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royalwilmon · 26 days

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4, 18 and 20 for the ask game pls (hope you have the best day) 💜💜

ahhhhh thank youuuu love i hope YOU have the best day as well!!!!!

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

GAHHHHH. i want my answer to be one. my plate is already so so so full with tomt i cant let my brain think of anything elseee i have to stay FOCUSED.

really though i'm Constantly thinking about a bunch of fics ive abandoned. i started my circus fic ages ago and put in so much time and effort into research and that story is FULLY outlined and realized, but unfortunately i just... its never gonna happen, unfortunately. (i did post the full outline for the fic in the comments if anyone was ever curious what would have happened if simon and wille were in a 19th century circus together lmaooooo)

i also had a theatre au in the works for a whileeeee (it was going to be my cmul followup for a hot sec) that wouldve been great if i ever actually did anything with it. hillerska was going to put on pippin!!!!!! simon would have played pippin and he would have sang "morning glow" and wille (the assistant director) would have fallen in LOVE. rip theatre kid au you wouldve been such a blast

18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

oh i love a good outline!!!!!!!! yes i usually have a separate google doc that has chapter breakdowns listed out. for tomt that document also has a timeline so i can keep track of what happened when in the ten years in between my fic and canon. for cmul i printed out calendars for each month the fic covered so i could get the dates exactly right (time stamps!!!!! so tricky!!!!!!!!!). it also helps me to have a doc thats just for random notes and thoughts and links, just so i don't lose anything.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

ohhhhhh let me set the sceneeeeee. its early evening. im in sweatpants and a hoodie and fuzzy socks, super comfy. i'm at my desk. i have google docs open on one monitor, and spotify open on the other. i have a playlist specifically curated for Exactly what i'm writing. i have a glass of something, preferably white wine but whatever i've got handy. and a snack! for tomt, i always have twizzlers.

like this!!!! it looks like this!!!!!

(please ask more questions!!!! <333333)

#inquiries #ask game

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vennylavey · 1 year

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Sorting out my Thoughts regarding Tolya and Inej

A few days ago, I finished watshing Shadow and Bone Season 2 and

what.

The.

FUCK.

Some background before you quote me on this!

I first fell in love with the crows on Season 1 of S&B. They, along with the sheer insanity of the fandom that I resonated with, encouraged me to buy the duology and read the hecc out of it. Out of all the grishaverse books, I've only ever read the six of crows duology, so I only know show!Tolya from S&B Season 2.

I am an avid Kanej shipper. I love Kaz. I'm in love with Inej. Love them together and as individual characters. (recently started rereading, and since mentally separating the show and the books, i've been really seeing them in a new lights from both angles! and both endear me.) I hold this ship sacred and very close to my heart, and nothing will ever change that.

Some spoilers from here on out!

Like any other fellow fan who followed the series primarily because of kanej, who learned to peck for crumbs in the briefest (longest) of gazes and the subtlest of interactions, I was on the edge of my seat anticipating every smidge of development between my favourite pair.

It wasn't a steady rise in progression, but it was the Kaz and Inej way, and I loved it. Ot's nice that they kept that sense of angsty realism from the books. (Can't say the impact and heaviness of Kaz's trauma and backstory was fully communicated, but Freddy did SO GREAT.) The sort-of push and pull kept me positively on my toes throughout the whole series, so I became laser-focused on their relationship the whole time.

Then came rolling Episode 8.

GLORIOUS 'and how would you have me?' MOMENT. the tension, the looking at each other, the miniscule changes in expression, the way you could see the monologue in the pause between responses - yes, im talking about kaz 'you, inej. you.' brekker (bless u freddy carter) - and the sheer fragility of the moment. it's everything i could have asked for in an adaptation of that scene

AND I WAS ABSOLUTELY FLOORED.

(and devastated. angst symptom, really. but mostly floored.)

Then we got a little moment with Nikolai and Mal, and damn, even after a break-up-but-not-really-a-break-up, INEJ LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL I SKDJFKDJ

She looked hopeful, which makes sense. For her, its a new beginning. Its a half equivalent of the ending she got in crooked kingdom. The best thing about it is that she just doesn't look like she has any regret. (Not that she doesn't care about Kaz, but that she doesn't regret not settling for less than she deserves.) AND INEJ - inej deserves that kind of weightless freedom.

AND THEN AND THEN

THAT SCENE

THAT SCENEEEEEE

TOLYA OFFERED A HAND FOR THE BAG. LIKE, NOT EVEN TO HELP HER UP YET, SPECIFICALLY FOR THE BAG, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY. Inej is a bit estranged by the gesture (She's so used to mannerless crows lol) but gives it, anyway. Tolya offers his other hand. Inej, endeared, but confused, accepts the help, AND YOOO

THE HEAT.

THE HEAT IN TOLYA'S GAZE AS INEJ WALKS FURTHER ONTO THE SHIP.

THE LITTLE SMALL SMIRK AS HE LOOKED AT HER.

THAT. BROKE ME.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

The tension was there. It's so obvious. THEY (production) MADE SURE IT WAS FELT. I'm balling because I got totally played by the pacing.

Most of what I felt throughout the scene mirrored Inej's. Did not consider AT ALL that Tolya was holding any interest for her, so the quiet and the emphasis in the nonverbal cues in the scene really built up the realization, and that expression Tolya had after Inej turns away hit me in the face like it was Kaz's cane.

Looked for images online, showed it to my friends, and REALLY had to ask their opinion if said expression was a look of interest or I'm just overthinking it. IT COULD VERH WELL BE HIM PLAYFULLY TEASING HER BEING UNUSED TO GENTLE FRIENDLINESS, RIGHT? Friends said that look is their exact look when looking at their love interest, and mhm. Admittedly, I was in denial.

Saw a reddit thread about it! I WAS SO GLAD I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW IT. THEY EVEN LISTED SOME OTHER SCENES FROM OTHER EPISODES THAT POINTED TO TOLYA'S INTEREST, and oh, they were so right.

Having rewatched it, it was really obvious. The tension was there when I really looked at them. I EVEN MISSED HOW TOLYA WAS TELLING OVHAL TO TAKE HIM INSTEAD OF INEJ.

I felt like, from that, I really should have seen it coming.

But I understand that it was easy to get distracted by the other narratives! Such as wesper troubles in paradise, hyperfixated on the way tolya meditated(?) to withstand the poison longer, INEJ'S DELUSION????, Jesper's heartwarming and simultaneously heartbreaking dream, KAZ DENYING HOW MUCH INEJ MEANS TO HIM, Ohval's badassery (i did not think she could get any more badass, but she did), and that wonderful fight scene??? Oh, yeah. So much was happening.

After that scene in episodr 8, it was hard not to try following where his gaze led for the rest of the episode, and definitely found it briefly landing on the part of the boat that Inej was a few seconds later revealed to be hanging from.

Did I already love Tolya before the scene that dropped the bomb? Yes. Do I still love Tolya? Yes, I do. Do I love him so much more for it, regardless? Yes, yes, yes.

Tolya alone with his passion for poetry, family, adventhre, and his superstions was loveable enough. But anyone who treats Inej with the respect she so rightfully deserves also gets a great in my book.

BUT DID I IMMEDIATELY FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT REALLY BEING ADVERSE TO THE IDEA OF TOLYA BEING INTERESTED IN INEJ?

Honestly, a little bit.

But Kanej would always be endgame. And I do not see Tolya as a threat to that.

It's a little unnerving how I didn't see these details and made the connrctions in the series as I watched, but Inej and Tolya are plenty alike.

Both are passionately religious, both know their superstitions, both have an occupation or a way of life that somehow go against some principles of their beliefs, and they SUCKED AT FIGHTING OHVAL LMAO but their movements and actions in episode 6 were really in sync. Could probably inflict more damage together with more practice, but it's a nice detail that they didn't accidentally hit each other even once despite fighting side by side for the first time. (Or I may be overthinking it, and it's just all the characters' innate experiences in fighting because there also wasn't any problems when Inej fought alongside Zoya, someone she also met only recently.) Other than the fighting, it should also be noted that when the door closed, they kinda moved at the same time. could be for cinematic effect. but it can also be interpreted as both of them being right hands mans of a sort, inej to kaz, and tolya to nikolai, leading them to develop similar habits.

These similarities give them something to bond over. Gives Inej someone to learn from. And I don't know Tolya's story yet, but these common traits and interest is part of the main reason I like their dynamic. Doesn't need to be romantic. I feel they can be great friends and close allies, and if they get flirty, that would also be amusing.

I would love to see their on screen interactions in general.

Regarding Inej's trauma and Tolya's Aro-ace representation

If you think about it, these two facts kind of make them compatible. Self-explanatory. If you see this as a ship, Inej not wanting to be touched and Tolya's minimal need/no need for touch is the simplest way to go about things, I feel. Wouldn't fault you for taking that route.

But part of the reason why Kanej works so well is that they encourage and motivate each other to heal from their trauma.

And unless Inej comes out as Ace/Aro/Aro-Ace, it's healthy for book!inej to desire to touch another person in spite of her trauma. No matter how slow the progress.

In the show, Inej's trauma is never discussed at all. It even seems non existent. I could handle them not confronting it directly. It's possible they may be saving it for the spinoff. But the show of physical casual physical contact kind of negates that a bit, such as Jesper coming up to hug Inej and spin her around. But to fit in the narrative, I think Tolyacan help with that. More on that in a bit, but first

The headcanon that Tolya is Aro-Ace

This is really the only source I found regarding any book statements about the origins of Tolya being Aro-Ace. And I've read the fact that Tolya is the only one eith no clear partner through the books have been brought up!

And while I first interpreted this quote from the book as something like, he just doesn't particularly think about it or desire it, and is completely fine with taking his time,

I am also very much in love with the Aro-Ace representation. It's rare, and it feels right on Tolya, to be honest.

Like I said, I don't particularly want him and Inej to be a certain way. (TRYING SO HARD NOT TO PROJECT ON INEJ CAUSE IM ATTRACTED TO HIM) But i do want to see some semblance of closeness between them!

So Queer platonic relationships do exist. I think it's a valid path or ending fanfiction-wise for those who want them 'together' together! I think the exposure to it, and how such a relationship would work, still validates the representation. but I'm not Aro-Ace myself, so do correct me if I'm wrong, and my sincerest apologies if I've offended anyone.

Part of why I still find hope for the Aro-Ace HC is because Tolya doesn't seem to be operating on his interest for Inej based on physical attraction or emotional connection. His intetest truly started from the life debt, then gratitude, thst he'd developed concern for her. I also think Tolya could just be a bit reverent of Inej (hence the look in e08), or appreciate her as a person or someone he could resonate with, but that's my own headcanon.

For how whatever is between tolya and inej could be a significant narrative, please refer to this BCOS THEY SAID IT PERFECTLY AND THATS RLLY THE ONLY WAY I CAN ENVISION IT HAPPENING ROMANTICALLY, AND REALLY ITS SO TRUEEE, AND DOES WONDERS FOR THE KANEJ DEVELOPMENT, would make endgame kanej all the more gratifying. its a bit inej-centered tho, and we also need to talk about how its important to tolya

this one explains how it would be narratively significant for tolya, too. tolya's realization of identity happening in the show also kind of matches the kind of subtle changes the adaptation makes to characters (like how in the show, we are shown inej's first kill, but inej has long resorted to murder in the start of soc), so personally, i agree, and think it would fit.

Friendly reminder that I wrote this with consideration to the separation of the show and the book!

Just had to get this out so I can finally focus on my exams!

Remember to keep rewatching season 2 <3 WE NEED THAT SIX OF CROWS SPIN OFF. dont even think abt cancelling, netflix

#inej x tolya #tolnej #kaz x inej #kanej #shadow and bone s2 #shadow and bone #my kanej loving heart is guilty #but in it #there is room for tolya #this is extremely self indulgent #TOLYA SAID WELCOME ABOARD #AND I FELT THAT SO HARD

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