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morkofday · 3 years

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thank you once again @yibobibo for tagging me ♥ even if, like I said, this is pure torture. I have so many sons that I’ve given up on counting them sigh but here goes.

favourite male fictional characters.

I took it that this meant ten so am going with that (tho am not gonna try and put them into order). am also sticking to all the characters I loved this year. and gonna ramble and add gifs so cutting it here.

1. Liu Sang

The Lost Tomb Reboot/Reunion: The Sound of The Providence

I have so much love for this boy it’s not even healthy. it’s a bit funny tho bc once I started tltr, I didn’t really like him and almost forgot about him as the first season ended. he just felt so annoying and bitter in what I saw him, even if I did get that he had a Tragic BackstoryTM (I felt for him but well. tltr really made him hard to like at first). but then they brought him back in the second season with his sad puppy eyes and inability to handle his thoughts on wu xie and being all touch-starved and pitiful and whatnot and baam, I had the adoption papers ready. he’s wonderful and so strong and so smart and amazing. and liu chang as his actor has been wonderful (and he’s so pretty my god, have you seen him??)

2. Shen Wei

Guardian

never did I expect to just. fall into this hole after a year? I remember what a mess I was when I first watched guardian over a year ago, right after finishing the untamed. I was in shambles even as I knew how it would end. and now I’ve done this all again while also reading the novel and. my love for shen wei, especially bc it’s zhu yilong acting as shen wei? astronomical. I want to write poetry about him and his stupid responsibilities that he chooses to carry silently and his devotion to zhao yunlan and his love for his ppl and his didi and. I hope that one day I manage to write weilan bc I have this one idea and you can come pry it from my cold, dead fingers if it doesn’t get out there (am also super happy about the edit I made bc my god does he deserve at least that)

3. Cloud Strife

Final Fantasy VII

ok so stepping into the video games territory now. I was waiting for the remake like crazy and it was everything to me once the quarantine hit during spring. the game is so beautiful and I felt like I looked at this gorgeous boy once and was ready to give him my heart (tbh am quite sure he owned my heart before I even learned to know him). he is tragic in so many ways (I’ve only scratched the surface of all of his pain I know) and I wish I could just. hug him a lot. he is kind and cares very deeply even if he hates to show it and I love it how remake showed him also just being a human disaster (some of his scenes are just. peak comedy). I would kill for his smile (I have already cried for it a dozen)

4. Geralt of Rivia

The Witcher (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)

if there’s one grumpy, brickwall of a man I love, it’s geralt. I affectionately call him “papa wolf” while playing witcher 3 and his voice in it does things to me (I am just so fond of him ok, begone you dirty fuckers). I got introduced to him through the books and adored him in them bc he is so prickly and sarcastic and still so full of love even if he will never admit to it. he is the father figure I wish I could have in real life. (and yes, I’ve seen the tv series (or at least a couple of the first episodes) and it looks stunning but. this is my version of geralt and that’s the hill I will die on)

5. Xiaoge

Zhang Qiling, Daomu Biji (The Lost Tomb 2)

(wow finding a gif for him was a pain, apparently I gotta learn how to gif or?) ah, my dear boy who I’ve ended up just calling xiaoge bc he seems to prefer it over his real name/title/whatever zhang qiling really is. I got introduced to him through tltr where we really didn’t get to know that much about him bc he was just... there. huang junjie was absolutely stunning tho and his soft smiles made me super fond, but only in the lost tomb 2 did I really fall in love with xiaoge as a character. I was surprised tbh bc I didn’t expect it to be this drama? I had so many doubts about the cast in tlt2 but they all delivered! and I think cheng yi’s xiaoge is now my favorite bc he somehow captured that softness and the pain of him? (and we do not talk about that buxun storyline tyvm) tho now that ultimate note is on the way, I gotta say that xiao yuliang does a wonderful job as xiaoge too!

6. Wu Xie

Daomu Biji (Ultimate Note)

(sorry we have to go with a pingxie gif now but maybe it’s only fitting) tbh it’s hard to choose my favorite version of wu xie. I think all of the actors for him have done amazing job showing wu xie in different parts of his life (all of them are very distinct but still feel like the same person) but currently zheng shunxi takes the lead. I really wanted to put the reboot version of him here (bc I love that mature, relaxed and somehow very soft version of him and the angst is phenomenal and the thoughts he has about death... yeah) but I already have zhu yilong’s face here once so :’D wu xie is just one of those characters you cannot not like. he is so strong, so kind, so stubborn, so wonderfully stupid sometimes and in need of careful protection. I also adore it how smart he is and I could listen to him spew history facts for 10 hours straight (even if it was in a tomb full of blood zombies) ♥

7. Jiang Cheng

Jiang Wanyin, The Untamed

my darling boy! my beautiful angry grape! I love him beyond words. I love him in all of his raging, misunderstood, stupid, sassy, constipated, abused, tragic, bitter, big hearted glory. I could write novels about him (and I did and am still writing oh boy) and his love for ppl and his inability to show that love and his loneliness and his issues. I could also write another novel for all of his outfits etc. bc damn, what a fashion king. he is just so great. he owns my soul. he deserves happiness and in this essay I will

8. Isana Yashiro

Adolf K. Weismann, K Project

I rewatched k project this spring bc a) it’s one of my favorite animes ever (it just looks stunning with all the colors) and b) I love yashiro to bits. I remember falling in love with him when I first watched k project many years ago bc he was just so kind and bright. this time though, I ended up seeing another side of him and my god did I cry. he is... so sweet. he cares for others so deeply and is ready to sacrifice so much for them and his love for his two clansmen... yeah. I think I finally saw the tragedy of him too, all the pain and loneliness and insecurity he decides to hide behind his smile and obnoxious personality. he reminded me a lot of myself and watching him made my heart bleed in a good way

9. Qi Tiezui

Ba Ye, The Mystic Nine

(wow am going to riot for the lack of all the gifs hhh) yes, we’re continuing with the dmbj universe that sucked me in big time this year. the drama of the mystic nine wasn’t probably that earth shattering for me as it somehow got boring more than once but I did love ba ye to bits. he was just... so nice? I got it that he was somehow this “comedic relief” in the drama with all of his funny scenes and ridiculous mannerisms but I could see the brilliance of him. he is warm and smart and kind of a romantic too and he cares for all of his friends so deeply? it was also sweet how protective of him his two zhangs were (does that run in the family? the tendency to imprint into one smart but disastrous man and keep him safe? maybe) and I really hope I knew more about him bc he seemed to have a lot of knowledge and a lot of impact to ppl’s lives (I yelled when they mentioned him in ultimate note, I miss him ;;)

10. Dorian Pavus

Dragon Age Inquisition

(yes I’ve been replaying DA:I this year, this counts!) another darling boy! my lovely sass master son! I have so much love for him and his story in DA:I. he is my favorite companion (and his romance is my favorite too, probably obvious in the way am currently romancing him for the third time) and he has given me a lot of strength. the way he stands up against his father, how he’s ready to reform his homeland instead of walking away, how he’s so caring for those he sees struggling... it’s very warming and I feel like I’m safe with him. it feels a bit silly to say that but he really is that comfort character I will seek out when I just want to know am doing fine :’) (and I am so excited to see him again in DA4! probably?)

+ 11. Li Cu

Tomb of the Sea

yes I cheated a bit (with my own rules lol) to fit li cu here. I didn’t really expect to like him or tomb of the sea as much as I did once I started it? I’ve seen leo wu elsewhere before this (battle through the heavens, nirvana in fire) and his face always makes me think about a sad puppy so maybe I just grew fond over li cu instantly bc he was... so hurt? the first episode really slaps you in the face with all of it, showing him being abused, wounded, kidnapped, tortured, used and then just very, very scared and broken. he continues being that throughout the whole drama and I feel like tomb of the sea (or sand sea or sha hai idk) is the darkest and angstiest story in the dmbj universe. I know it deserves to be bc this is a dark time for wu xie but... my darling li cu. I wish him only happiness ;; he was so strong and smart and wonderful in this and it was just so amazing to watch him grow and find his own place in the world just bc he did something himself (even when he got dragged into all of this bc of wu xie) also I support the wu xie adopts li cu -agenda

Honorary mentions:

Zhang Rishan, Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi from DMBJ universe. The Twin Jades of Gusu and Ouyang Zizhen from The Untamed. The Iron Bull and Fenris from Dragon Age games. Thane Krios, Kaidan Alenko and Jaal from Mass Effect games. The whole lot of Assassin’s Creed protagonists (especially Ezio Auditore and Shay Cormac). Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch from The Raven Cycle. Neil Josten from All For The Game. Eduon and March from The Smoke Thieves. Qiling from L.O.R.D. Critical World. Luo Fei from Detective L (played by Bai Yu).

well, with this I can really see that I have a thing for those who are tragic :’D I have a thing for grumpy, prickly and antisocial guys or those who hide their pain behind a smile. maybe it’s bc I am somehow both, even if I can’t show my anger or be mean to others and even if I feel like my smile never sticks either. I just find kinship in all of the characters who are on this list. and I feel like I aspire to be as strong and as kind and as loving despite all the pain I’ve been put through.

thank you, this was so much fun! and sorry I made this so long and so complicated ^^’ but well, there are just way too many male characters I love haha

at the end I want to tag @i-am-just-a-kiddo @ashenwren @kholran @tiesanjiao @lan-xichens @aheartfullofjolllly @manhasetardis and @lzswy ♥ feel free to do this in your own way or not at all! and thank you if you managed to read through my rambling :’D

#tag game #wow this was something #i've been waiting for one #bc there is so much love in me #and this year i've discovered so many #new characters to just gush over #about me #random #edit: added a few characters #and tagged some more ppl sorry #also mobile tumblr wouldnt let me edit so lol

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reneereadskingdomofash · 6 years

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1/8 I really wanted to ask you a question, anonymous because I don't have an account, and anons are off on your main blog so I'm asking on this one! There are no spoilers in this, I promise you. KoA is coming out very very soon, and that means I'll have to do a reread of Tower of Dawn, my favourite in the series. How should I read it? ToD is my favourite because I really love the new characters and worldbuilding. But the main reason is because of Chaol. This book meant a lot to me

its below a cut because its long...

2/8 because of his healing arc. I didn't even love Chaol that much before this book, though I never really thought he was that annoying. I did think his actions toward Aelin and Nesryn were crazy. But the thing I loved most about the book was the message to stop hating yourself for your mistakes, to forgive yourself, and get up when you fall. It was the Valg darkness that had injured him, wasn't it? And it was feeding off of his pain and regret.3/8He had to face all of it to finally be completely healed when Yrene realised that the Valg weren't just an enemy to fight against, they were something to be healed from. I think his insecurities and regrets, and his feeling that he was a failure, were also just like a parasite. That message that this darkness that doesn't let us go forward, that tells us we're not good enough, is like a parasite, and can literally and figuratively paralyse us, and we have to let go of it, really helped me.4/8 I think we all have those feelings in us sometimes, and they are the real enemy, just as much as the Valg are in this series. Tower of Dawn showed me how to fight them. When I first read the book, I was in a bad place and felt like I had failed everyone, and this book let me heal. Now I'm rereading this series and I'm back in a less-than-healthy place, and this year hasn't been that easy. But I've been thinking a lot about the characters—more specifically, Chaol.5/8 He became my favourite character in this book, but I've read so many reasons why I shouldn't like him, and many ways in which he's problematic. I don't condone all of his actions, but I never really read him as annoying. I can see where they're coming from, though. One of the most well-known metas on Chaol is the one about how ToD wasn't his redemption arc and he didn't really change, and mostly stayed the same idiot. I never really read the book to see him redeemed.6/8 I just liked the message of his healing. Heir of Fire is a very close second to ToD as my favourite, because of both Aelin and Manon's change of view. (Side note: Aelin went through so much in the series and triumphed, so it seemed a really crazy idea to put her in an iron coffin, and give her that feeling that she's failed everyone again. But I think it shows that the path to complete self-acceptance in anyone's journey is never linear. But I digress! Enough about my love for healing arcs.)7/8 The point is, there are many, many valid reasons to dislike Chaol, and so many of the things he's done—not just to Aelin and Nesryn, but throughout the whole series—are pretty stupid. But can't I like the good parts and learn from the bad parts, without condoning them? Are the people who like Chaol better at excusing problematic things or something? The reasons to hate him are all such good reasons, and I acknowledge them. I feel like I should probably start reading him that way too.8/8 I'm sorry for all the rambling in your asks, but my question is: should I do my reread looking for all the reasons why I shouldn't like him, or is it okay to read it my way? I acknowledge the wrong things he's done, but does it make me a bad person to like him anyway? Does liking problematic characters make me a bad person? Is it all right if I didn't read his character as that annoying? I feel very conflicted about this, and that's why I'm asking you.

Hey NONNIE!

I am so sorry I only just saw this as I came back to tumblr today! My asks are back open on my main btw - or they are supposed to be. :) So I’m first going to say that we all take in books, movies, stories differently.

Sure over time some are deemed to be "less than great" while others triumph and are called the best books of a generation. (and I disagree with a few of those lol).

I like to listen to a lot of different point of views in the tumblr world. But I have learned that people will see what they want to see.

Read Tower of Dawn how YOU want to read it.

If Chaol is your fav that’s valid. Even if Maeve was your favourite - that’s Valid too. We can like characters without condoning what they do. We can like stories while knowing that they might contain controversial topics. I loved Tower of Dawn when I first read it. And I Loved it the second time as I read it simultaneously with Empire of Storms.

I'm sure I’m going to go off on a tangent so I apologise if I do.

But its important to read for your own enjoyment. Decide what you think. Decide what you like or don’t like. Its fine. Then if you decide you want more ideas and perspectives then look for them. But don't beat yourself up if you don’t completely agree.

And if your mind changes after a second read - that’s fine too. Opening ourselves to more experiences and stories is what makes us more accepting as a whole - I believe.

So I'm going to focus on your questions before I go on a meta Tangent.

Should I do my reread looking for all the reasons why I shouldn't like him, or is it okay to read it my way? - READ It however you want hun

I acknowledge the wrong things he's done, but does it make me a bad person to like him anyway? NO You are not a bad person Example. My grandfather cheated on my grandmother with another person. He was still my grandad. I still had a relationship with him. I use this story a bit. He did some dumb shit but it never made him a bad person. He did some worse shit to some other people which def could make him a bad person, but he was still my grandad and I loved him. He lived his life and made mistakes and spent a lot of his life trying to atone. WE ARE HUMAN. And I think it actually says a lot about SJM's storytelling abilities to make such complex characters. The older I get - the more I seem to forgive people for some things and condemn them for others. When I was 15 I told my uncle he was going to die if he kept smoking - I was blunt and brutal and didn’t care. Now I wouldn’t say that - but I also wouldn't let my kids be around him while he smokes and I would say that to him instead. He can do what he wants - i’m not there to police his choices. So I guess perspectives change, or how we go about enacting change changes. Anyway You are not a bad person. I am not a bad person.

Does liking problematic characters make me a bad person? um short answer - NOI really like Lorcan. A lot of people don’t and that’s fine. But he's my problematic character I'm stuck on hahaha

it all right if I didn't read his character as that annoying? Yes because we all make friends with different sorts of people.My best friend is not going to be your best friend. We cant all be the same. Different backgrounds and morals, beliefs etc are going to mesh together and we form friendships. So you can have your best friend and not need everyone else to love them too - the world doesn’t work like that. So loving a book character that other people don’t love is fine too.

I feel the conflictedness- (I just made that word up its now a word) but honestly. Do what you enjoy. Do what you want to do. Don’t let it get you down. Remember Dorian and Chaol are BFF's so he's gotta be the right best friend for someone and maybe you are just more like Dorian than other people are - ;) right! hahaha.

Sorry I’m not sure when u sent this ask, hopefully its not been answered too late. :)

#tod #ask #nonnie #answered #Anon #renee answers

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malakhai-ozera · 4 years

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Discord Text Thread || Khai & Dorian

Discord thread featuring: Khai and Dorian ( @dammitdorian )

When: August 30th

Mentions: Landon ( @davieslandon ) & Roman ( @romanbeckett )

Description: Khai tells Dorian he still has feelings for Landon and they discuss taking a break.

Trigger Warnings: Feels…So much feels!!!

Khai. Dori... I don’t want to live anymore. I’m so over being here.

DORIAN What? Baby, don’t say that. What’s wrong? What happened?

Khai. I just hate being here. Everyone hates me and thinks I’m toxic and unstable and I am I’m all those things

DORIAN No, baby, you’re not. Everyone does not hate you. It’s just the people who don’t know you well who make quick judgments about you. They don’t know you. So they don’t matter. You’re a wonderful person. You’re kind, honest, giving, intelligent, romantic, considerate. And so much more.

Khai. I’m none of those things. all I do is fuck things up and make a mess

DORIAN You are. That’s not true. Baby, you’re the first person I fell in love with after losing my wife. You think that happened by accident? By chance? For no good reason? It doesn’t work that way.

Khai. you shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have let you. I’m not good.. I did things and said things that are so... not good

DORIAN I’m confused...

Khai. but I’m so selfish and stupid so stupid

DORIAN And you couldn’t have controlled whether or not I fell in love with you. What are you talking about babe? What did you do?

Khai. it doesn’t matter. I just ruin everything

DORIAN I’m so confused

Khai. I’m sorry

DORIAN You haven’t ruined anything baby. I love you. My life is better with you in it and I know for a fact that there are other people who feel that way as well, in different ways.

Khai. I told landon I liked him. I asked him on a date. This was before we got together. But I did like him, I have for months. But he doesn’t believe a word I said because I just jumped right into a relationship with you two day’s later and Roman... it doesn’t matter about a Roman. That’s a whole other issue. I just, I’m tired of hurting people

DORIAN I already knew about you liking Landon... and I knew that you and Roman had history. You told me.. you were honest with me about it from the beginning.

Khai. I know I just don’t want to hurt anyone

DORIAN So why are you feeling guilty about it now? Are you saying we moved too fast? Because you knew I was cautious and would’ve been willing to wait but you insisted... I thought it was because you really wanted to be with me.

Khai. I do want to be with you it‘a just complicated

DORIAN I... didn’t know it was complicated.

Khai. it’s just that I still have feelings for him. I feel like that isn’t fair to you

DORIAN Oh.

Khai. he doesn’t want me though. he’s made that quite clear

DORIAN Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Khai. No

DORIAN Don’t worry, I won’t leave you for this other guy I have feelings for because he doesn’t like me back. But if he did, I would. That’s how it sounds.

Khai. yeah, like I said. I’m fucked up and a piece of shit

DORIAN Don’t do that.

Khai. it’s the truth

DORIAN What’s the truth? That you would leave me for him if you could?

Khai. I don’t know

DORIAN Wow.

Khai. I don’t know what to say

DORIAN Did you ever really love me? Is anything you’ve ever said to me true?

Khai. I do love you

DORIAN But you don’t know if you’d stay with me if someone else you liked had feelings for you.

Khai. It’s not that simple

DORIAN Then what is it?

Khai. it’s not just anyone. I’m just so fucking torn. He doesn’t even want me so I don’t even know why

DORIAN I can’t fucking believe this.

Khai. I’m so sorry. I’m just trying to be honest with you

DORIAN Why weren’t you honest with me from the start? I thought you had been. But it seems you conveniently left some stuff out.

Khai. I was honest

DORIAN Am I not enough for you? Have I not done enough? Did I do something wrong and you didn’t tell me?

Khai. Dorian it’s not like that. You didn’t do anything wrong. you’re perfect

DORIAN obviously not.

Khai. you are. it’s just not that simple. I don’t want these feelings

DORIAN Why can’t I ever be enough for anybody?

Khai. don’t do that. you are. you’ve loved me like no one else has in a really long time. It’s not you I’m fucking toxic

DORIAN Stop. Don’t feed in to that bullshit everybody says about you. I’m just hurt and jealous. I love you and you’ve been nothing but amazing to me. Of course I don’t think you’re toxic. So what happens now?

Khai. you have nothing to be jealous of he literally doesn’t want me

DORIAN The man who has all of me has eyes for someone else. How can I not be jealous?

Khai. because you have me

DORIAN so.. you’re not leaving?

Khai. I really don’t know what the right thing to say here is I don’t want you to feel like I’m just settling

DORIAN So just tell me you aren’t and mean it.

Khai. I don’t know if I can do that. I would mean it. But, that doesn’t change how I feel. I don’t want to lie to you

DORIAN I just... I’m doing all that I can to show you how much I love you.

Khai. I know you are and I know you do. I love you too. I don’t expect you to believe that but I do. I don’t want you to have to change who you are to fit with me either. I’m a mess

DORIAN I can’t change who I am even if I wanted to.

Khai. I just feel like all I’ll ever do is hurt you. If it’s not this then it’s drinking or drugs or just me

DORIAN That’s not true, Khai. If it was, I wouldn’t be fighting so hard to keep you. I know my worth.

Khai. so you’re fine with me doing those things?

DORIAN Of course I’m not okay with you doing things that could hurt you. But I’d feel that way even if we were just friends, because it’s about your well being. Not mine. And I mean... now that the initial shock has worn off. It could be worse. You could’ve cheated on me. You could’ve left me for him. And I know it’s possible for you to have feelings for more than one person because you’ve been in poly relationships. And I also know that drinking and drugs are not something you can just stop doing altogether. That it’ll always be a process. And I’m here to see you through all of it because I love you.

Khai. Dorian... I don’t know what to say

DORIAN What? Did I say something wrong?

Khai. No. not at all. I love you.

DORIAN I love you too. I’m sorry I freaked out.

Khai. don’t be sorry I’m still a piece of shit

DORIAN Stop. You’re not. You’re polyamorous.

Khai. Am I?

DORIAN You’re the one who was in a whole threeway relationship earlier this year. Lol.

Khai. yeah

DORIAN That’s literally the definition of polyamorous, baby. You loved them both at once, right?

Khai. yeah. I just don’t know if that’s something I still want

DORIAN What does that mean?

Khai. I just want to be with someone and be their only one. I just don’t know where I fit I feel like I’m not good for anyone

DORIAN Well, I only want you.

Khai. okay

DORIAN Okay?

Khai. I’m really just tired. I need a drink

DORIAN Okay.

Khai. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore

DORIAN Well.. I’ll be here regardless. Unless you want me to leave.

Khai. I just don’t want to hurt you

DORIAN You’ll make yourself miserable always worrying about if you will or not, baby. Just live in the moment. We’ll keep loving each other and hope for the best.

Khai. okay can I please die today tho?

DORIAN I’d rather not have another person I love die.

Khai. Ohhh shit I’m sorry I wasn’t serious

DORIAN It’s okay... I know you weren’t. But still.

Khai. why do you even like me? God

DORIAN For all the reasons I listed earlier in this conversation. For making me believe in love again after tragedy.

Khai. you sure it’s not just the sex?

DORIAN Positive. It’s a great add on though lol.

Khai. I might be in it for just the sex. hahaha I’m kidding

DORIAN I was about to be so pissed lmao.

Khai.

I mean, it’s good sex. great sex even

DORIAN Obviously. There’s no denying that.

Khai. yeahhhhhh

DORIAN but if that’s all I wanted, I could’ve had that and stayed single.

Khai. why didn’t I think of that?

DORIAN Malakhai.

Khai. kidding lol so now what?

DORIAN You tell me.

Khai. I don’t know. I had to go and make things awkward now

DORIAN No worries baby. I don’t feel awkward though.

Khai. that’s good I guess

DORIAN Mhm. I’m good.

Khai. good. I’m still gonna get drunk or maybe high

DORIAN High on what?

Khai. liiiiiife. haha kidding weed

DORIAN Uh huh lol. I have a question.

Khai. yeah?

DORIAN Are we still together?

Khai. uhhhh I don’t know. Are we?

DORIAN I want to stay together. I’m just not sure if you do or not.

Khai. I love you

DORIAN I love you too.

Khai. Can I just... get back to you on that?

DORIAN Okay..

Khai. I’m just not sure where you really stand with me being “poly”

DORIAN If I was really that upset about it, I’d have broken up with you.

Khai. I mean, are you saying we should be open? Or.. I’m just so confused about everything today

DORIAN I’m saying I love you and I wanna be with you. I don’t really know anything else for sure.

Khai. okay. I feel like a broken record saying this. But, I don’t know

DORIAN Just let me know when you’ve figured out what you want.

Khai. so... a break then?

DORIAN if that’s what you want.

Khai. sigh... do I have to stay away from you if so?

DORIAN I dunno. I’ve never done a break before. I’m not really a hundred percent sure what it means tbh.

Khai. I mean, typically it’s like a break up for a period of time

DORIAN Oh.

Khai. yeaaaahhh I don’t want to not be with you tho

DORIAN I don’t know what to say.

Khai. me either

DORIAN My stomach hurts.

Khai. I’m sorry. My chest hurts and my eyes hurt and I just wanna crawl into a hole

DORIAN I just.. I don’t understand what’s going on.

Khai. too bad you can’t get drunk with me

DORIAN idk how that would help. It’d probably just make me even more emotional. And it wouldn’t make this make any more sense either.

Khai. yeah I guess

DORIAN Yeah.

Khai. wanna have sex?

DORIAN Yes.

Khai. okay

DORIAN Do you want to?

Khai. of course I do. do you know me at all? lol

DORIAN I’m not so sure right now.. I thought I did but hardly anything you’ve said in the last two and a half hours has made sense to me.

Khai. ouch

DORIAN I’m not trying to be rude. I just don’t know where your head is at.

Khai. apparently it’s up my own ass

DORIAN You say you love me but you don’t know if you wanna stay together so I’m just confused. But I love you and I do know what I want and that I don’t wanna lose you so I’ll just take what I can get I guess.

Khai. Dori... I really don’t know where my heads at either

DORIAN I keep feeling like it’s my fault somehow.

Khai. it’s not. it’s all me. I just feel like I’m always fucking things up. I shouldn’t have pushed us to be together so fast when I knew I still liked him. I just fell for you so hard and I didn’t want to lose you. I lose everyone. But it’s my own fault that I do. I still don’t want to lose you. But I can’t have you both and I’m just so torn. Which makes no sense because he clearly doesn’t even like me

DORIAN You were right when you said it’s complicated.

Khai. yeah. I’m so sorry I’m like this.

DORIAN Are you not in love with me?

Khai. I am. I’m so in love with you

DORIAN I’m so in love with you too. I just don’t know how to feel right now.

Khai. I know. I’m sorry

DORIAN I just wanna know that you still feel the same way about me.

Khai. I do. nothing’s changed. I’m just... an idiot

DORIAN Make love to me. Please.

Khai. anytime.

DORIAN I’ll be waiting.

Khai. I’m on my way. I love you

DORIAN I love you too.

Khai. I don’t really want to break up.

DORIAN You don’t?

Khai. No.

DORIAN You’re sure?

Khai. No. lol

DORIAN Well shit.

Khai. just love me okay?

DORIAN I do. So very much.

#text.#chats:dorian #chats:discord #ft.dorian #ft.landon #ft.roman #{dorian taylor;; don't you know you're fuckin' beautiful}

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