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pruebopruebapruebe · 4 years

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30 days of autism acceptance 2020 part 2

Day 6. Talk about music, art, writing, and other forms of creativity. Are you a creative person? What do you create? Do you include autistic themes in your creations? Does your creativity help you to deal with your autism?

I have revolved around the arts all my life knowing, or thinking, that they are out of my reach (we are middle class). Too shy, too old, too lazy, too clumsy, too ignorant… too unable of getting them right at the first try. I thought for a long time that I was a bad singer. I can’t perfome a play. I can’t even talk in front of my classmates.

But true be told? I have dream about the arts since ever.

When I was a child I took violin classes. My teacher said I had a talent for it, but I thought he said that to every kid to boost their mood. When my parents got divorced I couldn’t keep learning. In school I sucked in music, but somehow I learn instruments very easyly? I forgot them as easyly as well. And I sing fairly decent.

I drawed more when I was in school, sometimes as a form of communication, but my skills aren’t good, even if I have gotten better.

When I learned to read all I wanted to do was to write! I wrote my first story at age 6! And then fanfiction through high school and university. But my relationship with writting was a difficult one… People around me said that, if you write because you like it, then you don’t need to post it, and if you posted it then you wanted attention, that screwed me up for a long time because I wanted people to respond to me, to what I was expressing.

The thing is, sharing my thoughts in the form of letters -sharing almost whatever I write tbh- is HELL for me. It’s terryfying. Makes me anxious. Nothing makes me feel more vulnerable than someone reading my stuff. It gives me this weakness in all my body, I paralize, I can cry, lose speech. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal, but it feels like exposing my soul, and my soul feels fragile and soft. Like an egg yolk: one bit of preassure away from bleeding.

I also like stuff like theater and whatnot, but I have stage fright. I do really want to work on that, though.

Tbh I love art. I love animation, I love cinema, I love paintings, I love the artisan’s works: the clay pots, the burlaps, the architecture, wood sculptures, etc. Damn I just love the human capacity of giving meaning to things, of seeing something and say “this… this is beautiful”.

I think my creativity comes and goes with my mood and energy, but I am creative.

I create stories. I create a bridge of communication to tell the world something I want to share.

I have written around the autism subject, and I intend to include autism in my creations. Even if I didn’t wanted to, it would come out that way, the difference is that now I’m aware of it, which will lead to a change in my form of refering to what I thought were “ordinary experiences”.

I my creativity is part of my mind, and my mind is autistic. I think my creativity helps me cope in a world of neurotypicals.

Day 7. Talk about community. How are you treated by your local community? Do you participate in any online communities? How have they reacted to you being autistic?

I love community!!! I’m SO HAPPY I FOUND THEM. There is not a local community as far as I’m aware, but I do participate in online communities! We have a chat here, called “autismo en español”, it’s been so helpful and good for me.

Day 8. Talk about traditional media. Have you been influenced by autism themes in the media? Have you had to correct misinformation about autistic people that others got from the media?

Yes, by misinformation, before reading about autism from autistic people.

Probably yes and I just didn’t know they got it from the media.

Day 9. Talk about Autism Speaks. Do you support them? What’s your opinion about their policies? And/or Talk about special interests. Do you have a special interest? What is it? Feel free to infodump.

I didn’t know about them or, if I knew, I didn’t put that much attention to them. I don’t support them. I think their policies are cruel and bad.

Special interests! They tend to stay with me for long periods of time (years) and never leave me for good. They always come back and lot’s of them are part of my daily life, like gardening and plants!

I’m a bit tired of writting in english so I’ll not get into details. I love some shows and movies (I have watched Megamind so many times I lost count), but my strongest SI are probably plants.

Day 10. Talk about a cure. What is your opinion about seeking a cure for autism? Do you want a cure? Why or why not? And/Or Talk about stimming. Do you stim? How? What are your favorite stims? Do you have different stims for when you are happy or agitated?

I don’t think there is a cure. I think neurodiversity is natural and good and normal.

I think seeking for a cure is outdated and uneducated. I think that discourse promotes violence and discrimination.

I do not want a cure. I don’t believe it exists.

My grandfather was asperger, people used that word. My mother is asperger, we know that. Both my grandfather and my mother produced offspring. What is there to cure? It clearly has been the DNA that have been given from one generation to the next for long enough to say that autism runs in the family. So all my ancestors that were born, growed up and then reproduced were ill? So all of them got to live long life with jobs, business, family and hobbies because they were lucky enough to not die from this illness? I don’t think so.

I knew about stimming before knowing about autism, but thought about it as a way to release stress from anxiety. I am discovering stimming, and I love it.

I do stim. A lot. I have stims that are in themselves whole concepts or moods, that I can not replicate by will. I have stims that I can control and use to content myself, release anxiety, keep my concentration or self-stimulate. I love stimming! It feels good, and right, and a part of me way, as a way for my mind and soul to connect with my body

I have a happy-and-excited-but-content dance which is basically me moving my arms as waves two to four/five times. There is another I like a lot that I recently have started to use consciously: I punch my chest with my fist one or two times. Problem with this stim is that it basically means that I “have [the thing we are talking about] in my heart [because I love it so much]” so it can take me out of guard and suddenly I’m hitting myself in the chest strong enough to hear my ribcage resounding. It doesn’t hurt me, but still, is a very genuine reaction I have and tbh is the excitement of the moment what makes me do it with such strenght.

Yes, I do have different stimmings for different emotions. It’s an extensive topic, tbh, and I’m a bit tired now.

#texto #autism #30daysofautismacceptance

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lawsoncrafts · 7 years

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(Im only reposting since this image was found on a different site but I'm gonna rant here so that I won't get retaliation from certain relatives etc.) As the time grows near, I'm seeing a lot of people "gearing up" to support autistic people and I feel that this needs to be said, or at least I need to get this off my chest in a healthy way so I don't explode when I start seeing those damn puzzle pieces everywhere. personally speaking, I know how hard it is to be autistic (overstimulation, social weirdness, heightened senses that leads to MORE overstimulation, etc etc etc) but here's the thing, I've learned to live with it. I can function despite these things because I was born with it and I have a great support system AND I know how to cope in a healthy way. But a great number of us aren't as lucky. I was diagnosed when I was in 6th grade. that's 11 years of me nor anyone else knowing why I was struggling in a society that is almost exclusively built for neurotypical, able bodied people. During those 11 years, I was pushed along through the education system and labeled as a "lost cause" due to my inability to function to their satisfaction in a classroom filled with 30-35 LOUD/active students despite my test scores being the highest in my grade. When my test scores came out, I was accused of cheating time and time again and I had to retake my exams time and time again (I always scored higher the second time) because I was obviously "too stupid/lazy" to actually be a good student. During the entirety of those 11 years, I was bullied by my peers and even some of my teachers to the point that I wanted to kill myself. My family thought I was crazy, my peers thought I was crazy, my teachers thought I was a problem child that they didn't want to deal with. This is the reality that many autistic people face for their entire LIVES. I would have never been diagnosed if my mother hadn't screamed at everyone in my school district to test me for half a year. The system sweeps us under the rug CONSTANTLY. They call us ADD/ADHD or simply "troubled" and feed us magic pills that make us sick. Then when the lucky few of us that actually get diagnosed we are labeled as "defective" or, as autism speaks believes, "diseased" people that need to be cured. Their reasoning being that people weren't commonly diagnosed with autism back in the "good ol days" therefore we are apparently facing an epidemic. We are put in special classes under good intentions but they can't protect us from the bullying we face in the hallways when we are seen going to and from the classrooms. We undergo intense behavior modification, not for our own sakes per say but so that we can fit in with "normal society" without major issues (do we don't annoy neurotypical people). We have to stick to ourselves at lunch because if we sit anywhere near "normal people" that table is now the table where the kids from the "retard class" sit and it becomes a cruel game. And I'm not saying that everyone is cruel like this, it's actually quite contrary, most people above a certain age actually coddle us, like we are broken, like life has dealt us a bad hand. We are given "easier" coursework in our classes because we "can't keep up." we are pointed to in public spaces by mothers who want to show their children that they need to be especially considerate of the "special needs" class of society. People run marathons "for our benefit" but they don't actually know or care where the money is going. yet they look to the nearest visually identifiable autistic person and say "you're welcome" with their eyes. People even record themselves as they do very basic things like asking us to a dance and expect a trophy because they are so kind. because we are so otherwise undatable. And if any of us or our loved ones say anything about how absolutely condescending their "charitable efforts" are, they/we are shamed for "biting the hand that feeds us." Those of us who are more easily identified at first glance are called "severe" while those who aren't are called "high functioning. If you are "severe" you are undesirable and will have a hell of a time getting a job or even having a conversation with someone who takes you seriously. If you are "high functioning" you must be faking it for attention and obviously don't need any accommodation for your most basic of needs and you will be getting no sympathy when we break down in public from this lack of basic accommodation. We are asked "how autistic are you?" like autism is like a cancer that can me measured in stages. Some parents from older generations refuse to acknowledge their kid's autism because of the "there is nothing wrong with MY kid!" mentality, "when they often times are autistic themselves and were just never diagnosed. They hold their kids back and force them into a life of struggle because autism is shameful to them. Then in contrast, diagnosed kids get to watch their caring relatives train for marathons and write checks to autism speaks several times a year and they can't do or say anything to stop them because their relatives are either "too old to change or understand" or they just won't take them seriously. Keeping your mouth shut and your head down is a necessary skill for autistic kids because of this. I can go on all day. Autistic people make up a HUGE percentage of the people who have made the greatest contributions to humanity. From actors to artists and scientists and more. We have done everything from split and atom to creating the most well known pieces of art and architecture in history. Yet organizations like autism speaks decide that we need to be cured. the say that if we aren't like the rest of society, then we are broken and can't live a full life. We stand by as our parents are shamed for "causing our autism" by doing whatever-the-hell-mainstream-media-says-causes-it-this-time when we we literally born with it and it's been proven to be passed on through genetics. Then to make matters worse, organizations like autism speaks take advantage of people's ignorance and the ablest stigmas forced upon us for their own profit and funnel money to studies like the "shank 23" study which advocates literally lobotomizing children to "cure social awkwardness." We see this happening. We see thousands of people annually marching for "the cure" and we see a world that would rather us be wiped from existence than bother to understand us and live with us. Our greatest problem is not our autism, (I actually view it as one of my greatest strengths.) Our greatest obstacle in life has always been and will always be the ablest society that we live in and the ignorance that people have elected to maintain.

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azikeos · 7 years

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Service dogs of all kinds are invaluable, which is why it's so upsetting that very few organizations work with autism service dogs. What's even more upsetting is that each one that does, only works with children. You don't grow out of being autistic. I'm gonna be 24 years old in April and I'm still as autistic as ever, I still struggle to make eye contact, to talk, to remember the most basic of concepts and appointments(i.e. 'brush your teeth') without it written down in clear view, I still get lost and disoriented even in my own damn place of dwelling. Worse still is that those few programs that place service dogs with autistics, that only work with children? Their views of us our so infantilizing, so dehumanizing, that it's pushed me to tears more than once. Their words make it sound as though being the parent of an autistic person is worse than being the autistic person themselves, having so much pressure on you, knowing that you're not Normal, that there are people out there who would kill you just because you're autistic, realizing you have things to do but being unable to physically make yourself do them, needing to stim because you're completely freaking out but knowing it's Frowned upan; maybe you've even been punished for it before. The world is a big and scary place- even more so if you're autistic. These places that work with autism service dogs? They think of autistics as though we're some alien, Other thing. We stole the perfect, loving, hugs-giving child from our parents. Everything we do is a mystery, and often to spite our parents and those in our lives. It's not. I promise, it's not. There's a reason we don't give hugs(for many of us, it's borderline if not physically painful). There's a reason we obsess over flapping our hands or clicking pens or whatever our stim of choice is(it helps us focus, helps ground us so that we don't become overwhelmed). There's a reason many of us run away(we want to explore, we've become distracted or overwhelmed). Being autistic isn't something we can control(at least, not fully, and especially not when the entire world is pressing down on us to be normal) or get rid of. It'll be a hell of a lot easier for everyone involved if, instead of trying to squash someone's autistic behaviors, you learn about what we're doing, why we're doing it, and try to adapt. Your children were not born to please you. Your children are not pets, nor robots, and do not exist to fill a fantasy you have in your mind. You chose to have your children, they didn't ask to be born. Please, don't make them wish they had never been born.

I was lucky enough to have parents that didn't think 'electroshock therapy or murder is the only solution to this problem' when they found out I was autistic, but they still tried pretty hard to make me conform to allistic standards- almost always impossible when you're autistic. It fucked me up. It's still fucking me up. Between being autistic, and all my co-morbid disorders, I've been wishing I was never born since my middleschool years. There have been more times than I can count that I've thought to myself "I wish mom had aborted me", even as recently as this October.

Please don't let this be your child's life. Be a better parent than your parents, and take some time and effort to actually learn about your child rather than trying to force them into the mold of your expectations.

#i didnt mean to write this it just kind ofh appened #but here it is so #autism #autism problems

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