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hotchley · 2 years

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haunted by the ghost of you

Me? Writing yet another fic that absolutely nobody wanted? It's more likely than you think :)

Yep, it's the someone to stay au. This thing is my self-indulgent baby and I will not shut up about it. I've already written Ella's realisation and yeah.

So this is a mild shambles but I'm so tired my eyes hurt and my laptop is being weird so I'm publishing it and going to bed okay cool. Let's pretend my last fic also did not use a lyric from the night we met- I thought this was smart because the starting episode is HAUNTED and the ending episode involves Karl Arnold who is GHOST that haunts Hotch- okay moving on.

You're going to want to read "fear, disproven" and "powerless to do, powerless to save" to see where I'm coming from with some points

Trigger Warnings: canon-typical violence, implied racism, implied child abuse, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, self-destructive behaviour, unhealthy coping mechanisms, food mention, religious themes, canon-typical themes

read on ao3! | the someone to stay masterlist

Erin Strauss has a soft spot for Special Agent Eleanor Birch. It’s not a secret- it’s clear to everyone that’s ever witnessed or heard about any sort of interaction between them- but it’s something that never gets discussed. Probably because there’s nothing to say. Strauss rarely sees Ella alone, and when the entire team is present, she does an excellent job of remaining neutral.

Strauss used to think her soft spot for Ella came from a place of understanding. When she had first been selecting people for Rossi to look into, she had taken one look at Ella’s application and put it on her keep pile. Because there was a woman, who had had to fight for everything she’d ever gotten, and who had never stopped believing it would pay off. Of course there were barriers she would never understand, but Strauss liked to believe that her actions made a difference.

And they did. Ella would never say thank you, not explicitly, but it showed in everything she did.

With time, Erin had realised the true cause of her soft spot. It was Aaron Hotchner. When she looked at Ella, she saw Aaron. Here was another agent, who wore their heart on their sleeve and who never backed down. Who was both hardened by reality and soft enough to believe in happy endings. Here was another person who just wanted to try and change things a little.

Ella and Aaron weren’t the same. In many things, they were exact opposites. But when it came down to loving people, protecting them, trying to do the right thing… it was like holding a mirror between them.

She had failed to save Aaron in the aftermath of Adrian Bale. Saving Ella from losing the things that made her who she was would never make up for that failure, but maybe it would be some form of penance.

It’s why she smiles when she sees Ella sitting on the edge of one of the sofas. Ella looks ill, and scared. Whilst Erin isn’t surprised that she’s not having a good day, given everything that’s happened over the past few weeks, she’s surprised to see her.

“Agent Birch. I was surprised to get your email. Please do come in,” she says.

Ella gives her a strained smile and walks in. “Thank you, Ma’am. For agreeing to see me at such late notice. I’m sure you have many other things to be doing.”

Truthfully, she did. But Ella’s emails were normally a lot more formal than the one she’d sent last night, so Erin had simply shifted a few things around in order to make time to see her. Not that she needed to know. There was another similarity between her and Hotch- every act of love felt like an inconvenience caused by them.

“Not at all,” she lied. “What did you want to discuss? I was under the impression you were on leave to help care for Agent Hotchner.”

Ella shifted in her seat. “That’s actually what I wanted to discuss. I’d like to request my leave to be revoked and for my return to work at the earliest opportunity. Tomorrow would be ideal, but next week at the latest would be okay.”

That was not what Erin had been expecting. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“May I ask why, Agent Birch?”

She sighed. “Agent Hotchner has made it clear that my help and services are no longer required. Nor wanted.”

Erin frowned. It was clear Ella had rehearsed the statement, which meant there was something she wasn’t saying. Something else that was going on but that she didn’t want to confess.

“Are you sure?” She wasn’t really sure why she was pushing. All she was sure of was that Aaron was not okay, and Derek was already spreading himself too thin. Which meant the only person left for him to be honest with was Eleanor.

“I am, Ma’am.” There was no waver in her voice this time, which made her exhale. When she had practiced in the mirror of her bathroom- hers because Aaron did not want her in his- she’d cracked. Every single time.

Erin didn’t look convinced. Ella had never been good at hiding her emotions, but the look in her eyes prevented any further confrontation.

“Okay. I’m terminating the rest of your leave now, and you’ll be expected back to work tomorrow. If the team are out on a case, you can work and assist them from here,” she said.

Ella smiled. “Thank you.” At least now she would have something to do.

The team were out on a case, so she ended up contributing through phone calls and text messages. Although she was more than aware she could go and sit with Penelope, she opted to sit in the bullpen. Anderson had politely suggested she work in Hotch’s office where it would be quieter. Ella’s look of horror had quickly shot that idea down.

Nobody commented on her return to work. She didn’t give any answers either.

She told Derek when they got back what had happened. He’d been furious- not at her or Aaron- but at himself. And though she’d tried, her promises that Jessica was going to see him everyday and would contact them if they were needed, did nothing to make him feel better.

In fairness, Jessica’s texts also did nothing for her.

In the end, it didn’t matter. Because Aaron came in the next week. Eleven days too early. Both Eleanor and Derek had been completely unprepared for that to happen. They’d both had a gut feeling that it was coming, but seeing it play out before them was completely different.

Dave seemed to have known properly, and Ella had wanted to hit him. It was fine for him- he just said what he wanted then waltzed away without ever considering the fall-out. It was Derek that would have to pick up the pieces. It was Ella that would help him do that. When Anderson informed everyone that Hotch had tapped in, Ella ran. Again. She went down to Garcia’s lair where Reid was sitting and one look at her face told them both why she was there.

It was easy to work on case files for a long while. Penelope and Spencer enjoy existing and silence, and when she’s with them, silence is comfortable. But then they start discussing Hotch’s return to work. And talking about him is easier than seeing him so she stays, making vain attempts to tune them out.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him blink,” Spencer says.

She drops her pen. Of course he hasn’t. Because Aaron has protected Spencer as much as he can. Because everybody tries to make Hotch seem invincible until there is no way of denying he is human. But she’s seen him blink. She’s seen him shout, and she has seen him cry and she needs to do something other than sit with her friends and gossip.

Before she can, JJ is knocking on the door and poking her head around.

“Hey. Um, we have a case, so if you could be at the briefing room in five that’d. Yeah,” she says, before she starts to close the door.

And Ella has never been particularly close to JJ. Most of the time they’re civil, but there are some things that they will never agree on and have the potential to descend into arguments. But she can recognise when the other woman feels helpless. This is one of those moments.

“JJ?”

JJ pauses.

“Thanks. For everything- Will told me it was you who made the mac and cheese that I got for helping with Spencer.” Even though she had felt useless, Will had swung by her apartment once Reid was able to manoeuvre about mostly unassisted. She wasn’t stupid, and she knew part of his presence was linked to her tears, but it had still been appreciated.

“Oh! You’re welcome!”

She smiled, then went up with Spencer and Penelope. Aaron didn’t greet her. Nor did he look at her during the briefing. She wasn’t necessarily mad about that. It was impossible to not giggle when Reid claims he wasn’t in the wrong, but Aaron doesn’t even crack a smile. It’s cowardly of her, but she avoids him on the jet by sitting by the window and inviting Emily to sit next to her so she wouldn’t have to move.

He pairs her up with Derek and they go and do their thing without bringing up Aaron. From the looks Derek has been giving Dave the entire time she’s seen them, it’s clear they’ve had a disagreement over him. She knows she’s siding with Derek, but it just doesn’t feel right bringing it up. And so she doesn’t.

Her and Aaron don’t actually speak to each other until they’re brainstorming a profile. “I just don’t understand why he’s alive. He’s lost his wife and son. He has no reason to be here, and yet he is. What’s keeping him here? What does he want?” Aaron asks.

The team all look at each other with identical looks of horror. Eleanor has never been good at backing down or being quiet. It’s not something that often works in her favour, and it can be quite annoying for everyone involved. But in that moment, it felt much more like a blessing than a curse.

“Maybe he has someone to live for. Maybe there’s someone we don’t know about yet that is acting as his tether to the world, and he knows that they love him. And he loves them. So he’s still alive because he wants to see them again,” she says. She stares directly at Aaron whilst she says it.

His eyes seem older, somehow. Not in a beautiful way. Not in a way that means he is a person who has laughed at every small joke and loved a thousand people in a thousand different ways. In a way that is hardened. In the way that means he is tired.

“No,” he replies. It’s the most aggressive rebuttal of her ideas she’s ever had. “It doesn’t matter how much anyone loves him. Or how much he may love them. It’s not enough to keep him alive.”

Ella doesn’t move. For a moment, Aaron hesitates.

“He’s alive because he wants revenge.”

Ella counts to ten. When she still can’t quell her irrational rage- Aaron does not need fixing, he is allowed to feel whatever he wants, there is only so much one person can do to help, people don’t respond the way you want them too and that is okay- she walks out the room.

Fresh air would be ideal, but she’s not going to risk any of the LEOs seeing her with poorly concealed tears, so she heads straight to the bathroom, twisting her bracelet in an attempt to release some of the energy. She realises with a start that it’s the one Haley got her for her birthday. It stops soothing her.

After pacing for a few minutes, she splashes water on her face. As she takes a deep breath, the door opens and JJ walks in.

“Before you say anything, nobody sent me.”

“Then what are you doing here?” It comes out harsher than she intended.

JJ sighs. “Look we’re never going to be best friends, but I don’t hate you.”

“I don’t, JJ, I really don’t hate you either. And if I ever made you feel like I do-”

“Stop. You’re deflecting. Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you and Hotch and I quite honestly don’t want to know. Finding out you two kissed during the liaison program was bad enough.”

Ella’s glad they’ve reached a point where it can come up in casual conversation but she still winces slightly. “Okay?”

“What I’m saying is, I know you feel useless. I feel useless too. But you are doing everything you can. You need to forgive yourself if it isn’t enough for what you want. At least you’ve tried right? You can’t be angry with yourself if you’ve tried.”

Right. Because she’s not actually angry at Hotch. That’s just the palatable cover. The truth is, she’s angry at herself because she feels like she should have done more. Like she could be doing more. And the fact that she can’t list any additional things that she could be doing does nothing to stop the anger. It just makes her feel more useless.

But when JJ is looking at her with such sincerity in her eyes, it means something. Here is JJ, who has to battle the guilt over passed over cases and grieving families every day telling her that she tried and that was enough.

Before she’s aware of what she’s done, her arms are wrapped around JJ, who lets out a squeal.

“Oh Ella.”

She sounds so much like Haley that all Ella can do is give a slightly strangled laugh.

“God we’re a bunch of messes,” JJ says, wiping her eyes as she pulls away.

“Oh I know!”

They get their reasoning for the unsub’s survival soon after. Ella hates that Hotch is right.

When Aaron goes storming into that house with no weapon and no vest, Ella’s heart drops. She’s never been religious. But there have been a few too many miracles in her life for her to not believe that there is something out there keeping her safe. She asks whatever, or whoever, that may be to extend that same kindness to him.

He needs it more than her.

It proves something she’s been thinking since they started the case. Aaron is desperate. He’s so desperate to stop Foyet that he would walk into a hostage situation unarmed and completely vulnerable. There is no guarantee Foyet will stop when he’s dead. There is no guarantee of anyone’s safety, yet he will still take the risk because he believes he needs to.

But the promises she has made- to herself, to Haley, to everyone she has ever loved- are more important than his need to save everyone. They have to be.

For a while, it seems like things are going okay. Aaron is being deliberate with his movements. This may be inconvenient for the S.W.A.T team, but it means he’s being rational. He’s not unravelling. Eleanor won’t call it devolving. He isn’t an unsub.

When the gunshot rings out, she jumps. Her first thought is that she’s breaking her promises. Her second thought is that he’s dead. He’s gone, and Derek will be the one to tell Haley and Jack and she will be the one to tell Erin and she needs to get down there somehow-

“Don’t move,” Derek hisses.

She struggles in his arms but he simply tightens his grip on her.

“Agent Birch,” he hisses. She relaxes. He loosens his grip and she uses that moment of trust to release herself and run out of their car. It’s not good, but it’s right. Derek curses and runs after her.

When Morgan kicks the door open, Hotch is handcuffing their unsub.

Ella lets out a slightly hysterical laugh. Derek breathes a sigh of relief. Hotch gives them a single look- one where the meaning could be whatever they needed- before leaving.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“I know. You were just doing what you thought was right.” Morgan’s tone is tinged with bitterness and Eleanor knows she’s messed up and that he’s annoyed. But her relief that another day will end with all of them breathing overpowers that.

She lets him take control of the interrogation and follows the rest of his instructions without complaint. It’s not a promise to never undermine him like that again. It’s a promise to try and follow his rational thinking. She’s never been rational, so it’s going to be long journey. But he smiles at her slightly and that’s enough.

When they get back, there’s an unspoken agreement that nobody will talk to Hotch. Eleanor wants to know if he’s dropping her back to her apartment or if she’s getting the train, but she’s not about to ask. She’ll do her report, and if he’s still there, she’ll just leave.

It usually takes her a good two hours to do everything required.

Exactly one hundred and twenty-five minutes after she pulled out a blank report to fill in, Aaron comes down to the bullpen.

“You ready?” He asks.

She jumps at the sound of his voice. “What?”

“To go home. I’m dropping you at your apartment.” He’s acting too normal. But two can play at that game.

“Of course. Let’s go.”

The journey is silent, the radio providing the only noise. Ella sits with her head against the window and her eyes closed. Aaron knows she’s not sleeping- she never is, not in a vehicle- but he doesn’t attempt to make her talk.

It’s only when they pull up to her apartment that he talks.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“For what?”

“You were scared of me. Earlier. In the station. And again at the house. You were scared of me,” he says, turning and truly looking at her for what feels like the first time in a lifetime.

And Eleanor has never been good at grasping languages, but she does understand the value of words.

“No. No, I was never scared of you. I was only ever scared for you. When you said he was alive for revenge-" at that, Aaron cringes, "- I was scared I was watching you fall apart and become a man you weren't. When you walked into that building, I was scared you wouldn't walk out. But it was never you scaring me. Not like that. I promise."

"I've never scared you like that, have I?"

Ella's told many lies in her life. Some were bigger and worse than others. But when she tells him no, he hasn't, it's the complete truth.

He searches her face for any sign that she may be lying. Without even realising, her features soften into that knowing smile that Haley had always given when she knew he was hiding how he truly felt.

He misses Haley in that moment. He also misses the man he’d been before everything. But he finds it in himself to nod and smile at Eleanor. Because he’s proud of her, and the woman she’s no longer afraid of being.

She gets out the car, and he fights the urge to walk her up to her door. He doesn’t drive away till she texts him that she’s probably going to shower and then sleep. It’s their new code for saying that they’re safe. And she only does it to help him, which maybe should have made him feel like a burden, but in that moment didn’t.

It’s not huge progress, but it is something. Erin seems more relaxed when Aaron speaks to her about the team, although it takes conscious effort to not read into the interest she takes regarding Eleanor’s relationship with him. Aaron tells himself it’s born out of the fact that it was Erin who chose her. Sure, Dave was the one who gave her the position, but it was Erin who’d encouraged that.

And Aaron is truly grateful. Because he loves her. In the way he loves every member of his team. That’s what he tells himself anyways.

That small progress is somewhat undone by Dave’s comments about Emma, and the family he needs to consider. Eleanor doesn’t bother challenging that particular notion on the way home.

She doesn’t challenge it because it’s not one he’s ready to hear or accept. He assumes it’s because she’s finally seen sense and realised what Haley always refused to see: that it’s not worth trying to fight for him. But then she invites him over since she’s making pilau for a change and he thinks that maybe he does mean something to her.

Derek’s an excellent Unit Chief, and as difficult as he finds the transition, he settles into the role quickly. It eases some of Aaron’s tension and returns his progress to its original stage. It wasn’t easy to let go of his role and allow someone else to take the reins, but he did.

“Maybe this should be a permanent fixture, you as unit chief,” he comments, observing Ella and Dave.

Derek’s jaw drops. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I’ve been trying to get Ella to cooperate with Dave since she joined. None of my attempts have worked. You ask her and look. They’re practically married.”

Derek’s so stunned by the fact that Aaron’s made a joke that he almost forgets to laugh. And for a few wonderful moments, nothing terrible has happened. It’s just another day at the office, and Aaron is himself.

Karl Arnold tears through everything like a tornado. It’s Derek who says that Emily should go with him. Dave is out of the question. Has been since Boston. Eleanor is- in his eyes- too gentle on Hotch to go with him. Hotch will hide details of the original case from her. Arnold will use that to his advantage. Hotch won’t hold back with Emily. And even if he does, she’ll exercise enough self-control to not give herself away. And the rest of them still remember the way he’d shut down on the way home.

It had almost been scary.

He doesn’t want to think about why Emily is so good at hiding. He doesn’t want to consider why Eleanor never does. He just issues the orders and hopes nobody questions him. They don’t. For once, everyone just does as they’re told.

Spencer explains the original case to Ella. He leaves out the part where it wasn’t just the families they found that were victims. He leaves out the part where it was Aaron’s first case back from his paternity leave. And granted by the look on her face, it was for the best.

When they get back, Aaron heads straight to his office. He doesn’t close the blinds or lock the door. Whether that was because he didn’t care or because it would take too much time wasn’t clear. But he’s making phone calls and pulling files out of his drawer. Files that Derek had been so convinced they’d hidden.

He feels bile rise in his throat, and his gaze finds Emily. Everyone else is also staring at her. “They’ve been in contact. Him and Foyet,” she whispers, as though she still hasn’t processed it herself.

Penelope drops her papers. JJ and Spencer turn to look at Morgan, so convinced that he will have the answers they all need, because that’s what he does. He finds the answers. He saves them. He keeps them safe.

But he doesn’t know what to do. Because for months, the case has not felt real. It has felt like something that could be dealt with later. But now there is no later. This is the later. He turns to Ella.

She, rather surprisingly, feels calm. She’s almost relieved. All any of them have wanted since Boston is for the nightmare to end. For Foyet to slip up or reveal some information that would let them find him. For something to happen that would mean he would die and Aaron would have his life returned to him.

And now that moment is here.

Eleanor believes in the bravery of being soft. She believes in seeing goodness wherever it could be found and in always trying to find hope. But there are also moments in which she knows that’s not possible.

If their lives were a fairy tale, Aaron would bring George Foyer- he does not deserve to hide behind the mask of the Boston Reaper any more than she deserves to hide from the truth about how she feels when Aaron looks at her- to justice and he would save Haley in the process.

But their lives are not fairy tales. And Eleanor is soft, but that does not mean she is delusional.

George Foyet’s story ends with whatever confrontation happens now Aaron’s jaw is clenched and his face completely devoid of emotion as months and months of research and pain all suddenly seem worthless. He won’t make it out alive. Not after everything. But he will take as many people down with him as he can.

Eleanor’s broken more promises- to her friends, her parents, her family, her partners, to everyone she’s ever known- than she will ever be willing to admit. And there are many things she does not know. Many variables she has not considered beyond a single fleeting moment. But she does know a few things.

One: Foyet will die.

Two: she will keep her promises. To Haley and to herself.

Three: come hell or high water, Aaron and Haley are going to make it out alive and rebuild the life they always deserved and never got.

Four: they’re out of time. Because Aaron is calling them and only them- the more people that know, the riskier everything is- into the bullpen.

She takes a deep breath.

She thinks of how Haley’s faith in people never seemed to waver and she sends a desperate prayer to anyone who may be listening that she is the one kept safe. Because if the universe is going to let her and Aaron carry on living, then it will let Haley do the same.

She exhales.

And then she follows her team into the abyss, as she has done so many times before. Only this time, she’s not so convinced she’s going to walk out.

#the someone to stay au #criminal minds #tw canon typical violence #tw implied racism #tw implied child abuse #tw intrusive thoughts #tw suicidal ideation #tw self destructive behavior #tw unhealthy coping mechanisms #tw food mention #tw religious themes

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shelby-love · 4 years

Text

KELLY SEVERIDE

Poor Defense

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warnings: none

Authors note: Happy ending obviously! xx

"Babe are you sure that you're alright?" You ask him for the fifth time. You're standing outside his car, watching him join you outside like a hwak.

Your boyfriend Kelly just doesn't seem to be okay. You watch him grab your duffle bag along with his. Usually that's not a problem for him but you see him strain his shoulder. His face says it all.

"No, I got it. You don't have to." You reach for your duffle bag.

"What do you mean? It's not a problem babe seriously. Let me." You sigh in defeat and grab his free hand. You part ways in the locker room and you join Shay in the ambo.

"Did you notice anything weird about Kelly?" You ask her. You're sitting at the floor of the ambulance and spying on him with the jump bag next to you. Making it easy for you to switch your eyes to it and act like you're not spying on him but rather doing your job.

He's at the squad table, bickering with Capp like nothing in the world is wrong or at least slightly twisted.

"What do you mean?" She tries to play it smooth. Of course she knows. The guilt has been eating her alive.

"Hm. That's weird." You suddenly say. The subject that is your boyfriend drops and you focus on the jump bag next to you.

"What's weird?"

"We're missing some painkillers. But I'm sure I ordered them." You sigh. Explaining that to main tower is going to be a pain in the ass. "Never mind. We'll figure it out."

"Okay I can't do it anymore." She sighs in defeat before throwing the last of the towels inside and sitting down next to you.

"Can't do what Shay?" You ask your partner. Shay is stressed and scared. But for what?

"He's not okay Y/N."

"Who's not okay?"

"Kelly!" She exclaims. "He went to check his injury and the doctor told him that they will need to operate and he won't be able to work for a year. Ever since then I've been helping him."

"You took the meds?!" You're shocked beyond words at this point. Not only was your boyfriend hiding a serious injury from you, he was also using his best friend and putting her in danger of losing her job. Hell even you were at risk now! "Les this can cost us our jobs!"

"I know! It's just... He's so stubborn and I was afraid that he was going to take the matter into his own hands."

Damn his stubbornness! "I will take his stubbornness and shove it so far up his-"

"Hey girlies." Brian Zvonecek interrupts you innocently. "Do you have any towels to spear?"

***

"When were you going to tell me?" You just barged into your boyfriend's private room and now you demand answers.

"Tell you what babe?"

"That your shoulder is getting worse and that you made Shay steal meds from the ambo just so you can work and risk your life." You tell him that in one single breath, with ears red as a tomato. You're angry and disappointed in him.

His face said it all. Busted.

"Look baby..." He stood up with caution. "This was just a one time thing. I'm fine now. I really am."

"No Kelly I don't think you are."

***

You have free time and you decide to use it to make up with Kelly. After what happened at the firehouse you didn't exactly find it in you to talk to him without bringing up the injury and starting a fight.

You wrecked your brain for possible explanations and after putting yourself in Kelly's shoes you decided to forgive him. He explained himself enough for you to build up the trust once more.

"Babe?" You walk around your shared apartment in hopes of finding him somewhere convenient enough to talk things out.

"In the shower!"

His reply is loud and clear. His off limits to talk now.

When you walk into the spacious bedroom it's almost like the air is completely different. Something seems off. You notice his jacket that lies on the bed, probably because he's headed somewhere.

While the shower runs in the background you take his jacket into his eyes and instinctively search through its pockets. You were never the type to rummage through his belongings but you felt like it needed to be done.

What you found shocked you. Pills.

Much stronger and illegal medication. 5 times the strength from the ones Shay took from the ambulance. You had one question in mind: Where did he get this?

Feeling your blood boil at the newfound sight you reach for his phone without a second thought. Someone must've gotten this for him and you were going to find out who.

Calls were a dead end and you quickly turned to look through his messages. The newest contact being someone named Anna.

It's obvious the moment you scroll through their conversation. A conversation way to long for your liking that started just a day after you confronted him about it.

You feel betrayed. He promised he would do the surgery.

You throw his phone back on his nightstand and fish through your pockets for your own. The moment you have it you swipe through your contacts and press call. "Yes?"

"Les who is Anna?" You ask her. The human encyclopedia for Kelly's past flings and girlfriends.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because..." You make sure to quickly hide in the kitchen so he doesn't hear you. "I just found out that he's still using pills. Illegal and stronger meds. And I know it's not you because you and I both don't have access to this kind of stuff."

"Uh..."

"I went through his phone and before you tell me how I shouldn't have done that... I had every right to protect him from risking his life because he's so freaking stubborn!" You huff into the phone. You clutch the meds in your hand until they're almost grinded into powder. "The name's Anna."

"Oh Jesus..." You hear her sigh. "An old flame and pharmaceutical rep. They never slept together but he did kiss her."

You start to see red. "I figured as much."

After taking a deep breath you bid Shay your goodbyes and start to pack your bags.

"Y/N-"

"Save it." You place the last of your shirts into the duffle bag. Ready to fly out of the apartment.

"Why?"

"Why?! Are you serious right now?" You ask him angrily. "You know what Kelly? I should've reported you for taking unprescribed medicine the moment I found out! No actually I should've reported you for making Shay steal them for you.

I can't believe I thought you were going to do the surgery. I stayed quiet knowing that your little stunt could cost me my job-"

"But you didn't do anything."

"Exactly! I didn't do anything to stop it. In the eyes of the whole CFD I am a careless paramedic in charge that doesn't take inventory seriously and instead allows firefighters to take whichever meds they prefer to themselves. Add my romantic relationship with the firefighter in question to the mix and my career is gone! Poof."

After a few deep breaths you zip your duffle bag. "I am not mad that you went to your ex fling for help. I am mad that you lied to me. You made me think everything was alright and when I found out you promised me that you would do the surgery. Not for me but for yourself and us. Yet again. You lied."

Knowing that staying in the same room with him for a second longer would make you stay, you decide to stalk out of the room and the whole apartment, leaving your own keys in the kitchen so you don't get tempted to come back.

***

"Shay let me in c'mon." Kelly banged on the door of Shay's apartment knowing that you were inside. "I need to talk to her."

The man you call the love of your life wasn't going to give up and both of you knew it. Frantically, with both hands in the air and if possible both legs too, Shay mouthed "What do I do?"

You nod towards the door, "Open the door."

She mouths back. "Are you sure?"

"Hey! Stop mouthing to each other and open the damn door!"

"Damn you Kelly!" Leslie shouts at him before opening the door and dissappearing into her room with a loud slam of the door.

It's been two weeks since you "moved out". You didn't give him the time of your day at work but the time you spent apart was eating you alive. Killing you actually.

His handsome self barges into the living room and spots you on the couch. Curled in a ball with tea in your hands and a blanket over you. The silent battle of eyes stops when he takes three long strides towards you and pulls you in for a kiss. A kiss that feels like homecoming.

You pull away flushed to the bone and encourage him to take a seat next to you. You place the blanket over his lap like you always do. Some things die hard.

"I'll do it."

"Do what?"

"The surgery Y/N. I'll do it."

Your mouth falls open in an 'O'. "So you're not here to ask me to move back in?Cause I'm still paying rent for that place."

He chuckles in a way that makes you weak in the knees. "You didn't let me get to that part."

"What made you get a change of heart?" You place your steaming hot tea on the glass coffee table and make yourself comfortable on the couch, your eyes never leaving his.

"You." He said simply. It made you blush against your will. "And the pain. It's horrible."

A bubble of laughter escapes your lips. "I love it when I make you laugh."

His statement caught you off guard making you blush even more. "I'm supposed to have a better defense."

"No you don't." With that he placed his index finger under your chin and lulled you into him. He spoke a soft apology in the kiss and you accepted it by kissing him back.

"Let's go home." Kelly whispered. Sorry shining in his eyes.

"Okay."

This time it was you leaned in for a kiss.

MASTERLIST

#chicago fire imagine #chicago fire fanfiction #chicago fire #kelly severide x reader #kelly severide fanfiction #kelly severide imagine #kelly severide

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kuronanox · 4 years

Text

Insecure Love - Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez (AU-NSFW)

She was his prisoner and the toxicity surrounding their relationship put a strain on her mental health. No matter how much she wanted to leave him Grimmjow wouldn't allow it.

He got angry and would scream and break objects in the house scaring her to death and she knew he could have easily hurt her if he wanted to.

Sobbing as she hugged herself on her knees she threw her phone across the wall and screamed out of frustration. "I hate you!"

She knew she should have listen to her friends and family years ago when they told her Grimmjow was bad news, but her young and immature mind felt different.

It's been difficult as she had to pay off student loans and provide for the both of them and half the time she didn't know where he was anymore.

They both were intoxicated about each other no matter how bad things got in their relationship no one ever left, but they left scars towards each other.

Grimmjow happened to come home when he heard her yell in the bedroom, he wanted to fix their strained relationship by bringing good news to her for once. He was hired as a personal body guard to one of Japan most wealthiest celebrities.

"I hate him so much." She says picking up her phone and slamming the bathroom door to freshen up for the night.

He was conflicted if he was going to throw a tantrum and get angry or leave it be for the night, but he wanted to fix things so he chose to ignore her statement and pretend he didn't hear nothing.

(Your Name) was paying all the bills for the last few months after Grimmjow got fired from his last job for beating the shit out of someone, the dude had to be hospitalized.

"Hey." He says roughly as she opened the bathroom door surprised to see him home early.

"You're home early?"

"Tch. I live here too."

"Yeah well whose paying the bills right now? At least let me know where you go half the time." She bit back at him and plopped onto the bed leaning on her elbow.

"Don't start this shit right now." He says pulling his shirt off to get ready for a shower.

"Whatever."

That night after hearing the good news of Grimmjow getting a job again they didn't sleep much. There was a lot of cries and moans rather then words of encouragement.

(Your Name) wanted to be a normal couple for once but she was already broken she didn't know how to express her emotions anymore.

As he fell asleep she laid awake besides him under protection of his arms. The negative thoughts crept in her mind.

He was going to be a body guard to rich celebrities and it lower her self esteem.

It wouldn't surprise her if she found him in bed with one of them; after all she's caught him with other women a few times.

She scoffed why were they like this? They acted like children but they were already in their late 20s acting like high school kids in a relationship.

"Can't sleep?" He asks her with his eyes still closed.

"I'm okay."

"Stop I know something is wrong. You didn't even tell me congrats about my new job... you just kissed me and we had sex."

(Your Name) shivered at his touch because he was rubbing her arms lightly as if he was trying to comfort her discomfort. She was a little weird out by his actions the whole night. He was rarely ever gentle.

"I wanna talk about us." She tells him as he sighs and sits up from the bed and picks her up so she was sitting between his legs.

"Go on."

"Well I've been thinking. I'm almost 30 and we've been together since college isn't it childish to keep hurting each other like this?"

"Are you indicating we should break up?!" Grimmjow slightly raises his voice loosing his cool temper for a second.

"That's not what I'm saying... I just have a professional job at the hospital and well you have that job...it's just that what is our future together?"

Grimmjow doesn't say anything but stares at her, he hasn't thought much about the future but he knew she was going to be in his.

"Don't know." He answers bluntly as he could see in her eyes that she was a bit hurt by his answer. "You are my future."

She just shakes her head and moves away from him disappointed that was his answer to her after so many years together.

She was always called in random times at the hospital and Grimmjow was always traveling or not home because of work, but after the night she talked to him about their future together he reconsider everything he had done in the past.

He couldn't lose her as much as he already has. Grimmjow was slowly making things right for them. He started by coming home every night he didn't have to be away and letting her know where he was when he went out.

Grimmjow even made the effort to clean and cook the house when she came home late from the hospital.

"I just feel like the way he is acting now is temporary and we will go back to our old ways." (Your Name) tells Rangiku as they sat for afternoon brunch one day.

"Well, has he ever done any of these things before? Like cook and clean and even letting you know where he is?"

"No not really this is the first time."

Rangiku mixes her drink and takes a sip before speaking.

"Give it time, I think if he's willing to try new things to keep the relationship alive you should trust him a bit more."

"I guess so, it wouldn't be fair not to." (Your Name) agrees and sadly smile down to the table. "I guess I'm always the one doubting us."

"Good morning." Grimmjow says looking down at (Your Name) with a lopsided smile.

"Oh god he's morning voice is so hot."

(Your Name) sits up from bed and rubs her eyes, they were both naked in the covers. She didn't want to leave the warmth that they both radiantly pulled off so she fell back onto him and cuddled some more.

If she remember clearly Grimmjow took her out on a date as they went clubbing to dance for a bit and she got a little bit to lit. Which ended them both in bed for a good time.

"Did you have fun last night?" He asks her as she nodded slowly only remembering a few clips in the back of her head.

She remembered how Grimmjow unforgivingly pounded into her as his thrust were fast and steady. The way his rough hands held her down and explored every part of her body.

Grimmjow pulling her ass in the air and giving both of them a loud smack before abusing her aching pussy drenched from over stimulation. As she cried out telling him not to stop. The way his tongue fucked her as he sucked and gave long stroke on her clit.

She remembered how they hungrily kissed each other as their tongue explored every inch and how he seductively sucked her bottom lip leaving them plumped and bruised.

"I remember a lot actually." She tells him as his face lit up. Which tells her Grimmjow was definitely into last night heated session.

"Good, things have been great between us." He says as she traced his abs and slowly going to his lower abdomen making him shiver a bit.

"Just thinking about last night turned me on again." She admits feeling the dampened underwear she wore.

"Oh? I'm always down for another round."

Sitting between his legs she pulled his under garments away and threw it across the room impatiently. Grabbing his erected member softly she pumped it a few times and kissed the tip of it. He shuttered and groaned because she was going so slow but all he wanted to do was to fuck her pretty little mouth.

"Jeez baby if you keep teasing me I won't forgive you."

"Shh." She tells him and slowly puts her mouth around his member. Bobbing her head she looked up to him with lustful eyes. His mouth parted a bit as she moaned, the vibration added to the pleasure he was getting.

Grabbing her head he thrusted into her mouth gently as he hit the back of her throat.

Holding his thigh for support she pulled away and gave him long teasing licks around his erected member as she stroke and swallowed it whole again hollowing her cheeks as Grimmjow groaned in response.

Feeling herself getting impatient she slipped one hand to massage her aching core.

"Someone is rather impatient today." He says and pulled her up to face him as they joined lips again giving her a passionate lusty kiss.

Moving to her collarbones and to her breast he swirled her nipples like they were lollipops with his mouth sucking on them as he grabbed her ass and gave it a loud smack.

Releasing his mouth he laid her down and crawled on top, before entering himself he kissed her gently and brought one of her legs up trailing it with kisses.

Grimmjow stroked himself a bit before entering slowly into her drench and aching core. She bit her lip and arched her back, they felt whole again.

(Your Name) couldn't describe the feeling but it was pure bliss and heaven as he thrusted into her faster as he brought his hand and rubbed her clit. She moaned in pleasure and brought Grimmjow closer to her as she wrapped her legs around him. His balls hitting her ass as he kissed her drove her on edge as she moaned into his mouth.

Flipping her on all fours he pounded into her holding her hands behind her back she relied on Grimmjow so she wouldn't fall face down.

Grimmjow was started to get sloppy knowing he was going to cum soon, looking at the mirror he could see her face crying in pleasure and the way her breast swinging back and fourth drove him on edge as he groaned lightly.

Letting her hands go as she fell onto the comfy mattress he grabbed her hip and pounded into her unmercifully he breathlessly said "I'm about to cum."

"It's okay you can cum in me." She says as he leaned down and bit her shoulder and shot his hot seeds into her.

A few months pasted by and their relationship couldn't be any better. They hadn't fought in a long time. They were both happy together even though they had opposite schedules from each other they both tried their hardest to make time for each other.

"I'm leaving to America for a week." Grimmjow says to her one night as they ate dinner together on the couch.

"Okay, whatever your work tells you to do. I'm fine with that."

"Good, just letting you know. I've been getting quite the attention recently." He smirks running his hand through his hair.

(Your Name) knew her boyfriend was extremely good looking and that many women wanted him but after getting a job as a personal body guard with the hottest celebrities in Japan it lowered her self esteem. Although she didn't let it get to her because of how happy they were together it still bothered her.

"I know. I didn't think you were going to get that much attention."

Grimmjow shrugs and pulls her onto his lap. "Why you jealous?"

"Fuck no. You're ugly anyways."

He laughs as his phone rang showing a unknown number to her. Raising her eyebrow she gives him a look. "Aren't you going to answer it?"

"Nah just some annoying fan I'm guessing."

Although she wanted to believe Grimmjow she knew it was to good to be true that they were this happy. She knew Grimmjow was still suspicious.

"Okay then."

After taking his leave to America she saw the celebrity he was going with. She was Japan hottest actress at the moment. (Your Name) didn't want to feel down, but she was getting extremely insecure.

The actress was tall and beautiful, with slick black hair and the most expensive outfits that made her look even more high and mighty.

Before Grimmjow left the actress gave (Your Name) a look up and down and smirked entering her private jet.

"Fuck that bitch." (Your Name) said as she watched Grimmjow leave. "He's still mine."

She didn't hear much from Grimmjow that week because of the time difference and he claimed that he was super busy.

Grimmjow was starting to get his own small fan base in japan and it annoyed her because she felt like he was going to forget her slowly for fame.

When he got back from America everything was the same except she fought condoms in his luggage.

Grabbing them from his suit case she threw the whole case at him. "What the fuck Grimmjow? If you wanted to fuck another bitch at least be more secretive about it!" She yelled as he caught it.

"Woah it's not what you think!" He explains to her as she grabbed her own bags and started to pack.

"I can't do this no more, we can't with this relationship anymore. I'm almost 30 and I'm living a life of a newly college student. I want to advance my future! I want to get married and have kids! If I stay with you any longer I won't be able to love myself."

Grimmjow ran his hands through his hair and followed her in the bedroom. "I didn't do anything with her! I bought those in America for us." He tells her as she looked down and sighed.

(Your Name) wanted to believe him but from past experiences she was scared.

"I want to believe you but I'm scared." She tells him. Grimmjow pulls her close to him and makes her look at his face.

"(Your Name) I promise you I didn't do anything. I'm sorry I make you feel so low and insecure. I want to change that. Just because I work for those famous people doesn't mean I don't think you look just as good. You are the most fucking beautiful person I've ever met and been with. I don't want you to leave, I need you."

Wiping the tears from her face she held his face and traced his face with her thumbs.

"It's just hurts, it hurts to much. It hurts to know that you haven't thought about our future together. I can't let go of the past, your actions from before has caused me to be so cautious about everything you do. That isn't healthy!"

She screams at him as he felt his heart hurt from the way she told him her feelings she had been hiding the whole time.

"Please don't leave, I've been making things right for us. Why can't you believe me for once!" He argued back holding her shoulders tightly afraid to let her go.

That night she spend it in his arms crying.

Grimmjow stayed up till she was okay and comforted her.

Every word he told her weren't lies, he really couldn't see anyone else putting up with his shit besides her. He needed her to keep him sane.

"I'm sorry (Your Name)." He kissed her softly on the head as she snored below him fast asleep now.

Stirring in her sleep she held him tighter, his heart soften from this.

Grimmjow was a tough cookie and he was rarely nice, gentle and compassionate. Over the years he developed those traits being with (Your Name). Because of her he had many opportunities that came into his life and she helped him when he was at his lowest even though it hurt her along the way.

Grimmjow was blinded but slowly saw that (Your Name) will always be there for him no matter how much she says she wants to leave him.

He was ready for the future now, he let go of his past self and was working on his personal growth and goals.

Right now the bills are fine, they both have a stable job and their relationship was fixing slowly, he wouldn't have it any other way. Beside no relationship is perfect and he understood that they will always have their ups and down no matter how much they tried.

"Sleep peacefully (Your Name) I'll be here in the morning." Grimmjow says tiredly giving her one last kiss on the temple before drifting off to sleep.

#bleach #grimmjow jaegerjaquez #bleach grimmjow #bleach one shots #bleach x reader #bleach oneshot #bleach imagines #tite kubo #kubo tite

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