#She’s not an idiot but rather unintentionally ambitious

[lily-blue]

CODE Z3RO | CODE 04

characters: BTS & Red Velvet genre: thriller, futuristic au warning: blood, death summary: The twelve most ambitious and promising university students are welcomed in Choego, the world’s first entirely artificial intelligence-driven city, to compete for five job contracts that could change their life. But what if something goes wrong? What if they get trapped? What if the city suddenly turns against them? Can they find a way out before the countdown reaches zero? words: 4,7K tagged: @philosopher-of-fandoms​

➼ Chapter Index

The corridor was dreadfully quiet as if Jung Hoseok had walked down on an abandoned graveyard full of long forgotten souls. Honestly, he hated every damn minute of this impossible trial that the researchers had forced upon their group of twelve, but at least his rivals weren’t too much to bear except for Taehyung whom he hoped would have disappeared along with or rather instead of daddy’s little princess. At least, Sooyoung had been a weaker link than him, a brainless doll dressed in gold and glitter. Considering the dynamic of their miniature society, she had meant no harm, meanwhile Taehyung seemed to be one of those guys who would have given you the last drop of drinking water just to poison you in a deserted island. He was ambitious and Hoseok knew that people like him would have done anything to get what they wanted.

Taking a sharp right turn, the Sociology major pushed the canteen’s double door open and walked towards their group that was eating in the corner, putting his arms on the edge of an ugly, plastic chair’s backrest. For a few minutes, he listened to their quiet chatter about neutral topics in silence, rolling his eyes when one of the girls changed the subject from a television show to the weather. It was a natural reaction for the chaotic situation they were in, complete ignorance, but the fact that he had known that it was something he should have expected didn’t mean that it didn’t rub him in the wrong way.

He cleared his throat to gain everyone’s attention. Looking at the empty lunch boxes and the dirty cellophane in front of Seokjin, he couldn’t wait to leave this creepy hospital behind, finding useful clues in the researchers’ headquarter, earning some good points for his neatness from their supervisors. He had always been good at finding links between reasons and consequences until the equation hadn’t expanded with risky variables such as haunted buildings, axe murderers and walking zombies. Would have it been possible that the researchers had made a complex trial for them, getting their inspiration from stupid, American survival shows and lame books for young adults? Shit! How much he hated their sick society and the masterminds behind the contemporary entertainment industry.

‘Did anyone see our Korean Richie Rich or that scary IT guy with the eerie look?’ he asked before he could have overthought their situation even more, his long fingers already shaking under the imaginary weight on his shoulders. Staying composed in an ambiguous situation had already taken a lot of energy out of his body and was harder that he had first thought. 

‘Did you check the toilets?’ the grumpy guy with lilac hair asked, chewing on the last bites of his sandwich in an obviously annoyed pace and Hoseok wondered whether Taehyung had hated people in general or it was him whom he had an actual problem with.

‘Well, obviously. I’m coming from there,’ he answered and patted the front side of his jeans with a wide grin, satisfied that he had finally found a toilet after he had failed so during his first attempt, half an hour prior when they had stepped into this eerie labyrinth with dozens of empty rooms and abandoned beds. Although a part of him did find rationality behind the absence of people - Choego was still under construction and was waiting for its wealthy inhabitants after all -, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy whenever he thought about the silence that surrounded them 24/7.

His gaze never leaving the boy deep in his own thoughts, Taehyung rolled his eyes at Hoseok’s stupidity, saving his energy as he swallowed a cocky comment on the inevitability of having more than one toilet in a huge building like this one with at least six floors. Humming, he honestly started to doubt the company’s management, considering that they had indeed thought of idiots like Hoseok as valuable candidates. From his point of view, even his three-year-old little sister was smarter than a significant part of their group of so-called prodigies. The thought of teaming up with a bunch of losers was utterly ridiculous yet he couldn’t disobey the researchers’ orders.

They all finished the remains of their food in utter silence except for Wendy who hushed her boyfriend when he tried to break the unpleasant atmosphere with a joke about two cartons of milk talking in the desert that only Seokjin could appreciated. Said boy stood up not long after the carefree laughter left his mouth and looked around with a pinch of worry in his eyes as the peace finally settled between the lovebirds on his right.

‘So now that we all finished our breakfast and Joohyun also got her insulin, I suggest to go and find the others. Any objections?’ he asked in a firm tone as he took the lead voluntarily. After all, when it came to measuring their possible strengths and weaknesses, he was far the most qualified for the job since he’d already had experience in disastrous situations thanks to his degree in Crisis Management. He’d served his required volunteer service in Nepal where a massive earthquake had killed more than eight thousand people in 2015. He was certain that he could handle the researchers’ tough simulation just as smoothly as he’d helped to rebuild hundreds of buildings for those who had lost not just their homes but their loved ones, too, from one day to another. Although back then, he hadn’t had to deal with disrespectful youngsters like Taehyung.

‘You bet! Could you explain, why are they so freakin’ important?’ he asked as he stood up just the same, his itching palms resting on the top of the table, voice heavy because of the boiling anger in his veins. He looked at his rivals, annoyed, then smashed the wooden furniture, fingers curling into pulsing fists as he stretched his back and faced with the eldest challengingly. ‘I mean, we’ve already left that crazy bitch behind - thank goodness -, so why are they any different? Is it because of his money?’ he came up with the first thing that seemed rational enough to waste their time for losers when Seokjin’s sharp glance rendered him speechless. The lilac-haired boy gulped but didn’t blink, holding onto his pride with tooth and nail regardless of the others’ disapproval snorts. 

‘It’s because we’re in the same team, Taehyung, and we won’t betray another fellow. Not until I’m here,’ Seokjin claimed earning a few smiles mostly from the girls. When he took the first step towards the double door, no one stayed behind. They all followed him to the hallway, leaving their bags and luggages casually in the corner, close to Jimin’s belongings. 

As if the obvious disagreement between Taehyung and Seokjin had forced everyone’s mouth shut, the incomplete group walked down the hallways without exchanging small talks, only Joohyun’s heavy breathing emerging from the background noise of their firm steps. Unlike his caring girlfriend who simply couldn’t hold herself back from glancing at her roommate’s direction, Namjoon looked more than bothered because of her current state.  But he chose not to confront the redhead more than once within a single hour and fixed his gaze on the strange duo right in front of him. Seeing Taehyung’s clenched fists and crimson ears, the mechanical engineer had some serious doubts whether Joohyun was the only one they should have been worried about. 

‘Did you see the Saw?’ Hoseok asked completely out of the blue as his gaze glided from the light green tiles to the boy on his left with an arched brow floating slowly yet challengingly to the middle of his forehead. He seemed nervous, Namjoon could tell, as his trembling hand ruffled his messy locks unintentionally, his hair already resembling to a bird’s nest because of his ugly cap that now peaked out of his jeans’ huge back pocket.

Namjoon narrowed his eyes, waiting anxiously when the lilac-haired boy’s annoyed voice reached his ears with a harsh ‘What?’

The older boy had always thought of himself as someone who rather avoided conflicts than raising his voice on the verge of an upcoming storm yet he couldn’t stop his shoulders from becoming naturally tense as he observed his childish teammates. He didn’t understand why any of them or anyone in general would have made an anxious sphere even more uncomfortable on purpose and if not on purpose then how came that they didn’t notice the obvious, the negative effect of their debate on the remaining people in their group. For him, it was enough to shoot a quick glance at Wendy’s creased forehead and he knew that something was definitely off with the situation.

‘In the sixth movie, although I’m not sure, there was this horrific game in which all the victims had to work together…’ Hoseok went on, trying to take a further discussion on the subject that seemingly made the whole situation worse as Taehyung’s fingers curled up in a slightly shaking fist.

‘Jeez! Just shut up already, would you? You’re such a headache,’ he snapped and speeded up his hasty steps to get as far from the Sociology major as possible considering his limited options. In the end, he slowed down next to Seulgi and walked by her side in silence as if she hadn’t been there in the first place. Not that the girl would have minded the momentary peace, Taehyung’s rejecting attitude was better than listening to their whining.

‘Asshole,’ Hoseok murmured under his nose, darting his tongue out at the younger’s back when he thought that no one was watching. But his resentful comment didn’t slip Namjoon’s attention as the engineer stepped behind him and watched her girlfriend as she checked on Joohyun when she was finally left alone. Her genuine eagerness to help others in need never failed to amaze the ever so rational boy therefore the fond smile that played in the corner of his mouth was rather proud than annoyed.

‘I saw that movie, man. It was the fifth actually,’ he answered the question Taehyung refused to and even patted Hoseok’s shoulder a few times to soothe his nerves, encouraging to follow the others who were already a few steps ahead of them. ‘A bit disgusting, if you ask me, but genius.’

They changed their opinions on the mentioned movie in which there had been a group of people who had to work together in exchange for their freedom. Yet, they failed miserably as they couldn’t stop sacrificing each other, not caring about anything but their own lives. Every single task in the survival game was designed to emphasize the importance of teamwork hiding it behind selfishness and the players only realized it when it was too late. At the final challenge, they had to fill an enormous object with their own blood and considering that by the time they had reached the last room only two of them survived, they almost bled out and died inches away from their redemption. If they hadn’t been killing one another so carelessly, a few ounces of blood would have been enough from each one of them. It was mind-blowing, one of the most amazing plot twists in the history of horror for sure.

Opening every single unlocked door and walking into every damn toilet and janitor’s room, they searched for Yoongi and Jimin literally everywhere in vain as if the Earth had suddenly opened its mouth and swallowed both of them up in whole. It made everyone uneasy.

They were on the ground floor in the eastern wing when Seokjin finally stopped and they all could take a short break from this insane hide and seek. Though, not everyone was so keen to rest as Jungkook and Taehyung markedly walked back and forth, not knowing what to do with their energy. But while the grumpy boy kicked into the wall here and there lightly, testing his strength, Jungkook observed the remaining doors on the current level one by one.

‘I really don’t think that they’ll be there,’ Namjoon stated when the youngster pushed the door with the basement sign on it open and peeked inside, turning his head left and right.

‘Maybe,’ he hummed, not really paying attention to the fellow engineer’s presence as he stepped on the first step behind the door instead. He had questions and he was more than willing to leave their group behind for a few hours at most if it was really necessary to find the desired answers. What was the whole point of this simulation beside the obvious, that the researchers were curious about their problem-solving abilities in an artificial catastrophe? What happened with those who had left the group? What if they all managed to pass the trial? Why had they lied to them about their schedule for the rest of the day when they clearly had other plans for their candidates? What kind of skills were required to get a contract? Creativity, cooperation, critical thinking? ‘But I’d like to check the whole facility in case they hid some clues on one of their computers,’ he explained, grabbing the handrail as he looked at Namjoon from above his shoulder. ‘You don’t have to follow me, though.’

The older boy furrowed his brows and opened his mouth, ready to protest but the voice that filled the air was definitely more high-pitched and less raspy than what his vocal chord could have ever maintained. Both Jungkook’s and Namjoon’s head turned towards the petite girl, standing right behind the latter, watching her acting all embarrassed because of the faint ‘I’d like to. Sounds like a good idea even if I won’t be much help,’ that had left her mouth. Yerim brushed a tiny mop of hair behind her ear over and over again, unable to stand the younger’s piercing gaze for more than an ephemeral moment. And everything became much worse when Taehyung decided to join their company.

‘Hah! Of course, she thinks that. After all, it’s his idea,’ the lilac-haired boy blurted out, his deep voice heavy with ill will and mockery. The Marketing major’s loud presumption and malicious smile turned the girl into a blushing mess within a blink of an eye and seeing her frightened look, anyone could have told that she wished nothing but to dissolve into thin air.

‘Is there something you want to say?’ Seokjin joined the conversation as well and stepped between Taehyung and Yerim like a human shield as if his presence could have protected the girl from everything that the grumpy boy had been so ready to throw at her face.

Taehyung snorted. Ridiculous. 

‘Sure. Your sister isn’t any better than Sooyoung was,’ he claimed, tilting his head to Yerim’s direction as the others walked closer, their figures forming a lame, irregular circle around the epicentrum of their debate. ‘Now that Gangnam girl’s gone, she’s the weakest link,’ Taehyung scoffed matter-of-factly, earning a few deadly glances from their teammates although no one protested, not even Seokjin. The eldest just stood there with tense shoulders and clenched fists, breathing shallow and worried. He hated that the Marketing major wasn’t that far from the truth - considering their abilities in an emergency situation, Joohyun, Hoseok and Yerim seemed to be the less useful members of their group. While the older girl panicked in stressful situations and Hoseok got easily scared even of his own shadow, his sister usually froze when everyone around her was loud and pressing. He had still remembered the first fire alarm test they’d had in primary school since Yerim’s homeroom teacher had made sure, it remained unforgettable as he’d freaked out in front of everyone when he had failed to find the little girl. But it didn’t mean that they couldn’t have surprised them with unexpected, innovative solutions. They had plenty of time to prove Taehyung wrong and Seokjin hoped they would. After all, without Yerim, they would have slept through and have failed the first part of the simulation.

Turning towards Jungkook, Seokjin relaxed his stiff muscles and spoke up in a rather calm voice.

‘Actually, we have plenty of time. Let’s go and check the area,’ he said, encouraging the younger with a firm nod as he took the first steps towards the door. To Taehyung’s dissatisfaction, everyone followed them thus he was the only one who remained in the hallway.

‘It’s useless. It’s not that we’ll find some nasty skeletons in their basement,’ he shouted like a sulky child and his annoyed statement forced Namjoon to stop on the first stair, head snapping at his direction. He looked at Taehyung, confused, lips in a firm line, white like virgin snow. Truth to tell, he didn’t like him - especially not his destructive attitude - but he was a part of their group, just as much as anyone else, and teamwork was the keypoint of their task. The researchers wanted them to work together, in unison, and Namjoon wasn’t that stupid to disobey their will because of Taehyung’s ill-wishing behaviour. He didn’t plan to shut him out since he didn’t plan to lose his chance to get a contract because of him either.

‘Don’t be a dick, man! I’m sure, you don’t want to be their enemy,’ he said, calling for him with a simple wave of his hand. ‘Let’s go!’

A few seconds later, the hallway was as empty as it had been before they would have crossed the threshold of the abandoned hospital - eerie and silent, lack of human souls.

Kim Seokjin was an excellent team player until his little sister wasn’t a part of the said group because then she became more important to him than anything or anybody else and preferences inevitably destroyed the collaboration. It wasn’t his fault though, their parents had raised him to be like this, they had literally planted the protectiveness in his nature from the moment Yerim had been born.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked in a voice so quiet, it was barely above a whisper although he did it out of goodwill rather than being ashamed of the fact that his sister wasn’t as fierce and independent as their mother who had been a zealous activist in Yerim’s age. She and their father had met on a protest against the educational system and its clearly disadvantageous and sometimes sexist rules such as the unsaid privileges that the wealthy students had gotten and the must of mini skirts even in winter. Well, back then they had been on different sides and that was what had made their love a groundbreaking story. Seokjin found it endearing and inspiring at the very same time. 

Shaking his head, he put his palm on his sister’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly. His caring touch earned an equally light sigh in return. 

‘Yeah. It’s not that I suddenly become useless just because he said so,’ Yerim replied and even though her voice was faint, both her eyes were shining with a reassuring glint, her lips curling up all the way to her ears. She didn’t want her brother to worry to no end nor was willing to give the satisfaction to Taehyung by letting him see her fall apart. So she strengthened her heart and didn’t let anxiety consume her soul.

‘That’s my girl,’ Seokjin smiled and patted the top of his sister’s head, staying by her side as they followed Jungkook who seemed unbothered by the fact that Yerim couldn’t take her eyes off of his back and could have easily burnt a hole in the middle of his bladebone if one had been beared with superpowers. Ah! He would have given everything to be able to turn simple object to gold.

At some point when the first closed door appeared on the hallway, Seokjin started to make mental notes and different theories based on their surroundings and all those things that had happened to them since they had arrived to the artificial city. Although it looked logical that the city was empty considering that it didn’t have any citizens and the food supply in the canteen was also rational, the lack of instructions bugged him as if something had been off, as if the simulation hadn’t gone as planned. They should have found at least a video or audio file by now that could have help them step on the appointed path, shouldn’t have they?

Sharply turning right, Seokjin was so immersed in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice that Jungkook’s firm body stopped dead in front of a glass wall that separated them from a well-equipped laboratory full of huge, white cabinets and tables, papers laying in piles on their titanium surface. 

‘Look! There’s a computer,’ Jungkook spoke up, his index-finger pointing at the electrical device in the left corner of the room. He didn’t hesitate, not even for a moment, as he lifted his bracelet in front of the small control panel on the right side of the door with a victorious smile on his face, demanding entrance which he got after a few seconds of complete silence. ‘Cool.’

When the boy stepped inside the lab, Seokjin grabbed his sister’s wrist, looking deep into her eyes, searching for some kind of confirmation in them that she knew what she was doing and she wasn’t so impatient to follow the raven-haired boy inside the room because she was indeed attracted to him as Taehyung had suggested approximately ten minutes ago. Not that he had problems with Jungkook as a person because he seemed like a really nice guy but the fact that he had let Sooyoung stuck inside their dormitory didn’t make him the most reliable fellow. He didn’t want Yerim to be used by some guy who was mostly alluring because of his distant behaviour. He was familiar with young adult books, he knew that these kind of boys always got the shy girl in town. 

Yerim pulled her arm out of Seokjin’s grab and walked inside the laboratory soon followed by the rest of the team except Taehyung who refused to play by Jungkook or anyone else’s rules. He leaned against the glass wall from the outside and shot an ill-wishing smile at the eldest when he gave in to her sister’s wishes and crossed the threshold as well.

Since her steps came to a halt a few inches from Jungkook’s back, Seokjin walked to the computer, too, while the others opened the cabinets and the hidden drawers that they couldn’t have seen from the hallway. Joohyun and Namjoon made themselves busy with the printed papers on the tables.

‘Honey, could you take a look at these reports? It’s absolutely Chinese for me but you might be familiar with the ingredients in the right corner. They sound pretty medicine-like,’ he mused, looking at the said girl from above his shoulder, watching her as she put a tiny phial filled with some blue fluid back to its container.

‘Just a sec,’ she replied and slid the glass door back to its frame, paying close attention not to break anything inside.

As she step behind her boyfriend and took the paper out of his hand, Seokjin’s gaze glided back to the computer’s screen. Honestly, he didn’t understand a single thing but Jungkook’s clicks were so firm and confident that he put his trust in his knowledge without thinking. He opened then closed some folders, pushed the keys on the keyboard, furrowed his brows and started everything all over again until a stubborn window blocked him from further investigation and after a careless right click, everything went black.

‘What happened?’ Yerim asked, curious, leaning a tad bit closer to the blank screen and so to Jungkook without thinking twice. As her nostrils got filled with the boy’s characteristic scent that was definitely stronger and manlier than she would have thought, her whole face turned ruby red and she stepped backwards so hastily that she bumped into her brother’s shoulder. Seokjin rolled his eyes but didn’t make a comment on her obviously awkward behaviour. No, he turned towards Jungkook instead, waiting for his reply.

But that answer had never come as the door that allowed them to leave the room started to move, fast. 

‘Everyone! Get out of this room! Now!’ Seokjin shouted as soon as he caught a glimpse of the closing exit, waving with his hands towards its direction as if his exaggerated gestures could have fasten everyone’s speed. But it couldn’t. 

Since Joohyun couldn’t handle stress and Wendy cared too much, Namjoon couldn’t pull them out of the room on his own because dealing with a mild panic attack and his stubborn girlfriend was simply overwhelming. He needed help and Seokjin was the only one who was willing to give them that extra hand. He ran towards his frozen teammates and grabbed Joohyun by her wrist. The eldest threw her arm over his shoulder casually then lifted her petite figure as he carried her out of the lab, letting Namjoon show him the way.

‘What the…,’ he heard Jungkook swearing as he accidentally crashed his shoulder into the glass wall, trying really hard not to collide with Seulgi who got to the door the same moment as he did. Seokjin rolled his eyes, panting, before he put the girl in his arms down.

‘Where is Yerim?’ he asked when he caught his breath and looked around, anxiety growing in his chest due to the absence of his little sister.

‘Inside,’ Taehyung stated with a flat face while he pointed at the girl who had seemingly frozen a few steps from the blank screen. Her gaze were cloudy, lips slightly parted with fear.

‘I left her with you. You should have grabbed her hand and pull her out, you selfish bastard,’ Seokjin snapped, screaming like a wild animal and the only thing that kept him back from slapping Jungkook’s face was the clinking sound of the closing door. It was already through halfway but he couldn’t stay still.

The boy ran back inside the lab and wrapped his long fingers around his sister’s wrist, pulling her towards the hallway like crazy but Yerim fell into her knees because of the sudden force and hit her head into the table, feeling the bitter taste of her own vomit in the back of her throat. She didn’t move until her brother helped her find her balance and pushed her towards the door. Three. Yerim finally took her first steps on her own, running. Two. Seokjin was so happy that his sister managed to reach the hallway in time that he didn’t notice the report that had slipped out of Wendy’s hand on the floor. One. Glass collided with glass at the same time, the young man’s butt crashed to the floor. Shocked, no one dared to say a word.

The relieved smile soon froze onto Yerim’s lips as she realized what had happened. Her whole body was a shaking mess as she turned on her heels and looked at her brother, stuck inside the lab. She put her palms onto the wall, tears blurring her vision.

‘No,’ she whispered over and over again while her spirit slowly gave up, knees fitting close to the ground. ‘We’ll get you out, don’t worry, okay?’ she promised, not knowing that the room was actually soundproof and all Seokjin could see was her sadness and guilt. So he smiled, crawling to the wall in his own pace. He didn’t have to be fast anymore, there was no need to rush.

Meanwhile Hoseok stepped to the control panel and lifted his own bracelet in front of it in vain. It didn’t work, in fact, it rejected his request more dramatically than he would have ever thought. It shifted red and turned on the security system.

Seokjin’s shoulders tensed as the ventilation system markedly stopped working and the air became heavy with an unfamiliar chemical product, something transparent with no scent yet with something that burnt his veins. He shook his head, leaning his sweaty forehead against the glass, and took a few swallow breathers as if it could have magically solved his breathing problems. It hurt like hell, moving his limbs, keeping his eyes open hence he stayed still, gaze fixed on his clearly panicking sister. She was worried, he knew it. She must have been already screaming for a while, making silly promises that she couldn’t keep. It would have been so typical of her. He laughed and his raspy voice echoed in the sphere as the world turned red.

Red walls, red people, red tears. Even the last memory that popped up in his mind between confusing, fading pictures was red, cherry lips sealing his mellow ones with the untrue promise of infinity.  

➼  chapter V.

#code zero #bts scenarios #red velvet scenarios #ssbyme #here's where the roller-coaster begins #thriller #futuristic au #poor seokjin #he was such a good brother

[allwaswell16]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

*All answers should be about works published in 2017. 

I was tagged by @fullonlarrie and @letsjustsee ! Thanks, Lauren and Rachel! <3 <3

1. List of works published this year: In the order that they were posted

Don’t Need Permission

Email Chain Part 4

Now That I Found You

For You I’d Bleed Myself Dry

On a Day Like This You Know It’s Meant To Be

Screaming (OT4 Email Chain)

Won’t You Please Come Around

Let Me Kiss You

The Brits & Always You (Email Chain)

I’ll Be There

You Really Got Me Now

Looking Through You

You & Me

but tonight (you’re on my mind)

We Know Where We Belong

Is Neil Available? (Email Chain)

How Could I Ever Forget

That’s How I Know

And I Could Hear the Thunder

Sound Like a Song

Look Like a Movie

One Day You’ll Say These Words

Let You Lick the Lollipop

This is Halloween, everybody make a scene

Do You Smile To Tempt a Lover

Paper Houses

Staring Across the Room

We’re Dancing On Tables

Be My Homeward Dove

Today’s the Day (Winter Drabble Series)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Probably Looking Through You. I spent the most time and effort on that one. When I was writing it, it just felt like I had to spend a lot of time getting things a certain way. Usually I don’t get so hung up on word choices...I’m more of a dialogue and story person. But for this one, I couldn’t seem to keep going forward until I had things just right. 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I wouldn’t say I’m not proud of anything I published this year. Let’s just say there are some fics I wrote that I like better than others. I won’t say which or I’ll get defensive messages again from people and/or @juliusschmidt teasing me.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Harry tries his best to walk in normally, but the last time they were here Liam literally had to step between him. He sees Liam tense up in his chair first because he can’t bring himself to meet Louis’ eye. He opens his mouth to say hello or anything really, but he glances Louis’ way and is struck mute by the way Louis looks. He’s wearing the same clothes he left their flat in the night before. He clearly got about as much sleep as Harry did based on the darkness beneath his eyes and the taut lines around his mouth, his hair ruffled haphazardly. He looks exhausted and wounded and yet so lovely it hurts to look at him, and Harry just wants to go home. 

He wants what they once had and the fragile beginning of something that he can’t seem to get right. This is what home means to him now, maybe what it has always meant to him. It means Louis in the flat making tea, it means Louis’ voice calling out his name with a laugh, it means Louis borrowing his t-shirts and never returning them, it means staying in curled up on the sofa with Netflix, it means kissing him with the desperation of a man who just wants him to stay. It means all of it and everything that Louis is to him. And while these are all the things in Harry’s heart, he doesn’t see any sign of the same written on Louis’ face.

(This was the worst trying to find something. But I’m also going to include this next one so @bangiebbelievesinlarry doesn’t come for me.)

The monster shrugs again. Louis really wishes he didn’t look so damn attractive when he’s shrugging. “Well, have fun sitting here waiting for your non-existant trick-or-treaters.”

Louis glares at the monster’s very appealing broad shoulders as he walks away. The monster mainly stays in Niall’s circle, but at one point Louis sees him chatting with Liam and a few minutes later with his lab partner, Lissie. He’s showing them his dimples, too. Probably shows everyone his dimples. He’s a ho. A dimples ho. It’s fine. Louis doesn’t care anyway. He can show his dimples to anyone he wants. Louis just doesn’t want any part of them.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

Ohhhh, too many to share here. I’m a comment ho. I love every single one of them. I’m utterly delighted every time I get the ao3 email that says I have a comment. I’ll say my proudest moment may have been seeing one of my fics on @magicalrocketships ‘s rec list. If I could go back in time and tell the me that first started publishing fics that someday sunsetmog was going to read and like one of my fics, I would have told my future self to gtfo. 

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

See all those fics up there? Almost every one of them had a deadline attached to it. I spent the first part of the year signing up for every damn thing that crossed my dash, and I spent the last part of the year regretting all my life’s choices. I’d say by early fall I’d begun to get burned out, which was unfortunate seeing as how I had many fics due November 1. lol. And then I thought, why not do nano in November on top of it? Because I’m an idiot. 

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Darcy the Parrot? I dunno. lol. I had no idea when I was writing That’s How I Know that Darcy the Parrot was going to be such a thing. That fic is my fic with the most kudos at this point. Who knew people were going to like troublesome parrots? Not me. 

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Well, I apparently wrote a hell of a lot of fic this year. 286k words actually. I’d say I tried out a lot of different genres, so I guess I was adventurous at times with what I was doing. I wrote construction workers, vampires, mischievous cats and parrots, a Regency era romance, librarians, pop stars, songwriters, models, actors, farmer’s markets, and high school aus. I wrote fics set in Rome and Vegas and New York City and Chicago and of course, London. I wrote enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, meet-cutes, exes to lovers, and established relationships. I wrote humor and fluff and smut and angst. And I wrote Tomlinshaw and Drarry in addition to all the Larry fics. So yeah, tried out a lot of things this year. 

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

Next year, I’d like to focus on writing more what I want to write rather than write for everyone else, which is what I did this year. I think it was really great for me to do that and stretch myself, but next year I have some things planned that I really want to see through. 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Forever and always @taggiecb. I don’t know how I’d write without her, honestly. At this point we talk in our own fic shorthand that we’ve been speaking for the better part of 3 years. Sometimes I have to ask her to really look through something and tell me what’s wrong with it, and she always has the best insight into what could be the problem, but she always does it with such love. I’m so grateful for that because I know she hates to pick apart my writing. She’s the person who loves my fics the most, so she has to fight herself to give me things to fix. lol. 

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Hoo boy. Well, for one thing, I have been sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally, writing myself into my Harry characters. And one of my fics this year is almost completely autobiographical. I’ll leave to your imaginations as to which one that might be. 

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I think the best advice that I’ve experienced is reaching out to other writers. Writing doesn’t have to be a solitary experience if you don’t want it to be. I love having groups of writer friends to go to when I need them for support or to give some fresh eyes to something I’m writing. 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I still need to finish my wip And I Could Hear the Thunder. I’m a bit stuck on it at the moment. 

I’ll be publishing one right away in the new year for the 1000 Feelings challenge/ @nottooldforthisship ‘s birthday. It’s based on a great manip from @melmanpur! 

I am writing a fic for the Moodboard Larry fic challenge, but that’s supposed to be anonymous. So I won’t say too much for now on that. 

I have a fairly ambitious longer fic planned. I don’t know how much I want to say about it. I’ll just say for now that it’s historical. And it has a pretty big twist to it. 

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read.

I would like to read any and all writers/artists/creators who want to do this! Please say I tagged you, so I can read them! I’ll list a few people though to add some pressure to do this: @juliusschmidt @magicalrocketships @akai-coat @daisyharry @softgolfdaddy @polkadotsvstripes @writsgrimmyblog @flamboyantommo @rainbowninja @turnyourankle 

#personal #writing self eval 2017 #you should do this and tag me!

[fyeahanneboleyn]

Well, I finally finished it! Thoughts under the cut, and beware spoilers, such as they are:

First off, I have to say that this was the most thorough fictional portrayal of Anne I’ve yet read - as it should be, clocking in at almost 550 pages. As with most of Alison Weir’s novels it was an entertaining read that kept me engaged. And as with most of Alison Weir’s novels it also had things that annoyed the hell out of me. Disclaimer: I do have an advanced reader’s copy, so there’s a chance that some of these things will be fixed in the general publication. But i doubt it.

The Good:

1. Weir definitely did her research with this one and it shows. The novel is chock-full of anecdotes, quotes and incidents Anne fans will recognize from her life, which really adds a sense of flavor and realism to the world. (Among my personal favorites: Anne’s meeting with Leonardo da Vinci and Henry informing Anne of Purkoy’s death.)

2. The Anne portrayal, while I keep going back and forth on it, felt pretty good. It was complex and layered and I do think it was ultimately meant to be sympathetic. Young Anne is surrounded by female role models, and therefore grows up with ambitions to be a respected female ruler herself - a force for religious reform in particular, which I liked. She is hot-tempered and sometimes vindictive but fundamentally kind, becoming increasingly volatile and high-strung as her marriage unravels. I especially liked the scenes of her imprisonment, trial and eventual execution; I thought her vacillating emotional state, as well as her ultimate strength and dignity, came across very well.

3. The beginnings of her relationship with Henry are portrayed as sexual harassment. Anne is horrified at Henry’s attention, as she has no feelings for him and is actually rather fond of Catherine. It’s an interesting case of ���Anne as uncomfortable victim’ that eventually segues into ‘Anne as ambitious re: making the best of a bad situation to advance her reformist causes’, and I didn’t dislike it.

4. Weir does include authorial notes at the end of the book, explaining (some of) what was pulled from history versus made up and naming (some of) her sources. I do still have a few issues with the content - she notes that Chapuys loathed Anne but still considers him “well-informed” because he “cites his sources” - but as I’ve said before, I respect including these notes on principle.

The Groanworthy:

1. A caveat to the generally fair portrayal of Anne as outlined above: Anne is portrayed as being unable to bond with or love Elizabeth who, as a girl, is an irrevocable disappointment. Incredibly, Weir doesn’t ignore the evidence of the real Anne’s affection for her daughter; rather she justifies it in the novel as Anne’s way of trying to soothe her own conscience. What. Just what.

2. A disappointing number of the old cliches continue to rear their heads, such as: Anne having a sixth fingernail, Anne and Mary being rivals, Anne being an utterly loathed queen, and Jane Parker as an embittered and unpleasant woman trapped in a hated marriage. It’s 2017. Come on now.

3. The writing has some issues. The dialogue can feel uneven, sometimes veering into anachronistic territory and then veering the other way whenever historical quotes are used. There are places where repetitive word choice and phrasing become painfully apparent (”Darling” oh my goddd), especially during the long rigmarole of Henry’s attempt to get an annulment. By the time he and Anne have about the sixteenth variant of the exact same conversation it feels like the book is just spinning its wheels. Speaking of whom…

4. Henry. Holy shit, was this characterization annoying. I couldn’t stand him, I couldn’t stand his dialogue, and not even for the usual reasons. There is nothing to appreciate here; he’s not charming or charismatic, he’s not proactive, he’s not especially intelligent or politically savvy. What he is is obnoxious, whiny, ineffective, dominated first by Catherine and then Anne, easily manipulated by everyone around him, and overall just a pathetic figure. He is pitifully attached to Anne, so terrified of her leaving him that he does whatever she wants. His famous temper doesn’t even make an appearance to liven things up; his only redeeming feature is his enduring “fatherly love”. /vomit

Aside from the fact that this portrayal ignores nearly everything we know about the real Henry, it also makes his “partnership” with Anne unbearably one-sided and dull. There’s no dynamic and very little exchange of ideas - it’s just Anne and her family blatantly manipulating the king on one side, and figures like Wolsey and Cromwell doing the same on the other. As a result there’s no indication that Henry knows the charges against Anne are false; the whole coup is framed as Cromwell’s doing, and given that Henry has been shown to be a malleable idiot up to this point, there’s no reason to think he questions any of it. A thought: Stop trying to make women like COA and Anne look “strong” by making the men around them laughably weak. It doesn’t help anyone’s cause.

The Perplexing:

1. I’ve praised Weir’s research in putting together this book, but it occasionally fell victim to some bizarre Critical Research Failure. Why did Anne have two extra brothers, when a basic Google search could tell you Elizabeth Howard only had three children who lived to adulthood? Why do these characters exist when they add nothing to the story, don’t affect events and are killed off fairly quickly? There’s no reason for them to be there, and it’s distracting when most of the book seems well thought-out.

2. The treatment of Mary and George Boleyn was just…strange. There’s nothing really new about Mary’s characterization, but Weir puts forth the idea that she was violently raped by both Francis and Henry. Why is this here? At best it’s meant as an early reason for Anne to distrust men, but there were plenty of other (more tasteful) ways to do that. Anne even lampshades the fact that it “beggared belief” that Mary could be raped by both kings - you don’t say!

As for George…I really don’t know what Weir’s beef with him is, or how it served the story, but George Boleyn here is effectively Satan. He sexually humiliates his wife, sleeps with everyone (and is possibly bi, the shock, the horror!), admits to raping women of all ages, and - most bizarrely - is “revealed” as having poisoned Catherine of Aragon (and implied to be the source of Fisher’s assassination attempt as well). Again: why is any of this here? All it does is make Anne look terrible by association, as she learns these things about her brother and never changes her opinion of him for more than five minutes.

3. Anne and Henry Norris are in love. That’s…interesting, I suppose, though backed up by basically nothing. Even in the novel it’s utterly underdeveloped; Anne falls in love with Norris at first sight - from afar - and for the rest of the book we’re meant to accept that they have this great unspoken passion for each other. I don’t necessarily object to the idea of Anne having feelings for someone else during her marriage to Henry, as long as the author doesn’t toe the line of “she really was an adulteress” too closely. But this felt so random and gratuitous that their “emotional” scenes together read as unintentionally funny.

4. Speaking of gratuitous! The choice to keep Anne conscious in the moments after her beheading was really weird, and frankly it pissed me off a little. Weir doesn’t totally pull this out of nowhere, granted, but once more: it didn’t need to be there. At this point the reader has spent over 500 pages watching Anne grow up, sympathizing with her and relating to her and liking her. The entire last section of the book is devoted to Anne’s mental anguish and terror over her circumstances, which is difficult enough to read. Ending the novel with a gory description of her experience post-decapitation, ending her story with nothing but more fear and physical agony, was unnecessary. It was cruel.

It was also, I might add, a marked contrast to the ending of the previous book in this series, Katherine of Aragon: The True Queen. That novel ends with Catherine dying peacefully in her bed and being welcomed into heaven. Compare that to Anne’s horrific final moments before “merciful darkness descended” and tell me it doesn’t feel like authorial bias. Which is strange because, again, I think we’re supposed to root for Anne in this novel.

So, yes, this was an interesting and entertaining read. It did shed light on episodes of Anne’s life and facets of her personality that don’t get much in the way of popular attention. There are frustrating moments and confusing narrative choices, but I’d still recommend giving it a look.

#book review #Anne Boleyn #Alison Weir #Anne Boleyn: A King's Obsession #man this got long but yall were warned #i'd love to hear other people's opinions on this as well #now maybe i can actually attack my inbox......

[labruttafigura01-blog]

‘La Brutta Figura’ was partly inspired by the desire to communicate to others the gulf of difference between visiting a country, namely Italy, and living there. Italy might be another European country but it’s arbitrary fashion rules, imperative food traditions and relaxed employment regulations could hark from Mars from the expat’s point of view. My first ever blog post explored the concept of ‘la brutta figura’ – making a bad impression – which ranges from the wrong use of the informal ‘you’ to wearing unbranded sunglasses to not being able to wax lyrical about a Raffaello painting on command. ‘La bella figura’ is an art, encompassing appearance, comportment, cultural education and more besides.

After two years of living in Italy, however, I still have never been able to beat an Italian at paying for a drink at the bar, still do not have a specific ‘intimo’ soap solely for the bidet and still have never been able to swirl a glass of wine without narrowly avoiding a burgundy disaster. While the bella figura does relate to appearance, that side is certainly the most superficial element. The bella figura really shines through with how you conduct yourself in social situations and your educated conversation. I have therefore decided that through the aid of some very Italian New Year’s Resolutions I shall transform the brutta figura into the bella figura and share with you the essentials for becoming a full fledged italiana!*

*Well, a few New Year’s Resolutions aren’t going to prevent an expat sticking out like a sore thumb in a social situation but it will at least be an improvement on my first few months here naively saying ‘ciao’ to all the anziani… (very impolite).

1.Learn to make fresh pasta (properly) from Nonna from the South

Every morning my boyfriend’s grandmother, who comes from Basilicata in the south, makes fresh pasta using flour she brought from her home because she doesn’t trust the produce in the north. She makes anything from tagliatelle to tortellini and she tells me it’s very theraputic. It may be a little antiquated but it certainly should be a skill in la bella figura’s repetoire.

2.Undergo a cooking course in a Tuscan villa so I can whip up a delicious three course dinner at a moment’s notice

Wood, market, kitchen. Autumn comes along with a roasted turkey. Autumn has arrived into the forest, you could notice it looking at the road that passes through it. It is now ploughed by wide puddles that reflect the sky and its moods. The leaves muffle your steps, the bushes are coloured by rose hips and juniper. A new recipe up on the blog (link in bio)

A photo posted by Giulia Scarpaleggia (@julskitchen) on Nov 8, 2016 at 9:19am PST

A born and bred Tuscan Giulia Scarpaleggia teaches from her traditional family home in the countryside making dishes based on local ingredients (such as pecorino cheese or olive oil from local producers) and seasonal varieties. Every town and village in Italy seems to have its local speciality born from the particularities of produce and agriculture characteristic of that area. It’s time to impress with my profound knowledge of Italian culinary variety and superior cooking skills, and a cooking course involving wine and dinner after seems to be a good start. (website here)

3.Avoid Food Crimes

We expats always get snide remarks about drinking the wrong coffee at the wrong time of day or the absurd concoction that is Hawaiian pizza or our complete ignorance towards good food in general. Eating and drinking is a minefield and the expat needs to be battle ready to avoid shameful faux pas. Helpfully, the Academia Barilla lists the 10 Italian Cooking Commandments on their website using many angry exclamation marks. Take note expats.

4.Become a wine snob

Rule 1. Don’t sit on the ground

Traditional Venetian bacaro

The unfortunate dislexic Vicar of Nibbleswicke taught flummoxed readers that one should never ‘plug’ wine, but rather ‘pis’ it, but that’s about as far as my wine knowledge goes. Unfortunately that won’t cut it in Italy. You need to know your millesimato from your *insert Italian wine beginning with ‘m’ here. And knowing that white wine goes well with fish is not impressive. I have a lot to learn, and hoping this knowledgeable fellow’s blog (web address ‘ubriaco’) and this jazzy blog, which is certainly not written by ‘balding upper-middle-class twits’, will assist me.

Here, incidently, are more rather terrifying commandments this time on the subject of wine, enlivened with words like ‘adulteration’, ‘covet’ and ‘murder’. They are, however, riddled with wine in-jokes which are lost on me.

5.Learn the formal ‘you’

My couple of years learning Italian at school have been invaluable here, but one yawning gap in my knowledge is using formal address. At school you do not learn a language with the sole aim of living in the country in the future, and in fact the language you use as an expat is vastly different. I might have come from school knowing how to analyse the metaphors in a novel but I spent months praying I’d never need to ask for a knife and fork in a restaurant. The formal ‘you’ is certainly something that never seemed vital at school but one wrong verb ending and I’ve unintentionally offended a harmless old man. It’s time to buy a grammar textbook and get learning the eternal variations of verb endings that exist in Italian! I recommend the Palgrave Foundations series for any budding Italian students.

6.Express yourself in style

Italian is the language of poetry, of epic texts, of oratory and eloquence. It is full of heavenly musical sounds (which makes it so well suited to opera). It is also a very creative language, with innumerable delightful idioms and expressions to enliven dialogue. People who are able to exploit the great variety of Italian to its fullest extent are rare and are respected. Grammar can get tedious so I’ll supplement it with improving my knowledge of unusual adjectives and quirky idioms. Here are some expressions to get started, on the topic of food:

You are like parsley – you pop up everywhere.

I know my chickens – I know who I’m talking about.

You can’t have a full barrel and a drunk wife – you can’t have your cake and eat it.

Don’t be a salame – don’t be an idiot.

  7.Travel to Learn and Learn to Travel

Vipiteno on the border

One of the most valuable gains from living (rather than just visiting) Italy is the luxury to do day trips or weekends in the car to little villages or country villas or lonely monasteries that those tourists arriving by plane tend to miss. From these visits one realises the real depth and breath of culture that derives partly from the fact that Italy only became a unified country in 1871. As such even the most insignificant town has its speciality dishes, its own celebrations and customs, its own traditional dress and often its own language (there are hundreds of different languages and dialects spoken throughout The Boot deriving from Latin, Romance, Germanic, Slavic and Hellenic roots). Cultural knowledge is of great standing when it comes to la bella figura so my future travels around the bel paese will have a new role as opportunities to deepen my knowledge of my adopted home.

8.Celebrate Traditional Festivals

The still very individual regions of Italy express their characters through local festivals deriving from celebrations of food, drink, religion, politics and more. While sadly the cynical modern world means folk dancing and wood whittling are becoming less popular past-times, these festivals are still celebrated profusely with local customs. In the tourist-ridden cities the revival some of these festivals may be the cunning plan of the tourist board, but venture into smaller cities or the countryside and you can find, for example, the festival of the jujube berry in Arquà Petrarca (the berry liqour is very tasty), or chestnut festivals throughout autumn, or the lesser-known but very entertaining Palio of Ferrara (involving donkeys). The Italian has Italy in his heart, there’s no doubt about that, but his greatest love is for his region and his town.

I think that’s ambitious enough to be getting on with. Look out for a similar post next Capodanno as it’s likely I’ll have spent the year drinking wine using the ‘plug’* method and thinking lasagne is the height of culinary achievement rather than attempting these New Year’s Resolutions.

*For those of you whose childhood did not revolve around Roald Dahl books and dreaming of going poaching with Danny and his Dad, this means ‘gulp’.

Buon Anno!

The Elusive Bella Figura and How to Find It 'La Brutta Figura' was partly inspired by the desire to communicate to others the gulf of difference between visiting a country, namely Italy, and living there…

#Capodanno #chestnuts #Italian cooking #Italian specialities #language #New Year #pasta #resolutions #Travel #wine