull away. Buck would mumble Ten minutes until we have to pick up Christopher, and Eddie would rub his cheek on Buck’s neck and say You can fall asleep if you want to, baby, I’ll wake you up—

He just barely managed not to twitch so hard he spilled his beer.

“You okay?” Buck asked, leaning forward on his elbow and licking beer from his lips. “You were zoned out pretty hard.”

“No, it’s,” he said, looking around and patting himself down to feel for his phone, wallet, keys. “Uh. I just realized I have to go pick up some stuff for Marisol. A project. She has a project she’s working on and I forgot.”

It wasn’t a complete lie; Marisol did have a list of things she’d asked him to pick up at the hardware store, but she wasn’t starting until Saturday. Buck gave him a skeptical look like he knew her renovation schedule better than Eddie did—and knowing Buck, he probably did—but only nodded.

“See you later,” Eddie said, throwing him a distracted wave and fleeing—actually jogging, running away from his best friend, until he was in his truck and panting and shaking his head because he did not run.

Hmm. You kinda do though, he thought, and it was Buck’s voice, and he was right. He ran and would continue to run because this, this wasn’t a thing he needed or wanted. Right? Right.

But he couldn’t help but poke at it one more time to make sure.

Buck. Buck’s big body around him, his big warm hands sliding down Eddie’s back, Buck laughing against his lips, giving him every bit of his endless reservoir of affection and love. Buck loving him.

 Eddie scrunched up his face and clenched his hands in the air before he smacked the steering wheel. Shit. Shit.

“Okay, it’s fine,” he said, smoothing his hands over the steering wheel like it was mad at him. Everything was fine. He didn’t have to think about it. He was in control of his own emotions. He was not a guy who was in love with his best friend. He was a guy who could compartmentalize and ignore uncomfortable things until they went away.

And eventually blew up in his face. But that was for future Eddie to handle. He had Frank and several excellent coping strategies and Muay Thai with his best friend's boyfriend who got to touch him all the time. It was fine. He was fine.

#911 #fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie

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The idea of losing someone you love… you can't imagine what it would be like. ⤷ 9-1-1 promos for 4x14

#oh no #oh no oh noonono #how am i supposed to write fic when the show keeps giving us exactly what we would have written?????????? #911

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Kelly Brown Photography

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why did no one tell me quantum computers looked like that

#holy shit these are like the inside of my head #second from the top on the right is my brain

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I have been saving this since last year. Happy Earth Day everyone.

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Eddie coming to terms with his sexuality and then coming out to Buck in the most fucked up and romantic way possible - by telling him "I reached for you. I was lying in the street thinking this was it, that I was dying and all I wanted was to touch you one more time".

#who's hyperventilating #haha not me! not me because i'm so normal about this #911 #buddie

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As a lesbian i will always relate more to trans women than cishet women. Made to feel disgusting and predatory in women’s spaces? Check. Berated and mocked for our relation to sexuality and womanhood? Check. Hated for our “deviancy from the norm”? Check. Every single essay about womanhood by a trans woman–and especially, especially by trans wlw–has spoken more to me than anything written by a cis straight woman ever could. T*rfs can take that to the bank.

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BUCK IN 6x12 - RECOVERY

#those gray sweatpants #thank you for your service #911 #evan buckley