#and now im just breathing in bed

[securemoon]

lil sleepy cry session... <3

#to all my cryers out there #u know when u have been numb and unable to cry for way to long #and then finslly seomthing happens and pushes the tears out #luckily the emtions leading up to the tears wernt hurtful or bad and didnt come with guilt or resentment #so it lead to lil bit of a late night enlightenment #lol i say late night but its 9:53 #late for me haha my bedtime is 8 #but I'm just glad i got those tears #its been a lil too long #and after i cried i took care of myself the way that feels the softest #i covered my body in lotion #i lit a candle #did a tarot reading #drank some water #turned on my lil cd that helps me fall asleep #lala music as my mother calls it #and now im just breathing in bed #i hope that all those sensative pals out there get to have a soft cry sesh #<3 #ily

[pothospant]

his default recall is so cool..........

#not me arts tag #ive never used his default skin so i didnt even know what it looked like until now....ough #i wish u could mix and match sounds or recalls with skins................ #i honestly forget half the time hes supposed to be like. Cool and Suave and a Competent Badass #because my brain is always like. god hes so small and floppy and will die if you breathe on him wrong #also hes always crying and breathing heavily in my ear so im just like. poor guy #he should be at the bed taking a nap not fighting....... who made him fight.... stop that he doesnt belong on the battle field #he might be a badass hitman or smth but my brain is like #this is just a sad theatre kid who took gymnastics #''aphelios how is your assassin training going'' aphelios who has only been reading the acrobatics textbook: my what #is there anyone still reading these tags. hi there #i have a lot of thoughts on him. im very obsessed with his animations #like he has a laugh animation for every weapon....... #all the various weapon animations... #maybe the real reason we wont have a legendary for 10 more years is all the animating they have to do #i mean his base animations are so good id honest be like OK if they reused them #cant rly do much better than already Top Tier animations #unless we get an alune legendary..... #hope alune is super awesome and badass and all the aphelios voicelines are a really shy awkward guy or smth #like you look so cool and awesome fighting and the whole world doesnt know ur listening to a lil guy in your brain the whole game #the contrast would be very funny methinks #if anyones still reading this. yes i know riot made up some reason about budget or whatever for voices #but i choose to believe aphelios is head empty no thoughts and thats why he doesnt talk to alune #(STILL GOOFY OF A REASON... lots of VAs can do both genders of voices.... like. what about kindred and kayn....) #then again wouldnt be surprised if they were overbudget on the animations but still smh my head into oblivion #can relate to a guy who simply doesnt wanna talk #(said after 10000 tags of talking to myself) #i should really put my thoughts onto a separate post or blog or something #anyways have i mentioned i think hes really cute

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

me, every night for the past three weeks: oh im feelin good rn! and i had a good day today!! im definitely not gonna lie awake filled with anxiety and dread over my future tonight :D

me, lying in bed 20 minutes later looping famous last words: by talos this cant be happening

#its like im fine literally all day qnd then i start to get ready for bed and the Dread sets in #like its an actual physical feeling in my stomach and i just suddenly out of nowhere have to hold myself back from crying #i literally go from perfectly happy to on the verge of tears in an INSTANT and idk whats causing uty #it #like i know broadly ehat the causes are but idk whats causing the specific switch at night #am i tired?? is it just bc im tired??? bc its not consistently at the same time and most of the time i dont *feel* tired #or is it just like. i knoe im going to bed so i know im gonna be alone with my thoughts and so they all come and hit me at once??? #idk idk idk i just know i hate it and i want it to stop i want everything to fucking stop #id say i need a minute to breathe but really ive been using the past four months as my minute to breathe & thats part of the fucking problem #because ive been putting this all off for so long bc its so overwhelming but now theres so much igotta do and theres real tangible deadlines #so i cant keep putting it off but i DO and its just making it all even more overwhelming and my parents arent fucking helping #but its not even their fault because im chosing not to talk to them about this bc talking to them about it makes it all real #and i dont want it to be real yet im not fucking ready for it to be real yet i just need a goddamn minute TO FUCKING BREATHE #i wish i could freeze time and just give myself a day where none of this matters #actually a days not long enough i think i need like. two weeks. two weeks for me to get my shit together where none of this bullshit exists #and i can just do whatever i want and not have to think about deadlines and decisions and the fact that this is all ive wanted since the #7th fucking grade and now that its actually here i cant fucking stomach the thought of it being real because im a goddamn coward who cant #fucking commit to anything or get themself to DO anything and i know its not really my fault bc i probably have adhd and i get #knocked off my ass with a migraine every ither fucking day but i still feel like i should be more prepared for this than i am #and im not prepared and im not ready and i cant get myself ready because i cant do things like this myself because i dont really want to be #doing them at all #like sure! the bitch can write a 400+ page fanfiction no fucking problem!! they can find time for that but a college essay?? even finding #schools to apply too???? dont be fucking ridiculous they cant even get half an app done in the time it takes them to write a two 6k chapters #delete later

[johndonneswife]

still thinking abt this pani puri we had three days ago

#ugh…it was so good #SO GOOD #hi i’m so exhausted #if you ever say yes to multiple engagements a day/multiple events over the course of a weekend #just know that’s the devil speaking for you. btw #i’m jk i have been having a lot of fun but i’m so tired i can hardly keep my eyes open while typing this #unrelated but i also had my dentist remove my permanent retainers #!!!!!!!!!! #like. two weeks ago. and my teeth have been breathing again and it’s been so nice #but i’m wearing my retainer in bed now #and idk i keep thinking i have something in my mouth im going to choke on? 😭 idk #also it hurts. i forgot how much these hurt. ahhhh #anyway i’m sleepy and if you follow me and i haven’t texted u back im sorry. im so overwhelmed lol #also the dress i bought for our walima #it’s so cute but it’s too big 🫠 #the top is literally falling off me and you cant even tighten the straps. UGH #so i might return it and try buying in a smaller size but i also found another dress i like better #so i ordered that too #and i ordered multiple pairs of shoes #i am ordering so much fucking shit i’m too indecisive to be having my own wedding #i also got a cute bolero but i couldn’t find the exact style i was looking for so i kind of gave up #but i think it’ll look cute heh #ugh idk anyway. i’m sleepy #i’m looking at this size chart now and i think i literally somehow ordered a dress that is 4 sizes too big like. idk what i was smoking but

[widevibratobitch]

.

#havent really been active on tumblr the last few days but now i came back to post another vent and fuck off again lol hiiiiii #i havent cried in way too long. ngl sobbing hysterically in your bed does hit different lol #anyway. what a great time to remind myself of every single bad thing anyone has ever said about my body and my face <3 #anyway i finished the sobbing till i cant breathe session and now my one eye hurts like there's sth stuck in it but there's nothing #but while i was digging in it trying to find sth under my eyelid that could explain the pain i really really looked at it #my friend once said my eyes are the colour of a swamp and by god she was right. #and like damn. i was never insecure about my eyes but maybe i should add that to the list. #but like whatever. like obv im not gonna start being actually insecure about mu stupid eyes but it did hit me that there is really #not a single thing about my body that i can with all confidence say is nice/pretty/whatever. not a single thing that i genuinely like. #like at best case it's 'not as bad as it could be'. like i have nothing lol. cant even honestly say something as silly as 'i like my eyes' #cause no. they look like a swamp. #idk im just so tired of trying my best all the time and still looking like a rotting leaking bag of garbage. #i try to remind myself that i dress funny and do fun make up and that is what people will notice about me but the truth is #everyone will still always see that under all that bs im just plain ugly and just generally unattractive #and ill never be able to distract anyone from that not really #like ik people who like me dont care about that but thats the thing. #im just tired of being one of the people that will always be liked/loved/whatever 'despite' sth. #like there is nothing of value in me that is NATURAL. its all fucking fake. #anyway. wish i were dead same old same old.

[edwardbonnets]

oh my god i've had such a shitty weekend that in order to cheer me up, my dad fixed my computer and now i've been distracting myself with baldurs gate 3 to feel better

BUT NOW THAT I ACTUALLY CHECK SOCIAL MEDIA YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT OFMD S2 TEASER IS DROPPING TOMORROW?????????? HUH???????????? WHAT NOW?????????????? OH MY GOD???????????????????

#personal shit mixed with the usual metnal ilnes had me cooped up distracting myself with baldurs gate #cant believe i almost missed being able to witness ofmd teaser happening IN THE MOMENT #fuck that will definitely breathe some life into me holy shit #im SO fucking ready #like a part of me hopes it doesn't spoil too much but i also want like. a Substantial amount of footage of season 2 shdjshsh #and also now that my computer is fixed and im FINALLY moving into my apartment tomorrow i can make gifs lol #definitely gotta cool it on the baldurs gate or yall will never hear from me again that game is ADDICTING #anyways it's late im gonna sleep i just checked twitter real quick before going to bed and noticed the teaser announcement lol #emily.txt

[verdantmeadows]

I have GOT to learn to go to bed by 8/9 pm before The Horrors hit (intense sadness, depression, and suicidalness)

#happens every night without fail #i had to finish putting away clean clothes i had on my bed tho before i could sleep and then i got hungry #so im eating now and literally just looked up happy bossa nova #and wow it's successfully distracting my thoughts????? and feelings? #like i was dancing to it while i waited for my hot dog to heat up. and felt much better #i ❤️ bossa nova #also u know the amount of ketchup you used is amazing when you cant breathe for a moment bc of the acidity #hitting ur throat #um well hm im actually starting to get a bit more hyper rather than all suicidal now #🙂 smile. #also when i write tags like this and posts that are just. diary/journal posts like this #it takes over the course of several minutes #book of kells

[girlwithfish]

any time i have any sort of day im like i deserve a treat lol

#walked 1.79 miles + prob more bc i didnt always have my phone on me from just subbing #and managed 18 8 yr olds who were a lot to deal w and got thru most of the lesson plan besides some stuff i couldnt find lol. #Ughhhhhh #i need to stop buying treats but i cant help it 😭 #idk if i wanna work tmrw i kinda feel sick #i feel better now but it was rly bad in the morning idk if it was bc it was super coldi n the building so i felt even more stuffy and sick #and i lost my voice from talking so much and having to talk loud bc i cld not hold these kids attention for more than ten secondsm ax maybe #i feel fine rn mayb #it being literally freezing this morning fucked me up lol. idk #but i kinda just wanna rot in bed tmrw my sinuses have been so bad idk if i habe a sinus infection and like allergy medicine isnt helping #and mucinex helps kinda but im almsot out but like everything that kind of helps just stops working eventually or gets less effectivr so #im like 🧍‍♂️ #i got these saline packets to do like a saline rinse and i thought the thing came w a spray bottle but it doesnt so now i habe to buy that #Idk what to do i straight up cant breathe thru my nose sometimes #hot showers dont help either 😭

[stinkrascal]

this trip to colorado has been so eye opening because it has taught me that i could literally never live here

#WOWWWW my stomach. my LUNGS. it is so hard to breathe here 😭😭😭 #the elevation and my life ruining anxiety have been in constant dispute since we got here #actually it wasnt so bad when me and bf were w our friends but when we met up w his family at the airbnb yea suffering began #love his family sm but these people are awful at planning stuff #they think the best way to have a relaxing vacation is by *checks notes* #only scheduling activities that are three hours away from our airbnb 10000 ft in the air on a huge mtn ! #because i just love being in a car for six hours every day praying the car doesnt crash over a massive cliff 😭😭😭 #yeah im suffering you really cant take the country out of the girl huh. I MISS MY SWAMP!!! #im still having fun btw but fuck mountains holy shit theyre so scary and i CANT BREATHE. canned air ily #going from louisiana which is the 2nd lowest elevated state to colorado which is the most elevated is ummm rough to say the least!! #k bye now i’ll see y’all in two days when im finally home rotting away in my bed xo #just needed 2 complain for a sec

[8aji]

i feel like the planets are aligning and i'm so happy to be writing this and so grateful for everything everything !!

#dear diary. #sudden emotional post but i am in fact a very emotional human being and thats more than ok <3 #i have so many things i'd love to share !! omg !! #for instance i did a weekly schedule including my classes and study times and i set alarms and i had never done that before !! #i have this trip planned for july and im so excited and ik juggling uni with this trip (uni program abroad !!) #will be complicated BUT !! ik i can do it and i just im so happy rn and so at peace and it may be the minecraft music but i gen feel like i #can breathe once again #and i know my profile now says semi-hiatus and ofc that doesn't mean ill stop writing it just means ill be online less but make it more #“official” i suppose #but im still writing and i have so many things in store planned and everything and ik this is an update post only a few people will read #but i still wanna share the good feeling that is currently washing over me idk idk lmfao #if i do come back im thinking about doing hcs for some characters #maybe open hc requests??? i dont know !! #but the idea is there and i like it so... <3 #i will get ready for bed now !! sweet dreams everyone and good morning/afternoon depending on where u are !!

[morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy]

I have a migraine 🤪

#incoming vent sorry about it #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #life sucks and im so over all this shit #it's literally been the what like year from hell #so my mom almost died this time last year and there's been all kinds of fun ptsd like symptoms from that and then my dog died and then #everyone got covid and then i got a sinus infection because i can't do anything normal #now last week i was thinking about what i need to talk to my doctor about and I'm thinking about my symptoms and mom's like that sounds like #lupus which is what my mom has and now I've been so super stress sick and I'm just trying to chill and relax and my estranged family member #is trying to work their way back into our lives and throwing a fit cause we won't let them because they've threatened and tried to kill us #all on multiple occasions and i know the threats are going to start up again and I'm worried that this time they're serious #i know this is either going to go one of two ways and they're going to try to kill us or themselves and i just i don't know #i don't know what to do about it because we don't have any proof of these threats written down because they've all been verbal #my family doesn't really know what to do either but i know the getting a gun conversation is going to come up again #and then I'm going to have to outwardly admit that I'm not stable enough for that shit and then everyone's going to freak the fuck out and #ughhh god i just can't deal with this shit anymore it's all bad and it all fucking sucks ass #oh and I'm trying to give up for the day and go to bed so I'm looking for YouTube videos to keep my mind busy and someone i follow #is having to live post that they're trying to keep their friend from committing suicide because the friend turned it into a public thing and #the yt is trying to reassure everyone and it's just all too much #I'm too on edge I'm too triggered or whatever i don't know what the fuck to do anymore i just want to go to bed and sleep until everything #is magically better. also i have three publishers breathing down my neck for this book but i haven't been able to write in months because of #all of this shit and then i had the bright idea of starting a writing blog i have NO CONTENT for and just FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #i just want to go be a fucking snap under the ocean im done fuck all of this being a human fucking sucks and I'm exhausted #oh and also my brother for randomly offered a job I've been trying to get for fucking years so ✌🏽😁✌🏽 that's also doing great things for #me i am super proud of him though cause he's working his fucking ass off i hope he takes it cause if not i will punt him into the sun #but anyway I've had it officially! so good night tumblr stay classy #izzy speaks but i really shouldn't

[lesbienneanarchiste]

I just gotta survive the next 12 hours and then I can have some personal space

#oooough the last couple days have been A Lot and my grandmother is going home tomorrow and I'll get the house to myself for the weekdn #but she sure is making sure the last hours of her stay are memorable huh!!! #she said she was going to bed so i thought i could breathe but then she got up out of bed to give me her slippers #bc she says my feet are too rough and now im not allowed to walk around without shoes or slippers on apparently #nvm that her feet are like 3+ sizes smaller than mine #but sure whatever im done arguing 💀 #disgruntled octopus #like obv it's not. malicious. or whatever but it is very annoying to have something pushed on you insistently that you dont need or want #esp when its accompanied by a criticism abt smth ur a lil sensitive abt #bc she's right like my feet are very calloused and rough bc i go barefoot all the time bc i loathe shoes #and i always feel awkward abt my big feet and not being able to find shoes that fit right to begin with #so like. my smaller and very image focused grandmother putting her slippers on my feet like im the ugly stepsister is not ideal #even tho in the grand scheme its not exactly the biggest problem like im just kind of rolling my eyes

[pepprs]

my dad might have fucking covid. about to jump off a bridge

#purrs #he was unmasked in my future room with the contractors yesterday and one of them woke up sick this morning and stayed in bed all day and now #my dad is feeling sick and my mom isn’t even better yet and i just saw so many people (WHO ARE VULNERABLE / HAVE VULNERABLE FAMILY MEMBERS) #in the last couple of days and now i might have exposed them. i am about to LOSE my shit. i need all respiratory diseases to die immediately #i am TIRED of living in constant fear. and i am FURIOUS at my dad for not wearing a mask. #like do you people NOT FUCKING GET IT. You may be cavalier. you may say you don’t care if you get it you can fight it off. BUT YOU INTERACT #WITH OTHER PEOPLE. who may not WANT to get sick. Who may not be able to DURVIVE getting sick. WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND. if you see #someone wearing a mask they are doing that FOR A REASON!!!! TO PROTECT THEMSELVES!!!!! TO PROTECT THEIR LOVED ONES!!!!! so fucking WEAR ONE #OUT OF COURTESY! USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN! i don’t care if they’re hard to breathe in. I don’t care if they’re uncomfortable. I don’t care if #it’s your own house and you’re not used to it. SUCK IT UP. you can be uncomfortable for five minutes. you KNOW how anxious we all are about #getting covid and you DIRECTLY endanger us and now i might have put other people in danger. and i didn’t even choose it I didn’t do anything #wrong. FUCK COVID. fuck this collective punishment nightmare. I am SO TIRED of living in constant fear because OTHER PEOPLE want to pretend #it’s over. it fucking ISNT. there are things I care about. there are people I care about. and if you were a decent fucking human being you #would understand that and MASK UP. not everyone gets to be so glib about it. it’s hard enough being seen as fucking insane and still taking #damage from having basicaly 0 social life because im too afraid to go anywhere or do anything it’s harder when people around me who i can’t #help but interact with exhibit that they do not actually care about how it is improtant to me that i do not get sick or get my loved ones #sick ESPECIALLY when it is my loved one himself who KNOWS how scared shitless we all are. it fucking hurts so bad. fuck covid. FUCK covid. #delete later #like. despair. i can wear my n95 mask all i want but i am still fucking HELPLESS when people around me don’t. despair. DESPAIR.

[skenpiel]

anxious sweatHello eyes darting aruond

#mama came in asked why i was still up and if id eaten anything #she closed the door. i went 'ill go to bed soon though' (a fucking lie too) and she opened it and i repeated myself #which is where i fucked up because she immediately asked me if i was drunk #i just went what. no im not. i am Not and she went yes you are #she came up to me and smelled my breath and only then was she satisfied....... but only a little #she can see through me so easy because she Does Not Trust Me #if i hadnt told that lie to try and reassure her i woulda been fine. urghhrghghhh #and now shes gonna take me sleeping heavily as proof i DID drink which while true isnt something she needs 2 know about....... #fuck my stupid baka life and this gay earth #drunkposting #for blacklisting.......................................................... i forfogt at first so im going back and adding it now...........

[kirishwima]

im. not doing well 🤡

#if ur grossed out by blood and periods dont read further #but having pcos fucking sucks #ive had my period for TWO WEEKS #today is my breaking point in combo w the exhaustion of work #im dizzy nauseous and my blood pressure is rly low #and i got shortness of breath which is probs bc of anxiety but like 🤡 #and i had a family emergency to deal with which had me running frantically from work back home #i feel like death #im gonna drop by the hospital later for an ultrasound #and i took some iron supplements but i think. i might need IV ones again #dont rly feel like waiting to get labs done tho #might just go to my dads private practice and see if i can get it done there #and im trying to reschedhule my night shift tomorrow bc im Not Well Enough to go #i need a day to stay in bed bc im so far over burnout right now its a whole new level #burrito talks #not fandom related #delete later

[milf-harrington]

I like fully forgot I only got 4 hours of sleep last night until a few minutes ago when my brain started making up utter nonsense

#i woke up at like 8-ish in the morning #then we went on a 3-4hr road trip down to the town i lived in when i was a baby/toddler #went to a cool steam punk museum and the brewery for lunch and tHEN WE SAW SEALS!!!!!! #and my cousin showed me my grandmas old house and then my dads old house and it was so crazy to have this whole history i dont remember #and then we drove BACK and by the time we got back it was 7-8ish and then we hung out and watched silly documentaries #and then video called my sister in the shed #and now it is nearly 12:30am #my brain is starting to- uh- oh fuck me i cant even remember what im trying to say #MALFUNCTION #my brain is stsrting to malfunction so im gonna read and go to bed #but i had. an insanely good day today #i just love being here so much its like i can breathe #its like- you know that feeling of wanting to go home even when youre in your house? #well i finally feel like ive found home #i dont think i'll make it to our marae this visit but i think that experience would take me out at the knees #aotearoa trip 2022 #captain speaks