sam-himbocanons - Tumblr blog

sam-himbocanons · 1 year

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seb: why is your blog called himbocanons if you aren't a himbo sam: whaddya mean i'm totally a himbo sam: i'm nice and I'm silly and sam: seb: sam: ok i might be lacking a little in the muscle department but i'm getting there!! baby steps *flexes a puny bicep* see?? i got guns you just can't see it! seb: *grimace*

#sdv sam #sdv sebastian #incorrect sam quotes #himboquotes #sdv #stardew valley #this bitch doesn't know what himbo means #too lazy to change the blog name so i wrote this instead

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sam-himbocanons · 1 year

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seb: sometimes i like to put random things in sam's food and see if he notices seb: you wouldn't believe the shit he eats anyway

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seb: i got a burrito for you sam: oh thanks! sam: *bites off a chunk of creamy nut butter and beef* what woul' i do wifout you shebby this is delicioush seb: want some juice with that? sam: sure! wow you're so kind today seb *slurps suspiciously chunky orange juice* sam: if i didn't know any better i would think you're up to something! sam: wait sam: these aren't poisoned or anything right?

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*horrendous noises coming from sam's bathroom* abby: excuse me why is sam shitting out of both ends seb: must've been something he ate :)

#sdv sam #sdv sebastian #sdv abigail #incorrect sam quotes #incorrect sdv quotes #himboquotes #sdv #stardew valley #abby: you did all that WITHOUT ME?!??!

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sam-himbocanons · 1 year

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sam the rat guy

sam: i'm starving!! my stomach says it's time for some classic zuzu style pizza.

sam: mmm you just can't get this stuff anywhere else! i swear i gotta start a petition to open a zuzu hut joint back home we deserve delicious pie too like this sauce is legit unforgettable i mean back in my day i was a wee little boy having my first taste of zuzu hut and let me tell you that shit was- SHIT!!

rat, 18-inch pizza slice in mouth: *flees with its spoils*

sam: JERRY! GET BACK HERE!!

sam: *knocks over every table and chair on the patio*

sam: *disappears over the horizon while screaming, car horns, crashing noises, and general city chaos can be heard*

abby: just another day in zuzu city huh

seb: just another day with sam the rat guy *licks ice cream cone*

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sam's talking head: you've met my childhood rival jerry? yeah he's been my mortal enemy since i could remember. no hard feelings tho haha.

sam: oh this? *holds up a water blaster* just for a friend!

#sdv sam #sdv sebastian #sdv abigail #incorrect sam quotes #incorrect sdv quotes #himboquotes #sdv #stardew valley #abby: wanna explain why you're going for seconds #seb: shhh this is the best ice cream I've ever had

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sam-himbocanons · 1 year

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middle school conversations

sam: boobies are awesome seb: agreed sam: you agree??? seb: um yeah? birds are cool abby: he's talking about tits dumdum seb: tit birds are cool too??? am i missing something

#sdv sam #sdv sebastian #sdv abigail #incorrect sam quotes #incorrect sdv quotes #himboquotes #sdv #stardew valley

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sam-himbocanons · 2 years

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sam: fuck you, and you, and ESHPECIALLY *sneeze* YOU!

the tulips, the blue jazz, and especially the daisies:

sam: I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THERE ISH A CHAINSAW *sneeze* IN MY HAND sam: but i am an opportunisht yoba dang it sam: I'LL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET!!! *revs chainsaw* pollen pwner 9000: bzzzzrrrrtt bzzt bzzt bzzzzrrrtt aggressive sneezing sounds seb: seb: how much acid did i fucking take -- inspired by @mono_progress on twt

#sdv sam #sdv sebastian #stardew valley sam #stardew valley sebastian #incorrect sam quotes #incorrect sdv quotes #himboquotes #go check out mono_progress their sam art is so sexy #never trust sam with a lethal weapon he will either break it lose it or yoba forbid he will get it stuck in his mouth #be careful sebastian. the best part of the trip is when the sam hits

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sam-himbocanons · 2 years

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i headcannon that sam once tried making a joja cola+cactus fruit flavored pizza and it went horribly wrong

sam: haha that's funny, who told you that? in a forgotten land(fill) far away, a stray microwave filthy and destroyed lay silently, forever scarred from the catastrophic event known to future archaeologists as the Colactus Incident...

#sdv sam #stardew valley sam #sdv #stardew valley #himbocanons #himboquotes #submitted by anonymous #somebody write the butterfly effect into this #yes he microwaved a raw pizza with cola and cactus fruit #he has never seen an italian person in his life can you blame him /s

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sam-himbocanons · 2 years

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i always thought of sam badly cuz when I was starting out the game I saw a top 6 bachelors list and the author of the article said sam is the worst bachelor but I've seen cute fanart and memes of him and i want to luv him and learn wht ppl like about him... you seem like a huge sam fan so please enlighten me with why he's great!! -person who always and exclusively dates and marries Elliott

all right starting off fresh with a 2 year old ask let's go

sam is...

a stupid skater boy: rebellious to mayor lewis, trying to do an ollie every time you see him, hair gel galore

a little trickster: from the festival dialogue we know he likes to be a little Evil... a little misssschievous mayhap... to his hilarious demise (in community service)

a band guitarist: loves his guitar, has big dreams for his music (until marriage)

a good friend: always loses to sebastian but plays with him anyway, very good buddy judging from how sebastian talks about him

an adhd icon: forgets things often, gets distracted easily, spent 4 hours straight playing guitar once

a sunflower golden retriever boy: lights up on sunny days or in summer, looks up to the farmer a lot, happy-go-lucky vibe

relatable (for me at least): he loves junk food, lazing around in the sun, and did i mention junk food

good big brother: cares about vincent and worries about him, feels responsible for him since their dad was gone

good dad: gets his shit together when you have children

the only one that doesn't insult the farmer for trash diving like a raccoon: self-explanatory

and most of all, the stuff he gets up to is pretty funny.

however...

he doesn't know how to do housework

he gives up being a musician when he marries the farmer

he's too lazy to cook and take care of the farm most of the time

and he seems perfectly fine with having the farmer do everything before they have babies

all of this puts him in quite the ugly light compared to the other five bachelors who seem more mature and responsible than him overall. i can't fully encapsulate why i like sam the most out of the bachelors but i will try, damn it.

he's the type of guy you have a crush on in high school until you grow up into an adult with real world responsibilities. sam is all about having fun, relaxing, and enjoying life as it comes. for me, he's thrilling. he would be able to push me out of my comfort zone because he reminds me of the life i'd like to live. there's nothing i would rather do than make my partner happy and have nothing but a ball of goofy sunshine when i come home.

of course, that wouldn't be as simple in the real world. sam would be insufferable to live with eventually as he doesn't seem to mature until kids are in the picture. but this is a video game and sam is an extrovert who would ramble on about aliens with me 'til 2 in the morning. some days i feel more like sebastian, cynical about the world and reserved. i imagine sam would do for me what he might do for sebastian: he'd cheer me up any way he knew how. playing a sick tune on the guitar, showing me tricks on his skateboard, putting my favourite sitcom on and getting me a stuffed crust pizza drowned in melty mozzarella cheese.

perhaps that's why i made this blog. i wanted to create more story to this character. i wanted him to be more than just a skater boy turned lazy dad. i wanted him to be a lazy skater boy who's funny and can make you laugh in the worst (best) times possible. out of all the bachelors, there's no one i'd feel happier being in a virtual marriage to than sam with his goofy antics and immature dorkiness.

that and i have a thing for skater boys wearing ridiculous amounts of hair gel 24/7.

#sdv sam #stardew valley sam #himbocanons #meta #headcanons #character development #i was very tempted to respond with 3 words: blond spiky hair #no disrespect to the legend but guy fieri does not count #i wonder if sam would be a flavortown fan......

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sam-himbocanons · 2 years

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Sam: the Prologue

One day, a little boy named Sam had the brightest idea of his life. Which was not saying much for a boy like Sam, as opportunistic yet clumsy as he could be.

It all began on the day of the last snow of winter. The little boy planted his squeaky rubber boots in the snow and gazed out through flurries of white rain over the ivory Pelican Town. He could still feel the residual warmth under his coat from inside the house, where his mom was already preparing a feast for New Year's. Sebastian would be waiting for him eagerly (for once) as they found the perfect spot to bring the formidable Ice Fortress of Solaria to life.

Sam was confident that he knew this route to Sebastian's house so well that he could blindfold himself and still make it in one piece. His house wasn't that far, you just had to get used to knowing your directions without even looking. It'd be smooth sailing from there, so how hard could it be?

Thus, with all the risks considered, Sam covered his eyes with an arm and started stomping his way to Sebastian's house. Because he could, and he would, as the crunching of the snow with each step into the unknown only pushed him onward. Even then, within seconds, he felt like he was about to fall over at any moment. Fear prickled at his scalp and sweat gathered under his scarf.

But Sam was a stubborn boy. He was set on finishing whatever he started, just like Mommy always told him to do. Unfortunately for Mommy, the little boy only took her advice at the most nonsensical times. With each leap and a half-jump, the distance he covered would grow with all the recklessness of a Leo sun child.

Poor Sam. He had no idea what was about to come.

He could not see the deformed lawn flamingo next to Mayor Lewis's garden, and he definitely did not see its giant, glaring metal leg. The leg which was in perfect position for incoming contact with a little child's big toe.

ftaaang-

"YEOOOWWW!!"

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Mission no. 1. Make it to Sebby's house.

Mission no. 2. Do not utter a word about what happened to anybody. Especially not Sebby, he will laugh at me forever.

Mission no. 2.1. Get rid of Mayor Lewis.

Mission no. 2.1.b. Mommy if you're listening to this walkie talkie I was joking. I would never hurt Mayor Lewis even if he tried to kill me with his ugly flamingo.

Mission no. 3. Build the coolest awesomest ice castle fortress ever.

Mission no. 4. Hide Mayor Lewis's undershorts in the Egg Hunt.

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To be continued...

#i have returned #this is sam's villain origin story #you will never see the final twist coming #i have never written fanfiction #sdv sam #stardew valley sam #sdv #stardew valley #incorrect sam quotes #incorrect sdv quotes #himbotales #sdv sebastian #the flamingo is foreshadowing

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sam-himbocanons · 3 years

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