#GOD sorry i feel fucking empty

[malo-mart]

Wind Waker has aged so magnificently because they filled that game with so much personality and life it's hard not to enjoy yourself the entire time

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

i like how lighthearted im saying that as if it isn't something that fucks with me constantly lol

#me when i cant think so i cant contribute anything meaningful to what im doing or whatever #i just #i know its 9pm rn so like obviously but im so tired. constantly. #i feel so empty like someone poked a hole in my head and squeezed all of me out like a juicebox #and like i wish i could think and have ideas and just say anything mildly interesting or even correct #but all i can do is just point at shit and hope someone else picks it up for me #and like god i know being a teenager just sucks and this too shall pass #but does it have to fucking go on so long #swearing cw #cw vent #aethers rants #personal posts and stuff idk #sorry im normal now i probably just need some sleep

[running-in-the-dark]

oh, great! I cleaned out all my fountain pens before we moved, and then chose just a few to take with me. plus ink, obviously.

except someone took the damn ink out of the bag I had put it in. sooo it's probably in the storage unit now and I won't see it again until April 🙃

#no I know this is fine and not a problem etc etc #BUT #I need to write shit down 😭 I'm feeling baaad and that means it's time to write in my diary and I CAN'T because none of my pens HAVE #ANY INK IN THEM!! #even my bullet journal fountain pen is allllmost out of ink! and I didn't bring any gel pens because why would I??? #oooh I am mad rn. #the local stationery shop closed last year soo. I will have to order ink online if I can't find mine. 🙃 #yes I know I could use a fucking ballpoint pen or something like a caveman (sorry) but everything but fountain pens hurts my wrist 😭 #this is a 'need to write 20 pages that will inevitably turn into 'oh I am so sad because I cannot touch this fictional man' very quickly and #nothing else will help' situation 😭😭😭😭 #sooo I will now start figuring out which ink I am going to buy. maybe I'll manage to just get one. hahahaha that was a good joke :') #personal #oh my GOD I just realised I didn't even pack any syringes OR CONVERTERS OR EMPTY CARTRIDGES EITHER #fuck this I just ruined my whole damn day

[pinkspiraling]

i can’t believe it’s april. time passes and i do nothing but go backwards! i have been empty for so long. i would rather be filled with sadness or anger or panic or literally anything. i would rather feel anything than feel so much nothing

#it’s been so long. i feel insane sometimes bc it’s like i really can’t bring myself to care about anything #i can’t enjoy the little things bc the little things don’t bring me enjoyment and big exciting things don’t either #like i have reasons for sticking around and they are all for other people #all the things i try to look forward to are things that i feel like i could do without. the wedding and concerts and vacations idc. #i don’t even want them. i know i will still be empty and they will make emptier. #oh god i don’t wanna be alive. sorry i’m venting sm i’ll stop but holy fuck i’m just over it #pink’s word vomiting

[gayspock]

what if I wss emo instead 🤔

#Egg.txt #Sorry im going to my graduation bc they actually let me defer it #But I realise again why I felt like I shouldn't go man #It's always just so depressing going to ''leavers'' celebrations and everyone's crying and reminiscing on the good times with their loved #ones and you just rotted and never managed to make friends and just wasted your life or something ehrrmmmmm #sorry LOL this happens every time I should have felt it coming 😭 but it's so weird being back inmy uni town and just feeling like God.... #What did I even do for 3 years here and cryingggg bc you're just soo bad at connecting with anybody and you have always been no matter how #many chances you get and blah blah there's not even any comfort in it just #empty platitudes of ppl saying wowee you'll find the right place some day like no man I'm a fucking creep I'm a weirdo FOREVER #like God im just a fucking loser to the correeee

[scribbledquillz]

.

#pet loss #pet death #personal stuff #none of this is unexpected or a surprise bc i fucking loved my dog #but god the house feels empty without her #my eyes hurt my head hurts #was a bare minimum day again today #crying over the dog hair on the floor #scratch marks on the doors #kiddo dropped a piece of food on the floor and i almost started again #fucking hell this sucks so much #negativity #sorry all #just dont have it in me to do much rn

[ashfdhfgdsfk]

aaAAAAAAAA

#SJDHGFGDHSJK #ACCIDENTALLY JUST FOLLOWED SOMEONE THAT I DESPERATELY DONT WANT TO KNOW MY BLOG #panic changed my main account pfp and url to gunmotif just Very Temporarily until i feel the coast is clear #unfollowed and blocked them again too but holyyy god i hope they dont see that notif #and if they do they will click on it to find an empty blog 👍 god bless and amen #my fucking dumbass thought the little search bar above the 'ppl im following' list thing was to search. to see if you follow them #i did not read. the little words. that say type in a url to INSTANTLY follow them. even if you currently have them blocked 🙃 #sorry for being a freak i just need to keep this blog a secret from them at all costs KJSDHFGDHSAKSJDHFG #ok anyways.......hopefully..........things are cool.................. #txt #im gonna fuvking puke #SDJFHGFHDJSKDJFHGF

[90sbee]

rereading my fav fic i've written only to find out it is stupid and the characterization is awful. 37 injured 10 dead.

#it is one of the first fics i wrote after coming out of the writer slump so it makes sense but like. sobbing #it was my baby and i felt so proud and now i see it and i think. this is hella dumb<\3 #the dialogue is awful. fucking awful. and the relationship makes no sense. #god this one is gonna need some serious editing #i hadn't quite nailed leon's personality then so he comes out. so weird. <\\\\\\3 sorry bby rookie #boludeces y reclamos mios(? #THERE IS ALSO nothing from his pov. and like i love writing his pov. it feels so empty bc of that too jsdkdkd aaaaaa

[deityofhearts]

LETS FUCKING GO KEIRA NOT FORGIVING HER DAD FOR YEARS IF NEGLECT THAT LED TO HER DEATH

#deity dialogue #she’s accepting his promise to live for her because she needs his help and power but she refuses to let him into her heart I love her for #this so many fucking times the leads forgive their shitty abusive and neglectful family or significant others whatever else #it’s so heartbreaking that she’s so tired and empty but god I’m so happy she didn’t just forgive him like that #the comment section is popping off we are all so glad she didn’t forgive his ass #glad you feel remorse after living through a literal hell world without your daughter who you let fucking die #you may be sorry now and it may be eating you alive and you wanna genuinely do better but fuck you

[birthday-of-music]

ughhhhjajsjajahshdhdhdb

#im. no thoughts head empty #when the burnout is bad enougj i dont have the energy to play rhythm games.. #or talk. or. think. i was meant to do Things today but atp im glad i got sick for some reason so i can get away with doing absolutely #nothing… i wish i could just. go a day without having to talk to people. like. speaking words talk to people. #is saying stuff usually so. weird? draining? idfk. i wish i had the confidence to just say to my family like. #“ive got no energy rn can i not talk” because for all the support its never really the same as if they understood #you havent done your assignment? wdym you “cant” you just have to try harder #youre zoning out a lot is this because youre on your phone too much? why arent you talking #is something wrong? are you feeling sick? dont be sarcastic with me #because you “know” what youre doing #i do not in fact know. i physically cannot make myself do your damn assignment. i dont know why im zoning out. it isnt because of the phone #im not talking because sometimes i just cant find words and it all feels wrong. sorry that you “dont understand me” and im “being a pain” #god this was not meant to turn into a vent im just. tired. i want a hug :( #or someone who actually understands who im brave enough to talk to about this.. ugh fuck. #tw vent #migjt delete..

[paralien]

the fucking, euphoria and joy of being able to txt a friend that, "yeah, I'm looking at dinner recipes bc I have some friends coming over tmrw to help me assemble a desk" like, I have friends i have friends i have people around me who love me and help me if i ask and i feed them as thanks and I'd do the same for them and they'd do the same for me again and again and again and again

#fanya.txt #the love thats ill help you and youll help me and all you have to do is ask ofc ofc ofc #sorry i just jfjfjf i spent so long friendless exceot online bc of bullying in school that fucked up my social skills irl #and to now be making friends as an adult its just #wonderful wonderful wonderful #i thought for so long that i preferred living alone but turns out this summer i found out that no it just depends on the person #and nkw the apartnent feels so empty and gods i cant wait for summer #theres actually gonna be people living here #okay listen im. having a weird monday hdhdjd

[noxtivagus]

i'm so happy i'll cry so bad when i finally open it 😭😭

#tag later #AAAA IM ACTUALLY SO HAPPY #IM LIKE. RLLY CHILL RN BUT IM SO SO HAPPY #i'll play nier first ofc but oh my god zack. crisis core. i'll cry so bad #im so happy im rlly so happy it's so funny i'm so chill rn but #earlier when i saw data blitz w the poster i jumped n ran to it pointing at it n #I WAS SMILING SM WHEN THEY HAD IT IN STOCK N ALL UWAHH #fun day w my friend hehe we rlly just shopped ngl 🥹 #her. 'friend' ehem (read; basically bf) was low on social bat it seems but it was cool meeting them irl BUT I WAS TOO SHY TO TALK.. #they're usually more extroverted tho n then #i'm sorry i accidentally peeked at my friend's messages n her friend mentioned that like. if another friend of ours (who apollo n i are #closer with) then it wld've been more chill or wtvr I CANT REMEMBER #i miss hanging out w my friends :< I MISS THEM SO MUCH FUCK #I'm so tired from walking tho help i'm sitting down rn finally #torn between really excited for ccr n stressed for the future n really happy from today n #torn too between feeling excited or. idk lonely rn thinking abt all my different kinds of relationships #that flew by too fast.. i wna spend more time w my friends :< #despite how fun it was n everything i can't shake off this certain. emptiness that i can't make sense of #BUT RN I'M DOING FINE DW #technically i'm friends too w the friend of my longtime friend bcs we met (save for me w my longtime friend ofc #like way back early this year. turns out another guy from the other school went bowling w their friends in the same mall #n OH YEAH in this same mall iirc the friend apollo n i are closer w from the guys went to a con here yesterday? #i just realized hi small weird thumb reveal it seems #i just realized if you're filo n know your malls n know a con yesterday then it's very obvious where i was today uh #WAH THAT SAID THOUGH omg i'm rambling but i'm. god i've been feeling rather empty lots lately But i know that i'm happy from today #omg oh yh bcs of all the ppl i mentioned earlier me n longtime friend n apollo joked abt like. reunion of that grp earlier this year hehe #the idea is rlly lovely.. ngl i rlly do have a level of social anxiety even w close friends yeah but that doesn't mean i'm antisocial no #i rlly want to socialize n make friends :< so the idea of it is. rlly wonderful indeed but it seems so far out of my reach #i'll fix tags later i have sm to talk abt oh my god but it's comforting knowing my friend. felt the same way i do abt that earlier hehe #I RLLY WANT A BUCKET HAT N COOL SHADES TO GO W IT HFKSJFKSJFS

[hpdgirlfriend]

my fp saying he loves talking w me and the last thing he wants is for me to "assume" i dont. like. lol. i think it's a little too late for that! you only ignored & avoided me for a year straight, why would that ever make me think you don't like talking to me? /s what about that would ever make me "assume" or get to a conclusion that you don't want to talk to me later on ??? i can't fathom

#diary #:/// #im so sorry for *assuming* based on your previous actions #its almost like they mean something #more than any empty fucking words you can tell me #if that was the last thing you wanted me to feel then you shouldn't have acted like YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME ?????? god #i feel so fucking crazy

[aftermathing]

.

#I am so fucking much #There's no way any of this is real #There's no way every other minute here brings something new to be hurt and upset about #'Sorry I'm such a huge bitch today my mom told me I'm not allowed to eat' #i hear it. i know. I don't think this is real I think I might have invented a reality where my loving parents hate me for no reason #God I'm such a worthless bitch. #I'm so empty #I'm crying and wallowing as if I don't deserve any of this #None of this would be happening if I didn't deserve it #And it will only stop once I've properly paid for all the pain and trauma and inconvenience I've caused do many people #Have you ever seen your unique name under a list of triggers in a new server you joined with someone who hates you #Have you ever had to change your name because that name was only ever used to yell at you #I don't even deserve to kill myself like a pussy I deserve to stay living and take my punishment like I deserve #I don't deserve to cry and complain to people and manipulate them into feeling bad for me and telling me it's not my fault #I'm not a victim I'm a convict #I wish I could say I'll try to be better. We both know I never will.

[floral-hex]

me… sad boy

#I was going to whine a lot but why lot word when few word do trick? #I have been… soooooo anxious and depressed and I feel like I’m going to die soon & the world is ending the world is empty & I’m alone in it #I feel so sick #I need to get out and do something. I always need to get out and I never do and I’m dumb #so maybe I’ll just get messed up and stay in my room #I can’t sleep. I wake up tired and hurting. I can’t do anything. #woe is fucking me amirite? #also I just finished Black Sails and I cried a lot. why did I think getting emotionally attached to a show and finishing it was smart? #that’s not important. I mean it is but not really. what’s important is I constantly feel like the end is always looming over me #I miss my therapist but I’m scared to ever see him again. #same reason I’m scared to be around anyone outside of my immediate family: I’m a failure & I can’t bear to see that reflected in their eyes #so he joins a long list of people I can’t talk to anyone along with my dad and countless old friends #hey wait why did I segue to this? #boo hoo #analytically. logically. I can look past this and see how irrational these thoughts are #but goddamn if there’s not something chemical that just makes me feel sick and scared and I’m having a doozy of a time living with it #because Ian you need to work on long term goals. not just quick fixes like I dunno fucking eating pizza or playing video games #sorry. just wanted to vent. it’s been building up in me for days and I needed a quick whine #I shaved. I’m gonna get a haircut maybe tomorrow. if only to stave off my unhealthy feelings of ‘just shave your head at 3am’ #my mom is finally reaching the point where she doesn’t need me to chauffeur her around all the time #and my brothers are finishing their semesters at school and also both have licenses now #so I think I can stop using those as excuses and try to… I dunno. live for myself now. that sounds cheesy. #gonna go get a low paying job doing something mindless so I can have extra cash for being alive #god I need a hug so bad #that’s not even… like… not even a lighthearted joke. I think if someone sincerely held me for a few minutes it would fix me. a little bit. #this is too much information #sorry I love you goodbye forever #but hey… really… I love ya… I mean maybe. not really. kind of. I appreciate ya and I’m here for ya… in spirit. like a ghost. a cool ghost. #you can ignore this #text

[downfallofi]

Vent

#One really has to love #Starting a DM with hey can you send me 15 dollars #YOU HAVE A WHOLE JOB NOW #Its like #I left it on read but I need to start advocating for myself and just telling people that isnt okay #Like if you arent going to pretend you even give a shit about me #Like #Leave? #Im so tired of feeling alone and empty and like #People lIKE THIS that sTART FUCKING DMS with hey can u send 15 dollars pls #That nobody actually wants to be my friend #I need to do better for myself my god #Ugh #Sorry #Long post nobody read