#ILL write this up one day probably

[oatbugs]

procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months #to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them #in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago. #(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought #i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are #and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it #its worth missing i think #i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over #(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year) #(hed come across the bridge on a lake) #we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared. #it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think #i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much. #and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat #they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand #how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much #i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around #something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode #arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully #last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing #and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets #and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably #have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused #blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like #i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much #my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to #music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads #i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says #what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine. #she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.

[scribbledghost]

.

#one of these days #im gonna write a fic where simon wakes up from a nightmare that makes him physically ill #and when he finally calms down enough #he tells you the nightmare was so bad cause in it he hurt you #and the idea of hurting you in any way makes him sick #and that fic will piss off roughly 50% of this fandom lmao #either that or im gonna write a fic full of kink negotiation #where simons just like #'no cnc no impact play no degradation no restraints' etc etc #and THAT FIC is probably gonna piss off roughly 85% of the fandom lol

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 739: The training camp's fourth day!!

Pag 1

1: Training camp of Sohoku High School's racing team...

2: fourth and last day, 10:18 in the morning

3: Here it comes, Rokudai!!

4: Yeah!! Teh, Kinaka-kun

Pag 2

1: The training camp fourth and last day!!

The total distance we've ran so far is....

Pag 3

2: Here we go!!

5: 800km!!

Pag 4

1: We still have 200km to go until we reach 1000km!!

2: Teeh.....!! We've ran so much, teh

3: That's right, we already went beyond what I said at first, the distance from “Aomori”

4: “Aomori”!

It's still 10:30 in the morning, so if we keep going like this we can run the remaining 200km that are required!!

We can!!

Yeah!!

Pag 5

1: My legs are all sore

2: I'm trembling all over, teh

3: The Aomori thing, when we first came here

4: 700km!!

I thought it would be impossible

5: When on the first day, the senpai created such a gap between us, I resigned myself and thought that it really was impossible

6: But then, on that day's evening, you had that idea, Kinaka-kun

8: We worked so hard starting from the morning, we closed the gap, and ran until here

Pag 6

1: Being “buddies” really was our “breakthorugh”, teh!!

2: Breakthrough...!!

3: ??

4: Right!!

Teh...!!

5: Somehow, when I think about seeing the “goal”

6: I feel a surge of power, teh!!

Ohh...

7: Yeah, nice Rokudai, that's good!!

8: We've survived so far, so let's run through the end!!

Pag 7

2: Pfui

Yeah....

Let's do... our best and.... run....

5: Huh, where's my bottle?

Teh

Pag 8

3: Rokudaiii!!

6: Oooooogh

Pag 9

3: Ah....

Kinaka....kun? Huh.... I... fell.... and my bo.... ttle?

4: Rokudaii!!

5: So-sorry

You- you saved me, because you're my “buddy”!!

Pag 10

1: Because I'm your friend

3: Because you're my precious and reliable friend!!

4: Don't fall

Pag 11

1: Don't fall yet!!

2: There's still a chance

3: A small one

4: We can't know until the end of this last day of this training camp

Our

5: target

Pag 12

1: is to go together to the Inter High!!

Yeah!!

Pag 13

2: Ohh, they got back up, those first years

They ran 800km, so I thought their pace would drop for 2 or 3 laps

3: and that they would lose momentum like that

5: There are two ways of winning a road race

Pag 14

1: The first way is enduring determinedly, following without giving up in any situation

2: So that you survive and become the last man standing

4: And the other way is attacking yourself, actively passing and leaving behind your opponents

5: showing your strength and taking the victory....!!

6: They're both “victories”, that doesn't change

But the one who brings you more praises and admiration

Pag 15

1: It's the latter, Issa!!

2: That's right, Danchiku!!

3: First year Omihata, my jersey

Yessir!!

4: The heat resistance training ends here!!

5: Kaburagi-san.... he took off his long-sleeved jersey....!!

That means he's gotten serious!!

6: Let's go with with Full Spec, Danchiku!!

Now that our bodies are ready, we'll definitely do our “human sacrifice”....

Pag 16

1: We'll defeat Sugimoto-san and go to the Inter High!!

Of course, Issa!!

Pag 17

3: Let's catch him, Danchiku!!

4: So you're here

Pag 18

1: You two!!

2: We've come to give back to you that “you allowed us to train with you”!! Sugimoto-san!!

Pag 19

2: Danchiku has already mastered the new bike he's riding, and he doesn't stagger anymore

Thanks to you, he's now in perfect condition!! Perfect!!

3: Yeah

Pag 20

1: I'm just next to you and yet I can feel your pressure enough!!

3: Sugimoto-san, sorry but I'm gonna defeat you in one blow

4: I won't let you beat me in one blow

Pag 21

1: Is that your “expectations”? Or your “hope”?

2: Yeah.... for now

3: I'll also take off my arms warmer!!

4: Sugimoto took off his arms warmer!!

5: If you come at me seriously....

Pag 22

1: It's only polite of me to get serious too!!

Pag 23

3: Sugimoto himself hit their handles!!

Even though usually his play-style is to avoid rough play and contact!!

4: You're in high spirits....!!

5: Not as much as you!! Danchiku!!

Pag 24

1: Honestly, I'm surprised that you're going all out like this.... you're worth defeating!!

2: I'll let you train with me one more time, Danchiku!!

Pag 25

2: Ah crap, they've started already!!

The last battle

3: of the fourth and last day of this training camp!!

4: Danchiku-kun!! Sugimoto-kun!!

Pag 26

1: I'll pull now, teh, Kinaka-kun

Yeah, thank you, Rokudai!!

2: Please....

3: No....

4: I'm beaten....

Even though I've finally... cut the 200km left point...

5: That moment.... I overdid it a little....

6: My legs hurt.....

#yowamushi pedal #yowamushi pedal translations #yowapeda #yowapeda manga #yowamushi pedal manga #yowamushi pedal spoilers #ride 739 #i have so many things to say about this chapter that ill probably use up all the tags LMAO #But the most important one is NAKAROKU!!!! MY PRECIOUS PRECIOUS BOYS YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THEIR FRIENDHSIP MEANS TO ME #they're so important ;A; i cant believe kinaka really had to spelli it out to roku that theyre friends??? #youd think it would be the other way around given kinaka's chara and the fact that he never had any friends and all that #but no! I HELPED YOU BC WE'RE FRIENDS BC YOURE MY PRECIOUS AND RELIABLE FRIENDS #and roku: shocked pikachu face asdshgdkdfg #how did he not realize they're besties PLEASE if he thought theyre just 'buddies' for the training camp #what did he even think of their relationship before these 4 days - kinaka bby you didnt go so out of your way to be nice and good to him #for him to not even realzie youre friends sadsdhfa #im already writing a fic about this because its just that importan OKAY #i dont think i have enough tags to talk about everything sugimoto and danchiku and kaburagi #but lemme say that its so funny to me how everyone is busy fighting and all and meanwhile onoda and naruko are just doing their thing lmao

[heartslobbf]

the thing about rgu episodes 35&6 is its just like...... everything is veering towards a car crash but more than usual. and everyone is more aware of how car-crashy things are going to get than usual, but its like. no one is like ‘hey what if we didn’t get into a car crash though’, or if they are, they’re expressing that sentiment in the worst way possible (shoutout anthy and touga). you have so many tiny and horrendously fucked up moments in those episodes like juri saying utena ‘looks like a girl now’ and making miki consider whether or not that’s a ‘good’ thing, or utena falling asleep at the table with her earrings as anthy just Watches, or the scene where touga holds a carrot in various initially amusing and then promptly emotionally devastating ways as both he and the audience make a series of crushing realisations neither of us are totally comfortable accepting

its like. throughout all of this acknowledgement of ‘hm. this is bad’ everyone is filled with inaction. we are all trapped in our coffins!!! people are prosing but that’s about it. all of the student council know who end of the world is, and they don’t tell utena. im not blaming them for this because its masterful, compelling writing that serves to elevate the show and its themes, but i am pointing it out because what’s endlessly relevant in utena analysis is recognising when characters make choices that ohtori frames as a natural progression or event that is immutable. anthy and touga voice wow i cant believe at least one person has to die at the end of this duelling game, which we like have to do btw. yeah. what do you mean this is all constructed and therefore can be dismantled. oh my god im going to kill you what the fuck. i dont want to kill you. i dont know how else to get you out of this situation. guess ill try and remove you from the system, thereby proving it is a structure that can be left behind and undermining my fragile worldview ive believed to have kept me ‘safe’ all this time. why are you guys talking about coffins so much omgggggggg shut up shut up shut up

#one day ill write my essay about anthy and touga and their dynamics w nanami and utena. bc it makes me BONKERS #i mean generally one day ill write my anthy and touga essay bc its like. god im so autistic #theres a reason my pinned post is anthy's 'betrayal' theres a reason i have probably watched eps 35&6 the most #theres a reason im obsessed w aou's symbolism ESPECIALLY in the movie manga actually #anyway normal normal normal (lie) (am thinking about birdcages and eggs) #remember in episode 11 when touga was like hey anthy one day im going to own the key to this birdcage that youre in. and its like #touga. touga youre in the birdcage too rn #touga kiryuu will be like if a chick cannot hatch from its egg's shell it will die without being born 10 minutes later me and the coffin <3 #and then u have anthy loml anthy the character of all time..... cannae even make little jokes about her arc bc its like. Oh #have u ever killed something good for u just to be certain ure the reason u can no longer have it.......... #have you ever died and been dying over and over again have you ever been so numb and yet so angry. so bitter. so resenting. #everything the same over and over and over again. and then something changes a bit. wahhhhhhhhhhhh #i PROMMY i am normal about anthy himemiya (i cant think about her without crying) #revolutionary girl utena #rgu #shut up daisy

[camptw1nk]

i miss. the vibes of the rpc a few years back

#things just felt more. community based #people interacted more w each other on the dash and it felt like people were really there to interact and not just for a follower count #its probably rose colored glasses in a lot of ways bc thats when i was most active so thats when it was most enjoyable but #idk there was just something ab the days where u could have 50 followers and always be interacting w most of them #these days ill get 200 followers and the same 5 mutuals interacting all the time #and like. huge shoutout to them they know who they are but those people make this site worth being on #its just. idk its tiring when a lot of time is spent yelling into the void that is the dash and getting nothing back #and to some extent timezones r to blame and also my lack of writing but its. its not just a lately thing #its been getting worse for years and i think this is really the first time ive ever been like. not active on tumblr? #like im here but a couple of years ago the idea of me having a main blog and barely ever logging in or writing was absurd #i would be online and writing 24/7 if not here then on discord and wire #bc people were always around to interact with and now its just like. oh weve all grown up and become adults and no one has time #for each other anymore and its very. thats life thats how it is but it sucks idk #maybe this is 2 some extent projection also bc thats how things r irl rn but thats just. tahts not important

[anadorablekiwi]

I... did it?

i finally finished writing it??

*deep breath*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay im calm now :)

anyways, i finally finished the first half to the next fic in the Eli and Squire (+chain) saga!

and the second half (my favorite part, what ive been wanting to write since *checks calendar* late April of last year. likely the 26th specifically... or a few days after......) is very detailed-ly planned out via bullet points

now i just gotta write it :D

...

later :(

tis too late tonight lol

#kiwi rambles #kiwi talks about writing #tellie knows whats up lol #the rest of yall will probably be confused lol #ill probably be posting it all in one go #might post the first chapter earlier iidk #if im feeling really mean i can post the first chapter tomorrow and make yall wait for the second chapter til the day after~ #(she says as if anyone follows her oc fics that closely lol)

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one? #the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

[dnangelic]

i only came here to compliment yves at first but now im laugh crying at the braincell hot potato between daisuke and dark that i was JUST thinking about all morning

#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT. #before lain even tagged me i literally had a post in my drafts #that was straight up just like 'dark is so smart but so stupid' #<- guy who picks all the +4 braincell options but truly. legitimately. only has one single precious shiny braincell #like a quarter #to daisuke's half-eaten potato chip braincell #jabwjjkjjgkjfjkj #PLEASE. little lotte is thinking of everything and nothing out here #dai nearly dies like 3 times then just forgets abt the fact. doesnt even bring it up again. moves on.com #but with barely any processing. dai at all times is just coasting. 'wow that was weird. that happened ig. anyways-' #OK. SWEATS. YELLS #idk if ill write anyth tonight im sooo lacking on sleep and i was busy today... still am busy #consider things more on the probably not writing end. im going to sleep so soon i bet

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ever sit like a corpse in your own body? #im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we #deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to #give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway. #who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in #the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when #projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing #dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will #ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do #something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r #stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even #then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a #broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what? #lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything #done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i #think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with #thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno #whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is #hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse #but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday #unrelated

[semercury]

Spent $5 on the digital remains, and I feel bad bc I'm anxious with money rn for understandable reasons, but ultimately I am glad I got it. The booklet was really neat to look through, and seeing crossed out lyrics and how the songs evolved is really special to me. Also the live tracks were fun to listen to, despite my headache.

#stuff sarah says #i want to crawl inside his brain and take a look around and understand the process #i want to have a long conversation with him about writing and the creative process #i probably never could. im too shy. and he has that midwest sarcastic avoidance aggressive type #and ive got that midwest sarcastic avoidance avoidant type #idk. this whole album is just really special to me #might have to see if i can burn a physical cd of it from the digital album and keep it in my car or smth #if i ever end up super financially stable i want to get a record player and as many records of theirs as i can #my oldest little cousin has one and listening to it made me want one. music just sounds nice on a record player #oh also listening to the live tracks made me wonder if ill ever be able to see them live #ive been to one (1) concert in my life when i was less anxious of a person and it was surprisingly roomy #ive seen videos of their concerts. everyones packed like sardines. everyones yelling (like on the tracks) #if i could guarantee it would be a good day i think id be fine #but like im im anxious that day or have a headache (my head is pounding rn...) like... #idk. maybe the adrenaline would make it go away #i remember talking to my mom about how they have shows near me in october but i didnt think i could go #bc of money + anxiety + other stuff and shes like well your birthday is in november #and its just like... i dont know what life will look like next month. much less october... #like i dont want to make plans and buy tickets and then have to cancel bc of a funeral or sudden changes you know? #anyway. the booklet is really cool #i wish they sold the journal by itself bc i really want that lol

[dockaspbrak]

A big thank you to my mutuals who like my nervous breakdown 2-4am posts. You're the backbone of my blog

#its like im not completely alone #idk #what losing a cat does to a woman i guess but #lets be real i was like this before #im just a sad person who laments more than takes action and #i think ill be sad forever probably #in that way some people are #i feel like im one reality over from where im supposed to be yakno? #i used to have this image id hold onto of leaves in the sunlight when i was a kid and i kept waiting for someone to talk to me who #would take me wherever that was #maybe thats the nature of never fitting in u get too in your head and then #reality doesnt feel like home #yeah ive heard people say shit like that sbout books #sorry im not wearing my glasses #lately days blend together and i feel like i cant hold into time #and people talking to me (when they do) sounds miles away #takes ages to get to me if it does at all #oops! sounds like im dissociating hahahahaah oh fuck #when u write it all out. stares at ya right in the face #if im not doing something it feels like my anxiety will latch onto anything #like. rn i feel like im gonna throw up bc of like 5 different things about my car #car insurance. registration. trying to find a job #then it spirals into what ifs. and how thatd suck #constantly this shit. constantly! the only reprieve is going to hang w my grandmother who is 90 and talking about death a lot #😵‍💫 #but shes my best friend so ???! fuck! #man idk. im so sad. idek what to do abt this. work out #maybe get a new actor to have a crush on #what makes people happy? idk

[moveslikekeithrichards]

my latest project [which i started years ago & am now getting back to] is writing out dreams ive had as [very] short stories, which is good for me bc i kinda lack the imagination to create a compelling plot on my own & the stamina to write anything longer, but it also means i have to Remember Dreams

#tiddytaco #i have a few drafts so far #from dreams where i could remember the whole thing & they had a story coherent enough to write down #theres some others that dont necessarily have a story to them that i might try to turn Into a little something #i shared my latest attempt in the chat & nobody was interested so i prob wont do that again #lest i convince myself it isnt worth doing at all #but i prob will ask my dad to look at them at some point bc hes a writer & an english teacher #i do think its a worthwhile project & id like to do enough for it to be A Thing #even if nothing comes of it once its done #ive always wanted to write something Complete #not like a whole singular story i dont think i could do that #but this feels doable. like a bunch of Very Short Stories compiled together #& maybe the more i do it the more ill be able to flesh out the dreams i only remember a tiny bit from into their own thing #& who knows maybe with this as practice i could come up with a story of my own one day. probably not but who knows

[yxstxrdrxxm]

I think some of the uh-oh characters are going to be

. Venti And zhongli,maybe because their archons

. Kaeya, maybe it having to do with khaenri'ah, I feel like that could make him an "uh-oh" character

And

Dainsleif. The same reasons for kaeya.

The way I forgot to answer this but.

Looks @ list.

Looks back @ you

#💌 ;; messenger writes #💌 ;; promising letter: one last call #💌 ;; a letter from: anonymous #;; honestly youd probably be right on some of them but its like #;; modern teyvat HAIDBDJEN #;; the archons thing dont apply because ill be damned if i make the two archons literal gods #;; but the image is hilarious #;; imagine getting matched with a literal GOD that woke up one day and went #;; 'i dont think i havent had any bitches for centuries. lets change that' #;; nah bro i would simply pass away /exag

[piplupod]

i am going to be soooo fucked for this therapy appt _(:_」∠)_

#going to just play sudoku i guess. fuck me fuck this fuck sleep #doesnt help that im also an insomniac dhdjdmsl so. weh. #I've ran through five whole scenes for my story writing and usually i only get thru one at most before sleep hits #the issue is every time I think mother is done moving around upstairs she starts up again #and then i get upset and then my heart starts pounding and then i Definitely cannot sleep #and then by the time i settle down and am just abt to drift off she starts moving around again and it repeats over and over and over #i feel so ill dnfkdl i wish i was sick rn too so that I'd be allowed to be outwardly miserable and she might care that she's keeping me up #but alas dndksl i havent caught whatever it is that both parents have had now (not covid apparently) so i just have to keep being nicey nice #i hate this so much djfkdl she is sick and that sucks so bad and she is miserable and thats awful but also. i would like to sleep. #but i should not be upset bc she is suffering and if i wanted to sleep so bad i just Would i guess. i must not need sleep if i cant sleep #like if i rly needed it I'd probably be able to sleep through any amount of noise ? idk #hello 3am my most despised frenemy. i love you for being a good number but i hate seeing you bc it means im Awake #if i cry in my therapy appt maybe something good will happen !! maybe i will be taken away and put somewhere safe where i can sleep #eeuggfhhhh. weh. whiny whiny sorry fjfkdl i will go play sudoku and pretend that I've already slept several hours and the day will come #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[mercuryislove]

now that I'm writing daily again and honing my voice I want to dip my toes into a couple other projects that I've been rolling around in my brain for almost a year now

#i had a burst of great ideas right as my dad's health started to tank in the summer and i never touched them #theyve just been stewing in my brain juice this whole time #one of them was born of the idea of me being like: #it would be so funny if sonam woke up one day and decided she was going to track yixing down and kill him for what he did #and also from that one fnv comic about how buck wild it must be from bennys perspective to see the courier show up at his door #anyway it's a story about revenge told from the perspective of the person who will be the victim of said revenge #and i want it to be a true western so bad #but also with some spoooky elements too #am i taking on too much for what is probably a stupid idea? yeah. do i care? no. #because if my writing habit has taught me anything it's that i dont care and ill do what i want bc i am my own biggest fan #and apparently like. one of two or three fans lol #oc talk #<- im putting this here for future reference lol

[flovverworks]

CHLOE BDAY HIP HIP HURRAY

#stardust speaking ! #saw the preview with chloes lines. oh hes so endearing #im highly in the 'thats akiras lil bro' corner but congrats to the chloe fans #(thinks of lennox bday card with the whole 'the one who wins can ask the loser to do something' ->akira asks leno to bend down #so they can PAT HIM ON THE HEAD......................ure so tall so it probably doessnt happen often right..... #...... #???????? #lenoaki is so tender it makes my head spin #<-person who cried during lennox chara story so is biased #shakes everyone listen the wizard are ssooooo important to akira and for akiras development and building selfconfidence and selflove this #is why i will nvr ever shut up about them here cuz they have such a massive role- <-just likes them a lot #T_^ #okay anyway i actually wrote a lil thing for myself today HURRAY ive been in a more. oh i can do things. mood lately #theres a selfindulgent thing i wanna write a lil bit off but aside from that i wanna. do something here #inb4 itll be a tiny teeny thing ive been thinking about lately before tackling 2 para+ stuff. WE WILL SEE eventually #not tonite for sure i am zzzzzzzzz #but i missed writing tiny things for myself so im gonna try to keep at this. #one day ill do that for akira things too. i need to write down my silly postmhyk aus and my silly dramatic modern aus for me myself and i #i dont talk about it a lot here cuz its embarrassing but wizards in akiras world is always a funny concept to me #5ever thinking about INTERNET IS SUGOI figaro from that one figaaki comic #actually that one where figaro memorized akiras name when its written makes me dizzy I WANNA TALK ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT AGAIN..... #T_T akira learning how to write the wizards names. yknow. at least. since they cant read the language at all #okay its way past my bedtime #i cant get into akira & their language at this hour itll be too much #tldr while i think its difficult for akira to rly pick it up (cuz they understand everything they say!??!?!??!?!) #recognizing words u see commonly....................happens..........+ akira making an effort to learn certain words