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#Sailing Free

Sometimes I get angry. So angry that I pop into my fathers lives as they have so often exited mine and I let it all go. The frustration, the inadequacies, and the hurt. I pour it out to them unfiltered and raw and I don’t feel badly about it. It weighs me down and I shouldn’t have to carry their insufficiencies with me.
It hurts them, I know it hurts them. When they finally decide to respond to it they’re angry and sad. They don’t understand why I unburden myself of their guilt, why I’m hurt by their actions.
It’s been twenty years of me carrying this and I’ve unloaded for the last time. They’re carrying my hurt now, they know what their actions have done. The anchor of it all is no longer attached to my ship. It’s their turn.

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Undress

The answers won’t come to mind
Though I want it so badly
I can’t seem to get it right
Even though I dream about it all the time

These things I anticipate
I strangle myself
Isn’t this what they?
Isn’t this what I want?

Undo and undress
I curl up naked on my bed
Close my eyes, feel my breath drawn into me
Undo and undress
I can feel happiness inside me
it tickles my stomach

When I start to doubt myself
A black hole appears on the surface
Shoveling diamonds into it
Endlessly draining, and waiting for the lights to turn on

I’m feeling exhausted
How much more can I take?
Making me bored and numb
It doesn’t work on me

Undo and undress
I look up at the ceiling
Bare skin touches the floor, it makes me feel alive
Undo and undress
I can feel happiness inside me, it’s the beginning and the end

 

Undo and undress
I curl up naked on my bed
Close my eyes, feel my breath drawn into me
Undo and undress
I can feel happiness inside me
it tickles my stomach

Undo and undress
I look up at the ceiling
Bare skin touches the floor, it makes me feel alive
Undo and undress
I can feel happiness inside me, it’s the beginning and the end

(Video: Youtube user sanjonaee)

(Lyrics: Anna et Olivia)

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This is the other one, “Sailing Free” by Olivia Lufkin.

To be fair, since I first heard this song I’ve felt like it was a ‘me’ song, but when it played today after I had just listened to “Hair”, I esploded.


It’s also in Sengoku Basara Battle Heroes. |D

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15.14-Mrs Butters is all of Deans mommy issues in the best possible way 🧚🏻‍♂️😆💋 … well except trying to hurt Jack -good intentions and all that lol🥰😜 The sack lunches are everything ahahahaha

15.15-Idk what Dean’s more disappointed by missing out on the Atlantic City buffet or Amara’s passive empathy

Shit Jack😞 noooo you can’t just sacrifice, this never ends well 💔

15.16-I love flashback Dean and Sammy, the kid versions are always so innocent… ah the truth will out, Dean… to be fair no matter how/when Dean told Sam about Jack we knew Sam would be pissed regardless. Billie’s plan seems less and less solid the closer we get and I don’t like it one bit 😕💀

15.17- Adam is a weirdo and Chuck called Amara the “b word” lol

Wtf Dean?! I knew Billie was full of shit 🤬 Fuck you and your “balance” Chuck!

15.18-what in the actual empty 😱 😫 poor Jack - wait ah I’m so confused

Not Eileen 😥(again) Donna too Bobby, Charlie 😭 … The only show they can make you watch your favorite characters die again and again and again

And there goes the cannon 😭😭😭 I’ve never held my breath for so long 😫😫😫🥺🥺🥺 🖐🏼❣️ #iloveyou #goodbye

I just want thug Dean 💔

15.19-this is weird…

So happy!! A dog!!! 🐶 ..fuck!! Damn it Chuck

What’s up with Jack 🤔

Not gona lie I missed Lucifer- why not 😈 … never liked michael anyways

God keeps punchin em down and the get right back up, love my Winchester boys 💖… I also love how Dean peeled baby out of there dirt spraying all over Trash Chuck 🙃

Jack you amazing boy!!!! 😭😭🥺 team free will ✊🏼

So is everyone back?


15.20-never thought Dean would finally be a dog person 😹

Yasss! Pie fest 🥧🥧😆😆😆🤡

Mimes really Dean 😑


No no no no nooo nooooo nooo

Ohh Dean… after all that, that’s how he dies?!??


Well at least baby made it to Heaven with original plates !! I love what Jack (and Cas) did with the place 🥰

Sam became a daddy 😭 and grew old!!

I didn’t think I was going to like this ending but it’s actually really beautiful😭😭😭

#caryon 🙏🏼 I’m gona cry myself to sleep now

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Who’s over him, he cries;—aye, he would be a democrat to all above; look, how he lords it over all below!

Moby-Dick, Chapter 38. Dusk.

starbuck
starbuck
starbuck
starbuck
starbuck
starbuck
#black sails, #billy bones, #Flint is also there but i'm like. nervous to tag him lol, #my gifs, #alright. how to explain this..., #so basically Seth was watching 3.06 last night so i was rereading my notes so that we could talk about it, #and the one quote Billy has about how badly he wanted to be free from Flint reminded me of Dusk, #so then i immediately reread Dusk and i was like 'hm.', #and then i spent all day today on this, #so uh yeah basically there is no explanation - sometimes i just think of things and cannot rest until i have brought them into the world, #if i was making a proper comparison - i would say that Billy and Silver both essentially play the role of Starbuck to Flint's Ahab, #but Black Sails is a lot more complex so i definitely wouldn't wanna make 1-1 comparisons anywhere, #this isn't meant to be like. a Stance lmaoooo, #it's just Vibes, #tbh my url makes this feel very official which somehow makes me feel both more AND less confident about posting this, #potentially the most self-indulgent thing i have ever made in my life not to mention Posted Publicly, #but ya know... it is what it is, #the real question we could ask here is why is it Green and the answer is that i have no idea, #i wanted it to have a strong color theme but i hadn't settled on anything - figured i'd mess around and figure smth out as i went, #and i did Something to the first gif that made it that color and i was like 'oh alright nice. i'll just do that now.', #and the rest is history, #anyway - that's all folks... i worked hard on this so now you have to look at it too, #and i'm like... legitimately proud of how it came out tbh... i really did not know what i was gonna get out of it going in, #but it came out pretty cool so a day well-spent!
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