randyzdz

[randyzdz]

I want to read all your poems and drink your words till they flavor my mouth with the taste of you. I want to get drunk on the splendor of your essence and color my lips with your fragrance.

e.v.e.

[randyzdz]

fatima aamer bilal, from coffin heart? bury me.

[text id: how did you get so close that i have to dissect you out from under my skin? / memory is a deathbed. remembrance is a grave. the memory of you is a scab that i keep picking so that it scars. a burn, a souvenir, something to claw at that claws back at me. / i refuse to be haunted by something less. / there's a sun-sized ache where your hands used to be. / and now that your place is empty, the blood in my heart pumps around nothing. / nothing. / nothing at all. / senseless circulation. / what am i to live for when i have made my body my casket? / where am i to go from here? / and i always knew longing had another name she wouldn't let me call her by — it's hunger. / my heart grew up to be far more starved than my stomach. / it's the things you learn in your childhood, from the words of your mother, from the hands of your father. / if your teeth do not graze my bones, i do not wish for you to kiss me. / how have i turned gentle love into such devastation? / such greediness? / i carry a coffin for a heart; everything i love must be buried. / plant your garden in the cracks of my skin—mud, gravel, everything. let my blood be water to cater to your needs. / terrible, terrible human, thinks barbarity and love are words of the same meaning. / a mad dog would be a far more gentle lover to the rocks being thrown at him. / and, my dear, i wouldn't ask you to fold me in the pages of your favorite book, just the embedment of fingers between my ribs. / how did you get so close that i have to dissect you out from under my skin? / GET CLOSER.]

[randyzdz]

my therapist asked me why i fall apart every summer. i didnt know how to tell her about you.

its been months since my last session. all i’ve done is rot. i forgot what to wear to something like this. i settle for something blue. making no effort to conceal the scars on my skin. only a subtle cry for help

i walk into the building, everything’s rearranged. disorienting me further. i sit in the wrong chair. i’ve forgotten how to do anything right. she asks me how i’ve been since our last session, if i accomplished what i’ve wanted to. i hold back tears but she doesn’t notice. desperate to confess my lost sense of self. that i’ve never hated myself more. but i remain silent

she can tell i’m uneasy now. she looks down at my legs and asks if i’m hurting myself. i tell her they are old. i cant stop myself from lying. i instantly regret not covering up. how could i be so stupid? my heart pounding, my words feel faint, barely audible even to myself. how do i admit that i’ve only gone backwards. that i failed to get better. that despite the help i receive, i cant fix how i am, that i might be doomed

i lay my hands to the side rotating them just enough so she can’t see the scars that weren’t there last session. i dont want her to know. i dont want anyone to know

it’s been 6 years now and i still haven’t learned how to do this without you

the mere thought of divulging your existence remains daunting. i’ve always clung to the hope that time would heal. but i doubt this ever will. i don’t know how ill ever stop letting myself down.

#original poem #poets on tumblr #poetry #grief

[randyzdz]

bramble staring out the window. he is so precious 🫀❤️‍🔥

#cat

[randyzdz]

i miss the open wounds

but it’s spring now. i can’t hide under layers of clothing to fool everyone that it’s getting better.

i ache for the sensation of clothing brushing against my wounds, the sting it brought, how badly i crave for it everytime i dress.

i long for the nights of raw wounds dressing my entire body how i couldn’t leave an empty space.

how i would curl up, blood staining my sheets, crying myself to sleep, wishing for someone right beside me to love. that the company of my wounds would mean less to me. that i could love someone more than i hate myself. i would hyperventilate into my pillow until i passed out, knowing that day couldn’t possibly ever come.

now,

i’m nothing but scars on a pale surface

wishing i could hurt myself how i used to, but knowing i cant hide it like i did all winter.

the pretending is getting harder. this loneliness is becoming unbearable.

#poets on tumblr #original poem #poetry #tw self h4rm

[randyzdz]

your eyes

a captivating hue

tracing constellations in night skies

beneath the eerie midnight of blue

you look at me, a starlit swoon

as heavens waltz in celestial tune

like fallen stars shinning

in the nights trance

shimmering softly in cosmic dance

lost in dreams of the warmth and love you show

staring up at your crescent moon, watching it softly glow

this sanctum of passion, intense and true

in your gaze i’m immersed, forever in you.

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #romance #romance poetry

[randyzdz]

a poem devoted to my nephew, henry -`★´-

while the stars shine in the shimmering light.

you lie awake amidst the vastness of night

confusion sets in, heavy on your chest

your beautiful heart, in turmoil it rests

how my heart aches for your tender heart

i’m terrified i failed you. that i left a mark

to the moon and the stars, my love does soar

for you id do anything to bring you joy once more

though i can’t take away your heartaches sting

to me you will forever remain the brightest thing.

#poetry #original poem #poets on tumblr

[randyzdz]

cat dump ◡̈

#cat #ilovemycats

[randyzdz]

march 22

with a composed fascade, i played the role

masking inner turmoil beneath a ghoulish mold

you sculpted me into this, my sanity was deceived

the depth of this sorrow i can no longer grieve

trapped in my web of lies, where darkness takes its toll

loathing your presence, fearing the grip of your control

with nothing left, i became a hole so vast

a void of despair, where shadows amassed.

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr

[randyzdz]

my hands are rough. my nails are dirty. I have been busy digging graves for every version of myself.

[randyzdz]

grief

today my heart weighs too much

from the grief i cannot bear

my body dressed with wounds

upon the fragile flesh I wear

i pry myself open, blood begins to seep

the wound deepens, as my breaths grow deep

grief devours me, leaving me numb

in this abyss of sorrow, i am wholly undone

#poetry #original poem #grief

[randyzdz]

her voice.

i found love in the way you spoke
with a hesitant and gentle tone

how your words are like a loving embrace

and how your cadence feels like home

you express so deeply sincere & kind

your words, like petals softly falling

planted in the garden of my mind.

#poetry #original poem #love poem

[randyzdz]

frail and worn

the aching is silent, it beats close to my heart

i wilt under the pressure, as it tears me apart

i cradle its presence, frail and worn

with tearful eyes, i silently mourn

grief punctures through me

seeping deep into my bones 
my body, a tapestry, woven with woes.

#poetry #original poem #!!!

[randyzdz]

restless nights

in the depths of despair, where darkness resides

i stay up late, with restless, weary eyes

i stare at the wall, a lifeless thing

its empty gaze, its silent sting

the blankness of the wall, a mirror to within

crushing my chest, pulling me further in

i gaze at the cracks, pathways to my core

tracing each fissure, searching for more

the pain and joy, the sorrows and fears

etched on the surface, embraced through tears

each crack and crevice, a reflection of my pain the silence of the room, echoing my shame

i try to escape, to break free from this hold but the emptiness consumes me, leaving me cold

#my poem #poetry #original poem

[randyzdz]

“You’re important. You deserve to speak up and have people shut the hell up and listen to you.”

— Alexandra Bracken, In the Afterlight