#STILL am i making sense?? doesnt help that i worry im like. misreading what content i have but also fuck you i can do what i want and also

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

hate how im now at a point where im legit like kicking my legs and grinning like an idiot over fictional characters SEND HELP

#take One Guess who im talking about. YES ITS KOI BOI #hes so prettyyyyy and cute and lovely and i love looking at him i wanna hear him speak and laugh and sing just AAAAAAAAAAAA #(turns to my own brain) BITCH WE ARE MEANT TO BE AROACE WHY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH TWO FICTIONAL CRIMINALS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING????? #my brain: (that fuckin anime girl gif from evangelion (i think??)) #like fuuuuuck man is it self shipping if u use a proxy? like. hes an oc but he's a stand in for me. he is me and i am him but we also arent #he is his own person and i am my own our lives are very very different but i use him to express love for Mad Dog and Koi Boy #cause they could actually love him if i were in their world i wouldnt stand a chance but my boy has one so he loves them for me #its far easier to imagine him kissing them than it is for me to imagine myself kissing them but that might be because im wired weird #idk it *feels* like it counts yknow. my dumbass out here gettin jealous when i see a Certain Ship cause like i disagree with it on #a Fundamental Level. and on TOP of that half the time the art is so CUTE and im like 'motherfucker that should be ME' or i guess my lad but #STILL am i making sense?? doesnt help that i worry im like. misreading what content i have but also fuck you i can do what i want and also #i get him more than yall kgyugkhjhk (jk jk. Unless) basically when i call them my boyfriends i fuckin mean it #look its Real Missing Nishiki Hours i love him i wanna kiss his perfect face someone shoulda shown him love i could save him and he could #make me worse <3 I Want Him #and do not get me wrong i may be focused on him but Majima is still my wifey too!!! hes mine you cant have her <3 #i just have koi boy brainrot i very much desire them Both (YES THAT MIGHT BE WHY I SHIP THEM TOO LOOK I ALSO THINK THEYD WORK WELL TOGETHER #OR AT LEAST HAVE A FUN DYNAMIC TO EXPLORE I SHOULD DATE THEM AND THEY SHOULD DATE EACH OTHER WE ALL HAVE 2 HANDS) #might delete this in the mornin who knows but im feelin silly i wanna talk about them i wanna talk about my boy but idk if ppl would really #GET IT yknow i can think of maybe Two People and that INCLUDES bestie but just aaaa point is i love my koi boy so much hes so lovely <3 <3

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

update - i had the convo with this boy

Hey! im the 20 year old female who previously sent in an ask and then a submission titled “am i overthinking? what should i tell him?” and tash answered about a week or two ago! I just wanted to give you an update on the situation and ask for a bit more advice.

So, i decided to ask him where he sees this going/ if we will be exclusive at school and despite all of the good signs, I didn’t get the answer i wanted :( this always happens when i bring up the convo so idk why i was surprised. anyway, he said hes not looking for anything serious (which im not either!) but he didnt really give me an answer about whether or not we will be exclusive. he said he has not been seeing anyone else or sleeping around and i was like ok me either and then he said that he still doesnt want to put a label on us or be tied down. then, he said he really likes me and can tell there are feelings on both parts, but he was like “i just get the sense that youre more into this than i am.” that really sucked to hear. like… im glad hes honest but first, how does he know that? second, hes probably right, but i cant help it im just always the friend/girlfriend who cares more.

anyway, he was gonna sleepover but he got kinda awkward after the convo. i was like soo did we even come to a consensus?? and then he was like “hey its okay we just got back to school. why dont we keep doing what we’re doing and see how it goes?” and im perfectly content with this casual fling, but im worried that he will ghost me after this talk/ what if he is just talking to me out of pity? we have a lot of mutual friends and everyone knows him as one of the sweetest guys ever, he just has minimalll experience with girls. i dont really know what im asking here haha, but i guess i just want to know how i should act now. clearly i need to take a little step back, but we both want to talk still so i want to make sure i’m being normal and stuff around him. i also have a date party coming up in about three weeks and i was going to ask him. i think i still will, but what is your take on this? like, i know we won’t be boyfriend and girlfriend but i think what we have is sorta cute and im scared i ruined it. ugh. thanks so much!! <3

noooo, I’m really sorry to hear that ):

we were right though! you and I were both correct in thinking that he had feelings for you, you weren’t totally misreading the situation or his actions. unfortunately though, not everyone who has feelings has the emotional capacity or maturity or time for a relationship.

I know you said that you would have been happy to keep things casual, that you didn’t want anything serious? but you seem pretty upset and hurt over this, you said yourself that you didn’t get the answer you wanted, I feel like you were maybeeee more invested and emotionally attached that you wanna admit ): I think he was able to know that you were more into it than him because you “wore your heart on your sleeve” so to speak -- when you’re an emotional person and someone who feels a lot, it’s natural to express that with words and actions and body language. he picked up on the vibes and energy, even if you were semi-consciously trying to hide it. 

what to do now, how to act? taking a step back will help, definitely. it’ll give you some time to process all of this, to let yourself feel the hurt and then maybe anger and then to move through that. act normal and friendly around him but don’t force conversation too much, make a point of talking to other friends if he’s around as well. talk from time to time, if you do want to stay friends? but maybe keep it a little more light and surface level, not too many deep emotional conversations. as for asking him to be your date to a party? that’s a maybe, not too sure on that one. take it one day at a time, see how it all goes! if he does ghost you? it’s honestly his loss, he just wasn’t the right person.

I’m proud of you for having it out and talking to him about all of this! it’s a risk and it’s intimidating and nerve-wracking, but you did it despite all of that and in the long run it’ll 100% have been worth it. I don’t think you ruined things at all, I really really don’t. if he wasn’t going to commit now then he wasn’t going to be able to commit to a relationship in a few months time. it’s a case of right person wrong timing, I think? and it’s better to have an honest conversation now and know where you stand, rather than leaving it for months and getting more and more invested in things and being in constant turmoil and confusion. <33

- tash

#advice #submission #boys #crush #confession #20f #heartache #attachment