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noorengels · 4 years

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reasons i am sad (friendship edition)

in year 4 my best friend invited everyone to her birthday party and not me and they all actually kept it a secret really well they almost pulled it off except she held her party in la plaza which basically is the hangout spot for families in that area i spent all my fridays there playing until midnight bc literally everyone from school would go. so i was walking home with my entire family inc grandparents and uncles and we went through la plaza and there they were! every single one of my friends at her party! apparently her mum didnt let her invite me bc apparently i hit her which i didn’t i hit another girl so her excuse is invalid and its the first time ive been so publicly excluded i cried on a bench.

in year 7 we hated this girl bc she was so fake i genuinely believe she is a psychopath like she has all the symptoms except shes in set 5 maths lol so my friend was like what if i spread a rumour about her and i was like lol do it and she did and for some reason i was blamed??? and lost all of my friends and she bullied me so hard but i didnt realise bc i was “friends” with her bc our mums were friends so shed like walk with me to lessons and talk to me while belittleing me and idk she was just a fucking bitch she made me feel so horrible like it was emotional bullying but also like telling everyone who i liked and saying lmao you literally have no friends “count how many friends you have? omg you literally cant even reach ten can you???” like in front of everyone but then shed also be really nice to me at the same time like idk it was like she was my friend but she bullied me it was so horrible saffa i hate you and the original friend who spread the rumour went on to become her best friend for like 6 years so uh hate that

managed to make friends with people not in my class in year 8! which sucked bc saffa had alienated people in my class so now they all just didnt like me i was the weird girl with no friends because of her and it was so horrible bc id always be forced to join the ready made groups between friends by the teacher bc i didnt have a group to work with or id get paired with the weird girl like i was only the weird girl after saffa made everyone hate me this girl was weird bc she just is idk

in year 10 they made a gc without me! i basically created that group tho like i gathered these friends i hade made in different lessons (obviously not in my main class lol) and they literally just??? decided to exclude me for no reason. and then theyd talk about what they talked about in the gc in front of me like “omg remember last night on the gc” isha ur so fucking boring no normal person talks about their gc with the same people again do u have no other conversational points smh

in year 11 it got so bad to the point where once i sat with them and they all just left! like they took their stuff and moved to the table behind me i wanted to cry so bad i did at home i think its the worst one out of all of these because it happened to my face? idk saffa was horrible too but this was just “were leaving” idk like ive never felt as horrible as i did in that moment i cant even describe how im feeling rn reliving it

its okay bc i made friends with my best friend from sciences + history bc our surnames are next to each other so we always sat together! i honestly clung to this girl after that bc i refused to spend a second longer with that other group after 3 years of enduring not even being liked by ur friends so i made friends with her friends which was easy bc yes!

so by the first term of year 12 i had three friends! in fact one of them was like ur not having a birthday party??? im taking u out to eat so my first birthday event thing in literally years was all thanks to arun i am honestly so grateful for him he didnt even go bc he was busy and we planned it the day before my birthday but it was literally me and two friends eating pizza at zizzis and im crying so much rn but year 12 was when i found people who genuinely cared about me

we established a group of like 8 lol and were planning a holiday for the end of year 13! very skam of us! we had a gc and everything! we were gonna go to spain bc im spanish so i could speak!

this trip was unspoken of in year 13 and i was like lol kinda weird um okay but nope nothing weird about it they just created a chat without me and were still going to spain!!! one of them even sent me screenshots of their airbnb to translate its like u want me to know lol

i did complain to one of them but thats it i was just hurt on my own and coronavirus happened so it got cancelled anyways so i won really

in yr 13 i also got closer to this boy called adam! i remember my friend was like you two would get on so well idk why ur not friends and i was like idk its adam lol do i really want to and yes i did bc he is in fact the isak to my sana! but anyways i hate him but i love him we have that kinda friendship where were alwAYS trying to beat the other one up and honestly the most heart felt goodbye when schools shut was between us both bc at first we were fighting and then he just stopped and his eyes softened and i was like whats wrong with you why arent u punching me and he went come here and we hugged and its like wow despite being a dick ill miss you

anyways so uhhh quarantine we skyped often it was fun and then restrictions were lifted i went to spain and the second i land they all stop talking in the gc????? like im abroad not dead why are u creating a new one??? this gc was agressively spammed so i know for a fact theres another im not stupid

i come back from spain and theyre like can we meet!!! we meet three weeks later and theyr like i missed u so much im so happy uou came i love you and it felt really genuine like they genuinely missed me

two days later i find out through snapchat theyve all gone on holiday together!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of them and just ofc didnt invite me they went to the beach for two days and kept posting about it and im so bitter about it like bro???????? why so secretive????? like i cried so much when i saw bc they still just idk why does every single friendgroup ive ever been in exclude me like i must be the problem theres no other explanation for it i am not the kind of person people want to have around i am so funny but im a bitch and will come for ur ass because i have the inability to lie i have no filter either which i know makes them dislike me i know it does but thats the price you oay for being my friend i just say things as it is becauxe i hate secrets bc secrets are always about excluding me so i rather be honest and upfront but that clearly puts people off bc im too upfront and im not getting a personality transplant im not tryna be boring but im so sick of always being the one on her own

adam was relevant uh hews my only friend rn he checked up on me the other day so cheers adam for making sure im not completely isolated

the funny thing is that all my friends hate adam bc “hes a dick” hes not he just says things how it is were so similar so if they hate adam they hate me and im over being hated lol bye!

i start uni next week and i clearly have no social skills so im not gonna make friends im so scared of being lonely i hate being left out

this went from sad to full on angry like i was crying at some point and now im fuming like im so hot rn my blood pressure isnt doing okay

#my manifesto #sua: extreme #venting #xoxo #no ones had more friendship drama than me i refuse to believe it #this is 1526 words long #shut up ali

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sherlfiction · 5 years

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Christmas with the Holmes’

2. The day before Christmas

Sherlock’s was packing his suitcase which he had delayed until the very last minute. Mycroft would be here in fifteen minutes. He hated Christmas but he knew that it was no use to try to stay behind in college. His older brother would drag him home if need be. Everyone was excited to go home for a few weeks, people were running around in the corridors shouting to each other.

Suddenly there was a shout into his room which made him startle and he turned around from his packing.

‘Well Holmes’ Sebastian leaned against his door ‘you’re finally off for a holiday then?’ he grinned sarcastically.

‘I do not see why it is any of your business but yes I am’, Sherlock answered.

‘Mummy told you to come, did she?’, Sebastian laughed about his own remark.

‘Yours is dreading you’re coming home I bet’, Sherlock replied ‘with all the ‘friends’ you are bringing home with you’.

‘At least I have friends, Holmes’, Sebastian snarled ‘happy holidays and many deductions to you’ Sebastian walked off and his laugh was heard throughout the corridor.

Sherlock closed his door with a bang. Idiot Sebastian with his idiotic friends, he thought. He was glad he was rid of them for a few weeks.

He packed the last of his things in his suitcase and walked downstairs to wait for Mycroft. He put his coat collar up against the icy wind. He looked at the clouds, snow was coming this Christmas. Great, that would mean he couldn’t probably go out for his long walks and had to stay in with all those people his parents had invited.

Mycroft’s car pulled in the driveway and Sherlock put his suitcase in the trunk before he got in.

‘Good morning, little brother’, Mycroft said putting away the morning paper. ‘I’m glad you decided to come’.

‘I do not think I had another choice’, Sherlock sulked.

‘No’, Mycroft said pensively ‘you really didn’t but still, I am glad you are here’

Sherlock glanced over at his older brother, sometimes he really didn’t get him.

They were quiet for the most part of the drive, which took almost two hours. Sherlock was looking outside where the first snowflakes were coming down. He sighed.

‘What is the matter, Sherlock?’ Mycroft softly asked.

‘Nothing, I just… I don’t know really’, Sherlock fell silent.

‘I love the snow, don’t you?’ Mycroft said. ‘It’s always so lovely at home in the country. Don’t get me wrong, I would not trade that for the city at any time! But still it is very lovely’

Sherlock looked at Mycroft; ‘You hate Christmas as much as I do’, he said.

‘God, yes I do’ Mycroft smiled at Sherlock ‘But that doesn’t mean that it is nice to be with family’

‘You hate family’, Sherlock said still sulking.

‘Not all family’, Mycroft said still smiling.

‘Don’t make me puke before I had eggnog’, Sherlock said while he turned back to watch the snow getting thicker.

---

‘Sherlock!’, Mrs Holmes ran out hugging her youngest son who pulled a face to his brother who was still smiling like the Cheshire Cat.

‘Hello mother’, Sherlock said brushing his coat before entering the house.

‘Mycroft’, his mother said hugging her oldest son ‘I’m so happy you convinced him to come, thank you’

‘You’re welcome, mother’, Mycroft said smiling.

Sherlock felt like a small child again, wanting to stick his tongue out to his brother for being such a well-behaved good son. It wouldn’t be long or he would hear it; ‘oh Sherlock, why can’t you be more like Mycroft?’ he hated that!

He walked in the house and greeted his father ‘Sherlock! How happy this makes me to see you home for Christmas!’ his father smiled, shaking his hand. ‘Your room is just the way you left it, you can put your suitcase there’

Sherlock walked up the stairs to his room which was indeed just as he left it, tidy but with his science books still open like he had been reading them just the night before, which he found odd. He put his clothes away in the closet and looked out the window. It would be dark soon and he really would love to go for a walk. His parents would never allow him to go now. The next days would be crazy with Christmas parties and people and too busy for his liking. He walked downstairs and put his coat and scarf on.

‘Mum, I’m just going out for a little walk before dark, alright? I’ll be back soon’

‘That’s fine dear, just be home in time for tea’ his mother said.

‘I will, thank you’

Good, he had a little more than an hour, he thought. He walked outside and breathed in the fresh crispy air of freshly fallen snow and frostbite. He put his gloves on, put his coat collar up and with a quick pace started to walk.

He had to admit, as much as he loved the city or college, being away from home, he had missed it somewhat. The countryside especially, the wideness of it all. One could feel forlorn this time of year, in the vastness of the countryside when it was almost dark and especially when it was dark weather. He didn’t mind, he loved autumn and winter, with dark clouds or rain or snow. It often matched his mood.

Sherlock was pondering and so much in his own thoughts that he didn’t see someone was running in the lane next to him. It was getting darker and the runner hadn’t seen Sherlock either and when he went around the bend of the road he bumped into Sherlock who fell into the snow.

‘Oh gosh, I’m so sorry’, the runner stammered ‘I really didn’t see you walking there. You’re all dressed in black so I really didn’t notice you’.

The man helped him up and Sherlock brushed the snow off his coat.

‘Story of my life’, he mumbled.

‘Pardon?’, the man asked.

‘Never mind, it is not your fault’, Sherlock answered.

‘You’re all wet now’, the man said ‘Do you live around here? You’ll catch a cold if you don’t put warm clothes on’

‘Yes, I live over there, or rather, my parents do’, Sherlock said pointing towards the cottage where the lights were lit in the distance.

‘Isn’t that the Holmes’ cottage?’ the man asked ‘Sorry, I’m John Watson’, he held out his hand and shook Sherlock’s. ‘My parents are invited to Christmas dinner at your parents home. My dad knows your dad apparently’

‘Really?’ Sherlock looked at the man who bumped into him better now. He was a bit shorter than Sherlock was, perhaps a bit older too, not much though. But Sherlock liked his face, he had kind eyes. ‘Sherlock Holmes, nice to meet you’

‘You really should get out of those wet clothes, you’ll catch a cold. Sorry, bad habit, I’m a doctor, well, almost, erm I’m almost a doctor I mean, I graduate next year’

‘Ah, I see, well one must always do as his doctor says’, Sherlock smirked. ‘I will see you tomorrow then, Dr Watson’

‘Yes, yes, see you tomorrow, Mr Holmes’

#Sherlock #john watson #johnlock #fanfic #ao3

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witchyinthekitchen · 6 years

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This is a Vent Post about my Mother, Please do not reblog

This post is probably gunna be all over the place/time with things that I can remember/recall so bear with me here.

-Being told to make my own food bc mom was too busy with brand new baby (I was between 5-6 so poptarts were about all i could manage. I'd asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.) (my brother was a VERY finniky baby. If you weren't holding him he'd scream till his face went purple.))

-Tried to share interests in Anime/manga with her, when I asked her what she felt about it she said she couldn’t get into it and that it felt like a chore. (13-15 ish)

-Told her I needed therapy bc I was having suicidal thoughts. She took me, but then took me out once I started getting upset about the things i’d been talking about in therapy with my therapist because I'd come home in a bad mood.(15-16 ish)

-Went to Mother Daughter Group Therapy with her (there were other mother daughter combos) and she stormed out in the middle of it saying that we were only attacking her and not my dad too. (was 15-16 ish)

-Got into an argument about who i was voting for in the 2016 election while on vacation at Disney World (Hint it wasn't Trump like she wanted)(24 ish)

-Tried to gaslight me about trying to get everyone together to talk wedding stuff saying how she tried but that it all fell apart. (I have texts of her canceling it the day before we were all supposed to get together.)(26)

-Gets super defensive/upset any time I talk about “other mothers” in my life (MIL, BM)

-Has been super hot and cold with me during wedding planning and making passive aggressive comments about everything: Tell him to buy new pants for the engagement shoot 'bc I dont want him wearing baggy clothes -SO's Lost over 20lbs+ for the wedding and i'm so fuckin proud of him- “I don’t want to pay for hard alcohol for SO and his friends to drink at the wedding.” As if ½ the people invited weren’t all just her friends? ((All our friends live out of state/country so half the wedding is family and HER friends/neighbors.)) "I’m sure H*(SIL) and K*(MIL) have good counsel for you on _____," (Why would you say this when i'm asking for YOUR opinion? If i wanted their opinion i'd ask them.)

-4 months before the wedding she’s trying to talk me out of my venue saying we need to go look at the ones SO and MIL had suggested.

-Wants me to keep (BM)'s relation to me a secret even though i’m pretty sure 85% of the people who know me and are coming to my wedding know i'm adopted.

-Angry that I was moving out of the house at 21 with my SO she told his mother she hoped we’d fail. (In her defense she'd just been diagnosed with breast cancer and I'd done poorly in my last semester of college so parents thought it would be a good idea to take me out of college for a semester so i could live at home and basically be at my moms beck and call while also being expected to work 2 jobs (they'd told me the instant that the semester was over that i was expected to work 2 jobs) -That's at least how I was viewing that whole situation before I moved out- )

-As a kid I remember wanting to run away a lot. (Never away to a friends house but always to a park to live under a bridge like the goblin I am (lol)) (is it obvious I use self depreciating humor to get through things that I'm uncomfortable with? haha)

-I'd always hide things from her, even small things like a puzzle book i'd bought myself from the elementary school book fairs. i even began writing my diaries in code so she couldn't read them. Not that i ever caught her reading my diaries or what not but thats how afraid i was.

-The only things that stopped me from killing myself was the distressing thought that my mother would be more upset with blood on the floor than me being gone. (It was a constant worry of mine when I was having ideations.)

-When i was getting close to graduating high school the librarians told me they had a bunch of excess old books they were getting rid of and one of them happened to be the "Toxic Parents" book i've seen several other posts refer to. I took no other books besides that one. I hid that from her too. Looking back through it i remember there was a checklist in the book and i'd filled some of it out when i was younger. I most definitely am a people pleaser.

-We've never really been able to "talk" about things together like how my dad and i do and i think she's really jealous about it.

-The only way I feel comfortable talking to her is Via Email/Text because then that way i have a copy of all the things she's said. because i often forget things. (I honestly don't know how bad my memory is or if its gaslighting but i hope its just me being forgetful and not the latter...)

-I literally cannot let my SO do the dishes because my Mom would always do the dishes/clean when she was mad and bang pots around loudly and just even those sounds set me on edge.

-Her telling me that the careers i wanted to get into (IE: the Arts/Theater/Music) wouldn't make enough money and that they'd be fine as Hobbies but not as careers.

-She's continually trying to push me into a Customer Service Job because i'm so good at making other people happy. (talked to dad about this and he says i'm a very big people pleaser who doesn't like conflicts -cue nervous laughter about wedding planning-)

-Being around her for long periods of time is so physically/emotionally draining. I know that's probably a result of always being on edge with her and I always feel bad that I feel that way.

-Because she's said she hoped I'd fail (me and my So when I first moved out) I'm terrified of telling her anything personal going on in my life for fear that she'd take it out on me or use it against me (i got super anxious/scared when she came up to see me on my end of town once because we'd be stopping at the mall where i used to work and i hadn't yet told her that I'd quit that job.)

-I want to have a relationship with her. I want us to do fun Mom& Daughter things but at the same time I'm scared of letting her get too close to me again just to have it fall apart again.

-When I moved out (21) i went VLC with my whole family before i even knew what VLC was. I barely saw them (except for certain holidays/events.) I didn't talk to my dad for about 3 years because of this and am just now recovering that relationship with him (been 5 years now since I moved out)

-After I get married my plan is to move to CO. During that time i don't remember if my mom has mentioned if she'd miss me, but i do recall she has made multiple points to tell me that my dad says he would miss me.

-I had to beg for a 16th Birthday Party. She finally caved half a year later after I'd talked to my Therapist about it.

-pretty sure i'm the SG of the family (possibly Cousin 1 being the GC because she went to same University my mom did)

-Other family members on her side have stepped in to provide financial help to me on the promise that i wouldn't tell anyone. (probably to stop any gossip of favoritism)

I Don't know if she's an N or just really bad at expressing herself but her hot and cold attitude really sets off my anxiety that i've done something to piss her off and that she won't talk to me about it for a few weeks and then acts as though nothing is wrong/nothing happened. Planning my wedding is the MOST contact we've had in 5 years since i moved out and went VLC and i've been trying to use this as a way to bond with her better but anytime i think i'm getting somewhere Something happens and she's upset again. A phrase i've found myself come into saying recently is "I can't fix something that I don't know is wrong." So i've tried to take that approach when it comes to her. I know she's an adult and can choose for herself if she wants to talk about whats on her mind. I can't force her to talk if she doesn't want to but the anxiety it causes when she gets into these moods is really debilitating. I'm terrible at letting things go (especially if i think its my fault)

I'm Not Her Therapist, but if she has an issue with me I wish she'd just tell me instead of the Silent treatment for a week.

Trigger Topics that I've learned to Avoid at All Costs:

Anything about "Other Mothers" in my life.

Politics & Racism

Anything in the Past that happened.

My moving out

Anything that paints her as a "Bad Mother"(aka this whole post probably)

This post is a mess and I'm rambling. Thanks for sticking through this Brain Dump while I process.

-Edit 2:

More things i'm recalling: For Christmas one year in front of my whole family (I was between 8-10 ish) she got me a set of underwear with the days of the week labeled on them and told me in front of everyone that "Maybe this would help me remember [to change my underwear daily]..."

One of my final years in high school I somehow managed to get a Cold Sore. My First Cold Sore ever and my lip where it broke out swelled up HUGE. I woke up the day it appeared ( a weekend thank the gods) and horrified went downstairs to tell my mom about it. I don't recall any words of sympathy other than "Cold Sores are caused by Herpes." I just remember breaking down into tears.

I mapped out a "Quiet Walking Path" that avoided all the creaky floorboards and steps in our house.

I get extremely anxious whenever I would hear my parents footsteps coming up the stairs. It got to the point that I could distinguish their steps on Carpet.

I jump/flinch (visibly) at loud noises, even if I know they are coming (movies songs ect.)

Routinely friended/unfriended me on Facebook before deleting it entirely (due to 2018 spying/hacking allegations)

I don't know if she means for these things to be hurtful but as someone who doesn't enjoy confrontation and is extremely sensitive to others feelings it just hurts y'know?

-edit 3: Attempted to talk to mom about her saying she hoped we'd fail via email. went about as well as expected. =Well, that clears a lot of things up. We only wanted you to be independent and happy, and it appears you are. End of story!

And for what it’s worth, I’ve said a LOT of things over the past 6 years that you didn’t hear about. And I’m not really sure where you heard “I hope they fail.” But I’m sure your source is 100%, and certainly not something you’d want to clarify with me.

I hope you got your apartment all squared away in Colorado. You should be under the 60-day notice by now! Woo hoo!

Let me know when you all are coming to get your stuff out of the house.

I’ll have it packed and ready for you.

-Mom

Am i reading into this too much? because it sounds like she's being hella passive aggressive about this.

-Edit 4: 7-19-18 Been venting about wedding planning being stressful on fb away from my mom since she doesn't have one anymore. I didn't realize she had fms reporting to her about my posts as she just randomly mentions via text that she wants to help me have fun while planning and that she wishes she could make it a happy time for me.

Edit 5: 9-26-18 Wedding is over finally. had our honeymoon and got moved out of our apartment back into my MIL's house. During the move we had to put all of our stuff into storage which includes Wedding gifts and thankyou notes. So Mom has been hounding me about getting them done and i've informed her several times that all of that is in storage and i havent been able to yet. She said not an excuse go buy more thankyou notes and write them all. I asked if Emailing a thank you would work, she says no must be hand written and mailed out (also who's paying for 100+ stamps: Me) Well Tonight she informs me that she's doing all the ones from her/my side and that she doesn't care if we do them for DH's side since SIL didn't send any thank you notes either. Cue big long talk with DH about all of this and he says not to worry about her being passive aggressive like this. Go and check my Email to find she sent an Email to me only with writing saying

"Dear all,

Thank you so much for attending --- wedding. Your presence was so important to me, and I know to the kids as well. Thank you also for the lovely wedding gifts you sent or brought. I know they are appreciated and will be enjoyed by the newlyweds. It was very kind and generous of you!

Unfortunately, --- is unable to send thank you notes, but I did want you to know that your gifts, and your presence at the celebration, were very important to all of us, and very much appreciated.

Fondly,

MOM"

currently I'm choosing not to respond and I wonder how our relationship is going to be going forward from all of this... I was so happy that the wedding was over so i wouldn't have to deal with this petty drama bullshit anymore but I guess thats just too much to ask for.

-She's also unfriended me on facebook again. I'm tempted to just block her to stop this wishy washy stuff from happening again.

#Personal #DO NOT REBLOG #I will block you if you reblog this #Vent for myself #i don't know what to do anymore #Mom #Mom Vent #i hope i dont have to update this anymore #but we'll see #venting post #PERSONAL VENT #PARENTS #Emotional Abuse #Mental Abuse

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peachdaydream · 6 years

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Mistletoe

Group: DAY6

Focus: Young K

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1371

Requested by Anonymous: hey peachy baby !! i hope your holiday season’s goin’ great!! if you could, could you write something christmas/new years themed for brian? male reader is preferred, but if you can’t thats okay! much love 💝

Note: I LOVE BOYFRIENDS THIS GOT AWAY FROM ME WHOOPSIE

“Babe, you ready?” You asked, looking at him sat on the bed as he tied his shoes while you stood in front of the mirror, snorting quietly at the ugly Christmas sweater you were wearing when you looked back at your own reflection - one that Young K had picked out for you while you had picked out his.

“Yup, just gotta grab our jackets,” he hummed as he got up, hands reaching for you and his fingers finding the belt loops of your pants, using them to tug you toward him - something you had become accustomed to early on in your relationship, so you allowed yourself to be tugged his way. “What time are we supposed to be at the party?”

Being back to spend Christmas at your home, your friends had taken it upon themselves to organize a Christmas party and invite the two of you with the intention of meeting and getting to know your boyfriend - whom of which they hadn’t met before since you had met him after you had moved away from your hometown, but, being your childhood friends, they did a little creeping on their own and found out more about him, which wasn’t too hard since Young K’s, you know, an idol.

You would have happily let them meet your beau but every time they came down to visit you his schedule was stuffed and didn’t allow him free time to actually meet up with you, much to your dismay. Due to the mistiming it meant that it was coming up on a year on your relationship with the bassist and he still hadn’t properly met your friends, sure, they had spoken when they were skyping you and he happened to be there but it wasn’t the same. At least, that’s what your friends kept on insisting.

Of course, your parents had already met Young K when they came down to Seoul for your birthday - well, they met him back when the two of you were ‘friends’ but your mother knew better and wasn’t surprised to hear you say that you two had begun dating, only demanding that you take him home for Christmas so that he could meet all the family.

“We’ve gotta set of within ten minutes if we wanna get there on time,” you hummed, glancing down at your watch before pressing a kiss to your beau’s lips, leaning away and playfully pushing him away with a soft laugh when he tried to lean in for more, trying to tug you ever closer by your belt loops with a slight pout on his lips, “Go get our jackets.”

“Yessir,” he chuckled, sneaking one more kiss before he took his fingers out your belt loops, playfully patted your butt and went off to grab your jackets whilst you made sure to gather up the presents you were going to give out.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” You heard one of your best friends’ voice before you saw her, feeling her arms wrap tightly around your mid-section and almost stumbling backwards at the sheer force of her barreling toward you if it wasn’t for Young K tugging you back forward with the hand he was holding.

“Hi, Jiyoung,” you chuckled, patting the top of her head with your free hand as she grinned up at you.

“Jiyoung, let him breath, will you?” The voice of Jisung, your other best friend, called from behind her with a laugh. “At least let them both in before they freeze out here in the snow.” He moved forward to take the bag of presents from Young K’s other hand with a welcoming smile that your beau returned warmly, “Here, I’ll take these. It’s nice to finally meet you in person! I’m Kim Jisung and the small one squeezing your boyfriend half to death is my twin-”

“I’m Jiyoung!” she chirped, finally letting you go and allowing you a breather before she took your hand and excitedly tugged you into the house, inconsequently tugging Young K along too since you hadn’t let go of his hand, who only laughed quietly into his scarf as he got pulled along.

“Yah! Stop getting ahead of yourself, let them take their jackets off!” Jisung chided once again, taking a hold of Jiyoung’s elbow when you got inside and dragging her into the living room, “Everyone - and food - is in the living room, come in once you’ve got your jackets and scarves and stuff off, okay?”

“Sure thing!” You called back, feeling Young K’s hands in your hair as he got rid of the snowflakes that decided to make a home there. “Sorry, I think they’re just excited to actually meet you,” you chuckled as he settled his hand on your cheek, turning your face to kiss his palm before you got the snow out of his hair and tugged off your scarf, shedding your winter coat and shoes soon afterwards.

“It’s okay, they seem like fun,” he grinned, following your actions in taking of outerwear then kissing your temple before he continued, “Besides, I’d be excited too if I hadn’t seen you in person for as long as they have.”

Red splashed onto your cheeks at his words and you only playfully rolled your eyes at him before you took his hand and guided him toward the living room, not letting him see how red your face had gotten though he full well knew that his words got you flustered - a sight he loved to see.

You hadn’t even made it a step into the living room before your friends were yelling to stop right where you were, causing you to freeze up and look around slightly alarmed to see what in the Hell they were yelling abou- Oh.

“Is that-”

“Mistletoe.” Young K finished for you, eyes filling with amusement as even your ears turned red at realization of what mistletoe meant.

“You’re all shits, I hope you know that,” you grumbled loud enough to pull out laughter from your so-called friends since they knew full well that you were on the more reserved side on showing skinship in front of other people.

“Babe, we don’t have to if you’re not comfortable-” he began, raising your linked hands to press a kiss to the back of your hand.

“I won’t hear the end of it if I don’t, c’mere.” Was all you said and before he could react you were slipping your hand out of his before he could raise it fully to his lips and your fingers found his belt loops, swiftly bringing him close with one tug and pressing a searing kiss to his lips.

Your actions shook the bassist to the core since not only did you use his own belt loop move against him but there you were, kissing him like this in public, in front of all your friends - who were whooping and hollering loudly - and he couldn’t do anything back until you got back home.

Needless to say he was in a Hell of a daze when you pulled away.

Not that you noticed, you were too busy flushing red from head to toe - you were sure that your entire body was blushing with how warm you were getting.

“We- we didn’t think you were gonna do it, holy shit!” Jisung and Jiyoung got out between their laughter, leaning against each other and only laughing harder when they looked upon your red skin.

“Are you kidding me? You guys wouldn’t’ve let me live if I didn’t!”

“Well, yeah...But you went for it, like really went for it,” Jiyoung giggled as her twin continued to bark out laughter, “I think you killed your boyfriend.” She pointed a painted nail toward Young K, who was still stood frozen under the mistletoe.

“Uh...Babe? Honey? ...You good?” You asked, waving a hand in front of his face, slight worry coloring your tone as he didn’t move for a while, only staring at the place where you were once stood in front of him.

He only blinked a few times before he focused on your face, a blush blooming on the tops of his cheeks as he playfully poked your chest accusingly - still in somewhat of a daze, “What the Hell was that, (Y/N)? You’ve been holding out on me!”

#ALSJFFHGLDKF I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY THIS WAS MY FIRST TIME DOING A MALE POV PLS TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ;;;;;;;;;#day6writersnet #young k x reader #young k fanfic #brian kang x reader #brian kang fanfic #kang younghyun x reader #kang younghyun fanfic #day6 fanfic #day6 writings #my writings #male pov writings

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darkrccm · 7 years

Note

▲

five times meme ✖ selectively accepting

▲ five time my muse thought about kissing yours, and the one time they did.

one.

It had been an… interesting day. Victoria was upset with her, for whatever reason. Rachel didn’t really care to find out most of the time when miss priss would get her panties in a bunch about something Rachel did or said – or simply just was. They were ‘friends’, she guessed, if you could call them that. Frenemies sounded more like it nowadays. They made snide remarks to each other all day, ignoring each others presence in class and even talking shit about each other when the other was in close proximity. Though, it was times like these that Rachel found herself not attracted to it.

Victoria was always so hot when she was bitchy.

two.

It was Rachel’s first official Vortex Club party since being deemed an honorary member. The bass of the music was loud and she could barely hear herself think, a pre-game of a mixture of rum and vodka are flowing through her system as she sits on the couch, eyes lidded as Hayden starts telling her a story that she thinks was supposed to be funny but can’t find the humor in it. Hazel eyes catch glimpse of Victoria, refilling her cup of wine before catching her gaze. Their eyes lock for a second before Victoria comes around and plops down on the couch next to Rachel.

Hayden finishes his story but when he doesn’t get the reaction he wants he turns away from the two girls, taking another rip from the bong sitting by their feet. Rachel can’t help but stare at Victoria, a grin on her face as she examines the others face.

“What are you staring at?” Victoria laughs and Rachel laughs too.

“Nothing,” She says as she takes another sip from her cup.

three.

Rachel is laying on Victoria’s bed, flipping through some photography magazine while she waits for the blonde to finish getting ready. At a concert she had snuck out see a few days ago she met some guys who invited her to some college party – “It’s going to be fucking rad” was what they said. Lots of liquor and drugs, what more could Rachel ask for?

Pop music is playing softly from Victoria’s phone as she switches in between outfits, scowling as she tries to figure out which one would be the perfect one to help blend in with an ‘older crowd’.

Rachel can’t help but smirk to herself as she listens to the blonde mumble to herself, furrowing her brow at her wardrobe as she finally comes to the decision to stick with her original outfit – from an hour ago. Rachel can’t help the laughter that bubbles up from her core, shaking her head at how ridiculously long it was taking for Victoria to get ready. As she shakes her head she sits up finally, swinging her legs over the side of her bed. She eyes the blonde for a moment, hazel orbs focusing a bit too much on Victoria’s lips.

“You’re hot no matter what you wear, now hurry up and let’s get going before they drink all the good shit.”

four.

No one should be home alone for Christmas – at least thats what cliche holiday movies and Victoria Chase say. Her parents were working the holidays, again, and instead of sitting at home with her cat chilling in her lap while contemplating which crime to commit while her parents were away Victoria had convinced her to spend the holiday vacation at her house. It was fine, she enjoyed spending time with the other and found great comfort in her company even when they weren’t speaking about much at all.

That changed though the night they had dinner with her parents. It was the first time Rachel had seen them all week (Victoria said they were on some business trip and wouldn’t be home until Christmas Eve) and as they all sat around the large expensive dinner table eating foods that cost approximately her tuition and fees for Blackwell, it was there that Rachel caught first hand what the Chase family was really like.

The blonde kept her eyes on Victoria, listening as the other talked about her successes at Blackwell – running and operating The Vortex Club activities on top of a nearly flawless GPA and still constantly putting her work out into the world for galleries to review. Her friend spoke with pride and passion, clearly prideful in all of her accomplishments as a student.

“But who’s the top of the class?”

Rachel cringed immediately at the words and could feel a sharp glance by Victoria her way. No words were spoken at dinner after that. Victoria went off on her own once it was over, leaving Rachel to say her ‘thank you’ for the Chase family to allow her to stay there, even if it was making her stomach turn. When Rachel found Victoria, she knew that she was treading on delicate territory. The other didn’t even look up as she entered the room, instead sitting on her bed with her gaze averted down to her feet.

Rachel stood there in silence for what felt like hours, eyes moving from Victoria to various points in her room. When she finally moved to sit beside the other, she felt stiff. She was conscious to how Victoria sat, her head filled with different scenarios that could play out. Rachel decided to try and break the ice finally in a way that she only knew how.

“Well, they seemed nice.”

Victoria let’s out a cruel laugh, shaking her head in disbelief at her words. Rachel had a half-assed smile on her face, hazel eyes trying to make contact with brown ones. When they finally caught each others gaze, Rachel’s heart picked up but simply Victoria scoffed.

“You’re an idiot.”

“But I made you laugh, didn’t I?”

five.

Things had been different when they got to Blackwell. Victoria hung out with Rachel more, texting her more often and overall just had gotten closer. Rachel had envied that about Victoria. She knew that she exposed anything… unsavory about herself to anyone else the urge to cut them from her life would be too strong. They were opposites in that respect. For an assignment for Mark Jefferson, Rachel clearly agreed to be Victoria’s model when she was prompted. By now the snow had started to disappear from sight but evidence of it’s arrival was still very clear in how the dead trees stuck out against the start white focus of the sky.

The two had been joking around once the assignment was completed, Victoria taking goofy photos of Rach while she made faces into the camera. It both scared and fascinated the girl how they had become so close when all the odds said that they should hate each other and quite frequently Rachel found herself wanting to cross the ‘friend’ boundary for some time. Up at the lighthouse, they were starting to come down from their high and perched themselves up on one of the rocks. She had lit a cigarette, handing it off to the other before lighting herself one as they watched the sun start to set above the sleepy small town just below.

“You should definitely submit that one photo of me holding my nose up with my thumb and sticking my tongue out to Jefferson. I think that’s the winner,” Rachel teased as she took a drag from her cigarette. “That image will be framed everywhere and when people gaze on my natural beauty they’ll have to wonder – who was that incredible photographer behind the camera? How could they be so lucky to witness a true beauty?”

Victoria smirked at Rachel’s words, a laugh emitting from her throat. “Oh, I’m sure that’s exactly what they’re going to say – or rather, ‘How did the photographer not want to puke when gazing upon this strange creature?’”

Rachel immediately scowled as Victoria barked out in loud laughter. The blonde stuck her tongue out at the other as she crossed an arm under her chest, still holding the cigarette between two fingers. “What, am I not beautiful to you? Do my charms not work on you like they do everyone else?”

“Now, I didn’t say that,” Victoria mumbles through her giggles, brown eyes gazing up at the lighthouse as Rachel watched her. The beginnings of a smile tugged at the corner of Rachel’s lips as she took another drag from her cigarette.

one. ♥

Victoria was getting too close and Rachel needed to put a stop to it before it was too late. She had been avoiding Victoria for a week now, dodging her when walking to class and ignoring her phone as it begun to blow up with text messages. It was going good, besides, the obvious ache she felt from the absence of Victoria in her daily routine. The blonde continued to tell herself that to get any closer to Victoria would be devastating for the both of them and truthfully she couldn’t lead Victoria down the path of empty promises and deceit like she did to everyone else she got personally involved with.

On her way back from class she became aware of the daggers that were being thrown her way and knew that icy stare all too well. Rachel picked up her pace, walking briskly back to her dorm without looking back where she was sure to catch the evil eyes of Victoria Chase. Her heart was racing as she bee lined it for her door, going to close it quickly behind her but the appearance of the other was too swift for her to be able to do that.

“What the fuck is your problem?! You’ve been ignoring me for a whole goddamn week and you won’t even tell me why?” The words are cold and biting as she pushes her way into Rachel’s room. It’s too late now as the door swings closed behind them and they’re alone. The blonde feels her heart begin to sink.

“Can you just please get off my ass? I don’t need another goddamn groupie Victoria,” Rachel spoke harshly but each word only seemed to close its grip on her heart tighter. She didn’t mean it.

Victoria goes red in the face at Rachel’s words and the regret continues to fill every inch of her. Victoria’s getting embarrassed and Rachel knew that this would be hard to come back from. But isn’t that what Rachel wanted? For their friendship relationship to not come back?

“Just leave me the fuck alone!” Her words came out more choked than she had intended them to and Victoria picked up on her hesitancy. The other took a step closer, the space between them closing.

“Not until you tell me why,” Victoria is hard faced, her gaze seemingly going through Rachel.

The blonde feels herself wavering. She’s not going to be able to make it through to the end. Her fingers twitch as Victoria takes another bold step forward. The space in between them nothing but a mere few centimeters.

“Well?” Victoria’s arms are crossed over her chest as she scowls at Rachel, waiting for an answer that was too hard to say. Rachel begins to shake, thrashing her head from side to side before trying to push past Victoria.

“This is such fucking BULLSHIT!” Victoria exclaims as she grabs hold of Rachel’s arm, pulling her back from trying to exit the room and the conversation. As Rachel turns back around it happens in a matter of seconds. Their lips connect in a hot desperate kiss Rachel initiates that leaves Victoria dazed for a moment.

#quccnvictoria #this got so fucking long holy shit #i had to tho its amberchase #chasing angels ✖ amberchase #the pretty lies & the ugly truth ✖ main verse

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bjornartesttest · 7 years

Text

July 2017

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General

So, summer is almost over, and quite a few things has happened during the 2 months time it has been since I write the last time. Ot - that means, not any MAJOR things, but still some progress in different directions. I am currently sitting at a Quatar Airways flight brom Dar Es Salam to Berlin, via Doha (where I have a 7 hour night layover….) after 3 weeks of summer holiday.

I started of in Tel Aviv for 10 days with Vegar, Sigbjørn, Benni, Vik, Kristoffer and Julia. We shared a big nice apartment close to the Old Town. I had my own room, we had 3 balconies, a huge rooftop, a large nice kitchen and several bathrooms. Perfect base even though we were based a bit far from the center of the town. I personally liked the old town more though so fine by me. Tel Aviv is a fantastic city. It has some of the best food Ive ever tasted, a beautiful san beach that follows though the whole city, a vibrant night life, humble, proud and open people and a rich history. I was unsure about how I would feel about visiting Israel beforehand because of Palestina, but I am glad I came. The people I met had all sorts of different backgrounds. They are not the politicians, and seemed just as frustrated about the situation as everyone else. Having that said, I guess its only so much you can take in during 10 short days. We also had a trip to Jerusalem. We did not do enough research, so my impression of the city was quite messy and exhausting. I am glad we went either way, though I probably wont go back there. Tel Aviv also have beautiful, passionate men.. I met a few while there. One arabic guy that was a bit younger then me. He invited me over for cake and showed me his Mind Craft world.. He had made houses for all hes previous love interests. A bit weird I must say, but he was also a interesting guy. Not something to go forward with though lol. The second guy I met was mega hot, inteligent, tall spanish guy. He had been living in Tel VAiv the last 5 years, studying Arabic and foreign relations. He was planning to move to Iraq to follow a minority group up there in some time, I think I will go to visit him. Anyways - it was some of the hottest sex Ive had in a long long time. He was bottom (the perfect), but also had an amazing cock, mouth.., evertying. We had sex twice right after eachtother. I had to do a Skype interview over phone for a job offer in Beijoing (more about that later), and because I ran out of time, I had to have it at his place. A bit weird to go though my whole professional life in a Skype interview in front of him, but I think he took it well. A few days later I met a tall, a bit sturdy, beardy Israely/turkish guy. Also very handsome. I invited him over to the apartment when everyone else was out and we had sex all over the place. In the sofa, and the kitchen table… The lats night I had a quick hookup with a tall israeli psycho terapist. Was fun and a nice ending of a nice trip. Very fun.

Anyways. enough about the Tel Aviv boys. Poor Vegar and Sigbjørn both got food poisoned after 2 days and ended up at the hospital. They stayed home most of the time, though we did have some fun times too. Unfortinuatley I managed to get in the middle of a drunken row they had. Ive now learned to NEVER get involved in other peoples love life. It got heated! We talked about it though, and it was all good the next day. I got alone time with everyone on the trop except Bennedicte. She was out partying til 9 every morning and were a bit to moody for my taste. Interesting enough she was the one who were the least easygoing, with is funny as she talked so much about who else that could potentially be moody before hand. Honestly I find herself a bit selfish from time to time, or a bit closed in her own world. I guess we all are though… Kristoffer met A LOT of boys during the trip. More then me. I felt a bit strange about it, as I am very good friends with his boyfriend in Norway Harald. The last nigght, he even brought one of his dates for dinner, and sat kissing with him openly infant of everyone. How can he expect us all to just forget about that? If he wants to leve things in Tel Aviv, then he should keep his stuff in the bedroom, and not drag his boyfriends best friends into it. I wont mention it to anyone ever, but I totally lost a lot of respect for Kristoffer after seeing that. Fuck that shot. Just no. Not ok. I hope he breaks up with Harald when he gets home if thats how he feels. If nothing else, I hope they have a proper talk and manage to fight it out and then move on. I dont really see them lasting if its as dark as this. As for Vik, we had a great time togehter. She is so funny and easy going, and made sure that everyone had a good time, all the time. Never put herself first. She also openly went on Tindr dates while there (with blessing from her boyfriend). All these poor guys that she used for tips and guides and free drinks, before she dropped them off. She didn't even exchange a kiss.. hilarious.As forJulia, we also had a super nice day together at this swanky rooftop. Im happy she joined. only bad thing about tel Aviv was the prices btw. Equally expencive as Norway! Last day I spent with Liat, Klauses goof friend from London. She's a funny, stress woman. She's sper nice, but a bit intense and talkative in her own way. Nice, but one day was enough!

After Israel, the trip went to Nairobi, via Jordan and Quatar. I had a long trip, but managed to both get sleep and relax. In Nairobi Carmen was waiting for me together with Sigur, the guy we were lucky enough to stay with. He is a close friend of Maren, and hes half Norwegian/Kenyan so he hes family has a few houses in Nairobi and close to the Uganda border. Superduper sweet 24 year old guy. Hes been based in london the last few years, where he has built himself up a name in the fashion PR / Producer industry, but after a long though and a realisation about what matters ib life he has decided to drop it all and start to study development studies back in Norway from the fall. An old sole for his young ange, even though the 24 year old came out from time to time. Anyways, we staid in their villa in Nairobi. Huge house in the richest part of town. We lied there for free with servants, free food and all we could have wanted. Like living in a luxury hotel. After a few days in Nairobi, me and Car jetted of on a safari trip to Nairusha and Hells gate. One the way we ended up at the mandatory Kenyan police station expereince. Our driver had been speeding, and had to go to court 8!). Meanwhile me and Car went of on our own. We walked thought this random, poor, kenyan village and into a forest to check out a lake we found on the map. All of the sudden we found ourselves walking though a cactus forest, and then a ancient forests with a million bird sounds. So beautiful. After that we were suddenly standing on a filed full of zebras, giraffes, buffaloes, wild beast and more. Totally surreal… Turns out we had trespassed into one of the national parks, so a grad found us and helped us out and back to the policestation. Regardless - one of the more magical experiences of my life I think :-)

After picking up our driver we headed to Hells Gate. A national parks where you are clouded to bike (illeagl in all the others). Super nice trip, we were biking in between zepras, worth pigs, and more. I would definitely come back. After the bike ride we headed down in hells gate, a volcanic old water system. Also stunning. In the evening when we got home we had a drunken pianos session in Sigurs mums piano concert room. What a day and nigt. The next few days we explored Nairobi more, went to Gosepel church, went out line dancing on a tacky rooftop nightclub, Sigurs were friend hit heavily on me, we went to Karen Blixnes house, we went to some fancy restaurants and cocktail bars, and we got to meet Sigurs 92 year old father, as well as his amazing mom and step dad. What a family. We also almost ended up in jail and court after having taken a picture of a government building. I was so shocked by it that I was shivering. These two big guys with machine guns came out and started to harass me and Carnen. Luckily Carmen is a very lud, smart, tiny, cute asian woman, so she handled the situation like a star. I am SO impressed. After 45 minutes the police gave up and let us go. A good thing, as we were jumping on a plane to Lamu the next morning, so a sleep over at the police station and court hearings would have ruined our trip.

Lamu is one of the most beautiful places Ive ever seen. I will definelty come back. Its a unesco protected, muslim old trading island on the border to Somalia. It used to have loads of tourists, but now its very poorly visited due to recent terror atacks in the Lamy district closer to Somalia. We felt 100% safe, and 500 % amazed. Ive never seen nature like it. Also very cheap. We went for sunset runs, sailboat rides, luxury hotel hangouts, drinks, we showed alcohol at the local police station (only place where they sold it at the islands) and took boat taxiss. There are no cars at the island. After Lamu, we went back to Nairobi for one night, before we said bye to Sigur and headed to Airusha and Tanzania for 3 days of safari, Also an amazing experience. Its insane that there are areas in the wold where so many species live freely, in huge numbers in full harmony. We met hundreds on hundreds of zebras, wildebeests and elephants, We met lions, strutser, hyenas and monkeys. All in harmony. The landscape was varied and beautiful. We even went into a old vulcani crater caller ngroro ngoro. Supposedly it ha the widest range of animals gathered in one area in the world!

After the safari trio it was time ti say goodbye to Carmen. We have now known each other for 10 years, so this trip was sort of out anniversary. She wrote me this beautiful letter the day we parted, where she said that I have been a big inspiration for her to make her take the choices in life that she has done the last 5 years. Honestly . the most flattering and heartf´worming thing anyone has ever written to me. Carmen is a sister to me now. I love her :-) We will potentially meet up in Cape town this winter. I hope so. It was a bit sad to send her of, but also a bit nice to have some time alone before heading home. I had one night in Arusha, and then one night and day in Dar Es Salam. I went around Arusah with a few local guys I met on the street. They showed me the markets and some charming areas of the city, In Dar, I just went for some indian food on my own and had a hookup with a hottie from South Africa. Before I met him I met up with another guy that I had to send home He sent me pictures of this tall handsome guy with a big dick, but when he turned up he was a midget with loads of aces and a micro penis. How delutional is it possible to be?? And how rude!!! Ugh.. Today, my lat day I went for manicure and pedicure, nd then had a beer at the bech. Dar is a strange town. I did not really like it I must admit. Very segregated between rich and poor, very expat, quite intense on the streets, and a lot of people in desperate pverty. If I come back I will make sure I have many days so I can get o meet and understand the locals a bit better. On my way to the flight I am now I almost lost the flight due t heavy traffic. A 30 min car drive ended up lasting for alsmot 2 hours… Anyways…. that was my holidays so far. Now Im headed to Berlin for 3 days before heading home to work on Tuesday. I have a good feeling about Berlin, but it will also be a bit interesting. I will meet and maybe stay over with a really nice guy I have been dating from Oslo lately. He is there too and has rented a hotel room. I am supposed to stay with Goro, but I might trade her out for the boy… Lets see. Sigbjørn, Benni and Vegar is there also. So a big crew.

WORK

I manages to finish of most Bleed work before the summer. The main project being the Sikkerhet i NAturen one. I think it went well (minus too many hours), and we ended up as the main event on the NRK TV news. Not bad! After the summer most of my Bleed projects are pretty dull though… Cant say I am too excited. As for my freelance stuff, I have almost too much going on. between August and October I have to finish FAF festival catalogue + website, Im making a book for Rogaland Kunstsenter with More and Geir, Im doing concert banners and t-shorts for Cezenando, finishing a website for Tove, Im helping More on a book project for National museet and I am making a ctakouge + some other effects for Oslo otobook festival. Its in reality too much too handle, so I need to find a way to deal with it. Another problem is tax… I have not yet pais any tax money, and am earning a lot. Ive decided to hire a Tax guy to do it the right way from now in. In total I think I will earn ca 100.000… Too much! But really good too, as I have set myself a goal - and that is to save 70.000,- NOK by the end of the year. The reason I want to save up is because I want to slowly start working more independently. I am planning to have a talk with Dag at Bleed about this after the holiday. My current plan is to start to ask for a 90% position at bleed, rather then 100. That means that I want to ask if I can work one day less per week. If he is not fie with that I have to try to negotiate though something else. I have to be super strict with myself to make this happen. It is NUMBER ONE priority after the summer. I dont wish to quit bleed, but in order to stay, I need to respect my need for creative development on my own terms. Hopefully him and them will understand this. I will try to make a little draft during the next following days to define what I want more closely. Other then that I have gotten a bit further with the planning for Grafill one night only concept. I want to invite BLAD (petri) and another new design duo in Oslo and see what they can come up with. Lets see what they can do. Start-up meeting in August.

FRIENDS

So Im shifting a bit away from having Benni as my closest. I guess this is maybe also because we dont work together anymore. The people I see the most right now is Tor Erik, Vegar, Sigbjørn and INgemar. I also see Agatha, Benni, Maren, Vik, Harald, Saga and Siri quite often. There is actually almost a bit too many close people now. I think I will have problems finding time to follow up after the summer. Maybe I need to take a little timeout from friends and focus one work and a few social things per week instead? Also, if I will keep on dating EManuel, that will for sure also demand time, and should be a priority. I guess dating someone is always a fair excuse :)

LIFE

I generally feel that I am on a swing upward atm. Probably because Ive done some thinking and decided to do some changes. Just the knowledge about that something will change and that its in my power to make that happen feels empowering somehow. I am also being more and more aware of my age, and that I am growing old, and not growing up any more. Its a strange thing. Its almost as if I feel I have to make the most out of it while Ive still got it. It feels a bit fucked up. There are all these new young people hoping up everywhere, and also suddenly my a bit older friends are pushing 40. There is a new generation taking over y’all… I guess I just have to exept it sooner then later.

LOVE

So I just read though my previous post, and there I mentioned something about Ole. That was totally nothing more then a thought. He is a big flirt, has a super cute boyfriend and I think were becoming potential frineds. They invited me for their pride party, with was super fun. Lets see if we can make it into a real freindship. I also dated a guy called Ole Magnus briefly. We met 3 times. Had som great sex, and then I think we were just both over it. I was probably over it because I had met another really nice guy called Emanuel. Hes a dance teacher, my age from Norway. I sleep lik a baby when I am with him, he is really warm and kind, just enough insecure and vulnerable (I like vulnerable guys), but still sturdy, mature and also quite handsome I would say. He is quite masculin, but at the same time one of his main hobbies is to be a drag queen! We met around the time Oslo Prode was, so his life was a lot about dragging up around then. I was bit unsure how I would feel about dating a guy that has a altered that is so different from the one I know and have met, but I also think what I saw was much more intense then what everyday life is. Ive decided that if we still date when hes having hes next show, I will show up and support. I think he is more p, but I think he has a good A in him too. Maybe I will find more out about this during the weekend in Berlin. I think he is really into me, but I dont want to over think it, and have decided that its great we are having such fun, and that I am looking forward to get to know him better. I think hes the best match Ive come across in quite some time. Having this said, we have only sent time together in t´hotel rooms, and its friends apartments that we have been looking after. So no regular life so far.

OTHER

Ive been renting out my apt at Air BNB this summer , summer thing I really regret. There has been construction work on the house, something that has lead to loads of nouce, dust and bad conditions in the flat Many of my guests has moved to after one day, and Ive had to do a lot of sweet-talking and reductions in price. Poor Maren said yes to look after the place, so she was dragged into it too. Ive promised to give her 500,- nok for each booking. A small price to pay after all that drama. Luckily she's kept it cool nd relaxed the whole way.

Kritina has broken up with her trubadur boyfriend (Yes!), Agatha is back with her crazy boyfriend Henrik (No!!).. Mamma seems to be happy. Im going to Bergen for Linnis 90th, Heges 50th and Kristinas 40th in August.. So many travels. Im also heading to Moscow in September. I went to Lisboa in June. I was supposed to stay with a freind, but he had double booked and was out of town. He let me stay in his appartment, introduced me to his lovely frineds, who took me out for dinner, clubbing, gave me drugs and took me to museums. I also took with me home a tall swedish handsome guy. I think traveling on my own is my new thing. I will try to do it more. I feel so free doing so.

LIST

Make self analyzation form

Decide how to deal with Dag (make draft)

Make a proper working plan list for freelance

Hire an accountant

Buy russia tickets

Buy bergen tickets

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viralhottopics · 7 years

Text

On the brink of Brexit, voters reflect: I feel more strongly now. Let’s get out

As article 50 is about to be triggered, how do people feel in Smethwick, a Midlands town that voted to leave?

I moved to Bearwood in Smethwick in the hot summer of 1976. We were moving up, leaving behind the sixth floor of a block on the sprawling Lee Bank council estate for a house and garden in a safer area with large parks and better schools, a few miles from Birmingham.

I grew up there in the 70s and 80s, when there was optimism about our future. The colour bar experienced by a first generation of immigrants in the 60s, in some shops and the bingo hall, had been replaced by our own Why would I want to go there anyway? self-induced bar. The days when a Conservative party candidate could run, and win (in 1964), on the slogan If you want a nigger for a neighbour, vote Liberal or Labour seemed distant.

My mother is Jamaican and, like many of my generation, I failed the Norman Tebbit test completely. I didnt support any England team. I would rehearse long debates about how I might reject a call-up for the England rugby team, even if my ability meant that call would never come. Jamaica was great for holidays, but didnt feel like home: everyone there called me English.

So while I was always a Smethwick boy, I can still pinpoint the moment I first felt British: in 1992, when Linford Christie won the 100m at the Barcelona Olympics, this most Jamaican of men running around the track with the British flag. We had grown up hearing songs like There aint no black in the Union Jack; what Christies gesture said was, Im British: deal with it.

A mistrust of foreigners has been singled out as the driving force behind last years vote to leave Europe. But why did places where more than 50% of the population have recent origins outside the UK vote for a policy of exclusion? Smethwick is in many ways typical of the radical changes to Britains racial demographic since the second world war: in the 50s and 60s, Commonwealth citizens from the Indian subcontinent and the Caribbean emigrated here to alleviate job shortages, particularly in the NHS and transport. A large number of Sikhs moved from the Punjab to work in Smethwicks foundries. Later waves of immigration brought asylum seekers, students and workers from around the world.

When I was growing up, my white British friends liked the same music, played the same games and ate the same food as we did. We knew people who joined far-right groups; but the various gangs were largely multiracial, affiliated to the area more than anything else a loose Smethwick posse. There would be running battles with skinheads from Quinton and beyond; I cant remember a Saturday night that was not punctuated by someone being glassed or having a pool cue wrapped around their head.

Today Smethwick is home to a more diverse range of communities. It is still a relatively cheap place to live, so new arrivals often start off here. You will see Eritrean church services in Victoria Park, eastern European supermarkets on Cape Hill, a Ghanaian wedding at the community centre, alongside the more established Sikh temples and African Caribbean churches.

Speaking to Smethwick friends from white British and second-generation immigrant backgrounds, you hear support for Brexit from a diverse range of perspectives: there is the Fortress Europe argument (people of Commonwealth origin not being able to move to the UK, because preference is given to EU citizens); British Asian shopkeepers who dont like the Polish shops stealing business; an objection to the Thatcherite capitalist structure enshrined in the EU. Underlying all these things is a powerful revolt against what is perceived to be a self-serving political elite.

None of the second- or third-generation immigrants I met on a recent visit to Smethwick thought Nigel Farage would deliver a harmonious society founded on principles of social justice. But the supposed social justice champions, Labour, today have far less connection to the people they seek to represent than they once did. Todays politicians speak relentlessly about engaging and understanding these alienated communities. But even their use of the word community is loaded often based on race or religion or class, as if there were no diversity of opinion among them.

What does the future hold for Smethwick in a post-Brexit Britain? My more pessimistic side worries that inequality will increase, as the fight for a share of an ever smaller pie is orchestrated by a privileged few who use alienation, fear and loathing to divide and rule. But a bigger part of me is optimistic: a younger generation has always found ways of creating new relationships with other like-minded people, be they Italian, Irish, Ghanaian, Nigerian or Indian. It might feel claustrophobic at this moment in time, and Smethwick will struggle with the macro issues. But there are enough people there with goodwill, who want to come together, who will want to get on with it. Hamish Crooks

Theresa Robinson, 51, volunteer

Theresa Robinson and her son, Jacob. Photograph: Diana Markosian

My little boy and I moved here from Birmingham in 2009. I had separated from his father, and when I got here we didnt know anybody.

Smethwick is an interesting area because the diversity works really well. Everyone seems to get on where we live. But there are some negative aspects of multiculturalism. For example, there is no non-halal butcher around here, and I dont want to eat halal meat because they dont always stun the animal before they kill it I feel its a bit cruel. Ive had a row a few times with shops advertising places to rent, with signs saying Indian family wanted. I said, You do know thats illegal, dont you? I remember when they used to have signs up saying No Irish, no blacks.

My little boy is the only white English kid in his class, and they dont celebrate any English things at all. They didnt do anything for the Queens jubilee or birthday. I dont mind him celebrating Jamaica Day or whatever; I just wish theyd also incorporate English things. On VE Day, I took him into Birmingham to see the celebrations, because he has to celebrate his history as well. But he is absolutely oblivious to the fact that other people are a different colour to him. I think children of his generation are integrating more.

A lot of immigrants here say they dont want any more immigrants, but I havent heard many white people say they voted Brexit because of immigration. I dont know whether its because theyre scared of being accused of being racist. I voted Brexit because of all the money thats wasted on the EU. I dont think it will stop free movement and I dont think it means we wont have any trade; I just think it means well have a bit more control.

A lot of people have had enough of MEPs making so much money and not doing anything. Who can name an MEP, really? We dont seem to be getting any more rights out of it. Why not trim off all that excess spending and use it on things we do need? Theres a crisis in social care, and health services are being cut; the schools are constantly fighting cuts.

When you read about Brexit in the paper, they say, The people who voted for Brexit didnt know what was going on. Its hugely insulting to assume that just because were poor, we dont read newspapers and were all thick. Theyve got no concept of what its like to be poor, and how miserable people really are. I think it was a good result, and I think it taught the government to be careful what they wish for, because they did all this with no plan whatsoever; they were so sure remain was going to win. It serves them right.

Daljeet Singh, 40, painter and decorator

Ive lived in Smethwick all my life. My parents came from north India so my dad could work in the foundry. They were invited over, just like the Europeans were. Ive never had an issue with anyone thinking Im less British than they are. But when Punjabi people came here, they couldnt speak English, so they were victimised. Once my dad took me for a drink in the local pub and this guy at the bar started talking to him inappropriately, saying, Butbut dingding. I asked my dad, Why does he do this? and he said, Hes been doing it for years, its not an issue. I took the guy aside and said, Have you been taking the piss out of my dad for 20 years? He said, What do you mean? He never said anything. To this day that guy still buys me a drink in the pub, because he remembers that chat. I changed the way he thought.

Everybody I know voted leave. I voted leave because of my daughters, who are 12 and 15. They go to a grammar school and they feel held back because the foreigners coming into the school dont speak English well; it makes the classes go slower. It was also because Polish people are cutting off my work. Im a painter and decorator, and Im not getting the rates I used to because the Polish people are undercutting us. Thats the case generally in the building trade.

But Im angry that my parents voted out. Im very bitter about that. Its the hypocrisy of it, because they came over from India and they had an opportunity to integrate and they havent: my mum still barely speaks English. Theyve made lives and families for people like me, they worked hard; everyone else is just trying to do the same as they did. I think the way the Sikh community voted was hypocritical.

Sometimes I regret voting Brexit. In hindsight, without a shadow of a doubt, we didnt have enough information; it was turned into an immigration issue, which it wasnt, and as a whole were going to lose out. Other times, I stick by my decision. I need to think about where my works coming from.

Derek Craft, 80, retired factory worker

Derek Craft. Photograph: Diana Markosian

I moved to Smethwick in 1976, looking for work. I also had a pen friend here. We belonged to different divorced and separated clubs; I was the vice-chairman of the one in Portsmouth where I lived, and they used to have a magazine and she advertised for a pen friend. We were writing for two years before I moved here. We married in 1977 and were together for 39 years. She ended up having two major strokes, one of which should have killed her, but the hospital brought her round; I got another nine months with her.

Smethwick has changed a lot much of the old industry has gone. There were dirty factories, steel works and car component workshops; now theyre all new factories or houses, so in that way its better. Weve got more immigrants than whites. The shops are virtually all Asian, and the well-known ones, like Woolworths and David Greigs, are gone.

Its less British, because Ive found, working with some of them, that half the Asians dont want to mix. A very nice lad used to sit with us during the tea break, and he came in one morning and told us that someone in the factory had told his dad he sat with us, and his father had said, You are not to sit with them, you are to sit with your own people. It makes you feel, whats wrong with us?

I voted for Brexit because I think the common market has got out of hand. I think they waste an awful lot of money moving their offices once a month from Brussels to Strasbourg and back again. What were paying them is unbelievable, billions a year, which would do our own health service and schools good. Id like to see free movement from Europe cancelled. This country cant keep on taking people; the services cant cope with the influx, and there are not enough houses. When we won, I thought, Great, lets get on with it. I feel more strongly now. Lets get out.

Mohammed Jalal Uddin, 40, manager at a local training centre

Mohammed Jalal Uddin and family. Photograph: Diana Markosian

Ive been living in Smethwick since 2002, when I migrated from Bangladesh to study for an MBA at Birmingham City University. After completing my MBA, I managed to secure a job. Now Im living here happily with my wife and two children; my son is nine and my daughter is seven.

Smethwick has become overpopulated and there are more new faces, with a slight increase in antisocial behaviour over the past few years; the demand for housing has increased.

I had heard about that campaign slogan [If you want a nigger for a neighbour, vote Liberal or Labour from the 1964 local election], and that Malcolm X came to visit the year after, which is amazing. But to be honest, I dont think racial tension is a big issue now. From my experience, people do understand others their religions, their values, their cultural dimensions and characteristics. It could be an isolated judgment, but I havent seen the nasty side of community cohesion. People get along quite well, basically.

I felt Brexit was a protest vote, to show a lost trust in politics; traditional politicians are failing to deliver. People feel European migrants are putting unnecessary, undue pressure on public services, the NHS, school places, housing, and that if we come out of Europe that will ease the pressure. These are the day-to-day issues that people are fed up with.

I voted and actively campaigned to remain. I was really, really shattered by the result, because in the age of globalisation and connectivity, and at such a crucial time, this isnt the right decision. It is going backwards, and it was not an informed decision. The message were sending to the rest of the world is that were not open or collaborative. We dont want to work with other people: we are detaching ourselves.

Nine months on, I dont feel any more positive. Ive given up on trying to give reasons to remain because Im in the minority. But I know people who regret voting Brexit; they justify it by saying the politicians misled them.

Pat Peacock, 77, retired wages clerk

Pat Peacock. Photograph: Diana Markosian

Ive lived here my whole life. I was born in Hamble near Southampton, but my mother died having me, so I was brought here to live with my grandparents.

Smethwick has changed enormously. My road used to be full of bank managers and teachers, and there were no foreign people of any description. I remember seeing men wearing turbans for the first time when I was 10 or 11 and had taken my two cousins out for a walk. One of them said hello, and I said to my cousins, Run! because I had no idea: Id never seen Sikh people before.

My father was very racist but Im definitely not. The priest at my church is Nigerian and we have 22 other nationalities, people of all colours, shapes and sizes, and we all get on. The first foreigners who came were West Indians, and the others have come gradually. I consider them all friends. A lady down the road, Surinder, and I were once opposite each other in the hospital and weve been firm friends ever since. She called me when I came out, asked how I was and said, If you need anything at all, let me know and my family will get it for you. There are lots of kind people about.

I voted Brexit. I didnt vote for us to go into Brussels; I voted for the common market and I think we were cheated in that respect. We havent only got to trade with Europe, theres a whole world we can deal with. Im looking forward to getting back to how we were: running our own farms, being able to look after ourselves. Perhaps Im wrong but this is how I feel, that we werent told the full story back in 1975. We were just told it was good to be part of a common market; we werent told they would be ruling us. Im not really into politics, but the vote happened and I get cross when they try to reverse it. Now I think: lets just get on with it.

Taurai Chamoko, 44, salesman

Taurai and Catherine Chamoko with their children. Photograph: Diana Markosian

I was born in London. My parents were from Zimbabwe, although it was called Rhodesia at the time. We left the UK in 1977 to go to Nigeria. My dad was a civil engineer and had a job with the Nigerian government, building several highways. Towards the end of 1982, we went to live in Zimbabwe. In 1995 I moved to Brighton, where I met my wife Catherine, and in 2008 we moved to Smethwick with our month-old daughter.

I wanted to study mental health nursing at Birmingham City University, but changed my mind after three weeks. I didnt think it was something I would cope with emotionally. In 2009 I started a course in International Business and Economics at Aston University instead. We had three other children (they are now eight, seven, four and two) and they all settled in school, so we stayed. Ive spent the majority of my life in this country, and I am British.

The main change Ive seen here is the people coming from Poland. I dont think theres a lot of tension between the different communities everybody just gets on. What I worry about is the self-imposed segregation, these monocultural ghettos that are springing up: Pakistanis in one area, Polish people in another, white working class in another. It seems everybody is more comfortable with people who look the same as them, which is quite sad. Whether thats a conscious thing or if it just happens naturally, I dont know.

I was shocked by Brexit. I voted to remain. At university I learned to critically analyse things, and I was always arguing against the leave campaigns points of view. Usually when theres an election, I stay up late to find out who my MP is going to be, but this time I was confident we would remain. It was a big surprise. When I spoke to some of the parents at my childrens school, most had voted to leave. I was surprised and upset.

My point of view hasnt changed. It doesnt make sense to me that people want to leave the biggest market, then try to negotiate a good deal within that market. But I have accepted it. Its democracy, right?

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