rottedtitz

[rottedtitz]

my rage is not just my own,

its my mothers hands throwing anything in her reach,

its my father’s explosiveness after being pushed too many times,

its my fathers mom, with her cruel words,

paired with my fathers dad, who could make you feel small,

its my mothers mom, for leaving anytime she would rage

its my mothers dad, who drowned himself in drugs and bottle instead of feeling his anger.

i am not only carrying my own anger, im carrying theirs too.

#ventcore #personal vent #traumacore #anger #hatred #rottingpussy

[rottedtitz]

i hold the hand of my grief, she leads me into dark places that i don’t come back from. i do not complain, for the reason purely being i deserve it.

#ventcore #personal vent #traumacore #rottingpussy #angercore #guilt

[rottedtitz]

What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Did I make you uncomfortable? We're you just scared to meet me? You could have told me. Why did you feel like you couldn't tell me? Why did you choke? Did you just not know how much your words meant to me?

You said you were falling for me. Was that just a lie? Was anything you said true? You told me such beautiful lies. Why couldn't they have all been true? Why did you have to abandon me like a piece of trash? Do I mean nothing to you? Did the hours I spent talking with you mean nothing?

Do I mean nothing? Why does this always happen.

[rottedtitz]

i want to run away,

like a scared dog.

My tail tucked between my legs

my beady eyes staring at your anger

my nose smelling your danger

when the front door opens,

i bolt out between your legs.

you chase me around all over the yard

just leave me alone!

when you corner me sooner or later

i will have to bare my teeth

showing you the ripped flesh between them,

the dried blood on my mouth

belonging to my last owners.

you will look in fear

but i will look in fear,

i will remind you as i have reminded others,

i am a mutt.

a feral dog.

i bite.

#ventcore #personal vent #anger #traumacore #hatred #angercore #repressed anger #addiction #actually bpd #bpd rage #abandonment #canine poetry #i bite #i will eat you

[rottedtitz]

“do you want to talk about it?”

no, i want to kill myself because of it.

[rottedtitz]

i’m rotten!

i’m rotten!

i’m rotten!

i’m full of maggots and agony!

my future is dull! i was supposed to kill myself ages ago!

#nobody #ventcore #personal vent #anger #traumacore #hatred #angercore #rottedtitz #rotting #repressed anger

[rottedtitz]

[rottedtitz]

The monsters gone, he’s on the run.

#ventcore #personal vent #anger #traumacore

[rottedtitz]

Do you know how fucking exhausted I am? I feel the weight of my crushing guilt and anger. When can I die? I do not fear it, for once I’d be at peace, with myself and with this hellish earth we are on.

#ventcore #anger #personal vent #traumacore #hatred #angercore #repressed anger

[rottedtitz]

Why do I so desperately crave my mothers love? I deserve more, I’m very aware as I’ve heard it all my life, but you only get one mother.

Why must I hate her? Why can I not forgive her after everything. Any effort of forgiveness wasted by her incompetence and my boiling anger.

I hate her, but I remember that she built me. I am a piece of her, My body was sculpted by her flawed hands, she injected her eye color into my irises, splattered a paintbrush to create my adorned freckles.

She created me, why must i hate my creator? I was supposed to be a creation of love, why am I drowning in hatred?

#ventcore #personal vent #anger #traumacore #hatred #angercore

[rottedtitz]

i can't help but melt under your touch. i'm so completely enamored with you that i can't focus on anything else. of course, i neglected to pay attention to where your hands were going, and what was in them.

shocked by a sudden pain in my waist, i try to push you away- but each time i do, you just pull me closer. your pressing against my body is pushing the knife deeper than before. it hurts, but you're stronger than me. all i can do is sob through kisses as my insides are torn apart

[rottedtitz]

And for the first time, my head finally comes out of the water and I breathe.

Though my body will never be able to recover from the damage, I’m breathing again.

#ventcore #personal vent #hope

[rottedtitz]

The urge to scratch my vocal chords till they’re ripped to shreds.

#ventcore #personal vent #anger #traumacore #hatred

[rottedtitz]

“I’ll stay clean! I’ll stay clean!”

But the second I get the chance, I will be breaking promises.

#addiction #I miss my lil pill times #bring back not remembering anything for days and sleeping for 2 days and passing out in stores #never felt more alive #never felt less of anything #god I’m going to fucking end uP LITERALLY KILLING MYSELF I MISS MY ADDICTION DAYS IDC HOW BAD OF A PERSON THAT MAKES ME I WOULDNT HESITATE #TO FUCKING GO BACK

[rottedtitz]

I leave claw marks in the statement of “It’s going to get better.”

Not wanting to let go of that small hope, because if I do, if I lost that hope in those small 5 words, I won’t be here anymore.

But I continue living in a constant state of empty acceptance.

“It’s going to get better. It’s going to get better. It’s going to get better. It’s going to get better.”

No matter how many times I say it I feel the same. The crushing weight of my own mind is a painful experience, trying to be worth the love I need is a painful experience, finding myself while not trying to criticize myself is a painful experience.

And over and over again the same question repeats;

Am I truly living?

#ventcore #personal vent #anger #traumacore #hatred #rottingpussy #angercore #repressed anger

[rottedtitz]

The envy creeping up my neck anytime I see a child hugging their mother.

The anger of not having that and looking at the mirror in disgust and hatred, scratching at my skin “I’m loved, I’m loved.” said over and over.

I cannot change my mother, as I’m not worth changing for.

#ventcore #personal vent #anger #traumacore #hatred #mommy issues #repressed anger #angercore #shesawhoreagain

[rottedtitz]

The responsibility of being an older sibling;

No matter how much I want to kill myself i must be responsible and stay alive to give them a better life. I cannot die peacefully until they are safe.