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to be perfectly honest. i don't care if it is cheesy or cliched or idealistic. i like stories where the core of it is about kindness, the warmth we can offer others and the gentleness we receive in return. maybe the moral of the story IS love triumphs. it better fucking be

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i think it is important to recognize the ways in which your favorite thing sucks. i think it keeps u normal

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I feel like when I say ‘relatable’ what I really mean is ‘resonant.’ I don’t want characters who I feel are like me, I want characters who have emotions so strong I can feel them through the page.

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Having sex with someone actually is a big deal and involves a ton of vulnerability and I think it’s extremely troubling and gross and unhealthy and actually exceptionally dangerous that we pretend otherwise and encourage people to “be mature” by compartmentalizing/completely eliminating their deeper human emotions from their sexuality and that any other view is dismissed as prudish and invalid and unenlightened and childish and restrictive. I can’t think about this too much because it makes me rage but I hate how much porn and capitalism have destroyed how we understand and experience sexuality and intimate connections with one another so much.

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online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.

and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.

there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't think anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.

i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.

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Sooo I was tagged by @nanomooselet (sempai noticed me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) no but really woooow a person with so much such cool trigun meta knows I exist? I’m literally starstruck)

But I’m stupid and I don’t know who to tag in return :( I’m not even sure I know how to see who I’m mutuals with? I’m a technological granny that’s all anyone needs to know about me lol

But the questions are actually different:

Last song: Not Found by Buck-Tick. That’s a great song, I kinda forgot existed and actually expected to listen to Mudai (which means “No name”, so, it’s not that weird to confuse the two).

Favorite color: green. Deep moss green is the best, but any hue is great.

Currently watching: ugggh. Thanks to my husband I watch ongoings now ( >___>) they are suddenly really good. Everybody knows Dungeon Meshi, I think. It’s already a cult classic as a manga and Trigger continues to make history. I’ve juuust finished Frieren and Apothecary Diaries, Bucchigiri and Warumono San no kyuujitsu, Yubisaki to renren and Majyo to Yajyu. Have started Yoru no kagame wa oyogenai (PLEASE WATCH IT. JUST FOR THE CINEMATOGRAPHY ALONE! PS - god I love the way anime of this new decade uses “camera movement” and colors. Tengoku daimakyo and Chainsawman are probably the best examples here, but this slice of life/music dramedy already looks amazing) and Shyuumatsu no train wa doko e iku (this is boringly simple in the art department in general but the promise and the visualization of the surreal parts is really good, I’m hooked!). Gmg. I do watch movies as well, like, Poor things and Aliza Frankenstein are extremely good. Dune is very beautiful. Mami Wata is a black and white gem of a movie. But I think I should shut up already.

Sweet/savory/spicy: savory I guess? However I’m not a native English speaker and had to google for some time as I’ve previously considered savory not a taste, but… a feel? Dunno.

Relationship status: married. As for friendship, it’s mostly online as most my beautiful ladies live far away ~_~

Current obsession: Trigun. And. Like. Really. It is an OBSESSION. I love all the characters, I literally fall asleep and wake up with them on my mind. I’ve made myself a felted Vash toy. I’ve watched Stampede twice (don’t look at the number of things I watch. Without my husband I can’t finish shit. But this! I’ve screencapped every second of it it seems. I’ve read manga in English and Japanese (and sometimes badly translated to Russian for the lulz - there’s so much swearing it’s basically a different story). I’ve committed two art pieces for the first time in my life. I’ve put art on my walls and my laptop. And I even returned to reading fan fiction after almost a decade of staying away from ao3 (no shade here, I just never loved anything as much as to need any additional materials. Except for Hannibal. But that show was too perfect and didn’t need anything but deep analytics on the symbolism). Hmh. I want to plug “Becoming Eden” by Lenipes here. It’s so good it has become a fourth trigun “canon” for me.

Last thing I googled: how does savory taste lol

Hehe. That’s so long. I guess I just wanted to vent a bit?

Who can I tag? @6wings-manyeyes @esotericbird

Sorry to bother you. No pressure and all that~ just a little tag game to get to know mutuals better.

#tag game #who should I tag though #I was so pleased to be tagged! #I really wish I could talk to more trigun people #and anime people #and tumblr people in general #I used to know ppl here thrugh #fiction podcasts #those a great #aaaargh #I want someone who loves trigun AND wolf 359 #these two are so so soooooo cool #and somehow give off similar vibes ??? #dunno #trigun #wolf359

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Women’s Voices Now streams hundreds of films about women’s issues from women directors all over the world, for free!

You can really just click on any film and watch the entire thing online, for free! There’s documentaries and narrative films, short films and feature length! I STRONGLY encourage you to check it out.

[prstmmprhdl]

I love when fiction makes the audience feel guilty about their role as the audience. When something fucked up is treated as a joke but later it's recognised how fucked up it was and the audience feels guilty for finding it funny. When a character breaks the fourth wall to plead for help, and you can't do anything so you just watch. And you know that the characters pain isn't real, but they're begging for help and you're not helping because their suffering is entertainment for you

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“Listen to me, your body is not a temple. Temples can be destroyed and desecrated. Your body is a forest—thick canopies of maple trees and sweet scented wildflowers sprouting in the under wood. You will grow back, over and over, no matter how badly you are devastated.”

— Beau Taplin (via quotethat)

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God. This was the best thing of 2023.

There's no way they included the tweet

#trigun #bigolas dickolas wolfwood #this is how you lose the time war

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pssssst hey. hey. free and expansive database of folk and fairy tales. you can thank me later

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Ok. I have already gushed about “Becoming Eden”. A lot. Though, maybe not here (>_>). But! I want to save in my personal history this little (not little at all actually) thing that has made me reevaluate… well, maybe not all my life choices, but a pretty big literate-concerning one, namely aversion to fantasy.

To be fair, as an anime fan I live through a fantasy renaissance at the moment as both Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End and Delicious in Dungeon do something I didn’t expect: make me feel and want to dissect the world and characters (though tbh Frieren is losing the steam and Dungeon is still building it and is that high mainly because of all the amazing manga spoilers. never change fan community, never change).

But what was I talking about to begin with? Hold me like a grudge? More like hold me in a chokehold.

Lenipez caught my attention but a peculiar style of writing, a combination of heavily stylized prose with very down-to-earth dialogue. But if “Beciming Eden” ticks every box in my list: space, body horror, alien biology and psychology, dream sequences just to name a few - a fantasy soulmate au is literally all the things I usually don’t even bother checking out. Nothing bad about it. Just not a setting/situation I find particularly appealing. But it’s always so pleasant to be wrong about not liking things.

First there was Zazie (we seriously don’t talk about the hive minds enough!). And then the fae! I haven’t felt this magic since Mable (the podcast. fiction podcast. angry dead(ish) fae girlfriends in a haunted house! one of them IS what’s haunting it btw. it’s amazing!!!). And yeah. I keep jumping from one thing I love to another - but that’s exactly because this fanfic is that pretty and twisty and sad and sweet and please don’t kill Kitten Wolfwood I won’t survive that and full of exactly what fantasy often lacks for me: internal logic that is illogical and whimsy. Also the language. The language that represents just that. And the characters. And the real world too (do I love memes and computer games in my books and find them more powerful in bounding fantastical to mundane than a lot of other things other people may consider realistic? Yes I do. We all live in our own realities and that’s mine). And also all the tropes (from one bed couch. god why does it have to be couch? to the the soulmatism) somehow mash and combine in some witches potion that doesn’t actually resemble its basic ingredient that much.

Is it still fantasy? Yes. Is it still romance? Yes. Does it include most stuff that only/mainly fan fiction does? Also yes. But I don’t know. It also feels like all of that and something else. I’m overflowing with love.

heads up I think Hold Me Like a Grudge is my next Project, its picked me up and shaken me like a rag doll tonight. I have an outline, I have written the ending to write towards, there is concept art. it is: A. Urban Fantasy with Fae AU A2. third person past tense B. Mashwood Soulmates (I do not like soulmate AUs so this is a poly deconstruction) C. Is going to go pretty hard emotionally rated T for now D. Probably be about 10-20K, I want to say its gonna be 12k but I know better than that. (this is not nano! I am weak and never do Nano, I do however tend to write a cool down novela after a BIG project) E. Tangentially a trigun fic at best :/ the blorbos from my shows are mutating as I write, and I'm just going to be okay with that. I am an eccentric genfic writer and I do what I do and sometimes. F. the title is a fall out boy song, yeah, the album dropped during Vashwood week when I wrote the first chapter.

#fanfiction #trigun #hold me like a grudge

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You meet god and she's mostly dead fish. You ask her why and she says most of the world is dead fish, and she's made herself to appeal to the most common denominator, the everyman funnyman comedy show that runs for eleven seasons but with the entire universe in mind. You ask her how much of the dead fish is your fault, she says it's far less than you'd think, in the grand scheme of things. You ask her if you matter at all. If you can do anything. She shrugs her rotting shoulders and says mattering is a made-up concept, like life, but sure, you can matter if you want to, on some scale. She has many scales. She doesn't know what you mean by 'anything', but you can do everything you can. You ask her if it's enough. She says there's no base requirement for deserving to exist. She's smoking a joint and the smoke filtering out of her gills gathers and forms gas giants and red dwarfs. You ask her if there's any hidden secrets of the universe you should know and she says it's not a secret if she tells, plus it's fun to let you figure it out yourself. You ask her if any of your questions were right questions and she says you worry about being right so much it might keep you from fucking around, which is as close to meaning of life as she ever bothered to make. You don't ask but she says she loves your hair, also your whole being, also your planet. She says she figured out what love is yesterday and is trying it out, which explains the ten thousand rainbows and sudden influx in rains of fish. She offers you a drag of her joint and you wake up half past midnight behind a chain restaurant clutching a smoked salmon. The new stars are winking like they're in on some joke and you're sure if you try hard enough you'll remember what it is.

#I have to read this person through! #this fish thing is sooooo #fishy #haha #no #it’s really cool #I love gods that are just #there #not exactly chilling #but… *wave hands*

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Art is my religion. Has always been. And I’ve never divided it into high and low. There’s a story a bit lower down my wall about the god of Arepo. About the god of small things. Because small things and dedication to them matter.

I can perceive that things are not the same. But it doesn’t matter. When you’re broken sometimes it’s the grandeur of history and hard work that saves you. Sometimes it’s the warmth of a well-known path. Sometimes it’s a change, a hope for everything in the world that is good. Sometimes it’s a moment to wallow in pain, description of the ugliness of the world. Everything is important. Everything has this potential to touch, to reach, to embrace.

I HATE “loving things ironically”. If a thing sparks something in me, I’ll burn with it until there’s nothing left of our love.

Everything deserves love, everything deserves this dedication. It doesn’t mean we should be head over hills over every single thing ever. But that we can be - over anything.

UPD: oh. It seems I’ve ratatouilled myself.

#wtf is this post? #I don’t know #but trigun broke something in me #yet I keep trying to belittle it #and every time I stop myself and wonder why #what am I ashamed of? #why was steppenwolf more appropriate to devour and lick to the hone? #bone #why do I feel ashamed of my love - all of it #to people and to things #I do #I do! #I say art is my religion #and I honestly… don’t like religion #to put it mildly #like I really really don’t like the idea that I’m a follower on this sense #is it desire for freedom? #but I hate all the Buddha like talk just as much #well no #it’s more complicated actually #but #urgh #who cares

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No, no it isn’t.

#the love I feel towards meme culture inside jokes is unverbilizeble #meme within meme within meme