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megalony · 4 years

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This is a Harry Styles imagine that contains a lot of angst and is like my Ben Hardy imagine ‘I want a baby’ because I couldn’t decide who to write it for so I did both. I hope you will all enjoy it, feedback is always lovely to have.

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Summary: Harry and (Y/n) try for a baby but when he comes home one night, things take a very bad turn.

Enjoy.

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He was finally home.

She could hear the sound of his shoes hitting the wall when dug his toes into the back of his shoe to kick it off his foot and into its rightful place up against the wall near to the front door. The usual thud of his jacket followed the sound of his shoes and the jingling of the many keys on his chain being dropped into the dish near the door.

She could only just hear his feet tapping against the floorboards that barely groaned under his feet. He always walked so light as if he was a fairy or weighed nothing at all and it made it harder for (Y/n) to know whereabouts he was in their home or when he got back. But (Y/n) did notice that when he was walking it was like he was walking in time with his heartbeat or a tune in his head and he was tapping out the rhythm with his feet as he walked.

(Y/n) didn't bother to open her eyes when she heard him getting closer and closer to their shared room, she decided to wait and see what he would do if he thought she was asleep. They both knew well enough that (Y/n) hardly ever went to sleep without him unless he was away on tour and even then it took her ages to finally get to sleep. It took a lot out of her to stop herself from smiling when the door opened and she could hear his slow breaths filling the room.

It was as if (Y/n) could actually feel his surprise when his eyes set on her and saw that she was sleeping even with the lamp turned on very low.

(Y/n) tensed her legs to stop them from moving and giving away the game that she wasn't really asleep, she had only been resting her tired eyes when Harry finally came home from a party she didn't fancy attending. She wasn't mad at him for staying out, Harry liked events and parties and it wasn't like he came home drunk or on drugs or angry or horrible. He always let her know roughly what time he would be home and he called if he was going to be staying late at the studio.

She could feel his weight pressing down on his side of the bed behind her and she could hear the little pops of the buttons on his shirt that he was taking off. (Y/n) felt the bed lift ever so lightly before quickly settling back down when he moved to take off his socks and trousers before climbing into bed behind her, still under the impression that she was asleep.

For a moment, (Y/n) thought Harry was just going to lie down and try to fall asleep since it took him a while to calm his mind enough to fall asleep. But his arm soon found its way around her waist and she could feel his chest pressing up against her back.

When a kiss was slowly pressed to the back of her neck, a smile formed on (Y/n)'s lips and she had to fight to keep her eyes closed when he was making the blood rush to her head and her skin tickle. He kept lingering kisses against her neck before peppering open-mouthed kisses down the back of her neck and along to her shoulder causing (Y/n)'s smile to disappear so he would still think she was asleep. After a little while, his lips moved back up to her neck until he reached just under her jaw and she could feel his stubble tickling against her skin.

"I know you're awake." He murmured the words quietly against her skin, feeling the way the muscles in her neck pulled up when she swallowed before her eyes slowly fluttered open like butterfly wings. "I can practically hear your heartbeat." He added when he could see her questioning how he knew, but there was no smug tone to his voice like she thought there would have been.

(Y/n) lifted her hand from the bed to gently brush over Harry's cheek before her fingers trailed down to play with the ring settled neatly on his wedding finger. Out of all the rings Harry wore day in and day out, his silver wedding band had to be her favourite because it was the one that joined her to him. It was the ring that showed he loved her enough to commit himself to her.

"I missed you." (Y/n) twirled the ring around Harry's finger before she dared to lift her eyes and look up at him.

"Missed you too, s'not fun when you're not there." Harry's response was quiet but his words were tender and sweet as he trailed his kisses up her jaw before his hands moved and he slowly turned (Y/n) over so she was laying on her back instead of her side. Giving him the opportunity to move and lay over her, resting his weight on his forearms that were resting next to her shoulders, pinning her beneath him like she was his prey.

(Y/n)'s tired eyes looked up into his as he smiled sweetly, momentarily stopping his kisses so he could watch her play with his rings. The lazy smile on his lips and the look in his eyes told (Y/n) that he was drunk or at the very least he was tipsy, it took quite a few drinks to get Harry drunk.

"M'not going out without you again." Their voices didn't go above whispers but they had no need to speak any louder.

Harry's words made (Y/n) smile and caused her eyes to soften as she stared up at him. She did like going out to parties with him, but then again if she didn't go it meant he could come home after not seeing her all day and be affectionate like this. This was the usual routine if he was away all day and (Y/n) was still awake, he would come home and worm his way into her arms and never let her leave his embrace until the morning. He wrapped himself around her like a vine and she loved it.

Harry trailed his finger down (Y/n)'s cheek in a way that reminded her of a teardrop before he leaned down to steal a kiss from her lips. When he pulled up for air, his eyes narrowed and an inquisitive smile formed on his lips when he noticed the look in her eyes as she cupped his face. There was something on her mind or something that she wanted to tell him.

"I want a baby."

In her head that sounded much kinder and more of a conversation starter than a statement that she expected Harry to go along with. She didn't want to blurt it out like that but she also didn't want to beat about the bush this late at night.

(Y/n) could see the surprise in Harry's eyes and the smile on his lips at how blunt she was but he wasn't offended by it thankfully.

"Are you asking me or telling me, love?" Harry didn't really mind either way because it was clear (Y/n) wanted to talk about this, she wasn't just putting it out there and expecting him to go along with it. This was up for discussion so asking or telling him what she wanted wasn't an issue.

"Both... what do you think? I really want to try for a baby."

"I think that sounds like a great idea-" No more words could pass through Harry's lips before (Y/n) was pulling him down by his cheeks so she could press a bruising kiss to his lips.

Harry hadn't long come back from doing a world tour which meant that for the foreseeable future he wouldn't be jetting off anywhere other than a few interviews here and there. He was home and ready to take a break before thinking about getting on with another album. It was the perfect time to think about expanding their numbers and both of them had already agreed that they wanted a lot of kids in the near future.

(Y/n) couldn't help but hold her breath when Harry's lips moved from her own, down her chin and back down her neck. He felt the way her chest shuddered beneath his lips and how she kept taking short breaths and holding her breath for a long time like he was very used to by now. It was like she didn't know what he was going to do next and so held her breath in anticipation and he loved it. Harry loved having that hold over her and the ability to take her breath away without having to do very much.

When he started to pepper kisses down the valley of her breasts he could feel her stomach tensing and pulling inwards too as her hand knotted in his hair, needing something to hold on to.

"Let's have a baby."

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His socks padded quiet yet heavily against the soft carpet that felt like sand enveloping around his feet until he felt like he was going to slip beneath the floorboards and down into the living room below. There was nothing more he wanted than to strip from the constricting clothing he wore and to jump into bed with his wife.

Harry was rather surprised (Y/n) was in bed even though it was gone midnight. He'd been out at the studio since five o'clock in the afternoon because he'd had an idea that he wanted to work on with the band before the idea slipped from his mind. And Harry knew (Y/n) always waited up for him for as long as she could until she physically dropped. Something about sleeping on her own set her on edge, she had to have Harry there to get a proper nights sleep and he wasn't complaining, as long as (Y/n) was there Harry could sleep anywhere at any given time.

He tried to be as quiet as he could when he walked into their shared room and very slowly pushed the door shut so the hinges didn't squeak and giveaway what time he was coming home. Harry always tried to come home at a reasonable time because he wanted to spend as much time as he could with (Y/n), but sometimes he just couldn't help but let time slip away from him. He never liked being home this late, it made him feel bad if (Y/n) was waiting up for him and he felt even worse when he realised she was already asleep.

Harry could easily get changed and walk around the bedroom without needing any lights turned on which was good right now so that he didn't wake (Y/n). He knew where the wardrobe was, the chest of drawers was next to the door and there was a chair near to the window where they both placed their clothes ready for morning.

Harry trudged around to his side of the bed before slowly easing himself down until he was sat on the edge, his eyes sneaking a quick glance over at (Y/n) who was sound asleep, as she should be at this hour. The moment he felt the mattress beneath him he wanted to flop down and collapse as the mattress brought the exhaustion to his bones. He shrugged off the now itchy black button up shirt he had adorned all day and tossed it down onto the floor, doing the same with his socks and he slipped a few of his rings off and placed them on the side table before a sigh left his lips. He couldn't be bothered to go into the hall to put them in the wash basket, nor could he really be bothered to grab some sleep shorts or a shirt.

Without taking off his trousers or even his belt, Harry threw the covers aside so he could lay down. He knew his mind was far too active for him to fall asleep then and there despite how tired and groggy his eyelids felt. He'd remove his uncomfortable trousers when he had the energy, right now he just wanted to let the bed hold his weight for a change and let his muscles relax.

A minute ticked by that felt like an hour to Harry as sleep desperately clawed at his mind, fighting his willpower that was keeping him awake so that he could think for a while longer.

He liked this, Harry liked having a few minutes in the dead of night- or early morning, and being surrounded by quiet. The studio was anything but quiet with the sound of a drumbeat circulating through the air like a heartbeat or the strings of guitars and bass guitars and vocals being thrown here there and everywhere. Whatever Harry did it never came with silence, he did interviews, he worked in the studio or on a movie set, he recorded vocals and practised stage shows. Nighttime was the only time where he got some peace and quiet but it didn't happen often enough for his liking.

Harry liked coming home and laying in the silence and the dark like this, it allowed his mind to rest and recover and it let him think about things over than his music. And when he had (Y/n) laid beside him it further calmed him down. (Y/n) always had the ability to calm him down even when he didn't know what was wrong himself.

Harry's left hand rested on his lower stomach where he could feel one of his tattoos beneath his fingertips which absentmindedly started to trace around the butterfly design he'd had there for roughly four years now. Harry had too many tattoos to count at this point, one of his favourites was the one of (Y/n)'s name inked onto his wrist. He knew now that since (Y/n) was pregnant, when they had the baby he would have another name to add to his collection of ink on his skin. But that was months away.

As he laid thinking about anything and everything, he just so happened to move his right hand to rest beside him on the bed under the cover and it sparked his mind to wake up from his drowsy state.

The bed sheets were wet.

Harry had only just laid down and it hadn't been raining outside so that was nothing to do with him and the room wasn't anywhere near hot enough for (Y/n) to be sweating or in a cold sweat in her sleep. His confusion brought him out of his thoughts and he groggily sat himself up, leaning over to his left so he could turn on the bedside lamp.

He ran his hand through his hair to brush the long curls from his eyes but Harry felt a shiver crawling ungodly slowly up his spine when his hand left his hair and came within his line of sight. Grabbing the cover, Harry aimlessly flung it towards the end of the bed around his feet so it wouldn't be an obstruction as realisation and terror dawned on him. (Y/n) wasn't sweating, the bed sheets were drenched in blood.

Harry's throat tightened and his lips curved like he was frowning or snarling when he realised that there was a repulsive smell in the air, it was iron and copper from the blood. His nose crinkled at the smell that was now overwhelming his senses and burning the back of his throat. How could he not have noticed the smell lingering in the air? Why didn't he smell it when he laid down?

It was everywhere. The blood was smeared on his hand, it had grazed onto his right arm from him leaning it on the bed, it was spread across the whole middle of the bed and what made Harry gag was seeing blood on the pillow beneath (Y/n)'s head. She was laid in a C shape, curling her legs up to her stomach with her arms coiled to her chest, not knowing she was sleeping in a pool of blood. All the blood was situated around (Y/n), specifically her lower half so it was very clear which one of them was in trouble and where the trouble was coming from.

When Harry reached out for her he choked when he could even see blood in her hair.

How long had she been bleeding out in her sleep? Why wasn't she awake and in pain or crying or feeling something? How had it gotten like this and she hadn't woken up and noticed- why didn't he notice when he came in?

"(Y/n)... (Y/n), love you need to wake up." Harry rubbed his thumb over her cheek as his other hand shook her shoulder with a growing force to try and wake her up.

Relief swarmed through Harry's tight chest when (Y/n)'s head jolted forward a bit and her eyes tiredly started to open and look around, adjusting to the orange light cascading the room. A small hum left her lips as she craned her head to look at Harry over her shoulder who looked like some kind of angel hovering over her. The worry on his face made her heart race and he could see the iron smell flooding her nose when it crinkled and her brows furrowed at the smell she couldn't work out.

"Love, you're not very well. Come on, we've got to get you up." He could see his words were making little sense to (Y/n) as her eyes narrowed and creased at the corners and her head shook ever so slightly. It was like she was trying to smile out of nervousness as if she thought he was playing a joke on her but something was telling her she couldn't smile because she knew deep down that something was wrong.

Harry didn't wait any longer for a response, he simply slipped his arms under her until he could ease her into a sitting position. The amount of blood she seemed to have lost and having just woken up made her groggy and her head swayed like it was too heavy for her to hold up on her own.

Harry knew that the moment (Y/n) caught sight of the amount of blood she had lost, she would fall into a state of shock and it would make her panic when he wanted and needed her to be calm. He tried to keep her eyes focused on him as he quickly scrambled across to her side of the bed before he got off the bed and attempted to try and get (Y/n) to stand up with him. He needed to get her to the hospital because he had no idea how long she had been bleeding for or if there was anything wrong other than the obvious miscarriage.

"Sweetheart, just look at me and trust me, okay?"

His efforts to keep her eyes on him were in vain for when he got (Y/n) to sit on the edge of the bed, something caught her eye. He stopped moving and anything else he was about to say died down in his throat when he realised her eyes had found a strand of hair hanging at the side of her face that was damp and matted together with blood.

It felt like everything was in slow motion for the couple as Harry watched (Y/n) reach a shaking hand up to her hair and rub her finger and thumb at the strands before moving her hand.

"Harry..." The terror in her voice was as clear as day because she didn't know or understand how she could have gotten blood in her hair when she hadn't hit her head or cut her hands or arms. There was nothing wrong or in pain to suggest why her hair had streaks of blood in it like highlights.

"(Y/n) I need you to stand up for me love."

Tears of fear welled up in (Y/n)'s eyes as she stared at her husband who looked so perplexed and conflicted. He wanted to make everything better, he wanted her to listen and trust him but his nervousness and his gentle side were making it very hard for him. The gentle edge to his voice and the look in his eyes showed he was scared for her and he wanted so badly to just take her in his arms and hold her.

Harry couldn't tell her she'd lost a worrisome amount of blood due to a very evident miscarriage because he couldn't break her like that. Harry couldn't say those words and see what it did to his wife but saying nothing was panicking her more than he wanted it to.

Maybe it would have been better if she stayed asleep, he could have carried her out to the car and driven her to the hospital without her seeing the amount of blood she'd lost or knowing what was going on. That would have been easier for her.

Harry hooked his arms around her middle, splaying his hands on her upper chest before he tried his best to be gentle when pulling (Y/n) up onto her feet. It almost worked.

He had (Y/n) up on her feet and he held most of her weight when she seemed to wobble and be unsteady. He walked back a few steps, pulling her along with him to get her out of the room and he almost got her to focus on him. But when her eyes looked down to Harry's shirt that she was wearing to bed and saw how it looked like it had been dyed red, her head turned to look at the bed.

"Baby no-"

Harry's hand let go of her back and pressed to her cheek to try and turn her head back to him but he couldn't do it in time. Her eyes were already looking at the pale grey sheets that were now burnt vermilion and cherry blossom red.

It was as if (Y/n) had woken up from a dream. Her trembling hand left Harry's arm and moved to feel her hair at the back of her head before shakily feeling down her neck, then scrunching up the shirt in her hand before she looked at her palm that was streaked with blood. Red was all (Y/n) could see. Her vision wasn't full of colour or reduced to black and white, it was sheathed in a layer of red like someone was holding a dark red sweetie wrapper in front of her eyes to make the world around her blushing red.

A horrid, broken yet so quiet sound scratched and cracked against the back of (Y/n)'s throat and clawed against her chapped lips as her eyes wide with pain and fear locked onto Harry like he was a lighthouse during a storm. Her hands dug down into his biceps, painting one of his bare arms red and digging crescent moons into both arms from the force she was holding him with to stop herself from collapsing.

Harry's mouth opened like he wanted to echo her scream back to her but no sound left his lips, he didn't know what to say. He had nothing to say that could make this situation any easier for either of them.

He watched in agony as some kind of pain either came flooding back to (Y/n) or she only now realised that there was pain somewhere in her body that she had been ignoring. Her jaw slacked and he could see her tongue tensing against the bottom of her mouth before a small, shattered cry of pain left her lips just as her head tipped down and her wide eyes snapped closed.

It was as if a fire had suddenly erupted in (Y/n)'s abdomen and the shock of the pain sent her knees buckling beneath her like broken matchsticks. Her knees caved in, thrusting all of her weight onto Harry who didn't know what else to do but to go down on his knees on the carpet with (Y/n) huddled brokenly against his chest.

(Y/n) could feel every drop of blood both fresh and dried that was painted onto her skin like drying paint and she hated it. How had she bled that much without knowing? She was fine when she went to bed, she hadn't been bleeding or in any sort of pain and she hadn't passed out from bloodloss, she had been perfectly fine.

"I need to take you to-" Harry couldn't get the words out quick enough before (Y/n) cried out, curling in on herself and forcing her knees up into her stomach like he was going to help or relieve the pain.

Harry had seen bad things in his life, he had seen a small number of people die and he'd witnessed things he would much rather forget. But everything he had ever witnessed had been mild compared to what he was witnessing now, this was a different level that Harry didn't want to be on.

He'd never seen something so small, so odd and so gut-wrenching like the blood-covered creation (Y/n) was holding in the palm of her hand like she was willing it to be alright or holding it out for Harry to try and make better. But Harry's hands could never make a child so small come to life, his hands were only good for writing down his lyrics or holding someone in a loving embrace. Harry's hands couldn't take the creation in the palm of (Y/n)'s hands and give it life or sustain it and make it better.

The broken sob that left (Y/n)'s lips sounded like a howl in Harry's ears and it left him paralysed. He had to get up, he had to take (Y/n) to the hospital before she passed out or got an infection or something much worse. He had to take her now because she was in a worse state than he would ever have imagined, but he couldn't move.

All he could do was wrap his arms tightly around her and hug her broken frame to his bare chest. His short nails dug into her upper arm and his other hand dug into the flesh of her thigh, cradling her against him like she was the broken child that needed caring for.

Harry himself felt like a child who had witnessed something he was far too young to see. The inner child in him was coming out and making tears wash down his face. He was never going to be at the right age or stage in his life to know how to deal with something like this, all he could do was wish that this was a nightmare that he could wake up from.

Neither of them could feel the blood that was covering them like they'd had a fight with paint. All they felt was numb.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #dad! harry styles #imagine

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