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tsunderesalty · 3 months

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20 Questions for Writers

Thank you for the tag, @mrsmungus and @oceangirl24! Sorry I'm late on this!

❣️How many works do you have on AO3?

109, as of today! A whole lot of very varied fics with multiple genres, tropes, and fandoms and ships! I've been working on a lot of OC stuff as of late, and that's become a decent chunk of my fics. Well, if you consider 1/20th a decent chunk XD

❣️What is your total AO3 word count?

I swear I did not plan on this happening, I didn't stall for time just to reach this number, but my exact word count is 420,000!

❣️What fandoms do you write for?

Ah, fuck, there's a lot! Off the top of my head (because I'm too lazy to check Ao3), I'm trying to do more DC, Jujutsu Kaisen, One Piece, Demon Slayer, Chainsaw Man, Attack on Titan, Marvel, and OC stuff!

❣️What are your top five fics by kudos?

Skull Signs - 553 kudos

Just Accept It - 525 kudos

Penguin Promise - 413 kudos

What Hurt Brings - 378 kudos

Putting Down The Book - 353 kudos

❣️Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my best to respond to comments, but sometimes I let them slip and fall under an avalanche that I'm too tired to dig myself out of.

❣️What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Last Words, cuz it straight up is just bad ending through and through. Even the happy moment is sad.

❣️What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A Wooden Castellan, maybe? Just some good ole birthday fluff!

❣️Do you get hate on your fic?

Hate on my fics? No. Hate because of my fics? Yes. We all met Evil Anon way too many times.

❣️Do you write smut?

Eh, a bit. It's not really my forte, and tbh there are times where I feel pretty left out because I see so many people writing smut and having fun with it and I'm just like "...I can't do that. I don't really write smut."

Gah, sorry for whining

❣️Do you write crossovers?

I think I have two crossovers?

A Detroit: Become Human x Wenclair fic I did by myself and a Ace Attorney x SCP that I'm writing with my best friend, @axolotlsupremacyowo!

❣️Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, and I honestly don't see why anyone would want to.

❣️Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but @mrsmungus did do a podfic for me, which I absolutely love! (She also sends me voice messages where she sings really nice songs amazingly, even if she doesn't think so!)

❣️Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes!

As I mentioned above, I co-wrote a fic with @axolotlsupremacyowo, but that's one of three! We did a thing last week where we started fics by ourselves, then swapped them with the other person to finish them! It was so much fun and I can't wait to do it again!

❣️What's your all-time favorite ship?

To be perfectly honest....I have zero clue. I have a lot of ships that I love, and I would struggle to pick out a favorite!

❣️What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ah, I wanted to finish an old MHA fic from...January of last year, I think, but I doubt I'll ever return to it at this rate. It's just not on my to-do list.

❣️What are your writing strengths?

Oh great, here we go! Ugh. Well, I'd say dialogue and characterization is something I'm pretty great at.

❣️What are your writing weaknesses?

Low confidence, honestly. I don't write well because I don't think I will write well. It's a problem.

❣️Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I do my best to avoid it, because I really don't know any words in any other language! If I find myself needing to do it: I write it like this.

"Random phrase!" [Character] said in [Language].

❣️First fandom you wrote for?

My Hero Academia.

❣️Favorite fic you've ever written?

Not choosing. You can't make me.

#questions and answers #writers questions #writers answer #fanfiction

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krakenartificer · 3 years

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When I got my ADHD diagnosis, I looked at the questions on the screening form and thought, "If this result comes back positive, then I'm definitely not the only person in my family who has it." Questions like

"Have difficulty finishing one activity before starting another one" and

"I finish others' sentences before they can finish it themselves" and

"have trouble staying on one topic when talking"

...I thought were just weird quirks of my family, but no. When I got my results, I contacted my cousin, and she contacted her sisters and mother, and .. .. yeah. Basically everyone in my dad's side of the family is ADHD.

Now there are some problems with that, obviously, (getting family reunions to stick to a schedule is lol no) but there are some really fantastic perks. For one thing, no one in that family minds if I interrupt them while they're talking ... everyone's happy to keep 3 conversations going at the same time .... and no one minds if you fidget constantly.

But the best perk -- at least that I've found so far -- is that all of our parents have coping mechanisms, and passed them on to us. When I found myself unable to handle tasks with more than one step, my father didn't say "WTF are you talking about? It's easy! Just do the thing! Stop being lazy!" No, he could relate completely, and he sat down and taught me how to handle that.

So today, I'm going to pass on to you the coping mechanism my dad taught me for handling the "cannot put tasks in order / cannot get started / forget what I'm doing" problem. You'll need to adjust it for your own needs and your own struggles, but hopefully it'll be helpful in setting up your own process.

I'm going to walk through it with a big project I'm doing at work, just to have a concrete example. That will make some of the discussion specific to computer programming and technical writing, but I do the same thing for all my projects, so hopefully it'll be generalizable.

So to set the stage:

I was supposed to modify this piece of code -- we'll call it "Rosetta" -- to make it handle call data as well as what it was already doing. I did that.... but we now need the code to be able to handle calls (if that's wanted) but also to be able to handle NOT having calls (if THAT'S wanted).

Which is just .... ugh. So much. SOOOOOOOO much.

So. Break it down.

Step one is to get some recording mechanism - pen and paper, whiteboard, blank computer document, whatever

(Technically, this is a different coping strategy, so we'll just take a quick detour: WRITE THINGS DOWN. Your brain is shit at remembering things, and anyway you've already got limits on your working memory; why would you choose to tie up some of that limited resource in something that could be accomplished with literal stone-age technology? Don't even try to remember things. WRITE THEM DOWN.)

I like sticky notes: they're readily available in all offices, they're pretty cheap, and (most importantly) they can be rearranged if it turns out that I forgot a step or put the steps in the wrong order (which, like, let's be honest, I am definitely going to do). But they kill trees and create unnecessary methane emissions, so I've recently switched over to using virtual sticky notes. That's the format I'm going to use for this example, but you can use anything that meets your purposes.

So, you've got something to write with, you're ready to start.

The first question is: what are you trying to accomplish here? What would "done" look like? What is our goal?

I need to end up with a version of Rosetta that will make the correct results if you don't want calls, and will also make the correct results if you do.

The goal here is that you end up with a statement that you can definitively say (a) Yes this is what I wanted or (b)No this is not right because _______

In this case, in order to do that, I'll need to define "correct results" for both call- and non-call versions. But if I have that nailed down, then this statement meets that criterion: I'll be able to say "Yes, this is what I wanted: see, it makes the correct result for calls, and it makes the correct result for not-calls". Or else I'll be able to say, "No, this is wrong: see, it makes the correct result for calls, but on not-calls it does X and we wanted Y."

I have a clear, definitive standard about what I need to do and whether or not I've done it.

But there was a prerequisite there: I need to define "correct results".

So that goes on a sticky note: Create test that will compare my results to existing call!Rosetta-results and to existing not-call!Rosetta-results.

[ID: Two blue boxes, one on top of the other. The top one says in white text "Create test to compare my results to call!results" The bottom one says "Create test to compare my results to not-call!results"] OK. So now we know what we want. The second question is: what do we need to do in order to get that? Here's where the sticky-note recording system really shines, because you don't have to answer this question sequentially. You just start writing down every single thing that is not the way you want it to end up.

I need it to remove commas in the python script, not the bash script

I need to delete the first part of the get_runs() function, which doesn't do anything

I need to delete the rest of the parameters passed to build_query_script() function, because runs encompasses all the others

while we're on that subject, runs doesn't even need the group_variable, so let's pull that out of the parameter document

we also have a dmf defined, which the bash script demands but doesn't use; let's change that demand

since we're changing the structure of the parameter document, we don't need to pull new metrics for each run, so let's move that outside of the runs() loop and only run once

right now the parameter document is ALMOST but not quite "one row per template". Make it so it's actually one row per template.

among other things, that's going to require making it possible for a template to be followed by nothing at all, since it's the assumption that a template will have a metrics block after it that makes it not quite one row per template. So make it possible to publish a template with a null block

the other thing that's weirdly hard-coded is the definition of what a block looks like. Would it make more sense to separate that out into an input file, like the parameters document? On the one hand, that would make it much more flexible; on the other hand, that's another piece that can break. Don't know. Put a question mark on it.

etc

Here's what it looks like at the end of this step:

[ID: A black and white background showing many boxes in two different shades of blue, all with white text. Some of the boxes are overlapping each other.]

As you can see, at this phase you don't need to worry about any of the following:

ordering the tasks. Just stick 'em right on top of each other for now

how you're going to do any of this. Right now we just need to know what, not how

sticking to only one project. As I was working on this, it occurred to me that this whole process would have been a heck of a lot easier if someone had just made a user manual for this, and since I have to go through all the code line-by-line anyway, I might as well write up the documentation while I'm at it. (To help out future-me, if nothing else.) So I put those tasks on another color of sticky note.

making notes that make any ***ing sense to anyone else. This process is for you, and only you need to understand what you're talking about it. Phrase it in ways that make sense to your brain, and to hell with anyone else.

on that topic, also don't worry about making steps that are "too small" or "too dumb" to write down. This is for you. If "save document" feels like a step to you, then write it down.

You also don't need to get every single step involved in the project right now. Get as many as you can, to be sure, but the process is designed on the assumption that you ARE going to forget important steps, and is designed to handle that.

When you can't think of any more steps, then the third question is: what order does it make sense to do these in? Are there any steps that would be easier if you did another step first? Are there any that literally cannot be done unless another step is complete?

This is also a good place to group steps if they fit together nicely. When I used physical sticky notes, I used two different sizes; digitally I can of course make them whatever size I want.

So I have several documentation steps that (a) do need to be written to make sense to other people and (b) I really need to know what's going on before I can do that. I could write them now, but if I did, I'd just end up re-writing them based on things that change as I'm coding. So we'll move those to the end:

[ID: Three dark blue boxes with white text. They read "Create step-by-step instructions for creating your own metric agg", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a metric", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a query."]

These parts, though -- if I had all the variable structures written down, I could look at them while I'm coding. Then I won't have to keep scrolling back and forth in the code, trying to remember if it's an array or a dictionary while also trying to remember what part of the code I was working on. Brilliant. Move that to the front.

[ID: Seven dark blue boxes with white text, three large, four small. The first one is large and says "Write up explanation of how Rosetta works." The second one is large and says "Document structure of all variables." Attached to that one are four smaller boxes that say "All_blocks", "Runs", "metric", "New_block". The third large one says "Document what qb_parameters.csv contains"]

Also, while I'm at it, I should get the list of variables I need to document -- then I won't have to keep scrolling to find them. Make those sub-steps.

I definitely keep needing to look up what's in the parameters document, so I should write that down, too. For the user manual I also should write down what's in the metric document, but I don't need that for myself, so I can send that to the end.

[ID: The same three dark blue boxes from two screenshots ago (create step-by-step instructions for metric agg, modifying a metric, and modifying a query), now with another dark blue box in front of them with white text that says "Document what granular_metrics.tsv contains."]

These five are all small steps, and are all related in that they don't actually (hopefully) change the functionality of the code; they're just stuff left over from prior versions of this code. So we can lump them all together.

[ID: Five light blue boxes with white text that say "Delete first part of get_runs()", "Have build_query_script only receive the "run" parameter" "Delete dmf" "Move metrics=get_metrics() outside build_all_blocks (all the way up to the top level?" "Delete group_variable from qp_parameters"]

My brain likes this better, so that I can keep track of fewer "main steps", but that's just a peculiarity of me -- you should lump and split however you prefer to make this process easier for you.

[ID: The same five boxes from the prior screenshot, now all made smaller and attached to a larger box that says "Remove Legacy Code"]

Keep going, step by step, sticky by sticky, until you've got them in order. If -- while you're doing this -- you remember another thing you need to do, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile; you don't have to stop what you're doing to deal with it, because it's written down and it's on the pile and it will get processed; you can just keep working on the thing you're on right now.

[ID: All the same boxes from the first screenshot, now in a neat row. Some of the original boxes have been grouped together. The ones that were said to be at the beginning of the process are on the left and the ones that were said to be at the end are on the right.]

Step four: for the love of all that's holy, SAVE THIS LIST.

Write it on your cubicle whiteboard where it won't be erased

write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the office wall

send an email to yourself

take a picture with your phone

I don't care but save it.

When I used physical sticky notes, I kept them all on the hood of my cubicle's shelf. Now, as you can see, I use Powerpoint, which is irritating af but does allow me to keep everything in a single document, which I can write down the path of.

[ID: White text on a black background says "open ~/Documents/Rosetta\ Modifications\ and \Documentation.pptx" The next line says "Notes in Rocketbook pg 10-12, 16" The next line says "Turn that into documentation that can be used for making modifications."]

And now (finally) you can answer the question "How would I even get started on that?" You look at the first thing on the list, and you treat it as its own project. You can hyperfocus on this step and completely forget about everything else this project requires, because everything you need to remember for the rest of it is written down.

If, as you're working a step, you think of something else you need to do for the big project, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile. Don't even worry about trying to order it or identify sub-steps; as long as it's not blocking the thing you need to work on right now, you don't have to care. Just stick that bugger anywhere at all on the list, and go back to what you were doing. When you un-hyperfocus and come back to look at your list, there'll be a big sticky note stuck sideways across all the rest of the steps, and you'll remember to file and order it then.

Other benefits of this system

1) The first question really helps with unclear directions from your boss. You can take whatever they told you to do, and translate it into a requirement that is clearly either met or not-met, and then run it back by the boss.

If they say, "No, no, we want ______" then phew! You just saved a huge miscommunication and weeks of wasted work! What a good employee you are! What an excellent team player with strong communication skills!

If they say "Yes, that's what I want," then you know -- for sure -- what it is you're trying to accomplish. Your anxiety is reduced, and your boss thinks you're super-conscientious.

(And if your boss is a jerk who likes to move the goalposts and blame it on their subordinates, then have this conversation over email, so you can show it to their boss or to HR should it become necessary.)

2) Having this project map means that when you spend an hour staring at the requirements and trying to figure out how to get started (which, let's be honest, you were definitely going to do anyway) ... When your boss/coworker comes by and says, "How's it going?" Instead of having to say "I haven't even started 😞" You can say, "Pretty well! I've got all the steps mapped out and am getting ready to start on implementation!" and show them your list, and they think you're very organized and meticulous. 3) Sometimes, especially in corporate jobs, you and your coworkers will run into a problem that's too big for even Neurotypicals to hold all in their heads. At that point, the NTs will be completely lost -- they've never had to develop a way to handle projects they can't just look at and know how to get started. So then you pipe up in the meeting and say, "OK, well, what exactly are we trying to accomplish?" and everybody at the conference table looks at you like you're a goddamned genius and you don't have to tell them that you use this exact same process to remember how to make a sandwich 😅

4) Having this project map makes it so much easier to stop work and then start it up again later, but this post is already really really really long, so I'm going to address that in a separate (really really long) post.

#adhd #adhd life #tips #semi-solicited advice #gpoy #your mileage may vary #long post #very long post #sorry I wish I wrote more concisely too

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hanniejji · 6 years

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TAGS UWU

So I was tagged three times and since I wasn't able to do it on my phone I had to do it on my computer lmao anyway I got tagged by my sweet cakes(@hyunjinsgiggle ), the sunshine (@felegs ), and this cutie (@stayuwu ) this is going to be long btw im sorry and the ending is very depressing ignore it

Bold Tag

Rules: bold the ones that apply to you!

Appearance:

I’m over 5'5 / I wear glasses/contacts / I have blonde hair / I wear sweatshirts a lot / I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing / I have one or more piercings / I have at least one tattoo / I have blue eyes / I have dyed or highlighted my hair / I have gotten plastic surgery / I have or had braces / I sunburn easily / I have freckles / I paint my nails / I typically wear makeup / I don’t often smile / I am pleased with how I look / I prefer Nike to Adidas / I wear baseball hats backwards

Hobbies and talents:

I play a sport / I can play an instrument / I am artistic / I know more than one language / I have won a trophy in some sort of competition / I can cook or bake without a recipe / I know how to swim / I enjoy writing / I can do origami / I prefer movies on TV shows / I can execute a perfect somersault / I enjoy singing / I could survive in the wild on my own / I have read a new book series this year / I enjoy spending time with friends / I travel during school or work brakes / I can do a handstand

Experiences:

I have had my first kiss / I have gotten drunk / I have told a crush I like them / I have traveled outside of the country / I have flown on an airplane / I have stayed awake for more than 48 hours / I have had a near-death experience / I have caught something on fire / I have performed in a talent show / I have shot a gun / I have been on TV / I have gone scuba diving / I have broken a bone / I have slow-danced / I have gone on a shopping spree

Relationships:

I am in a relationship / I have been single for over a year / I have a crush / I have a best friend I have known for over ten years / my parents are together / I have dated my best friend / I am adopted / my crush have confessed to me / I have had a long-distance relationship / I am an only child / I give advice to my friends / I have made an online friend / I met up with someone I have met online

Aesthetics:

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell / I have watched the sun rise / I enjoy rainy days / I have slept under the stars / I meditate outside / the sound of chirping calms me / I enjoy the smell of the beach / I know what snow tastes like / I listen to music to fall asleep / I enjoy thunderstorms / I enjoy cloud watching / I have attended a bonfire / I pay close attention to colors / I find mystery in the ocean / I enjoy hiking on nature paths / Autumn is my favorite season

Miscellaneous:

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle / I am the mom friend / I live by a certain quote / I like the smell of sharpies / I am involved in extracurricular activities/ I enjoy Mexican food / I can drive stick-shift / I have memorized an entire song in a day / I believe in true love / I dream up scenarios to fall asleep / I sing in the shower / I wish I lived in a video game / I have a canopy above my bed / I am Multi-racial / I am a redhead / I own at least three dogs / I am LGBR

I'm about to answer 33 questions wow I feel like I'm on an examination

11 questions tag

by sweet cakes:

1. what is your fashion sense?

I have a lot of styles depending on the weather or my mood. I mostly do the sweater/jacket + high waisted shorts hehe or turtle neck + shorts + cardigan/jacket. when I'm lazy, which is always, I wear an oversize hoodie and shorts and the occasional cap hihi I have a weird sense of fashion

2. what is your favourite season?

I like rainy, or windy. any is fine as long as I don't sweat like hell adfaslsja I hate summer

3. if you could go on holiday anywhere, where?

I love going to beaches but tbh anywhere with good views is fine, it doesn't matter since the most important thing for me is that I get the experience and take lots of photos if they have a lot of delicious foods then that's better oof

4. what is one quote you live by?

"learn to stand on your own feet" has a very special place in my heart

5. would you ever get a tattoo, and if so, what and where?

I would want a snowflake, because we're not alone falling down

6. what is your favourite song at the minute?

at the moment, it's nobody knows by youngjae and fine by yugyeom ✨✨

7. what is one album you would listen to for the rest of your life?

I still listen to Linkin Park songs because of the meaningful and relatable lyrics

8. what is your favourite memory from the last year?

it has to be the one time my mom said she's proud of me :')

9. what is one regret you have?

not being able to make friends easily :'( I find it hard to do

10. would you change aforementioned regret?

maybe :'(

11. if you could have any food in the world to eat right now, what would it be?

How dare you make me choose I can't possibly choose between different varieties of foods :'( fries, frappe, and shawarma w/o cucumber pls

by sunshine 🌞

1. what’s one thing that helps you relax?

probably sleeping with soft background music

2. what’s your favorite novel and author?

I'd rather poetry :') sea of strangers by lang leav is amazing

3. are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection?

I'm more like the closet affectionate person hehe but when I'm tired or sleepy I get clingy a lot but I'm mostly through small actions, I'm not comfortable with saying "I miss you" or whatever unless I'm typing them

4. are you an early bird or a night owl?

totally a night owl

5. if you’re comfortable with it, do you have a song you connect to something or someone, and if so, what is it?

sorry by halsey, broken home by 5sos

6. if you could go back to a place you’ve been to before, where would it be?

the beach we went to last vacation :')

7. what does your favorite piece of clothing - that you own yourself - look like?

a very comfy oversized hoodie, it's black with front pocket, sweater paaaaws, and it has a small doodle of neptune on the back

8. who’s your bias and why?

bias? I don't know her

9. do you believe in luck and miracles?

yas, my aunt is actually a fortune teller? idk? but she knows a lot about those and spirits thing but since I have low self confidence I mostly sound like I don't believe in them

10. what’s your favorite type of decorations?

aesthetic and pastel colors ✨

11. do you prefer being outside or inside?

booooth

by cutie :

1. Are you a daydreamer? If so, what do you dream about?

sometimes I just space out without even realizing

2. What’s your favorite place in the world?

home

3. What’s home to you?

somewhere that no one can judge me, a safety place, a place where I can let loose and be comfortable and not give a care about anything

4. This is not a question but quote a vine.

"oh hell noOooOoOOoOooOooOO"

5. Grey’s anatomy or House?

what i don't watch any of these

6. Do you have any pets?

a lame excuse of a cat

7. What kind of friend are you? (You know, the mom friend, the meme friend, etc).

the mom friend, scolds you 25/8, gives advises everywhere, comforts you, takes things seriously, drops everything just to listen to you unless I'm in a very bad mood, sacrifices for you, boyfriend material (according to my friend), secretly soft, lazy but exerts effort when needed, randomly does weird things and dances to fortnite, supports you, but lowkey doesn't do the same for myself lol because I'm emo and you can hear me saying bad things about myself 27/10 and pushing you away lol

I don't share my food unless you're important lmao

8. Do you hate someone? If so, why?

fake peopleeee

9. What’s your dream job?

to be a journalism

10. What MCU character resembles you the most? (not physically, more like mentally and emotionally).

probably wanda

11. I won’t use this eleven question as an actual question, use your right to answer to this to talk about whatever the fuck you want. Rant, fangirl, talk about what you did today or yesterday or whatever. Just talk.

I just want to cry to someone but I don't have the heart to tell anyone, I don't know why but I get stressed so easily and that one time our nurse had a seminar and asked if anyone is depressed, I just want to raise my hand but I'm too scared someone will judge me and think of me as a weak person, like now, and she started this speech about how to beat depression and I just can't understand how is that going to work because it doesn't work on me. I'm getting tired of constantly getting sad for no reason and it's bothering my classmates and I hate bothering them I feel like I'm annoying so I kept these thoughts to myself. It's hard trying to avoid spacing out and being so quiet all of the sudden, I'm getting mad at myself for being pathetic and I did the "do" once because I was so desperate to feel something other than sadness and I couldn't even tell anyone and right now I feel like this rant I'm doing is bothering everyone I hate being like this :'(

I'm doooonneee hehehehe that took me like a long time and I should really sleep now :') I will reblog this with my 11 questions and tags because tumblr has limits ugh

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paintrider13-blog · 7 years

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Game on Part 4

Hello! Finally part 4 is here! Please let me know what you think! If you have not caught up you can here Game On Master List

Dean POV

I watched Megs shapely ass disappear into the bathroom that joined her room. I shifted on the bed to get comfortable, tossing the soaked comforter to the floor at the end of the bed, to lay back on her burgundy silk sheets. Funny how I had never noticed them before. But the more I thought about it the more I realized I hadn't been in her room since she moved in, other then to see if she was up or to see if she needed something.

God I’ve been a dick, I thought to myself fluffing the pillow behind my head. As I did I felt something underneath. Thinking it would be something sexy I was more than surprised to find the flannel shirt I had given her that night in the Impala. She came out of the bathroom just then to find me staring down at it in my hands.

“You kept it?” I looked up at her curiously.

“Yeah,” she answered hesitantly as she moved towards me with the damp towel she had grabbed.

“Why?” I asked. I wasn't trying to be dense, I just couldn't figure out why she kept it. She was so hurt that night she hadn’t talked to me the entire rest of the drive home and when we pulled into the bunker she had bolted from the car locking herself in her room. The next morning she was in the kitchen making breakfast like nothing had happened. The only telltale sign was the dark hickey hiding under my t-shirt below my collarbone letting me know, much to my regret, I really hadn’t dreamed it. That, and the smell of her perfume that still clung to my chest and neck.

“It...it was all I could have,” she said quietly as she wiped her cum and mine from my lower belly and dick, not looking up at me.

“I was down the hall, where you could touch me all this time and you have been sleeping with my old shirt?” I asked pulling her into my arms.

“Yeah, I knew it was all I could have of you. Plus, you never seemed to miss it.” she looked up at me, her big brown eyes showing the vulnerability that she had been hiding from me all this time.

“Ah Megs,” I sighed tilting her chin so I could kiss her. “You could have had so much more. I didn't miss it. The last place I saw it was where I wanted it.” I whispered kissing her again.

“And by the way, you are the screamer we have to worry about, not me.” I teased pulling back with her bottom lip between my teeth.

“Yeah, about that. I don't think even coming in here saved Sam from hearing that!” She giggled, her face flushing.

“That was a first for me for damn sure.” I told her sliding down in her bed tucking her under my arm against my side.She shifted so she was lying more on my chest and let out a content sigh.

“I should have warned you but that isn't exactly something that just comes up,” she told me drawing circles on my chest with her nails raising goosebumps. “Yeah I guess you’re right.” I trailed my hand down her back and kissed the top of her head.

“I should have gotten a blanket,” she moaned before untangling herself from me. I instantly felt the vacancy in my arms. She moved across the room to pull another blanket from the closet. She unfolded it and furled it over the bed letting it settle over me. She crawled back into bed snuggling against my side, throwing her leg over mine.

She continued to trail her nails across my chest and stomach.

I was content to lay here naked with her. I knew that was a dangerous road to let myself go down, but I didn’t want to let her go. Her hand slowly drifted to a stop over the center of my chest.

“Dean?” She whispered after a few seconds. I thought she had fallen asleep.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Will you stay until I fall asleep? You’re much better to cuddle then your flannel...it doesn't… it doesn’t smell like you anymore.” She told me. I smiled at the breathy lazy tone of her voice, her words slightly slurred.

“Yeah sweetheart, I’ll stay.” I kissed the top of her head, inhaling her scent.

I felt her smile against my chest as she turned her face into me and took a deep breath.

Oddly enough, I didn’t want to leave. This was the most comfortable I had ever been.

I could stay here…..forever. Shit, where had that come from? I thought, trailing my fingertips down her arm to her hand and back up.

She sighed dreamily. She had fallen asleep, her breathing leveling out across my chest.

I kissed the top of her head again and hooked my hand over her hip, pulling the blanket higher over her.

This is what it is supposed to be like, I thought. I should want to be here...I really do love her. I finally admitted it to myself as I drifted off with her snuggled against me.

Megs POV

I awoke to a soft snore coming from behind me. I lay there for a second trying to wake up and figure out where I was.

I quickly realized Dean was spooned behind me, one of his thighs wedged between mine, one arm wrapped over my waist holding me tightly to the front of him. His face was buried in my hair.

He didn't leave me. I thought he would have snuck out in the middle of the night. That was his MO, I had remembered asking him to stay until i was asleep. I hadn’t expected this.

I lay there wondering if he had meant to stay when he stirred behind me.

“Mmm,” he moaned softly in his sleep.

I shifted slightly wondering if it would wake him.

“Babe, quit wiggling unless you want to address the issue you are creating,” he mumbled into my neck.

“Who said I wouldn't?” I asked smiling.

“Well then, wiggle away.” He told me laying a kiss to my shoulder.

“I didn’t think you would stay.” I confess quietly to him

“Well, you do crazy things when you are in love.” He answered after a brief pause.

“What?” I rolled towards him to make sure he was awake. I knew I had heard him wrong.

“You heard me,” his sleepy green eyes met mine.

“No I didn’t.”

“I love you Megs. Have since I met you. I am just a jackass and I took longer than I should have to say it.” He told me, sincerity in his eyes.

“I think you’re still asleep.” I frowned at him before poking him in the chest. There was no way Dean Winchester could love me.

“Nope, I’m awake.” He chuckled taking my hand in his. “I lay here for a while last night after you asked me to stay. I found myself thinking I could stay here forever, and that this is how it should feel. I knew. I knew long before that. Long before even that night, but I didn't want to examine those feelings. I was scared I would get attached and then I would lose you.” He brushed a piece of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear.

“I love you Dean,” I whispered taking my bottom lip between my teeth. I knew he had said it first but it still scared me to say the words out loud to him. I was probably still dreaming.

He smiled and pressed his lips to mine.

“I know sweetheart,” he winked at me, rolling so he was hovering over me.

“Well I am glad you know.” I laughed shaking my head at him.

“It's damn good to hear you say it though,” he kissed me again. His tongue lazily mingling with mine.

“I love you,” I whispered peppering his face with kisses.

“Mmhmmm,” he smiled closing his eyes. “How bout you put that flannel on and we find some breakfast,” he looked down at me.

“Food?” I pouted.

“Yep, then,” he kissed the side of my neck “I'm going to come back here,” he kissed the other side sucking on my pulse point pulling a moan from me. “And I'm going to eat you,” he nibbled my shoulder.

“Sure you want food first?” I asked tilting my head back giving him better access to my neck. I rolled my hips up into him rubbing my bare skin against him in all the right places.

“Yep,” he kissed me again before climbing out of bed

“Ugh,” I moaned rolling to admire his naked form as he looked for his boxers. I almost moaned when he bent down and scooped them up.

“Come on Meg, up you get,” he started pulling the blanket down the bed.

“Fine,” I laughed pulling the blankets back up over me. I stayed there for a second, he grabbed for them again, I giggled and clambered off the bed to grab his flannel shirt. I slipped it on and buttoned it so it would cover the important bits even though it hung down past my mid thighs.

“Come on,” Dean grabbed me and pushed me in front of him, wrapping his arms around me guiding me towards the kitchen.

“Dean what about Sam?” I asked stopping suddenly. I didn't stay put for long, his large frame propelling me towards the kitchen even though I was dragging my feet.

“Pick those feet up sweets or I’ll carry you and he may get to see your bare ass!” He pinched my ass bringing a yelp from me.

“You didn't answer my question.” I told him laughing.

“Babe, I can guarantee he heard you, and he knew that there was just the three of us in that car when we came home. Pretty sure he won't need process of elimination to figure that one out.” He kissed the side of my neck pushing me into the kitchen.

“Meg what are you making?” Sam asked coming into the kitchen. He drew up short at the scene in front of him. He paused for a second inside the door before taking a seat at the table.

I was standing at the stove making French toast, since Dean had insisted on a full breakfast, the little shit. I was still only wearing his flannel shirt, he had tracked down a pair of sweatpants after I had started cooking. He was leaned against the counter next to the stove, his feet crossed at the ankles, toying with the top button of my shirt teasing me about my lack of a bra.

“Hey Sam! I’m making french toast do you want some?” I batted Dean’s hand away and turned towards him smiling.

“Yeah, I definitely do.” He smiled back raising an eyebrow at Dean as I turned back towards the stove.

I caught the slightly embarrassed smile from Dean. I smiled to myself as I flipped the last of the french toast, this was going to be interesting.

“I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am that you got up and made breakfast Meg. I thought for sure you guys wouldn’t be coming up for air until at least lunch!” Sam laughed tucking into his breakfast. I choked on my juice almost spitting it across the table.

“Na you know how it is Sammy, man’s gotta eat!” Dean laughed winking at me.

“I think he was just tired and couldn't keep up. He needed an excuse to get out of the bedroom.” I smiled dauntingly at Dean taking a bite of my breakfast. Sam looked between Dean and I with a bug eyed look taking another bite.

“Oh really? I think I kept up quite well. I wasn't the one screaming.” He gave me the signature cocky Dean smirk.

“Oh babe, I remember screaming for more, which means you weren’t giving me enough. Pretty sure that means you can’t keep up. You should probably up your game a bit.” I answered with a wolfish smile.

“Oh really?” Dean asked with a shocked look.

“Pretty sure she is right, I did hear that before I passed out.” Sam smiled widely at Dean.

“That’s it!” Dean shoved his chair back almost knocking it over. Before I knew what he was about he had grabbed me and tossed me over his shoulder. I squealed trying to pull my shirt down to cover my bare ass before Dean flashed all I had to Sam. Dean planted a firm smack to my bare ass before covering it and running from the kitchen towards my room.

“Dean!” I squeaked wrapping my arms around his waist to hold on.

“I want noise cancelling headphones if this is going to keep up!” Sam yelled after us.

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