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opertabry · 9 months

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wrong number smau ➝ q&a (half written)

synopsis ➝ peer pressured by your group members, you ask a fellow idol for her number. but when you texted her that night, you realised that she wasn’t the person you were texting. what you didn’t know was that she gave karina’s, aepsa’s hotshot visual and leader, number to you.

chapter 21 ➝ q&a

“i gotta go and get my makeup redone, i’ll be right back to watch you, okay?” karina whispers into your ear, making you jump slightly.

“wait what? aren’t we answering the questions together?”

“nope, it was a last minute thing. making us go solo you cool with that?” you nod slowly while furrowing your eyebrows as you felt her nudge you towards the chair that was set up in the middle of a completely white set. you sighed before shuffling over to the chair and gently plopping yourself down. you glanced over to karina, who threw you finger guns before moonwalking into the makeup room.

you smiled, shaking your head. what a loser.

you played with your fingers nervously as you watched the interviewer sit herself down across from you.

“y/n, don’t be nervous, it’s just fan questions. we’ll be starting in five minutes. get yourself ready.” you never got used to the sound of the directors voice, it scared you because it was so loud - even if you knew it was coming. five minutes flew by, mainly because you were zoning out, but that did not feel like five minutes to you.

“okay, y/n, you ready?,” you nodded in the general direction of his voice, “and.. ACTION!”

interview starts;

[i: interviewer]

[y: y/n]

i: hello y/n

y: hi!

i: could you introduce yourself?

y: oh yes, sorry. [turns to camera, waving] hello, everyone! i’m kim y/n from lesserafim!

i: we have a series of questions from fans that they want us to ask you.

y: that’s exciting, i love answering fan questions.

i: so y/n, contrary to popular belief, i’m sure you’re not entirely fearless, right?

y: yes, not many people know this, [laughs] but i do have some fears but i’m working on them. so FEARNOTs, wait for me okay?

i: this is our first question from fimmiesupporters in atlanta; could you tell us some of your fears?

y: oh! atlanta, i’ve been there before, great place. um, are you sure i’m allowed to say anything i want?

i: slice of life is all about transparency, so yes.

y: uh well, im really scared of alcohol, spiders and people. i got that from zuha actually.

i: ah kazuha! ive seen that clip, it was with sakura right? but alcohol? why?

y: yeah it was with kkura unnie. but that girl, zuha. [shakes head] i really want to look into her mind and see what’s in there. and i guess i’m scared of it because i’ve seen how bad it could get.

i: bad? how so?

y: when it becomes an addiction, and how it could really change a person. i’ve had someone i love lose themself to alcohol addiction. so it hits a little too close to home.

i: so, you probably don’t drink, right?

y: yeah, i cant bring myself to drink. i was actually supposed to go on youngji’s nothing prepared show, but i said i couldn’t.

i: so it’s just that you don’t like to drink? what about other people?

y: sort of? i mean, i don’t like to drink, we established that. and well, it’s not like i’m going to look down on people who drink. i mean, kkura unnie and chaewon drink quite a bit to relieve some stress too. i think i’ve already kind of warmed up to the idea of being around people who are drinking, but it’s just to the point where you are drunk and aren’t aware of what you’re saying or doing, that’s where i get uncomfortable.

i: so you’ve never drank alcohol before?

y: [shakes head] no i have, like once. when i turned 20. just a little sip though.

i: ah of course, you always have to try when you turn of age. so what do you think of the arising drinking shows that have recently become popular and trending?

y: it’s good entertainment, so i don’t really see a problem with it. but i, personally, won’t watch it.

i: so you haven’t seen chaewon’s or karina’s nothing prepared episodes?

y: no, i haven’t.

i: ah, i see. okay, next question! fearkkura from taiwan asks; i heard you’re a big twice fan, who’s your bias?

you opened your mouth to answer, but your eyes flickered to the figure standing by the door. karina. how long had she been standing there? and you felt yourself going into auto-pilot after that, you couldn’t focus properly when you could feel karina’s stare burning into your side.

woaaah y/n lore???

previous ⌊ masterlist ⌊ next

taglist ➝ @aeongiies @rd0265667 @kyaitosz @haerinkisser @mightymyo @limbforalimb @yoontoonwhs @i06kkura @sewiouslyz @jisooftme @justme-idle @noooodlessstuff @yerisdumbass @awkwardtoafault @pandafuriosa60 @jiwoneiric @haechansbbg @koeuh @beawolfbealionbeyou

#aespa #aespa karina #karina x reader #yu jimin x reader #yu jimin #karina #smau #gxg #idol au #lesserafim #kpop #aespa x reader #lesserafim x reader #yoo jimin #yoo jimin x reader

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gravytrainnaturebornn · 3 months

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the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

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luvpooks · 11 months

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꧁༺ 𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓫𝓸𝓸 𝔁 𝓶𝓪𝓵𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻 ༻꧂

GᖇOᑕEᖇY TᖇIᑭ:0

summary: in which the house runs out of food and m/n and ranboo take it upon theirselves to restock.

warnings: he/him pronouns!! /// mentions sextoys (AS A FUCKING JOKE I PROMISE) /// kms joke /// i think that's all!!

"fuck..." m/n muttered. to his dismay there was...no fucking food.

"rannnn!" m/n called out to his lovely amazingly tall boyfriend.

"yessss?" ranboo said as they walked into the kitchen.

m/n looked deep into ranboos eyes and said with the straightest face he could muster.

"there is no fucking food."

"oh..." ranboo responded.

"ran...do you know what this means!" m/n continued.

"oh god...not today i cant do it..." ranboo pleaded to the higher beings of the world.

"GROCERY TRIP!!!" m/n exclaimed.

m/n loved shopping especially walmart. he had no reason except that he loved to take photos of the most randomest things he could find.

(he usually made ranboo take pictures of him with the fucking sextoys)

he said that it was #relatable and #thefunniestthingintheworld

"god please spare me-" ranboo pleaded.

m/n grabbed ranboos arm and shook him around.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!! FUNNY PICTURES!" m/n exclaimed once more.

ranboo was truly just sulking as m/n took hours of their time there just taking photos of random ass shit.

"let's go, let's go, let's go!" m/n said excitedly.

ranboo simply sighed and he finally accepted his fate and replied.

"...let me get ready..."

m/n was practically a fucking ball of sunshine currently, nothing could ruin his mood.

after ranboo got ready- which to m/n felt "like fucking forever"- they were off to the most wonderful place in all the lands of the united kingdom... WALMART!

m/n forced ranboo into his car- which was a matte black dodge challenger because yes.

m/n was practically bouncing in his seat as he got his seatbelt on.

"because i'm so nice ran- you can choose the music!" m/n said.

ranboo brightened up a little with that sentence.

"gladly!"

god m/n fucking regretted that decision.

ranboo made them listen to the most depressing shit and then would switch to that damn peaches song by jack black.

"i'm actually gonna kill myself- this is it, this is my 13th reason." m/n grimaced.

"aww don't do that m/n that'll kill you!" ranboo joked.

"i'm going to fucking leave you in the walmart parking lot and let you get stolen into a white van that said leon kennedy was inside." m/n monologued.

"first off: i'm way to tall to be the target of a kidnapping. second off: i would go into a white van WILLINGLY if it said leon kennedy was inside." ranboo argued.

"you know what... i dont even blame you- bro is so fucking fine." m/n drooled.

finally after a good 15 minutes they arrived to walmart.

ranboo was preparing himself for this torturous journey. while m/n on the other hand was thinking about all the places he would go to take photos of.

to say the least... he was excited.

once that got out the car m/n immediately intertwined their fingers and dragged ranboo to the entrance of the store.

then m/n had the greatest idea to ever fucking exist.

"ran- ran- ran- im gonna get one of the handicapped carts."

"m/n please don't what if you just took away an elderly woman's only way to get around here." ranboo worried.

i reached my hands to lay on ranboos shoulders and spoke.

"this is far more- more important than an elderly woman possibly falling and fucking dying."

m/n instantly unplugged the cart and sat on it and he began rolling quite slowly.

"ran- you need to experience this... it's so fun please!" m/n begged.

m/n i love you- but hell no my morals can't do it." ranboo explained.

m/n gasped.

"this is a betrayal..."

m/n began dramatically tearing up as he rolled his way to the first place they had to go.

to m/n unbeknownst ranboo had taken a photo of him rolling around in the cart and posted it on twitters captioning it as such: they see him rolling- they hating!

they decided to go to the food isles first as they were going to be responsible adults for once in their lives.

they found the food that needed quite easily but then m/n found his first victim of his random photo terror.

the mr beast cookies.

"ranboo think about the clout we will get! and the funny's PLEASE RAN!" m/n begged.

"ok okok fine.." ranboo took out his phone and waited for m/n to get into position.

m/n opted for the best pose of the century.

the crab as he liked to call it.

you see m/n was incredibly flexible- so he was able to do very odd poses as is his spine was just nonexistent.

the only way to explain this pose is m/n spreads his legs out about shoulder length wide and he forces his spine to take his head to the floor as he held the bag next to his face.

"ranboo it's time! clout time!" m/n exclaimed.

ranboo sighed and took the photo.

m/n asked quite nicely for once in his life if he could caption it though he didn't exactly take no as a answer.

"can i caption it- k thanks"

m/n took the phone out of ranboos hands and caption the photo

'the crabs got out and they want clout'

m/n showed his masterpeice to ranboo and he let out a loud laugh.

"GOD, i forgot how funny you can be!"

"i know right!" m/n replied.

finally they were finished in the food isle but m/n had to make one more stop.

"ranboo... it's time." m/n said with upmost glory.

"please god no m/n please spare me from going there.." ranboo begged.

"i'm sorry my child... but it has to be done." m/n said.

they walk- well rolled thanks to m/n forcing ranboo to sit in his lap to roll along with him-to the area ranboo dreaded most- while m/n loved the most due to the opportunities.

the health and beauty isle.

to explain most walmarts have a place that people can go to to search for their- well sexual desires. in short their are sex toys there.

once they arrived to the area m/n couldn't help but grin.

"ahhh, my beloved area." m/n grinned.

m/n decided to make the trip quite to spare ranboo the embarrassment.

m/n slammed himself onto the glass that covered the lewd toys.

"take the picture just like this ran!" m/n smiled.

ran signed once more and took the photo and m/n once again took his phone and captioned the photo as a such

'i didnt remember toy story looking like this!'

m/n dramatically teared up as he said,

"it's beautiful ran- thank you.."

ranboo grabbed m/n hand and dragged him the the car and sat him down onto the seat and made him go.

"so forceful!- at least take me to dinner first!" m/n joked.

"shut up.." ranboo grumbled as they walked beside m/n.

they finally reached the self checkout center and bought their items.

it totaling out to be a whopping £112.43.

(which m/n paid for as he never let ranboo pay for anything)

m/n returned the cart and plugged it back up as he is a decent human being and they walked out back to the car.

once they both finally packed everything up they got into the car preparing to venture back to their shared home.

"i say that was a successful trip!" m/n exclaimed proudly.

ranboo just smiled and said,

"yeah, it was kinda fun..."

<end>:D

#x male reader #ranboo #ranboo x reader #ranboo x y/n #ranboo x male reader #ranboo x you #x reader

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quodekash · 1 year

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good morning, friends! im exhausted and only got like four hours of sleep, but at least im (kind of) mentally prepared to revisit the episode, so (you probably know the drill by now), here’s all my commentary and thoughts and stuff from the episode!

i feel like its important for everyone to know that i made myself an ice tea at 11:30pm because i knew i wouldnt be able to survive the episode alone

(and dont suggest that the ice tea is the cause of the lack of sleep, if anything it’s the only reason i got to sleep)

i was very nervous in the beginning cos i was pretty sure photjanee wouldnt be homophobic but also what if she is

props to her for not asking tinn cos he was visibly nervous/afraid

and gun told gim and she didnt even say anything at first. she just looked so freaking proud, then hugged him and said “whoever you love, i love” and i love her so much she’s a freaking perfect mother

PHOTJANEE’S NEURODIVERGENT AND AWESOME HUSBAND who is still nameless IS SITTING NEXT TO HER SO HE’S GONNA SAY SOME HELPFUL AND SUPPORTIVE WORDS

“were you afraid to hear the answer” im sensing a recurring themeeee (if youve forgotten and somehow havent rewatched the show over and over again, in episode 6 gun kept saying he was afraid to hear the answer of who tinn liked)

“i think if he’s ready, he’ll tell you himself. give it time. time for tinn and yourself.” I LOVE THIS MAN

also side note: she’s really pretty

i smell a sponsorship

a canon printer sponsorship

theyre so subtle with their sponsorships

“by the way, this printer is so convenient, it can be used with any operating system, right?” NICE ONE GEM, REAL SUBTLE, NO ONE WILL KNOW

TIWPOR TINNGUN DOUBLE DATE STUDY DATE ONCE AGAIN

AND SOUNDWIN BEHIND THEM (and also yo and pat i guess)

tinngun are always reminiscent of patpran, but so much throughout this episode it literally felt like i was watching bad buddy

GUN FINALLY KNOWS THAT TIW KNOWS AND GUN IS LIKE ‘wait did you tell him’ AND TIW JUST GOES

“do you think this nerd would succeed in getting your love without my help”

AND HE’S SO ICONIC AND HE’S SO RIGHT AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OH MY GOSH

also rip four and tinn’s homosecuality, they have to pretend to date for this music video

also also WE GET TO SEE FOUR AND HER GIRLFRIEND AGAIN OMG I LOVE THEM

THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY

LOOK AT THEM AND THEIR IN-LOVE-NESS

cant wait for the homophobia this episode /sarc

“we just have to wait until the dinosaurs are extinct and humans rule the world” TIW LITERALLY JUST SAID WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR ALL THE BOOMERS TO DIE OUT AND THEN GAYS CAN RULE THE WORLD THIS IS FREAKING HILARIOUS

I CANT EXPLAIN IT, THEIR FACES ARE SO REMINISCENT OF PATPRAN AND MORE SO THAN USUAL

does- does this count as a first kiss

that was so sudden

help???

theyre so cute tho i love them

PROM DAY (looking back, how does so much happen in this one day)

✨gotta love being outed✨

GUN JUST TOLD THE BROSKIS

and por is, naturally, very excited

but also somehow very oblivious

i had a feeling yo knew already

apparently sound told win ages ago (when? idk man)

pat having a suspicion about it is actually very surprising

“you and you, what’s going on? you’ve been weird”

FINALLY THE SCENE OF THEM HOLDING HANDS AND SHOWING THE GUYS IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR WAY TOO FREAKING LONG

AND THEY BOTH LOOK SO FREAKING HAPPY

IM DYING

i need to ingrain every soundwin scene from this episode into my brain cos there’s so much of it and i want to see it all forever please

tis raining and theyre under an umbrella and soundwin did it first

okay so. it sucks that they were outed. and people shouldnt take photos of other people and then post it on social media because they can, cos thats an invasion of privacy and is not cool.

on the other hand, everyone seems thrilled by it and tinngun aren’t hurt by it happening so i guess its okay

in general tho people should not do this cos it could go very badly

but this is a bl drama not real life so its fine

I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE A NEUROSPICY GUY

they did the happy arms

and theyre sitting cross-legged on top of a table

i love you random side character

PAT AND POR BEING ALL HAPPY AND EXCITED IS HILARIOUS I LOVE THEM

“no one cares about people’s sexual orientation these days. its a new world. right, pumpkin??” GUI4HERIH4IIGU (note to past me: it gets worse. you’re gonna progressively die even more)

EW PEOPLE ARE MESSAGING PHOTJANEE SAYING TINN’S GONNA RUIN THE SCHOOL’S REPUTATION AND STUFF

...what series was it

did- did you watch bad buddy, photjanee

did tinn’s parents watch bad buddy

ive decided they watched bad buddy until proven otherwise

‘its down to us whether we’re as kind to our son as those in the series’ THIS MAN HAS THE WISEST KINDEST WORDS AND I WANT TO GIVE HIM A BIG HUG

tiw and tinn are actually really sad about kajorn leaving the student council which is slightly confusing (not cos i hate him, im finding it increasingly difficult to hate him, i just didn’t think tiw and tinn actually liked kajorn)

‘people are arguing whether it’s guntinn or tinngun’

...

im gonna say it

i have to say it

you cant stop me from saying it

soundwin did it first

(technically it was satangwinny vs winnysatang but thats not the point)

there i said it

hah

babes she’s known for months

(but yes absolutely if you’re comfortable telling her and you think you should, go right ahead :] )

i hate this teacher

i would like to punch him please

luckily i know, thanks to the preview last episode, that he does, in fact, get punched, so it’s all good

KAJORN IS IN THE ROOM WHILE GUN IS DISTRESSED

I REPEAT, JORN IS THERE

yay tinn is there with gun while he cries

thank you tinn for existing

GO AWAY TEACHER

DON’T ENTER THE ROOM

"im sorry, i was just joking around with my friend, i didnt mean to insult you" yeah, okay, well thats only part of the problem. other problems are: a. the fact that you had to say such a horrible thing in order to joke around with your friend. if that's the kind of humour your friend has, that person should not be your friend, unless it's also your humour, in whcih case, that isnt a sincere apology. b. it's not just that you insulted gun. you also insulted an entire community of people, of students, of human beings, who just want to exist and live as people doing what they want to do. you cant say something homophobic and then only apologise because it hurt one person close to you. you say something homophobic, and then you apologise - in a way that you GENUINELY MEAN - and say you had no intention of hurting so many people, including gun. or, alternatively, dont say the homophobic thing in the first place. c) you’re a freaking TEACHER. a TEACHER is there to SUPPORT and CARE for ALL of their students. a TEACHER should not be saying terrible things where ANYONE could overhear. if a TEACHER cannot be supportive for ALL STUDENTS, then they should not be a teacher. (im a huge defender of teachers cos theyre human beings with lives and families and hobbies and theyre more than just the adult human that tells you 2 plus 2 is 4. but i am also a huge defender of students cos theyre human beings and also children and theyre still developing. and i am especially a defender of students and an offender of teachers when the teacher clearly hates children or isnt a good teacher or should not at all be a teacher. so this isnt me hating all teachers, i love teachers, i could talk about how unappreciated they are for hours. but i cannot stand it when a teacher behaves the way this teacher did. i hate it so freaking much.)

THE TEACHER WAS “SHOCKED” COS GUN IS A “ROCKSTAR” SO THE TEACHER “THOUGHT YOU WERE MANLY”

THATS NOT AN EXPLANATION NOR IS THAT AN APOLOGY

GENDER AND SEXUAL IDENTITY ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FREAKING THINGS

AND EVEN THEN, GENDER AND GENDER EXPRESSION ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FREAKING THINGS

LIKING MEN DOESNT MAKE SOMEONE ANY LESS ‘MANLY’ SO STFU AND GET FIRED ALREADY

FREAKING YES

GOOD

HELL YES

KAJORN PUNCHED THE TEACHER BEFORE TINN COULD

THIS IS EVERYTHING I COULDVE ASKED FOR OR NEEDED

I LOVE IT SO MUCH

I LOVE KAJORN SO MUCH

IM FINALLY ALLOWED TO NOT HATE HIM AND IM VERY GLAD ABOUT IT

DAMN SOUND

I MEAN I AGREE BUT WOW I WASNT EXPECTING THAT

‘i HoPe YoU giVe A fAiR jUdGeMeNt oN tHiS cAsE’ bro its not court

and absolutely she’ll give fair judgement

shes freaking awesome and i love her

also what does probation mean

“don’t use violence to solve problems. do you understand?” okay, yes, im 100% on board with you, i completely agree, but, hear me out here: homophobia.

I LOVE PHOTJANEE SO MUCH

COLD AS ICE SHE GOES “if you’re not satisfied with my judgement, write a complaint. but dont forget to add every detail truthfully”

SHE’S SO ICONIC

TRULY A SLAY

“LET GO OF MY SON. as principal, all i can do is submit a report regarding your behavior to those in authority. but as a mom, MY SON CAN LIKE WHOEVER HE LIKES. STAY OUT OF IT. if i hear anything filthy from you again, your penalty will go far beyond this” I FELT HER ANGER

I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY SOUL

SHES FREAKING AWESOME

and kajorn looks so happy and content

i love him

PROM TIME AND THE STIMS ARE STIMMING REAL HARD RN

WHY AM I CRYING WHILE LISTENING TO YOU’VE GOT MA BACK? THIS ISN’T A SAD SONG

C O M E C L O S E R

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH POR

OOOOO NEW SONG

SOUNDWIN CHEEK KISS

IM LITERALLY CRYING THEYRE SO CUTE

(note to past me: it’s gonna get worse)

aww gun’s in the audience singing directly to tinn this is so cute

GRBRHKBGRIUBJROBUR

I WOULDVE BEEN CONTENT WITH JUST SOUND KISSING WIN BUT IM NOT COMPLAINING

I AM THE OPPOSITE OF COMPLAINING

GIREBVIRUB

TINN AND GUN ARE GOING ON THE STAGE TOGETHER HAND IN HAND

HOW IS THIS SO FREAKING PERFECT

AND SOUND’S GOT A GUITAR SOLO COS HE’S AWESOME LIKE THAT

HAPPINESS

BIG HAPPIES

MUCH OF THE VERY HAPPINESS

their hugs always look so comfy

someone in the audience asked if theyre real and gun said nothing but hashtag #MySchoolPresident and it’s still so funny to me

its like theyre telling us the watchers

like USE TEH HASHTAG, PLEASE

and we’re like WEVE ALREADY BEEN DOING THAT, CALM DOWN

ew old teachers

shut up with your judgy faces

no one cares

YAY FOR YOUNG PROGRESSIVE TEACHERS WHO DONT CARE WHAT THE BOOMERS THINK

cos, as tiw said, the boomers will die out soon and then gays can rule the world

can the episode just end here

i dont want to go through the emotional turmoil of whats coming

cos i know its coming

there’s gonna be a graduation scene

and im very scared

my mentally ill butt can never be okay for graduation scenes

and yet my mentally ill butt keeps consuming media set in the senior year of high school

DAMN THIS ENDING IS GONNA BE LONG

31:48 MINUTES

STRAP IN YOUR SEATBELTS COS WE’RE GONNA BE IN FOR ONE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER

WAIT NO LET THERE BE MORE

JUST ONE MORE

OR TWO

OR AN ENDLESS AMOUNT

DON’T LET IT BE OVER

PLEASE

“its the last day of our high school lives.” ACK SHOOT FREAK FRENCH GUSTAV AND SHOELACES AND TURTLES AND FREAKING SHOOT NOODLES WHAT THE FLIP

AH SHOOT I FORGOT ABOUT KAJORN BEING A YEAR YOUNGER THAN THEM

HE HAS TO CARRY ON THEIR LEGACY WITHOUT THEM

HES FREAKING ALONE

IDEK IF HE HAS ANY FRIENDS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ooo we’re gonna get another pool scene soon

NO STOP IT WITH THE SIGNED SHIRTS I CANT TAKE IT

‘no one ever asks if i can sign their shirts :[’ ‘sign my shirt’

‘ILL WRITE DOWN WHAT I FEEL THAT IM TOO AFRAID TO SAY’ I FREAKING LOVE THEM

WAIT

SHOOT

I KNOW I ASKED FOR IT BUT I DIDNT EXPECT THEM TO ACTUALLY DO IT

IM IN SHOCK

LITERALLY CRYING

WHAT THE FLIP

HOLY FREAK

NO WAY

THIS IS THE END

THAT’S IT

IM DEAD

GONE

DECEASED

THEY FREAKING KISSED

RIGHT THEN AND THERE

PROPERLY KISSING

BEFORE TINNGUN

WHAT

IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING

OW I PINCHED MYSELF

I LITERALLY CANT BELIEVE IT

“i wont let you kiss first you barstool” HOW ARE THEY SO- GJRBGIKRB

BUT ONCE ISNT ENOUGH

OH NO, THEY HAVE TO KISS AGAIN

JUST TO MAKE SURE IM DEAD

THEY ALREADY STABBED ME A COUPLE TIMES

THEN THEY KISSED AND THEY SLICED ME IN HALF WITH A REALLY COOL SWORD

AND NOW THEYRE SLICING MY HEAD OFF JUST TO MAKE SURE IM DEAD

‘STOP TRYING TO LOOK HANDSOME IDIOT BECAUSE ITS MAKING MY HEART SO WEAK’ I CANT WITH THESE TWO

I LITERALLY CANT EVEN PROCESS THAT THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

SURELY IM DREAMING RIGHT NOW

THERES NO WAY THEY ACTUALLY FREAKING KISSED

AND TIWPOR RIGHT AFTER??? IT’S TOO MUCH POWER

AWWWWWW NOOK AND YOOOO

BUT POOR PAT IS COMPLETELY LONELY

PLS LET PAT NOT BE LONELY FOREVER

THEY BETTER GIVE PAT SOME HAPPINESS

NO?? THEYRE JUST GONNA CHANGE THE SCENE LIKE THAT??? OKAY THEN????????

no but why wasnt tiwporpat an option

they couldve gone down the polyamory route

as much as i love poking fun at pat being lonely, i want him to be happy, and tiwporpat makes sense

(i must also say that patjorn also makes sense and i wouldnt have been mad if they went down the tiwporpat route or the patjorn route. theyre both amazing. but no, they went with pat is lonely forever and its really freaking sad. thanks guys.)

OH TINNGUN POOL SCENE

POOL SCENE NUMBER... IDEK AT THIS POINT

they should kiss btw

GUN WROTE #MYSCHOOLPRESIDENT ON TINN’S SHIRT AND TINN WROTE ‘APPROVED BY THE SCHOOL PRESIDENT’ ON GUN’S SHIRT AND ITS SO FREAKING PERFECT

IT COMES FULL CIRCLE SO BEAUTIFULLY

THEY LITERALLY COULDNT HAVE WRITTEN ANYTHING GREATER

I FREAKING LOVE THIS SHOW

tinngun still have not kissed

NO PLS I CANT TAKE IT WITH THE HEARTFELT SPEECHES

HOW DO YOU CRY SILENTLY

NO THEYRE PLAYING ONE LAST SONG TOGETHER

STUFF YOU

I LITERALLY DONT KNOW IF IVE EVER CRIED HARDER THAN I DID WHILE WATCHING THAT FREAKING FINAL SONG

tinn’s father is so neurodivergent i love him

OMG GUN IS ACTUALLY SITTING AT THEIR TABLE AND HAVING A MEAL WITH THEM

IT’S NOT IMAGINARY GUN

IT’S REAL GUN

THIS IS CRAZY

PFFFFFFT TINN’S DAD HELPED HIM WRITE THE SONG FOR GUN

THAT’S FREAKING HILARIOUS

OH MY GOSH THEYRE ABOUT TO KISS-

darn you gun and your bloody hand in the way

too many times

this has happened far too many times

just kiss

please

YES

GOOD

EXCELLENT

but also soundwin did it first

ANYWAY THAT WAS PERFECT

OH MY GOSH

IM NOT OKAY

(the funniest thing about me constantly saying ‘im dying’ or ‘im dead’ is that my fitbit hasnt been able to pick up on my heartrate for literally hours. like, since i started watching the episode. it just stopped working. and if your heart isnt beating, you’re quite literally dead.)

final thoughts / main takeaways from that episode (and therefore the whole show)

tinngun are very cute

tinngun are patpran variants (we already knew this but still)

tiwpor havent been dating the whole time but there was definite crushing for a very long time

pat is sad and lonely and pls let there be tiwporpat or patjorn at some point in the future

we need a sequel please and thank you

soundwin are freaking perfect

this show is perfection

im mentally ill

that teacher sucks

tinn’s dad is neurodivergent and i love him

photjanee is amazing and awesome and i love her

gim is the greatest mother and i love her

i love all of these characters way too much and, last but not least,

soundwin did it first.

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appl3-juice-box · 10 months

Text

OKAY OKAY IM GETTING MY FRIEND TO WATCH UNDERVERSE FOR THE FIRST TIME AND SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHAT UNDERTALE IS SO HER OUT OF CONTEXT COMMENTARY IS SO FUCKING AMAZING I HAVE TO DOCUMENT IT AND MY EXPLANATIONS

For context, anything in () will be my explanations

@speak-now-girlies-unite because she said to tag her

is he wearing slippers omg this is amaxing

omg love me a male wife 🤭

soul absorption fancy (Yeah that basically means "haha I stole half of your life source lol, now gimme the other half and die")

i love the name ink so much

DID HE JUST THROW UP IN HIS EXCITEMENT OF TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING???? JUST LIKE ME FRFR (YEAH THATS WHAT HE DOES ITS KINDA QUIRKY)

crying? bb boy let me buy you a hamster to wipe your tears with

cross omg cool name

omg is that the error guy (YEA THATS THE ERROR GUY![I had previously talked about him]) YEAH (HES HOT RIGHT?) YEAH (YEAH)

the white/red soul thing is making me zzzzbrrrrr in interest (Ohohoho, youre gonna love this) that makes me also zzzbrrr in interest

samn that’s kinda sad i wanna write fanfiction about his sad life

oh my god is that a real life skater boy, with a backwards cap am i hallucinating (THATS FRESH HES SO FUCKING COOL)

he has a backwards cap (ITS GOT A LITTLE PROPELLER ON TOP TOO) does it really omg (YEAH) WOO

dark spaghetti thing ?? (which one, the emo?) Yeah I think so *intermission to find what the dark spaghetti is* (THATS NOT THE EMO THATS NIGHTMARE IM CRYING) seems pretty emo to me (trust me there's more)

OH MY GOD THE SUN PERSON >>>> (THE SUN PERSON I CANT) HES EXISTEDIN MY BRAIN FOR FIVE SECONDS I LOVE HIM

HIS NAME IS PAPYRUS??? LIKE THE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN SCROLLS? (THE PAPYRUS FONT AND COMIC SANS THATS WHY SANS MAKES JOKES) OHHHH

ketchup???

OH YMG SO THE SUN PERSONS BACK!!! His name is dream ? (Yes his name is dream) funsies🤭✨ (dream and nightmare) omg that makes sense

also i recognize that you’ve told me about them before right? (yes I have) 🤭

second person pov>

the shot of ink blinking at sans and frisk’s convo>>>>

officially frisk is my daughter

ink makes my brain go so vrrbbbbb (Ink makes my brain want to slaughter him /lh) oh damn what does he do😔 ... ACTUALLY don’t tell me i’ll find out<3

NOT THE FALLEN DOWN STOP💔💔💔 (YEAH FALLEN DOWN IS ORIGINALLY FROM UNDERTALE) YEAH I KNEW THAT I SHOULDVE PREPARED MYSELF SKDNDJ

(have you seen the emo yet?) he sounds kinda like a five year old having a tantrum he looks cool though (the golden tooth boi? Yeah thats him) funnnn

oo getting hyped up

omg fight scene? slay

omg x event - no clue what that is but it sounds cool

more soul absorption

i have mixed feelings on that word because as much as it’s cool it reminds me of the word moist

heart ?

he’s got that swagger that only people who talk in comic sans can have

re e e ed re e e ed

“sleeping is more fun than corrupting timelines” sleeping is more fun than a lot of thng - but i feel like corrupting timelines would be fun

is sans gay😨❓

i feel like i’m reading this wrong

manipulate manwhore mansplain

his special attack- he turns into an anime girl with plot armor - oh no he just pulls a rachel dare funsies

he saved the day with the power of bad puns (And a slipper) And a slipper

(Also who tf were you asking who was gay for who) idk who tf he is but he was like “there was this guy” and that was my first thought sjsnskdnsk😭 (WHICH GUY WHATD HE LOOK LIKE???) IDK EVIL??? (WAS HE THE TALL MOTHER FUCKER WITH WEIRD BLACK STRIPEY EYES THAT MET WITH INK? I NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE HE MIGHT BE GAY) -proceeds to investigate who the supposed gay man is- (I WAS RIGHT IT IS THE TALL MOTHER FUCKER WITH WEIRD BLACK STRIPEY EYES) WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? (IM A FFUCKING GENIUS WITH GUESSING THIS SHIT) GOOD OR BAD? (no he's not gay, you'll find more about him later)

god he’s a mood

OO THE ERROR GUY

go girl give us nothing

This is just from the first two episodes, be ready for more

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mangoposts · 4 months

Note

i literally love you so much😭🤍 it feels a lot better finally getting that off my chest. idk you give such a comforting, nonjudgmental vibe and it just made me feel safe telling you especially since im anonymous. but your advice helps a lot, deep down i know a man who really loves me won't care how inexperienced i am or what's been done to me in the past. but the fear of being judged by a man is just constantly in the back of my mind so every little thing scares me LMFAO. i think my current problem is that now that i've gotten over what happened and im ready, im READY. i mean impatient as fuck and want to jump the first attractive man i see like a feral animal LMAOOOOO because bitch ive been putting up w my own hands for YEARS NOW my 1 1/2 inch fingers arent cutting it no more. i need a MAN up in there ykwim😭 (preferably matt/chris' long veiny hands🤭)

but i also dont wanna hook up w anyone, im not that type of person (clearly since im 20 and haven't even seen a dick in person) i definitely wanna wait until im at LEAST a month or two into a good healthy relationship to have sex w them. but then part of me is like bitch you need dick this has gone on for too long just fuck somebody😔😔😔 IDKKKK maybe i just need to buy a dildo to A) prepare myself for when i actually do have sex and B) fill this void of wanting to be dicked down but not wanting to hookup with a random.

BUT TOYS ARE SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE TOO I CANT WIN IM LITERALLY JUST A (horny) GIRL🫤🫤🫤🫤🫤🫤🫤🫤🫤🫤sigh

- 🌙

Omg you’re making me laugh 😭😭😭😭 YOU SOUND LIKE ME TALKING TO MY FRIENDSLMFAOOO

Girl literally just buy a dildo or any sex toy i promise you ITS THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING and some aren’t that expensive i’ll literally like link toy websites rn Lmfaooaooooo they work better than men

I love u so much too and i’m glad it made you feel better 🤍 Yall can tell me anythinngggggggg

#🌙

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thephloxbayou · 2 months

Text

Im so fucking angry.

I wasnt going to talk about going per protocol but this was so fucking lame it doesn't matter. It was never a threat or a blink on existence.

I went to a local vigil for Aaron Bushnell.

Now, a few things. This is my first time getting to go to anything like this. I have a sleep disorder, and I work nights. Usually activist groupings tend to happen last minute/you find out last minute. I'm far from Boston, on Cape Cod (I've mentioned where i lived generally before hence why I dont mind saying it here), and it's an ordeal to go even for fun. Things rarely happen on days I have off, and if they do, i probably worked the night before or have to that night. I cant take work off, im poor and its hard to get last minute coverage without my job being at risk.

But I found out yesterday about the local vigil. I rested up well before my shift, did it and came home and got very little sleep. But I could manage and that was the point, I could so I should. I had clothes prepped, black bloc even though i didnt expect anything to happen, and dressed for the cold and rain (its closer to 50 today). My phone was at home, my ID and house key in the car, parked some ways away and walked, only had my car key, a water bottle, and a few fruit snacks on me. It started at 1pm but I got there at 2 (lack of sleep plus making sure to eat a good meal just in case rather than run out on a near empty stomach).

I didnt expect a ton, this area is wealthy and white, but I wanted to be ready if anyone of color got harrassed because I have my privilege as a white person. Good to practice anyways. I also felt like maybe the gathering would have more energy, given that it came out that Aaron was a Cape Cod native. Either way, I was prepared to stand outside all day even if the rain that was forecasted was pouring down.

Well I walk up at 2... and they're wrapping up. Everyone (like 45 people) is standing around with signs, but theyre chatting and holding the signs down at their sides. They took a group photo with their signs calling for an end to this horribleness while smiling. I finally managed to say hello to the organizer, and mentioned that I didn't realize everyone would only be here for an hour. "Well it started to rain really hard." People stood around and talked about their anger at our government, and the horrors of whats happening in Palestine, then left because they were cold and it was wet (was listening to conversations and goodbyes. I was wandering on my own, everyone else was with friends). I heard the organizer talking about how he just vacationed in Costa Rica and was going back, then going to some other vacation spot.

My husband was surprised when I came home basically right after I left. I am so deeply angry by how comfortable these people out here are. This is not the first time Ive complained about that, i grew up with a hard life, we came out here on an opportunity, so I wouldnt off myself in the bad situation we had been in, and with his mother's help where she could (he grew up here). Ive never felt comfortable here because these people are living in a different world than I do, and even people who are just normal people and not some rich asshole look at me weird when I say stuff that I consider perfectly normal given where i grew up/class level. You're so angry over this, over the pain the people of Palestine are going through, that you go through the effort of organizing an event, and you stand around and talk about your "anger," and then you LEAVE after an hour because it's a little cold (warmest day we've had in weeks) and it's raining, which was forecasted and you could prepare for???

I havent calmed down. I cant go back to sleep cuz I already took my adderall which i need to stay awake on any regular day with that sleep disorder. I went ready for a fight, I wasnt expecting one but I was prepared, and expected at least a little energy from the group. But nothing. You accomplished nothing but making yourselves feel better.

I wish I could do more. I wish I had money to donate. I wish I had the ability to go physically support activist movement. All just like I wish I could during the summer of 2020. Im constantly torn between recognizing my position and suffering as valid and not a reason to beat myself up for not being able to do more, and feeling like I'm not doing enough and it's just excuses. But I just... cant fucking believe everyone I saw today. I mean yeah, i believe it, i know, i knew, but im just still furious. This is why we're in this fucking position people.

#gaza #free palestine #protest #aaron bushnell

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shameonmeeguiltypleasure · 9 months

Text

Personal share: I just needed to vent this out to a void of some sort.

Nobody warns you about the 'literal' COST of Living you face once your born. I feel like my childhood was me being scammed into spending a bunch only to be later slapped in the face with the receipt and expected to pay it. "What?You can't pay it? Well let's make it a debt you owe me, now get to work bitch"

I'm sharing this here because honestly, I think if anyone I know and love in my real life were to hear me out they'd tell me what I already know "That's just Life".

With how sensitive i am right now, I'd break down into a sobbing mess and I can't afford that right now......

- Im on the verge of feeling numb again, like brittle and so ready to disappear.

-Im struggling to feel passion and feel stuck in an endless cycle of work, sleep, eat repeat.

- I feel empty and a constant thrum of nausea at everything I say, do or when I see my reflection.

-Ive tried buying my joy and short bursts of satisfaction but it always leaves my bank account empty and fades too quickly.

-I miss my parents, but I'm a adult now and they expect adult things from me. They don't have time for my mood swings because I'm "just too much"

-My sister is drained from work and I don't want to be an additional burden

-My best friend is preparing to fight for her new career and I don't even have my liscense to drive. (I have no idea why she still keeps me around when I'm so unambitious)

- My cousin has lost so much weight and im growing jealous of her confidence. (She's married and has 3kids!! I'm jealous that she's found someone she trusted to start a family with and I'm still a lonely sob)

-My brother is moving out to live with his long term gf and start his studies. (He has no loans thanks to my sis and I, Obvs doesn't respect or care for me as much as he does her. I deserve it honestly, but it still stings sometimes)

- I struggle to speak most days because I just don't think. I have anything worth saying. (But my job requires me to call ppl and I cant afford to lose this gig)

-I struggle to eat because I just can't find the balance between starving and overindulgence. (I love my body. But there are parts of me I feel I need to change because society or loved ones say I should)

-I struggle to socialise because I just don't share the same interest as those around me or my work colleagues. (Is this because I don't know who I am some days? Or because I just don't have the energy to be contradictory to somebody else's opinion?)

-Im constantly sick and feel guilty for taking days off and still getting sick leave pay. (My job caters to this!! It's in my contract so why can't my brain stop making everything feel like doomsday!?)

- I don't often make mistakes but when I do their huge and I feel immense shame and guilt everytime. I'd offer up my limb if it would make the bad feeling go away. (These are the moments I wish I could read minds, I just want to know what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it!? Is it actually ok or are you just saying that then talking shit bout me behind my back?)

Honestly..... I just don't think I value myself enough right now, I don't think Im seeing my worth and I desperately need to fix it before it becomes worse.

I've had this fight before and I won, I'm not doing it again.

I'm tired.

God am I tired.

Fuck.

If this doesn't ease up before my next one to one with my boss, I'll ask them to send me to therapy (work benefit is that'll be free)

#dont read #im just in a mood #feelings and gloom

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madame-fear · 3 months

Note

it's really really dumb okay- but i swear the dumbest littlest storytimes make me cringe the fucking hardest, idk why, maybe it's the autism /hj

it has to do with me, obviously. have you ever had an idea for a work you wanted to post, and had like THE IDEA itself but didn't know how to write it? to the point where you know it's going to be so fucking good but- the writing ends up looking like shit because you don't have any imagination on how to start it?

well if that's the case, thats what happened to me as well. i had an idea, really great one and i wanted to develop it. i spent an entire week (i had a deadline for myself in order not to spend too much time so no other could post the idea before me) and in the end, since the deadline passed, i forced myself to make a small drabble out of it and post it. i literally posted it and went to bed like, now its in the hands of GOD, that child is not mine.

for previous context, before i even thought of developing the idea, i made a small post on my dash saying this:

(although it's an actual characteristic, like its not a headcanon or anything, its on their canon but everyone that wrote for that specific aspect wrote it with their own characterization / own take i did not want people accusing me of plagarizing)

and a mutual of mine said that please write it etc, i do not want to say the exact words in case they see this WHICH I HOPE NOT BECAUSE ITS NOT EVEN BAD BECAUSE IM CRINGING AT MYSELF BUT STILL

and i wrote it, super fast and badly, and posted it. and you know shit is bad when you recieve a: ooo that's good, from another mutual (not the one that left the note saying that please write it etc). BECAUSE I SWEAR IT FELT LIKE THOSE MOMENTS WHERE THE TEACHER DOESNT WANT TO TELL YOU DIRECTLY THAT YOUR WORK IS SHIT AND THEY SAY: it's good :)

NOT EVEN GREAT LMFAOSAO

the mutual that left the comment tho, they ended up liking my story- which i dont blame them, if i were them i would not even rb it myself tbh.

and the cringe only escalated from here, slowly but surely went up and beyond to the point where not even myself i could read that drabble and had it deleted it.

and you wanna know what's even more funny? (it's not). another acc, weeks later, posted a fic with the same fucking idea, just written with their personal style, and it has like 44 reblogs by now LMFAOO

my conclusion here is that whenever i remember that poor mutual that asked me to write the drabble for them and i did such a bad job that just recieved a like and weeks later found out another writer actually managed to acomplish what i wanted i cringe so fucking bad my eyes tear up

I AM FUCKING SCREAMING AND IN TEARS BECAUSE I GET THR PAIN SHWIKXEJIDKEKFI 😭😭😭

Like, you get an idea that’s so good to write, maybe a certain idea that hasn’t properly been written or one never seen before — the light of creativity is shred upon you blissfully. You tease your followers and people on the fandom about it, you prepare yourself mentally, wrap yourself around it because you know this fic is the one and true good SHIT; your best piece of work.

You have no idea how to put it in words, you just have the ghost of the idea lingering in you, so you try and prepare yourself so nobody else writes it before you. The time of putting it into words come when you think you are ready. And boom, you are staring at a full ass fic with disappointment, far away from what you wished and you are just like IN FUCKING TEARS FROM THE CRINGE.

HELP ME I SWEAR TO GOD THIS HAPPENED TO ME WITH THIS ONE EYED LORD LUKE FIC. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THE DARKEST FIC I EVER MADE AND ITS FAR AWAY FROM HOW I IMAGINED WRITING IT AND I AM DISAPPOINTED T MYSELF AND FEEL ABSOLUTE CRINGE I CANT EVEN READ IT QJNENDKAMNFJGDKSKJF

I feel you on the mutual being like a teacher, or like that one parent that goes "this is great honey!!!" but they obviously say it out of compromise 😭 Like it happened to me many times AND I GENUINELY FEEL EMBARRASSED WHEN MY MUTUALS READ MY CRINGY ASS WORKS.

I am actually certain your work was great! The thing is that maybe when we have an idea we haven’t seen before or know it might actually be good, despite preparing ourselves around that idea to shape it as we wish, we kinda hurry into it — so nobody else does it first like you said, and I can 100% relate. Or at least, that’s something I noticed on myself! Perhaps you can relate too? 😭

ALSO THE FACT THAT ANOTHER WRITER POSTED THE SAME IDEA AND HAS 44 REBLOGS I SWEAR TO GOD I WOULD BE CRYING KICKING SCREAMING I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPEBS LIKE ???? DOES GOD HAVE HIS FAVOURITES OR WHAT BRUHHH ITS NOT FAIR. WE PUT S MUCH EFFORT INTO OUR WORKS 😭😭😭 and surely the other writer too ofc BUT COME OOOON 🗡🗡🗡

#^^ This would be me frfr I hate it when this happens #GOD GIVES US THE KEY TO WRITING SUCCESS WE DONT WANT TO BE YOUR STRONGEST SOLDIERS ANYMORE #kay <33 #favourites funny #┆ ⤿ 💌 come chat with amira .ᐟ ୭ #— [. 🫂 ] ; my mutuals <3 #loving my mutuals <3 #my mutuals <3 #ask box #ask box messages #ask box open #✧.* amiraverse

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 10 months

Text

warning: anon ask referring to self-harm and relapsing.

last night i relapsed on my self harm streak of about 1 year. feeling so guilty and so shitty. worried my boyfriend and felt so fucking disgusting about that. i hate myself i hate that i did this because it was all for nothing. im just as anxious as i was and feeling even worse bc i left my boyfriend so fucking worried. i havent spoken to him since last night after i told him how sorry i was that im getting him involved in this bs. i know i know i cant expect him to not worry or be scared but i feel so bad that he is doing that in the first place. i hate that im scaring him and i hate that i make him feel like he cant help me. i went off all my socials and told him i need sometime. i want to talk to him about this, i want to not be so impulsive and anxious and i want to not let him be so scared all the time. i hate this i hate it sm. send helpppp

"I'm stuck." "I did all that and I'm still like this." "I haven't changed." "I'm never going to change." "I can't break the cycle." "I fucked up and I can't get away from these thoughts, I worked this hard for this long and somehow I'm still trapped by my demons and one day I might..."

Yeah, I know.

"Lose."

I know you might feel as if you're back to square one, but you're not. Things are different this time. He may not understand why you have closed off like this, but one day he will because you will be able to explain it to him. You at least told him and that was what you were ready for at this time, but at some point in the future, maybe not in this heavy headspace, you will be able to find the words to say what you're going through right now.

You might know this already, but I'll remind you: self-harm is a habit. Habits are hard to break. Sometimes, at just the wrong time, a series of events will hit you in a certain place and shit goes down. It doesn't mean you can't stop it in the future simply because you couldn't stop it this time. It doesn't mean you've weak either for giving in. Look for the stressors and the situations you were in that pushed you over the edge. Think about ways for how to mitigate the impulse in the future. Make it really fucking difficult to get to your self-harm tools. I'm talking annoyingly difficult. If it is too inconvenient when the impulse comes, you're less likely to follow through. But it's been a year, so you might have your own system. Let's refine it more. This is not the end.

It might be someday, but it is not toady and we are going to fight for tomorrow.

It is up to you how you talk about it. I tend to think it's better to speak about it when you have a clear head, but sometimes you need someone there when you're going down. I get that. Just understand that not everyone has encountered or lived this. And even if they have, they might still say the wrong thing because they simply don't know what to say or they end up saying what they would like to hear, but that doesn't mean that is what you want to hear. And sometimes you don't even know what you want to hear. It's a fucking mess. I know.

Despite all that, you want to tell him and I think you should, because he can't understand you unless he has at least a glimpse of what is going on in your head. Please don't put the pressure on him to have the answers. There are no answers anyway. Instead, come to the conversation with ways that he can support you or brainstorm them together. What are the things you want him to say? What can he do to help you get your mind off it? What can he and you do to prevent or lessen the stressors? What are some signs you exhibit when you're especially anxious or impulsive? Are there patterns? Specific days / times / cycles? He will be less scared if he feels more prepared and knows you better.

I hope it doesn't happen in the future, but if it does, you are not shit. You might act shitty sometimes, but not that does not mean all the work you've done so far is for naught. Finding your signs is one of the most important things you can do. Try various solutions. Don't get discouraged if one doesn't work. Trust me, the same solution / distraction / what worked last time will not work every time and that is okay. Humans are changing creatures. We may have patterns but we also have the ability to break the ones we no longer want by reframing how we think about them and changing our mental environment. This is not all you are.

It is part of you but it will not be the end of you.

Trust me. You have already begun the change. You can talk about it and that, in it of itself, means you are not weak. I might be a random, but I'm also not, hm? I'm not a therapist, but I've lived it. Heh, listen to Yoongi. Future's gonna be okay. One day, you'll look back and see how far you've come. It's murky now, but the fog and the clouds will lift. You have the tools to move forward. You can, and will, do this.

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teenyweenyeenymeeny · 1 year

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I know u csn obviously tell who this is ;3 but who in ur opinion is the most to least CG coded of the phantom thieves im very interested to see what u think bc i cant decide

WELL you have definitely come to the expert. ough this will b difficult though. this will be. Biased especially since it has been soooso long since I actually played the game

Number one ummm Haru 🥺 mostly because of nepotism I will not deny that… but waaa mommymommymommy just imagine having tea parties with her… she would have lovely stuffed animals that she would let you cuddle all you want… even though she was the type of kid to keep her toys so neat and tidy you’d think they are brand new even now so maybe you would b worried about messing them up but she would not mind! she knows how to wash them without damaging them if they are properly messy and if they are just getting to look “well loved” she thinks that is sweet!! oughhhgh imagine wearing the sweetest little outfits she picks out for you… I love her sooo much waaa

Number two… is Makoto probably! She is more obvious I think than Haru? Because Makoto is the responsible one! She’s mama friend! She is good at planning and making sure everything goes well! Like she will make sure she always has some of your baby things with her even if you are big Just In Case and she prepares cute lunchboxes! You can go on picnics nd stuff with her or maybe they are for school :0 nd also. Buchimaru. Friend to you both. I like it when cgs like cute things as well 🤍

Number three is Ann iii am trying so hard to not be too biased I would put her higher if I let myself be more biased. She just ouuughg waaa she is so sweet 🥺 I’m SO sorry that I can’t have a coherent thought about her. Mmmmm sharing lots of desserts! Spoil. Each Other >:) even though uh oh sometimes you end up with tummy aches together also </3 cuddle all better 🥺 nd mmmm Ann does dress up with you waaa she is good at. Fashion so you know when she says you look soso cute then t means a lot!!

Number four is Ryuji ough he’s like. Big brother most EVER he deserves to be in a rank together with Ann I think together they r like. Cool big brother and sister who let you join in on their big kid games but r soso patient with you if you don’t get them. SO so sorry to Ryuji to not say as much about him as th girls I promise I lovlovlov him it is just. Hard to Organise My Thoughts the longer I spend writing this hdkdjdjd I like him so much

Number five is Yusuke ough he does. Arts and crafts with you mainly like ough wht f he draws a picture and then you colour it in… obviously fingerpainting. Nd mmm he can paint your face like your favourite animal if you want! You make a picture for him and he goes oh your attention to detail is exquisite little one and then he puts it somewhere special 🤍 he doesn’t put on a baby voice for you at all he doesn’t get the appeal

Number six is Akira I’m SORRY the only reason he is so far down is because he’s way more baby to me 🥺 I know this is not a cg → baby ranking but. It Does have an effect on his ranking. Although just a teeny one because if I didn’t have to give them all their own numbers they would all be number one 🥺 mmm he is good at caregiving but not a caregiver you know. Like he is. Thoughtful and kind and lovely but he’s also just a baby it is like a little kid with a hamster like… yes he is so good at taking care of it but maybe don’t leave him unsupervised for too long. You know. Like especially if you are doing something fun while little he will start to feel little as well 🤍

Number seven is Morgana I’m sorry but he is. Kitty adjacent. He cares for you as much as a kitty can!! He can cuddle with you and be a weight on your chest and nuzzle into you but he cannot make a bottle or be cuddled INTO or help you get ready for bed. He tries his best though 🥺

Number eight is Futaba I’m SO SORRY I like her SO MUCH and she is not BAD at caregiving she is like Akira… she is lovely at caregiving she just needs to also be reassured throughout or she would worry she is doing it wrong 🥺 she regresses too but like. Not quite baby she is like tween and perhaps then is when she does best with littler regressors cuz she can feel like a cool big sister and show off all her cool stuff

Number nine is Akechi. I’m sorry except I am not because this guy is the only person I am confident on the placement of. He is either the fussiest grumpiest baby or he is easily irritated by kids. If he is trying to take care of someone he would not SHOW that but. You know

Sorry to Sumire enjoyers. I do not remember her well and I don’t think it would be fair to her to rank her

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machifuwa · 2 years

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(2/8) Mizutama Pattern | Youth is the Color of Summer

Hinata: Look, look, Tetsu-kun. That girl, she's holding a bag of cotton candy! So cute~!

Tetora: The kids over there have masks, and we also happen to see a kid wearing a jinbei... Did they come back from the festival?

Note: A jinbei (甚平) (alternately jinbē (甚兵衛) or hippari (ひっぱり)) is a traditional set of Japanese clothing worn by men, women and children during summer*

Hinata: Some of the children were carrying bags of goldfish, so maybe they did? I wonder if everyone had fun~

Tetora: Us too, we should enjoy it to the fullest! I can't wait to explore all the food stalls and eat!

Hinata: How are you going to eat? You're full. In case you didn't know, we just had some shaved ice.

Tetora: The shaved ice was just for rehydration, so it's in a separate stomach.

Hinata: Oh right, it's a festival, I'm pretty sure there are other stalls there other than the food onesー

???: Umm... umm... don't cry~

Tetora: Just now... it wasn't Hinata-kun's voice, was it...?

Hinata: Yeah, I was about to answer you but I also heard the voice so I just stopped for a bit.

If anything, the voice sounded familiar. I wonder where that is...

Tetora: It's pretty far away, I can't hear it clea- AH!

That's you under the tree, right, Tori-kun? I'm going over there!

Hinata: Roger~!☆ Hime-kun, what happened?

Tori: ...Hm? It's Tetora and Hinata. What's wrong?

Hinata: "What's wrong" that's supposed to be our line!

I just heard Hime-kun's voice, who looked like he was in trouble, so I ran to hi... Oh?

Tetora: Um, that girl with you, Tori-kun...? Is she lost or something?

Tori: No no, she's not lost, the balloon that she bought at the festival flew away. Look, over there.

Tetora: The balloon is stuck in the tree. I see. That's why you look so sad.

Tori: She said she bought these balloons with her allowance. And that she wanted to show her mom how much fun she had at the festival.

Hinata: I see, that balloon was very important huh.

Tori: I'd like to take it out, but I can't reach it myself. Climbing trees is really... difficult for me.

Tetora: Don't worry. I think she was reassured by the fact that Tori-kun saw her.

And lucky for us, the balloon just got stuck in the tree!

If it flew away, there's nothing we could do. But if it's just right there, we can still get it.

Hinata: Right right! Leave it to us! We can easily climb a tree this big!☆

Tori: That's pretty impressive, but is it really that easy to get?

Tetora: Hmm~ I was planning to climb up the trunk to reach the branch because the balloon string's tangled in the branch.

It might be a little far to reach out from the trunk. On the other hand, it might be dangerous to put my weight on that thin branch as well.

Tori: If it's that difficult, how are you going to get it?

Tetora: I have a plan. Hinata-kun, I want you to climb on my shoulders.

Hinata: Fufun. So I'm really going to help too huh~? I won't be able to reach you on my shoulders, so I can stand on your shoulders, right?

Tori: Stand on your shoulders!? You're not going to do anything crazy, are you? Is this really okay?

Hinata: Fu-fu-fu. Who do you think we are? Nagumo Tetora of Yumenosaki Gakuen's 2nd Year Class A and Aoi Hinata of 2nd Year Class B!

Tetora: Hinata-kun, you didn't have to make an intro you know, you're really in character...

Hinata: While Tetsu-kun was doing his preparation exercise, I kept the place together. Let's go then, shall we~?

Tori: What!? You're really going to do it!? Please just... don't get hurt or anything!!

Tetora: Of course! Tori-kun, I want you to calm her down so that she won't panic.

Hinata-kun, I'm ready♪

Hinata: OK♪Aoi Hinata will now go! And...! Up-we-go!☆

Tetora: Alright... move your arms a little closer and keep your leg on check to balance your movement!

Note: oh my god, this took me half an hour to translate and i ended up changing the whole sentence, i am so sorry i cant translate it right...

Hinata: Oh! This will be within my reach!

Note: this didnt make any sense bcs i changed the whole sentence before it im so sorry... but basically tetora was giving him instructions on how to reach the balloon easier!

Hinata: Carefully grab the string so it doesn't fly off by mistake... and...

Tetsu-kun~! I got the balloon, I'm going down now!

Tetora: Roger that! Please be careful!

Hinata: Yes yes~ One, two... and set...!☆

Tori: ...Fufu. Look, those big brothers got your balloon. You'll have to say "thank you" after, alright~?

Hinata: ーSorry for the wait! Here, it's your balloon♪

I tied my wristband to the string so it won't fly away again. I'm sure it'll work!

Tetora: When did you...? Are you sure you can just give it like that?

Hinata: Yeah don't worry, it's the one that was left in my bag. It's more important that the balloon won't fly away.

If you accidentally let go of it, the weight of the wristband should keep it from flying away... Keep squeezing it like that and go home.

You're welcome. Can you say "thank you" to your little brother over here, too?

Tori: Hey, don't call me little!

Ugh...

Yes, you're very welcome. Have a safe journey home. Bye-bye!

Tetora & Hinata: [Sees the child off and waved their hand]

Tetora: I'm glad her memories of the summer festival didn't turn out to be sad.

Tori: Yes, you're right. You two were a great help, thank you.

Hinata: You're welcome, too, Hime-kun♪ By the way, aren't you going to the summer festival?

Tori: Summer festival? You mean the festival the kid mentioned?

Tetora: Yeah. We're on our way there... And we also sent everyone a picture of the poster.

Tori: Hmmm... But... it's just a festival for commoners, right~?

Well, maybe I can go over there when I'm done with student council work. I'm still in the middle of my rounds of the school routes, and I don't know if I'll ever finish.

Hinata: Awh... You're busy. Good luck with your work, Hime-kun!

Tori: Yeah yeah, I'm going back to work, see you later.

Tetora: If Tori-kun is busy, I wonder if Shinobu-kun's busy too?

Hinata: He said he was working for the student council~ I've contacted them all, but they're all surprisingly busy...

Tetora: Umm~ Well, I'm sure someone will be there! It would be nice to meet some of them, right~?

< EPISODE 2 END >

Story: “Mizutama Pattern” [Youth is the Color of Summer]

Story by: 梅田千歳 (Happy Elements株式会社)

Characters in this Episode: Tetora, Hinata, Tori, child

Reminder: I did not create this story, but I translated it, so please refrain from reposting my translation on other social media platforms.

I apologize if there are any mistakes as well.

(Prev - All - Next) Thank you for reading!

#ensemble stars #enstars #tetora nagumo #hinata aoi #tori himemiya

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necronominom · 2 years

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its weird, the difference in hating yourself when you're depressed and hating yourself when you're "getting better". it almost seems easier to live the former way. the latter is just so much more painful, because i now realize how much my insecurities are holding me back. how much im stopping myself from being as happy as i can be. but i cant do anything about it. just sit and suffer with the body i was given. endure all the people telling me i should learn to love myself, telling me that im wrong and im actually really handsome, but it just makes me feel worse. its invalidating. when i was depressed i still hated my appearance all the same but i had the reassurance that i wouldnt live long enough to worry about it. i always had that "out", the plan b; killing myself if things ever got too hard. i dont even know now if its better that im not suicidal anymore, because this might feel even worse. now i have to face the reality that im only at the start of my "life" in this world, when not long ago, and for a very long time, i was convinced i was already at the end. there was a very comforting reassurance in knowing i would eventually kill myself. it makes sense, that my plan b of suicide was always readily accessible. i was not and still am not scared of death. i dont think i ever will be after the years i spent yearning for it. at most, in my current mental state, im scared of not living enough before i die. but i have always known that if my last day were to come, i would be ready. i would welcome death with open arms, with tears of joy, of relief, that its finally over. im prepared for the great unknown, because i already know what this earth has to offer, and i'd very much like to pass.

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not-elia · 1 year

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the archer by taylor swift

Combat, I'm ready for combat

I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

'Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

in this verse we start with the feeling of mentally preparing yourlself for somehting, a fight, and not knowing if its what we really want. we have spent all our lives watching as the bad people get away with things, so why not us. then there is the over thinking aspect of a fight, planning what youre going to say, then hating it, and then repeatign the cycle.

Easy they come, easy they go

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

I never grew up, it's getting so old

Help me hold onto you

people come and go into your life all the time, and its easier to jump off and leave on your own accord than to be left alone. never growing up feels like everybody moved on, everybody knew what to do, everybody exept myself. i want to stay and not feel like i have to leave, help me do that.

I've been the archer

I've been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

i have hurt people all my life whether i want that or not, but ive also been hurt more times thatn i can count by the people ive trusted the most. theres this aspect of just fake ego, who could ever leave me if im so good, if im this grand person who ive imagined myself to be to protect myself, but then again its just a facade to so get hurt, buecase nobody ever stays.

Dark side, I search for your dark side

But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then I hate my reflection for years and years

i search for oyur flaws, somehting that might make me hate you, but what if thats not really the problem. ive self sabotaged all my life because i dont want people to leave me and i hate that about myself.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

And all of my heroes die all alone

Help me hold onto you

i cant sleep, i stay awake overthinking everything, even stuff that isnt there. because thats all ive ever seen, people end up alone, and although i think i am doomed to the same fate it sacres me so much.

I've been the archer

I've been the prey

Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

(I see right through me, I see right through me)

on this chorus we start to hear background voices and heartbeats that intenify. growing with every second, the same words over and over again haunting my thoughts.

'Cause they see right through me

They see right through me

They see right through

Can you see right through me?

They see right through

They see right through me

I see right through me

because everyone can see that im not who i pretend to be, who i thought i wnated to be, who i became to try to protect myslef. can you see who i really am too? i thought that i could fake until i made it, that if i pretended to be all that i would become it, but i was wrong.

All the king's horses, all the king's men

Couldn't put me together again

'Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Help me hold onto you

all of the good things that happened to me cant overcome all of the bad things, because the only people who can really hurt you is the ones that you trust the most. help me unlearn that.

I've been the archer

I've been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

(I see right through me, I see right through me)

Who could stay?

You could stay

we have this moment of just overwhelmingness, the backgtoud voices, the heartbeat, the growing hamonies, the feeling of trying to find out how you are feeling.

Combat, I'm ready for combat

the song ends the same way it started except that its has a totally opposite meaning, this time it means that im ready to fight for what we have and not give up.

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gayspock · 1 year

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also some more wishy washy thoughts bc like

btw i was kind of scared throughout my whole first playthrough, that kim was going to fuck me over. sam will vouce for my woes. like i was anticipating it... not emotionally bracing myself for it, but quite the contrary -i was getting ready, 100% prepared to fully let him gaslight me if he wanted to. it would be within his right, etc. and i will die by this mans side, etc.

but like... ALSO for real, tho. and this is not to knock the game, and it wasnt me assuming the worst of it per se despite what it sounds - bc it wasnt an instinct, specific to it, but like i think its kind of the natural expectation i had, that it might try to do some sort of "twist" at the end, as mysteries try to do. and honestly just... patterns in recent "media" (sweeps broadly). and regarding that kim would be the only viable candidate, really, except for the boring choice of "harry did it" (and i wanst expecting it to do that ofc). but otherwise- like just in a meta sense, yknow? intuition adjacent. bc it'd have to be someone youre invested it, outside of the main suspects, and also there's a lot of conveniences with kim that arent ever questioned, and could make it plausible. so i was like GENUINELY KIND OF LIKE.... ? did he fuckin DO something. bc for a lot of the back half .and i didnt kno how to feel- bc i am VERYYY invested in kim, so id be LIKE BWAAAA,

but also if that was the twist its, well, a twist in the very functional sense and not really a twist at all. bc other than shock, it rlly isnt the making for a good STORY - esp bc i dont think it would have rlly done much, since kims also an outsider to this setting (unless in this hypothetical he did have some motive, but ehhh even then tis off) and you know, martinaise is very much a main character in this game shes INVOLVED.. SHE ISSSS.... and idk- maybe theres a way to have made it work- which again, is what i was assuming, that it'd catch me off in that way somehow bc im open to that- and i thought more would be the case the closer to endgame bc we had dwindling characters and whilst, yes, DE isnt that much about the mystery in a who dunnit sense but more about the story of the world it still felt... wrong that they might bring in some new character last second to be the murderer

but godddd... they pulled it off so fucking well. and i was so RELIEVED tht kim was just my best fucking FRIEND KIM - thank god - and seriously sheriouslyy i loved the ending- i really did- bc of the relief that yknow... its like yeah fuck me. like my braisn mush, i seriouslyyy wanna replay just to digest it all more, but i thank everything hat they made the choice that they did. like is it the best fucking end to a mystery no but like... themeatically, speaking? fucking on par, perfect and in step with everything else in the game.

like everything.... [rotates it in my mind] i keep thinking abt the matchbox tower and how it stands perfectly for like 3 seconds, and then it topples over, its transient, and how the phasmid, too, exists only for a moment and its beautiful and then it leaves and how people dont remember or believe in it bu also how harry doesnt remember his past but hes consumed by it, reveres it, and how glad i am he never does fully remember how he never does go back bc he cantttt you cant and something something martinaise is filled with ghosts and this all started by soemone who was here long before any of them but also didnt know any of them, and he took a shot and it lead to a bloodbath in the middle of the street and wtf ... something something thr game is about and existing only in delicate moments but the importance of that momentary existence and of faith in it ... because you might literally find a huge bug . like seriously that cunt was massive

#Egg.txt #de liveblog #my mind is smush... i must consolidate my thoughts ..... i must...

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