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moon-light-jukebox · 4 years

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“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 3 - [Reid x Reader]

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Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid and Reader continue their conversation at his apartment. Reader explains some of her rules and realizes just how quickly she’ll break them for our pretty boy.

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Rating: Mature (this one has smut, y’all.)

Word Count: 4.2k for Chapter 3

Content Warnings: BDSM themes, femdom themes, oral sex (male receiving), face fucking, vaginal fingering. Just smutty smut.

A/n: Thank you so much for sticking with me, my darlings. I’ve only been writing on this account for 5 days and the love I’ve received is overwhelming. As promised, here is chapter 3, which is filled with sexual tension and Spencer Reid smut, a day earlier than promised.

y/n = your name. y/l/n = your last name. italicized texts are Reader’s thoughts.

-- Chapter 3: Do you kiss your submissives?”--

Spencer Reid’s apartment was exactly what I expected. The only clutter in the whole place were his books, which were overflowing from everywhere. I didn’t see a TV or any sort of modern technology besides a phone line. The walls were a dark green, the windows on the far wall were huge, offering amazing natural light, I was sure.

He placed his bag by the door before he moved into the apartment. “D-do you want anything, Y/n?”

“I’m fine, Doc.” I moved to sit down on his couch before patting the cushion beside me. He moved to the couch quickly, briefly debating if he should sit where I had indicated or sit further from me. “C’mon, Doc. I’ll only bite if you ask me to.” I tried to say it like it was a joke. It wasn’t, but I’m not sure if Spencer knew that.

He sat beside me, his back ramrod straight, his knees together, fingers drumming nervously against his thighs.

“Well, you’ve got me right where you want me, Doc. Ask away,” I said lightly.

He bit his lip; I saw him struggling with himself. “…why is it a conversation you avoid?”

Jesus fuck. “Because it makes me uncomfortable, Spencer,” my voice had a slight edge to it. I don’t want to talk about this.

My nervous boy licked his lips, his eyes shifted to the wall across the room; his eyes ran over the books I’m sure he’s read thousands of times. “Did…did-,” he cleared his throat. “No one hurt you, did they?”

Is that my heart that just cracked a little bit? “No, Spencer. No one hurt me in the way you’re thinking.” It took everything within me not to reach out and touch him. How could his mind not jump to the worst conclusion given the work that we do? “My heart is the only part of me that was hurt. I trusted the wrong person.” A mistake I won’t make again.

I saw his posture relax as he released a deep breath he’d been holding. “Okay. Thank you for telling me.” My sweet boy. The things I want to do to you. He shifted, still never meeting my eyes. “Well…if you don’t let them…fuck you, then what do you get out of it? Do you still have…have an o-orgasm with them?”

“Sometimes,” was my answer. “Sometimes I’ll turn them into a whimpering little mess and then I just leave. Sometimes, I touch myself while I’m with them, so they can watch me cum.” Spencer’s breathing was so heavy now. Does he feel this too? This pulsing that seemed to run through my entire body. “My memory isn’t as good as yours, but once I leave, I usually finish myself up at home, thinking about how they begged and cried for me.”

I heard him whimper. He didn’t try to hide it, shifting in his seat again. I felt myself throb at the sound, at the thought of him making a sound like that under me. I had tried to reign myself in while I was in the car, not letting this affect me. This was different. We were in his house, I could smell him, I could almost feel him. I didn’t need to check to know my panties were getting damp, especially after hearing that fucking sound.

He wasn’t going to make the first move; it simply wasn’t in him. “Spencer? What do you want? I can’t give you anything if you don’t tell me. All you have to do is ask.”

He took a deep breath, clasping his hands together to stop them from trembling. “…w-w-what do you look for? What sort of…guys do you like?” His voice was so unsure, he was so afraid that I was going to say something and hurt him. The thought cracked my heart open further. This sweet, sweet man.

“Can I touch you?”

“Yes.” His response was so quick I had to bite down on my tongue to suppress a laugh.

I placed my hand on his arm, staying on his shirt, careful to never touch his skin. I skimmed my fingers up higher while I turned my body more towards him. I could see his pulse beating in his neck. "My poor, nervous boy," I said softly, so softly I'm surprised he heard me. But from the way his eyes closed, and his hands clenched, I knew he had. His breathing sped up the closer I got to his neck.

Finally, finally, finally, I let my fingers move up to the collar of his button-up shirt. He felt my nails first as they grazed over the skin of his neck, brushing slowly towards the other side, up to that jaw I had admired since the moment I met him. With light pressure, I turned his face towards me; I was pleased when he didn't resist.

“I don’t think I have a type, I like all sorts of people,” my voice was a little bit more raspy than normal, my words soft. “I especially like shy boys with beautiful messy hair and glasses.”

The small smile on his face at my words warmed a place in my heart I hadn’t felt for such a long time.

He licked his lips, his eyes searching mine; looking for something that I would give him…if only he asked. His voice was no more than a whisper, “Do you normally kiss your submissives?”

“No,” I said, unprepared for the look of disappointment that crossed his face. “No, I usually don’t kiss my submissives. But…I think I could make an exception.” There was no way I wasn’t going to kiss that beautiful mouth of his, my normal rules be damned.

His golden-brown eyes locked on to mine; and for the first time in a very long time, I felt like someone could see every part of me. Spencer Reid looked at me and I felt like he could see all my secrets that were buried far beneath the surface. The way he looked at me made my heart flutter, my thighs clinch, and my mouth go dry.

He terrified me.

Spencer’s tongue ran over his bottom lip, his eyes moving from my lips back up to my eyes. “Are you sure?”

In that moment I wasn’t sure of a lot, but I was starting to understand that my usual defenses were no match for this man. “I’m sure.”

His hands were soft when he cupped my face in his palms, slowly moving his thumb over my cheek. It felt like it took a lifetime for his lips to finally brush over mine, sending a jolt of electricity through my body. I’d kissed other people before, but I had never felt a hunger like this. Spencer’s lips moved over mine hesitantly, my nervous boy was still so unsure. I moved my hands to the back of his head, tangling my fingers in those light brown curls I had admired for so long.

Our kiss grew more urgent like we both felt how fleeting this perfect moment was. The rain was pouring, Spencer Reid's mouth was moving over mine, his tongue flicking over my lips, seeking entrance, and I was so wrapped up in him that I forgot what I was so afraid of.

I sucked Spencer’s tongue into my mouth, the action pulling a moan from deep in his throat. My hands were moving down his body urgently; Spencer’s hands stayed on my cheeks. Maybe he’s afraid I’ll stop him if he tries to touch me.

My mouth broke away from his, gasping for air. I ran my hands down his body while my mouth trailed over to his ear, planting wet kisses along his jaw. “Tell me what you want, baby,” I whispered in his ear before I gently took his earlobe between my teeth.

Spencer hissed, his hips shift, seeking some sort of friction. “I…I don’t know.”

He couldn’t see my smile as I kissed down his neck until I got to his pulse point, biting and sucking the skin lightly. He’d have a mark, but I couldn’t resist. I wanted some proof tomorrow that this was real.

“If I do something you’re not okay with you have to tell me.” He nodded quickly. “No, I need you to say it, Spencer.”

“I will,” he said in that same breathy voice that I would remember for the rest of my life. “But I don’t think you’ll do anything I don’t like.”

He had far too much trust in me, but I wasn't going to betray it. Rising up, I pulled up my skirt before I swung my left leg over him so that I was straddling his lap. I quickly started working on the buttons of his shirt.

“Y/n,” he said, causing me to pause. “I don’t know what I’m allowed to do with my hands.”

What a good boy he was already. “Put them along the back of the couch, baby. I’ll give you permission to touch me again when you’ve earned it.”

He nodded before leaning back further to put his arms where I wanted. His eyes darted down to where my lower body was pressed to his. Spencer Reid’s breath caught before he licked his lips and looked up towards his ceiling.

I continued unbuttoning his shirt. “What is it, baby?” I pushed his shirt open, my lips trailing down to his collarbone.

“I can…I can see your…panties,” he stumbled with his words. Whether he was uncomfortable with the words or simply overwhelmed, I couldn’t decide. I tilted my head, looking further down. My skirt was up around my hips, the piece of blue fabric covering my pussy was visible.

I leaned closer, my mouth going back to his ear as my hands went to his belt. “What’s wrong, Spencer? Do you not like them?” He shifted restlessly. “Or is it because they’re all wet?” He whimpered again, causing me to pull his chin down so he was facing me. “It’s all for you, you know. This is what you do to me.”

Something ignited in his eyes right before he brought his lips back to mine, his tongue swiping over my bottom lip, demanding entry. I opened for him on a sigh as I finally got his belt free. Dr. Spencer Reid was good at everything, so I shouldn’t have been surprised that he was such a good kisser. His tongue tangled with mine before he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, biting softly. When I moaned into the kiss, his hips bucked up, causing a jolt to run through my core.

“Can I take your pants off, Spencer?” I whisper against his mouth. I got a small nod before his mouth moved over mine again.

I undid his pants, slowly unzipping him before I pulled away. I'm embarrassed to say my legs were a bit shaky when I stood up. Who would have thought Spencer Reid would have this effect on me?

He lifted his hips as I tugged his boxers and pants down his thighs, his cock springing free and hitting his pelvis. He was a pretty boy; it makes sense he’d have a pretty cock. He was longer than I expected, not overly thick, but the veins were clearly visible. He was so hard it had to be almost painful for him. The head of his dick was wet from all his precum.

Spencer watched me carefully, unsure of where I was going to take this. I gave him a smile and dropped to my knees. “We’re not going to do anything crazy tonight, Doc,” I said, trailing my lips up one of his thighs, clenching my own at the whimper he made in response. “We’re just…getting acquainted.” My hand reached up and grabbed him at the base, stroking up to the head before running my thumb along the back, an area I was sure would be sensitive. His hips jerked, he let out another groan. “Is that what you want, Spencer?”

“Yes…yes, please.” His teeth were digging into his lip so hard I was afraid he might draw blood. His hands balled into fists along the back of the couch.

I couldn’t deny him, especially not after I heard him say please. I knew he’d be like this; I just knew it. I ran my tongue up the underside of his shaft before swirling it around his head. I kept my eyes on him the whole time, his hand released from the tight fist to grip the back of the couch.

I hollowed out my cheeks and took the head of his cock into my mouth. I sucked hard, earning another whimper. I pulled my mouth off and brought my palm to my mouth. I licked my palm, being sure to let some salvia pool in my hand before I wrapped it around his base again. I flicked my tongue over the slit of his dick, watching him closely. His stomach muscles were flexing in an effort to hold still. I began to work his cock into my mouth, taking more and more each time I went down, my hands stroking the part that my mouth hadn’t reached.

"Oh…oh my god, y/n," his head thrashed from side to side. He closed his eyes before I squeezed him harder. His eyes opened to meet mine. I pulled him out of my mouth, jerking him roughly.

“Look at you,” I murmured. “You’re already such a mess, Doctor.” He whined at my words, my hand continuing to move over this length. “I want you to watch me suck your cock. I want to hear you, Spencer, is that clear?” His cheeks were bright red, his breathing heavy as I continued to work his cock. He nodded, then said, “yes, ma’am.”

Hmm, ma’am, I thought. He might be a natural at this.

I took him back into my mouth. I worked up a rhythm that seemed to be what he wanted. I moved my hand off of him before I took him deeper into my mouth. His cock hit the back of my throat; I fought my gag reflex, swallowing around the tip of him.

“Fuck,” he whined. “Please, y/n. Please. I need you so much. Please, please.” He really was the most beautifulthing I had ever seen, especially when he was like this.

I moved back up his cock, pulling my mouth off, and gave him a smile. I kissed the tip before I said, "You can touch me now, Spencer. You've been such a good boy."

I took him back into my mouth, not missing the look on his face when I called him a good boy. It looked like somebody had a praise kink. Of course, he does, was all I could think.

He tentatively put his hands on my head, not applying any pressure, just following my movements. I reached up and pushed his hand more firmly on the back of my head, encouraging him. Spencer was ever the quick learner; he moved his hand, sliding it into my hair, gripping it and tugging ever so slightly. I closed my eyes and moaned around him, which caused him to grip my hair tighter and moan my name.

He started moving my head then. I relaxed, allowing him to move how he wanted. I watched as Dr. Spencer Reid, the quiet awkward man started to fuck my face, groaning every time his cock hit the back of my throat.

My eyes watered, saliva slipping from my mouth making his cock wetter.

“Y/n,” he said, his voice strained. “I’m…I’m going to cum. Please. Please, let me cum. You feel so good. Please.”

I moaned around him, looking into his eyes the entire time. I thought I was ready to see what he looked like when he came. I wasn’t.

He breathed out a sound that might have been my name, his hands flexing on my head. His head was thrown back, the tendons of his neck were straining as he spilled down my throat. I swallowed reflexively, closing my eyes until his hands dropped from my head. I pulled off and gave him a few more strokes with my hand. His body spasmed; he was so sensitive and my touch was too much.

I moved my body back up onto the couch, my legs stiff from being on the hard floor for so long. A soft smile took over my face as I looked at the boy wonder. I never thought I would see this sight; Spencer Reid was completely wrecked…by me.

He raised his head and looked at me, his expression close to one of wonder. “That was…that was everything, y/n.”

I chuckled, pushing my hair behind my ear. “That was nothing, Doc,” I said smugly. “That was just a normal blowjob. If you let me, I could really show you everything.”

He smiled at me, his eyes running over me, his eyebrows furrowed like they did when he was thinking hard about something. “Y/n,” he began. “I…I want you to cum too.”

Spencer was nothing if not a gentleman. “It’s fine, Spence. I’ll just take this memory with me and take care of myself later.” I normally didn’t second guess my decision to have this boundary with my subs, but Spencer was making it difficult to not rethink it.

Shifting his body, he slowly brought his hand up to face, cupping my jaw again. “You have that memory,” he whispered. “But I’d like one of you. I really want to see you cum.” My breath shuddered; who knew a little bit of dirty talk from the pretty boy would affect me like this? “Even if you won’t let me f-fuck you, or touch you…please, I just want to help you feel good.”

My pussy was so wet, the throbbing was constant. I had my thighs clamped together, trying to get some sort of relief. I was making all kinds of exceptions today, so why not?

I nodded slowly, unable to contain my laugh at the look of victory that came over his face. “What…how do you usually do this, y/n?”

Keeping my eyes on him, I started to remove my shirt. His eyes raked over me quickly, I knew he was committing me to memory. Reaching behind my back, I unhooked my bra, taking a deep breath before I slid it off. "You can kiss me if you want. You can kiss any part of my body above my waist." Was that disappointment that flashed over his face? “I’ll…I’ll touch myself while you do that.”

I was so wet and aching, I knew this wouldn't take long. Spencer gripped my face in both of his hands and kissed me. This kiss was brief, but the same amount of passion was still there. His hand tentatively made its way up to my breast, brushing over my nipple softly before he took me in his hand. I moaned into the kiss as his thumb started to brush over my nipple more purposefully, my thighs squeezing tighter.

“You know,” he murmured into my skin, moving his lips down to mouth my throat. “Some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. It’s rare, most women need clito-“

“Spencer, I am okay with hearing your facts anytime but right now,” I said, trailing my hand up my thigh.

He just chuckled. “Fair enough.” He moved his mouth down to my breast, taking my nipple into his mouth while his hand held the other, his thumb and forefinger tweaking that one while his tongue flicked over the other.

Of course, he is good with his mouth. I moved my hand up to the seam of my underwear. Pushing the wet fabric aside while I ran my finger up my folds. I couldn’t help the moan that tore from my throat at the sensation. I was just so wet.

Spencer pulled back from my chest to watch my hand, his attention on my finger as I slowly started circling my clit. He licked his lips, which may have been the hottest thing I had ever seen. “Y/n…” he trailed off, entranced by the movement of my hand, “Please let me touch you.” My breath caught, his left hand continuing to toy with my nipple. “I know you don’t normally. And I don’t understand why…it’s fine if you don’t want to. But please…please, I’ve thought about this for so long. Can I at least taste you on your fingers?”

Who knew Spencer Reid was this dirty? I moved my finger down, dipping it into my heat before I brought it back out. I brought my wet finger up to his mouth, staring in wonder as his lips wrapped around it. He sucked harshly, moaning at my taste, his eyes fluttering closed.

I blame how turned on I was for what I said next. “Spencer…you…you can use your hand.”

The look in his eyes made it seem like he knew what a big deal this was. He might not understand my reasoning, but he knew that me breaking my rule for him meant something, something important.

He leaned forward to kiss me, letting me taste the trace of myself on his lips. Then I felt his thumb ghost over my clit. My hips jerked and my thighs attempted to clamp together. I couldn’t remember the last time a hand that wasn’t my own touched me.

He pulled back, biting his lip as he looked at me. Pulling his hand back, he leaned forward and took my nipple into his mouth as he put a finger inside me. I was never going to be able to look at his hands again, not after I knew they could do this. He moved it in at out at a leisurely pace before he inserted another. He curled his fingers up until he found the spot that made me buck my hips and arch my back. Spencer smiled at me while his hand began to move faster. Only he could look so sweet at a time like this. “Tell me if I do something you don’t like, y/n,” he whispered. “I-I don’t have a lot of experience with this.”

He looked down again to watch his fingers move inside of me. Could have fooled me, Doc. He licked his lips absentmindedly while I tried to ride his fingers. He ground the heel of his hand against my clit, causing me to whine. I was so close already. My pussy was soaking wet, my chest was flushed, and I was coming undone for Dr. Spencer Reid.

“You look so fucking beautiful, Y/n,” he said, his eyes moving between my face and where his hand was working into me. “I’ll never be able to look at you again and not remember how pretty your pussy is. How wet you get for me.” Spencer leaned forward then, his mouth near my ear as he whispered. “And how your pussy squeezes my fingers every time I say something.” He chuckled at my groan. He knew I was going to cum. “Is that what you like? It’s not just making me beg for you…you just like hearing me, don’t you? Fuck…you’re getting so much tighter.” He bit my earlobe gentle, his left thumb and forefinger squeezing my nipple, his hand working into me faster as I ground my hips against him. “I wonder…y/n,” he breathed again. “I want you to cum for me. Please, please cum for me, Miss.”

That’s what finally broke me, the tension inside my body snapping apart at his whispered plea. My back arched off the couch, my hands were around his arm, my nails digging into his skin. My vision went white as I tried not to scream at how good he made me feel.

I slowly floated back to earth, his fingers working me gently to prolong my orgasm. I’m sure my face was flushed and dazed, but he stared at me like I was…beautiful. Spencer removed his fingers from my over sensitive pussy. I wasn’t prepared for him bringing them to his mouth and sucking them clean,

Jesus, he’s dirty was the only thought in my head.

After he withdrew, we both started righting our clothes; he pointed me in the direction of the bathroom so I could clean up. After wiping myself off, I splashed some water on my face, taking in my appearance in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes were too bright, my lips were swollen. I looked happy.

I was terrified.

I made my way into the living room to find Spencer clothed once again. The confident man who had made me cum moments ago was gone, replaced with my nervous boy, fidgeting with his glasses.

No matter how uncomfortable I was, I needed to be there for him after this. I sat beside him while he eyed me cautiously.

I smiled at him, my poor boy. I held out my arms. “Come here, Doc.” He looked confused. I explained, “I know we didn’t technically do any real BDSM stuff, but I think aftercare is still important right now. So, come here.”

Spencer bit his lip and looked…oddly hopeful. After giving it some thought, he scooted over on the couch before laying down so his head would fall into my lap. “Y/n?”

I ran my fingers through his curly hair slowly, trying to soothe him. "Hmm?"

Spencer was quiet; I could see his mind working behind his eyes, looking for something, anything, to say.

He was still thinking about what to say when his eyes closed, and his breathing slowed down.

It was alright, I knew what he wanted to say anyway.

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#Spencer reid #Spencer Reid fan fiction #Spencer Reid imagine #Dr Spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fan fiction #criminal minds smut #Spencer Reid smut #reid smut #dr Spencer Reid smut #dr reid smut #Spencer Reid x reader #Spencer Reid x you #Spencer Reid x y/n #dr Spencer Reid x you #dr Spencer Reid x reader #sub!spencer #ayhtdia

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moon-light-jukebox · 4 years

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“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 6 - [Reid x Reader]

previous chapter // series index // next chapter

Summary: After a long stretch of crimefighting, Reader and Spencer finally get a chance to spend some time together. Reader is ready to give Dr. Reid the proper introduction to female domination and BDSM he asked for.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x (Female) Reader

Category: 85% Smut, 10% Fluff, 5% Angst.

Word Count: 7.9k for Chapter 6

Content Warnings: BDSM, Femdom, thigh riding, pegging, orgasm denial, spitting, slapping, bondage, sub drop, aftercare, brief mention of menstruation (just in case that needs a warning). This chapter is filthy, y’all.

A/n: Before we begin, I wanted to give a small warning. When I started this story, I wanted to give an honest portrayal of BDSM/Femdom. The before, during, and after are equally important. Sub/Dom drop is a very real and emotional thing. But don’t worry, Reader is always there for our nervous boy.

y/n = your name. y/l/n = your last name. Italicized text is Reader’s thoughts.

-- Chapter 6 – “Dirty thing” --

Things started to move so fast after Illinois. We arrived home late Sunday night only to be called back out on Monday morning to assist the Tucson Police with a child abduction. We were finishing up the paperwork when the call came in from Florida about a series of car-jackings that weren’t really car-jackings.

It had been more than 2 weeks since that night in the hotel room, and all I had since then were just moments with my Dr. Reid. He sat next to me on the plane sometimes, his hand resting on my thigh when he was certain no one could see. He had placed a kiss on the back of my neck while we were standing in the conference room in Florida. I was surviving on these stolen moments.

Spencer seemed to be happy with our first BDSM experience together, which was a relief to me. I had never had a submissive that was inexperienced before. I felt a great deal of pressure where he was concerned; I knew the toll one bad partner could have on a person.

Some nights Spencer would call me from his hotel room. I would give him instructions on how I wanted him to touch himself; listening to his desperation grow every time he brought himself to the edge and I pulled him back. We experimented a bit with degradation. Learning the complexities of Spencer Reid was quickly becoming one of my favorite pastimes.

After Florida we made a brief stop in Alabama; Hotch informed us that we were only spending one night here and that we would be departing at 7:30 am the following morning. Our unit chief also swore that we were going to have the weekend off; no interruptions. I’ll believe it when I see it, was all I could think. Glancing around to the rest of the team, I could see they agreed with me.

We all had separate rooms that night, thankfully. If I had to listen to Emily snore for one more night, I might lose my mind. I wasn’t sure how JJ did it. Coming into my room, I kicked my shoes off and headed for the bed. I pulled my phone out of my bag before I very unceremoniously flopped down on the bed. The pace of the last 2 weeks was starting to wear on me.

I brought up my text messages when there was a hesitant knock on my door. It was just past 8 pm; it was risky, but I knew it had to be Spencer. I hurried towards the door, throwing it open to reveal his sheepish face. Wasting no time, I grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him into the room.

“What are you doing?” I hissed. “Someone could have seen you.”

"I'm not allowed to go to my friend's room to hang out?"

He has a point. “Well, you never know! It’s better to be safe.”

His full lips turned down into a pout. “I just wanted to spend some time with you. I missed you, y/n.” Is my heart fluttering like that a sign of a medical problem? I wondered. “And not just the…stuff we do. I just…I just missed being with you.”

How could I stay mad at that? “I missed you too, baby.” I took his hand in mine, guiding him over to the bed. He propped up on the pillows beside me, both hands coming up to loosen his tie.

“Can I ask you a question?”

I snorted a bit. “Yeah, Doc, I think you can ask me anything you want at this point.”

“Well,” his cheeks were starting to turn pink. “We’ve been…” I wonder what he’s gonna call it. “…serious”Hmm, that’s fair. “for almost 4 weeks now, 27 days and 14 hours, give or take, depending on when you wanted to say this started.”

“Get to the point, darling.”

“Right,” he muttered. “Well, we’re supposed to have this weekend off. And I don’t have any plans.” He dropped his eyes to his hands which were twisting nervously. “I understand if you have plans, of course. Or you’re just not in the mood. Statistically speaking, given the time we’ve spent together,” your likely to have your period soon-“

“Woah,” I interrupted. “Let’s pump those breaks, Doc.” Spencer looked horrified that he had rambled on so much and equally relieved that I had stopped him. “First of all, I have an IUD. I don’t get my period very often.” I can’t believe he’s talking about my period. “And second, the only plans I have this weekend involve grocery shopping and laundry.”

“Oh,” he said quietly. “Me too.”

I pulled my lips together between my teeth to try and suppress my smile. “Are you asking about my weekend plans because you’re interested in being a part of them? Or just out of curiosity?” Come on, Doc. All you have to do is ask me.

“I was-I was wondering if you wanted to spend some time together this weekend? If you’re not busy.”

My sweet, sweet boy. I stretched my body up, bringing my lips to his. I brushed my mouth over his in a very sweet and unhurried kiss. “No, Doc. I’m not busy.” I felt his lips smile against my own. “And maybe we can try some new things if you’re interested.”

“I’m more than interested in everything related to you,” he breathed against my lips.

It was decided that Spencer would come to my apartment Saturday in the early evening. I left the exact time up to him, in case he had anything he needed to do on this rare weekend off.

It was around 2 pm when my phone chimed with a text message from him.

“What time is okay for me to come over?”

I laughed out loud; I should have expected this. “Whenever you want, Doc.”

His response was immediate, which was also rare. “Can I come over now?”

“Sure, Doc. But I want you to bring something with you.”

I pulled open the door a short time later to find a very nervous looking Spencer Reid. Even out of work, he was still dressed the same as always. He had dark slacks on, a navy shirt, and a cardigan, he had forgone the tie today, and he was clutching the strap of his messenger bag for dear life.

“Hi, Doc,” I greeted him with a huge smile before waving him in. I saw him taking inventory of my apartment. From the art on the walls to the rug on the floor to the books on the bookshelf. "You need a bigger bookshelf," he said at last.

He wasn’t wrong. “I suppose I do. But not all of us can have a whole wall as a bookshelf, Doc.” I put my hand on his arm, pulling him into my living room, then down onto my couch. His entire body was tense, his eyes moving around nervously. I leaned closer, putting my hand on the side of his face, drawing his gaze to meet mine.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” I reminded him.

“I want to do this. I do.” He swallowed nervously, flexing his fingers. “I just…I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s going to happen. And I don’t want to mess up. And I’m so nervous that I’ll do something wrong.”

I leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Hey, hey. Take a breath. I’m serious. Take a deep breath.”

He rolled his eyes but complied.

“Spencer, I don’t expect you to just come in here and jump into a world that you’ve never been a part of before. I’m nervous too.”

That had his eyes widening. “You are? But why? You know what you’re doing.”

It doesn’t feel like I do. “Every person is different, Spencer, and I haven’t cared about a submissive the way I care about you in a long time.” My boy smiled at that. “Before we do anything, we’re going to let you get comfortable. I’m not going to do anything that we haven’t already discussed. If you feel uncomfortable, say “yellow” and I will pull back. If you don’t want to do anything more, say “red” and we will stop right then.”

He bit his full bottom lip, his eyes widening as he continued to meet my gaze. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

Just when I think my heart can’t possibly handle another crack in it. I cupped his jaw in both of my hands. “You could never disappoint me, Spencer. Never.” I said the words with 100% sincerity and honesty. It was true. “Even if you decide this isn’t what you want and you walk out right now, I’ll never be disappointed.” If he left right now I would feel a lot of things, but disappointment in him wouldn’t be one of them.

“Okay,” he breathed. “Can…Can I kiss you now? I don’t know-“

I leaned closer, my lips hovering millimeters from his own. “Yes,” I whispered. “You can kiss me.”

His lips were tender as they brushed mine. It was like nothing we had done previously mattered, my nervous boy was still so afraid, but still so desperate and so curious.

I pulled back right as his tongue flicked over the seam of my mouth, resting my forehead against his. “Let’s not get carried away,” I chuckled. “I still need to talk to you.”

Spencer sat back, his hands folded on his lap, looking at me expectantly.

Forever the eager student. "The scene begins when I send you into the bedroom alone. It ends when you cum. That can always change if you decide you want it to stop." He needed to know that. “Since this is your first experience, I want you to be prepared for some pretty intense emotions once we’re done, I promise I’ll be right here with you to get you through anything, should you feel it.” My boy’s eyes were wide, but he nodded. Still so trusting. “I’ll be using toys on you this time. I ordered them a few weeks ago and they’ve all been sterilized.”

His brow quirked at that. “You had to buy them?”

It was impossible to contain my laugh. “I didn’t think you’d be okay with toys that had been used on other people, no matter how well I sterilized them.”

The horrified expression on his face did nothing to help me suppress my laughter.

“Anyway,” I went on, still attempting to get myself under control. “I have various sizes for different things. I assume you’ve never done any sort of anal play on your own?”

There’s that blush. “No, y/n, I haven’t. Does that matter?”

“No, sweet boy, not in the way you think. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable. So, we will start with smaller sizes. If you decide you like it, we’ll work up to bigger ones. Or if you like the small ones, we can stick with those.”

He was shifting his hips unconsciously. “You’d be okay with that?”

Moving quickly, I lifted my leg over both of his, my hands pushing his shoulders to the back of the couch, my heat settling over his cock. He’s already a little hard, I thought with a smirk. I leaned forward, my mouth finding the softness of his neck, my lips skimming down to his pulse point before placing a soft kiss there.

Spencer groaned softly, his hands resting on my hips. He knew our scene hadn’t started yet, which made him bolder with his touch.

Kissing my way up to his ear, I took the lobe between my teeth, tugging softly, before I spoke. "I just want to fuck you, Dr. Reid. I don't care what size cock I fuck you with." I don't know if he shivered at the feeling of my breath against him or at my words. Hopefully both. I placed one last kiss on his neck before I moved off of him.

His bewildered expression amused me greatly. “But, before any of that, did you bring what I asked?”

It took my brilliant boy a second to remember what I was talking about. He reached for the messenger bag beside him. “Yes,” he muttered, opening the bag to pull out several books. “But I wasn’t sure what sort of book you wanted me to bring. So, I brought a few different options.” He set 4 books down on my coffee table. “What are they for?”

“You’re going to read to me,” I said, not attempting to hide my smile.

"…I am?" At my nod, he said, "Oh..okay. Do you want to do that now?”

“Don’t look so disappointed, baby.” I held out my hand to him. “Come with me.”

Curious as ever, my boy followed me into my bedroom, his eyes scanning over the bed, resting on the small chest that sat at the end of it.

“…Are we…” he trailed off.

"Sort of. I wanted to try something first before we officially start.” I turned to him, my fingers moving slowly up his chest until I reached his collar. “It will help me get you ready for later. Is that okay?” Still so nervous. Spencer nodded quickly; his pupils were already beginning to dilate. I rose up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his pouty mouth. "We're not really in a scene right now. I know that can be confusing, and it's not something I would normally do, but you've never done this, so I thought it would be best." I pressed another kiss to his jaw. "You can touch me, just not under my clothes yet. Alright, baby?"

He mumbled his response while I pulled him forward until the back of my knees hit the bed, bringing him tumbling down with me. His hands tangled in my hair when my mouth found his. I didn’t pull away this time when his tongue flicked over my lips. I let him in with a soft sigh, moving my hands to tug on his soft, messy curls. I shifted until my pelvis was aligned with his, beginning to rock slowly.

This whole exercise was a bit of a tease, but I needed for him to be aroused for what I had planned. The more aroused he was the better.

I tugged his shirt out of the waistband of his pants, running my hands underneath the fabric. "Hey," he whispered, pulling back to smile at me. I ignored the way my heart fluttered at his tone. “You said not under the clothes.”

Smiling back at him, I hooked my leg around his hips, pulling him down further. I used that momentum to flip him onto his back while I straddled him. He looks so surprised, I thought smugly. He knows I help teach seminars on defensive tactics.

“Wrong again, Dr. Reid,” I murmured, my lips moving down his cheek to his jaw, to his ear. “I said you couldn’t put your hands under my clothes, baby,” I whispered against his ear. “I can do whatever the fuck I want to you.” I brought my hand up to wrap around his throat, applying a small amount of pressure to each side. I pressed my still covered pussy against the bulge in his pants. “Isn’t that right, baby?”

Spencer didn’t even wait until the words were out of my mouth before he started to whimper. I lifted my body until I was sitting up then I brought my hands to his belt. My fingers were unzipping his fly before I spoke again. “I asked you a question, Dr. Reid. Or does that memory of yours stop working when you become a whimpering, needy little mess?” My words were harsher than they had ever been with him before; he’d really enjoyed the degradation we had done so far and said he was open to pushing it a bit further. Ask and you shall receive, baby.

I moved off of him then, rising to my feet at the side of the bed. First, I slid his shoes off. Then I reached up to pull his pants down. Then my thumbs hooked in the waistband of his underwear. I let out an exaggerated sigh as I climbed back on top of his body. My lower body was still completely covered but he was bare from the waist down.

He wasn’t prepared for when my right hand shot out and grabbed his face. My thumb digging into the left side of his face. “That’s twice you’ve not answered me, Dr. Reid.” I lifted my hand from his face and quickly brought it back down quickly. Not as hard as I had the last time we were together like this. Not yet.

“I’m sorry, Miss,” he whimpered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Are you?” I moved my hand down to grip his hard cock in my hand, squeezing him, enjoying the way his eyes fluttered at the action. “I don’t know if I believe that, Dr. Reid.” My hand was pumping him steadily now. “I think you need to apologize a bit better than that.”

His eyes shot open and he subconsciously licked his lips, causing me to chuckle and still my hands movements. “Oh no, you can’t have that. You haven’t earned that, my nervous boy. Look at you. Look how much your cock is leaking precum already.” I brought my hands up unbutton his shirt. “You’re just a needy thing, aren’t you? It’s almost pathetic.”

Spencer was shifting his hips again, trying to get some sort of friction. “I’m sorry, Miss.”

Once his shirt was unbuttoned, I brought my hands up to his throat, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose. “I know.” I lifted up, raking my nails down his pale chest. “Which is why you’ll be my good boy now, won’t you?”

He nodded quickly, his eyebrows coming together when I moved off of him. I knelt in front of the trunk at the end of my bed. He propped himself up on his elbows as I opened the chest and pulled two items out before I moved back over towards him.

“Move up the bed, lay in the center.”

Crawling back onto the bed, I hovered above him, before I began to move down his body. I kept eye contact with him the entire time. It’s okay, baby. I would never hurt you. “Do you know what this is, Spencer?”

I think hearing his name surprised him; he forgot that we weren’t technically in a scene yet. I had only acted this way because I wanted to bump his simmering arousal up to a flaming inferno. I knew my boy would become more nervous if he wasn’t a whimpering, desperate mess. He nodded.

I pushed his legs up until his knees were bent, then I kissed up his right thigh, moving towards his cock. “I want you to be ready for when I fuck you.” I offered in way of explanation right before I moved to run my tongue up the underside of his cock.

Spencer threw his head back, tossing it against my pillows. I wrapped my fingers around the base of his cock while I moved him into my mouth. I didn't suck as hard as I normally did, instead of letting saliva slip from my mouth to coat him. After a few moments, I pulled off.

"I want you to touch your cock, Spencer," I said, uncapping the lube. "You're not allowed to cum. Remember that when you touch yourself. If you get so close that it's painful to stop, you have no one to blame but yourself. And if you cum, I will punish you."

His Adam's apple bobbed, his eyes moving from the butt plug to my hands then back to his cock. He wrapped his long fingers around it while I coated the plug with lube. Eyes fixed firmly on my hands; he started a slow rhythm. What a good boy.

I stroked his thighs as I moved the plug into position against his ass. His face was flushed with a mix of arousal and embarrassment, I think. I just smirked at him. “Don’t get shy with me now, baby,” I said as I slowly began to push inside of him. “I’m going to have you begging me to fuck your tight little ass before the day is over.” He whimpered, his hand speeding up slightly. “You do know that, don’t you, Spencer? I’m going to make you such a little slut for me.” The plug went in further, with almost no real resistance from him. “Jesus, it looks like you’re already a fucking slut.” His whimpers and groans were coming faster now. “Look at how you’re taking this plug,” I started to fuck it into him slowly. “I knew you were dirty, Dr. Reid. But I didn’t expect this.”

With one final small push, it was seated inside him. I reached to grab his hand, pulling it off of his cock. His lip was between his teeth, his forehead dotted with sweat. "You did so well, Spencer," I praised him. "You're more needy than I thought. I think I might make you bounce on my cock later." I moved off of the bed, reaching down to pick up his underwear before I tossed them to him. "I thought it would take some time to get you to ride me, but you're such a little slut, I'm sure you'll be begging for it soon."

He looked so confused, his fingers picking up his underwear. “Wha-“ he panted, his hips moving against my bed, already starting to be overwhelmed by the sensation.

“Put on your underwear, Dr. Reid; leave your shirt unbuttoned. Then come back into the living room.” I gave him a wide smile. “You still have to read to me.”

I sat on the couch, flipping through the books Spencer had brought, waiting for him to emerge from my bedroom. He really had done so much better than I expected. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I was going to have him bounce on my cock. The thought of him moving over me, his head thrown back while I pumped his cock caused heat to pool between my thighs.

My eyes didn’t raise to look at him when he walked into the room. He sat to the left of me, where he had been before. His cock was still hard, his precum was leaving a damp spot on his underwear. “Which book do you want to read me, Dr. Reid?”

He groaned. “I-I don’t know if I can finish the whole book like this,” he mumbled, flushing a deeper red that went down to his neck.

“You don’t have to finish, darling boy.” I rose up from the couch then, undoing my pants before shimming them down my hips. “You just have to read to me until I cum.”

Spencer’s eyes went wide. Flickering from the books then back to where I was removing my shirt. I wasn’t paying attention to what book he picked; ultimately, it didn’t matter, I’m not sure I would be able to pay enough attention during this to even process what he was reading.

I stood before him in my bra and panties. He brought the thick book up to his chest, never so much as blinking while I moved over him. I put my thighs on either of his right thigh before I sat down, pushing the seam of my pussy against him through my underwear. I gripped his shoulders, moving my mouth to the tender area where his shoulder met his neck. Placing a soft kiss there, I moved my right hand down his chest, skimming over his stomach, then applying a teasing pressure to his cock over his underwear.

“Come on, Dr. Reid. You told me you’d read to me.”

His first few words were sure. I was almost positive this was one of the many books he had memorized, meaning he wouldn’t need to rely on the book itself to keep reading. This was probably good, as at the first rock of my pussy against his thigh, he released a soft groan, interrupting his words.

Smirking, I moved my hips more purposefully against him. My hands came up to grip his hair, pulling harshly. His moan once again made his words falter. “What’s wrong Dr. Reid,” I whispered sweetly against his skin. “Can you not focus on your book?”

“It’s…It’s so hard, y/n.”

I licked the vein running up his neck before I sucked on the skin. “I can feel just how hard it is, Dr. Reid.” I moved my mouth up to his ear again. “Take my bra off.” I expected him to fumble with this task, but he put his right hand behind my back and removed my bra in seconds. You’ve been holding out on me, Doc. Leaning back, I moved my hands to my own breasts, thumbing my nipples as I listened to Spencer read his book, his words barely registering in my mind.

“You don’t need both hands to read, do you?” He shook his head, his worlds never faltering from the story. “Good. I know how hard it is for you to sit here with that plug inside you. I know you’re thinking about how it will feel when I fuck you.” There’s that whimper, I thought. “I’m thinking about it too, Spencer.” My hips began to grind against him faster. “Put the book down but keep reading to me. If you stop your words, I’ll stop moving. The sooner I cum, the sooner you can get back into my bed.”

He placed the book down; his words a whisper now as he recited the book. “Touch me, Spencer. Make me cum like a good boy so I can finally fuck you like the little slut you are.” His hands gripped my hips, guiding my movements against his thigh, his mouth against my neck while he continued mumbling words I could barely hear against my skin.

"I've thought about fucking you before, you know," I said, my pussy becoming wetter and wetter against him. "The first time was on the jet. You had some book open in your lap. You were stretched out on the couch." I groaned as Spencer moved my hips faster and faster. "I thought about the look on your face if I just came over to you and sat on your lap." I moved to kiss his neck again. "I wonder what they would have said then." Dropping my hand down to palm his hot, hard cock over his underwear. "What would they have said if they saw Dr. Spencer Reid's big, pretty boy cock sliding down my throat?"

He was groaning now in between words, but the words were yet to totally falter. “I guess that would be better than them seeing you get fucked, right?” One of his hands moved up to my breast to pinch my nipple. “What would they think if they knew that their boy wonder, their resident genius, wanted to get his ass fucked and treated like a dirty little thing?”

I was so, so close. “Come on, Agent Reid. Make me cum. Make me cum all over your thigh so I can make you cum so hard you see stars.”

His words faltered then; his mouth moved to my shoulder, kissing it softly before he said, “I’d let the entire world watch anything if it meant I got to fuck you.” With that, he bit down on my skin. That small amount of pain caused my orgasm to break like a wave against me. Spencer kept moving my hips back and forth to help me ride it out.

The world came back into focus slowly, my breathing still harsh against Spencer’s shoulder. Gripping his shoulders, I pulled back to kiss him softly. He tried to turn the kiss into something deeper, his need making him desperate. I pulled back, looking in his eyes. “When you go into the room we really begin,” I whispered. “Green, yellow, and red. I need you to know I’m so proud of you, darling boy, even if we just end here. You’ve done so well.”

He whimpered again, confirming once again that he had a praise kink. “I want more, Miss. Please?”

I moved off of his body to sit back on the couch, picking up the book he had set down. “Go into the bedroom, take off all of your clothes. Lay in the center of the bed, hands by your sides. Do not touch yourself. If you do, I will punish you.”

When I finally made my way into the room a minute later, I found Spencer right where I instructed him to be. His cock was still hard; he was breathing rapidly. I stood at the edge of the bed, slowly slipping my panties off before I knelt down to open the chest again.

I had given this first scene a lot of thought. One day, I wanted to restrain him with my handcuffs when I fucked him. I could just imagine how he'd blush whenever he saw them after that. But, for this I had decided to use arm restraints that attached to the bars on my headboard, wrapping around his wrist with a Velcro cuff; he could open them if he needed to. I moved up on his left side, fastening one restraint to the bed, then walking to the right side, doing the same. His eyes were on my face, so expectant and so trusting.

I crawled on to the bed then, sitting myself on his firm stomach, my wet heat touching his skin. I leaned over to grip one cuff before I said, "Give me your hand, Dr. Reid." He complied without complaint or hesitation, then he did it again with his left wrist. I scooted my body down his until I felt his pubic bone brush against my still sensitive pussy. His breath hitched. "What's wrong, Dr. Reid?" I asked as I moved further down, my ass now resting over his cock.

“I-I can feel you. You-you’re so close.” His hands started to pull against the restraints, itching to reach out and touch me, push me back even further so his cock would finally touch the paradise that was my wet cunt.

I tsked at him, pouting my lips. “I know, darling boy. It must be so hard.” I moved my hands to his chest, bracing myself on one hand while the other reached up to wrap around his throat. “It’s so hard to so fucking needy, isn’t it, baby?” I moved back another inch.

He was whining under me now, shifting his hips relentlessly. Leaning forward, I placed my lips centimeters away from his own, my grip on his throat tightening just a bit. “It wouldn’t take much, Dr. Reid.” I brushed my mouth against his, laughing when I heard the restraints jerking against the headboard bars. “You know I won’t let you fuck me…but all it would take is just a shift of my hips.” I rocked back a bit, bringing my pussy right there, before drawing back up. “What would you give me for that, Dr. Reid? What would you do to feel my hot, wet, tight, little pussy rub against your pretty boy cock?”

“Anything,” his voice was so much higher than normal when he spoke. “I’ll do anything, Miss. Please. Please.”

You’re so good at this, baby. “You sound very pretty when you beg, Dr. Reid.” I placed one more chaste kiss on his top lip before I went back to a sitting position. Bracing my hands on his hips, I lifted my pelvis over his groin to settle on the tops of his thighs. His strangled groan was music to my ears. “You have been such a good boy…” I pretended to ponder this. “Tell you what, if you promise to ride my cock, to swirl your hips while you fuck yourself on top of me, I’ll let you feel me.”

He was nodding desperately, still pulling against the arm restraints. “Yes. Please. Please, Miss. I’ll do whatever you want.”

I moved his cock to lay flat against his pubic bone, the head pointing upwards towards his face. “I want you to watch, Dr. Reid.” I could feel myself dripping when I moved forward. Slowly, slowly, slowly, I placed the lips of my cunt around the width of his cock.

“Fuck." Spencer's eyes were glued to where my pussy was finally touching his cock. "You're so…fuck, you feel so good, Miss.”

This was the first time I had felt a man against me like this in longer than I wanted to admit. I should be scared, but I just couldn't be. It felt so right to be against him right now. I started moving my hips forwards and backward, much like I did when I rode his thigh. I looked down, watching his cock disappear as I slide my pussy over him. This wasn’t even sex in the way most people considered it, but being here, sharing this moment with Spencer was one of the most erotic and intimate moments of my life.

With one finally slide of my hips, I lifted off of him, getting off the bed completely.

“No, no, no, Miss, please come back.”

I looked back at him over my shoulder. His cock was wet with my arousal, his neck was flushed a bright red, his messy curls were sticking to his forehead, and his wrists were still pulling against the restraints. He is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“My, my, Dr. Reid.” I moved back to the chest, reaching down to pull out my harness. “You might be the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen. Look at you,” I shot him a look of fake disapproval while I stepped into the harness, bringing it up to secure it around my hips. I had selected this strap-on for the specific reason that I could change the size of the dildo attached to it. So, for today I could use something smaller on my boy…until he was ready for something rougher, or bigger. Originally, I had planned on selecting the smallest dildo, but after seeing how easily he took the plug, I decided to move to the next size up.

Spencer watched with wide eyes while I pulled out my “cock”. I smirked at him. “Do you like it, Dr. Reid?” I slid the dildo into place, clip it into place. I moved closer to him, crawling up the bed, sitting on his right side. I brushed my fingers over his chest, feeling his racing heartbeat. Moving so quickly he didn’t have a chance to brace, I struck quickly, whipping my left hand up to backhand across the cheek. Rising up on my knees, I moved closer to him, gripping a handful of his hair with one hand, my other bracing myself on the headboard. “I am getting really fucking tired of not having my questions answered, Dr. Reid.”

He was positively squirming now, his pupils were huge, his mouth hanging open. “I’m sorry Miss, I’m so sorry. I can’t- I can’t think when you’re around me.” I had to fight very hard to stop my lips from spreading into a smile, but I think he saw my lips twitch anyway.

“Brat,” I muttered, yanking on his hair again, causing him to let out another whimper. “I think you need to apologize, Dr. Reid. You want to be my good boy, don’t you?” I tilted my head to the side, regarding him curiously. “Because, if you’re my good boy, I’ll let you cum. But…if you’re not,” I leaned down to whisper to him. “Well, bad boys get their pretty little asses fucked, but they don’t get to cum.”

“I’m sorry Miss,” he whined out. “I’m so sorry. Please let me apologize.”

“Open your mouth.” He did so without question, his arms pulling on the restraints harder when I spit into his mouth. “Swallow it.” Such a good boy. “Now, I want you to suck my cock, Dr. Reid. Can you do that? Suck my cock and get it nice and wet before I fuck you with it.”

His eyes were on my face; I could see just the smallest flicker of nervousness in those pretty golden-brown eyes. I’d never hurt you, baby. You know that. Almost as if he heard my thoughts, he opened his mouth for me. Releasing his hair, I brought my hand to the dildo, guiding it into his mouth. “That’s it, you’re doing so good, Dr. Reid.” I gave a few very shallow thrusts of my hips, watching his eyes flutter while his cheeks hollowed out. “I knew the first time you sucked my fingers that day on your couch that you’d be so good at sucking cock.” I moved my hand from the dildo to place it lightly against his throat. “You’re nothing but a cock slut though, right, Dr. Reid?” He moaned around me; I squeezed his throat in response.

Pulling out of his mouth, I smiled down at him while I moved further away. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek before I moved down the bed. “You know why I left your legs free, don’t you Dr. Reid?”

“I’m not sure Miss.” His response was breathy and immediate. You’re learning, my nervous boy.

“Oh, the great Dr. Reid isn’t sure? That must be first. I guess it’s probably hard for your big brain to work when all the blood is going to your cock.” I grabbed the lube from the side of the bed to place it beside his thigh. I pushed his legs up roughly, so his knees were bent again. “I left your legs free, Dr. Reid, so it’s easier to make you take my cock.”

I brought my right hand up to his cock, my grip not firm enough to be satisfying, but I wanted him to focus on that sensation, especially now. In reality, it probably didn’t matter, my boy looked too far gone to be embarrassed anymore. With my left, I grabbed the base of the butt plug, slowly pulling it out.

His breath caught in his throat, his top teeth digging into his bottom lip so hard it whitened. “What’s wrong, baby?” My tone was condescending as I worked the plug out a bit, before I pushed it back in a bit, fucking it out of him gently, much like how I fucked it into him. “What do you need, Dr. Reid?”

He knew what I wanted, I had told him multiple times, but will my boy be brave enough to give it to me. I pulled the plug out completely, tossing it to the side before I grabbed the lube. I squirted some into my right hand before I started to slick up the dildo, my eyes never leaving his.

“I-I want you to fuck me, Miss.”

“Hmm,” I acknowledged, my hands still moving up and down my ‘cock.’ “I’m not sure what you mean, darling boy. You’ll have to be a bit more specific.”

Spencer’s head thrashed, his thighs clenched, his stomach muscles tensed. “I need you to fuck my ass, Miss…Please. Please fuck my ass, Miss.”

My hand stilled. Goddamnit. Hearing those words out of him made my pussy clench, my own wetness starting to drip down my thighs. "All you have to do is ask, Dr. Reid.”

I moved into position between his thighs, bringing both of my hands up to grip his slim hips. Scooting forward, I lifted him up a bit until my knees were barely under him, just enough to tilt his pelvis up so I could see him. I ran one of my hands up his inner thigh. “You’re even pretty here, Dr. Reid.” I lifted my hips slightly, pressing the dildo against his asshole. “Hold still, baby. I know you’re so needy and that makes it so hard, but you can hold still for me, can’t you?”

He nodded rapidly, his hands fisted into balls, his wrists tugging against the restraints, his teeth still sunk into his lower lip. Usually, I would demand his words, but I understood how overwhelming this was for him. Free pass, my nervous boy. I slowly started to push inside of him. My gaze kept flicking between my ‘cock’ entering him and his face, watching for any reaction, any sign of hesitancy.

“Please,” he whimpered.

I started making slow strokes, fucking the dildo into him in shallow, small thrusts. When I had about 4 inches inside of him, I put some more lube on my hand. I stroked some of it on the remaining 3 inches of the dildo, making sure I could bottom out inside him. The remaining lube I left on my hand…the same hand I brought up to grab his cock with.

“FUCK.” Spencer’s shoulders were raising off of the bed, his eyes locked on my movements.

“Does it feel good, Dr. Reid?”

"Green, green, green, fucking green," he muttered. Under normal circumstances, I would have laughed, but right now I just pitched my hips forward, burying the dildo inside of him. He let out a strangled moan that sounded like my name when my thighs hit his body.

"Look at that," I said softly. "Look at what a good little slut you are, Dr. Reid?" I started to thrust slowly, looking at his reactions to see which strokes seemed to have the biggest effect on him. Being a profiler comes in handy at the strangest times. “You’re such a pretty cock slut, baby.” The tempo of my thrusts sped up while I looked down to watch the dildo move in and out of his tight entrance.

“Miss, fuck,” he whimpered. “Miss, please fuck me harder.”

I moved my hips faster, watching as his mouth opened in a silent scream. I gripped his cock firmer in my hand. Building up a rhythm between jerking him off and fucking him. “Is this what you want, Dr. Reid? You want to be used like this? Like a filthy slut?”

“Yes, yes, Miss, please.” His eyes were fixed on my hand on his cock, on my hips moving quickly. “Miss, Miss, you’re so- Miss, I’m going to cum.”

“Oh, you are, are you?” I teased, slowing my hand slightly. My thighs still slapping against him as I fucked him.

“Please Miss,” he begged. “Please let me cum. Please, I’ll do anything. Please, please, I’m so fucking close.”

I gripped his cock harder, my pace never slowing. “Come on, Dr. Reid. Cum for me like the dirty thing you are.”

At my words, he let out the loudest moan I’d heard him make yet. His back was arching off the bed, as rope after rope of cum erupted from his cock. I slowed my pace, only giving a few shallow thrusts to work him through his orgasm.

Right as his orgasm started to end, I slowly withdrew the portion of the dildo that was still inside him.

I leaned over him to quickly undo the cuffs, freeing him. Moving off the bed, I unstrapped myself, letting the harness fall to the floor before I dashed into the bathroom connected to my room. Wetting the washcloth, I had already laid out, I grabbed my other supplies and hurried back into the room. Spencer was where I left him, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, unseeing.

I moved to sit between his legs. First, I wiped the cum and lube off his cock, murmuring my praises the entire time before I cleaned up the remaining lube from between his cheeks. Tossing the rag into the floor, I moved to kneel beside him on the bed. "Spencer," I whispered. "Spencer, you did so well. You were so wonderful."

His gaze fixed on mine, his eyes starting to fill with tears, his face a mask of confusion. “Y/n,” he said, his voice raspy. “Why-why-“

I pushed his hair off his forehead, bringing his arms in towards his body to check his wrists. “It’s okay, Spencer. It is fine. Your adrenaline and endorphins are hitting your body right now. This is what I was talking about that might happen. It’s called sub drop.” I cupped his jaw, my thumb brushing over his lips. “I’m right here, Spencer. I’m right here. And I’m so proud of you.”

I wanted to wait until he asked me to touch him, to be sure that was what he needed, but I just acted on instinct. I laid down beside of him and wrapped my arms around him. He turned his body to face mine, his knees curled up to hit my thighs. I stroked my hands over his back, murmuring softly to him the whole time.

After a few minutes had passed, and his breathing had evened out, I spoke again. “Spence? Do you think you can take a shower? The heat will make you feel better.”

He sniffled, his eyes never rising to meet mine. “I…I don’t know if I can leave you.”

In that moment, the tiny part of my heart that didn’t already belong to Spencer Reid, this marvelous, wonderful man, was cemented into his grasp. “Spencer, I need you to look at me, can you do that?”

His soft eyes finally rose to meet mine. They were wide and anxious and swimming with a much bigger and more frightening emotion. “Spencer, I’m not going to leave you. I’m going to take a shower with you. Then after we get cleaned up, we’re going to order some food and watch whatever you want to while we sit on my couch.” My words were hurried and dripping with honesty.

My darling boy’s face lite up with hope so bright it threatened to consume me. “You’ll stay with me?”

“You don’t even have to ask, Spence.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead.

The remainder of our Saturday went like I had planned. In our shower, I held his body under the warm water, I washed his hair, and I listened while he told me whatever fact came to his mind in that moment. After we were done, I got his messenger bag and brought him his clothes.

Together, we cuddled on my couch. Him in his old Caltech t-shirt and sweatpants and me in loose t-shirt and leggings. We found some sci-fi show that he said was good that I had never seen to watch while we ate our takeout. I listened to everything he told me about the show, holding his body close to mine.

I felt the tension rise up inside of him the later it got. Which is why I turned to him with an over-exaggerated yawn and asked him the question he was too afraid to ask me.

“Hey, Doc?” I said softly. “It’s getting pretty late…and after…after everything we did today, I don’t really want to be alone. Would you mind staying with me?”

The relief I felt radiate off of him in that moment was so powerful I don’t know if I’ll ever forget the feeling. “Of course, y/n. I’d really like that.”

After I stripped and remade my bed and cleaned up any stray items that I may have missed earlier, I lead Spencer into my bedroom. I fell asleep that night with my arms wrapped around him, his back to my chest. I held my hand against his chest, feeling his heartbeat slow as he fell asleep in my arms. It took a long time for sleep to finally find me, but I didn’t mind. I was content to just feel the heart beating inside the chest of the best person I had ever known.

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moon-light-jukebox · 4 years

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“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 2 - [Reid x Reader]

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Summary: After the conversation in Nebraska, there’s some tension between our favorite genius and Reader. A peace offering, a rainstorm, and some unexpected questions should clear that right up.

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Rating: Mature (not all chapters contain smut, those that do will be marked)

Category: Smut, fluff, and a bit of angst.

Word Count: 2.3k for Chapter 2

Content Warning: Some slight angst for Chapter 2

A/n: I hope y’all are liking this so far! No smut in this chapter, but I more than make up for it in chapter 3. Promise.

IMPORTANT ADDITIONAL NOTE: It was brought to my attention that the angst in this chapter appears to be something it is not. I mean, I know how the story ends, so I didn’t see it that way. But it’s a valid concern. I address it in chapter 6, but I’ve made edits to chapter 3 to address it a bit too. Reader is afraid to trust anyone, that is all. I promise.

y/n = your name

y/l/n = your last name

italicized text are Reader’s inner thoughts.

-- Chapter 2: I fucking beg your goddamn pardon? --

Once we pinned down the gender of the unsub, it wasn’t hard to help the locals close the case. Anna Marie Wilcox, 29. A pretty blonde girl with haunted eyes, betrayed by every man in her life. She just wanted to take her power back.

Cool motive; still murder.

The flight back to Quantico was quiet. Hotch spoke with Rossi before take-off, telling us that he was flying back from San Francisco after visiting his daughter and grandson and that he would see us on Monday. After that, everyone seemed to slip into their own world. This wasn't uncommon. After working day and night to save lives, digging your way into the darkest corners of a murderer’s mind, you needed to decompress a bit.

JJ was asleep in the back of the cabin, Emily sitting beside her while she reviewed some files. Hotch was writing at the small table, Morgan sitting opposite him, eyes closed while he listened to whatever played through his headphones.

And I was on the couch with Dr. Spencer Reid. I was very surprised when he boarded the jet and made a beeline towards where I was sitting without hesitation. He hadn't spoken to me or even looked at me for longer than 5 seconds since our talk at the precinct. I could tell my blunt words had an effect on him, which wasn't surprising to me. I tried not to stereotype people, I knew better than anyone else how wrong those stereotypes could be; but, if I ever had to guess a person I thought would be a submissive, I’d guess Spencer Reid.

My back was angled on the couch, pressing into the corner where the armrest met the backrest, my legs crossed in front of me. I had my phone in my head, swiping mindlessly on a puzzle game that didn't require any cell phone signal to play. I always found myself doing that after a case, it calmed me.

Dr. Reid was pretending to read.

He’s not even being convincing, I thought, trying to keep my face neutral. You read 20,000 words a minute, baby. You’ve been staring at that page for 5 minutes. Unable to resist, I shifted in my seat. I slowly uncrossed my legs, the small slit in the side of my skirt becoming visible at the movement.

Did I wear this skirt on purpose? Yes, yes, I did.

I let out a soft sigh before re-crossing my legs. I watched him out of the corner of my eye the entire time. His eyes followed my movements, his breath hitching slightly. He moved his gaze up my body until he got to my eyes, which he was surprised to find were on him. He cleared his throat before going back to his book, little splotches of red on his cheeks.

I smirked. All you have to do is ask, Dr. Reid.

Nothing happened until Thursday the following week. I had all but given up hope that Spencer Reid would finally cave and come to me. Shame, I thought. He would look so pretty when he begged.

The unit's caseload had been lighter than normal, with no cases that required us to travel. We did some consulting and wrote up some preliminary profiles for the law enforcement agencies that asked for our help. We had been traveling so much over the past few months, I think Hotch was just trying to give us a break.

A loud clap of thunder broke the silence of the bullpen. Then it seemed as if the sky opened up a second later, the heavy rain falling like a curtain outside the windows.

“That’s dramatic,” Emily Prentiss commented.

Morgan made a sound of agreement before turning his head to look at Reid. “Have fun walking to the train station in that, pretty boy.” His face split into a smile as Spencer shot him a glare. JJ, Emily, and I all laughed at their exchange. His eyes didn’t go to JJ or Emily though, those caramel brown eyes swung in my direction.

At the end of the workday, Garcia was the first out the door. She walked past the bullpen and gave a big wave. “Goodbye, my darlings. I will see you in the morning…unless there is a terrible murder!”

The team smiled and returned her goodbye. Derek was out of his seat in a flash, trailing after her. I couldn’t help but wonder about the two of them sometimes.

“Bye Spence,” I heard JJ say as she passed the boy wonder’s desk. “Try not to drown out there.” Emily laughed as she walked up beside JJ, standing just a little too close. I wondered about them too, if I’m honest.

When it was just me and the object of my attention left, I got my bag and approached his desk. “Hey, Doc.”

He didn’t look up, making it seem like putting files and papers into his messenger bag required his full attention. “Hi, y/l/n.”

Well, this wouldn’t do at all. “It’s still pouring outside. Do you need a ride? I’d hate for you to have to walk a block in this storm.”

“I’ll manage,” he muttered, still not meeting my eyes.

I let out a sigh. “Spencer.” His eyes finally raised to meet mine. “I’m sorry if I stepped over the line in Nebraska. It was unprofessional. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That wasn’t my intention.” He opened his mouth to interrupt, but I continued. “I hope that we can move past this, I really miss my friend.”

He took a moment to adjust his glasses. He never wore them anymore, and I have to admit that my heart sputtered a bit when I saw him in them this morning. “We were friends before?” He chuckled slightly, earning a smile for me. I’d only been with the BAU for 7 months, and while I was friendly with my co-workers, Spencer and I had never had a particularly close bond.

“I like to think so,” was my reply, giving him a small smile. “And if we weren’t before, I hope we can be one day.” With one final look in those eyes, I turned. “Have a good night, Doc.”

I was halfway to the elevators when I heard him. “Y/n!” I turned to see him hurrying towards me. He smiled at me; and it was his real smile, not the polite smile he gave others. It was a full-blown smile that lit his whole face up. My stomach fluttered. “If you don’t mind, I’d actually like a ride. If you’re still willing?”

Still so nervous, even now. “Of course, pretty boy,” Morgan’s nickname for him slipping from my lips without a thought. “Follow me.”

It wasn’t the thing I had been hoping all week that he’d ask me, but it was a start.

The drive to Spencer’s apartment took longer than it should have. I was driving slower because of the storm; I was also driving slower because other drivers weren’t driving slowly.

"This type of rain is so heavy it cuts the visibility more than the average storm," the good doctor said. "Under normal precipitation, it's advised that you reduce your speed by at least 10 miles to account for less traction."

“Huh,” I responded, glancing down at my speedometer.

He cleared his throat. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”

I risked a quick glance at him to see him shifting in his seat. “Do what, Doc?”

“Ramble,” Spencer said softly. “I ramble when I’m nervous, and I’m trying really hard not to be nervous.”

My heart ached for him in that moment. This brilliant, brilliant, man, the smartest and kindest person in any room, was nervous about talking to me. My right hand lifted from the steering wheel before I could think better of it, touching his arm lightly. “Please don’t be nervous around me, Spencer.” His whole body stiffened at my touch. “Shit! I’m sorry. I forgot you don’t like to be touch.” I blew out a frustrated breath. “I just keep fucking this up, don’t I?” My chuckle was sad, and a little bit bitter.

“It’s not that,” he said quickly. “I was just surprised. I don’t…I don’t mind if you touch me.”

I didn’t try to hide the shock on my face. “You don’t, huh?”

I swear I could almost hear the blush in his voice. “I d-didn’t mean it like t-.”

“Spence,” I cut him off. “I know. I was just teasing.”

He let out a small chuckle at that. "Oh. Right." There was a beat of silence before he spoke again. "You know, you've never called me Spence before." I simply nodded in agreement. He was right, I hadn't. I hadn't even meant to do it then. He continued on. “Actually, you only call me Spencer when the conversation is serious. Other than that it’s always Doc…or occasionally Reid.” The chuckle that left him put a smile on my face.

“You’re right, Doc.” I glanced over at him and smiled. “Tell you what, I don’t want you to be nervous around me. At all. So, I’m giving you blanket consent right now.” I really hoped I knew what I was doing. “You can ask me any question you want. You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t judge you.”

“…Really?” He sounded almost like he was in awe.

I nodded. “Yes, really. The thought of making you nervous makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want you to feel that way in front of me.” My voice was soft, reassuring. Maybe it was the soft dom in me that recognized his submissive, but I wanted to comfort him. I wanted him to feel safe.

Spencer Reid took a deep breath before he spoke again. He acted like it was no big deal, but the words he said afterward gave me a mild heart attack. "Okay, can you tell me about your BDSM experiences?"

I fucking beg your goddamn pardon?

I sputtered a bit. “…Seriously?” My eyes were wide, I didn’t risk looking at him.

“W-well,” he sounded unsure now. “You said I could ask you anything.”

“You can! You absolutely can!” I heard him let out a breath. “I’m just…surprised that’s what you went with. That’s all. But…I don’t mind telling you if you really want to know.”

“I do,” he whispered.

I smiled over at him. “Okay, Doc. What do you wanna know?”

Spencer chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Maybe just walk me through what you like to do. Or what you usually do. Or how you got into it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, that’s all?” I shook my head. “Alright. I was 21 when I first got into it. I had a…he wasn’t really my boyfriend. I guess you can say a friend with benefits.” I saw him nod his head in understanding. “And one day he asked me if I knew anything about BDSM. At that time, I only knew misconceptions and rumors; which is why I told him I wasn’t interested. The thought of someone tying me down and doing whatever they wanted to me sounded terrifying. But he clarified that he thought I would enjoy being a dominant. We tried it out a few times…and I liked it.”

Spencer cleared his throat. “So…is that the only kind of sex you have?”

I pondered over how to answer him. “That’s…a complicated question. I’m not not answering. I think I should just explain a bit more first." He made a noise of affirmation before I continued on. "What I do during a scene sort of depends on my submissive. Before anything happens, we have to have a really in-depth conversation, discussing hard and soft limits, punishments, expectations, and things like that." I glanced over, confirming I hadn't lost him. "Like I mentioned, I'm a soft dom. But, I usually can bend to what my submissive likes, as long as I’m comfortable.”

“So, what would you do? If you got to pick everything?”

You keep on surprising me, Doctor, I thought.

“Well, I like bondage, choking, degradation, but only if it’s light and done right.” I don’t know why I felt the need to explain that. “Then I’m fine with oral sex, praise, orgasm denial, overstimulation, and pegging.”

Spencer was quiet. “A-and pegging is the…”

“What the unsub was doing to her victims? Yes, Spencer.”

“…Oh,” was all the boy genius said.

I continued on, trying to provide context. “I usually like to build up the relationship a bit before I bust out a strap on, though.” I worked hard to keep my voice even. “I’ll use toys on him first, usually.”

“You didn’t say sex.”

Shit. "Beg pardon?" I asked like I was clueless about what he meant.

Dr. Reid’s voice was firm; it was the voice he used on cases, the steady voice that explained concepts that anyone else would miss. “You said oral sex. You said you’d…you’d…do that-“

“Oh, for God’s sake, Doc,” I interrupted with a laugh. “We’re less than 3 minutes from your apartment and we’re having a conversation about BDSM. You can say fuck.”

“Fine,” he huffed. “You said you fuck them. But you never said you’d let them fuck you.”

Fucking profilers. “Yes, that’s right. That’s why it was so hard for me to answer your earlier question. I don’t have traditional sex with my submissives.”

His voice was confused when he asked, “But why?”

I clicked my tongue. “That, my darling, is a conversation I avoid at all costs. And we’re at your apartment.”

Spencer glanced around, surprised we’d arrived already, despite how long the drive took in the rain. I knew what he was going to do before he did it. I was already formulating my answer when he said, “Y/n…would you want to come up to my apartment? So we could keep talking?”

“Sure, Spence. If that’s what you want.”

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moon-light-jukebox · 4 years

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“All you have to do is ask” Chapter 4 - [Reid x Reader]

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Summary: The morning after! How awkward could it be when Reader and Dr. Reid meet in the bullpen the next morning? An honest conversation turns smutty and Reader is starting to rethink some decisions.

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Word Count: 3.6k for Chapter 4

Content Warnings: No smut actually happens this chapter, but there is a lot of smutty talk. BDSM themes. Fluff. Tiny bit of angst if you squint.

A/n: This chapter was initially just supposed to be filler, but when I sat down to write it, it became really important to me. The way BDSM dynamics are presented is really important to me, so I wanted to do it justice. The actually femdom kicks off in Chapter 5 😌 (Also, tumblr isn’t letting me tag some people and its slowly driving me insane.)

y/n = your name. y/l/n = your last name. italicized text are Reader’s thoughts.

-- Chapter 4 – “Please don’t lie to me.” --

I wasn’t sure what I expected to happen when I got to work the following morning; my mind spun in circles while the elevator slowly brought me to the floor that housed our elite FBI unit. Try as I might, I couldn’t stop my thoughts from straying to last night.

Spencer had fallen asleep with his head in my lap, my fingers moving softly over his scalp, brushing through his curls. I sat there for longer than I wanted to admit, lost in thought. How did I let this happen? I thought over and over again. Did I break my rules because I knew Spencer? I trusted him with my life; I trusted the entire time with my life, I had to. Perhaps that’s why I let him kiss me, let him touch me. I trusted the good doctor in a way I hadn’t trusted anyone I had been intimate with in a long time.

That must be it. I refused to look at it on a deeper level; I couldn’t. I had to keep my feelings in check. I wouldn’t risk my job, my life, my world over unchecked emotions. Not again.

The metal doors slid open; the bullpen was already buzzing with activity at 7:50 in the morning. I usually arrived earlier, but I had stopped for coffee. I reasoned that it was just a treat for myself; not an excuse to avoid the office coffee station, which we all knew was the domain of Dr. Spencer Reid. I hadn’t received any messages from Garcia or Hotch, leading me to assume today was another day of paperwork.

I tried to stop my eyes from searching for him, but it was no use. He was like a magnet for my senses. Most of us typed up our reports and only wrote when we had to, but most of us were not Dr. Reid. He was hunched over, papers scattered over his desk in some pattern of order only he would understand. His pen scribbled quickly over the pages, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth in concentration.

It wasn’t until he glanced up suddenly that I became aware of the world around me; someone had said my name, alerting him to my presence. Looking around, I shot Prentiss a smile, her gaze already on my face. “Hi, Em,” I said in greeting.

Her smile confirmed my suspicions that she was the one who had spoken. “Did you do anything fun last night? You didn’t answer my text.”

Who, me? “Oh, nothing much,” I said brightly, placing my bag at my desk, setting my coffee down. “I just did some stuff around the house. I’m sorry I didn’t see your text.” I hadn’t seen her text until hours after she sent it. I was so wrapped up in that man I didn’t even look at my phone. For hours.

One of the wonderful things about SSA Emily Prentiss is that nothing phased her; she had lived a life that was too complicated and dangerous to sweat the small stuff. “Not a problem. Are you doing anything tonight? Garcia is trying to organize a girl’s night.”

I could still feel my boy’s eyes on me. “No, I don’t have any plans. If she asks me, I’ll let you know.” Prentiss scoffed, turning back to her work. We both knew Garcia would ask.

Don’t look, don’t look, I kept repeating to myself; but how could I not? Slowly, my head turned towards him, finding him already staring at me. To anyone else, his face would have appeared blank, but after last night, I knew him better than that. He didn’t have his glasses on today, he wore a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, his messy curls hanging in a state of permanent disarray around his face. Calling his eyes brown was doing them an injustice; not quite hazel, they were filled with so many tiny shards of color, giving them a depth I had never noticed before last night.

No, his face wasn’t blank; his face was filled with uncertainty. When he eventually woke up last night, he lifted his head from my lap quickly, his cheeks red with embarrassment. I hadn’t said anything; I kissed his cheek and walked out of his apartment. My poor nervous, beautiful boy. I offered him a small, soft smile. This didn’t have to change anything. Not if he didn’t want it to.

Just because you expect something doesn’t mean you’re ready for it; that’s a lesson I had learned a long time ago that had always held true. I expected Dr. Reid to try and talk to me at some point today. I expected it, but I wasn’t ready when he finally cornered me on my way back to the bullpen from the bathroom. I felt his presence before I saw him; he stepped around the corner, briefly meeting my eyes before he started shuffling awkwardly.

He cleared his throat. “H-hey, y/n. I was…I was hoping that I could talk to you for a minute?”

Still such a nervous boy. I gave him a nod; I knew he needed answers. It wasn’t fair to ignore him just because I was uncomfortable with how I was feeling. I had done this before, Spencer hadn’t. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what Spencer had done before. I turned as he walked past me, following him down the hallway until we reached JJ’s old office. It was filled with old boxes and scattered with case files. It was as private as we were going to get.

I waited for the boy genius to speak first; it might have been cruel, but I really didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to begin. How was I supposed to start this conversation when I remembered the noises he made when his cock was in my mouth? When I could still see the desperation in his eyes when he begged me to cum? After I had gone home last night, I lay in my bed until I couldn't resist the urge anymore. I slid my hand into my panties and remembered those sounds, how he looked, as I brought myself to a powerful orgasm.

I had masturbated thinking about Spencer Reid. That probably wasn't as earth-shattering as I was making it out to be, but I didn't do those sorts of things. I didn't do this shit with someone I work with…someone who has some form of power over any part of my life. I wasn't vulnerable; I was never vulnerable.

“Y/n,” his voice cracked on the last letter of my name. “I…I wanted to talk about yesterday.”

“I figured.” I kept my tone light. Despite my complicated feelings about the situation, I really did care about Spencer. I knew that for certain. Seeing him nervous, squirming, and desperate yesterday was one of the sexiest moments of my life. Seeing him nervous, squirming, and desperate today was different; it made my heart squeeze.

He gave me a smile. “I know we didn’t…talk about things before or after. But…I wanted to thank you.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him, earning a beautiful flush rising on the apples of his cheeks. “No, not about that,” his voice squeaked out, furthering my amusement. “I meant for staying with me. Last night. You could have left after we were…done. But you didn’t. You knew I needed to be close to you…and you stayed with me.” Dr. Reid finally stopped fidgeting, his words less rushed, but still tinged in nervousness. “No matter what happens after this, that meant a lot to me. So, thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for knowing you needed aftercare, Spencer.”

“Yes, I do.” Those three words made my breath stutter. Did he know? Did he know how scared I was? Could he tell how badly I wanted to run from the feelings he brought up in me? Knowing my luck, probably.

“You’re welcome, Pretty Boy.” Spencer smiled at the nickname, but I could tell he wasn’t done. Thanking me wasn’t the only reason he’d pulled me in here. I decided to speak before he got the chance to again. “Can I ask you a question?” When he nodded, I asked what I had wanted to know since the moment I met him. “Are you a virgin, Spencer?”

He must have known it was coming; he tried to keep his face impassive, but I could see the embarrassment in his micro-expressions. "No, y/n. I'm not a virgin…" Not super convincing, Doc. “I’m really not,” he gave a small huff of amusement. “I’ve had sex before…just not a lot.”

There is it. “What is not a lot?”

My boy shifted his weight from foot to foot then. "I had sex for the first time when I was 24, right after I joined the Bureau. I've gone on a few dates since then…It's lead to some…stuff, but it's never gone that far again."

“So, you’ve had sex with one person? Was that a woman or a man?”

“She was a woman.” I loved that he didn’t seem offended at the question. Spencer didn’t put on airs of hypermasculinity; I wonder if he had ever given any thought to his sexuality, or if he just accepted that it was what it was.

“Okay. Have you ever thought about having sex with a man?” This wasn’t relevant, I was just curious.

Spencer licked his lips; I could tell this conversation required a lot of courage from him. "Yes. I've been asked out…I've gone on two dates with men." He smiled when my eyebrows rose in surprise. “I’ve kissed men, but men are…they’re so aggressive. At least the ones I have been interested in.”

“Is aggression bad?”

“No,” he went on quickly. “It’s not, usually. I just…I don’t pick up on cues very well. I didn’t feel…safe with them. I was attracted to them, and I wanted to have sex with them…but I didn’t want to do that unless I felt like the person cared about me.” His voice shook, but his eyes never left mine, even as his fingers began to fidget with the end of his tie. “With you…yesterday, I knew you wouldn’t hurt me. I knew you’d…you’d stop if I wanted you to. And you made me feel like it was okay.” Fuck, why does he do this to my heart? “You made it feel like exploring my sexuality was okay. With you.”

I took a step towards him then; I couldn’t stop myself. He was the sun, lighting up the entire room, and I was just a mere mortal that wanted to stand in his light. I raised my hand to cup his cheek, gazing up at him; he was so tall, so much taller than me. “Exploring your sexuality is okay, Doc.” My voice was firm, leaving no room for debate. “It’s important to feel safe with the people you explore it with. You should never do something that makes you uncomfortable or with a person that doesn’t care about you. I’m honored that you saw that in me.”

He wanted to kiss me; I knew he did, I could see it in his eyes…but he didn’t. I don’t know if it was because we were at work or because he was afraid that I would reject him. I wouldn’t have. His hand came up to cover my own, pulling it down from his face so he could lace his fingers through mine. Just like my kissing him, it wasn’t lost on me that holding my hand was significant to him.

“I know we didn’t talk about it,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. We work together…but, I like you. I trust you. And…if you wanted- if you’re okay with it…I’d like to explore what we talked about yesterday. With you.”

I knew he would want to. Who wouldn’t want to explore the unknown? Especially a curious man like my Dr. Reid? Despite all of that, my heart couldn’t help but swell at his declaration. I loved being dominant in the bedroom. I found that amount of control arousing beyond belief, and I’d never say otherwise. But there was something about the trust that my submissive put in me that fulfilled a different part of me. To be trusted like this…It was something so important and it triggered a feeling of pride in myself. I was worthy of their trust.

I squeezed his hand. “Okay, Doc.” He looked so fucking hopeful. “We can discuss it. This is the unsexy part of any BDSM dynamic. We have to talk…a lot. Communication is what makes this work.” And I do want this to work, which was terrifying. “I want you to take some time to think about this,” I hurried on when it looked like he’d interrupt me. “You need to do some research, Doc. I want you to look at things and decide what or how you want to proceed. Or if you even want to proceed. If you change your mind, that is okay.” He needs to know that. “Then we can have a discussion and go from there.”

Spencer nodded, seeming more comfortable now that he had a task to focus on. “What about work?”

“That’s an important thing to talk about too. Obviously, we can’t do anything obvious at work. There are cameras everywhere. And we need to focus on cases.” He made a noise of agreement. “We need to talk about what works for us. If you’re open to playing together when we’re on a case in certain settings, like back at our hotel, if you want this to be a monogamous dynamic, signals, safe words, and how we establish when a scene starts.”

His eyebrows were so high I was worried they’d disappear into his hairline. “O-okay.”

I smiled. “Good. Think it over; you know where I’ll be.”

Again, just because you expect something doesn't mean you're ready for it. I expected Spencer to want to talk to me again, but I wasn't ready for the text message that popped up on my phone at 6:03 pm.

“I’d like to talk whenever you are free.”

A normal person wouldn’t have been able to do the required research in just 40 minutes, which was the maximum amount of time he could have been home for; but Spencer Reid wasn’t a normal person.

Which is why I text Emily and Garcia some lame excuse about backing out of girl’s night before I told Spencer I was free tonight.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to cancel girl’s night.”

Fucking profilers with eidetic memories. “I’d rather do this. I’ll see you in 20.”

I raised my hand to knock on his door but felt myself pause before my knuckles connected to the wood.

What the fuck am I doing? It was a valid question. It wasn’t too late to back out…but it was also far too late to back out. Before my fingers could decide if they wanted to knock or not, the door in question swung open to reveal the curly-headed man that plagued my thoughts.

He was in the same clothes he wore to work that day, only his tie was missing, the first few buttons of his shirt undone. Spencer’s hair always looked like he just woke up, his curls having a mind of their own and he couldn’t be bothered to tame them. They looked different right now; it was like he had been running his hands through his hair.

I offered him a smile. “Hi, Doc.”

“Hi, y/n.” With a smile of his own, he waved an arm, ushering me into the apartment. It didn’t look any different than it had yesterday, not really. It just felt different. I walked over to his couch, just like I had yesterday. I sat on the same cushion, just like I had yesterday. Everything just felt so different.

Spencer sat beside me, just like yesterday. “I feel bad about making you cancel girl’s night.”

“Don’t. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do, Doc.” I pushed my hair behind my ear; a nervous habit I hope he hadn’t picked up on quite yet. “I want to be here.”

“I want you to be here too.”

It’s unprofessional to swoon, y/n. Get it together.

I mentally shook myself. “Right. So, where do you want to start.”

“Why do you hold your submissives at such a distance?” he licked his lips; he was nervous, but his gaze never dropped from mine. “I respect you and your decisions, but I would really like to understand.”

“…Well, that’s certainly a place to start,” I gave an awkward chuckle. He didn’t return my amusement. My curious boy really wanted to know. “I told you, I got my heart broken. That’s it.”

His eyes narrowed. “I don’t want to pressure you,” his voice was so fucking earnest. “I just…I don’t understand. I want to understand. You don’t have to tell me everything, but please don’t lie to me.”

Shame washed over me; I had been stressing how important open and honest communication is and here I am avoiding something because it makes me uncomfortable. This had never been an issue before; none of my previous subs had ever wanted to know. But how could I even explain how embarrassed I was? How stupid I had been? How I gave someone my entire heart when I didn’t even know the kind of person he really was? How could I explain the choices a 22-year-old girl made?

"You're right, Spence," I took a deep breath. "Trust is important. I won't lie to you, but please understand that I'm not comfortable talking about it right now. I've never talked about it with anyone." I reached out for his hand, holding it softly in mine. "It's not that I don't want you, I just…haven't done that with anyone in such a long time."

He didn’t understand, hell, I didn’t even understand, but he accepted what I said…for now, anyway. “Okay,” he squeezed my hand. “We don’t have to do that, and you don’t have to talk about it until you’re ready.”

My mouth couldn’t help but turn up into a smile. This man. “Thank you.” I let go of his hand, clasping both of mine together and putting them in my lap. I wanted to touch him, but I needed him to not feel any pressure from me for the next part of our conversation. “Now, we need to talk about limits and expectations.” He began shifting in his seat. “I know it’s uncomfortable, but this is all part of it. I assume you’ve done some research, so tell me about what interests you and what doesn’t.”

My boy looked so unsure of himself; he was bearing such a vulnerable part of himself to me, and he was frightened. But no matter how afraid he was, my boy was also brave. “I-…I don’t have any real frame of reference. I’d like to experiment with some things before I decide if it’s a hard limit for me or not.” I nodded in an attempt to encourage him. “I don’t want extreme pain. Or things that are…unsanitary.”

I laughed. “I never expected any different.”

Maybe my laugh relaxed him; he didn't seem quite as tense as he went on. "I'd like to…touch you when you allow it. I've never…really done anything with a woman outside of just penetration. I know the basics of how to…I just would like to do those things. With you. If you ever felt comfortable." I'm almost positive I was blushing now. Spencer Reid, Dr. Spencer Reid, the pride of the BAU wanted to do things to please me; and I was tempted to let him. Who would have thought? “You don’t have to decide now…but the moment you feel comfortable, I’m ready.” His eyes ran up and down my body, I could see his throat work when he swallowed. “I’m really ready.”

After a beat, he went on, “Beyond that, I’m interested in being restrained. I like the idea of choking…but I’m nervous about it. The idea of giving up control and following order is what fascinates me. I…I also wanted to tr-try what you mentioned. In Nebraska.”

As I live and breathe. "Spencer, are you asking me to fuck you?" He knew what I meant; I could see it in the way he bit his lip. "Do you want me to tie you to my bed and make you beg for me to fuck your ass?"

He tried to disguise that whimper, but I fucking heard it. “I-I…It’s not uncommon for men to like that sort of stimulation, given that-“

I raised my hand, placing a finger on his lips before I broke my own rules again. I leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his full pink lips. “No shame here, pretty boy. None at all, especially with me.” He watched my mouth move, his posture becoming less tense. “I’d love to fuck you. Pegging a man is something I found arousing, Spencer. The thought of doing it to you turns me on. We can work up to it.”

The smile he gave me was so hesitant and sweet. "Okay." He waited a minute before he went on. "I know that you don't always orgasm with your subs…you don't let them make you cum. I don't want to pressure you or make you uncomfortable, but I really, really want to make you cum." I clenched my thighs together. Jesus fucking Christ. “If you’re comfortable, I’d like for you…for that to be part of what we do together. You’re so beautiful when you cum, y/n. I thought about it last night after you went home. I thought about how you taste…I really want to taste you again.”

Fuck. I really wanted him to taste me again too.

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moon-light-jukebox · 4 years

Text

“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 9 - [Reid x Reader]

previous chapter // series index // next chapter

Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid is one of the most brilliant men in the entire world...but even geniuses can be dumbasses. Once he realizes he’s made the biggest mistake of his life, the next step is getting Reader to forgive him.

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Rating: Mature

Category: Angst. but then the fluff we all need.

Content Warning: Talk of drug addiction, mentions of injuries, angst.

Word Count: 9.4k for Chapter 9

A/n: I’m sorry I didn’t get this out as quickly as I wanted; I know I broke your hearts in chapter 8. So, please let me and Dr. Reid put them back together. Thank you for sticking with me. 💖 Chapter 10 returns to the smut we all signed up for.

-- Chapter 9 - “You know why.” --

Out of all the compliments I've received in my life, "you're such a strong person" is the one I have gotten the most often.

I was “so strong” for busting my ass through college with dreams of going to the FBI.

My friends told me I was “so strong” when I gave myself a few days to lay around and cry about my ex before I bottled it all up and moved forward.

Everyone said I was just “so strong” for joining the FBI and finishing in the top of my class at the academy.

And when I told everyone I was a profiler that hunted the most dangerous monsters on the planet? I was both “so strong, so brave.”

It’s a nice compliment to receive, but I have never really agreed with it. I’ve never really felt strong. I've always felt resilient. The two words have always felt very different to me. It took enormous amounts of strength to go to college, join the FBI, and then become a member of one of the most prestigious units; but eventually, that strength fades, or it just tires out. Resilience came when the strength was gone when the fight had left your body, but you couldn’t give in, you would endure this pain and any pain after it…because that’s just who you are.

It didn’t take strength to leave the hospital 3 days after Spencer Reid broke my heart. It didn’t take strength to go back to the same apartment where I could feel echoes of him in every room. It didn’t even take strength to not break down and cry.

I kept going because I had to. Because I was resilient.

“You sure you got everything you need, mama?” Morgan had been annoyingly thorough in his duties today; Garcia had assigned him to be the person who brought me home and got me settled.

I offered him a wan smile. “I’m fine, Derek. It’s just a gunshot wound. I’m actually surprised how well I’m feeling.” Not good. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel ‘good’ again.

He didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure? Because the last thing I need is Garcia to throw one of her damn shoes at me again. Those things are heavy, y/n.”

I chuckled at him. “Well, you won’t get maimed on my account. I’m really okay.”

Morgan regarded me from his position by the door, his eyes ran over everything from the exhaustion on my face to my arm that was in a sling; he took note of everything before he sighed heavily. “I know it’s not my place to say but…”

“Then don’t say it, Derek.” I brought my gaze up to his, my eyes were pleading. “Please, just don’t say it.”

Reluctantly he nodded. “You call any of us if you need anything.”

I nodded. Because I would call any of them if I needed anything…any of them except the one person I really wished I could call.

My life went on like that for a time. On my first night home, Rossi had flowers delivered. On my second night home, JJ came by to bring me groceries. On my third night home Emily came by and helped me wash my hair in the sink because I couldn’t lift my arm yet. On my fourth night home Garcia came over with a stack of action movies and popcorn. I didn’t ask why she brought mindless action movies; I knew why, and I was grateful.

On my fifth day home, the team left on a case. The in-person visits slowed down a lot after that, much to my relief. I loved them all but they're profilers and I was so tired of pretending to be strong when the only reason I was still standing was because I was too fucking stubborn to fall down.

But still, Garcia would schedule the odd visitor every now and then to come to check on me; usually either her, JJ, or Emily. No one ever brought up Reid, and I was very careful not to ask about him. I don't know what they knew and what they didn't…but I just couldn’t talk about it.

I was cleared to go back to work on the second Tuesday after my injury, but I would still be on desk duty until I was 4 weeks out. I had sent Hotch an e-mail on that second Tuesday morning and requested to use some personal time, just until the end of the following week. His response was, “Whatever you need.”

He didn't respond to the e-mail I sent yesterday. The e-mail I wasn't even sure I wanted to send but knew I had to. I had submitted a hardship transfer request.

“Then maybe you should reevaluate your place in this team,” Reid had said to me. Maybe he was right. I had thought my home was with the family inside the BAU…but I had also thought Spencer Reid wanted my heart.

“But I think your judgment has been compromised.” Maybe my judgment was never that good to begin with.

Twenty-four days after I was shot and two after I requested my transfer there was a knock on my door. Scheduled visits weren’t a thing anymore. Only Garcia had been coming by; Emily and JJ would send me texts, and Morgan drove me to physical therapy a few times but that was it. So, I was very surprised when I heard a sharp knock at my door at 2 pm that Friday afternoon.

I opened the door only to find the last face I expected to see.

“Hotch,” I said, my brows drawing together.

He just gave me a rare smile. “Not who you were expecting?”

“It’s not that you’re not who I was expecting,” I began carefully. “It’s just that…when I think of cheerful visitors coming to surround me with rainbows and sunshine…I don’t think of you, boss man.”

He scoffed, which I had learned was his version of a chuckle. “Garcia is busy. So, can I come in?”

I waved my arm, offering him inside.

He surveyed my apartment; he’d never been here. None of the team had ever been here before- Stop. Don’t think about it.

“How have you been?”

I gave him a very sour look. “Peachy with a side of keen, Hotch. But that’s not why you’re here.”

He didn’t look abashed in the slightest. “You’re right. That’s not why I’m here.”

We both sat on my couch; I kept my gaze on my hands, but I felt his eyes on me.

“Why are you requesting a hardship transfer?”

I was prepared for this question. “Because there is a personal issue within my team that affects me; I can no longer be an effective agent of the FBI in this unit.”

Hotch gave me an almost smile. “That’s a very political answer.”

“It’s the truth.”

“It might be.” He sounded so thoughtful I turned to look at him. We were both profilers, but Hotch was in charge for a reason; that man saw things in ways I don’t think any of us did. “The reason might also be that Reid is a dumb ass.”

I was in no way prepared for that statement to come out of my boss’s mouth. A laugh, the first real laugh I had had in almost 25 days, burst out of me before I could clap my hand over my mouth.

He did smile then. It was a soft, sad smile. “I figured that’s what it was.”

“He’s a genius, Hotch.”

“And he’s also proof geniuses can be dumbasses.”

That one got a small chuckle out of me. “I didn’t know you were funny.”

“I have my moments,” he said dryly.

I took a deep breath, my eyes moving around my apartment, searching for something to focus on. “I don’t know what you know, I don’t know what any of you know…but I can’t stay. Not like this.”

The older man considered me for a moment, planning out his next words. I knew that the team knew that Reid and I had been…something. I hadn’t asked what they knew; I couldn’t ask.

Hotch let out a long sigh, his shoulders dropping before he spoke again. "Hayley had an affair."

…I have no idea how I’m supposed to respond to that. “I’m sorry, Hotch.”

He just nodded, his gaze sort of far off. “The team was working a case in Milwaukee; it was right before you joined. I was considering transferring; it was right before Gideon left. I knew it, she knew I knew it. I think that was sort of the beginning of the end for us.”

I just stared at him. Hotch didn’t talk about personal things.

He continued on. “It was never really brought up again until the divorce. You think divorce will end your fights…it never works out that way.” Hotch let out another sigh. “Anyway, I think about this one specific fight a lot now. I just…She was so fucking cruel, y/l/n. She said things she knew would hurt me.”

You can’t call a dead woman a cunt, y/n. You just can’t.

“I think about it so much now because I know she lashed out because I hurt her and she was scared. I picked my job over her and Jack. And she’s right…I did.”

Enlightenment finally dawned on me.

“Hotch, I see where you’re going but it’s different,” I stressed. “Protecting the team is my job. I protected a member of my team.”

He just nodded, his eyes never leaving my face. “You also jumped in front of a bullet for a man who is in love with you, who now thinks it’s his fault you got hurt.”

“He is not in love with me!” I interrupted, not that Hotch seemed to care.

“And you also told him you loved him, for what I suspect was the first time, while we all thought you were dying.”

Hold the fuck up. “You heard me? Spencer heard me?!”

Hotch nodded his head solemnly. “Rossi figured he hadn’t told you. He was inconsolable on the way to the hospital. He rode with you in the ambulance. Morgan had to restrain him when you were taken into surgery.” I felt my lungs seize, there was no more air in the room. “His legs gave out from under him when the doctor told us you made it. He was in your room right before you woke up. He ran out when your heart rate spiked.”

That…that can’t be right. “I…I don’t know what happened while I was under, but you weren’t there. You didn’t hear what he said to me, Aaron.”

“You’re right,” he said softly. “I wasn’t, but I have been around him every day since you were injured. I’ve known him for years, y/n. He’s hurting…because he’s a dumbass.”

I tried to focus on Hotch’s words, I really did. But one thing kept playing over and over in my head. That asshole heard me. He lied to me.

-- Spencer POV –

“Because I love you.”

The worst thing about having an eidetic memory is that I never forgot anything. I remember the crushing disappointment I felt on my 8th birthday when my dad didn’t call. I remember how gutted I felt when I found Gideon’s letter in his cabin. I remember the self-loathing I felt when Emily was beaten by a deranged cult leader at Liberty Ranch because she didn’t think I could handle it.

I could remember every single crushing moment of my life with absolute clarity, including the moment when I told y/n I didn’t love her. I could see every detail of her face in that moment whenever I closed my eyes. How pain covered her face for just a moment before it went blank.

Her face in that moment was all I saw when I was awake, but what I saw at night may have been worse. I saw her happy. I saw her laughing at some joke Morgan made. I saw her smiling at me while I explained the scientific impossibilities of the show we were watching on her couch. I saw how thoughtful she’d looked before she kissed me for the first time.

In the 24 days, 21 hours, and 16 minutes since I made the most painful decision of my life, I had regretted it and rethought it countless times. But then I remembered how her eyes fluttered closed that day, how her blood ran out of her body and down my arms, no matter how hard I pressed on the wound. I remembered how it felt to think I was going to lose her.

The members of my team were all furious with me for my decision; I even felt tension from Rossi and Hotch, though it was more subtle. Y/n hadn’t been with our team long, but she had already carved out a place in everyone’s heart…and she’d carved out all of my heart; now it was filled with almost nothing but her. At first, it was just Morgan who was pissed at me, then Emily started becoming frustrated, even JJ stopped inviting me over for dinner as much. They were all still my friends, but everything felt different.

I hadn't realized there was a giant problem until the last person I ever expected to be mad at me finally snapped. We were in the conference room discussing our last case when I had asked Garcia a question. Looking back, I can see it was a dumb question; Garcia cross-referenced everything and dug into people's lives before we even had a chance to ask. But even my stupid question hadn’t warranted her response.

“Garcia, do you know any of the victim’s extended families have any connections to one another? Even distantly.”

She had clicked her tongue against her teeth, her shoulders stiffening. “Of course I have, Reid. That’s a stupid question…but I guess we should expect stupid questions from you now. Since you’ve suddenly become an-“

“Garcia,” Hotch warned.

“Sorry, sir.” She let out a breath.

“Yes, Dr. Reid, I have checked and found no apparent connections.

She’d been avoiding me ever since.

I knew that I had made a mess of things, but the team just didn't understand. They'd only felt her warmth from afar; I'd actually got to be a part of it. They didn't know how her feet were always cold and how she'd shove them under my leg while we watched TV. They didn't know that she mumbled in her sleep sometimes, or when she was really stressed about a case, she'd grind her teeth. The pain I felt now was indescribable, but I couldn't live with losing her.

We’d gotten back home from a case earlier this morning, Hotch let us all go home around noon. Usually, he'd make us stay and finish our paperwork, but he said he had "something" he had to take care of.

Not being at work was bittersweet. Because work reminded me of her, but at least I could occupy my mind with other things; when I was home, she surrounded me. I couldn’t lay in my bed without imagining her beside me. The look on her face when she told me she was ready to be with me. For the first few days after I could still smell her shampoo on my pillow. That was long gone now.

It was just after 2 pm when there was a very loud knock on my door.

“Open up, dumbass!’

What is Morgan doing here? I got up from my couch to open my door. Morgan was in the same clothes he wore to work, he didn't look injured, but his jaw was set, his teeth clenched together. Uh oh.

“Why are you here?” I sighed. I already knew why he was here.

“I’m here,” he began, shoving his way into my apartment. “To see why you’re still being a dumbass.”

I didn’t bother correcting him. Maybe I am a dumbass.

“Morgan-“

“Nu-uh. You sit your little scrawny ass down and listen to me.”

I’m not that scrawny, I thought grumpily while I sat down.

He put his hands on his hips, coming to stand in front of me. “Reid, what are you doing man?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“Well, I’ll tell you what the fuck you’re doing, Pretty Boy. You know, we were all content to let you flounder along for a while longer. You’re smart, you’d figure it out. But that was before y/n submitted a request for a hardship transfer.”

My shoulders stiffened. I had told her to rethink her place on the team, but I didn’t mean leave it. “What? When?”

“I’m not sure when,” he replied. “Hotch is at her apartment now trying to talk her out of it.”

So that was his important business.

“Look, kid.” He came to sit beside me on the couch. “I know you’re scared. I know you almost lost her, and you couldn’t bear that. But you’re losing her now too, man!’

“It’s different, Morgan,” I protested.

“Yeah, it is different, because you don’t have to lose her! You didn’t see her when she came home from the hospital. She wasn’t even sad, Reid. She was numb. We all knew she had walls up before…but these new walls, man? They make the old ones look like nothing.”

I put my hands together, lacing my fingers tightly. “But-“

Morgan stood up. “No, Reid! No! No buts. I understand that you’re hurting, believe me. But did you ever stop to use that big ass brain of yours to think for a second that you’re hurting her too?!”

“I know I’m hurting her, Morgan,” I said hotly. “I know! But it’s better she’s hurt like this for a little while then die over me!”

“Oh, come on, kid! You can’t make that choice for her! That’s not how love works!” He let out a sigh. “You’re acting like a coward, Spencer. And that’s not the kind of man you are.”

It’s exactly the type of man I am. “Morgan, she’s…she’s everything to me. She’s the sun at the center of my universe. I can’t let her disappear.”

“Okay, okay,” Morgan nodded, considering me. “Now, I’m not a genius but I do know some stuff after hanging around your ass for all these years. The universe would fall apart without the sun. But…what happens if the sun dims?”

“What?” My heart refused to work when I processed his words.

“You heard me. What happens to the universe when the sun dims? It’s still there, but it’s nowhere near as bright anymore. Because she may be the center of your universe but she’s still a part of a lot of other people’s…I don’t know, galaxy or some shit.” Morgan flicked his hand around to gesture at nothing, like this somehow proved his point.

“Spencer. I know you’re scared. I get it. But you’re making the choice for her. You lied to her, man. You got her to let you in and then you fucking shut her out when you get scared! Do you think she wasn’t scared to let you in in the first place? She’s never going to be totally free of danger, Reid. That’s part of what makes her who she is; she is always going to put herself at risk to help people, we all are! It’s why we’re on the same fucking team!”

The impact of Morgan’s words was a blow to the gut. What if I wasn’t keeping her safe? What if I was putting her through this…because I was afraid? Did I push her away from me for her? Or did I-

“Oh my god. I’m a dumbass.”

Morgan threw his hands in the air before slapping them against his hips.

“I fucked up.”

Morgan opened his eyes very wide and tilted his head down in a universally recognized expression of “you think, dumbass?”.

“What do I do?”

“You apologize, Reid! You go over to her house and you beg for forgiveness.”

My palms were starting to sweat. “What if she doesn’t forgive me?”

Morgan shrugged. “Then at least you tried, man.”

“Will you give me a ride?”

His face split into a wide smile. “There’s the genius! Let’s go!”

-- Reader’s POV --

It was just after 4 pm when there was another sharp knock on my door. I picked up the remote to pause the TV show I wasn’t watching; I had just needed some background noise. With a huff, I pulled myself off the couch and started shuffling towards the door. Hotch hadn’t been gone long, so I just figured maybe he’d come back to impart more wisdom on me.

It wasn’t Hotch. My heart stuttered when I saw that mop of curly brown hair out of my door’s peephole.

He knocked again, more hesitantly than before. “Y/n,” he called. “I know I don’t have any right to ask. But…I need to talk to you.”

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. What could you possibly have to say to me?

I cleared my throat. “Is something wrong?”

I saw his head snap up; his eyes fixed on the peephole on my door. “Yes. Everything is wrong.”

Oh. “Are…are you alright?”

“No.” His answer was simple and firm. “I know I don’t deserve anything from you…but, please, y/n.”

Taking a deep breath, I cracked open my door. “What do you want, Reid?”

I only allowed a tiny sliver of my face to be seen through the door. “C-can I come in?”

“I…I don’t know,” I mumbled. You’re still everywhere. If I let you in now…how will you ever fade?

Reid just nodded. “I understand. I just…I owe you an apology. I owe you so many apologies.”

I swallowed; my throat suddenly coated in sandpaper. “Reid, I don’t…you don’t…”

His eyes never left mine; he was leaving the choice up to me. “I don’t have to come in. I’ll talk to you through your door. Or I can talk to you over the phone. I’ll send you letters if that is easier. Just…please say you’ll talk to me?”

Very, very slowly, I eased the door open. He was cautious when he walked in, his hands stuffed into his pants pockets. “You don’t have to-“

“Yes, I do,” he interrupted. “That day in my apartment… I asked you not to lie to me. And I’ve done nothing but lie to you for the past 24 days, 22 hours, and 30 minutes.” He shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“I already know you heard me, Reid.”

He just nodded. “That’s one of the things I lied about. But it’s not all. It’s not even close to all. I told you my feelings changed, and they didn’t. They haven’t. I still feel the exact same way that I always have. I’m so sorry I even let you think that I didn’t l-“

“Stop.” I wrapped my arms around my middle. “I-I can’t. You…you can’t say that.” I will break if you say that.

His hands came out of his pockets, his arms outstretched, palms facing me; like I was a wild animal he was trying not to startle. “I won’t, I won’t. I’m sorry. I won’t say it until you're ready to hear it if you're ever ready to hear it. But…you have to know why.”

My teeth dug into my bottom lip; my eyes averted from him. “Why what?”

“Why I…Y/n, I just…I thought that I was protecting you.”

My face fell into a frown. “Protecting me from what?”

He stuffed his hands back into his pockets. “From me.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he hurried on. “I know I contribute to the team in some ways, but I also know other people have to pick up my slack sometimes. I just…I know members of the team have gotten hurt protecting me before.” He swallowed, his eyes blinking rapidly. “I couldn’t let you get hurt trying to protect me too. I’m not worth it.”

I felt anger start to burn in my stomach. “You don’t get to make those sorts of choices for people, Reid.”

He nodded. “I know. I was wrong.” He squared his slim shoulders, pulling his hands out of his pockets to rest them at his sides. “I fucked up. I’ve made the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life. And I only know one way to fix mistakes this big.” He paused, his throat working when he swallowed. “In Narcotics Anonymous the hardest steps for a lot of people are steps 8 and 9. Step 8 is acknowledging that our actions have caused pain and we need to make amends. Step 9 is making those amends and making them in a way that won’t hurt anyone.”

Hands back in his pockets, he took a hesitant step towards me. “I promise, y/n, I will never hurt you again. This isn’t an excuse, but I was so…I was so scared. I thought that…I thought that your injury was my fault. And I thought if I distanced you from such a…a colossal fuck up like me that you’d be safer.”

My body started to shake, but I wouldn’t let any tears fall. I couldn’t. If the dam broke now, I don’t know that I’d be able to put it back in place.

“Y/n, I don’t deserve the opportunity to make amends to you. But…if you’ll let me, I’d like to try. You’re…you’re everything, y/n. Everything. I even lied before when I said you were sunshine and warmth. You’re so much more than that.”

I heard the tears in his voice, but I couldn’t look at him. I’d break if I looked at him.

“You’re the sun. You’re the center of my universe. And I thought I was keeping you safe, but…I didn’t give you the choice. I took your choice away from you when you’ve always given me a choice in everything.”

I moved my eyes upwards to look at the ceiling, crossing my arms over my chest, my hands rubbing over my upper arms. “I don’t-I don’t know what you want me to say, Reid.”

I heard his shoes on my floor; I felt the air shift in the room when he took a step closer to me. “Just…Just say you’ll…that you’ll at least wait before you push your transfer through. That you’ll let me try to fix this, even though I don’t deserve it.”

A humorless laugh left my throat. “I already told Hotch to hold my transfer request.”

His voice cracked when he spoke again. “You did? When?”

“He came by about an hour ago.” I finally, finally looked at him. I saw his glassy eyes, his wild hair, and the clear pain mixed with a spark of hope on his face. He wasn’t my boy, not anymore. But…goddamnit. “He said…He said you were being a dumbass.”

Reid laughed a bit at that. “That seems to be the general consensus.”

“He asked me to give it some time. To see if working with the team again would actually be a hardship. My first day back is Monday, and I’m cleared to go back on active duty Wednesday.”

He shifted, his hands coming up to push is hair out of his face. “So, you’ll be back on Monday?”

"That's the plan," I said softly. "But…Reid, I don't-I don't know if I can…"

“I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m just asking you to let me try to make amends for this.”

I brought my hand up to rub my forehead. “What is your goal here, Reid? What do you want?”

His face was as open as I’d ever seen it, his eyes were wide, and his lips were parted. “I want to go back to the moment you started to wake up in the hospital. I want to hold your hand and tell you how much I” he cut himself off, which I was grateful for. “And I want to be the one that drove you home. I want to be the one that helped you wash your hair. I want to be the one that sat on your couch and watched movies with you.” He sighed, his eyes shifting to the side. “But I can’t have any of that. Morgan came by my apartment around the same time Hotch was here…he told me that I was hurting the thing I was trying so hard to protect. And he said you were building a wall around yourself.

Dr. Spencer Reid brought those brown eyes back over to meet mine. “I want you to let me try to knock down that wall again.”

My voice was soft, I could feel my chin trembling, my nails were digging into my arms. “But why?”

For the first time since he entered my apartment, he smiled. It was small but overwhelmingly warm. “You know why.”

I felt something pierce my heart; it was small and sharp, both painful and soothing at the same time. “Reid…I…I don’t know if I can…I don’t know…”

“You don’t have to know,” the man said simply. “You just have to be willing to let me try.”

“But they’re just words, Reid. They’re just words. How am I supposed to believe that you won’t do this again the next time I get injured? Because I can handle being injured…but you gutted me.” I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, using the pain to help me focus. I couldn’t let the dam break.

“They’re not just words,” he whispered. “I’ll prove it, y/n. I promise.”

I took a very shaky breath, not making an attempt to hide my pain. “I gave you everything, every single part of me and you brushed me aside. You left me in agony when I needed you.”

My choked words lashed at him, but he just took it with a nod. “I know. I don’t deserve another chance. I have no right after what I’ve done. What I’m asking for isn’t fair…but I have to ask. Please?”

“Okay.”

“What?” His words were soft, but the smile that spread over his face was the brightest thing I had ever seen.

I huffed. “You heard me. Don’t push it.”

‘Okay.” He smiled at me again as he made his way around my body, heading for my door. I wrapped my arms tighter around myself like I could somehow physically hold myself together. I heard the lock turn and the door pull open; I heard his feet shuffle through the doorway…before he paused. “Thank you, y/n.” The door clicked shut softly, and I finally allowed myself to breathe.

I wasn’t strong, I really wasn’t. Because if I was strong, I wouldn’t have felt so fucking hopeful.

After my conversation with Hotch yesterday, and my surprise visit from Reid last night, I expected my Saturday to be fairly uneventful. Which is why I wasn’t expecting a knock on my door at 8 pm that night.

“Who the fuck is it now?” I muttered, sighing with exasperation.

I thought Hotch was the most unexpected person I would ever see at my door unannounced, but this one caught me more off guard for so. I opened the door to see the bright smiling face of a young man in a delivery uniform. “Y/n y/l/n?” He asked politely.

“…Yes?”

He handed me a plastic bag with styrofoam containers inside. “Here you go. The bill has already been taken care of. Have a good night, ma’am!”

He was already halfway down the hall before I realized what was happening. “Wait, I didn’t order anything,” I called.

"I know, ma'am," he turned, walking backward as he spoke. "The order was placed in the store. A man came by and ordered the food, left a note to put in the bag, and told me to leave before you had a chance to refuse it." He smiled sheepishly at me. "I'm sorry, he gave me a really good tip. Have a good night!"

Frowning, I shut my door and moved into my kitchen, setting the bag on the counter. Sure enough, there was a note on top of the container.

“I know it’s your favorite. S.R.”

The thing about Reid is he had the worst handwriting I had ever seen. Even if I hadn’t suspected this was from him and he hadn’t signed the note, the handwriting would have given it away.

I went into my living room and snatched my phone off the couch before I quickly fired off a text.

“Why did you have dinner delivered to my house?”

His response came a moment later. “You know why.”

On Sunday morning, I had one of my last physical therapy appointments. I hadn't sustained any permanent damage to my left shoulder from the bullet. The only real issue was the healing muscle and the artery that was nicked. Even though I was right-handed, it was important in my line of work that I did not lose any strength in my left arm. The physical therapist had made an exception to see me on the weekend since my first day back at work was tomorrow.

The thought of going back to work made me incredibly nervous. I wasn't sure how things would be different. Not only did I have to worry about my relationship with Reid, but I also had to worry about how it would affect the team. I knew they all cared about me…but Reid had been a part of their family much longer than I had. Hotch’s visit on Friday meant a lot to me; I don’t think I would have been able to come back to work without it.

Despite my nerves, after being home on my couch for almost a month, I was itching to get back to doing the work I loved. I had already passed my post-injury psychiatric evaluation, which was pointless anyway as the BAU wrote the questions, but now with this approval from the physical therapist, I would only be on desk duty for 2 days once I returned.

I was so caught up in thought when I got to my apartment that I almost missed the paper taped to the front of my door. It was an envelope that looked some sort of parchment. If the type of paper didn’t give away the sender, the messy way my name was written on the front certainly did.

Calm down, y/n, I thought, reaching up to pluck the note from the door. It’s just a piece of paper. I knew my fear was irrational but trusting him after everything that had happened was terrifying. Because despite my best instincts, I wanted to trust him.

Inside the envelope was a letter, it wasn’t written on standard paper; but, nothing about the man it was from was ever standard.

“Y/n,

Before my mother’s schizophrenia became as bad as it is now, she used to read to me all the time. She was a professor of 15th-century literature. My love of reading came from her. Her favorite author is Margery Kempe; and when I was thinking about what I wanted to say to you, one quote in particular from Kempe kept coming to mind.

‘Patience is more worthy than miracle-working’.

The fact that you’ve given me even the slightest chance to apologize to you is the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever seen. It's not a gift I'm going to take lightly. I know this is so incredibly hard for you. I know tomorrow is going to be hard for you, but I don't want you to feel like you're being forced to do anything before you're ready. I want to make amends, or at least try to, but I don't want to cause you any more pain.

You were patient with me in the beginning of our relationship; you were so unbelievably kind and generous – I think those are the things that made me…feel how I do now. I just want you to know that I’m prepared to be patient too. I never expected you to forgive me, and on the off chance you did, I knew it wouldn’t come easily.

I’d wait for you forever, y/n.

I don’t want to go against your wishes, but I want you to know that I’m ready. I’m ready to tell you now and every moment after for the rest of my life. All you have to do is ask and I’ll never stop telling you what you mean to me.

- Spencer”

My hands shook as I refolded the letter, slipping it back inside the envelope. I was dialing his number before I was even fully aware of what I was doing.

“Hello?” His voice sounded slightly apprehensive, almost shy.

“I got your letter,” I said quietly.

“I-I…I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

I let out a sigh. “No, Reid. You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“You’ve not called me Spencer since…”

“I’m not there yet.” I closed my eyes when I said it; even now…I didn’t want to hurt him. I’m just not there yet.

I heard him shift around on the other end of the line. “I know. You don’t have to be. I just…I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”

“And send me dinner,” I added dryly. He laughed softly before I asked what I really wanted to know. “Reid…how have you been?” I ran my hand over my forehead. “I mean…before I was…before I was shot I know you were struggling with-“

“Ah,” he mumbled when the realization hit him. “It wasn’t easy…it hasn’t been easy. I went to a lot of meetings after you were…And I spent a lot of time on JJ’s couch trying to convince her and myself that I was doing the right thing by pushing you away.”

I flexed the fingers of my left hand, my posture shifting while he spoke. “But you haven’t…I didn’t make…”

“Y/n,” he said, his voice was so fucking gentle that it almost shattered me. “I haven’t. And even if I did, it wouldn’t have been your fault. No bad choice I make is ever anyone’s fault but my own. My demons are my own.”

I sighed. “I know, Reid, but I don’t want to be…I don’t want to make them worse.”

“You couldn’t,” he said firmly. “Whenever I did think about calling a dealer, doing anything I could to not feel the pain in my heart…I-I kept seeing your face. You looked so understanding when I told you about dilaudid. You made me feel proud of myself for the first time in a long time.”

I had to put my palm over the end of my phone. I didn’t want him to hear how my breathing had become uneven.

“Y/n, I’ll do anything to have you look at me like that again.”

"I don't need to ask why do I?" I asked lightly, in an attempt to defuse the tension.

He laughed. “No, I don’t think you do.”

I found myself smiling, grateful he couldn’t see me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Reid.”

When I arrived to work on Monday morning for my first official day back, I was apprehensive but hopeful. The world wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t as dark as it has been.

Right when I entered the bullpen, I saw something on my desk that made me pause. There in the center of my desk was a large iced coffee from my favorite cafe, the one near my house. No matter how early I got up, I never seemed to have time to stop there before work most days. So, the fact that a cup was there in the first place was cause for notice but that wasn’t the strangest part; the ice wasn’t melted. There wasn’t any condensation on the plastic cup.

I know I’m not a genius, but that can’t happen. Right?

“There she is!”

I turned to see Rossi making his way towards me, his arm's outstretched. He wrapped me in a tight hug, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“We’re happy to have you back, y/n.”

I smiled widely at him, meaning it when I said, “I’m happy to be back.” He gave my upper arm a squeeze before he started to walk away. “Hey, Rossi. Did you do this?” I asked, gesturing to the cup on my desk.

He just had a sly smile on his face. “I did not, kiddo.”

Of course, he didn't. After taking a deep breath, I turned to the desk across from mine. Reid was already sitting there scribbling away, doing a very good job of pretending he didn’t know I was already here. I marched over to him before I lost my nerve. “The ice wasn’t melted.”

He looked up at me, not the slightest bit surprised at my presence, a soft smile on his face. “Beg your pardon?”

“The ice. In my iced coffee. It wasn’t melted.” I waved my hand around in the air. I’m not crazy, am I? That couldn’t have just happened.

“That’s because I asked them not to put any ice in when they made it,” he said simply. “You don’t like it as much when it’s watered down after the ice melts some; so I just added the ice here.”

My heart started to beat faster. “Why would you do that?”

The smile on his face got bigger, his eyes seemed to soften somehow when he looked at me. “You know why,” he said simply.

I didn’t know what to say. So, with a tight nod at him, I turned and walked back to my desk.

The rest of my first day back went how I expected. When Morgan saw me, he gathered me up in a giant hug and spun around ignoring my demands to put me down. Garcia hugged me like she hadn’t seen me in years and brought me cupcakes. Emily and JJ took me to lunch. Hotch made me fill out forms. And Reid…well, whenever I turned to look at him, I found he was already looking at me.

The very next day when I showed up for work, I was suspicious. Every day since that Friday, Reid had done something. But when I arrived in the morning there was nothing on my desk. Nothing appeared out of place. Maybe it’s a fluke. Reid was already sitting at his desk, scrolling through his e-mail.

I knew what he had done the second I sat down. For as long as I had worked at this desk in the BAU bullpen, there was one wheel on my chair that was wonky. It never wanted to roll, and it always drove me insane. No matter what I tried the wheel never worked this well, and especially not this smoothly. Did he-?

When I looked over, he was already looking at me, that same soft smile on his face.

On my third day back at work there was nothing on my desk when I arrived, there was nothing anywhere. But I knew him, I knew he wasn’t done yet; there had to be something.

That something was on my desk when I got back from turning in my return to active duty forms to Hotch. There was a single sunflower in a vase sitting on my desk. I walked up to it and touched the petals softly. It was beautiful, but I was confused.

Walking over to his desk, I didn’t bother trying to hide the confusion or apprehension on my face. This time he wasn’t pretending to be doing something else; his eyes had been on me since the moment I walked out of Hotch’s office.

“It’s beautiful,” I began. “But I don’t understand the symbolism.”

He tilted back in his chair, looking up at me. “Sunflowers always want to be looking at the sun…and so do I.”

Because he thinks I’m the sun.

“But don’t sunflowers stop turning towards the sun when they get older?”

He just nodded. “They might, but I never will.”

I ran my tongue over my lips before I pulled both of them in between my teeth. I felt tears prick the corners of my eye. “Why?” I asked, my voice slightly thicker than normal.

Spencer stood up then; it looked like he would reach for me, but he quickly put his hands at his sides. “I’ll stop if it hurts you. Y/n, I promise to never hurt you again.” His words were earnest, his eyes were pleading. “But ‘why?’ You know why.”

I just nodded my head slightly, blowing out a shaky breath. “Thank you, it’s lovely.”

I don't know why Spencer said I was the sun because his smile at that moment was the brightest thing I'd ever seen. "Is it too much if I throw in a cheesy line, like, 'it's not as lovely as you?'"

“Brat,” I muttered, turning quickly so he wouldn’t see my smile.

That bright smile was still on his face when we all met in the conference room 20 minutes later. I saw Rossi clap him on the back when he walked in. JJ shot him a very sweet smile, it was almost motherly, like she was proud of him. Prentiss just winked.

Morgan wasn’t subtle. I’m not sure he knew how to be. He held out his fist for a fist bump, laughing openly when Spencer just wrapped his hand around it and shook.

“Alright,” Hotch said from the front of the room. Fuck, even he is smiling a little bit. “Let’s get started.”

Less than 30 minutes later, I was boarding the BAU jet for the first time in more than a month. We were off to Arkansas to assist the Hot Springs police department to catch a suspected serial killer.

I was one of the last ones on board; I smiled awkwardly when I saw everyone’s eyes on me.

“What kept you, Pretty Girl?” Morgan asked with a grin.

Oh, I’m Pretty Girl now? Subtle. I shot Morgan a look to indicate I wasn’t amused. “I had to talk to Garcia.”

Rossi looked at me expectantly “…About?”

They were all just staring at me, and they weren’t even trying to hide their amusement. I sighed. “I couldn’t just leave it on my desk, you assholes.” Garcia might have squealed loudly when I brought her my sunflower and asked her to watch over it for me.

Every one of them laughed…except Reid. Reid just bit his bottom lip and dropped his gaze. He looked so much like my nervous boy that it made me ache. That was the first time I allowed myself to admit how much I missed my darling boy.

I was in the middle of going over victimology when a cup of coffee was sat down beside me. I mumbled my thanks, not even glancing up, just reaching out to grab it. It wasn’t until my fingers wrapped around the cup that my head snapped up.

“Morgan,” I called. “What’s this?”

His smile was very, very bright. “It’s your coffee.”

I picked up the iced coffee, giving it a once over. “Are you or are you not the same Derek Morgan that has said multiple times, ‘I ain’t no damn barista if you want special coffee you go get it your damn self'?"

He nodded, his smile never wavering. “I am, so don’t get used to it. But when my boy has finally stopped being a dumbass and is trying to win his girl back?” He winked at me. “I’ll make an exception when he asks for a favor.”

I heard JJ laugh softly from the other end of the table. I scrunched my face into a mock glare at both of them. “Don’t you have a murderer to catch?”

He turned before leaving the room, putting a hand to his chest in a very dramatic fashion. “Pretty Girl, you should know SSA Derek Morgan can multitask!”

I still don’t know what it is about towns in the middle of nowhere, but it never fails, one of the cops from said town will try to weasel his way into my bed the second the case is over. I was packing up after the unsub was booked when someone cleared his throat behind me to get my attention. This time it was a tall, slightly out of shape Officer named Reynolds. His smile was greasy but at least he didn’t try to touch me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, offering what I hoped was a polite smile. “I have a boyfriend.” I always tried to be diplomatic when this happened, just because I didn’t need to Hotch reprimand me for threatening a member of the local police…again.

Officer Reynolds’ scoffed. “He doesn’t have to know.”

The smile dropped off my face, my eyes hardening. Fucker. “That’d be pretty fucking difficult since he’s a member of my team and he’s sharing a room with me.” I picked up my bag and tossed a sarcastic “nice working with you” over my shoulder before I hightailed it out of the conference room. I didn’t stop until I got to the main entrance of the precinct, where I planned to wait for the rest of the team.

“So, am I the boyfriend you mentioned?” A voice asked from behind me.

Of course. I turned to see Dr. Spencer Reid looking very pleased with himself. “I also didn’t know you wanted to share a room with me tonight. We each have single rooms though, so we don’t have to swap with anyone else…” he trailed off pretending to think. “So, who’s room are we taking?”

I rolled my eyes. “Reid, if it got some slimy cop off my back, I’d tell him you were my husband. I will throw you under the bus to save myself from a very awkward conversation that would probably lead to me punching someone.”

His face changed, he no longer looked overly pleased with himself. He looked like the same man that sat on the couch with me all those weeks ago and asked me if I kissed my submissives. He looked like the Spencer that used to be mine.

“You act like I’d mind,” he said quietly.

“Mind what? Being thrown under the bus?”

“Being called your husband.”

I froze, my eyes immediately dropped to the floor. I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t. I let out a very shaky exhale, a sure sign that I was about to cry. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t. Why is he doing this to me?

I saw his beaten-up converse move into my field of view. He was close to me now, but he didn’t touch me. “I’m sorry, y/n,” he whispered. “But I promised I wouldn’t lie to you anymore.”

JJ walked around the corner then and he broke away from me. I just stared at my hands the whole drive back to the hotel.

The clock on the bedside table blinked 11:47 pm. I had been lying in bed since 9 pm trying to fall asleep. When we arrived back to the hotel, I didn’t speak to anyone, I just kept my head down and walked straight into my room. Once I was inside, I tore my clothes off and got into the shower, turning it on the hottest temperature I could tolerate.

I felt the tears; they were right there, I felt them pulsing underneath my eyes. I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how to deny myself everything I had ever wanted when it was offering itself to me…I was the reason I was in pain right now, and it was all because I was so fucking terrified to trust him again.

I glanced back over at the clock. 11:49 pm.

Taking a deep breath, trying to pull some sort of courage into myself, I picked up my phone.

He’s probably sleeping, I reasoned, giving myself one last chance to back out.

But then the phone was dialing. I listened to the ringing and held my breath. Because what was I supposed to do if he didn’t answer? What was I supposed to do if he did?

“Y/n?” his sleepy voice asked, sounding disoriented but urgent. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Everything. And no. But I couldn't get my mouth to open. I couldn't say anything. If I opened my mouth, then everything would spill out. All the pain, all the secrets, all the hopes, and fears…and it would all be bared to Spencer Reid.

In the way that Spencer knew everything, he knew what I needed then. “I’ll be right there.” I heard a rustling on his end of the line, but he never hung up the phone.

Before I was ready, I heard the same hesitant knock on my door that I heard every night he came to my hotel room just because he missed me; the same knock that I had heard that first day at my apartment. The knock was the final crack that broke the dam I had built around my emotions in an attempt to hold them back so they wouldn’t sweep me away.

I don’t remember walking to the door, I don’t remember unlocking it; all I remember is Spencer standing on the other side in the same Caltech t-shirt and sweatpants he wore in my apartment when we sat on my couch on our first real night together.

“Y/n?” His eyes ran over me frantically. He came into the room, shutting the door behind him. His hands reached out like he would grab me, but I saw the indecision on his face. “Tell me what you need, baby. Please?”

The moment that I was so afraid of happened then. The tears finally flooded my eyes and my jaw unlocked. “Spence, I’m scared.” I swallowed, trying to control my broken voice. “I want this so much but I’m terrified.”

His arms enveloped me before I was finished speaking. One hand in the center of my back, the other on the back of my head. He smelt like coffee, laundry detergent, and my Spencer. My body shook in his arms. The pain from his words at the hospital, the pain from him not being there when I woke up, the pain of losing him, and the pain of having to turn him away for almost a week when he was all I wanted; all of that pain just poured out of me while I sobbed into his chest.

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” he whispered against my hair. “I’m so, so sorry. And I will do anything-I’ll do everything to prove to you that I will never hurt you again.”

He kept holding me until my tears finally quieted, my body almost went limp in his arms. The weight of all of that pain was so heavy for so long, and now that I didn’t have to hold it, I was so tired.

“Spence?” My throat felt raw, my eyes were puffy.

“Hmm?”

I didn’t lift my head to look at him. “I’m ready to hear it now.”

Spencer froze, I’m pretty sure he stopped breathing for a moment. Then he leaned back, pulling his chest away from my face. Both of his hands cupped my face, his thumbs moving over my cheeks softly, wiping the tear trails away. Spencer held me like I was more fragile than glass like I was made of something that would crumble into nothing if he so much as moved wrong.

“Are you sure?” he asked quietly, his beautiful golden-brown eyes searching mine.

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so,” I said, giving him a small shaky laugh.

He tilted my head up slightly before his lips brushed against my forehead. “I loved you before you were ready to hear it; I loved you before you even knew I existed.” He pressed another kiss my cheek. “I loved you since the first time you smiled at me.” He kissed my other cheek. “I will never stop telling you how much I love you.” He trailed his lips over to my mouth. “I will love you forever…because no one has ever loved someone the way I love you,” he whispered, his breath washing over my lips.

I leaned forward and brushed my mouth against his. I felt the final layer of my resistance crumble. “Please don’t hurt me again, Spence.”

He pulled away to stare in my eyes. “I will never hurt you like this again. I’m so fucking sorry, y/n.”

“Just kiss me, Spencer.”

He gave me a tiny grin at the command. “I thought you didn’t kiss your submissives,” he teased.

I brought my hand up to hold his face. “You know I break all my rules for you, my darling, nervous boy.”

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moon-light-jukebox · 4 years

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“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 10 - [Reid x Reader]

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Summary: Another morning after. After Dr. Reid’s declaration last night everything feels different. Reader quickly proves that some things never change when our good Doctor forgets the rules.

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Rating: Mature

Category: Smut with a healthy dose of Fluff.

Content Warning: Smut, BDSM themes, Femdom, impact play (slapping and spanking), choking, unprotected sex.

Word Count: 4.1k for Chapter 10.

A/n: Early today, I decided to split Chapter 10. This series will now have 11 chapters and an epilogue. I want to thank all of you that follow along and have sent me sweet message this week. I hope this chapter is everything I wanted it to be.

-- Chapter 10 - “Why are you being punished, Dr. Reid?”--

Every night since I was shot, I had dreamed of being whole. Losing Spencer had been unbelievably painful and healing from my gunshot wound was painful but losing faith in myself after all of that happened is what threatened to shatter me. I had kept everyone at a distance for so long, never letting anyone beyond these walls I had put up to keep my heart safe. It was hard to live with the thought that my judgment was so bad, my instincts were so off that I had trusted this beautiful man with his warm brown eyes and soft curly hair…I had trusted him, and he hadn't been what I thought he was. Ever since that night in my hospital room, my world felt fractured and heavy.

I could tell the world was different this morning before I even opened my eyes. The heavy fog that seemed to cloak my entire existence for the past month was no longer weighing me down.

Last night I let Spencer Reid into more than my room. I let him into my heart, I was trusting him to not hurt me again. I knew that these decisions would make my world different, but I hadn’t expected that my acceptance of his love would mend something inside of me that was broken long before I met him.

I told him I’d break all my rules for him, and he wrapped me in his arms and pressed his lips to mine. Spencer kissed me like I was the answer to a problem he never thought he could solve. My soul ached when his lips brushed against mine, but that ache was a sweet one, filled with hope and promise. For the first time in such a long time, I felt no pain.

When I imagined our reunion, I thought we would have been frantic in our need for each other. But all I had felt in that moment was just the desire to be with him. My world felt right for the first time in such a long time. I had fallen asleep in Dr. Spencer Reid’s arms, totally content as the sound of his heartbeat under my ear that rested on his chest lulled me to sleep.

We had separated slightly in the night. Spencer was still on his back, but I had rolled away from him at some point in the few hours we’d been asleep. You wouldn’t imagine that such a skinny man could radiate the kind of heat he did. We weren’t touching, but his right arm was reached towards me. Even in his sleep, he was still seeking me out, and the sight pulled at my heart. My wonderful, wonderful Spencer.

“It’s impolite to stare,” he grumbled, never opening his eyes. “Plus, it’s so dark in here you can’t even see me.”

I giggled, which caused a smile to tug the corners of his mouth. “You haven’t opened your eyes yet; you don’t know how dark the room is.” The teasing note left my voice when I told him the truth. “And…I wasn’t sure you were real,” I whispered. “I wanted to memorize your face just in case this had all been a dream.”

Spencer reached out to grab my arm, pulling me closer to his body. I nestled up against him while he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. “I promise you I’m very real.” He stretched his lean body out before letting out a monstrous yawn. “And now that you’ve let me love you, it’s going to be nearly impossible to get rid of me.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” I pulled back slightly, turning my face up to better see his.

His hand moved up to my face, his fingertips tracing over my cheek. “It’s not a bad thing for me, but you might get annoyed.”

I chuckled. “Are you saying you’re needy?”

My darling doctor simply nodded.

I lifted up on my elbow and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. “I’m sure you remember how well I can handle needy boys.”

Spencer groaned, then turned his head to the left so he could look at the clock on the nightstand. “We have to meet the rest of the team at 8 in the lobby. It’s 5:45 right now.”

“I’m very impressed that you can tell time, Dr. Reid.”

His bottom lip jutted out in a pout when he faced me again. “You can’t tease me like that.”

My index finger ran down between his eyes, over his nose, tracing the outline of his lips before I turned my hand, my thumb and forefinger gripping his chin. “I can do whatever the fuck I want, Dr. Reid. Or did you forget that?”

“No, Miss,” he breathed, his eyes wide. “I didn’t.”

“Miss, huh?” I teased. “Is that what you want?”

His eyes ran over my face, searching for something. “If y-you do,” he stammered out. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I know things can’t just go back to how they were before but…”

I smiled at him. “But you wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of me fucking your brains out?”

Spencer smiled, a tinge of pink appearing on the apples of his cheeks. “I don’t think I’ll ever be opposed to that.”

Leaning closer, I brushed my lips against his. “Have you missed me, Dr. Reid?”

“More than you can even imagine.” The sincerity laced in his words made me pull back, my eyes moving to meet his.

“I missed you too, my darling boy. So, so much.” I rolled my body up so I could swing my leg over his hips, my panty covered pussy pressing against his groin. Spencer was already a little hard, so the friction caused by my movements pulled a whimper from him. I leaned down to press a kiss to his well-defined jaw before nipping the skin with my teeth. “But you really missed this, didn’t you?” I ground against his growing arousal to prove my point.

Spencer’s hands came up to grip my hips, guiding my rocking against him. “What do you want, Dr. Reid?” I asked, my hands coming down to grab his own, pulling them off my body and pushing them over his head. My boy’s bottom lip was caught between his teeth, his wide eyes rapidly scanning over every inch of me.

When he didn’t immediately answer, I let out a sigh. I sat up, looking down at him. Surely you haven’t forgotten already, baby.

“Dr. Reid, we’ve talked about this. When I ask you a question, I expect an answer.” Bringing my right hand up, I quickly let it fall against his cheek, the sound of the sharp slap rang out into the silence of the room.

His cheek was bright red, his pupils blown in lust. “I’m sorry Miss.” Spencer’s hips lifted slightly, grinding against my heat. “I-I want to fuck you again, Miss.”

I smirked. “I’m sure you do, Dr. Reid. But, I’m not sure you deserve it.”

"Please," he whined. "Please, Miss. I need you."

“No, Dr. Reid,” I murmured, leaning over him again, my lips a breath away from his own. “You don’t need me yet, you just want me. But don’t worry, I’ll show you what it’s like to need me.” I kissed him softly. “Do you remember your safe words?”

“Yes Miss,” he breathed, his head jerking in a nod.

I flashed him a bright smile before I moved off of him. Let the games begin, baby. “Good. Take your clothes. Lay in the center of the bed. Now.”

He scrambled to comply with my orders while I moved off the bed completely, walking over to my suitcase. I grabbed one of my thin belts that I always kept in my go bag but rarely wore. I tugged on the leather material, running my fingers over its softness. I didn’t spare Spencer a glance when I tossed it down onto the bed. I faced the bed and began slowly peeling off my clothes, not missing the soft groan I heard come from my boy.

Spencer had followed my instructions perfectly, his beautiful angular body was bared to my gaze. His cock was already hard and resting against his thigh.

“Turn over, I want you on your hands and knees.”

His breathing stuttered, his eyes snapping up to my face. “W-what?”

“You heard me, Dr. Reid.” I picked up my belt, folding it in half, resting the fold in the palm of my left hand. “How many times have I told you that when I ask you a question, I want an answer? Clearly, the message isn't sinking in, baby." I smirked at him, enjoying how he was squirming. "So, we're going to try another way."

Spencer’s face was flushed, his teeth worrying his bottom lip.

“You can safe word if you don’t want to do this, Spencer,” I said softly, breaking the scene a bit; my boy was still so new to this. The thought of him being uncomfortable with something was unbearable to me. “I won’t be upset. I’ll punish you some other way.” You know I would never give you more than you could handle, baby.

“I w-want to try it,” he whispered. “But what if I don’t like it?”

“Then you say yellow,” I said simply, my eyes fixed on his. “We’ll move on. Or you can say red and we’ll stop.”

He nodded before pushing up off of the bed, rolling over to get on his hands and knees. I smiled. My darling, darling boy. Before he rolled over completely, I noticed that his neck was flushed, a tell-tale sign of how he was feeling. “Are you embarrassed, Dr. Reid?”

“Yes Miss,” he mumbled.

I moved closer to him, resting on my knees, my right hand gripping the back of his thigh before sliding upwards. “Is it because you’re ass in the air for me? Are you embarrassed for me to see you like this, Dr. Reid?”

He nodded, causing me to scowl. I brought my open palm down against one of his ass cheeks. “You know, for such a smart boy who can’t stop talking any other time, you certainly seem to have a problem answering my questions.” He let out a yelp at the sting of my hand.

I moved the hand that had spanked him up to grip his curls, yanking his head upwards. “You will learn to answer me, Dr. Reid. Is that clear?”

“Yes Miss,” he replied, his voice strangled by his own desire and embarrassment. I saw how his cock hung between his legs, still so hard precum was leaking. I knew you’d be like this, my nervous boy.

With one more sharp tug, I released his hair. “You don’t need to be embarrassed, baby. Not with me, you know that. The next time I fuck this little ass, I’m going to fuck it while you’re like this. I’m going to grab your hips and slam my cock into you. But only after you beg me for it.” Spencer moaned at my words, his body tensing. “Is that what you want, Dr. Reid? Do you want me to shove your face into the pillow and fuck you like the slut you are?”

"Yes, Miss. Please."

I brought my hand down against his ass again, softer this time. “Good.” I moved the belt into my right hand. “I’m going to punish you now, Dr. Reid.” I ran the leather of my belt up the back of his thighs, over his cute little ass. “Why am I punishing you?”

“Because I didn’t answer your questions.” His response was immediate. Progress.

"I'm going to strike you 5 times, Dr. Reid. After every strike, you will count them out loud for me. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Miss."

“If you’re a good boy, I’ll reward you when we’re done.” I leaned over, pressing a kiss to his shoulder as a sign of reassurance. “Ask me to punish you, Dr. Reid.”

He whined the sound was a mix of deep need and arousal, but also a tinge of uncertainty. "Please, punish me, Miss. Please."

I pulled the belt away from his body. I looked him over one final time before I brought the belt down quickly, striking where his ass met his thighs. He yelped slightly at the sensation, his body shifting forward. “Count, Dr. Reid.”

“One,” he gritted out, his fingers twisting in the sheets. I could almost feel his embarrassment. But, after he counted the first strike he pushed his ass back, silently asking for more.

“Such a dirty, dirty boy,” I whispered, so quietly I’m not even sure he heard me. I gave him a moment before I lashed out again.

“Two.”

My third strike was less intense, but it went over the area that I had already hit.

“Three,” he whined out.

“You’re doing so good, Dr. Reid,” I praised. “Your ass looks so pretty like this. I wish we were home so I could give it the proper attention it deserves.” I brought the belt down again.

“Four,” he cried.

“Why are you being punished, Dr. Reid?”

“Because I didn’t answer you when you asked me a question, Miss.” His voice was a thick, pathetic whimper; his hips were shifting desperately. Even if he didn’t understand it himself, his body wanted this.

“And have you learned your lesson?”

He nodded franticly before his head dropped. "Yes, Miss."

I brought my belt down one final time. I could feel my own arousal starting to coat my thighs at the sight of him. His ass was pink, his cock was hard, and his fingers were gripping the sheets so tightly the veins in his hands were visible beneath his skin.

“Five,” he said, his voice almost a broken sob.

I kissed his shoulder, my hand moving over his ass to soothe the tender skin. "I'm so proud of you Spencer. So proud of you. You're such a good boy." I peppered his back with kisses.

My nervous boy looked up at me, a sheen of tears in his eyes. My heart squeezed. “Are you alright, baby?”

He nodded. “Green. Green, Miss. I need you so much.”

I dropped the belt on the bed, my fingers going to his hair to pull him upright. "I know you do, my greedy boy.” My mouth met his in a hungry kiss while my other hand went down to run over his cock, causing him to release a strangled moan into my mouth.

Pulling away from the kiss, I waited until his eyes fluttered open before I spoke. “I’m going to reward you now, darling boy. I want you to lay down on your back and let me fuck you.” I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Is that what you want?”

“Yes Miss,” he whimpered out, nodding his head, which only caused his hair to pull against my grip. “Please.”

I released him, letting him lie on his back. I straddled his hips, my dripping pussy hovering over his cock while I lined us up. “You can touch me, Dr. Reid. You’ve been such a good boy.” With that, I quickly sank onto his cock, taking him to the hilt in one movement.

“Oh my god,” he groaned loudly, his head was thrashing against the pillows, his hands gripping my hips so tightly I was sure I’d have bruises.

“Do you feel how wet my pussy is, Dr. Reid?” I leaned over him bracing one hand beside his head, but the other I placed over his throat.

"Yes, Miss. You feel so good." His hips started to raise up to meet my motions. "I need you so much."

I smirked down at him. “I always know what you need Dr. Reid." I watched his face carefully before I applied some slight pressure to his carotid artery. His eyes fluttered; his hips jerked slightly. “I know you need to feel my hot, tight, little pussy cum all over your cock. I know you need for me to fuck you so hard you cum deep inside of me. Do you need to fill my pussy up with your cum, Dr. Reid?”

Spencer was experiencing an onslaught of sensations at that moment, I’m sure. Which is why I wasn’t surprised when he brought his hand up to tap against the one on his throat. I removed my hand immediately, leaning over to press a kiss against the side of his mouth. “Good boy.”

He whined loudly while he pushed me down more forcefully on his cock, trying to accelerate my motions. "Please, Miss. I need that. I need to feel you cum around me.”

I kissed him properly, my teeth catching his bottom lip, tugging harshly. “Then make me cum, Dr. Reid.”

His hand went in between our bodies, bringing his thumb to the crest of me to circle my clit. My mouth broke away from his in a harsh moan while my walls fluttered around him.

Spencer moaned so loudly I wouldn’t be surprised if someone in the next room could hear him. “Fuck, Miss I’m so close.” His circles against my clit sped up. “Please, please let me cum.”

I felt my orgasm quickly rising up inside me. Seeing this beautiful man so fucking desperate for me was one of the sexiest things I had ever seen. “Cum for me, pretty boy. Fuck me like you mean it.”

Something inside him snapped at my words. His fingers gripped my hips so hard it hurt, he slammed me down onto his cock, while he chanted my name almost frantically while he fell over the edge.

The feeling of him losing himself inside of me sent me over the edge. My pussy clamped down on his cock while my mouth opened in a silent scream. Spencer’s body jerked underneath mine with the last tremors of his orgasm. When I started to come down, I collapsed onto him, pressing kisses to every inch of his skin I could reach. “You did so well, Spencer,” I praised between kisses.

Knowing I needed to hurry, and silently cursing myself for not planning out the aftercare a bit better, I lifted off of his body. I was watching my boy closely, so I saw the wince he gave when his cock slipped from me, coated in a mixture of both of our releases. Making my way to the bathroom, I wet two washcloths before dashing back into the bedroom.

Spencer was still on his back, his breathing was even but his eyes still looking a bit dazed. “Are you okay, Spence?” I asked, gingerly cleaning him up with one of the rags.

He licked his lips, his eyes finding mine. “I-I think so,” he said softly. “It doesn’t feel like the first time, but it still feels…”

I tossed the rag on the floor before using the second one to clean myself up. "I know, darling boy.” I laid down with him, bringing the covers up to shield our bodies. “You couldn’t have done better, Spencer. I’m so proud of you.”

He seemed to shine in the light of my praise. “Thank you, y/n.” He pressed a soft kiss to the skin between my eyebrows.

After a few moments, I asked, "Can you get up for me? We need to clean up properly so I can put some lotion on your cute little butt.”

He chuckled at that. “It sounds like an excuse to touch it again.”

I nodded, not trying to keep the smile off my face. “You’ve found me out, Dr. Reid. Everything I do is all part of an elaborate ruse to fondly your cute butt.”

After our shower, true to my word I had Spencer face down on the bed while I “fondled” him.

“This is humiliating,” he mumbled, his face pressed into a pillow.

“You’re gonna have to get over this, Doc. This ass is officially mine. This is not the last time you’ll be like this.” I finished my work by giving him a playful swat on his behind. “I’m done. You can cover your virtue now.”

After our shower, I had dressed and gone to Spencer's room to get his clothes. It was still early enough that I hadn't seen any of the team, but I don't think it would have mattered if I had. He was mine now, and our friends would find out soon enough. That thought warmed me to my core.

“So, how did you feel about the impact play?” I asked, once he was off the bed and getting dressed.

He flipped his hair out of his face, looking at me while he fastened his pants. “I liked it; I think. I don’t know that I’d like anything more extreme than that.” He reached for his shirt before he spoke again. “At least not yet.”

Yet? “Noted, Doc.”

“What about you?”

I quirked one of my brows at him. “I clearly liked it.”

Spencer smiled, shaking his head, his damp curls already starting to shift into his signature look of perpetual bedhead. “I meant how did you feel about making traditional sex a part of our…relationship?”

I paused, considering his words. Ever observant, Dr. Spencer Reid had noticed something I hadn't thought of yet. I hadn't had vaginal sex with a submissive during a scene in a long, long time.

“It felt…natural,” I said softly while he walked over to stand in front of me. His thumb caressed my cheek while he tilted my face up, pressing a kiss to my lips. “Everything feels easy with you, Spence.”

My boy’s smile could have lit up the whole room. “I love you so much,” he murmured, adoration dripping from his voice, before turning to finish getting ready.

Wait. I stood up quickly, walking over to him. “Spence.” He turned towards me, but in the way that he knew everything, he didn’t seem particularly surprised that I had gotten up so quickly.

“Realized something, have you?” He tucked my hair behind my ear, his face was so fucking tender while he looked down at me, his warm brown eyes were shining when he looked at me. I saw everything I had felt in my heart for so long reflected back at me in those remarkable eyes that belonged to the most remarkable man.

He was right, I had realized something. I cupped his face in my hands, my voice shaky but strong. “You’re the brightest thing in any universe, Spencer Reid. And I love you, I love you, I love you.”

I thought our kiss last night was the best a kiss could get, but Dr. Reid quickly proved me wrong.

We didn’t see the rest of the team until we met them in the hotel lobby at 8 am. Spencer was carrying my bag and our fingers were laced together as we walked towards them.

JJ was the first one to spot us; she clapped her hands together before jumping to her feet. The rest of the team turned to see what she had noticed, only to have similar reactions.

We were quickly enveloped in hugs and showered with well wishes.

“I knew you had it in you, Pretty Boy!” Morgan had pulled Spencer into a tight hug. No sooner had Morgan released him than Rossi grabbed him, kissing both of his cheeks, looking every bit the proud father. We really don’t deserve Rossi, I thought, not for the first time.

Hotch offered me a brief hug, which startled me. “You’ll have some forms to fill out when we get back. Reid already filled out his.”

I smirked over at my boy. “Looking forward to it, Boss.”

Our plane was set to take off at 9 am, meaning we had to board at 8:30. I was still tired from all the sleep I hadn’t gotten last night. With that in mind, I made my way over to the couch, intending to stretch out for our flight back home. I found myself smiling when my boy approached me. He lifted my legs up with a feigned sigh before he sat down, once he was situated in his seat, he pulled my legs into his lap.

It was a few minutes later when he shifted in his seat, wincing slightly.

I pulled my lips between my teeth to contain a laugh. “Something wrong, Dr. Reid?”

He gave me a fake glare, his mouth twisting into a pout. “You’re lucky I love you,” he muttered.

I know, I thought. I know, I know, I know.

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moon-light-jukebox · 4 years

Text

“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 11 - [Reid x Reader]

previous chapter // series index // epilogue

Summary: Spencer and Reader haven’t been able to spend the kind of time together that they’d like to. When they finally have the chance, they’re all to eager to take advantage of it.

Pairing: Spencer Reid / Female Reader

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3.8k for Chapter 11

Content Warning: Smut. Pure smut. Oral sex (female receiving), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, femdom, pegging, bdsm themes, slapping, spitting, degradation, mild humiliation, the usual for the series.

A/n: For those of you that don’t want a cheesy epilogue, this is it for our love birds. I just want to thank you all for sticking with me on this massive undertaking. Your messages have meant everything to me. The epilogue will be out tomorrow.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

-- Chapter 11 - I love you too --

The wonderful thing about working with my boyfriend is that even when we were away on cases, we got to spend time together.

It was just never the kind of time I wanted to spend with him. I had told Spencer in the beginning that I had always viewed our BDSM sex scenes as just a part of our sex life. I was fine doing things that weren't in the realm of the dominant and submissive relationship. I wouldn’t trade sleepy morning sex with my boy for anything. And even when we were away on cases, we were still able to do some things.

But, while I'm as sex-positive and progressive as the next person, I just couldn't put a strap on or a butt plug in my go-bag.

We’d only had that one weekend together at my apartment, but I was ready for more.

And I think my boy was too.

“Alright, once we touch down in D.C., I need everyone to submit their paperwork for the Wilcox case,” Hotch told us while our plane was fast approaching Virginia. “That case goes to trial next week and the ADA needs to make sure everything is set.”

Morgan scoffed from his place across from Rossi. “I mean, I feel like it’s a pretty open and shut case anyway, Hotch. She all but admitted to it!” Emily was nodding, not looking up from her book. “Plus, the only work they should need is the profile y/l/n came up with.”

I felt Spencer tense beside me; I placed my hand on his thigh in an attempt to calm him. “It was a pretty solid profile, Morgan,” I said easily.

Morgan’s eyes kept jumping back and forth between me and Reid, a smirk turning his lips up. “I just wanna know, in this little relationship, who is calling who ‘Daddy’?”

I could feel Spencer flush beside me, but I maintained my composure. "I don't think either of us has called the other Daddy, have we, Spence?" I looked over at him, quirking one of my brows. Come on, baby. Don’t take his bait.

My boy cleared his throat. “N-not that I remember.”

I nodded, my gaze never wavering from his. “If you want me to call you daddy, just ask.” I shot him a wink before I turned around to face the rest of the team.

Rossi and Emily looked equally amused, JJ looked horrified, Hotch looked like he had never experienced any sort of human emotion. Morgan looked like it was his birthday. "Na-uh. In Nebraska, you said men have called you daddy.” He pointed his finger at me, then gestured back and forth between Spencer and I. “So, how bout it, Pretty Boy? Have you called y/l/n Daddy?”

I should have learned to never underestimate Spencer Reid.

“She hasn’t asked me to call her daddy, but I would,” he said simply. “She prefers Ma’am, though.”

A choked laugh bubbled out of my mouth a few moments before a roar erupted from the rest of the team.

I was smiling so wide I was worried my face would split in half when I felt Spencer’s fingers lace through mine.

I was still laughing when I unlocked the door to my apartment later that night. “I will never forget the look on Morgan’s face for as long as I live.”

My boy chuckled behind me. “I have to admit, I’m pretty proud of that one.” He shut and locked the door after we walked inside, dropping his bag right beside mine. “At least he has stopped asking me if I’m a virgin.”

Turning, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders while his hands settled on my hips. “There isn’t a part of you that’s a virgin, Spencer Reid. I’ve seen to that.” His smile delighted me to my core. “Why did you say ‘ma’am’?”

He laughed softly. “I love Morgan like he’s my brother, but if I heard him call you Miss, I might try to fight him.” I pressed a kiss to my forehead when I laughed. “He’d kick my ass, but I’ve had my ass kicked before.”

I stood on my tiptoes, bringing my lips to his in a soft kiss. “I love you; you know?”

“I had a feeling.”

I scoffed, pulling away. “You’re still a brat.”

He just nodded in acknowledgment. "Can I ask you a question?"

I turned around from my place in front of the fridge, giving him an eye roll. “Shoot, Pretty Boy.”

Spencer fidgeted slightly. “Was that true? What you told Morgan? Has someone called you daddy before?”

"Oh, yeah, once," I confirmed with a laugh. "I mean, sometimes I break during sex scenes because sex is objectively funny. But…to this day, I have never broken out of my dom mode faster.”

Spencer walked into the kitchen, accepting a bottle of water from me. “So, it wasn’t planned?”

I snorted. “No, not at all. I was pegging him, and I said…something, I don’t even remember. But he just moaned out, in this very high-pitched voice, ‘daaaaaaddddyyyy’.” I was laughing in earnest now. “I don’t have a problem with daddy kinks, at all. I wouldn’t even mind if someone wanted to call me daddy. It was just unexpected. And I was still a baby dom. I didn’t know what to expect yet.”

Spencer regarded me thoughtfully. “I’d call you daddy.”

“You would?” I grinned at him while I moved to stand in front of him. “Well, I appreciate that, my love. But, right now, I just want you to call me Miss.”

His breath caught. “N-now?”

I nodded. “If you want. Or, we can wait til tomorrow. But I’m going to fuck you, Dr. Reid.”

I heard the whimper leave his throat. “Can it be now?”

“Needy boy,” I murmured. “Go into my bedroom. Take off all your clothes and kneel by the left side of my bed. You’re not to look at me until I tell you.”

Spencer scrambled to my bedroom, much to my amusement. I took my time putting the water bottles away, thumbing through my mail on the counter.

I wanted him squirming by the time I got in there. I started undoing the buttons of my shirt while I made my way down the hallway, but not before I stopped to get something out of my bag.

Such a good boy, I thought when I saw him. His clothes were put neatly on the chair, his eyes were downcast, his palms resting on his thighs. I made no move to acknowledge him; instead, I went to the chest at the foot of my bed. I could feel the tension radiating off of him, but his eyes stayed on the floor.

I removed my pants, leaving me in just my bra and panties before I went to stand in front of him. “Look at me, Dr. Reid.”

His eyes moved up my body slowly, and I reveled in the groan I heard. I may have been expecting this, so I wore my favorite underwear set. They were black and lacy; the panties hugged my hips low, and the bra made my tits look fantastic. I reached out to brush my fingers through his hair. “Do you like how I look, Dr. Reid?”

"Yes, Miss."

I tugged on his hair slightly, pulling a whimper from him. “Do you know what I’m going to do to you, Dr. Reid?”

“No Miss,” he muttered, licking his lips.

“First, I’m going to make you lay on my bed while I put my pussy on your face.” My fingers continued to scratch along his scalp. “And if you eat my pussy well enough, I’m going to fuck you. And if you make me cum, then I’m going to have you on your hands and knees for me.”

His eyes were wide, his pupils blown with lust.

“Lay on the center of the bed, Dr. Reid.” He moved so quickly I’m surprised he didn’t fall over.

I got on the bed more leisurely, straddling his stomach before I started to drag my center up his body. Spencer had been hard since the moment he looked at me, but I wanted him to be a desperate, whimpering mess.

“Miss,” he murmured. “Your-your panties are…”

Slap.

“Did I tell you to speak, Dr. Reid?” My hand stung with the force of the impact. “You’re my little fuck toy, do you understand? You only do what I tell you to.” I pinched his face in my hand. “You haven’t earned my pussy. So,” I mumbled, leaning over him, bringing my face above his. “You’re going to use that pretty mouth of yours to lick me through my panties. Assuming you can do that right, and I get wet enough, I might let you really taste me.”

He nodded frantically. “Open.” I spit into his mouth, he swallowed it instantly. “You’re very dirty Dr. Reid.” With that, I brought my body all the way up. My hands gripped the headboard while I lowered my panty covered pussy to his mouth.

His first lick was hesitant, his tongue running over the lace softly. “This isn’t going to get you anywhere Dr. Reid.” I let out a sigh, moving my hips off his face. “Do you want to eat my pussy?”

“More than anything,” he moaned.

“Then fucking act like it.” I lowered over his face again and to my delight, his response was immediate. He sucked the lace into his mouth, wetting it before he released it. His tongue massaged against the fabric, rubbing directly against my clit. I let out a breathy moan. Always the quick study.

My hips were shamelessly rocking against him, I could feel his frustrated groans against my panties. “What’s wrong, Dr. Reid? Do you want something?” Come on nervous boy, beg me.

“Please,” he breathed in a broken plea. “Please let me taste you, Miss. I need it.”

I pretended to consider him for a moment before I moved off of his body. His cock was hard against his pelvis, the head weeping with precum. His fists were balled up at his sides; his entire body was tense. Slowly, I hooked my thumbs in my panties, pulling them down.

“Is this what you want, Dr. Reid?” I said, running my fingers over my drenched lips.

"Yes, Miss. Please.”

Grabbing the headboard, I swung my leg over his head again, bringing my pussy just above his mouth. “Since you asked so nicely.”

No sooner had the words left my mouth than Spencer attacked my pussy. His mouth felt like it was everywhere all at once. I felt his tongue spear into me before it circled my clit. He opened his mouth and covered my entire pussy, sucking softly, causing my hips to buck.

“Fuck,” I moaned, grinding against his mouth. Your mouth is a fucking treasure, baby.

Very reluctantly, I pulled off of him when I felt my orgasm approaching. His head lifted up off of the bed, trying to follow me. I smiled down at him. “As much as I love that pretty mouth, I want to cum all over your cock, Dr. Reid.”

I moved off the bed to the chest again. This time I grabbed 3 different things. I tossed the first two on the bed while I kept the other in my hand. “Do you know what these are, Dr. Reid?”

He nodded, biting his lip.

“Put your arms up.” He put his arms against the bars of my headboard, moaning softly when my handcuffs clicked in place. I moved down his body, pressing a kiss to his mouth, tasting myself on him. “Now, just think about how hard that pretty cock is going to get every time you see those at work.”

Spencer whimpered loudly. “Those are your w-work ones?”

I nodded, grabbing the butt plug and the lube before I settled between his thighs. “That they are, Dr. Reid. And I have to say, they look very nice on you.”

His teeth dug into his bottom lip when I pushed his legs up and apart. “We’ve talked about this, baby,” I reminded him, giving his thigh a sharp slap. “I’m going to have you face down in this bed while I fuck you. Don’t be embarrassed now.”

Once it was coated in lube, I started pressing the plug into him. It was slightly larger than the one we had used previously, and that’s because I wanted to use a bigger cock. I smirked at him when he groaned while I started fucking the plug into him. Pushing inside a bit before pulling back out.

I leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to his inner thigh. My teeth bit down on that skin right when the butt plug was seated inside of him. He let out a strangled moan, his back arching up. ‘Fuck, Miss. Fuck.”

My tongue flicked over the bite mark, soothing the skin. “That’s the plan, Dr. Reid.”

I moved my body over his, lining up my drenched pussy above his cock. My eyes were on his face when I slowly began to lower myself onto him. We’d never had traditional sex while he had a butt plug in; and I was very excited to see how my boy reacted.

My pelvis met his hips when he bottomed out inside me, my hands braced on his chest. “Fuck, baby. You have such a nice cock.” I started to rock against him slowly. “Such a nice cock on my little fuck toy, isn’t that right?”

“Yes Miss,” he breathed out, his eyes shut tight. “Miss, you feel so good. I…I’m close…”

Slap.

“No.” My voice was hard as his eyes snapped open. “Fuck toys like you don’t get to cum until their miss says so, is that clear, Dr. Reid?” I rose up, sliding up and down his cock, my fingers ghosting down my stomach until they found my clit. My other hand tugged the cups of my bra down. “You may have other people out there convinced that you’re not a dirty, needy, little thing. But I know better.”

My fingers sped up against my flesh, my other fingers pinching and rolling my nipple, as I sought out my pleasure.

“You’re nothing but a needy fucking slut, isn’t that right, Dr. Reid?”

His words were strangled, his eyes fixed on my pussy taking his cock. "Yes, Miss. Fuck, Miss.”

“Good boy,” I said softly. “Such a dirty fucking boy. Now, hold still while I cum all over you. Can you do that, Dr. Reid? Can you be my good boy?”

Spencer’s head was thrashing on the pillows when my pussy finally clamped down around him. I threw my head back, my vision going white. “Fuck!” I worked my hips desperately against him, seeking every ounce of my pleasure.

Once I came back down, I collapsed against him, pressing open mouth kisses against him. His teeth caught my lip, tugging me to him while his tongue slicked over my own.

“Such a good boy,” I mumbled against his mouth. I reached out to grab the keys to my cuffs, releasing him. I inspected both of his wrists, kissing the indentations softly. “Now, I want you to turn over for me. Can you do that, Dr. Reid?”

I knew he was still uncomfortable; things were still new to him. It’s always your choice, baby.

My darling boy just nodded. “Yes Miss, I’ll do anything for you.”

And I you, Spencer Reid.

Moving off the bed, I returned to the chest, picking up my harness before I selected the 8-inch dildo attachment. I looked back up on the bed, taking in the mess I had made of Spencer Reid. His ass was in the air, the base of the plug clearly visible. His cock hung heavy between his legs. His fingers were gripping my sheets tightly.

“Normally,” I said, moving behind his hips. “I’d want you to suck my cock before I fucked this tight little ass.” I slowly started to pull the plug out. “But, since you were such a good little toy, I think you’ve earned this.”

Spencer moaned loudly. “Thank you, Miss.”

I couldn’t control my smirk. You’re a natural at this, my darling boy.

Lining my dildo up against his asshole, I slowly started to pitch my hips forward, one hand on his ass, the other at the base of my ‘cock’. “Look at how well you take cock, Dr. Reid. You’re just pulling me in. Such a filthy fucking boy.”

I started a slow rhythm, still not having entered him fully yet. “Fucking- fuck, Miss. Please!”

“Please what, baby?”

He groaned, partially in embarrassment, partially in desperation. "Please fuck my ass, Miss. I need you to fuck me, please.”

“All you have to do is ask, Dr. Reid.” My hips thrust forward, my pelvis meeting his ass. “Such a pretty fucking boy.”

I started to move in and out of him, my eyes fixed on how he was taking the dildo. “It’s a shame that you’ve never had a real cock fuck you, Dr. Reid. You look so fucking pretty like this.” My motions sped up. “But, you’re my pretty boy now.”

When he didn’t respond, I reached out and grabbed his hair, pulling harshly. “Isn’t that right Dr. Reid?”

“Yes, yes, yes, Miss. Fuck. I-I,” his voice was pleading. “Miss, please.”

I kept my grip on his hair, my hips now pounding into him. “Touch your cock for me, pretty boy. Jerk your pretty cock off while I fuck your tight little ass.”

His right hand moved down to fist around himself. His upper body was only supported by his left arm and my hand in his hair. “There’s my good boy,” I praised, keeping my pace up. “I like fucking you like this, Dr. Reid. The only problem is, I can’t be the one to make that nice, pretty cock cum. So, I think tomorrow I’ll have you bounce on my cock again.”

Spencer was moaning loudly now. “Miss, I’m going to cum.”

"Cum for me, Dr. Reid." I pressed a kiss against his back, a moment of gentleness in such a rough, beautiful act.

His face dropped down into my pillow and he screamed. Spencer Reid screamed while I pounded into his ass, his hand jerking his cock quickly, cumming all over my bedsheets.

He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I worked myself out of him, still giving a few pumps to help prolong his pleasure. When I was sure he had come down completely, I pressed another kiss to his back. "You did so well, Spencer."

I hopped off the bed, unhooking my harness and hustling to the bathroom. I returned with a wet rag and some ointment for his wrists. Spencer had all but collapsed on the bed.

“You did so, so well, Spencer,” I praised, wiping the lube from him. “Can you turn over for me?”

With a groan, he flipped his body over slowly, his eyes glassy but focused. “Fuck,” he mumbled.

I smiled at him, pulling his wrists into my lap. “I didn’t have the cuffs on tight, but you kept pulling,” I teased.

Spencer just smiled; his expression blissful. “I love you so much.”

His soft words made emotion rise up in my throat. “Not half as much as I love you, Spencer Reid.” I pressed a kiss to his sweaty brow. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I feel…I feel fine, it’s not like last time but I-I still feel like I need to be near you.”

“Good,” I said pressing a soft kiss to his lips this time. “Because I always want to be near you.”

I hopped off the bed, reaching my arms for him. “Can you come shower with me? I got you very dirty.”

He chuckled tiredly but let me pull him into the bathroom.

I turned on the shower, waiting for the water to get warm before I got inside, tugging Spencer in after me. We stood under the spray together, arms wrapped around each other for several long moments. He needed to be with me just as much as I needed to be with him.

I almost felt guilty for how happy I was in that moment. How could one person feel this? What have I done to earn having this miraculous man in my life?

“You’re wrong, you know,” my boy mumbled against my hair.

“Beg your pardon?” I said, pulling back to squint at him.

Spencer was smiling at me. Really smiling. His eyes were crinkled at the corners, happiness radiating from him. "You said I didn't love you half as much as you love me. That's simply untrue," his voice was grave, with just a hint of teasing.

I poked his side. “This isn’t a fight you’re gonna win, Doc.” Pulling away from him, I reached for my shampoo. I squirted some into my hands before I passed it to him. “You should just start leaving stuff here,” I said, giggling when he put some of my citrus shampoo into his hand.

“I don’t mind. I like smelling like you.”

My laugh was cut short when I lifted my arms. I hadn’t realized how stiff my shoulder was until I reached up to begin washing my own hair.

“Are you okay?” Spencer asked, having seen the grimace on my face.

“Yeah, Doc. I’m just a little sore.”

Spencer frowned. “Turn around,” he instructed. I obeyed his request with a roll of my eyes, surprised when I felt his fingers on my scalp.

“Are you washing my hair, Spencer Reid?”

He made a noise of affirmation before he reached for the shampoo again. “I’ve never washed anybody else hair before,” he said softly. “Let me know if I mess up.”

My heart squeezed while his fingers massaged my scalp. “Impossible, Doc.” I felt his lips press against the back of my neck a few moments later, signaling that he was done. Once I opened my eyes again after rinsing my hair, I saw my boy’s eyes clouded in sadness while he stared at me.

I didn’t have a chance to ask before he made his thoughts clear. His hand lifted to my chest, his fingers pressing against my collarbone, tracing the shiny new skin of my scar. “The moment you got this was the worst of my entire life,” he whispered, his fingers ghosting over the raised skin. He pulled me to him, engulfing me in a hug that only he could give. “I was so afraid to lose you…but I didn’t think you were ever really mine to begin with.”

I felt tears prick in the corners of my eyes, causing me to hold him to me tighter. “I think I’ve always been yours, Spencer.”

He chuckled, pulling away to look down at my face. “Then why did you make me wait so long to have you?”

“You should have asked me before Nebraska,” I teased.

Spencer’s hands came up to cradle my face, his thumbs brushing over my cheeks. “Now that I have you, I hope you know I’m never letting you go again. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Forever and ever, my darling, nervous boy. You wonderful, wonderful man.

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