#{{ so im just finally gonna put my foot down & be like ‘bro i DONT want this’ }} | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ennoshawty · 3 years

Text

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

#haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu captains #daichi sawamura #oikawa toru #kuroo tetsuro #kita shinsuke #ushijima wakatoshi #bokuto kotaro #x reader

97 notes · View notes

okneiljos · 5 years

Text

reasons the umbrella academy is my new favorite show (and why i have seven new children):

• they are all my actual children with whom i fell in love with instantly like i instantly adopted them the moment they were introduced bc when i saw klaus i was like “uwu i luv” and with allison i was “A WOMAN” with vanya i was “tALENT” and so on

• klaus

• the dance montage in ep 1 was literally one of the most iconic moments i have ever seen in my entire life

• bc luther literally had just accused his entire family of murdering their father and then he goes into his room to his moutain of records and is like “hmm what will possibly mend this? what can bring us closer as a family? what can make this better? what can make me feel better” and the choice of song has me in an early grave bc his solution was to start dancing his problems away and honestly same bc he then does it AGAIN later on

• number five’s badass killing of like 5 grown ass men

• the fact that he is a 60 year old man inside a 13 year old body and i, too, am a teenager with the intellect and soul of a senior citizen

• also the fact that the first thing he does when he gets back is makes himself a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich and that was what vanya made for him when he was away so he wouldn’t come back and be lost :’)

• klaus in the skirt “is that my skirt?” and the fact that klaus’ response to this is “its a little dated...but it airs out the bits” and fives comment on it im gone

• ALL OF KLAUS’ CRACKHEAD MOMENTS I LOVE MY CHILD

• i’m sorry but literally all of his comments sent me

• the run boy run scene was so cinematic holy crap like whoever did the soundtrack and editing did such a good job bc the scenes were cut together so well and the flashbacks and the music went perfectly with the scenes like ???? it was so amazing

• klaus trying to be a Good Big Bro and protec five from the fight between luther and diego and five just slaps his hand away

• the funeral scene where everyone is like “plz stop” and then klaus is like “hIT HIM!” had me gONE and this man showed up with a pink umbrella while everyone else had perfectly reasonable mourning umbrellas

• also klaus’ choice of clothing throughout the entire series will truly haunt me because he is a Disaster Gay™️ if i’ve ever seen one but he’s the best kind like the skirt, those low-rise leather pants with that top PLUS the cardigan like... sweetie

• bEN PLZ DONT GET ME STARTED

• ben could’ve left or gone ANYWHERE BUT HE STAYED WITH KLAUS PLZ IM BOUTA CRY YALL

• the scene where luther and diego are trying to get into the van, like once wasn’t enough but they did that shit AGAIN and looked at each other like -_- and finally luther has the audacity to say “i’m number one” im skdkskdk

• the fact that they fight all the time but the moment one of them are threatened they all bring the thunder and the claws come out and it’s totally on and i’m like wow uwu, like even though they are estranged they really do love each other

• the office scene with five and klaus im DONE WITH MY LIFE “what about my consent”

• during the fight scene in the house klaus is oblivious and is dancing around in a bath towel (with one in his hair as well) and that was so funny to me it got even funnier when ben poked his head in and tried to warn him like “klaus, our whole family is about to be slaughtered, klaus hello, klaus gunfire is raining down, okay whatever” and then he leaves, presumably to watch over them and the intruders and then klaus gets kidnapped but that had me

• the torture scene “there’s nothing like a little strangulation to get the blood flowing” plz klaus i can only handle so much wheezing before my lungs give out

• also “plz make him stop talking” like it was becoming torture for the torturers torturing him im—

• the ice cream truck scene which is made 100000% better bc klaus can’t/doesn’t know how to drive and yet diego is like “GO FASTER!!” and cute lil ben is like “wheeeeee” im so gone for this family man

• the scene with allison and luther in the booth had me in my feels + on the phone how you could hear the “SPACE BOY” that right there was really freaking cute

• diego with the “guns are for sissy’s, real men throw knives!” for some reason this just really stuck with me and like then i realized like that’s his entire brand in life... just knife boi.

• the entire bowling alley scene was the funniest thing to me skskakskxi “ur two dads” “i’d rather chew off my own foot” “maybe they’re here for kenny’s birthday party”

• diego’s stutter coming back during times of stress really made me so sad and like upset and i wanted to hug him

• vanya’s feelings of sorrow and isolation made me feel so sorry for her and then this dude comes in and uses and takes advantage of her but she shouldn’t have done that to her sis bc they were both like what 7 when their father made allison do that ??

• klaus’ battle for sobriety throughout the entire series he is so strong <3

• klaus’ power up in the last ep akskdjdj yes sweetie you get yours

• ben is literally the biggest bean ever but he also socks klaus in the face bc he’s like “i need u to stop being stoopid for two seconds”

• “shut up... said with love” and the “drop dead.” gasp “low blow” i love their relationship so much it literally meant everything to me bc ben is klaus’ biggest fan and like i cry thinking about that ya kno

• how allison literally diSPATCHED RAPER FACE GUY IN VANYA’S APPARTMENT sis knew something wasn’t right

• hazel literally eating everything in sight identified with me on a spiritual level

• diego and klaus little talk and ride along bc it was just so pure like diego loves his family soooo much even tho sometimes (like luther) he says mean shit he will do whatever is necessary to protect/save them

• klaus sets the table for himself, five, luther, AND ben i’m kdksk crying im crying is what im doing ok im just gonna be in the corner and the others don’t even mention it like ?? kskaak do they not notice it or do they know

• vanya’s badass white suit and violin change at the end there like ICONIC much

• vanya flipping that car, her at the show like im shaken to my core here skakaoso

• five just like five man “i was going to ask what you were doing but then i realized i don’t care.” like he’s such a mood.

• klaus and five are my biggest moods,, the biggest crackhead and the biggest narcissist

• THE ENDING AKSKDIDJSK I NEED MORE GIVE ME MORE OF MY CHILDREN PLZ PLZPLZPzlzzpzlzl

(there is so much more i could say but i wrote this in like 20 minutes off the top of my head if you can think of anything else plz let me know, also i tried to put this in some semblance of order bc when i wrote it it wasn’t ordered at all so sorry if it’s a mess, also sorry about the grammatical errors i know there surely are that i didn’t catch - not including the ones i did on purpose)

1K notes · View notes

therainroguefanfiction · 4 years

Text

🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ Chapter 011 [A Hero’s Style]

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Backward

Word Count: 2,490 ☁

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

〈“It’s the very first breath, When your head’s been drowning underwater, And it’s the lightness in the air when you’re there.” Logic ft. Alessia Cara, “1-800-273-8255″〉

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

The door to the nurse’s office slid open and the boy with the messy green hair stepped inside. He was cradling his right hand, the index finger swollen and badly bruised. I sat up on the bed, rising a brow at him. “The fuck happened to you?”

His gaze shot up, a blush covering his freckled cheeks and nose. “A-Ah, it was n-nothing, really!”

My eyes narrowed at him. “Pretty sure a broken finger ain’t ‘nothing’, but okay.”

“W-What about you?” he asked, softly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He refused to meet my gaze. “A-Are you okay, Winchester-san?”

The door slid open again and Granny stepped inside. “Can I help you, deary? What happened?”

He handed her a slip of paper, his green eyes trained on the ground. “I, umm… I got hurt…”

“Well, I can see that.” She brought his hand to her lips and gave it a smooch before having him sit down to wrap it up. He thanked her before swaying out of the room, tiredly. She glanced over at me. “Feeling better?”

“Define ‘better’,” I scoffed, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “I could go for some tacos, if that’s what you mean.”

“That’s the best I could hope for,” she smiled, patting my arm. “You’re free to go.”

I gave her a lazy salute before leaving the room. I stopped off to change back into my uniform before heading back to class. A couple students still lingered inside, turning to look at me when I slid the door open. Didn’t anyone ever teach these brats it’s rude to stare? I scowled, grabbing my bag from my desk before leaving the room.

“Young Jen!” A woosh of air rushed past me before Toshi appeared in front of me, his large hands on my shoulders. “I was looking for you!”

“Well, you found me. And you know where I live, so.”

“Come with me, please!”

It was a bit hard to avoid drawing attention to myself when I was being dragged along by the most attention-grabbing hero in the fucking world. He led me to a small room with a couch and coffee table, where three cups of steaming tea sat. Aizawa was sitting in an armchair with his eyes closed and arms crossed.

“Please have a seat,” Toshi held out his arm toward the couch and I plopped down on the end closest to Aizawa. He sat beside me, angling his large body, which slowly fizzled out to his skeletal form. He coughed a few times before speaking. “Will you tell me what happened today?”

“With the green-haired kid? Yeah, I was wondering about that, too. A broken finger is pretty crazy, huh?”

“Jen,” Aizawa shifted, giving me a pointed look.

I shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t fucking know. One minute I was fine, the next I’m being subdued by Magic Eraser over here.”

Toshi put his hand on my knee, giving me a kind look. “You know you don’t have to keep secrets from us. You can be honest, you can trust us, we won’t judge you. We just want to help you.”

I clicked my tongue, lifting my leg to rest my ankle on my knee to remove his hand. “That’s pretty unfair, Toshi, when you have so many secrets of your own. Trust you? That’s rich considering you won’t even trust me.”

“What are you talking about, Young J -”

“You know a shit ton more about my dear old mum than you’re willing to tell, aye?” I forced a smile, standing up and shoving my hands in my pockets. “Probably about me, too. And this damned quirk. But that’s fine. I really don’t remember anything that happened so can I go now?”

The two of them exchanged a look.

“This isn’t over,” Aizawa responded, but his voice was softer than it had been earlier.

“Sure, sure.” I waved at them over my shoulder before closing the door behind me.

As I walked home, my phone started to buzz in my pocket as a new message came through. Another a few minutes later. And another. My eye twitched, already annoyed. I swear to god if Murder is spamming me again… but I knew it could only be him. I only have three contacts in my phone – Aizawa never texts me and I knew Toshi would be giving me some space for a while before trying to talk things out.

At that moment, I was overcome by a loneliness fiercer than I had ever felt before.

‘Oi, extra’

‘Dont ignore me’

‘I want a rematch’

The hell is this kid on about now? I replied, ‘U won last time bro…’

‘Its not a win unless i destroy u completely!’

I rubbed the back of my neck, ‘Im really not in the mood for this’

‘Che what crawled up ur ass and died?’

I hesitated, stopping to look up at the sky. The blue was replaced by hues of orange and red as the sun sunk low on the horizon. We’ve only talked a few times, but I felt… a bond with Murder and, right now, he’s the closest thing to a friend that I’ve got. ‘Hey… I wanna tell u somethin’

‘Oh god i dont want ur nudes’

This fuckin’ brat… ‘I said tell not show dumbass’

‘The fuckd u just call me bitch?!’

I slid my key into the lock, stepping into the silent apartment. I kicked my shoes off, pushing them against the wall so Toshi wouldn’t trip when he finally returned home. Falling onto the couch, another message came through.

‘Well r u gonna tell me or nah’

I smiled, sadly and began to tell him my story. I told him about how I got here and about the shadow man with his weird-ass warp quirk, about Gramps and how my mother was apparently a hero. I left out names and key details, of course, but I told him mostly everything that had happened over the past year. He would chime in with some smart ass remark every now and then, but I ignored them and continued to pour my heart out to this guy I had only just met a few days ago.

It felt so goddamn nice to get everything off my chest. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

That night, I slept better than I had since I arrived here.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

“I am… HERE!” The door to class 1-A slammed open and Toshi leaned into the room, standing on his tiptoes and holding the outside of the doorframe. “Coming through the door like a hero!”

If that’s how heroes make an entrance, count me out. It seemed to impress the other students, though, as a murmur of excitement filled the room. God, these kids are too easily amused.

“I can’t believe it’s really All Might!”

“So he is a teacher! This year is going to be totally awesome!”

“Hey look, is he wearing his silver age costume?”

“I’m getting goosebumps, it’s so retro!”

I fell onto my desk with a sigh. It’s like a bunch of little kids meeting Santa at the mall. I guess I could kind of understand it if he had powers but they didn’t, but they do. They’re no different from him, they’re just younger. I was thankful to be sitting behind Big Boobs – between her tall frame and gravity-defying hair, I was completely hidden from Toshi’s line of sight. We hadn’t talked since yesterday. I was asleep by the time he came home, and he was gone before I woke up.

“Welcome to the most important class at U.A. High – think of it was heroing 101!”

I don’t think ‘heroing’ is a word. Or is it? Scratching my cheek, I pulled out my phone, hiding it under my desk as I typed the word into the Goggle. Oh my god, the first result that comes up says the word ‘heroing’ means the opposite of being a hero! There’s also a mention of something about heroines. I scoff, earning a glare from the Peppermint that sits beside Big Boobs.

“Here, you will learn the basics of being a pro! And what it means to fight in the name of good. Let’s get into it! Today’s lesson, we’ll pull no punches!” He held out a card that said ‘battle’ in large, bold letters.

“Fight training!”

“But one of the keys of being a hero is~” Toshi pointed to the left wall as thin shelves emerged from it, holding numbered cases. “Looking good! There were designed for you based on your quirk registration forms and the request you sent in before school started. Get yourself suited up and then meet me at training ground beta!”

“Yes, sir!”

I waited until he left the room before standing up and grabbing case number twenty-one, following the throng of students as they rushed to the locker rooms to get changed. I went to the back of the room, hoping to avoid the other girls before sliding my shirt off.

“Woah, you have a tattoo? That’s so cool!”

I glanced over at the Punk Girl, earphone jacks hanging from her ear lobes. I grunted in response, turning my back to her. She muttered something about being rude before walking away from me. I glanced over my ‘costume’ before grunting in approval. Honestly, I had expected them to fuck it up, especially since Midnight didn’t approve of it, but I was surprised that they had kept it just as specified.

Black, steel-toe combat boots accompanying black baggy cargo pants with plenty of pockets for knives. A black belt with a silver skull buckle. A white wife beater, over which was a white overshirt, the sleeves stopping just past my elbows. I glanced in the mirror, putting my pendant under the tanktop before tucking the front of it behind the belt buckle. Damn, I really like this look.

I stepped out of the locker room ahead of most of the girls, seeing a few guys leaning against the wall outside, waiting. Fumi was among them, dressed in a black cloak that completely covered his body. He glanced at me when I approached, red eyes scanning my body.

“You look nice, Winchester-san.” He said, politely.

I chuckled. “You can use my first name, it’s easier. And you don’t look so bad yourself, Fumi.”

“Fumi?” he mused, following in step beside me as we headed down the hall.

“Don’t like it?” I asked, glancing at him.

“I don’t particularly mind,”

I hummed.

As the group reached the end of the long hallway, I could hear Toshi’s booming voice before I saw him.

“They say that clothes make the pros, young ladies and gentlemen. And behold – you are the proof! Take this to heart, from now on, you are all heroes in training!” His shadowed eyes scanned the crowd. “This is getting me all revved up! You look so cool! Now, shall we get started, you bunch of newbies?”

My eye twitched. Who the fuck is he callin’ a ‘newbie’? Didn’t that insult die like five years ago? We’ve talked about this, man, don’t try to be hip, you’re just gonna embarrass yourself, bro. I sighed, shaking my head. This is gonna be a long-ass day.

Footsteps came from the tunnel and I glanced over my shoulder. Is that… a green bunny? No, no, no, there’s something familiar about that costume, but what is it? Ugh, this is gonna bug me.

“Now that you’re ready, it’s time for combat training!”

“Sir!” Prep was encased in a suit of armor. “This is the fake city from our entrance exam. Does that mean we will be conducting urban battles again?”

“Not quite!” Toshi held up two fingers and at first, I thought he was flashing us the peace sign. “I’m going to move you two steps ahead! Most of the villain fights you see on the news take place outside. However, statistically speaking, run-ins with the most dastardly evil-doers take place indoors. Think about it! Backroom deals. Home invasions. Secret underground lairs. Truly intelligent criminals stay hidden in the shadows. For this training exercise, you’ll be split into teams of good guys and bad guys, and fight two on two indoor battles!”

Good guys and bad guys? That’s such a gray area, ain’t it? I leaned my arm on Fumi’s shoulder, scratching my cheek. Is anyone truly ‘good’ or ‘bad’, really?

“Isn’t this a little advanced?” Frog-girl asked.

“The best training is what you get on the battlefield! But, remember, you can’t just punch a robot this time. You’re dealing with actual people now.”

Actual people, huh? Should I avoid using my quirk? If I lose control again, there’s no Aizawa around to stop me. Someone could get seriously hurt or… I shook my head. Come on, don’t think that way. Just take a deep breath, you got this.

“Sir, will you be the one deciding who wins?” Probably.

“How much can we hurt the other team?” How villainous.

“Do we need to worry about the losers getting expelled liked earlier?” No, ’cause Toshi ain’t Aizawa.

“Will you be splitting us up based on chance or comparative skill?” Should be obvious it’s gonna be random.

“Isn’t this cape pre chic?” What the fuck is wrong with you, French Fry?

I sweatdropped. These guys are really fucking nuts, aren’t they?

Toshi held his head back, his voice strangled. “I wasn’t finished talking…” He reached into his costume, which I didn’t know had pockets, and pulled out a small notebook about the size of his palm, flipping it open as he held each side with one hand. “Listen up!”

Oh my fucking god, he wrote a script for this? “This class is a hot fucking mess…”

“The situation is this: The villains have hidden a nuclear missile somewhere in their hideout. The heroes must try to foil their plans. To do that, the good guys either have to catch the evildoers or recover the weapon. Likewise, the bad guys succeed if they protect their payload or capture the heroes. Time is limited and we’ll choose teams by drawing lots!” He held up a bright, yellow box.

“Isn’t there a better way?” Prep asked.

“Think about it,” Green Bunny responded from beside him, holding up a gloved finger. “Pros often have to team up with heroes from other agencies on the spot. So maybe that’s the reason we’re seeing that here!”

“Yes, I see. Life is a random series of events… Excuse my rudeness!”

I should really learn these guy’s names, but how can I do that without actually having to interact with them? I wonder if Aizawa or Tosh would let me see the student files… that seems pretty doubtful. Plus, Tosh hasn’t looked at me once so he’s probably still upset with me.

“No sweat! Let’s draw!”

Yup, this is definitely going to be a long-ass fucking day.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

▸ Forward

📜 Read more by checking out my masterlist 📜

If you enjoy my writing, please considering tipping me on Kofi or Cashapp. Every little bit helps and means a lot, thank you so much ^~^)/ If you can’t afford to do so, that’s okay, too, thanks for reading!

3 notes · View notes

conchstellations · 4 years

Text

watching the 1990 LOTF movie!! my reactions:

hello all!!!! i was bored at midnight again so here it is: me watchin the 1990 movie, for the first time, hell yeah!!!!! here we go!!! its got the other movie to live up to, so im excited for a comedy lmao!! tl;dr at end if u want!!! its kinda long btw lmao

- castle rock entertainment??? piggy u better watch out bro

- fuck is that the pilot???

- k this isnt a big thing but why are they in water? the plane left a scar in the earth, they were on land.

- okay, again, me nitpicking. but idk, to me, they dont look 12?? maybe its just cause theyre all dressed up n that but they dont look like 12 yr olds to me like the last movie

- why tf does ralph (?) have a glowstick lmaooooo

- why are they all together. where is my conch. wher are my stupid ass choir outfits. maybe im not there yet and they have them, but i want my stupid cloaks!!! jack would not stand for this!!!

- why TF is the pilot alive???

- am i supposed to know whos who by now?? did i just miss that?? which ones ralph? which ones jack?? wheres simon???

- conch??? the conchs main job is to bring them together, and here theyre already together so???

- piggy already makin me love him gosh piggy is child

- okay so im guessing brown hair kid is ralph

- piggy protecting conch rights

- i do like piggys sass... very iconic

- okay whAT??? is that blonde kid supposed to be jack?? first off, jack has red hair. second off, there is no way in hELL THAT MY basTARD child jack merridew would let ralph win the election just like that??? wheres my choir??? wheres my c sharp???

- okay jack would for sure call piggy shitbrain nvm

- mY CHOIR WOULD NOT ACCEPT THAT SINGING.

- wheres simon????

- r they fuckin cookin lizards??? nvm look away simon pls dont be in this

- is thAT BITCH supposed to be Simon?? hes got a lot to look up to. also why the FUCK is the adult alive. taht ruins the whole purpose of the entire book

- was that a dream??? sorry im dumb af lmao

- alrght simon is kind of an adorable hild and he likes lizard maybe hes valid?

- idk.. for some reason this ralph isnt like, giving me ralph vibes?? hes just not bring like ralphish u know??

- now im getting a little bit more of our beloved lil bitch ralph..

- okay wtf is going on lmao

- “SHOVE THEIR DICK IN THE CONCH” had me laughing for a solid fucking 30 minutes. william golding who??? whoever wrote that line is the new icon

- ‘EAT SHIT AND DIE” okay wtffff im so confused but also vv entertained

- for some reason jack’s character is like 100% off, but also somehow 100% on point “thats exactly what i meant” like holy shit. like idk hes not jack but just sometimes he radiates “jack if he was allowed to swear and was less of a lil bitch” energy

- ok simon and lizard?? valid

- i swear to FUCKING GOD i will kill that child!!!

- im gonna cry. wtf. why would you kill his lizard. even this movie’s jack seems like he thinks thats fucked up and hes a psychopath. also, lemme say, at this point, i think most of the book characters would beat the shit out of someone if they were mean to simon like that, bc the choir were his friends, and ralphs tribe respected him, sooooo

- why tf is it simons job to take care of the adult that shouldnt even be there? liek wtf hes grieving asshole

- no fucking duh hes scared of everyone but simon i would be too

- honestly kinda glad they let ralph say fuck he deserved it

- “back off man im sick of ur shit and sos my gang” fuckin got em

- let me guess pilot dude is the new beast???

- honestly wtf is goin on lmao

- okay piggys actor actually made me sd when he was crying about his glasses so good job

- simon comin through with the glowstick. also, good job simon

- well at least the lord of the flies looks terrifying as always

- are samneric putting on warpaint this early?? bc i WILL NOT stand for that shit. i am a samneric STAN Ok??? they were two of the tHREE left when simon died who didnt become cowards and go savage. they wree LOYAL to ralph until they were LITERALLY tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then they helped ralph!!!! so fuck u. samneric are better than that.

- oh simon :(

- im glad they actually kind of (?) shwed simon like with the pig head bc last movei it was just ike them flipping the camera from pig to si so idkk

- ok that was a pretty ralph move to bring up the fire 24/7 lmao

- piggytits?? tf

- simon with hus fuckin glowstick lmao

- awe, simon

- okay HOLY SHIT. the sounds of what i assume to be them fucking stabbing simon are horrific. and then that cut to simon’s fucking mutiliated corpse?? holy SHIT. like as much as im complaining, thats the gruesome shit i expect from this book. i was expecting them to shy away from it bc its so awful, but im SO glad they didnt, bc that gave me fuckin chills. finally, something i can praise them on. thats the lord of the flies i expect.

- i feel bad for ralph.. good job

- ok good. samneric came back. good job again.

- ok. nvm. the disrespect to my loyal children. alright.

- okay that child screaming as hes being whipped?? wtf.

- ok that line of piggy being scared that the russians will take them nad make them go into the olympics? gold.

- piggys laugh is so pure

- why the fuCK are they finding instruments lmao

- poor piggy

- did roger just wolf whistle at ralph what the fuck is going on

- holy SHIt this movie does not hold back on the blood. but, wheres my conch explosion?? if ur gonna show him getting hit u gotta show the conch exploding. although, the conch means like nothing in this movie lmao

- okay wow piggys dead body cool cool cool

- ralph fucking YEETED that kid to the ground lmao

- okay, ralph crying?? good acting

tl;dr/conclusion/my thoughts: hooooo boy so i see why everyone likes 1960 one better.

first, lets start with the obvious: why this isnt lord of the flies. because its not. if this wasnt telling me that its lord of the flies, i would think of it as that, really. first off, the conch. the conch represents civility, it brings them together. its important. when piggy dies, it dies, representing how all civility is now gone. i maybe saw the conch three times this movie. didnt do anything.

second, the pilot, captain whatever. the point of the beast to me is that they made it up. sure, the corpse was real, but it didnt pose a threat, it was simply a corpse. they made it into what it was, therefore proving that they are the beast. sure, the pilot here was harmless, but he grbbed a boy’s foot and was therefore making himself a possible threat. maybe its not a big deal i guess.

third, the characters. the point of lord of the flies is that they are rich kids who havent gone through anything. theyre the perfect, spoiled kids who havent done anything wrong. half of them are in choir. chOIR. in this movie, lets take jack for example. they said he stole a car and got sent to military school. no. the point of jack is that he was a perfect kid. leader of choir. he was manipulitive and got even ADULTS to trust him. its part of hs character, showing that this perfect choir leader kid went fucking insane to prove how literally everyone can be evil. also samneric???? the direspect!! they were loyal to ralph until they were tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then, after roger like beat the shit out of them, they were STILL loyal. fuck you.

so those are the MAIN reasons why it wasnt lotf.

now, what i liked i guess.

the swearing was NOT lotf, and it didnt fit with the story, but ill admit that i laughed, so i guess thats a plus.

second, i liked how they showed the gore, i guess? sounds weird, hear me out. lord of the flies is a gruesome, violent, awful book. theres descriptions of death in detail, and im so glad they showed it. when simon’s body was there, literally torn to shreds? the shock of it, the true savagery you see that these boys murdered him SO violently, is amazing, because thats the essence of lotf. simons death shows how theyve lost all their civility, and showing such a gruesome corpse really brings that through. so good job.

and now, of course, the obvious: thats not the characters i pictured when i read the story. simon doesnt look like that, ralph doesnt look like that, jack doesnt look like that.

where did the choir go, too? forgot to mention that, and i think that also adds into the whole, theyre supposed to be perfect kids and then become savage thing. also, the choir was a group. they voted for jack and went with him for a reason.

so yea, thats that. dont know why people would read this lmao but thats my thoughts!!!! i just need to keep myself busy when i watch movies and to make sure i focused, i figured id just write down my thoughts as i went. if u wanna watch for free, look up lord of the flies 1990 google drive.

;)))) and yea im posting this at 230 am lmao why not

#lord of the flies #lotf #lotf 1990

19 notes · View notes

hoodie-bboi · 5 years

Text

in honor of school starting, here are some things i either heard or said last year as a high school freshman. enjoy.

(List compiled by @teawarlord and i)

Freshman Year (2018-2019)

I’m just gonna stick my hands down my shirt.

Kai you’ve got a big dick. (Kai does not have a dick.)

I’m crying from the dick.

Stop fingering everything

Don’t judge the lizard man!

YOURE A PEEN BOY!

Can I borrow your uterus?

Don’t fist the applesauce

No I’m not gonna fist it I’m just gonna punch it

I didn’t choose the gay life the gay life chose me

Is your crotch ok?

My brain is soup

If they have a c*ck like a toddlers forearm…

I’m pregnant with water

I’m not having kids and you can’t make me!

There’s cum on my apple

i’m tearing off the cum

Oh shit the apple cummed on me

Who wants to talk about animal sex?

Daddyyyyy UWU

*to the tune of duck tails* TOE HANDS UWU

eggs. eggs everywhere.

If I see her walk through the door I’m jumping down. (30 ft drop)

When I see (my gf) I’m slapping her ass because I’m mad at her.

Fuck you time, you’re just a concept.

I love communism~

Panda bears are resoundingly NOT in to sex! -Science teacher

If they were any more inbred, they’d be a sandwich.

I don’t want to be shanked by your pop tart!

What if everyone had dicks for fingers?

*walking in to a room* I’m not gay, but 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

Don’t ask questions you don’t know the answer to.

Do we do it in Español or Spanish?

“I wanna go to Maryland” “Why?” “Because fuck Maryland” “But why?” “It’s the land of merry” (or Mary, jesus’ mom, idk)

I don’t wanna eat my limp dick pop-tart :(

Don’t screw ghosts, that’s a sin ;)

Our phrase of the day is Multigenerational Butt Licking

“I didn’t eat today” “That’s bad…” “I know-“ “C O N S U M E”

“I don’t worship Satan because I am Satan” *whips poorly*

I finally found out what my cat has been staring at all these years…

No matter how sexy your music is, you can never lick it.

And not the egg??

You don’t stand when you suck dick, dumbass

I love squating when sucking dick. Just *squats* euaaah

Why are you fucking the sherbet with your spoon?

i stuck my finger in there and he starts doing that

I’d rather you stick your human-sized foot up my veen than my ass.

Soft vore your sandwich.

Can forks… mate?

*bursts into room* WHERES THE MEATLOAF??? *takes two pieces of wooden pretend-meatloaf and runs out*

Grunhilda’s in my pants :(

Where is my penis!?

*into headset* I’m gonna kill Gerald. He’s eating our beans. *Gerald runs out laughing like a little girl*

First he eats my beans, then he throws my table.

Oof. I got a big whiff of beans.

Take off those clout goggle bro, you got no clout.

Bruh :(

What do we call an animal that is active mostly act night?

Insecure (the correct answer is nocturnal)

A ball of fire flew out of her vagina

I got the beats, ya bitch

That damn bastard, peein on my carpet

Do you ever forget to breathe because you’re so tired? (Immediately) Yes.

(About Burt’s Bees) Who the fuck is Burt?

“12-8 is 4” (In a condescending tone) “12-8 is 5.”

Some people think ivory powder is viagra

Do you have any on you? I’m asking for a friend…

What’s a hussy?

Teacher: It’s a… very flirtatious female.

oH, so a hoe!

Teacher: I MEAN YOU’RE NOT WRONG

i don’t dislike students. but i dislike this student very much.…

“Are you depressed?” “Hella”

*carrying a shovel* Do you know of any graveyards nearby?

Bro what’s wrong with AIDS?

What if I slap my vagina?

I’m not gonna slap your vagina.

I am so close to becoming bisexual right now

I GOT CHEESE JUICE ON MY FINGERS

“I DONT LIKE THAT SOUND” “Let me suck the cheese juice off of it”

Did you steal my eyes?

PLEASE DONT STEAL MY KNEECAPS

Do humans eat sharks?

caMELS? Do camels eat sharks?

I’M GONNA DEEPTHROAT THIS KNIFE

Have you guys ever felt how soft Kaia is?!

Bro I gotta find out if he’s gay or bi, because if he’s bi then I have a chance.

(from above the stairs) aw man don’t be slappin me like that

(from below the stairs) I’LL SLAP WHATEVER I WANT TO

(above) yo who the fuck said that

I don’t like turkey

i’ll eat it

It’s not turkey, it’s salami

!!???

you schlorped my cheese

twincest is NOT wincest apparently

STOP DRINKING YOUR RANCH WHAT THE FUCK

JACK FROST NIPPING AT YOUR NOSE? MORE LIKE HE’S SLITTING MY THROAT IN THIS COLD

(about kidney stones) Are those generic by the way? (instead of genetic)

Why are you eating your book?

LEAVE ME ALONE

So not to get political or anything but what the hell is oatmeal?

I love when I call daddy!

“I don’t want glass up my cooter!” “No, coffee.” “THATS EVEN WORSE”

I want to slap someone with my ovaries

Did you eat your last brain cell?

Don’t hurt my neck hole

I don’t care about your egg

Peanut fucker

The Ugly Fuckling

While you’re in this group, don’t get on the roof.

There’s a roof?

During this time, we stay under the building (referring to under the roof).

I will throw my skull at you

Don’t put your eggs in my stomach

the egg juiced

I don’t care what you do, just be quiet… don’t raise hell…

Don’t put your egg in my stomach

IT JUICED (about the egg)

YOU ATE YOUR APPLE SO PRETTY

I’m ten? (through laughter) I’m not legally allowed in my house

We are Dong

All is Dong, Dong is all

dong with a capital D

This monster Dong is a Dong and a half

They’re an abomination of the foot, Debra

I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up

Why are you eating in the dark on my bed?

I’m sure anyone can fuck a belly button if they have a fetish and a small enough dick

stop molesting her ear

so her tummy was open?

yeah, it was

so now she doesn’t have any bones?

w h a t ?

you need to learn to keep your blood

blood is for drinking, not living

i am bsexudkal

i have no king, im an anarchist

The Council Knows, Kaia. You Will Be Tried For Your Sins.

wake up

I made someone scream with my stick

HOLA I JUST CAME BACK FROM HAWAII

We’re gonna be talking about diseases

Fantastic! i LOVE talking about myself!

i thought i could turn the tables…. but the tables turned me!

on?

i’m turned on by tables

bullets are just gun jizz

GUINNEA BUISSEAU IS JUST GUN JIZZ

i have the bladder of a god

i’m sick, as compensation buy me new shoelaces

if you have a canker sore does that mean you have herpes?

duncan blew a thing

can you get better tea?

(offended) better tEETH?

i get my gender validation from a pokemon game

i bet you my room smells like egg… ass

finals week (and the week before)

please don’t talk about furries -my science teacher

the smiley face is frowning upon us

if you want to tp a tree, you tp it so well the best way to clean it up is to cut it down -also my science teacher

i think i have kidney stones up my nose

when someone tells you to hold your horses they’re telling you to be stable (in the middle of the final)

airport quotes (2018)

it’s like a velociraptor with a gun that shoots… sadness

my vibrator fell out of my bag

here's to a new year of learning and/or doing jack shit. sophomore edition coming next year. :)

#high school #school #gen z #gen z culture #long post

15 notes · View notes

flickerofcalum · 5 years

Text

once bitten, twice shy | part two

part 1 // shoot me a message if you wanna be added to a taglist!

The worst part of it all was, despite the changes, Luke could still see all the parts of Brinley that he’d fallen in love with. The parts of her he was still in love with, if he was being honest with himself. He was more fucked than he’d previously realized.

“It was the craziest thing, bro. One minute she was throwing a drink in my face and the next thing I know, she’s got her hand down my pants and her tongue down my throat. I mean, I’m not complaining, but it was confusing as hell.”

Luke rolled his eyes from where he sat on Michael’s couch, listening to him recount the previous evening’s events to Ashton and Calum, Michael hadn’t stopped talking about hooking up with Olivia since they stumbled into his parents’ home early that morning, but thankfully, he’d mostly been too distracted to really pay close attention to his friend anyway. He was unable to stop thinking about his run-in with Brinley the night before.

When he’d decided to come home for Christmas, he’d prepared himself for the worst. He’d known immediately that she wouldn’t want to seem him and honestly, he couldn’t blame her. The two of them had been together for such a long time, had their whole lives planned out with each other, and Luke had selfishly flipped the script on her at the very last minute. He hated himself for it every day.

And god, he had missed her the entire time he’d been gone, but it felt even worse now that he’d laid eyes on her. Brinley had changed so much in their time apart – she was even more gorgeous, which he really hadn’t ever thought would be possible. Though it may have been a little creepy, he’d spent half the night watching her from across the room. He couldn’t stop picturing her long legs in the red dress, the cute way her lips curved up into a smile whenever she’d teased Calum, the delicate blush on her pale cheeks whenever someone gave her a compliment.

“Earth to Luke,” Ashton’s fingers snapped in front of his face, breaking him out of his thoughts. “Are you alive in there?”

Luke blinked a few times. “Sorry. I was just…thinking.”

“About Brinley?” Calum questioned bluntly, raising a dark eyebrow at him. Luke had never really been comfortable discussing Brinley with Calum, and since their break up, he’d tried to avoid the topic all together. While the dark-haired man was one of his best friends, he knew that Calum’s history with his ex went back further than Luke’s history with either of them.

Luke chewed on his bottom lip, scratching his fingers along his stubbled jaw nervously. “I just didn’t think that seeing her again was gonna be so hard, you know?” He sighed a bit. “And she wouldn’t even look at me.”

“Well, you did abandon her right before the two of you were supposed to go off to college together, mate. Can you really blame her?” Michael pointed out, barely looking up from his phone. Luke shot him a glare. He didn’t really need a reminder of what he’d done to Brinley. It was already on his mind more than he would ever admit out loud.

Ashton reached over to pinch Michael’s thigh, eliciting a shriek from red-haired boy. “Not helping, Mike.” He looked back at Luke, his eyes soft and pitying. “She probably just needs some time.”

Luke shrugged sadly. At the party, Brinley hadn’t been able to get away from him fast enough – the chances of her changing her mind about wanting to speak to him were probably slim. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that Brinley was still in love with him. Not only was she beautiful, but she also was incredibly smart, talented, funny, and had the kindest soul out of anyone Luke had ever met. If they hadn’t already, it was only a matter of time before someone else came into her life and swept her off her feet, treated her the way she deserved to be treated. Luke was afraid that he was too late.

“She looked good, though, right? Like…she looks like she’s happy,” Luke said finally. Even if she was never his again, that was all he wanted for her.

He watched as Calum shared a look with Ashton he couldn’t quite read before he reached over to pat Luke’s thigh. “Yeah, man. She’s happy.”

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

The cold air stung his skin as he walked outside, causing him to curse under his breath. When he’d promised his mother he’d come home for the holidays, he’d forgotten how goddamn cold it got there. He didn’t have a lot of warm clothes since he lived in Los Angeles, so he wrapped himself up in one of Jack’s old winter coats. There was a gap between the sleeve and the gloves he was wearing, but it was better than nothing.

Normally, Luke avoided going outside at all costs in the winter, but after being locked up in his childhood bedroom for nearly a week, his mother forced him out of the house with a grocery list. Worst of all, he was without a car, so he had no choice but to make the small trek to the store on foot. It was only about a ten-minute walk, but the frigid weather made it feel like hours.

His cheeks and the tips of his ears were red by the time he arrived at the store. The heat was blasting, something he was grateful for when he walked inside. He grabbed a cart and furrowed his brows as he looked at his mother’s list. It occurred to him that he hadn’t been grocery shopping since he moved to Los Angeles. Most of the time, Ashton took care of that sort of thing or they ate take out. “Milk, egg whites, cereal…” he mumbled to himself underneath his breath as he wandered down the aisles, putting the items in the cart. He was pretty sure he had grabbed the wrong brand of cereal, but it was his mother’s own fault for sending him here.

He stood in front of the milk, thoughtfully looking between all the different types. His mother had been on a health kick lately, so would she want almond milk instead? Was he supposed to buy the store’s off brand version since it was cheaper? Luke had been standing there for far too long whenever he heard his name called out by a sweet little voice.

Brinley turned the corner, an exasperated look on her face as she tried to stop her little sister who was barreling towards Luke. He took in a sharp breath as he saw her. She was only in a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, her hair thrown messily on top of her head, but she still looked as beautiful as ever to him. “Mallory, no running! You’re going to hurt yourself.”

The man grinned as he bent down to Mallory’s level, catching her when she launched herself into his arms. Luke had always had a soft spot for the younger girl, partly because she was the spitting image of her sister. He was a little amazed at how much she’d grown since he’d last seen her, a heavier weight against him than he was used to.

“There is no way you’re Mallory,” He said teasingly. “You are far too big to Mallory.”

Mallory rolled her eyes, propping a hand on her hip as she looked at him. “That’s ‘cause I grew up, dummy.”

“Mallory, be polite,” Brinley chastised. She locked eyes with Luke for a moment before she looked away with flushed cheeks.

Luke turned his attention back to the younger girl. “My apologies, Ms. All Grown Up. Who said you could grow up while I was gone, hm?”

His smile only grew as the little girl giggled, revealing her missing tooth. “I can’t help it!” She insisted, gripping Luke’s hand once he stood up.

Looking at Brinley again, he dared to speak. “It’s good to see you. It’s a shame we didn’t get to talk at the party.”

Brinley tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, looking up at him through her long eyelashes. “Oh, well… you know, Olivia kind of loses her mind when Michael’s around. I had to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid.”

“Right,” Luke said with a nod, looking back down as Mallory started tugging on his sleeve.

“Luke, Luke! I’m in a Christmas play at my school. I play an angel!” She said excitedly.

Luke grinned. “An angel, huh? How fitting,” he teased, smoothing down her hair.

Mallory rose up on her tiptoes to speak to him. “Will you come see it?”

Brinley coughed. “Mal, I’m sure Luke is really busy…”

Although he knew Brinley didn’t really want him around, he hated the idea of disappointing Mallory by saying no. “I’m actually really not that busy,” he blurted out, chewing on his lip again. “I’d love to come, Mallory. If it’s okay with your sister.”

He felt only slightly guilty as Mallory turned towards her older sister with big eyes, a small pout forming on her lips. “Can he come? Pleaseeee?”

The older girl let out a sigh, giving Luke an exasperated look. “I guess so. Can you let me talk to Luke alone for a second?”

Mallory’s smile was wide as she hugged Luke around his legs for a moment. “Bye Lukey!”

“Bye, petal,” Luke said fondly.

He bit his lip as Mallory ran back over to their nearby cart, pulling the doll she’d left inside out. He’d gotten enough lectures from Brinley to know when she was about to chastise him about something, so he prepared himself as he looked at her. “Brin, look…”

“Don’t call me that,” Brinley snapped, holding one finger up to cut his sentence off. Her gaze felt like it was piercing right through him and he had never felt quite so vulnerable in his life. “I know we’re going to be seeing each other a lot over the next few weeks, but I want to make it clear that I’m not interested in reconciling with you. You can come to her play, and we can be civil when we’re with our friends, but I don’t want anything to do with you other than that?”

At her words, Luke felt his heart jump into his throat. While he didn’t necessarily expect her to jump back into his arms, he at least thought she’d be willing to talk things out. “Can’t you just give me a chance to explain?” He said, a bit more pleadingly than he would’ve liked. “There’s so many things I have to say to you if you’d just give me five minutes.”

Brinley let out a humorless laugh. “If you wanted to explain yourself that bad, you would’ve done it by now. You can’t just show up here after all of this time and expect me to just bend to your will and listen to you.” She insisted. “I just… I just want to forget everything that happened between us. I’m done, I’ve moved on. And I suggest you do the same.”

Luke gaped after her as she stalked back over to Mallory. He’d been on the receiving end Brinley’s anger before, but he had never experienced her being so outwardly harsh. He felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest as he watched her walk away.

As he finished up the rest of his shopping, he felt numb, like he was on autopilot. The wind blew the cold air harshly around him as he walked, but it barely affected him. He’d always known that he’d fucked things up with Brinley, but it was starting to hit him that things between them were messed up beyond repair. The girl he loved wanted nothing to do with him anymore, and it hurt.

So, when Luke got home, he quickly put away the groceries before retiring to his room to deal with his feelings the only way he knew how. He locked his door, grabbed a notebook, and started writing.

#luke hemmings blurb #luke blurb #luke hemmings fanfic #luke hemmings fic #5sos fic #5sos blog #luke 5sos #5sos #obts #kelly writes #this got so long #pls reblog if u read sfjdsdk

27 notes · View notes

okaystraykids-blog · 5 years

Text

don’t go; it’s a mighty long fall

2 out of ??

Genre: fluff/angst/school ..

Seems like it’s going to turn out to be a hyunjin ff but we’ll see

WARNING: some mature themes

| the start of part two |

"Hey Alice, can we sit with you?"

The words echoed in my head and I just stared at Hyunjin as he inquired. The four boys just blinked awkwardly, and I realized they were waiting for an answer. "Sorry, no. I kind of want to stay alone." I kind of glanced away from Hyunjin, and my eyes caught Changbin’s, he was looking at me intently, a wondering expression on his face. The sound of chairs moving disrupted my thoughts, the guys had sat down, Hyunjin on one side of me, Changbin on the other. "I thought I told you no." "You did, but I don't really care." Hyunjin chuckled, pulling out a bento box containing his lunch. I clenched my jaw, my nails digging into the palms of my hands. Please get me through this. I glanced up around the cafeteria and my eyes unwillingly landed on the biggest asshole and reputable fuckboy, in the school, Lio. Lio raised his eyebrows, and winked at me. Turning back to his friends with a sly smile. I could feel my cheeks getting red. This is exactly why I don't hang out with people, I hate attention. Especially from someone like Lio. "Who's he?" Someones voice made me jump. Chan was looking at me questioningly. "Uh, just some fuckboy. He has a big reputation and basically owns the school." "Seems like a fun guy." Jisung scoffed. I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not. I sat with my arms close by my sides, nibbling on my sandwich. I don't like eating with people watching me, it makes my anxiety spike. After a while, I couldn't take it anymore, my skin felt like it was on fire and my hands were trembling. It wasn't like the boys were talking about weird stuff, they were talking about normal boy things, but I just couldn't take being around that many people anymore. I slid my chair back and walked out, not noticing I forgot my book.

By the end of the day I was drained, that lunch took a lot of energy out of me. It was the end of the day, and I was heading to the bus when Chan suddenly called out to me, "Alice! Want a ride?" I shook my head no, and gave a weak smile. I lived alone at the moment, my parents were working out of the city and my siblings were all older and moved out. Chan nodded and turned away. I watched him as he went and eventually I saw him and the 3 others driving away in a large, fancy, SUV. I walked down the steps and saw a familiar group of boys, Lio and his friends. I passed a cloud of vape smoke and shook my head slightly. We get it, you vape. "I'm gonna ask-" "Dude she's boring, she doesn't party-" "I'ma change that." I tried to ignore it but before I could even get down the last step, Lio's caramel raspy voice called out to me. "Hey, it's Alice, right?" I glanced back at him, nodding softly. "There's a party tomorrow after school. You should come." The way he said it made me realize, he wasn't asking, he was telling; if there was one thing I knew not to do, it was not to piss of Lio Drew. I hated that it was a short week and there was no school Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. I've never been to a party, and I knew Lio and his friends were all 18, but I was 17 so I didn't expect to do much. "I guess... yeah sure." I started walking away and overheard again. "Damn you did it bro." "I did, and I'm gonna have a good time tomorrow night." I shook my head, What have I gotten myself into.

MESSAGE RECEIVED 8:45PM

[Changbin] hey a, how was ur day?

[Me] iffy.

[Changbin] iFFy IFFy yEaH YEaH iFFy IffY YeAh

[Me] I JUSt ChokED On An ICeCuBe LMAO

[Changbin] i gotta go, but have a good night! there's a party on tuesday, u coming?

[Me] ahh, nah probably not. gn though

[Changbin] :(

Even the guys are going? Wow. That's just perfect.

I was just about to go to sleep when my phone buzzed off, it was an Instagram notification.

LIO_REAL Followed you

LIO_REAL Sent you a Direct Message

OPEN MESSAGE?

YES/NO

(LIO_REAL)

hey there ce, i hope you can make it, the parties at 10, here's the address

xxx-xx AVE.

I closed my phone, oh god, now I have the biggest fuckboy in the school following me, and he gave me a nickname. This is wonderful. The clock beside my table read 9:24 PM and I finally was able to go to sleep.

The next day I was ready early, just wearing black jeans with slits in the knees, and a tighter than usually fitting maroon tee shirt. Because of this, I was able to catch an early bus. When I arrived, much to my surprise, Changbin and the others were there sitting out front. Changbin looked pretty good I begrudgingly have to admit. Hyunjin too. They looked like they walked right out of a music video. I attempted to sneak by, but Jisungs voice rang out across the quiet morning air. "Alice!" I turned to him and plastered a smile on my face. Damn how I loved his mullet. I walked over to them, sitting on one of the steps. "So," started Chan, "I heard Lio Drew invited you to his party tonight." Both Hyunjin and Changbin looked up at me in shock. I shrugged, looking down. "I guess you could say that... I might not go. I haven't decided yet." Chan raised his eyebrows questioningly, he may have just transferred here but even he knows that when Lio Drew invites you somewhere, you don't say no. I nodded slowly, standing up as it got closer to the bell for first period. "I'm going to go, I have to go to art." Hyunjin jumped up, "we're both going there. I'll come with you." I was about to refuse his company, but something about how genuine his smile was made me grin and nod, "Okay." The whole way to class he was rambling about how his friends and him are making music and how back in Korea his family was moving, and just random things. I was feeling anxious for some reason, and everything he said just went in one ear, out the other. "Alice, can I get your Snapchat and maybe give it to the guys?" I paused for a moment... "Um well I guess so." After I gave him my Snap we continued walking, and as we turned the corner, Lio and his friends were laughing and walking down the hall towards us. Lio saw me, and stared me down, a smirk on his face. He glanced at Hyunjin on the other side of me, who was adorably oblivious. As he passed, his hand sneakily reached out and grabbed my ass. I gasped, turning to face him but he was already rounding the corner. I could feel my entire body burning and I started to tremble. What the fuck. No one has ever bothered me until I started hanging out with Hyunjin and them. Lio has never even spared me a glance. This is all their fault, It's Changbin's fault.

LIO_REAL Sent you a Direct Message

OPEN MESSAGE?

YES/NO

(LIO_REAL)

sorry bout that ;) my hand slipped. you better still be coming tonight, or i'll bother u more, luv.

I just stared at the message. I should have ignored them better... Hyunjin just looked at me. "Are you alright? Did he say something?" I felt terrible. Sick to my stomach. I just stared Hyunjin dead in the eyes, and walked away. I've never skipped before, but I couldn't handle being around him for two classes. I went to the lunchroom, sitting by the windows rather than my usual spot. My brain not fully comprehending that that was right beside where Lio and his friends usually sit.

[Changbin] im bored :( meet up with mee

[Me] im in class, not today

[Changbin] nO, nOt toDAYyy, nOnO noT toDaY

[Me] lol.

I continued to sit, staring outside, and before I knew it I had fallen asleep. I slept for two class periods, each class 80 minutes long, and I finally woke up right as the lunch bell rang. When people started arriving, I didn't even turn to watch. Until Lio's voice interrupted my train of thought. "Well. Isn't this a surprise!" I spun around and found him sitting at the table behind me, his teeth biting down seductively on his lip. I slipped off the stool in an attempt to leave, but his foot swung out, blocking my way. "Stay." He said simply. Kicking out one of his less important henchmen. "Sit." I could feel eyes on me and I had no choice but to obey. It was obey, or become the victim of abuse from everyone in school. Lio eyed me up and down and waited till I sat down. I glanced to the door and saw Hyunjin walk in, followed by Chan, Jisung and lastly, Changbin. They paused and looked at me sitting with Lio, surprised. Chan was looking at Lio with a frown. Lio noticed that look and proceeded to lean across the table. Before I knew it, his lips were next to my ear and he whispered, "I'm excited for tonight baby-girl." I felt repulsed. I slammed my chair back, grabbed my bag, and walked out. Fuck this school. Fuck Lio.

At 10:00 PM I was laying in my bed watching YouTube, when my phone buzzed. It was a snap from Hyunjin,

I let out an awkward squeak, holy shit he's so pretty. I was about to respond when I suddenly got an Instagram notification...

LIO_REAL Sent you a Direct Message

OPEN MESSAGE?

YES/NO

(LIO_REAL)

where are you.

(OKAYALICE)

im not coming, lio.

(LIO_REAL)

if u dont come, im gonna fucking ruin the rest of senior year for you. i swear on it.

I stared down at my phone, my heart racing. Is this not blackmail? I glanced out the outfit I had previously put on my bed, and I groaned. "Well. Fuck it." I looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a decently tight, short, black, skirt and a silver crop top that just covered my belly button. My outfit wasn't complete until I put on my converse. My makeup was different than usual. I was wearing dark red lipstick and I had eyeliner on. I checked the clock. 10:45 PM. Well, fashionably late I guess.

When I arrived outside the house, I could feel the ground booming from the music and I was surprised it hadn't gotten shut down yet. I started walking up the driveway. Already seeing wasted teenagers. It wasn't much better inside. People were everywhere, making out, drinking, smoking, dancing. I thought to myself,

maybe this was a mistake.

4 notes · View notes

saltynemo · 7 years

Text

Break-Up

WHATADO Everybody its your boi Nemo back at it again with another fanfic. Noq today I'm gonna disappoint you and leave you with a cliff hanger. I made a Brendon Urie fluff awhile ago but life has been busy lately. Btw, small angst at the end (I'm Jena from the future: excuse writing errors and shit cause this is one of my first stories)

Summery: Y/n decides to fly out to Brendon to comfort him about the Break-Up he has recently went through. This gives him and Y/n quality time together and things start to spark, but not in the way you think

Type: Fluff/Angst

Warnings: Cussing, Small angst at end, Fluff, I think that's about it

Requested?: Kind of, Yea

Word Count: 3.4k (3,478 words)

PT.2

Now without further ado, P-P-P-P-PLAY IT

I have been friends with Brendon since 2nd grade. We do everything together! His family adores me and its like im Brendons sister. I was there with Brendon when he had his first Flirting experiance. I was there with him when he had his first Break-Up. I am almost always there for him and there is nothing separating us. Mostly, the only time were apart is when hes on tour or I have things to do. But this time, he is touring and playing his usual gigs and I decided not to tag along with him. I didnt decide to go this time because of his girlfriend, Audrey. She has always been such a snob to me and I just never liked her. The number one reason I didnt like her is because she abuses Brendon. Its just that Brendon loves her too much to even notice! I try to tell him, but he just keeps telling me the same thing over and over again, "Shes just annoying me with her love and affection" And I keep replying with the same answer over and over again, "Shes abusing you and your money!" After a while, I gave up...Brendon loved her and Audrey didnt so much love him.

I woke up to the sound of a vibration next to my head. I lazily turn over and answer my phone in a groggy voice, "Hello..?" I heard sobbing on the other line, and I could tell it was Brendons. "Brendon, are you ok? What happened? Its..3 am" "S-he bro-ke up wi-th me.." Brendon stuttered. He was histerical. I tried to calm him down by telling him im here for him and such, but most of it didnt work. "Damn, i wish I could be there to give you a hug! You sound horrible" I say, on the verge of tears myself. "Y-yeah i wish too. Why d-o i d-do this to myself?! Am i t-too nice?" Brendon sobs. I tell him that hes too caring for some of these woman and to take a break. We talk back and forth about what happened and how we can resolve it. "Its 3 am Y/n..ill let you go. Ill just cry myself to sleep.." Brendon sniffled. We both say goodnight and I dial Josh's number. "Hey Josh?" "Yea, Y/n?" "Did you hear from Brendon yet..? Im kind of worried for him" I ask, pacing around my room. "Yea, i heard him talking on the phone with someone about his ex. Was that you?" Josh replies. "Yea, that was me. Also, how do you know he broke up with Audrey?" "Oh yea! I went on tour with him, just to tag along. Since im still on my haitus I thought i would give him some company" He says. "How long have they been broken up? Did it just happen?" I say, raising my voice a little. Josh starts to tell me the long story of how Brendon and Audrey broke up. It was pretty violent from my perspective. I hear sobbing in the backround as Josh went on with his story. "Wait, im gonna go outside..i feel like im destroying Brendon by telling you the story" Josh says, moving away from Brendons hysterical voice. "Brendons pretty..heart broken. Like is there any way you can calm him down? Your the only person I know who is that close to Brendon" "I tried! But i dont think I can do it over the phone, you know what I mean" I reply, leaning my head on my hand. "Is there any way you can like..come down here?" Josh asks. I can hear him pacing around outside. "I dont have the money ya know..im living in an apartment" I say, laughing a little bit. Josh chuckles but cuts out his laugh mid way. "I can PayPal your flight! Like-please come over here? Brendons destroyed..do it for him" "Ugh! Fine..Ill have to order the Tickets right now then. Send me your PayPal info and ill get packed" I sigh. "Sweet, Y/n!! I knew you would do it" "But ill need a ride..Can you do it?" "I dont think so..ill ask Tyler or Patrick. Both of them love you so it wont be a problem" He replies. I lay back on my bed, phone still next to my ear, "Welp, ok! Cya then. And dont tell Brendon about this..I want it to be a suprise" I say, smiling uncontrollably. "You gotcha. Cya then" Josh says. I could tell him winked by his tone. We said our goodbyes and I put my phone down. I sighed very loudly, almost thinking my neighbors could hear me. I sit back up and limp over to my Computer

Josh sent me his PayPal info and I bought the plane tickets. The plane was scheduled to leave at 3:00 pm tommorow. I closed my laptop and jogged over to my closet, packing up so I wont have to do it later. I didnt think much on what I should bring, but I threw in a couple outfits, toothbrush, hairbrush, and some headphones all into one SuitCase. I zip it up and put it to the side. Its now 4:00 am. I should get some rest..since I got lots of planning to do. I crawl back into bed, trying to put my worries about Brendon and my schedule aside.

*TIME SKIP Brought to you by Brendon's High notes*

Its 1:30 pm..I called a Taxi so I can get driven to the Airport. Josh texted me telling me that Petes going to pick me up. Im always excited to see Pete and..pretty much all of my Friends, so i was excited. Once we got to the airport, I payed the Taxi driver and headed for the long journey of ID Checking and security. Once I hit my first checkpoint, I put my bag on a conveirbelt and show them my Passport and ID. They aprove it and I grabbed my stuff. I found a very comfy bench near the Exit to where my plane is. I sit and wait forever, untill they finally call my plane. "Plane 3A!! All abourd 3A!" The flight attendant shouts. I pick my stuff up and head twords the door. I show her my plane ticket and I head to the back of the plane

The plane ride was quiet and peacefull to my suprise. No crying children, no kids kicking the back of your seat, and no rude or distracting people! I put my headphones on and put my music on shuffle. The very first song to come on was 'Dont Threaten Me With a Good Time'. I smiled brightly and tapped my foot to the beat as the plane flew through piles of clouds. I knew this was going to be a fun trip.

The seatbelt light flashed aboved my misty eyes. I packed up my things and secured my seat belt. I have always hated the landing of a plane, it just uneased me. The plane decended to the ground and skirted to a hualt. All of the passengers, including me, exited the plane through the door and a tunnel. Once I reached the end of the long corrador, I saw Pete! "Hey Petie!" I cheered, giving him a quick hug. "So nice to see you, Y/n!" "Hows Brendon?" I asked, pulling away from the hug. "Oh, about him, Hes...still depressed. I took a picture of him about 30 minutes ago" Pete exclaimed, showing me a photo of Brendon's head down, his arms hiding his face. He was in a position as if he were playing 'Heads Up Seven Up'. "Aw man...sucks" I say, itching the back of my neck. "How about we go suprise him now?" Pete said adding a cute smile. I smiled with him and we walked out of the airport.

Once we reached petes car, I threw my bag into the back seat and hopped into the passanger chair. "How about we play some music so we dont have an akward car ride" Pete said as he sat down in his drivers seat. "Sounds great, give me the aux chord" I demanded as i smiled a little bit. "Just dont play trash! You got it?" "Yea yea, I wont" I said, trying not to laugh. I typed into Youtube: "Josh says Penis Sized Nipples for 10 Minutes". I tried my best not to laugh hystericly, but i let out a small giggle. I plugg in the aux chord and I turn the 'music' all the way up. "Penis sized nipples, penis sized nipples, penis sized nipples" blasted in the car. I couldnt hold it in any longer and I bursted out laughing. Pete joined with me and was hystericly crying while trying to drive. I was about to change it when Pete stopped me: "Keep it on, and roll the window down!" He yelled through the 'penis sized nipples', echoing in the car. I rolled down the window and pretended to dance to it. We both laughed and drove to our destination, laughing all the way.

Once we reached the building where Brendon and our friends were, I turned off Joshs voice and put my phone in my pocket. "Here ya go" Pete said, swinging my bag over my shoulder. I wasnt expecting that so i crippled a little bit. "Sorry" Pete laughed. I smiled a bit and began walking to the front door. I reached my hand out to open it when Pete held my wrist, stopping me. "Before you go in there...just know Brendons sensitive right now..do your best to help him, he is seriously depressed." Pete said lowly. "I understand, now let me talk to him" I whisper back. Pete let go of my wrist and opened the door for me. I stepped inside to see all of my friends..especially Brendon. Josh, Tyler, Patrick, Joe, Andy, and all of the important folks were here. I waved to all of them and pressed my finger againts my lips. They all nodded and smiled, watching me creep up to Brendon. He was still in the same exact position from an Hour ago. I saw an empty glass of whisky by his side with a mountain of tissues. I dropped my bag besides a wall and leaned my mouth to his exposed ear. "Im always here for you Buddy" I whisper in his ear, putting my hands on his shoulders. He quickly lifts his head up, exposing his red & stuffy nose. His eyes were puffy and red from all of his crying. "Y/n" He asked in a suprised tone. He quickly rapped his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. I hugged him tightly, softly rubbing his back in the process. "Im so glad your here with me Y/n..ive missed you so much" He whispered, holding me tighter. His chest was warm and I never wanted to leave this position. "Ive missed you too, Brendon" I reply, lightly pushing him away. Brendon let go of me and gave me a bright smile through his depressed state. I smiled with him, knowing ill make him feel better.

We stared at eachother for a little while, enjoying our facial features and what not. Finally, Brendon snapped out of it. "Im gonna go clean the-uh-tissues up" He said, walking away to the mountain of tissues. "I knew you could do it" Josh whispered in my ear. I glanced at him, "I didnt expect him to feel better that fast, wow" "What would he do without you" Josh added, smiling and walking away. I found a chair to sit on as I watched Brendon joke and play with his friends. I leaned my head on my hand, day dreaming. "Hey, Y/n/n" Said a blissful voice. I turn my head to see Patrick. "Oh, hey Pat" I said, making room for him. "You really did wonders for this guy, ya know?" Patrick said, adjusting his sitting position. "Yea..I guess I did" I paused thinking of a question. "Speaking of Brendon...when did Audrey and Brendon break up?" I asked, turning my head to face him. I saw Patricks jaw clench at my question. "You know how Brendon called you?" I nodded in response. "He called you right after they broke up. Audrey stormed out of here and i dont know where she is. I hope she doesnt come back" Patrick added, folding his hands and looking down. "I really do hope so too" "But look at the bright side, Brendons bank account wont be empty" Patrick said, laughing a little. I laughed too, relizing he was right. I looked at my watch: 7:10. "Shouldnt Brendon be getting ready for his Meet&Greet with fans?" I asked Pat. "Oh, shit. Your right. Hey Brendon: Meet and Greets at 7:30!" Patrick shouted, getting up from his chair. He shot me a quick wink before walking over to Brendon. I smiled and got up, grabbing Brendons phone from a bench. "Here Bren, I think you might need this" I say, jogging over to him. He smiles and takes it, "Thanks, honey" He winks as he walks back to a table. The nickname he gave me cought me off guard, making me stand still. Tyler patted my back, making me come back to relization. He laughes as he follows Brendon.

I grab the Millions of pens lying on the floor and follow them. I set them on the Meet&Greet table and Sat in a Chair. I grabbed a hard, wooden surface, incase I had to sign things too. Brendon's fanbase loved me, even though I really wasnt that popular. "Y/n, you can sit at the table, I dont bite" Brendon calls, offering me a seat. I smile and sit next to Brendon. I thank him for the offer and we wait for the millions of fans to enter. I glance around the room, looking at Tyler, Josh, Patrick, and the security guards. I saw Andy and Joe, leaning againts the wall on their phones. "Here they come" Brendon whispers into my ear. I grin as I see fan girls come around the corner, with million doller smiles on their faces. The security guards step up, making sure the girls dont attack us. Suprisingly, the fan girls behaved very well. No cluttering or fighting or anything.

After about 30 minutes of watching Brendon sign papers, a girl comes up to me. She has brown, curly hair with freckles. She looked very sweet. "Arnt you Brendons close friend?" She asks, holding a binder closley to her chest. "Yea, I am. How did you know?" "Oh, I mean he posts about you all the time! Im suprised no one reconized you yet" She adds, placing the binder on the table. "Do you mind if you can sign my binder?" "Of course not! And whats your name" I reply, grinning as i sign my name onto the front cover of her binder. "Its Scarlett" She replies, smiling uncontrolably. "Thats a pretty name. Here ya go!" I complimented her. Scarlett smiles from ear to ear and takes her binder back. "Thank you so much!" She says, skipping away back to her friends. I smiled at her as I continued to watch Brendon. "I guess you got a fan" He whispers in my ear. For some reason, that sent chills down my back, making me jump a little. "Your jumpy today" He whispers again, handing a girl back her paper. I bite my lip and grin at him. He smiles and we both put our attentions back to the fangirls.

*TIME SKIP brought to you by Brendons body*

"Ok! Meet&Greet is over! Exit the room please!" The security guard yells. The room is filled with fangirls groaning and leaving the room. "Y/n..my hand hurts like crazy" Brendon groans, holding his hand. "I only signed a couple, so i guess im just lucky" I chuckle, placing my hand over Brendons, massaging it. He groans, smiling a little bit. I rub his hand as I hear snickering in the room. I ignore it and I continue to rub his hand. "Thanks Y/n. I dont know what I would do without you." Brendon says, smiling at me. I take my hand away from his and grin back. "Come on love birds, lets go watch Netflix!" Josh yells to us as he jogs to the cough. I laugh at his comment and get up, following Josh. Tyler, Andy, Pete and Joe were all sitting on the cough together, while Patrick is making popcorn. "Move, Im gay" I say, sitting on the couch. They laugh as they all scootch down. "Nice Brandon Rodgers referance" Andy comments. I laugh in response and Patrick sits on the carpet infront of us. "Get some popcorn before my fat ass eats it all" He says, holding up the popcorn bag for everyone to get. I took a hand full and stuffed it in my mouth. I feel a kernal of popcorn fall from my mouth and down onto my lap. I went to pick it up when suddenly, I see Brendons hand snatch it. "Hey! I was gonna eat that" I say, lightly pushing him. He laughs as he stuffs it in his mouth. He sits directly infront of me on the floor, along with Pat. "What are we watching?" Josh asks, scrolling through movies. "Fight Club" We all yell in harmony. Josh laughs as he hits the 'Select' button for Fight Club. We all seddle down and watch the movie.

After about an hour into the movie, I hear a knock at the door. "Ill go get it.." Pete groans, getting up from the couch and slowly jogging to the door. I put my attention back to the screen, when all of the sudden I hear Pete raise his voice. "Audrey?! What are you doing here?" Pete asks. I quickly turn my head to the door. I really didnt wanna go see her or even move. I cover Brendons ears, knowing the name will hurt him. "Im fine Y/n" He laughs, holding my hand. I smile and I take my hand away. "Brendon doesnt want to see you! You hurt him pretty bad" Pete yells once more. "Ill go see whats going on" Patrick says as he puts the popcorn bag down and walks twords the front door. I keep staring at the conversation, wondering what Audrey wanted. "Move, Emo boy! Let me see Brendon" Audrey shouts, trying to shove Pete out of the way. "Darling, Im not budging. Its best if you leave" Pete scoffs, closing the door. Before the door can fully shut, I hear a thud. I quickly get up and walk twords the door. I see Pete holding his crotch as he backed away from the door. "Audrey! What the Fuck! Leave right now, before I make you!" Patrick yells, pointing to the door. "What the hell is going on!" Brendon yells, stomping twords the door. "Oh..Hi Brendon!" She cheers. I stay in my standing position while i watch the battle set sail.

"What are you doing here?" Brendon asks. "I came here to see if I left my bra here" She said with a smirk. "Do you really think I still have your slutty bra?" Brendon says, walking infront of me. "Well, you must know what it looks like. We have had amazing sex before" Audrey comments sarcasticly. I feel my face burn with anger and embarissment. He stays quiet. "Cant you just leave? Were trying to watch fight club!" Josh, Tyler, Andy, and Joe all say from the couch. I snicker at the remark, but turn back to Audrey. "Well, if you dont know what it looks like, it looks like this" Audrey says, unbuttoning her shirt quickly and exposing her lingera bra. Patrick and Pete turn away from her and face the wall. Brendon is too angry at her to even look away. "Its best if you leave right now!" Brendon says, rasing his voice. "Oh cmon baby..I know you still want me..dont fight it" Audrey says, stepping twords Brendon. I push Audrey and get between her and Brendon. "Move away, slut" She scoffs, pushing me away with all of her might. I was strong, with no doubt, but I wasnt expecting this force. I was pushed back into the wall, my head hitting the wood hard. "Audrey! This need to stop, you should le-" Brendon begins to say, before being interuppted by Audreys lips. He tried to back away but she kept moving into the kiss. I felt my face burn with anger. Everything was happening in slow motion. I ball up my fists, trying to contain my anger. "What would I do without you" echoded through my brain. My face begins to scrutnch up and my eyes are blurred with tears.

(I put the cliffhanger so that you will beg me for more...unless I wrote a terrible fanfic. But whatever. I hope you enjoyed it and cya next time or somethin. Like for more!)

147 notes · View notes

gcatavrosprites · 7 years

Text

AT: heyyy!

AT: first, ok, i think you're awful.

AT: let's put that fact on the table where we can both see it.

AT: now you have been primed for the digestive ruination that's about to take place and the comprehensive soiling of the laundry enveloping your person!

TG: oh my god you type like a tool

AT: yeahhh,

AT: now you're getting it, what you are in for!

AT: are you ready to get trollled?

AT: within an inch of your miserable human cortex?

TG: this is so weak im almost getting tired of wasting good material on you guys

TG: its like

TG: youve got nothing

TG: its always one of you sprouting up and ranting about how hard im about to get trolled

TG: with no ensuing substance

TG: you dont even know anything about us

TG: one of you fuckers thought i was a girl

AT: ok yeah but

AT: the thing is that i don't care

AT: about your anatomical details and things like that.

AT: i know what you've done!

AT: or will do, actually.

AT: it's the most awful thing, the worst you can ever do..

TG: sorry i wouldnt cyber with you dude

TG: in the future or whatever

AT: what? wait.

AT: oh.

AT: ok, you're the one who likes to submit innuendo.

TG: human innuendo

AT: yes, human innuendo.

AT: sorry for the lack of clarity.

TG: so at what point in the future am i supposed to look forward to you whipping up this titanic hankerin for my knob

AT: uh.

TG: be honest with me

TG: cause im busy

TG: and i want to know exactly when i got to clear some space in my calendar for when some fuckwit blunders out of a magical phone booth and makes a ballad-inspiring play for my throbbing beef truncheon

AT: should i be perturbed by these allusions?

TG: no man

TG: look

TG: i just need to know when to be there

TG: when the stars come into alignment and your flux capacitor lets you finally sate your meteoric greed for crotch-dachshund

TG: i wouldnt want to miss it and cause a paradox or something

TG: itd suck if the universe blew up on account of you missing your window of opportunity to help yourself to a pubescent boy's naked spam porpoise

AT: uhhh.

AT: ok, this is sort of starting to upset me.

TG: jesus you are such a shitty troll

AT: i guess i'll leave you alone

AT: and find another point in time to bother you

AT: when i guess

AT: you are more emotionally susceptible, and don't have all these bees in your bonnet

AT: about your human sexuality.

TG: oh no

TG: no dude

TG: you sassed me up

TG: we are in THE SHIT now

TG: together

TG: for the long haul

AT: i.

AT: what?

TG: we're motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch

TG: you and me

TG: welcome to nam

TG: now grab my hand and shimmy your soggy ass off that muddy bank before charlie gets the fuckin drop

AT: uhhh, who..

AT: who's charlie?

TG: hes the guy whos gonna read our vows

TG: im feeling pretty friggin MATRIMONIAL all a sudden

TG: take a look down by your foot see that little bottle

TG: stomp on that shit like its on fire

TG: noisy ethnic dudes are flipping the fuck out and waving us around on chairs til someone gets hurt

TG: im your 300 pound matronly freight-train

TG: and my gaping furnace is hungry for coal so get goddamn shoveling

AT: oh my god.

TG: bro look in my eyes

TG: that twinkle

TG: that be DEVOTION you herniated pro wrestlers sweaty purple taint

TG: sparklin like a visit from your fairy fuckin godmother

TG: shit be PURE AND TRUE

TG: thats what you see

TG: a kaleidoscopic supernova of all your hopes and dreams all swishin together

TG: radially effevescing arms of more little boy peckers than you can imagine

TG: turning out insane corkscrew haymakers of a billion dancing vienna sausages strong

TG: this is how we do this

TG: this shits more real than kraft mayo

1 note · View note

michaelreaderreblog · 7 years

Text

Sons gonna rise

Story by Supernaturallyhockey

HighSchool!AU

AN: This is the first part and second part will be added in a couple of days. And right now Im working on my stuff, so that should be up sometime this evening. Im very fortunate enough to be posting these fic

****************************************************************

Word Count: 2,271

****************************************************************

Your name: submit What is this? // <![CDATA[ document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', myHandler); function myHandler() { var v = document.body.innerHTML; var input = document.getElementById("inputTxt").value; v = v.replace(/\by\/n\b|\(y\/n\)/ig, input); document.body.innerHTML = v; } // ]]>

"Hey Michael get up!! Mom and dad are waiting down stairs for breakfast" Lucifer knocks on my door to wake me up.

I don't want to get out of bed, I would rather stay in bed all day but have no other choice or else Lucifer will come back again. Lucifer is home from College for the weekend

"Castiel, are you up?" I knock on my younger brothers door.

"Yeah come on in, what's up Michael?" Castiel asks me as I walk into his bedroom and lay flat on his bed.

"Could you go down stairs and tell mom and dad I'm not feeling well." I look up to the ceiling not facing him.

"Michael what's wrong" Castiel asks me while sitting at the foot of the bed that's when Gabriel comes into the room lands on top of me and rolls over to my left side.

That kid is getting heavier by the day if you ask me.

"Big bro here is suffering his first heart break and can't get the images of Anna Milton and Dean Winchester doing the ugly last night" Gabriel says while I lay there glaring at him but that doesn't help to make Gabriel shut up.

"Oh Michael I am so sorry, Anna was really" Gabriel cuts off Castiel

"A whore and a bitch yeah I know." Usually I would cut off Gabriel for talking bad about Anna but didn't have it in me.

"I wasn't going to say that, I was going to say she is tedious and vile. Michael I don't know why your so broken up about her, think about it more of a favour" Castiel advises me while I lay there but he is right, I just thought something real was there.

"Ladies come on mom and dad are still waiting" Lucifer says but I'm not going to bother with a retort.

"Fine, lets go Gabriel. Ill bring something for you after I finish with breakfast" Castiel closes the door, he always had a good heart.

I lay there in my own pity but I'm allowed one day to myself and I don't see why not it would be today since its only Saturday, no football practice till Monday.

Fuck Monday, the day I have football practice with Winchester. Fuck it I’ll just go, no point in hiding. In a few weeks I will be graduating and go on to college. I didn't know how long I was laying on my brothers bed until he came into the room.

"Here mom said to give you this bagel and OJ" he says while setting them both on his night stand.

I sit up to take the juice to take a sip. When the cool liquid hits my throat and quenches my thirst.

"Thanks, and thanks for covering for me to. I just want a day for myself" I look to Castiel and he looks at me while he tilts his head sideways which I think he looks like a 4 year old trying to understand what I'm telling him.

"Have a day to yourself, you mean by hiding in my room from mom and dad good job with that" I couldn't help but laugh at the idea and he has a bright smile on his face.

I spend the entire morning having a conversation with my brother, this is what I needed to hang out with him. I rarely do but he is good company.

"Hey you want to join y/n and I while we go to the record store?" Castiel asks me to come along with him and his best friend since day care and who happens to be Deans younger sister.

I wouldnt mind spending the day with her since I have taken a liking to her and cant help feelings.

"Um yeah I don't see why not I mean I haven't gone out to get some new music lately" I accept his offer and I get off from his bed to take a shower.

"Good I’ll send her an IM to let her know" He tells me while I walk out his room to come into mine to have my toiletries ready.

CJS25: hey I thought I would let you know I invited my brother Michael to come along with us to the record store. Hope that is ok

TheNrmlWinchester: Michael? Hhmm weird. I don't mind the more the merrier :D

CJS25: yeah I know but Smaug practically ruined him so I just want to do something for him since he is my brother after all. Wouldn't you do the same for yours?

TheNrmlWinchester: ohh yeah I heard about that. Walkers party right? Well don't worry I'm totally kicking his ass right now, Dean not Sam. Sam is a harmless nerd.

CJS25: right like your not any nerdier haha

TheNrmlWinchester: hey Im the way cooler nerd than Sam. Anyways I got to get ready and ill text you when I'm done. Later Clarence :p

CJS25: oh god! Yeah see you later snow flake :)

While you log out of your instant message account you wonder why Cas has called you snow flake, you would need to ask him that later. As of right now you needed to let Dean know that he is a dick, douche, asshat and what Cas always says assbutt for sleeping with Anna and Michael walking in on them and basically ruining him and Lisa poor girl doesnt know what she is in for. Stupid Dean you mutter to yourself as you walk out of the room.

*********************************

"Y/N!!!! Hurry up I need the bathroom." Dean pounds on the door almost knocking it out of its hinges.

"SHUT UP!! GO PUKE OUTSIDE!!" You yell back to Dean and hear him mutter something as he rushes down the stairs and your sitting there taking your time getting out of the shower.

“I think I'm done torturing him for the day” You mutter to yourself as you walk out of the bathroom and met on the other side is your dad.

Oh boy you were in for it now but you see a smile slowly forming

"That's my girl teaching your brother a lesson for staying out late” Dad says to you and he sounds proud for it.

"Of course. As the youngest it's my job daddy" you smile to your dad to peck him on the cheek to get to your room to finish up.

"Ok, now time to text Cassie" you mutter to yourself as you pick up your phone, slide the screen, put in Cas' number

"hey I'm ready. Meet up at our usual spot?" After you sent the text you walk out of your room to head down stairs to wait for text back from Cas.

You reach the kitchen to find Sam putting the dishes away and Dean washing the pots.

"What's up turd face and turd nugget" you tease your brothers when you enter the kitchen.

"Niblette" Sam retorts back.

"Where you off to?" Dean asks from the sink.

"I'm going to hang out with Cas and Michael today" your phone goes off after telling your brothers who you will be hanging with.

Cas: actually Michael is going to drive and we will be there in a few minutes to pick you up. Ill let you know when we are outside.

You: ok sounds good. By the way Dean looks skittish after I told him and Sam I will be hanging out with Michael to :) I'm still kicking ass by the way.

Cas: Haha. Maybe you can finally tell my brother about your feelings than :)

You: maybe you can finally ask Meg out :)

Cas: I hate you

You: I know I love you to

After you sent your text you had a smile on your face telling Cas off after he mentioned your feelings for Michael but it was only a crush it wasn't like you stood a chance with him.

Michael is a senior and will be going off to college soon. You were a sophomore in high school along with Cas, while your brother Sam is a junior and Dean a senior.

"Michael?" Both of your brothers say in unison.

“As in Michael Sinclair?” Sam asks as he puts the pot in its rightful place

"Yeah what's wrong with that?" You ask back to your brothers while glaring at them

"Nothing, I'm just surprised ok." Sam says holding up his hands in surrender.

You look to Dean but cut him off before he says anything.

"Dean I don't care what your going to say. You did what you did and that's done just dont tell me you are dating Anna" you say to Dean while he has a surprised look on his face.

"No, not dating her, it was a drunken mistake. I feel bad ok and I just feel bad ok. I mean I don't even know how to tell Lisa" Dean says in defeat.

"Well you figure that out on your own and I don't like what you did to Lisa plus I really like her, just grow a damn pair and tell her before she finds out from someone else. You know how school is, one thing happens and spreads like wild fire" you tell Dean almost yelling at him.

"Fuck, yeah yeah ok" Dean says in defeat and takes his phone out to call Lisa to hang out or something. Your phone goes off

Cas: we are outside

You: ok coming out

You tell Sam to let your parents know who you will be hanging out with and he nods.

You grab your house key by the door and head outside to Cas and Michael. You get into the back seat.

"Hey Cas, Michael" you say while closing the door and buckling your seat belt.

"Hello y/n" Michael says looking in the mirror

"Hey y/n" Cas says turning his head and you smile at the both of them.

"Y/n give me your iPod, I would rather listen to yours than mine or Michaels" Cas says while he reaches out for you to hand over your iPod, you reach into your shoulder bag to grab it and give it to Cas.

"Hey my music isn't that bad" Michael says looking offended over to Cas, you sit in the back seat giggling.

"Cas what's wrong with your music?" You ask Cas

"I don't have mine, forgot it on the table on the way out" Cas says while turning on the blue tooth and plays Modern Man by The Arcade Fire.

"Plus you always have the better music, why do you think I give you my iPod to add music" Cas says turning to look at you.

"Again what's wrong with my music? And y/n what kind of music do you have on your play list anyways?" Michael asks Cas again and looking to you about your play list.

"Your music contains rap music that shouldn't be called music at all plus when did you even start listening to rap music anyways? You had better taste before you started dating Anna. Oh my god she got you into it didn't she?" Cas talks about his taste of music while Michael has a smile on his face but fades at the mention of Anna.

"Yeah some of it and the rest just were catchy afterwards. So where are we going first?" Michael looks to Cas and to you.

"Let's go to Cain's Cafe first" you say from the back seat as you lean forward to make sure Michael or Cas heard you.

"Uh I don't know, what if" you cut off Michael before he can even finish his sentence

"Don't worry about it, I'm pretty sure everyone else is still sleeping trying to recover from last night" You tell Michael reassuring him or try to put his mind at ease.

"Y/n is right Michael plus I really want a caramel iced cappuccino especially from Cain's cafe" Cas agrees with you while you have a smile on your face.

"Yeah ok, how come you two weren't at the party last night?" Michael asks out of nowhere looking between us as he parks in front of the cafe.

"I would rather hang out somewhere else far away from my brother. Thank you very much" they both laugh at your comment.

You and Cas were at Ash's party and you bumped into Lisa and Rachel and hung out with them all night while Cas was flirting with Meg all night. It's been forever he has had a crush on her and you always wondered why he never asked her out but you hope it would be soon.

"We were at Ash's party last night, Andy pulled out his stash and almost got everyone high with the brownies he made. Y/n didn't you have a brownie?" Cas asks as we get out of the car to walk inside.

"Castiel you go inside while I have a talk with y/n" Michael cuts you off before you could even answer Cas's question and he nods than heads inside to seat himself at a table to wait for us to come inside.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" You turn to look at Michael

"I just want to thank you for allowing me to hang out with you and Castiel. I hope we have days like these from now on well if you don't mind" You were shocked to hear Michael say this but couldn't agree to all of it because you wanted to know how Cas would feel if his brother would hang out with us from now on.

19 notes · View notes

travellers-survivor-old-west · 4 years

Text

Episode 7: “The coin flip gods decided Xander would be leaving us tonight”- Chloe

Everyone drop your..................... spare change we have a decision to make - Someone on the losing tribe, probably.

jeezzzzzz this round is fucking frustrating. so last minute last round my alliance flipped to keaton which was WONDERFUL!!! I was having a hard time talking to him and I'm glad it's Vi and Xander still here. the concering thing tho is someone told vi to do keaton so like.....someone tryna scoop up that good good number huh? this auction though....FUCK THIS. so it started off fine. nobody snatched the first thing bc it was useless. but then the second item hehe I grabbed it bc I wanted to throw to keep ashley safe + wanted to know what it was. so i was like ok cool love it. but then for some reason another item got posted after the time the post said the challenge would be running.....which was not fair flkjfl and i didnt see it cause i was like cool i can sleep now :) and then it's the fuckin most powerful thing in the game :)))) love that for me lol. and someone on that tribe fucked it up. i literally would've fuckin spent all the money for it if I'd known the auction was gonna go past the time the hosts said rip so that threw a wrench in everything and now i am a sad sad cowboy :'( next day i snatched the first item to end the auction so that the power hungry snakes in my alliance didnt get all the good stuff. so even tho i got nothing of value, i DID get assurance that only one thing is out there that I need to be worried about. :))) hehe :))) and it was REALLY EASY to play off like xander took them both tbh. he was typing in the chat the whole time lmao. the only problem is that chloe eve and isaac are actually smart and they might know it was me but like i rlly put in that fake nancy drew work and was like HELLO DID U BUY THOSE THINGS ? I even asked xander if he got either of the items hehe. im just sittin here with my two lame-ass packages <333333 but i have a really bad feeling about the other tribe. Ashley was on a work trip all week and I know her and her fuckery and her inability to talk to boring men and her tribe has way way too many of them. jared/sammy have the power on that tribe if they scoop dylan and goat nick or bro down with aidan. so it's bad news I think. I'm gonna be pissed at them if they get her out (and i swear to god if jared is doing it just to break up me and her so I'm closer to him he has another thing coming!!!!!!!!! :) ) i wanted to be loyal to jared and ashley, but if he gets her out before I even have a chance to play with her, im gonna be fuckin bitter!!!!!!!! and who knows what I'll do then :)

youtube

Well rip us again. I’m slightly screwed? Maybe. I did get 2nd highest score so hopefully the others keep that in consideration considering Owen, Xander and eve got lower than 50 points. I’m pissed Bc Chloe and I both tried hard to carry the team. We were 200 points under. That’s more than either one of us got. Every one else didnt do an entire section. One of them only did a couple pictures, another only did a couple videos. Rip I want to die.

BIIIIITCH. Shit has hit the fan and I finally feel like we're playing a game here. Last tribal was intense but it brought back that feeling as to why I play these things so I was kind of into it. Overall the scrambling in the last few hours showed a lot of people's hand and I think that was one valuable thing that came out of the last vote out (in addition to Sammy's vote out). Apparently the alleged vote was Ashley, which Jared told me rather late, and I didn't feel clued in on that AND I was a fan of Ashley. She was one of the only people here from my second tribe and she talked to me more than a majority of the tribe making me realize that the Malakoff OGs might have formed a voting block - Pat might possibly be involved. Apparently it was a push on behalf of Pat but I did use my vote steal and try to push things in order to save Ashley and push it onto another target. She really wanted Jared but I do feel like I have a stronger relationship with him and the ability to reconcile things further which is why I tried to deviate the target to Sammy. Plus in all of the ambiguity and the fact that my name was going around (as Ashley as a decoy to save herself *insert eye roll*) I felt the need to use the vote steal I secured on the rails. Regardless of how things played out at the end of the day I had no idea what the chaotic twink [Dylan] was going to do and in the event of a 3-3-1 tie I doubt Jared was saving me over Sammy. Weren't they butt buddies in a Tumblr Survivor or something? Like it just wasn't realistic... and I don't feel like I leveraged it poorly at all. Better than going home with something in my pocket like last time. Plus the studio art major's reaction in their exit interview only helped prove my point that they were the best person to go. Plus I felt as if the studio art major in question has the type of fun but lowkey personality that allows people to go deep and as such an extroverted loud ass bitch those players tend to be the ones on my radar. We worked hard, we persevered and won immunity. Pat worked his ass off in the fucking challenge because he knew he made a fucking mistake writing my name down but he's trying to be cordial. Honestly I think a lot of people are biding their time until merge and I have a sneaking suspicion I might be a person of interest when this merge comes. WHY? Well that challenge was CLEARLY thrown and the people who seemed to be left out of the loop were the ones from my original tribe. I'm pretty sure that's a fucking act of war in Ancient Greece. Nick (my number one ally atm I love you Nick) pointed that shit out immediately and made me run to check the results which left me shook. I tried to bring it up to Jared who played it off... another kind of red flag. My priority right now is to strengthen relationships heading into a potential merge and making sure they're on good footing with me even though the last thing that's happening is a loyal Malakoff 3.0. I'm not even going to delude myself with the fucking thought. Despite having Nick and I guess Ashley, I do feel very alone in this game. Most games I succeed in I have a partner in crime so I'm going to adapt and see how I can take on the merge. I really want Nick to know I trust him as much as I do and I hope that whoever survives of Chloe and Vi is excited to see us. That's if the merge is next and you're not playing with us... But I also hope that both Chloe and Vi survive this round but the break up of the challenge doesn't look good. Is there a chance they just fucking suck?

Being back at tribal is fucking hell. At this point just give us merge I stg id be more likely to be immune then. Honestly it feels like most of my tribe put ZERO FUCKING EFFORT into this challenge and I’m beyond angry about it they’re all fucking bastards and I’ll vote every single one of them out for doing this to me.

Thoughts on being at tribal - the coin flippers are staying strong and yet again we flipped a coin to see who goes home between Vi and Xander. This time there’s no Keaton to fuck things around so I’m hoping it stays this straight forward and there’s no genuine last minute scrambles. I don’t think anyone from the group has told Vi or Xander yet who the vote is but the coin flip gods decided Xander would be leaving us tonight. I just wanna fucking sleep. So yea no valid reason for voting Xander tonight other than it was down to a coin flip. Either way I’d be voting Xander and Vi out at merge anyway.

M E R G E U S

I’m stupid and forgot to do this so I’m doing it from the bathroom at work pls don’t strike me I’ll give you detail when I get off sjhdjddh

Spoiler Alert: He never did send us details when he got off work.....

Hey, this tribe fucking sucks. they never talk about anything or want to do much. Like i had to beg people to do the call. and force that to happen. and I had to force a vote talk out of people.... Thats not my style of gameplay. I hate that im forced to do that. and just want out of this tribe ASAP. IM just hoping if i do survive and make it to merge. that my clever "talking" skills have earned me some credit in this tribe. where I have some allies. I do want to make it far and not just flop in this game. Especially when no one really knows me here and they can't target me because im in a duo with someone on the cast. @every other game i play. *glares at jess*

Also Xander...

Part 2 electric boogaloo I really just want Alyssa to expose me. Like is that so hard. Also i forgot to mention in my last confessional that Jess had a booty call and they left their top there.

IS IT MY TIME TO GO??????

Last round was pretty wild. I really did NOT want Sammy to go but unfortunately my hands were tied and he was with jared and pat. I kind of pushed for jared last round a little too much and Aidans ass told jared and he confronted me about it. I think i did a pretty good job at explaining why and basically it was like we both kind of went for eachother last round but now no one will think we are working together. My hope is that aidan and nick will be loyal and continue to work with me but i have a feeling jared is stilll trying to work on aidan and aidans ass is falling for it. Merge is probably coming up and im a little scared about that but if nick and aidan dont flop I think we can make it far.

So last round I played like peepee poopoo I should've just listened to Sammy like I told myself I would at the beginning of the round and voted Aidan... but the second I detect any shadiness even in a F2 or F3 person that's when the meltdown comes... it was like the Bryce situation all over again Not to mention Aidan two-timed me! But luckily it is still early enough in the game to recover from this, and I still have the high noon... I just need to hang onto that no matter what. So this round I centered back in on my round one gameplan, Aidan lost my trust and Dylan earned his 3rd strike with me by not having my back in the tribe chat. I've been bonding with NickG, and I made a deal with Ashley so I'm hoping that new doors will open for me on this tribe. With that being said, we won the challenge and honestly I couldn't care less about a merge any more, the farther away it is the better to be honest- I can have a 50/50 shot at making it one round further every time with tribal immunity. Another note, non-zero odds that Owen threw the challenge for me? We'll see.

Idk what day exactly the video title is specific of when I’m speaking from.

youtube

More Pat....

youtube

#yeehaw

0 notes

atomicfartcollectionrandom · 5 years

Text

This is art.

-- adiosToreador [AT]began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

AT: hEYYY,

AT: fIRST, oK, i THINK YOU'RE AWFUL,

AT: lET'S PUT THAT FACT ON THE TABLE WHERE WE CAN BOTH SEE IT,

AT: nOW YOU HAVE BEEN PRIMED FOR THE DIGESTIVE RUINATION THAT'S ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE, aND THE COMPREHENSIVE SOILING OF THE LAUNDRY ENVELOPING YOUR PERSON,

TG: oh my god you type like a tool

AT: yEAHHH,

AT: nOW YOU'RE GETTING IT, wHAT YOU ARE IN FOR,

AT: aRE YOU READY TO BE TROLLLLLED,

AT: wITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR MISERABLE HUMAN CORTEX,

TG: this is so weak im almost getting tired of wasting good material on you guys

TG: its like

TG: youve got nothing

TG: its always one of you sprouting up and ranting about how hard im about to get trolled

TG: with no ensuing substance

TG: you dont even know anything about us

TG: one of you fuckers thought i was a girl

AT: oK, yEAH, bUT,

AT: tHE THING IS, tHAT i DON'T CARE,

AT: aBOUT YOUR ANATOMICAL DETAILS, aND THINGS LIKE THAT,

AT: i KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE,

AT: oR WILL DO, aCTUALLY,

AT: iT'S THE MOST AWFUL THING, tHE WORST YOU CAN EVER DO,

TG: sorry i wouldnt cyber with you dude

TG: in the future or whatever

AT: wHAT, wAIT,

AT: oH,

AT: oK, yOU'RE THE ONE WHO LIKES TO SUBMIT INNUENDO,

TG: human innuendo

AT: yES, hUMAN iNNUENDO,

AT: sORRY FOR THE LACK OF CLARITY,

TG: so at what point in the future am i supposed to look forward to you whipping up this titanic hankerin for my knob

AT: uH,

TG: be honest with me

TG: cause im busy

AT: sHOULD i BE PERTURBED BY THESE ALLUSIONS,

TG: no man

TG: look

TG: i just need to know when to be there

TG: when the stars come into alignment and your flux capacitor lets you finally sate your meteoric greed for crotch-dachshund

TG: i wouldnt want to miss it and cause a paradox or something

TG: itd suck if the universe blew up on account of you missing your window of opportunity to help yourself to a pubescent boy's naked spam porpoise

AT: uHHH,

AT: oK, THIS IS SORT OF STARTING TO UPSET ME,

TG: jesus you are such a shitty troll

AT: i GUESS i'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE,

AT: aND FIND ANOTHER POINT IN TIME TO BOTHER YOU,

AT: wHEN, i GUESS,

AT: yOU ARE MORE EMOTIONALLY SUSCEPTIBLE, aND DON'T HAVE ALL THESE BEES IN YOUR BONNET,

AT: aBOUT YOUR HUMAN SEXUALITY,

TG: oh no

TG: no dude

TG: you sassed me up

TG: we are in THE SHIT now

TG: together

TG: for the long haul

AT: i,

AT: wHAT,

TG: we're motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch

TG: you and me

TG: welcome to nam

TG: now grab my hand and shimmy your soggy ass off that muddy bank before charlie gets the fuckin drop

AT: uHHH, wHO,

AT: wHO'S CHARLIE,

TG: hes the guy whos gonna read our vows

TG: im feeling pretty friggin MATRIMONIAL all a sudden

TG: take a look down by your foot see that little bottle

TG: stomp on that shit like its on fire

TG: noisy ethnic dudes are flipping the fuck out and waving us around on chairs til someone gets hurt

TG: im your 300 pound matronly freight-train

TG: and my gaping furnace is hungry for coal so get goddamn shoveling

AT: oH MY GOD,

TG: bro look in my eyes

TG: that twinkle

TG: that be DEVOTION you herniated pro wrestlers sweaty purple taint

TG: sparklin like a visit from your fairy fuckin godmother

TG: shit be PURE AND TRUE

TG: thats what you see

TG: a kaleidoscopic supernova of all your hopes and dreams all swishin together

TG: radially effevescing arms of more little boy peckers than you can imagine

TG: turning out insane corkscrew haymakers of a billion dancing vienna sausages strong

TG: this is how we do this

TG: this shits more real than kraft mayo

-- adiosToreador [AT]blocked turntechGodhead [TG] --

Credit in its page: https://www.homestuck.com/story/1099

0 notes

star-bage · 7 years

Text

The squeakuel

FOR ADULTS ONLY!!!!!!!!!! SHOVE OFF U LITTLE KIDS Also i hate alvin and te chipmonks Aight lets get WROOOOIGGGGGGHT INTO THE NEWS ----- Marco hadn't had much time to process what was happening. He'd walked to school, just as he would any other normal day. Stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans in the hopes that he would warm them from the chills running up and down his skin. When he looked up, a pale gray sky foreshadowed heavy rain. He'd scolded himself for not thinking ahead and bringing an umbrella, but he'd have to make do with his hood. Who knew, maybe the weather would turn out alright. The California forecast was hardly of any use to them these days. When he entered the parking lot, it was barren. Empty. Not a car in sight to drop students off. As if something had swept the area conpletely clean. He checked the watch on his wrist, feeling nauseous as he read the time. 7:30, 10 minutes before the bell would ring. Anxiety climbed up and froze his shoulders as all possible explanations ran rampant in his mind. Maybe it was a holiday, maybe it was April Fool's Day, maybe everyone collectively decided that school didn't mean dogshit anymore. Maybe Marco was still asleep, maybe he was at the wrong school -- he paled when he saw huge, black letters on the sign spell out ECHO CREEK ACADEMY -- maybe, maybe-- Rave music blared, bursting his eardrums and making him scream. "MARCOOOOOOOOOOO" A familiar voice howled, and Marco turned to see the vortex of an interdimensional portal float before him. Star was peeking her head out and watching him with wide eyes. "star. Wtf u doing." Marco deadpanned as the ringing in his ears invaded his head. It wouldnt stop and tbh he was probly scrwed now welp "IM INVITINGU TO A RAVE PARTAY U SJHOULD BCOME WITH!!" She spun her head in an overexaggerated circle and marco wondered how it wasnt falling off when he shouted back, "ARENT U MISSING SCHOOL "PSH FUCK ACHOOL WTF EVEN IS THAT THE EDUCATION SYSTEM ISFUKED MAN" "STAR THE REASON WHY U GET BAD GRADES IS B/C U DONT STUDY NOT BLC THE EDUCATION SYSTEM IS SHIT" "STFU AND COME HERE" She latched onto marcos arms like a person latching onto the love of their life (sideglance at blood moon no offense but ur like a reallllly tacky plot device u know that ahem anyway) Marco was dragged into the portal against his well and he fell flat on his face on the dance floor. "Bitch," he spat "Ur such a baby wah wah" star said. Marco stood up to brush himself off. He wiped dust from his knees, his cuffs, his shoes, his hair, parted himself down until star punched his arm "OWW" "THE FLOOR ISNT THAT DIRTY U GERMOPHOBE OMFG CHILL OUT" Marco ignored her b/c who cares about a princess who blatantly doesnt care about your wellbeing by constantly dragging u everywhwre, putting u in embarrasing sitchuations, and making u worry about her RITE??! And he took a look around The bounce lounge was quite massive, perhaps twice the size it had been before. Nothing new about it necessarily, but it seemed as if the floor had expanded for the sake of fitting more dancers. Whitch wouldve been nice when marco almost fell to his depth in the spiky spikes!! He felt salty as he folded his arms and made grunting noises to show off his displeasure (this is me when im not at home sleeping in my bed) "Dude wyd" a grown ass man asked as he shashayed near marco "wYD???" Marco retaliated before inching away from the weird man "Im mistur candleman the candleman from mr candle carebears" he danced and did his weird shashay thigng (ok tbh i dont know what shashay means and im too lazyto look it up i just know those weird YA novels with those edgy characters and "ooh so speshul" friends shashay up to their best friends or some shit idfk i think its dumb u think im dumb we're on tbhe same page now) "Mr candleman??" Marco feigned shock, horror, what was this godawful counselordoing here oh the AudACITY FOR HIM TO SHOW HIS FACE AFTER TELLING HIM HE SHOULD WORK ON THAT DUMPSTER ISLAND ooHH MARCO JUST WANTED TO PUNCH HIS DI- "@ ease shoulder" (soldur? Soulja? Soldier? It remains a mystery and No imNot goNNA LOOK IT UP U PREPS) "and yeh in the flesh hmhm im on break now blc master tom stopped giving a shit about me" "Good for u" marco rolled his ryes Candleman started doing the doggie (is this how u spell it?? Yall i cant keep up with thhis shit smfh this is such a dumb name for a dance movie istfg!!!) "U gotta chillax marko diuz... Look... All ur friendz are here¡ u should say hi to them maybe u can boost ur cred since u have no social life..l "U SON OF A CANDLESTICK CAREBEAR MY LITTLE PONY BRONT IM GONNA--" Marco left but not before punching mr candleman in the weewoo "thas wut u get hoe" he clackled as mr kindleman crumpled to the ground in a dayze "420" candleman moana'd ( i put 420 because dayze reminded me of blaze yu know yuh feel) Where wus i goig with this hmm hwwll uhh ok im just gonna say rn that when i kept sayong candleman i just thought of that candle guy from booty and the beast was that just me Margo march'd right over to the photo booth wher star was snapping photos with poony head "Pose. Pose. Pose" star and ponyhead made duckfaces in every pic and marco wanted to scream "ive become so numb i cant feel my pear" Instead "Star butterfly u better to take me hone RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!" Marko yowled "Wtf is e doing here" ponyhead groaned before putting on lipstick... Come to think of it this gurl has no arms.. How would she put on lipstick.. "Marco d-azz do u ever chill put" star dedpanned (i feel deja vu feelin rn) "it doesnt matter how much u say no, no one will evah take u seriously!! Just dreal with it bro" Marco put his foot down to the grownd and clamped his jaw started to hurt "u know wut... U know wut bish wemre done. We break in up. We thru" "Oh no he dint," poony head whispered but like that loud whisper that actually is normal voice level so ppl within a 10 foot raidius could hear "Marco..." Star's lips parted on the name, this time ton e very serious and its a guilt truppy tome u know the one that makes u feel guilt and marco felt guilt but he didnt fukin care he was so thru with all her shit he didnt ask for this and he only dated her cuz that bloody ass moon wanted this Why couldnt HE choose who he wanted to spend his life with it just wasnt gooddamn fare "Goodbai star" he said halloweenly He walked away from them, to get off the danke flore but then remembered "zz SPIKES!!" STAR SCRERCHED "NOOOO" And he was falling, falling to his doom, this was it huh, this was how it was all going to end Marco wiped at his eyes as the air whistled around him, sobbing out that he would miss his frendz (ok one friend), his fam (who kinda embrassered him often), and tom who kinda embrassered him to but u know what... He wasnt that bad "And finally," he whispurred "Janna... Fuck u for taking my khakis" (car keys, u know, i mean the the accent because it sounds like khakis but its actuelle car keys mmk imgunna stfu noe this moment is srs SO SHUT UP SHH Marco closed his eyes shut and waited for his imminent ending to the final chapter kinda like shrek forever after the final chapter but theyre coming up with shrek 5 so yeah i want to die too marco i feel "Star reached outa hand stretching it out to her beeloved, scramming •"NOOOOO MARCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"• "Polo" matco laughed before flipping off star And darkness. Ebony darkness. -- Naw jk i was messin with u pf "MARCO NOO THE SPIKES" "STFU STAR WHAT DO U TAKE ME FOR" he snatched her um deemensuinal sceesars and sliced thru the air slice slice slice and dice oh my god i hate that video im not im not gonna reference that again and i hope none of u understand what i was referring to So yeah he bust a dimensionut portal open (shit i referenced it again goodbye world) "Ur portal is all week and wiggly" poony head pointed out with her horn cuz she still aint got dem hands "Fuck u. Polo." "What.." star asked as he disappeared -- So in the end, marco dextercided (ok idk why i wrote dexter but im not changing it cuz these typos hav worked in my gavor) to stay.... With tom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomco for lyfe 20/20 69/69 420/420 So yeah he went to his underground onion layer and played pung pong with him until tom burst into flamez 2 be continooed?????? Exclamation powerpoint exclamation powerpoint??

#mod crim(e)#this is terrible

0 notes