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sicprowl · 4 years
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Once a little boy went to school. One morning The teacher said: “Today we are going to make a picture.” “Good!” thought the little boy. He liked to make all kinds; Lions and tigers, Chickens and cows, Trains and boats; And he took out his box of crayons And began to draw.
But the teacher said, “Wait!” “It is not time to begin!” And she waited until everyone looked ready. “Now,” said the teacher, “We are going to make flowers.” “Good!” thought the little boy, He liked to make beautiful ones With his pink and orange and blue crayons. But the teacher said “Wait!” “And I will show you how.” And it was red, with a green stem. “There,” said the teacher, “Now you may begin.”
The little boy looked at his teacher’s flower Then he looked at his own flower. He liked his flower better than the teacher’s But he did not say this. He just turned his paper over, And made a flower like the teacher’s. It was red, with a green stem.
On another day The teacher said: “Today we are going to make something with clay.” “Good!” thought the little boy; He liked clay. He could make all kinds of things with clay: Snakes and snowmen, Elephants and mice, Cars and trucks And he began to pull and pinch His ball of clay.
But the teacher said, “Wait!” “It is not time to begin!” And she waited until everyone looked ready. “Now,” said the teacher, “We are going to make a dish.” “Good!” thought the little boy, He liked to make dishes. And he began to make some That were all shapes and sizes.
But the teacher said “Wait!” “And I will show you how.” And she showed everyone how to make One deep dish. “There,” said the teacher, “Now you may begin.”
The little boy looked at the teacher’s dish; Then he looked at his own. He liked his better than the teacher’s But he did not say this. He just rolled his clay into a big ball again And made a dish like the teacher’s. It was a deep dish.
And pretty soon The little boy learned to wait, And to watch And to make things just like the teacher. And pretty soon He didn’t make things of his own anymore.
Then it happened That the little boy and his family Moved to another house, In another city, And the little boy Had to go to another school.
The teacher said: “Today we are going to make a picture.” “Good!” thought the little boy. And he waited for the teacher To tell what to do. But the teacher didn’t say anything. She just walked around the room.
When she came to the little boy She asked, “Don’t you want to make a picture?” “Yes,” said the little boy. “What are we going to make?” “I don’t know until you make it,” said the teacher. “How shall I make it?” asked the little boy. “Why, anyway you like,” said the teacher. “And any color?” asked the little boy. “Any color,” said the teacher. And he began to make a red flower with a green stem.
~Helen Buckley, The Little Boy
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sicprowl · 4 years
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We were given the go-ahead, so here is my piece for the Dimileth calendar. Finding just a little space for rest.
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sicprowl · 4 years
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PRE-ORDERS ARE OPEN
My Beloved, a zine dedicated to Dimileth, features 125+ pages of amazing art, fics, and comics from over 60 contributors. 
Order your copy by February 29!
https://mybelovedzine.bigcartel.com
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sicprowl · 4 years
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Drunkmitri is a cuddler, change my mind.
Someone mentioned drunk Dimitri hugging Felix on the Eisner Returns fic and I couldn’t resist.
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sicprowl · 4 years
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I’ve been watching Bob Ross all day. What I wouldn’t give for a digital fan brush.
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sicprowl · 4 years
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My last painting of 2019. Happy New Year everyone! My next year art resolution is to work on my backgrounds, which are generally trash. Anyone else have one?
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sicprowl · 4 years
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Dimitri doesn’t like to share
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sicprowl · 4 years
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Came back from the dead to wish my boy Dimitri a happy birthday!
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sicprowl · 4 years
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Happy Birthday Dimitri
Dimitri is an important character to me.
I didn’t expect him to be. Not to me, personally. When I went into the game, I expected that he wouldn’t be my favorite. I figured he’d be the tragic fallen hero, but I didn’t think he’d hit so many buttons for me.
People like fallen heroes, and I do too, but they’re not usually my favorite characters. When I picked up this game on my way home from a trip, I looked at the cover and thought, “Claude is going to be my favorite.”
But somehow, someway, this boy hit home for me.
Maybe it’s because we get to see him before he fell apart.
Well, alright, this isn’t accurate. He was never all that put together when we meet him in game. He already had a darkness in him, and he already experienced tragedy that would lead to his downfall later. We met this boy, and I didn’t think too much of him. He was the most polite, and sweet, and those were my thoughts. My first playthrough was of Black Eagles house. Now, you all know I nearly didn’t pick the game up again I disliked Black Eagles so much. But Dimitri wasn’t why. When I killed Dimitri in the game all I thought was, “What a shame. I’m sorry guy. You seemed nice enough. I’d spare you if I could.” I’m not going to lie, I felt like his anger in CF was justified even before I cared about him. But I didn’t expect the sheer depts I would come to care for him when I was playing that first route. I obviously played church route next, since for the most part I had half got through the playthrough. And in that one I wanted to help him, but couldn’t and I thought again, “Ah, what a shame. Can’t save you here either.” Except this time we got a little more. The ghost scene got to me. It showed me his guilt, and that’s when I started paying more attention to Dimitri. I had intended to save Golden Deer route for last, but after CF and SS, I thought I deserved self care, and went with Claude. Though this time I was a little regretful I’d leave Dimitri behind. Because I understood what tragedy befalls him when you don’t choose him. Because I know that this sweet boy becomes so angry, and so regretful, and I wished there was a way to save him. Claude was a great character, and I adored him, and I adored Golden Deer. It was the break I needed after CF and SS. I loved them, and I loved their themes, and I loved their energy. I was convinced that they would be my forever favorites. My only real regret was that Dimitri died again. By this time it seemed almost horrific what was going on with Dimitri, and he somehow seemed worse off in this route than the other two. He was crazy, downright insane, and somehow lost an eye. And it was a shame. Something had obviously happened to him to drive him even further over the wall, but I didn’t feel too bad, because while it was tragic what happened to him, there wasn’t anything I could do. So I decide to finish up the game, and I’m not over invested. I like it, but I don’t think it’s going to be my fandom. It’s fun, I enjoyed it. That’s it. I’ll just finish it off and move on. Then I played Blue Lions. Dimitri had no right to do this to me. He had no right to come in and hit all my personal buttons, and make me care so much. I went into Blue Lions already caring a bit about Dimitri, but I didn’t expect him to claw at my heart the way he did. There’s a tragedy to Dimitri that spoke to me more than Claude, or Edelgard, or Rhea. It was more personal, it was more rough, it attacked a raw nerve in me I thought was healed but I suppose never did quite go away. Some people have asked me why I don’t like Edelgard, considering she’s an abuse survivor and I, also, am an abuse survivor. I think, with people who ask me this, they’re looking more at what caused the need to cope rather than the coping itself. Edelgard and I have suffered more similar abuses than Dimitri and myself, though I wouldn’t say my abuse and hers are the same at all. Still, for me, I think it’s the way we deal with the aftermath of our trauma that speaks to me more than the trauma itself. I didn’t like Edelgard, because even before the twist that she was the invading force in the game, I found her abrasive, dismissive, and unintentionally cruel where she was trying to be empathetic.  I just don’t like people who are sharp, I suppose. I never have.  I think that’s ultimately why I warmed up to Dimitri so quickly. He was kind. He is kind. He is so kind, and empathetic, that I adored him right away. I warmed up to him even more quickly than Claude, who I went in wanting and expecting to  be my favorite. He’s kind, and trying to be kind. But it doesn’t always work. I’ve got something called Hyper Empathy Syndrome. It’s a think, and it’s not really federally recognized, but my therapist says it’s a good way to describe what my issues are. I empathize too much. And you wouldn’t think that was a bad thing, but it is. It causes me untold anxiety, and I hyper empathize with people to the point where it’s almost hard to get mad at them, and I keep not wanting to let them down, and I feel guilty if I say no to them and it upsets them even a little. And, overall, it’s a huge hindrance on my life. I think Dimitri may be the same. Or maybe I’m projecting on him because I see so much of myself in him. Looking at Dimitri, and the way he developed. It was like looking to a mirror at some points and getting a glimpse into the shitty person I used to be.  Now, I’m not going to pretend I went through even half the bad shit Dimitri did. His sufferings just kept piling on and on and on over the course of the game, to the point I wondered how this boy was even alive. I wasn’t at all surprised at how bad off he was in Azure Moon, but sad. Oh, he was shitty. He was terribly shitty. But I got it. Because I’ve been there. I was younger than Dimitri was when I was shitty, so I’ve got that “middle school preteen hormone changes” excuse, but I was shittty. I wasn’t as bad as he was; I’ve never murdered someone, or nearly tortured a man, or obsessed  over a death, but I was just as unpleasant to be around. I was shit, because I wasn’t dealing with myself well. I had bad coping, and I felt alone, and used, and I couldn’t stop being angry no matter how hard I tried. My head kept telling me it was my fault, and everyone around me didn’t know how to deal with me, and they kept trying to drag me out of my comfort zone. And I lashed out against everyone around me, even though I knew it wasn’t their fault, and that only made me feel more guilty and alone and like I needed to be alone. And it was all only made worse by the Hyper Empathy.  It was a cycle of self hate and misery that I put myself through, and I saw that in Dimitri. And it hit home a little harder than I could have ever predicted.  I was rooting for Dimitri because I already loved him. I love him. He means a lot to me, and as I would come to find out her personifies everything that I believe about humanity; that no matter how bad we get we can still come back. Dimitri is someone that suffered, fell from grace, brainwashed himself into suffering more, all while suffering from a mental illness, and was still able to come back with some help and a whole lot of work and self reflection.  Dimitri is someone that was surrounded by loved ones who wanted to help him but mostly didn’t know how to, people who supported him, but it wasn’t enough. He had to pull himself out, with support. and it wasn’t easy. Hell, it wasn’t easy to support him either. There was a point where he got so low I legitimately thought there would be no going back for him. I almost gave up. But I didn’t want to, and I didn’t, and it’s because despite it all I still loved who he was and wanted him to get better. And he did. And I guess that gave me hope. I guess it made me hopeful that if he could get better from all that, then maybe it wasn’t impossible for other bad people to get better. It made me happy. It made me appreciate him. It made me thankful. Dimitri gave me hope that people could be better than they were, and I’ll forever be thankful for that. It’s actually not all that often a character affects me this much. And maybe it seems dumb to others that a fictional character could affect my life so much, but then again, no one has a right to judge me for where I find hope. Dimitri isn’t just a character I liked, he’s a character that gave me hope. He’s a character that came back from that bad place. He’s a character that basically looked at me and said, “You can come back from this.” And I’m trying so hard to be better.  Dimitri and I have a lot of the same issue. The guilt, the self hate, the blame, other things. And he still has people that love him, people that don’t give up on him. And, yeah, them being there isn’t always helpful, heck, in some case it makes his issues worse. But they’re there for when he comes back, and they help him, and that gives me more hope too. But nothing gives me more hope than the fact that he came back. And when he came back, he worked to be better. And he forgave. And I feel like that makes him so much stronger than me. Because I don’t think I could have forgave to the same level that he had. I couldn’t look the woman I thought ruined my life in the eye and forgive her. I don’t think I could face a man who did ruin my life in the eye after he told me he’d do it again in the name of justice. I couldn’t forgive to Dimitri’s level. He’s come a long way, Dimitri, and I am so proud of him. Happy Birthday Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, thank you for showing me I can be better.
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sicprowl · 4 years
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Witchbrook coming to Nintendo Switch
Think of the game as Stardew Valley meets Harry Potter.
Witchbrook is an isometric RPG where you’re an ordinary student at a magic school.
The game takes place inside a magic school. The player takes on the role of a student attempting to graduate from the school whilst dealing with school life and discovering who they are.
The school and its many wonders and social dangers provides a compelling metaphor for the ups and downs of school life and aims to provoke a charming sense of nostalgia.
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sicprowl · 4 years
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Picrew break
My disaster bi self has lost the original post, but I was tagged by @skybound2​ forever ago to make an image of myself in a picrew, which I guess is sort of like a virtual paper doll?  idk, I’m way behind the tumblr times.  But it was fun to play with.
Anyway, here I am, ready to class up your holiday party!  Because if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s hiding the giant pile of chaos at my core.
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And I’m tagging… @twobrokenwyngs​, @trashcangimmick​, @ihni​, @tracy7307​, @etterklang​, @brawlite​, @thisisnotmolchanka​, @gideongrace​, @suitofarmour​, @little-werewolf-oven​, @imneithernor​, and @neonelectriclady​.  Let’s see your avatars!
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sicprowl · 4 years
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Shortly after Rodrigue's death, people begin hearing soft singing in the cathedral at night. Not every night and at no discernable pattern, but maybe once a week, maybe three times a week, someone will mention at breakfast that they heard it
It's a soft song, like a lullaby, the voice sweet and gentle. Somehow it feels like they would intrude if they went to investigate so on those nights everyone in the monastery steers clear of the cathedral all together
Except one night Cyril is finishing up cleaning the Saint statues a little later than usual. He couldn't even tell you why, maybe he got distracted during his self appointed duties or maybe he just took his time without noticing. But as he flicks away the last fleck of dust from Macuil's feet he hears it, that sweet song
He peeks around the corner and finds Byleth in one of the front pews, looking down at the golden head of Dimitri bedded in her lap
His face his scrunched up as if in pain, but with every note she sings, with every gentle brush of long fingers through his hair and over his forehead, down the bridge of his nose, his features relax until he is very clearly fast asleep, his headache forgotten
Even so she doesn't stop, watching over her slumbering King of Lions with the love and grace of the Goddess herself
Cyril slips out through one of the secret tunnels behind Saint Indech that night, leaving the two of them in their little halo of peace, bathed in moonlight
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sicprowl · 4 years
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So I know I’ve been dead, work and school has been kicking my butt. But not as much as Punished!Caspar’s. He was already a bit manic before, but now he’s gone off the deep end. Everyone keeps telling him wearing a chain around your ankle is stupid but he thinks it looks cool.
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sicprowl · 4 years
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Broke: Using a character's trauma against them to invalidate their POV of events and make the other character in a morally grey situation seem more "right" just because they're your favorite and you can't stand that someone disagrees with your perspective. And using Dimitri's mental illness as a sign he's "weaker than Edelgard" is ableist and you should feel like shit. And using Claude's status as a "foreigner" to argue that he shouldn't be involved in the conflict is racist you actual rotten cucumber.
Woke: Admitting your fav is problematic and there is no justification for the awful shit they've done during the playthroughs of the game and none of the Lord's are ever in the "right". Dimitri went insane and single mindedly killed many people almost at the expense of the people who loved him, Claude started a farturing civil conflict in his own territory and was guilty of complacently and manipulation, and Edelgard started a WAR and was and accessory in everything that happened before the war, including Flayn's kidnapping and Jeralt's murder.
Bespoke: Realizing that their "that was them at their worst in that playthrough, you should go by their main playthrough" is not an excuse for what they did and if you're using that excuse to justify what your fav as done then that extents to other characters, including Rhea.
God Tier: Leaving BBell the fuck alone because she doesn't like Edelgard, she will never think Edelgard is justified no matter what arguments are presented to her, has gone out of her way to be fair despite this, and realizing that BBell is in no way required to like your house and give you content for it and you behavior is making her less inclined to do so or like your house, not less.
Sothis: Just make a Golden Ending where Fodlan is a Triumperent because I honestly think that would've been badass as shit.
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sicprowl · 4 years
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Written with @hiddenfangirling
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sicprowl · 4 years
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Wip
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sicprowl · 4 years
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“Shut up, Sylvain.”
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