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randomsevans · 4 years

Text

July

Andy x Reader

A/N remember you can always send in request .

Aswell as a song along with a character and I'll write a one shot

I've been holding my breath

I've been counting to ten

Over something you said

I've been holding back tears

While you're throwing back beers

I'm alone in bed

I know this isn't good . I know it's not good for me I cant help my eyes from stinging tho . I've tried to get close to him . I've tired god knows I've tried .

Andy Barben

The bed room had a heavy silent as he down the last of his drink as I read my book . It had been a ruf day once again for him . Well at least I think he has barely said a word . No kiss when he come in from work .and went straight for the beer

However as I think about it. It's been like that for while . As my heart stings yearning for my husband who has made it clear time and time although not saying the words you could tell he didnt for you . Well at least not anymore .

You know I, I'm afraid of change

Guess that's why we stay the same

Its been like this for a while . You see I think the problem is we got to comfortable with eachother . After four years of marriage and nearly a decade of being with each we did the same thing.

But I dont want it to change . I love him . Oh I love him .

I just ...

I dont think he loves me anymore

So tell me to leave, I'll pack my bags, get on the road

Find someone that loves you better than I do, darling, I know

'Cause you remind me every day, I'm not enough, but I still stay

See I knew from the beginning I'd never be enough for Andy I mean look at him . He has always been successful. He is always kind and loving. I also knew I was lucky to have him.

But I never felt good enough for him . But I tried to be .

I mean he use to tell me all the time he loved me and I could see it in his eyes . But now I know when he says it he shares those words with another and he means them alot more with her

Feels like a lifetime

Just tryna get by

While we're dying inside

I've done a lot of things wrong

Loving you being one

But I can't move on

Although I know what Andy has been doing with the new lawyer in his firm I could never bring myself to say anything as i was dying inside . I tried god I tired .

But what's the point when your the only one loving in the relationship . I love Andy with everything in me . I do anything for him.

But you see that's the problem I've been doing that for to long now .

You know I, I'm afraid of change

Guess that's why we stay the same

That's why its stayed the same. Me at home with my work while he went to his work with her . I just hope he loves her because its killed me

So tell me to leave,I'll pack my bags, get on the road

As andy made his way into the bed he turned his back from me once again . I put my head on my pillow facing his back . I wish he would hold me one more time

"Night love " I spoke softly in the dark of the room

"Night " was his short response

"I love you andy " a single tear rolled down my cheek .

"Love ya " he shifted around before closing his eyes with a deep breath as I tried hold in my sob .

Unknowing to him my bags where packed my clothes gone from my closet waiting under the stairs with papers waiting for him on the kitchen table

Find someone that loves you better than I do, darling, I know

I just hope. He loves her and is happy with her . Because I love him and for him I cant see him die inside everytime I'm near him or tell him a love him when he wants to be with her

'Cause you remind me every day, I'm not enough, but I still stay

The daily reminder I was never enough . After 10 or so years I finally decided not to stay .

When I heard to soft snores after 20 minutes or so I slowly got up . My shoes under the bed along with a shirt and leggings. I quickly changed and made my way to the bedroom door .

But not before I stood in front of the man I love. I love at him not in a creepy way but loving. See his cheated but I know hes a good man I just wasnt enough . I never deserved a man like him.

I looked at every detail . From his breaded checks covering his freckle to his soft brown curls on top of his head . I slowly lowered my head until I place a kiss on his cheek . Taking a deep breath

If you want me to leave, then tell me to leave, and baby, I'll go

Although he never said the word I knew he wanted me to leave and be with her . He just couldn't do it him self so I did for him .

So as I stood outside our shared home with my bags and suit case . Where I once hoped I'd grow old and share with my husband and future children . I waited until my uber pulled up .

My cheeks stung from my tears as I turned around towards the door as I slipped my keys through the letter box

"Baby I'll go . "

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randomsevans · 3 years

Text

SORRY -part 2

Out of love

Part two to July

I won't tell you I'm lonely

'Cause it might be selfish

I won't ask you to hold me

'Cause that won't mend what's helpless

Sitting in this shitty hotel room. With my cheeks stained with tears . My heart was well and truly broke then pain within my veins and the suffocation .

The tv buzzed in the background as my mind relived every moment it could remeber I had spent with my husband for the last 10 years . Form the begin to me leaving last night .

I know I did what's best for him but call me selfish I just want my Andy but I guess in his view you cant ment what's helpless . So he went to the arms of someone else .

There's not a thing I could say

Not a song I could sing

For your mind to change

Nothing can fill up the space

Won't ask you to stay

But let me ask you one thing

Nothing is going to change this . He went to someone else . And yes my heart hurts at the thought but what hurts me is I dont know why

I wanna know if he woke up saw me gonna .found the papers ? And if he did is he hurting like me or reviled as I think he is ?

Is he looking for me ? Or did he run to her ? Is he happy I left him? Did he knew I was

See I love him I will always love him and I know its toxic but if he came looking for me wanting to work our marriage out . I'd forgive him in a heart beat .

Out of everything this last year has happend I just want to ask him one thing . One thing

When did you fall out of love?

Out of love?

Oh, when did you fall out of love with me

I can't float in an ocean

That's already been drained

I won't cry at your feet now

I know my tears will fall in vein

There's not a thing I could say

Not a song I could sing

For your mind to change

Nothing can fill up the space

Won't ask you to stay

But let me ask you one thing

Oh, when did you fall out of love?

Out of love?

Oh, when did you fall out of love with me?

No use

Wondering

Why your change in heart has wondered

So I ask you this question

'Cause it might help me sleep longer

The sickness feeling the heart break. I dont need to know why he went to someone else and didnt want to help our marriage . Just when did he fall out of love with me !!!

The thought caused me to let out a loud sob into the empty room that was now filled with light from the sun .that had risen .

I quickly went to get my phone like I have done all night . Its 7 in the morning he should be up by now . He should know I'm gonna .

Yes I love him. But it doesnt mean I'm not spiteful and selfish. I left the way I did as I test I guess and now I just gotta wait for the results .

Oh, when did you fall out of love?

Out of love?

Oh, when did you run out of love for me?

Out of love? (Out of love)

Out of love with me?

The screen lit up . And my eyes squinted in order to see the screen as my eyes still blured with tears .

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans fanfiction #andy barben x female reader .#andy barben x y/n #andy barben #andy barben x reader

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