#bdayvacay

[leehiofficial]

[IG] 230923 leehi_hi: BdayVacay🦦⛱️

#lee hi #lee hayi #v:instagram #230923

[signalite]

Good morning, red shoes. Where should we go today? #bdayvacay https://www.instagram.com/p/B1OCZwPBLu5/?igshid=ok42re7l47h2

#bdayvacay

[sparklingpants]

#greenseaturtle #stillediting #bdayvacay (at Galápagos) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvGDcB9BNVw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fvd52k8inwb4

#greenseaturtle #stillediting #bdayvacay

[nadirtumbls]

Another hit and run with restaurant choice. If I could eat it all again, I would. #foodie #foodporn #southbeach #bdayvacay #nomnom (at Caffe Di Mauro) https://www.instagram.com/p/CSX1qPkD7D0/?utm_medium=tumblr

#foodie #foodporn #southbeach #bdayvacay #nomnom

[gmoney8412]

ATV ridin' and Cave Tourin' in El Cedral...#BackOnMyGShit #KeepNItgPodcast #bdayvacay #1212gday #BirthOfAKing #birthdayking #cozumelmexico #carnivalcruisehorizon2019 (at El Cedral, Hidalgo, Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6B5KZCBAmF/?igshid=rkeco4umcwdx

#backonmygshit #keepnitgpodcast #bdayvacay #1212gday #birthofaking #birthdayking #cozumelmexico #carnivalcruisehorizon2019

[csole23]

• Make more memories • Set no limits • Boundaries are imaginary • Travel to different places The world is beautiful. On to the next one! #thisis42 #bdayvacay #spain2019 #barcelona #madrid #palmademallorca (at Cala Major) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2zM44kgXRY/?igshid=1ak892mgw3cll

#thisis42 #bdayvacay #spain2019 #barcelona #madrid #palmademallorca

[probablywill]

Hump Day the Miami Way...🍑☀️🏝 📸: @bradley_83 #happyhumpday #miami #bdayvacay #southbeach #peaches #bdaycakes #vacation #waves #visor #beachday #takemeback #31looking23 #melanin #teamlocs #naturalhairstyles #floral #sunkissed #sleepnever #feelingit (at South Beach, Miami, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/_williamthe3rd_/p/Bwpeb6RhV10/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=10o75x6o747sx

#happyhumpday #miami #bdayvacay #southbeach #peaches #bdaycakes #vacation #waves #visor #beachday #takemeback #31looking23 #melanin #teamlocs #naturalhairstyles #floral #sunkissed #sleepnever #feelingit

[nomadic-insight]

🏝#puertavallarta #bdayvacay #nomadicinsight / ⛱ (at Marival Resort & Suites) https://www.instagram.com/nomadicinsight/p/Bvnz2oYlOfJ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17neq1d6acqnl

#puertavallarta #bdayvacay #nomadicinsight

[freetalielxandra]

Next year I'll be spending my 25th birthday AND celebrating my graduation on the beach of Punta Cana & I cannot wait!

#freetaliexandra #25thbirthday #puntacana #bdayvacay #graduationtrip

[leehiofficial]

[IG] 230923 leehi_hi: BdayVacay🦦⛱️

#lee hi #lee hayi #p:instagram #230923

[polinathinkstoomuch-blog]

Day 1 - Overcompensation.

Or what goes through my head repeatedly and unnecessarily as I put myself into Day 1 of a solo Arizona trip.

If I had to boil Day 1 down to a dish it would be in a bed of tolerance and overcompensation, with a sprinkling of completeness in a slightly anxious reduction. I’m also reading a book about the restaurant industry - Sweetbitter - so it may get insufferable.

So I started off overcompensating the moment I walked towards registration, but it’s not entirely (or you know what screw that – I’d wager not even at all) my fault, but SOCIETY has attached a stigma to single anyones, but even much more so to single women. It is as if a person on their own is there by the accidents of their life; they had to have been abandoned through the choices of others, a reflection of them as a person – just simply not someone who would be chosen – and that if they had their druthers they would be there with someone else, anyone else, just craving and scavenging for the attention of others. This is super dramatic. I get it – but really, try going out to dinner by yourself and see how many times you get (1) asked if someone is joining you – even when you asked for a table for one; (2) ask you if something happened or keep asking repeatedly if you’re okay; (3) ask you if you’re new and/or not from the city; (4) abandon you – straight up forget your table exists for a good 30-45 minute increments at a time. I know there are women reading these (especially those that have traveled for business) that are mentally or audibly checking off each of these one by one don’t @ me.

So in my complete awareness of society’s problem, I am always so nice, so accommodating. I try to make jokes and laugh and giggle and then proceed to take myself out of the conversation, because there is just this need to show people that I’m not alone because I’m an unlovable monster or a narcissistic maniac (although that seems to work out as a great personality trait for men HEYO!), but a generally pleasant human being making a rational, lunacy free choice. To be by myself and god forbid make the statement that I enjoy my own company.

Or even take my behavior and the behavior of my waiter at dinner. First of all, I dressed up for dinner as if I was going out anywhere, because I owe my grandmother some respect to not walk out of the house not looking and acting my best that’s a one, and because I act the same no matter who is around me or where I am. As you know today is Beyoncé's birthday (may Beyoncé be with you and also with you) and she is inspirational to me for countless reasons but one of the biggest ones is her control. While I’m actively aware and working on it, I could never emulate that level of personality planning in my life. My face gives away my emotions; I don’t count to ten before I react to stupidity, mental laziness, or general disrespect; and I most certainly wear my heart on my sleeve. You can’t both be dramatic and controlled, or can you? Plotting the times when you’re overly dramatic - maybe? I have no idea. I viciously rolled my eyes when my laptop mouse couldn’t get it’s shit together and distinguish right from left click. The point being that I cannot help but over-exude my personality when I’m alone and people can’t help (like my waiter, god bless his heart giving me free wine and dessert and making small talk when he came over) trying to cure me of my perceived aloneness. 

As I sat there at dinner, facing this mountain, drinking this Merlot I picked out and threatening a dragonfly - out loud no less - for getting too close to my smoked mac n cheese, I thought of how easy this was. How there were no expectations of me (am I enough) or of anyone else (why are they here, where is this going and where do I want it to go, why did I allow this person to happen to me, this is partly my fault at least). I didn’t need to create conversation or atmosphere. In Sweetbitter there is a lot of talk about finding families within your circle - for her it’s a restaurant she works at - and almost curing this apparently inherent loneliness that we all have and need to fill even with shitty people. I could not disagree more; even the idea that I was sitting and not responsible for anyone’s feelings or needs was freeing. No one had to be tested for how good of a time they were having and I wasn’t in a position to have to make any decisions about what happens after dinner. No what do I want, what are the consequences, in short (HA!), no overthinking, planning, worrying, primping. Just peace. Just the feeling of sitting here, drinking the second glass of wine my waiter comped me and absorbing the fact that I created this moment myself. I gave myself permission to be here, I paid for this resort out of money I made from a job I got having no one make a call on my behalf, eating a meal I didn’t count the calories on or think whether this person or that person will like me less. Sometimes it’ s hard to find that kind of reminder in a daily life because you’re constantly surrounded by judgment, by evaluation in one way or the other - whether it’s your job or your personality, your reactions, your looks, and how much one person cares about any one part of you over another. It’ s hard to find space to tune those voices out when they’re ingrained in your day-to-day.

Which is why I so surprised at how quickly I was able to tune people around me out. I think a lot of it had to do with my general grumpiness towards unwanted guests - in that I planned something for myself how dare you change any aspect of my experience in this bubble. I mean, what kind of open to the public place is this? I put on my headphones and chair danced to the beat, listened to the lyrics, accepted every frozen mango the staff offered me, and ignored the squeals, the random conversations, the whomevers were next to me - which is a little worrisome. I managed to spend the entire afternoon that way; alternating between tanning and music and reading in the shade. I had two moments of concern - the first being the quickness with which others disappeared. That...can’t be healthy. I will give that some more thought over the next couple of days.

The second moment of hesitancy was the sudden feeling after I was ready to leave the pool was this need to fill time - immediately - to know exactly what I was doing after this and after that. But I think those are leftovers from my anxiety about the future; about wasting time and feeling like I’m constantly behind - the feeling was gone by the time I got to my room - but it was still annoying to meet after a year on my you can do things alone trip. I’m working on it.

My only guess currently - and this may change - is that I’m old and I’ve spent that time getting to old on building and cementing how I am and who I want to be as a person. That is hard to change. Not to mention that frustration of constantly having to change around one person or another; to always feel like less than or not enough - to be forced to be some tuned up or drowned out version of yourself. That is so hard - mentally and physically and that is a doubt I don’t think I deserve. My plan is to opearte under the banner of how I treat people is my karma, how they treat me is theirs. As long as I can say that my actions make me happy, I can’t imagine I’ll look back and say treating someone well was a waste of time - reciprocated or not.

Right now the most intimidating aspect is the hike. Maybe it’s the afternoon heat, but even the thought of potentially getting turned around in that weather makes me kind of nervous. I actually expected this to be the easiest decision of the trip – the most natural translation of home. I walk for absolutely no reason in Chicago – it’s how I get around even when I can make life easier on myself in an Uber or on the L. But I don’t. I like my legs getting me there. I could take a tour but I don’t really want to pay $70 to walk in a line with strangers; it would also kind of miss the boat on the theme of the trip. This is completely unrelated, but when I was at dinner I saw people coming down from the trails with flashlights. I want nothing to do with that group because they are the kind of people that got told about the wild mountain pigs and still went. No thanks lunatics. I’m going to try tomorrow morning. Stay tuned.

#vacation experience discovery bdayvacay growth solotrip

[signalite]

TPA -> DCA #bdayvacay #yesweretogether #bagandshoes (at Tampa International Airport)

#bdayvacay #yesweretogether #bagandshoes

[gmoney8412]

Vibin'...#BackOnMyGShit #KeepNItgPodcast #carnivalcruisehorizon2019 #Bdayshit #bdayvacay (at Ocho Rios, Jamaica) https://www.instagram.com/p/B56I5S9hgVK/?igshid=1grkvsgn9xqfo

#backonmygshit #keepnitgpodcast #carnivalcruisehorizon2019 #bdayshit #bdayvacay

[csole23]

• ¡Adios!• Saying goodbye is always easy because it’s always Hello to the next.. 😉 #thisis42 #bdayvacay #spain2019 #barcelona #madrid #palmademallorca https://www.instagram.com/p/B2zFZURgk_U/?igshid=16n3h0u4dpeig

#thisis42 #bdayvacay #spain2019 #barcelona #madrid #palmademallorca

[probablywill]

Hump Day the Miami Way...🍑☀️🏝 📸: @bradley_83 #happyhumpday #miami #bdayvacay #southbeach #peaches #bdaycakes #vacation #waves #visor #beachday #takemeback #31looking23 #melanin #teamlocs #naturalhairstyles #floral #sunkissed #sleepnever #feelingit (at South Beach, Miami, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/_williamthe3rd_/p/Bwpea6_BCEx/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1u8ue0t0pzhm4

#happyhumpday #miami #bdayvacay #southbeach #peaches #bdaycakes #vacation #waves #visor #beachday #takemeback #31looking23 #melanin #teamlocs #naturalhairstyles #floral #sunkissed #sleepnever #feelingit

[emma10711]

So happy to be here before the madness of the semester grows madly intense!! 🙌🏽🌴😊☀️🏄🏼🛳😎🚣🏻‍♀️👙❤️🚌 #Grateful #ThankYouJesus #30DaysOfCelebration #TheEveryGirlTravels #BirthdayVacation #IslaRioCuale #Mexico #UnlikeAny #Chapter41 #TravelBug #BucketList #ImAlwaysOnAGirlsTrip #PuertoVallarta #Jalisco #WanderLust #BdayVacay #NaturalGirl #PerfectlyImperfect #TotallyUnforgettableExperience #Thankful #SoWhatElseIsNew #Gozumel #WeAreBoundByThe SecretsWeShare #MightHaveToFightABattleMoreThanOnceToWinIt (at Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco)

#travelbug #totallyunforgettableexperience #jalisco #unlikeany #mighthavetofightabattlemorethanoncetowinit #perfectlyimperfect #naturalgirl #weareboundbythe #mexico #imalwaysonagirlstrip #birthdayvacation #gozumel #bdayvacay #30daysofcelebration #islariocuale #bucketlist #wanderlust #sowhatelseisnew #thankful #chapter41 #thankyoujesus #theeverygirltravels #grateful #puertovallarta