#and i told his girlfriend the whole entire plot of riverdale. and then i went home and was like god i wish i had them in my life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

georgecostanzaatemysoup · 4 years

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The Perfect Date...

So, basically, this movie is about a kid named Brooks Rattigan:

They say his name about 50 times in this movie, so it’d be kind of hard NOT to remember it.

Anyway, he’s a poor kid who wants desperately to get into Yale. Kind of like Rory and her need to get into Harvard during the first 3 seasons of Gilmore Girls, but where Rory was quirky Brooks has to be self-centered or else the movie just won’t work... I guess.

The problem with Brooks’ dream is despite his good grades and extra curricular activities, he is unable to answer the one question I’m sure all of us have had problems answering:

Typical high school movie stuff... and high school stuff in general. If we’re being honest, I’m almost 30 and I can’t answer this question.

Anyway, Brooks has best friend named Murph:

Let’s just say, Murph is the reason I sat through this whole movie. He is computer smart (he’s also dyslexic and plans to write his college’s admission essay about this, which is probably one of the most interesting things that happened in this movie and wasn’t mentioned after he offhandedly said something early on... which, you know, seems to happen a lot) and has a crush on Tuna Melt Guy :

Yeah. Tuna Melt Guy, as he is called the entire movie (the guy doesn’t even get a name which is a problem in itself), orders the same sandwich every day (I guess) and their story is basically a b side, not really touched on, but we assume they end up together by the end type of deal.

There’s also this guy named... Brad the Stereotypical Douche (he has an actual name, but I can’t remember it):

Basically, Brad (or whatever his name was) made a deal with his uncle to take his cousin to a formal at her school, but his girlfriend Madison is supposedly home alone and he doesn’t want to do it. SO, Brooks volunteers because he a) needs the money for Yale and b) really wants to drive Brad’s Douche Mobile (I thought I took a screenshot but I didn’t, so just picture any stereotypical “douchey” cars and you’re golden) just once in his poor boy life.

Brad’s cousin, Celia Liberman:

Who I was kinda hoping WOULDN’T end up with Brooks (we’ll get to that) is that stereotypical “tough” girl who stomps around in her boots and throws a fit when asked to wear a dress (i.e me circa 2005-ish).

So, Brooks takes her to her dance at the most pretentious looking school I have ever fucking seen:

And they do some bad dancing (because the quirky, “tough” girl needs to be a bad dancer... I’m also a bad dancer, but I wouldn’t call myself quirky) and Brooks happens to see HER:

The girl of his “dreams” I guess. I can’t remember her name, but I’ll just call her Veronica because that’s who she plays in Riverdale.

So Veronica, apparently, has a very rich dad (according to Celia, he’s basically sleazy Batman). She’s so rich, in fact, she has actual valets at her house parties:

And she lives here (more on that later).

While on his “date” with Celia, she offhandedly mentions he should make an app where he pretends to date girls who need a date. She’s joking, but Brooks takes it seriously and asks his computer smart bestie Murph to help him make an app:

The app is basically GrubHub but for dates. Basically someone sends Brooks a message asking him to go on “dates” with them and they get to decide his personality, his outfits, and whether or not they need him to talk or listen (man, where was this shit when I was in high school) They set it up like ANYONE can use it, but only girls do in this movie (which it’s fine... I guess?).

So, Brooks starts getting messages and becomes who these girls need him to be. A salsa dancer, a cowboy, a douchebag... just whatever they needed he would do it. So, in a way, it’s not a terrible premise, but it starts to get to his head.

He basically starts pushing Murph out of the whole App process (you know, the creator of the App) and it gets to the point where they don’t really hang out anymore (again, typical high school movie plot), but again we’ll get to that in a bit.

I should probably mention Brooks’ dad:

Mister Rattigan (I can’t remember his first name) is a part time teacher and writer, but he hasn’t written anything in a while (not since his wife left him and started a new family with a new guy). He really wants Brooks to go to the college he works at, but Brooks is deadset on Yale. Which, in retrospect, knowing that your kid wanted to go there you’d think he would have been a bit more supportive.

He’s not a bad dad, not by a long shot, but he’s the typical movie parent who is quirky but wants something for his son that his son doesn’t want (until the end when he decides to go to the college his dad wants him to go to and that’s after his dad gives him a speech about how he’ll support his decision).

So, yeah, moving on. Celia calls Brooks out of the blue to ask him if he wants to pretend to date her to make her crush Franklin jealous. She uses his crush on Veronica to get him to agree. He readily does and tells her about his app.

She makes fun of it, because of course she does, on the way to the party and that’s when they end up at sleazy Batman’s house with the private valet company? I guess?

👆 Franklin 👆, of course is a pretentious hipster because he HAS to be otherwise how would Celia know that she belongs with Brooks and NOT this guy. He basically goes on one of those stereotypical music snob rants about how vinyl is the only way to appreciate music and Celia agrees because he’s cute. This I can relate to because in high school I too went along with stuff because someone happened to be cute.

So, Celia and Brooks start to “date” to make their crushes jealous. Celia also asks Franklin out because they need an “excuse” to break up. While this is happening, Brooks is supposed to be getting close to Veronica because they really don’t have any scenes together UNTIL his and Celia’s “break up,” but that doesn’t happen for a bit.

While “dating” Celia reveals that her dad is conveniently friends with the Dean of Yale and offers to ask him to talk to the Dean about meeting with Brooks. He agrees because OF COURSE he does and the meeting goes well because apparently Brooks researched the guy and lied about how one of his “interests” just so happened to coincide with the dean’s interest. Because that’s normal... I guess.

Afterward, they go and hangout with Murph who commented earlier that week about how he and Brooks weren’t hanging out as much anymore since they made the App. Despite making plans with Murph, and telling him he would not break them for the the App, Brooks does it anyway pissing Murph off in the process. And also dismissing Murph’s worries that he messed up with Tuna Melt guy when he pre made his sandwich (don’t worry, he didn’t, but again this isn’t even touched on much after this until the very end).

Needless to say, adding more drama to the story, Murph switches shifts (at the job they both share) with another dude and calls Brooks a “selfish prick” so yeah, and what pisses me off about this entire fight it takes until almost the very end for Brooks to do anything about it (on screen) which is really fucking annoying, but I won’t get into it.

Anyway, on her date with Franklin, Celia realizes they have very little in common and decides to stop whatever it was they were going to become because of that AND the fact that he reveals himself to be the graffiti artist she doesn’t like (her and Brooks have this entire conversation early on in the movie about how “Trashbag” is probably a white, overly privileged rich boy, and it turns out she was right):

Her bad date makes her “realize” she really likes Brooks (you know, like any typical high school movie... of course someone has to catch “feelings”), but he’s oblivious and doesn’t see that (which makes me wonder how these two end up together, but that’s... not important right now).

His obliviousness aside, they decide to go along with their epic “break up.” But Brooks, idiot as he is, decides to bring in some real truths that Celia had trusted him with and because of that she slapped the shit out of him:

He, being the oblivious idiot that he is, doesn’t catch on and thought seh was acting. Sending her a text that basically said “👍” and goes after the girl he “wants.”

Veronica:

The “perfect” girl... according to Brooks. Who, not surprising” was willing to makeout with him mere SECONDS after his “break up” with Celia... okay.

But, like all of these movies, the “perfect” girl dumps his ass when she realizes he’s been letting girls buy his time to go on dates with them. She’s also (rightly so) upset that he lied to her earlier about where he’s from (Celia told Veronica he was from... some uppity town when he really wasn’t and I guess he never bothered to tell her the truth).

So, yeah, Veronica wants nothing to do with him as does Celia, but Brooks tries to dance with Celia anyway (finally realizing, I guess, that he actually DOES like her at the dance AFTER Veronica walks away.

But Celia turns him down by telling him “I am not your back up” which made me go “oh, maybe these two WON’T end up together” (I was wrong).

So, Brooks has no one and he’s really sad, and he does that typical high school movie thing where he lies in bed, moping, trying to get Celia or Murph to answer his texts (they don’t.)

The next day at school, Murph and he do talk and he apologizes for pushing Murph away, and they make up. WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN SHOWN ON SCREEN SINCE THE SUB SHOP SCENE!!! OH MY GOD!!

Anyway, here’s them making up:

Also, “tough” girl Celia has a moment with her parents where she basically goes all John Mox on her mother and basically says, “I don’t WANT your life.” You, know as you do, but unlike Mox hers ends with a Liberman family hug:

I do not take good screenshots...

Anyway, after all of this, Brooks is seen finally writing his college admissions essay, but instead of writing to Yale (like the movie makes us believe) he decides to go to UConn like his dad wanted (plus he had a full ride so, I mean, Yale or not that’s what every kid wants when entering college) he writes a “admissions” letter to Celia basically asking her if they can date.

Yeah.

So, yeah, they start dating (as do Murph and Tuna Melt guy? I think?) or it’s implied they start dating. They kiss at least, so I’m going to assume they start dating (but they’ll probably break up six or seven times because Brooks and Celia seem like THAT couple).

It was an alright movie, I’ll admit, but it was also a typical high school flick. So, take it or leave it I guess.

Oh, one more thing, I still don’t know if he was able to answer the question regarding who he is, I stopped paying attention... mostly. Yeah.

#the perfect date #ash watches crap on netflix #also writes an impromptu review #oops #long post

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spookadoop · 6 years

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American Sweetheart (Sweet Pea)

“Every snake has a soft underbelly...And she’s yours.”

One | Two | Three

What were supposed to wear to a biker bar? Especially one housing the deadliest gang in at least a 50 mile radius? According to your mom, environmentally safe, cruelty-free leather boots, black skinny jeans, and a dark flannel.

“I'm not gonna get shot am I?” You asked, climbing onto the back of Jughead’s motorcycle. You sent a silent thank you to your mom for making you wear a shirt long enough to tuck into your pants. You knew your bunny underwear would be on show for everyone to see if you hadn’t.

“Nah. As long as you stay with me, you’ll be okay.” Jughead promised before ripping out of the trailer park.

By the time you got to the Whyte Wyrm, you were conflicted. Part of you knew that Jughead wouldn’t let some Serpent kill you, but you were still nervous. You had never been in a bar before, let alone a Serpent bar. Or maybe the nerves were just a side effect of Jughead’s terrible driving.

As you approached the doors to the building, you had the sudden urge to back out. To turn around and go home far away from the Serpents.

“ Jug I just remembered I have a project for Phillips due tomorrow,” You nervously lied. Jughead shook his head, “You and I both know that’s a lie. Come on, I promise they won’t bite.”

You figured he had a point and trusted him, so you let him pull you into the Serpents’ Den. Unfortunately, by the end of the night you weren’t so sure.

The night had started out fine. You helped Toni wipe down the sticky bar and she told you all about what it was like being in the Serpents. You had actually begun to have a pretty good time...Until Sweet Pea came in. You could practically feel the rage radiating off of him. He was a bomb waiting to explode, and you could hear the countdown ticking. When his eyes landed on you, the countdown reach 00:00.

Boom.

“Why the hell is this Northsider in our bar?” He growled out to Toni, glaring at you like you killed his dog. Though, you wouldn’t be surprised if he killed his own dog. He seemed like the type.

“Dhe came with Juggy, Sweet Pea. Chill out,” Toni replied, sliding a man across the bar another beer. Sweet Pea sneered.

“Why? So she can go run back to her little Bulldogs and tell them everything we have planned? Hell, maybe she’s planning to sell us to the Ghoulies. Is that your master scheme, Princess?” He growled out, leaning down so you were eye-to-eye. “Sell us to the Ghoulies for some money? Maybe even for protection? God knows it a little Northside Princess like you will need it around here.”

“That’s enough, Sweet Pea,” Jughead shot back at the angry boy. “She’s my friend and she wouldn’t do that. She’s going through some things so I figured it’d do her some good to get out of home for a couple hours. Now lay off.”

Sweet Pea scowled, something you noticed he did a lot of, before turning around and walking away to a pool table surrounded by some of the guys you saw him with around school.

“Jug, maybe I should head home,” You sighed, getting off of the stool you sat on. “Don’t let Pea run you off,” Toni sighed. “This whole Black Hood nonsense has everyone uptight. He may be in the Northside for now, but you never know if or when he’ll make his way down here. He’s not as bad as he seems, I promise.”

You gave her a small smile. “Thanks, Toni. I should still head home, my brothers will probably start blowing up my phone soon,” You lied, knowing good and well that your brothers were more than likely holed up in their rooms playing mindless video games for “education purposes”.

Toni frowned before scribbling number down onto a napkin, “Alright. But here, hit me up for some girl time soon, okay?”

You smiled and promised her you would before letting Jughead whisk you off onto his motorcycle for the second time that night.

After what felt like forever, Toni had convinced you to sit with the Serpents at lunch on the days you didn’t sit with your brothers. Travis and Donovan called it kidnapping, she called it shared custody. It was on one of the days Toni had stolen you away to a table outside that things seemed to get interesting.

Like usual when you were in the same area, you and Sweet Pea regarded each other upon sight with mutual disdainful looks. On this day though, he had a large bruise around his left eye. “Wow, nice black eye, Pea. What the hell happened to you?” Toni asked as you sat down beside her, giving a smile to Fangs, one of the Serpents that didn’t despise you like Sweet Pea did.

“Andrews.” Sweet Pea responded, turning his attention to some sort of blueprint the others all had their attention on. “We had a little rumble between us and that fucked up Red Circle kid. Serpents against Bulldogs. Red’s girl pulled a gun out. Now we’re getting revenge on those stuck-up Northsiders. No offense there, Princess,” He added on as a mocking afterthought with a smug smirk to you. He could never seem to miss an opportunity to mock you.

“Sweet Pea, why can’t you just call her by her name?” Toni sighed, shaking her head at the boy. Sweet Pea shrugged. “Princess, Babydoll, they’re basically the same. Proper, perfect, stuck up, privileged.”

“At least my name doesn’t make me sound like a rip off of My Little Pony,” You mumbled to yourself. Apparently you didn’t mumble quiet enough, seeing as the group surrounding you broke into snickers while Sweet Pea shot you a glare.

“Shut the hell up,” Sweet Pea hissed, silencing the group. Everyone was quiet, eyes on the blueprint before them...

“Friendship is magic...”

The My Little Pony line, whispered all too seriously by Fangs sent everyone into a fit of laughter, Toni spitting out a bit of her water on Fangs in the process.

Sweet Pea sent you a cold glare as if to say, “This is your fault.” You just gave him a slight grin in return.

After everyone had calmed down, Jughead finally made an appearance. Sweet Pea glanced up from where him and Fangs were discussing the plan for the apparent “Revenge Plot” when he spotted Jughead. He stood up to his full height, eyeing the boy. “Nice article your girlfriend’s mom wrote.”

“Yeah... I saw that,” Jughead replied. “Dilton Doiley said he was stabbed, and a bunch of you guys jumped him.”

“Idiot stabbed himself,” Fangs retorted. “With his own knife.” Wow, you thought to yourself. I always knew he was an idiot...But this? This is a whole new level of stupid.

“And we didn’t jump him,” Sweet Pea added. “There was a fight. Bulldogs versus Serpents. And you see this?” He pointed to the black eye you had noticed earlier angrily. “Your boy Andrews gave it to me. Just before his girlfriend shot a gun into the air.”

Jughead’s eyes widened in shock. “What happened?”

“And of course,” Sweet Pea continued, ignoring Jug’s question. “Northsiders get off scot-free. And the rest of us are hauled in by the police.”

“It’s payback time,” Fangs stated, jaw clenched tight.

“What are you guys talking about?” Jughead questioned, looking around until his eyes fell on the paper. “What is... What is that?” He demanded, eying the paper. “Is that a pipe bomb?” He looked down to you and Toni quickly, before returning his gaze to Sweet Pea and Fangs.

“Fogarty’s cousin served in the army. He’s gonna build us something.,” Sweet Pea informed him.

“We’ll do it after hours. We’re gonna shut the Riverdale Register down once and for all,” Fangs stated, nodding his head.

“You think blowing up a building is going to make things better?” Jughead exclaimed, looking as if he was ready to pop off.

“Can’t get any worse,” Sweet Pea seethed.

“Yeah, Sweet Pea, it can. Let me talk to Archie, let me figure this out, okay?”

“Man, that’s your answer for everything!” Sweet Pea snapped. “Talk and more talk! And we don’t even know who you stand with. Us? Or them.”

You watched as Sweet Pea leaned down against the table, palms flat on the tabletop. “You can’t be half a Serpent.” He glowered. He was leaned down close enough that you got a whiff of cologne mixed with cigarettes and exhaust. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t send chills down your spine.

He stood back up, tapping Fangs’ arm as they all walked off, leaving just you, Toni, and Jughead again.

“Great,” Jughead murmured as he sat down.. “So Archie started World War III.”

“Northside has been dumping on us for years,” Toni declared. “Your dad tried to keep the peace. Avoid the bloodshed. Now that he’s gone, idiots like Sweet Pea think there’s only one path and one solution. Violence.”

You looked down, imagining how that must have felt. To have other people judge you for no reason other than what side of the town you were born in. To have someone that kept an all out war from starting, only to get him ripped away from you for a crime he didn’t commit, then for whatever crimes they could pin on him.

No wonder they hated Northsiders...

That night, you were playing cards at the bar with Toni and Fangs when Jughead walked in, wearing the Southside Serpent jacket that he told you Tallboy had given him when his dad was arrested. You and Toni shared looks of shock when he announced he wanted to join the Serpents.

You were even more surprised when a day or two later, you were back at the Whyte Wyrm, this time on a favor from Jughead to be with him while he completed the next part of his initiation. You had to admit, if being a serpent meant you could keep Hot Dog, you would consider it an important option.

Sweet Pea was completely and utterly against you being there, claiming it was a “Serpents Only” event. After some persuading you were let in. Well, after they made it clear that if you told anyone what went on you would be severely punished.

You sat beside Toni the entire time, watching as Tallboy and Jughead shouted at each other. You chose to use that time to observe the Serpents in their main habitat. You had seen a good majority of the younger serpents in school at some point or another and they were always tense. Here, they were more relaxed. They knew that if they got attacked, their family would stick up for them.

Eventually, you gave up on observing the Serpents as a whole and decided to observe one particular Serpent with a neck tattoo that towered above over half of the other occupants. He was preoccupied watching Jughead recite the Serpent laws, so you allowed your eyes to wander over his face.

He was attractive, even you had to admit that. any girl attempting to rebel from her parents would certainly come to him first. But, you couldn’t help but wonder what lies beneath the dark, brooding surface. Was there a truth to the name Sweet Pea? Or was he the same asshole through and through?

Unfortunately for you, while you were debating if Sweet Pea really was the type that would eat popcorn and laugh while watching someone get murdered, Sweet Pea realized someone was watching him. His gaze travelled around the room as he moved away from the tank containing the snake and knife that Jughead was to retrieve.

His eyes met your own zoned out ones as he crossed his arms. Toni nudged you, whispering a “stop staring.” Pulled back into reality, your face flushed red as you realized you had been caught staring at Sweet Pea by both Toni and Sweet Pea himself. You quickly dropped your gaze from Sweet Pea onto Jughead, unable to hide your own embarrassment.

Sweet Pea took that opportunity to do his own little analysis of you. He found it strange that a Northside Princess like yourself could fit in so well with the Serpents without some sort of ulterior motive. Jughead trusted you, and he trusted Jughead well enough. He was their leader’s son after all. Still, it was strange seeing such an obvious Northsider surrounded by Southside Serpents all the time. Especially one that didn’t cower in their presence like the other Bulldogs did.

You usually keep quiet, but every now and again you’ll snap back at something he says, like comparing you to a Damsel in Distress, surrounded by a bunch of big bad dragons.

You were happy to remind him that he was a snake, not a dragon, and that most large snakes aren’t actually venomous, which is why the largest resort to constricting their prey.

He had to admit, you were pretty adorable when you talked back to him. In the same way a puppy is adorable playing with a big dog and thinking they’re winning when they’re not.

After Jughead’s hand was bandaged, you sat by the bar with him and Toni, listening to him complain about being bitten by a rattlesnake while Sweet Pea simultaneously informed him when his last task would be. Eventually, after five minutes of Toni insisting the snake had had its venom glands removed, Tallboy walked over.

“Good job, Jughead. I’m sure FP would be proud to see you following in our footsteps,” He praised, clasping him on the shoulder before turning to you. “So, Babydoll. You’ve been spending a lot of time with our younger Serpents. You thinking about joining too?” Your eyes widened, “I don’t think I’m cut out for the gang life,” You joked. “Nonsense. A gang is just a family. You don’t have to be a certain type of person to be part of a family. I’m sure Toni here would enjoy some company from another girl. Think about it, okay?”

Tallboy walked off as Toni turned to you. “I think you just got Tallboy’s blessing to join the Serpents. Should I go ahead and start up the tattoo machine now?” She joked. “Oh totally,” You replied with a laugh. “I want it right on my left wrist in pink and blue.”

“I mean, it wouldn’t really be a bad idea, Babydoll,” Jughead stated, tightening the bandage on his hand. “With that psycho Blackhood out on the streets it’d help for a tiny girl like you to have some protection. No offense.”

Toni nodded slightly. “And, you could help me boss Fangs around,” She laughed.

“No.” A voice declared, loud and serious. you all turned around to see who spoke, eyes landing on a serious-looking Sweet Pea.

“Relax, Pea. It’s just a joke,” Toni replied, rolling her eyes at the angry boy.

“I don’t care. Don’t even joke about that. She might actually start to think it’s a good idea. People like her don’t belong in the Serpents.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, crossing your arms over your chest. “People like me?”

“People like you. Privileged, spoiled little Northsiders that think you can just do whatever you want. Newsflash, just because you moved to the Southside doesn’t make you a Southsider. Or a Serpent. So don’t get any ideas, Princess.”

You gritted your teeth, barely refraining from yelling at Sweet Pea and telling him just where he could shove his attitude. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath, forcing yourself to relax. “I’m going home. I’ll see you later, guys.”

Forgetting your hoodie on the counter, you pushed your way out of the Wyrm before Jughead or Toni could stop you.

Though life was much different on the Southside, there were some things that seemed better than on the Northside. One of those things was the stars. On nights that you couldn’t sleep, much like tonight, you could sit on the roof of your trailer and try to find as many constellations as possible.

The peaceful quiet of the trailer park also made it easier. You could concentrate more on your thoughts than wondering which idiot was getting arrested for underage drinking again (most of the time, it was Reggie Mantle). Occasionally, the roaring of motorcycle engines would temporarily cut through the silence and crickets, startling you enough to lose your train of thought. Thankfully, once the motorcycles had passed it would be easy to find where you had left off.

Unfortunately for you, the next motorcycle didn’t stop until it was right in front of your house. Peeking down from your spot cocooned in a blanket on the roof, you spotted the black Harley Davidson and its leather-clad rider. Furrowing your eyebrows, you climbed down from the roof, walking until you stood in front of the bike.

“What do you want?” You questioned, pulling the blanket around you tighter, hoping it would hide the embarrassing sheep pajamas you wore. Sweet Pea held up a familiar purple hoodie, the one you had forgotten at the bar. “Why didn’t Jug just bring it to me?” You asked, taking the hoodie from his outstretched hand.

“He’s staying out late. I was on my way by anyways,” He replied before pausing. “And Toni made it very clear if I didn’t apologize for what I said to you she would have my balls on a silver platter.”

“Oh.”

“So, I’m sorry for what I said and... please forgive me,” the boy in front of you forced out, grimacing as if it hurt him to say those words to a Northsider.

You bit down on your bottom lip, processing his apology. “Okay... I’ll forgive you, on one condition.”

Sweet Pea sighed, running his hands down his face. “And what is that?”

“You have to buy me a milkshake. Then I’ll forgive you.”

He cocked an eyebrow, sitting back on his motorcycle. “A milkshake?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Mhm. A banana milkshake from Pop’s.” You couldn’t let him off too easy. So what better than making him buy you something from a place on the Northside of Riverdale?

“Of course it has to be on the Northside,” He complained, rolling his eyes.

“Yep!” You replied happily. He revved the engine of his bike.

“Get on.”

“What?” You asked, eyes widening slightly.

“I said get on. As in onto the motorcycle.”

“I can’t just go in my pajamas!” You exclaimed.

“Oh come on. They can’t be that bad,” He argued, pulling the blanket away from you enough to see your pink sheep pajamas. Once he saw them he busted out in laughter. Not even laughter. He was borderline cackling at your pajama choices.

“Shut up! I'm going to change.” You grumbled, stomping into your trailer.

About ten minutes later you emerged in lightwashed jeans, a V-neck, and black boots your brothers had bought you the previous year. Thankfully, Sweet Pea had stopped laughing by the time you walked out of the door, instead giving your new outfit a once-over. He apparently couldn’t find anything wrong with it, sliding forward silently and handing you a helmet with a mumbled “I don’t wear it anyways.”

“Hold on tight,” He called before speeding away from Sunnyside as your arms wrapped tightly around his middle. He smirked slightly at the death-grip you had on him, noticing how it tightened the faster he went. So he may have pushed the speed limit a lot on the way to the diner, but terrifying you was his version of payback for making him travel to the Northside diner.

While you drank his milkshake and Sweet Pea ate his burger, you frequently quizzed the Serpent about random things, him giving blunt answers in return. Eventually, all the questions came to the one question you had been curious about for a while now.

“Why did you join the serpents?” You questioned, stealing one of his fries.

Sweet Pea raised an eyebrow at you, contemplating his answer. “Well, I’m sure you’ve realized by now most of us don’t have very happy family lives. Drugs, alcohol, abuse, a lot of us deal with those problems. For me it was less initiation into a gang and more of coming home for the first time. The Serpents are the family most of us didn’t have growing up. It’s a place where no matter who or what you are, you’ll never be discriminated against. You’ll always be welcome.”

“Except for people that came from the Northside, right? Excluding those that have family in the serpents like Juggy.”

“Look, if this is about what I said we agreed I was forgiven if I bought you the milkshake so drop it,” He shot back. You opened your mouth to retort, only stopping when you saw the familiar car of Reggie Mantle pull into the parking lot.

“Uh oh...”

@sarasmismyonlydefence

@lady1505

#Riverdale #sweet pea x oc #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea fanfic #toni topaz #fangs fogarty #Archie andrews #veronica lodge #cheryl bombshell #jughead jones #kevin keller #betty cooper #sweet pea

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cosmicmadwoman · 7 years

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Adam and Eve Chapter Eight: Ghost of High School’s Past

Summary: The Jones men find out the truth about Scott, Betty looks in Cheryl’s closet.

Rated: M

Word Count: 4565

Note: This chapter doesn’t move the plot forward much, just a little treat for FP/Alice shippers. Next chapter will start to reveal some stuff!

Alice clenched her hands together and waited patiently for her daughters’ responses. Their wheels were turning, she may be a tough mother but she knows her kids; Betty balled her hands into fists and Polly lifted her head to the ceiling with her mouth agape when they thought intensely.

Before this very moment, she never admitted out loud that the son she gave birth to at age sixteen was not her high school sweethearts, but the tired, sad and lost boy from the Southside. He was that one piece of her that she couldn’t shake when she tried to desperately to leave behind where to grew up and migrate to the middle class of Riverdale. Hal was her ticket out, but FP, the dark haired boy that smelled like cigarettes and campfires, always reminded her of home.

When Betty brought home Jughead Jones, Alice couldn’t help but smile sadistically at the irony. Jones boys always had a way with the Cooper women, Alice thought.

The girls must have noticed her smirk, because Betty pressed, “Why are you smiling? Is this funny to you?”

Alice shook her head and looked at Betty’s green eyes, mirrors of her own, and now; her daughter knew just how alike they really were. She tried to keep eye contact with her, but the watering eyes of her daughter broke her heart. “No, it’s not funny. It’s a mistake I made as a teenager, cheating on you father. It’s something I’ve had to live with.”

“Does dad know?” Polly asked softly.

“No,” Alice answered quickly, “and I would like us to keep it that way. We are just putting the broken pieces of are family back together. It won’t make a difference now anyway. No need to drudge up the past.”

“Drudge up the past? Scott isn’t ‘a past.’ He’s a person. Speaking of which, FP is a person too. He deserves to know he has another son out there,” Betty said.

“You propose I visit him in jail?” Alice’s tone was mocking, but Betty nodded.

“And I have to tell Jughead,” Betty said determined, standing up and grabbing her coat from the hanger in the hallway connected to the sitting room. Alice stood up with her and followed her closely, her chunky heels clacking behind Betty like an axe murderer on a summer camp counselor.

“This is not your secret to tell, Elizabeth. Do not get Jughead involved,” Alice spoke firmly.

“Jughead has a brother. We share a brother. I’m telling him and there’s nothing you can say to stop me,” Betty challenged her mother, the two blond woman stepping closer to one another, the strong rigid jaws of their anger waiting to see who would crack first.

“If you leave this house, you’re not welcome back,” Alice whispered gruffly.

Betty’s eyes flickered with fear and disappointment, how could her mother abandon another one of her children? Like it was so easy? But Betty prided herself on doing the right thing and despite the old wise tale that your parents always knew what was right, Alice was full of hate and rage Betty would never understand.

“I’ll send you a forwarding address,” Betty pursed her lips in a tight line to suppress her quivering lip. “I’ll pack a bag and be out of your hair.”

Betty bounded upstairs and Polly, hearing everything, ran after her, calling her name with a throaty whine.

She gathered only the essentials, clothes for a few days, toothbrush, deodorant and makeup, all flinging them into her paisley patterned overnight bag. Polly crashed into the room and wrapped around her from behind, almost like she was tying Betty in a straightjacket in attempts to stop her.

“Don’t leave me,” Polly begged and Betty felt a warm tear soak through the shoulder of her pale colored sweater.

Betty turned to her sister and her shoulders, “I don’t want to, Polly. But Jughead deserves to know. FP deserves to know. Jellybean too. Mom will come to her senses, just like when you were living at the Blossom house. Don’t worry, Pol. I’ll be back for Christmas,” Betty gave her a shaky smile, only half believing her words.

Polly nodded, “You are right. I remember how I felt when Mom told me… tell him. I support you.”

The two hugged, it was a deep, soul penetrating hug of understanding and being a little too grown up for their age. Polly left and Betty went with her bag slung around her arm to sneak into Cheryl’s room. She didn’t know for how long she would be gone and she had one more thing to do. On her knees, Betty waded through hundreds of shoeboxes in what used to be Polly’s closet, until she reached a shiny red box labeled prétentieux. She didn’t know what she was expecting when she flipped open the lid, blood overflowing from the top maybe, but instead, there was nothing. Mysteries were always full of dead ends.

Betty flicked off the light and passed her mother in the hall, going through the door with her phone in her hand, already texting Jughead: are you at the trailer?

Yeah, how did things go with your brother? His response came quickly like he was waiting for updates.

I need to come see you. I’ll be over in 10. Betty put her phone back on her pocket, not wanting to have him ask and having to explain just what the hell was going on over text. He deserved better than that. He deserved better than all of this.

Polly walked to her mother who still stood at the door, frozen watching Betty walk down the sidewalk and out of view.

“I hoped you would have learned better than to kick your children to the curb when you can’t handle them anymore,” Polly said in her ear, the words ringing painful and Alice’s brain.

Alice didn’t turn, so Polly went up the stairs and slammed the door loudly enough, making sure it’s wooden bang rang throughout the house and into her mother’s pounding head. She didn’t flinch. Alice Cooper had spent her entire life running from the Southside and what it contained, the crushed dreams, the dreariness and depression; but all of those things consumed her no matter wherever she filed her taxes, Southside blood ran in her veins.

The Cooper matriarch didn’t tell anyone she was leaving the house, not that anyone would care. She alienated everything she worked for, two beautiful daughters and a husband with enough money to give her security. And yet, just like that night her and Hal asked her to go steady, she found herself running back to FP.

Sheriff Keller was surprised to see Alice inquiring about FP Jones and wanting to see him. Everything to write for the paper had already be written surrounding FP and his involvement in Jason Blossom’s murder. But Alice Cooper being Alice Cooper, she just have a charming, stepford smile and Keller is compelled to trust her.

FP was lying on his flat mattress and it looked like he was reading something. The paperback was curled in his hands and Alice tickled her knuckles against the bars to get his attention. His dark eyebrows quirked and he sat up in a manner that made Alice feel like he was trying to impress her with straight posture.

“Welcome to my home, Mrs. Cooper,” FP sweeped his hands in a grand gesture around the concrete cell and stood up to lean on the bars in front of her. She stepped back slightly a smooth her floral blazer. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Alice pulled the folding chair from the corner to sit in front of the bars and sat before him. “I want to play a memory game,” Alice began, “I’m going to say a date and you tell me what happened that day.”

“Is this an interrogation?” FP smirked from above her and grasped the bars. Alice noticed the muscles in his forearms straining and his calloused hands.

“I love games, FP. You of all people should remember that,” Alice said. FP stayed silent and shifted his weight to his left foot.“May 31st, 1994.”

The dark haired man snorted and shrugged, “I don’t know. 1994 is the year we graduated.”

“Correct. It’s the day we graduated,” Alice confirmed. “May 14th, 1992.”

“This is crazy, woman.”

“Hal’s senior prom, where you caught us two fighting and decided that was alright to mention to my child,” Alice answered for him.

“You’re here about that?”

There was a long pause and Alice swallowed a lump in her throat before she said, “February 29th, 1992.”

FP suddenly crouched down and looked her in the eye, level with her darkened gaze, “Why are you bringing that night up now?”

He remembered. She could tell my the boyish look in his eye bringing her back to that night.

–

Alice was just asked to be Hal Cooper’s girlfriend she should’ve been over the moon and around the stars, but instead she felt a hollowness. And maybe it was the fear of unfamiliarity, and maybe it was a grasp for a past she wanted to rid herself from, but she found herself at the Jones trailer at the other side of the park. And there she found FP Jones, opening the door to greet her in ripped jeans and no shirt.

“Wanna hit the playground?” Alice asked, leaning on the door frame. She could hear the faint arguing of his parents in their corner room in the background. He closed the door gently behind him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with that dink Cooper tonight? The whole park is talking about how one of us is going with a rich boy,” FP’s face showed disgust and Alice smirked at his display of possible jealousy.

“He dropped me off already,” Alice replied, her eyes trailing down his naked chest. Northside boys were hot too, but they’ll never have the rugged darkness and sexiness Southside boys had. “I’m his girlfriend now.”

FP shrugged, “Okay.”

“I think we should go drink at the playground like we used to,” Alice offered.

The kids in the trailer park hung out together a lot of the time, especially growing up as they were all so close in proximity and age. FP and Alice were never best friends or anything, but they spent enough time together where the request was only odd because it would just be the two of them.

“One last time before you move to the darkside?” FP chuckled at his joke, all of Riverdale believed the Southside was the dark side, not the North.

“Something like that.”

“Give me a sec.” FP slipped back into the trailer and she heard soft clanking; probably stealing from his parent’s liquor stash. They always had enough. He reemerged with a bottle of tequila, a shirt and a grin. He was still wearing his slippers when they started walking to the playground at the edge of the park.

It was nothing grand, there was a swing set, metal monkey bars and wooden tunnels that sat on top of a crumbling structure. The town never vowed to clean it up like the Northside playground when it was unsafe.

The teens climbed wordlessly up to the top of the monkey bars and sat with their feet dangling below them. It was cloudy that night with no stars hanging in the sky. FP untwisted the tequila cap and took a swig, noticeably trying to hide a wince. He passed it to Alice who did the same.

“Let’s play a game,” Alice offered, taking one more slug before passing it back between FP. She couldn’t help but think her lips touched where his just were.

FP scoffed, “What are we? Five?”

“Truth or dare.”

A deviant smirk crept up onto FP’s young, fresh face. “Oh. That kind of game. You have a boyfriend now, Ms. Alice, you shouldn’t be playing naughty games with boys from the trailer park.” FP liked the age-old sin of coveting your neighbor’s wife, especially when your neighbor was a middle class white yuppie and his girlfriend was hot and her hair was golden like a wheat field. He may have the money, but he was sure Alice and Hal never talked like this to one another.

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Alice shrugged. “So, truth or dare FP Jones.”

FP looked thoughtful for a moment and replied, “Truth.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Boring. Okay, tell me, how many girls have you had sex with?”

“Two,” FP answered slowly, gaging Alice’s reaction, and it was unimpressed and disbelieving. “Okay, fine, one. This girl Gladys. Her parents just moved to the park and she’s pretty and we got to kissing and talking and it happened. I’ve seen her around, but she doesn’t look at me.”

“So you’ve only had sex once,” Alice giggled. “Hal and I must have done it a million times by now.”

“Shut up. It’s your turn. Truth or dare?”

Alice leaned in closer to FP, smelling his summer scented soap mixed with cigarettes.

“Dare,” her voice was low and heavy with expectation.

What was this girl going for? She finally had her ticket out of this hellhole and she was slinking back into it with. Was she going to kiss him? What did she want him to say?

“Kiss me,” FP grumbled hotly.

Alice felt his breath on her he was so close. She held onto the bars behind her when she pushed her body forward to kiss him. It wasn’t a peck, but a lip crushing, eyes-squeezing-shut kind of kiss. FP still had the bottle in his hands but moved it to his lap so he could grab her face and keep her there just a little longer. Hal must have taken her to Pop’s for their date because she tasted like ketchup. They eventually broke apart and Alice wiped her mouth. Her eyes were dark and wild.

“Let’s get off of here. You’re going to have sex with me,” Alice said and climbed down.

“I’m going to what?” FP clutched the alcohol tighter; he needed more liquid courage to be as brave as her. But she gave him a look, hands on her hips, and he decided this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be with someone as beautiful as her, and he wasn’t going to sit idle as life passed him by like his parents. He dropped the bottle down for her to catch and hopped off, “Yeah, I’m going to have sex with you.”

It was late February, technically March if it wasn’t a leap year, so the ground was cold but there was no snow. Fp peeled off his jacket, he was fucking cold already, but he laid it down on the patch of gravel under the monkey bars and Alice laid down on it immediately. FP pressed his body on top of her and she groaned, loving the feel the unfamiliar weight of a different man on her. He kissed her tenderly at first, slowly, wanting to feel every crevice of her mouth and lips and drink her in like fine wine, not cheap tequila; but Alice wanted none of that. She bucked her hips upward, earning a moan from FP, and wrapped her legs around him tightly.

She kissed him back aggressively, taking control of the rhythm. She brought her hands under his shirt and on his bare back, feeling the rigid muscles tense and relax as his body went through sensory overload. She pulled his shirt over his head and his body tightened with the cold air.

“Don’t worry, I’ll warm you up,” Alice snickered and flipped them over.

She undid the button of his jeans and slid them down, his boxers following. He hissed when his cock hit the cool air, but Alice bent and took him in her mouth swiftly. He automatically let out a throaty growl and she bobbed up and down, her warm mouth cradling him. He pushed back the hair falling in front of her face and made a ponytail with his fist so he could watch her. She took him expertly and he wondered why she was wasting her time on him. She gagged and pulled back.

“You’re so much bigger than Hal, but don’t tell anyone I said that, obviously,” Alice grinned and kissed his chest right near his heart. She got off up him and sheds her tights and rolls up her body conforming skirt.

“I’m going to touch you,” FP warned gently, asking permission but also wanting to be affirmative, and dipped a finger into her panties and was surprised by how wet she was. Her heat was pulling him and he inserted his middle finger inside of her, causing her hips to rise and meet his finger’s thrusts. He took his other handed and tweaked her nipples under her coat but through her thin shirt underneath. With him still inside, he circled his thumb around the nub he only read about in his dad’s Playboy magazines. He must have learned something important, because Alice was jelly underneath his touch and she growled out his name and flooded his finger with her cum.

“Shit, FP, you’re good with your fingers,” Alice sighed, “I’ve… that’s never happened to me before.”

The black haired teen smiled widely and rolled back on top of her, pinning her to the cool ground. They wiggled awkwardly back onto the jacket and Alice shimmied out of her panties. He took the head of his cock and ran it along her inner lips, teasing her until she grabbed ahold of his length and pushed it inside of her. They both groaned at the contact. FP started to move before giving her any time to adjust. His hips were wild and against hers; he was rough and unrefined and it made Alice’s toes tingle.

“Fuck, I’m not wearing a condom,” FP panicked and tried to stop his thrusts, but he was so close he could already feel the tightening in his balls.

“Just pull out,” Alice recommend breathlessly.

She had never not worn a condom with Hal before, but Mary Andrews said her and Fred did it all the time without condoms; she just had him pull out when he was going to cum. She hadn’t gotten pregnant yet. FP pulled out a second later and shot his liquid onto the ground beside them. He quickly put his shirt back on and pulled up his pants, feeling the cold once again. Alice put herself back together, too.

“Goodbye, Forsythe,” she smiled and left, not wanting him to walk her home. That goodbye was to her childhood and to the Southside that built her. She didn’t look back or wait to hear him say anything back.

–

The silence in the room was obvious because they were both reminiscing. FP was the first to speak, “Has Hal learned how to make you cum yet?”

“FP, this is serious. You didn’t wear a condom. And, well, fuck how do I even say this?” Alice stood up and bit the edge of her nail, staring at the ground.

“Just say it,” the man’s voice sounded small and scared.

“Hal and I argued because I was pregnant. I’m sure you overheard that. I gave him, the baby, up for adoption. Hal didn’t know the whole story, though, and neither did you. I was nervous about that night we had sex, because the time frame lined up, so I took a paternity test at the hospital just to make sure,” Alice explained, her chest tightening. She never thought this would be something she had to do.

FP shook his head and his face scrunched up just like Jughead’s when he was trying to hold tears in. “Say it out loud, Alice.”

“You have a son, with me, FP. We have a son,” Alice promised herself she wasn’t going to cry, she didn’t come all this way to cry, so her face went blank.

FP wasn’t afraid to cry though. His face was serious and tough, which juxtaposed the shiny tears staining his sun spotted cheeks.

“Jesus Christ, Alice. And you fucking kept this from me? I want to meet him. Bring him here,” FP demanded, his sadness quickly morphing into rage.

“I don’t know where he is. I told Betty and Polly and thanks to your other son, they found him. I caught them making plans to meet him,” Alice said.

“Jughead knows?” Sadness returned.

“No. But… Betty insisted on telling him,” Alice shrugged, “He’ll know any minute now.”

“Maybe it’s best he hears it from her,” there was a pause between the two old lovers. They never spoke of that night after it happened, and FP swore he dreamed it anyway. Alice spent less and less time at the trailer park and when they graduated she moved in with Hal right away. Gladys finally started talking to him again, admitting that she felt awkward after they had sex, but wanted to get to know him. They went in their separate directions, but now, he knew they’re paths were forever congealed. “I hate you for this.”

Alice blinked rapidly, “You should.”

Alice delicately refolded the chair and left, the only noise was FP gently sobbing into his mattress.

–

Jughead could tell Betty had been crying during the walk over because her cheeks were especially cold and icy when he kissed her cheek. He imagined it was about Scott, that he wanted nothing to do with his birth sisters, and left the blonde Cooper girls utterly heartbroken. But instead, she almost looked sad for him, giving him sympathetic glances as she sat down on the couch. She patted the seat next to her. Jughead took it suspiciously.

“I looked through Cheryl’s closet, the shoes are missing. We will have to take another angle,” Betty said flatly. He instantly knew this isn’t what she came for, but he played along briefly.

“Not necessarily. Those shoes missing may mean she threw them out because they had blood on them,” Jughead mused. “You should text her, maybe under the guise of wanting to borrow them, ask her where they are.”

Betty shrugged and just the act or raising her shoulder seemed difficult for her. “Worth a shot, I guess.”

She pulled out her phone and text her quickly and put it back in her jacket pocket. Silence set over the trailer. Betty wondered if this trailer where her mom and Jughead’s dad conceived Scott. She shuddered at the thought, and her boyfriend took notice. Her grabbed her hand and rubbed circles around the pulse point near her thumb.

“What did you really come here to talk about?” Jughead asked gently.

“Can I see the picture of Scott you found?” Betty inquired suddenly.

Jughead nodded and pulled the laptop from the coffee table to his lep and opened it. He tapped the keyboard swiftly, made a couple of mouse clicks, and her brother was right in front of her. Jughead angled the monitor so she could see better, and there he was. Scott had thick, black locks just like Jughead, a sharp jawline like him too. How could Jughead not see that they looked a little alike? This was so freaky. Even though Betty and Jughead weren’t related, they shared a half brother that was a mixture of both of them, much like how a child between them would look like.

“Does he look like… someone?” God, how was she supposed to say this?

“Um.. you?” He looked at her incredulous, his heart thumping. What was she getting at?

“No… you, Juggie,” Betty’s eyes watered with tears.

In the back of his mind, he knew what she could possibly be referring too, but he was still at a loss. His lip was quivering, he was about to cry, “What?”

“My mom kept this from all of us,” Betty spoke softly, “Her and FP had a one night stand in high school. Scott is your brother too.”

Jugehad’s face was twisted in horror, and he pushed the laptop on the floor and curled into Betty, his head in her lap. He started crying, sobbing even, and he clutched onto her hips so harshly purple bruises began to form there. Jughead was strong for her when she found out, and she had to be strong for him too.

“Why can’t we catch a fucking break?” Jughead cried.

“I don’t know. But we are going to be okay. And you can come with us to meet him,” Betty offered.

He nodded, his head rising and looking at her in the eyes as he continued to sniffle, “I do.” Jughead paused. “Betty, make love to me. Make this go away. I want to just me you for a few minutes. No parents, no siblings; just us.”

Jughead’s eyes were puffy but their blueness shined so brightly with tears rimming his eyes. She nodded, and undid his pants. She kissed him sweetly as she stroked him softly before he sat back, just enjoying for a moment. He wanted to get lost in the rhythm of her hand. She takes it upon herself to reach into her pants and pleasure herself and prepare for Jughead. She shimmies her pants off and slides down her panties. She was about to get on him when he shook his head.

“Let’s take all of our clothes off. I need to feel your skin,” he groaned, almost in pain.

He pulled of his shirt and Betty tugged off the rest of her garments. She sank down on him and and he gritted his teeth, so overwhelmed by the feeling of his bare cock burying inside of her. He wanted to forget everything and so he closed his eyes and held onto Betty’s hips, silently guiding her, not like she needed it. Betty rode him like never before, using each other’s bodies to get lost. Betty threw her head back and Jughead took the opportunity to plop a nipple in his mouth and bite roughly. Betty rode him until she came, and used every ounce of her energy to ride him until he did too. She collapsed into his embrace. Jughead smoothed her hair back on her sweaty forehead. He was still inside her several minutes later when she eventually got off of him and layed on the couch. He cuddled into her, her back against his bare chest. The couch had little room, but the two didn’t mind because it was just another excuse to be pressed together.

“Can I stay here, Juggie? My mom said I’m not welcome home because I wanted to tell you the truth. I just need a place to stay until this blows over,” Betty asked quietly.

Betty felt Jughead nod against her shoulder. “Anytime, Betty. You don’t even have to ask.”

When sleep stated to overcome them, Betty’s phone buzzed. It was from Cheryl. Funny you should ask, those shoes are missing. I was going to ask if you are Pol took them. The redhead ended the text with the purple devil emoji. The little symbol made her gut twist. She nudged Jughead to show him, and his head fell back.

“You’re right, it was a dead end,” Jughead sighed.

“Maybe not,” Betty mused, “who else has access to Cheryl’s closet? Before she moved in with us?”

“Penelope Blossom.”

#bughead #bughead fanfiction #bughead smut #falice smut #falice #alice cooper x fp jones #betty cooper x jughead jones #riverdale #riverdale fanfiction #multichap

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pixelgrotto · 7 years

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RIP Archie’s Sonic the Hedgehog comic (1992-2017) After 25 years and nearly 300 issues, Archie’s long-running Sonic the Hedgehog comic was officially cancelled earlier this week. The writing’s been on the wall for a while now, since the comic went on a forced hiatus several months ago and none of the creators were allowed to publicly discuss it due to ongoing negotiations between Archie and Sega. But this Thursday, the book’s final fate was declared, and it looks like the Freedom Fighters - who once announced that they could handle anything - couldn’t quite beat the threat of cancellation. A lot of people dunk on the Archie Sonic comic for being overly convoluted, going through some pretty low points or appealing primarily to furries, and all of these things are kinda true, except for maybe the furry one. But warts and all, Archie Sonic is a glorious beast of monstrously complex proportions. First of all, let the fact that Sonic holds the record for having the longest-running North American comic for a licensed character sink in. Seriously, this series ran from 1992 to 2017 and nearly reached 300 freaking issues. In a time when most comics from Marvel and DC can barely reach double digits before either being renumbered to generate a temporary boost in sales or flat-out cancelled, Sonic the Hedgehog kept chugging along, stealthily reinventing itself from its original status as a slapdash funny book to an ongoing saga that manifested lore so deep that it warranted the release of an entire encyclopedia to help people keep everything straight.

What’s even more interesting is that Archie Sonic became the one place where you could still see characters carried over from the DiC Saturday morning Sonic cartoon show, which was produced in 1993. The show, affectionately dubbed SatAM by everyone who watched it back in the day, frankly doesn’t hold up that well and is a good example of nostalgia goggles at work. It had an incredible theme song, though (SONIC! HE CAN REALLY MOVE! SONIC! HE’S GOT AN ATTITUDE! SONIC! HE’S THE FAAAASTEST THING ALIVE), and the show did do an admirable job of developing a backstory for a mascot who, at the time, had no characterization other than the fact that he was fast and collected rings. SatAM fixed this by putting Sonic in the surprisingly dark world of Mobius, a place ruled by Dr. Robotnik, a dictator who had “roboticized” the population by turning them into droids. It also gave the hedgepig a variety of characters to play off of, like Princess Sally, Antoine the cowardly French fox, Bunnie the half-roboticized rabbit and Rotor the walrus. Along with Tails, this lot was collectively referred to as the Knothole Freedom Fighters. Archie Sonic got its start telling stories with the Freedom Fighters while they were still on air, and even after the show was cancelled, the comic continued using them, essentially turning itself into season three of the cartoon. As the decades passed, the SatAM characters and story threads evolved and changed in wondrously unexpected ways - Sonic and Sally fell in love, the original Dr. Robotnik was killed and replaced with a robotic version of himself from an alternate dimension, Bunnie and Antoine got married and Mobius was revealed to be a future version of Earth that was attacked by the Xorda, aliens who had unleashed gene bombs on the planet, mutating the wildlife into anthropomorphic animals. (This was my goddamn favorite batshit crazy bit of Sonic comic lore ever.) Furthermore, the comic increasingly began introducing more elements from the actual Sonic video games, which had finally developed deeper stories of their own thanks to the advancement of technology. So you had stuff like Sonic and the Freedom Fighters teaming up to fight Perfect Chaos and meeting Silver the Hedgehog and Blaze the Cat. It was an unusual, unique combination of Western and Eastern concepts melding together in one pictorial arena, and it made Archie Sonic feel special.

Speaking of the games, the book was also special because it damn well carried Sonic’s presence in North America during the years when the blue guy wasn’t starring in many video games (the Sega Saturn era) and couldn’t star in any decent video games (the Sonic ‘06 era). Even when Sega was releasing shovelware that damaged the brand, Archie Sonic kept pumping out issues, and its sheer determination to keep going won it legions of dedicated fans. Many of these people, including myself, got stuck on the comic at a young age and stayed long-term. I personally started picking up issues in 1994 or 1995, so basically only three or so years after the book was out. I think I was seven years old. A few years later, I got a subscription and had the comic delivered to my mailbox every month. (I still remember my first issue - it was number 41, when Sonic, Sally and that douchebag skunk Geoffrey St. John went to the Zone of Silence to rescue King Acorn.) The subscription continued until I was in college, and only ended around my junior year, when I forgot to renew it because I was too busy applying to go abroad after graduation.

In short, I subscribed to a periodical about a damn blue hedgehog for a large majority of my life. Even when I stopped regularly reading around issue 180, I always kept abreast of the book’s developments (like that crossover with MEGAMAN!) and told myself that I’d eventually catch up on the stories I missed, likely in the excellent Sonic Select and Sonic Archives trade paperbacks that Archie was publishing. And there were tons of others like me. The Archie Sonic community is such a vibrant one, filled with 90s kids who grew up on this book and even older folks like the crazy Dan Drazen, a 60-something librarian who wrote the most detailed (and overly picky) online reviews of every issue. Many of these fans went on to work for the comic at one point or another, like the incredible Dawn Best and fan favorite Ian Flynn, who swooped in as a writer in the late 2000s and saved the book when it was suffering from a spell of plodding stories. For a lot of us, Archie Sonic was the preferred Sonic canon, and we got pissed when Sega pulled awful jump the shark moments outta their butts - like having Sonic hook up with human princesses in his broken 2006 game - when there was a wealth of solid lore in this weird little comic coming out in America that they always seemed content to ignore.

In fact, the only time Sega really paid close attention to the book was when Ken Penders launched a lawsuit against it, which may have been a contributor to its eventual cancellation. People better than me have already scripted lengthy writeups about Mr. Penders, and I encourage you to read this extremely in-depth take on the whole fiasco, which is a bizarre tale of copyright arguments and delusions of grandeur worthy of any John Grisham novel. But in a nutshell, Ken was a former writer who helped guide Archie Sonic away from simple gag strips and into the realm of full-on adventure tales. His control over the book was major until he was fired, and a few years later, he went on a vehement quest to prove that he owned all characters he had created while working for Archie, including series mainstays like Julie-Su, Knuckles the Echidna’s girlfriend. He ended up suing Archie multiple times and won on legal loopholes, which prompted him to start attacking the book’s current team while declaring that a buttload of barely-related story concepts were his. He also tried suing Sega when Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood came out, claiming that the enemies in the game were too similar to ones he had whipped up. Archie eventually had to come up with a plot device to kill off (trap in another dimension, really) all of the characters he had created during his tenure, and eventually they instituted a full reboot to wipe continuity clean and remove all traces of the lawsuit from history. Unfortunately, the legal issues did some pretty heavy damage to Archie’s relationship with Sega, who were reportedly pissed that the American comic company had let things get so screwed up. And I don’t blame them. To the Sonic fan community, Ken Penders is largely loathed as a megalomaniac who sabotaged a long-running comic for personal gain. But he doesn’t deserve all of the blame, and he did put out some good stories in the day before going bonkers. Archie’s also at fault, both due to their not-so-great freelancer deals as well as their incompetence at handling lawsuits. (At one point the company even fired their entire legal team and hired new attorneys, yeesh.) In recent years, Archie also seems to be terrible at handling their finances, even though they’re currently spearheading Riverdale, a successful show on the CW that’s made all of their high school characters into hot, emo Millennials. (I call it the “Archie Sex Show” in my head.) I’ve heard rumors that company management wants to streamline their output to ONLY focus on Riverdale-related stuff, and seeing as how the Ken Penders business was a tremendous waste of time that ripped some large holes in their relationship with Sega, it only makes sense that both companies would decide to part ways. So where do we go from here? Well, it was suddenly announced today that IDW Publishing would be the ones picking up the Sonic license for a relaunch of the book in 2018. IDW’s a fit place for Sonic, since they currently publish the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…which Archie once owned the license for. (Funny how these things go in circles, eh?) Unfortunately, I have a feeling that the current arc that was going on in the Archie books - a charming retelling of the Sonic CD story - is going to go unfinished, and I’m also fearful that we’ll be saying goodbye to the DiC Freedom Fighters. I’d LOVE to be proven wrong, and it would warm my heart to see Princess Sally, Bunnie Rabbot, Antoine, Rotor and Nicole survive a change in publishers. But since Sega’s never “officially” acknowledged those characters in a game (except for Sonic Spinball, which was made by an American studio and doesn’t really count) they’re likely going to be classified as expendable cannon fodder that are no longer relevant. There is some hope, though. Perhaps a miracle will occur and IDW will have the good sense to re-hire guys like Ian Flynn or maintain some semblance of the continuity that an entire generation knows and loves. Until the day we know for sure arrives, I’ll just have to re-read my old issues, revel in the glory of covers drawn by SPAZ, laugh at insane crossovers like the time Sonic met Spawn, and remember an era when a hedgehog with attitude and his Knothole friends kicked Dr. Robotnik’s butt and brought me twenty plus years of wonderful adventures. For Mobius! For freedom!

The header image of the Archie Sonic cast was drawn by darkspeeds and found on Deviantart. The cover images are just a few of my favorites from the days when I was subscribed to the book, and were taken from Comic Vine and Cover Browser.

#pixel grotto #musings #video games #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #archie #archie sonic

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