#I'm barely sleeping lately

[shittygothbitch]

I feel nasty

#I'm barely sleeping lately #barely eating #and #i feel myself getting weaker #and I'm scared #because I'm not tired #or hungry #and that's not right #maybe that woman caused a lot more stress in my life than i thought and it's affecting things #let's give it a week and then I'll check in w myself again #but ughhhhh #shit sucks #ive been more activly suicidal than normal #and like. i “know” that its wrong but i dont feel worthy of love #at least I've been able to cry though #also also thank fuck I'm regulated hormonally rn #or I'd be so much worse atm #ughhhh anyways #I'm all over the place

[no-passaran]

Spain lied about not selling weapons to Israel.

Even after October 7th, Spain has sold more than 1 million € of weapons to Israel. Norway and Finland make it possible.

In January, Spain made headlines word-wide when the government's Minister of Exteriors, José Manuel Albares (PSOE), claimed in Congress and later again in a radio interview that Spain had stopped selling weapons to Israel ever since October 7th. Israel's intensification of violence in Gaza following October 7th meant that, on top of decades of apartheid and ethnic cleansing, between October 7th and January 23rd Israel had already killed 28,000 people and forced 2 million out of their home. In this context, many people were demanding their governments stop arming and funding the genocide of the Palestinian people, and here on Tumblr and other social media sites like Twitter I think we all saw the many posts praising the Spanish government for this.

Well, it turns out it was a lie.

According to Albares, "Since October 7th there are no more weapons exportations [from Spain] to Israel". But in November alone, Spain exported weapons to Israel for 987,000€, as was published on the Spanish Government's official website dedicated to exterior commerce (Comex). A researcher from Centre Delàs (an independent centre for peace studies) found it and published it, and it has also been verified by newspapers such as elDiario.es.

This 987,000€ worth of weapons in November was not the only ammunition that Spain has sent to Israel in 2023. In 2023, Spain exported a total of 1.48 million € in war material to Israel.

All of the weapons sent in November come from the factory of Nammo Palencia (Castilla y León), a corporation that is 50% property of the Government of Norway and 50% owned by a public Finnish business. However, even if the owners are foreigners, the ammunition was sent from Spain and thus it had to be authorized by the an organism of the Spanish Government named Junta Interministerial de Defensa y Doble Uso, whose deliberations on whether a weapons exportation is accepted or denied are kept secret. The only cases where they have denied exporting weapons to Israel have been when they thought that Israel would re-sell these weapons to the Philippines.

Spain has had a close relation with Israel for years. As published by the Spanish Government, Spain has sold 20 million € of weapons to Israel between 2012 and 2022. Spain also buys weapons and military software from Israel (for example, the Spanish Intelligence Service has been using the Israeli software Pegasus to illegally spy on Catalan activists, journalists, politicians and civil society members and their relatives to attack the Catalan independence movement), and Spain has continued buying from Israel and allocating defense contracts to Israel even after the October 7th attacks. It is very difficult to track the concessions of public contracts such as buying weapons, but some contracts have been known. For example, on November 24th 2023, Spain bought 287.5 million € of missiles from Israel. This is not unusual: between 2011 and 2021, it is publicly known that Spain bought war material from Israel for at least 268 million €, but experts say that the real number could be two or three times as much.

Spain has also continued allocating concessions to Israel. For example, on December 15th 2023 Spain allocated a contract worth over 576 million € to Israel for a rocket launcher programme. On November 22nd, Spain allocated another another Israeli company to provide missiles for 237 million € at the same time as the Spanish army bought Israeli inhibitors for 1.4 million €. The very next day, November 23rd, Spain signed another military allocation to Israel for 82,600€. The following week, Spain signed yet another allocation with a different Israeli military corporation for 3.7 million €.

Spain also allows Israeli weapon manufacturing companies to produce weapons through their branches located in Spain. This way, Israeli weapons make their way to markets with which Israel doesn't have diplomatic ties but Spain does, like Saudi Arabia. And since Spain is a member of NATO, Israeli weapons produced in Spain are approved according to NATO standards and access it easily. In the same way, these Israeli weapons manufacturers also access European Union defense funds through their branches in Spain. (source).

As I said, I saw a lot of positive posts around when Albares said Spain was going to embargo, but I haven't seen any post about how they didn't do it. I also (personally) haven't seen anything on international media, and barely anything on Spanish media, which is already busy with the PSOE covid material corruption scandal. So I share this in the hope of helping put pressure on Spain to cut all ties with Israel immediately.

SHAME ON EVERYONE WHO GIVES ISRAEL THE MATERIAL AND MONEY THAT WILL BE USED TO MASSACRE THE PALESTINIAN PEOPLE. SHAME ON SPAIN, NORWAY, AND FINLAND.

#i've been meaning to post this for a few days but never manmaged to finish writing since i don't have internet at work and i barely have #time to do anything else than sleep eat and prepare work stuff when i'm home #so I'm late but this is still relevant #palestine #gaza #israel #free palestine #spain #norway #finland #españa #end genocide #bds #boycott divest sanction #free gaza #peace #anti military #💬

[a-s-levynn]

"Even if the sky cracks in mourning / And the heavens just won't open up for me" A Series of Small Offerings - II/12 - day20

#a series of small offerings #sleep token fanart #elaboration on this piece further down in the tags because this one may confuse people i think #(also please note that i firmly believe that the from the room below version of this song is the superior one) #(so the art was made with that version in mind because that is the version that lives rent free in my brain for reasons) #i've been thinking so much how to approach this one.. i knew pretty much since i've made the challenge that i will go with this line #specifically because i refuse to hear it as the lyrics sites and spotify tells me to hear it (as it appears in the post) but instead #i don't hear the 'the' in any version of the song i'm sorry that is just not there #so i'm convinced it is 'as the sky cracks in mourning' #(sky cracking-lightning;sky mourning-rain) #which is also exactly how the song feels to me #being a sad wet cat of a person standing bare feet in a strom and just crying 'why i was i so blind to my own hubris' #specifically in relation of finally (and far too late) understanding you fucked up a relationship so bad it still hurts years after #if you've ever felt anything remotely similar you know what i'm talking about #and you get why i refuse it being 'in the morning' instead of 'in mourning' #vessel i #vessel #vessel sleep token #vessel fanart #sleep token band #sleeptoken #levynn tries to draw #sleep token #edit: i don't mean to offend those who stand behind the line being 'in the morning' btw i just don't hear it #and i don't think i'm correct. i'm correct for me. not in your stead. half the lyrics can be heard at least two ways #edit2: appearently i'm actually right about something for a change.. a truly unusual turn of events #see comments for referrence pls #also edited this post to the correct lyrics #but leaving the tags for context 'cause thw original version of the post has been rb-d before editing i think

[capn-twitchery]

i wish i wasn't so busy tomorrow bc i have a wip i wanna finish so i can show people So Fucking Bad but i have to WAIT

AGH

#i want it to be a surprise xD but i am so bad at patience #fredspeaks #anyway i should sleep since i'm busy tomorrow goodnight #sorry i have barely been watching the dash atm the dogs are Demons lately but i will get back to everyone's art #when i can 😌

[yeehawbvby]

Um. A fee I didn't know I was being charged for from the service I order meds from just came out of my bank account and now I have negative money

Anyone wanna pay me to write or doodle things for them?? ;;w;; My Ko-fi is in my pinned post if so.

Just let me know exactly what you want (and who you are, so I can contact you here! Or you can DM me letting me know which request was yours) and I'll get right to it. I don't have a commission sheet or anything so just give what you can and I'll do my best to make it worth it.

I'd really appreciate any help I can get right now from those of you who can spare it!!

#when i asked for money for my volo microorganism it felt silly and i was half joking. this is serious though and i feel rly bad about it tbh #i don't mean to beg but like. PLEASE consider #seriously ANY little bit helps #just. god. #been in a depressive episode for months. can't get a job. my health is worsening. i can't eat because my throat muscles no longer work #can barely sleep lately which is making it harder to apply for jobs and stuff. just had to have my partner pay over 1k in car repairs that #were necessary but i couldn't afford myself. still have to do christmas shit. still have to schedule my wisdom tooth surgery. #this feels terrible. everything is going so wrong lately. not to bring on the pity party but like holy shit lmao #i'm in shambles lately and idk how much the overdraft fees will be but just knowing I might be fucked is already tolling on me so hard #shut up crisa

[moonchild-in-blue]

🦋🖤

#this is the mood for tonight #sometimes it's 3am and you just need to sit with your feelings for a bit #while working on things #i know its very late but i just work best a this hour #it's barely january and already my sleep schedule is messed up lol #december lasted 6 years #i think this is innocuous enough to stay? i'd say more but. mhm. the implications. #either way. i'm diving into my soft sad vibes playlist again #it's cold. i miss you. #darya talks to herself

[novelconcepts]

i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

#i'm finishing it if it kills me #i know i've been writing this makeout scene for 3 weeks but baby that can't last forever #if we want to get deep and dark and serious for a second i do think a lot of my struggles to write lately have to do with engagement #and how incredibly low engagement has been on the last few things i've written #which like. is what it is. i'm not entitled to anybody's time or comments or kudos. #but when you write stuff you're proud of and it feels like it's barely getting read it's hard to keep momentum. #this isn't intended as a woe is me or whatever it's just kind of like. there. hovering. #happens enough times you start to wonder if it's you. am i just writing for the wrong fandom/ship? #(too bad if so. they're in my bones i'm writing for them and no one can stop me.) #but yeah. if you ever wonder if authors do care or notice about hits. comments. kudos. buddy i am here to tell you #not only do we care and FLOURISH we also notice when those things drop off and readers vanish #and it is a giant bummer. and sometimes makes us wildly paranoid about why that might have happened. #so if you liked a fic today--not even one of mine. just. anybody's. share it. comment on it. #kudos at the VERY least (cuz frankly kudos is there to be an 'i got to the end and this was nice' feature. #so when you get 500 hits and only like 30 kudos? it feels like 470 of those people hated your work) #anyway. that got out of hand. lil' too raw lil' too honest. happens when you let yourself ramble at 11:30 instead of sleeping #to sum: let your local fic writer know if they've made you happy #and as we go into 2024 i am swearing to myself that this fic (and probably several others) are getting finished #come hell. high water. or dishearteningly low engagement numbers. #(and then maybe we...actually work on something original. cuz why not. new year same old me but i'll do my best.)

[tragedykery]

it's truly headache season huh.

#AGONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I think in the past week I've been having headaches more often than not #definitely in days; quite possibly also in time awake #elli rambles #chronic pain tag #head achy #I am sososo sick & tired of this already #barely anything I try helps and if they do they only do so marginally: neck stretches & painkillers #sleeping helps bc it's always gone when I wake up in the morning but not to worry! the headache always comes back when the afternoon rolls #around. or the late morning even if I'm particularly unlucky #just. ughhhhhh

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

okay so i somehow survived this week's exam combo (still not done with them but at least i'm getting the weekend ig hh :'D)

and i wanted to animate something small and silly but i dunno who to draw, so i'm finally testing these polls out hehehe

i just went with the bad sans gang cause i felt like it, but do tell me in the tags/comments/asks if there's someone else you'd rather see 👀

#delete later? #yeah i'm gonna be reblogging this in the morning but anyways #i've been tense and anxious all week but i can finally relax a bit!! (although i still have some work i need to finish by monday :'D) #working through requests too btw i'ts just that a bunch of you asked for the same thing and i am physically unable to focus on one wip >:'D #thank you guys SSSO much for your insane amount of support on my art lately omg?? i can barely believe your kind words sometimes<333 #i'm barely coherent writing this so i probably i need to reunite with my bed like right now if i don't want to sleep on my desk HHH #bye for now!!

[xannerz]

roblox death noise

#vigo's pancreatitis is better now btw #he's bounced back really well and i cannot overstate my relief #but the entire ordeal and vet bill broke me #*i* haven't bounced back from it #like i've already been shouldering a lot and that made me snap lmfao #so i've just been like moseying along day to day waiting for the evening so i can go back to sleep #talking takes too much energy. so does just. yk. emoting like an average ass person lmao #i feel like terrible company. idk #cant draw cant write cant exercise can barely walk my dog #and i hate it b/c it feels like i'm fishing for excuses #ive had therapists tell me i'm very self-aware and i dont mean that in a 'i got a good grade in therapy' type of way LMAO #but in the 'if i know then i know then why am i here spinning my wheels and boohooing' type of way #like despite my own bad habits i wanna consider myself a person who has at least some hope and ambition #but i've just been super like done. lmaoo #but lately i just cant. i cannot envision a future for myself. not w/ the way things are. #these are things that *should* be independent of me but aren't. so i get roped into taking care of things. #over and over and over and over again. for over 10 years LMFAO #anyway i'm just vaguely whining no advice is being requested ty : ) #xangoeswah

[wyattlife]

#we bare bears #we bare bears grizz #we bare bears panda #we bare bears ice bear #Why do I keep making posts very late #It's literally 12 in the morning I need sleep since I'm going to start 10th grade in a few days

[kozidraws]

.

#I've been feeling off as of late #hence why i haven't been around #I've lost interest in almost every aspect of my life rn #I'm barely motivated to eat or sleep #i just exist and i feel like a shell #why am i still here

[blue-kyber]

Cartoons from the 80's had a lot of anti-drug/anti-drinking messages, with plots surrounding the consequences. I saw these when I was really, really little, so some of the lessons probably stuck.

Even though I've been drunk, I've never driven. I knew not to way back when I was a kid, because media pounded into our heads not to do that, and I have real life and family examples of what happens if you do.

I've also never smoked anything, or done any drugs because I never really wanted to. Truth be told, the lessons were probably in my subconscious (along with real life examples of what happens) helping me make the right judgement calls.

It obviously didn't work with every Millennial, but it got through to a few of us.

This cartoon even tackled prescription drug abuse, and how it negatively affects people and those around them. It also hit on issues of elderly loneliness, how little lies can lead to big problems, owning up to your responsibilities (wherein Henry Bigg -yeah, the human - leaves a baby he volunteered to babysit with the Littles so he could play touch football with his friends across the street and fire breaks out because of the actions of an unsupervised baby. And also Plot.).

80's cartoons went hard with these messages.

This cartoon from my childhood I'm binge watching, The Little's, had a good idea at the end of one of the episodes that showed the dangers of being drunk, how it effects people and themselves, and drunk driving with an incident that almost killed one of the Littles:

A contract between kids and their parents.

Both parties write up a contract that states that kids will call their parents to come pick them up rather than driving, or getting a ride with someone who could be drunk, or otherwise compromised.

Parents agree to go pick them up; no questions asked. Period.

Not a bad idea, honestly.

If I had kids, I'd probably do this. It gives the kids freedom to go out and have fun with friends, while also giving both a sense of trust that the other will abide by the contract.

Trust from both sides is insanely important.

#a helpful tip for parents and kids #what cartoons can teach us #80's cartoons #I was born in '81 so I barely remember them. And yes I am a Millennial. I'm at the beginning of that generation. Mentally I'm in the middle #but it was an era huge with the 'Just say no' messages #probably holdovers from the bullshit people got into in the 70's #Personal bit #Drugs ruined my older sister's life #and drinking and smoking killed my grandpa when I was 7 years old. 1985 or 86. #He was in his late 50's. #I never got to know him. My memories of him are vague #but I remember his funeral #I remember seeing his body in the casket during the viewing #and I remember my mother breaking down in tears and hugging me and my siblings #First my sister cried then my brother then I did because everyone else was crying and I felt that. #I remember my mom saying 'he looks like he's sleeping.' #I never got to know my grandpa on my dad's side either because of the same reason. #The grandparents I remember are technically step since my grandma on my mom's side remarried #I never got to know my biological grandparents aside from my mom's mom. Not even my grandmother on my dad's side #whom I was told I met once when I was 4 before she died. #I was too young to understand death #and that my grandpa wasn't coming back. #I'm an empath. I feel things at a higher level. I cried because everyone around me was grieving. #I didn't know why but I knew they were all in pain.

[heybaetae]

.

#i've been in a manic state for over a month #haven't slept in my own bed for 30 days #was barely eating/sleeping the first half and now i'm eating/sleeping too much #i was even off twitter for two weeks which is so hilariously unlike me #said i was taking a gif hiatus because my brain was so unhealthy #then turned around and started making/posting MASS amounts of gifsets (published and drafted) for very little payoff #like. More often than i usually do to the point where i feel like it's overwhelming or annoying or looks desperate but hey maybe i am #for the serotonin #except nobody reblogs shit which. Well you know how that goes #it is what it is but it's also making me feel so so so low #but i can't stop either because it's the only thing keeping my brain off of everything #i also recorded that voiceover video of my gif process but i don't think i'm gonna post it because i hate my voice and my overall Being rn #and publishing something like that would be inviting literally anyone to have a negative thought or opinion of my voice or my personality #which is a big No Thank You atm #even tho i have nice followers i also have total dickwads waiting to jump me lately for the stupidest shit lol #so the timing is just bad bc everything else is bad my mental health is bad my self esteem is bad #my gifs and the engagement on them is pretty bad without me reblogging them 50 times myself but we ball #it's all just!!!! it all feels Bad i just want to feel sane lol

[mothram]

#diana's music diary #good evening I haven't been on tumblr all day oops #not really been busy I've just kind of been chilling in bed #feel a little nauseous but it's not that bad... got some stuff delivered earlier that I'm excited to try! probably won't until tomorrow #I've not been tired all day despite being on barely any sleep... gonna try and get through it but if I nap I nap I guess... #I have to do some do chores later but after that I can sleep whenever.. might stay up though idk I don't like sleeping as late as i have @@ #yesterday was good? I think? I honestly barely remember what happened... I think hung out with my partner and did lessons with her? #everything else was a blur though... :/ #anyway... more umineko music! fun :3 !! let's make today good and try to remember it if it is!!

[chrisbangs]

.

#every now and then i think abt deleting every single social media and dying . like #i really genuinely think abt just dying fr like #👎👎👎 #there's only 1 person i've been wanting to talk to lately #and like no one else lol #i just feel so fucking out of my head #why is everything so fucking bad #i barely leave the basement these days .. i just stay in bed and sleep #and i have less than a week to get the fuck over this random stupid rut i'm in #because fucking classes start on tuesday #i wanna kms so bad lol #like i would rather be dead than do another year of college rn #it's so fucking bad for me lmfao #i don't have any support or anyone to talk to and i feel like i'm going fucking crazy #i'm on academic probation is the best part so if i fuck up this semester i get kicked out which like part of me would love ik like #the part of me that's tired and exhausted and just done with everything i wouldn't mind being kicked out but #the ik . that my parents would fucking kill me knowing that i wasted 4 years worth of tuition money and just fucking flopped as a student #waking up wishing i hadn't woken up every fucking day... i feel sick inside... #my anxiety is spiking all over again and i can barely even organize my thoughts lately #i literally threw up last night cause i worked myself up into such hysterics . like lmfao... #i cant get a grip and i cant get the fuck over how bad i feel and no one fucking LISTENS when i saw i hate this and i'm not good enough for #this fucking subject i wanna fucking kill myself holy fuck it's crazy how much i wanna die.. #i used to wonder abt that 4th year kid who killed himself when i was at my old uni like how fucking bad was it for him that in his last year #he just couldn't take it anymore and now i'm in the funniest position of literally understanding exactly where he was lol #last year... and i cant do it... i just cant fucking do it and i wanna kill myself i think about it every day i think about it 24/7 and #i'm just so... tired doesn't even encompass what i'm feeling right now i'm fucking exhausted and empty and i have nothing left man i cant #fucking do this... every day im dragging myself kicking and screaming to school and dealing with a 4 hr round trip commute in the shitty ass #weather that we get and getting verbally and emotionally abused by profs and getting 0 acknowledgment for ANYTHING and it's not like my work #is even GOOD enough to begin with so ofc it's not gonna get any acknowledgment like jdjdjdkdkskd i just dont . have it in me to do this #for another fucking year... i literally cannot do this... and i have no other thoughts in my head other than killing myself lmfao...