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little-dragon-stories · 5 years

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Everything happens for a reason Part 22: the talk we've been waiting for.

Omg. Guys, I told you. It's sad and beautiful at the same time. Don't worry too much at the end of the day, everybody will be happy. I hope... 😅

Just so you know, I know nothing about Rosé except that I can recognize her on a picture. So, how I portrayed her is purely up to the needs of my story.

My dearest reader @hopetookmysoul called my Taeminie and Jimin "min min". I had no choice to use it, and I will use it next parts as well. I just love that ship name too much 🤧

Warning: angst at his purest form. If you feel depressed, don't read.

WC: 5061

8 days after your drinking night with Namjoon

Today with Taeminie, you have selected 3 luxury apartments that match your criteria. The 3 of them downtown Seoul, all in the same complex with a high security level. Also very importantly for you, it had to give you access to the backyard, something rare in big cities. You visited only one of them this morning and because you were charmed right away, you decided to buy it without further ado. Everything about the apartment enchanted you. It has 3 large rooms, one more than your needs but that’s perfect, you will have more space when your friends come in visit. It’s a sunny, modern place with a lot of kitchen cabinets, a big tub and the windows overlook the backyard. The apartment is already empty and as soon as the transaction of the sale will be finalized, it will be at your entire disposal. Paying cash with the insurance amount you had for the accident prevented the worries that the bank could have caused, therefore you are confident the transaction will be signed soon.

The presence of your friend by your side, taking your hand or encircling your waist to pretend he was your “man”, gave you the credibility needed to buy a very expensive, luxury, downtown apartment. Being friend with an idol has its advantage and to be honest, you know your relation with Taemin is true and not based on his celebrity status so you didn’t mind to play the game at all, calling him baby or my love, even pecking his lips in front of the real estate representative because you knew he would pretend to be bothered by that as soon as you will be alone together. The truth is, it was a never ending game between you and him, you playfully trying to seduce him and him “eeeewing” you to make you act upset.

That little game started one day at the beginning of your contract with him, the first month you were dancing together. One day, a woman came and intensely tried to flirt with him. The first reaction he had was to come closer to you and take your hand saying “that girl, she’s my girlfriend so please, don’t try anything with me, I am a satisfied man”. Of course, the second the woman turned her back, Taemin have told you that his “favorite Jeon’s ass were Jungkook’s” to make sure there were no ambiguity between the two of you. You have smirk and wink at him and then answered: “it’s just because you haven’t see me in a bikini yet”. He was under your charm just like that, in a clap of fingers. He thought you were a cool person, accepting his homosexuality right away and even joking about that. That refreshing, funny and open minded attitude was soothing for him. That’s how your friendship and that little “I am trying to make you love my ass” game started. The two of connecting together, sharing his little secret and accepting the other as he was. Completely.

Ever since, from time to time, Tae had “used” you to play the girlfriend part, when he felt that was necessary for him or when he noticed you were unamused by a too flirty man. That’s probably how the rumor of you two getting together spread and came into Hobi’s ears.

It’s been exactly 8 days since the party night with Namjoon and you still haven’t recovered from it completely, at least mentally. You have explained everything to Jungkook, sparing him no details and he was more comprehensive that you thought he would be. He promised not to share your feelings with Hobi, encouraged you to talk to him and concluded the conversation saying:

“Noona, you are a grown up woman now, I am touched”.

Never in your life you could have thought that your little brother would said something like that. It was so funny, him “babying” his big sister. He really takes his protective role seriously and that makes you love him even more.

You also have talked more than ever with Namjoon recently, He was checking on you, on your broken heart. A confidence from you brings one of his and little by little, you spent hours talking on the phone, texting or face timing. Everytime, you asked him how he was feeling, if he was ok with you, if he was too hurt to continue talking to you. Every time he gave you the same answer:

“It’s being away from you that would hurt me the most y/n”.

You made things clear with him very often, no possible ambiguity. Your heart may be broken but it still belongs to Hobi. You told him not to wait for you or try anything because it will always stay a friendship relationship. You don’t want to give him false hope, you want him to understand that a romance with him is impossible.

You were not comfortable to talk specifically about Hobi with him, because you really don’t want to hurt him. Your conversations were always more on a philosophical level. You were exchanging with him about your perception of love, the place of friendship in a relation, how can friendship evolve in a romantical relationship? Talking with him was really enriching.

He talked to you specifically about Hoseok one time only. He made you analyse everything with a different point of you. Today, you still can’t answer the questions he served you when he monologues for 10 minutes straight about your relation with Hobi:

“Why haven’t you talk to him before? You are in love with him for such a long time, why keep your distance from him? Personally, first occasion I have, I want to touch the girl, I mean I have that need to get closer sexually or not. I just need to touch and hug her, to get to know her more, not loving her from afar. Be a part of her journey, share her thoughts and yes, touch her all the way possible. It’s a need, the girl is under my skin. Why have you stayed so distant from him? You are a touchy girl, as you called yourself, you are a baby koala. You keep sitting on Jimin’s laps, petting Jin’s head, rub our back, squeeks our cheeks, massage our feet or shoulders first occasion you have, hugging us all the way possible. Girl, the feelings you gave me when you massage my hands while we were watching a movie the other night… my hands for god’s sake. You have that need to touch, to be physical too, just like I do. I know it, I see it. When we transport you, you literally melt on our back or in our arms because you hug us so much. But never with Hobi. You can talk to him, actually you talk to him a lot, I see your complicity and it annoyed me sometimes because you two shared so much intimate conversations. You two together can also be so childish when you start a food war or a staring competition. I see your connection, your complicity, your bound. But always from a certain physical distance. Why? You said you don’t want him to know you love him, but WHY? Don’t you want to touch the man you are in love with so he can touch you back?”

That’s a very good question. You had that need to touch him, you want to. In your mind, you didn’t touch him because you didn’t want him to know. But why didn’t you? As Namjoon said, the need to get closer should have make you do a move in his direction, at attempt to become “something” with him. What was keeping you from doing it? And also, what kept him from doing it? Namjoon didn’t wait 4 years to declare his love. As he told you the other night, he had to talk before he would explode. Why not you? Why not Hoseok?

Namjoon… a perfect man, in love with you. That generous and sensitive man, always analysing things, putting all the stress of bangtan on his shoulders to make it easier for his bandmates. Leading the way in interviews, composing and producing his music. Most importantly, the human behind it all, his sensitivity, the way he puts into words of the most insifignant things to make it suddenly interesting just by the choice of his words. His intelligence and kindness.

Namjoon…

You’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. Comparing Namjoon and Hoseok, their personality, the bond you have with one and another. Namjoon is certainly a man that could have take a big place in your heart if Hobi haven’t take it on the first place. If you were comparing Hobi and Hoseok it was to understand when and how it all went wrong. Not to make a list of the pros and cons because, with both of them, it’s impossible anyway.

After thinking about it over and over again, you fell asleep in Taehyung’s bed since it was his room’s turn. You stick to that comfortable routine to make sure you wouldn't ended in Hobi’s bed night after night. Among all the beds and without consideration for the owner, Tae’s bed was the most comfy. It was fluffy, there was a lot of cushions and each time you change position, you could hug a new one. The bedding was heavy, it gave you the feeling of a big hug while you are sleeping alone.

In your sleep, you felt somebody sitting on the bed beside you and finally laying down in front of you. You felt the soft movement of the pillow under the weight of his head. Used to sleep with Taemin recently, your inconscience doesn’t analysed any further and you filled the distance between him and you, nuzzling you nose in the crook of his neck, clasping your arm around his waist. You kissed him in the neck, because whenever you are sleeping with Tae, you have the habit to lay a kiss on each other, the first body part your lips met. Sometimes it’s a shoulder, sometimes a cheek, sometimes a hand. Touring with him for more than 3 years, you represent each other family when you were away from home. You represent the security and the soothing appeasement of unconditional love. Just like family.

That neck isn’t Taemin’s neck thought. It doesn’t have the same texture under your nose. It doesn’t smell the same. It’s Hoseok’s scent, it’s his body that you feel against yours. Still sleeping, you think that you are dreaming of it, that you dreaming the most beautiful dream. You hold yourself a little stronger against him, overwhelmed by the fact he’s finally in your arms, against you, loving you. What a wonderful feeling.

“Huummmm Hobi” you moan, “You feel so good. Hold me closer please, you ain’t close enough love”.

It’s his fingers, releasing a strand of hair from your face that made you realized what was happening. You opened your eyes and can only stare at his face, his face on the same pillow than you. He seems so tired but managed to smiled anyway.

“Oh No! No! No! No!” You said, coming out of your trance.

“Y/n calm down”.

“What are you doing here? Something happened to Jungkook? Please, tell me my brother is safe”. You are paralyzed, you cannot move away from his body. Whatever he’s doing here, his smile is soft and he seems to be calm so, it must not be a bad news. He took your hands in his before he told you:

“Ssshhh, everybody is safe over there. I came alone because I needed to talk to you.”

“What about the shooting?”

“I won’t be there the last 3 days and the boys will visit a little before coming back”.

“Why are you here?”

“I needed to come,I just told you. I was losing my mind over there”.

You sit straight on the bed and covered yourself with the Mang plushies you’ve taken on Hobi’s bed. If he noticed, he’s not letting you know. Your first reflex would be to run away from the situation but you are well aware that the longer you flee, the stronger it will hit when it catches you.

Still, he was uncomfortably too close for you.

“I think we need to talk”

Even though he was right, you don’t feel strong enough yet. You don’t want to face him ever again to be honest.

“Can we do it another time? It’s the middle of the night”.

According to the clock on your nightstand, it’s 3:20 am. For the first time in a long time, you were sleeping peacefully, maybe because now you will have a place for yourself.

“Please y/n. I am begging you”.

Your right leg was in front of you and you bend your left knee over your straightened leg. Hobi sit right in front but a little bit shifted to your left because of your cast, crossed legs, not leaving a lot of space between you and him. His calm attitude, his soft smile and his tender gaze gave you the courage to dive in this uncomfortable situation.

“Who speaks first?” you asked.

“I am gonna let you start, since there are a few words I’m waiting for” he says, smiling. He was really calm, that surprises you.

“Hoseok, I am sorry oppa. My intoxicated ass doesn't justify my behavior at all. I am ashamed of the words I said, the way I acted and the way you got to learned it”.

“I won’t lie y/n, I was angry. You shouldn’t have talked to my girlfriend like that. I mean it. But that being said, I get you, I understand how you feel. I asked Jimin if I was understanding things correctly, I was sure he knew”.

Oh! No! Jimin, have you talked?

“He didn’t say a word about your feelings but he didn’t deny my theories either. Anyway, with the things you said the other night, I was able to put all the pieces of the puzzle together, Jimin was just in the middle of us, like you were for him and his boyfriend I guess, making each other talk and trying to guide them. By the way, it worked well for them, right?”

Hobi says, naturally tending his palm for you to “high five” it. Instead, you took his precious and delicates fingers in your hand and intertwined fingers with him. To feel it. To feel him. To be as close as possible, in all the way you can. You noticed though, he said “my girlfriend”, not “my ex”.

“It did work. They will have 5 days together when the boys come back. Hopefully, they will enjoy each second they can be together, their love is so precious”.

He nods and continues on his idea.

“I was mad y/n. Really mad at you. The way you treat Chae was rude. But also, I could understand how you feel. My turn to apologise now, I would have never, ever brag about her in front of you if I knew you were in love with me. Never. I hope you know it”.

“I know Hobi”.

“Ok, good. Also…” he’s hesitating. “2 questions. Are you still in love with me? How long have you being in love with me?”

You swallow the little amount of saliva that you have on your mouth, you feel dehydrated. Hobi noticed at the same time you're doing it that you’ve lost weight, too much weight since he last saw you. You don’t look healthy at all, sadness painted all over your face. Recently, you’ve been neglecting yourself and it shows. He’s scared you might suffer from depression. He will have a talk later with Jimin and Jungkook, you need to gain weight otherwise you will disappear. Have you eat at all recently? It’s not the time for this conversation but he promised himself that he will watch after you. The only thing you seemed to haven’t neglected is your personal hygiene, that’s a good sign, right?

You were ready to give him a long and detailed explanation, but at the end of the day, what really matters is “do you still love me” and “for how long”. Gathering your courage, you started to talk very slowly, almost as if you were detached from that story, like you were talking about someone else.

“Yes I am still in love with you even though I am questioning myself about what real love is. I have been in love with you for what? I don’t know, maybe 4 years now? Maybe less, maybe more”.

This is the shortest answer you can give him. When you are nervous, you over talk. But it’s ok, he knows you. You have to add, you needed to:

“Hobi, I love everything about you. Everything. I know details about you that you probably don’t even know yourself. I love everything, everything about you. I am attracted by every single part of your body. Every little face expression you makes makes my heart flustered. When you smile, I feel warm. I love you, I love you so much”.

“I am so sorry Y/n. It’s just a big mess”. He said, taking his head between his hands, leaning forward”

“I know Hobi”. You caress his hair gently, sliding his locks between your fingers. At this point, there is no need to restrain yourself from touching him, he knows you love him. He sights.

“Why haven't you talk? We would have been together now, a happy couple, living a happy life”.

“Why haven’t YOU, Hoseok? Why?”

You are not the only one involved in this. He had his part to play and he didn’t play it either. You can take your part of responsibilities, not his.

“You want the ugly truth y/n?” He didn’t wait for you to answered. “I always thought you hated me. Well, not hated it’s a big statement to claim but at least that you were not comfortable around me”.

“You are right Hobi, I was not comfortable. I was incapable of getting closer to you. I was scared that you would feel my love and I didn’t want you to know I was in love with you”.

“You can’t love me if you don’t want to be close to me. It makes no sense!”

“Hobi, you have to believe me. I was not touching you because I was scared that if I did, you would feel my love, my desire for you and that you would know the truth. I was scared, I didn’t want you to know the truth at all cost”.

He was very emotive, on the merge to cry. His eyes were teary and when he was not talking he was biting his lips not to sob.

“Hobi, you didn’t talk either. Maybe I loved you more than you loved me”.

He stopped you:

“I was so in love with you, I was waiting for a little sign, something, anything to keep on hoping. But you were so distant. Why? I don’t believe it. I just can’t believe that I almost got you, YOU, the girl that I loved with all my heart. It cannot be for real, destiny made us love each other and finally decided that we were not meant to be. I just can’t believe that”.

He was almost yelling by the end of his speech, unable to hold back tears any longer.

“Y/n, I was in love with you, I was touched by every little gesture you had towards me, shaking inside each time you were smiling. Melting inside each time I saw you laugh. Girl your smile, your delicate hands, your smell, your kindness, your hips, your lips, your generosity, your sense of humor, your intelligence, your strength, your softness, your bambi eyes when you are touched, your sexy moves when you dance, the way you become a powerful goddess on the stage but as soon as the spotlight are off you remain yourself again and act childish, you being a baby koala, the way you always help us put things in perspectives, your toughness against adversity, your calm personality, always thinking before talking on contrary of me, the way you’re provoking your brother… your beautiful and kind heart…”

You had enough, it seems that he was really in love with you after all. No doubt, he felt something.

“Why y/n, tell me why. I need a good reason to have lost you forever because I know I’ve lost you forever now. I know…”. He was almost shaking your shoulders, to make you react. He was crying and it broke your heart to see him like that.

“I was scared that you would reject me”. You said, gently cupping his cheeks, crying with him. He covered your hand with his and he pressed his forehead against yours for the most intimate contact you ever had with him. Your man. Your beautiful man. The one you love with all your heart and all your soul.

That’s it. You just spit it. That’s the reason why, you just realised it the second you said it. You were scared he would not love you back so you prefered to keep your distance instead of taking the risk to get hurt. At the end of the day it couldn’t have been worse because you are now losing on every level. You could never get over him, or in that specific case, be with him. You continued:

“I think that maybe, all the rejection that I had to face when I auditioned to be part of a girl’s group, made me doubt myself. Every fucking time, every time until I met Taemin, I were rejected because of my body. Too fat, too slim, too bony, too thick, too much boobs, not enough boobs, an ugly nose, not enough sharp jawline, too much cheeks. Name it Hobi. I think I felt like I didn’t deserve to be with the beautiful, perfect you. You are so beautiful, you deserved so much prettier than me”.

Big tears were running down on your cheeks, his tears and yours, mixing together as if they knew it’s gonna be the only contact your fluids will have.

What touches you the most, what hurts you the most is that never in that conversation, he tried to have you back. He was talking past tense. That broke you.

“Hobi… Hobi please…” you said, crying.

Please what? You don’t even know yourself. Please hug me? Kiss me? Don’t give up on me? You don’t know. All you can do is cry and say his name over and over again, sobbing. And the more you cried, the more he did, never letting go of your hand in his, softly caressing your cheeks with his forehead with slow, soft strokes , pressing his nose against yours, his nose on your forehead…

“Hobi… tell me…”

He leaned back, looked at you in his eyes. He placed a beautiful, soft and tender kiss on your forehead, leaving his lips pressed on your skin as he answered.

“What?”

“Tell me, why couldn’t that be possible again? Why is this a fatality? Why can’t we start something together, now?”.

You don’t want to beg. You don’t want to, really. But deep inside of you, deep in your guts, there is a voice that keep screaming “please Hobi, love me, please. Love me back”.

“I am not saying it’s possible or impossible. I am lost and I don’t want to drag you down with me, I don’t want to give you false hope. That’s the only reason I am not saying anything about “us” right now. The truth is, I have Rosé in my life now and I’m really, deeply torn apart, I need to take a big step back”.

Both of you stayed silent for a minute or so. Forehead against forehead, hands in hands, breathing in harmony, letting your tears flood your faces. After a few moment like that you told him:

“Hobi, I have my answer now”.

“What? What answered?”

You take a deep breath in, gathering your courage to talk.

“You don’t love me as much as I love you. I was never torn, I never doubt. Not for a nanosecond. You were, you are my one and only, nobody else could have compete against you. Not even my celebrity crush”.

“No. No. No. Don’t give up on me just like that, please. I just don’t know. I am a weak man. I am just a stupid man, I’m so stupid”.

You kissed his forehead, inhaling his smell. You don’t want to let him go, never. But at the same time, you know you have no choice. You need to get over him. You need to heal, you need to recovers from him, take care of your heart or you will die from tje pain. Your broken leg and the lost of your and career is literally nothing compare to your broken heart.

“Hobi, stop. You ain’t stupid and you have all the right in the world to be unsure. I love you Jung Hoseok, I don’t know how I will stop loving you… But I am letting you go”.

“No, please, no…. don’t do that, I love you, I always loved you too, it’s such a mess, please…. no”. He was crying, sobbing. He look broken, dejected.

“Hoseok, if Rosé was in front of you right now, would you act the same? Would you cry like that? Asking her not to give up on you?”

He’s not answering. Is it because he don’t know the answer? Because he really don’t know?

“Hobi, you are torn and you have the right to be. I don’t love you less because of that, that would be too easy, right? But, even if you would answer me that you’re choosing me tonight, I wouldn’t believe you, I would still doubt your feelings for me. I am not going to be a second choice, I don’t want to doubt my man’s love. I don’t want you to impulsively chose me and then regret it. I want to be the one and only in my lover’s heart. Otherwise, I won’t be confident in my relationship.”

You stopped, to make sure he was following. His sad brown eyes glued to yours made you hesitate for a second but you won’t change your mind. You won’t flinch. You know you are taking the good decision. You know that to be happy, you need to go on with your life. His love for you is too uncertain. He’s unable to choose between you and Rosé so you're gonna make the choice for him.

“I wish you will find happiness with her Hobi, really. I wish you will be happy. I love you”.

“Wait, wait, please” he clings to you, his 2 hands catching your nightgown with desperation all over his face.

“What is it?”

“I think we deserve at least one kiss. Please y/n, you can’t say no to that”. He said.

Would it be cheating on Rosé? Of course it would be. Would it be your problem? Absolutely not. Do you care about her feelings if she feels betrayed by that? You don’t give a shit to be honest. You’ve been waiting for your man at least 4 years, you think you deserve a kiss, screw that thief. At the same time, would it hurt you more? Can you be more broken inside? You don’t think it’s possible unless something happens to your family or to your Min-Min princes.

Hoseok sees you analysing the situation. He don’t want to think, be want to act. For him, you both deserve that moment together, a sight of this impossible happiness.

He drop his gaze from your eyes to your lips and he slowly lean in. You can’t resist those lips, you just can’t. That mole, that perfect mole that you’ve been dreaming of almost all your adult life is too tempting to be neglected.

Slowly, you followed his movement and gently, softly, you lean in. You started by brushing your nose against his. When you felt his breath on your skin, you couldn’t wait any longer and you brush your lips against his, taking your time to feel the contact of his lips under yours. He seems paralysed at first, not making a move to kiss you back. You pulled away, unsured. His expression was mostly sad but he smiled at you nevertheless. He then gently placed his left hand on the side of your neck and he tug you in for the most emotional kiss you will ever have in your life, caressing your naked shoulder and arm with his other hand. It was soft, sad and the taste of his tongue awaken all sorts of emotions inside of you. Desire, fever, passion, sadness, love, joy… Still, both of you kept the pace slow, not wanting to rush anything, feeling the moment, living it entirely. You had to do it thought, you had to tease his mole with your tongue. It was your only kiss, you’re gonna take all you can.

When he started to run his fingers on your hair and you started to feel things heating, you pulled back and placed your hands on his.

“Enough Hobi, now go”.

That was it.Your one and only kiss with the man that you love, but will have to forget.

He stood up and walked his way out. He opened the door but before he leaves the room he said:

“I don’t know if I can be happy with her either you know, she’s not you”.

“And I am not her either. You can’t cut us in two, unfortunately. Goodbye my love, please, let me alone now”.

You can see he’s really sad, dejected, lost. He seems as broken as you are. You see it, it’s all over his face. Knowing he’s feeling like that made your heart heavier. But you have to start thinking about yourself now. You have to find a new purpose in your life.

When he closed the door of Tae’s bedroom, you can hear his sobbs. That’s also when you free yours.

#bts #bts angst #bts fluff #bts serie #bts fake texts #bts scenario #bts imagines #bts imagine #bts ff #bts fanfic

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