summerdreamof2009

[summerdreamof2009]

Does having ASPD along with our DID make all alters, parts, headmates, etc...persecutors?

No

Does having ASPD along with our DID make all alters, parts, headmates, etc...assholes in some form and fashion?

Yes

[summerdreamof2009]

do you think consistently waking up at 2-4am each night for seemingly no reason while having no memory of it in the morning (despite being wide awake) is like. weird. and might be considered a sign of something?

-🪐🫀

Absolutely.

We did similar during stressful situations, even if it was something “small” that caused us extreme stress. Especially during school.

it could also be influenced by when you fall asleep at night and the normal circadian rhythms that regulate the sleep-wake cycle, or something dealing with your “internal-clock.”

Other things could include stress, sleep apnea, insomnia, hormones, technology being used in bed, caffeine, hormonal things, pain, eating extremely close to when you go to bed, or even due to medications.

[summerdreamof2009]

how it feels watching people trust 18 yr old TBMC bloggers on RAMCOA over trained medical professionals who’ve released dozens of papers

[summerdreamof2009]

They should have killed me when they had the chance (/shame) vs they should have killed me when they had the chance (/spite)

[summerdreamof2009]

Work in progress demon alter pride flag.

Red: represent rebelling against the abuser relgion/ideology.

Grey: represents demon alters that split from religious abuse.

Orange: represents demon alters that split form emotional abuse

Pink: represents demon alter that form form sexual trauma

Blue: represents demon alter that are demons because of RAMCOA or RAMCOA programming.

Black: represents disability pride.

And remember: protect your children or burn in hell.

[summerdreamof2009]

is it okay to ask for advice with working with higher-ups/inner reprogrammers? we’re making good progress with one, but do kinda worry that we’re moving too fast or will screw it up

Yes, it's alright to ask this. And there are multiple asks with this similar question, so I'll use yours to answer all of them. I'm not going to go too deep into how to unravel the beliefs that IPs have because they can vary so much. This is more going to be related to how you can gain their trust so they are willing to begin the unraveling process.

How to work with higher ups/IPs:

The very first thing I will always say is radical acceptance. Parts don't do what they do for no reason, they do things because they were taught to do them, even if those things are bad. Higher ups and IPs are often some of the most traumatized parts in a system, who hold some of the highest forms of manipulation that the group did upon a system, and they deserve love, support, care, and understanding just as much as any other part. They may reject this at first, they may fear this at first, they may lash out at this at first. This is usually because they believe they don't deserve it, they aren't allowed to have it, or they feel guilty for the "bad" things that they have done and believe that they do not deserve redemption. This is not true. Helping them understand this is not true is important.

Make sure parts are less isolated from each other, if it is safe to do so. A lot of the times, IPs and higher ups stay rigid in their feelings and opinions because they are isolated in those opinions. If they are only around other parts who hold those same feelings and opinions, it becomes and echo chamber and all of those parts will not be able to unravel those beliefs. Some of our most successfully deprogrammed parts have deprogrammed because they had support from both outside of the system and inside of the system. We often assign them protectors or caretakers to be like a buddy for them, someone that can handle if they lash out and will understand that if they lash out, it's unlikely because of anything that part did but out of fear. Radical acceptance and love and care is going to be so important here. It's not easy, but you have to stick to it.

Help them find new jobs that benefit the system rather than harm the system. A common theme for our IPs is "well, if I don't do this, what else do I do? What else am I good for? I'm nothing if I don't do this" etc etc etc. Finding them a different job in the system will help them find a better purpose than causing harm. All parts do things for a reason, and if that reason doesn't exist anymore (like not being in contact with abusers anymore, or not needing a certain program to run for your own safety anymore) then they can feel very lost and confused. Parts, unsurprisingly, like being helpful and useful if they can be, they just need the motivation and support to be able to change course.

Remember that no matter how awful an IP is, what they do is out of protection of the system. Hear me out on this one, please. Yes, HC-DID systems were not made to benefit the system. They were made for benefit to the abusers. However, regardless of this, all actions that IPs take are to keep the child safe, even if those actions put the child in harm's way in the end. Some examples of this include: 1) a callback alter going back to the abusers because they believe that if they do not go back, they will be punished. They may not have the foresight to understand that going back will be harmful to them, their main goal is to not be punished for not going back, so they go back to avoid that punishment, 2) a beta (sex) alter allowing sexual assault to happen because if they try to fight back, that will cause more harm in the long run. If they are conditioned to pretend to enjoy it, they may even do that, because if they didn't back then, then they would have been punished. So while they are putting the body in harm's way by allowing SA to occur, they are also trying to protect the body because if they don't allow it to happen, even worse punishments will occur. 3) a gamma (loyalty) part is programmed to be loyal to the abusers. If they were not loyal to them in the past, they would be punished. So no matter how loyal they really are, they more than likely will hold a facade of being extremely loyal and wanting to serve the abusers to avoid any punishment that will occur if they don't.

Overall, it's very important to help IPs understand that this is the present day, and that you are away from the abusers, and that the abusers will never know that they aren't doing their jobs (unless you have active reporter parts, in which those need to be addressed before anything else) and that whatever the abusers told them to make them think they would know when they aren't doing their jobs is just part of a Big Lie to get them to be compliant. Reminding parts that they didn't deserve the pain they were put under and that they can change and that the system will accept them no matter what they've done is imperative. Holding grudges against parts who have hurt you is kind of par for the course, but still doing your best to accept them regardless of what's happened in the past is ***required*** for healing and deprogramming IPs.

Hope that helped a bit! :)

[summerdreamof2009]

TW: cult?, religious trauma, programming mention, talk of “rebirthing”, talk of rituals?,

I think I just figured out who the hell my group was the one that’s done all of this to me. I have had intense therapy sessions regarding this subject and I feel sick just fucking typing this but it was my childhood church I went too. I always thought something was up there I mean for fucks sake we had to devote all our money, time and love to that damn church and worship the damn leader there and always give thanks to the family. The kids there including me were used sexually! And physically abused! I feel disgusted I might actually throw up im shaking just writing this im so scared i don’t know how to handle this revelation of my past! What the fuck! Im pale my skin is legit turning pale that’s how scared I am I fear I might have just set a program off since I am 70-80% sure that they programmed me and the other kids there. I remember we had to go to this all-day summer thingy where we’d spend the night there and we’d read the Bible all day and do other religious activities. Sorry if I’m rambling I feel sick and it’s like I’m losing my memory as we speak. I also remember being made to be metaphorically rebirthed by god and I was wrapped in mats and told to fight my way out while being held by my arms and legs by 1 woman and 1 man and once I fought my way out I had been birthed again by the lord and reborn in a sense. I probably sound crazy!?!!!

#did community #osdd community #osddid #ramcoa #actually osdd #complex ptsd #did osdd #tw ramcoa #tw cults #cw cults #ramcoa victim #ramcoa tw #vent post #hc did culture #tw cult #cult survivor #i feel like i’m going insane #i feel like im going crazy #i feel crazy #other specified dissociative disorder #is this real #send help #please help #dms open #dm me #send me dms #if you have any info or anything at all you want to say to me please dm me on tumblr I’m so scared #programming #tbmc survivor #tbmc

[summerdreamof2009]

Introduction

Not gonna share my name since I don’t want anyone I know IRL finding this account at all I’m very sensitive about who knows what trauma if you think you know me DNI

Minors DNI (due to what I talk about I’d rather not have minors interact)

Endos DNI (I just don’t agree with it and think it’s insulting)

I am a trafficking, CSA, and domestic violence survivor

#did community

[summerdreamof2009]

Weird flash of a memory

TW: CSA, COCSA mention, mention of being scared.

I hate to say this and makes me feel suicidal I won’t lie, I was having sex tonight and whilst during it I had a flash of my sister molesting me and it really confused me I know that my mom forced us when we were kids to do shit but in this flashback she was atleast in her early 20s and I don’t know how to handle it i remember someone asking me if someone had abused me sexually and i remember at this young age I thought of screaming out loud “my sister touched me” and I’ve had this thought sporadically throughout the years but this flash of a memory is really messing me up help .. I’m scared of this all

#did community #osdd community #osddid #actually osdd #complex ptsd #did osdd #tw csa #tw csa mention #tw abuse #tw sex abuse #tw cocsa #tw vent #dissociative identity disorder #actually dissociative #dissociative system #those dissociative feels #dissociation #other specified dissociative disorder #complex dissociative disorder #dissociative amnesia #dissociative identities #dissociative alters #I don’t want this to be real

[summerdreamof2009]

We are victims of sadistic abuse, being within a cult, physical abuse, sexual abuse, trafficking, and emotional abuse and neglect

#ramcoa #did community #osdd community #osddid #actually osdd #complex ptsd #did osdd #tw ramcoa #tw cults #cw cults

[summerdreamof2009]

Questioning hc-did culture is recognizing that you have a lot of symptoms/responses that match with being programmed and other things like that, but no one in system remembering *anything* like that happening to us (even the memory holders/gatekeepers) so we’re just left extremely confused and slightly distressed.

.

[summerdreamof2009]

rape //

hc-did culture is writing stories about rape and having the victim “like it” as a kid and thinkjng that’s a completely normal and valid response to what happened to them, only to realise way later that “oh! that’s a sign that we were fucked.” (literally and mentally)

.

[summerdreamof2009]

TRIGGER WARNING: CSA, CHILD ABUSE, RAMCOA??

So my mother used to have me act like a dog for periods of time. Putting me on a leash, giving me a shock collar of some kind and punishing me with it if i refused sexual advances from her, making me eat and sit on the floor like a dog, she would do this for a few months then randomly stop. She usually did this over summer break or over winter break. This all happened when I was in pre-school and elementary school. I am struggling to believe in these memories as I am slowly slipping into denial I just can’t believe my mother could be so evil. My mother has ASPD/NPD/Schizophrenia diagnosed I can’t imagine that most of what she did was when she was psychotic like my therapists have suggested in the past, it’s just too organized and calculated to be from someone in full blown psychosis. How can someone be so evil to there own child that they had from an affair is that why she did this to me?? I can’t believe she hated me so much she’d rather abuse me than just abort me

#ramcoa #did community #osdd community #osddid #actually osdd #complex ptsd #did osdd #tw ramcoa #tw abuse #tw sex abuse #tw csa #tw mommy issues #tw torture #mommy issues #severe mommy issues #repressed anger #repressed memories #repressed trauma #hypersexual from abuse #tw mom mention #child abuse #physical abuse #organized abuse

[summerdreamof2009]

HC-DID culture is just wanting everything to stop. I want it all to stop. Make it end.

.

[summerdreamof2009]

Me tonight

hc-did cutlture is relating heavily to these lyrics:

“I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory

When's it gonna get me?

In my sleep, seven feet ahead of me?

If I see it comin', do I run or do I let it be?

Is it like a beat without a melody?”

.

#culture is #ramcoa #hc did #hc did culture #system

[summerdreamof2009]

Questioning hc-did culture is everything matching up except not being able to figure out when it could have happened in your childhood so now you’re sitting here thinking through all the events in your childhood trying to think of when we would have been a victim of that type of abuse and then getting dizzy and nauseous when you try and think about it

.

[summerdreamof2009]

[Text: This user is a RAMCOA survivor.]

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