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#{{ i could never think for myself & all my thoughts felt disjointed & didnt even feel like my own }}
iiudex · 5 months
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okay hi mental suffocating session is over i can breathe & think properly now :] regularly scheduled workflow shall begin tomorrow
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oneandonlysoftie · 3 years
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Hi dear! I've seen you didn't talk much about Sadistic Beauty these days... What are your thoughts on ending and two side stories? Especially Wookying and Minho's one? Tbh I'm disappointed and disturbed :(
i had to step out of this story bc it was leaving me frustrated, irritated and disappointed not to mention very confused LOL. yep, im still fairly disappointed with where the author went with this. a major conflict that should or could have been in the main story was the whole drama including wookyung fighting with doona to get minho but it was swept under the rug only to return as some after thought as a side story (probably excluding doona).  there was such a great opportunity to finish it in the main story but the author decided that minho had to suffer all of the consequences and everyone else is going scot-free LOL. truly a shame. i wasnt surprised that doona was ending up with haesol, never was into them, still not into them. i have a certain distaste for characters like haesol, he’d be best described as a simp. and i absolutely loathe simps lol. there’s a fine line with being there for someone and being there in hopes that smth more might change, he def wants to date doona and saying that he’s okay with how things are and if they don’t date, is basically a blatant lie to himself. if that was the case, he wouldn’t let her string him along and use him for sex. the feelings he has for her will just be kept in the back, but it will most likely resurface in some way or another. in the long run, it’d hurt him and that’s just not worth the hassle. obv since the writer wanted them to happen, he’s prob gonna get what he wants lol. i def found the whole rivalry btw donna and wookyung in order to get to minho way more fascinating, and wished it was explored more. now, the only thing im happy with is gyerin is probably getting her happy ending with the new girl. she’s also the only one who went “fuck this” once she saw doona wasn’t going to reciprocate her feelings, and im rlly glad she did that. at first, i didnt think much of her, but now, seeing how the story went (lmao), im all for gyerin being happy. and as for wookyung and minho, im interested in how their story will unfold. but i feel so so bad for minho, he was a jerk and an asshole i wont deny that, but he didnt deserve all of the hate and harm he got and still is receiving according to the side story preview. wookyung is still a great and fascinating character, i do like characters like him, but how he was used was just not satisfying. and it seems like there might be a case of stockholm syndrome coming up where he might fall for wookyung. i just wish doona had smth to do with it before she parted ways or she could have helped minho, but yeah. *shrugs* this story left me confused as to what the author is doing, there is wasted potential and opportunities at every corner. the plot goes one way then goes another to end on a weird note. i also think the whole gl, bl stuff was more of a fanservice thing and that’s probably why it’s more of a disjointed story? as in, i feel like the gl and bl stuff should either have been more of a focus and woven into the story or it should have been entirely separate so the author wouldn’t have to shove many things at once and just focus on one or two pairing. one thing i might add for the story is that it felt as if it was trying to make us surprised, but the so called “twists” that happened just made it more confusing and those probably shouldn’t have been there as they don’t add much to the story narrative. back to gyerin, you can see that gyerin and the new girl can have their own separate story from the start (she didn’t have much to do with the primary conflict and could easily have a flashback to doona instead of the whole fanservice lol). the same goes for wookyung and minho as well, and it’d have been perfectly fine. at the end you basically see three pairings, the m/f, the f/f and the m/m. however, we dont even know if minho is into men? so i’m not sure how’s that gonna be considered BL? then again, every pairing could have been in the main story, but it’s not? for some reason??? it feels as if the author wanted their pairings without putting in the effort of making it into the main story, hence the side stories or they just wanted to make it separated without putting too many characters in it. obviously, for wookyung and minho, there’s no way doona wouldn’t have done smth if it was fully explored in the main story, and it might have changed the ending too. there’s multiple ways the story could have gone, but this one was the only conflict that was much more interesting imo, but it wasnt used that much.
gyerin didn’t really have much to do there other than be lesbian fanservice for doona (and the audience, writer and maybe the artist too?), and to be some kind of support for haesol. that’s about it, so i can understand why she’d not have a full blown romance in the main story, but seeing that she keeps reappearing, she still could have her side story integrated into it. lmao i don’t even kno if doona is bi/pan lol or if she just had sex bc she was drunk then did it just for pleasure without being interested in women at all.
EDIT: iirc doona did get aroused seeing gyerin uh doing stuff, so it could be possible that she is interested in women, but maybe only sexually? although i still could be wrong lol and it could just have been a moment of “I’m straight, but horny and u’ll do for now”. she could be in the closet too, who knows.
overall, sadistic beauty had some interesting conflict, some good characters (ill never like haesol lol), good art and the storytelling by this artist is well paced, but the execution and where the story went leaves a sour taste in my mouth. would i recommend this story? absolutely not. it is so frustrating, and for what? i wish i had saved myself this headache from the very start but the art and the fact that doona was a dom was what reeled me in. i only came back to it to see if the writer redeemed their story in some ways, but... well... you saw how that went.  i would follow the artist if i could, their art is beautiful. however, i cannot say the same for the writer. from my exp, it seems that many webtoons have good art, but the writing definitely leaves way more room for improvement. that said, i do hope ppl will learn that in order to make a great comic/webtoon/manga and so on, it is not only about pretty drawings. the story and writing should be up to par with the art. if not, it should be at least close to it. because the art might attract people, but if the story doesn’t resonate, if it doesn’t make much sense, then ppl are bound to leave and drop it. and what is a story, but pretty pictures and nothing substantial in it? nothing, but superficial beauty.
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microcroft · 3 years
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i dont feel up to making a big post about this, i just want to get it out no matter how disjointed it sounds.
on monday, i took xena to the vet, which i made a post about while at the vet. it was for an internal medicine appointment, to make sure her kidneys were doing alright and determine what to do about her megacolon medicine so she wasnt having diarrhea anymore. she spent 2 hrs at the vet getting xrays and having tests done, she was doing fine, just dehydrated and the doctor called and told me what she found and what to do (make sure shes drinking water and just cut back lactulose until she was only on .5 ccs, start taking gabapentin for her arthritis, that was the plan. she was fine). i got there and the vet told me they needed a bit more time because when xena came out from sedation she started getting really stressed out and then started panting. cats dont pant like dogs do. xena had done this twice before, i believe both were during car rides. the first time it happened my parents and i were starting the 3 hr drive back from my apartment to home for summer break. the a/c was being weird and the air coming out wasn’t cold, it was warm. xena started panting and i frantically googled what it meant. i figured out she was stressed out and the heat probably wasnt doing her any good and she should get some water in her. after about half an hour in the other car she was fine. i cant remember the time after that much. i think i might have been driving and i just had to calm her down.
i told the vet that she had some sort of trauma related to dogs before i got her and now she gets extremely stressed around them, even hearing them. they said they would give her a bit more sedatives and monitor her until she stops, and to go back home and they would call me when she’s ready to go home.
i was talking to my mom on the phone, driving ten minutes home. they left a voicemails then i noticed them trying to reach me. my phone for some reason didnt answer the call when i hit answer and it went to voicemail.
i spent a while on hold with the front desk, apparently they were on the phone with my mother, because i had given them her number one time.
the doctor told me xena had gone into cardiac arrest, they had been performing cpr, she wasnt responding, they needed to know if i wanted to continue.
yes, yes i did.
apparently 15 minutes passed and it felt like one, i was just sitting on my couch trying to process what was happening. 
they called back. instantly i knew from her sad, soft voice, that this wouldnt turn out well no matter how much it by all means shouldnt even be happening to begin with because she was fine and maybe they mixed up the cats and this cat they are performing cpr on isn’t xena but i knew they would never do that.
there wasnt anything else they could do except go into her chest to try and restart her heart and the chances of that working were very small. she asked me if i wanted to. i knew it wouldnt work but i also just wanted her to be okay and happy and laying on top of me purring and calming me. i couldnt bring myself to say it. 
xena is my child. she is my little baby girl and this shouldnt be happening. it was a regular vet visit, she was alive and prancing around that morning. 
an underlying heart condition. thats what took her away from me. her heart that showed me so much love, that loved me more than i had ever known before. she was so pure and defied all that i thought i knew from my research on cat behavior. she never failed to come to me to give me comfort and receive comfort. she, like in all things, was not subtle about it. when i took her to the vet to do blood work she was like a child, clinging to their mother at the doctors office to get away from the needle. 
i loved her, i adored her, i did everything i could to provide for her no matter the cost. she was my child, my daughter, my first priority and now she is gone because of something hidden within her that no one noticed. something no one saw coming. gone before i even knew what happened. 
i spent time afterwards with her, remembering all i had learned from Caitlin Doughty, trying to find any way possible to minimize the pain. i thanked her for everything she had given me the past four years. i told her she was one of a kind, because she truly was in every way. how i wished there was something i could have done but i didnt know because of all the issues she had, her heart was never one of them. 
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roughentumble · 3 years
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I would like to hear.. your silence of the lambs series opinions......
series as in, the new clarice tv show that's out? haven't watched it yet. series as in, those old movies that feature anthony hopkins as hannibal lecter? surely!
fair warning, i probably dont have anything new to say that hasnt been said before, considering these are all long since classics, and my thoughts might be a little disjointed.
it's difficult to sum up opinions about it on the whole, since the movie quality honestly varies so wildly, and as i recall basically every single movie had a different director lol. also like, there's definitely a reason silence of the lambs stood out as The hannibal movie that got talked about and went into The Annals Of Film History n' all that. there's something about jodie foster's performance that's particularly electric(though that could be nostalgia talking, i suppose)
the opportunities she had, as an actress, to really show emotion on her face, like the claustrophobic close-ups we got were really intimate and interesting, added to the sense we were getting into her head. that HANNIBAL was getting into her head. i've already used the word intimate, but really, the long drawn out conversations/monologues between her and hannibal are just that-- intimate. you have to have stellar performances to pull off that much dialogue, and shots that intensely focused, where a face takes up so much of the screen. but it works! because hopkins and foster are fantastic actors, and jonathen demme is a good director.
there's a reason a lot of people didn't like the switch to julianne moore, and i would say it isnt entirely moore's fault. ridley scott, for one, is simply a different director with different ideas of shot composition, which changes how the character feels pretty drastically when the style so heavily informed your feelings for her. but also, in general, the film just kind of approaches clarice from a different angle, which is pretty bumpy territory to go into on the tail of switching your lead actress. not only is moore just really different from foster, but we've gone from this kind of invasive intimacy with hannibal probing her in confined spaces, to her being on the chase. in particular what sticks out to me is a chase sequence where she's trying to find hannibal in a crowded mall.(i think it was a mall?? its been a minute since i last watched the film haha) despite how the crowd might lead to a sense of claustrophobia, these are wide open shots with lots of spinning and movement, no time for introspective face journies. it's a chase in a totally different sense than before, and that i think is major difference in tone. which isn't to say it's a bad choice, or a loss, or that it's worse, just that it's fundamentally very different material that moore was given fo work with. of course her performance differed from fosters!
i still think jodie foster did it better, but some folks were too hard on julianne moore. if anything, hold beef with the writers and new director for pivoting tonally(although, dont do that either, i think it was an interesting shift. the scene with her and hannibal, where hannibal fries up that dude's brain was SO GOOD, i loved loved loved the return to a twisted sense of intimacy for that scene, and a few others, and that sense of return wouldn't have hit the same were the whole movie to follow the same tone as demme's work.)
also quick sidebar, when i watched hannibal(the movie from 2001) i was BLOWN AWAY by realizing, in retrospect, just how absolutely perfectly micheal pitt nailed the role of mason verger in hannibal(the tv show). vocally, he sounded almost identicle to the og performance, WHAT!!! major props, i love micheal pitt. so cool
manhunter 1987 or whatever year it came out is garbage and we dont talk about it. it was physically painful to watch. my poor mother made us stop watching hannibal movies for the rest of the day because it literally put her in physical pain. it's so 80s i want to vomit. do not recommend.
red dragon was pretty good, and if you entered the series of films armed only with knowledge of hannibal nbc, gave some really fascinating context to some of the events therein. edward norton's performance was fine-- didn't blow my mind, but i do love to watch him on screen. anthony hopkins' portrayal of a free hannibal, on the run, who still can't help but taunt the police and stick his nose into investigations was shockingly compelling, despite how much of a cliche trope that's become in recent years. can't say i recall anything interesting to say about the directing, but it certainly doesnt hold the same intimacy of the previous films-- but then again, we've lost the intimate character of clarice, swapping her out for graham(who simply isnt as close, or interesting, or compelling, when he isnt on nbc and shaking like a wet chihuahua)
hannibal rising, the last film in the series, was very very very bad. BUT, unlike manhunter 198whatever, it managed to be fun about it! lots of very goofy deaths and things to make you roll your eyes, stupid character motivations and odd acting choices. but it seems aware, on some level, that it's the last and the silliest of the entries into this particular film series, which earns it some good will. whether or not its worth a watch comes down to how much you're willing to consume everything with the name hannibal on it, and whether you can abide by a hannibal that isnt played by sir anthony hopkins.
OK. ok. we're getting to the end of my thoughts here, kids. i prommy.
it's also, despite every single part of it that i enjoy and that brings me joy, almost unforgivably racist and transphobic. the weird exotification and obsession with asia(and japan in particular), especially when none of those elements felt important or relevant to the story was consistently shocking, and consistently present in essentially every single hannibal movie, ESPECIALLY ones that dealt with his childhood. it didn't ever feel like a natural part of the story, where they happened include people from another culture or anything, it felt like the author's fetish. i never truly understood how these reoccuring themes and symbols were meant to tie in with the rest of the story, even after an entire film set in the past, showiing hannibal's childhood and how he came to live with a japanese woman. it was weird! it was uncomfortable! it was bad! even hannibal nbc couldnt make it not weird. i'd love a hannibal movie with a japanese person in it who WASNT treated really, really, really weird. but i dont think i will ever get that.
and like. wrt transphobia-- do i even need to say it? buffalo bill's been talked to death. we all know the issue there.
if a japanese person, or a trans woman, came to me and said "shawn, everyone says its a classic, but i cant bring myself to watch [insert hannibal movie here]" i would not blame them. it isnt the whole movie, but its enough to feel real bad, scoob.
its not enough to make me fall out of love with silence of the lambs, or hate hannibal(the film, god thats a confusing name), or even hate the film series, but its something that deserves tl be talked about. i've heard lots of discussion on the transphobia, but basically none on the racism, which is a real shame. sometimes it feels like no one else even noticed it, and it really leaves me floundering, because its like-- its RIGHT THERE and its so weird and bad. thomas harris, what the fuck
OKAY I THINK THATS ALL MY THOUGHTS FOR NOW?????? i could maybe come up with more, *shrugs*, but i'd need more time at least.
summary:: very problematic, and not because he eats people. but overall some of the films are fantastic, and silence of the lambs does hold a special place in my heart. and even if i didnt like it nearly as much, i'll defend hannibal(the film with julianne moore) till im blue in the face, because even if it didnt quite capture lightening in a bottle it still brought some interesting things to the table. decent enough movie series with enough variation in film tone and quality to make watching them all in a row enjoyable, because it keeps things from getting stale. (could probably have done with SOME consistency tho, lol, they were really flying by the seat of their pants. they had hopkins and that was IT, only thing that carried over from production to production lol)
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