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maturemenoftvandfilms · 2 years

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Top 10 Favorite NFL Coaches

I had a request to do my favorite NFL coaches. So here it is. There are few current coaches that I like to fuck, so I'm adding some former coaches to pad this list out. To be fair, the current ones are in the top five.

#10. Sean Payton

I dunno what it is about Payton that attracts me to him. I just want him.

#9. Jon Gruden

I just took notice of Gruden only recently with his nice chest and ass. Damn shame he won't be coaching in the NFL again as I'm betting those two feature will only get better with age. Hopefully some college team will pick him up.

#8. Rex Ryan

I just love Rex as he's the best looking of Buddy Ryan's sons. How is Rex better looking than his twin brother Rob? The foot fetish thing makes him hotter and the long hair on Rob makes him less hotter. What? I hate long hair, but I'd still fuck him.

#7. Bruce Arians

Started following him when the Bucs won the super bowl. I can't believe I never notice him since then and now that he's retired, I'm kicking myself for not noticing him sooner.

#6. Wade Phillips

Wade’s got all the goods to me. Handsome, the gray hair and a thick hairy body. If he was still in the NFL laying his great D, he'd be my #1.

#5. Pete Carroll

Pete has that dad/granddad next door look, A 6' tall silverfox who takes good care of himself.

#4. Doug Pederson

Handsome, a hefty 6'3" with thick tree trunk legs, which is a fav of mine.

#3. Mike McCarthy

Handsome and thick, I see Mike as I bottom. NO ONE tell me otherwise as I just want to be up in dat ass.

#2. Andy Reid

Been a fan of Andy since he coached the Eagles and he's only got better since then.

#1. Bill Belichick

Of course Mr. Grumpy is my #1 as I do love a grumpy looking man... and tits. And Bill does have a nice pair of man tits. Plus I bet he fucks like a champ.

#top 10 list #top ten list #Bill Belichick #Andy Reid #Mike McCarthy #Rex Ryan #Doug Pederson #Pete Carroll #Wade Phillips #Bruce Arians #Jon Gruden #Sean Payton #nfl football coach #football coach

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pint4punt · 4 months

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Exes Gone Wild: Which Jilted Parties will have their Revenge on Wild Card Weekend?

Ah revenge games. The age old “I’ll show them they were wrong” narrative that makes football almost as good as a parlay with a full paycheck. This narrative becomes even juicier when it occurs in the playoffs. Not only can you deal an L to the team that dumped you, but you can ruin their season, their Super Bowl hopes, and a year’s worth of hard work in the process.

This year’s Wild Card Weekend contains not one, not two, not three, but you guessed it FOUR postseason revenge narratives. Today we’ll dive into each one of those, explore what makes them so damn compelling, and give our thoughts on who will prove they were the one that got away and who will prove to be complete losers that don’t deserve love at all.

Texans vs Browns

Despite the Houston Texans’ leadership shamelessly covering up Deshaun Watson’s rampant predatorial tendencies and rewarding him with a life changing contract while he sexually violated every masseuse he could find on Instagram, Watson just wasn’t all that appreciative and tried to force his way out of the organization via trade demand at the conclusion of the 2020 season.

The Texans dug their heels in determined to get what they viewed as commensurate value for a Quarterback of Watson’s caliber despite mounting civil lawsuits. Eventually, the Texans struck a deal that resulted in 3 First Round Picks for Houston and an unprecedented fully guaranteed $230 million for Watson. That deal largely shaped the current Texans which find themselves in the postseason after somehow striking gold on another Quarterback in the draft and enlisting hometown hero Demeco Ryans as their Head Coach.

This matchup would have been so much more tantalizing were Watson starting, but alas, he is done for the year once again as that trade continues to age horribly for Cleveland. Still, since enlisting the services of Joe Flacco, the Browns look like bonafide Super Bowl contenders and nobody (well besides every woman in America) wants to see Watson get a ring less than the Team he so publicly embarrassed. Having found something stable with a nice guy who has everything in front of him, Houston would love to give the middle finger to the scumbag who took them for all they were worth.

Who wins:

While we love CJ Stroud and think the future is extremely bright for the surprise AFC South Champion, the Browns have been winning IN SPITE of Deshaun Watson who is a shell of his former self. This team has never looked better since bringing Flacco out of Daddy Day Care, going 4-1 and scoring 28.6 PPG with him as the starter while boasting the league’s top Defense. The Texans will absolutely make noise in the years to come, but it’s hard to imagine they’re ready to take a team this complete down just yet.

Tyreek Hill vs the Chiefs

In his two years away from the Chiefs, Tyreek Hill has proven both why you trade your super star receiver and subsequently why you don’t trade your superstar receiver. Chiefs’ kingdom basically reached Civil War level division on this subject as they debated whether Mahomes could carry this team without a clear cut top wide receiver.

Despite the initial results of that experiment being mixed, the defending Super Bowl Champions undoubtedly feel they made the right decision and will find receivers who can catch eventually. On the other side Hill, who was just named First Team All Pro, has had an MVP caliber season netting 1,814 all purpose yards and 13 receiving touchdowns. The first time he saw his former Kansas City flame, he nervously fumbled and basically threw up all over himself whilst representing the greatest Country on Earth on foreign soil.

He’ll no doubt be looking to redeem himself in their next encounter with the type of performance that can fast-track him to the second ring of his career and the first in a teal and orange uniform.

Who wins:

With -21° wind chill temperature expected, it’s hard to imagine a team from Florida seriously competing in this game. Couple that in with the loss of two of their premier pass rushers and a Kansas City team that can run the piss out of the ball, play mean defense, and oh I don’t know, has Patrick Fucking Mahomes, and it becomes very hard to envision the Dolphins winning this game. The most likely outcome is Tyreek confirming the Chiefs we’re right to move on from him until they lose in the AFC Championship because they can’t pass the fucking ball.

Mike McCarthy vs the Green Bay Packers

As hilarious as it is to poke fun at Mike McCarthy’s complete lack of situational awareness in tight games, he did what the Packers’ new flame has yet to show he can do and brought Green Bay their last Lombardi. And while it’s easy to give Aaron Rodgers all the credit for that, Matt LaFleur had the 4 Time MVP/sworn enemy of Jimmy Kimmel PLUS Davante Adams and back-to-back 1 Seeds and still has yet to even make the big dance. Still, there’s a reason LaFleur was brought in and it had a lot to do with Rodgers’ constant questioning of McCarthy and the franchise being middle of the…..Pack towards the end of Big Mike’s tenure.

The most damning aspect of this transition was the Packers’ immediate ascension to the top of the NFC with three consecutive 13 win seasons. So how has McCarthy responded in his second go round as HC? With three consecutive 12 win seasons! That’s right both these coaches have reasons to puff their chests out and Sunday’s Wild Card matchup will undoubtedly be a nationally televised dick measuring contest.

The key difference here is Green Bay’s new beau is playing with house money. Rodgers and Davante are gone, half the Packers’ roster still carries fake IDs, and McCarthy is under more pressure than ever to deliver the goods at home with the best Cowboys’ team he’s had and coaches like Belichick and (most likely) Jim Harbaugh back on the dating scene. Green Bay has also had Dallas’ number as of late ESPECIALLY in the playoffs (just ask Dez). If he lets Green Bay’s new man come into his house and give his ex a night she’ll never forget right in front of him and all his fans, he’s as good as gone.

Who wins:

While it would undoubtedly be hilarious to watch another early Dallas collapse in the postseason in a game they should absolutely win, this feels like too tall of an order. The Packers have played well and will be a lot of fun to watch in the years to come, but this years’ Cowboys play too well at home (16 straight wins in Jerry World) and are too well rounded with All-Pros in all three phases, while the Packers’ are woefully inexperienced on this type of stage. It would take a cataclysmic meltdown for this upset to occur and while we won’t totally rule that out, our money is on the home team winning a game that is probably closer than it should be.

Jared Goff vs The Rams

Of all the exciting revenge narratives of Wild Card Weekend, Goff’s Detroit Lions vs Matthew Stafford’s Rams IN DETROIT is the Super Bowl of axes to grind. It’s not every day that number one overall picks are swapped, let alone face each other on their respective new teams in a do or die game. Matthew Stafford was basically the Tom Brady of disappointing his fanbase during his tenure as a Lion, going 0-3 in the playoffs with Detroit. He’ll look to keep that streak alive and ensure another playoff loss for Detroit this Sunday. He finally popped his cherry with the Rams who did things with him his former flame never would. To make things juicier, the Rams left Jared Goff, a Quarterback who had taken them to a Super Bowl, to be with Stafford.

When Goff was dumped, everyone assumed him falling into Detroit’s arms was a meaningless rebound that would flame out in no time. But lo and behold, this dynamic just works with Goff doing things for this Lions franchise that Stafford never could such as winning the NFC North for the first time in three decades. Still, as much as Goff has satisfied Detroit, Stafford gave the Rams the night of their life bringing them the Super Bowl Trophy that Goff never could.

Ignore the sportsmanship diatribe in the press conferences leading up to this one. Both these guys have something to prove and both will be looking to put on a show in this awkward AF reunion. Stafford will be looking to display the caliber of play that made him the home team’s top pick in 2009 and further demonstrate what could have been with a better supporting cast. Goff will be looking to show McVay he was wrong to give up on him and that they still could have won it all together if they’d just stayed the course. Campbell will be looking to show Stafford how different things could have been under his leadership and that he never had to leave to be successful. In the end, both these squads have flourished despite the stir this move created. But only one is going to move onto the divisional round while the other takes a very personal loss and an agonizing blow to their ego.

Who wins:

As feel good as the Lions’ story has been this year, this one just feels like the jocks are going to come in and rain on Detroit’s parade all over again. Sam LaPorta, who’s been a revelation, fucked up his knee and the Rams finished the year as one of the hottest teams in Football. Couple that with LA’s postseason success (7-3 with two Super Bowl appearances and a Super Bowl Championship under McVay) and Detroit making their first foray in the playoffs behind Goff and Dan Campbell, and it seems more likely that the Rams bite off the Lions’ kneecaps while Stafford rips Detroit’s heart out one more time.

#nfl #wild card weekend #nfl playoffs #Jared Goff #matthew stafford #Deshaun watson #houston texans #mike mccarthy #green bay packers #dallas cowboys #tyreek hill #kansas city chiefs #Kansas City

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the-football-chick · 3 months

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Mike McCarthy to remain as coach for the Dallas Cowboys

#nfl #mike mccarthy #head coach #dallas cowboys

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wideouts4life · 1 year

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“How Bout Dem Cowboys!"

Ladies and Gentlemen the saying in football meetings, practices, games, et.al., is, “You’re only as good as your last play,” or “You’re only as good as your last game.” Growing up I was a huge Cowboy fan. As a kid it brought me great joy to see the Cowboys win 3 Championships in 4 seasons. I became a huge Deion Sanders (Coach Prime) fan when Jerry Jones gave Primetime a 7-year contract worth $35 million. I even started playing football wanting to be like Deion on the filed.

This also meant I hated the San Francisco 49ers and still somewhat do. Now although I no longer consider myself a fan of any team because I like to sports bet and favorite teams always kill you. I’m a former Offensive Coordinator and Wideouts Coach/Trainer and a writer of sports. So being objective and not letting my feelings get in the way has become more beneficial to me as I have gotten older.

I initially was worried that Dallas would lose to Tom Brady because of that internal feeling players get when they face a team they know they haven’t beaten. Talk about psychological warfare. It’s reminiscent of my playing days when we faced Boise State. If I’m not mistaken Boise won the WAC and never lost a WAC conference game from 03-06. But before the new staff came in I didn’t play that much at wideout.

I’m an extremely honest (sometimes to honest for most) person but its based on logic. Back then I would laugh at the coaches terrible fucking speeches and lack of right communication from those in leadership positions. And it is clear to see when a team is just coached better. Here was my logic, if our corners can’t stop us in practice and our record was trash how are they going to stop an undefeated better coached Boise State. No, Boise didn’t have better talent at the wideout position. But the way they played was 1000 times harder, tougher, and more physical than us and our mascot name is Spartans.

And I tell this story because I would listen to the defensive of players talk about what they were going to do and this and that and them nigga’s would go out there and get ran by. We sucked as a team. The head coach Fitz Hill-one of the first 3 African American Coaches was at the helm. This dude held a PH.D in Teaching or Communication. And when I tell you bright…boy coach hill’s thesis/dissertation if one of the most phenomenal pieces of literature I have ever read. And this doesn’t mean shit. He simply could not coach. His communication skills as a coach were awful. Fitz Hill was a charlatan and belittled us players because of his “doctorate” status and ran an environment not conducive to creating a winner culture.

Fast forward my last year in college with Dick Tomey at the helm and with a way less talented roster, we lost by 20 I believe his first year while playing a night game in Boise. And we lost by a last second field goal in 2006 after James Jones (Packers) dropped a ball on 3rd down that would’ve given us a first down so we could run out the game clock.

I mention this story because as of late the 49ers have been a better team than Dallas . Kyle Shanahan gets praised for his offensive run game. Mike McCarthy has one of the most scrutinized jobs in sports. But he is a former Super Bowl winning coach (I was at that Super Bowl) and he may not call plays but offensively he is not shabby as a coach. Is mindset is to throw the ball down teams freaking throat. And this year coach McCarthy has a top 10 passing defense (#8) and was #5 in points. The 49ers have played in 2 of the 9 previous super bowls and 2 out of the past 3 NFC Championships.

I don’t know what the score will be but my prediction is that the Cowboys will end up with a late lead, and end Brock Purdy’s cinderella season on either a sack or interception. How bout them Cowboys?!

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