#and also the fact that the ONLY REAOSN I KNOW THIS SHIT is bc my against-my-will cishet white republican man roommate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anxietysroomsupport · 4 years

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For context, hate going over to my dad's. He used to be a big shit and that just made me grow up to really not like him and maybe it's unfair but I dont like him. I also dont like my step mom (who lives with him) so that entire house is just one big shithole to me (minus my two little brothers who I love). My dad wants me to come over a lot but again I hate it so I try and make excuses or decline or just try and put off coming over as much as I can. (1/2?)

Hoenstly the only reaosn I havent cut them out entirely is because of my brothers and the fact that my dad has a lot of custody over me (technically he can force me over but not really? It's weird and I dont get it either). I jsut came out as trans to both of my parents and my mom supports me in starting hrt but she isn't able to pay for it. I cant pay for it either because I dont have a job yet. My dad is the person keeping us financially stable rn (not that my mom doesnt do stuff tho) (2/3?)

(3/3?) And I feel rlly bad when he get some stuff like art supplies and clothes and offers to buy me food bc of how much I dont like him or being around him and I know that he loves me a lot but when it comes to supporting our needs like bills and stuff ig I dont mind since it isnt for me, it's for all of us. Anyway since me and my mom cant pay for hrt I have to be ask my dad (tbh I dont even know if he'll let me start hrt) and I feel like I'd have a better chance at gaining his support (3/4?)

(4/4?) If I went over more and (this is gonna sound bad) butter him up a bit. It sounds terrible and I know I'm using him and taking advantage bc I dont even like him but I feel like I owe him something and waiting for hrt doesnt feel like an option for me. The only things holding me back is paying for it and my dad's permission and those can be solved easily (at least the financial part, idk about his permission yet) but I feel so bad bc I know what I'm doing is so shitty. I jsut wanted to rant

Hi Anon,

It’s really not that terrible to take advantage of your dad in this way. Buying things like art supplies and clothes and food is a very common thing parents do for their kids if they can. If you want to ask him to help pay for HRT, I say go for it!

Buttering him up may backfire though, if you obviously act nicer toward him until you get HRT paid for. It could make him actually feel used. And how long would you have to keep up the extra displays of love? Prescriptions are an ongoing expense, so it wouldn’t be a one-and-done situation. If he realized you were being nicer because he was paying for HRT, would he use that knowledge against you?

Try asking him about it without doing more for him than normal. If he’s willing to, then you won’t have to be extra nice to him. If not, maybe that’s the time when some light negotiations could be useful, like spending more time together. Frame spending time with him as something you would have more time and energy for if you weren’t so stressed about how you were going to pay for HRT, because it’s so important to you.

You don’t really owe him anything, but you can choose to trade your time for his support. It just depends on how You feel about it. I may think it’s fine, but you should listen to your own personal moral code to decide if this is something you can do and feel okay about.

-Miss Fay

#relationships #parents #dad #step mom #mom #brothers #trans #custody #finances #hrt

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