#I am just very passionate about getting to listen to music whenever tf I want

[arhvste]

HCs for Matsukawa and Iwaizumi finding out that their s/o is good at playing the piano/guitar? 😃

rvdhdhsh this is a new request and i’m eating dinner rn but i saw matsukawa and i got ✨excited✨ i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, he is CRIMINALLY underrated and one of the first haikyuu boys i simped for properly

-

MATSUKAWA AND IWAIZUMI FINDING OUT THEIR S/O IS GOOD AT PLAYING PIANO/GUITAR

-

MATSUKAWA

matsukawa has finished practice and is on his way to drop by your house

he averts into the local convienience store to pick up some food for you both though

neither you or him are ever up for cooking actual meals

it always ends up with you guys just eating the ingredients and then being too lazy to weigh everything again

so he picks up some instant ramen and a few tubs of ice cream for you both

i know he’s a little shit to oikawa but mattsun is responsible i am NOT taking any criticism

so he has a spare key to your house

why?

because you’re too lazy to go downstairs and answer the door whenever he comes over

and he would complain you’d take too long

so anyways

he gets to your front door and lets himself in

“y/n! i’m here!”

no response

“y/n? where is your fatass at i got us food 😔✊🏽”

he drops his bags down on the kitchen counter and makes his way up to your room

your door is slightly open so he can hear noise

he peeps through the gap of your door and there you are playing guitar like a pro??

mattsun is like 🤨😳🤭

he didn’t know you could play guitar

he thinks it’s hot asf

literally in love with you all over again

he’s listening to you for longer than he realises

this boy is very tall and big and his weight will absolutely not be supported by the unclosed door when he leans on it

he crashes into your floor

you’re looking at him from above like 😐🙄

he’s smiling so fuknnn big

he’s so proud of you?? you can play guitar like that’s so cool???

“you never told me you could play”

“sorry didn’t realise there was a confirmation of musical talent requirement in order to date you 😌💅🏽✨”

he will defiantly watch you play

“serenade me babe”

you guys spend the night laughing and hyping each other up over your instant ramen as you take turns playing songs for each other

obviously yours are much better than matsukawas reckless strumming

he will ask you to teach him at some point though

“teach me how to play, i need a new personality trait, volleyball isnt enough 😩”

okay but imagine him playing guitar

that’s sexy 😼

all jokes aside you will eventually teach him how to play

and you best believe he’s inviting the other 3 third years on the team over to show off his new skills

saturday night becomes seranade saturday 😀

you guys make it a tradition to play guitar and laugh over shitty food every saturday

and matsukawa wouldn’t have it any other way

-

IWAIZUMI

classes have started and iwaizumi is strolling through the halls

bad boy iwa-chan 😎

kidding

his teacher asked him to drop by one of the music classrooms to collect a box of files she’d left in there

and honestly i don’t blame her

i’d ask iwaizumi to carry heavy things for me if i were a teacher too

his arms? they were made for carrying heavy teaching supplies yuh 😋

he knows the first years are having music lessons right now so he does his best to not make a fuss when he enters the classroom

but you’re there

and you’re playing the piano like some sort of goddess

he is in awe

all the first years are too

you’ve got everyone’s attention

iwa is in shock

how do you look drop dead gorgeous when you play???

he wants to smother you right there

the first year boys do be checking u out doe 👀

that’s until iwa gives them: the look™️

your mans is so captivated by you playing he deadass forgets his whole purpose of even going to the classroom

when you stop all the first years are clapping

“l/n-san is one of our most talented third years and extremely familiar with the piano, don’t be shy to ask her any questions or for any assistance”

the music teacher is showing u tf off 😩😩

hypeman music teacher 😙

love that for you

iwa approaches you from behind and you give a small yelp when you feel his strong arms around your waist

“i didn’t know you could play like that baby”

“well now you do 😉”

iwa is desperate to hear you play more often

it relaxes him

and he likes watching you play

because not only do you look good doing it

you look like you’re in your element and there’s nothing iwaizumi loves more than watching you succeed in something you’re passionate about

he will absolutely brag to oikawa his s/o is basically a triple threat

play for this man when he’s stressed out please

it calms him right down and he lays his head on your shoulder as you play

he is MORE than happy to listen to you practice and be your ears when you need to rant about how you’re struggling to get the hang of a few pieces

basically iwa would cross hell and back to hear you play

he is even more in love with you if that’s even possible

-

requests are open!!

#matsukawa issei #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa x you #matsukawa hcs #matsukawa scenarios #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi hcs #iwaizumi scenarios #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!!

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Matchup ♥

Heyo!! Hope you are all doing well! and I HOPE YOURE TAKING GOOD CARE OF YOURSELVES ♡︎ 

Heyooo! I would like to request matchups for Inuyasha, Fairytail, and Fire Force, please!♡´･ᴗ･`♡

I am a heterosexual female!

I’m a Leo, and a combination of ENFP/ENTP (if that helps with characterization), but I’m becoming more ambivert as the days go by. But I still act like a crackhead (making up new words, making random sound effects out of boredom and roasting people playfully, having airhead moments, for examples) and a lot of people irl do get put off at how “obnoxious” I can get, but I do know when to “flip the switch” and become serious/quiet.

I have really low standards for humor idk I laugh at my own jokes it’s honestly astounding, but cursed memes/images are somethin else💀 Dark jokes are always open in my ally👀

Ironically, I canNOT stand horror, I will legit be so paranoid or freaked out and start overthinking and just cry and DIE—

I’m very open, almost TOO open, but ask me literally anything and I’ll usually tell everyone my honest opinions/thoughts, but I know how to deliver words tactfully and articulately. Debating, (public) speaking, writing, and understanding concepts are my strong suits; likewise I suck ass at math (I have no idea how tf I passed my Calc ap exams, I just— 😭)

Speaking of writing, I write poems whenever I feel like it, I have a whole collection HAH. My love of expressing comes from my tendency to play the devil’s advocate in interpreting and arguing for almost all perspectives in topics. So you can probably guess how I don’t get offended really easily and welcome both playful and serious banter (despite the crackhead persona, I’m very observant of people and their values expressed and how they tick, so I know when to back off especially when they get uncomfortable with my aggressive debating/personality). Need advice? I can use what I’ve gathered from different people and help anyone in their particular situations.

I know I can be overwhelming to alot of people at first impressions and I CAN get very passionate when talking about many things that might scare the hell out of people, but if they tell me to tone it down, I’ll gladly do so; again, I’ll honestly notice if they’re not comfy with it/are overwhelmed based on body language and even from the way they text…. super intuition or something?

And speaking of expression, I love fashion and makeup! I love being able to express myself through use of presentation and have fun while doing it! hehe (k-fashion, asian beauty 👀) HELL YEAH I’M DOWN FOR SHOPPING—

I like to dance yeehaw, and I was on a competitive dance team (well that was before when the corona hit the milly rock a little TOO hard and put all the dancers out of commission😔🤝😭) I’ve also been in my own highschool’s dance club for 4 years!!

I’m a console gamer :0 Big fan of winding down with video games, but books are the best if games aren’t an option.

Music is a huge part of my life; I played the flute and the viola for years before and been surrounded by music through dancing as well; while I’ve been in a choir before, my vocals aren’t stellar oof, but at least I’m not tone-deaf.

Can’t cook to save a life ooooof, that’s where my airheadness REALLY kicks in. I literally burn myself making instant :>

I’m not phased by sexual innuendos/conversations/kinks because I see them objectively as unique characteristics of every person, but I’ll crack up at a sex joke or a cringe flirt line with friends. And like I’ve said, I’ll share them myself without objection if ANYONE asks. But the moment someone actually TRIES to make a move on me (like what!!¡¿), I’ll first play it casual but then bolt for the door because it’s hard for me to actually imagine that ANY guy would see me in a romantic light LOL but i’d get used to the advances quick and if it’s someone i liked back, i’d tease them the same or raise up the antics ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Hello and thank you for submitting with us! I hope that you are also taking good care of yourself as well, and I also sincerely hope that you like who I match you up with!

I’m sorry this is so late!

>Admin 𝕋

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

𝐼 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽…

I ship you with the sweet Arthur! I feel as though with your energetic personality and his somewhat energetic yet dimwitted personality could really mesh well! If your humor is everywhere and lowbrow, then you should see Arthur’s! Your and his sense of humor are quite alike, and you both can definitely laugh at the weirdest things, but it’s cute! He will think you are cute because of it! And Arthur, he is open minded too, he is a very accepting person, and he would be very accepting of you and your quirks! And he will also be impressed that you can be so articulate, unlike him lolol. 

He will think it is so cool that you write poetry for fun, and how you love expressing yourself through the arts. He may not fully understand the extent of your content, but he will understand that they are very important to you, and will cherish them too! Arthur will love the fact that you are so intuitive and observant of people, because well, he isn’t. That’s why he think you are so cool, because he wouldn’t be able to pick up on those types of cues! He will also be so impressed with your fashion and how you express yourself through clothes! Arthur will definitely like if you wear medieval inspired clothing! A queen for his king!

He will think being in a dance group would be so cool! He himself can’t dance to save his life, but he would love for you to teach him, so that he can get good enough for you to dance with him! Arthur will also love the fact that you love games! He loves playing them, and would like to play with you! He would show off his favorite video games to you! 

You’d tell him that music is important to you, and how you play the flute, and he’d definitely relate it to the medieval times in some way, and would want to hear you play something from that time. And when you do, he would find it amazing, impressed with how well you play!

All in all, with his own airheadedness and bravery, Arthur would be such a good fit for you! He is kind, and warm, and someone that you can rely on when you need someone to lean on! He will be impressed with everything you can do that he can’t! Arthur will treasure you as his Queen!

I choose manly and chivalrous Koga as your Inuyasha boyfriend! I know this might seem like a good pair, but when I was reading through your description the first person that came to mind was Koga. He is someone that can be super serious in one second and super lighthearted in the next! He will see your airheadedness as something that is cute and charming, but he will also appreciate the fact that you are super observant and have great intuition! He would love for someone like that to be his wolf tribe leader wife! He would love to use your power to help the tribe communicate better! He will see it as a very beneficial characteristic and will be quite impressed!

Koga wouldn’t understand the notion of poetry, or reading, or writing, but when you explain to him, he will then think that it is pretty cool. Something that he wouldn’t actively pursue, but he will see that it is something that you very much enjoy and will do anything in his power to make sure that you have the tools you need so that you can properly be artistic! He will also see that your artistic expression also goes to your clothes and makeup and would be very impressed with the fact that you work it so well! He would comment saying that he could never look that good in makeup, saying you are the most beautiful he has ever seen in it, you just do it so well!

I believe that once Koga founds out that you dance and play flute, he will get super happy. Seeing as he the leader of a big demon tribe, he will have the need for entertainment in his down time, and guess what! You’re the entertainment, but in a good way! He will want to listen to you play the flute, and see what kind of melodies you play! Later on, he will have someone else who can play, so he can dance and teach you traditional demon wolf tribe dances!

All in all, Koga is more serious and calm, but with your loud energy and kind-hearted soul, he will just be sucked in by it. You will be the one to show him how to really have a good time, and you will be able to show him that sometimes you just need to take a breather and forget about the difficulties in life, especially when you are a demon leader!

I chose the loud and energetic Natsu of Fairy Tail to be your boyfriend! Seeing as you are super energetic and he is super energetic and loud, you guys would be the perfect pair! Natsu will see that you are so boisterous and can’t stay in the same place for a long time, because he is the same. So he will feel a sense of bonding! When it comes to you being serious and quiet, and knowing when to be, he will think it is really cool of you, only because he doesn’t have a filter, and doesn’t know when to shut up, so maybe you can teach him a few tricks! 

When he sees how open you are, he will feel happy about that! He has been in dark times, and so have many of his friends, so when he knows that you are accepting of any type of person, he will love that, and would feel comfortable introducing you to his friends! Natsu will also be surprised yet impressed with the fact that you are so observant. He is only really observant when it comes to battle, and not really when it comes to people in everyday settings, so when you show him what you can do, he will have a shocked expression the entire time! He will also love the fact that on the other end of the spectrum you can be very loud and passionate!

When he sees you are very artistic with poetry, writing, and reading, and even with your makeup and fashion, it would show him that you aren’t afraid to express yourself and be yourself, and he would absolutely love that! He will want to see the things you write, and the things you read, and the things that make you you, so he can get a better understanding of you! And when it comes to the dancing and the music, and the fact that you can play the flute, he would be impressed and hella jealous that you can do such amazing things! He would definitely ask you teach him in the future!

All in all, I think that he would be a very loving and very accepting boyfriend for you! He will take you on all of his adventures and tell you all of his secrets, and treat you like treasure, like you deserve to be treated!

#match-ups #matchup #anime matchup #submission #fire force matchup #inuyasha matchup #fairy tail matchup

[dongsooks]

Pentagon as uni-students

Admin: Asa Type: AU Warnings: I do not know Pentagon personally! A/N: I go to school in Germany and I’m only familiar with the German and the Kazakh scholar system. But then again I think university is always the same experience with it being a mix of pain but also ~maKinG MEmoriEs~ and getting to know the real meaning of capitalism. Asa out.

Jinho:

Major: Music Education, maybe later on Music Therapy

Just wanted to make his passion into his career

that one ho THAT ALWAYS STUDIES 

IS CALM BEFORE EXAMS??????????

Probably the type that has a long term relationship throughout college to avoid STD’s

really enjoys what he is doing

whenever he holds presentations he has this genuine passion in his eyes like wow???

Teacher’s pet but just because he is the best and is so interested in learning

always asks for extra material to ~expand his horizon~ 

I could also see him starting Music Therapy after he gets his bachelor in Music ed??

because he realises music makes him happy, he sees how music actually makes others happier and he just wants to spread!!! happiness!!! and his love for music!!!

originally started working in a grad-school but then quit to work in an elementary school

less income but he loves seeing the kids all excited and eager to learn it reminds him of himself, sob

Just please imagine him, his calm voice, his patient character and his love for music teaching and helping people?? I’M??

dreams of opening his own music school/music therapy center

Hui:

Major: Music Theory and Composition; Performance

fight me, do it, but:

THEATRE KID HUI????

I mean you can lie to yourself, but in the end we can all see him on that stage being the phantom of that opera 

brags about interships he gets, contacts he makes

works at the local theatre on weekends where he does all the dirty work but in exchange he can view all plays for free

takes girls to said plays to impress them

“Oh the main? Yeah sure we’re like basically friends”

The overly hype one at campus parties

always ends up in a drunk vocal battle with Jinho at the end of the night oh the cringe

Hates the theory parts and always would prefer actually singing, performing, playing than just??reading how?? jesus what he got them vocals for y’all

the type who starts studying for finals the week before and eventually just laughs the lack of sleep away

tries to get the teachers to like him

Hongseok:

Major: Physical Activity, Nutrition & Health Promotion

honestly for the other’s I did research on what majors there are and read into them t make sure they fit but for him I just looked for the English equivalent of what I meant Sport- und Ernährungswissenschaften my german folks will know

okay back to it

campus heartthrob but also campus mom

cooks healthy soup when his friends get sick :’)

and then tells them about all the nutritions inside and what vegetable helps for what 

the typical jock with enough brains to actually study something 

“do you even lift bro?”

“I had to broken legs and sprained all my toes and still got an A in my PE” everytime someone mentions physical pain

will recommend moves for when your back hurts though :’)

Asks girls if they need help with their workouts as a pickup line 

Shinwon:

Major: Fashion

Fashion queen

always well dressed

how he affords to keep his style that good is worth a buzzfeed unsolved episode tbh

comes to 8 am courses in Balenciaga

may or may not have a slight shopping addiction

never seen making money, studying, putting any effort into anything

but STILL ALWAYS ON THAT SHIT

good grades, good looks, style so good Karl Lagerfeld unnies was found shaking in his boots

lures photography majors into taking his portfolio pictures

and his Instagram pictures

probably gets offered one or two modeling contracts eventually

you could swear you saw him in the Vogue the other day

ALWAYS NAKED AT THE END OF PARTIES

The one who suggest Strip Poker EVERYTIME

but that’s for an au coming soon which’s title rhymes with ptg as fucktroys ;)

Hyojong:

Major: Fine arts

has a Kranken, listens to real music and likes to judge people who wear skinny jeans watch out

seems unapproachable but honestly, genuinely is nice when you get to know him

part of the dance group

actually very interested in his courses but always seems like he is about to pass tf out

the guy who’s health you’re just really concerned about but he’s holding up, doing well

really good at art though

like they get displayed in the local museum good 

always a little disturbing but so, so interesting and deep??

Probably smokes them trees to widen his horizon man

dorm FULL OF DAMN PLANTS 

was seen having a whole funeral for one of them once

the type of person where everyone who knows them says they’re so nice and great but you’re on the low intimidated by them

Changgu:

Major: Classic literature

so involved in acting but also writing

writes poems 

goes to poetry slams with Hyojong 

the type of person who you could talk to for hours and hours

writes poems for his s/o’s

cries during emotional plays, novels etc

everyone loves him tbh 

the soft one who is ALL OVER THE PLACE during finals

S T RES S ED OUT so much Tyler Joseph knows NOTHING 

worries so much but ends up with great grades!!!

needs lots of encouragement 

Yan An:

Major: International Studies

to be very honest I just had no idea what else to give him? 

I mean he said he’d be a flight attendant if he wasn’t an idol and you don’t have to go to Uni for that

but I guess this come close enough? 

gets the cultural aspect and everything

seems lost all the time

like in his last year first-years will show him around 

all the teachers are in love with him

he always gets dicounts because eeeveeeryyyonneee loooooves hiiimmm he is sooooo softttt omg

once had a phucboy phase but psshhhh

knows everything before finals but still stresses out

sometimes asks for help because he didn’t understand something and just smiles even though he still didn’t get it bby

generally smiles a lot for no reason

a puppy, a whole pup

YUTOOOO:

Major: Sport and Fitness Administration Management

probably has a scholarship 

wanted something “easy” but “safe”

honestly puts a lot more effort into his sports than school but always makes it

is the best player of the team

his coach probably always on the other teacher’s diccs about him

so he always gets to hand things in later/retake tests 

is unapproachable but nice #2

leaves parties before it gets dark so he only has a small time frame to GET LIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT

gets drunk and does that “EY EY EY EY” deep, manly, TESTOOOOSTERONE scream thing men do y’all feel me???

I think no one gets what I mean but I feel so passionately that he’d do that I’ll leave it in

forgets to bring his pencil, his notebook, his motivation and HIS DAMN BAG LIKE BOY IS YOU_::;.,:_

but always ready to help and share as much knowledge as he has we’re all just here to make it and leave

Kino <3:

Major: Dance 

whooooo saw THAT coming wow what

yeah but maybe an education minor too?

has his SHIT TOGETHER! WOW !??

the epitome of a teachers pet

but tbh everyone just loves him it’s as simple as that

much like Jinho to be honest so I’m afraid to just repeat myself but shortly:

passionate

in love with what he is doing

wants to share this

is so genuinely happy to do what he does even when it’s hard it’s so?? inspirational?

dreams about opening his own dance studio 

but same as with Jinho I could see him into teaching especially younger kids

not much to say, he’s great and on top of the game 

Wooseok:

Major: Music Theory and Composition; Music Management

wanted to chase his dream but also chase that shmoney

soundcloud rapper

once hacked the university facebook page to post a video of himself recreating the 

“it’s ya boy, uhhh, skinny penis”-vine

gets delusional from the lack of sleep during exam season tbh

“can I borrow your calculator? what’s 4+5?” 

always drunk at parties but a funny, bearable kind of drunk

also seen hungover and full of regret ™ the next morning lmfao 

hungover in class

also brings snacks to class 

but makes it and so will you!!

Requests and Ships are open my children

Masterlist

#not too happy w this one #pentagon #pentagon scenarios #pentagon au #pentagon reactions #pentagon reaction #pentagon imagine #pentagon jinho #jinho #jo jinho #jinho reaction #jinho scenario #jinho au #pentagon hui #hui #lee hoetaek #hui reaction #hui au #hui scenario #pentagon hongseok #hongseok #yang hongseok #hongseok imagine #hongseok reaction #hongseok scenario #hongseok au #pentagon shinwon #shinwon #ko shinwon #go shinwon

[rantsbymiriam]

Nightmares

I had a terrible nightmare last night. It was so bad that im still thinking about it today....so vivid in my memory as if it actually happened to me. Thats the thing about dreams, you actually feel all the emotions when you dream. And when you have a bad dream, you feel it as though it was real.

I dreamt I was in a school bus filled with school children and we all got into a major accident. We crashed into the river..but it wasn’t a river..it was a river filled with oil. You cant swim in it. (gila climate change dream)

I survived. The bus driver managed to haul me out. The children died. I cried so much. The bus driver told me that we should leave the area immediately and act like nothing happened so no one would find out. I was appalled at his suggestion but I was too much in shock to be able to process his suggestion. Then suddenly im back at home trying to tell an ex of mine what happened to me with the accident and all. And he just ignored me. 

Then I woke up. 

How many layers of trauma can you point out in this very dream? So many! I dreamt abt dying chlidren!!

 I have a bajillion things to do at work today and all I can think about is 

1- The children died. I can hear their cries. 2- wtf is wrong with the bus driver 3- wtf is my ex boyfriend of 10 years ago doing in my dream ignoring me? Seriously wtf. dah dah la tu. 

Obviously whatever thats going on in your dreams is a reflection of your reality.  Howver, my reality is not so bad now though. Work is work. I should feel pretty excited about whats to come for work stuff (murals and new projects and shit) but I think at this point of my life i cant derive happiness from work anymore. In the beginning I could because everything was new and exciting and now everything is just work...blerghhh..

You know what I need to get? A life. Thats what I need to get. I spent the whole of 2018,2019 focusing all my energy and time on work and figuring out the business....but its already the end of 2019...and im legit dying for something new. I also think I need to start dating again. You know, be a normal 31 year old single woman.

I just dont know how to anymore. All the things I used to like a few years ago...before I left for London in 2016...going to bars, clubbing, partying...im just not into anymore. Whenever I am invited to go, or think about going, my head immediately feels heavy...like my entire body refuses to do all these things...

So i’ve been trying out new activities...like THRIFTING. I am a natural thrifter. It gives me so much satisfaction if I find something I love for RM2. I went last weekend with some friends and we found a RM2 MARIMEKKO PLATE WHAT WHATTTTTT. If thats not a steal I dunno what is. I used to sell these plates at Janine and they’re like RM50. 

I said in my last post that i’ve been getting back into my music.....which is really playing the guitar again..playing my ukelele....writing music..singing to myself. Why did I even stop doing this? I loveeeee music. But for the longest time, ive had the weirdest most complicated relationship with all the music I love. (to cut the story short, a lot of bands trigger my PTSD LOL) I’ve been trying to deal with all these triggers and FORCE myself to listen to the songs and create new memories attached to it. 

I notice this abt myself. When I go through a bad experience in life... when im out of it... I avoid everything to do with that time of my life like THE PLAGUE. Even when the experience also had good stuff in it, I still avoid. I don’t think this is a good way fo navigating life.

For example, last night I went to watch Last Christmas with my mom and my sister (#romcomnight) and the movie was shot in London. I legit had so many WEIRD flashbacks of my time in London. It was non stop. Good and bad memories. mostly bittersweet.  I couldn’t bring myself to really get into the movie because THE ENTIRE MOVIE TRIGGERED ME. I need to deal with this. I WONT allow just a shitty time in London make me hate an entire city that I used to love. Ahh.. London...what a weird time of my life. Thats the moment I realize you can get what you want in life, but still be unhappy about other shit. It never stops. More on that later. 

You know another city that triggers me? Singapore. Oh my god. Now I have 2 freaking countries that make me have the hibbyjibbies when I go there. 

Anyway, this year, I plan to stop getting triggered with crap that doesn’t even directly affect my day to day life. Like music, movies and entire cities that i’ve been completely avoiding because it triggers me so much. As you can obviously guess by now, relationship memories trigger me. I now know that it isn’t the relationship per se that triggers me, it isn’t even the person im seeing. It is just me being overly sentimental and having all these childhood traumas that come back to haunt me when I date people.

And it only comes out when I start getting intimate with people. All my emotional baggage from being abandoned and neglected as a child comes back tenfolds with any guy I date. He could be the nicest guy in the world and I would still have to deal with my baggage. I know my nightmare last night is probably a reflection of all these experiences i’ve had as a child.

It took me a looooongggg ass time to accept and forgive all the people who had hurt me as a child. If you dont know yet, childhood trauma is one of the main reasons why people behave / do / believe in what they do / have unhealthy coping mechanisms...and it can REALLY affect relationships and how you are in a relationship if one does not deal with these traumas properly. It also affects how you deal with stress and stressful situations. It affects everything really. For me it affects EVERY SINGLE THING abt my life, except work related stuff .People always assume I have my shit together because when its work related im almost always on the good side of things. My personal life is the opposite of my work life. It used to be a disaster area. Literally a hurricane went through it and nobody rebuilt it. It was just left there in shambles...Theres a rave happening in the middle of it.....Not really a happy rave...more like a rave happening out of desperation, like “fuck we live in a hell hole. LET’s RAVE!!!” Instead of cleaning up the mess, I chose to rave. Omg. Thats totally me and my life haha. Anyway, that was back then. Currently my personal life is a beautiful garden straight out of a Monet painting..theres a beautiful cottage right by the river.....flowers are blooming everywhere...Its pretty scenic...fantabulous...level boleh masuk Architectural Digest (welcome to my crib)...... The only problem is that its completely EMPTY.... More on that later. 

Back to childhood traumas, I am not the only one in the world with childhood traumas. EVERYONE has childhood traumas in one way or another. EVERYONE has baggage.  You reading my blog here. You have traumas. It’s only a matter of being AWARE of ones trauma or not. Thats your own journey to find out. Some people are lucky to have been born into mentally healthy and happy families, GOOD FOR YOU BRO.

Im not special at all. I hear stories front left and centre about relationships falling apart because of they haven’t properly dealt with all their mommy and daddy issues...and issues regarding the self....

Anyway I dont even know why im talking about this right now..I guess the dream last night made me realize that ive totally been avoiding dating or having relationships (or even meeting new people) and using work as an excuse to not have to deal.

Then again, its not like TINDER has the best quality of men in the world Lol so I know im not missing out on much. But I know I must. 

For the sake of my “art” and creativity. I’ve never been a full time artist AND be in a relationship at the same time. I always wondered all these artists and their “muses” - being inspired by another person to create your art....I find it fascinating. 

If you read about Frida Kahlo’s life and her artist boyfriend...whoa..thats like ART TELENOVELA....Artists are so passionate when it comes to love. I scare myself when I think about it. Artists have no chill honestly. When they feel, THEY TRULY FEEL. Im sure many artists are able to properly regulate their emotions and are just normal ass people...but the artists I know are all super mad in some way....

Which is why, I believe this is the best profession for me. There was no way I could work in an office and be a robot...churn out report after report and new marketing strategies when there is so much ABOUT LIFE out there to get inspired by...I guess this is a topic for another time which I really wanna talk about. Basically how I came into “myself” when I made the change to do what I really want in life. I changed my hair and dressing too.....I suddenly realized “Why am I wearing all this 9-5 bullshit? Why TF am I wearing an A line skirt” I can wear whatever the hell I want I dont have a boss or have to be “professional” and I can get away with wearing a plastic bag on my head if I wanted to. And here I thought I was a “non-conformist” There was so much more I was subconsciously “conforming” to and didn’t realize. Dressing and hair are just surface level stuff....Theres a whole lotta “lifestyle” choices that ive been re-thinking too....Also the sacrifices i’ve made to do the business...I had to do a whole entire LIFESTYLE rehaul for me to be able to afford doing my business......(this is something that I REALLY want to share. Cause chasing your dreams ain’t easy. People only see the glamorous parts of it)

Thats a post for another time. For now, I really gotta go back to work and FINISH UP SOME REALLY EXCITING PROJECTS....

(I tried to do this in caps lock to hype myself, but it didn’t work. im dreading work today....oh well) Im human. some days we get nightmares and it fucks up our entire day.