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asimpforyagami · 3 days

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🇨 🇴 🇴 🇰 🇮 🇪 🇸 !

BSD MEN REACT TO YOU BAKING COOKIES FOR THEM AFTER A BAD DAY.

↷ A/N ─ we hit 5k+ notes !! im so happy :D there's gonna be an event which im gonna talk about at the end of this. enjoy and please leave likes and reblogs :)

★ FT. ─ dazai , chuuya , ranpo , akutagawa

!! TAGS ─ fluff, pure fluff, hurt/comfort, angst

"i know you had a bad day, so i made you cookies"

ᴅᴀᴢᴀɪ.

It wasn't abnormal for someone like you to see Dazai cry. Nevertheless, it'd make him feel embarrassed, even pathetic for showing his emotions to you in such a way. And somewhere in his mind, he could see the faint looks of pity on your face every time he broke down, eyes glossy as he'd remember his old days at the Port Mafia with his perfect little friend group.

He was Osamu Dazai. He had experienced pain, loss, a few fleeting moments of joy, and so much. He had been through a lot. He did not need anyone's sympathy - even yours.

This day was, hence, nothing out of the ordinary. Dazai had trudged back home with heavy steps, dismissing your questions about his whereabouts and remarks about how drenched he got in the rain.

He had gone straight into the bathroom and locked himself in. It didn't matter how many years had passed since Oda's death. It would always feel like yesterday to him, so close yet so far away. It would always rip his heart out how if he had been there just a few moments earlier, he could never have had to watch his only friend die.

He sank to his knees near the wash basin and cried.

---

There was a knock on the door. Dazai scrambled to his feet to open it. He was in the bedroom after another breakdown, locked away.

"Dazai?" he heard your soft voice from outside the door. His heart warmed up a little and he opened the door.

"I know you had a bad day," you said, holding out a plate of freshly baked cookies, "so I baked you cookies."

Dazai looked down at the plate for a moment, then looked back up at you. He felt numb. He felt disoriented. Slowly, he reached out to break one cookie with his fingers and ate it.

"This... this is amazing," he said quietly, tears blurring his vision, threatening to break him down once more.

"It's not much. They're only chocolate chip," you waved a hand off. "Do you like them?"

"Yeah," he replied in a breathy voice. "Yeah, I do."

His ruined day had been perfected by a mere batch of cookies. As you urged him to have more, he finally smiled.

How could someone be so kind?

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ᴄʜᴜᴜʏᴀ.

Chuuya was no stranger to drinking and passing out on his couch only to be woken up by you late at night so that he could come to the bed and sleep comfortably there. He felt pathetic for using wine and alcohol as a means of coping with loneliness, especially after Dazai left the Port Mafia.

"Chuuya?" you whispered softly in his ear.

He stirred in his sleep, one hand hanging off the couch while empty bottles crowded on the floor.

"Chuuya."

His eyelids fluttered open, and with a groan, he shifted on the couch, his hand instinctively reaching for the bottle that lay within arm's reach.

But before he could grasp it, you gripped his hand gently.

"No," you said firmly.

He paused to look at you before rubbing his eyes with his other hand and sitting up.

"I baked you cookies," you murmured, sitting on the couch beside him.

It was only then that Chuuya noticed his favourite cookies decorating a plate that sat on the table in front of him. You leaned forward to grab two cookies, shoving one in your mouth and the other in his.

With his mouth stuffed with a cookie, he couldn't help but stare at you as the events of the entire day crashed onto him all at once. A tear slipped from his eye - of joy, admiration or sadness, he did not know. But as he stared lovingly at the way you playfully scolded him for not including you in the drinking session, your voice muffled from the food, there was only one thought that crossed his mind.

How could he ever be stupid enough to believe that he was lonely when he had you?

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ʀᴀɴᴘᴏ.

Ranpo was not the type to cry in front of people. With his child-like confidence, very few people had ever actually seen him in a vulnerable state.

So it was distressing when he realized you saw right through his fake smile. He felt like an idiot for not predicting that you would get to know about how upset he was after the President scolded him.

He lay on his bed. Even thinking was too tiring for him right now. His hair was all over his face, his head pressed against his pillow. There was a knock on the door, and he spoke in a quiet voice, "Come in."

You entered with a plate of cookies. They were shaped like little stars, each with a different flavour and colour. You set the plate next to the nightstand and gave him a soft smile.

"I know you had a bad day, so I baked you cookies."

"You... you did?" he whispered, his voice cracking as he slowly sat upright to look at you in the eyes.

"I tried. I don't know how they taste. I wanted you to be the first one to take a bite."

He nodded and you sat down on the floor, looking up at him and putting a cookie in his mouth gently. Ranpo opened his mouth and felt the savoury taste of your baking.

"I like it," he hummed.

"Really? Do you want me to make some more for you tomorrow?"

"You will?" his face brightened up genuinely. "I love you!"

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ᴀᴋᴜᴛᴀɢᴀᴡᴀ.

Akutagawa was one to hide emotions from everyone. He did not like to let others think of him as human, but rather as a creature to be feared, and someone to be proud of to Dazai.

Since the night Dazai had been abducted and Akutagawa had interrogated him, the latter had been quiet. He was never to talk too much or overshare, but it could be sensed that something had hurt him deeply.

"Ryuu?" you said softly sitting down next to him.

"No," he looked away, shunning you out before you even got the chance to speak.

"I know you had a bad day," you smiled softly, "so I baked you cookies."

He glanced at you from the corner of his eye before his heart melted. You had the most beautiful look on your face, two hands supporting a plate of cookies. He had never told you what his favourite ones were, frankly he couldn't decide. Sweet things just weren't for him.

But these ones, the ones that you made just for him? These were his favourites. The ones you had made that showed how much you understood him.

At that point, he realized he did not have to change himself to gain the approval he desired in the past. He had already won in life the moment he met you.

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🇹 🇭 🇦 🇳 🇰 🇾 🇴 🇺 🇫 🇴 🇷 5 🇰 🇳 🇴 🇹 🇪 🇸 !

HERE IS THE PROMPT LIST FOR THE EVENT.

WE DID IT AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHSHRFEEKFHKNFAKN

THE WAY I SCREAMED ILYYY TYSM FOR THIS IM SO HAPPY :D

so OBVIOUSLY there should be an event 🤭 because as I've said multiple times i love spoiling yall

again, the prompt list for the event is here. all you have to do is ask for a scenario + character and i'll write it out :)

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398 notes · View notes

gizmo-writes · 11 months

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caught | spencer reid

warnings: kidnapping, allusion to rape, loss of virginity (not by choice), guns, fuck or die trope, being shot, crying, pain, concussion, spencer is the biggest sweet heart, hospitals, talk of Spencer's trauma, happy ending?

special shout out to @imagining-in-the-margins they are an amazing writer! they inspired me to write this so a huge huge thank you to them!

Your head pounded, you felt light headed and dizzy. You tried to open your eyes but your head hurt too much. The cold floor grounded you, it was a nice constant. You could hear a voice but couldn't quite place it, it echoed in your mind only making your head hurt more. You groaned, you couldn't get up, everything hurt too much. And there was that damned voice again, speaking way too loudly for your comfort. "Please stop," you whimpered, your body ached to the point that you felt nauseous. "Y/n, please.. tell me you're okay," the voice said but once again you groaned. "Shh," you said, trying to get them to stop speaking.

You faintly heard the noise of a lock clicking but you didn't quite understand what it meant. But before you could even think, you felt hands on your body. The hands were gentle on your arms, trying to help you move but you didn't want to. "It's me, y/n It's me. It's spencer. Talk to me." He said. Spencer, oh thank god it was spencer. "Stop, i don't wanna move," you said, voice shaking. "Okay, okay. We won't move, im just gonna put your head in my lap." He said. Once again, you were groaning as he did so. You could feel him moving but you refused to open your eyes. He placed the fabric of his sweater on your forehead, you must've been bleeding, that's the only reason he'd do that. "Can you open your eyes? I need to check if you have a concussion." Spencer said. You whined, "it hurts, everything hurts." You said. "I know, I know but I need to know you're okay. After that you can close your eyes again." He said. You forced your eyes open, looking up at spencer. You would've been so happy to see him but he looked horrible. He was disheveled and obviously been crying. He never cries, why was he crying?

"Follow my finger, okay baby?" He said. You did your best but it was hard. You kept having to close your eyes because the pain was too much. Spencer sighed, giving up, "you probably have a concussion. You can close your eyes now. Just relax, I've got you." He said, petting your hair gently in hopes it would help you relax. "What happened?" You asked after a few moments of silence. "The unsub we've been hunting... he got us. But I'll keep you safe, i promise." He said. "Spencer, we- we've been through this. We don't make promises," you said softly. You were right and Spencer knew that. You two never made promises in hopes you two could never be let down by the inevitable broken promises. He never promised to be home on time due to the fact that it was almost impossible that he would be home on time. You never promised to stay up for him because it was so hard to stay up late in hopes he'd be home on time. Promises were almost never kept, it wasn't ever anyone's fault. You both knew that.

"Is the team on the way?" You asked, hoping, praying they were closer than you thought. Spencer sighed, he didn't answer, instead just leaning down and kissing the top of your head. That wasn't a good sign. "Just relax, remember how you've been planning that beach trip?" Spencer said. "That was supposed to be a surprise," you sighed softly. "I know, but I saw your laptop.. I've been thinking about it ever since. I've never liked the beach but i think with you.. I could really enjoy it. Finding a nice shady spot where I can read and you can drink your fancy little cocktails you enjoy so much," he smiled at the thought. You tried to giggle but it hurt, that sounded so nice, so perfect. "Now, i refuse to get into the water.. but I know you would too. The ocean is so vast, so unexplored. You've always hated the unknown but who doesn't. It's a common fear, just like the dark, it makes sense. But it'll be me and you, on a white sandy beach, reading, talking, drinking. It's perfect." He said, never stopping petting your hair.

He kept talking but you couldn't hear it. You started to doze off and he could tell by how your body relaxed. Part of him was worried that if you fell asleep, you might not wake up. But he knew you were strong, you just needed to rest and if you could sleep, then it was best that you did. He couldn't sleep, he refused. He would not let his guard down. He wasn't going to let someone else be taken away from him. It had happened too many times before, he couldn't let it happen again. He stayed vigilant, keeping an eye on your breathing while also looking around the dark room for any escape or any object he could use to protect the two of you. There was nothing, it was a dark room with a bed in the middle. Not a nice bed, just a mattress thrown onto the floor. He noticed the shackles and his stomach turned in knots, he didn't even wanna think about those being used, especially not on you.

He enjoyed the silence, being able to hear your soft breathing brought him solace. He was as comfortable as he could be in a moment like this. It did worry him how long it had been since the unsub had done anything. Was the unsub out? Was he not home, the team had profiled that the unsub had a family so it made sense he wasn't here. But he didn't know what time it was. It had to have been day if the unsub wasn't here. It meant he was either at work or with his family. But he dreaded when the unsub would be back. He knew a little about how it would go. The unsub took couples, made them have sex before he killed them. He never kept them longer than 3 days. The time was ticking and it was breaking his heart.

You woke up after maybe a couple of hours, you weren't sure. You felt somewhat better. Your body ached but not as badly, your head hurt but you were able to open your eyes. You looked up at spencer. "Spence?" You asked, gaining his attention. "Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked gently. "Better... or as much better as I can be." You sighed. "That's good, how's your head? It stopped bleeding." He said, examining the cut on your forehead. "It hurts but not as bad.." you said. You tried to move but spencer stopped you. "Hey, hey, take it slow." He said. He helped you sit up, very slowly. "There we go, can you look at me?" He asked. You did as he asked. He gave you a gentle smile, moving hair from your face. "You seem a little pale, how's your stomach?" He asked. "I'm nauseous.. but I think it's from the pain." You said. "I understand." He said.

There was a loud buzzing noise making you cover your ears, the noise made your head hurt. A door opened, spencer turned to see the unsub wearing a mask. He sat down a tray of food, along with a bottle of water. He pushed them into the room before slamming the door shut. The noise made you jump. You opened your eyes, uncovering your ears. "What is that?" You asked. "Food.. water.." spencer slowly stood. This was new.. the unsub never fed his victims, never kept them hydrated. The ME reporter the victims had no food in their system for three days. This wasn't right. Spencer grabbed the tray and the water and brought it over to you. You went to reach for the bread but spencer stopped you. "It might be poisonous.." he said, you nodded before pulling back. Spencer inspected the bottle of water, he knew you needed water. Dehydration would only make the concussion worse. It hadn't looked like it had been tampered with. No small holes to indicate poison. No broken seal to indicate it would be replaced with something else. He even took the label off to further investigate but it looked clean. "Okay, take sips. Don't chug it." Spencer said, opening the water. He brought it to your lips, you took the bottle with shaking hands and did as he said, only taking sips of the water.

He went back to the food, he didn't trust it but it also wouldn't make sense to poison it if he was planning on keeping the two of you. "I'm sorry y/n.. I don't think we should eat it. It's not safe, too many variables." He said. You nodded and watched as he pushed the tray to the side. You offered Spencer the water but he shook his head, "you need it baby. Keep taking sips." He said. You wanted to fight him but couldn't, you didn't have it in you. You took a few more sips before closing the bottle and setting it down. "Spence.." you looked around the room, finally taking in your surroundings. It was like he could read your mind, you didn't have to say you were scared. He already knew. He saw it in your eyes. He saw it in the way your hands trembled. "I know.. but it's okay to be scared. It's a natural reaction to what's happening." He explained. You nodded. You pulled your knees to your chest, trying to bring yourself comfort in the cold, dark room. Spencer placed the sweater he had used to stop your bleeding around your shoulders. You took it happily, cuddling into the warmth. "Are you scared?" You asked. Spencer would never admit it, he was ducking terrified. The unsub was deviating from his MO and he didn't know what it meant. He didn't even know if this was the same unsub at this point. His mind was racing and he was so scared but he'd never admit it. He knew you weren't a profiler so he knew he could hide his emotions from you. But he wandered if it was even a good idea. "A little," he admitted, but that's all he gave you.

He was thankful when you didn't push him any further. You took his answer as it was and he was thankful. He wasn't sure what would come next, he had been through so many hostage situations but nothing like this. Nothing where he was stuck with the woman he loved more than anything, nothing where he might be faced to have sex with the woman he loved in a place that he never wanted it to happen at. He had made so many plans in his mind about his first time with you but he never went through with any of them. Not because he didn't want to but because work or his own anxiety got in the way. But he knew for a fact that this wasn't how he wanted it to happen.

The silence quickly ended though when there was another loud buzz, the noise made you shake. Once again the door opened. "Bring me the tray." The unsub said. Spencer grabbed the tray but stopped when the unsub pulled out a gun, pointing it at spencer. "Not you, her." The gun was now pointed at you. Your heart stopped, in reality, it sped up faster than it ever had. "I'm not sure she can stand, she's hurt." Spencer tried to explain but the unsub shook his head. "Bring me the tray or i shoot." He demanded. Tears brimmed your eyes. You stood shakily, spencer was sure you might fall. You didn't though. Spencer saw you about to bend down but he quickly grabbed the tray and handed it to you. Your legs were shaking as you walked. You walked slowly, scared you would fall. Your head pounded just like your heart. You brought the tray to the unsub. The gun was brought to your head and you cried out. "Do not kill her or i swear to god-" Spencer started but was cut off. "I wouldn't kill such a pretty little thing like this. So pure, so innocent. Does he know?" The unsub asked, the gun moving from your temple to under your chin. It didn't take a genius to put together what the unsub had said. But spencer already knew you were a virgin, you never had to say it. He could tell when you kissed, so unsure of yourself. He could tell when your hands shook as your tried to undo the buttons of his shirt for the first time. Every part of your body and how you reacted to him when you two made out screamed virgin, insecurity, unsure of yourself. He knew and you never even had to say it.

"Don't worry darling, I'll film it so you can watch it over and over again. See how he takes that pretty little flower of yours and tears it to shreds. Do you know what men think about when they see a virgin? They only think about one thing, absolutely ruining you. They wanna ruin you, they wanna tear you apart till you are nothing. Then they wanna throw you to the side because guess what? You aren't as special as you think you are, especially after you're no longer a virgin." The unsub said, gun still shoved under your chin. He used it to make you look up at him. "I wanted to tear you to fucking shreds the moment I saw you in that pretty pink dress. So young, so pure. How old are you? 25? Your birthday was recently, I remember the party. You got so drunk that spencer here had to carry you home. I'm surprised he didn't defile you then, take advantage of you. He must really love you if he didn't want to take you right then and there." The unsub said. Tears were streaming down your face by now, you could barely see. You tried to focus, not on his words but on his eyes. It was important to take in every detail you could incase you escaped so you could tell the team what you saw. His eyes were green, nothing special about them. There was nothing identifying about him, no different colored eyes, no black specks that you could place. There was nothing and you felt defeated. "Move back," the unsub said. You did as he said, and with that the door shut.

You couldn't move and neither could spencer. He replayed the whole conversation back in his head. The pretty pink dress he was referring to was the one you wore on your first date with spencer. He knew your birthday, he was at the party. The party was small, close friends and family only. He knew you were a virgin, no one knew that. Unless they were your close friend. This didn't make sense, how did he know so much. They didn't profile the unsub to be a stalker, he was a man that took couples of opportunity. He kept them for three days, never fed them or let them drink. This wasn't the original unsub.. this was someone totally different. This was a stalker, a man who had followed you around for days, months, at this point maybe even years. This was a whole different story, the team didn't know about him. The team wouldn't be here any time soon. And now he had no idea how long the two of you had to live. He had nothing, he had no profile, he had no clues. But maybe, just maybe you knew something.

"Y/n," spencer spoke but you were unmoving. He stood up walking over to you. You were like a statue, the only identifiable form of life was the way your hands shook. "Y/n," he grabbed your shoulders and turned you around to face him. He saw the tears rolling down your cheeks, his heart broke. "Do you know him?" Spencer asked. "His eyes were green spencer, that's all I could see. I couldn't- I didn't see anything else. Spencer I tried but there was nothing-" you were close to breaking down, going on a rant about how you tried so hard to place him. "Hey, hey, it's okay. You did good. You tried. Green eyes, that's good. That's a start." Spencer said, grabbing your shaking hands. He pulled you into his chest, "do you know anyone, any man with green eyes?" He asked. You shook your head, you couldn't place anyone because you couldn't even think straight. He had been watching you for so long and you never noticed and it scared the shit out of you. "Okay, that's okay. We can try something later after you calm down, okay?" He said and you nodded. Spencer brought you back over to the corner where the two of you sat before. He sat down, pulling you between his legs and holding you tightly. The tightness of his arms grounded you, the feeling of the cold floor against your legs also kept you grounded. "We will get through this, no matter what. Okay?" He said and you nodded.

You didn't even notice when Spencer started to speak, he was repeating a book to you. It took you a while to place it, but then you realized, he was quoting Alice in Wonderland, word for word. It was a childhood favorite of yours and he was doing it to comfort you. You buried your head in his arms, crying. As sobs shook through you, spencer held you tighter. He continued to quote the book, he knew it brought you comfort and he was gonna keep you grounded the best way he knew how to. He would never tell you how he was breaking. As time went on, he broke more. He had nothing, no clue about who the unsub was. He was so fucking scared and he didn't know what to do. He thought about trying to subdue the unsub but he had a gun, he could get shot, or worse, you could get shot. He had no way to get help. There were no windows. The door was dead bolted and connected to some sort of mechanism that made it impossible to unlock unless you had the button or passcode or whatever the fuck the unsub had. He was helpless, he had no team, no gun, no profile and no clues. It reminded him of when he was taken by Tobias Hankle. At least then he was able to talk to the unsub, reason with him and get help when needed. Now he had nothing. There was no reasoning with this unsub, his motives were clear. Fuck or Die.

It had become a waiting game, he was able to finish the whole book by the time you had worn yourself out to the point that you passed out. He was anxious, the only solace he found was in playing with your hair. It kept him calm, grounded. He tried to count the time but he kept losing count with every little noise he heard. His heart raced with every sound, so scared the unsub would come back and put the gun back to your head. The image of your body shaking and tears rolling down your face would be forever engrained in his mind. He didn't wanna remember you like that, he wanted to remember you as the sweet, smart girl he knew. The one he fell so hard for. The girl who was the only one who could help him sleep. No matter how many bad cases, bad nights and nightmares he had, he still found comfort in your arms, in the way you played with his hair and sang your favorite songs to him. He was never into pop music, love songs, but when you sang them, they were his own form of heaven. He replayed the songs in his mind as you slept. He never knew who they were by or what they were called but he could recall every single lyric.

It could've been hours by the next time the buzz came and the door opened. You jolted awake, god he wished you had stayed asleep. He didn't want you to go through it again, the gun to your head. "Come here," the unsub said, once again, gun pointed towards spencer. You moved out of Spencer's lap so he could stand up. He walked towards the unsub cautiously, trying to play through the scenarios in his mind. Ones where he'd grab the gun successfully and subdue the unsub. "Don't try to be smart now," The unsub said, gun now pointed at you. His heart sank, all possibilities of subduing the unsub now out the window. You cried again, knees pulled to your chest. "Don't shoot her, I'll cooperate." Spencer said, holding his hands un in defense. "Good," the unsub tossed spencer a pair of keys. Spencer caught them but was confused, he stared at the keys in his hand before looking up at the unsub. "Don't play dumb, you know what to do." The unsub motioned towards the shackles. "No, no, no, we don't need to do that. She'll listen. I promise she will." Spencer said. "What was that that she said earlier? We don't make promises?" The unsub said, spencer could hear the smirk in his voice. He had been listening the whole time.

"I won't- i can't tie her up, please. She- she'll be good. I'll make sure. Please," spencer pleaded. A shot rang out but thankfully it was just at the wall. You screamed, covering your ears. "Okay! Okay, don't shoot! It's okay!" Spencer's ears were ringing. You were quick to move, going over to the bed. You were sobbing and scared and Spencer knew that. He could feel it in every part of his body. He walked over to you, his own hands shaking. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," was all he could say. He grabbed your wrist gently, grabbing the metal cuff and placing it around your wrist. He locked it, he didn't want to but he did. Then he did the next wrist, he was so gentle, so calm. He had to be because he knew if you knew how truly scared he was, you would break. "There, okay, it's done." Spencer said, turning back towards the unsub. The unsub shook his head, "ankles too," he stated. Spencer felt defeated as he looked down at the bed seeing the shackles for your feet. Your legs were pulled to your chest, laying in the fetal position. "P-please don't, please. Please I'll be good," you cried out but the unsub shook his head. "No, do the ankles, now!" He yelled. You moved your legs to lay flat. You closed your eyes, squeezing them shut.

"Hey, hey, listen to me. We're on the beach, yeah? It warm, not too hot, we're not sweating. There's a cool breeze," he spoke as he put the shackles around your ankles. "It's not too cold though, it doesn't make us shiver. You have your music playing.. that one song with the lyrics about, god, what were the lyrics?" For once he couldn't think, he couldn't remember. "The one that goes, "we could leave the Christmas lights up till January," he said. You knew the song, you loved that song. "I-I never understood the lyrics.. leaving the Christmas lights up till January? Why would you do that?" Spencer tried to chuckle but his voice cracked. He couldn't stop the tears from falling. Once he was done with the shackles he looked back at the unsub. "Give me the keys," the unsub said. Spencer nodded, getting up and handing him the keys. With that, the unsub left.

Spencer was quick to be by your side. You broke, struggling in the restraints as you cried. "No, no, relax. You'll hurt yourself. You're already hurt enough, okay?" He said, you couldn't relax. You still struggled, crying. Spencer grabbed your face, "look at me, look at me," Spencer said. You opened your tired eyes, looking at spencer. "It will be okay, i won't hurt you. I won't let him hurt you. If I'm here, you're safe, I'll make sure of it." He said, stroking away the tears on your face. "I wanna go home," you cried. "That's a normal response-" you cried again, "stop! Stop it with the normal responses! This isn't normal! None of this is normal! Please, let me go!" You yelled out, trying to move again. It broke spencer, his eyes squeezing shut as his tears fell onto your shirt. "We'll be home soon, back in bed. Cuddling, watching movies. I promise we can watch a normal movie, none of the old timey russian movies. No need to translate. We can watch Mean girls, or- or some cartoons. We can watch anything you want." He said, trying hard to calm down and calm you down. "Remember- remember when you said you wanted a dog? And i complained, god, i don't know why I complained. We can get a dog now, okay? Any breed, i don't care. We can get a pitbull, a terrier, any dog toy want." He said. "A greyhound?" You asked, sniffling. "Yes, yes, a greyhound. We'll get a greyhound. We'll take him on walks together, bring him to the dog park. He can sleep in our bed, i don't care." Spencer said. He saw a smile from on your face. You leaned into his touch, "maybe we can get a cat too?" You offered. Spencer laughed, "of course, a cat too." He said. You smiled, your crying was slowing down but it didn't stop. He couldn't stop crying either, he tried but it wasn't worth it when he knew it'd start again.

"D-do you think- spencer," you didn't want to finish the sentence. You didn't quite know what you wanted to ask. "It's okay, take your time. We got all day," he tried to joke and it made you smile. "I never wanted our first time to be like this," you whispered. Spencer sighed, "I know, me neither. I wanted it to be with rose petals, music, maybe a nice dinner." He said. "Maybe on a beach," you whispered. Spencer smiled, "you were planning it, weren't you?" He asked, referring to the trip. "I was, but I never- we would never get the time." You giggled. "Your job sucks sometimes," you said. Spencer let out a broken laugh, "it truly does." He said. "But you know, sex on the beach is never what you expect it to be. Sand in places it shouldn't be, not to mention all the dieses in the sand." He said and once more you giggled. "Always ruining the moment," you said. "I never try to, maybe we could have that sex in the hotel room though, just to be safe." He said. "What about all the possible dieses in the hotel bed, huh?" You joked. "Way less than the ones on the beach." He said. You just shocked your head with a smile. "Maybe more than the ones on this bed," you said, really trying to joke. Spencer sighed, you didn't mean to bring the two of you back to reality but you did. You were faced with the horrible reality that you would lose your virginity on this possible dieses ridden bed covered in stains.

"How's your stomach?" Spencer asked, changing the subject. "I forgot about it.. was thinking about the beach, and the dog and the cat." You said. Spencer smiled at that. "Good, do you need some water?" He asked. "That would be nice," you said. Spencer reached over, grabbing the water you had left on the floor. He opened the bottle before placing a hand behind your head. He raised your head, helping you sip some water. You took a few sips before spencer pull the bottle away. "Better?" He asked and you nodded. He set the bottle down after closing it. "You haven't slept," you said and Spencer shook his head, "don't need to." He said. "That's a lie, you need sleep. You need all the energy you can get and you know that," you said. "I'll sleep when we leave." He said. "Spence, we don't know when that'll be. Please, just- just lay your head on my chest and sleep." You said. Spencer sighed, you were right, he needed sleep and he didn't know how long you two would be here. He reluctantly placed his head on your chest, it wasn't the same when you couldn't play with his hair. But then you started to sing, the lyrics flooding his brain. He could barely relax but it was enough to send him off to sleep.

You fell asleep too, you didn't mean to. You were just so tired, so worn out from struggling. You didn't know how long the two of you slept, nothing happened, the unsub never came it. It was a calm night, it didn't make sense but you decided not to think too much about it. Thinking made your head hurt. You woke up before Spencer, you went to play with his hair but the restraints stopped you. You wanted to cry again, realization had set back in as you remembered where you were. You clenched your first but stayed put, you didn't want to wake spencer. He needed rest, especially if he was going to somehow devise a plan to get the two of you out of there. He was your only hope, you trusted him though. You knew you would be okay.. maybe not now but eventually.

Spencer woke up shortly after you, looking up at you with a smile. He must've forgotten where he was as well. But you saw the realization set in. He was brought back to reality as he looked around the room. Nothing had changed which was good. But that still meant there was nothing to help him escape. Then the familiar buzzing came back. You dreaded that sound more than anything. The unsub walked in, gun in hand. He tossed scissors onto the ground. They were children's scissors, it could do damage but not enough to stop him from shooting. He thought maybe if he could get the scissors into his neck it would stop him but that wouldn't, nothing would stop a mad man from shooting the love of his life. He's learned that the hard way.

"The shirt," the unsub said, pointing the gun at the scissors then at you. Spencer squeezed his eyes shut, "please, I'll do anything if you just let her go." Spencer said. "No, the shirt." The unsub said. "We could make a deal, you- we- please," spencer didn't have a deal to make. He knew what the unsub wanted and he didn't know how to stop it. "Now!" The unsub yelled. Spencer gave in, you didn't cry out this time like you had before when you yelled. When spencer looked at you, he saw you broken, silently sobbing but not begging anymore. He wanted you to beg, he wanted to know you were still fighting, still willing to fight for your life, your purity. But you didn't, you were silent as you cried, eyes squeezing shut.

Spencer sat besides you, he used the scissors at the bottom of your shirt, slowly cutting the fabric. His hands trembled as he struggled to get through the material. He had seen this part of you before but not like this. Not when he was forced to. The unsub walked over to him, looking over his shoulder. "How pretty, beautiful untouched skin." He said. Spencer held the scissors so tightly his knuckles turned white. "Oh come on now," the gun was now to the back of Spencer's head. "You really don't wanna do that, you hurt me, I hurt you. Not enough to kill you, no, no. I would make you watch as i fucking tear her apart. You don't want that do you? You want it to be you, you want to be the one to take her sweet virginity. I know you do." He said, keeping the gun in place, the barrel placed against the back of his head.

"Not like This," spencer whispered. "Not like This? Are you sure about that? You think she's the only one I watch? I've seen you Dr. Spencer Reid. I've seen you, laying in bed, what dumbass keeps the blinds open?" He chuckled, "I watched as you jacked off to porn, to photos of her, she wasn't even nude in them. Scantily clad, but never nude. How perverted are you? I've seen the porn you watch, BDSM? I bet the shackles turn you on." The unsub said. Spencer was heartbroken. He didn't need this side of himself revealed, especially not to you. He would share those things, but not now. "They don't," spencer said. "Why not? You've watched girls suffer and enjoyed it. But not this?" The unsub said. "BDSM is based on consent. This isn't consensual." Spencer said. "I Can make it consensual." The unsub said. The gun was now pointed at you. "Beg," he said. "W-what? Beg for what?" You asked, trying to not let your voice crack but it wasn't working. "Beg him to fuck you, tell him you want it. Make it believable." The unsub said.

You looked at spencer, he couldn't even look at you. He was so ashamed of himself, so hurt and guilty. "P-please f-fuck me," you said, unconvincingly. "Make it believable!" The unsub yelled. There was that sob again, the one that wracked through your body and broke spencer. "P-please fuck me, please spencer, I need you, I want you. Please i want it," you cried, staring at spencer. He shook his head, "I can't, you don't want it. I can't," Spencer said, tears streaming down his face once more. "Fine, if you can't. Then i will!" The unsub shoved spencer out of the way.

You screamed, cried when you felt the unsubs hands on your body. It felt dirty, his hands were rough. You struggled in his grip on your sides. "Spencer, please, please!" You cried out. You couldn't see spencer through the tears in your eyes. But then you heard it. A shot fired and the body of the unsub fell limp on you. You screamed again, "help, help, help," you cried, squirming. You could feel the blood pouring out of the unsub and onto your body. Spencer quickly grabbed the unsubs limp body and moved him off of you. You were sobbing, shaking. Spencer kicked the gun away in case the unsub was able to get up. He grabbed the keys and quickly started to undo the shackles. Once your ankles and hands were free, you hugged spencer, hugged him so tightly you were sure he might not be able to breathe. "We need to get out of here, we need to find a phone," spencer said quickly, pulling back. You looked over at the body but spencer grabbed your face, "Don't look at him, look at me. We need to get out of here. Okay? Can you stand?" He asked. You weren't sure but spencer was already standing, pulling you up with him.

Your head started pounding again but you ignored it, leaning against Spencer's body as he guided you out of the room. He had to practically pull you up the stares. He opened the door, leading the two of you into a house. "I need to find a phone," Spencer said, leaving your side. You leaned back against the wall, falling down to the floor as you cried. You could still feel the unsubs hands on you, you could still see his lifeless body on the floor. The imagine would be engrained in your mind. The feeling of his hands would be burned into your brain. "The team is on there way," spencer said as he got down beside you. He pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly. "We're safe, we'll be safe soon. We're going home. We're gonna get that dog and that cat. We'll take that beach trip." He explained, keeping you close.

You didn't know how long it took for the team to get there. You were too busy shaking and crying in Spencer's arms, replaying the scene in your head over and over again. The door bust open making you flinch, you didn't scream, you didn't have it in you. "Spence, oh my god, spence," JJ said, running over to the two of you. "The ambulance will be here soon, okay?" She said. You couldn't open your eyes but you could hear the team moving through the house. You didn't want to open your eyes, you were so scared you'd see the body again. "Are you okay?" JJ asked. Spencer nodded then looked down at you, "She was hit in the head, im sure she has a concussion." Spencer said. "Is she bleeding?" JJ asked but spencer shook his head, "It's not her blood," he said. JJ was relieved. She loved Spencer and she loved you. Sure, spencer knew her first, but you felt closer to her than anyone else. "Ambulance is here!" Someone called out. "Okay, okay, we need to get you two checked out." JJ said.

Spencer started to move but you cried harder, clinging onto him. "No, no, no-" you cried. "It's okay, we're going to the ambulance. Okay, im staying with you." Spencer said. You reluctantly stood up with him. JJ was on your other side, helping you walk. You never realized how weak you were till now. Your feet drug against the ground, you felt limp, heavy. You hear hung as you walked. You were so tired. They helped you into the ambulance and laid you down. You clung onto Spencer's arm like a lifeline, afraid that if you let go, the unsub would be back, grabbing you, touching you.

"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere," spencer said, grabbing your hand and holding it just as tightly as you were holding his. "I'll meet you two at the hospital," JJ said before leaving the car. Spencer just looked down at you, watching as the EMT's checked you out. You felt a hand on your stomach that wasn't Spencer's and you freaked out. "N-no! Please!" You squeezed your eyes shut. "D-don't touch her there!" Spencer said, shoving the EMTs hand away. "I was checking for bleeding," he said. "That's not her blood! Don't touch her there again!" Spencer was furious, these were the people that were supposed to keep us safe but yet they were making you relive the trauma. "I won't, i wont," The EMT said.

They hooked you up to IVs, checking you for a concussion which you indeed had. "She's dehydrated and in pain. We're giving her morphine. She'll fall asleep soon," The EMT said. Spencer nodded and his eyes never left you. You couldn't open your eyes, the lights were too bright and you were too tired to keep them open. "I'm here, I'm not leaving." Spencer said. You squeezed his hand to indicate you were listening. "Did you hear the doctor? You'll fall asleep soon but I'll be right here. I'm not leaving." You squeezed his hand again. Spencer knew the EMT wasn't a doctor but he wasn't about to make things more difficult for you to understand in your fragile state. You fell asleep soon after he told you what was happening.

Spencer was so tired, struggling to keep his eyes open as he watched you sleep. He refused to sleep, he couldn't bare having you wake up without him being awake as well. The doctors hooked him up to an IV after checking him out. He was fine, dehydrated but fine. He didn't have a concussion like you did, he wasn't stuck in shackles like you were. Sure, he had trauma but nothing as bad as you. He had been through the pain, the gun against the head, but you hadn't. This was all new to you and he knew you were about to go through hell when you woke up. You'd need years of therapy like he did. He worried you'd turn to drugs like he did but he would make sure you didn't. He do anything to help you cope but he wasn't going to let you do anything to hurt yourself.

You woke up after a while, eyes heavy as they opened. "Hey, hey, I'm here," he could see the way your hand moved frantically in search of his. He grabbed your hand and held it tightly. Your eyes finally opened and were met by his. "I wanna go home," was all you said. Spencer nodded, "we'll be home soon." Was all he said. You nodded, turning your head with a soft groan. You looked out the window, it was sunny out. You missed the sun. "I was thinking.. when we get home.. we should book that beach trip." He said. You didn't smile this time though, the beach trip no longer brought you comfort. That was ruined by the unsub. "Or, you know what.. maybe no a beach trip. Maybe somewhere more cozy, secluded. Maybe the mountains?" He said. You turned to face him, furrowing your brows. "I know, I don't have good memories with secluded cabins but i think you could change that. A nice cozy cabin, the rain hitting the windows as we cuddle up by a fire. Watching movies, listening to music, reading books. How does that sound?" He asked. A smile formed on your face, "that sounds perfect," you whispered. "Good, then it's a plan. We can set it up when we get home." He said. "And the dog?" You asked. "We'll look into adoption, same with the cat." He said. You smiled, tears brimming your eyes. "I love you," you said. "I love you too," he responded. He leaned in, giving you a soft kiss, things were hard but you knew with him, you could get through it.

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x you

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hopelessdelusional · 11 months

Text

Literally got a dream after i read this prompt, went insane, and then basically wrote a whole book

so it’s safe to say im obsessed

word count: 4K

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ─ ✩ ─⋅ ⋅ ──╮

Bakugou Katsuki is a hero.

He is a Pro Hero, number 2 to be in fact (damn Deku). He has made a living fighting battles and saving lives, jumping off roofs and flying in the sky. He is a real life super hero, putting his life in danger. Every morning he wakes up has to prepare himself for the things he may see that day. The blood he might shed, and the people he may not be able to save. He has learned to be fearless, never finding himself nervous when jumping into the fight.

And yet, he’s never felt more terrified right now.

He met you three years ago, after quite literally crashing right into the very studio you record your music. He was battling a woman who had the ability to make and control giant vines, and apparently are explosive-proof. Todoroki almost hit him with a blast of his shitty ice, making him turn to his so called “partner” and cuss him out. However, that gave the villain the chance to grab him, and send him flying.

Bakugou soon found himself miles away from the fight, as he had to use his quirk in order not to fall to his death. But as many know, his quirk is sporadic.

That is how he crash landed into your studio.

It hurt like hell sure, but when he opened his eyes and saw you standing over him with nothing but concern in your eyes, he instantly forgot the many injuries he gained. You were breathtaking, and not like anyone he had ever interacted with. You immediately made the terrified people in the studio help him up and you found the nearest first aid kit and fixed him up as best as you could before an ambulance came.

He was dazed, but you were so kind and made small talk. Bakugou had always been one to hate any type of small talk, but he loved every word that left your mouth. You were newly moved to Japan, some sort of opportunity came to you that you couldn’t turn down (Bakugou was severely concussed so a lot of what you said was a blur).

Bakugou does remember Mina and Kaminari mentioning you, playing your music whenever he came to either of their houses. You had such a unique voice, a bit raspy that caught the attention of millions of people. Surprisingly, also caught the attention to Bakugou, as he would play it during the rare nights when he’d be cooking alone in his kitchen. Your story telling was incredible, your lyrics were anything but bland. Making music about the bad and good exes you’ve had, your friends and family, your past, and even wrote songs about random characters your beautiful mind came up with. You always made sure to use all sorts of instruments, and the notes that you compacted into your songs never ceased to amaze Bakugou’s standards.

Now he was here, sitting on a table asking you all sorts of questions about you. Maybe it was the concussion, or maybe it was just your personality but Bakugou began to get addicted to you, never wanting you to stop talking.

“Here.”

You turned away from him, your hand leaving his knee instantly making him already miss the warmth of you as you shuffled through your bag.

He watched you with curiosity (and took the chance to shamelessly check out your ass) before you turned around with a newfound grin on your face. You were holding a pen, and he cocked an eyebrow at you, not understanding the excitement of this pen in your perfect hand. You walked back over to him, your perfume becoming addicting to him, and you gently grabbed his hand. You were making intense eye contact with him, and Bakugou suddenly felt…nervous? You smiled at the blush that rose on the hero’s face, before you clicked the pen and began to write something on his wrist.

Bakugou watched, feeling somewhat like a child, and once you finished and allowed him to look. He was pleasantly surprised to see your number on his arm.

His head instantly shot up, almost not believing this was happening.

“If I text this and it’s a scam, I’m gonna hunt you down.”

His gruff voice didn’t match the face he was making at you, and you threw your head back and laughed.

Once you caught your breath, you smiled at him, making him blush even more (he didn’t even know that was possible!).

“As fun as that would be, I promise that is in fact my home number. I would never trick my favorite pro hero like that.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw two paramedics walking through the door, ready to help him out of there. However, he chose to ignore them and smirk at you instead.

“Favorite eh?”

You giggled, still holding his hand.

“Don’t get too cocky mister, or else I’ll write a mean song about you.”

His grin widened, using his other hand to lead your hand to his lips. He gently kissed it, hating how chapped his lips were, but the blush that quickly appeared on your cute cheeks made it worth it.

“I’d rather the song have another meaning.”

The two of you held eye contact, and he soaked up every second of it not ever wanting to forget what color you eyes were.

You smiled at him before you turned to the paramedics that began to replace your presence. They helped him up, and walked him over to the bed that was rolled in by another paramedic. Once he was comfortable (as comfortable as someone with many broken ribs and a concussion could be) he looked back up at you. Bakugou was annoyed to see one of the paramedics talking nervously to you, asking for an autograph. However, the jealously slowly turned into admiration as he watched you beam at the man as you excitedly signed the crinkled piece of paper he had in his pocket.

“My daughter just adores your music, she started learning guitar because of you actually! It’s truly incredible watching her play, just makes me so proud of her.”

Your lip was pouted, as you stood listening to his words. You looked so genuine, so happy that he was telling you this. Bakugou could tell this means the world to you, watching you enthusiastically hugged him. The two of you quickly made your goodbyes, and you immediately turned to look his way. Bakugou would have been embarrassed that he was caught looking at you if you hadn’t beamed at him like that. You jogged over to him, making him chuckle how eager you were to be back in his presence. Bakugou instantly grabbed your empty hand again, not a single ounce of shame for how “down bad” he was acting.

“Talk to you later?”

Your voice couldn’t have been any louder than a whisper, making sure he knew these were words only for him to hear. Bakugou grinned, giving your hand a squeeze.

“Of course.”

Instead of one of your flashing smiles, your whole face softened and a small smile appeared on your face.

“In the meantime then, I’ll definitely be writing a song.”

That’s when Bakugou realized there was no coming back from you. He was officially obsessed, never wanting anything more than your hand in his.

Unfortunately for him, the two of you were rudely interrupted by the dumbass that got him here in the first place (not that Bakugou is complaining). Todoroki loudly coughed, making you jump and him scowl.

“I see you’re in good-“ his heterochromia eyes looked down at Bakugou and your interlocked hands, and then looked back up at Bakugou with a smirk.

“Good hands?”

Yeah, Bakugou definitely got teased for the rest of the day, and soon the rest of the week by all the people half-and-half told. But honestly? Bakugou couldn’t give two shits when had you texting him all day.

Besides, they were just jealous.

Kaminari and Mina especially lost their shit, begging for him to tell them all about you, even asking for your number. Obviously, Bakugou kindly told them to stop asking (he told them to fuck off and mind their fucking business) and soon enough the two of you began dating.

It was so easy being with someone like you. The two of you worked so well together, and you already understood the pressure of paparazzi constantly swarming you like hawks. Crazily enough, the reveal of you guys dating didn’t release until after your one year. Of course there were plenty of news articles and random fans on the internet who speculated it, but you interacted with enough people for your fans to also say you were dating them as well. Besides, the idea of you, an international singer/songwriter dating the number two hero in the world was not something that people could believe easily. But it was the truth, and people everywhere went crazy when you posted a picture of the two of you.

It was the picture of Bakugou picking you up by the waist in his kitchen. You were wearing his shirt and some random sweats because you had just gotten home from a concert the night before. Ochako was the one able to capture this beautiful moment of the couple. You had been teasing him for being able to cook but not bake, and he had enough of your jokes and simply picked you right off your feet. In the picture the both of you were smiling widely, especially Bakugou. When you posted the picture, fans analyzed the picture like crazy.

Bakugou knew he wasn’t the most well liked Pro-Hero, but the amount of people who tried to make a video showing the picture and claiming it was “obvious” that he was abusing you was a little annoying. You always reassured the blond when you caught him watching those videos, turning off his phone and climbing in his lap. His hands happily making his way on your waist as you ran your fingers through his hair while the other hand held his face gently. His eyes would close and you would whisper sweet nothings in his ear, praising him for anything and everything, sometimes even singing the songs you wrote for him.

Bakugou still remembers when the two of you were almost a year into the relationship (ten months and 6 days to be exact) and in the mist of him casually scrolling on TikTok a video of you performing at your concert popped up. He was certainly surprised to see videos already posted, since the concert had quite literally just ended. Obviously he watched the video, adoring how you talked to your fans.

“Now children, calm down so I can talk. I am not gonna talk over your borderline screaming, there’s no way in hell I’m gonna be able to sing after this if I talk like that.”

Bakugou snickered. He always loved when you were sassy and continued to watch.

“So whilst on tour, I’ve had a song stuck in my head,” the crowd went wild, probably thinking you were going to play one of your songs called “stuck in my head.” Your face lit up in realization, and you laughed at the mistake you made.

“Oh my poor babies, I’m so sorry but I am not playing that song.”

You gave your crowd an apologetic smile as they booed you. Bakugou’s eyebrows furrowed, upset as to why you were being booed, but continued to watch nonetheless.

“Oh my gosh get over yourself,” you rolled your eye waiting for the crowd to settle down before starting up again.

“I had like, this chorus just repeating itself over and over again. It was so annoying y’all! I felt like I was going crazy! And what made it even more annoying is that I couldn’t go to my safe place and sit down and write it cus-“

You gestured to your surroundings.

“-I’m on tour.”

The crowd went wild for longer than Bakugou liked, but you let them get it out, shaking your head like you were disappointed but the smile gave you away.

“Instead I had to settle with my oh so very empty tour bus bed, and write the song there. It was literally like, what? 3AM? And I was sitting on that bed with my guitar, notebook, and my laptop. I’m so glad I wasn’t sharing or like in a hotel because I was up until 5…”

You bent over to laugh, and the audience as well. Meanwhile, your now very grumpy boyfriend was about to close the app and text you not to do shit like that. You put on full fledge concerts for crying out loud! You should not be staying up that late just to write a goddamn song.

“And that was last night.”

The concert booed as Bakugou’s patience started to thin. What the hell were you thinking? You even texted him goodnight at like 2! Rest is very important and you need to-

“But I’m glad that I did, because I think this is my new favorite song. And I just can’t wait anymore, so is it okay if I play it for you guys?”

The crowd literally went feral. The person recording was screaming along with every goddamn person at that place. Bakugou was now fully sitting up in his bed, eager to listen to this song. He was a little hurt, he will admit. You always send him a video of the many songs that you write sporadically on this tour, and you’ve written a lot. So why didn’t you do the same thing here? What was so different about this song that he couldn’t be the first to hear it like usual?

“That sounds like a yes,” you reached for one of the many necklaces you were wearing and pulled out a very thin necklace with a familiar pendant. Bakugou immediately recognized it, as it was the one he got for you on your six month anniversary. It was one of the petals of a rose that you saved from your first date. He had it dried and put into a charm of a necklace when he noticed you getting upset that you couldn’t keep the flowers he got you. When he gave it to you, tears were falling down your face as he kissed you. That’s when he swore to himself that if he met any of your exes he wouldn’t leave without giving them a brand new scar.

You pulled it out and kissed it gently, before whispering into it.

“This is for you baby.”

Bakugou’s eyes widened, the crowd losing their minds and you started playing guitar. The two of you would make the smallest hints that you were in a relationship, but never as bold as this. Not that he was complaining.

Secretly he had been wanting to let the public know that you were dating, he wanted everyone to know you were his and he was yours. He was honestly sick of seeing people “ship” him with extras and he especially hated when the same happened to you.

He’s good for my heart but he’s bad for business

Tears me apart when he grants my wishes

All of my friends think I’ve gone crazy

But they don’t know me like my baby~

Bakugou remembers that moment like it was yesterday. His face instantly blossomed a bright blush, and his lips formed a soft smile. The crowd finally settled down after the beginning and he was able to listen to the song, closing his eyes pretending like he was there in the audience. He put the phone up to his ear and laid back down, soaking up every word and every note.

He’s good

It’s bad

The best I’ve ever had

And he’s so nice

It’s sad

He ruined all my plans

And he just makes me so crazy

I know everyone sees

He’ll be the death of me

That’s how he got here, standing in a special area in your sold out venue wearing your newest merch.

And Bakugou Katsuki was terrified.

 This was the first time he had come to see your concert, because last time you toured it was when your relationship was a secret. Now, he sat nervously in his chair, his colleagues on either side of him. You had given all of them tickets, making sure they had the best seats in the house but also allowed them to not be disturbed by fans.

Bakugou was bouncing his leg, picking at his fingernails as he watched the crowd. It seemed that nobody knew they were there, everyone waiting in anticipation of your show. Your music was so diverse, everyone knew that it would contain all sorts of emotions and energies. You were the type of performer who liked to be as close to the audience as possible, you loved adding commentary to your songs during the pauses, making faces, and dancing around. You loved to have fun, and let loose. When you got the green light to plan the tour, you were practically bouncing off the walls of your now shared home. You spent three months planning it, which was a new record for you, before announcing. However, there was just one thing that Bakugou didn’t like about the tour.

He knew absolutely nothing about it. In fact, you made sure of it. Hiding your notebook, changing your laptop’s password, making sure your manager didn’t tell him shit about it. That’s why he was terrified. His partner, his very famous singer/songwriter of a soulmate was about to do the very first night of the tour in Japan and Bakugou didn’t know a thing.

That’s why Bakugou Katsuki was terrified.

Soon enough, the lights began to dim, and people started to stand up. A hush fell over the crowd as the venue blacked out, and the wrist bands on everyone’s wrists lit up.

“Holy shit it’s happening.” Kaminari whispered to Bakugou, grin spreading across his face.

Ochako, Kaminari, and Mina happily took the evening off to see you, while the rest of your invites weren’t able to. Kirishima made Bakugou promise at least one photo of the two of them after the show.

A soft hum came out of the speakers, and suddenly a spotlight appeared to reveal you standing at the very far back of the stage. The crowd went insane, and you walked down the stage.

When it came to your outfits, you always had to keep it comfortable. You loved to jump around dancing, sometimes fall to your knees dramatically. You especially loved to squat. Jumping around in that position and when you stood up you always made sure to flaunt the ass that you worked very hard on in the gym.

You came out strutting down the stage in very baggy and flowy black pants and a very cropped black long sleeve sweater that allowed you to show off the lace bra that went down to your belly button. But that wasn’t where it stopped, nor was it the best part of your outfit. To Bakugou’s surprise you were wearing boots with an obnoxiously thick heel, that were very obviously Dynamite themed.

Bakugou smirked at the sight, taking in the rest of the little details of your outfit. You wore a giant ring on your index finger that was also Dynamite inspired, as a fan gave it to you, and Bakugou could see his initials sewn into the bottom of your sweater.

You stopped at the end of the runway, pulling the microphone away from your face in a dramatic motion. You slowly looked around, taking in your crowd. A smile spread across your face, and when your gaze looked straight forward to look for Bakugou, he made sure to make little sparks from his hands to let you know he was right here. You pointed at him with the finger that had the Dynamite ring on it, and Bakugou honestly felt like it was just you and him in the stadium. You mouthed an ‘I love you’ at him, and Bakugou was now ignoring the new roar from the audience.

“You guys should get married already.” Mina whispered in Bakugou’s ear, and instead of blowing her face up, he just smiled, still looking in your direction.

“I plan on it.”

The first song you sang was one of your oldest ones, which also happened to be a much slower and sadder song. Instead of listening to the grim lyrics (not because they were bad, just because Bakugou hated to remember how bad some of your relationships were and didn’t want to get angry) the hero closed his eyes and listened to your voice. He wanted to take in his environment and all the notes you sang. The song started to drift off midway, which confused Bakugou. His eyes suddenly snapped open when he heard your newest song, which was much more upbeat. He watched you jump in the air and sing the song with much more passion than the original version. The crowd recovered quickly from the switch up and was singing along happily.

You sang a couple more of your newer and upbeat songs, making sure to add new notes to them and even belt a couple of notes to get the crowd excited. You were having so much fun, and Bakugou had never seen you look more alive. This is where you belonged, and he wanted to be right here every time watching.

There was a pause for you to sit down at the edge of the runway. You sat criss-cross, and much closer to the audience for Bakugou’s liking. He always got nervous when you reached out for a fan’s hand, scared that they would do something that could hurt you.

Thankfully, that hadn’t ever happened, and you sat very cutely waiting for the audience to quiet down so you could speak.

“Wow. We’re halfway through already? Well, I think we all know what that means…”

You cocked your head to the side, and a soft piano started to play a familiar rhythm.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between, get out your tissues. It is now time to remember why you are no longer dating your ex, and for you to be reminded that your trauma isn’t just a thing that makes you funny.”

The crowd screamed, but almost immediately stopped when you began to sing in a much softer and lower register than before. As depressing as these songs may be, Bakugou firmly believes that these types of songs bring out the best in your voice. It allows you to challenge your breath control, and truly sing with so much passion and emotion.

A couple of songs pass, and Bakugou finds you when the stage gets lit up again. You’re in the middle of the runway, standing with your head down waiting for the band to begin. As soon as the piano starts, the crowd screams and yells. This is one of your all-time most popular songs, it was the one that caught a lot of people’s attention and boosted your popularity. Funnily enough, you actually hated this song because you wrote it in high school, so Bakugou was surprised to see you preform it.

“Is this Sick of Losing Soulmates?” Ochako yelled, because of the screaming of your audience.

Bakugou turned to her and confirmed her suspicions, making Mina and Kaminari start screaming along with the audience (as they were doing the entire time).

Bakugou watched as you began to sing, and noticed how you really got into it. You added a lot more dramatic pauses before certain lines, and even speaking some of the lyrics, making it feel more like anger than sadness.

Yeah, I’m sick of losing soulmates

Won’t be alone again

I can finally see you’re as fucked up as me

So how do we begin?

At one point, you laid down on your back, reaching for the sky as you sang your heart out, and Bakugou noticed you choking up a bit at certain lyrics.

We will grow old as friends

I've promised that before, so what's one more in our grey-haired circle, waiting for the end?

Time and hearts will wear us thin

So which path will you take, 'cause we both know a break does exactly what it says on the tin

The song soon ends, and your last pose has you on your knees, head looking down at the floor. The stadium goes pitch dark, including the wrist bands, before they light up again along with your stage. Bakugou sees you wipe a tear off your cheek, and you sit there once more taking in your fans that take the chance to start chanting your name. You put your lips together, closing your eyes and putting your hands on your heart. Your eyebrows are furrowed and Bakugou can tell you’re still crying. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to go to you and hold you, wiping away your tears and replacing them with tender kisses.

You open your eyes, putting the mic back to your mouth and the audience quiets down in order to let you speak.

“Oh boy, I am so overwhelmed by emotions. I mean that was the song that started it all right?”

The crowd was still practically silent, as you’ve trained them well. You get off your knees and get into a more comfortable sitting position (criss-cross of course) and continue.

“I used to absolutely loath that song, because I wrote that when I was at my lowest. I was so sick and tired of love, having to try again over and over again. Every relationship that ended seem to break a piece of me off, and I was honestly starting to give up.”

You let out a broken chuckle, putting your free hand over your eyes momentarily before starting again.

“But then I met Katsuki, in which he literally crashed into my life.”

The crowd stayed silent, but Bakugou could tell they wanted to start screaming. You were not looking at him, and to his surprise Bakugou felt a tear run down his cheek.

“Three years of paradise. I’ve always had a fear of losing you, but it especially hits when I sing songs like that.”

There was a pause, and suddenly Bakugou felt like he was back in that studio where he met you. Staring at you and falling in love all over again.

“I love you baby, forever and always.”

Bakugou smiled, and all that fear that was with him before left. You were his and he was yours, and that’s all that he needed.

“I love you too,” he whispered, and you knew.

Bakugou Katsuki was no longer terrified.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ─ ✩ ─⋅ ⋅ ──╯

none of the songs quoted are not mine!!! the first one is “Bad for Business” by Sabrina Carpenter, and the second one is “Sick of Losing Soulmates” by dodie

i hope you enjoyed bc boy oh boy i did

literally took me 4 hours to write but i couldn’t pull myself away from the keyboard

i rlly need to start writing other characters for x readers but oh well

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo mha #bakugou katsuki x reader #singer! reader x bakugou katsuki #sobbing #my hero academia #mha #whew #this one is a biggin #definitely got a little too into it #but oh well #i couldn’t get this out of my head so #love love love

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sixpossumsinatrenchcoat · 9 months

Text

Talking to Ghosts

A postgame Omori epilogue exploring the way each member of the gang would cope after learning the truth. This time, Kel takes the wheel.

After Sunny gets into his mom’s car and leaves Faraway for good, Kel sits on his porch and Doesn’t Think About Anything.

It isn’t easy. Kel just had one of the craziest nights of his life. Everything Sunny said in that hospital room is bouncing around in his brain like one of those DVD screensavers. Except instead of a tacky color-changing logo, it's the worst thing he ever heard.

Luckily, Kel is very good at this game. He kicks off his shoes and digs his toes into the dirt. He plucks blades of grass and shreds them into spindly little threads. The bloody wreckage of Sunny's eye keeps surfacing in his mind, but it's way more fun to think about what he could IM Sunny about, now that Sunny has AIM. It’s even nicer to remember how tight Sunny hugged him before he left.

…Man. It's dumb, ‘cause it’s not like he didn’t already, but. Kel is really gonna miss that guy.

The sun climbs higher in the sky. The clouds scud by in no particular hurry. By the time the cool of morning heats to day, Kel is feeling sort of normal, actually.

So, of course, that’s when Aubrey shows up.

“Sunny,” she spits.

Kel does a double-take. “Wh— Huh?? Where???”

“No, you fucking moron, I’m asking. Where the fuck is Sunny.”

Right. Classic Aubrey. Skipping straight to ‘physical violence’ is an insane first resort, but it’s par for the course, for Aubrey. When Aubrey feels bad, she can’t just hide it, like Hero, or swallow it, like Basil, or—freaking—think about literally anything else, like Kel. Aubrey would rather forge her hurt into a warhammer and swing it at anyone dumb enough to get close.

They’ve had this fight a million times already. At this point, Kel could do it in his sleep.

Even after all this time, he can’t help letting Aubrey piss him off. But he does manage to bail out before she can break all his bones with her nail bat, so. That’s probably personal growth.

Kel gets all pissed off and stomps off and then stops being pissed off, because he hates being pissed off. He’s always hated feeling angry. It feels like poison in his blood. He doesn’t get how so many people can do it so much of the time. Why would you choose to feel bad when instead you could just… look at something else?

###

On his way inside, Kel blunders right into Hero.

“O-Oh! Sorry, bro!”

“All good,” Hero says automatically. Reflexive. His eyes are rimmed with red, but he obviously doesn’t plan on talking about it. “You okay?”

Kel has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Clearly, Hero is taking the news way, way, way worse than anyone. (Including Aubrey, who is currently, actively committing property damage about it). But of course he’d rather die than say so.

“Totally,” Kel reassures him. “All good.”

###

It was the same when they were kids.

Oh, Hero acts like he never gets mad. He acts like he’s too grown-up for that kind of thing. He’s even pretty good at it. He’s got Aubrey fooled, and Sunny. And obviously their parents (not that that one was much of a challenge. Mamá and Dad would believe anything if Hero was the one who said it).

But Hero could never fool Mari. Mari was sharp, like Sunny. Perceptive enough to smell the lies on your breath. If you were hiding something, she could always draw it out of you. She’d soften Hero up with teasing and flattery and then hit him in his weak spot at the exact right moment, the perfect jab at the perfect angle to split him open like a fish. The good cop and the bad cop, all in one.

Kel used to hear them sometimes. Once in a blue moon, when Hero and Mari were sure that no one was listening, they would even let their hair down a little. Take off their disguises and let themselves be less-than-perfect for a change. Sometimes it was Hero who was crying, and sometimes it was Mari. Sometimes both of them at once!

But most of the time, they weren’t crying. They were pissed.

Like in fourth grade, after Kel’s practice got rained out. Kel was soaking wet and past exhausted. All he wanted was to lie down and close his eyes and not even think about the stupid math test that he definitely flunked this morning.

He was already reaching for the door when he heard the voices: pitched low and stretched taut, like a rubber band about to break.

“—even matter!!” Hero was whispering. “If I’m too busy, it’s my fault for not helping; but if I do tutor him—instead of studying for my own finals!! By the way!! Which I really need to be doing!!!”

“I’m familiar with the concept,” Mari said drily.

“—then it’s still my fault for—what? Not helping well enough? I mean, what??? What do they expect me to do? Freaking… crawl inside his head and make him smarter?”

Mari snickered. “You could hide a walkie-talkie in his hat. Like that Spongebob episode where he goes to driver’s ed.”

Hero huffed a tired laugh. “I just don’t get what they expect me to do. I’m not the one who still can’t do long division in fourth grade.”

Kel froze with his hand on the doorknob. Okay. Yeah. He wasn’t sure for a second, but—yeah. They were definitely talking about him.

Some people would probably pick a fight about it. Some people (cough, cough, Aubrey) would storm in guns a-blazing. And where would that get her? All the mean stuff she heard would still be in her head. Nothing would change, except that everyone would know that everyone knew that everything was worse than it looked. Kel didn’t want any part in it.

He backed away from the door. He backed all the way down the hall, and halfway down the stairs. Then—louder this time—he stomped up the steps and burst through the door to their room.

“Oh!” Hero looked very briefly panicked. “H-Hey, little bro! Short practice today?”

“Uh huh! We got rained out! But look!!!” Kel bared his teeth, showing off the ragged hole where his canine used to be.

Hero turned faintly green.

“Grooossss!” Mari giggled. “Did you twist it out yourself?”

“Uh huh!”

She ruffled his hair. “You’re so cool, Kel. Don’t ever change, okay?”

Kel grinned up at her, gap-toothed and beaming. “You got it!!”

###

But everyone changes.

###

Kel opens his eyes in Basil’s room.

It’s not how he remembers. Basil’s room used to be wall-to-wall leaves and vines and memories. Now it’s vacant. No photos. No sticky note reminders. None of Sunny's sketches on the walls. Just white paint and beige carpet and a pool of inky dark, slowly swallowing the floor.

In real life, Kel wasn’t here for this part. He had to hear about it from Aubrey while they huddled outside the ICU, clutching each other’s hands hard enough to cut off the circulation and taking turns telling each other that it was going to be okay. But Kel’s brain must not know that. Because this time, he can see everything.

Basil kneels over Sunny’s chest. Sunny’s face is eyeless mush. A mangle of ground meat.

There’s a blur of motion as Hero tackles Basil against the wall.

“Kel!” he bellows. He kicks the shears across the floor. “Kelsey! Now!!”

Oh. This is where he comes in.

Kel jerks around to stare at Hero, who’s got Basil pinned by the throat. “Wh–What?”

“Hold him!!”

“Huh???” Basil isn’t even struggling. He's just dangling there. Bleeding.

“NOW!!”

On his way across the room, Kel almost trips over something on the floor. A body. Sunny’s. But Sunny was sleeping in the living room. Why would Sunny be on Basil’s floor?

Kel looks closer.

Sunny’s face is red. Sunny’s hair is slicked flat and his face is all red, only red without any eyes at all. His face is torn red and he’s—moving. He’s moving. He’s awake. He’s bleeding out and he can feel it happen because he’s still awake.

Sunny looks at Kel without any eyes. Red sputters through his teeth. “Khrrrh—”

###

Kel wakes up gasping. Scrambles for his phone before he remembers that he doesn’t have Sunny's number. Does Sunny even have a phone? Would Kel even know if he did?

He stumbles downstairs to the family desktop. Sunny’s online. Big surprise. Sunny is always online, and never answers.

Kel is so freaked out, he almost types, ‘Hey, are you okay?’

‘Hey, Sunny! Sorry, I don’t want to stress you out, but I’m really scared. I’m really scared for you Sunny. I can’t stop feeling like something bad is going to happen. I can’t stop dreaming that something bad is going to happen. But they don’t feel like nightmares. They feel like visions. Premonitions.’

‘Hi Sunny. Long time no see, haha. Hey, weird question: are you okay? Are you hurt? Please tell me if you’re hurting but please please PLEASE don’t lie. Sometimes I get so scared you’re going to die. Are you going to die? You have to tell me if you’re—’

Kel doesn’t type any of that stuff.

He types, snnyyyy! u up? lol

He types, cant sleep haha

He types, wanna sneak out 2 hobbeez? ;) ;) ;)

Sunny doesn’t answer. Because he lives three hours away, and because he never answers. Whatever it is that Sunny wants, it’s obviously not to go to fucking Hobbeez.

Kel types, misss u bro. gna try 2 sleep. wishme luck :/

###

When he pads downstairs, he’s met with the hissing crackle of frying eggs.

“Mo~rning!” his mom sings out. “Thought I’d make breakfast, since it’s your brother’s last day!”

Right. Hero heads back to college tomorrow. Kel knew that. “Heck yeah! Can I help?”

“Vaya, vaya! I don’t need any more mess! Oh, and your friend got home from the hospital. You should go say hi! I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”

“My—” Kel sputters, before he remembers that she couldn’t possibly be talking about Sunny. Sunny lives three hours away. “Who??”

“The little blanquito. Que siempre parece como conejito mojado.”

Well, that’s definitely not Sunny. Which means that, by ‘hospital,’ Mamá meant ‘psych ward.’ Specifically, the wing for kids who tried to murder their best friend.

Kel’s eyes unfocus a little. The last time he saw Basil, it was—

(—pinned to the wall with Hero's elbow pressed into his throat. Beads of red dripping from his fingers. Even later, blanched and bloodless on the gurney, Kel could still see the blood crusted under his—

Basil wasn’t even very badly hurt, after. It looked a lot worse than it was, but that’s just ‘cause all his wounds were on his face. It’s not like Sunny’d had any way to defend himself. Just his own two hands. At worst, the marks might have got infected from all the grime under Sunny’s unwashed nails.)

“You should go see him!” Mamá says encouragingly. “I’m sure he’d be glad to see a friend.”

…Right. That’s what Kel is. A friend.

###

Basil really is back. He’s coming to school and everything. It’s—weird.

Not bad. It’s not bad. It’s just that talking to Basil is— Um. It’s sort of like playing a videogame about talking to Basil. Like Kel is watching himself from outside-in.

It was the same after Mari. Kel couldn’t wrap his head around why she did it. He couldn’t even stand to think about why she did it. So, he didn’t. He spent months on autopilot. Controlling his body remotely, like a mech pilot or something. ‘Press A to get out of bed.’ ‘Press B to put on your clothes.’ ‘Press X to bring your brother another meal that you both know he isn’t going to eat.’

“K-Kel?” Basil says again.

“Haha, sorry! Guess I spaced out for a second. I just wanted to say that it’s, uh. You know. It’s good to have you back! And if you ever need anything—someone to talk to, or to back you up if someone’s messing with you, or whatever—just, like, let me know.”

Basil doesn’t look up. He just keeps fidgeting with his fingernails, chewing a scab on his lip that’s already started to bleed. He obviously isn’t convinced.

“Hey, c’mon!” Kel whacks him on the arm, making Basil flinch. “You know we’ve got your back. If anyone gives you a hard time, you tell them to talk to me.”

If anything, Basil looks even less convinced. “...R-Right. Um. Thank you. I’ll… do that.”

Kel has to stop himself from scowling. He’s aware that he’s fucking this up. He just doesn’t understand why.

For a few years there, Kel was pretty sure that he was a good friend, at least. If nothing else. Now it turns out he couldn’t even get that right. In the end, it’s like everything else. No matter how hard he tries, it never seems to be enough.

What is it about friendship that he isn’t getting? Isn’t being friends just, like… hanging out, and going on adventures, and having a good time and stuff? Why is everyone so determined to make it into this big exhausting thing?

###

Kel is hanging out on Sunny’s porch again. Though technically it isn’t Sunny’s porch anymore. The For Sale sign is gone, so the sale must have gone through. But no one’s actually moved in yet, so. Not like there’s anyone to kick him out.

Kel isn’t moping, if that’s what you think. Being here is just a habit. Somewhere he goes to be alone. If anyone saw him here, they’d feel too awkward to approach.

…With one obvious exception.

Aubrey stalks across the lawn with her bat slung over one shoulder. The storm brewing in the air frizzes her hair to angry spikes. As usual, she doesn’t mince words.

“Are you seriously still doing this?”

Kel buries his face in his hands. “Why are you still so mad at me?”

“Why do you think?”

Thunder rolls. Lightning rends the sky, a violent gash in the dark.

“I don’t know!!” Kel shouts, too-loud in the ensuing quiet. “That’s why I’m asking!!”

Just for a second, Aubrey’s bat lowers. “...Are you actually fucking stupid? You totally iced me out. For years. In the worst time of my life.”

“I already apologized for that!!”

“I don’t care,” Aubrey snarls. Her goodwill has officially run out. “That doesn’t do anything! I’m not gonna get any less mad until you make it make sense!!”

Kel grimaces. “It’s— It was just…”

…It’s just that she was being so awful. At home, Kel was swallowed up by the black hole of Hero’s grief. And the second he clawed his way out into the light, there was Aubrey, choking, totally coming apart. Kel just wanted to feel okay for two seconds. Was that really so much to ask?

Wasn’t it bad enough that Mari was gone? Wasn’t it enough that Sunny left with her? There were plenty of times when Kel couldn’t get away from it. When he had to lock himself in the shower to keep from breaking down. But did it really have to be all the time? Always? For every second of every day?

Kel couldn’t even laugh at a joke without feeling like a jerk. Like feeling okay for a second was an insult. (Not to Mari, obviously. Mari was like Kel: she found the fun in every moment. Mari would be thrilled to see him whoop after landing a free throw, or laugh because a butterfly landed on his juice-stained shirt. And she’d hate how Hero and Aubrey were acting. So why was Kel the only one who was wrong?)

“I gotta go,” he mutters, jerking to his feet.

Aubrey barks a cold laugh. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

You can read Kel's chapter here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43929270/chapters/123048562

Or start from the beginning: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43929270/chapters/110454879

#omori fanfic #omori suntan #omori photobomb #omori kelbrey #omori epilogue #true end #this shit is effectively therapy (but only for me)#omori spoilers

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yeyinde · 1 year

Note

Hi I am here to ask for guidance and help if you will. I'm writing a story about Price with a single mother reader but im really struggling on his characterization. I was hoping maybe you could give me some key details? (Please I've been watching scenes with just him in it for help)

hiya! this idea sounds absolutely amazing, so i'll do my best to help as much as i can! 🤩 i'm always down to talk about Price.

if it's easier, you can always DM me for more headcanons if you'd like! and i do have a SFW alphabet coming out tomorrow on him!

i read an article from Barry where he said:

"He's a storm coming. There's visceral fucking rage and energy when required [...] There's a softness at times, when he's checking in on certain people, sometimes with Farah. There's a humour to him as well, and I wanted to make sure we felt the human element that perhaps wasn't there before. But when he's required for business, there's a complete fucking shift."

and this entire thing right here set the standard for my characterisation and my take on Price!! it's the thing i come back to the most when i'm debating on what he would do/say in a particular situation.

but for a deep dive:

a very traditional man who's home life growing up was quite bad, and so a part of him yearns for his own family, but he'll never take. never pursue.

he always puts himself in the role of the villain (the one willing to get his hands dirty to spare others the same). he's quite cold on the battlefield and off: very mercurial and quick tempered. i see him def as having unresolved anger issues (and perhaps ones he can't resolve due to the nature of his job; when everything is a state secret, can you really see a therapist? if they have appointed therapists, how much of what he divulges will be reported if he's too honest?).

he's always burning hot, quick to agitate. but he isn't a hothead. for me, i see him as viewing himself as this surly, gruff man. no nonsense. utilitarian to the core. working class man with working class values.

but beneath all of that, i imagine he's quite lonely. not sad lonely, but a man who is hesitant to get close to anyone because once you chisel under his defences (and there are MANY), he is quite a teddy bear.

i think loving Price is battle. it isn't easy, and he won't make it so (he's stubborn, old-fashioned, and hardened with scar tissue so thick he can't remember when he last felt something touch his raw skin); he'll push you away constantly.

if he ever confessed to you, it would be a laundry list of his faults. full stop. he wants you to know what you're getting into: the bad, the ugly, and the terrible. he won't ever try to sway you - even if he so desperately wanted to, so there would be no grand declarations of love (not until you carve a hole inside of his thick walls big enough for you to slip through; then he's quite a clumsy romantic), or reason why you should pick him. it'll be full of reasons why you shouldn't.

on the outside: stubborn, practical, surly, gruff. on the inside, hidden behind walls and walls of grief and loss and hurt and fear: giving, greedy (in the sense that he will want all of you: no more, no less; this greed stops him from pushing for more because he doesn't want you to feel trapped like his mum), and protective.

the biggest thing stopping him from taking, from pursuing what he wants? that he's just like his father.

he's basically a sour bear. gruff and grizzled, but as soft as he can he when he finally opens up! he won't be waxing poetic, but he'll show you he cares by opening up to you. by taking you to places that have meaning to him.

and that's sort of my general personality overhaul of Price! i really hope this helps, but my interpretation of him is not canon. so, what i infer from his dialogue lines is subjective, and if you don't agree, that's perfectly fine! just write him however makes you the most comfortable!!! 🖤

#another super wordy one omggg #i was put on time out and now I can't shut up #someone needs to be over my shoulder saying 'shut up levada!!' whenever i do the most #i hope this was okay op!!!

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musewritingsforyou · 1 year

Text

Love Language

*I do not own any CM characters

Summary: reader thinks about how their relationship with Spencer has evolved through touch!

Warnings: talk of past drug use, crying, angst i guess, but mostly fluff

word count: 2.2 K

A/N: this was pretty fun to write, it is mostly little flashback scenes and I love doing those. I did this after seeing @veraiconcos‘s writers challenge and thought that was super cool, all of her things are amazing so definitely check out her blog!

enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Spencer Reid's love language was never touch. I suppose the burden of all his knowledge is knowing exactly the amount of germs passed by a single touch, and which of those germs are alive, and which could get him sick, and which sickness could take root, and, well you get the point. When I first started at the BAU Spencer still seemed to me like a shy little kid. We were the same age, I like to tell him at least once a day, I'm actually a full month older than him. I think that's one of the many reasons that him and I became friends so fast. My first friend was of course, JJ. After all she is very close in age to me and Spencer, and is one of the first contacts I had with the BAU. She told me before I had met any of the team, that Spencer was, well, different. She made sure to warn me that he doesn't mean anything by his little actions of avoidence. It's just his way of keeping himself safe. This I understood.

The first time I was formally introduced to the team was much before I joined. The interview process is understandably long, they need to know a person before just throwing them in. After all, these people spend more time together working cases then they do in their own homes. -

“Hi, i’m Y/N , the new agent here” I shook the hands of everyone on the team but Spencers, remembering what JJ had told me. To him I smiled and gave a little wave.

“The number of pathogens that can be passed from a-” Spencer after seeing me wave to him began to do just what I suspected. When confronted with an uncomfortable situation, he began to hide behind his wall of facts.

“It's actually much safer to kiss” I continued for him and the look on his face was priceless.

“Yeah, yes, exactly.” A rose colored blush crept up onto his cheeks as he smiled at me.

“Oh great, now there's two of them” Morgan laughed at us before JJ pulled them away for another case.

The first time I saw someone actually touch Reid was when they returned home from the Tobias Hankle case. It hurt me to see Spencer (now my friend of almost four months) so absolutely traumatized. He would never say this to me or anyone else for that matter, but even at the time he came home, he was still feeling the effects of the drugs he was given.-

“Here they come, here they come” Anderson walked over to me as the team approached the glass doors of the BAU. I was surprised to see that Spencer was with them. I had assumed they would have taken him straight home, or maybe to the hospital.

“Welcome back, I'm glad you're alive, Reid,” he barely opened his eyes and nodded at me before sitting down in his desk chair. I waved JJ over to me.

“How bad?” she sighed and gave me the classic worried mom look we always tease her for.

“Very. I didn't think I would ever see him like this”

“Im so sorry JJ. do you think he’ll be okay?”

“Honestly, I don't know, but i'm going to drive him home, maybe if i'm lucky I can convince him to let me take him to the hospital. I'll call you, okay?”

It worried me even more to know that JJ too, was aware of how badly he was hurt. She turned her back to me and grabbed her coat from her office before going to Spencer's desk. From where I was standing I could just barely make out what she was saying.

“Spence, come on, let's get you out of here”

“JJ I have paperwork to do” he sounded dazed, like he wasn't really sure where he was.

“Its okay Spence, I’m sure Morgan wouldn't mind a few extra”

She gingerly took the files from his hand and helped him sling his satchel over his shoulder. Then, it happened. As they walked out of the room he stumbled. Just a little. Barely enough for anyone else to notice, but I was watching the two of them so carefully as they left I couldn't help but take an involuntary step towards them. JJ took a firm hold of his arm, and put her other free hand on his back. I could see him flinch for just a second, and then, his body relaxed into her and he let her guide him from the room.

After that night I became a full member of the team. Spencer didn't take any time off. He never went to the hospital, although Penn, JJ, and I tried countless times to get him to. After that night when he let JJ help him, when he let her touch him, he never seemed to be overly bothered by a handshake every once and awhile. The first time I touched him was still a while after that, I think my 15th case in the field. -

“Spencer it wasn't your fault.” He looked at me through his black rimmed glasses with a sad and blank expression.

“Then why would he address it to me?” this whole case I knew something was wrong. After Gideon had not shown the first time, JJ told me that he had resigned, but at that point Spence still hadn't told anyone about the letter.

“Because he knew that you needed to hear the news from him. Not from JJ, or me, or Hotch, or anyone else. There's nothing you could have done to convince him to stay Spence, he's even more stubborn than you are”

I paused to observe him in the dark silence of the jet. I brought my hand to his arm tentatively but when he relaxed and seemed comfortable with the touch, I gave it a little squeeze and smiled at him. -

Now, after Gideon had left I knew it. I had a crush on Spencer Reid. This came as no surprise at all to JJ or Penelope, but to me, it was quite the shock. He had now become comfortable with the little touches of assurance that I gave him often. More comfortable even than with JJ or Morgan. Sometimes I noticed he would even reciprocate the gesture. When he noticed I was tired or stressed or just having a bad day, he would put a hand on the crook of my elbow and give it a little squeeze. Just like I did that night on the jet. To other people this seems like nothing. But to me, and to him as well, this was everything.

When Spencer stayed in Vegas to investigate his father, JJ left. JJ as Spence and I’s best friend, is always a source of comfort and a safe haven in the stormy darkness that is our lives. When she left she pulled me aside away from Spencer and put a hand on her swollen belly. -

“ Y/N , I need to take care of Spence for me, okay?” I chuckled.

“JJ, of course, what do you think I’m here to do?” she looked at me with a deadpan stare.

“That's not what I mean. You know what was happening with him after Tobias right?” I nodded, the memories of his mood flashes, and anger, and sadness all coming to the forefront of my mind.

“he‘s going to need you to make sure that he doesn’t do anything stupid. Not Morgan, not Rossi, not Hotch, you. You are the only person on this team- in this world-. That he trusts right now. And you are the only person that could talk him off of that ledge.”

“I promise, JJ. I’ll keep him safe” She nodded at me but the worried expression on her face remained. -

JJ was worried for good reason as it turned out. I kept a close eye on Spencer as we looked into his past. The boys were all there to focus on the case. To solve what was in front of them. I was there more to focus on Spencer. There was one night. The night after we found his father, something in my brain just told me it was not going to be a good night for him. There was something in the coloring of his face, the way his posture was collapsed and the circles around his eyes were so dark, it told me all that I needed to know. -

I walked out into the hallway of our hotel and stopped in front of Spencer's door. The others were all asleep, and it was nearing one in the morning. But something told me that he needed my help right now. JJ’s voice in the back of my head reminded me that I needed to help him, I was the only one who could help him. I knocked three times on his door softly. I waited a minute before knocking again, with a little more force, and I heard some shuffling in the room before the door opened.

“ Y/N? What are you doing?” I walked inside the room without an invitation and sat down on the foot of his bed. The sheets were undisturbed and he was still in his work clothes though the tie was draped over a chair in the corner and his shoes were by the door.

“Talk to me” I looked up from my hands and continued.

“I don't mean, about the case, or your dad. I mean about you. I need you to convince me that you are okay”

“Who says I'm not?” I rolled my eyes at him and gestured to the chair across from me.

“I do. And as one of your best friends, your closest colleague, and someone who likes you, a lot. I think that should mean something to you” the last part slipped out a little fast and completely without me thinking of the repercussions.

“You like me?” he gave a faint smile that I could only partially see in the dimly lit hotel room.

“Yes, but that's not the point right now, we’re talking about you not me '' I brushed off his comment but I couldn't help the smile and blush that came across on my face.

“Im struggling” his voice broke a little when he said it and it broke my heart to see him in such pain.

I walked over to the chair he was sitting in and pulled him up by the hand.

“I'm going to hug you now. Is that okay?”

His partial nod was good enough for me. -

I got him through that night. I talked him off the ledge that JJ had warned me of. And she was right. I was the only one who could have done that. When we came back from Las Vegas, although neither of us had said a word, something changed between us. We were more than just friends now, we both knew that, but beyond that, we weren't really sure what we were. He would call me when he needed someone to talk him down, I would call him when I needed someone to talk me down. I would show up at his apartment any hour of the day to help him, and I knew that he would do the same. One of those nights when it just so happened that the both of us needed a little talking down after a hard case, I drove myself over to his apartment to find him on the couch crying.

To see him crying was something that my tired, and broken heart couldn't take. I threw myself next to him on the couch and pulled him into a hug, no questions asked.

“I needed that.” I said as soon as I lifted my head from his shoulder.

“Me too” we were both still crying, but there was something about the atmosphere that had changed. We weren’t alone anymore. We spent hours like that, sitting there, my head on his shoulder, his arm around my back, not saying a word, just collecting ourselves as best we could. At some point in the night I looked over at the clock: 2:45 am

He looked to the clock as well and then over to me, and with a single tear streaming down his face he looked at me and said,

“If I asked you to stay, would you?” I wiped the tear from his cheek.

“You don't even need to ask” he brought both of his hands to my cheek and pulled me into what I think is the most passionate kiss I have ever received.

That night told us both what we had become. It was no longer little arm touches or calls in the middle of the night. It was waking up to him beside me, seeing his hair ruffled from sleep and his eyes clouded by exhaustion. It was the little worried kisses he gave me in the field and the little squeal of happiness that Penelope made when I told her we were moving in together.

When I first met Spencer I wondered to myself if he would ever be comfortable with touch. But now as his sleeping body lays next to me and instinctually pulls me in closer, I know that there was never any reason to worry. Because even before, when the most contact I would get was arm touches in the midst of a panic, it was enough. It helped me learn that although not everyone wants or shows grand gestures. There are other ways, sometimes even better ways to say, I love you.

#spencer reid fluff #spencer x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds

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dreamcrush · 2 months

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for the idol identity ask game: 5 + 8 + 10. questions go to both mods + for any/as many of your kins as you want :]

5. Is there anyway your timeline differed from source? It could be a small or big thing.

erm im miker . my mika canon is rather divergent just because im uhh worse maybe. im very reclusive and not good at friends at all and really don’t have. any friends for the most part until i get put in the dorm system with ritsu. that’s because naru ended up dropping me, she got real mad at how bpd i was basically and said i was hurting her and a terrible friend and she just stopped talking to me around the same time nazunii left valkyrie too. so my whole first n second year pretty much im just all alone, and im real scared of people so i don’t really wanna make too many friends anyways. i just stay real close with oshisan and madonee and latch on to them for dear life. eventually i am real good friends with ritsu, i love him a whole lot. we might have been more than friends but i don’t super understand emotions like that so im no good at telling. i love him though i know that for truth. and i love oshi san and madonee. i don’t end up being able to forgive nazunii ever really i don’t think… like i’ve read human comedy and it’s just not quite right. there’s too much hurt there still i think for me let go of. maybe more stuff i don’t remember rn - 🏹

I just recently discovered I kin Tsumugi and it's quite a bit divergent. I think I was actually in Eden possibly? Or just another unit entirely as things with Natsume didn't go as well as hoped. I'm still remembering things and working out the issues / gaps of recollection but yeah! - 🪽

8. Who was your closest friend? Tell me about them.

as izumi my best friends are chiaki and kaoru. this is constant across a Lot of my canons and i have some rather divergent ones too. chiaki is energetic and loud and kind of gross and sweaty but as long as he doesn’t touch me i don’t give him As much of a hard time about it. he smells like boys and jumps all over people and is always eager to help and be praised and always willing to offer a listening ear or to dish out attention, which is much appreciated. he’s very emotional and not super great at thinking things through and he harbors a lot of anxiety he doesn’t like to let others know about, but i do, and kaoru does too, and we’re his friends and we help where we can. kaoru is closed off like i am, pretty faces and teasing and sweet cologne to hopefully distract you from picking out whatever is hurting in his heart. not me though, im not into him, but i see the pain settling the surface tension there, and i don’t ignore it. they take care of me more than perhaps id ever want to admit, but i take care of those two losers too. chiaki was probably one of the biggest reasons i didn’t end up offing myself or doing something otherwise seriously bad after leo left so genuinely in a way i owe him and his comfort and genuine care for me my life. and kaoru is so unsure about himself, has so much disgust and hatred built up in his heart towards his own person and i help him figure things out as best i can. i help with feelings and love in a way his family never cared to teach him, i help him figure out he likes boys, figure out he likes kanata and chiaki, figure out that it’s okay to be a little open, a little vulnerable every once in a while, that it can feel good to be close with another guy even if just as a friend, because community is good and closeness feels terrifying but healing. they’re my best friends. i love them a lot. - 🏹

Leo time- I kinda want to take this to talk a little about Mama? I don't remember him as well as I kinda wish I did? And I don't know if i'd even call him my closest friend but I do know I cared about him and things were really hard with things revolving around him but I'm starting to slowly remember a few things and he was just. very protective of me? he was protective of anyone he cared about of course but i just remember he was there to help with a lot of things. not that sena wasn't enough for me and didn't help enough but with how much i split on him and was clashed it was nice to have a friend to bounce that energy off of and that's what mama was for me. he's just a really good person deep down i think. - 🪽

10. Was there a relationship (doesn't need to be romantic) in your canon you find funny looking back on?

jun and nagisa for real. we were pretty good friends especially because of how ohiisan is, but we are from very different worlds and are very different personalities. i like video games and working out and a ton of typical boy stuff i don’t think nagisenpai was ever exposed to at all. but he likes animals and archeology and reading and quiet the likes that i’ve never really engaged with before either. i play games with him, hang out with him on downtime, practice together, rest together. ohiisans always happy to see us getting along well too, so that’s a bonus, even if he’s got his jealous streak. it’s funny though in that i expose him to a lot of internet stuff for the first time really, stuff like shooter games and memes / stupid funny shit and a bunch of new things that his autism gets kinda hung up on, i think he has fun though. and i even cater stuff to try and be more inclusive with him, or pick things i think he might like more. he likes watching me play shooters more than playing them himself, but i hear about games that have archeology functions or emphasis on different gems or bones or any of these things he’s into and im like hey let’s check it out. it’s just fun - 🏹

literally as mao my relationship with ritsu LMAO because i do not have a canon so far where i was ever with him romantically but he would always tell everyone we were or somehow convince them we were, despite me usually being with someone else romantically. i loved him obviously and sometimes it did feel like more than friendship but i wouldnt say anything deeply romantic. it just always makes me laugh how we were never romantically together to my recollection. - 🪽

#🏹 ; cherubim arrows #🪽 ; seraphim feathers #✨ ; ask game

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smileymoth · 11 months

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it hurts so bad when he is on his own but then when he tries to fix it and it gets even worse because he can not fucking control himself. is he asleep, is he awake, no one knows. he's suffocating in his own grief and agony of self deprication and probably a coctail of meds. AND THE WAY HE DELIVERS those three last lines.... girl i'm kissing you on the mouth its so raw and out there from the rest of the opening of the song... that night the screaming hurt because it didn't come from him, it was someone else for once

"we find each other under blankets as warm as summer" is such a EASY lyric and it even rhymes so it's not even that rythmically complex, but the way he delivers it in the song makes me ascend into heaven forever and ever. as warm as summer. come on now... it makes summer warmth seem so comfortable even if it isn't (for me, anyway), is this the point? to make something so uncomfortably warm seem so heavenly??? am i the freak here who hates the sun??? (yes) "we are inseparable" INSEPARABLE. COME ON. AND YOU HAD TO RUIN IT.... the echo of the singing also sends shivers through my brain. it's somewhere far away from you but yet close because otherwise you wouldn't be hearing it... just like a dream, so clear yet distorted

this guy is describing a corpse like i an art student explain a still life painting. "we made it that way" shifting the blame. it was y o u who did it, not we. who is we. you killed them and now you are removing yourself from the situation because this is fine, it's all fine. it's just for the influence, an artist needs inspiration. they have more songs about death and inspiration... im so insane about this band. he's not grasping the situation, he thinks he's still falling in his dream forever but no it's wrong, it's done, it's done forever. "This coma kiss is infinite" no reason i just really like that line. a fluid and intricate dream also insinuates the fact that he remembers it crystal clear....

he's repeating it again, it makes me think he's somewhat grasping the situation but still in complete denial because oh it was so beautiful, death can't be beautiful. i am thinking about a soft green fleece blanket that looks like moss for no reason. he wrapped her up, drowned her, as she was bleeding out trying to stop it so now the blanket is soaked, she was struggling so it got everywhere. now she was the one who was suffocating, not him. "wrapped up in her" he might've been too delusional to realise what he was doing until it was too far gone and he had to make it final so he could never get rid of her even in death, so he made them inseparable from each other because this way they will always be connected.

it all got the better of him, his love became violent and too much, he betrayed himself and her by giving in to his dream like state. he know's he's delusional, that he's better left alone, he trusted himself too much and it landed him here.

morning arrived, it's still so fuzzy in his head he can't grasp it, the same song will have been embedded into his brain, their song, the only thing he could've heard. it's inseparable from the situation now, just like he and her... but the aftermath is grotesque, the ripped out hair, the smell of copper that will never leave. she tried to get out, the hair in the phone cord indicates, but he wanted it all for himself, he couldn't have anyone else nearby. it was a nightmare afterall, which figure would she have called upon if he had let her... he didn't want to find out. but now it's over and perhaps he doesn't know what happened. it was a nightmare not real life. something is wrong, so so wrong, why isn't she moving, why is there blood everywhere. heartrate speeding up yet skipping beats from the fear. something's not right. the fact that the music cuts out before the last line makes me think that it finally clicked, this wasn't a dream afterall

@pikslasrce never call me a coward again <3

@theslyvoid9 tagging you because ive been talking about this stupid song for months now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! moss and all!!!!!

DREAMING BY BOYS NIGHT OUT maybe ill finally be normal avbout this (lying) heres sleep deprived rambles of a song i am obsessed with.....

#moth post #music #graphic depictions of violence #using the ao3 tag bchow else do i even tag this

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lokisprettygirl · 1 year

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As the days are going, I am becoming more and more miserable. I feel pity for myself. I don't have any friends in college as I can't fit in with them. The girls at my college are.... you know, more feminine than me, they are much more beautiful than me and their interests doesn't match with me. They think I'm too weird for loving Marvel, preferring action movies over romantic ones, they also don't like that I support LGBTQ+ community and their rights. The boys in my class are too mesmerized with themselves to notice anyone struggling, they also hate me for standing up for LGBTQ+. They are like "you're straight, right? Why do you support them?". Whenever I try to express my feelings or anxiety, they say I am an attention hungry person. Whenever something happens and I ask out of kindness that if something is not okay they say I am over reacting and when I am numb they say I am a heartless bitch. I always try to stay positive, I always think that I am better off alone, I don't need friends then, I am loneliest with no one to talk or to laugh with. I now don't feel like attending college anymore. My mental health is deteriorating.

I feel so bad for the ranting this to you. I so sorry for writing this to you. When I tell someone how I'm feeling makes me feel a little bit better but, I really now feel like the 'attention hungry bitch' as they say. I really wish sometimes that if I knew it would be better, I would be able to communicate or at least talk with you for hours and hours.

Thank you to both you and Loki for birthday wishes, it really made my day better that day. It made me smile after days.

❤️💚

Hello dear, I can tell because of the way you are feeling you are being too hard on yourself and trying to put yourself down which I won't let you do. You are beautiful inside out and you can't say someone is beautiful or more beautiful than you just because they look a certain way, beauty as cliche as it sounds comes from within, there are several good looking people who are miserable in life because they aren't good people, it all fades with time and the only thing that remains is how beautiful your character is and I can tell you are very beautiful so there can't be any arguments 🤗

The other thing is whatever you support is your call and as long as you're not hurting anyone nobody should make you feel awful about your choices, we live in India so im not surprised that people are being openly homophobic like that, we have not even accepted the kinnars in our society then forget about them being an ally for LGBTQ+, people think being born a certain way is something they have earned, no dumbass you just got lucky so next time they bother you just ask them to keep their shitty mouth shut. You don't need to communicate with such people trust me, when you'll get older you'll realise how petty those people are and they will never grow up, their world is so limited that they can't open up their pea sized brains, for people like you and me sky is the limit. Remember that.

Don't ever apologize to me dear, I'm so glad to have you here and I would like to support you the way you support me so never hesitate to vent and rant to me. As someone who doesn't have any close friend from past 5 years I can guarantee you that there's no drama in my life anymore and the loneliness does hurt once in a while but it's still better than being around toxic people. You're not attention hungry bitch..you're the girl that bullied her bully so never forget that my dear, I'm sending so much of love for you..stay strong..things get better I promise 💚

#asks #annoyingsweetsstranger

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everything-i-couldnt-tell-u · 3 months

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i dont know if i really just got lost in you since i dont really talk to anyone else and im stuck at home being chronically online. i dont know if i just couldnt live without pouring my love onto someone and you were the only one available before. but i guess im not really that done grieving yet and i still get affected by it every once in a while.

i cant figure out what my problem is and why i still feel like it's killing me. im finding it hard to remember why i even loved you. i think the main reason why i did love you before was because i haven't felt safe in anyone or anywhere as much as i did with you. but that was only before. i wanted to keep believing that i'd feel safe with you once again if i'd wait a little longer and if i tried letting myself get vulnerable. i wanted to keep hoping and staying cause those moments before with you were the only times i actually felt i could feel safe in this cruel world. but the more i tried hoping, the more it only got proven to me that i'll never really feel that anymore. the more i try believing, the more i just disappoint myself and get hurt.

even though you already said you never meant any of those, they still kept adding up. i really dont know if im just blind and i only keep seeing those things, but they still scare me so much. i still suddenly get scared and paranoid when i accidentally talk about myself in front of you cause what good has that done for me in the past? whenever i tried saying or tweeting things wishing you would care even just a bit before but i'd get a notif of you replying to my other tweets cause you saw something wrong about me that you could nag. it killed me every time that happened even though it sounds so stupid. maybe it's not rational to make my judgement based on that but i dont really know anymore. i dont like asking people directly cause words ive heard are always either empty or lies. ive tried talking about my interests twice in your dms the past month but you sounded dry so i never tried that again. im not gonna risk it.

i dont know if im just connecting dots that aren't supposed to be connected like the paranoid and overthinking loser i am. from the very first time you've broken my trust, what you did made me feel like i was someone you looked down on. but i tried ignoring that cause you said you didnt intend to humiliate me. however when you kept nagging me, it opened that old scar again. im sorry if i sound like im just bringing it up but thats not what im doing here if ever you think of it that way. like i said, i dont have any problem with getting called out but too much of it made me feel like you see me as someone who can't do anything good. the way how you're able to express it so easily when you're angry at me made it hard to remember if you really said anything about liking me for who i am. i cant remember if you even did or if i just made up things in my head. i cant remember it anymore cause what if i was just lying to myself that you cared? and whenever you said you cared, what was it even about me that you cared about? what if you only cared about the love i gave you but not me myself? to be honest i never really believed it when you said you care cause your actions made me feel the opposite. it did feel like you care about my flaws, my mental and emotional instability, but how about the good things about me? do you care about those too? but okay im sorry i was never your responsibility. i cant force you to care about those things. and it's not like you would gain anything good for caring about someone like me.

what if i just started seeing things that were never there out of my stupid desperation. maybe you cared before, but not anymore? i've shown you too much of my worst parts and im scared you only see me like that now. how am i supposed to believe what you said about how you cant show people when you love them, how am i gonna believe what i cant see and what i can barely feel, how can you expect me to believe that? do you really just cant show it or do you just have nothing to show? the way you always found wrong things about me to point out before combined with what you said that you cant show that you appreciate me reminded me of both my parents, the combination of the two persons in this world i feel the least safe with. both of them cant control their mouths when they're angry too. but i guess thats normal and i cant really expect people to do what i do. people will only really control their anger if they cared enough about someone and still make time to be considerate. but that was the last straw. i know it's not your goddamn fault and im really just unlucky.

its still my fault for hoping and wanting too much so i guess fate did its job again and it had to remind me of something unbearable so i'd finally stop. i was stubborn for craving something i know i wont be allowed to get from you. it had to hurt me this much just for me to finally stop and its funny.

i never really wanted you to reciprocate the love i gave, but i wish you could've at least handled it properly. i dont really need anything else since im burying my old self. ill just accept it and face that i wont get what i wanted from you, cause first of all i never had the right. and since im burying him anyway, it no longer matters to me if you cared or not. i dont wanna keep crying over those things anymore cause it's not doing me any good. i dont wanna bother you any longer about those things as well. im sure you're sick of my long paragraphs already. and i know youre done with my drama. i already said im putting those aside so ill make sure i do.

i only agreed with starting over but never about letting my old self reconcile with you cause i cant afford that, i cant afford to let his dumbass get hurt again. no offense regarding the things ive said above and if it's not reasonable for me to have those conclusions cause i havent really seen everything you've done for me, but that's how it felt. im sorry but i can no longer try believing it if it's not something you can show. therefore im burying myself so that i can stop hoping.

but i atleast want to know what exactly was i even to you before and now, if i even meant anything, and why exactly? not if you cared about him. i just wanna know what he was to you and why, if ever he did mean anything.

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echos-castle · 6 months

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umb mx echo? dunno if is ok to talk about not good feelings stuff here and really dont wanna upset you or anyone who sees this so if is too not fun dont have to respond. am just so scared. mr🧵has another acupuncture thing tomorrow and were both super scared cause last time was super bad an hurt lots and have been in much much much more pain since so dont wanna go. it just hurt alot last time and even when said that hurt got ignored so dont know if am being to sensitive but it hurt an am scared to go back

once again sorry if this is too much bad emotions,really dont wanna accidentally upset someone

-🧵

hey sweetheart, it's ok to talk about not good feelings on here and ill try my best to help or at least give a bit of comfort <3 im so sorry you're feeling scared right now. if they didn't listen to you when you said you were hurt last time, they're in the wrong and need to listen to you. i dont really have any advice cuz i don't know why they didn't listen or why you have to go, but i know that it's very important to have your boundaries respected and listened to, especially when you're in pain. i know no one likes feeling afraid, but im sure you're trying your best to be brave, even though you're scared. just remember, it's ok to feel negative emotions, and you will get through it <3 i really hope it goes well and if you ever need someone to talk to, my askbox and dms are always open 💛 good luck and im so so proud of you

#letters #🧵 anon

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secret-hidden-feelings · 10 months

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You were my favourite good morning, my favourite goodnight, my favourite kiss, my favourite hug, my favourite hello but you were my hardest goodbye. You were the person I cherished and finally gave me 100%, you were all in. I was scared when I met you and I wish I was more ready then because I would still have you. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship but then I fell in love with you once I really opened up and got to know you. You were the best person to cuddle to sleep, I always slept so peacefully with you more than anyone else. It was the happiest I was when I was with you. The hardest thing was moving back home because when I cried I was crying mainly because I would hardly get to sleep next to you anymore. It would be harder to see you and I knew from there I would probably lose you. You were my home. My best friend and my whole world. Losing you has got to be the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life because I not only lost the love of my life. I lost my best friend, I lost the person I knew everything about every moment of the day and it hurts so much. It physically hurts my heart and I feel like it's gone. My heart is empty, my world is empty. You were the person who made me laugh more than anyone else in this world, I get flashbacks everyday of just little memories we had. My favourite memory will be the day we were together at our spot and both of our parents were calling us asking where we were but we didn't want to leave each other and we used the excuse of being too tired to drive home to stay together. We woke up in the car that morning to so many people walking on the beach, we felt so homeless. brushed our teeth from the one toothbrush and hung out at the beach together that day too after not showering or anything. You were so weird and retarded, I loved holding your hand because you made me safe. You always had my back and I have never ever felt so much more alone. I really fell in love with you, so deeply that I fought for us everyday and I will continue to fight for you till I have no fight in me left. I cry everyday for you, I remember I wrote about how I felt about sex, the 3rd person was you. You were my person, that person who was passionate, who loved every part of my body and appreciated no matter how much weight I gained. You would smell me like a weirdo every time you'd see me because of my smell. You'd even smell my armpits after I'd been sweating all day and tell me I didn't smell bad when I knew I did.

You cooked for me and when I was sad or had my bad days. You picked up the pieces all the time. I grew an attachment to you when I didn't want to be attached. You told me I could be clingy and I can be the way I am, that you dont care. You are and were my best friend and losing you has made me realise that I love you. I'm not obsessed with you like I was with other people I dated.

I know I hid things from you, but I'm not perfect. You lied and hid things from me which made me a little crazy and not trust you. You weren't perfect. We weren't and aren't perfect but I did truly believe that we were perfect together. If we communicated more and talked things out.

I hid trauma from you because im still yet to deal with it myself, I just needed you to see what happened. I didn't cheat on you and I wish you'd understand what trauma over and over again does to a person. I am going to work on it. You don’t need to believe me and I am not going to sit here trying to make you face this with me or prove this to you over and over again because I haven’t even allowed myself to face it myself. I am not saying all this to you to get you back whether you believe it or not. I have so much to work on myself that I see. However, I just wanted you to see and understand what trauma does to a person, I told you because I was hoping you’d understand how I deal with things. Because of something that happened to me as a kid and how I dealt with it is exactly how I dealt with that situation.

you will forever be my hardest goodbye and I wish our paths do cross again because I dont want to do this thing called life without you.

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baltears · 2 years

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rating william crying scenes

- 1x04 dissonance theory: fully obsessed with this bc it feels so inexplicable in context by anything other than vibes. literally he is just feeling some type of way about dolores talking about her dad and their herd and her existential confusion. incredibly wholesome and sweet also he SMILES through the tears which is just so much 9/10

- 1x07 trompe l'oeil: this ones pretty straightforward he's just feeling confused and frustrated and sad because he's engaged and he accidentally fell in love with a robot instead of his fiancée. however im living for the very poignant sense during his little "pretending" monologue that he's forcing out things he's never told anyone about before as well as the hilarious classic-william side fact that he's trying to communicate the sentiment "i love you" without once deviating from talking about himself. solid cry but other things about the scene overshadow the tears 6/10

1x09 the well-tempered clavier: this one's just hard to watch :/ nothing really fun about this scene everybody who matters is miserable and they don't even get to be the ones making each other miserable 2/10

2x02 reunion: fully insane of him to be sitting there telling dolores how little she matters to him while he is visibly and audibly a hairs breadth away from falling apart right in front of her. kind of have to respect the audacity to be honest and it is pretty classic william hilarity. better luck disguising the shaky voice next time king however this scene and everything he says and the fact he's in tears during it do make me want to eat glass 10/10

2x07 phase space: manipulating his own daughter with crocodile tears is one of the absolute funniest things this man has ever done. the real kicker is that they actually weren't crocodile tears, i think he was genuinely feeling those emotions while talking to her but knew all along that he was going to ditch her anyways which is just even more incredible. world's worst dad :) 8/10

3x04 the mother of exiles: i actually don't remember if i saw tears in his eyes during this episode but im assuming they were in there somewhere. obsessed with him doing a full mental and emotional breakdown during this episode but my favorite part is actually how quickly he pulls it together because that's his secret cap, he's always insane and groundhog day looping his dark night of the soul. either way not a ton of impact from the crying as opposed to other stuff 4/10

2x09 vanishing point: 😬 i can't. talk about this one it hurts too much unfortunately! suffice it to say............ sad 10/10

BONUS s2 post credits scene: hard to really parse the emotion of the scene bc it's so disconnected from everything else going on in the season however this is a fun and funky and fresh little moment. like there's no context to it so i can't rate it higher than a 5 but it is very on brand. yer in a prison of yer own sins.... 5/10

3x06 decoherence: 🥺 this one makes me so sad bro. like idk what else to say. um like i think it speaks to... how on edge and falling apart he is that he so easily opens up to the therapist basically without prompting given that he hates therapists and hates emotional vulnerability even more. sir may i give you a hug. world's worst dad :( 9/10

#to the single other person on the planet who would enjoy this post. hello.#i didn't do williamposting wednesday yesterday so. here we are #westworld #his brain is a conference call

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hotch-stufff · 3 years

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can i get angst 47 with gibbs 👁👁

Bruises

gif is not mine

Paring: Gibbs x Reader

Warnings!: mentions of abuse, angst, crying, comforting, abusive relationship, cursing, mentions of injuries from abuse

Prompt: "You flinched"

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I laid on the ground, not having enough energy to stand up. I couldn't move, and God did it hurt to breathe. Probably a bruised rib, would definitely have some bruises to add to the collection.

Hopefully nothing bad enough to send me to the hospital. The last time I did that, well it was just really bad, and Darren was pissed. So pissed that when we got home, he beat me all over again.

Now I know what you're thinking. What is a federal agent doing staying in an abusive relationship like this? Truth is, I had no idea. At first it was because I thought the beatings would eventually stop, but they didn't. And after realizing they would never stop, I tried to get out. But that only left to another hospital trip and threats. The threats were the only reason that I stayed.

Darren threatened a lot of things. He threatened to beat me so bad I couldn't move. To kill me. But the worst was that he threatened to hurt my team. He knew the whole team, he knew them really well. He worked at NCIS for God's sake, just not on Gibbs team. And that was enough for me to stick around.

Of course, it should be known that it wasn't always like this. Darren was a good guy in the beginning. He brought me flowers and took me out to nice restaurants. He made time for me, and I did the same for him. But then, he didn't get the open spot on Gibbs team. I did. And it all went downhill from there.

The bruises were getting extremely hard to hide. Turtlenecks and long pants were becoming my everyday wardrobe. Which wasnt the easiest thing to work in, but foundation was expensive, and Darren spent most of our money on alcohol or cigarettes. Whatever his weekly fix was. It was ... exhausting. The front I had put up in front of everyone was tearing me down, and people were starting to notice.

Tony and Ziva, who sat closest to me would send me a concerned glance each time I winced when moving. I blamed it on muscle pain, from working out so much.

Abby would see the amount of makeup I was wearing and would ask if I was okay. Of course she just thought I was insecure. She would always tell me that I was bueatiful and that I didn't need makeup. It warmed my heart each and every time she said it.

Palmer was concerned because he had caught one of my bruises. It was on my wrist and my sleeve had rolled up slightly. He had asked about it and I had told him the first lie that popped in my head. That I had fallen. He had taken me straight to Ducky to make sure that it was actually okay. Which is how Ducky got involved.

And then there was Gibbs. Gibbs didn't ask questions, he didn't push for answers, he didn't send me concerned glances. But I was certain he knew something. He didn't know what was actually going on, because he would beat the shit out of Darren if he knew. But he just seemed like he knew something. I knew that if I was going to go to anyone about my "issue", it would be him. Gibbs had been there for me since I had joined the team. And we both had spent plenty of late nights in the office talking. Me, avoiding going home to Darren and him not wanting to go back to his empty house.

Everyone had said that Gibbs was this hard man that never opened up and remained silent most of the time. But boy once he got talking, he never shut up. We talked about eveything. And sometimes nothing, just enjoying each others presence. And if I'm honest, I may have been developing feelings for the guy. But I could never do that, because Darren would probably kill him. And that scared me more than anything.

But life seemed okay. Atleast I was the only one getting hurt.

Of course until it all came crashing down. And it had just been a normal day.

* * *

I sat at my desk, working on and endless stack of paperwork that came with each case. We had just wrapped one up, a good ending thankfully. The team was in high spirits, talking about going out to a bar tonight. But I knew Darren wouldn't have it. I had turned down the offer, instead opting to sit and do paperwork until I had to go home.

Everyone had left for the night, leaving me alone in the bullpen. My hand was a scribbling away, when I had felt the gentle tap of a hand against my shoulder. I should have been more careful, but I had thought it was Darren. So I flinched away from him and crossed my arms in front of my face.

"Y/n?" Gibbs. It was Gibbs. That was it. Just Gibbs. I instantly pulled my arms down and straightened up.

"H-hey Gibbs. What um, what can I do for you." He just stared at me, giving me the usual Gibbs glare.

"You flinched." I grimaced. Of course I did. I didn't want him to find out like this, but I guess this is how its gonna go.

"Um- I, I. Well you see Gibbs-" he cut me off.

"Is someone hittin ya?" He paused thinking, before remembering my oh so lovely boyfriend. "That son of a bitch."

"Wait Gibbs. Its not what you think." But the damage was done. He was going through everything in his mind. My clothes, the grimaces everytime I jerked around, the excuses, the late nights avoiding going home. It all made sense to him now.

"Take off your shirt." My eyes grew wide.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." There was no avoiding this, he wasn't letting me off easily. I took a deep breath before grabbing the bottom of my turtleneck and bringing it over my head. His breath hitched when he saw the bruises that littered my skin.

"My god y/n." He shook his head, running the rough pads of his fingers up and down my arms. "Gonna kill him." And he stood back up, turning quickly before stomping towards the elevator. I slipped my shirt back on and ran after him, but he was already gone. I hurried down to the parking garage and jumped in my car speeding off.

He was gonna kill him. Although who would kill who, I didn't know.

I broke just about every speeding law on the way to my house. When I got there, the door was kicked open and yelling was coming from inside the house.

"Gibbs!" I shouted, running as fast as I could. I walked in the door and gasped. There was glass littering the floor, and picture frames scattered across the ground. I walked further in the house and found them in my kitchen. Gibbs on top of Darren, repeatedly punching him in the face.

"Gibbs! Stop!" I ran to him, pulling him off of Darren. "Stop, he isn't worth it." I pulled Gibbs up by his arm and dragged him away. But he wasn't finished.

"Ya ever go near her again, you're gonna wish you were dead. We'll come back for her stuff, you better not be here when we do." I wanted to cry, to scream, to shout. But I held it in, grabbing Gibbs more forcefully and dragging him back outside.

Once outside, we hopped in his car, and he began driving back to his house. Saying I was grateful was an understatement. Grateful that it was finally over. That maybe I could sleep at night now without worrying about waking up to another beating.

The ride was driven in silence, and soon we were at his house. He got out of the car and walked inside, leaving me out here by myslef. I walked in after him.

I found him in the the kitchen pouring a glass of Bourbon. I came up behind him hugging him.

"Thank you." He froze for a minute before turning in my grasp and brining me into a tight hug. And thats what started the tears. We stood there as I cried into his chest for what felt like forever. Until he finally pulled away and cupped my face.

"Ya didn't deserve any of that. Don't know what happened, or when it started. But ya didn't deserve any of it. You are beautiful and loved and noone should ever have to be treated the way you were." He paused and I began rambling out whatever words came to my mind.

"It was you. I stayed because he threatened you. He said he would hurt you and the team and I couldn't let him." He leaned his forehead against mine. The tears pouring steadily down my face, sobs racking by body.

"Shh, shh. Sweetheart its okay." He leaned in slightly, our lips brushing slightly. And then he leaned in the rest of the way, kissing me into he most gentle way he could. So much different than the bruising kisses that Darren would give me. He broke away after a second.

"Dont know if your ready for it, but I love ya." He said softly. "We can do this, if you want. At your own pace. I just want to show you whats its like to be loved the right way." I nodded.

"I might need some time. But I love you too... Jethro." He smiled.

"Take all the time you need. But m'not leaving your side." I giggled softly as he brought me into another hug. And I stood there whispering thank yous and I love yous until we headed off to bed. I hadn't felt this safe in a long time, and I never wanted to let this feeling go.

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Hope you guys enjoyed this one. I'm really enjoying writing for Gibbs. Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! Im so sorry if I don't get to your request! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

#ncis gibbs #leroy jethro gibbs #gibbs imagine #jethro gibbs x reader #gibbs x reader #ncis x reader #ncis imagine #ncis #imagine #angst #fluff #reader insert

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dr4kenlvr · 3 years

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liar

pairing: izana kurokawa x gn!reader

genre: angst

request: hii could you do a izana oneshot when he realizes his s/o is in toman? thank you so much!!

a/n: hey anon! i made this piece angsty, since it wasn't specified and that was the vibe i got from this plot, hope that's alright by you <3 + izana and reader are not in a fully established relationship due to the plot, i also got carried away asdfgsdjf

warnings: spoilers from tokyo rev - tenjiku arc manga, angst, reader has feelings but can't pursue them, izana gets used, izana cries, i cry while writing this, etc LMAO.

not once had izana thought he had somebody. a somebody to himself, a somebody to call his, a somebody to care and love for. a somebody that he thought he could rule the world with. izana lived a wretched life brimmed with the mindset that he was alone forever.

the day kakucho had introduced you to him, he felt indifferent. to kakucho, you were a friend, someone he had gotten along with well in school. to izana, you were just another pawn he planned on using to reach the top. a piece of his plan he could easily remove and throw away when needed.

to you, izana was a mystery. a charming man covered in an invisible cloak of secrets and confidence. he practically oozed ambition, and it was your job to unveil him.

you were an addition to toman, a fact that was unbeknownst to kakucho. it had been discussed and concluded that you were to be toman's spy within tenjiku's premises. you needed information. solid, ground information that would make a swift victory for toman in the future. it was simple really, you were one of toman's finest minds. everyone agreed it'd had to be you to do the job. the plan was to persuade kakucho to introduce you to his friends, infiltrate tenjiku, become associates with izana and help toman bring them down. simple— right?

who would've known that what occured between izana and you, couldn't be labelled as pure associates.

you and izana had grown quite close, despite only have met. you had to admit, it did take a generous amount of time to get him to open up to you. but when he did, you were instantly hooked. something about izana caught your attention. he was extremely attentive and intelligent and it resulted in your admiration for the way he led his gang. you couldn't help but compare him to mikey. mikey, toman. you remembered your job, and why you were really here.

it had been a few weeks now, fortunately no one had suspected you of anyone else other than tenjiku's new lackey. however unfortunately, your time here was about to end.

the sun was setting lowly upon the horizon, splashes of orange and pink painted the water below your dangling feet. next to you sat izana, shoulder to shoulder. he didn't know what possessed him to sit so closely, but he was compelled to. quite often the two of you would be found sitting together, either enjoying one another's company or chatting up a small conversation. kakucho liked to tease izana of his fasination with you, saying 'it's rare for you to be so involved with others'. this time, no one had said anything. izana felt the silence between the two of you was relatively comforting.

lately, izana has been feeling different. he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was, but something felt different. was it the way his palms got sweaty when you looked at him? or the way he had to muster up some sense of courage just to talk to you? he didn't know. it was odd, but he liked it. izana took a deep breathe, relishing in whatever this feeling was. he noticed you do the same. he smiled, were you feeling what he was?

exhaling gently, you opened your eyes to the sky above you. the silence was nice, but the sunken pulls on your heart felt otherwise. infiltrating tenjiku was fairly easy, gaining the trust of the top executives proved to be a challenge, but you managed. hell, now you were even sitting next to their leader. the bond between you and izana grew into something much more than you primarily presumed. there were feelings blossoming inside you that should never have sprouted. there were emotions you felt for izana that should never have been perceived. you were toman's ally, not tenjiku's.

then why did it hurt so god damn much whenever izana smiled at you?

you decided something before asking izana to meet you here. since you had gained enough information about the group and izana himself, there was no need for you to stay, and toman needed you back.

"izana." you started.

"hm? what is it?" he responded, violet eyes peering over to you with interest. he wondered what you were gonna tell him, he felt his chest swell with anxiety. nonetheless, he kept a nonchalant face at your hesitation. calm and collected as always.

"i wanted to be the one to let you know," you gulped, "that im apart of toman." you paused, feeling your throat clog up. "im not on your side. and i was sent here to collect data on you and the gang. now that i've got it, i'm no longer needed here." you confessed. your heart refused, but you knew that this is what you had to do.

izana sat still. he didn't respond. he couldn't respond. what was he supposed to say? you.. were apart of toman? as in, mikey's group? and you were a spy for them? izana was bemsued, he opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. he felt his eyes water. you hadn't even looked him in the eyes yet, couldn't you at least do that?

you sighed, taking another deep breathe. you turn to him, "it's ti-."

"how could you?!" izana yelled, fumbling up to his feet. you were taken aback by his sudden outburst, then you felt your heart clench at the sight. tears streamed down izana's face, leaving marked evidence of the sadness he felt. "i-i trusted you! you were someone i considered a friend! s-someone who i thought would want me back! and now you go and leave me like i'm nothing but a piece of fucking trash!" he screamed, words fumbling out to no end now. his violet eyes now harsh and rigid at your form below him. the wind howled and clamoured against your bodies.

"you're telling me you used me this entire time? you're.. you're nothing but a liar! a god damned liar!" izana's words screeched at your ears. he panted, harder and harder until it felt like his lungs were going to give out on him. how was it that another person is leaving him? another person doesn't want him back?

you stayed silent. izana sobbed at the look on your face- you're like a stranger to him now. was he always one to you? it's evident you're not looking at him with the same kindness you did before. was it all feigned pity and compassion? he sniffled, before gesturing you to go. "leave y/n. i don't ever want to see you again."

you stand up quietly. the wind roaringly blows past and between you and him one more, before you turn your back against him. your chest aches with pain when you look ahead. you can still hear izana's ragged inhales as you take your first few steps away from him.

"i'm sorry, izana. goodbye."

izana watched as the gap between you and him grew bigger. the view of your back became smaller and smaller as you walked away from his shaking form. a part of him wanted you to turn back once more, to acknowledge him as a person just once more. but you never did.

it was then izana knew, that he was destined to be alone.

#izana kurokawa x reader #izana kurokawa x reader angst #izana x reader #izana x reader angst #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x reader angst #tokyo revengers angst #izana kurokawa angst #izana angst #request

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