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#I didn't mean to hurt you guys :((
tarisilmarwen · 8 months
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"Thrawn only joined the Empire to help the Chiss!"
Okay sure but have any of you bothered to self-examine why Thrawn chose to join the Empire instead of, say, the Republic, when that was still around? Or why he didn't chose to throw in with the Rebellion, put his tactical mind to use helping them overthrow the Empire quicker?
Could it be... perhaps... that maybe he values the Empire's military strength... more than he cares about the authoritarian tyranny with which it oppresses its own people?
Is it possible that he thinks the Empire's main problem is that it isn't effective enough, too much politicking getting in the way of sound strategy, but if he's around (and in charge) he can guide things so that those annoying little wrinkles (AKA the pockets of discontent and rebellion and fully justified anger at their rights and freedoms being trampled on) are all smoothed out and the overall Imperial machine is better, more in control of its assets, a stronger more unified bulwark against the outergalactic threat of the Grysk or the Vong or whatever.
Is it perhaps just a bit self-centered of him to only care about the Empire's ability to service his own goals and desires and be apathetic (at best) to the way it makes people suffer daily under its inherent systems? The Twi'leks and Wookies being constantly kidnapped and sold into slavery? The careless industrialization of arboreal worlds? The socialization and absorption of all private industry, forcing everyone to work through and with the Empire if they want to work at all? The systematic persecution of anyone remotely Force Sensitive? Is it not the mark of some kind of soul rot to be aware of all of that and go, "Yeah, but I don't care, they have the bigger guns, which is what I need."?
Maybe... just maybe... Thrawn has some Machiavellian tendencies and opinions and maybe this just might... make him not entirely a good person?
And maybe y'all should think about that before you come back and whine about his portrayal as a villain, as if all he has to do is explain to people that he did everything for a good reason and he gets an automatic narrative pardon for all of the shit he did while Grand Admiral that still needs to be addressed and answered for.
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imgonnabethatone · 6 months
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I want Fit and Pac to collide on what love is for them, I think.
It's amazing to see all the content on them and I immensely enjoy every single piece of fanart/fanfiction that goes
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when Fit gets broody and upset over not being gentle enough for Pac and Pac has heart eyes because Fit is completely drenched in someone's blood and then they kiss over Cellbit's corpse.
But maybe I also like the idea that Fit wants to be gentle to Pac, wants him to be a special little someone that deserves the softest he has to offer. And then Pac doesn't get it!
Idk, maybe they talk, and Pac confesses that it's "really cool" or whatever to see Fit absolutely rocking people's shit and Fit goes "So... you find me attractive because I am dangerous?" and initially he thinks like "yeah you know what fair enough" 'cause Pac absolutely can fall in a cave and just stay in one place and wait for Fit to help him despite being perfectly capable on his own. Maybe he likes being taken care of and feeling protected by someone - Fit can certainly provide. And it's all true, but in the moment Pac lightly responds with "Oh yeah! You could break me in half no problem, it's really hot" and Fit goes Huh. It's Unusual to like a person that you assess as a potential danger to you. And he worries that Pac is afraid of him, so goes in to reassure him, something along the lines of:
"Well, first of all, you are very strong, so I probably wouldn't win against you in a fight--"
"Oh, I wouldn't fight you, what?" And it's worse, actually.
"--But I'd also never just, what? Attack you for no reason? Murder you? I'm not going to do that to you, Pac!" He finishes anyway, desperately hoping to get his point across.
Pac gets nervous immediately, like he always does when he feels that his words or actions have somehow been unpleasing to the people around him and he needs to fix his behaviour asap. He sounds a bit hurried, a bit pleading when he starts with "No, of course not, of course not!" and Fit relaxes, because it's all a big misunderstanding-- "But, I mean, if you have to! For some horrible, sad, lore reason. Or if-- for any other reason, not lore. I'd let you, you know? Whatever you need." And Pac hugs his own arms, and his voice gets kinda quiet and stuttery to the end of that sentence, as if he can't tell whether he is redeeming himself or making it worse (he is absolutely making it worse - Fit feels sick to his stomach - but he has no presence of mind to tell Pac that). And still, he looks directly into Fit's eyes, sure, determined, even, as he lays himself out like a lamb to the slaughter. As if he has no worth outside of what others can take from him. As if in his head there is an outcome where Fit will hurt Pac and Pac has preemptively forgiven him for it, is looking forward to it.
(There isn't such outcome, because hurting Pac is never an inevitability or fate - only a choice that Fit will not make. But Pac seems convinced that this betrayal of trust is not only expected, but is also somehow desirable.
And it makes Fit... not scared. But very, very worried.)
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tswwwit · 1 year
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Will Dipper always have almost no magic of his own, even after being reincarnated? He obviously has a talent for life magic but he can’t really train to get better at it, because he’s using Bill’s magic for it (and we know the latter hates it lol). I just don’t want my guy to be sad and miserable forever🥺 He deserves to become a cool and independent magician! And prove his bullies wrong once and for all!
A reincarnation of Dipper could definitely have more magic of his own! And as clever as he is, there's a bright future ahead of him. Perhaps even one where he's excellent at life magic and healing, and getting a little cocky about his own talents.
Bill, of course, upsets all the plans he had for his life. Again.
The good news is that it's a life where Dipper could use more life magic. Theoretically. The problem there is going to be hashing out how he can use it once they're bonded again.
#answers#It'd be pretty fun to see a Dipper who's managed to get a few neat achievements under his belt magically. Perhaps even... smug about it?#Suddenly faced with a guy who knows even more than him by miles#A Dipper with ideas about how to break this 'bond' and cast Bill out. Only to get increasingly stressed out as all of his efforts fail#I mean c'mon. It's Dipper. The big walls of 'I'm Great' he built were only to protect the anxiety-ridden core of himself#Bill is amused. You put up a pretty great fight kid!! You mighta made a dent if this thing didn't have centuries of weight behind it#Even then it's pretty rock-solid construction; bet you'd *hate* to meet the guy who forged it#Though in all honesty. Dipper wasn't trying *quite* as hard as he could have to break the thing#Something kept holding him back#Alternately: Healer/Doctor Dipper who's now Very Annoyed that Bill's getting in the way of his chosen practice#So what if it makes Bill sick? Screw him. If they're stuck together then what's the magical equivalent of separate bank accounts#No way he's giving up his awesome talent. He's great at it. It helps people. Bill can go kick rocks#Alternate of the alternate: Dipper insisting *Bill* learn a few life tricks even if it's uncomfortable for him#Goading him into it by declaring that well. His knowledge isn't *really* infinite without *That* area of magic. Is it.#Good job Dipper! You truly know how to needle your husband into doing stuff he normally wouldn't no matter the lifetime#Probably comes in handy when Dipper gets Very Hurt that lifetime! Bill'd rather stumble off to be sick in the bushes than lose him again
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coffeeshib · 8 months
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Hi! I’ve recently visited your page again, after a longer tumblr break and saw your posts about people’s comments on your fics. It made me both sad and angry. Sad because they’ve managed to take away your joy for writing Supercorp and angry that people feel like they can type out any hurtful thought that goes through their head, for a thing that is absolutely free and made with so much passion and care. 😒🤬
For what it’s worth, I always loved the way you write both of them. AND the fact that you don’t ignore Kara’s trauma and struggles. “i’m spilling all my words (but you keep 'em to yourself)” will forever be one of my favorites. Thank you for the hours of joy and fun you have given us! I hope you know that for every entitled commenter there are ten times more people who love your works! 🫵🏻🤘🏻
ahh thank you so much, i appreciate this. i have to say, sc still has me by the neck, i do plan to finish that fic & maybe write some more but it won't be anytime soon. i had hoped that the fandom would calm down with the kara hate after the show ended but i was wrong, it still hasn't changed.
when you've been writing for sc for so long, the frustration builds up, & there have been many times where i felt like i needed to (& did) restrict myself when writing them. it stops being enjoyable when people are constantly calling kara 'stupid' & insult her in many different ways for not being the happy sunshine kara danvers who takes care of lena all the time.
personally i love reading & writing the reverse situation (lena who's being the patient loving one & also the shoulder for kara to lean on) because the show didn't give us enough of that. unfortunately, people don't respond well whenever kara is struggling with her issues & lena isn't the one who's being comforted.
i write what i like & that's what i'm always going to do, but this build up of frustration over the past years & always anticipating kara hate every fic/chapter killed the joy a lot.
i've seen some authors speak about this too & it's genuinely sad to see! people can like & dislike whatever but it's important to note that there are readers out there who don't realize that their personal feelings against kara also affect authors & their love for writing supercorp
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storytellering · 8 months
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the moment I see someone unironically make a "deadweight" nero joke or seriously refer to him as "deadweight" i know i can't trust them
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soldier-poet-king · 1 month
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I have too many emotions in too quick a succession with periods of severe emptiness in between I just. I don't have time to PROCESS any of them. It's like I've been incurring an emotional 'debt' for 27 years.
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bonefall · 11 months
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Same anon- wasnt trying to imply that with blossom either! Just wanted to say that it could've been read that way and could be triggering to some, and the fact that no one speaks up felt off, even if its against the code. I've never read the more recent books either, so by the way the posts were spaced it felt like the series goes Df battle > Tempest > Ashfur in the span of a few moons, meaning blossom went from one horrible event to another and was still feeling isolated and shameful. Sorry if anything came off as confrontational or mean!
As for the 'why dont they leave?' thing, I think we all default to how Ravenpaw actually DOES leave and we just apply the same logic. As humans we naturally draw connections, and if we see a situation where a whole clan turns on one cat, we ask why didn't they just do what Ravenpaw (or Dovewing iirc) did and decide they can't deal with this and it's better to move on. It's a pattern that we itch to see fulfilled: Tigerclaw turns everyone on Ravenpaw so he leaves, Dovewing gets her whole clan telling her to do better so she leaves, Blossomfall gets named as a traitor and repeatedly gets dishonor titles to remind her of all her faults- why do cat not leave???
But yeah, if Blossom got to heal, i retract my statement entirely. I just was going off the logic that she felt isolated/cut off and that being told she's better off invisible would just shove her further into that belief. I do wanna ask, do you know what the thing Blossom spoke up about that got her slapped with the title?
Ah, I see! Let me clear up the order of events so far;
ThunderClan's Tempest, shortly after the Great Battle, dealing with the Clan moving on. Contains some parts of the canonical Dovewing's Silence but mostly Bramblestar's Storm
AVOS, with Blossomfall joining the Kin and being rescued sometime towards the end. Still working out some kind of incident where her kits are either stolen, or have to be retrieved-- the sire is not known
Squirrelflight’s Horror, a book about how Bramblestar turns a tense political situation into an excuse to leverage his power to abuse his deputy after feeling slighted.
TBC, which is at least a year after AVOS, with all of Blossomfall's children now being young warriors and her life coming back into order
So Blossomfall is having a pretty long journey here! Her life has been rocky and she can be a really nasty person, but she was brought back into ThunderClan because she is still loved. There are people who really want to see her get better.
And as for when she gets Clearface'd, I'm torn on it either being the first sign and SUPER shocking because it was just the normal amount of Blossom-sass, OR it coming right after the death of Bristlefrost and she argued that
"Bristlefrost was a codebreaker but who cares! She was a warrior of ThunderClan! There's no way that StarClan--"
And then interrupted and quashed with the title.
So, first option, to demonstrate Bramblefake's new level of malice at the earliest possible point and use Bristlefrost's death as the "turning point" of the arc where cruelty becomes violence,
Or, as a direct response to Bristlefrost's death, and the moment where there begins to be suspicion, because Bramblestar is NOT this good at naming.
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angorwhosebabyisthis · 5 months
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there are a lot of reasons i think pericles is really slept on as one of the most tragic characters in sdmi, and they start with how easy it is to connect the dots that he took a mind-destroying curse full to the face as an infant. one that breaks adult humans and renders them unrecognizable, when pericles was not only a baby but is from a species that is explicitly much more vulnerable to it. right from the beginning of his life the entity obliterated his sense of self so thoroughly that there's not even a version of him who shows up in the Sitting Room.
fuck, man.
#sdmi#scooby doo mystery incorporated#professor pericles#sdmi is fundamentally a show about the cycle of trauma and abuse--about breaking a very literal generational curse#and i think it does a real disservice to both that theme#and pericles' narrative specifically#that he gets painted as That One Guy Who's Just Evil and Abusive for No Reason#when everyone else gets the benefit of 'even thoroughly horrible people are still people'#'and that doesn't mean they didn't hurt you; or that you have to let them keep hurting you'#'or that you're obliged to proceed in a way allowing for the possibility they'll decide to stop. that's on them to do. and they might not.'#even w/o the systemic oppression or decades of torture and psychiatric abuse#pericles was a victim of the entity in genuinely and quite possibly the most thorough way of them all. and yet he made a lifetime worth of#choices and many many many of them were to harm people in horrific ways; to his own ends and for his own satisfaction#and like. what do you do with that.#it is difficult and uncomfortable to sit with that and draw conclusions from it that are neither 'his trauma means none of that counts'#nor 'okay yeah well he's a victim BUT HE DID BAD THINGS SO THAT DOESN'T MATTER FUCK HIM'#if there's any show that invites you to do that it's sdmi; i love that about it. but you can't leave pericles out w/o defeating the purpose#especially when the nature of his being a link in the cycle of abuse is critical context for exploring the trauma of his victims#the vast majority of what he does to ricky is very clearly projecting and reenacting his own trauma onto a vulnerable target#and just. aaaaahhhhhh i have so many feelings about it god#abuse cw#grooming cw#SDMItag
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torgawl · 6 months
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never thought i'd see people try to argue or analyse wriothesley's murder in regards to his personality. i think people are missing the point. the situation has nothing to do with him and has everything to do with an extremely traumatic environment that made a small boy think the only solution so save himself and the people he cared about was to take the life of his abusers. it's not supposed to be rational, it wasn't premeditated, it wasn't about getting away with it. if you read his description of the murder you can see how out of it he was. his goal was to protect himself and his siblings and that's what he did. that's why he admitted to the crime so easily and why he is keen to associate the fortress as a rebirth place. he was just young, lost and traumatised and that's about it when it comes to the extension of it all.
#people acting like they're disappointed because he's a 'manipulative' and cunning individual or because he's cold and that it doesn't match#the crime as if at that time he wasn't just a kid experiencing extreme distress and without a safe space to seek help#i also don't personally think he's manipulative at all. he isn't like ayato or yae miko. he has very strong values and he does everything#to abide to that. if that means ommiting information at some point to make the best out of a situation he will do so but he doesn't do#things for personal gain and as soon as he can be truthful he lays all the cards on the table#this reminds me of that ayaka situation where people tried to paint her as manipulative when all she did was ask the traveller to hear#people's stories so traveller could take their own conclusions about the situation in inazuma shsjsh#it's also the way wrio isn't even cold. he's serious and composed but goddamn if he didn't show how empathetic he is#also how lightweight his personality is during the archon quest...#at this point i'm just questioning myself if we're even playing the same game#wrio 'i believe in restorative justice rather than punishment' the slay#wrio 'there's a prophecy about a flood dooming the entire country so i'm taking matters into my own hands and building noah's ark to save#my people' the slay#wrio 'i have no reason to trust you but i will still offer you a cup of tea' the slay and people still try to pain him in an obscure light#he's not even that morally grey 😭 he's morally gray in the sense everyone is#wanting to stop people who hurt others isn't controversial or shouldn't be#also because we KNOW that's his last resource#his job is literally to give people a second chance the same way he took his except he actually wants to make life easier for others#than it was for him and people are so vocal about how grateful they are of him like???#he's such a good guy genuinely#and just because he's intelligent and usually composed doesn't mean he isn't emotional sensitive or even prone to being put in situations#where's he's forced to react a certain way because that's just human nature#he's literally just a silly guy with trauma and big responsabilities set him free from the shackles of mischaracterization please 😂#not that i'm better i'm a fool i may just be talking shit really#but seeing people act like the murder is somehow badly written or that he is dark and dangerous make me go ???#having the ability to do something doesn't define you as a person and i feel like judgement without context makes no sense#but maybe that's just me
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taegularities · 11 months
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being here has never felt this suffocating.. it feels impossible sometimes to continue
#i wish you'd talked to me about it instead of making a post with screenshots#because that was nothing i did intentionally... i didn't wake up thinking 'i will be racists today' it was a mistake i'm not proud of#i meant my apology and i said i understand when people are offended and that i'm sorry#i know it was wrong and i'm ready to learn from it to not hurt people anymore and idk why it warrants calling me a full racist#and i don't know how you saw that ask bc it was days (or yesterday? idk anymore) ago and you blocked me weeks (months?) ago#you'd have to actively seek that ask out or look through my posts if im blocked for you#and if it wasn't you but someone else who pointed it out for you idk how you guys got to the point of scanning my blog#if i ever hurt anyone im ALWAYS open to talking about it. i remember once using a word wrong and someone pointed it out on anon#and I've never used that word ever since#i would've immediately apologised and deleted that bit too if you'd texted me just one sentence a la 'hey that's so not okay'#and you did the same thing when i went alway last time... never communicating but going against me while so many others reached out to me#if i didn't see anything wrong about this thing now i wouldn't have made that post. im not scared of disagreeing with ppl#and i don't know what you want me to do? i didn't even know M when their thing happened and still felt bad for them.. me or those who are#defending me didn't go against M... how would you think it's the same people? idk man#idk.. i can apologise a 100 times and it won't be okay. and if i don't say anything im dodging the topic it'll never be enough no matter#what i do#reach out to me jords tell me what i can do bc i did NOT mean to ever hurt anyone and im so freaking sorry that i did#<— this msg especially to those who were directly hurt#idk what to do so you stop posting so many screenshots#if you want ppl to stop supporting me then...yeah idk guys stop supporting me — unfollow me it's absolutely okay bc i know that was#uneducated af of me#to all sweet ppl who reached out thank you i see your messages#i'll see all those that'll come too.. i just wont answer so no one drags y'all#thank you that's it#go ahead and screenshot this too. i can't do anything else anymore#also.. the only parts i edited in my apology were 'i didn't mention japanese' and 'i dont feel superior' which i did after waking up cos#my post was made at 5am after randomly waking up during the night#edit: stop sending my friends asks saying i deserved this. i never told anyone to defend me.. they CHOSE it and they're allowed to#that's it... thank you guys and ily#ill brb. not too long just a bit
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fluffypotatey · 3 months
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How dysfunctional would a shadowpeach be that never broke up but also never communicated their issues
you know this still works canon-wise, right?
#tbh the dysfunctionality would just raise from the clouded/murky status in lmk canon to 'holy fuck yall need need an exorcism'#you get it?#also swk has the 'stiff upper lip' kinda vibe with how he deals with things#he will not tell you#bc frankly he isn't sure if the issue is minor or 'please jfc get help you could be irrevocably damaged' bc his concept of pain and issues#differs so much from the norm no thanks to his 7-fold immortality and longevity of life#then you have macky who has the issue of assumption#like....what i'm feeling and understanding must be CORRECT bc any other that contradicts or disturbs my reality of truth is wrong#for example: his abandonment issues with swk and his 'under the mountain' verbal spar w/ swk#like don't get me wrong. his emotions and hurt is very VERY valid#bc swk and macky still had communication issues in the past so he didn't really air out his issues UNTIL everything went to shit#not to mention macky for most of the lmk show believed that his version of his & swk's relationship was the only true version#he even tried to convince MK about it#therefore: if swk & macky were still together and the same shit happened? my god times their issues by 10#maybe 20#tbh the show keeps their relationship vague enough that you can interpret them as having a romantic relationship in the past#also who knows if they technically broke up#like not officially?#i mean after a guy dies that's the next assumption right?#unless they get resurrected so what's the truth?#swk had to have lived centuries believing their relationship was done#meanwhile macky woke up and thinks swk is being weird about it bc he still thinks of them as together#it's just a whole fucking mess#and i love it#lmk#shadowpeach#lmk sun wukong#lmk six eared macaque#asks
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romaritimeharbor · 1 month
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guys i have no idea when this happened but i have like, multiple new genshin ocs bouncing around in my head
#✧— aphe's musings.#hestia is the name i've chosen for one!#she was la signora's personal assistant before she died and has since deserted the fatui. idk if i talked about her yet or not#the others are unnamed#i've got an expelled vahumana scholar. truth is they are just a silly little guy (gender neutral) who cannot be constrained +#+ they were never going to hurt anyone!!!! they just got a little carried away bro they SWEAR on it!!!!! it was an accident they +#+ really didn't mean to commit like. all of the sins :( they didn't mean it :( (they did mean it. btw. yeah)#(^ they *genuinely* are just a little silly and they happen to have a very strong moral compass. they were *never* going to hurt anyone.)#i have like 5 million fatui ocs HAHA#anyways :) another fatui oc upon ye:#alongside the one who got their limbs torn off and then replaced by dottore there's another fatui agent oc +#+ who joined the fatui following an altercation between pantalone and their former rich guy boss who was in +#+ massive debt that he had not repaid. and they did not know anything about it? and they were basically like +#+ “get fucked loser” they did NOT like him. uhh something something that one quote from yelan's story quest +#+ “give a dog a bone and it will guard your home for the rest of its life” pantalone & oc-core#you guys can pronoun assign all these ocs (except hestia) because idk what pronouns to give them LMFAO#anyways how do you guys make those cute genshin oc posts that make it feel like a canon +#+ character profile..... please teach me 😔#also expelled akademiya student ended up falling into the abyss prior to their expulsion; it was learning of the sins the gods committed +#+ that made them intentionally do things that the akademiya forbode. they and hestia are friends also btw!#they both are working towards the same goal so they help one another out sometimes#they probably kiss idk. maybe queerplatonically i think.
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shadowxamyweek · 4 months
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(Fuck Balanchine, all my homies hate Balanchine)
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mitchtheficus · 2 years
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A Golden Lovers Timeline
PART 19: STRONG STYLE EVOLVED
okay two last things about the confrontation in the locker room (Feb 2018 - LINK) before we move on:
The lovers have a brief conversation in Japanese that ends with Kenny saying “shall we go home?” and Kota replying “let’s head home” (mithen translation LINK) 
And THEN. (and i have absolutely nothing to say about this do not speak to me about it.) the scene ends with the camera zooming in on the open closet behind the lovers
ANYWAY.
after the confrontation with the bucks, Kenny goes to the states for a bit (we’ll get to his misadventures there in a later part) leaving Kota all alone in Japan where he competes in the New Japan Cup (March 9-21, 2018)
when njpw does tournaments they divide the tournament matches up so that half of them happen every other night. during the wrestler’s “off” night they do a multi-man tag match against their next opponent, and then the next night they have their singles match
and what that means is that Kota’s in need of some tag team partners!!!
and so begins a time I like to call Kota and the In-Laws.
Before reuniting with Kenny, Kota had been tagging with the loosely aligned collection of babyfaces that sometimes call themselves Taguchi Japan, but now that he and Kenny have renewed their vows, NJPW has started booking him with Bullet Club
Kota finds this very confusing
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[ID: Kota in post match comments. A reporter asks “What about your thoughts on tagging with Bullet Club?” and Kota says “I don’t even know, I may be one of them... Did I end up joining Bullet Club after partnering with Kenny? I’m still listed as neutral, right?” End ID. LINK]
it’s honestly the best, because the BC members who are in Japan for the Cup aren’t any of the BTE guys, they’re all the Tongan faction (Bad Luck Fale, Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa, and Yujiro) who have stayed out of the Cody/Kenny feud up to this point. they don’t really know Cody bc he’s new to njpw, and their relationship with Kenny is uh.. complicated at best. they respect him for his skill as a wrestler, but they’re all too aware that Kenny doesn’t respect them or the bullet club as a whole.
but njpw books them as Kota’s teammates for this tour, and even tho he’s literally no one to them, just the husband of the boss who just got coup-ed, and even tho they’re also pretty confused about this booking, they take the responsibility seriously.
during this whole tour whenever they tag with Kota all of the bullet club comes out to Kota’s music instead of their own and they always invite him to join the two sweet even tho Kota always refuses
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[ID: three gifs. Tanga Loa and Yujiro are doing the two sweet while Kota looks at them. They invite Kota to join but he kind of makes a ‘no you go ahead’ gesture and takes a step back. in the next gifs he shakes Yujiro and Tanga Loa’s hands. Yujiro is friendly and amused, Tanga Loa is uncertain but not unfriendly. End ID. LINK]
it becomes a running gag during the tour
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[ID: gif of a match, a BC member puts up his hand for the Two Sweet gesture, Kota cheerfully high fives it. End ID. LINK]
We hear from David Finlay that Kota is even spending time with BC outside of the ring, hanging out in their locker room and going out with them after shows
During one match when Finlay is on commentary we get this nice moment:
Kevin Kelly: “If you'd have told [Kota] three months ago, 'hey you're going to be teaming with bullet club' he'd have looked at you like you had horns growing out of your head.”
Finlay: “Well he might have been happy tho!”
Kevin: “Because that would mean that he'd have reunited with Kenny?”
Finlay: “Yeah, so I think a little piece of him would be like "yeah, i hope so."”
Then a little later we get Bad Luck Fale on commentary and he’s just super chill and understanding about Kota being kind of confused about this whole situation. He makes it clear that whether or not Kota is a BC member isn’t something that has to be figured out rn, and when Kevin points out that Kota doesn’t seem interested in taking part in BC-esq activities like cheating, Fale just replies "He's still probably trying to figure out what's going on himself." 
It’s just this really lovely time where Kota is completely and utterly himself, not making any special effort to be accepted by BC at all, and yet this collection of heels who could have made the tour about their issues with Kenny, instead look at Kota and go “well i guess we just? Adopt him? idk?” and never look back.
And this takes us all the way to the end of march.
The bucks have been building up to the GL vs YB match in the meantime, making it clear that Nick is worried and uncomfortable with fighting Kenny, not sure if he can even hurt his friend (Nick Jackson!!! Professional monster boy!!! Unsure!!! If he can cause harm!!! Because of how much he loves Kenny!!!!!), and Matt is just bleeding feelings everywhere
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[ID: screenshots of BTE. Matt sits with his young daughter and son at their house. Matt: “Do you know who daddy's wrestling this weekend?” Daughter: “Uh huh, who are you wrestling?” Matt: “Actually, I'm wrestling Kenny.” Daughter: “That's not cool, isn't he your friend?” Matt: “Yeah, actually. Actually, yeah... Kenny's my good friend, but sometimes-” Son: “Uncle Kenny?” Matt: “Sometimes you have to wrestle your friends and sometimes you have to wrestle your family. Maybe at the end of the whole thing we’ll love each other even more.” End ID. LINK]
in the BTE episode for the SSE show [LINK] we see that Kenny watched NJPW’s interview with the bucks (where Matt admits to feeling jealous of Kota LINK), we see him looking at the two golden wings on his new gear just as the interviewer asks “Kenny and Kota Ibushi’s relationship right now, do you think they're too close?”
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Speaking of his new gear!!! Kenny has this gear made in his old DDT colors: green, orange, and gold. On the butt are two full golden wings, and between the wings are a golden omega symbol with a golden star inside it. “G” and “L” are written on his kneepads. A lone feather is attached to his right hip, and below that it says “best bout machine”
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seeing Kenny with two wings again...yeah.
finally, just before the show Cody gives all the BTE guys these belts with their names on them. i guess they’re like weight-lifting belts? Matt makes a comment about crossfit idk, but for the purposes of this story they’re a symbol of alliance with Cody, and Nick hates them and does not wear his.
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[ID: screenshot of BTE episode. Matt has his Cody belt over his shoulder, Nick looks down at his own belt with distaste. End ID. LINK]
and now it’s time for The Saddest Match Ever
Strong Style Evolved - March 25th, 2018 [Official LINK, Unofficial LINK]
The GL vs YB match is the main event of Strong Style Evolved, NJPW’s show in Long Beach, CA, and the match that they put on is complex and unique
there’s no heel or face alignments here, and half of the participants (Kenny and Nick) desperately do not even want to be here doing this. Kenny and Nick’s horror at the prospect of hurting their friend
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[ID: gif of Kota stamping on a prone Matt’s back and Kenny rushes into the ring and pushes Kota away from him. End ID]
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[ID: gif of Nick super kicking Kenny out of mid-air. after Kenny falls to the ground Nick just sits for a minute, with a thousand yard stare. End ID]
combined with Matt’s desperation to both hurt and be hurt
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[ID: gif of Kenny stamping on a prone Matt. Matt yells at him “that feel good, Kenny?” End ID]
is extremely painful to witness
(And meanwhile the whole time poor Kota Ibushi is just Trying To Have A Match, like he’s just trying to do some wrestling here and everyone else is being so weird about it)
Kenny and Nick have to be won over to participate in the violence of the match, both of them really only finding the stomach for it after seeing their partner being hurt, but there’s never a moment when hurting their friend becomes easy for them
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[ID: Kenny drops Matt’s back over his knee, his face own face twisted with misery. He pushes Matt off him and just sort of sinks down and stares at the ground. End ID]
theoretically this match is about finding out which team is the best in the world, but even though the bucks lose, it’s so clear that it’s not because the GLs were “better.” it’s because Matt Jackson is emotionally and physically compromised
his back hampers him throughout, made worse by the GLs’ targeted attacks, and it gets to a point where he can’t even do most of the YBs’ moveset without help
but he’s never really focused on winning. matt’s focus is always on hurting Kenny and Kota (not beating them, inflicting pain and insult), and making Kenny hurt him back.
because the pain that Matt’s feeling would be so much easier to bear if he knew for sure that Kenny doesn’t love him. It’s the lingering hope, the fear and uncertainty, that make it so unbearable. so he wants Kenny to put an end to any doubt.
again and again in this match Matt lets the worst parts of his heart direct his actions, and through it all Kenny loves him.
Kenny has failed to be a good friend to Matt recently, he has taken the bucks for granted, he has failed to treat them as his equals, but in this match, when Matt is testing him, when Matt is demanding cruelty from him
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[ID: three gifs. in the first matt uses the belt that Cody gives him to whip Kenny’s back, while kenny kneels on the mat. in the second Kenny is now standing and it’s matt who is on the ground. Kenny picks up Matt’s belt and looks at it. in the third Kenny stands before Matt with the belt and throws it away. End ID]
Kenny refuses.
he hurts Matt but he never crosses that line. and every time he refuses, every time he hesitates, you can see that it’s almost worse for Matt than if Kenny had just done it, because it proves over and over that Kenny does care about him.
the truth that Kenny loves the young bucks genuinely but imperfectly, loves them, but not enough to give up Kota for them, almost feels worse than if Kenny had never loved them at all. because at least if Kenny never loved them Matt would have the cold comfort of his own righteous anger. at least if Kenny never loved them, this pain could be over. this could be simple. he could cut Kenny off and try to move on. but because Kenny loves them, that means it’s possible to fix this, and that truth is so much harder to face
when Kenny finally pins Matt, he doesn’t let go after the three count.
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[ID: gif of the GLs laying on top of Matt for the pin, after the count Kota slides off them but Kenny just clutches Matt closer, crying. End ID]
he just holds Matt and cries. he just loves him.
and he doesn’t ask anything from him. after winning, Kenny leaves the ring without reaching out to the bucks again.
but the events of the night aren’t over yet.
after the lovers leave, Cody comes to the ring and starts yelling at Matt for losing, and when Nick tries to intervene...
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[ID: two gifs. In the first Cody turns towards Nick and shoves him to the ground, a perfect mirror of Kenny doing the same thing to Matt at New Beginning. In the second Cody aggressively removes his jacket. End ID]
It’s a perfect, deliberate parallel of the events of the Golden Lovers’ reunion, except that Kenny was shocked and horrified to discover he had pushed Matt, and Cody is ready for more
But just like New Beginning, matt and nick are saved by a run-in from someone who loves them.
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[ID: gif of Cody seeing Kenny coming and starting to back away, while Matt holds his brother and sinks down to sit on the mat beside him. End ID]
Kenny chases Cody off and then he offers the bucks his hand, just like Kota reached out to him. Nick accepts
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and Matt doesn’t
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[ID: two gifs, Kenny offering his hand to Nick who takes it and gets pulled up. in the second Kenny offers his hand to Matt while Nick looks on. Matt looks at the hand and then at Kenny and turns away. End ID]
Matt can’t let it go. Not yet. Not in the immediate aftermath of a match like that.
And you can see his refusal break Kenny and Nick’s hearts
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[ID: gif of Kenny and Nick reacting to Matt turning away from Kenny. Both are crying and devastated. End ID]
but where Matt goes, Nick follows
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[ID: gif of Nick leaving the ring following Matt while Matt and Kenny look on. End ID]
but even tho this night didn’t end with the Elite’s reunion, something has shifted. Matt’s not ready to forgive Kenny, but he’s seen the care and love that Kenny has for him
and he’s gotten his first glimpse of Cody’s true face
[PART 20] [ALL PARTS]
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bumblingbabooshka · 2 years
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The sentence “Mark Johnson and T’Pel are here again, sir” becomes every Starfleet admiral’s worst nightmare.
#he and kathryn aren't officially married but Mark calls her his wife playfully anyway#I am firmly on team 'Mark Johnson is a good person and he and Janeway love each other very much' bc it makes the tragedy 10fold#I think after they receive word about Voyager not being destroyed or otherwise lost forever Mark suffers from an extremely guilty conscience#if he'd just been able to believe a little more...hold out a little longer...#Mark: You know near the end I thought you were a little crazy. Still holding out hope. I didn't know how you did it - I still don't.#When they tell you to 'stay strong' they don't tell you how much it hurts. (sad chuckle) but I guess I'm a bit of a coward. I gave her up#for dead. I should have known better. Of course she wouldn't go out that easy.#T'Pel tells him that just because he moved on doesn't mean he's a coward - in fact it takes a certain kind of bravery to do that as well.#Most of the people around her certainly urged her to do the same. She just...couldn't. As long as there was a chance - she couldn't.#She supposes that's also a form of cowardice.#Mark laughs. 'It all depends on how you look at it huh? mm...look at us. Two old fools~' (silence between them as they look up at the sky)#T'Pel and Greskrendtregk are among the very few who didn't give up their lovers for dead#and I don't think he's a grumpy person at all - if anything I'd characterize him as more energetic and a bit frustrated by how#serene Mark and T'Pel are hehe#also in my head Elieth and Varith believe that Tuvok could be alive while Asil and Sek think he's dead and are frustrated by the others#Elieth believes more fervently than Varith does (Varith is more in the middle saying neither possibility has been proven)#it causes a bit of family drama#also by 'started a family' Mark means getting married while T'Pel thinks he means had a baby#God...his name really is 'Mark Johnson' huh. Bathroom sign of a name. The most avergae man in the world. Love ya guy.#Mark - T'Pel - Greskrendtregk <- star trek name spectrum#doodle page#bea art tag#st voyager mark#st voyager mark johnson#t'pel#t'pel art#greskrendtregk
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cinnamon-notes · 3 months
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i can't sleep :c
#and i think it's because i kinda have a lot on my plate rn#and lately i've gotten back into journaling- which is something im really proud of- cuz you know when i was with my ex i could never have my#own privacy so i had to give up journaling- which is something i had been doing nonstop since i was five and i could barely write#grammatically correct sentences- and im happy that im eventually journaling again- i really am- but this means that i do not know how to#handle my feelings unless i write- and today i was too depressed to write#cuz stuff happened at work as it usually does and im almost on my period and my PMS is killing me#then this man decided to tell me im incapable of loving and i will never find someone to love me back and that im a bad person and that im#uncaring and this hurt so much although i knew he was teasing- it still hurt!#then this other guy said im unreliable cuz i didn't show up for a task that was even optional and i had never 100% agreed on before#and i didn't show up because: depression + pms getting worse + had to figure out some bureaucratic shit that was pivotal and urgent#i talked to the moon this morning#that conversation we had (yeah i believe she replied) was the most meaningful thing of the day#so rn im just focusing on replaying it in my head because it was sweet and it was cathartic and i wanna do that tomorrow again#so im looking forward to it#while stupid voices in my head keep telling me that man is right and i AM a bad person who can't love and cant be loved#while stupid voices in my head tell me people are better off without me#ugh- i really cannot sleep- i have a lot of anxiety#and i hate that the most of it is caused by that stupid man i really hate that man#cinnamon darkness
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