sweetestest-thief

[sweetestest-thief]

i want to share with you some of my favourite graffiti from Pompeii

“Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!“ 

“Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.“ 

“We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.“

“Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.“

“On April 19th, I made bread.“

“ I have buggered men.“

“If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girlfriend.“

“It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times.“

“Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!“

“Epaphra is not good at ball games.”

“Two friends were here.  While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus.  They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores.“

“Secundus likes to screw boys.“

#i have nothing else to add to this #crack #shitpost #long post #thanks for your time please don't unfollow

[sweetestest-thief]

Gaius gave a shocked, melodramatic noise of shock. “What WHAT? Cripes, is it fuckin’ illegal just to park my happy ass on the bench here, Taters?” the older thief scoffed, incredulous. He did just that, happily crunching on SOMETHING crispy and flaky for certain, though he made no attempt to share what it was -- or a bite, for that matter.

“Gods, you’ve been walking around here with an even stiffer lance up your ass than usual as of late. Somethin’ crawl into that hole and die or what?” he asked, talking with his mouth full.

“... Oh wait. I know.~” He smirked knowingly at the young Myrmidon, taking another slow, but eagerly savored bite. “... Girl problems, amirite, Taters? C’mon, you can talk to your Fun Uncle Gaius!~”

||| closed starter for @sweetestest-thief

    Private as he is in his personal life, somehow among the shepherds the very concept of ‘privacy’ is like a mythical creature. You hear of it existing, like a children’s fantasy story…But did it actually exist?

     Lon’qu was starting to think it didn’t. 

     He hadn’t spoken of his relationship status, he’d always been discreet. Tharja as well. Yet apparently something gave them away, likely someone being around when they didn’t notice. And somehow people think it’s their business to find out if the rumors are true. 

     They are. But that doesn’t mean he wants to go around talking about it, nor does he want other people in his business. Largely because he…doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s never really been in a true romantic relationship, not as an adult. Though he would like to know who ratted them out. Why were so many of the people in this army so nosy anyway?

     So when he spots the thief a short distance away, he’s already on edge. He pauses what he’s doing, giving the shorter man a skeptical look. And his voice is laced with suspicious impatience.

     “ …What ?” The look on the other’s face suggested he was going to say something. 

#ic #lon'qu support #solitaryblade

[sweetestest-thief]

Quick facts about Gaius!

Hey! So apparently this blog is still a thing! Here’s a few facts about my take on the Ginger Thief while I’m thinking about it.

Gaius is an orphan! His parents gave him up during the famine surrounding the Plegian / Ylissean war. He can’t even remember their faces these days.

Due to the poor diet of his childhood, he’s had terrible stunted growth for the rest of his life. He only measures at a stunning 4′9″ (~145 cm). 

Once he got access to a better diet and lost his fast, teenage metabolism, his love for sweets drove him to become certifiably obese. He weighs a good 160 pounds (70.3 kg) (though some of that is definitely muscle as well!)

He’s kinda old for the fresh faced group that Chrom leads around. He’s 38 years old, but a combination of his height and good genes leads to many people mistaking him for being sometimes half that, if not less.

Tries to be chill, but is a bit sensitive about both his height and weight and can sometimes fly off the handle when he feels people don’t respect him.

Is bisexual af because I’m a dummy thicc and also a self gratifying hoe bag.

More will come later, but those are the basics!

#ooc #it's been a while!

[sweetestest-thief]

“Honestly, fuck that guy. ‘Hey, I have a great idea! Instead of using our money and resources to make life better for the citizens, let’s wage a pointless war and send farmers to their deaths, then wonder why everyone’s starving because there’s none left to till the soil! That makes fuckin’ sense!’ Cripes, what a bloody moron.”

{ ooc. Today on ‘Bad Memes Made Instead Of Writing’

enjoy }

#ic #gaius has some FEELINGS about dad exalt #none of them very pleasant

[sweetestest-thief]

“Aw, c’mon, Sourpuss,” Gaius teased playfully, dabbing the younger man’s nose with ice cream. “D’ya always gotta be such a damned party pooper? Hehe...”

“Hmph, there is no reason to make such a fuss over something as annoying as volleyball. I have a feeling this entire summer vacation is going to be a drag” 

Angry sniper is available for the summer scramble volleyball as well, he’s just- well. Unpleasant. Great volleyball player, just very unpleasant to be around. He would also prefer to just sit alone and drink, but you know. The mun will take any opportunity she gets to have him converse with new people and maaaybe develop some new friendships. 

#i signed my boy up for the reserves #at least i hope i did #i have no idea if the ask went through or not tumblr is fucked #hauststorm #shinon support #ic

[sweetestest-thief]

He grinned, tears already forming in his eyes. "Heh... After all this time, that's all you have to say, Dollface?" He chuckled, and then sniffed a bit, wiping at his eyes.

"Hey... I'm sorry I left so suddenly... I just..." A deep breath. "I had to find him..." No need to elaborate on who 'he' was. He knew that she knew.

He looked up at her. "You got the note I left, right?"

😘 (@sweetestest-thief) "DOLLFACE!!!"

@sweetestest-thief

She missed exactly what the scream was. Just heard a loud voice and then hands on her face and oh someone was kissing her, okay.

It was quick enough she didn’t really have time to respond. She still didn’t respond, even after he pulled away and her brain registered the face. It took a moment for everything to catch up.

“Oh.” Her hands moved to his face, cupping his cheeks. He was solid. Of course he was, he kissed her. “You’re late, Gaius.”

#im laughing knowing everything i do abt gaius #HOW DID HE SNEAK UP AND SURPRISE HER WITH A KISS #he'd have to scale her like a tree or yank her down first #maybe he borrowed a levitation spell from m iriel #lmao #ic #setsuna support #setsunyan

[sweetestest-thief]

Gaius giggled a little. "C'mon, Grumpy -- don't act like you don't miss waking up to this..." Another tender kiss. "Mmmh... Tastes like candy...~"

😘 (@sweetestest-thief) BLEASE

Kiss meme | Accepting!

@sweetestest-thief

“Gaiuuuus,” It was a very rare whine that escaped him as he half protested against the other’s affection, though eventually he responded to the kiss. 

#shinon support #ic #hauststorm

[sweetestest-thief]

Gaius looked down silently, twiddling his thumbs as he silently considered what to say next. Then, a trembling hand came to pat on the taller redhead's back in a way he hoped was soothing.

"Shinon..." he muttered softly at last. "We're both learning here -- you know that...I didn't know much about love either before you came and changed everything I thought I ever knew..."

A soft gulp. "I... I'd be willing to try again, you know. See if we can't figure out something that works... Just think on it, Shinon. I wasn't sure when I got here, but it seems obvious to me now..." A weak smile. "You... missed me just as much as I missed you, right...?"

He silently begged for Shinon to answer that he had. He wasn't nearly as confident as he hoped he sounded.

sweetestest-thief:

Gaius blinked with surprise. “You’re really asking me why? Shinon…” He sighed, shaking his head sadly. “I already told you why, idiot. I did it because… I loved you. Love you. I still love you, and I probably always will. Even if you don’t feel the same.”

“There was also the possibility that… you hadn’t left of your own accord. That you were taken. I wanted to make certain that you weren’t rotting in a ditch somewhere. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He took a deep breath, trying to still his heart. “I… I told myself that as soon as I found out that you were okay, I would leave. I wouldn’t try to contact you or make things weird – I’d just… cease to exist. I tried it. I tried so hard to walk away. But I… I couldn’t”

He sniffled, wiping his eyes once more. “I had to see you one more time. Talk to you ask you why it is… that you left. I know you don’t owe anybody an explanation, Shinon – least of all, me. “But… Please. It’s the last thing I’ll ever ask of you. I just… have to know.”

When Gaius first referred to love in past tense, it made Shinon’s chest ache with pain he hadn’t feel in a very long time, and it didn’t help when the other corrected himself. Love was something he never once thought he’d be lucky enough to experience, but to gain it, only to disappear and throw it all away- 

“How can you still,” He paused, the word sounded alien on his tongue again. “-love me? I left because I’m a coward. Because I was scared, and now you– you tell me you’ve been looking for me?” Shinon didn’t understand, he couldn’t fathom why Gaius would still want him, or even be worried about him when he so selfishly had disappeared. 

“I was afraid, Gaius. Afraid that being with me- that I’d cause more problems for you, and I did. You know I did! I was terrified that I’d get you killed, I couldn’t live with that. And then- and then– what we had. I- it- I didn’t know how to care for you the way a lover should. I don’t know, Gaius” 

He slumped lower into the bed and brought his hands up to his face, rubbing it violently to keep whatever emotions that was threatening his vision away. Sopping wet, probably having already made a huge wet spot in the bed, but he didn’t care. 

#ic #shinon support #hauststorm

[sweetestest-thief]

hauststorm:

It took a lot of him not to cling to the other man as he was led towards his bed, though he found himself leaning slightly against him due to the sudden dizziness that had hit him. 

For the briefest of moments this felt almost like old times. Like the times where Gaius had helped him to bed whenever he found himself too wasted or beat up to function. Or those times where his mind had been his worst tormentor. 

Despite how cheap and thin the bed was, it felt almost like a blessing once he sat down, but it didn’t calm his troubled mind, nor did it ease the guilt that only seemed to grow stronger the more Gaius spoke. 

“Please don’t leave me” He whispered suddenly, interrupting Gaius with his eyes staring hard at the floor. An intense stare with brows furrowed into a frown and teeth gritted so painfully he was certain he’d feel that for days to come. If he looked up, if he relaxed, he was certain his emotions would betray him. 

“Please- I– why don’t you hate me? Why did you want to– I’m not worth the energy– Gaius, why-why-?” 

-- -- --

Gaius blinked with surprise. "You're really asking me why? Shinon..." He sighed, shaking his head sadly. "I already told you why, idiot. I did it because... I loved you. Love you. I still love you, and I probably always will. Even if you don't feel the same."

"There was also the possibility that... you hadn't left of your own accord. That you were taken. I wanted to make certain that you weren't rotting in a ditch somewhere. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

He took a deep breath, trying to still his heart. "I... I told myself that as soon as I found out that you were okay, I would leave. I wouldn't try to contact you or make things weird -- I'd just... cease to exist. I tried it. I tried so hard to walk away. But I... I couldn't"

He sniffled, wiping his eyes once more. "I had to see you one more time. Talk to you ask you why it is... that you left. I know you don't owe anybody an explanation, Shinon -- least of all, me. "But... Please. It's the last thing I'll ever ask of you. I just... have to know."

#ic #shinon support #hauststorm

[sweetestest-thief]

Gaius gasped and immediately went by his past lover’s side, trying to help steady him. “Careful, dude... Here -- I’ll help you back to your bed, alright?” he soothed.

Being this close to Shinon again -- feeling his warmth, and smelling that familiar scent of his... Gaius was so thankful for this moment, even if it didn’t last. In some ways, it was almost like old times -- helping Shinon back from nights at the bar with a busted nose and split lip... He let out a weak chuckle at that.

“If you’re wondering how I got here...” he murmured, finally attempting to answer the younger’s bewildered question, “I... I tried to find you again after I... realized you weren’t coming back. It took ages, but I... Damn it, Shinon -- I had to try!”

He began sniffling again as he helped Shinon to his bed. “But I... I understand. Really, I do. You warned me. You told me that you might hurt me, and I was just too stupid to realize you were attempting to let me down easy back then.”

He shook his head. “After this, you... You won’t hear from me again. I promise. I... I just had to...” Argh, why were words so hard?!

Continued!

@sweetestest-thief

Gaius smiled tearfully and wiped at his eyes. “Y… Yeah… I’m real, Shinon… Can hardly believe it myself, either…” Gods damn it… He’d promised himself he wouldn’t cry during this! How pathetic!

He tried taking a steadying breath, letting it exhale slowly. “I… I won’t stay long, okay? I promise. I won’t… ask you why it is you left or what I can do to convince you otherwise this time… That would be selfish of me. I just…”

He choked back a sob. “I just… I just had to see you one last time… Make sure you were… You were okay… I’m sorry I came all this way and bothered you just for… Just for nothing…”

The ring he’d purchased just before their abrupt split felt cold and heavy in his pocket. He had no idea why he hadn’t sold the blasted thing already – even during the harshest, leanest months in his quest to find his long lost lover.

Well… Not so lost anymore.

The smaller man forced himself to look back up at him, freckled face still awash with tears.

His entire body had stiffened, hands balled into fists as every emotion possible washed over his face, thoughts shooting through his mind and heart racing, everything happening at the same time and it made him dizzy. 

Gaius was here, he had found him- had wanted to find him, despite how abruptly Shinon had left. Despite how badly that must have hurt him. He had come to check on him, and Gods if that didn’t fill him with even more guilt and regret than what he was already carrying. 

He must have forgotten to breathe for he could feel darkness slowly surround him, though, it could easily be blamed on the shock and he found himself leaning heavily against the doorway in an attempt to keep himself for collapsing to the floor. 

“I— you- I don’t…” Every sentence he tried to utter left him, which resulted in him interrupting himself. 

“I don’t understand” He blurted out finally, sounding ridiculously lost.  

#ic #shinon support #hauststorm

[sweetestest-thief]

Gaius smiled tearfully and wiped at his eyes. “Y... Yeah... I’m real, Shinon... Can hardly believe it myself, either...” Gods damn it... He’d promised himself he wouldn’t cry during this! How pathetic!

He tried taking a steadying breath, letting it exhale slowly. “I... I won’t stay long, okay? I promise. I won’t... ask you why it is you left or what I can do to convince you otherwise this time... That would be selfish of me. I just...”

He choked back a sob. “I just... I just had to see you one last time... Make sure you were... You were okay... I’m sorry I came all this way and bothered you just for... Just for nothing...”

The ring he’d purchased just before their abrupt split felt cold and heavy in his pocket. He had no idea why he hadn’t sold the blasted thing already -- even during the harshest, leanest months in his quest to find his long lost lover.

Well... Not so lost anymore.

The smaller man forced himself to look back up at him, freckled face still awash with tears.

(@sweetestest-thief) It just happened one day. Shinon was coming back to the room in the seedy tavern he was holed up in, and Gaius was just... There. Sitting on the bed, eyes red and puffy with hastily wiped away tears. His voice was weak and raw when he could finally muster up the courage to say anything. "Don't be mad..." he pleaded softly.

@sweetestest-thief

It had been with hasty movements that Shinon made it back to the tavern, sadly he hadn’t been quick enough to completely miss the downpour that had threatened the sky all day. Thankfully, however, he had managed to finish his tasks and earn a small amount of coin he’d planned to spend on drinks later that evening. 

Wet and dripping, Shinon wrenched his hair under the roof, just outside the door and removed his cloak. His tunic would have to be hung up once he got back to his cheap room. 

Though, the sight that met him once he got inside his rented room was one he had never dreamed of seeing again. A face that had haunted his dreams for a long while now, a face he had refused to leave in his past. 

He dropped the cloak to the floor, mouth falling open and eyes widening slightly in complete and utter shock. 

“Y-you-” He stuttered. 

“Are you real?” 

#ic #shinon support #hauststorm

[sweetestest-thief]

I lived, bitch