#and my grandmother has NEVER been abusive towards my aunt nor my dad she was a completely normal parent

[yoosea-mysme]

Did not expect anyone to ask about my OCs x’D I assume because of my matchups from @marshmallowprotection​

First thing, which I myself often forget: these ocs are actually technically inserted characters in a pre-existing universe, a French roleplay youtube series. I originally just started imagining different scenarios for the existing characters and then basically did the “let’s give them kids and see what happens” thing. Kinda lame concept, but I love the characters I created for it, and I’ve had them for… a couple years now? Second thing, that universe is magical fantasy, I just didn’t mention it in the matchups because it wasn’t relevant (nor how they end up in Mysme’s world, shush). Now that I’ve thoroughly disappointed you, here are the characters themselves, the cousins/siblings gang (because I’m unsure about giving names, we’re gonna call them Big Sister, Younger Brother, Adopted Cousin and Lyn):

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We’ve got Adopted Cousin (here), the oldest one, he’s actually the only one not blood related to the others. Black with green eyes, VERY tall and thin, originally he was meant to have long blond hair, but I have a tendency to picture him with a black long ponytail so it’s still unclear. He’s an orphan who became the apprentice and then adopted son of a character who is HIMSELF not blood related to the parents of the others, but because their parents treat him as family, he’s their uncle and his son is ergo their cousin. It’s the law. If anyone questions it Big Sister will punch them in the face. Hard. He’s also the only one of the group who has zero connection to magic nor any interest in it whatsoever. For a long time, he avoided the topic of his family because he didn’t want to relieve the trauma of losing them, and tried to focus only on his new family; he’s gotten better at talking about it since (though I won’t go into details on how they died). Easily the most chill and calm of the whole group; all he wants is to get to do his experiments, invent some cool stuff, read, draw and sew because it’s soothing. 98% of the time he gets roped in an adventure is against his will by his cousins (other 2% is when he wants to get his hands on something forbidden to study it; the only times he gets in trouble he does not mess around. Go big or go home, what’s the use of going apeshit if you don’t even get arrested). He just wants to stay home and hyperfocus. Please let him take a nap (they don’t).

The advantage of constantly being thrown around by creatures of hubris is that it puts into practice your quick-thinking skills: very promptly got used to taking charge of every kind of situation no matter how crazy and keeping everything and everyone under control, and will get frustrated when people don’t listen to him (he’ll make them listen). Even though they should technically get along great for being the two most reasonable, he often butts head with Big Sister because of his leading nature (“No I don’t think you’re dumb, please I just want us to survive this let me handle it”) His adoptive father is himself in a huge position of authority so he’s learned a lot from him. He’ll drag everyone safe back home by force if he has to (even if he has noodle arms).

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We’ve got the Big Sister (here). Physically perfect mix of her grandmothers, but with her father’s older sister body type (aka: huge): long dark blonde wavy hair and blue (?) eyes. Arguably most attractive face of the bunch. Her father is basically a paladin, her mother is petite but strong (not a fighter though) her aunt is at the head of an army, and she wants in on it. Since she was very young she’s trained with her father in the hopes to join their army (and succeeded) and she’s become the epitome of a huge muscular woman in so doing. She tries to follow her father’s ideals of “justice and protection to the weak and innocent” in theory, but due to her sometimes abrasive attitude (which she gets from him), and the fact that she has inherited a lot of her mother’s personality (a “the end justifies the means” kinda gal), she can sometimes have a warped vision of morality that she has to work on a lot. Sadly, she’s also inherited a bit of her father’s introverted exterior and aunt’s “in case of doubt, punch” reasoning and honestly, that’s just a whole mess of a personality combo but she tries her best. She’s easily the most confident and assertive of the group and never doubts her abilities or goals (sometimes maybe a bit too much), might even boast a lot tad. She’s extremely protective of her loved ones and is the kind that will yell at you for getting in trouble (big sister vibe +1); before her older cousin was adopted she was used to being the oldest of the family and therefore still feels responsible of everyone’s safety, she’ll definitely always try to be in control for every situation. She actually butts head a lot with her adoptive cousin because of them both taking the “older and wiser” role, and it took her a while to begrudgingly admit he’s often better than her at handling things, and that they should just work together instead of trying to one-up each other. She loves messing with people (ESPECIALLY her younger brother whom she can drive MAD) but hates being messed with and will definitely get her revenge. She does her typical “older sibling friendly bullying” thing, but if you trashtalk her brother anywhere near her you’re dead. Only she can mess with him, it’s the law.

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We’ve got the middle child (here), the one I called Lyn (actually a character from another story, this one created entirely by me, that I inserted here once just because and somehow she ended up with an entirely different backstory and family). Related to the other two Brother and Sister by blood (dad is their mother’s half-brother). Somehow looks more like her father’s sister than her parents, also a lot like her mother though she hates to admit it. Her mother had her without ever telling her dad and was extremely abusive to her for 10 years (she has scars, mostly on her back). At that age her father, who was married, found out about her and tried to get in contact with her, until he found out the way she was being treated. Her mom tried to get rid of him by getting him arrested, but his sister-in-law (maybe?? What do you call the sister of the husband of your sister??? She’s the head of the army I mentioned earlier) pulled some strings and managed to get him and his husband custody as well as getting the mom banished. Lyn hasn’t seen her since (but she will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ). She’s extremely happy with her dads now and thankful to have them.

Her dad is actually a fire mage and she has great control over fire herself, but no interest in pursuing that talent academically; she’s good with knowing how to burn stuff that annoys her when necessary. She greatly prefers to run around outside; she’s really good at sports, an extremely good climber and fighter, runs fast and is agile (all this taught to her by her stepdad). She’s not as much of a “horse girl” as her cousin, but she’s got her own horse (she created it; don’t ask) and she loves him to death. Has absolutely no clue what she wants to do with her life as an accomplished adult and honestly neither do I; maybe she’ll end up going on adventures for the sake of it like the original characters, why not. She honestly doubts herself, her own abilities and her future a lot, but usually tries to hide it behind jokes and smiles. She’s actually extremely resourceful and a quick-thinker, but only if doing so will end in mischief. Sidenote: she drives her adopted cousin up the fucking wall. He just wants to rest and be chill most of the time and she somehow always gets him mixed up in her messes, which he always has to help her clean up. He loves her, but damn does he also want to strangle her. (And now I can see the Vanderwood/Saeyoung vibes, god dammit @marshmallowprotection​  was right about both their matches)

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And finally, the Younger Brother (here). Perfect mix of his parents, white, grandma’s wavy locks, dark hair and blue eyes, arguably the cutest (his sister and his side of the family just got the bamf genes): youngest of the whole gang, used to being doted on, particularly by his sister. Also used to not being taken seriously because he’s young and being messed with a lot, PARTICULARLY by his sister. He has a huge inferiority complex towards her because he’s always felt like she was more accomplished and closer to their father than he was (which is partially true because since she pursued the same career as him they just got to spend a lot of time training etc. but he loves his children equally. He himself is closer to their mother and mother’s brother) and had a better grasp than him on what to do with her life and how to achieve her goals. He later discovered himself a talent in magic and learned a lot through his grandfather and his mother’s brother the mage; successfully entered the same school as he, one of the best of its kind and has been receiving nothing but praise since. He’s very excited about his studies now. Still very cunning and ambitious.

I mentioned in his matchup description him being easy to manipulate due to his insecurities (also true in love; my baby was in an abusive relationship for some time, his first love, but he’s okay now (his sister and Lyn avenged him…)) and hurting someone he loved because of it: that’s actually Lyn. When he was younger and still dabbling with magic, he started to learn things outside of his level due to the manipulations of his grandfather (that guy is a whole other story, we’re not gonna get into it). Lyn tried to warn him that he was going too far, but tired of never being taken seriously, he tried to prove her wrong and accidentally injured her (and then ran away for two weeks because he had no idea what to do and had a major breakdown). Lyn lost her sight from her left eye; she got most of her sight back now, though not all, but couldn’t get rid of the scar on her face. He felt particularly guilty because out of the entire group, Lyn was the one he had the closest kinship and relationship with due to them being the youngest and certified troublemakers and he couldn’t cope with what he did to her. Lyn was the one who forgave him, helped him get out of that bad mental place, reject their grandfather and get help, and they’ve become even closer ever since, basically inseparable. (Which to me makes the fact I ship them both with TWINS hilarious. Actually damn, that whole thing reminds me a lot of Saeran attacking Saeyoung too because of his mental state and Saeyoung being the one to help him anyway. I’m starting to understand why I ship them with the twins).

 … hope you don’t regret asking, anon x’DD

#ask and you shall receive more than you'd wanted #infodump mode is ON #sorry #my ocs #my ramblings #long post

[dionysus-is-my-dude]

My thoughts on a view gender and sexuality-related things. (Includes my gender identity, my sexuality, and my opinions and feelings towards transgender people.)

Warning! Super long post! If you’re gonna leave mean comments, you better read the whole post and not twist my words around!

I love women. I just do. I’ve never been uncomfortable around a woman before. I grew up with men who came and went and little boys that sexualized me, but the women in my life -my mother, my many grandmothers, my aunts- were all constants. They weren’t the best at “family bonding” and sometimes they said hurtful things, but they were comfortable constants. I knew that they expected me to end up with a husband and kids because that’s what I seemed to be all about as a child (I was REALLY into that whole Disney princess thing). However, they also raised me to know that I didn’t HAVE to be with a man to be successful and live happily.

Now, my closest aunt is a lesbian. No one ever explicitly told me she was into girls growing up, It was just normal for me to see her with short hair and wearing men’s clothes and using men’s hygiene products. Even when her girlfriend moved in with us at one point, it was just seen as “yeah, that’s Aunt Jojo’s girlfriend, Rosa”. I just knew that Rosa was nice and gave me candy and she and I really got along. I was raised in a household where men were always coming and going, and the women always supported me. The one constant man in my life is my (step) Dad who has been there for me basically my whole life. He’s also not very good at bonding with an odd child as I am, but he loves the hell out’ve me. He supports me, he also raised me to know that I didn’t need a man in my life to make me happy -though he encouraged me when I talked about guys I liked back in school.

My mother let me pick out my own clothes when we went shopping. I always chose cute feminine clothes because I liked them. When I was around ten or so, I asked to look in the boys’ section, and she didn’t bat an eye and let me pick out an Avatar: the Last Airbender shirt that wasn’t in the girls’ section. I liked princesses, glitter, pastel colours, flowers, all that feminine stuff. Not because it was forced upon me. The women in my family are hardly ever feminine. I liked feminine things just because I liked them. To this day, even though I identify as non-binary, I mostly enjoy feminine clothes and items. I like flower crowns, pastels, puffy princess dresses, and being soft and sweet. I’m not submissive to men at all, though. To women, though, depends on the girl.

Now, I first realized I was attracted to girls during the summer before my freshmen year of high school. I’d realized I’d fallen in love with my best friend who had just moved away. I’d never felt love like that. All-consuming, dizzying, so sure, so pure. I wanted to make her so happy, and I wanted to hold her and kiss her and touch her and sing together and live in a big house together. I wanted it so badly that I confessed to her, and when she rejected me, I felt like I’d had my heart ripped out of my chest. I swore I’d never love again. (And it kinda feels like I cursed myself or something. I haven’t loved anyone like that since.)

By the time I was in high school, I’d started really understanding that I was extremely uncomfortable around boys, that their constant sexualization and taunting of me made me wish they would all just disappear. Being groped and catcalled and asked stupid questions just so they’d get a rise out of me...Granted, I went to one of the most idiotic, backwater schools ever, but those years spent there -and the incidents from childhood- made me see men in a horribly negative light. To me, they were nothing more than impatient predators who would rape and kill me as soon as they got the chance. My family started getting extremely protective of me. They didn’t trust men around me at all. They didn’t like any of the few guys that I’d dated. When i came out to my mother about liking women, she told me it isn’t the path she would chosen for me, but she’d support me.I plan to tell her that, no matter my romantic and somewhat physical attraction to men, there is just absolutely no way I’d ever be comfortable even being alone with a man. I would be in constant fear of being hurt in some way. Whether it be sexual assault or domestic abuse, I’d live in constant anxiety about watching what I say, do, and wear. (Pretty sure my only exception to my anti-male rule would be if Steve Rogers actually existed because he is the perfect man.)

I have extremely little experience being with women. I had a temporary girlfriend who was really just my friend in middle school. It was nice. I never felt like she’d hurt me or make me into a sexual object for her own pleasure. Her kisses were soft and made me feel good. We broke up when the guy she was interested in was available and we remained good friends until she moved away. I had my second, more official girlfriend my junior year. I was practically obsessed with this girl. I wanted so badly to kiss her and be with her all the time. I felt so good with her. But she didn’t really care about me. I was just a rebound from her last relationship and she never really cared about my feelings. And we all know about my last girlfriend. I felt incredibly comfortable with her. I honestly saw our future together. I was willing to put away my desire to have kids just to be with her. I was ready to move wherever she wanted, so long as I got to stay with her. I even felt completely ready to have sex with her! And that’s a huge deal for me! But, no, she had too many issues and fell out of love with me. Currently talking to a new girl. We’re pretty casual right now, but we’re hopefully going on a date this coming Sunday!

Anyway, my thoughts of transmen and women: You do you. If you feel like a woman, you’re a woman. If you feel like a man, you’re a man. Dress how you want. Clothes aren’t gendered unless you claim they are. If you wanna grow or cut your hair, do it. You wanna wear make-up, do it. Wear whatever the fuck you want and claim to be whatever gender you feel you are. I don’t care. HOWEVER, I do have feelings about genitals and female/male organs. I believe you are female if you have female organs. You are male if you have male organs. Genitals, well, I don’t think they make or break what you identify as. But reproductive organs are sex-based, not gender based. “Female” does not mean “woman”. “Male” does not mean “man”. “Female” and “male” simply identify what sex you are, not what your gender is. (It honestly pisses me off that so many forms ask for your “Gender” and offer “male” and “female”. Sociology 101 told me this difference on the FIRST DAY.

I identify as pansexual because I’m attracted to people no matter what their gender identity is. You’re a man? Hot. You’re a woman? Hot. You’re agender/nonbinary/gender fluid/whatever? Yep, you’re hot to me, too. However, I am extremely uncomfortable with penises. No matter who it’s attached to, unless it’s in art or porn that takes place far away from me, I’m repulsed by penises. I could never be intimate with a man or a transwoman who hasn’t had bottom surgery, not because I’m not attracted to the rest of them, but simply because I do not want to touch a penis nor have a penis touch me. This is due to my past trauma, not because I hate people with penises. It’s triggering. I would date the everloving hell out of a transman who hasn’t had bottom surgery and those with female genitals. I wouldn’t feel triggered or scared of being penetrated without consent -(though, yes, I do understand that rape can happen no matter who your attacker is or has).

I do not hate transgender people. I do not think they’re confused or strange or scary or predators. I just am very, very turned off by penises and cis men. I would very much date a transman who showed respect for me and my boundaries. I would not feel comfortable with anyone with an actual penis, though. That’s just how trauma has warped me.

Ok, I’m expecting all the backlash and people calling me a terf. I’d like to see how you’re going to argue with me and make me feel like shit because I won’t date transwomen with male genitals. I’d like to point out now that it’s not her fault that I don’t wanna have sex with her. It’s the men who terrified me with their male genitals and therefore completely turned me off from them. All right, come at me, haters.

#what do i tag this as #transgender #nonbinary #gender identity #sex vs gender

[gjr1086]

Sometimes the hero needs saving...

So i don't really post much unless i have me feels going. But i think it's time u guys kno my story..

Since I was a kid my brother n my dad would always fight. I've seen my dad slam my brother through a wall when i was 14 n felt helpless... both of them are big guys with short fuses n thick skulls..

Throughout my teens i was picked on n bullied cause of my eczema (sever constant dry skin. Almost like having a heat rash n sunburn at the sme time). I wasn't popular but i made my own rep n was able to make friends easily. However, being so nice gets u taken advantage of.

I had a lot of messed up n abusive relationships to the point that being treated like a worthless piece of wasted skin. As hard to say all this it's time for me to let go of these heavy weight that I've been carrying around all my life.

When i got pregnant in 2008 my ex husband would cheat on me with random females (some from craigslist). The stress before n during my pregnancy landed me in the OR to have an emergency c-section cause my daughter's heart rate kept dropping (i wanted to have her naturally but my body only dialated 3-5cm. I spent the next 5 days in the hospital trying to learn how to walk n take a piss on my own with out having an accident. When we got home my ex husband tells me that with the complecations during surgery the doctor gave him a choice on who to save in the event that we both start crashing. He tells him to save his wife cause we can always make another baby.

After that he just kept abusing me mentally n emotionally by staying out at outrageous hours saying he has to work (as an electrician who's hours of operation end at 5pm. He leaves at 6am n cames home at 2am the next morning). I had enough n snapped on him tue daybafter my daughter's first Christmas. My mom took the baby out of the room so i could sleep n my ex runs his mouth about my mom invading our room n messing with the baby. (Mind u i am still pretty raw from having my daughter less then a month before). Idk what came over me but when he turned his bck to me in the middle of the conversation i saw red n pulled him back saying "don't turn ur fucking back on me again n look at me when i am talking to u" he seemed like he was gonna swing n i would have let him just to fuel my rage more.. something took over me n i fractured 3 or his ribs, gave him a black eye and a busted lip.. we split for bout 3 weeks but he would "try" to see the baby n ended up saying that he wanted to come home. But that didn't last long. We separated about a month later n he hasn't seen his daughter since she was 4 months old..

After that all my relationship were extremely difficult on both ends cause i seem to be attracting n am attracted to ppl as broken as I was.. thinking I could save them.. when really i needed to he saved. I was told by my over 5 yr ex that fairytales don't exsist n started believing that there will never be a happy ending for me..

In 2014 my mom, dad, daughter n i moved into a house with my brother, his wife n 2 bots who came from the Philippines. Here i was thinking it was to bring the family closer but i soon came to realize it was so that we could take care of his family while he was out at sea. Big mistake cause when he was home all he did was fight n argue with my dad. My dad started getting obsessed with his plants n gardening that he watered our big ass back yard n the front garden area for almost 3 hrs a day n running up the water bill. Then shit knocked us out one by one.

Feb 2015: daughter get pneumonia n had to he admitted to the hospital for 5 days with round the clock meds.

April 2015: my dad had a mild heart attack n heat stroke from being out with his plants n not resting nor taking his meds for diabetes, high blood, hypertension, n more.

May 2015: i slipped n fell at work messing up my right knee n was in a wheelchair for 3 months n crutches in between.

June 2015: i went back to work after my injury n the same day my mom had a massive stroke leaving her paralyzed on her whole right side, damaging the entire left side of her brain n compromising her speech.

I ended up quitting my job n staying home to care for her fulltime (but only got paid for business hours). Regardless of the pay i did it for her to not suffer alone in a damn nursing home like my grandmother. Little by little things changed but not for the good.

July 2015: my dad has a melt down n acted as if he ws going to hirt someone or himself. So i told my sister in le to take the kids upstairs n lock the door while me n my 5+ ur bf took care of the situation. My brother was on the phone with me during this n told me to call the cops. My dad acted like nothing was wrong n the cops said that cant take hime because basically nothing bad happened yet... smh.

I took my sister n the kids to my aunts for the weekend while my mom was still in the hospital to let things cool off in the house n family n friends were telling me that he may need mental help.. as much as i didn't want to betray my dad i had to do what was best n he agreed to do a psych evaluation. The things that cam out of his mouth was soo cold n morbid that it broke my heart knowing that he saw demon faces on his own family's faces...

He was admitted for 72 hrs but was sent back on another incident. (I kno I'm missing a lot in between but I'm just letting my fingers do the talking for me). He was evicted n homless living in his van for 2 yrs until my brother had the bright idea to sell the house n basically made it to ever man for themselves. He did me a "generous" favor of letting me n my 3 friends rent the house as tenants.

March 26th, 2017: my mom passed away the morning after I broke things off with my 5+ yr ex. I guess she was waiting for me to do that to let her kno that I ws ready to let her go.....

April 2015: I met my recent bf (who is now ... idk not apart of my life anymore i suppose) who was basically cheating on me while he was living with me because he got fed up of my trust n insecurity issues n literallysaid "fuck it.."

Before this crap with my dude, my daughter's god father (who is also my ex) got jealous n broke his lease agreement to move to Maryland. N my so called sister (my god daughter's mom) fucked me over as well by taking advantage of my generosity n kindness to get her n my god daughter off the street n in an actual home. I tried to give her another chance to be a good mom but took too much advantage of everyone. Those two got everyone evicted n not only was my dad homeless but me, my daughter n my bf for 4 months (it may not seem long but when u are going through it.. that seems like a lifetime). In that time I learned that my bf was talking inappropriately to other females n that door that was keeping the demons locked up had broken down n won't close. I ended up swinging at him on 3 different occassions n started cutting, ripping at flesh or smoking my life away slowly since.

Friday, Aug 13, 2018 we were blessed with a new home but it doesn't feel like it just yet. Stuff isn't fully unpacked cause finances are low to get a uhaul n lack of man power is making the process longer. Since the crap with my dude happened i guess he got tired of me bitching about his neglect n abuse towards me cause he really feels like he didn't do anything wrong..

It's ok.. i always turn into the bad guy when all i did was put in all my time n effort just to have it thrown back in my face...

So I'm just sitting here feeling worthless.. n wondering what the fuck to do now... i'm just soo lost... i just wana sleep n never wake up again...