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dearlordsanta · 2 years

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For Better or For Worse in Sickness

It’s been a while since I posted on here, I think because it’s been helping, so I don’t feel like I need to do it as often. I’m going to commit to doing it more regularly though because on the off chance someone is reading it and it’s helping in any way, shape, or form, I will continue. This is a long one, so buckle up.

First, I want to talk a little about my relationship with my husband. We’ve been together for almost nine years and married for just over four of those years. When I met him, I was two years out of an on-again/off-again relationship and was really struggling with it, so I wasn’t looking for anything serious. He and I worked for the same company, but at different retail locations. One day, I was asked to cover at his location, which is how we met, and we both did something a little quirky that made it easy to joke around and have fun at work that day. We both carried our Nintendo 3DS in our back pockets to collect Street Passes. We were both teased by coworkers about it at our respective locations, so we bonded over the 3DS and this odd little quirk of ours. He also made fun of how I spoke due to the odd colloquialisms I used. He left a lot earlier than I did that night, but I figured since we got along so well, I should see if he has social media so we could stay in touch, so I decided when I got home that night, I would search for him.

When I got home, even though it was very early in the morning (about 1am since the store was far away and it was the holiday season and all that), I booted up my laptop, got on Facebook to search for him, and noticed I already had a friend request from him that he had sent when he got home from work that night. I quickly accepted and sent him a message. To my surprise, he was still awake and responded immediately.

We spent the next few days messaging back and forth from the time we got up until we went to sleep, and even made plans to hang out in a shared day off we had coming up in about two weeks’ time. We had decided that he would come over and play Mario Kart (he had been bragging about his mad skills and I wasn’t too bad myself), then we were going to see a movie we both wanted to see and go to a popular local diner after to talk about it. The week before this hang out, he said that since we were hitting it off so well, he wanted to make this hang out a date instead. I was really skeptical about this. I wasn’t sure I was ready for a relationship or anything, I had been on a few dates since I had broken up with my previous boyfriend, but never felt ready, so it never went passed date two. I liked this guy and didn’t want to miss out on a really great friend if this dating thing didn’t work out. Plus, this hangout was starting out at my parents’ house playing Mario Kart with my dad and my youngest sister! It felt wrong (lol). So, I told him all that. He said if it didn’t work out, it didn’t work out, but there was no harm in seeing where it went.

I was nervous about it, so I knew he had been a type 1 diabetic his whole life, so I did research and learned as much as I could about it. I figured if we were going to be spending time together, I should know more about it, so I was prepared. (He was very touched when I told him later that this was how I prepared for our date.)

The date went really well, in case you didn’t guess. It took me a few weeks to get on board with making it official, but after two weeks, we were officially ‘dating’. We’ve been together ever since. He’s one of the funniest people I know and we’ve helped each other grow into better people. We had a lot in common, but the best part about our relationship is our communication. It sounds hokey, but it’s true. You can’t have a good relationship with anyone without good communication whether it’s a lover, a friend, a parent, or a sibling, it doesn’t matter. Good communication is always important.

If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know my husband is ill. About a year after we got married, he started to get sick and now he’s been unable to work for several years at this point. Within that first year of diagnosis, he gave me an out. He said that he was in this for the long haul, it wasn’t going to get better and he knew I wanted to have kids and he wanted me to be happy, not to suffer with him. I told him that my vows meant something to me. I married him for a reason and I wasn’t going to leave just because it was going to get harder. This was not an easy decision. I have wanted to be a mom more than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life, but with the way things are, it’s just not feasible. I am still frequently dealing with that part of it, especially as I get into the latter part of my “childbearing years”, but I’ve been working with my therapist on that because, as I said, my vows mean something to me.

He has Diabetic Gastroparesis which, to put it simply, makes it hard for your digestive system to do its job. Symptoms include vomiting, nausea, abdominal bloating, abdominal pain, a feeling of fullness after eating just a few bites, vomiting undigested food eaten a few hours earlier, acid reflux, changes in blood sugar levels, lack of appetite, weight loss, malnutrition, and fatigue. This has made it very hard to control his blood sugar levels, which has its own side effects, and the weight loss makes it even more difficult because that causes the amount of insulin that he needs to take to fluctuate.

The worse thing that can happen with chronic diseases, is having one that not many doctors know anything about. For years one of the worse symptoms for my husband has been fatigue. He sometimes sleeps for 14-16 hours a day and is still exhausted. Sometimes he sleeps more, sometimes less. He’s always in pain, but that fluctuates too. On good days, he’s at about a 2 on the pain scale and on the bad days, he can’t even move...I always say those days are a 12 on a scale of 1 to 10. He has been told for the last three years that he needs to get used to it because this is the way life is now and he should be able to manage it enough to work. Unfortunately, that has not been the case. Recently, our PC doctor recommended a new gastro doctor who has been wonderful. He is the first doctor that has listened to my husband and agrees that his symptoms are not within the norm and the new doctor is fairly certain that there is something else in play here. This alone has improved the mental health of my husband exponentially.

During one of his good days last week, he got online and did a ton of research on his elevated fatigue. He found that he has almost every symptom of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Symptoms of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome are fatigue, problems with memory or concentration, sore throat, headaches, enlarged lymph nodes in your neck or armpits, unexplained muscle or joint pain, dizziness that worsens with moving from lying down or sitting to standing, unrefreshing sleep, and extreme exhaustion after physical or mental exercise. So, he pushed himself and went to our PC doctor one day to talk about it. She agreed that it was possible and ordered bloodwork. Bloodwork came back today and according to those tests, he was right. He was so relieved.

You may think relief is a weird thing to feel after having a second difficult to handle chronic diagnosis, but what you need to understand is, that when people have an “invisible illness” or “invisible disability” they are constantly having to defend themselves. We get a lot of eye rolls, uneducated advice, and hurtful statements such as “he’s just being lazy” or “he just doesn’t want to work”. We’ve received treatment like this from family, friends, co-workers, and strangers on the internet. Tell us he just needs to go outside and push himself to exercise when he feels like he can’t move and to “just eat” because it’s “not that hard”. Sadly, this is not likely to stop with the new diagnosis.

As hard as this whole journey has been, and will be, I am glad I decided to stay with my husband. Having someone in your corner makes a huge difference. As hard as it’s been going through this together, I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if he was going through this alone. I had to push him for over a year to get a third opinion because all the doctors were saying “this is your life now, get used to it, and get back to work.”

A lot of people ask me why I stay if I am so frustrated and sad all the time. Like I said, my vows mean something to me. I married this man for a reason. I don’t believe in destiny or fate because that would mean there is a reason behind the terrible suffering some people have to go through, and I can’t believe that.

I love my husband. Part of the reason I write here is that if I vent out how upset, frustrated, angry, or sad I am about all this, it hurts him. He has enough to deal with, he knows how I feel, and it’s not worth putting him in a negative environment. Part of the reason we’ve gotten this far is that I don’t vent my daily frustrations out on him.

“Rebellions are built on hope.” So, I rebel against the negative feelings and frustrations so that we may have hope that things will get better one day, and he can have a better quality of life.

#RebllionsAreBuiltOnHope #Diabetic #Type1 #Gastroparesis #ForBetterOrForWorse #InvisibleIllness #InvisibleDisability #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #JournalVenting #EducateYourself #MentalHealthIsImportantToo #CommunicationIsImportant #Communication #LaughTogether

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justawanderingbabbit · 4 years

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MXTX Drabble C22 is up and mirrored here

Chapter 22

: The Art of Listening (A Waiting on the Night Hunt Extra) Summary:

Before Wen Qionglin was finally allowed to build the Night Hunt School in the Earn Your Happy Ending universe, he worked as an unofficial babysitter. But sometimes things still manage to go wrong because kids are kids.

(Written for our Cinnamon Roll's birthday and at the request of my Partner In Crime.)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"I SWEAR I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR LEGS IF YOU COME BACK DEAD AGAIN!"

Wen Qionglin watched Jiang Wanyin pace at the edge of the cliff face, glaring down into the chasm where Wei Wuxian had apparently gone, chasing after young Jin Ling. At least this time the fault lay with the juniors Jin Ling was trying to help. Despite everything that'd happened before, Laoling Qin were still Lanling Jin's allies.

"Respect... Master Jiang... Young Master Lan...."

"I KNOW LAN WANGJI'S WITH THEM! HE'S AS BAD AS WEI WUXIAN IS!"

Wen Qionglin sighed, forcing the air in and out of his lungs so the sound was just audible. "Young Master Lan... had... seeker's...."

"I KNOW HE HAS A SEEKER'S COMPASS! I KNOW IT'S TIED TO WEI WUXIAN!"

Another sigh. This one as loud as Wen Qionglin could manage. He really wished he could shout, but it took so much effort to talk already. "And.... gave.... it... to me...."

That made Jiang Wanyin stop. Glare at Wen Qionglin as hard as he could glare. "Why would he give it to you? You're dead. You can't use it."

"To... give... to... you...."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?"

That tore it. Somehow Wen Qionglin managed to draw more than enough air into his lungs for a proper shout. "BECAUSE YOU WON'T STOP INTERRUPTING!"

There were three reasons Wen Qionglin didn't tend to raise his voice. The first, of course, because it took extra effort. The second because - even dead - he was naturally quiet and meek, with no desire to raise a fuss. As for the third reason, a ferocious corpse, especially a ferocious corpse whose state had been improved on by the Yiling Patriarch and augmented by the purified Abyss, was incredibly powerful.

Every tree in the area shook, leaves falling in thick clouds. Every blade of grass bent sideways. And every undead in the area howled in response, ready to come to their General's aid if he demanded it. "Er... sorry...."

The apology was necessary. Wen Qionglin's shout had sent Jiang Wanyin's hair flying, ripping his sect master's crown free of its mooring and turning his robes to a disheveled mess. He stared at Wen Qionglin and said, slowly, "You didn't need to shout."

"It... is... very... frustrating... not being... allowed... to finish." There. At least this time he got the whole sentence out.

Jiang Wanyin blinked. "You follow Wei Wuxian and say that?"

"He... does not... interrupt... me."

"He doesn't? Why the hell not? He interrupts everyone else."

"Because... I used... to... stutter."

Jiang Wanyin considered that. Clearly decided he didn't quite understand yet. Just as clearly decided they had more important things to worry about. "You said Lan Wangji gave you a seeker's compass to give to me. He knew I'd be coming?"

"Jin Ling...." Wen Qionglin paused when Jiang Wanyin looked about to interrupt, lips tightening. To his relief, the Sect Master didn't continue, letting him finish for once. "Jin Ling... with the others... you... keep eye out... for him. Young Master... Lan... said... you were sure... to show up."

The two of them stared at each other for a few minutes longer, the dank wind from the chasm beside them fluttering through their hair, the sunlight shining bright against Yunmeng Jiang purple and Yiling Wei black and red. At last Jiang Wanyin said, "Yes. I suppose he's right. Well, better give it to me. The quicker we find that lot, the quicker we're out of here."

They followed the path the seeker's compass showed, clambering down the chasm to its base and working their way slowly along the narrow trail. At last they found the others fighting a monster formed of impossibly strong vines of some unknown plant. Those vines struck out and snagged whatever they could reach, dragging the victim towards an opening at the center of a twisted mass of green.

From the broken skeletons scattered around that opening, Wen Qionglin could tell whatever it was, was eating the victims. From the fact that it was ignoring the fierce corpses Young Master Wei had summoned, he could tell it only wanted living flesh. From the fact that, despite their combined efforts, they were failing to put a dent in the number of vines dragging at them, he could tell the only way to destroy it was from inside.

The only reason they hadn't succumbed so far was Lan Wangji's rapid sound qi strikes, cutting down the vines that caught at the juniors and his husband. Really, there was only one thing to do. Wen Qionglin reached out to Sect Master Jiang. "Master... Jiang. Zidian.... Please."

While Young Master Wei shouted in dismay, Jiang Wanyin just sighed and wrapped Wen Qionglin's arm with his lightning whip, the energy flowing into Wen Qionglin and setting him crackling from hair tip to toe tip. Once he'd absorbed enough, he leapt forward, landing just in front of the monster's maw.

Although it wouldn't have noticed his undead flesh before, it noticed him now. Vines gathered around him, grasping for him to drag him inside. Since that was exactly where he wanted to be, he let them, even though Young Master Wei was cursing at him to stop.

Inside the monstrous maw were other victims, stuck to the wall by fine thorny projections and covered by a clear gel oozing down the monster's inner walls. These victims had been here for some time, still faintly alive but drained of life by the stuff covering them.

Without hesitation, fairly sure of his safety, Wen Qionglin thrust his hand against the nearest wall and let the lightning he'd borrowed from Zidian flow rapidly down his arm. There was a screech somewhere in the darkness ahead of him and something black and gooey struck at him, only to be wrapped in one of his chains and struck by purple lightning as well.

It took several minutes to complete his task but slowly, painfully slowly, the monster stopped screeching. Stopped moving. Stopped. At last, satisfied the thing was no longer a threat, Wen Qionglin pulled his hand out of the gel covering it, confirming his suspicion that it couldn't hurt him. Then he went outside to listen to his master scold him.

Again.

At long last, having checked every one of Laoling Qin's juniors out and scolded them for not listening to Jin Ling when he told them to back off, the three adults and one undead dragged the children to the nearest inn for food, drink and a bath. Even Wen Qionglin was in need of washing, a fact he could see better than tell.

"Why didn't you try to stop them?"

"I... did... They... didn't... listen... to me.... or Young Master Jin."

"Neither did you just now," Young Master Wei complained.

"Now you know how I feel," Jiang Wanyin snapped in response.

"Respect... Master Jiang... Young... master... Wei... listens. Always... listens."

That received a sharp and irritable snort. "Sure he does."

"He... does." Wen Qionglin managed a very slight smile. "He... may... not... do what he is... told... but... he... listens.... Just... chooses... not to obey...."

"Yeah, Bro," Young Master Wei smirked. "Exactly."

It was Master Lan Wangji who murmured. "Now you know."

"Eh?"

"How it feels." Lan Wangji gestured at Wen Qionglin. "Just like you."

Young Master Wei, for once, was at a loss for words.

Notes:

* If JC isn't threatening to break your legs for doing something stupid, he doesn't love you. * He isn't good at calming down, however. * A thing those who stammer or have trouble getting sentences out into the world hate. Constantly being interrupted. * A seeker's compass is similar to the resentful energy compass but tied to a specific person. Likely it's in test mode which is why only he has it. * WWX learned early that it was better to be patient with WN when he was trying to express a thought. He doesn't stutter anymore, but he does still have speech issues. * I have no idea what that monster is. A proto-sarlacc? * This is the same universe as Waiting on the Night hunt, so WN's habit of borrowing Zidian's electricity is already established. * It still worries the hell out of WWX. * There's a difference between ignoring what people say and hearing it and doing what you think is best anyway. Not a bit difference, perhaps, but a difference. * LWJ knows his hubby. Knows WN better by now too. And loves getting the last word in.

#MXTX #MDZS #WenNing #communicationisimportant

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yoorssuperpromoteteam · 2 years

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What is Interpersonal Communication?

#whatis #howto #interpersonal #communication #communicationisimportant #interpersonalcommunication #howtoimprovecommunication

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peachy-queen · 3 years

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Make sure they're comprehending what you are saying to them. #communicationisimportant #comphrehensionisimportantaswell https://www.instagram.com/p/CLsNIG-j0jXz7jhPhOhQgXMSmVAYgYNfiILhFU0/?igshid=1gpvvuz2mxt3o

#communicationisimportant #comphrehensionisimportantaswell

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nakedhumanorg · 5 years

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◆ ● CONVENIENCE ● ◆ FOR ARTICLES VISIT http://nakedhuman.org . . . #nakedhuman#nakedreality#nakedtruth#consiouslife#livelife#dontexist#lifeisablessing#communicationisimportant#dontmakemarriageabusiness#relationsaresacred#begrateful#donttakelifeforgranted#mentalhealth#beawareandshare#talkitout#youarenotrobot https://www.instagram.com/p/B1HYYpbJEg2/?igshid=8ij7mdi07urn

#nakedhuman #nakedreality #nakedtruth #consiouslife #livelife #dontexist #lifeisablessing #communicationisimportant #dontmakemarriageabusiness #relationsaresacred #begrateful #donttakelifeforgranted #mentalhealth #beawareandshare #talkitout #youarenotrobot

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timewithgina · 3 years

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Overwhelmed? Here's how to cope..

Who doesn't feel overwhelmed in these #covid19 days? It is entirely normal to have moments of overload and anxiety. But, if you're remaining in these states, well that isn't going to work out well for you. There are things you can do to help yourself be resilient. Here's an article I wrote a few years ago but is entirely relevant for these days:

Stress is the most common single reason for staff absenteeism. It costs millions every year in lost man-hours and production. Every Manager has a responsibility to ensure the well being of their team. All too often managers are themselves between a rock and a hard place and as a result, pass the pressure down the line to their staff. The result may be a win in the short term as everyone rushes around to meet deadlines but in the longer term, it leads to burn out and disaffection.

There is much you can do within your organization to avoid overwhelm. The principles which work for the individual also work at organisational level. Break down tasks into small milestones which once achieved will offer a sense of completion and satisfaction to those involved. Celebrate success, including the small achievements. I’m not suggesting a happy-clappy “isn’t everything wonderful, aren’t we clever” approach. Much more that there is a moment to take a breath and recognise a job well done.

Overwhelm is prevalent where communication is poor and subordinates feel that they do not know what is happening. It is made worse if decisions are reversed on a frequent basis. Consider your decision-making process and the way you communicate it to staff. Do you involve your staff in the decision-making process? If so how? How effective is the communication in your organization? How do you know? How often do you ask your staff what they think might be improved and how? Involving your staff in an audit and makeover of your communication and decision-making process has a number of benefits. These include a better system which suits the needs of your company and a workforce who feel valued, involved and informed. There is the potential to save expensive time and avoid mistakes as expertise and knowledge are shared.

Overwhelm is created when staff are either being asked to undertake duties without adequate training and support. Throwing people in the deep end works for a few but the majority of people become anxious and feel deskilled. Overwhelm is also common if people are given work to do which they find boring and completely lacking in challenge. The thought of each hour passing in total tedium creates depression and a complete lack of motivation. The boring jobs do need to be done but it is possible to create flexibility in the way they are tackled, or intersperse the job with other activities. Ensuring that those who need variety and challenge are matched with the right roles is also important.

Creating effective strategies to make the best use of time as individuals and as a department or whole organization makes economic sense. Does your organization manage technology, paper, meetings and communication effectively? Do you have protocols in place to minimise waste? If not consider how much time is being wasted?

With modern technology comes a growing blurring of the boundaries between work and personal time. What is your policy on staff being contacted outside working hours? If your staff find that emails, phone calls etc are constantly interrupting personal and family time it will have a corrosive effect on their ability to relax, rejuvenate themselves and this will ultimately contribute to stress levels. What is your policy for contacting outside working hours? Do you have a policy? Do you train your staff to manage their workload to minimise the need to interrupt downtime?

My experience of working with clients and organisations has shown that overwhelm is worse where people feel they have no control, no one cares or listens and they feel of no value. Managers have a vital role to play here. Giving people a voice and listening to it has huge potential to give everyone a sense of their contribution. Sharing ideas, seeing everyone within the organization as a valued part of the team and acknowledging their contribution makes a fundamental difference to the way people feel and therefore their performance and health.

Creating the culture and working environment which supports healthy working practices is vital if you are to have a motivated, energized and healthy workforce. It is well worth the thought and effort a makes economic sense too.

If you are struggling in these times, please reach out to me, using the contact details on my LinkedIn profile. I will be able to help you, or if I am not a good match, I will know someone else who might be. You're not on your own.

Gina x

#overwhelm communicationisimportant

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