#I'm gonna dread it all day

[tardis--dreams]

I have a 'job interview' today at 6p.m. (s i x o c l o c k. In the Evening.) (It's currently 12:40 am) but I'll make chickpea salad on thursday so maybe there's still something left to live for

#this is diabolical #the whole day is ruined #I'm gonna dread it all day #it's so fucked up #i wanna kill that woman #and myself #and for a job i have no chance of getting #it's gonna be so embarrassing #i wanna throw up #but i love chickpeas and they keep me going ♡ #Thursday is gonna be a good day solely because of the chickpeas #i hate these interviews #i think they should be illegal #just give people jobs without putting them through such agony #void screams

[front-facing-pokemon]

#spheal #i wish i could post circular images on tumblr. because this one is deserving of a fully circular PNG. i could technically just take a #regular square image and then make the edges transparent to make it *effectively* a circle‚ but like… would that appeal? #if that would appeal then i'll do it. i don't think it would be *too* prohibitively hard. i would be willing to make an addendum #with a circular transparent image of spheal staring at the screen if enough of you want it. either way #this guy rolls everywhere and i think tumblr is gonna like that. i feel like this is gonna end up being a well-liked pokémon amongst tumblr #as in. i feel like. it already is. because. of how it is. i just don't know bc spheal isn't like. one of my favorites #it's cute don't get me wrong but it's just not one i think about all the time. it's one that i'll like if prompted but not unprompted #i'm gonna stop before i dig myself into a hole. i beat totk finally. it was very good and i honestly had way way more fun with it than i did #with botw. i have my criticisms obviously. it's not perfect it's not pmd. but it was very good. and now i've moved onto the next game in my #backlog. which is very long but i'm steadily working through it. hopefully i can get it done before i graduate this december and stop having #any time for the rest of my life ever forever to play video games. dreading that day. but uh #until then i will game. and hang out with my friends. and go on tumblr. and do all these things i like to do. until i no longer can #wow this got depressing i'm gonna Stop here. enjoy spheal

[ravinoforre]

Took all my courage to respond to the below post on Twitter (after once again deleting it in fear first lmao), but since *this* is the site I'd decided to use as my dumping ground for cringe, it's only fair to post the same here too.

First doodle is one I've posted here before, the other two have been in hiding a while.

huhuhghhhh

#everytime i post my more unconventional headcanon stuff i feel like i'm gonna pass out #i see posts all the time with “get silly with your art!” and like #i'm trying i really am #i'm constantly fighting between “i want to show this stuff off” and “i can't explain this if i tried" #and the thought of doing so to strangers terrifies me #i just have to learn to get over this weird ass fear #i know i've had some nice comments from folks here before so that already helps #but ngl i dread the day i get nasty ones #(this has to be high school bullying related trauma or something) #(i was that “weird kid” growing up) #(i even had one of my own doodles publicly defaced by my peers and i just had to laugh it off hahah 🙃) #uhhh alright enough it's tag time uh #trainer leaf #trainer michael #pokemon xd #pokemon frlg #tales of symphonia #ravinoforre

[sherlock-is-ace]

the imposter syndrome i feel every time i even slightly think i might be autistic is insane, specially for a person who highly relates to the lived experiences of people who are professionally diagnosed.

Like I was just watching this one youtuber, and she was talking about very specific examples in her life and childhood where she saw autistic traits that made her realize she was autistic and then seek a diagnosis and then get one, and everything she was saying was like she was describing my life! But yeah no, I can't be autistic tho

#and one thing that has been filling me with dread (as if it was relevant lol) is the idea of seeking a diagnosis and #either not geting it because it's already so hard to find a diagnosis for '''''''women''''''' (afabs) #and that will make me doubt myself even more! but most importantly those around me who already don't believe me #but also i'm very scared about this one thing in particular which is the talking to your parents portion of the diagnosis #where the therapist will want to talk to people who knew me as a child... and that person will have to be my mom #and i'm pretty sure she will dismiss most signs. like she would either not bring them up because ''they're normal'' #or play them as less important than they were #or maybe she didn't even notice them! because most of my struggles are internal! #things like being bullied or having no friends or liking a routine #idk if she'll be able to talk about all those #because my bullying wasn't violent it was mostly dismissive #my ''friends'' weren't really friends like i didn't CARE for them as maybe someone would have #and also they would leave me for no reason at all out of the blue... so i don't think even THEY considered ME a friend #and liking routine i guess she could say i prefered it but she doesn't know to the extent i hated going off it #i'm sure she forgot about the time i cried (as a 10 year old so not THAT young) because they made us change classroom #and i didn't know that was gonna happen... it was added to the anxiety that i thought my mother wouldn't be able to find me #but like the unknown classroom traumatized me (to this day i get anxious just thinking about that) #like... all those things i don't think she would bring up (if she could even) and i fear that will make me not get a diagnosis #not that this is a thing that's gonna happen cause as i established i cannot afford a therapist nor i'll ever get a diagnosis i don't think #so like it's not relevant #but i am anxious about it nonetheless #angel talks #personal #idk what's my point with this post btw i'm just venting and creaming to the void #dkfjhgdfg

[ubersaur]

y'know? after years of dread abt dying alone I think I'm now ok with it. I'm pretty damn grey/demi-aro and Im finally starting to feel okay about that!!

#thanks meds? Thanks representation? thank you all my friends who i love so dearly? I dont fucking know! but #over the last several weeks/months suddenly it's whatever and im accepting the aro aspects of myself! #I'm not gonna shut myself off from the possibility but like. I want to be realistic about it yknow? #crushes/Romantic interest come around very rarely for me. Rarer still for them affections to also be returned. #hell i barely remember why i dreaded being aro. I guess for simplicity #I just didn't want to be alone. But I'm not. I love my friends! #still feels a little alienating sometimes sure #but i already have so many OTHER intersecting queer & alienating aspects abt my identity what's one more lmfao. #imma jsut be a little weirdo its fine #idk just loving myself a lil more every day :) #rambling / #u

[fluffs-n-stuffs]

"Do you not realize it? Do you... truly not see what this means?"

The next Destiny Bond update is in progress! ❄️✨ –> Check out the latest part here 🔷 –> New to the series? Follow from the start! 💜

#we back for the winter season bois :} ☃️ #got some Particularly Fun parts I wanna have done before the end of the year--that I'll hopefully have time to do over the term break !!! 💫 #it's actually so? insane? how we're nearing the end of the year already??????????????HUH #just a little over a week and some Ridiculous cramming I'll have to pull off (no thanks to past me sdskjfs) before I'm free for the holiday #I mean I'd--still have freelancing to do of course but without the looming dread of actively avoiding college responsibilities at least /lh #it's even more insane somehow looking back on when I actually started this whole comic that spiraled Wildly out of controlSKDJFNSDFS #to think that this all started from a prompt I had a few days after my birthday--into its own whole story I wanna see through is--- #honestly something I'm really proud of. something I'm really happy I got to do for myself since it's-above all a passion project if anythin #I'm a lot slower these days what with juggling my own mental crises here and there on top of work for sure #but I get to come back to working on this whenever I find myself feeling down or with some free time to unwind and it's--really nice 💖💕 #and we're still in the beginning I swear to god we're still so early I'm so sorry this is gonna take so longSDHFIUSHDNFKJSDHS #but it bears repeating how thankful I am to everyone who's joined along for this ride- who've been so wonderful and patient thus far #to know that even a handful of people out there tune in to this silly ol thing and are genuinely excited for its sporadic updates-- #--has been a definite highlight in what's been a- Ridiculously--almost comically cruel year (in ways I can't begin to express skjdfnsdfs) #and what with this holiday season being all about giving and gratitude---I want to emphasize on how thankful I am for all of y'all 💖💖💖 #I'll see what surprises I can sneak in to my schedule these coming weeks- the insanity of these following updates included hehee ✨ #Destiny Bond comicverse #mystery man eusine #eusine pokemon #pokemon #pokemon fancomic #pokemon gsc #pokemon hgss #comic wip

[bixiaoshi]

.

#if i don't get this out of my system i may explode lmao #but man the fact that im not a uni student anymore is getting more and more real with each passing day n the fact that i have to start #searching for a job is getting more and more real each day and it's giving such huge amount of anxiety bcs im scared abt what's to come #i'm terrified of getting a job i hate. i'm terrified of losing my life in something that drains me. i'm terrified of getting stuch where #i am. of seeing my life pass and not accomplishing what i want. of everything i've dreamed of stays as that. a dream. #i'm terrified of being stuck in this country. in this city. bcs all i wanna do is leave but i dont have the means to do it!!!!!! #i dont have the money. my mom doesn't have the money and im scared. terrified of dedicating my life to working for it to be all pointless #i wanna travel n i wanna leave n i wanna land a job that i like!!!!!!!!!!!! #i don't think i'm fit for capitalism bcs routine bores me. bcs i don't want to lose my life in a job i hate #but then again i don't rlly have a dream job. i have smth i want to do but it doesn't rlly allign with my degree #and i'm scared!!!! of not being able to accomplish it!!!!!!!!! i'm so terrified of never doing what i want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i'm terrified of staying here bcs it's easier and less scary. i don't want to live a life of it is what it is!!!!!!!! #but everything at this point overwhelms me and idk where to start!!!!!!! idk what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i feel so silly by #asking other ppl bcs they don't have the answer n i hate it. bcs i need an answer i need to know im gonna be okay #life is unexpected n that alone makes me dread it. bcs i don't have full control of what's to come #sure i can do things to get me where i want to be but it's not 100% guaranteed it will happen the way i want it to #like. i dropped out of a major i thought i wanted n loved. i got a degree in smth that isn #isn't rlly a passion of mine #i dread the unexpected. i dread not having full control. i dread not knowing stuff #i dread things going out of plan n sure i do have a life plan #but i'm terrified of it just being a life plan #peace n love on planet earth #jo.txt

[gremlinbehaviour]

so it turns out I'm fucking stupid

#i stopped taking my antidepressants for pmdd because i hated how drowsy it was making me when i needed to be studying for finals #and now guess what my pmdd is kicking in BADLY and i'm too overwhelmed and upset to study for finals anyway #my final is like my midterm and it took me a whole week to study for that one and now I have one fucking day left i'm gonna fail #i hate this i hate feeling so out of control of my own emotions and them changing at the drop of a hat #i hate not being able to accurately remember what things feel like and make good decisions accordingly #i hate being awake i hate having things constantly looming overhead and waking up every day and dreading everything i have to do #i hate mental illness i hate being lightheaded for no reason i hate BEING SICK FUCKING AGAIN most of all #i just want things to be easy #pmdd #negativity #mental illness #medication tw

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

I think one of the other reasons I've been so dreading this trip is because I haven't actually been back to California since my gram died. Last time I was home was to see her in the hospital. Stepping back over the state line will make her being gone more real, somehow. And then I'll be going to a wedding where people are probably going to ask about her, while I'm also reminded in all the shortfalls of my own life. And I'll have to pretend everything is good because I don't wanna be the weird downer at a wedding. The entire situation is uh, to put it lightly, not something I'm looking forward to.

#dreading this trip #half convinced my car might break down #gram's death weighing heavy on me #oh and also last time I drove down was right at the beginning of me meeting/talking to d #so that's also gone to shit since then #gave up on my chosen career since then #granted my job now is technically better in a myriad of ways but not something I'm excited to talk about #i am half tempted to fake a covid infection to get out of going #but I know the guilt from not going would eat at me too #so fingers crossed my car doesn't break down #I'm gonna have to get wizard high for this wedding #which thankfully probably won't be hugely out of place at a Humboldt wedding #wish I had someone to talk to about this shit #all the feelings bubbling up when I should be sleeping to get up stupid early in the morning and drive all day #i wish I could cry in someone's lap for a while #but of course if I had someone I wouldn't be dreading this as much so catch-22 there

[mellotronmkll]

I'm so amped to have the most depressing and sad birthday of my life on Friday 🙏

#Especially because I procrastinated something and have to work on it that day #And my brothers coming to visit the next day but he really came to see his friends and not me #And just. I'm just in the worst frame of mind to turn another year old I'm so full of dread and despair I just don't want it to happen this #Year. Please no can we put it off a bit #And of course I'm not having a party because I haven't had a birthday party since I was 8 so ✌️ #I'm just gonna be practicing and feeling stressed and bad #We were maybe going to do some fun stuff but I can't even I have to cancel it because I have Sunday looming over my head #PLUS I have to work all day #I'm just like. I never enjoy them but this year is gonna be particularly bad

[lesbeet]

so oliver has feline leukemia and according to the vet he has maybe months but probably weeks. so i had to put poppy down in january, then my grandpa died a couple weeks ago, and now i just need to sit and wait for oliver to start showing symptoms and then put him down too. i'm literally famous at the vet because of my absolutely astronomical amount of shitty luck. like they all know me because of how awful everything has been and they all feel bad for me. so obviously things are going great and i'm thrilled to face yet another devastating situation that's nobody's fault and is entirely out of my control lol

#i start my 2 week spring break in 2 days and i was SO looking forward to having a goddamn break from life so i can recover from everything #but no instead im gonna spend it anxiously dreading the day oliver starts showing symptoms #with my luck it'll be right after break ends so i have no time to deal before i have to go back to work and teach fucking shakespeare #+ im almost out of sick days bc ive been using them to recover and grieve the other fucking deaths ive been dealing with the past 2 months #in case it's not clear i'm having a fucking terrible time and everything fucking sucks and i don't know what to do anymore #im just so fucking exhausted and the hits keep coming and there's nothing i can do bc it's all 100% out of my control #if there were ever a sign that im somewhat recovered from my chronic suicidality of the old days it's the fact that im not planning to kms #so that's where we are rn.

[genderfluidgothwitch]

I have to leave for my shift in 15 minutes and even tho it's only gonna be 4.5 hours long I really don't wanna go

#I've been dreading the shift all day #it's definitely bc the shitty manager is gonna be closing most nights in the next two weeks #and tomorrow I have a feeling she's gonna try to make me cover a lunch when I literally cannot #my file boss is on vacation this week while she moves house (she just sold her old place and is moving to an interim apartment) #so it's just me and the other part timer #so we have to pick up the 'slack' (we're all great and efficient at our jobs but two part timers picking up the work of a full timer) #anyways if she tries to get me to cover the lunch I'm not gonna be able to bc I have not only my own tags but I have to do the signs #plus hbc and gos knows what else #I know Loren will be able to do a lot bc she has more file hours than me but it's still just the two of us #and Thursday is gonna be only her so I don't wanna leave her with a lot #I just don't wanna deal with the queen of the cunts

[bsaka7]

at what point did excitement for the holidays become apathy and the occasional wave of dread...

#Going to my bosses Thanksgiving with my coworkers and like. Maybe I should have begged off. #I had another offer which would have maybe been worse but like. #I can't handle meeting twenty new people and like. It takes me so long to warm up to people #And I've had a headache for two days straight :( #I mean I'll go and I'll fake it or whatever and hopefully play some cards #But it's just. I'm trying not to feel anything at all about it #Also dreading going home for the holidays except it's not even home it's just to my dad's fam and then my mom's fam. #Week between Christmas and new years #Sorry u guys r gonna hear a lot of this :( #But i'm hoping to get some fucked up i-feel-bad-in-an-airport fic out of at least. December. #Also my coworkers make fun of me all the time and it's mostly good natured #But we're not really friends so it frustrates me #Also they are way behind on the deadlines we set for ourselves #But that's just. Work. #And half day tomorrow at least!!!! #I miss the last year and a half of living with my friends so bad #It was really something. To look forward to coming home to them every single day. #Now I sit in my house. #It also takes me forever to make friends. Like. I didn't feel like i had good friends in college til. Literally my senior year. #A bit the second half of my junior year.

[cerbreus]

it’s been a hellish last couple months dealing with being caught in the crossfire between incompetent rental car agency that is mad at me and incompetent car insurance company that didn’t tell me the person handling my claim fucking QUIT and MY CLAIM WENT FORGOTTEN FOR MONTHS and it still isn’t resolved in fact things have gotten worse and tbh, when i have major stressful setbacks in life, my body and brains’ response is to just. not. do anything. just shut down. intense fatigue, inability to focus on literally anything because the background level of stress is so high.

#bro im gonna cry #fucking got blacklisted from one of the largest rental car companies in this country and it is apparently #impossible to get off the 'do not rent' list #whats making me more upset is that i literally called them the day the windshield cracked i got things sorted out before i even dropped the #car off and still shit is so far out of my control and now i'm stuck with all these repercussions that shouldn't have happened if my #insurance that i pay a hell of a lot of money for wasn't so incompetent #bro apparently even my ROOMMATES can get blacklisted for sharing an address with me #worse yet payment has been sent out but the company is still going 'fuck you pay me killyourself never talk to us again once u pay this' #i can't get ahold of the DRU person in charge of my claim on their end to find out what happens #so it might end up going to collections anyway which will perma fuck up my credit score which i've been trying. so hard. to raise. #being an adult is a fucking nightmare i want to sleep i can't focus for longer than 5 minutes on anything before i start getting that dread #its so frustrating i can't enjoy my hobbies i can't enjoy my work (which is going well right now) bc i'm so stuck on this i need this to go #away so i can regain my brain's normal functioning and yes i have anxiety this is the worst it's been in a while though #anyway sry for the venting i'll be fine it'll be fine my insurance WILL pay for this and things will be fine (probably) once that goes thru #not that it didn't add to my stress enough that my bp probably took another year off my life lbr #personal stuff #delete later i think #DO NOT rent a car without taking the damage waiver it doesn't matter how much it costs or if you have insurance just take the damage waiver #don't be me

[pseudophan]

this is the weirdest fucking week of my life

#its only tuesday but its. #i got some news yesterday #some like my worst fear end of everything might as well kms kinda news #but im half in denial about it still #i keep tearing up at random but theres too much shit to do i cant break down yet #but then today was norways constitution day and i worked all day and it was so busy #and im SO tired #tomorrow i have a meeting #thursday is gonna be the worst day of my life #friday i will be. trying to cope #and saturday i'm getting on a plane to england #to see mcr on sunday #its like.. my life is ending and then two days later i see my favourite band #like the my biggest nightmare and greatest wish are happening at the same time #so rather than dreading and anticipating i just feel empty over all of it #fuck man.

[lexicals]

V frustrating when I have an extra day off like a bank holiday or w/e and I'm like "okay I'm gonna get stuff done!!!" and I manage like. Maybe a half of what I had intended to do before getting tired/running out of steam

#wastepaper basket #Sometimes I can do it but today is not one of those days apparently #But half is better than none ig #Just the dread of feeling myself losing momentum like aw fuck. Guess I'm not gonna get all this done after all #I say 'all this' it's like 2 or 3 things