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#actually going to lose my g-ddamn mind
evilkitten3 · 2 years
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anxiety and rsd can fuck you up actually. like hello imaginary potential scenario exclusively in my head would you like to convince me that someone i don't know that well/at all hates my guts due to a potential part of this - again completely imaginary - situation that would involve at least one miscommunication and not really be my fault anyway? you would? oh boy!
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naughtynanzhu · 2 years
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okay I said I would get some thoughts together about danyin and changheng in the mortal realm
obsessed with they way qu shui and xiao run are essentially opposite yet.... so very much the same... obviously you've got xiao run who's still got the same pure heart as changheng, but he gets to be chaotic and carefree when not under his brothers thumb. he's still from an important, rich family, but gets to be a spoiled brat, which I love... BUT this isn't about him.
what I actually want to talk about is qu shui... spoiled daddy's girl danyin turning into poor orphan qu shui... noble and elegant danyin now an awkward little sidekick... but here's the thing, whether it's romantic or not, qu shui is very much in love with xiao run... even in the mortal realm, danyins feelings are still SO strong
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qu shui's always so close, he's always within reach, and xiao run always has 100% of his attention. he hangs on every word. he stands up for him to his dad, he lends him his money, he helps him run off with his jade, (he even dies trying to warn him about what he overheard). he would do anything for xiao run.
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when xiao run is going on about finding xiao lanhua, there's a mixture of feelings coming from qu shui. on one hand, some concern (xiao run is losing his g*ddamn mind huh), maybe some doubt/skepticism (there's always some girl), and maybe a little jealousy (he wants his attention)
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xiao run isn't ignoring him as he goes on about xiao lanhua but he's definitely not giving him his full attention and doesn't listen when he tries to coax him away from his painting, and when he realizes how obsessed xiao run is being, he excuses himself and slinks away... it's obvious he's got some weird conflicting feelings in this scene. he cares so much about xiao run and wants him to be reasonable and doesn't want him to get his feelings hurt and wants him to pay attention to HIM.
after their encounter with dongfang qingcang, qu shui is SO much more concerned with xiao run than himself. yes, he's a servant and should put xiao run ahead of himself, but that's not what's going on here.
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the way he's so attentive to xiao run... the very firm but tender way he touches him... the way he doesn't STOP touching him... he could've easily hit him a couple times to wake him up, but instead... this. and the way they're sure to showcase those touches... that's on purpose.
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qu shui has his hands on him for this whole interaction. I would love to straight up say that he's in love with xiao run just as she was with changheng. that would be very fun for me. it would be so tasty.
but at the very least I think its a lot of danyins affection showing through. in the heavenly realm, not only are they separated (a little) by status, but danyin being a girl... and him already being engaged... any type of physical affection would be a nightmare of an idea. not only would it not be allowed, it wouldn't be reciprocated. changheng wouldn't let her get this close but she's in love with him! you know she aches to touch and hold him!
but in the mortal realm, even though they're still separated by status, they're allowed to be much closer. it's not weird or frowned upon for them to be physically affectionate!! and I think if qu shui had been just some guy, it would've been different. it's danyins overwhelming feelings for changheng overflowing into their mortal lives.
I haven't gotten to 22 again on my rewatch so I don't have specific details, but the way they convince him to take down the giant painting by saying how bad it would look on him... he would do anything for xiao run. he'd be mad to find out qu shui took the painting down, but he cared more about his reputation and well-being... he just wants to take care of him and watch out for him...
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daxieoclock · 2 years
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Top 5 KH keyblades
ty for the ask! almost all of these are gonna be from Days djhbfgjhb cause that game had the best keyblades
Honorable mention goes to Oathkeeper and Oblivion. Neither of these two are that amazing on their own, they're probably the best of KH1s blades but neither are my favorite in the series, but together? Holy shit, together they're AMAZING. It's like they're made to be used together. Roxas getting to dual wield these bad boys just about broke my g-ddamn mind as a kid, and I was always so sour about the fact that we only got access to that moveset for one boss fight. And back then, we didn't even have the fight against Dual-Wield Roxas, cause it was a Final Mix addition and was still exclusive to Japan.
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#1. Myosotis Horizon. This one doesn't have an actual canon name, but it's Xion's final form keyblade in Days. The name itself was something I came up with, and i got david my friend @maverickflare on the name train as well hehehe. As for why I like it, besides that Xion is still my fav character of all time, it's just...elegant. It's got a simple and beautiful design, the color scheme is absolutely gorgeous, and it includes the Nobody symbol in a really subtle way that doesn't distract from the core design. Just...fucking awesome.
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#2. Missing Ache. Another of my previous tumblr URLs, Missing Ache is a Days blade that managed to make it into KHuX, and as much as I hate that game for its greediness, absolute horseshit nonsense story and awful awful paper-thin art style...having a mechanic to evolve Keyblades into stronger and cooler-looking forms? That was a fucking genius idea and I hope it comes back in a future game that doesn't suck.
And Missing Ache is one of the best examples, going from gorgeous and simple to an Ultima-contender with tons of ornamentation and really pretty colors. Blue and green were a phenomenal additions to the gold and black color scheme, and I love the way the evolved guards feel like they're opening up and spreading their wings. It's so good. Character development in a keyblade.
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#3. Two Become One. Just...look at this fucking thing. It's the Roxas keyblade, and I fucking LOVE it. It's got such a cool base design, with...I don't even know how to describe that guard, it just looks awesome. Ridged and spiked ring. It's rad. And then the blade??? What the fuck even is that!?!? I don't know and I don't care, it's fucking awesome. It's got the cool black and silver dealio, Roxas's chess-board pattern as the handle, and his necklace as the keychain. It's amazing.
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4. Aubade. Another Days blade, and this one is probably my favorite take on an end-game weapon in the series. As much as I enjoy the different Ultima Weapons in theory, in practice their designs have always felt way way way too busy for my liking.
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5. Lost Memory. This one is probably the worst-utelized blade in the series, and I'm still so grumpy about it. For those who don't know, in Birth By Sleep, each of the main 3 characters (Terra, Aqua and Ventus) start with a unique keyblade, and then near the end of the story receive a "true" or upgraded version of that keyblade. Terra's Earthshaker becomes Ends of the Earth. Aqua's Rainfell becomes Stormfall. And Ventus's Wayward Wind becomes Lost Memory.
EXCEPT IT FUCKIN DOESN'T. While Aqua ends up losing her keyblade near the end of BBS, and carries Eraqus's Masters Defender into the Realm of Darkness, Stormfall is treated as her canonical keyblade, being seen both next to her armor and wielded by her during KH2FM's added cutscenes and secret ending. Ends of the Earth is even more definitive, as it's wielded not only by Terra's Lingering Will during 2FM's secret ending, but also by said will AND by Terra himself during KH3. But Ventus? STILL has Wayward Wind the entire way through BBS, the secret ending of 2FM, and his appearance in KH3. He never actually uses this upgraded keyblade, which is hot nonsense because it looks AWESOME.
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WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF
SOMEONE JUST PITCHED THEIR IDEA FOR A HURRICANE GUN AT ME BECAUSE I'M A FORMER INTEL ANALYST AND I'M ABOUT TO LOSE MY G-DDAMN MIND.
First off, that I am former intelligence does not mean that I am connected like that. I was a jumped up bookworm whose book reports were sometimes (rarely) used to kill people but mostly were used to thwart attacks. That's first off.
Second off, a hurricane is a Coriolis storm. It draws energy from the actual rotation of the actual earth. Well, and warm, moist air with light winds aloft... Point is, the amount of energy a hurricane expresses every second is inconceivably large, and that energy has to go SOMEWHERE, you cannot disrupt a hurricane.
Third off, my first off has nothing to do with my second off except that it paid for my fourth off.
Fourth off, I'm begging any would-be inventor to go to college and take a physics class. I did, and it eliminates half the weird stuff that people pitch as breakthrough technologies. I went to an extremely conservative university, people, plural, threatened to kill me for being trans there, you won't get indoctrinated into communism, I promise. That's a grad school course.
Fifth off, if it cannot be controlled, it cannot be effectively weaponized.
Also can we not posthumously prove Hugo Chavez right about his crazy conspiracism?
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📓
Put "📓" or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I'll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven't written but daydream about.
Hm.
Well, the one that comes to mind immediately is a kind of sad MegaRod (could be platonic, alterous, romantic, what have you) fic.
So here's the setup: Megan's stuck in the Functionist Universe. It sucks ass.
Under the cut for length.
Other than Terminus, no one from his home universe is there. Terminus doesn't actually understand the gravity of what he's lived through, because he was fucking asleep/lost 4 million years. Everybody else is either this universe's version of someone he knew/knows or they're someone entirely new.
Of course he's going to make new friends. He's out there helping folks, but it's never quite the same.
He's got that stupid, fucking Rodimus star though. Reminds him of his good buddy who believed in him and unwittingly became (one of) his emotional support Autobot(s), yeah?
That's sad enough. He thinks he's never going to see his buddy again.
Hot Rod exists. He's not the same tho. Completely different dude. Without the WarTM, he never becomes Rodimus. Megan doesn't know that dude. Even for the bits where Megan knew Hot Rod in his own universe, the situation was still vastly different.
He tries, but it's really awkward because he struggles with treating this version differently than the weirdo that he knew on the Lost Light.
And when he FINALLY, after 800+ g-ddamn years, gets home, he sees Roddy again, the right Roddy. Fucking loses it.
SO HERE'S THE FIC STRUCTURE.
Opening scene is returning to the Lost Light and the POV character, probably Minimus would work well for this, has to watch Megan barely keeping it together when he sees the command crew again after the battle (because you gotta keep it together under pressure but now the pressure's off). It's a quick scene, just enough to let you know some shit's about to go down.
Second scene is an ANGST-FILLED flashback to getting left behind in the FU. Megan's POV but you could use Terminus if you want to put a little more distance and outside perspective.
FILL IN THE MIDDLE BITS WITH MORE SCENES OF STRUGGLING TO SOCIALIZE WITH HOT ROD AND ORION PAX AND TERMINUS IN THE FUNCTIONIST UNIVERSE TO REALLY FLESH THE PAIN OUT. Dot these several centuries apart.
Final scene: present, on the Lost Light, Megan breaks down, struggles to accept that this dumbass is real. That everything was real. That he's home. People he cares about and that care about him are here.
Sure, he's come back to impending death, but he got to spend time with the people that matter to him. And that’s worth it.
So that's the fic, but we'll try to make it maybe not ridiculous if it ever gets written, yeah? Or if someone else wants to write it, by all means, take it away from me.
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intheorchards · 3 years
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So today I started the process of finally getting that ADHD diagnosis and like
It's gonna be a long ass fucking journey. As in my local 'authority' has 2 main services... Children and under 25, and since I am neither it means I have to be referred to psych for a whole g-ddamn psych analysis.
Wouldn't mind so much if there wasn't like decades of history where AFAB people's symptoms are brushed off as anxiety/depression/etc. Idk, it's just gonna be hard to have the docs take me seriously what with all my trauma baggage I already have.
I kind of think I ought to prepare like a folder of materials and shit explaining my symptoms and all the things that led me to being like "yeah my brain is probably broken in this specific way" but at the same time... As an already disabled/chronically ill person I've learned that most medical professionals don't actually like you being so informed about what's wrong with you when you first come in. Like in the past over 10 years of doctors appointments, I've had only 3 doctors and 2 nurses that appreciated the fact that I do my own research.
One was just the most bizarre man I have ever met, absolutely lovely, but bizarre. But like yeah, had an appointment with him one time that went like this. "So I've got this thing and I've been on this medication for it for over a year and my body still can't handle it, I don't think it's the best choice for me, but this other medication is also used and it's more effective at dealing with my current symptoms." And this mad lad goes "hmmm" stays silent for 30 seconds before rifling through a few books then just says "that's fine, I trust you to know what you need in this case." Then fills out the script... Unfortunately less than 6 weeks later the consultant I was under finds out and writes this scathing letter switching me back to the meds that caused CONSTANT nausea, despite the fact another GP had noted a marked improvement at the 2 week check -_-
But that was a tangent. The point is, I probably have ADHD but getting that diagnosis is gonna be a battle.
Also whilst I'm talking medical shite.
Allergies.
I had a reaction to something. Possibly grass, possibly bugs (both of which I am allergic to) and this reaction has been awful.
Found out Pokémon go added 2 pokestops to the small park literally right behind my house so got back into the game. Took doggo out to chill and eat lunch. Now not being a fool I also brought a blanket so that I was not sitting on the grass. Had bug repellant too. That was last week. Day after my hands are red, itchy, bumpy. Few days later there's some swelling. Now, some of the bumps have become blisters. Asked GP about it at the end of the appt today, she didn't think it was bad enough for a shot :( but fuck me the OTC tablets are not helping at all and blisters+itchy is no bueno because a popped blister is an open wound that could get infected and considering I'm already immunocompromised and have got infections from just filing my nails before... Basically I'm losing my fucking mind with this.
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