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celestialomnipotence · 9 months

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HCs with Ruined animatronic!

Kyo- These are just some simple headcanons of how I think the animatronics reacting to a reader who returns to the Pizzaplex to help their robot buddy! If people enjoy this (if one person says they do lol) ill gladly write more so dont be afraid to ask!

Extra details= The idea is that reader was a worker before the “Earthquake” happened, goes into the ruined pizzaplex in search of the animatronics, maybe wanting to help them out? You can change these details if you wish as im trying to make it as vague as possible… This is how I imagine in turning out :)

Glamrock Chica

She may be constantly shutting down so I suspect that when you find her, she shut down in some trash

If you tried to drag her out while shes shut down and she wakes up, she may try to attack you out of confusion, but after noticing its you, she stops!

If she managed to hurt you, she would attempt to apologize but only a screeching sounds would come out as her voicebox is missing :(

If you find her after the events with Cassie and she has her voicebox, I can imagine her giving a sad speech to you about her constantly shutting down, that you should just leave her there and escape while you still can

If you do manage to get her out though, I doubt you would be able to repair the severe damages to her and her trash filled body

Good luck saving her reader, I really hope you can repair her, she deserves the best :)

Monty

Lets address the elephant in the room… He has definitely lost all consciousness at this point. Imagine being in a position like his, alive yet utterly destroyed, and stuck being like that..

For Monty, we’ll say you hold a special place in his robot heart and ill make some magic happen

When you explored to Pizzaplex.. You found him pretty quickly and he immediately tried to attack you

Not only by the disheartening sight of him but him attempting to drag you down to attack more caught you off guard

He definitely hurt you, depending on your skills, maybe a lot or maybe not much

Once youre on the ground and hes ontop of you though.. He some how recognized you! How lucky :)

But hes not his regular Monty-self anymore, not only was his whole pride shattered and literal self image destroyed, it was you that saw him like this

Monty got off of you and with a rough attempt due to his damages, apologized

Now if you tried to talk to him, I think his personality would be an entire 180, being a lot more conscious due to his disabled body

Compliment him on how well he survived though and youll slowly revive that inner Monty he once was :)

He doesnt try to convince you too much to leave him behind, but if it gets too dangerous on your escape, he will try to make you leave alive without him

Once you escape with him, it would be very hard to repair him as well but in a different sense than Chica

Roxanne

Once you find Roxy, you stand in shock of her dismantled state.. But she heard you approach and seemed ready to attack you

So of course, quickly and obviously realizing shes blind, you speak up and tell her its you!

Roxy quickly notices you and pushes her damaged pride away

Cassie was a child, youre not (I hope 😭) Roxy would get concerned for your safety in, what she can tell, a ruined Pizzaplex

I expect her to try to tell you that you should get out of here and that it isnt safe

And when you tell her youre here to get her and her friends out.. Shes hesitant but accepts your offer, willing to help you with it too! Though she explains to you that she cant find Freddy and the state of the other

But she will admire you if you try to help them all, even if it fails

Once you escape with Roxy, she’ll try to hide her damaged ego but its easy to tell she hates what Gregory did

And yes, you hear all about what happened from her point of view

Roxy would still want revenge probably but since youre special to her, she’ll hold it off for you

Plus she just wants her eyes back and if you can find a spare to give her, she would be very greatful

Even if you dont know how to repair animatronics, she would help you learn a bit and get the right parts to fix her up some more

Eclipse

Depending if this is before or after Cassie enters will change the beginning

If its before Cassie, you basically have a Faz-wrench as well and do exactly was Cassie does

If its after Cassie, Eclipse is already active and you enter to him.. Actually attempting to clean the daycare

Which he wasnt doing a half bad job but you knew very well there would probably never be kids there again

Once Eclipse sees you or you speak to him, he quickly approaches you, somehow recognizing you and telling how how dangerous the daycare was currently

Try as you might but Eclipse will really try to stay in the daycare to fix it

Its up to you if you stay longer or not to maybe help him clean more or just talk to him

But you do have to leave at some point, and you did come here for him

Itll take some convincing, maybe a lot, but im sure you can convince him to leave with you

Since Eclipse got little time in the ruined DLC, this will delve a bit more into head canon territory

Sun seemed to understand that the daycare wasnt coming back from its state and Moon… Just seemed to have completely control, maybe even wanting it to stay like that

But with the two now whole again, as Sun basically stated

I think Eclipse knows that the daycare wont recover, but since he was forced to be spilt in two before and maybe almost got dismantled, he didnt want it to happen again

Even if the Pizzaplex was destroyed, he would still try to fix it just incase the workers came back, or maybe something else

You managed to convince him to come with you through whatever means you think would work, which I think getting him to slowly accept the truth would work

He isnt that helpful in your escape but he is giant and flexible

He would help you through rumble and would have a slightly easier time traversing the ruins of the Pizzaplex

A small extra one:

Sun & Moon

When you entered the daycare with your Faz-Wrench.. You first ran into Moon, who attempted to pull you through the play structure, but you knew these two

You shone your flashlight on him and got him away… Though the next time you saw him, it was Sun

Sun knew you could help them and begged you to reset them so that they could finally be whole again

Of course, maybe you knew what this meant or maybe you didnt.. But you were here to help him, and it would be hard to escape with Moon out

And you basically did what Cassie did but on your own

Once you reset him though, now you got to see Eclipse :) (read his section above)

I didnt add Proto Freddy since im not sure what to type for him… And Glamrock Freddy is most likely with Gregory so I did add him, I hope you enjoy :)

#fnaf #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf security breach #fnaf ruin #fnaf sb x reader #fnaf sb ruin #fnaf sb x male reader #fnaf x male reader #fnaf x reader #fnaf headcanons #glamrock chica

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

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A lot of the discussions about AoX and the stuff said about the X-Tremists has altered my view of some elements of all that, I’m not gonna lie. The X-Tremists definitely isn’t what I initially thought it was, and in the context of all the X-Men being heavily brainwashed and operating based on a selectively altered sense of self and reality, even if I still don’t agree with it, I GET the intention behind picking gay and bi characters to be the cast of this particular book.

Like, I can understand how when focused on the end goal rather than the set up, there’s a satisfying payoff to it being gay and bi characters pissed at being shoved back into the closet who are the ones best positioned to figure out what’s really going on and fight back against it once they do. I can connect those dots, see how that story choice makes sense and has the sense of catharsis Williams talked about getting from writing it. From the angle of gay/bi characters fuck shit up because they’re not gonna take society or some higher authority determining who they can and can’t love, that fits.

In a lot of ways, its the compulsory sexuality story I’ve ranted for months about wanting to see in regards to Bobby’s situation and the fact that Jean’s actions are ultimately the reason he spent so long in the closet.

BUT. At the same time....that’s kinda the problem?

Because that story I talked about wanting to see with Bobby, it didn’t come from nowhere, I didn’t just go ‘oh hey what if.’ It came from just putting together the pieces that were already there. Everything needed to tell this particular story about being pissed at someone overriding your own sense of self and telling you who you needed to be for the sake of society, the timeline, whatever....it was already there. In the main universe. Already written. Every single element needed to tell that specific narrative was already in place.

Completely unacknowledged.

And I think that’s a big part of where my cynicism comes from, beyond just not trusting Marvel as a whole. Because the fact that this specific narrative was already laid out, already in play, hell, already the fallout of a Grey’s choices and mucking around with Bobby’s head.....without it ever being addressed, its hard to see how a five issue mini (that needs at least an issue or two to set up the revelations to the characters) can do for that narrative spread out among three gay/bi characters what nobody bothered to do with just one character in three years worth of opportunities.

(And if in the end it turns out by the time all of this is over NOBODY in-story has drawn the parallel between this and Bobby’s own narrative even before all this, like.....that’s gonna bug.)

But anyway. When you look at it from that perspective, as essentially the same narrative that was already set up and put in place and then completely overlooked for Bobby already.....then its hard to see this as anything other than gratuitous. Because that was already this same narrative, WITHOUT the fascist imagery and associations. Bobby already had every reason to be pissed - just needed those reasons to be raised and acknowledged - WITHOUT needing the trauma of being made unwillingly complicit in storm trooper actions heaped on top of how much he would already be fucked up from just the forced closeting. The painful catharsis of watching a gay hero push back against forces trying to make him something other than he is and wants to be, it was already locked and loaded ready to go - WITHOUT the trauma part of that narrative needing to be added to two other characters’ narratives additionally.

It just feels...unnecessary.

Like, I can’t stop fixating on that damn armband, is one of the things. I understand the in-story logic, that its ultimately one of the clues that makes them wake up to the realization something is very wrong, for Bobby to be wearing that. I understand that the intention there is for it to be a motivating factor for Bobby’s anger, making him intensely furious that this was done to him, put on him. But the thing I can’t understand is what makes the armband necessary to do all that?

Its not needed in order to leave bread crumbs for them to see how things are messed up and where. There are other options available, other ways to portray how things are different or wrong. I’ll never agree its necessary for THAT to be the thing that makes Bobby enraged. Like look at everything I was saying about his main universe storyline. Why not just use this to allow Bobby to have a different perspective on his lack of agency in all that and the how and why of his staying repressed for so long, have this second instance of telepathic meddling with his sense of self make the first more clearly obvious to him. Isn’t that already more than enough to make Bobby furious and intent on beating the fucking shit out of Nate Grey because he’s sick of not knowing how much of his sense of self is actually HIM and how much of it is the result of telepaths sticking their nose where they don’t belong, without any hint of remorse?

When its your perspective that the more offensive elements of this story aren’t necessary, its all but impossible to look at anything else. They’re the elephant in the room. The things your eye can’t stray from in those ‘what in this picture doesn’t belong’ games once you find them, because its so painfully obvious then that they don’t belong.

And the other thing, the big thing that I’m really upset at seeing so many other white LGBTQ+ readers dismiss or just trivialize....personally, I find it impossible to find empowerment in three white gay/bi characters who are used to police the romantic and sexual relationships of characters of color and especially LGBTQ+ characters of color. I get that this isn’t on Williams, that it wasn’t her choice to have the X-Tremists arrest Bishop and Bling specifically, that those happened in other books. But this is an area where editorial oversight - used properly - would not only be useful, but I honestly believe was NECESSARY. If you’re gonna tell a story like this, do an event like this, play with these themes specifically and talk about how its meant to explore intersectionality, about how intersections of power affect how an individual interacts with society and its institutions....you need to bring your fucking A game, and this event just didn’t. At all.

You need to be conscious of the fact that Marvel has given its readers, particularly its most marginalized ones, NO reason to have any faith in them, give them any benefit of the doubt, after they’ve spent the better part of 20 years deliberately driving this franchise into the ground because they didn’t get any of the X-Men movie profits. Editorial absolutely NEEDED to be aware of the nuances of this story and be prepared to step in where necessary to prevent things like what happened with Bishop and Bling interfering with the intended point of the X-Tremists mini and costing it more readers. There should have been someone watching all the pieces, someone whose JOB it was to look at the script for NextGen and hand it back and say no, Ed, you can’t have the X-Tremists arrest Bling, you need to pick someone else, pick a straight white character. We’re not having three white gay/bi cops arrest a black lesbian teen for impure thoughts. Nuh uh, no way. Not happening. Same with Bishop. If he absolutely had to be imprisoned in order for the events of Prisoner X to unfold, there should have been a different reason, rather than a random out of the blue pairing with Jean Grey that gets him locked up and her a slap on the wrist. Like, how about the fact that Nate Grey - being from the Age of Apocalypse - is aware that Bishop being a time traveler enabled him to know the AoA wasn’t how events were supposed to happen, and preemptively locked him away because he was afraid Bishop would be similarly able to see through this altered reality and warn people?

Like, when you have a character LITERALLY playing God, as in that’s the entire narrative....deus ex machina isn’t a problem. It’s your actual story engine. You can set the stage however the hell you want and Bishop can be wherever the hell you need him to be with the only reason being Nate Grey arranged for him to be there because that’s where he wanted him to be, fearing he could be a threat.

But seriously, white LGBTQ+ fans need to shut the absolute fuck up about the instances with Bishop and Bling and stop talking over fans of color when they bring them up. Stop trying to minimize it or handwave it away as no big deal, like, that is ugly. That is just, plain UGLY. Stop telling fans of color and LGBTQ+ fans of color any issues they have with white characters arresting black characters for ‘impure’ and ‘barbaric’ thoughts and relationships...like, stop acting like these things are no big deal or that they’re not big ENOUGH of a deal to take away from the empowerment you get from three white gay/bi characters’ narratives. Stop saying the latter is what they should be focusing on, as if its the only variable here that matters, and that they’re just blowing things out of proportion. Some readers developing a dislike for Bobby because they have to read and see him being depicted the way he is at the expense of characters of color - even if its not ‘his fault’ - like, some readers not wanting to read or see Bobby in stories for awhile or ever because they just can’t get that image out of their head, that’s a valid and understandable reaction to what’s on the page, what they can’t avoid if they want to take in this story on any level at all. Its a reaction EARNED by the narrative choices made overall, and if its not a reaction the narrative wanted to earn, different narrative choices needed to be made.

Honestly, the more I think about it, if this event was going to happen like it or not, if writers had to just make the best of it as much as they could, knowing editorial wasn’t going to be interfering on their behalf when other writers used their characters in ways detrimental to the first writer’s intentions....Bobby, Jean-Paul and Betsy should have been in the cast of Prisoner X, I think. Like, they shouldn’t have been the secret police, the guilty parties motivated by outrage at being used to hurt others like them, they should have been part of the ones who already had plenty of motivational outrage based entirely on experience with being told their love was impure and wrong.

LGBTQ+ characters IMO were already a natural fit for seeing through Nate Grey’s changes to reality, to be arrested for engaging in romantic and sexual relationships in defiance of society’s laws and arbitrary morals. It could have easily been built into the event itself that Nate Grey (who has never identified as anything other than straight) viewed the world through a heteronormative lens. And thus when ‘eliminating’ love and memories of it and things like that, he did so according to a straight person’s perception of what that looked like...and thus potentially overlooked where LGBTQ+ peoples’ experiences had taught them how to keep a secret part of themselves hidden away at the core of their being, their mind, where no one would stumble across any truths they weren’t ready to reveal. LGBTQ+ characters were already a natural fit to be caught breaking the rules of this society instead of keeping it to themselves and staying safe if they started to suspect something was wrong with the way things were....because they were the ones who had already defiantly pushed back against unjust rules and restrictions the first time they realized something wasn’t right with the way society told them they should feel.

The same is true of characters of color of any sexual orientation, given past laws against interracial relationships - I’m not expanding on that not to exclude them, but just because imprisonment narratives have a different context and history with characters of color and that’s not my lane.

But like, if the event was structured to remove the variable of mutant oppression and thus explore intersections of power when everyone was on the same field in that respect, its disingenuous to make up forms of oppression to highlight the flaws in a dystopian society when existing marginalizations already exist once the mutant metaphor is removed. Those already marginalized in our society should be the ones marginalized in that society, else you end up with a ‘what if straight white people were the oppressed and sympathetic’ narrative that nobody asked for. And I do suspect that part of the way AoX is structured IS intended to reflect that, to have LGBTQ+ characters like the X-Tremists and characters of color like Bishop play key roles in toppling Nate Grey’s dystopian vision....I just don’t believe making any of them the secret police works in FAVOR of that rather than against. If your marginalized characters are united by common experiences of being oppressed by straight white mutants once they in turn are no longer oppressed by humans, then you also eliminate the stuff I was talking about earlier, the issue of having an oppressed group fight to put things back to where they were more oppressed. Instead of SPLITTING your characters’ identities along different axes, with the world according to Nate Grey being better for them in the sense that they’re no longer persecuted for being mutants but worse for them because it tries to restrain their sexualities...they don’t need to prioritize between their marginalizations at all. These characters don’t have to ‘sacrifice’ a world in which they aren’t oppressed for one where they are, if they’re still oppressed by that society as gay and bi individuals even though they’re no longer persecuted for being mutants. That’s still messy as hell for a variety of reasons this long fucking post doesn’t need to see their unpacking added to it, but like....

Sigh. Thing is, I know I have a tendency to go off and running in some AU direction like “this is what I would do if I were writing this story” every time I’m critical of shit. Its honestly not because I think I’m the greatest writer ever or oh my ideas are so much better than everything else.

Its just....I don’t know how else to say it, even though it fails to sink in every damn time I have a variation of this argument...I’m not critical so I can hate things, I’m critical cuz I want them to be better. I don’t come up with different ideas for how else to tell a story BECAUSE I’m critical of it and hate it as is. Its the reverse. I’m critical of stuff BECAUSE I can’t turn off my writer brain and I can see where things could be better or at least fail in new and different ways than the same old repeated mistakes (and thus at least get us closer to better, by eliminating more of what doesn’t work).

Like, I’m just so fucking tired of being talked about like I’m this bitter angry dude who just hates everything and is never happy with any content ever. I’m not angry and loud when I criticize shit because I’m thinking like “This thing you like offended these three people and thus its fucking terrible and you should feel bad!” I’m angry and loud when I criticize shit because I’m thinking “This thing you like offended these three people AND IT DIDN’T FUCKING HAVE TO. THAT CAN BE AVOIDED.”

I don’t posit all these alternative scenarios when I criticize shit because I’m thinking that doing it any way other than my way is bad, and I’m just an egotistical jackass who will never be satisfied with any work other than his own. (LMAO, hell no, I’m insecure as hellllllll about my work, like lolol. How critical I am of other shit is nothing compared to how critical I am of my own).

Point is, when I do that, I’m only doing it to say like....see, look. Here are alternatives. If I can find some, other writers can too.

But other writers have to LOOK for alternatives in order to find them. They have to have a REASON to write things differently than what they already wrote. THAT’S WHAT CRITICISM IS FOR. TO GIVE THEM THAT REASON. TO TELL THEM THIS DOESN’T WORK THE WAY IT IS, BUT IT COULD WORK IF YOU DO SOME OF THESE THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

And when people say “lmao some of you just need to go the fuck outside, like calm down and let people enjoy shit for a change,” what that ACTUALLY sounds like to some of us is “well this thing works for me as is, and thus I see no reason to care about it being better for the people it doesn’t work for or actively offends.”

It’s honestly depressing as hell how many people on this site smugly reblog that “I don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about other people” post, only to turn around and five posts later complain about criticisms of a show they like and are perfectly comfortable with as is.

Its not about telling you that you should never enjoy anything ever. Its not about saying well this thing offends us, and if we can’t enjoy it, nobody should.

Its just like.....its great that you enjoy this thing but wouldn’t it be better if you could still enjoy it and all these people who AREN’T able to enjoy it because of these reasons could now enjoy it more too?

People shutting up about the ways content offends or hurts them or people just settling for sucking it up and dealing with the microaggressions in a creative work, like those things shouldn’t be necessary in order for you to enjoy content or be comfortable with what you’re reading or watching.

And if it is, that’s a you problem and if you could PLEASE stop projecting it on to people who just want things to be better and more enjoyable across the board - like that’d be great kthxbai.

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ravenschmaven · 6 years

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GIVE US THE STAR WAR SPOILERS

like, all of em??

because, if so

HERES THE WHOLE DAMN FUCKING FILM UNDER THE CUT

We open to poe dameron about to fuck up a ship called a dreadnought - which is HUGE - because the rest of the rebellion is trying to evacuate. he cals hux, pretends he has no signal, makes a yo mama joke then begins blowing up the surface guns so that the ship cant destroy the bombers who are on their way to smash the ship.

leia tells him not to do the thing, he ignores her, blows up all the guns, and summons the bombers, which are these huge bulky things which move at a snails pace while tiefighters and x-wings fight around them. all but one of the bombers blows up, and the last bomber is able to drop the payload because of an asian officer we later realise is rose’s sister. rose’s sister is one of the many who die, with about five x-wings making it back. The rebellion goes to warp, finn wakes up and asks ‘where’s rey’.

Rey is exactly where we left her. she gives the lightsaber to luke, who yeets it over the edge and goes ‘fuck that shit im out’. she annoys him into accepting that she isn’t moving, then she plays the chewie card, and chewbacca trashes the shit outta the place. luke finds out han is dead, and FINALLY gets his head oudda his ass. Wont teach rey tho because kylo ren is a punk bitch who ruins everything. We see flashes of a flashy wristwatch. luke mentions kylo being a shit and talks about what happened. apparently luke confronted him about the darkness and ren went batshit. r2d2 also swears at luke repeatedly for a few seconds.

somewhere between snoke spends like five minutes roasting kylo ren and calling him a shithead while dressed in a gold bathrobe. ‘you have too much of your father’s heart’. ren smashes his helmet against the lift (rude) and yells at two officers to get his ship ready. hux is peacocking around like an asshole.

while that happens leia gives poe shit for going ahead with a mission that got people killed. Leia HITS POE. LIKE FUCKING SMACKS HIM. (rian post ur address i just wanna talk) and then demotes him for doin his job??? even tho he aint really doing his job. poe is mad as fuCK. Leia has another flashy wristwatch which is actually a tracking device so rey can find the rebellion. she gives it to finn.

We drop out of warp, and everybody is seemingly chill until the first order rocks up literally 30 seconds later, including snoke, who has his own ship like an asshole. People panic, the first order, including kylo ren, attacks, and blows up the launch bay, killing every pilot except poe and a few others, and the bridge, which holds all the generals including leia. leia uses the motherfucking force to fly through space, and makes it back to the ship. she falls into a coma, where vice-admiral/general/mauve murder baby takes charge. her idea of saving everyone is to use their remaining fuel supply to stay just out of range of their gunners, which gives them about 16 hours left.

finn wants to save rey’s life so tries to sneak out, but gets caught by rose, who’s sobbing over the loss of her sister because they dont even get time to MOURN YALL. rose sees him as a hero, then talks about how shes caught 3 deserters, then realises finn is kind-of-deserting, then stuns him. finn wakes up in a trolley and explains the situation (lack of fuel, we’re all gonna die, they tracked us through warp) and rose figures out how they could track the fleet through warp.

if finn leads rose to the weird tracking thingo, she can disable it and save the fleet. the dynamic duo go to poe, whos confused and is really trigger happy and i dont like it, but he agrees that its a good idea. They ask maz how to break in, she says shes busy, and tells them to find this gambler guy with a red flower pin at Space Vegas. the team keep the plan under wraps, with only poe, finn, rose, and a few other officers knowing about the trip. finn, rose and bb8 leave, finn having given poe the tracking device thingy to poe.

Back at it again on depression island and rey is attempting to annoy luke into teaching her. We see the weird tiddy creatures, chewy eats some porgs and rey connects with the force and finds the ancient jedi texts in a funky looking tree. lukes asks who she is and why shes here, she says shes scared of the awakening and has no idea what to do. luke decides to get his act together and teach her.

the day he goes to teach her, rey’s chillin in her room and has a vision of Space trash panda - aka kylo ren - rey calls him a shithead and ren is confused as to how they’re talking, then rey freaks out and shoots the illusion, much to the chagrin of the caretakers (who look like my grandmother). rey lies to luke when he asks about the hole in the wall.

jedi lesson number one is to reach out and feel the force. after telling luke that being a jedi is about moving rocks and breaking shit, and being called a dumbass, rey sits on a rock and shows off a shittonne of power, but also a rising dark side (the motif of this film seems to be that the stronger u get the stronger the good/evil bitchfight) which makes luke panic because ‘this was what ben was like!!!!!!!!!!!! oh no!!!!!!!!!!’ luke get ya head oudda yo ass. its also revealed that luke has shut himself away from the force somehow.

the dynamic duo is in space vegas (they illegally park on a beach) and are walking through the casino and looking for Rose Brooch Guy. rose hears a noise and recognises it as the noise of some funky lookin animal which they use to race. finn says this place is great and asks why rose hates it. rose shares her backstory as the daughter of people who lost so much under the first order. its implied that rose joined because of what happened on starkiller base. she also talks about how everyone here sells weapons to the first order and gets rich off of it. bb8 does his damn job and finds red flower guy, but they get arrested for illegally parking the shuttle on the beach and dont get a chance to talk to the guy, whos gambling with two women on his arm.

one of the support ships runs out of fuel and gets exploded. I think its the medical one first. doesnt matter shit explodes and nobody cares.

JEDI LESSON #2: the jedi suck shit. the jedi are failures and luke keeps talking about it. talks about how he failed kylo ren. rey goes that there seems to be a light inside him (ew) somewhere near here. somewhere throughout the film are a few more force-vision things. one when its raining on Jedi island, one when Ren has no shirt (he looks like a ken doll) and another (the final one) when ren talks about his perspective of that night when luke confronted him.

rose and finn get thrown in space vegas prison, and are angrily yelling abt the problems with their plan when their roommate says ‘hey yeah i can break into a maximum security first order vessel’ then subsequently breaks out of prison. while rose and finn escape, bb8 bashes a few guards over the head and kicks ass.

Rose and Finn end up in the stables of those weird elephant-horse-camel creatures, and start a stampede with the help of the child slaves stable hands by using rose’s secret rebellion ring to prove theyre good guys. the animals seem to have a connection w/rose so i guess shes incredible. the dynamic duo are trapped between a clifface and the cops, and there’s a second where the pair say their ‘goodbye’s before a ship pops up with bb8 at the door going ‘get in bitch we’re going shopping!!!’ with the thief guy from before.

uuuh i think this is where support ship #2 goes because poe picks another fight saying that the new leader is running away and being a coward. she kicks him off the bridge.

rey explores the upside down dark force place on her own, and asks the dark force to show her her parents (I shit u not) it doesnt work and she tells this to kylo’s weirdass force ghost as she sits next to a fire. rey pleads w/ kylo to join the light one last time, and holds out her hand. fingertips touch and then luke fuckin rips the hut to shreds with the force. rey and luke fight, rey continuously pushing for the truth and luke confesses to, for a second, wanting to kill ren, and it was that second of weakness that led to all of this. rey thinks that ren can be saved and fucks off to Snoke’s Party Palace, where ren currently is. She takes the falcon and leaves luke behind.

poe starts a fight with the new leader while leia’s in a coma as the rebels abandon ship for the escape pods. he takes over and locks himself in the bridge to buy finn and rose more time. finn and rose have to barter with the codebreaker by giving him the only piece of her sister rose has left (a matching pendant with huge yin-yang vibes). finn calls him an asshole. the ship that they’re flying on belongs to somebody who sold weapons to both the first order and the resistance.

rey gets chewie to drop her off @ the Party Palace and is immediately captured by Ren and gets brought to Snoke. Snoke - still in the bathrobe - is pleased and brags about how his master plan is brilliant. turns out hes the reason there was a connection between them, AND the reason for the raging struggle in kylo ren. this bitch then fucking starts torturing rey for into on where the fuck luke is, rey aint a snitch so doesn’t say shit, but makes a few attempts at killing snoke.

finn, rose, bb8, and randomass thief guy sneak onto the ship and wear disguises (including bb8, who is in an upside down trash can) to get to the tracking device thingy. however, bb8 is very unusual and attracts the attention of the first order version. thief guy uses rose’s necklace to crack open the lock, then gives it back. aww. but then they get caught by first order just as rose is about to break the tracker. not so aww. captain phasma shows up and finn is ready to start swinging.

poe’s locked down the bridge, and c3p0 is being a whiny shit and starts panicking when somebody starts lasering the door down. poe gets ready to shoot a bitch, but hesitates when he sees that it’s Our Lady and Saviour Leia. she, however, doesn’t hesitate and shoots him w/ something that causes him to go flying and knocks him out (???????)

on the rebellion ship, leia is talking to purple-hair lady - poe is being lifted into a shuttle - when purple-hair lady reveals that she’s going down w/ the ship so that the shuttles can escape. they say may the force be w/ u and leia looks longingly out the window @ her not-gf. poe wakes up, and leia explains the Master Plan. purple-hair lady knew about the tracking and had them rock up to this particular place because there’s a whole fucking planet nobody talks about that used to be a base.

rose and finn have been captured and are paraded thru the loading dock. the codebreaker sold information to the first order about the shuttles, and the ship begins firing on the shuttles.

WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULAR SPACE FIGHT FOR SOME ANGSTY ISLAND BOI. luke goes to torch the tree where the jedi books are kept when yoda shows up (really bitch), asks wtf hes doing, then sets fire to the tree himself. theres some weirdass yoda speak of which i understood none of it but was about how failures are good teachers too (what is this motivational speaker month)

and back at it again at space fight the musical

Snoke’s still throwing rey around, then pushes her against a window so she can see the rebellion dying. he takes her/luke’s lightsaber, places it next to him, then tells kylo ren to kill her. snoke is revelling in rey being helpless, and starts monologuing kylo’s actions. ‘he turns the blade to face his true enemy’ luke’s blade shofts so it faces snoke ‘and slays his true enemy!’ a schwing, and snoke is literally a kebab. ren uses the force to DRAG THE LIGHT SABER THROUGH SNOKES FUCKIN ABDOMEN, CUTTING THAT PASTY BOI IN HALF. he gives it to rey, and then they fight snoke’s guards. its cool, there’s some teamwork, rey throws somebody in an oversized paper shredder. ren uses luke’s light saber at the end.

purple-hair lady sees that they’re going after her people and does possibly the coolest thing i’ve ever seen: she points the ship directly @ the bigass ship, and warps THROUGH IT. because there’s so little fuel, she doesn’t make it to actuasl warp, but is going fast enough that its an incredible battering ram which rips apart the ship, saving the lives of finn and rose, who are about to be executed.

the floor breaks and they’re about to get outta there when phasma’s squad rocks up. one of the first order machines takes out most of the stormtroopers, and the pilot turns out to be bb8 (yeah, dont worry, rose and finn are confused too), and he distracts them as finn and phasma face off. the floor collapses and phasma falls in. byeeeeeee

rey and ren have won, everythings on fire, and ren decides that the best way to get a girl to join your side of the moral spectrum is to tell her that her parents are drunkards buried in paupers graves (damn, all those amazing lineage theories and they go with randomass power………… sad) and that the past should burn, the rebellion should die, all of it. he holds out his hand, and rey holds out hers SIKE shes taking the lightsaber and they’re basically standing there using the force when, really, some dumbass could just, yknow, GRAB IT. they are so ~evenly matched~ that luke’s lightsaber cracks down the middle, exploding and knocking them out.

NOW WERE GOING TO THE PLANET THINGY (god it never ends) where finn and rose make a dashing entrance and are almost killed because its a first order ship but poe hears them and calls off the gunfire (then immediately asks ‘WHERES MY DROID’ and honestly? i love). theyre surrounded by not-pokemon evolutions which are better than porgs. the rebellion gets a message sent to their allies (none answer. god thats worse than a groupchat) and then realises they’re sitting ducks because there’s one way into this base on the schematics and the first order is fuckin knocking.

hux finds ren on the floor, who blames rey for the death of snoke (bitchassliar) and claims the title of supreme leader, then goes after the rebellion. the first order has super polished weapons and the rebellion only has skimmers, which are the fancy version of skateboards with nerf guns like they are severely fucked. the first order also has a gun which they use as a battering ram.

when ren sends tie fighters out there, rey and chewie swoop in on the flacon and smash all of em (bless). the ground fire, however, gets almost all the skimmers. poe orders a fall-back, but finn doesn’t listen and goes straight for the cannon, a la poe at the beginning. rose, however, swoops in last second and stops him. when finn asks why, she says that the rebellion will win by saving what they love. she KISSES HIM. then falls into a coma.

all hope is lost until the OG BITCH, THE ONE THE ONLY LUKE SKYWALKER IN THE HOUUUUUUUUSE enters like its nbd. He holds leia, kisses her forehead, gives her a trinket from the falcon (two lil gold dice which i honestly thought were dreidels), then goes ‘bitch i got this’ and just stands in the middle of the battlefield doing the equivalent of the middle finger at ren, who loses it. hux tells him to #chill, and when its revealed that luke survived all that firepower, ren goes down to do it himself.

finn wants to step in, but poe realises its a distraction, and notices that the sparkly bois arent here, so there must be a natural exit somewhere. up above, rey is using the tracker to try and find them.

outside, we figure out that ren is still a punk bitch and gets beaten by luke repeatedly. luke apologises for letting him down. ren goes on about destroying everything. luke calls him a dumbass. talks about rey being the next Jedi.

the rebels find the exit, but, lo behold, its covered in rocks. what does rey do like a fucking badass? move the damn ass rocks. FINNREY REUNION BITCHES. its cute. its v cute. theres a hug.

ren goes in for the kill. luke doesnt die. he stabs luke in the goddamn chest. luke is ACTUALLY A FORCE PROJECTION SIKE BITCH. luke fades away as the rebels escape on the falcon. the remains of whatever weirdass connection remainging between rey and kylo ignite one last time, but rey literally shuts the falcon door in his face (fuck that bitch)

the first order storm the empty base, hux is bein slim shady as fuck, ren finds the not-dreidels on the ground, which flicker out too.

cut to jedi island! luke is watching the sun go down, he smiles, cut to leia and rey pulling a face, and BAM Luke dies. hes gone. poof. his outfit blows away in the wind.

poe and rey FINALLY meet. ‘im poe dameron’ ‘im rey’ ‘i know’ finn is looking after rose (when finn grabs a cloth you can see the jedi books in the same drawer), and starin right @ her. leia sits next to rey, and they talk about luke dying. it’s not a sad death, rey says, but a peaceful one. it was his time, leia goes on. rey looks around at the twenty ish people who make up the rebellion now, and goes ‘how tf do we do this now’

CUT TO slave animal trainer baby in Space Vegas. kid has the ring and looks up at the stars. is holding a broom like a lightsaber as leia talks about hope as a spark which is slowly growing.

cut back to group shot from inside the falcon.

fin.

#the last jedi #the last jedi spoilers #star wars #Anonymous #long post #*grabs megaphone*#dont pay money for a ticket just read this #this took three hours #im so fucking tired but i think i got everything #star wars spoilers

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