#also i dont think he ever tells her the truth........ he just says “btw ive been lying to you LOL! anywaysss why do you love me UWU” like??

[castielsparkle]

I'm so jealous of your dad I got my mom into supernatural and obsessed with cas but she was soo confused when I even mentioned there being gay undertones. And she thinks dean's annoying 😕

/!!3?2$2; that is so crazy to me because . well. ok let me explain. my mom personally is evil and insane and when i was like 12 i would tell her about youtuber rpf and like. she is actively homophobic however she was a legit truther about youtube rpf ships which is. an entire thing. not an rpf guy btw need this to be known . not a fan. not about it whatsoever. actively disdain for it. Moving on. she still talks abt that stuff to this day. unprompted. despite being lgbtphobic love and light. MOVING ON. my dad literally like..... We did Not ask him to fucking do this . he started watching spn and anytime its on tv around him he starts going off about his gay dean truthing and how like. he doesnt subscribe to him being bi hes of the belief dean is a gay man. he also vibes with dean beinng a trans dude. he will make a comment about this at any opportunity . dean scene where hes like 'my boobs are real' cue my father unprompted immediately talking abt top surgery dean . hes insane. he says he is quote 'indifferent' abt trans dean headcanon. he says hes also quote 'indifferent' abt gay and bi dean however he 'sure does act gay with cas' which . is really fucking funny to me bc he put on a destiel compilation on youtube (?? did not fucking ask him to . i wanted to watch the 'deans gay thing' scene) and then it ended up being him critiquing fan compilations of deans behaviors and he even starts bringing up like . 'remember that time he looked at that guys ass in like the 50s' or whatever. like to prove there were better portrayals of dean being gay than in the destiel fan compilations on yourube. my god. he said yesterday separately to both me and my older brother about how he (my dad not dean) is like if gay was a gender and not a sexuality. not unpacking all that rn. but he said it to me when we were watching destiel compilation he put on and he had my older brother back him up abt how he said it earlier GSHJF. i dont remember whrte i was going w this. oh yeah. further context i am his only bio child ever . my older brother is found family we met like five years ago and he moved in w us at the end of last yr. bc dad offered. and before that he offered to move in my other bestie who i went to hs with who ive known for approx four years now and like . we are all trans guys btw. he offered to pay for our t if we set up ghe shit w insurance (this is happening rn i literally got my first t shot yday‼️) ANYWAYS.... all of this to say. my dad is always saying shit about jow destiel are gay or whatever. hes insane. no clue why. he insisted that like Yeah No its not even undertones is so blatant and overt that hes gay . he will say stuff like 'im not a fangirl i dont have headcanons' (insane sentence to hear btw) if u ask him directly abt it when were not watching spn bc it 'stays reserved for when were watching the show' but also like he will just. he. will say things. so much.

edit requests my dad has given me courtesy of my roomie from when they watch spn. in the car on the way to the store tonight he (my father) told me ANOTHWR idea he had which was when cas tried to speak to dean in lazrising and shatters all the glass and shit and hes like . quote. itd be a meme with the caption like 'autistic me not being able to control the volume of my voice.' which yeah. fire image idea. love it. he just says shit. hes always talking about how gay dean is and how detiel is real sorry i know this sounds like fucking down with cis bus and oppa homeless stylw and ahit i literally promise u im being so fucking for real. the first con i ever went to my dad took me and he dressed as naruto bc he doesnt 'kin' naruto but he says if he did kin it wouldbe naruto and pinkie pie . he also is obsessed w weird al. he knows rhat pinkie pie and weird al are married and have a child. he makes. interesting comments abt it when he talks abt how he would kin pinkie pie if he had to kin a my little pony. sorry this got way off the fucking rails. he also twitch streams twice a week. ive never watched sherlock but he did back in the day when it was popular. we also both watched doctor who together. sorry this got so divorced from ur ask anon my dad also got divorced he loves divorce. okay im so sorry im done now . also he says that sam is annoying sometimes

WDIT: SO FUCKING SORRY i forgot to add my dad said he quote 'kind of' would endorse this compilation . https://youtu.be/4McX1GUE3K8 he felt fairly positive about it.

#cas.ask #cas.abt #dad tag #sorry ths is lirerallg #im not rereading all that shit i thped again #im so sorry

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 3 episode 8

"DEMONS"

Notes by me

- "ah trees, trees and......more trees"

- Daniel hat

- "the stargate is still in use by someone"

"Or...someTHING....."

- what the fuck kind of lizard

- christians!!! *same as yelling Youths!!*

- wait how does tealc know about christians

- humans taken from medieval europe thru the antarctic gate. You know what this reminds me of an issue I have. Of all the other planets they have been to, most of them are ppl from thousands of years ago right? But from earth. But then they dont KNOW that they are from earth. So my question is wouldnt the ancestors who were taken pass down the information that they are from another planet? I'm just wondering why they didnt tell their kids and grandkids that they are stolen from earth

- tealc read the Bible . im imagining tealc in daniels office doing any research he can on earth in his free time❤ someone draw this pls

- "have you not read the Bible oniell?"

"Ive read some of it.....actually im listening to it on tape. Dont tell me how it ends"

- cough daniels choker cough

- *everybody scurries away when they see them* such a warm welcome

- Jack called him Danny ❤💗❤💗❤💗💞❤❤💞💞💞💞💞like a whore

- how does micheal shanks remember his lines hes says like 96 paragraphs per second

- oh goody they sacrifice ppl

- "the circle of darkness"

- "demons can take many shapes" if hes talking about goaulds hes right. They can pretty much take anything as a host

- head drilling time! "They didnt call it the dark ages bc it was dark"

- the unas sound is so cool. I think its a lions growl?

- "unas; uno. One!" I dont think the goauld are Spanish Jack

- jacks one job in his life is to tell anyone he meets the truth about the goauld

- this priest. what even is your voice . stop

- bro literally sniffs tealc ????

- A DOG!!!

- yes this mean priest is definitely not lying to you. No lies escape his mouth

- Jack straight up telling these ppl whats going on. My favorite thing he does. No bullshit right to the point

- ugly priest has goauld tech I'm calling bad guy

- Jack is the first one awake how

- wheres my beefcake jaffa

- Jack is regretting everything in his life ever

- Jack looking at tealc being tied up :( he cant lose him pls Jack has lost so many ppl

- why didn't it hurt when they pushed a red hot poker into his forehead???? Is it bc the scar is mostly gold?

- tealc is unaffected by any of this btw stony face

- daniel: "we'll go back to where we came from!"

Sam : "Hes innocent!!"

Jack: "YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!"

- sams tears on her face :(

- wtf?? Hey what is this. 911 my beefcake is drowning

- these people......are not the brightest

- this fucking guy needs to die I'm sick ok sICK of him

- "jack-"

"No"

- time to drill some holes in skulls!

- chicken pox was a death sentence in the dark ages I guess

- I would be accused of so many demons in my brain if I was born then. I make all the priests shake in their boots I make them tremble with fear

- is taking them back to the sgc a good idea. They seem prone to think everything is Satan so. Caution

- I would also like to oil up tealcs arms

- tealc:

- tealc walks up like What'd I Miss

- *screaming at stomach* "WAY TO GO JUNIOR!!!!!"

- ooohhh he was in kelnoreem. Thats why he had zero emotion as they tied him to a rock and threw him in a lake

- "next time Daniel gets the urge to help someone, shoot him" I would like to see it

- sacrifice the new arrivals !!!!!! Clearly logic is not a prominant trait in these people

- they look hot in chains dont @ me y'all know im a thirsty bitch

- *Satan himself walks up* "mornin!"

- love how they can communicate with Looks

- how did that knife attached to the chain not kill any of them while they fell down the hill. Unrealistic I'm calling the writers

- I'm sorry I had to take my earphones out with this priest. I hate the sound of chewing

- they didnt even show the unas catching up to them? They cut some scenes I guess

- did the priest finally die pls say yes

- did it go into that fucker or is it actually dead

- the priest: thank you!

Me: fuck off

- props to Jack for always shooting first

- "forgive me" no

- well thank god theyre burying the gate. No offense but I'm glad we wont see you people again

~

Whump under the cut

Jack Oniell whump: struck by lightening , passing out, caged, chained, chained to sacrifice alter, picked up by throat, choked, dropped on ground, noises , concern for tealc

Tealc whump: struck by lightening, passed out, blood and cuts on face, tied up, yelled at and ridiculed in the street, neck strap, hot poker to forehead (no reaction), drowned, 'death' , resurection , chained to sacrifice alter

Daniel jackson whump: struck by lightening, passed out, caged, chained, chained to sacrifice alter

Sam carter whump: struck by lightening , passes out , caged, chained, chained to sacrifice alter

(The chains on their wrists last throughout most of the episode)

🎶listening to Demons by Imagine Dragons🎶 for obvious reasons

#stargate season 3 #whump #jack whump season 3 #tealc whump season 3 #sam whump season 3 #daniel whump season 3

[tellmesomethinggg]

****

linking this here bc it was technically a journal? i just don’t want it on my notes anymore and if i ever (likely not to) want to re-read for whatever reason. please note that i knew people would read this so things are censored and are the basic version. also there was a switch at one point from **** to chris because i didn’t want things to be read

(for later when i got time lmao)

Matt is a piece of shit that just wants to fuck -Chloe

well fuck

here goes nothing

the plan: don’t get drunk bc i got shit to do early next morning and ill tell him tomorrow when i do get drunk. spoiler alert that didn’t work

Gaby (coles gf) came too btw

so i had a smirnoff ice and said no more than two shots after so id be buzzed but not fully drunk (i ended up having three and was very much drunk)

me jon and gaby we’re talking about guys and i mentioned something about liking a guy or some shit and gaby looks at matt and then me and confirms it with me. then she tells me that apparently when she met me and a few other friends at the beach last quarter, that she predicted the two of us would end up together and told cole this. im like wtf how and she claims she’s psychic lol

later, Matt and i are on the sack and he looks at me and goes do you like me and im thinking well fuck so i say yes and he’s like well shit sorry but (and then i forgot exactly what he said) something along the lines of it’s not mutual or it’s not the right timing (i forgot okay) and then he gets up after a bit to go to the bathroom (I’m pretty sure cole went out too) and then me gaby and Jon have a chisme session and they think that he does like me but whatever

so the guys come back and at this point i really need to pee again so matt offers to take me and we start talking and he’s all, oh im sorry if i led you on and shit and im like it’s alright ill get over it, it just might be a bit awkward for me for a bit. but then on our way back from the bathroom he asks me , do you wanna at least kiss your crush at least one time and im like uhh yeah so he kisses me and then we start talking but i forgot about what and im kinda dizzy so he says, oh let’s sit on the couches for a bit before we go back, so we do and somehow we kiss again and then start making out

and at this point im like bitch there’s no way you don’t like me like why would you do that if you didn’t

so we finally go back and it’s been some time so the rest of em are obviously curious

matt goes with cole to the bathroom again and the three of us have a chisme session otra vez and they’re like yeah he fucking likes you he’s prob just scared bc of his last relationship

cole comes back in and basically backs up their side based on his convo he just had with matt

and so it’s decided that we’ll both sleep on the sack, Jon sleeps on his bed and the other two together in coles bed

he comes back and we all “go to sleep” but I push for him to hold me like he usually does whenever we sleep together and around like 2,3 am we both start making out again and just like uhhhh

also we’re both very much drunk but of course i tend to remember things whenever ive gotten drunk, however, he did not and so now we gotta talk and figure shit out and go from there

also im not telling Emilou or Hanna yet until we figure things out so

yeah

fuck

alrighty, so after last night, ive decided to do absolutely nothing about it and decided to just let things play out the way things do. i don’t wanna say something and ruin our friendship that we have bc i trust him a lot and like hanging out with him, so, i guess the end of this note for now, unless the situation changes anytime soon

Can Tim see what I write on this?     -Chloe

Yes -Janet

Hi Tim!

-Chloe

Tim pls respond.

-Chloe

Hi Chloe! Sorry I have been busy at home LOL

He responded I’m so happy!

-Chloe

FYI im just going to add things at the top of the note so that its easiwr to see stuff when i add it bc then otherwise youd have to scroll a ton

and I’m dating shit so i know when I wrote stuff and my memory and yeahhh

FEB 15 1 pm

chillin in alp so lets get this chisme

alrighty so last night i stayed the night in pratts but it wasnt just me so calmate, it was me and jon bc long story short i was too lazy/dizzy to get up and jons roommate had her bf over. basically we both shared the bed, not a lot of physical contact but whateva

brb

anyways, there was also one point where he was watching a movie from his childhood and idk what tf it was but he was shocked that i havent seen those movies, so apparently now im gonna watch them so i told him for payback we gotta watch disney movies lmao

oh also! i fucking got back to my room and took a shower to get ready for class, and when hanna gets back from class shes all like oh you slept in HiS rOoM huh and i was like uhhh yeah and told her the truth like i was too lazy and dizzy to get up and then she didnt really say anything but uhhhh yikes

and then i mentioned this to emilou later when we were walking to class and shes like yeah idk why she did that that was weird and i was thinking like thank God she doesnt think the same as hanna bc shes also slept in his room on the bean bag a few times

FEB 14 2pm

heyyy its valentines day and guess whos still single and workinggg

so uhhh last night, around 1, both me and pratt finished our shit (hw and studying) and im wide awake so im like hey, brooklyn 99? (because i got him into the show and i love rewatching the show bc its sooo good) and hes down so we start watching in his room. were both on his bed but were sitting (for the tie being) and eventually i decide to lay down and use one of his pillows but its the flat pillow so i attempt to steal his other one, which he protests and we lowkey wrestle over it and eventually i fail ugh and i fall over in frustration and land my head on his knee and then just quit and stay there, but get this, he just deals with it and lays on top of me, like his head is on my side. granted we both also have pillows so like his pillow is in between me and him and same for me but like ughhh

and eventually i fall asleep for like an episode (?) and wake up right before 3 am, and then decide hey sleep sounds important bc i have an 8 am and so does he, so i sit up but im too lazy to get up right away so i sit and go through twitter and shit so chris just lays down with his head on my leg and i set my arm down on his chest and he falls asleep for a few minutes and then i finish going through my social media and every part of me doesnt wanna move, but im also in a position that would be uncomfortable to fall asleep in so i wake him up and then go back to my room

oh and the other thing i forgot was that for a good couple hours we were texting and joking around and yeahhh

i feel like im reading a lot into what happens but at the same time, like i doubt id be this comfortable doing shit with guys like this and idk about him, but like sometimes i wonder you know?

also, saturday night, as far as i know, its just me and him going to the basketball game bc idk who else is going (eye emoji insert here bc im on my computer lmao) so we'll see what happens

FEB 10 11am

okay soooo last night,

the plan was to get buzzed, just me and matt and watch Brooklyn 9-9 but then Anthony and emilou joined us so never mind. after a bit, Anthony leaves so he can answer a phone call and pratt offers me shot #1 and not emilou (she’s laying on the bean bag, I’m on his roommates bed chillin behind her so she can’t see what’s up)

we take two and im slightly buzzed but i think “hey lets see how much we can take before she notices” and he’s down so uhhh let’s get this

later we have to include Anthony and he’s down to see how much we can take and he just lets us continue, i get to 4 shots and he finishes the bottle so i can’t have a 5th

brb im gonna go eat with him

okay im back now...

anyways were both pretty out of it, emilou still hasnt noticed and anthony finds this all funny i assume and so do i , and eventually she finds out and then the two of them leave i guess around 2 am and the two of us are both on the bean bag and were both tired and drunk and drunk me like petting his hair and apparently holding his hand and well yeah i kinda hate drunk me bc if that wasnt obvious enough lmao :/

continuin, we basically end up cuddled together most of the night until we both kind of sober up hella early in the morning and kind of separate a bit

and so in the morning guess who brought it uppp and i at least have an excuse that i was drunk and not thinking and just kinda doing whatever drunk me wanted to do (but omggg his hair is so fucking nice to play with omg) anyways imma just die real quick bc idk what happens now

also since no one else was in the room literally no one else knows about this and i think were keeping it that way bc lets be honest if anyone found out about that i think id be screwed for secret keeping and then well yeah

FEB 8 1AM

i remembered:

sunday 2-3

i forgot this happened but before I ended up in chris’s room i was chillin upstairs watching tv and then he came out on the phone with some one and long story short he said something on the phone to his friend along the lines of “you’re gonna have me in your life for a long time” and when he was saying that i was looking at him bc soy chismosa and i was curious and he winked at me and I died

Monday 2-4

so the other thing that happened was I had lunch/dinner with him before my writing class and no recuerdo que decimos, but uhhhh yeah

i like hanging out with him

also, just got back from his room and am more convinced that he may not like me but actually just sees me as a friend but at the same time maybe he does but IDK

i hate feelings and it’d be so much easier if i didn’t have them sometimes lmaooo

FEB 7 5-7 PM

so im currently in the room rn so im gonna try to make this as chronological as possible

saturday 2-2

alrighty so mind you this is the day ive volunteered with ship and have spent the whole day there, (i dont remember why i thought this was relevant :/)

so saturday night, i go to work in his room around 8 (?) so i can work on my essay and finish my shit bc he has a bean bag thats hella comfy to work on

andd so later on, jocelyn comes in to watch anime with him and then after i finish we all decide to watch gabriel iglesias and ended up squishing together on the bean bag with me in the middle of the two of them

and so were all chillin there, laughing whatever and at one point chris fucking pratt puts his head on my shoulder for a little bit and i dIeDddd

and eventually i fall asleep when we start watching emperors new groove and mind you im fucking next to chris pratt like uhhhh my GOD

so i wake up once the movies over and then go to the bathroom and come back and by then he has taken over the whole bean bag and im sad that i cant just get back and go back to sleep so i go back to my room

(hanna doesnt know what time i get back i think and im pretty sure it was around4 am) (emilous also not here bc she went home for the weekend)

sunday 2-3

so i decide hey i was productive yesterday and decide to return to his room to work on shit and try to get as much done before work in theevening

i finish around 1/2? and then i tell him im bored and i wanna do something before work but idk what so he says lets go to the rec room and its just the two of us and its chillin and he puts me on his story playing pool lmao

and then i go to work :(

but then THEN later after work i go for a run and end up back in his room and theres a couple other people there and so were all chilling (mind you this is around midnight)

and somehow i end up falling asleep on the bean bag next to this girl jon from my hall and (this is a secret in a secret) but i hear her get up at one point and then chris pratt then joins me and during the night im tossing and turning and leaning on him a bit (ughhhh i died a shit ton)

monday 2-4

so in the morning around 720 or so i wake up pay dumb and am like oh whend you get here and he explains and then hes like yeah i dont really know the girl who slept in my bed (one of jons friends) and i figured since im more comfortable with you id just move here (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck me upppp) [please note that when i say fuck me up i dont mean that type of fuck]

alrighty thats what i remember that i havent told you, and then the other bit from the screen record was tuesday and now its thursday and here i am in guess whos room again

possibly staying the night lmao

but jons also here so its not like im staying the night staying the night

[teanaoverton]

still swimming.

i thought the first year of law school was suppose to be the toughest.  that was not the case for me. 

this past semester, the first of my 2L year was the most trying experience of my life. and sheesh, i have dealt with a lot of experiences. 

before we go any further, i think its important to tell you a little about myself and warn you of some contents that this post will contain. 

i am brutally honest. i dont believe in sugar coating the truth, and so i wont.  this post may be triggering to anyone who has every experienced sexual assault and/or sexual harassment. this post is my truth. and if you havent noticed by now, i do not like capital letters or formal punctuation. and i also cant spell. 

anyway, back to the story. 

the beginning of the semester started off rocky. i worked for my school and assisted with many task including orientation for the first year students and the title ix policy updates (thanks betsy *eyeroll*). 

unfortunately, i had to use that title ix policy. 

at the end of july, my key card to get in and out of my school’s parking deck was not working properly. i expressed my concern to a security officer. instead of walking to the gate, he walked with me to the parking deck and followed me to my car. we were the only two in the parking deck. 

while at my car, he asked me on a date. i was not interested in the slightest. but hey, im a girl all alone in the parking deck with a security guard. i had just heard about a woman getting killed for rejecting a man. and i sure tf have no lived enough to die. so i told him that school was starting soon and i did not have time. smooth escape i thought. and i also thought that would be it, i was wrong. 

the next week, i left the second floor (where i worked) to go downstairs and get a snack from the vending machines. he saw me and ran to try and pay for my snack, thoughtful gesture, but i refused as i did not want to lead him on. he then followed me to the elevators and handed me a note with his number on it. 

i had to cross paths with him to get to work, and he would make comments to me. once in particular troubled me.“you dont work on wednesdays, we could go out on a wednesday.” and that is when a red flag went off for me. 

why do you know my work schedule? ive already said i wasnt interest, why are you still actively pursing me? so i told my friend/co-worker about the interactions and asked her to walk me to my car.

while working late one evening, he came to the suite and started talking and staring. it was after hours and he was no longer on the clock. the other security officer on duty was probably home with his feet kicked up by this hour. instead of doing the same... he came to “see what was going on.” being aware of the situation and that i was uncomfortable, my friend engaged in the conversation so i didnt have to. bless her. 

during orientation, we had leftover food. my boss at the time asked me to take some to the security officers. my friend and i locked eyes knowing i sure tf was not about to lead this man on by any means. so, that is when i told my boss at the time that i was good off doing that. if you know who my boss was, you know she will get the truth out of you. 

one thing lead to another and boom, the incidents were reported to HR. who i was required to meet with. during the first week of classes, i met both HR and my boss to reassure them that i was not looking to get a black man fired, i just wanted to be left alone. 

time went by, nothing happened. i still was uncomfortable passing the security desk. i would have friends walk with me to the car so i wouldnt be alone bc guess who did rounds in the parking deck, yeah. you guessed it, him. 

unfortunately, my request was not fulfilled. he did not leave me alone. i was required to do a tabling event for work. guess where that tabling event was? right across from the security desk. gr8!!! he looked at me and loudly started saying "i shouldn't have to come to work and be uncomfortable.” he said this several times, causing others in the area to look and see what was going on. 

again, the tabling event was for work (different job btw). i was sitting next to my boss who was unaware of the previous interactions. she too asked “why is he screaming like that?” 

i sat there in shock. in silence. and on the clock, so i couldnt leave. 

why. should. he. have. to. come. to. work. and. feel. uncomfortable.

that was it, my breaking point. i felt unsafe. i expressed my concerns to the appropriate parties. eventually time went on and he was transferred. 

shortly after, repressed memories of my childhood rape surfaced during a therapy session. along with many thoughts: was i over exaggerating? did i lead him on in anyway? could i have done more to let him know i wasnt interested before reporting the incidents? was this my fault? 

guilt. 

i lost track of what was happening in real life because i was so distracted by the thoughts in my head. but as soon as i gained back some control, real life hit me again. my legal writing assignment had been posted. and guess what the topic was? sexual harassment in the work place. 

you mean to tell me, i have to do research, write a brief, and have an oral argument about sexual harassment? shit, someone call my therapist. 

i wrote some shit on some paper. and that was that.  what was happening in my classes? no clue.  what was happening in my life? no clue.  what was going on in the world? no clue. 

i got lost again. 

i just wanted to float and let the current carry me for awhile. i wanted to watch the clouds chase each other into different corners of the sky like freed kites who never worry about the meaning of away. i wanted to float. ive been swimming so long. 

but my thoughts eventually had an off switch and i was good again. then guess what? 

kavanaugh. 

here we fucking go again. 

the student body president signed an aba petition to conduct an impartial hearing on kav. and for some reason, some students were pissed. so they took it upon themselves to write a petition to have the sba president remove his name from the aba petition and issue an apology. 

i need you to pay very close attention for this part. 

i sat in class triggered. surrounded by people signing this petition while tears poured down my face. how fucking disgusting are you people. 

now the only reason i know what the petition actual was is because i am in sba. otherwise, i would have no clue it ever existed. want to know why? because the students who wrote the petition never asked me to sign it. trust me, i am not offended. in fact, im honored that they knew better than to bring some bullshit like that to me. but what was upsetting, when another student asked what was going on (why everyone was gathered looking at the petition), the authors of it said  “we’re just looking at some stuff about aba accreditation.” 

baby, if you gonna talk about it. be about it. smh. 

the petition surfaced. and the names on it, wow. people i looked up to. people i considered role models. women who are allegedly advocates for women. women in general. even a few self-proclaimed feminist.

wow. the names. 

so many people who have reached out to me when i told my story about being raped as a child. so many people i believed would be there for me if i asked for help dealing with the recent sexual harassment. so many frauds. 

their names, they were on it. big and bold.  

i didnt want to float anymore. i wanted to drown. 

i was suffering. isolating myself from everyone. i did the absolute bare minimum. i distanced myself from my family, my friends, from everyone around me. 

i didnt read for any of my classes.  i stopped caring.  i had thoughts about dropping out of school.  i still have the withdrawal email in my draft. 

i want to give someone credit for helping me through this, but i cant. this ocean, its so big. but hell, i havent drowned yet. 

meanwhile, im still swimming.

[aspiestvmusings]

CRIMINAL MINDS S14 FINALE  EPISODE STILLS

Criminal Minds 14x15 Truth or Dare (S14 Finale) 

This is the episode that sets up & leads us to the shows final, season,season 15, because this is the season finale of current season & next season (S15) will be the shows last one. 

Source: Spoiler TV (click link for more photos) 

SPOILERY THOUGHTS UNDER THE CUT: 

So... what is happening in this second picture? 

Is JJ telling Spence that he’s gonna be a god-father...again...for the third time? 

Is Spence keeping his promise & telling JJ about the 3-4 imagined futures? 

Is Spence telling JJ something personal about his life (is he dating someone)? 

Is Spence more proud of his friend JJ or Is JJ more proud of her friend Spence in this picture? I can’t tell. But look at those supportive friend looks! #Improudofyou

Are they just talking about...something... random (just before something happens... a finale end twist... involving a certain unsub)? btw, 

unlike some people commenting on this site, I do not read  any “romantic Jeid” signs from this still & I was surprised to read that some read the photo that way.

ETA: Now, the "Truth & Date” game & JJ/Reid held hostage, together thing seen in the promo thing. And guesses what JJ’s big secret that she’s not told anyone, but she tells Spence (and the unsub) is: 

it could be a lie she makes up...to “fool” the unsub 

it could be the truth that she tells, some actual “secret”

based on how she says Spence, I’d say she maybe is about to say something related to one of the people or places important in Reids life - his mom, Maeve, Gideon, Rossi, herself and/or her family (and Reid’s god-sons), or the BAU.

the secret could be related to the time in the shows beginning...the first time they were separated, together (the two of them) from the rest of the team, and the time.... after which they agreed to “we do not split up” (during cases)

the secret could be related to her & her family 

the secret could be related to some past event she and/or Spence and/or the BAU (a team member) went through (like she kept the Emily “death trick” secret from him...and it caused trust issues between them... so maybe she has another secret like that

the secret could be related to the time Reid was in jail & related to his trial (maybe JJ did or knew something too, like Emily did?) 

so many possibilities...and I am not sure at all what it is about really...

You know... rumour has it that the unsub from last weeks episode will return in this seasons finale. It makes sense, because his “play” involved proposal/wedding, and the finale is focused on a team member’s wedding (Rossi’s). So a perfect opportunity/occasion for the unsub to show up. So it is possible that just after what we see in the promo pics there is a turn of events - something goes horribly wrong. I do not know which team member I think will be the unsubs possible target, but I fear he will return to “attack”  someone..somehow. Quite possibly Rossi (or his new wife). 

ETA: Well...perhaps it’s not the unsub from the episode a few weeks ago, but a new unsub, but still...the same applies...

Now...to Reid/JJ. I’m a fan of their special friendship (but I would not have been upset if the show once had decided to take the ship onto a different route), and I loved that JJ asked Spence to be her kids godfather. But... ever since those times, and considering also the shows cast /BTS changes in the past (fired/re-hired), I’ve always feared that one day there will be an episode where something happens to Will and JJ, and Spence will have to raise the boys. It’s been a silly “fear" of mine about the shows possibly future plots...since S4. And I’m  still afraid at times that at one point they will “write out” Will’s character (since the character is now stay-at-home-dad, there is no such threats as is the past when he was on the field), but I still sometimes fear that the writers will at one point use the death of a spouse as another emotional plot for a main character...and in this case Will for JJ, so I still fear that at one point the show will go there. And if Will is at the wedding, too, then this is the next such opportunity. I wish...it won't happen, but I’m preparing for it....just in case.  

I don’t think tey’ll kill off any main characters/team members this finale... so close to the end of the series (next season will be shortened, too, so not much time left for storytelling), but I am not so sure about main characters family members... And I do think that it’s very likely that the “face mask unsub” is the finales cliffy baddie, so... I do think that something happens to ruin the wedding...and team’s celebration time of dancing and more...

#CRIMINAL MINDS #SPOILER #cmspoiler #CM #JEID #Spencer Reid #Jennifer Jareau #Luke Alvez #Penelope Garcia #FAVE TV FRIENDSHIPS

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 1, 2019 // the morgue

not trying to pretend im saying absolutely anything that hasnt already been said here by others but fuck it, let's gooooooooooooooooooo

-nancy lies saying "i'm fine" to herself and others at least once in every single episode, its like her trademark (LOVE that inability to process emotion, queen)

-UNPOPULAR OPINION: YES george get it (everyone's gonna tell you no but i'm gonna tell you yes) / basically like. (putting on chapstick like pinku) "sometimes my actions dont line up w my awareness" george admits fault for their 'relationship' and that shes in the wrong. so her later criticisms of ryan near the end of s1 come much too late to add anything to the story or her character- blaming ryan for everything instead of taking responsibility for her own actions like how she shows up at his fuckin house this ep. 🤷🏼‍♀️ he didnt call her. like with the rumors and shit, slutshaming is one thing but it probably didn't help that they were true. like she knew she was doing something wrong pursuing a married man, ryan can't be blamed in full. when she was underage, sure yes badwrong, 100% guilty. he should have said no but george shouldnt have pursued him either. after 18 you gotta assume some responsibility for yourself girl /end rant

-LIVING in bess' 'big mirror' eye roll to ace

-i wonder who caught george hooking up with ryan in hs?

-"stay here, i got it" arroganttttttttttttt (🎵why do you assume you're the smartest in the room🎵)

-what really happened to the 3 kids that broke into the morgue?

-lip reading : "everyone thought I was the weirdo" - intellect vs social skills again - it doesnt matter if its weird to nancy if its a tool she can use to uncover truths

-"packed up and shipped off" / "you'll be done by 9" time-framing it as a means of convincing others who help her/whom shes using and reassuring them its quick, easy and the smart girl says its important to make them feel better about her basically gently bullying them into helping

-nancys smirk as the new plan reforms vs george looking kinda pissed that it did (or more pissed that nancy actually didnt spill anything so now george feels slightly bad for accusing her of being a bitch "not as big of an asshole as u could have been" etc)

-i wonder about nancys 'holmes' effect, how many facts and figures she remembers (like the license & make of the coroners car) how she thinks shes the only one paying attention to certain things, etc

-"you're still a rich teen crusing main street in your porsche making fun of them" - "i was an idiot" - "i remember" -wonder if carson (guessing that ryan was the father) blames ryan for lucy's situation because of having unprotected sex like hes the immature/irresponsible, hit it and quit it type. assuming carsons had lotssssss of years to think about lucy and that night and what led to it

"who would ever trust a manipulative psycho like him" ummm ur future gf lmfaooo (nick still doesnt know george heard him say that btw)

-"not with the one woman who completely broke my trust" - mirrors how lucy pushed karen away after the sea queen ceremony even though karen was just trying to help (the problem was also caused by karen in the first place, same as nancy's as well) karen's always trying to help but just keeps fucking it up 😞

-"and thought i had lost all claims to professional integrity" - umm, you did.

and lastly:

-this lie about the dress being a prank is the worst fucking lie ive ever heard 🙄 how on earth did u keep shit from nancy this whole time sir

#brooklyn's ND primer #nancy drew cw #the Great Rewatch of 2021 #you best start believing in ghost stories miss drew - you're in one

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

alright so we’re back with chapter three - the Great Witch

-

i wonder how much of their memories Nick and Maya have actually recuperated 

the whole thing seems a little dodgy...

-

“This bench looks like a torture tool– shall we try it out on you, Nick?”

why is Maya so bloodthirsty in the game?? i mean she’s mischievous, but...

-

ahhh their widdle walking sprites are so cuuuute!

-

hang on– is that a picture-picture of Barnham with his dog?? if so, that should raise a lot of questions...

also why is the only person who *doesnt* comment on the painting Phoenix? he’s the art major.

-

you know, ive seen plenty of Phoenix X Barnham, and Darklaw X Barnham, but I’ve never seen any Phoenix X Darklaw 

i wonder why...

maybe Ive just never come across it

-

“Mr Wright, are you alright?”

(no response)

he's dead guys the fucking dog killed phoenix wright 

-

luke: I can talk to animals maya: haha omg cool! phoenix, laying in a pool of his own blood: hurgle

-

wait did maya just call Barnham adorable by proxy 

-

things layton likes: puzzles, stone lanterns 

-

oh fuck i forgot about the puzzles

also what the FUCK muffet

-

Patty: I believe in your Phoenix

Phoenix, trying not to cry: cool cool cool

-

aww. its nice to have a moment to just talk about feelings, especially between the sidekicks. 

...

...dont go into the forest you little fuckers

-

maya likes helms..??

-

“I used to come here with Nick. He’d carry the water pots, and I’d cheer him on!”

that reminds me, theres no plumbing. in fact, since its the middle ages, theres not even any outhouses. maya and phoenix have canonically shit in the streets

-

DOGS AND CATS, LIVING TOGETHER–

-

its 12:30 on a school night and I've spent over an hour trying to help a dog deliver mail 

oh maya solved that one! thats the first AA solve of the game. ...er, to me.

-

i dont understand how piccarats work

like, the previous puzzle was 30 piccarats and it was ridiculously easy. this one’ twenty and ive already lost ten points

maybe its to do with how my brain works– the 30 one was a pattern/colour puzzle, and I'm an artist. this one’s about directions, and I'm ASS at directions.

-

darklaw what are you WEARING

you look like a skimpy medieval furry

seriously what is with the metal skirt on bare thighs 

is that supposed to be comfy 

-

man these backgrounds are so beautiful 

-

why did she specifically tell Maya to be wary of witches

-

“You certainly both love your food. Personally, I’d just like a little more sleep...”

amen bro

-

oh fuck

Drosselmeyer wants to see Layton. dont let him brainwash ya!

-

“So this is the deathknell dungeon? Looks more like solitary confinement to me.”

considering the fact that she can see out the door, i doubt its solitary nick. solitary is a sealed box from hell.

-

Maya: you were just scared that nick would fuck up like always!! because he's an enormous fuck up haha!! Espella: i... no, i think he's really great

Phoenix: ...hey can i change assistants please

-

OH HO

CLIFF HANGER 

-

one does not simply

visit the storyteller

-

“come to think of it, during that parade, the storyteller did seem to be held in high esteem by all the townsfolk...”

guys have you not realized that youre literally meeting god yet???

ah see Layton’s got it

c’mon luke keep up

-

pfft they think Layton’s a hatter 

just wearing a tophat does not a hatter make 

-

ah the knights garrison

this is where Chucky stopped playing on his second third-space save 

I wonder why...

-

“And so the travellers finally arrived...”

yeah well first of all??? if you wanted me to get in there faster maybe dont make your door a fucking puzzle maybe 

fuck you old man you aint shit 

(btw i managed to solve it accidentally in the recommended 4 turns by pressing 3 random buttons and then realizing id somehow succeeded)

-

Storyteller: [farts suspiciously]

-

Storyteller: you guys are bad because you stopped me killing children

Layton: 

-

“OOPS”

DUFLUS SHFLS 

LUKE ITS OK 

I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO BE MAD

-

Espella: it’s true... that the towns folk look at me in a different way

well for one thing youre a different art style than most of them without being anything usually associated with said art style 

-

oh ok that i was not expecting 

she’s,,, jesus???

-

Maya spitting truths here 

-

wait hang on a second 

first of all– “the great witch is just a character of myth” yeah well EVERYONE is a character, Espella

also, she says she came to live with Patty 5 years ago... which is also what Phoenix and Maya said

when their memories all got altered to include phoenix and maya, does that mean they like, had a whole growing-up-together for five years roster of memories?

13 y/o Espella and Maya meeting, bonding over stuff, wondering why only Maya had to make bread and Espella didnt 

Phoenix–– hell, in the time frame, he’d be ‘Pheenie’ being their older brother. Acting like his 25 y/o self, or harkening back to those days and acting accordingly??

and how shitty it must’ve been when they realized none of it ever happened.

-

“Were these things... My memories?”

well probably not considering im pretty sure that tiny kid being flown over was you

-

i feel bad for nick’s... wherever is getting bitten, but this does lend credence to my headcanon that animals hate phoenix so 

also the inquisitor office theme needs to chill the fuck out

-

“Exactly what are you doing over there on all fours”

dont do that 

“He just sits back and lets his dog bite people, err... I mean, me”

he’s lucky nobody flips the fuck out and bites back. i suppose nobody would dare if they knew it was his dog, but still. not very responsible.

-

“Dr. Delduke” eh

well now

-

“He was no witch.” “Why?”

“HE was a man.”

( Welp, can’t argue with that. )

hey!!! equality to witches!! boys can be witches too!!

-

“Maya... can you get this mutt away from me? I can’t feel my leg.”

“Aww... So soon? I was hoping he’d use you as a blue chew toy just one more time.”

ok, seriously, what is UP with Maya? I can’t remember her ever being this violent in the original series. Like, she hit Nick over the head with the shichishito that one time, but she wasn’t constantly wishing harm on him??

-

as much as i appreciate seeing a tiny maya model i fucking hate the cloud puzzle fuck you for doubling up on it

-

oh i lucked into the answer awesome

this seems to be a running theme...

-

every time someone looks at the bell tower, they always comment on the bell never being heard. it must be foreshadowing.

-

wow Jean is very short

...also I'm calling it now, HE DID IT

-

hmm Greyerl’s voice actress is a little more noticeable than Luke’s...

also OH OK. the fucking bell tower just MANIFESTED OUT OF PURE FLAMES

THATS COOL

-

“He reacted in a moster peculiar way. Unlike others who saw it, he seemed unsettled, as if he was truly afraid of something” 

oh i dunno, maybe the DEMON BELL TOWER???

-

Maya: only YOU can fuck up that badly, nick!

ok... genuinely, utterly, seriously, why is Maya so malicious in this game? She does tease Nick a lot throughout the series, but its usually in a more playful or goofy manner. A lot of the things she says in this game seem sort of unnecessary or weirdly hurtful... especially since phoenix hasn’t done much to warrant any of them.

-

hmm

well, I know what happens to Maya

but what the hell is he doing to Nick?

also I do hope there’s a reeeeeaaaaally good reason for all this...

-

layton flings out his arm to shut luke up skdgkafajkf

-

wait why did the owl bring them that

-

“Luke, my boy... We have the need... to rent a steed.”

LAYTON

oh and they fucking did

-

“You think that’s bad? You should see Nick try and do the laundry– Now that’s a major blunder!”

see that seems a little more in character somehow

especially since its something that seems like he would fail at.

still, weirdly insult heavy...

-

hey hey 

100 coins

-

“in an alchemy sense”

shouldn’t that be an ‘alchemical’ sense?

-

“I guess you’re more suited to small, dark, damp places.”

is that a reference to the mushroom thing??

-

phoenix, in someone else’s abandoned basement: oh no their house plants are dying :( ill water them 

this man??? is pure??

-

“Well well well. If it isn't a well.”

NICK

-

“Come to think of it... I haven’t noticed any plumbing here in Laborynthia.”

HA 

I WAS RIGHT

THEY SHIT IN THE STREETS

-

“As things stand, Mr. Wright is in serious danger!”

uh the story said Maya would die, not Phoenix. It said he’d be cursed, but Maya would be tried and burnt. You should probably be more worried about her...

-

great witch: sup guys I'm gonna fuck shit up

game: the following is too horrifying to look directly at; here, have some shenanigans with Luke and that other bard Bardly was complaining about.

-

“Birdly”

fuck you perhaps

-

NO

WHY IS EMEER THERE

NOO

-

also hi Layton you’re looking a bit uh 

a bit 

...well this hardly makes any sense

doesn’t Layton appear not long after this? also, it’s easy enough to prove Maya’s not a witch; just hand her the staff and ask her to politely turn Layton back. 

that or just cry on him real quick; worked for Ash

-

bweuuuhhh dont cry luke pls

luuuuke

its ok luke magic isn’t real luke

...though from what I’ve heard of your universe, someone could have used Science to turn him into gold and that could be totally real so

just 

c’mon in for a hug lil guy

also see yuh all next time for part... four? i think?

#perusing pl vs aa #ooc

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[girlslob]

God I really wish I could talk more about this guy I’m dating rn but its still too soon. I’m also scared bc the timing seems fucked, especially with how close it is to my last ex. I just really wasn’t expecting anything more than a casual hook up from tinder but then something really really nice fell into my lap and its really bad timing bc I’m still processing everything from my last relationship but …. Its really difficult to not be really endeared to this guy for a lot of reasons actually.

And see, the thing is…. I know I said I loved Jeremiah when we broke up but…. The truth is, I care for him but I now realize that I don’t love him anymore. I mean….even when I was saying it I knew in my head that I meant “love” a different way than what others probably saw it as but… Idk.

I just, I keep looking back on it and realizing how deeply unhappy I’ve been in that relationship, and for how long. And I was wrong for holding on to it as long as I did, but tbh I also just wasn’t strong enough to let go. Don’t get me wrong, there was still a lot of times in that relationship that I was happy, but just. There was so many flags that I should’ve caught or done something about but never had the strength to do. And it makes me angry and sad because there were a lot of ways in which I failed both myself AND him. And oh my god you guys, the person I had become in that relationship…. I was genuinely mean to him at times. We both fed off of each others negativity and it just became this endless cycle of constantly fighting and picking each other apart, and neither of us ever felt like the other listened or cared about what we were upset about. Like it was so fucking bad you guys we were both so toxic to each other. And honestly even though I still really care about Jeremiah and his well being its like already so distant…. Like u know what, the idea of him moving on and finding another girl doesn’t bother me at all, and it hasn’t for like 2 weeks now.

I just feel like so much lighter and better of a person not being in that relationship anymore. It was really something that weighed on me and gave me a lot of dread and anxiety and so I did what I always tend to do when something is making me anxious: avoid it. I avoided doing anything about our problems because I couldn’t even think about it myself bc it hurt too much. Jenn would ask me how things are with me and Jeremiah and I would tell her I didnt want to talk about it, which, knowing me, is crazy and tells you right there that something is really wrong. And that wasn’t even like recent either, like it happened on the regular for most of my senior year of college….. Just ugh. Ugh.

But yeah. Right now? I am going through the stage of break up where I’m realizing how fucked up all the shit was and coming to terms with a lot of things. I have been lying to myself and to everyone else bc I didnt want to hurt him and it made it hurt for me less too. In the end though I just ended up hurting him more I think and it makes me really sad that that happened. Idk.

This new person is making me realize a lot of things too btw. Ive made sure to be open about where I’m at right now emotionally with my last break up (basically that I’m still in the middle of processing a lot of it. Not necessarily grieving but processing) and he has been really sweet about it. We have been making sure to take things slow and you guys, I’m really impressed how much he’s held to it, even though its been a little bit difficult haha. We are still getting to know each other but honestly I don’t think I’ve ever had this much instant chemistry with anyone before. Pretty much every (serious) relationship I’ve had has started out as friends first, then the romantic attraction coming later after we got to know each other. With this dude, sparks are fucking flying in the air in front of us lmao its honestly insane. Okay I can’t keep talking too much about this bc I don’t wanna get ahead of myself but, you guys, I am in trouble. I really really wasn’t expecting to meet anybody else that I would like this much this quickly and im kind of mad about it bc I was really really planning on being a single bitch for a while. But holy fuck holy fuck you guys I get along with this guy on such a foundational level so far like….. I’m really freaking out over here. Like I’m a giggling schoolgirl with a crush y'all. I know how these things go though and trust me I am veryyyy aware it could all turn to shit really quickly (which I’m actually carrying quite a bit of baggage about since my last relationship) but I still can’t help myself. I do worry about the outward appearance of me being so giggly and crushy on another person so soon too which is also partially why i dont wanna write too much about it….right now this is probably too much info tbh but honestly ive been using tumblr as a diary for soooo long that part of me just doesn’t give a fuck. I have always been personal on here and tbh I shouldn’t stop myself just cause I’m worried about other people think. The people who are important in my life understand though and are supportive to me so thats what matters really.

I don’t know. There is just a LOT of promise there and although the timing is bad I’m not going to throw it away just cause of that.

alright enough writing I need to eat some food

#mylife #sorry to mobile users for the length #unless theyve fixed it #which would b cool

[norman-reedus-gossip]

bulk

– mod–
I’ll add to the comments as usual. Anon:
The DM ran photos of DK in the exact same outfit with the exact same shopping bags iSaturday – walking alone. Check it out. No way she wore the identical outfit and had the same bags yesterday. The story conveniently tags them as yesterday when it was known N was back in NYC. The “getaway” makes for a much better story than 2 friends hanging out like he’s done with several female friends in the past few weeks (Ira, Jarah, Liz) – and been photographed with them too. These pics were set up.

Anon:
what is everyone talking about with norman and what did this DK woman do? i’m late and curious because i really don’t want to find a way to dislike norman

Anon:
grooooooooossssssssssssss. well if the other rumours are true, she wants a baby w him.

Normansweetpie:
I honestly am surprised about Norman and Diane. And to the person that said Norman is a horrible person, you’re wrong. Norman liked Diane and I believe that Norman can do whatever he wants to do with his life. If Norman wants to date Diane, that’s fine.

Anon:
So he is w a disgusting famewhoere. completely changes the way i see him. bye bye norman, no longer your fan (and im a lesbian, so this isn’t butthurt shit here)

Anon: If this is true, I don’t want to go to WSC London now. I don’t feel like meeting him if he has been lying to us this whole time.

Anon: Norman has to address this. He’s getting so much hate. I hope he shuts it down. Please Norman say it’s not true.

Anon:
I can’t believe he lied to us. If this really is true, then everything he says is bullshit.

Anon: Mod, I am at a loss how this whole narrative in the NR fandom went from “DK is vile, they’re not friends ” to “DK is vile they’re definitely not dating cuz NR is sweet and great” to “They’re dating! They’re both vile!”…. Like, where is this coming from? Norman’s own fans would rather believe he’s some sort of vile scumbag than the alternative that maybe, just maybe 1) NR and DK are both decent people? And 2) none of us knows the private details of when/how they got together?

Anon: Mod in your opinion do you think he would have done that? He did things that made us believe he was single so do you think he was really lying to us the whole time? I want to cry if he was. I thought he was different. Do you think there’s a chance that he is just friends with her?

Anon: Just friends my ass. They’ve been together off and on for over a year. Time for fans to take off the delusional glasses and accept it. He’s a good ACTOR, isn’t he?

Anon: II thought that if this happened I would feel angry and sad and disappointed. But I feel relaxed and calm and I wish Norman finally have found the woman that will stay with him till the end. I feel really happy for him.

Anon: I hope that Norman realizes that Diane probably called the paparazzi and set that whole thing up so they would finally be outed as a couple. She is a real piece of work.

Anon: A few choice words like unwise, irresponsible, childish, selfish, asinine, and dishonest, as well as many more like them are all coming to mind right now.

Anon: I know it’s his life but I think he needs to say or do something for his fans now. Just like when he shut down the EK rumor. Btw, TMZ also reported that as official too, if I recall and that was never true either. Please say something about the truth of this, Norman

Anon: In the midst of this DK stuff, someone on Facebook who works at LaGuardia airport says she talked to Norman at work today. Do you know if he’s heading somewhere?

Anon: What had Diane done and why does everyone hate her?

Anon: I am an extremely disappointed… I was gonna say fan, but I can no longer even bring myself to write that much less say it. What an effing nightmare. Seriously, I’m not sure if Norman could make a more foolish decision.

Anon: I want to be clear this is not a DK hate (or even dislike) post. I have to say I find it a bit ironic of NR fans blaming the trash mags for NR not being able to “live his personal life”. If I’m not mistaken didn’t the pap pics originate in daily mail? Doesn’t DK and her people have a deal with them and they set up pics all the time? So I’m assuming DK or both of them are courting this attention, yes? I think we need PR wife again, lol.

Anon: Ok wait, it doesn’t have to mean they are together. She could have been hanging with him like he does with a lot of his female friends. And I stil think the pics are only one day. Not a “weekend getaway” I really hope he says something now, though. This back and forth is too much. I pray it’s friendship and nothing more because I don’t want to have to stop supporting him. Say something Norman.

Anon: 
I cannot think of a single nice thing to say about Norman right now and I’m not sure I will ever be able to again. Anon: Dont you think that this is kinda ridicilous , this whole dk / nr is going on since 2015 , if they were together , they would already admit that and dont forget joshua and diane broke up a long time ago , so nr and her had a long time chance to admit it 🙄(sorry my english is not very good ) 


Susa206: Everybody should calm down! In my opinion it´s obviously, that they are a couple. I think we don´t have the right to judge about his or her life! Nobody knows what really happened between DK and her former boyfriend….. I never liked her … but the most important thing, is that he is happy…. and we have to accept his choice…. ( sorry again for my bad english)

Anon: So are we to believe they have been so careful to not be seen out together in more than a year and now they are caught in his parking garage? Set up

Anon: she is just so unlikeable. ive read her interviews and seen her interviews. she is not likeable. this is bad new for his brand, but its his life. i know i won’t tune into anything he does if she is accompanying him or being mentioned. i know celebs are humans, but i also consider them brands that i choose to consume. ive no interest in using my money & attention to help her brand, and won’t consume anything she is attached to. sorry normski, not interested if you come w her as an add on

Anon: But hold on remember when he was photographed with Elsa Hosk? and they aren’t together. I know because of DK, it’s strange but I don’t think it proves it yet. Until Norman comes out and says it.

Anon: Mod , i would like to help you a bit. I also dont believe that they are together , in fact i do believe Diane might have a crush on Norman (who not) and im sure Norman knows that , but it seems he is enjoying his single life and told her that , and still wants to hang out as friends with her , because why not? Maybe they were out having dinner , maybe he or she made dinner at their homes! 😊( just what i think about the whole dk/n thing)

Anon: this norman stuff with TMZ, is utter bullshit. they are probably just friends and so what if they are dating, they should be happy that they are happy.

Anon: Mod , it seems you doubt about if they are friends or not ….

Anon: Mod, do you think they really are together or do you think the friends theory is possible? I just want to cry if it’s true. It’s not that he’s with someone but that it could be her! I hate her. She is nothing like him she is so full of herself and now he looks like a cheater and a liar. I didn’t think he was anything like that but now he looks like such a fake person. Not who he said he was to his fans. I’m so sad. What do you think Mod??

Anon: If them unloading a car together is the smoking gun on their relationship… damn! I am in a relationship with a bunch of cab drivers! Dammit… and here I am thinking I’m single! 


Rebellacycle: I’m sorry I’m laughing at a lot of this this man can’t be any where near a woman or his female fan loose their shit “ oh he’s with her no ” if he is dating her at least she is close to his age if she slept with him I’d hi- five her good for you Diane 😂🤣💪🏹 let him live his life I don’t know her we really as fans don’t know the both of them it’s his and her business if they are dating or not what ever and I would love to be at his next convention to see if these “ fans ” ask him about it

Anon: Sorry!! I meant good luck to HIM. I want the man to be happt but she is just YUCK. My bad. You always rule. I’m going to drink whiskey til I puke this weekend. Why do I care? I have no clue but am just disappointed.

Anon: Can someone post the pics of DK that are supposedly from Saturday, please. Also, are those pics on tmz from yesterday or Thursday. I’m confused!

Anon:
Sooooooo are they together or were they just carpooling to like Whole Foods and Best Buy or something?

Anon:
I’m done with NR. Cannot support this disgraceful behaviour whatsoever. More to the point how can he be okay with a supposed partner calling the paps on them? Entire thing is a mess. he is not who he pretends he was.

Anon:
NR and DK kept their relationship hidden this long because they knew people would never forget about how their relationship got started (cheating) and they knew if they went public they would be one of the most hated couples in Hollywood. I seriously want to throw up she is such a horrid human being. N has developed really shit taste in women.

Anon:
Here it goes. Seems like we finally got our proof and Norman and DK came out and made it public finally. They are together. You can’t tell me she’s just a friend cruising around with him and unloading his car. Not after all. I’m so disgusted, I almost vomited. I can’t believe Norman fell for this woman. I’m SO SO disappointed and disgusted! 😞

Anon:
Those two horrible people deserve each other. And they deserve every ounce of hate that they get as long as they are together.

Anon:
Isn’t there a simple way to clear it up? One or both of their reps will confirm or deny the rumors, right? NR had to do that with the EK thing. Plus I think isn’t DK going to LA for Oscar weekend stuff? If she gives any interviews I’m sure they’d ask about this, right?

[dianaagron]

hello darkness my old friend i’ve come back on tumblr once again (after like one month of not uploading anything or reblogging or answering messages for that matter because im a shit person who is actually very busy)

once upon a time this was called the your fave crack edits maker watched the thing earlier review but let’s be honest im not editing a flying fuck lately so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  (here are part 1, part 2 AND part 3 tho)

warnings: i talk like a sailor, i haven’t been in touch with the fandom or with the whole franchise for like months and if you’re not that interested in the actual plot of the thing and you’re just watching out of love for the characters, there’s a 99% chance i’m even more disinterested than you (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:·ﾟ✧

basically if you’re looking for in-depth analysis and metas yo this ain’t the post for you my friend

good luck reading lmao

it’s a truth universally acknowledged that if a tri movie is coming out, tumblr user dianaagron (clara for friends) won’t know about it until the day after, when she’ll wake up and check twitter after 84 years of not logging in and realize that yesterday was the day. actually, this time i remembered the episodes were out the same day they were released, but still it was because of good ol’ twitter, because with all the mess that’s going on with me (part of the reason why i’m never here) even if i happened to check at the beginning of the week when soushitsu was coming out, i still managed to completely forget about it in the span of a fucking day. also, i’m fucking pissed because i’ve always watched the thing after downloading the various episodes because that way i have all my stuff and i can go back and easily find caps and other stuff like that but nope not this time because i can’t fucking find a single torrent and i’m refusing to download subbed episodes because a) it’s gonna take so long to direct download something and b) what use are subbed episodes when i know i’d be replacing them with unsubbed ones as soon as i can find working dls (this is a cry of help: tell me where i can download the episodes, im dying, thank you)

one thing to take into account: i was extra pissed for various reasons yesterday night when i watched the first two episodes, so i’m not really sure if that’s why, compared to the shit that i had to deal with in real life, the episodes (in the contrary to all expectations) weren’t bad at all. truth is i actually liked this installment? INCREDIBLE, I KNOW. of course it had its nonsense moments and parts that made me roll my eyes (im buying pizza for everyone who can guess which were those moments) and other negative parts, but i really preferred movie 4 to movie 3. i’m guessing this is an unpopular opinion because i remember everyone was so happy with kokuhaku back in the day and i was the only soul going like lmao i didnt even cry but idk, i liked this one, it wasn’t bad. btw, i said i’m guessing mine could be an unpopular opinion because i’m writing this sorry excuse of a review before reading anything else cause i don’t want to be influenced :)))))

(save me ive written 500 words on nothing) (meanwhile i finally found torrent links) (and i had to pause the review because i ended up going out yesterday night so this is me talking one day later from what you’ve read before)

once again, i feel like nothing happened in the course of these four new episodes. now, i know i’m extremely slow when it comes to get plot points and all that (not because i’m that stupid, thank you very much, but because of my attention span varies from 1 second to 2 and a half so it’s hard for me to recall what happened in the previous installments unless i go and rewatch all of them - thing i won’t ever do because this girl right here is lazy as fuuuck) but if you sit down and think about what was revealed, you get close to nothing lmao.

winning points of the movie (for me):

not too many extreme closeups like in the previous installment. it flowed better, the animation quality wasn’t as terrible as it was in the previous four episodes (im saying this just by quickly looking at the caps i took - while in the other i had so many ugly caps here they all look presentable and usable) (i say this from the point of you of someone who makes edits of course, i dont have the knowledge of an animator lmao), the majority of the shots with mimi, which are the ones that i pay the most attention to, are super pretty, but also those with taichi’s!!! his design was super on point, i have many caps im probably gonna insert later of just him looking hella attractive, and sora!!! omg sora was so fucking beautiful in these episodes i was so :)))) yay for nice designs, they make me happy.

the lack of you know who for basically two episodes. it was so good, so nice, so calming. i was loving life and life was loving me.  

HOW THEY HANDLED THE TAIORATO!!!! if you know me or if you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know this already, but i’m saying this in case i have new readers (HI) or, y’know, to swipe some dust off: i’m not the biggest fan of the main three. that comes from the fact that michi is my otp and i love taishiro probably too much for my own sanity, so i tend to be on the taichi/koushiro/mimi & yamato/sora/jyou side of things (which is like, super unpopular because if it’s not taiorato then it’s yamichi, so you get why my life is a constant struggle). anyway, thing is that i actually loved the interactions between the three? it was light and it felt super real, it could easily be relatable. it was also clear to me that taichi’s and yamato’s roles in sora’s life were blatantly different and i also loved to see how the two of them while being in the same situation reacted differently, but i’m gonna touch this topic later. overall tho, good job on the dynamic between those three. im clapping my hands, i wasn’t excited about it when the movie poster came out five months ago but i’m so happy that they made me love the parts with taichi, yamato and sora.

it wasn’t heavy on fight scenes. i know. I KNOW. but as i’ve said, i’m not the average digimon fan so i’m happy with my bonds developing and less fights and all that stuff :))))

meiko exceeding all expectations and NOT CRYING for all four episodes. such sorcery. 

on the other hand tho

y’all, who the fuck is that ygdradude? am i supposed to know? did i miss a focal point? am i that disinterested in the plot to miss a fucking focal point????

also what the fuck was that part with i dont know his name, the teacher, with the white space shit and the talk about libra. what is libra, who is libra, what the hell, what the fuck

pedo gennai dear lord i felt so fucking uncomfortable 

remember when i said meiko didn’t cry? she didn’t cry because they replaced her with her partner and made meicoomon whine for 3/4 of the movie instead 

the opening scene ????????????????  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ artistic choice ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the fact that they basically wasted half an episode (the last one) on three evolutions. they really need to cut down the timing of those, for real

i can’t think of anything else rn 

they could’ve kept meiko away for other three episodes if it was me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

then again they could’ve just kept meiko away from tri in general if it was me

warning: i have 98 screenshots ready to use, i’m gonna try to cut some stuff because that’s too many, but here we go 

they were pulling some hikari shit right here (as well as some charlie chaplin sorcery for the whole sequence)

that’s what i’m saying

OKAY LISTEN, that fucking egg with the circular thing under it made me highkey hope for some sort of magic shit happening and bringing the 02 kids back because it looks like a digimental egg or however those things were called. like my hope was so highkey that i fucking ended up dreaming the night between me watching the first two episodes and the latter two that miyako was back. unfair. i hated it. i want my kids back. 

taichi being handsome: exhibit A

mimi being beautiful: exhibit A

sora being incredibly pretty yet sad: exhibit A (i told you guys the design was extra better compared to the last movie) 

random caps taken merely for the fact that taichi and mimi were next to each other looking aesthetically pleasing to the eye  (also do you ever cry about the skin tone difference between these two because i tend to do that a lot) 

i can’t stand them hahahahah

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) frankly they could’ve shown yamato in the next scene so that way the foreshadowing would’ve been blunt and people wouldn’t still be bitching. or maybe they would anyway lmao. also look at the girls being all pretty together im so :))))

just pretty mimi and taichi + koushiro talking i was :)))) i love them all i love my kids, especially kou when he goes on about his tea

and i also FINALLY appreciated a koumi scene!!!! it happened!!!!! honestly, as i’ve said, i’m not entirely sure if it was because i was facing so much rl shit right before i watched the thing or what, but this time i was just enjoying what tri had to offer me without caring too much about other stuff like “ugh they’re pushing the fanservice with ship baits” and such. this was just plain cute, mimi was terribly in character, koushiro as well, and it was just the kind of interaction that i love. i love my kids pt. 2974521248 like, of course i would’ve loved for mimi to feed one to taichi, but i’m still somehow sane and i know they’ll never show something like that in canon? but still, it’s nice cause i know how differently from koushiro taichi would’ve reacted in a setting like this and i just can use it in my fanon world. goodbye.

this is why i’m team taichi, yamato

taichi being handsome: exhibit B

JUST IMAGINE HIM LOOKING AT MIMI LIKE THAT BEFORE THEY KISS IM SO ??????????? im gonna make a manip just wait for it

AH YES The Interaction™ also known as one of my fave parts of the movie lmao but it’s so nice whenever mimi talks it’s taichi the first one to answer im happy goodbye

cutie patootie be looking at his cute patoote

legit thought palmon was going to transform into sailor palmoon or something

why so ugly good lord

AAAHHHHHH!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS!!!! THIS THING RIGHT HERE!!!!  let me put it into context in case you don’t remember: this was taichi asking his LEGIT CANON BEST FRIEND IZUMI KOUSHIRO TO NOT PUSH HIMSELF TOO MUCH AND REST. can anything be as beautiful as this? this made my heart defrost, im alive, y’all need to reevaluate your “taichi and yamato are bffs” business because. of. this. right. here. (im slamming my fist on the table, in case you were wondering) 

hikari being smug af with takeru tho, that gave me life as well. also jyourato sitting next to each other <33333

AND THE SISTER IN LAWS <3333333 under a blanket that it’s so mimi’s 

penis shot

taichi you fool...

a word on the so called triangle that of a triangle it has nothing but whatever: it was clear to me that yamato and taichi hold two very different spots in sora’s life, while both being important to her. there are multiple times when we see yamato trying to make taichi break the ice and talk to sora, and that’s because he is her best friend, so he should be the one who is supposed to know how to make her feel better at all times. another thing i noticed was how it was yamato to be the most sensitive to sora (unsurprisingly so): you see it especially when taichi is busy with agumon and he’s still monitoring sora, worried

here

and of course this whole exchange was beautiful, and i don’t have much else to add. truly iconic. 

[insert penis joke here]

can we please take a moment to appreciate sora and mimi? they are so important

DA BACKHUG DOE guess who also watches kdramas lmao

minute 18 of episode 2 say goodbye to all your dreams of greatness 

CRYING HE’S SO PRECIOUS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH imagine him holding a baby 

i’m too lazy to go back and take another screenshot, but jyou with both palmon and patamon holding onto him was something else

🙄  🙄  🙄  even here mere expression makes me 🙄  but at least she wasn’t crying

i wasn’t

actually, as studies say, mimi is, in fact, a libra

why you know who tho when we all know it was sora who was supposed to be in the picture

why you know who pt. 2 

GET OFF THE RAILS YOU FUCKING FUCKS IS2G THEY FUCKING WAITED UNTIL THE LAST MOMENT TO GET OFF LIKE YAMATO AND KOUSHIRO U PRICKS IF YOU DON’T SEE THE OTHER TWO MOVING WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING, A HAND FROM THE SKY? THE TEA TO BE SERVED????

the fluff tho

the contrast between hikari being the calm one and having accepted the situation vs taichi still being unsure and lost was nicely done by making her facing the light and him staying in the shadows, good job with the cinematography im clapping my hands

F U C K I N G  W H Y  no, but seriously, i was already uncomfortable before with him being on top of her but this just just like yikes to a whole new level like i just don’t get it???? was it necessary???? just ew

i love mimi and the lowkey koukari pass it on

who the fuck is ygdrasil tho

ah yes, chosen children be so fit, they be running from huge monsters wanting to kill them off, they be escaping just with their two legs. incredible. 

digimon au: cruise OR digimon au: titanic (spoiler: meiko is jack) 

tag urself im jyou speaking the words of wisdom

takeru was cute here

weird lighting aka good luck to those who gif these scenes lmao

teach me this choreography guys don’t keep it to urselves 

this was some weird shit right here let me tell you

ah yes again with the superhuman strength, surviving after a fucking huge machine slams you repeatedly against a mountain or smth like that

ur the one saying it gennai get a fucking grip 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! MY JYOURA HEART, JYOU BEING DASHINGGGG how can they not believe him when he says he has a girlfriend i mean have you seen the dude? he’s going to be a doctor, he can fucking catch a girl falling from 20 meters up in the sky i meAN 

THE REAL HIGHLIGHT OF THE MOVIE. GALS BEING PALS. (for real tho, i felt so blessed? it’s in moments like these that i just feel all the love for this anime, im so :)))))) )

and jyou comforting sora as welllllll~~~~

and that’s it with the pics you guys!!! a couple of further points

if they didn’t waste half an episode on three evolutions, they could’ve just gone further with the plot, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

im not saying meiko grew on me, because i still want her out, but i can deal with her if he doesn’t cry as much as he did in the first three installments 

what’s up with that ygdradude and libra talk is my question

they still need to address the 02 kids mystery and i need my babies back 

the triangle is not, in fact, a triangle

i love my kids 

and the episodes weren’t bad, come on. they went a little further with the plot by showing that the chick whose name i don’t remember had a partner that died and so that was the reason for the reboot, so they did give some answers, and at least the pacing of this movie was faster than in the previous one. 

also, as i’ve said, idk what’s the popular opinion but i loved sora’s arc, it was nicely done and i don’t have anything to bitch about (except for meiko’s unnecessary presence). i felt for her and i wanted to wrap a blanket around her and just give her all the love.

and that’s it i think? 

im blocking out the memories of the scenes with gennai because im feeling super uncomfortable whenever i do

we’re talking first kiss between wang so and hae soo in scarlet heart levels of uncomfortable

the ending sequence was so cute <3333 especially sora and piyomon, they were my faves closely followed by taichi and agumon

and im done

thank you for reading

i’ll probably go back to my hibernation now 

ily all 

if you got to this point i’m truly buying you a pizza 

and let’s not forget the winning screencap, you can use it every day at every hour, every moment in your life

#digimon #digisafe #michi #mimi tachikawa #sorato #clara reacts #i cut down the number of caps from 98 to 62 or smth like that #y'all thought i'd be sleeping on this #AS IF #i need to write my pointless thought somewhere #tri spoilers

[totamilnadu]

Hmm hey, so ive been thinking about it today and I really don't want to tell you…..but that's not because i don't want to tell you, its because im scared to tell you....I dont want to lose you or put a burden on you... I want you to believe me and to take what happened seriously and as something that was bad….but i don't know if it was.... and i don't want to place those kind of hopes on you. So im not really sure what i should do. I really...want to tell you....when I remembered everything...I was like “I want to hug him and tell him what happened and be accepted” but......again I dont want to place that on you.... Cause if i don't tell you you will think its cause you can't help me and that's the opposite of the truth….and if i do tell you you’ll think its cause you forced me into it and that's not true either….anyway….im gonna post this and leave it under the cut….you can decide if you want to read it or not and that way...you did not force me into it, cause i didn't actually show it to you okay? I want you to know I gave this a lot of thought and im at peace with this. I feel good about it. Also….just in case you don't read it I want you to hear this part, so u know something u have been helping me with okay?

“the only people who have showed me what sex  are my mom and them….and….both were horrible experiences….i hated it...i feel disgusting….honestly….I want to just, sell myself cause thats all im good for at this point….atl that's what I thought…..but….you started to show me what its like to….feel….nice….I didn't want to ruin that…its really comfortable with you and....I forget about the bad things sometimes....thank you...I dont think u understand how grateful I am for that....”

so anyway.....read under the cut if you want to know what happened and.....I hope I can still be around you...if you do...I love you alot.....im sorry..

Anyway what happened…..so when I was born Davida fell in love with me, or so they say. But I didn't really know who they were till I was about 9, still they romanticized me for those nine years. By the time we did met and get to know each other I was well, 9. Anyway, they were my tutor and we grew close, they were safe and kind and selfless and I liked being around them. But but a little later they ended up saying to me “you know I don't think we are cousins (we are actually cousins) we are more like siblings.” and I didn't really know what to say. I liked just being cousins, especially cause that was what we actually were….but the way they said it sounded so hopeful and almost pleading I agreed and yeah started calling them my sibling. I think that was the first thing i did with them that I didn't want to do. 

Later they started having a lot of nightmares and Id come in and try and comfort them and ended up sleeping in the bed with them. And then the next night they asked me to do so again and….yeah, then after a bit when I asked to stop sleeping in the same bed as them and they cried a lot so….i said “nm” and kept sleeping in the same bed as them….another thing I didnt want to do.....

 a lot of “fights” happened and looking back, I realize its because they had made up a story about us being in a relationship even tho they had never had that conversation with me and, I was 9 and they were 18 (19?)....Anyway if I ever expressed not wanting to be physically close to them, they would cry and ask me what was wrong with them and tell me how much they loved me. I even remember once telling them that if they stopped touching me so much, id touch them more. By this just like you know hugs or resting a hand o them or a head or stuff like that.

 Anyway…..things kept getting worse and worse and i was so confused what was happening….they started telling me that they could see the future and that in the future we are married and have children and that we are a family. And that they had dreams and in the dreams i was there and that we fucked and stuff. They told me on dream were i fucked them with a dildo (btw i had no clue what a dildo was cause i was like NINE)  but when i didn't express happiness about this they cried and questioned me…

most nights we’d stay up till like 3am talking….(tho they were the only one talking), and crying. They spent hours upon hours crying about it. I remember once I fell asleep, like sitting up cause i was so exhausted and they woke me up and were really angry that I had fallen asleep. 

This was all…..really scary...I was reminded of my mom...and how we would fight for hours and she’d be screaming and crying and it was all my fault....it was like that.....I ended up just dissociating. I remember this on time they were crying and talking about how they had a dream, where I told them I didn't love them “that way” and after they told me, I didn't reassure them         ( cause i didn't love them that way and had never said I did) and they cried more and more and ended up telling me how “cold and Heartless” I was.

 Anyway….this sort of thing continued for a while and I ended up trying to combat it by telling them “I just want to be your sibling” but that only made things worse, cause then they would cry and say “but then everyone will think im fucking my sibling” to which….I was confused cause IM NINE and we didn't have any kind of sexual relationship….I think they had convinced them self that we were fucking and in a sexual relationship but….it was only in their head….anyway….it really got bad later I think I was 10 by this point? Which makes them like 19 or 20? And…..yeah I was lying on the bed and they climbed on me like...straddled me…..but leaned down so their lips were by my ear…..and like….told me how “sensitive” I was when being tickled, so I must be really sensitive turning sex. And that they would be really good at fucking me, and that they could force me to cum and make it feel really good, but that im so sensitive they would have to drug me first to keep me still enough. But that wasn't a problem cause if look good like that….or something like that and haha I was so scared I just laid there all still….

anyway…..later we went on a trip so it was just me and them and….I don't remember exactly what happened but….we were lying down next to each other and once again we (they) had been talking for so long and they had been crying and talking about me being their spouse and all and how we would get married and they love me so much and that I love them too (but i didn't not like that) and...anyway….I finally asked what they “wanted of me” and they told me to get on top of them….which like….i didn't know what was gonna happen….we like had tickle fights a lot so….I kind of assumed it was gonna be that, to lighten to mood and all and….anyway they grabbed me by the top of my pants and moved me up and down against them, without saying anything, it all happened so fast….I didn't know what was happening…..I was so scared madhu…..i couldnt speak….I couldn't do anything….I just was frozen, being pulled and pushed against them…..I felt like screaming but….my throat was so tight...I could even blink….I was terrified…..lol….it….felt….you know….it started to feel…..something and that managed to snap me out of being so scared and like a fucking loser I stuttered out “s-s-s-s-s-s-ssts-st-sto,-stop” and they did….and i don't remember how I moved but somehow I ended up by the river and...everything felt...numb...like I was dead….like the world hated me and cut me free of it….they were there too….they had followed me….and they asked if I cum…(I hadn't)....but I just started crying….anyway….

later I was hallucinating (daydreaming?) alot...there was this man in a tree, he was so beautiful, but he just looked at me and shook his head and walked away….I remember asking them later “did I kill her?” (i was still using she / her) and then breaking into tears again lmao. Anyway…..they kept wanting to talk to me and all but I really didn't feel safe around them anymore, like more so. And so I tried sitting in public to talk but they said they weren't comfortable doing so, cause someone might hear, and so I agreed to go back in private. And whatever I played it off as if nothing had happened….but really i was just trying to manipulate the situation so that id be safe, I knew it was pedophilia and that they could go to jail if I talked so I was scared they would do something to keep me quiet (they didn't) but the whole drive home I was just playing music and singing so that their mind would be occupied with that….

anyway we never talked about that and….their obsession with us dating continued till like….last year…. Just last year they said we should go one a double date and I had to remind them we aren't dating and they started to cry again….still to this day they talk about how good I look….and how sexy or hot I am….and...idk we have at this point had a conversation about how that kind of thing really scares me and really isn't good for me…..but they keep doing it…I know they regret what happened all of it, but they keep doing things….they keep touching me and saying stuff about me and….I just….feel disgusting….I don't want to be near them. 

Even in that video call with you, they were laying their head one me and all….I hate that…. I don't want them to do that….im so confused and so grossed out by myself and….i've told them not to touch me….but they still touch me….I mean...they are a pedo…..but they are also such a good person...and I do care about them….just….im so scared madhu….im so scared of them…

I don't know when they are going to cry and accuse me or touch me….I feel like its all my fault...that if only i could love them and fuck them their life would be better….but i can't do that...i can't be that person….I don't want to have sex with them..

and they cry about that….im so scared….sometimes when I talk to you about,,,that kind of thing….I hear them in my head...I feel like im becoming them….The only people who have showed me what sex is are my mom and them….and….both were horrible experiences….i hated it...i feel disgusting….honestly….I want to just, wanted to sell myself. its all im good for at this point….atl that's what I thought…..but….you started to show me what it's like to….feel….nice….I didn't want to ruin that….but I doubt you'll want to fuck me, let alone be around me….im so scared madu…..i feel so tiny and weak and pathetic….please...im sorry...i don't want to lose you...and...yeah....thats kind of it.....I love you regardless of what you do......and ill support you and help you no matter what....even if u dont want me anymore....okay? so dont worry....