#I actually still feel betrayed over this

[magical-xirl-4]

Thinking about Rukkhadevata’s design again in Genshin and how fucking bleak it is. It makes me upset because after Nahida was leaked, I thought the ORIGINAL Dendro Archon was going to look completely different and take actual inspiration from SWANA, because to me she was the TRUE Dendro Archon. I was looking forward to her so much, only to be dismayed when I realised Nahida is the actual Archon, and especially broken up about how Rukkhadevata looked. She is just… nothing. She’s beautiful, sure. But she’s just. Nothing.

She didn’t even have to be that pale!! Nahida/Kusanali (can’t remember which name) is said to be very pale in mythology which, okay fine, make her pale, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ORIGINAL AND HER PREDECESSOR? SHE DIDN’T NEED TO LOOK LIKE A GROWN VERSION OF HER OMG.

#genshin impact #Nahida #rukkhadevata #I actually still feel betrayed over this #we could’ve had it all. it could’ve been so good #I clearly put WAAY too much faith in Hoyo #I’m not even from SWANA but I was looking forward to Sumeru SO MUCH #but they gave us tired orientalist tropes and complete lack of care for visual elements #it’s just so disappointing. I really wanted to love the Dendro Archon but I can’t completely bc of what we got #like it could’ve been so good to see soemthing so visually diverse especially in a genshin character #fuck I was really looking forward to rukkhadevata and actually tricked myself that she would be different #I’m sure it’s because I love how genshin showed fantasy through different cultures. Mondstat was very run of the mill European fantasy #and getting to see Liyue was so enthralling for the first time bc I had never played a fantasy game with heavy Chinese inspiration #with both the setting. music. and characters/designs of them. same with Inazuma but to a lesser extent #bc I was more familiar with Japanese iconography (even then they didn't get the time periods right with Inazuma and Mond was mishmashed too #so SUMERU? I was so looking forward to how diverse the characters would look BC IVE NEVER SEEN THAT IN HIGH FANTASY BEFORE #only for that be totally crushed #now I have a big interest in SWANA. I never have it much thought before but genshin gave that to me #and also Gnosticism (also thanks to FFVII lol) #sumeru and SWANA representation deserve(d) so much better and way more respect in video games and other media #I’d love to see a story one day that faithfully adapts myth and legend and mixes it with accurate design

[laesas]

The hands holding yours are not clean either.

VegasPete + Hands || KinnPorsche (2022)

#Disclaimer: I have very complicated feelings about this show and this couple after everything that's happened over the past month #I actually started these in late december for a friends birthday but the colouring ended up so complicated I didnt get it done #and while I'm still untangling how I feel about the fandom and fan culture and the whole situation (tldr: bad sad parasocially betrayed lol #I was so proud of these for my 3rd ever gifset the absolutely insane amount of time I spent on the colouring and masking against shaky shot #like I genuinely had to keyframe adjust about 8 different overlapping layers frame-by-frame for at least 1 of these lol #and perhaps selfishly: I need to post bc I can't bring myself to work on new sets while this was staring back at me every time i opened PS #And I'm proud of it and it meant a lot and even though the shape of the fandom and friendships have changed its still worth something to me #anyway. enough rambling. on to the actual tags lol #VegasPete #kinnporche the series #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #asiandramasource #asianlgbtqdramas #lgbtedit #vegas kp #pete kp #idk idk idk I feel like this is my one last little love letter to these silly little characters that meant a lot to me #and to the friends that inspired it too #on a lighter note: the caption is an adapted taemin lyric and the colours were inspired by the criminal MV lmao #so like lol its not that deep :') #aaaand post. #bee.gif #kpts

[brookheimer]

okay. i need to rewatch the episode probably but i think my current feeling is that i like most of it a lot (rome, ken, the siblings not getting ceo, etc), think the tom ceo makes sense from a logical/character perspective but not sure how i feel about it from a broader more thematic lens (altho i'm leaning towards fine with it), and am very mixed on shiv's ending because i think it's well-conceived and meaningful from a broader thematic lens (shiv becomes her mother, the cycle always repeats, etc) but doesn't quite make sense to me from a logical/character one -- it could've worked, it could've worked brilliantly, but it was far too rushed and forced. it makes sense as an ending for shiv, but not her next step. i'm largely talking about her decision to return to tom, not her decision to vote against kendall (which i think should've been executed better and given more space but can understand given her character, mostly). i'm fine with it as an ending for shiv, but what i'm struggling to stomach is the way it played out -- it didn't feel like a choice the shiv we know would've made. it's an ending that makes sense thematically and for her character arc, but not a decision that makes sense for her character at present. that's kinda where i'm at right now

#long shiv post talking ab this upcoming lol #bc so far i haven't seen like any shiv takes i've actually agreed with #it's either entirely anti ending or pro ending #whereas like. to me the ending works as an ending for the character. it's tragic dark devastating but it works and works well #but shiv making that choice does not make sense for where she is right now. it was rushed writing that forced an ending on her #that would be a satisfying ending but not a satisfying character choice and thus NOT a super satisfying ending #could've been EXTREMELY satisfying. but shiv wasn't there yet. her fatal flaw is blowing up good situations when she feels she's being #disrespected -- she's respect > power when it comes down to it #even tho she thinks she wants power more she NEEDS respect and is unable to stay quiet or make the smart choice in the face of disrespect #or men thinking they're superior etcetcetc. so her making a choice that allots her power (wife of CEO) but is the singular least respecting #outcome imaginable (meekly returning to your husband who betrayed you and stole the job you've been fighting for your entire life right out #of your grasp alongside your closest ally/flirt guyfriend who tapped him to do it explicitly to fuck you over because you're a pregnant #woman and thus inferior to the man who inseminated you -- and EVERYONE KNOWS ALL OF THIS! everyone knows you're the daughter of #the previous CEO and on two separate instances were meant to be CEO and now the weak man you married publicly betrayed you TWICE #but you still meekly return to him and place your hand in his and have his baby like the good pawn you are...) #that does not make sense for shiv. if we saw some development on the power > respect front or had a few more scenes or episodes developing #shiv as someone who would choose to become her mother (powerful and rich yet a disrespected pawn) over literally anything else #given her fundamental fear of being disrespected than maybe this would've made sense. it could be a great meaningful devastating ending #but it's one that just does not track for shiv as we know her right now. #ok tags got long as always sorry LOL i'm gonna write a longer thing explaining my hashtag thoughts bc i haven't seen much i agreed w on thi #front yet oops. ok bye 4 now tee hee #succession #succession spoilers #casey shut the fuck up about shiv roy

[devilsskettle]

i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill

#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc #and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’ #it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time #it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed #so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand #so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward #but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed #AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away #how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc #but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots #because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free #anyway. #even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it #1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever #don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’ #don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations #don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time #it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!! #but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for #idk. idk. it’s entitlement though #sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know #but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol #anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions #also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc #like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly #‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that #i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing #the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit #but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing #maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.

[junkdyke]

i'm so fucking afraid i might actually be falling for this girl.

#like actually for real for once #and like instead of fear i actually want to express it?? bc she makes me feel safe enough that i can?? #i am trusting too early but it feels different idkkkkkkkk #well...then again last time i trusted that it was different i got fucked over hard #like someone i thought i could trust the most betrayed me the hardest #so i guess i still cant trust this. not yet not fully #idk what the fuck #whatever #highposting

[toytulini]

i may not be able to open posts from my notes or messages or get more context on posts via looking at the notes, but at least i can make fucked up coffee properly now

#toy txt post #while i was away i began my journey into coffee snobbery. im doing my best. i have a lot to learn #i have a fancy hand grinder that all the ppl on reddit hemmedvand hawed andaid it would probably be somewhat #Acceptable for pour over coffee that I got for less than $100. i want you to understand the coffee grinder ppl are insane. #there are grinders for sale that cost like more than my car did brand new. these ppl are insane? i got a chemex pour over #and a glass stovetop gooseneck kettle cos i couldnt find an electric kettle that didnt have the metal touching the water. prolly cos it #would make them less energy efficient and defeat the purpose but i dont fuck w metal water vessels cos historically They Keep Betraying Me #by making my drinks taste like ass. i got some genetic fuckery going on ig. like the cilantro soap gene but its the metal makes water taste #like ass gene? idk. but i wanted a kettle that didnt have metal and i wanted that gooseneck pour so i found one on Amazon. surprisingly #hard to find? annoying. mostly bc every search engine is bad and kept showing me metal kettles anyway. i got a grinder i got a pour over i #got a kettle i got fancy beans from a local small business i started drinking it black. im going to unlock these flavors. i will get it #but also. im still a goblin. i put garlic powder in with the grounds and made garlic coffee. its interesting. it tastes like garlic. and #coffee. but actually the garlic is mostly an aftertaste? #so it feels very similar to drinking a cup of black coffee to accompany your garlic bread actually. the first time i made it i think it #underextracted the coffee tho. second time i extracted the coffee enough but i didnt like it as much? both times. fascinatingly #i did not get strong aromas! which was weird: i find both garlic and coffee have pretty strong scents already #i wouldve thought combining them would make it stronger? it was a little stronger while brewing the second time but smelled good to me #i find the flavor of it compelling enough that id like to try to refine it a bit more and see if i can make it good #ive come a long way since my first garlic coffee haha #(adding garlic salt to black coffee out of a keurig. dont reccomend this: garlic salt has too much salt and it overpowers everything. #could not get a garlic flavor without overpowering salt flavors. so it mostly tasted like seawater with a hint of coffee. garlic powder is #the way to go. anyway next i want to try it with a lighter roast. i was using medium roast #of a local brand that i would name for exposure but wont name lest it doxxes me haha #also want to try egg coffee sometimes? the vietnamese one. looks..intriguing. robusta beans scare me a little tho #anyway. if youre interested in interesting flavors i recc garlic coffee. it was intriguing. if i find a methodology i think tastes best #ill update yall #im also interested in other things. i want to experiment with spicy coffee. chili powder or cayenne #make the paprika dracula coffee haha #im also admittedly intrigued by butter coffee? as a flavor profile tho not for fad diet reasons.

[steakout-05]

ok as an artist i personally find traditional painting to be. really really annoying. like. i do not have the patience for it and i just find it to be really frustrating to set up and actually do and i end up not liking the results. i find that there's little room for mistakes and trying to fix them usually ends up with me making 50 other ones, paints can be so inconsistent and having to rely on availability and certain brands to continue making the paint is really inconvenient, not to mention expensive. spending a bunch of time trying to mix the right shade of paint, only for it to go down a completely different shade of colour and not being able to do anything about it is so frustrating as someone who likes consistency and having things just, y'know, not change colour as soon as it dries. plus, they all use different chemicals and can go off really easily or change textures and i am just not ok with having all my materials having an expiration date like food. lead and graphite pencils just don't do that and they can last for years, they're more reliable. every paint is drastically different and trying to find the right one is not only time consuming but, again, expensive, and i don't even see the point in experimenting when most of my materials end up not even getting used if i don't like using them. plus, i'm just.... really impatient. waiting for paint to dry sucks and is why i much prefer digital or just drawing something because i don't need to wait for anything, it just works. and then when i do want to take my time and work slowly for a better result, it dries too fast. it's kinda hellish trying to balance that time, especially considering how inconsistent paints are.

i like to use guidelines when doing art and i find painting straight onto a canvas to be really tricky because there's a lack of direction for me to actually paint. i'm at a complete loss at what to do when i pick up a brush because i can't map it out first without risking screwing up the paint. there's just so many things to keep track of and so much wet paint to avoid and i just do not have the mind for it. putting colours on a canvas and praying that it works just isn't it for me and requires a discipline that i just don't wanna involve myself with. painting is also just like... really exhausting and kinda painful. i got some pretty bad back issues and my arms tire and get sore easily and quickly when i'm standing in front of a canvas. it's a really physical activity for me and i just don't find something to be very fun to do at all when it's physically hurting me. i know drawing on a canvas has this issue too, which is why i prefer sketchbooks. sitting down and drawing something that doesn't break my entire spine every time i do it is much more preferrable than questioning if i should go to the doctor every time i make a brushstroke, lol

that's not to say that there's nothing i like about painting though! i can paint simple little things, and i like doing that. i like mixing colours with a palette knife and i find it fun and even a little relaxing. i painted some cute little chibi cardboard cutouts of the mario brothers one time and i found that to be really fun and i think i'd like to do that again! but apart from that, i just do not have the patience for it. i love the look of traditional paintings and i find many to be really beautiful, but i could never get into actually doing it myself because i hate the process. i'm content with just sketching and doing digital stuff because that's more fun to me and less stressful of a process to do. it's fun, it allows for more mistakes, it's easier to build up layers of shading and lines, not to mention using building up a figure with guidelines is super helpful with visualising what i want it to look like, and i can just erase something if i don't want it there or want to change something. it just makes sense to me.

tl;dr i dont like painting because it's inconsistent, expensive, time-consuming, directionless, frustrating and it makes my back hurt really bad. i'll just stick to drawing stuff :)

#vent #artist vent #i hate painting #i hate it so much and i just cannot understand it nor do i have the patience for it #i seriously had a crack at it and i just find it to be so annoying #there's so much preparation and i'd much prefer just whipping out a pencil and eraser and scribbling something down #to be fair though i do enjoy other art mediums that require more preparation #i find crafts to be fun and i really like working with air dry clay #using clay is just creating a little creature and i really quite like it a lot #making little cardboard guys is fun if not a bit tricky sometimes because my hands are so big compared to the tiny bits of carboard im usin #but it's very fun and cardboard is easy to get #clay is not so easy to get but you can get a lot of it and make many things with it #the only things i really dont like about clay is fingerprints and the fear of having your art literally explode when you fire it up #but other than that? fun! #painting? not fun! #paint is so messy and i don't like having goopy stuff getting stuck on me and all over my fingers all the time funnily enough #if i bump into something (which is very likely for me because i am clumsy) then oouuguh there goes all the paint its everywhere now #oh my god you know what i hate the most. i hate oil paints. i hate them so much. #the smell gives me bad headaches and makes me feel faint and it's hard to clean and dispose of and it's just more chemicals to deal with #it's just acrylic but more annoying #i don't think it's edible either which is. frustrating #it's also harder to clean out if you get stained with it (which is very likely because paint is messy) #i just dislike oil materials in general. they smell weird and they do not wash off. i still have oil pastel stains on one of my favourite- #-shirts despite the fact that it has been washed multiple times. and it took several days and so much fucking scrubbing to get- #-it out of my nails and off my hands completely. actual hellscape. #i know graphite and lead pencils would never betray me like this #pencils are so reliable and i love them <3 #pencils and drawing equipment in general are just more reliable and don't expire or develop inconsistent textures (except erasers for some- #-reason) and they don't! hurt! my! back! #like i'm over here needing to do the riker maneuver to sit down after i paint my back hurts so bad

[void-tiger]

Oxytocin low. Send hugs.

#tiger’s roar #it has…been overcast for days. with no snow to maximize light output #and since it’s been so warm the trees think it’s fucking SPRING…not likely gonna get The Mirror Effect + Seasonal Coziness any time soon #and it’s when it looks like a so called Tender Tennessee Christmas outside…is when I actually get the winter SADs #because tennessee in winter is nothing but bizarre tempts and overcast browns. it’s miserable #also…I really only get People Hugs from a ‘what even are we really’ ‘s mom #like…once every two weeks. there’s only so much pets being snuggly and burrowing my face into a jumbo squishmellow can do to help with this #and…Someone told on me to 3rd Party. either someone broke confidence who was told to keep it #OR… ‘what even ARE we?!’ and their sibling (and possibly their parents) all played detective. and spoke to 3rd Party #I…would rather believe the second. vs betrayed Yet Again #because of the timing and because…they’re really the only ones who have Visibly been allowed to see just how Awful this was for me and… #still trying to put on a brave face. redraw boundaries. protect everyone #but I still feel so so fragile. and I need them HERE. and it feels so so selfish to want that #and doing my best to Brave Face is…walking on a fractured leg. but what else am I supposed to do #and…I feel so embarassed to basically expose just how damaged my attachment is #and that using friendships and longing for friendships and prioritizing platonic over romantic is…apparently not normal. #prolly a trauma response actually. and I cannot force people to be friends. because to me friends are surrogate family. literally #and that is…too intense. probably. #(…and did I mention that needing this just feels…selfish?)

[gazelessmenagerie]

“be honest...Would you kill your own father?” -Broly

send me "be honest..." with a question your muse has been dying to ask mine and they'll answer truthfully.

Not once had he been asked about his father until that point.

The snap of his head was already an egregious display of his answer, expression caught in a moment of surprise with how his eye widened enough to be noticeable over his shoulder. His mouth remained a thin line, the loose coagulation of whatever thoughts he had been running through in what chores and tasks that needed to be done on that day fell into a disquieted silence as his body stalled to a grinding halt amid its journey to the water basin carved by his own might several weeks prior.

What had brought about such a senseless question by some whelp lucky enough to encounter him while the midday sun was blazing hot was a question in its own right.

' He's already dead. ' Was what he wanted to say but instead, another set of words replaced what his brain thought, sliding through the dried canals of that beating organ. Memories of the past were all it was comprised of, trudging through the veins that were long since abandoned as the harsh reality of surviving through hardship after harship coalesced into a single droplet. Paragus was the only man he knew for the majority of his life up until his death. He was only man who raised him and dared to love him in the ways only a father would love a son still so small and clinging close. Stories spoke of how their mighty race once once, filling naive eyes with hope to one day be reunited with a pocket of Saiyans that might yet still exist somewhere with him as the next reigning king. Rebuilding their civilization, destroying their enemies, it was what any Saiyan child could want but those times of frivolous dreams fell to ruin as the years came by and the magnitude of Broly's own power easily devoured like a ravenous ecplise over his father.

His father taught him how to survive, watched him with a keen eye and was mindful to not neglect the intellect that Broly held behind the piercing visage of his eyes. Tactics of combat, diplomacy of political frivolities were skills given and honed through his father's grand plans of seating his son on that lofty throne that lay in the realm of a dream. Threading words coaxed by their constant nomadic lifestyle of venturing from one planet to another became a necessary facet of survival to evade the radar of the same reigning empire that destroyed their race. To be smarter than one's pursuers, remain low to the ground like a stalking predator and attack when the moment was right. Nearly everything that Broly knew could be traced directly to his father...

He fought when he was of age, learned everything he could be taught when it came to destroying his enemies. The blood he spat and spilled, the amount of times his bones fractured and broke, the burning hatred felt for those who looked to claim both of their lives for what they are. Anger was the only way to survive, the only way a Saiyan is to be to attain greater power. It couldn't be counted on both hands the amount of times the Legendary Saiyan felt he might've died while growing up in facing off against stronger opponents for one reason or another. He needed to adapt quickly and with greater power, pushed forth by his father as they went from living as exiles to taking over villages, towns, cities.. and entire planets.

Everything he did had been to make the man who raised him proud.

" ... I don't know. " He spoke softly under his breath, easy to miss as much as the small glimpse of what might've been a small shred of regret.

And yet he killed his own father in cold blood during an outraging rampage.

It was deserved.

It was the product of years of control and ordering him around, forcing him to obey every damned command.

' I'm sorry son, but you'll die with his planet as well. '

' " Where do YOU think you're Going... Dad? " '

' " Broly..! I was.. preparing the ship for us to leave together. "

' " In a ship made for One? " '

Convoluted emotions were a disgrace to his Saiyan blood. The love of a mere child knowing nothing more than what his father did to ensure survival. He was the only Saiyan left for what felt to be years upon years. He loved him. And it only made the betrayal all the worse that the fleeting moment of tenderness that collected in that dewdrop resting over those dried canals evaporated with the contrived, twisted half-truths that could never be a clear cut answer. Both sides were true in that he hadn't wanted to kill him in a small, desparing corner but the hatred and vileness spoke a larger voice as its half of the truth spoke a simple fact on the matter as though he were only commenting on the weather.

" I already killed him. "

#|| Tag: Answered #particlecreator #|| Gazing over the Abyss of Stars { Broly } #( ohhh that was juicy. thank you. ) #( suffice to say. its a VERY controversial topic for my portrayal aflsdjg ) #( just bc I think on how hard was it to live basically in harsh environments while most likely being hunted by people after the geno/cide ) #(of the saiyans. i mean they were wiped out but there had to be some stragglers ) #( I can imagine the guy has some very extreme feelings over his dad but he doesn't say shit cause lmfao ) #( its just so damn twisted I dont think even he knows how to begin processing that than to default ) #( to being angry and hateful like he was raised/learned how to be bc its just easier ) #( than to say he might actually feel regret about killing him or that it hurt to be betrayed by the man he loved ) #( as a boy; as a son would to the only father he knew. ) #( like hell??? idk. its just fascinating to me how paragus cared for his kid and even after losing an eye albeit not the same as before ) #( and knowing his own son is a monster that he unfortunately created and had to control through his own means. ) #( he still tried to treat him with some love but its still a fearful kind. ) #( and idk it just makes my heart hurt and makes it 10000x more convoluted and messy for a guy who ) #( can't process his own emotions to shove it all down as deep as he can and pretend everythings alright. ) #( -slaps broly's ass- this bastard can fit so much trauma and emotional dissonance

[monstersqueen]

i love that so far the reasons i've found why Odasaku's Death Is Totally Ango's Fault are :

his betrayal had a severe emotional impact that lead odasaku to choose death

if he had been with dazai when dazai tried to prevent odasaku to go fight mimic odasaku would have listened

if ango had been honest and they had worked together they could have saved him

i think the closest to a real reason i've found that is not just 'he lied to us :((' is that ango potentially reported gide's power to mori, and that's what made mori decide to use odasaku to destroy mimic

#myposts #bsd march 2023 not lb #really i'd like to know #1) what makes the fandom thinks dazai blames ango for odasaku's death #outside of 'did you really think i had forgiven you?' #which reminder last time they saw each otehr dazai threatened him with torture and odasaku was still alive #(the threat was not as serious as dazai made it seem but still) #and 2) #what do they think is dazai's reasoning for blaming ango #because every reasoning i've found turn around dazai's hurt at ango's betrayal #but you'd think looking at the fandom it's entirely about his love for odasaku #so in the world where dazai's mad at ango because he blames him for the death of odasaku #and it's actually that not projection/expansion of his hurt over the betrayal #how the fuck does he get to that conclusion ! it doesn't have to be fair ! odasaku was incredibly important to him ! #and dazai is. dazai. i don't expect him to be fair when it comes to blaming people for odasaku's death ! #but it has to have some basis !! how did ango's actions lead to odasaku's death. what book did you read. what anime did you watch #i find no interpretation of teh events no matter how unfair that makes odasaku's death on ango #outside of the spying's reveal happening around the same time!! like. did everyone just go #'ango betrayed the mafia' + 'odasaku died' = 'odasaku died because of ango' and assumed that's how dazai feels ? #PLEASE EXPLAIN

[thermesiini]

starts breaking down crying over this image because the feelings of betrayal and disappointment are so overwhelming

#:| #and it’s ongoing. i didn’t even get to experience the full scope of the issues and enjoyable things in a week and get it over with #THERE STILL MORE TO GO???? #dear god. #at the very least i learned a little about good plot twists -_- #one that’s done through framing instead of just a hard left turn that leaves the audience feeling betrayed and disappointed #letting them slowly pick up the pieces as well #and then thinking about thag makes me think about pandora hearts. which does it even betterer and thinking about ph makes me happy :) #you see there’s always a way through and out. #there’s some actual interesting things to think about but i don’t want people to get into this series so i will keep to myself.

[lo11as]

nothing like an hour long yoga class to still feel like you want to take a lighter to a safety pin to your thigh :)

but hey i'm starting a new job tonight, surely that will cure me

#i HATE working for the white man on friday nights #i'm white btw but still it's the principle #or like ‟white‟. i have a complicated relationship with the concept as people like me haven't been considered white until quite recently #well half the other half is scotts irish and my dad and brother fry in the sun for it lmao. they're both pos misogynist assholes though so #i got the darker features (my brother is a blue eyed blonde vs my hair is dark brown and i have green eyes) and there's some colorism in th #family unit too but i seldom get clocked for being ashkenazi when i'm out and about (and my hair's up and i'm not talking.....) #as long as no one makes me eat pig i'm gonna pretend that i'm not betraying my ancestors for capitalism #as if we're not all back in kemet in that old story #you know slaves in egypt were given food housing and a small wage? #fuck dude my laptop broke and i need a car what the fuck am i supposed to do here i have no other recourse #i sold my (other side's) grandmother's jewelry to buy some recording tech so i feel like not taking action there is a greater betrayal #i'm still figuring it all out #i think i will make myself some coffee and pancakes and then roll a cig with some shatter in it #at the very least i'll have money for actual weed soon #time is fake anyway and i need this stupid goddamn bag #there's small chance i can escape this mundane bullshit through a program i applied to but i fear i will be looked over as i am strange #and not strange people are terrified of strange people for some reason #i'm rambling now to procrastinate eating something i'll go do that now byeeeee

[arolesbianism]

Yet another beautiful day to have the Maxwel tag blocked (can't see half of the posts in the Wendy tags)

#rat rambles #starve posting #maxwell posters have lost any semblance of tolerance from me ages ago Ive yet to meet a maxwell fan who's just like a normal person #and to clarify I actually do like maxwel as I am the number one just some asshole whos in too deep enjoyer #but dear god are ppl just absolutely incapable of being normal abt this man and everyone around him #and even beyond that ppl just do not get this man like please he is indeed interesting but not because of some 'retconed redemption' #like pls we can live in a world where he is not an irridemable monster and is in fact just some guy while also still being a flawed person #like the fact that he is so deeply flawed in ways that he never actually properly adressed and challenged is the interesting thing to me #like look at me. he went through horrible shit he didnt deserve. that didnt inherently make him a better or worse person #it just made him a more miserable person #and he didnt escape because of some change of heart or character development #and afterwards he teamed up with wilson because of necessity #I do think on some level he genuinely cares abt the other survivors and he does have genuine regret for how things turned out #but again those things dont inherently mean he moved past the flaws that got him here it just means he has the ability to recognize that #shit sucks and that he wish none of it happened #its why encore is one of my favorite animations from a character perspective because it shows some juicy charlie and maxwell stuff #mainly it shows both that charlie has not forgiven his ass and is manipulating him and that maxwell is still susceptible to it #which isnt a sigh of them rolling back development it's just a sign that maxwell is easy to manipulate with the right cards #which adds up considering his past and his present very well in my opinion #this is a man whos historically always ran away from his problems and is always on the hunt for a sense of control #and charlie tapped into both that and his ever present guilt #its in fact very unsurprising and not out of place for him to fall for that sort of manipulation #and it also makes for a great set up for the inevitable betrayal from charlie as maxwell is hit by the harsh reality of his situation #and that whole situation would lead to some yummy tasty parallels when charlie inevitably gets betrayed herself (I hope) #the ways charlie and maxwel are so similar yet so different facinates me deeply I love how much charlie doesnt realize shes kinda fucked #I want her to be betrayed so hard and left in the dust with no ground to stand on I want the rug pulled out from under her feet #her composition comes from her confidence in the necessity of her actions and the moral superiority she feels over maxwell #so having her sense of superiority be revoked would make for a super fascinating dynamic as she tries to justify the situation in her head #I wanna see her siral and then maybe change her pronouns idk

[tragedygf]

ik its a bad period of my life bc im rewatching atla

#i miss azula like i need to speak w her. #got to the jet ep and omfgggggg its so fucking stupid what if we introduced a character who is a victim of settler colonialism and wants to #fight back against his oppressors but we also made him attack old people and want to kill civillians so the audience know he is evil ! #and using it as the ep thesis of being like this is what happens when you let your rage consume you 😔 you start flooding villages and #robbing the elderly 💯 #and this trope is in so much like w thg. but i do have complicated thoughts on that that i haven’t completely sorted out but w atla…. #this wouldn’t bother me as much if the show was not constantly bending over backwards for the fire nation characters #like i don’t like iroh idgaf . and mai and ty lee are cool characters but it does grind on me that they got their happy endings #while characters like jet and hama had all that going on when mai and ty lee didn’t even have a moment where they realized ummm maybe what #the fire nation is doing is not actually good . maybe #like betraying azula was never abt hey maybe we shouldn’t assist her in perpetuating imperialism it was abt not being manipulated and #controlled by her any longer #idk theres a lot and im sure other ppl have said it better than me im still unclear on how i feel abt some things

[discoreptile]

Shellycoat

#heyo again posting in the ol tags #At a moral quandary but I guess I'll update yous on my life while I think of a way to sound it out #I am currently single. This is a big deal for me because I am coming to terms with my status as a serial monogamist #I think my ex has been not single longer than I have so I'm not feeling guilty about it. Just feels weird being single is all. #I'm doing the whole dating thing again. Have been on 2. First one I stayed at her spare room and freaking cried. Haven't spoken to her sinc #Second one I stayed in her spare room and she stayed with her roommate. Both times I didn't want things to go physical. Both over now. #The second one I was more optimistic for tho.Prominent thing was that she wanted me to date her and others. So I'm not exclusive with anyon #And I still maintain that. Doesn't feel good bc when I go on a date with one it feels like I'm cheating on the others. #But i have such low confidence that I don't want to turn anyone down or keep anyone waiting for me to ask them out. So idk what I'm doing #anyway. moral quandary. I just realized I can't actually talk about it. But I have to choose advancing my own career at the cost of my sou #it would be really nice to get some big £$£$ but I'd have to sort of betray new boss a little. Who has already given me permission to do so #it doesn't feel right. Shellycoat here is from new project. Ugh I dunno. I think I'm going o have to sell out just a little. #Bein single again shows me how behind I am for my age. Still can't drive still living with my best pal. Probably goin bald soon #then again I've been saying that for years now. Maybe I have a few years left of it. But yeah. I don't earn very much rn. When I get those #questionaires I'm often in the lowest bracket so i'm like “I am among the poorest of ppl then??” One lady stopped talking to me when I #told her I rented a flat. Which implies a lot of men my age own property already. But did they get them with their morals intact or did the #have to do a bit of backstabbing on the way? Anyway. I guess I'm happy that I'm not just whining about my love life.Maybe being single is o #still wanting to get out there. Maybe I'll make another post about that or whenever I'm not single lol

[skalidris]

i love lxc for many reasons but i've never seen anyone express a reason for his relationship to asking questions/accepting answers (he does both, btw) that's even vaguely aligned with the interpretation i've come to prefer

#ok that's. hyperbole. #this is also ofc kind of speculative since we just don't get his thoughts #but xichen also thinks the world sucks and options are limited #like. he clearly deeply understands this. he acts and talks like someone who knows this. #and many contextual clues confirm this to be correct #i think for xichen tho that understanding manifests in an ideology of being as kind as possible #(similar to mingjue but.. more diplomatic) #and i think that makes sense bc if xichen turned his back on society #he'd be abandoning his sect who actually do depend on him #and for various reasons that's obviously unacceptable #the only way to resolve this conflict is then to believe it's possible to be somewhat good in society #(at least not.. all bad) #and in many ways what meng yao is trying to do is similar! #in that he's trying to do good in a broken system which is hard and has many costs #i think this is the most interesting interpretation of why xichen feels betrayed morally by the 'reveals' of my doing bad stuff #(and ultimately why he kind of was right to begin with) #also posits the fascinating option of... #he may not have ever pushed (e.g. regarding his mom) #bc subconsciously he knew/feared that he'd choose love over society #i think this is more believable than him doubting his capacity of still loving her! #that's what a-yao is afraid of. i think xichen would have the opposite fear. #and like i said the consequences of that choice--and he's seen them--are dire #and so it's in part this refusal to do this thing he's decided is harmful (prioritize his feelings over the well-being of the many) #that moves his hand in guanyin temple. epic. gamerful. i love you lan xichen