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#blue lock x reader angst
pwr3tties · 10 months
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“Hey babe, who’s this?” You asked softly, pressing the phone into Reo’s hands. “Who? Oh, that’s Cammie- or Cameron, Cameron Taylor. She’s my best friend from high school.” He replied calmly, returning to his phone as you hummed. You didn't completely like his response but decided not to push it. He could have friends that were females, no big deal. Right? Right. But you couldn’t shake the thought of this ‘childhood friend’ you’d never heard of before.
Clicking on her icon, you scrolled through her profile, randomly tapping on photos you thought were pretty— or showed signs of your boyfriend cheating, but there was nothing except for the overly nice post and the flirtatious captions she typed tagging @reomikage. You weren’t jealous, no. You were precisely watching out for your boyfriend.
Months went by, and your second-year anniversary poked around the corner. Everything was fine until a rumour spread that ‘Supermodel Cameron Taylor and Soccer Sensation Reo Mikage Were Secretly Dating’ after being seen exiting a fancy hotel together, laughing about something while holding hands.
You better than anyone knew the internet loved to twist things around and make it look one way even though it was another, but the sight of your boyfriend being all ‘lovey dovey’ with another woman churned your stomach. But you didn’t bring this up. You knew what you had signed up for by involving yourself with a professional soccer player and successor.
Today Reo had a big game against PXG, and you surprised him with your presence after declining, saying you had an important conference that day. Luckily your boss also was a fan of your boyfriend’s team and let everyone out early to watch the game.
Settling in your seat in the front row behind Manshine’s bench, you notice a flawless brunette waving toward none other than your boyfriend, who was waving right back at her. You almost vomited at their interaction but retained yourself. After all, she was his best friend.
The game ended in a win for Manshine City, and you rushed to their locker rooms to congratulate Reo, but someone had already beat you to it. “[Y/N]? Is that you? I thought you said you couldn’t come?” Stepping closer to you, Reo reached out his hand to hold you, the same hand he crested his ‘best friend’ with.
“Suprise..!”
“Reo, is this your girlfriend? She doesn’t look like I’d imagined.. but still! She’s.. cute?” It would be an understatement even to say that she insulted you all while your boyfriend stood there watching with no intention of defending you.
Uncomfortable enough, you excused yourself, telling Reo you’d meet him at home, allowing the two to talk.
“Reo—“
“—Can’t right now. I’m going out with Cameron!” Without letting you finish, he slammed the door shut, rushing to his car.
“.. I love you.”
“Reo, it’s 3 AM right now. Where are you coming from?”
“Sorry, Cameron’s party lasted longer than anticipated.” He replied, slipping off his shoes. “I told you not to wait up for me.”
“That’s beside the point. You didn’t call or text to tell me where you were or that you weren’t hurt or missing—“
“[Y/N]! I’m tired. Can we go to bed, please?”
“.. I think I’ll sleep down here tonight.” You replied, returning to the couch, attempting to make it more suitable to sleep on.
“If that’s what you want. Go ahead.”
“Reo, we need to talk.” You demanded as he picked up his jacket off the rack. “Can it happen after? I’m hanging out with some old friends.” He pled, twisting the knob, ready to leave.
“Reo, I’m breaking up with you.”
Silence..
“You’re what? No, no, no, why?” He finally turned to look at you after what felt like months.
“I can’t do this anymore. You love Cameron. Everyone sees and knows it. I can’t be stuck as the second option forever.” You said, staring him right into his eyes, the same ones that used to look at you so lovingly.
“Second option? Cameron? Baby, no, Cameron’s only a friend!”
“Please stop lying to yourself. Mikage, I think it’s better if we stopped seeing each other for good.” That was the last thing you said before leaving the house while Reo ran upstairs searching for your things.
Nothing. Everything was gone. How did he not notice? How could he be so foolish and let someone so loving and kind like you go..?
How did he lose the one person who wasn’t with him for fame or riches? How did he manage to lose the person ‘he wanted to spend the rest of his life with’?
How did he manage to let go of you?
His ‘so-call’ best friend, that’s how. Taking a step back, he recalled all the moments that he failed to show up for you and instead went to spoil his ‘best friend.’ All the moments that he would rather spend millions to get attention from the supermodel than to freely receive affection from the woman he had at home.
The times he neglected you, thinking you were wrapped around his finger like everyone else, forgetting you were a real human being with emotions, needs and a heart.
If he could, he’d turn back time and fix all the moments he messed up. But he can’t, so now he has to settle for stalking your Instagram as he watches you and your fiancé slowly dance in your kitchen in your share house. As your new love stares at you as he should have. As your fiancé loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
Now he is, at your wedding, staring at you as you walk down the aisle with your cousin throwing flowers before you as you stop at the altar and wrapping your hands around your husband’s neck while tippy-toeing to kiss him.
Except, it’s not Reo. It’s his best friend, Nagi Seishiro.
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itoshi rin x reader - breaking up with him.
you try your best to salvage your relationship; it doesn’t work.
angst, hurt no comfort, not edited
“you’re mean.” you turn to rin, and surprisingly there’s no teasing smile on your face and following giggle to accompany your words.
rin stares blankly. you’re aware that he’s already grasped the situation, that he had known it was coming.
he had always had an intense gaze, but for some reason it felt more cruel than ever - because an intense gaze from rin had never been perceived as bad by you, for it had usually only held intense feelings of love.
now though, it’s empty. as if someone had drained every feeling for you from his brain and disposed of it down the sewer of things itoshi rin was indifferent too.
indifference was something you had always hated. you’d rather him shout at you and declare an undying hatred for your very existence than be completely indifferent to it.
“my things are packed.” you say, as if he didn’t already know. rin had always been observant, so of course he would notice when your items start disappearing from his apartment. now, every trace of you has been cleansed of and there is only the coldness of rin left.
this moment has been building up for months. an accumulation of his feelings dying out and your resolve weakening had resulted in a clean breakup.
you’re not sure when he had started to fall out of love with you, when the traits he had found endearing started turning into insignificant things.
the moment you had realised that rin started to fall out of love was when you were cuddling in bed and once he fell asleep, his arms loosened and he turned around. a gap left between you and him.
his true feelings has always been the most clear when he was unconscious. rin had never been an outwardly emotional man, but he had always clung onto you in bed with an impossibly tight grip. he liked it most when his head was placed on your chest and he could hear the steady beating of your heart.
once you had found out about his deteriorating love for you, you had decided to try harder to maintain your relationship. surely rin, the boy you had dated since you were 17, couldn’t possible completely let go of you after five years together.
(he had told you that you were his first love, kiss and most importantly, the first person he felt safe with. did he not feel safe with you anymore? what could you have possibly done to cause this?)
you started putting more effort into the meals you would make him, making sure to cook ochazuke with bream - his favourite - at least twice a week. you would fill up his water bottle and clean the house as if you were some sort of housewife and not a woman with a job.
(you used some of your vacation days to go to a cooking camp to improve your skills. on the last day, the instructor had said that any man would fall in love with a good cook like you. that day, you walked home with a large smile and expensive ingredients on hand.)
rin noticed your effort, he had been payed you a few compliments but it seemed that no matter how much work you put into earning back his favour, it just kept decreasing.
so now, here you were. standing in front of the man you couldn’t stop loving who had stopped loving you.
you stand still for another few seconds before turning your back, hoisting a backpack void of the matching keychain you had given him when you confessed in high school. you were flustered when he had taken it and smiled lightly, staring at you with those intense eyes of his.
you walk out slowly, pitifully waiting for him to say something, anything to make you stay. you would if he asked you to, immediately and with no hesitation would you turn around, unpack your bag, clip the keychain back on and fall into his embrace. but he won’t ask. you know he won’t. he knows you want him to.
you don’t say goodbye. you don’t have to, for he had already left long ago and there is no reason to bid adieu to someone who isn’t there.
though, you do say a soft farewell to a piece of your heart that will always be left with him and his intense gaze.
———————————————
a week passes, then a month, and eventually a whole year passes. the seasons had changed quickly, but all of them had felt the same to you.
it’s not as if you only thought of rin. you spent time working hard, socialising with friends and taking care of an italien greyhound you had adopted a day after the break up.
she was cute. you had decided to name her maple. she was smaller than the average italian greyhound but her high-energy made up for it.
you don’t have much time to think of rin. you keep yourself busy, over exerting yourself to ensure you’re knocked out by the time you reach your bedroom so no memories can claw at your mind and pry your heart open, letting a sea of longing bleed out.
———————————————
you stumbled upon an article today. you think google must be playing some cruel prank on you when the headline ‘star player itoshi rin’s new girlfriend.’ you shouldn’t click on it. you really shouldn’t.
you open the article and the first thing that captures your eyes is rin’s face. the picture screams romance, his arm around the girls waist as she’s wearing a hoodie that’s clearly too big to be hers. there’s a cheeky grin on her face as her slender finger lightly points rin’s cheek.
he’s smiling. that stupid soft smile that he used to send you. his ears are pink as he looks down at the girl with that fucking intense gaze.
it hurts to see rin happy. it hurts more to realise that you’re still in love with him too much, an insufferable amount of love that won’t even allow you to be happy for him.
the girl is pretty. she looks kind. she hasn’t done anything wrong. so why do you feel such an ugly resentment towards her?
fuck her, fuck rin and fuck you for not being able to look away from that gaze of his.
that night, you set up an appointment with a therapist.
———————————————
y/n gets therapy (real) ‼️‼️‼️‼️😈😈😈😈‼️‼️‼️‼️😈😈😈😈‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😈😈😈😈😈😈‼️😈😈😈‼️‼️😈‼️‼️😈‼️
I WROTE THIS AT LIKE 2AM IM SORRY IF ITS MESSY 😰😰😰😰
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meowkiima · 1 year
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a/n: I rewrote this for like 10 times and still don't really like it. but at this point whatever. somewhat an angsty counterpart to atlas's this drabble
warnings: angst(?) with no comfort whatsoever. gn reader and barou calls reader stuff like servant and lowlife. he is toxic because I cant write proper romance
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Barou Shouei is the king.
Not only in the field but also with you as well, he’s the king and gets treated like one.
And you? You’re the servant even yourself know this. Nothing much than a plaything that’s purpose is to stroke his ego.
So why did it hurt this much when you left?
Was it because you decided to go with your own will instead of him kicking you out like he planned on to?
He should’ve done that months ago but he let himself get comfortable around your worshipping gaze and now you turned your back on him.
How could someone do insignificant cause this much pain?
He replaced you countless times after that. To show you and himself that you were not so special as you probably thought you were. But none of them were as understanding or gentle as you, none of them cared for him the same way you did and neither did they laugh, look or felt like you.
No, none of them were you after all 
To think he called you the lowlife who couldn’t live without him
Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt his pride half as much if you yelled and hit him, inflicting what he made you go through for a long long time just for loving him, yet you didn’t. No you didn’t even spare a glance in his way, walking out without a single word and with the silent tears you didn’t let him see
And sometimes when he looks at the benches after a goal to meet your eyes out of habit he feels so alone. Sometimes when he can’t feel your presence next to him while doing the simplest of tasks he feels weak and wishes for you to help like you always do 
It’s funny considering how much he used to complain because of that
He hates it all so much. When did he started caring for you, another being? How did you managed to get him this addicted to the simplest things about you without him even noticing? 
Barou Shouei decides you were not a servant after all. You were a devil send from the depths of hell to ruin his life
and he himself cant believe how much he wants his life ruined right now
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tim-shii · 2 months
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a/n: word vomit. i was salivating while scrolling thru the lego website. i need to be financially stable to purchase countless lego sets. but since i'm not 😔 here's bf sae buying you 🫵 a lego set cuz he's rich like that 😋 ending is rushed can u tell
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“bad idea, i told you.”
“don’t lecture me right now. i’m—”
“you’re what? rethinking your life decisions?” sae leans by the door frame with his arms crossed. he looks like a predator waiting to pounce on its prey. he’s basically sizing you up (he’s not, your judgment is just blinded by annoyance right now).
an hour prior, you two were on good terms. hand in hand, a perk in your steps as you journey towards the lego store. sae agreed to buy you a set as a gift because he missed your anniversary due to an overseas game. what he didn’t expect was that you would pick the eiffel tower set. he tried to talk you out of it, of course.
“you are not getting that.”
“yes, i am.”
“no. you are not.”
“you’re right, i’m not. because you’re getting it for me.”
“you have the attention span of a goldfish. you’re abandoning the building process five steps in.” sae snakes his hands on your wrist, stealthily prying off your hold on the box. not stealthy enough, it seems as you pull the box closer to you, almost hugging it. “no, i won’t!”
yes, you will. sae thinks and he’s certain he’s right with how your voice pitch up when defending yourself. with your unwavering insistent, sae sighs in defeat. “fine. come on, i’ll pay up.” he nods to the direction of the counter, strong arms easily grabbing the big box out of your hold. you follow him, bright eyes and a squeal of excitement threatening to escape your mouth.
fast forward, you got in the car, sae drives you both home and that’s what brings us to now.
perhaps, he’s right. maybe it is a bad idea. are you gonna agree with him? your ego says no.
but what else can you do when you’re faced with the sudden wave of laziness in the middle of ten thousand lego pieces? of course, ask your boyfriend for help. yes, even if it pains you to ask him.
“can you..” you groaned, physically restraining yourself to say the words that will admit your defeat. sae, however, is amused with your current predicament. “yes? can i what? hm?” oh, how you wish to wipe that smug grin on his annoyingly handsome face.
“help me with this.” you point to the mess of plastic bags surrounding you.
“care to ask nicely, princess?” he raises a brow at you.
“can you please help me build this stupid eiffel towel that has ten thousand pieces?” sae’s smile widens at every word coming out of your lips right now.
“what’s in it for me?”
“my undying love and devotion.”
“don’t want that, darling. already have it, try again.”
“i’ll give you a kiss.”
“give me the instruction book, you hopeless being.”
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likes and reblogs are appreciated! masterlist
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dark-night-hero · 6 months
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Imagine ever since you and Itoshi Rin broke up, one of the things he stopped doing was to look at the crowd, as well as he stopped kissing the ring on his chain necklace.
Imagine the way he no longer pay attention to the crowd. Don't get him wrong, he loves attention in one way or another or maybe not, but he loves your attention even more. So he just stops, he stops looking at the crowd before and after game knowing you won't be in the front row screaming and cheering for him. He knows. He knows because he knew your voice in the crowd. And he hates it, he hates that he yearns for your voice among the crowd of cheers he has.
Imagine the way even after your break up, he would unconsciously hold on into his now non existence necklace. The one he harshly ripped off his neck the same night the two of you broke up, the same night were things that shouldn't have said were exchange. The same night he ripped off the chain necklace that holds your couple rings and throw on somewhere in the apartment right in front of you. The same night you left with tears rolling down your face.
Imagine the way he hates it. He hates the way he would unconsciously reach out to hold on into the ring on his necklace only to find it wasn't there. That that was the same ring he had thrown out somewhere. That same ring he would kissed as a sign of dedication that the goal was for you and only you. He hates it, he regret it.
Imagine after a long day at the field, as he find himself in his lone apartment, looking anywhere and everywhere in his apartment looking for something. Looking for the damn ring he had thrown away out of anger and frustration. "Fuck." Where the hell did it go? "Fuck fuck fuck." He mumbled, throwning things here and there still looking for it. "The hell." He grit his teeth out of frustration. Then he sat down on the floor, arms on his knees as he ran his fingers through his hair out of frustration.
Imagine as he sat there, something caught his eyes. Something shining in the corner, without missing a beat, he reach out to it. Underneath the cabinet was the ring with a string of metal thin chains. As soon as he found it, he let out a sigh of relief, like a missing piece finally found again. His hand clenched around the ring, his heart painfully throbbing on his chest as he finally admitted, "I miss you." "I miss you so fucking bad."
[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2023°
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saerins · 1 year
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─── 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐄
+ sae x f!reader | wc 4.9k | content: angst, fluff, some making out, implied sex, stupid teenager phase
notes: sobs this was not supposed to be this long … one of y’all need to stop me from writing about this man !! i love him too much, pls send help </3 extra: this is the song playing in the last scene :’)
summary: sae has few interests, and one of them is you. but sometimes, being special just isn’t enough.
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you’ve always been special.
ever since age three when your family moved across the street from where the itoshis lived. ever since age five when you finally gathered the courage to talk to the pair of brothers. ever since age six when sae invited you to play with him and rin. ever since age seven when you cried because someone bullied you at the playground and sae wiped away your tears. ever since age ten when both of you played with paper rings. ever since age eleven when you and sae would talk endlessly at night through the phone and get nagged at by your parents when they found out.
ever since age twelve when you told sae you’d watch him become the best soccer player in the world by his side.
your presence bleeds into sae’s life and he can’t think about anything without relating it to you; like how his breakfast tastes like ass when you’re not smearing your stupid peanut butter on it because apparently peanut better goes well with everything is your phase at that point of time. like how he’s walking home and he’ll always have to crane his head to the right just to check if you’re on your front porch swing, because if you are, he’ll wave and then you’ll smile and wave back, and sae would feel like it’s a special code you two share.
you’re probably the only thing he pays his spare attention to. and rin. you, rin, soccer. that’s all.
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you complain way too much, especially at the fact that sae doesn’t smile often. he counters, “that’s none of your business.”
and you tell him one day you’ll be the reason he smiles everyday.
sae thinks it’s kind of stupid though, because you already are. you just aren’t around to see it. he’ll probably never let you see it too. he wouldn’t hear the end of it if he did.
it isn’t long before you’re age fifteen and graduating middle school and you’re excited to start high school. it didn’t really make a difference for sae, as long as he got to play soccer, he really couldn’t care less.
when you’re age sixteen you tell sae that a boy from class broke your heart because he didn’t accept your valentines’ chocolates. it was as good as a rejection, apparently. or whatever girl code says it is.
frankly, sae’s just offended. you’ve never given him any valentines’ shit. all of a sudden some no name guy is getting it?
maybe it’s true what people say, teenage girls cry over stupid things they consider love that’s not actually love. now you’re getting his soccer jersey wet with your tears and you’re crooning on and on about how boys suck but somehow sae’s still the best.
you’re sixteen and crying on sae’s shoulder, while he’s seventeen and wishing he could torture the son of a bitch who made you cry.
this is the closest you’ve ever been, physically. your heart’s not really broken because whoever you’re crying about has never really had it. but sae doesn’t know that.
teenage girls make really stupid decisions sometimes. and other times, they making stupid passing comments, like when you say “glad i didn’t let him kiss me. would suck for my first kiss to be with a dick who didn’t give a shit about me.”
sometimes teenage boys make stupid decisions too.
sae doesn’t really know what possesses him to do this, but he doesn’t stop it. he doesn’t stop his hand from reaching out to you, doesn’t stop his fingers from tilting your chin up. there’s only confusion in your eyes when he looks into them. there’s only hesitation in his.
sae’s not anything to you except for a childhood friend, and you’re not anything to him, except for one of the most beautiful people he’s ever met. that’s why he does this slowly, so you have time to stop this.
he has no right to do this. he wishes you would just stop him.
you’re both teenagers when sae becomes your first kiss, when your tears stain his cheeks and he tastes like the fruits he just ate. you’re both delirious off of the feeling, like neither of you want this to end because your lips stay connected even when you’re not moving, and your lashes are fluttering against one another’s and sae really wants to kiss you again.
but it’s late and your parents are probably the ones knocking on his door right now so he stops himself and pulls away while rin bounds down the stairs to open the door.
sae sees nothing but you, you and your pretty face and your pretty lips and your perfect perfect person.
“there, now your first kiss is with a dick who does care about you.”
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it’s that same summer and you’ve forgotten all about the stupid boy that supposedly broke your heart. you have sae with you whenever he’s free, when he decides to bring you out after practice and explore rooftops to find the best view for the fireworks.
you’re not together, but it sure feels like you are.
then it’s autumn and the leaves are turning orange and red, and you swear you see sae’s cheeks and ears turn nearly the same shade when he holds your hand for the first time as you walk through the park, a white cat crossing in front of you.
sae blames it on his practice earlier and that he’s tired because there’s no way he’ll ever admit it’s because of you.
when winter comes, sae’s still taking care of you. nothing stops him from playing soccer, but nothing can stop him from finding you either. sae’s starting to regret his decisions when you force him to go ice skating and look at him expectantly whenever you see a mistletoe.
you’re a lot of work, maybe you’re worth it.
and then you kiss him again and he thinks yes, maybe he can do this. he can juggle soccer and you, it’ll magically work out.
finally it’s spring and you’re excited because you love the cherry blossoms, and sae thinks maybe he loves something else but he’s not going to go there yet. and while everyone’s watching the solar eclipse that one night, sae’s watching you.
for once, he wants to believe in superstitions, wants to believe what watching the solar eclipse means.
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“what’s the matter?”
you’re always so perceptive. you’d make a great playmaker, he feels.
of course you pick up on the tension, barely a minute after you walk into his room. sae doesn’t want to ruin this, whatever this is, whether it’s love or something less, or maybe something more.
but it’s not a democracy, and the answer is crystal clear in sae’s mind. his answer’s always been the same, but it’s not like you don’t exist in his world.
“the club in spain gave me an offer.”
that’s all he needs to say to make you understand. and if you weren’t the most understanding person he knows, you might’ve reacted differently, but you’re still the same supportive, kind girl he met at age four.
“when do you go?” your voice is shaky and he knows you’re trying to hold it together.
sae’s sorry, really.
“next month.”
it’s not a lot of time, but probably enough to say goodbye. then you throw your arms around him and you work your magic, you say you want to try despite the distance, despite the unknown timeline. and who is sae if not someone who’d give it a try?
he’s not even sure he can ever say no to you.
it doesn’t seem real until the night before he leaves, because you’re eighteen and standing in his near barren room, everything already packed into boxes and loaded.
maybe it’s the fact he’ll be gone for a very long time, doesn’t know when he’ll see you again. maybe it’s the adrenaline rushing through his veins when he feels you pressed up against him. maybe it’s the fact he’s denying the depth of his feelings for you and it’s getting him frustrated.
or maybe it’s because he’s selfish and he doesn’t want anyone else to have you, just like how he gave you your first kiss.
he’s your first kiss, and he’ll be your first time, with your hands clawing at his clothes. and you’ll be his, with the way he’s grabbing onto your bare back so desperately.
you’re eighteen and you think nothing’s prettier than the sounds sae makes, especially when his lips are right next to your ear, with his hot breath fanning against you.
sae’s nineteen and he thinks you’re the best thing he’s ever tasted, in all sense of the word. he thinks you look pretty in pink, still pretty when you wear nothing too.
and suddenly sae thinks that maybe it doesn’t feel so crazy to think that the both of you might make it through this.
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long distance can work for some people. but sometimes it’s just meant to drive two people further away.
sae’s gaining momentum in europe, and you’re proud of him. you’re proud of your boyfriend, doing his best and showing off his talents and having his hard work pay off.
you’re really, genuinely happy for him. but the bigger of a star he is, the further away he feels, and maybe it’s selfish of you to want him here, to want him to be just your neighbour itoshi sae like how things started out.
maybe it’s selfish and wishful thinking, but you can’t help yourself.
sometimes sae doesn’t even have time to look at his phone. he’s tired and overwhelmed and understandably too. and you feel guilty everytime you subject him to your insecurities.
but you’re nineteen and you don’t know better.
rin’s not much fun to hang around with, especially when he got more stoic and awkward. he’s like a mirror of his brother, and that may fool a lot of people, except you knew him before that. but you’re not going to butt your head in things that don’t concern you, so you leave him be.
and suddenly the itoshis seem further away than they’ve ever been. for the first time in your life, you’re not sure if trying will be enough anymore.
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sae misses you. that’s whenever he has the free time to think, when he’s not hounded by trainings after trainings, when he’s not busy from day to night with whatever new training regime they’ve got him on.
is he aware that he’s probably being the world’s worst boyfriend now? yes. but sae can’t force himself to choose that over his dreams. can’t force himself not to choose soccer.
[17:08] she’s fine, idk what you’re worried about.
rin’s message doesn’t alleviate his worries. sae knows you better than anyone, and he doesn’t believe you’re fine.
[08:08] hey sae :)
[17:34] going to bed now, gn!! &lt;3
sae stares at your message for a while in the locker room, while everyone else is showering. you’ve cooled off on the pet names, you’re worried you’re overstepping. you’re worried he’s lost his feelings.
he’s not.
he’d be crazy to.
but he can’t find the energy to convince himself that this would turn out fine. he can’t convince himself that he’s not hurting you every single day by not being able to be everything you need, by not being able to be physically there for you.
this half-assed relationship isn’t what you deserve. and where he is right now, with his bird’s eye view of the world, he doesn’t know if he can ever give you anything else.
[17:49] goodnight. call you tomorrow.
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the moment sae breaks up with you, you feel like that kid at sixteen all over again, except this time you don’t have your favourite person’s shoulder to cry on and this time it’s actually love.
all you can think of when you hear him pick up the phone is that morning right before he left for the airport, how his hair’s a mess and how his lashes are way too pretty and how he sounded when he’s all groggy and tired.
but then he tells you the one thing you do not want to hear, and the illusion is shattered into pieces.
“this isn’t working out.”
“what are you talking about?” he’s silent, and you’re anxious. “we’re fine, sae.”
you can hear him sighing over the phone. you so desperately want to fix this, and so does sae but he can’t think of anything more selfish than to ask you to wait for him until he’s ready—he knows what’s the right thing to do. it sucks, but he’s made up his mind.
“that’s bullshit, y/n,” he responds, calmly, and you feel him slipping further and further from you.
“i- look, i-i know it’s hard but we can—”
“give it a break, woman,” sae chuckles, low and deep, and you’re beginning to doubt that you know him at all right now. “we’re done.”
the dial tone is all you can hear after that.
twenty years old is where you have your first actual heartbreak.
and all that talk about how time heals all feels like bullshit when you’re right in the middle of it all. five days in and you’re still a wreck. twenty days later and you’re still staring at the pictures you and sae took together. a month passes and you’re visiting the places you went to together. just a sad, pathetic girl crying on the benches, reliving what she once had.
three months later you’re still watching his matches on tv. you’re still cheering for him inside. four months later and it’s sae’s birthday and he doesn’t even respond to your birthday message. half a year after the breakup and you finally stop crying when you think of him.
but it’s easy to delude yourself when you’re not in the presence of what you grieve. because eight months after you broke up, you see reports that sae’s dating a sports photographer. the next few days, a picture is released of them kissing in a restaurant.
then you get glimpses of other girls being able to be intimate with him. other girls getting to taste his lips and feel his love. other girls getting his attention when that right used to solely belong to you.
and you’ve never felt worse.
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“why so glum?”
sae blinks at the woman, indifferent. he can’t even remember her name.
“nadia,” she says, like she’s reading his goddamn mind, holding her hand out. “i’ve been your team’s photographer for a few months now.”
sae shakes her hand out of courtesy because he really doesn’t want his publicist to chew him out again. “didn’t ask.”
“you know, you’re a lot more crabby these days,” she comments, and it’s like he can see the lightbulb going off in her head. “oh, is it girlfriend issues?”
“i don’t have one, so shut it.”
“come on, i promise i’m good at making people forget.” she says this so seductively that sae’s a little disturbed. he just wants to get this shoot done with and go home, maybe even check up on you a little. all in incognito mode, of course, because he can’t risk you knowing he still cares. can’t risk getting your hopes up.
somehow the stars have spent all their time aligning sae’s soccer career and everything else is in tatters because his publicist forces him to take nadia up on her offer and go out with her.
what was supposed to be a one time thing turned out to be something more. she wasn’t even close to you, but she could be close. turns out when he’s not being such a dick, nadia can be moderately interesting.
different, maybe that’s what he needs.
he thinks back to when she kissed him on their first date. sae still finds himself hoping you didn’t see that.
but no, he’s not in love with you anymore. sae’s officially an adult at twenty-one and he’s still the same stubborn guy in denial because he’s looking at pictures of you while nadia’s sitting right next to him.
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it’s not healthy, it really isn’t.
you’re twenty-one now and you’re actually going on a date with the sole intention of trying to get over the one and only itoshi sae.
can you even trust your friend? all you know is that the guy is a friend of a best friend’s and that’s all she told you.
“my best friend’s a good guy, so by extension, so is his best friend,” was all she said.
now you’re here, at the amusement park, waiting for your date to show himself because apparently, in your friend’s bid for suspense, she was reluctant to share anything about him except that he’s dreamy and pretty and that his friend describes him as a genius.
and also “oh, he’s a soccer player too so that’s right up your alley, right?”
when the call from date guy comes in (because to stop you from profiling your date she also didn’t give you his name), you kind of like his voice.
“hey, where are you?”
you find out his name is nagi. and that he’s only here because reo stole his switch and he won’t give it back until the date’s over. which kind of works because you tell him you’re only here because you wanted to get over someone.
to which he says it’s a hassle.
there’s nothing you expect out of this, but then you find yourself enjoying your date.
it’s clear by the first fifteen minutes why nagi chose this place to meet. he’s absurdly good at games. he’s won you tons of plushies that you had to give away to some very happy kids. it’s a pattern; every game that he doesn’t know, he only loses once and then he proceeds to dominate.
no wonder his friend calls him a genius.
with nagi it’s easy, fluid. you’ve been spending the whole night there with him, playing together and eating together—well, mostly it’s just you feeding nagi because it turns out he finds a lot of things a hassle.
three days later, you find out that apparently you’re not a hassle in his books. not really, because he asks you out again.
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it’s irrational.
sae shouldn’t be this bothered, but he is. he hates seeing your stupid updates about how you’re on a date with this nagi guy. he hates seeing your posts with the two of you wearing matching sweaters for christmas.
he gives it a like.
nadia’s already gone. sae doesn’t have time or energy to waste on people that don’t matter. and you shouldn’t matter. not right now. but here he is, wishing the circumstances were different.
if you and nadia switched places. if you had something to bring you to spain. it’s fucking selfish, he knows. doesn’t stop him from wishing for it. he can’t think of anyone else like how he thinks of you. doesn’t want to.
he really is clueless about everything outside of soccer, because he’s twenty-two when he realises that no one could ever make him forget about you, and maybe he should just live with it.
sae turns twenty-three when he’s in the running for being the world’s best midfielder. he’s gotten rid of the hopes of moving on and he’ll just fake it till he makes it.
maybe that’s why this year is particularly special to him. or maybe it’s because for the first time in a long while, you wish him happy birthday.
at midnight, in japan. because you’re thoughtful that way.
this time he responds.
thanks. how r u?
it’s criminal how easy it is for you to get his heart beating like this. he sees you typing and it’s enough to lift his mood.
great, school’s kicking my ass though.
sae finds himself wishing that he could hear your voice right now. for some stupidly non-complex reason that he finds completely absurd.
i saw your match last week, good game, genius.
fuck. after all this time, he still wants you.
his fingers type i miss you, just for the hell of it. just to see it there on his screen before he inevitably deletes it and replaces it with something mediocre like thanks or i know.
because he can’t just say that after being the one who broke things off. he can’t do that when he still thinks it won’t work out.
all he does is sigh and hit the delete button—except fuck, he accidentally hit send. and he would’ve deleted it if you weren’t already online and read it and he sees you typing for a moment before you stop completely and go offline.
sae has never felt more numb.
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it’s been three months since sae said he missed you. you still can’t get that out of your head. the most upfront he’s been about his feelings and he chooses then of all times to be honest?
when your boyfriend was right beside you?
maybe it was your fault. you didn’t even know why you wished him a happy birthday. maybe you missed him too and was just lying to yourself.
god, maybe you’re the asshole in this after all. did you really love nagi? or was he just exceptionally well at making you forget? you really really like him, that’s all you know.
“hey, what’s wrong?” nagi’s looking at you, pushing his hair back, and you can’t help but think you’re lucky to have him these past few months.
but the turmoil inside you wins, and maybe you understand a little bit of how sae felt that night when he broke up with you.
it’s not fair to nagi for you to do this, but it’s not fair to him either to keep him around.
“we need to talk.”
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it’s a surreal feeling, to be back in japan.
sae was nineteen when he left. now he’s twenty-seven when he breathes the tokyo air again. he lugs around his carry-on baggage because he’s not staying here for long. not yet. he’s coming back soon, and he doesn’t really know why. he’s milked everything he could from spain, from the rest of europe, some of the americas, and maybe he’s homesick now.
plain and simple.
the cab driver asks him why he looks so sharp, and he simply says, “wedding.”
it’s been seven years since he broke up with you. and your grip on him is as firm as ever. a grip he’ll never let you know you have on him because he’s made this mistake before—said i miss you and then scared you away.
by the next day he couldn’t even find you online because everything is wiped and maybe you hate him, hate his guts. that’s fine. he can live with that.
to him, you’re still the same lovable person as you were at age five. still the same girl at age sixteen that he fell in love with. you’re still his person and it’s fine if he has to just admire you from afar.
when he arrives, he takes a long hard look around the room, filled with guests socialising and drinking their wines and it’s so pathetic but he’s wondering if you’re still around. he’s late, and it’s his plane’s fault but it’s no use playing the blame game.
“hey,” rin calls out when he sees his brother. “you missed the ceremony.”
“yeah, stupid plane got delayed,” sae says, mind still distracted.
rin formally introduces his new wife to sae and she seems nice, polite, the kind that can put his brother in his place if she needs to. that’s nice. sae can’t help envisioning you in the wedding dress though. you’d look nice.
nicer if he was the one beside you.
“oh! as a gift to my now brother-in-law, i have a friend i want to set you up with,” she grins, and as much of an ass that sae is, he just figures he’ll reject the poor girl later. for now, he’ll entertain his new sister-in-law.
rin claps him on the shoulder before smirking and walking off, presumably to get a drink because no matter how much rin has changed, sae doubts he’ll ever become friendly enough to mingle in this crowd.
sae feels someone poking his shoulder and turns around, first to find his sister-in-law grinning from ear to ear, and next to find you next to her, just like he remembers.
pretty in pink, stupid bashful smile, still fucking beautiful.
“have fun,” rin’s wife says before she walks off with a knowing look. she’s already winning points with sae for bringing you to him.
“hey, genius,” you try to suppress your smile but it’s not working.
he thinks he’s dreaming. he’s not. he’s here. and so are you. and this might just be what he missed all this time.
you hold your hand out and he takes it wordlessly, obediently. sae follows you to the dance floor, trying to calm his erratic heartbeats, savouring the feeling of your hand in his once again, remembering that moment back in autumn when he first felt it.
when you wrap your hands around his neck and he wraps his around your waist, it feels like finally, something is real. like there’s something in this country that can really keep him here this time. because now he’s twenty-seven and he finally understands, he’s always loved you but he’s never been ready until now.
“can’t believe you let your brother get married before you,” you say, sarcasm because you’re breaking into a grin. “he actually beat you at something.”
sae pouts slightly, averting his gaze. “what’s the big deal anyway?”
you shrug. “i’d have thought you’d be the first. maybe with one of the girls you met abroad or something.”
there’s a certain bitterness in your tone that he likes, only because it means you minded all this time. the thought of him with someone else. he suddenly remembers something, and searches the room for a familiar face.
gray eyes meet his teal ones before they turn away, disinterested.
“you sure your boyfriend won’t mind you dancing with your ex?”
“probably not, since i don’t have one.” you smirk, sensing the bitterness in his tone too. it’s funny, seeing sae jealous like this.
he has no reason to though, since you broke up with nagi after being honest with yourself—that you’re not over sae and you probably never will be. you’d decided to just live with your decision.
“shame. thought you guys looked cute in those matching sweaters.”
so that was a jealous like, you think to yourself.
“thought you looked cute with that sports photographer girl too, kissing and all,” you say, though it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. “why didn’t that work out?”
for the first time in his life, sae decides to be outright honest with you—
“because she’s not you.” because everytime she said his name, he’d overlay it with your voice in his head. because everytime she’d tried to get close, he’d resent her more for not being you. because no matter how hard anyone tries, they will never be you and that will never work, not for sae.
—to a certain degree.
he’s twenty-seven when he’s finally old enough to understand that it was never a problem with feelings because he’s always loved you all the same all this time. it was just a matter of being ready at the right time. it’s like luck in the world of soccer, where coincidences can only fall to those who are prepared.
and he’s here now. he’s ready.
call him crazy for thinking you’re on the same page because you’re getting closer and closer and closer.
“itoshi sae,” you whisper his name against his lips and he’s reminded of the first time he had you. you drive him crazy and he thinks he’ll keep on letting you. “i missed you too.”
you did. you used to be too young and inexperienced to put yourself in sae’s shoes. too young and naive thinking emotions were enough for two people to stay. sometimes, some things just aren’t meant to be… in the moment. and other times, when you’re both ready, everything suddenly falls into place.
you were sixteen when sae first kissed you. now ten years later, ten years wiser, you kiss again, and this feels significantly better than before. because now you both know.
sae has known you ever since you were three. and he thinks he’ll keep on knowing you, every day, every hour, every minute. he wants to know you forever. and he’s thinking maybe that superstition worked out after all. maybe it was destined to be like this all along.
two people coming together and falling apart only to end up in each other’s arms.
and he thinks fuck superstition, fuck the white cats and solar eclipses and everything else. even if things threaten not to work, this time he’ll make it work.
sae’s known you for so long he overlooked one simple thing. when he kisses you even deeper and is greeted with your lips smiling against his, he knows.
he hasn’t become the world’s best soccer player yet, but when he does, you’ll be by his side.
one day those paper rings the both of you played with when you were little would be real.
you’ve always been special, and you always will be.
now he’s finally home.
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hioriyostwin · 4 days
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THIS AIN'T EVEN A SPORT MANGA ANYMORE BRUH
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HE'S SO CUTE OMGGGG (he my son fr)
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tatsumessy · 1 year
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Missed calls - {itoshi sae}
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“gosh you’re so fucking annoying. I wanted to call my girlfriend so that I could calm down from the huge amount of stress I’m already under and here you are acting like a nagging clingy psycho.” before any other words could be spoken you hung up the phone placing it on the nightstand.
Sae <3: I’m sorry.
Sae <3: y/n?
1 missed call
5 missed calls
12 missed calls
20 missed calls
hearing your phone ring once again you picked up up furiously screaming into the phone. “WHAT?” you yelled out of character, there was silence before he spoke, “you’re ignoring my calls.” without answering you slammed your phone on the nightstand not before turning on do not disturb.
you and sae had gotten in a pretty heated argument which ultimately ended with you hanging up the phone and ignoring it. he is in the states right now for a tournament so he can’t come to you. usually his sullen, dull, asshole personality would be just fine because that’s what you’re used too but this time he went too far.
he seemed like he didn’t even care. he wasn’t due to come back until next month so you opted to block his number leaving him with his “issues” that he has to deal with. if he thinks you’re clingy, fine. you’ll just go on about your business and leave him to do whatever he wanted. he always acts like he doesn’t want to be in a relationship so why not give him the freedom he’s wanted.
sae the moment those words came out his mouth felt like a dick. you were only worried because he had gotten trashed in an interview and it was shown on tv everywhere. he was frustrated and took it out of you, he knew the choice of words that he spoke was wrong but he said it anyways.
after you hung up on him he decided to wait until the morning to talk to you but his text weren’t going through and his calls weren’t either. “I’m sorry, the number you have dialed-” he tossed his phone on the hotel bed grabbing his head in frustration. his day was already starting horrible, usually you two would call each other in the morning and talk about what you’d do during the day so that you two knew when to call each other later.
two weeks passed and at this point he had called your number at least 40 times a day. any free second he had he would call you or text you, this is the longest you two had ever gone without talking to each other and he was seriously getting worried. getting back to his hotel for the night he laid down on his back holding his phone above his face. his phone was basically stuck on your contact card and that was the only form of you he had besides the endless albums of you in his photos or his rotating lockscreen picture.
he backed out of your contact and went to his brother’s reluctantly pressing the call button and waiting for him to answer. “what?” he spoke and sae was already rolling his eyes at his brother attitude. “can you check on y/n?” rin let out an annoyed sigh and sae could hear shuffling on his end of the phone. “y/n are you okay?” he heard you say yeah in the background confused then he heard more shuffling before rin spoke up again.
“she’s fine.” he was about to hang up but sae needed to ask, “why are you with y/n?” “we have dinner ever sunday together.” before any more questions could be asked rin hung up the phone leaving sae feeling more empty than he already was.
a month passed and now with him coming home he was excited to see you but he needed to win this game before going home to you.
you were sitting in your car outside of the stadium debating on whether or not you wanted to go in. you had never missed any of his home games and you didn’t want to start, you just kept going back to your argument. the night sae called rin, that was the only time he had ever come over to yours and sae’s apartment for dinner. you had spoken to him about what happened and even though him and his brother aren’t really that close he gave you good advice.
“sae is an asshole, that not a secret. he doesn’t think before he speaks and doesn’t think about the damage his words can cause. all I have to say is he has never called me for anything relatively important but he just called me to ask if you were okay. I can’t speak for him, he said what he said and now he’s paying the price for it. only speak to him when you are ready.” he ended with that before leaving.
last night when you unblocked his number all the messages and missed calls that you missed flowed through your phone all at once. tears prickled on your bottoms lash line reading all of his text messages. the last one had you crying yourself to sleep while hugging his pillow.
sae <3: this is the last message I’ll send tonight. tomorrow we’re coming back and I would love to see you. I know you are probably still upset with me and I would be too. I hurt the person I love so bad to the point where we haven’t spoken in a month. I miss you, I love you and if you come to the game and even though I’m we haven’t worked things out, if you wear my jersey tomorrow I’ll know that we’ll be okay. sweet dreams princess i love you.
he was right, you were still pissed but you missed sae, prior to the argument he’d been gone for a month already and that made you miss him so much more. the sheets didn’t smell like him anymore nor did his pillow. you wanted sae back but you weren’t going to make it easy for him. unzipping your jacket you slipped the long sleeve over your head then pulled down the mirror to fix your hair and makeup.
~
you sat in the VIP section in your normal seat playing on your phone until the game ended. everyone stood up leaving the area while you stayed put, you could see sae being interviewed by someone but because of the distance you couldn’t tell if he was actually paying attention which irked your nerves. he was always so rude to people whenever they interviewed him but went through with them because you asked.
a couple of minutes passed and once almost all the people were gone you noticed sae started to walk towards your direction so you stood up and walked down the steps stopping at the railings that was separating the two of you. “y/n…” he spoke stopping right infront of you, looking at him you kind of glared trying to hide how much you missed him. more silence filled his ears and out of defeat he dropped his head taking a deep breath.
suddenly a small quiet sniffle sounded and he looked back up with tears in his eyes. “I can’t lose you, I fucked up I know I did. if you want to punish me some more then do it but please stop ignoring me I physically can’t do it anymore, I can’t live without you.” standing there you looked at him in shock, he’s never cried before especially over something like this.
“meet me in the tunnel.” “no.” he quickly responded jumping up and climbing over the railing. he landed immediately taking you into his arms, you gasped at his action but ultimately wrapped your arms around him gently rubbing his back. for a quick second you could feel him shaking but you may have been imagining it.
he pulled back keeping his arms wrapped around you so that he could admire what he missed in these two months. “you look gorgeous, I love you princess.”
“I know you do, you and your 1,882 calls” he laughed awkwardly as you pressed a small kiss on his sweaty jawline smiling up at him. “I love you too.”
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pwr3tties · 10 months
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⋆.ೃ࿔* COUCHES ! - ,,
includes: sae
warnings: slight angst with comfort, fem! reader, grammar errors, fluff, arguments, over 400 words and lowercase intended!
a/n: hello, it's me again, this is a pretty popular prompt, so i thought i’d try it! if you want a part 2, comment or message me with what character(s) you want, and ill try to make it!!
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SAE — ‘you sleep on the couch ’
after the heated argument between your boyfriend and yourself, it was no surprise that one of you had to leave the house, or your neighbours might have called the cops to check on the two of you.
papers were scattered across the lounge, shattered glass and the match of sae’s soon-to-be opponents, which quickly became background noise due to the screaming match between sae and yourself. sae, being the petty man he is, left the house with a slam of the door, leaving you with nothing but your quiet sobs and the mess that was made during the dispute.
scanning the house, you began to pick up the shards of glass to prevent anyone from getting hurt, and by the time everywhere was tidied up, it had just reached 11 PM, and there was still no sign of sae. although the two of you had fought, that didn't mean you had no sympathy left in your heart.
reaching for your phone, you dialled his number as it rang once, twice, then thrice and soon went to his voicemail which was still set to default because he thought, “telling someone you’re not there when they already know is irrelevant.”
and after your 5th attempt, you gave up and quickly showered, then grabbed a few pillows and blankets, making a nice bed on the couch. the clock ticked 12:17 as the door creaked open, scared to wake you. sae slid off his sneakers as he tiptoed upstairs into the shower, hoping to get at least 8 hours of sleep before waking up for his morning jog.
around 12:50, sae finally infiltrated your shared bedroom and slipped into bed, rubbing the back of a pillow, which you were supposed to be. once sae realized there was no other form of life in the room, he rushed downstairs to where you were fast asleep with your mouth slightly parted as the moon hues hit your face ever so gently.
sae couldn’t help but admire you as he lifted you from your spot on the couch, carrying you up to your rightful place on the bed beside him. squirming, you fluttered your eyes open as sae plopped you on the mattress laying beside you. “sae? what are you doing?” you groaned, rubbing the sleep out your eye to see your boyfriend who had his face stuffed into your neck.
“sleeping..” he muttered softly, “that's what you should be doing.”
“I was until you brought me upstairs against my will,”
“just go back to bed, i have to wake up in a few hours.” sae groaned, fixing his position and squeezing your waist a little tighter.
“did you forget how you not only walked out on me but also listed ten different ways on how I'm ‘insufferable’?” you scoffed, gently pushing sae away.
“no,” he grumbled, slightly getting up.
“then what are you supposed to say?” amused by his behaviour, you settled your weight onto your arm, getting a better view of him. “‘m sorry, k. it was messed up of me to push you out when all you wanted to do was to care for me and help me to relax, i know im a horrible boyfriend, i might even be the worst one ever to exist, but please let me have this right now, my love.”
“who are you, and what have you done to my boyfriend?” you chuckled, ruffling his hair. “it's all me, promise. Now can we go to bed and talk about this in the morning like reasonable adults?”
“of course,
.
.
.
my big baby.” was the last thing you small while placing a kiss on his forehead and slowly drifting off to sleep in his arms.
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word count: 528
a/n: hihihi, i was going to add more characters but i got lazy and decided you guys needed a post so yeah but pls moot me, im boreddd!! 😁😄😀😕🙁☹️😢😭
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unimportant
“i don’t expect to be the most important thing in your life but god damn it, i thought i’d at least be in the top 5” with itoshi rin and itoshi sae. angst/no comfort.
rin itoshi
rin was really starting to piss you off. you’ve tried your best to understand him. you always listen to his problems. you stay with him when he needs company and leave when he doesn’t. not to toot your own horn, but you’ve been a pretty good girlfriend.
so, when you walk into your shared apartment, tearing up slightly because of a bad day at work, you immediately go to look for your boyfriend.
rin is analysing game footage for his next match. the opposition had brought in a few new players so he needed to get a grasp on how good they are.
listen, you weren’t one to disturb rin when he was working. you knew your boyfriend loathed being disturbed while attending to his duties but right now you need him to hug you and cuddle you until all the stress leaves your body.
“rinnie…” he doesn’t look at you, but you know he hears you because of the small grunt he lets out in reply. “i had a really bad day, can we hang out?” you’re staring at rin, waiting for him to ask you what happened.
he does not, in fact, ask you what happened. instead, you’re met with a groan and a “stop complaining.” wow. what a lovely boyfriend.
you try again, desperate for some form of comfort. “rin, please.” you need him right now, and his match is in three weeks, surely he can spare enough of his time to give you some words of solace.
he finally looks at you, a harsh glare meeting your eyes. “i’m working. y/n, leave me alone.” and you know he sees your puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks, you know that he knows you’ve been crying.
he turns back to the screen, ignorant of your existence. that’s when your sadness turns into frustration.
“rin, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?” you’ve walked up to him now, leaning over him to press pause on the game footage.
he doesn’t say anything but just glares again. he’s treating you like you’re a bug. your frustration only grows.
“oh my fucking god!” you throw your hands up in exasperation, glaring right back at rin. his voice is filled with apathy to your emotions, “i need to work. i’ll talk to you later.”
you start laughing. it seems that your unexpected reaction finally caught rin’s full attention. “listen rin, i know how important soccer is to you. i don’t expect to be number one on your priority list, but god, i at least thought i would make the top five!” rin stares at you without saying anything.
you continue your mini-rant “you know what, next time i’m upset, i won’t come to you. i wouldn’t want to risk disturbing your oh so precious game footage.” you stare rin dead in the eyes and send him a clearly fake smile. “next time you’re upset, don’t come to me either. i might be working.”
rin just glares. there’s something that’s so belittling about him not replying to your outburst. it makes you feel like a nuisance to him, but you suppose you are.
you leave the house. at least you’re angry instead of sad.
sae itoshi
you met sae in the airport with a large smile as soon as he came back to japan, immediately jumping into his arms and kissing him. you had missed your boyfriend dearly.
you, of course, expected sae to spend a bit of time with you after getting his passport renewed, but then he joins the u-20 japanese team for a match against the new government project blue lock.
that’s fine. sae will be able to spend some time with you right? wrong. before the day of the match, he trains and works. it’s alright though, he’s playing an important game, of course his preparations will take up a good chunk of his time.
after the match, he’s still busy working and training. you’re starting to realise that sae won’t spend a lot of time with you while he’s here.
all you really want is one day. a day where you and sae have a nice date together, where you’re able to finally have a full heart-to-heart conversation with him.
you walk into your mini home gym, sae’s inside. he’s doing bicep curls with weights you couldn’t lift with both of your hands. “sae! can we go on a date today?” your eyes are hopeful.
sae turns to you and sighs. “i can’t today, maybe tomorrow?” you return his sigh with an even bigger one. “you’ve been saying that for the past few days now.”
sae’s getting irritated. you can tell by the way he subtly squints his teal eyes. you’re bothering him.
“y/n. i have things to do, i can’t abandon it for some stupid date.” his words are harsher than they should be and he knows that, but it’s your fault for getting him upset, you keep bothering him about these dates. it’s annoying.
his words piss you off, and he continues to piss you off as he speaks again. “we can just eat at home like we always do.”
you feel your frustration growing but you take a deep breath to calm down, you don’t want to have an outburst. “sae, i want to go on a proper date with you. don’t get me wrong, i love staying home with you and just hanging out together but i want a special date, y’know?”
sae glares at you, he drops the weight on the floor and you wince at the loud crash. “y/n. i’m busy with soccer training. i can’t go on a date.”
it’s always soccer. at this point, sae might as well marry soccer because jesus fucking christ it’s all he cares about.
you walk up to him, you’re done trying to be nice. your index finger points into his chest. “i know you’re busy and i don’t expect to be the most important thing in your life but i thought i’d at least be in the top five.”
you sigh and step back from him, refusing to look at his expression. “never mind. i’m going out.”
sae doesn’t try to stop you.
do you want me to do any other of the boys?
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ode2rin · 3 months
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It's painfully evident to anyone with two working eyes that Reo likes you.
Reo excels in almost anything, except hiding his devastatingly pathetic pining towards you. It's etched across his face, woven into his body language, and discernible even in his speech. It's embarrassing to the point that even someone as detached and inattentive as Nagi can discern it from a mile away.
Well, it’s not that hard to tell when Reo looks at you as though you've adorned the night sky with every sparkling star.
Nagi sometimes wonders if Reo even knows it himself. You weren’t any better too, always so oblivious of the lovesick fool fawning at everything you do — yet stealing glances when you’re certain the purple-haired isn’t looking.
Nagi had become an inadvertent witness to countless moments, each one screaming of the unspoken connection between you and Reo. From stolen glances across the classroom, where your eyes would meet, sparking a silent understanding, to the subtle brush of hands as you passed each other notes.
Watching you both tiptoe around your feelings is painful, especially considering that the two of you are the closest things Nagi has to friends. 
Maybe some minor intervention wouldn’t be a hassle, Nagi reasoned. 
“I like you, Y/N,” and so, he falsely confesses, purposely doing so while Reo stands just a few steps behind you.
Nagi observes your frozen reaction to his declaration, your bag hanging mid-air, frozen before settling on your shoulders. He notices the widened eyes and slightly agape mouth. Above all, he sees the color drain from Reo's face and the slight twitch of his eye in shock. At least he knows his plan is working.
A moment lingers, and you recover from the shock of his confession, still blissfully oblivious to Reo's presence in the room. “Sei... I-I'm sorry. I like someone else.”
I know, he says in his mind. He doesn’t say anything, prompting you to say more. 
“I’m sorry, Sei. I like Reo.”
And there it goes. 
Realization, relief, and everything in between coloring Reo’s face behind you. Reo has always worn his feelings in his sleeves— too transparent and too obvious.
“I know. I don’t like you,” Nagi admits to you, “I said it because he’s behind you.”
For the second time, you freeze at his words. The urge to turn and confirm or deny his statement tugs at you, but the fear of confronting Nagi's unerring honesty prevails.
Nagi Seishiro never lies unless he admits he does. Lying is too much of an effort, honesty is easier, he reasons.
You weigh your choices. Honestly, you'd rather be the butt of Nagi’s jokes than to face Reo if he’s really behind you. And so, you make your decision. Instead of turning to confront the embodiment of your unrequited feelings, you bolt for the door, leaving the two men to exchange silent glances.
“It's a lie?” Reo's voice breaks the silence.
“Yeah,” Nagi confirms. “Why aren't you going after them—”
Reo interrupts him with a confession, “I wouldn't know what to do if you liked them, too.”
I know, Nagi thinks again, staring at Reo before shrugging and collecting his belongings from the table.
“It will be a pain, I guess.” he shrugs again before finally turning his back to Reo to leave the classroom.
Suppose it's a good thing— it's a good thing Nagi doesn't wear his feelings on his face like you do, Reo.
Because it will really be a pain, indeed.
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note. idk what this is but i present to you: pining reo written in nagi's pov or... i guess it could be more than that 🤷🏻‍♀️ (wrote this back in september pls throw the tomatoes gently)
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seichira · 11 months
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is it just me?
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itoshi rin is tormented by the lingering ghosts of your tragic breakup. he is cold and he lives with the burden of missing you. he wonders if you are hurting too, or is it just him?
pairing : itoshi rin x reader
content : hurt and comfort. exes to lovers. messy breakup. accusations of cheating (no actual cheating). insecurities. mentions of alcohol. cursing.
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it’s one in the morning and rin is surrounded by his friends and acquaintances but still, he feels cold. even with the alcohol in his system that he drank to purposely warm him, it’s cold.
it has been this way for nearly a year now. eleven months and a couple weeks, if anyone is counting. a few days more and it would be the anniversary of your breakup.
the nearer it gets to twelve months without you, the colder it gets. right now, even with the perfectly working heater in one of his teammate’s penthouse, rin shivers.
it’s cold.
he never thought it could be this cold.
rin knows why he feels like this. he knows exactly why he wakes up and goes to bed alone. the reason why his life is dull and empty is not a secret to him—he just won’t acknowledge it.
he refuses to admit to himself that the reason why he has been suffering for the past eleven months of his life is because you’re not here.
how could he admit it? how could he ever address that your absence it what causes his pitiful state, when he brought it upon himself.
it was his fault that you’re not here. he wanted this. well, he had thought that he wanted this.
there is no way he could welcome the thought that he misses you when he was the one who drove you away, right? there is no use.
it’s too late now. all he could do is go out with his teammates on nights like this and pretend as if he wasn’t freezing from the inside out.
“damn, this is so boring,” seishiro sits down beside him on the sofa and rin tenses at the presence of the white-haired boy.
he does not know what to do because among everyone else in this crowded room, you are most connected to nagi seishiro. your best friend. and he has long been your best friend before you and rin even got together.
how is rin supposed to act around the person who is still in your life while he himself isn’t? this man seated next to him knows where you are right now and what you have been doing, while rin has absolutely no idea how you are.
“didn’t think i’d see you here, itoshi,” nagi speaks again. rin hums in acknowledgment, “thought it wouldn’t be so bad to come.”
there is this unspoken understanding between them, that both of them are thinking about you. after all, aside from soccer, all they have in common is their connection to you.
nagi debates whether he should tell you that he saw rin tonight or keep it to himself so as to not instigate negative feelings from you.
rin wonders if he should start asking about you. he decides against it and pretended to busy himself with his cellphone to avoid further conversation with your best friend.
he convinces himself that he does not care. he acts like he doesn’t want to know how you are. he tries to make himself believe that as long as he can fake it, it will somehow be true.
jokes on him, really.
meguru approaches nagi next to him and rin is planning to ignore him like he usually does, but the words that comes out of meguru’s mouth made that utterly impossible.
“nagi! i saw y/n by the bookstore earlier this afternoon, didn’t you ask her to come? i invited her but she said you didn’t mention anythin’ about a party!”
the mere mention of your name makes rin’s heart stop. it has been a very long time since he heard someone mention your name casually around him. now that your name has been dropped, everything comes crashing down on him, and he cannot breathe.
“oh, damn, i’m sorry—“ bachira seems to notice his mistake upon not seeing rin next to nagi. they know not to carelessly throw your name around because at first, it affected his performance. now, it is apparent that you affect him in and out of the game.
“excuse me.”
rin is cold. it’s like ice is running through his veins as he stands up and rushes to leave the suffocating penthouse.
rin runs out to the street and for the first time since he lost you, he names the sinking feeling in his stomach that won’t go away.
for the first time since you walked out the door of your shared apartment, rin finally admits it.
he misses you.
he is longing for you like how the moon misses the sun but never meets it enough. it burns and it is freezing all at the same time because when you were here, he felt nothing but the assurance of your love.
he runs, and runs, and runs. it’s dark and it’s cold, but he runs. he runs in hopes that he could change the past. he runs with the burning desire to correct his faults and take back all the hurt he inflicted on you.
maybe then, you’d be here.
maybe then, it wouldn’t be so cold.
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“are you seriously accusing me of that, rin? are you hearing yourself right now?” the hurt was evident in your tone as you watched the love of your life with all of his guards up.
his glares were accusing as if what he saw was an unforgivable betrayal. he had seen you talking to his brother, sae, and rin was quick to act out of pure rage and jealousy.
“you were flirting with my fucking brother!” he spat out, and he knew it was irrational.
he knew he was wrong about and that you would never be able to do that to him, but his years of pent up frustration and hatred towards his brother made it impossible to remember his trust in you.
“and i already told you i wasn’t, rin. i was talking to him. i bumped into him at the coffee shop while i was getting your usual morning drink when he saw me and i sat down for a little chat! that was all, baby. believe me.”
you deserved an award with how well you held up, with how patient you were with him despite his hurtful accusations towards you.
no one else understood him like you did, and you knew to be more patient with him in times like these. you were aware of how his brother affected him and how he just needed someone to stick with him through it.
“well, fuck that! you shouldn’t have been with him in the first place! sae wants everything that i have and now, he’s tryna get you too!”
it almost made you flinch, with his tone rising and his voice getting louder. he is furious, and you try to disregard the sting of his words now that his fury is directed at you.
“i’m sorry, alright? it wasn’t my intention to hurt you, rin. he’s your brother and i thought it would be nice to ask him how he is and—“
rin cut you off like he couldn’t comprehend a word that you were saying. “that’s bullshit and you know it! just fuckin’ tell me the truth! that like everyone and everything else, you’re gonna leave me for him!”
it frustrated you that he blocked all your explanations out. you were growing weary with the accusations thrown at you, but you continued. you continued to reason with him because you knew him. you knew he needed someone to stay. and above all, you tried further because you were in love with him.
you loved rin three years before you finally got together. your two years together made that five. that was five years of your life being deeply in love with someone whom you thought was going to be your husband and the father of your kids.
that amount of time may not be much when viewed through the generations of people who loved each other, but for the both of you, those five years were enough to build a life and create an ideal future with the other.
so, yeah. it never occurred to you to give up in that argument. there was no chance in hell that you would leave him high and dry.
“it’s not like that, rin. i am never going to leave you for anyone, much less for your brother! i need you to listen to me! we talked! that’s it!”
“you’re lying to me. i know it.”
you shake your head in exhaustion. “i talk, and i talk, and i talk—and you don’t hear a thing.” a lone tear falls from your eye without realizing.
his sharp stare does not falter. all he could see was red. the scene of you and sae together replayed over and over again in his mind.
you, the person he loved most, with the person who took everything away from him. it killed him to imagine a future where it is not you and him, but you and sae.
“i’m in love with you. only you. i cannot see myself with anyone else and i thought you knew that, rin. i get that your brother strikes a vein in you but don’t i at least deserve to be heard? we’re better than this.”
“yeah? and i thought you’d be better than acquainting with sae like that. you knew how i felt about him, and you did this? fuck that.”
rin walked out on you that night without another word. it felt like he also walked out on your relationship because he started training more. this meant leaving before you even woke up and going home when you were fast asleep.
during those weeks when rin avoided you like the plague despite living under one roof, you felt completely alone and isolated. you were lonely. he spoke to you in words, and he treated you as if your encounter with sae was enough for him to give it all up.
until one day, he comes home to a living room full of bags and boxes. you were there, waiting for him with a tired smile on your face.
for the first time, rin realized that the black circles under your eyes have grown where they weren’t before. he noticed that you are all cried out and now, you’ve got no tears to shed as you leave him.
“w-what’s all this?”
“i’m leaving. i’m sorry for not getting out of your hair faster. it was really hard to look for another apartment that was within my budget but don’t worry, i figured it out.”
“leaving? leaving me? leaving… this house?” which one is it? or fuck, is it both?
“mhm. i f-figured it’s not healthy for us to live under the same roof after everything. i wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable in your own space just because i’m here, so…”
did you really think he wanted you to leave? he wanted to explain. he wanted to tell you that he only acted that way because he was hurt and he was guilty! you don’t have to leave!
but he’s frozen from where he stood. the sight of all your stuff packed up and ready to go was a little bit too much for him.
you stood from where you were seated among the bags and boxes, and you stop in front of him. again, you smile gracefully, in contrast to the breaking heart that almost killed you.
“and rin? i’m sorry again for what happened with sae. i should’ve known better than to do that to you, and i understand that you don’t want to do anything with me because of that.”
he shook his head but you missed it because you walked past him with some of your bags in your hand. “y/n, no. i—“
you hear it and for a moment, you delude yourself into thinking that he will ask you to stay. but he doesn’t continue.
he stops because how could he ask you to stay after how he treated you? it was his fault for not listening and in the end, it was you who apologized? in what fucking universe do i deserve this angel, huh?
he doesn’t stop you from leaving because in that very moment, the thought of you finally escaping from him and his hurtful treatment towards you didn’t seem so bad.
“so, i guess… i’ll see you around. nagi will be around to grab my remaining stuff, so try not to kill each other, yeah?” you try to play it off cool, mask the fact that inside, everything is falling apart.
rin nods but he stayed with his back facing you. until the end, he did not have the guts to face you. to face what he had done to you and your relationship.
suddenly, everything grew cold. everything lost their color. the empty corners of where your warmth used to be mocked him.
for nearly a year since then, he has lived and suffered with the mistakes he did. he didn’t know what to tell people when they started asking about you. he didn’t know how to ride the train without holding your hand. he didn’t know how to be soaked in the shower without letting his tears flow freely.
he wondered endlessly as he daydreamed of speaking to you again: are you hurting too, or is it just me?
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his endless running brings him to your street where you moved when you left him. his feet takes him farther than he expected because this street is on the opposite part of town from your shared apartment, a telltale sign that you tried to get as far away as possible.
evidently, it is not far enough because on your way home from the convenience store, you run into your ex-boyfriend. rin is first to notice your presence, and instead of freezing up like he did when you left, he walks up to you.
“rin?” you are confused and nervous. after all, the last time you had seen him was almost a year ago. you never tried to see him again.
“it hurts.”
the two words he just confessed are two words that he has never said together in a sentence ever in his life. itoshi rin never admits it when something is hurting him. he never tells anyone when he is in pain.
for him to say that now, it is a cry for you to soothe him in a way that only you could, and you know this because you know him better than the back of your hand.
standing a meter away from you underneath a street lamp, itoshi rin confesses his truth.
“it hurts, y/n. it hurts without you. it feels like i can’t breathe. it is so cold without you. it hurts so badly. i thought i could live with it eventually—but i can’t. it only gets worse.”
rin sees your shoulders shake in your attempt to conceal your sobs but you are failing miserably, and so does he. you don’t say anything and rin figures that’s fair.
you already tried to talk. you already told him everything you needed to hear on the night of the fight that ruined your relationship. it’s his turn to tell you everything you deserve to hear.
but he isn’t as good as you when it comes to words. he thinks about how he accused you of cheating on him. he thinks about how he shut you out and left you feeling lonely. he thinks about every day that he could have chased after you but didn’t. he thinks about all of that and he thinks about how he’s sorry.
and he manages to get that last part out, hoping that you would get it. hoping that the deep-rooted connection between the two of you is enough to let you know what he means.
“i’m sorry.”
you drop your groceries to the ground and you close the meter of distance between the two of you. you welcome him in his arms but he wraps his arms around you tighter than you welcomed him, because he is afraid that if he doesn’t, he will lose you again.
“that is all i needed to hear from you, rin. i never wanted much from you. just you and your love. i just needed to know that you still felt that for me, and when i didn’t… i had no other choice to walk away.”
rin nods against your neck and you feel his tears staining your shoulder. “i’m sorry. forgive me, please. i love you. i love you. and i trust you. more than anyone, baby. i promise.”
“you know i could never hurt you like you thought i did—“ you recalled, but rin cuts you off because he can’t bear another second of you defending yourself when you shouldn’t be.
“i know. i know.”
his embrace around you tightens, and he does not care if anyone could look out from their windows and see the soccer star practically begging for you in the middle of the night. not when he is in your arms again after months of only dreaming about it and wishing for it.
“it hurt too much without you too, rin. i had to remind myself that i can’t run to you for warmth. i took everything in me not to throw away my dignity to beg you to bring me back.”
that answers his question.
in his absence, you were hurting too. your separation killed you just like how it killed him.
“no. no—don’t have to beg for it, baby. i should be on my knees to thank you for even taking me back like this because—shit—i swear that i wouldn’t have lasted another day.”
you run your hands through his hair before briefly pulling away to cup his cheek in your hands, and he fondly leans on your touch.
“for the entire year, i thought it was just me who longed for you, rin.”
you couldn’t be any more wrong.
“i begged the stars and the skies for this very moment. it wasn’t just you.”
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tim-shii · 1 month
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tiktok trends with bf!sae
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a/n: my man MY MAN RRAAAAHHHH i need him in my life it is crazy INSANE that hes not real and hes not in my arms rn (p.s sae is taller in this ,, it doesnt specify how tall but just tall enough that he has to lean down for a kiss ty)
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it’s a rare occasion that your boyfriend agrees to go along with your antics. a prank, a trend or just him being in the frame. however, sae can’t seem to ever say no when you ask him nicely to do a tiktok with you. he has one condition though: he will never ever do a dance.
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" THINK I LIKE YOU BEST WHEN YOU'RE JUST WITH ME "
the green in his eye looks so pretty. it goes perfectly well with the brightness in yours. sae looks straight in the camera as you instructed. yet there’s an itch in his system telling him to look in your direction instead. his pupils are dilating, he knows. and he knows that you notice it too, the growing blush on your face an indication of you acknowledging his obvious adoration. a few seconds before the audio ends, sae turns his head slightly to kiss your cheek. resulting to you dropping the phone. failed ending, yes, your followers found it cute though.
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" STAY WITH ME, I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE "
now, this. sae agrees to do this trend with you the moment you showed him the video. why would he refuse? he gets you kissing all over his face. that’s practically heaven to him. the marks are just freebies. after leaving a decent amount of lipstick stains on his face (sae thinks you should’ve left more), you pushed him out of frame and hit the record button. he waits until you purposely smudge the rouge past your lips, his thumb smoothly wiping it away. his periphery catches you sliding the phone to show him in the frame. his eyes are locked on your tinted lips before going back up to lock gazes with you. his hand slips to the back of your neck, pulling you closer yet pushing you back simultaneously away from the frame, and his lips meet yours. your lips transferring color to his already rosy ones.
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" YOU BETTER LOCK YOUR PHONE "
from what he saw, you either stand there looking pretty or twirl around. either way, all he has to do is walk over, hook an arm around your waist and walk away (in a cool manner). it’s going well a few seconds in. you stand in front of your phone, showing your outfit. he starts sauntering the first time you turn your head to him. the second time you do it, he’s left stunned when you swiftly ran to the other direction. he follows after you, his longer limbs allowing him to catch up to you within seconds. sae throws you over his shoulder and carries you back to where you left your phone, that was still recording. the video ends with him dropping you to your feet and pinching your cheek.
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" I'D NEVER FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOU "
this trend is somewhat similar to the other one. it starts with him off the frame and ends together with you. he can only hope you don’t rush out this time. if sae was being honest, the song used is definitely one of his favorites. not his go-to genre to listen to, yes, but he truly does believe you’re out of his league sometimes. he bumps into you at the beat, wide shoulders colliding with yours. he makes sure there’s no aggression behind it, sae doesn’t want you hurt over a video. when you turn back, he’s blessed with a smiling face. your arms wrap around his waist, chin on his chest. sae finds it easier to lean down and capture your lips this way. there’s a warm hand holding the back of your head and the other found its home on your hip. when he pulls away, his eyes drift past you and he’s reminded of the device diarizing this very moment.
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likes and reblogs are appreciated! masterlist
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vxnuslogy · 1 month
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— lost to time ft. sae itoshi
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— warnings: angst, character death, slight ooc?
— author's note: a reupload of my favorite work on sae while i finish editing the next 2 chapters of my hazbin series. enjoy!
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— first recording
“hi sae! i heard from rin that you’ll be leaving for spain. i’m really sorry i couldn’t come to see you off, i’ve been busy studying, you know, for exams and stuff. but that’s beside the point! i wish you all the best sae! do your best and when you come back home, you better be the world’s best striker yeah? don’t worry, everything will pass by quickly so don’t miss me too much ok?”
sae hated planes. he hated them quite a lot. in was a constant reminder of that time when he was only 14, leaving home to go to spain to live out his dreams only for it to be crushed 4 years later. sae hated the airport, it was always so busy and so stuffy and so cramped. he hated the feeling of being surrounded by unfamiliar strangers, hated the feeling of people brushing up against him even if they didn’t really mean it. sae hated winter. it was the season he severed his bond with his precious little brother after all. it was the season he turned his back on him and it was the season he had wished to never relive again.
-
— second recording
“hey hey guess who’s sending you another voice message? it’s me obviously, why didn’t you tell me you were back already?! if you did i would’ve picked you up from the airport!
……
is something the matter sae? you haven’t picked up any of your parents’ calls and their really worried about you. you can always talk to me remember? i’ll always be here to listen, ok? don’t bottle everything up, it’ll do more bad than good. well, i have to go now. talk with your parents every once in a while will you? ever since you left for spain you’ve pretty much cut off all contact, even with me. that’s all, good night sae.”
sae didn’t really like flowers. he thought they were a hassle. plants that require specific needs and if not met, they’ll wilt. sae was never fond of them but here he was, standing in front of the counter of a local flower shop as the elderly shopkeeper wrapped a bouquet – filled with carnations, gardenias, lilies, roses, and chrysanthemums. 
everything passes.
— college; third recordings
“i got into my dream college sae! can you believe that! honestly, i was really nervous when i took the entrance exams, but thankfully i studied real hard and managed to pass! i’ll be moving into the dorms soon. i’m gonna miss home. oh and rin! i heard he got into a soccer program recently, isn’t that nice! he’s following your footsteps in becoming the best striker in the world. i know, i know, you aren’t a striker anymore but it’s still nice to know that you’re still into soccer at least. by the way, when will you come back home? i kind of miss you, you know. i never got to see you off and when you did come back i was out of town and really busy. what about we plan a meetup or something in the near future? you know, make up for the times we lost? oh, i have to go now! my parents are helping me move in to my dorm. catch you later sae!”
sae didn’t really like coming home. the house he grew up in for the first 14 years of his life felt too foreign to be called home anymore. his parents felt like distant strangers that he just met a couple weeks ago – they felt more like acquaintances than his mother and father. the photos framed around his home felt like ancient relics from thousands of years ago, he didn’t recognize them. sae didn’t recognize himself. 
maybe he spent too much time in spain to the point where it felt more like home. how ironic, he began to realize. he had flown back to japan to escape from his hell that was spain but here he was, in his home, in the bedroom he used to sleep in for endless nights, wanting to go back to the place that left his heart hollow.
“there’s nothing else i could do.” he tried to convince himself as he sat down on his childhood bed, the bouquet of flowers at his side. he could only sigh and let himself fall back into the bed of his long gone home. “everything passes.”
“hey hey hey it’s me again! how have you been sae? i’d like to think that i’ve adjusted pretty well in college. made a few new friends and met some old ones. honestly, i almost didn’t recognize them! i mean, do you remember makoto from middle school. he was a such a problem child back then and now look at him! he’s a scholar now! i guess everyone just starts to become more mature after hitting 18, who knows. thank you again, for the gift. i was definitely shocked when my roommate told me i had a package from you. i can’t believe you still remember that i wanted ‘no longer human’! thank you, i’ll be sure to treasure it. well, that’s all for today. call you some other time sae!”
everything passes.
-
— drunk recordings; the words i wish i could’ve told you sooner
“how do you work this again? ah got it! hehe, hi again sae! i’m at a party right now, man maybe you were right, i do have shit alcohol tolerance. but it’s fine. don’t worry, i’m already on my way home and the driver isn’t some creepy dude that might kill me.
……
you know, i like you very much but i don’t think you’ll believe me. i know i jokingly said that we should marry each other if we aren’t dating someone if we hit our 30s, but i kinda wanna marry you even if we aren’t 30 yet. is that weird? i really miss you. please come home.”
……
“hello? god that was so embarrassing… sorry, could you just forget about what i said in the last recording? um just, gosh i don’t even know. denying it won’t really help right haha… it’s in the past now so don’t mull over too much ok? please, just disregard that last recording. i’m really sorry, it was just me being drunk.”
sae did not in fact disregard that recording. in fact, sometimes in the dead of night he’d think about it and wonder, if he had replied to that specific recording would things have ended differently? 
sae didn’t like deep and evoking questions about ‘what if’s’, he finds them annoying most of the time. and yet here he was now entertaining the idea. bouquet in hand as he casually walked around the neighborhood that the both of you had grew up in. the same twists and turns, same houses, same playground, same everything.
yet the silence was too loud, even for him.
everything passes.
-
— graduation recordings
“well, i think it’s safe to say i survived. i graduated sae, are you proud? man i still can’t believe i was a few point from getting the valedictorian spot but oh well. alls well that ends well i suppose. i heard you won your recent match congratulations mr best midfielder! kinda wish i was there to see it, but don’t worry! in your next match i’ll definitely save up enough money and buy those tickets to spain and your match one day! just you wait, i’ll be the screaming my lungs out and support you, i’m still your number one fan after all!”
sae had some feelings of dissatisfaction when you did not in fact get those tickets to spain and his match. maybe it was his wishful thinking but he really did wish you were there. but he knew it was impossible. 
he remembered the feeling of anger and frustration running through his veins, cursing the heavens above because he felt the need to show the gods his emotions. sae hated thinking about you in that moment. he hated how he felt like he was in a new version of hell whenever you just happened to cross his mind. sae hated you very much.
everything passes.
-
— recordings from 2 years ago
“i’m sorry. i know you should’ve heard it from me but i guess my family beat me to it haha. to be perfectly honest with you sae, i had no plans of telling you. i’m sorry. its just, the thought of breaking the news to you. how could i ever do that to you? i’m sorry. god i’m so sorry sae.”
……
“hey. i received the gift you sent me. you didn’t have to , you know. now i kinda feel bad about having you go on break in the middle of soccer season because of me. but still, thank you. i appreciated you being here, with me. it was a refreshing feeling, talking to you again and just hanging out. work has been really stuffy and felt like i was being caged but you came. you suddenly appeared and suddenly everything was alright again. i know we only said goodbye a couple minutes ago but, i miss you already. sorry. this sounds really weird doesn’t it? anyways, thank you again for the gift. i’ll be sure to wear it everyday. that’s all, have a good night sae.”
……
“hey. sorry for calling at such an odd time. i just. i just felt a little lonely. i sound so stupid i’m sorry. good night sae.”
……
“makoto dropped by today. god he was as annoying as ever but he really cheered me up. he managed to confess to this girl he’s pining over since sophomore year. i’m happy for him. but it really got me thinking about us. i know i told you to forget about that one recording because i was drunk but now that i look back on it, i wasn’t really honest. to you and myself. i know this may be the worst timing to confess but yeah, i like you very much. since primary school, as cliche as it may sound i think it all started when you stood up for me from those bullies. now that i think about, i practically glued myself to your side ever since that day didn’t i? i’m glad you didn’t really mind that. i remember always using homework as an excuse to always have you hang out with me even though i completely understood the lesson. man, where did i get the confidence to do that stuff? but i guess those times are lost in the sands of the past i guess. oh right, sorry, i forgot you didn’t really like those type of stuff. getting all deep and whatnot. well that’s all, i’m getting pretty tired already so i’ll head to bed. good night sae.”
everything passes.
-
— present
“hi. thank you by the way. i don’t know, i just don’t think i’ve ever said that you recently. so, thank you. its a bit funny isn’t it? i would almost always talk your ear off every recording but this time, i can’t even find the words to say. my parents came over, talked to them a bit. rin visited as well. he’s gotten a lot taller than i last saw him, he’s probably taller than you now!
……
sae, thank you. for everything. i’m glad we stayed in touch. i’m glad we stayed as friends.  thank you for making my days seem just a tad bit brighter, though sometimes i wonder what it would be like if we were, you know, dating. wonder what the difference would be. i mean we’d still talk to each other right? maybe holding hands and kisses but that’s pretty much it right? but thinking about it is useless right now. maybe in an alternate universe were actually married and adopted a cat like how we used to talk about.”
“you know, before this very moment. i accepted my fate already. i was content, i was doing fine but now. sae, i don’t want to die.”
“please remember me ok? and i’ll be sure to remember you. i’ll see you again, sae.”
“nii-chan..”
sae could only put his phone back in his pocket. his younger brother standing a good distance away from him. he could only imagine how rin looked like right now. was he pitying him, grieving with him? he’ll never know because he will never turn to look at him. not when your right in front of him.
how many times had he played all your recordings for the past 2 years? maybe a little over a 100 times? maybe close to 200 now?
sae removed all those thoughts as he placed the bouquet on the ground, the wind seemed to answer to his call – you seemed to answer to his call. despite all the pain, all the misery, all the bitter waves of grief that flooded his being whenever he played your recordings, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. he didn’t want to forget what you sounded like. your voice reminded him too much of home.
“happy birthday you idiot.” he said to you, keeping his hands in his pockets, watching the leaves of the flowers in the bouquet sway with the wind. two pieces of paper underneath it threatened to be blown away. “you said you wanted to come visit me and watch my match, well now you can.” two pieces of paper, one a plane ticket to spain the other a ticket to his upcoming match two weeks from now. “you better come watch me alright?” he could only bitterly smile. 
“you’re 30 now,” he whispered, before getting on one knee. placing a velvet box in front of your gravestone. “you should’ve waited for me, you idiot.” sae could only mutter those words to no one in particular. it was as if the world had stopped for a moment, the wind had stopped howling, the sun was nowhere to be seen. he could only see you. “i wanted to marry you too, y’know.”
sae could remember every occurrence where he would sit at his balcony in spain every night after your passing. phone to his ear, listening to all your recordings. but you’ll never know how he replies to them, every single one of them with his own. 
“i told the stars about you and what we could’ve had.” he chuckled, “you’re by far the hardest lesson i had to learn.”
standing up from his kneeling position, he gave you one last look before walking away. rin followed suit, but not before placing something at your grave. a pink book that you had loved till the very end. 
sae hated planes, but he flew back to japan every year. sae didn’t really like flowers, but every year he’d get you a pretty bouquet. sae didn’t like coming home but if it meant getting to visit you, he’d come back over and over again. sae didn’t like reading or any deep and evoking questions but he always humored you whenever you asked him.
sae hated all those things but they reminded him too much of you to let them go. 
and just like your favorite author, when osamu dazai asked to die, he simplu agreed; but just before his death, he suddenly felt obsession with life.
everything passes. just like how you’ll eventually get lost in the sands of time.
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© vxnuslogy 2024. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works.
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hyomaslut · 10 months
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──★ ˙🍒 ̟ !! SAY THAT YOU MISS ME. 18+!
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☆⌒(ゝ。∂).ᐟ ʙʟʟᴋ ʙᴏʏs ɢᴏɪɴɢ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴇx
✿ ─ characters: bachira meguru, chigiri hyoma, rin itoshi ✿ ─ cw: somewhat angst, nsfw, smut, gn!reader, afab!reader, no pronouns, aged-up!characters(21+), established relationships??, exes to lovers, kissing, groping, dirty talk, semi-public sex, lots of jealousy, alcohol use, posessiveness, unprotected sex, cunnilingus, toxic behaviors/dynamics, use of foul language, suggestive themes, proofread?? ✿ ─ notes: they are straight up drabbles. i wrote hyoma's first and i was like, omg this is way too long. fuck it, hope i can get the others close to this word count. and then they were longer. im so sorry i promise next time i wont be so long winded.
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BACHIRA MEGURU is unsettled by the silence that lingers in your absence...
he honestly doesn’t know what to do with himself. the heavy loneliness he feels in a bed far too big for just one person is almost enough to push him to call you, staring at your contact for at least an hour. you were best friends. partners in crime. a power couple. how could things be over? he misses your voice more than anything else, all the time in his day usually spent deep in conversation with you now feeling empty.
he could tell that he reached a real pathetic stage of heartbroken when he started listening to old voicemails from you at night, but couldn’t find it in himself to care as he smiles at your laugh and tears up at your i love you’s. that turns into scrolling through photos he has of you, and then that has his mind drifting to the hidden album he has dedicated to you, full of the numerous risqué shots you’ve sent him over the course of your relationship. meguru doesn’t dwell on the moral dilemma of keeping the pictures, they were his after all. either gifted to him or taken by him, so he feels he has some sort of right to them. when he scrolls to a particular video from his point of view of your pretty mouth wrapped around his tip, his hand almost immediately moves to palm his crotch. he tugs down his boxers to stroke himself to the scene of you deepthroating his cock, the sweet sound of your moans and sputters through his phone speaker making both his dick and his heart ache for you.
after some time spent desperately trying to create a cheap imitation of the pleasure you make him feel, bachira grows frustrated. it’s really unfair now that he thinks about it. how could you indulge him in all his deepest fantasies and give him the wildest hottest fucks of his life only to leave him high and dry in the end? finally giving up on cumming, covered in a thin layer of sweat, he opens his phone again in some lust fueled bravery, texting you hey can we talk?
in your apartment, you were dedicating your evening to trying not to think about all the ways you missed your ex, knowing that the first few weeks of a break up were the hardest. you stand up from the couch, breaking out of your thoughts and hoping to just distract yourself for the time being. picking up your cell was extremely counter productive in that regard, your heart jumping at a text from megs ‹𝟹. he wants to talk. seeing that the text was sent half an hour ago, you jump to reply yeah sure. when? you don’t even think before accepting, the chance to bask in his attention one more time is too tempting when missing him this much. the contact picture you set for him pops up, indicating an incoming call.
you take a breath in the tense silence, offering a somewhat unsure, “hello?” his end of the call comes to life all of a sudden, finally connecting through his current shoddy service. he sounds slightly out of breath and you hear a faint ding in the background. the grainy noises let you know that he probably wasn’t in the quiet privacy of his home as he usually would be at this time. “meguru? is now a bad time to talk?”
“no! now's a good time,” he reassures, “i’m in the elevator up to your place.”
“you’re what?”
there’s some more shuffling from him and quick footsteps that echo both from the call and the hallway outside your apartment. “open up.”
there’s apprehension floating somewhere in your mind, but the big part of you that was very much not over him moves your feet towards the door, unlocking it. as soon as the physical barrier between you and him is gone, there is a completely different tone that settles and you almost sense it before it happens when he pushes forward to crash his lips onto yours. he didn’t exactly have a plan showing up, but seeing you, there was only one thing his body wanted to do. your back collides with the wall of your entryway, one of his hands already on the back of your head to cushion the blow, his other arm coiled around your waist to press you flush against him. unaware of it, the two of you share the same thought. this is 1000 times better than being alone tonight.
“meguru.” you call out trying to gently push against his chest to create some room between you. trying to be the rational one and state the obvious facts. you broke up with him. he shouldn’t be here. it’ll just cause more heartache for the both of you. but tingles run up his back when you say his name that way, breathless as he steals all the air from you. fuels his need to hold onto you tighter and not let you go this time around. eventually you manage to get your hand over his mouth to stop him from kissing you before your resolve really breaks and you let this go too far. “megu we shouldn’t. this is hard enough as it is-”
he pries your fingers away, and just when you think he is going to say something, convince you, justify himself, he dips his head down to capture your lips again, gently sucking on the bottom one to draw out a gasp so he can shove his tongue in. greedy hands grab at your thighs, lifting one of your legs to wrap around his waist so he can shamelessly rut his hips against yours. he makes it hard to think straight, pulling away after a moment to stare into your eyes, giving you that signature wild look that causes your knees to go weak. “tell me you don’t want me.”
“huh?”
“look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want me.” he watches you expectantly, his impatience showing when he begins softly rocking into you. “cause we both know nobody else can make you cum like i can. let me make you feel good.”
you don’t find the strength to turn down his offer, not when you’re already panting at the affection he’s given you and soaking from the rhythmic press of his hard cock against you. bachira relishes the relief and arousal that floods through him when you wrap your arms around his neck to drag him into another sloppy kiss, and you feel his grin grow against your lips. the competitor in him recognizes a challenge, his heart pounding in perverse excitement. he has one chance to prove to you just how much you need him. lucky for you, that’s the kind of risk your ex gets off on.
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CHIGIRI HYOMA is unreasonably bitter...
you and him are a perfect match, and the thought of you ever replacing him makes him sick. the egoist in him can’t stand the idea of someone stealing his role in your life. someone else taking you out, having your attention, putting their hands on you. deep down some rational part of him knows that he doesn’t stake any claim over you anymore, but the sinking pit in his stomach does nothing to alleviate the gut instinct that you’re his.
it eats at him. chigiri feels childish stalking your social media or casually asking mutual friends about you. he doesn’t want to seem affected, but he just can’t help but give into his curiosity. this same ‘curiosity’ is what leads him to hanging out in the bars he knows you frequent, either with friends or without. he hardly admits to himself that he’s hoping to run into you, but when it actually does happen, hyoma doesn’t hesitate to approach. he’s unsure if it’s the irresistible pull of being within arms reach of you again, or the selfish intuition to make his move on you before anyone else has the chance.
it seems innocent enough. he’s as charismatic and lighthearted as ever, offering to catch up, buy you a drink or two. chemistry you’ve always shared slowly surfaces through conversation. there was no denying that he had his charms, ones that hit all your soft spots just like the first time he won you over. so when he ‘accidentally’ bumps into you on your way out of the bathroom, and wraps his arms around you so you don’t fall over from tipsy imbalance, you barely even question it. being in his embrace is familiar and there is a glance shared between you with a certain spark to it that it’s only natural he leans down to kiss you. hyoma is nothing if not an opportunist, smoothly steering you back into the small bar bathroom, his lips and tongue never leaving you.
he’s panting into your mouth between hungry kisses, hands already tugging at your clothing. his teeth find your neck, sucking and biting warm bruises in his wake, eager to mark every inch of skin he can latch onto. before you get the chance to playfully tease him about crawling back to you, your body is twisted around and bent forward over the sink. your eyes dart to the mirror in front of you, meeting his smug grin as he yanks your pants and underwear down your thighs.
hyoma reaches his hand around to dip between your folds, deft fingers rubbing languid circles into your clit the way he knows you like. if it werent for the cocktails you would be embarrassed by the way you immediately melt into his touch, whimpers readily escaping you. “you’re already whining like that and i’ve barely even touched you, this pussy must’ve really missed me, huh?”
pleasure shoots up your core, arching your back at the feeling, pressing your ass into the bulge straining against his jeans. a moan bubbles up in his throat, but he’s quick to close his mouth, muffling the sound to a soft grunt, not willing to indulge you in the reactions you always seek to draw out of him. his hips push forward to grind into yours, the hard outline of his cock enough to remind you of what more you could be having instead of this PG13 dry humping session. you try to catch his gaze in the mirror, but it never leaves the place where you connect, giving you only soft thrusts while his fingers are unrelenting against your clit. “hyoma.” you manage to get out between heavy breaths. pink eyes finally travel up to meet yours. “please give it to me.”
and on a normal day, your ex-boyfriend would’ve dragged out the foreplay and teased you until you’re near tears and begging him for more, but something about the way you ask feels like a confession. that you wanted him just as desperately as he had been craving you. it sparks a fire up chigiri’s spine, wasting no time shoving the tight denim down to release himself. soon enough the tip of his pretty dick is squished against your entrance. his jaw is clenched from the restraint it takes not to immediately bury himself balls deep, grabbing your waist to keep steady.
any doubts that he had about still pining after you are gone, because the first tight clench of your cunt around his tip confirms what he’s always wholeheartedly believed. you were fucking made for him.
“god fuck,” he mutters breathily, biting down onto his bottom lip as he watches your hole swallow his entire length. his hips wind back, not getting far before the grip your walls have on him forces him to slowly sink back in. “anyone else fill you up this good, angel? get you this wet?” he asks, one of his hands grabbing hold of your hair to make you properly face him in the reflection again, wearing a cocky smirk that makes your stomach do flips.
a pout forms on your lips at his leisurely thrusts, far from enough to satisfy you, especially when you’ve seen firsthand the speed and effort he is depriving you of. “i don’t know, im getting a bit bored here princess,” you mock, despite the way you’re barely able to contain your noises as is.
without warning his pace becomes the staple unrelenting and overwhelming one you fantasize about while futilely trying to get off on your own. hyoma lets go of your hair in favor of clamping down over your mouth, loud moans already beginning to spill out around his fingers. the sight of the typically cool-headed prince losing his nonchalance, fucking you with pure ego and a savage glimmer in his eyes isn’t something you’ll easily forget. “this what you wanted? only satisfied when i fuck you stupid, right?"
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ITOSHI RIN is not a fan of losing you, but loves getting you back...
rin doesn’t fall in love easily. he doesn’t know exactly how you managed it, but you barged into his life unannounced and dragged love out of him with your unrelenting company and killer smile. and rin was no willing victim either, figuratively kicking and screaming the whole way with his many cold moments and guarded emotions. in the end you won, with him wrapped helplessly around your finger. while rin would prefer to deny you any power over him, there’s a fire that burns in his chest for you that demands he give you everything he has. and he does.
but his love proves to be too much and not enough. too much in the ways of his possessive tendencies and clinginess and toxic defensiveness. and not enough in the way that it doesn’t keep you around. not that he blames you for it, although he does get the occasional bitter thought that you should’ve known to leave him alone from the start. deep down he knows he doesn’t really mean it, preferring even this pitiful longing you leave him with to the dark cloud that was his life before you. and it’s what he fears of returning to if you ever manage to fully pull away from him one day.
the first time you break up, rin admittedly doesn’t deal with it well. after endless calls and texts and showing up at your place with flowers and vulnerability, you take him back, only to return to the same arguments when his jealousy issues get out of hand. he wished he could say the second or third time went differently. fourth time around, however, rin gains some semblance of dignity and decides to keep his distance. maybe it was time to give moving on the good old college try. what other option did he have? as in love with you as he was, he couldn’t force you to stay and wasn’t well equipped to do the soul searching necessary to rid himself of all the behaviors that bothered you. maybe this was a lesson he needed to grow into the type of guy you could see yourself with. at least he intended to take that route, until you showed up at his house a few days later begging for him to forgive you for ever thinking you could live without him. he doesn’t even feel embarrassment over how easily he caves. it can’t be his fault when that night you swore you’d always belong to him while screaming his name. that same night he resolved that no matter what happened, you were it for him, and until you told him without a shadow of a doubt that you no longer loved him, he would return to you every time.
it started this viscous cycle of an on and off again relationship, fueled by passion and possession from both parties. one that rin never planned on ending as long as it was the only way he got to call you his, feeling a deep sense of comfort in the fact that you were weak for him too. that’s why he’s unsurprised hearing a knock on his door at 11PM. a new record considering it only been a day since the huge fight that caused your latest break up, not that rin was keeping count.
he has to stop himself from running to the door, because if he was honest he was thinking of grabbing his keys and heading to you minutes earlier. it doesn’t take more than a, “i’m so sorry baby,” to have him scooping you up into his arms on instinct. the familiar security of your legs wrapped around his hips, hands grabbing at your ass as he carries you to his bed, makes up for the self-loathing mess he becomes in the aftermath of every separation.
none of that other stuff matters when he gets to have you under him like this, already whining in anticipation as he peels away your bottom layers. rin can’t resist leaning in for a quick kiss to your clit before looking up at you from between your legs. a finger ghosts along your slit causing you to squirm and lean up towards the touch before one of his strong hands pushes you firmly to the bed, resting just under your navel. fortunately for you, rin is terrible at denying you the things he knows you want. especially when he’s practically drooling for you, letting the excess spit dribble out of his mouth and onto your cunt. you feel him lick long stripes from your entrance to your clit before wrapping his lips around it.
rin eats you as if it were his first meal in days. being apart from you always seemed a whole lot longer when he has to fear if you really mean it this time when you say you wanna stop seeing him. so he allows himself to be greedy, laves at your slick ravenously with a loud groan and humping his hips against the mattress to relieve his cock that’s already leaking in his boxers. your hands bury themselves in his hair, throwing your head back in pleasure as he bites down into your thigh, leaving an imprint of his teeth. “god you taste so good. you’re fucking criminal for trying to keep this perfect pussy from me.”
his free hand wanders to your core, two fingers easily slipping inside from a mix of your juices and his drool, curling to just the right spot. he sucks your clit into his mouth, your sweet moans fill the air and he has to stop his thrusts to keep himself from cumming in his pants at the sound, pulling away from you with a lewd pop. “‘ts mine,” he grunts out, “you’re fucking mine, and no one can make you feel like this but me. say it.”
“only you rin! ‘m yours!” you choke out, bucking against the pressure he puts on your stomach. satisfied with your response, he dives back in, fingers pumping into you with steady rhythm and using his tongue to lap up everything that leaks out. his intense gaze stays trained on yours with a newfound determination to make you feel so good, you’re ruined for anyone else but him.
“all mine.”
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◑.◑ its honestly tempting to write a whole fic for rin…
© 2023 hyomaslut. please do not copy, translate, or repost any of my content onto any other sites.
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nariism · 4 months
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those words you spoke to me — i. sae
"i'm done waiting" + "i think i'm in love with you" + "don't look at me that way" + unrequited love
synopsis. you were always staring at itoshi sae's back. he was forever chasing something greater, not once turning around to see that look in your eyes.
wc. ~1.2k
— for @verysium i hope this is enough angst for you... | event masterlist ✉️
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Hell comes in the form of Itoshi Sae.
He's too pretty for his own good, handsome and impossibly solid. He has this expression, too—cold and calculating, easy to admire so long as you aren't on the receiving end of his scrutinizing eyes.
Sae is a wonder of the world, a whirlwind of talent and fame and witty remarks and everything in between. He's the entirety of the word football, syllable to syllable, playing as if he were damned to do so. As if he were only ever born to decimate a soccer field. As if the universe had swallowed up the meaning of anything else in his heart long before he was even born.
Hell comes in the form of Itoshi Sae.
Your next door neighbour. The one who smacks you behind the head when you're being impolite to your elders. The one who makes sure your legs are properly tucked under the kotatsu so nonchalantly, as if he's incapable of telling you he cares any other way.
You're confident that he's this beautiful in every other life, in every reincarnation, in every world. That perfection could only possibly exist simmering in his soul.
Teal eyes that blink at you in confusion and annoyance, yet have an unmistakable fondness hidden beneath the stormy waters of his irises; soft hair slicked back because he couldn't be bothered to deal with his bed head; lashes that hug his waterline—you're not sure you'll witness raw beauty like this again in your lifetime.
Hell comes in the form of Itoshi Sae. You know that much for sure.
If you ever lost your memory you're certain you would know him still: the feeling of his back against you as he shields you from his screaming brother, the smell of his cologne permanently dancing under your nose. You would know the expanse of his skin, every light freckle on his nose, the firmness of his chest beneath your palms.
Hell comes in the form of Itoshi Sae. You could crumble to your knees and tell him everything—the love you harbour for him, the way he has devoured your heart. But truth be told, he's the devil. He could never love you back—not in this life. Not in any other.
You knew that. So why are you still standing on his front porch in the middle of the night?
"I'm in love with you."
He stares at you absently from his door, hand gripping the handle so tight that his knuckles are turning white.
"That's not funny," he scoffs.
"It's not a joke."
His gaze sharpens into a glare, head tilting back almost as if he's looking down on you. It's a foreign feeling, one that you'd witnessed a million and one times before but never felt for yourself—to be unwanted by Sae. To be without meaning.
"The fuck is wrong with you?" He hisses. It appears that he's bubbling with emotion, but you can't figure out which ones. "I'm supposed to get on this plane in eight hours."
Ah, Spain. He was leaving and you'd never be able to stop him if you tried. If you did, you're positive that he would rip through you like a bullet with no remorse.
"I love you," you repeat. He falters, eyes roaming your expression to try and understand what the hell you're doing.
What are you doing? You have to wonder that for yourself.
You were always staring at Sae's back. He was the one who stood between you and Rin when you fought, protecting you from his temperamental little brother despite thinking you were both being idiots. He was the one who sat in front of you in class, passing his eraser whenever you kicked the back of his chair. He was the one on the other end of the field, attacking enemy territories while you were left behind in the bleachers.
He was forever chasing something greater, not once turning around to see that look in your eyes. He was born to be more than a lover, a friend, a companion. Itoshi Sae was destined for perfection, to be out of reach despite being so close.
But you'd mistaken his rotten kindness for love too many years ago to take it back, never able to undo the knots he had tied in your stomach.
You wanted to be selfish, just this once. You wanted to be seen, to know that he knows. You've waited long enough.
If Sae was born to play football, you're sure you were only ever born into this world to chase after him. To love him so much that it ate your flesh.
"I just had to tell you. At least once in my life, I had to."
"Stop looking at me like that—"
"I've always loved you."
"—it's pathetic."
Silence fills the air and you suddenly become hyper aware of how many tears have gathered in the corners of your eyes; the heat of your sorrow streaming down your face.
For a moment, he hesitates. There's that familiar fondness glimmering in his gaze, soft and reserved for you. His childhood friend—the one who kept losing all his erasers and the one whose voice he could hear cheering for him from all the way down the field.
Then it melts away, and he looks at you with utter indifference. You think that he's unfairly good at hiding his thoughts behind a mask of apathy.
"I don't know what you want me to say," he whispers.
I want you to love me back. "You don't have to say anything."
He looks at you for a long time, just staring. There's conflict swimming in every part of his expression, lips parting then shutting again as if he can't decide how to respond.
"I think you should leave."
You blink at him, at the bluntness of his words. You've witnessed this before; the way he so easily pushes others away when he feels too vulnerable. To be loved is to be seen, to be known, and Sae wants none of that.
"If that's what you want."
Some part of you deep down knows that it's not what he wants. That there are words unspoken tangled up in his throat. But his apprehension is enough, telling you that his heart is devoid of space for another human even if he wished for it to be different.
"It is," he strains out, lying through his teeth. "I don't love you that way. You're like a sibling—"
"Don't do that," you interrupt, drawing away from him. "Just break my heart, please."
"I don't love you." And he leaves it at that.
Hell comes in the form of Itoshi Sae. It's a notion that follows you as you walk down the driveway toward your stalled car, left running because deep down you already knew his answer.
The beauty of his forbidden paradise drives you to turn around, too, and just like every other time his back is turned to you. His hand rests on the handle of his door, yet his body is frozen in place. You wait for a moment, eyes cast over your shoulder to see if he'll turn around and finally look your way.
He doesn't.
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(You've driven off by the time he comes back outside, watching the back of your car pull away into the fog.
He's done the right thing, he thinks. He could never stand watching you cry.)
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© ALABOADOA 2023 — please do not translate or post my works to other platforms.
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