#sae itoshi angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vxnuslogy · 1 month

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— lost to time ft. sae itoshi

— warnings: angst, character death, slight ooc?

— author's note: a reupload of my favorite work on sae while i finish editing the next 2 chapters of my hazbin series. enjoy!

— first recording

“hi sae! i heard from rin that you’ll be leaving for spain. i’m really sorry i couldn’t come to see you off, i’ve been busy studying, you know, for exams and stuff. but that’s beside the point! i wish you all the best sae! do your best and when you come back home, you better be the world’s best striker yeah? don’t worry, everything will pass by quickly so don’t miss me too much ok?”

sae hated planes. he hated them quite a lot. in was a constant reminder of that time when he was only 14, leaving home to go to spain to live out his dreams only for it to be crushed 4 years later. sae hated the airport, it was always so busy and so stuffy and so cramped. he hated the feeling of being surrounded by unfamiliar strangers, hated the feeling of people brushing up against him even if they didn’t really mean it. sae hated winter. it was the season he severed his bond with his precious little brother after all. it was the season he turned his back on him and it was the season he had wished to never relive again.

— second recording

“hey hey guess who’s sending you another voice message? it’s me obviously, why didn’t you tell me you were back already?! if you did i would’ve picked you up from the airport!

……

is something the matter sae? you haven’t picked up any of your parents’ calls and their really worried about you. you can always talk to me remember? i’ll always be here to listen, ok? don’t bottle everything up, it’ll do more bad than good. well, i have to go now. talk with your parents every once in a while will you? ever since you left for spain you’ve pretty much cut off all contact, even with me. that’s all, good night sae.”

sae didn’t really like flowers. he thought they were a hassle. plants that require specific needs and if not met, they’ll wilt. sae was never fond of them but here he was, standing in front of the counter of a local flower shop as the elderly shopkeeper wrapped a bouquet – filled with carnations, gardenias, lilies, roses, and chrysanthemums.

everything passes.

— college; third recordings

“i got into my dream college sae! can you believe that! honestly, i was really nervous when i took the entrance exams, but thankfully i studied real hard and managed to pass! i’ll be moving into the dorms soon. i’m gonna miss home. oh and rin! i heard he got into a soccer program recently, isn’t that nice! he’s following your footsteps in becoming the best striker in the world. i know, i know, you aren’t a striker anymore but it’s still nice to know that you’re still into soccer at least. by the way, when will you come back home? i kind of miss you, you know. i never got to see you off and when you did come back i was out of town and really busy. what about we plan a meetup or something in the near future? you know, make up for the times we lost? oh, i have to go now! my parents are helping me move in to my dorm. catch you later sae!”

sae didn’t really like coming home. the house he grew up in for the first 14 years of his life felt too foreign to be called home anymore. his parents felt like distant strangers that he just met a couple weeks ago – they felt more like acquaintances than his mother and father. the photos framed around his home felt like ancient relics from thousands of years ago, he didn’t recognize them. sae didn’t recognize himself.

maybe he spent too much time in spain to the point where it felt more like home. how ironic, he began to realize. he had flown back to japan to escape from his hell that was spain but here he was, in his home, in the bedroom he used to sleep in for endless nights, wanting to go back to the place that left his heart hollow.

“there’s nothing else i could do.” he tried to convince himself as he sat down on his childhood bed, the bouquet of flowers at his side. he could only sigh and let himself fall back into the bed of his long gone home. “everything passes.”

“hey hey hey it’s me again! how have you been sae? i’d like to think that i’ve adjusted pretty well in college. made a few new friends and met some old ones. honestly, i almost didn’t recognize them! i mean, do you remember makoto from middle school. he was a such a problem child back then and now look at him! he’s a scholar now! i guess everyone just starts to become more mature after hitting 18, who knows. thank you again, for the gift. i was definitely shocked when my roommate told me i had a package from you. i can’t believe you still remember that i wanted ‘no longer human’! thank you, i’ll be sure to treasure it. well, that’s all for today. call you some other time sae!”

everything passes.

— drunk recordings; the words i wish i could’ve told you sooner

“how do you work this again? ah got it! hehe, hi again sae! i’m at a party right now, man maybe you were right, i do have shit alcohol tolerance. but it’s fine. don’t worry, i’m already on my way home and the driver isn’t some creepy dude that might kill me.

……

you know, i like you very much but i don’t think you’ll believe me. i know i jokingly said that we should marry each other if we aren’t dating someone if we hit our 30s, but i kinda wanna marry you even if we aren’t 30 yet. is that weird? i really miss you. please come home.”

……

“hello? god that was so embarrassing… sorry, could you just forget about what i said in the last recording? um just, gosh i don’t even know. denying it won’t really help right haha… it’s in the past now so don’t mull over too much ok? please, just disregard that last recording. i’m really sorry, it was just me being drunk.”

sae did not in fact disregard that recording. in fact, sometimes in the dead of night he’d think about it and wonder, if he had replied to that specific recording would things have ended differently?

sae didn’t like deep and evoking questions about ‘what if’s’, he finds them annoying most of the time. and yet here he was now entertaining the idea. bouquet in hand as he casually walked around the neighborhood that the both of you had grew up in. the same twists and turns, same houses, same playground, same everything.

yet the silence was too loud, even for him.

everything passes.

— graduation recordings

“well, i think it’s safe to say i survived. i graduated sae, are you proud? man i still can’t believe i was a few point from getting the valedictorian spot but oh well. alls well that ends well i suppose. i heard you won your recent match congratulations mr best midfielder! kinda wish i was there to see it, but don’t worry! in your next match i’ll definitely save up enough money and buy those tickets to spain and your match one day! just you wait, i’ll be the screaming my lungs out and support you, i’m still your number one fan after all!”

sae had some feelings of dissatisfaction when you did not in fact get those tickets to spain and his match. maybe it was his wishful thinking but he really did wish you were there. but he knew it was impossible.

he remembered the feeling of anger and frustration running through his veins, cursing the heavens above because he felt the need to show the gods his emotions. sae hated thinking about you in that moment. he hated how he felt like he was in a new version of hell whenever you just happened to cross his mind. sae hated you very much.

everything passes.

— recordings from 2 years ago

“i’m sorry. i know you should’ve heard it from me but i guess my family beat me to it haha. to be perfectly honest with you sae, i had no plans of telling you. i’m sorry. its just, the thought of breaking the news to you. how could i ever do that to you? i’m sorry. god i’m so sorry sae.”

……

“hey. i received the gift you sent me. you didn’t have to , you know. now i kinda feel bad about having you go on break in the middle of soccer season because of me. but still, thank you. i appreciated you being here, with me. it was a refreshing feeling, talking to you again and just hanging out. work has been really stuffy and felt like i was being caged but you came. you suddenly appeared and suddenly everything was alright again. i know we only said goodbye a couple minutes ago but, i miss you already. sorry. this sounds really weird doesn’t it? anyways, thank you again for the gift. i’ll be sure to wear it everyday. that’s all, have a good night sae.”

……

“hey. sorry for calling at such an odd time. i just. i just felt a little lonely. i sound so stupid i’m sorry. good night sae.”

……

“makoto dropped by today. god he was as annoying as ever but he really cheered me up. he managed to confess to this girl he’s pining over since sophomore year. i’m happy for him. but it really got me thinking about us. i know i told you to forget about that one recording because i was drunk but now that i look back on it, i wasn’t really honest. to you and myself. i know this may be the worst timing to confess but yeah, i like you very much. since primary school, as cliche as it may sound i think it all started when you stood up for me from those bullies. now that i think about, i practically glued myself to your side ever since that day didn’t i? i’m glad you didn’t really mind that. i remember always using homework as an excuse to always have you hang out with me even though i completely understood the lesson. man, where did i get the confidence to do that stuff? but i guess those times are lost in the sands of the past i guess. oh right, sorry, i forgot you didn’t really like those type of stuff. getting all deep and whatnot. well that’s all, i’m getting pretty tired already so i’ll head to bed. good night sae.”

everything passes.

— present

“hi. thank you by the way. i don’t know, i just don’t think i’ve ever said that you recently. so, thank you. its a bit funny isn’t it? i would almost always talk your ear off every recording but this time, i can’t even find the words to say. my parents came over, talked to them a bit. rin visited as well. he’s gotten a lot taller than i last saw him, he’s probably taller than you now!

……

sae, thank you. for everything. i’m glad we stayed in touch. i’m glad we stayed as friends. thank you for making my days seem just a tad bit brighter, though sometimes i wonder what it would be like if we were, you know, dating. wonder what the difference would be. i mean we’d still talk to each other right? maybe holding hands and kisses but that’s pretty much it right? but thinking about it is useless right now. maybe in an alternate universe were actually married and adopted a cat like how we used to talk about.”

“you know, before this very moment. i accepted my fate already. i was content, i was doing fine but now. sae, i don’t want to die.”

“please remember me ok? and i’ll be sure to remember you. i’ll see you again, sae.”

“nii-chan..”

sae could only put his phone back in his pocket. his younger brother standing a good distance away from him. he could only imagine how rin looked like right now. was he pitying him, grieving with him? he’ll never know because he will never turn to look at him. not when your right in front of him.

how many times had he played all your recordings for the past 2 years? maybe a little over a 100 times? maybe close to 200 now?

sae removed all those thoughts as he placed the bouquet on the ground, the wind seemed to answer to his call – you seemed to answer to his call. despite all the pain, all the misery, all the bitter waves of grief that flooded his being whenever he played your recordings, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. he didn’t want to forget what you sounded like. your voice reminded him too much of home.

“happy birthday you idiot.” he said to you, keeping his hands in his pockets, watching the leaves of the flowers in the bouquet sway with the wind. two pieces of paper underneath it threatened to be blown away. “you said you wanted to come visit me and watch my match, well now you can.” two pieces of paper, one a plane ticket to spain the other a ticket to his upcoming match two weeks from now. “you better come watch me alright?” he could only bitterly smile.

“you’re 30 now,” he whispered, before getting on one knee. placing a velvet box in front of your gravestone. “you should’ve waited for me, you idiot.” sae could only mutter those words to no one in particular. it was as if the world had stopped for a moment, the wind had stopped howling, the sun was nowhere to be seen. he could only see you. “i wanted to marry you too, y’know.”

sae could remember every occurrence where he would sit at his balcony in spain every night after your passing. phone to his ear, listening to all your recordings. but you’ll never know how he replies to them, every single one of them with his own.

“i told the stars about you and what we could’ve had.” he chuckled, “you’re by far the hardest lesson i had to learn.”

standing up from his kneeling position, he gave you one last look before walking away. rin followed suit, but not before placing something at your grave. a pink book that you had loved till the very end.

sae hated planes, but he flew back to japan every year. sae didn’t really like flowers, but every year he’d get you a pretty bouquet. sae didn’t like coming home but if it meant getting to visit you, he’d come back over and over again. sae didn’t like reading or any deep and evoking questions but he always humored you whenever you asked him.

sae hated all those things but they reminded him too much of you to let them go.

and just like your favorite author, when osamu dazai asked to die, he simplu agreed; but just before his death, he suddenly felt obsession with life.

everything passes. just like how you’ll eventually get lost in the sands of time.

#✒️ — works #itoshi sae x reader #itoshi sae x you #sae itoshi #sae itoshi x reader #sae itoshi x you #sae itoshi x y/n #itoshi sae x y/n #blue lock x reader #blue lock x you #bllk x reader #bllk x you #blue lock angst #bllk angst #sae itoshi angst

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tteokdoroki · 1 year

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*ੈ🌩️‧₊˚— after sickness, after health + sae itoshi.

૮˶ᵕ ༝ᵕ˶ა synopsis — your ex husband is a menace. married or not, you'll always belong to him.

⭑ warnings — please read + mdni ! characters aged up to 20s, smut, angst, divorce, custody battles, you have kids, cheating (with sae lol), manipulation, possesion, slight yandere if you squint, dub-con, tummy bulges, hold the moan, spit!kink, drunk sex, unprotected sex, toxic relationships, previously established relationships, mentions of arguments, ex husband + pro player!sae, fem!reader - not beta read !

⭑ words — 1.5K.

⭑ notes — hello... i was not meant to write this but,, i fear i cannot escape the bllk brain rot lmao !! sorry if he's ooc or too mean but i hope u like it ily guys mwah <3 - m.list ✩

oooo ex husband!sae is so annoying, jarring, he’s horrible.

the divorce is somewhat amicable. both of you pretend it is. you were young and in love but now you’re growing out of affectionate shoes that are too small for you now. it hurts. but you pretend.

ex husband!sae takes what’s his and you take what’s yours. sae doesn’t want what you have and what he gave you — being the big bread winner he was, you keep the house and the cars, the expensive wedding gifts his parents sent from abroad. pity presents, he calls them. he doesn’t want you to be out on your own.

the only thing you and ex husband!sae fight over are the kids — it’s a long and drawn out battle. very messy with tears on your end begging him to call it even and take the deal your lawyer offers up so that the public stops tearing you down. he likes that you’ve called him against the wishes of your lawyers, you’re coming to him as his ex-wife — pleading with him in that way that makes his lips quirk up in a cruel smile because it’s been so long since ex husband!sae heard you beg for him like that.

maybe the custody battle was only to drag you through the mud, make you hurt a little bit so you remember ex husband!sae for the rest of your life. the time you spend with kids is split down the middle.

ex husband!sae hears it from one of your little girls on the way back from their ballet class that mommy is seeing someone new. your other daughter likes him a lot, says he gets them ice cream on the weekends where you have them. and sure enough, your ex doesn’t like that, a weird and sick sense of possession curling around his heart and lungs because you’re not supposed to have been able to move on from sae. you’re only supposed to be happy with him.

ex husband!sae who invites himself over to dinner with your girls on the night he knows that your new boy toy will be there. a sense of pride washes over him as he takes in your expression when you open the front door to him; your eyes wide, pretty lips parted in a delicate ‘o’ — you look as though you might cry, asking him if he’s here for the girls and blinking quick when he says he wants to join the four of you for dinner. he watches the curve of your ass as you lead him inside, wanting to rip that little apron right off of you and make you his again in front of your boyfriend.

the kitchen is cramped with both men politely arguing over how to make the girls’ favourite dinner while they watch bluey out in the living room — paying no mind to the tension building down the hall. your boyfriend seems uncomfortable with how comfortable ex husband!sae is in your space. he knows where the spices are, how you like to wash the dishes as you go along, the way you set the dinner table. your stress runs high as sae flits through your home, after all he did live here once too.

your boyfriend puts his hand on your shoulder. sae smiles when you shrug him off.

the polite yet snide comments continue when your girls are seated for their meals. ex husband!sae makes it known that your current partner has no place at the table, that he could never have you because you’re too loyal to the routine and life that you know. you turn to the fancy bottle of red wine sae bought with him as stress relief.

you’re slightly tipsy when ex husband!sae puts your children to bed — he stops on the creaky stairs because he can hear you drunkenly argue with your boyfriend about tonight’s events and he can’t help but feel as if he’s won. your boyfriend doesn’t think that sae should be around, that he’s bad for you, for the girls too for picking fights in front of them. and like the loyal little thing you are, you defend your ex-husband because he’s a good father and he takes care of you. he always has.

sae only steps in when he sees you getting upset, crumbling under the weight of the evening, the stress of being a single mother with someone who doesn’t understand it the way your ex does. no one else should have the power to make you cry like the midfielder does. that’s sae’s job. the steps of the stairs groan under the weight of his footsteps as sae trudges down them — intervening when you flinch away from your boyfriend who’s raised his voice at you in an attempt to get you to see that ex husband!sae is bad for you.

you screw your eyes shut and clench your fists, not intoxicated enough to fail to gently remind your current partner. “please don’t yell at me.”

you sound so hurt by the argument and that only serves to piss sae off.

“i can take care of her from here,” ex husband!sae brushes past your boyfriend to pull your swaying frame into his chest — sweeping in like your knight in shining armour and ushering the man out of his house with a sick smirk. “i think you should leave.” your boyfriend says he’ll text you later on, no doubt, with the intention to smooth things over while he still feels threatened by your pro-football player ex. but you don’t find the time to respond when later does eventually come around.

because later that night, you give into your urges and succumb to familiarity where ex husband!sae has your knees pressed into your shoulders and your hot cunt wrapped around his shaft — milking him so good like you always have. like you’re meant to be. the midfielder shudders above you, listening out for the squelching symphony your sex sings for him as he fucks you nice and slow. sae fills you up until you can feel his cock in your lungs, dragging his milky pre along your walls as if it’s his signature on your body.

the older itoshi brother would be lying if he said he didn’t miss you, your body, your kisses. the way you dreamily echo his name like it’s a prayer every time he angles his cock to hit your sweet spots. you find his hands within the messy sheets, the slickness of your heat making it easier for sae to grind himself into you. he feels lightheaded with ecstasy, his grunts turning to deep rooted moans as he swoops down to kiss you with tongue — a poor attempt to silence your squeals since your girls are sleeping just down the hall.

the bed that you used to share betrays you, crying from underneath the languid push and pull of your bodies working together for orgasm. ex husband!sae is torn between capturing your teary face in the now and reminiscing all the times he’d fucked you or made love to you against these very sheets. the thought of your new boyfriend doing the same makes him hotter, makes him move faster — slurring and spitting his praises into your eager mouth as his balls clap against the curve of your ass and the crude mix of precum and your juices tie sae itoshi to you.

licking into his mouth, you lift a hand to curl into sae’s roots and tug hard in the way that he likes. “sae,” you mewl, breathless and bambi eyed. “feel s’fuckin’ good. hah! d-don’t stop, m-missed you!”

“don’t tell me what to do, ‘couldn’t stop even if you begged for it.” sweat beads on ex husband!sae’s forehead and he closes his eyes, hips stuttering even though they piston into yours. he can’t tell if you actually miss him or if it’s the sex that’s making you feel this way — and quite frankly, he’s in the same boat. he hooks your thighs over his shoulders and presses the entirety of his body over yours, putting all of his energy in to deep, long strokes that make you choke on your words and gush sweet and clear streams around the base of his throbbing cock.

“you feel me here, love?” your ex husband!sae, asks, magenta hair flopping over his eyes — his hips flush against your puffy clit as your juices pearl along side it. he gives you a rough thrust, fucking you like it’s your wedding night all over again and he hasn’t made the last few months of your life a living hell. like he loves you. “c’mon baby, pay attention. can’t believe you’re so shameless, letting me have you like this again. do you feel me?” sae presses down on your tummy where his thick dick bulges, the sensation making the whites of your eyes visible as they roll back into your skull.

you nod, delirious with desire, pussy trapping your ex husband inside of you. “y-yes, sae! f-feel you!”

“good, because i belong here, sweetheart,” ex husband!sae coos, an evil spark haunting his aquamarine eyes. “i’m the only one who ever gets to fuck you here. because no matter what happens — you’ll always be mine and i’ll always be yours.”

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yooils · 5 months

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everything i know about love. itoshi brothers (seperately!) x reader. bittersweet. fluff & angst. unrequited love.

☆彡– but really, how can he mourn for something he’s never had ?/ or, reasons why they’ll never love.

a/n: i’m so sorry for the way i delayed all my writings!! the rin thing took so long.

SAE ITOSHI can’t love. (at least, that’s what everyone believes, and what he tells himself.)

he doesn’t love. he criticises, observes, scorns it, but he doesn’t know how to love.

maybe that ability was lost a long time ago– along with his naive passion. maybe it was never there to begin with– a fitting explanation, it seems, for a heartless being like him.

sae itoshi doesn’t love. sae itoshi doesn’t allow himself to indulge in such luxuries. (after all, isn’t football supposed to be his only passion?)

but when he meets you, he feels like his world’s been thrown into turmoil.

you’re leagues above him, he thinks.

you’re more than he deserves; more than what he’s signed up for when he chose his future at the age of 13. there was no love included in the contract. there was only a sponsored one-way trip to spain.

(if anything, he could probably learn to love you.)

you’re kind. you’re so pretty to him that his heart aches when you smile at him. your accidental caresses to his skin makes it feel like it’s burning incessantly, permanently scarring where you touched him. your jokes are so bad sometimes a smile creeps out from his stoic face– but vanishes before you can point it out.

he likes you, but he’ll never love you.

not in this life.

(“you’ve probably noticed, but i do like you as more than a friend, sae.”

sae’s breath hitches. he wants, so desperately, to say yes.

he doesn’t.

your understanding smile lingers with him for days.)

it's no surprise when you start to draw away from him, really. but why does his heart ache when he thinks about a world of soccer– without you?

sae itoshi doesn't love, but now he'll be forever haunted by the whispers of what could have been.

RIN ITOSHI has a warped perception of love.

(after all, he's been hurt before. he knows of the horrors that the ephemeral feeling of love comes with. he knows how this story will end. but while sae itoshi cannot love, rin doesn't need it. he's given up on it, really; the very fabric of love having fallen into his category of 'lukewarm' even when he was a teenager who didn't know better.)

yet through the number of lenses you've seen him through over the years, you wonder if he truly is incapable of loving.

the flame in your heart grows bigger, despite the torrents of mental warnings in your head.

exhibit 1.

for someone who exhibits such emotionless behaviour, he really likes stupid dating sims. and he denies it vehemently, when asked.

“it’s not a matter of the romance. it’s so stupid that it takes my mind off things.” rin deadpans, raising an eyebrow at your sudden question.

exhibit 2.

cutely enough, he has an emo, teenager romance playlist.

(when you point it out, he disagrees that it’s angsty. "it's just for homework. i work better with songs i don't care about as white noise."

–the blatant lie that slips out of his mouth makes you question the very foundation your long standing friendship with rin. was he really that intent on lying about something so amusing?)

exhibit 3.

you've been rin's self proclaimed best friend for as long as you can remember. maybe preschool, or even before.

you know how hard it was for him to keep up with his prodigy brother. you know the lengths he's gone through to earn rank #1 on japan's top 300 footballers. you know rin itoshi, the boy behind the stoic and calculated facade. the boy who says he doesn’t cry, but sometimes finds himself tearing up over sentimental pet movies.

(it’s better this way, you know. it’s better to conceal the fact that you’ve been totally in love with him for almost a decade, from you were both angsty pre-teenagers in middle school until now, in your early twenties, when he’s becoming a rapidly-growing football celebrity and you’re still right where he left you, five years ago.)

there’s no happy ending to this story. there was never meant to be one.

exhibit 4. (the disaster)

it was a mistake.

okay, maybe it was less of a mistake, and more of an impulse decision, considering how little he regretted it the morning after.

he should regret it, shouldn’t he? it’s normal to not regret sleeping with the only person he trusts with his life, right? even if his feelings towards you were only platonic..?

he’s been enchanted by the illusions of love underneath the sheets. now he doesn’t know what to do– when he’s so wrapped up in thoughts of you, you, only you.

does he want to like you? no, heavens, no.

(does he like you, realistically, in an ideal world? yes. so much– maybe he would even sacrifice his career for you in another life.)

love is a curse. love ends everything. love is what fuels his hatred.

does he love you?

even if he does, it’ll be astronomically less than how much you love him, wouldn’t it? does it matter? when he’ll never be enough– when you deserve more?

his rejection– blunt, cold, hits you like a truck.

of course it does.

summary

a part of you will always like rin, you think.

rin is childish– rin, at his twenties– still doesn’t know the true extent of how much you actually like him. you don’t think you’ll ever tell him, either.

maybe you should move on.

how can you, when you’ve been in love with the same person for a decade–? how can you, when he was- is everything to you?

(how could he move on as well– when he’s completely ruined the only person who ever liked him genuinely– without any sort of obligation to do so? how could he, when he was the only one who could be blamed?)

maybe, in ten years, he’ll regret it.

11.22.2023

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saeist · 1 year

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you knew it yourself that things would be hard between you and sae before you entered this "relationship" with the soccer super star.

it was inevitable. he was always on the move. may it be his career, or his matches. he was always just right before your grasp.

you lay in bed with the person you call your "lover" you aren't even sure yourself if you can even call him that nor if he considers you the same

he broke the news that he was leaving again. you can't recall how many times it has already been like this. he was yours and only yours for a short while, and then he's not.

it's a viscous cycle that you have to go through. he was your solace, your safe haven, he was yours.

and you were his.

'you can't keep living like this' is a reoccurring thought to yourself. it was hard not to.

"i'm leaving tomorrow"

"i know"

"you know i can't help it, right?"

"i know"

"don't make this harder than it already is"

"i know sae, i know"

you can feel sae draw random shapes on your exposed arm with his fingertips. you can hear how loud his heart was beating. you can feel him tense up with just your touch

"i love you" you hear him murmur.

that was when you break

"you can't keep doing this to me, sae" your tone was ice cold. it scared sae. his grip on you tightens the moment you pull away from him.

"i do"

"you don't"

"i do." he was firm with his words. he uses his free hand to tip your chin towards him, forcing you to look at his teal colored eyes. the same eyes you know a little too well.

without another word, you crash your lips onto his. you kissed him with so much fervor that it took him a second to process what was going on.

to your surprise, he kissed back. with the same intensity as yours.

#WOAH THIS WAS SMTH.....#blue lock imagines #blue lock x reader #bllk imagines #bllk x reader #sae imagines #sae x reader #sae itoshi imagines #sae itoshi x reader #blue lock angst #bllk angst #sae angst #sae itoshi angst #is this even angst

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okkotsuus · 1 year

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the boy you loved (sae i.) !

features: sae i.

contents: angst. hurt no comfort. mild swearing. toxic realtionship. nostalgia. reader flinches. door slam. breakup. it hurts sorry lol. 1.8k words.

to the world, sae itoshi was a catch. he is a pro athlete, beautiful, and rich, everything someone could ever want in a partner. sae itoshi is at the pinnacle of his sport at the age of eighteen years old. he was at the forefront of it for longer.

fame has changed sae itoshi.

you knew sae itoshi before the world did. you knew him before the flashing cameras and cheering crowds, back when he couldn’t even kick a soccer ball without falling flat on his ass. sae itoshi was awkward, dorky, and kind. sae itoshi was the boy you loved.

it all began to change when he slowly climbed the ranks of soccer. his goofy grins became more mellowed, shyness turning to aversion. but most of all, he was no longer kind. sae itoshi was no longer the sweet boy who would hold your hand as you walked to school. sae itoshi was no longer to considerate boy that made sure to have your favorite snacks at his home. sae itoshi was no longer the tender-hearted boy who you fell in love with.

sae itoshi is now a man who’s as foreign to you as a stranger.

yet, for some reason, you can’t seem to let him slip through your fingers. nor can he let you slip from his. in a never ending cycle one always ends up crawling back to the other. like some twisted kind of soulmates you can never escape each other.

you loved sae itoshi the boy, but sae itoshi the man is a whole other story.

loving the man, sae itoshi, is many things, but it is not easy.

loving sae itoshi is tiring.

sitting up on the couch of his apartment for the nth night in a row, waiting and watching the door like a dog for him to come home.

sae was incredibly dedicated to his sport, staying till the sun died. he just wanted one thing when he came home: to see you. the first thing he wanted to see when he got home was you. the notion had your head spinning and heart pounding when he so boldly proclaimed it.

but now, when you sit on the couch like a wilted flower, you begin to question just how flattering it was. your eyes ached from keeping them open for so long, the soft glow of the lamps beginning to slowly drive you insane.

this empty apartment is exhausting. but you couldn’t blame him. his schedule is bound to be busy, he is a professional athlete, after all.

the lock clicks as your head raises from the phone in your hands. he walks in and looks at you, before immediately walking away. your heart cracks a little more every time this happens.

he is a ritualistic man, it seemed saying “hi” or “missed ya” would throw it off too much.

so, you stand and walk to the bedroom, tucking yourself under the covers while the gentle flow of the shower lulls you to sleep.

you feel the bed slightly dip sometime later into the night, but the wave of sleep sweeps you back under the surface immediately after. what you do not feel: is warmth or an arm around you.

loving sae itoshi is stressful.

sae leaves for long periods of time consistently. you accept that he cannot always be home, but you ask that he at least texts you moderately.

sae has a habit of ghosting people when he’s away, then just coming back like he’s greater than thou. not like it’s the first time it’s happening.

he’s been gone for two weeks now and hasn’t said a single thing to you. no texts, no calls, nothing. you were worried. you trusted him, it’s not that. he’s just so far away, what if something happened and the last thing he said to you was “bye,” when he left the home for the airport two weeks ago.

you don’t want to think like this, but this new sae was brash in a way that would get him hurt one day. he spoke his mind with no sense of self-preservation, he had no idea of customs in other countries, and he wouldn’t take one damn minute to text you a single word.

so you call rin, asking him with a quiver in your voice if he’s heard from sae. he hasn’t. but can’t help the choked whine that slams in your chest, quickly thanking him and hanging up. your eyes begin to well tears as you pace the empty apartment that seems a lot more foreboding than exhausting now.

crystalline drops run over your face as you desperately try to calm yourself, you were being dramatic. sae always was there to hold you when you cried as a kid, but now you were crying alone because of that same sweet boy.

you fall asleep on the couch that night, not able to bear the vast emptiness of the bed that was meant to be shared.

loving sae itoshi is slamming doors.

sae was back soon enough, walking into the apartment as if nothing had happened. he watched as you remained seated, not rising to excitedly greet him like your normally would. his brow furrowed as he left it, leaving you on the couch again when he returned home to unpack.

sae itoshi would rather let a problem steep and fester than deal with it directly. the boy you loved would stutter out of concernwith the most adorable flush on his rounded cheeks. but this man was a shell of the boy who loved you, the boy who still holds your one and only heart.

“what’s up with you?” his words come out abrasive as he stands in the bedroom doorway, one hand idly towel-drying his hair while the other was poised against his hip. he had a way of making it feel like you were the problem.

“what’s up with me?! sae you ghosted me for nearly three weeks, do you know how worried i was?” your own voice punches out of your chest before you can bite your tongue to hold back the words. watching as his eyes widen and he gets that haughty look on his face, you hated that look, that sneer.

he spoke with a venom, green eyes drilling into your form. “i’m a grown man, you don’t need to fuss over me. get over it, we’re not snot-nosed brats anymore, y/n.” you felt yourself flinch back as he ended his sentence with a punctuated scoff. he turned and shut the door a little louder than needed, you flinched back as it slammed: slightly shaking on its hinges.

now that he was gone, the tears flowed free again. you really were still a snot-nosed brat, weren’t you? the thought was mocking as the vast apartment began to feel more and more like a cage.

you fell asleep on the couch with dried rivers of tears shed staining your cheeks, nose rubbed raw from incessantly wiping it on your sleeve.

loving sae itoshi is nostalgic.

sae isn’t all bad nowadays. sometimes you could see the sweet boy that put bandaids on your scraped knees peek through.

in the light of the early morning, his eyes are bright and the soft glow makes his face feel more soft. it reminds you of waking up from sleepovers at the itoshi house, sae’s sleepy face and his messy bed hair.

when he plays football you are reminded of the boy who couldn’t shoot without falling flat on his face. you remember kissing the tip of his reddened nose while wiping the tears that threaten to escape from the corners of his sea-glassy eyes.

when he’s eating his dinner, you see the boy who stuffed his face with puffy cheeks. you see the boy who shoveled food into his mouth after practice, insisting that he needed to grow.

sae itoshi was still the boy you fell in love with, he was just a little lost.

times like this forced you to acknowledge that it was not actually his past self shining through. rather, it was you so desperately looking for any semblance of a shred of the boy who you once loved.

sae itoshi is no longer the boy you fell in love with, that boy died when he went to spain.

loving sae itoshi is hard.

this decision wasn’t easy. everytime the thought even crossed your mind you felt your eyes sting and your nose run hot.

but the truth was inevitable and unforgiving. passing moments of joy could no longer help alleviate the aching pain that echoed in the deepest expanses of your soul.

sae itoshi was no longer the boy who you fell in love with, it was the inevitable truth.

you didn’t believe that sae loved you any longer, rather coexisting with you as stability.

you don’t ever want to be a roommate to your partner.

you needed to break up with sae itoshi, to let go of the boy who was so long gone.

for once in your life, the apartment did not feel so bad. it felt like being in your childhood home for the last time before going off to college.

sae was off today, you planned it so he would be, not wanting to spring it one him before or after practice.

“sae, we need to talk."

sae knew he had messed up when he heard those words come from your mouth. but the safety net of your unconditional love had spoiled him. so he did not expect for you to leave.

when you said you were leaving, it began to wear. but it was still there, so he expected that you would be coming back soon.

when weeks turned to months with nothing but occasional passing conversations, he began to sweat.

sae itoshi, the ultimate catch, had just lost the love of his life.

the net snapped as he was left falling, plunging into an endless regret. sae itoshi was reminded of every single time he had given you the cold shoulder. every single time he was ruder than necessary. every single time he had forgotten he loved you.

sae itoshi knew he was no longer the boy you loved. but you are still the kid that he fell in love with, the only one who captured his heart.

and he pushed you away.

and damn, it hurt like hell when his apartment began to feel eerily empty without you, a bed meant to be shared becoming cold without another body in it.

sae itoshi realized how you had felt the entire time.

okkotsuus 23

#bllk #bllk x reader #blue lock #blue lock x reader #sae itoshi #sae itoshi x reader #sae #sae x reader #bllk sae #blue lock sae #bllk angst #blue lock angst #sae angst #sae itoshi angst

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biaonww · 3 months

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"unspoken feelings" sae itoshi based • angst. • i recommend listening to oceans & engines w/ this

may contain errors, similar content is coincidental. • super fast paced huhu, but hopefully still enjoyable :^)

6 years ago —

you were 17 when you had a crush on the sae itoshi. his eyes colored just like the ocean, and his hair reminds you of neutral pink.

he was always so beautiful, and he did everything so beautifully. soccer, expressing his thoughts, his actions.. all done elegantly. but you knew you were two people who lived in two different worlds.

but still, you tried to get to know him. and get close to him.

so if not being lovers with him will settle, being friends will atleast be enough, you suppose.

so you ask for his number from his friend, shidou ryusei.

4 years ago —

surprisingly, you two did become acquainted, then graduated high school as close friends.

... the label ‘close friends’ that at some point, people thought you two act like an actual couple that was inlove with one another— but really, that seemt like a whole joke.

since he was already dating someone.

and you found out two days ago.

well, it wasn’t surprising, of course. he’s a soccer star. he’s famous. rich, even. everyone’s dream man. and you can’t just keep him to yourself, too. because that would just be plain selfish.

so one night, you were just tired of suppressing your feelings.

the feeling of wanting him.

you should’ve been contented being friends with him and still being in contact after high school—

but there’s just this feeling, that it will never suffice for you. ...

he noticed you acted strangely today.

and he knows every single bit of you damn well.

your perfectionism, how much you want to please everyone so that they don’t leave you, how you don’t want to be a second option.

so you two fought that stormy night.

“you’re keeping something from me, and i don’t like it.”

“i’m not.”

“you are. don’t fucking lie to me y/n. i know you damn well to say that you’re lying.”

“things won’t get better even if i tell you, okay?!”

“well you aren’t telling me! how can i help when you won’t-“

“sae itoshi! i am fucking inlove with you. but it makes me feel real pathetic standing next to you, while you have a girlfriend already.”

“it annoys me how i turn all mushy when i’m with you. it annoys me that i keep staring at your back going further and further away, because i can’t keep up with you. it annoys me how you can read me so well, but don’t get that i’m inlove with you.”

“y/n.”

“i’m leaving to go back to kyoto, sae. i don’t want to loathe you because i like you. so it’s better if we stop being friends.”

“i’m drained from loving you, itoshi sae.”

and just like that, you slip out of his hands.

the last image he had of you before leaving to go to kyoto, was that you were soaked in the rain and crying. crying because of him.

guess love never suited him, huh. since it will never last, and slowly rot once he gets a hold of it.

two years ago —

you’ve heard he got engaged with the same girlfriend he dated three years ago.

you think it’s time to let go of him.

to finally let go of the past.

so you finally send a message to him. a plain but pathetic “congratulations on your marriage, sae. i’m happy for you.”

honestly speaking, you expected him to have a new phone number, and that he blocked you.

though he didn’t. your message had been delivered.

still, it’s funny how you never changed his contact name on your phone.

but you remember that his contact photo was a picture of you and him. smiling and all giddy back in the old days.

*ding!*

itoshi • 1:27 pm

y/n. thanks. i know it’s been a long time.. but do you wanna meet up and catch up?

and so you two hit it off and meet up.

except, your boyfriend is with you.

but he didn’t expect your new boyfriend would be rin. his younger brother.

… he can clearly see the way his brother looks at you.

one that represents the way sae used to look at you in late-night conversations that were spent in silk sheets back in high school,

a pathetic man who was admiring you.

the present. 12 whole years after the past.

sae and you became friends again.

so you think it’ll be fine inviting him and his wife to your wedding with your fiancè, right?

i mean— rin was good with you. he communicates with you, there’s trust in the relation, communication- mutual agreement.

there were some rough edges in your relation, but he actually tried for you.

you’re getting ready with your makeup, and someone knocks on the door.

“come in.”

you mumble, fixing the strap of the wedding dress you’re wearing.

the door opens and it’s sae. it’s just him, standing alone.

so you turn back to face him, smiling softly.

“you came.”

“i did. uh, mia’s just sitting down in the assigned chair you set for us.”

“i wouldn’t miss your important day anyways.”

“thank you.”

“why thank me? i did nothing.”

he softly chuckles, adoring how besutiful you looked in the wedding dress.

you always looked best in white either ways.

“what are you staring at, sae?”

“— i’m inlove with you too.”

your smile dissipates, so he takes it as a bad sign.

“sae. you can’t do this to me. please don’t say you love me.”

“not when i’m finally over you.”

“i know. but i never got to tell you what i really meant back then, didn’t i?”

“… sae. i love you. but not in that way anymore. sure, i’ve missed you as a friend. but i still love rin.”

“after i met rin, he changed my whole life. he helped me get over you.”

“you’re too late. i’m sorry.”

you place the eye shadow palette you were using back on the vanity, standing up as the church bells ring.

“i have to go. he’s probably waiting.”

“go ahead.”

and so you do leave, walking down the aisle to marry his brother.

to him, you were just a fraction of his life;

something that was past, but something he was still trying to hold on to, even if it was already destroyed. if he never let you go that thundery night, would he be the one you were standing with at the altar? — fin.

aa sorry for slow posts :(( im like super busy w things this week so... hopefully i'll get to post the reo fic on thursday/friday tho!! <3 reblogs, likes, and comments are vm appreciated

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wttcsms · 10 months

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it always leads to you ; sae itoshi

pairing sae itoshi x f!reader word count 2.4k synopsis 5 times you can't escape the memory of sae + the 1 time he comes back. content contains ex boyfriend sae, attempts at moving on, second chances author's notes this serves as a prologue to my new mini multipart series here but could be read as a stand alone one shot <3

zero.

Sae Itoshi breaks up with you five days before graduation, which is also six days before he hops onto a plane to an entirely different continent, and it’s seven days before your second anniversary.

The worst part of it all, though, is that even across the world, you can’t seem to escape him.

one.

Smartphones, you discover, for all their artificial intelligence, still can’t keep up with the intricacies of human relationships.

At least, that’s how it feels.

It’s been seven days since graduation, six days since he left the country, and five days ago, you were supposed to be celebrating your anniversary with him. A week. It’s been a week since Sae reverted back to Itoshi, a week since you’ve practically ignored every invitation from your former classmates (his friends before they were ever really yours) to hang out, and a week since you last texted him.

Still, when you swipe through your phone, thumb hitting the search bar, your eyes flicker down to SIRI SUGGESTIONS.

Send a message to sae🫶🏻.

You turn off your phone after that.

two.

You’re still number one best friends on Snapchat. It shouldn’t mean that much to you, but it does. It’s been one month since Sae left, leaving you, his little brother, and maybe everything else in Japan tying him down, behind.

He’s still at the top of your best friends list, still the only one with the special emoji next to his user that signifies his status, still the common denominator in every single one of your Snap memories.

You wonder if you should delete your entire account; start fresh, maybe.

(You don’t, though. It’s too much of a hassle, is what you tell yourself. What you know and don’t need to bother to say is that you’re scared he won’t be able to find you in case he needs you, and you’re still not ready to give up any scraps of Sae you have left of him, and you must be delusional because there’s a part of you that holds out hope that he’ll want you back because you’re still number one best friends — he hasn’t been Snapping anyone else.)

three.

You run into his mom at the grocery store.

You’re not sure how to react at first. All you know is that you see her before she sees you, and in that split-second, you had the opportunity to run as fast as you could, but you didn’t.

You’re not sure why. You can blame it on shock, or fear, or even admit that a small part of you craved an interaction with her because, by extension and some sort of delusional logic, connecting with her would be like connecting with Sae.

She smiles at you, and your feet are firmly planted on the too-shiny tiles of this supermarket, and the shelves full of instant rice are closing in on you ‘til the world feels so small and all that’s left is just you and her and the tantalizing spirit of Sae.

He takes after her more than he does his father. Growing up, he didn’t like hearing the adults say oh, you look just like your mother! because he’s a boy, and no boy wants to hear that. It’s the truth, though. When you originally spotted her, it was her distinct reddish-brown hair that caught your attention. It’s the same shade she passed down to Sae, and seeing the familiar color up close shouldn’t cause your throat to close up and to give your stomach nervous flutters, but it does.

“[Name]!” She gives you one of her gentle smiles, and the warmth of it seems to unfreeze you. You can move freely now, and you choose to smile back at her. You’re not sure if she knows that her son broke your heart and that he did it so coldly and clinically, with the precision of a surgeon. Without feeling or remorse. You don’t know how to react properly when she closes the distance between you two to give you a hug, one that doesn’t indicate that she’s going to treat you like her son’s ex.

You return the hug, of course, but when she pulls back to speak, you know that you should have just avoided her when you had the chance.

“How are you doing with Sae’s move to Spain? You haven’t come by the house in a while. I hope you know that I miss having a daughter around.” Her soft laugh does something cruel to your soul. He didn’t tell her, then. She doesn’t know. You wonder if he maybe left that responsibility to you, if crushing his mother’s spirit was a burden he personally chose you to bear. You never knew he had such a mean streak in him.

“Sorry, Mrs. Itoshi.” The words taste bitter on your tongue, and you think the polite smile you give her is more of a grimace. “Your son and I…” Aren’t together. Broke up. No longer on speaking terms.

You can’t even say his name, and you can’t admit the truth, and luckily enough, she was once a teenage girl too.

“I see.” She says, and you wish she says it coldly. You wish she would view you as a stranger, so that way the split would feel more real. Instead, she’s telling you that you’re still welcome to visit their household any time you want. You know she’s not extending this invitation to be nice; she genuinely wants you to come by, and that only makes you feel worse.

four.

On the eve before you leave for college, your graduating class hosts a bonfire party on the beach. You originally don’t want to attend, but you know that being antisocial for the rest of your youth would ultimately do more harm than good.

Almost no underclassmen are present, so you’re surprised that when you look up after hearing the sound of footsteps approaching, it’s Rin that’s standing near you.

Rin’s always been a little more awkward than his older brother. It’s endearing, in a way that all little brothers happen to be when you love them. Without your tie to Sae, though, you know that you can’t adopt Rin as your own sibling anymore, and you two haven’t even spoken since the breakup.

“Congratulations on your graduation and getting into UTokyo.”

“Thanks.” You smile at him, but you’re a bit confused as to why he showed up to a party just to congratulate you. Rin’s never been the type to attend parties, and you hope that he isn’t trying to get into any trouble with Sae’s brotherly guidance now gone.

“Have you heard from Sae after he left?”

Sae’s always harbored a soft spot for Rin; this you know for a fact. Rin sounding dejected at the mention of his brother only adds to your confusion.

“Um, no. We don’t really talk anymore, actually.”

Admitting this out loud now doesn’t hurt nearly as much as admitting it a few weeks ago did, so clearly you have some “healthy” progress going on. At this rate, maybe you’ll even be able to stomach the action of deleting his phone number.

“Oh.” And then a minute later, Rin is sitting cross-legged in the sand next to you, two feet of space separating you both. “He doesn’t really talk to me anymore, either.”

Oh, great. Now you’re basically having a pity party with your ex’s younger brother, and you two are probably about to have a good cry session about how he essentially abandoned you both. Who would have thought that rock bottom had a basement?

You don’t know what to say in reply, so you don’t say anything at all, and the two of you just sit in silence, staring at the sun setting over the sea. Thirty minutes into the party, you couldn’t even fathom why you wanted to force yourself to endure social interaction with people you have no true relationship with, and you snuck off to the edge of the beach to just be alone with your thoughts.

“Sae really likes the sea.” Rin breaks the silence once more. “I heard him talking to our parents when he called last week. He says the water in Spain is beautiful, and it makes him feel at home.”

This beach is where he asked you to be his girlfriend. The moment your toes touched the sand, you were transported back to simpler times, where Sae was still Sae, and you were happy. He brought you here on your last anniversary (maybe it’s best to start realizing that it’ll be your only anniversary with him), and you sat in this same position with him, watching the sun set over the sea, basking in the bliss of young love. You suppose that back then, you really liked the sea, too.

five.

Everyone has a type, you suppose. A preference for when it comes to selecting a partner.

You’re still young and woefully inexperienced, but you’re a pretty, single girl on a college campus full of cute, single boys. The possibilities are endless.

So what are the odds that when you finally sit down on a dinner date with one of your classmates (your first date after Sae), and the two of you are doing the obligatory “get to know each other” first date icebreakers, your date tells you:

“I’m actually here on a soccer scholarship.”

It shouldn’t affect you the way it does. It’s been nearly two months, after all. Soccer isn’t a sport exclusive to just Sae. Lots of people play the damn sport. It’s a fucking international sport, and a popular one, at that.

“Oh! That’s cool!” You’re lying through your teeth, and your date can’t tell. And you shouldn’t hate him for it; he doesn’t know you, and he’s known you only from the first two lectures you two sat next to each other for. You know it’s absolutely unhealthy and probably unhinged to start comparing him to Sae, but you can’t help it. It’s like once the word “soccer” left his lips, he summoned the ghost of Sae, and his presence is now haunting you. He’s standing behind your date, and you can see Sae clear as day, maybe even better than you can see your classmate, and he’s shaking his head as if to say is this really the best you could do after me?

And you hate your date, and yourself, and Sae, and you know it’s bad. You know that you should have moved on by now, but it’s like he cursed you. As if everything in this world somehow has a connection to Sae, and it doesn’t make any sense, but sometimes it does because for a brief moment, Sae was the whole world to you.

six.

You’re back in your childhood home for the long weekend. Your parents are ecstatic to have you back, and it feels good to be back in your hometown and sleeping in your own bed. College has done wonders for you, and maybe being in Tokyo has helped you heal. Everything is new and shiny there, and best of all, everything in that city has thankfully been left untouched by Sae.

There’s a cute boy that shares mutual classes and friends with you, and your best friend, Cami, keeps hinting that he’s going to ask you out soon, and you can’t help but tell her that if he does, you’ll gladly say yes.

You think he’s going to mention something about wanting to take you out judging by the texts he’s been sending you ever since you’ve got back home, and you’re too focused giggling at your screen to even bother to check who’s knocking on your front door. All you do is open it, looking up briefly to see who it is, only to nearly drop your phone once you realize who’s standing on your front porch.

Sae Itoshi is standing right in front of you. In the flesh. Not some figment of your imagination or a hyper-realistic delusional daydream. You know it’s him because you would have never anticipated him finally finding a haircut that suits his features. He looks leaner than before, angular features of his face now more defined, sharper. His cheeks have slightly hollowed out, and maybe you’re just projecting onto him when you think he looks more tired now than he ever did before.

Your phone vibrates, signaling that you’ve gotten a text back, but you can’t focus on anything but Sae. There are a million different scenarios that have played through your head whenever you daydreamed about what would happen should you ever come face to face with him. There is nothing in your head now.

“Hey,” he says, with a nonchalant audacity only a truly cocky bastard could pull off. The first thing he says after breaking your heart and leaving you in ruins is hey. In your head, you know you deserve better. Your heart, however, practically jumps at the sound of his voice, like a dog reuniting with its owner that’s been away from home for years. It doesn’t matter what he does or says: a small part of you, maybe all the parts that matter most, will always be fulfilled with having Sae’s attention.

“Can I come in?”

While trying to move on from Sae, you realize that leaving yourself ready to invite him back into your heart is essentially like leaving the front door of your house unlocked for him, because even though you know you’ve given him a key, you also know that he’s most likely forgotten he has it. It’s why you could never truly form any romantic attachments to anybody else; you were still too busy trying to leave yourself open for him.

Now, in this moment, you finally have a chance to finally be rid of him for good. You have the opportunity to get the final word in. You can slam the door in his face, and he will never have the chance to be let in again because even if he holds the key, the locks have changed.

That chance evaporates the moment you move away from the entrance, inviting him back in, and telling him,

“Of course.”

#sae itoshi x reader #sae itoshi #sae itoshi x you #bllk x reader #bllk x you #blue lock x reader #sae itoshi angst #one shot #drabble #series: it always leads to you

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gisele0127 · 11 months

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i just noticed that rin goes still goes to where him and sae would spend time with eachother back in chap 152 🥲. i’m a sucker for itoshi brothers angst.

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yuzurins · 10 months

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# unrequited

a bittersweet short sae drabble, no warnings really

“what do you want for your birthday?” sae asks, out of the blue.

you look over at him, trying to suppress a teasing smile. “what’s with that all of a sudden?”

he stares at you for a few seconds, before turning back to look at the ocean.

there’s a quiet silence between the two of you, and you can hear all the waves crashing into each other, sounding almost like a song.

it’s oddly comforting, but that’s why sae doesn’t have to say anything for you to know what he means.

your birthday’s in two months, but sae’s leaving for spain next week.

you purse your lips as you try and muster up a half-assed response believable enough for no further questions to be asked.

because you’re vulnerable around sae. too much small talk and he’ll end up discovering what you’ve been hiding for the past 5 years that you’ve known him.

“nothing much really, maybe something that i can wear or display in my room.” you answer after a bit, and before you could think further, you decide to add, “just something i can remember you by.”

he looks over at you and scoffs, light smirk flashing his face. “you’re acting like i’m going to war.”

hearing him take your response mindlessly eases you from the rapid beating of your heart. of course he’s dense.

“yeah, you are. even the greatest in the world has fierce competition, itoshi-sama.” you tease, still looking at the ocean.

“hmm,” he thinks out loud. “but we’ll be fine. i won’t forget you or anything.”

his gaze is piercing into the side of your head now, but you still won’t do him the favour of turning your head to look at him.

take it as if he noticed your ears turning red, because he ends up saying something so out of character for him.

the smirk turns into a grin now as he asks, “are you gonna miss me that much?”

and now you’re prompted to look up at him, locking eyes with his teal ones that just have the slightest difference from his regular indifferent stare.

“yeah.” you answer him, voice so quiet so that it almost gets drowned out by the waves.

but you know he hears it, because he looks back to the ocean with bittersweet grin and faraway look in his eyes.

sae’s got a dream, and though you are his best friend, he’s not letting anything stop him from going across the world for it.

so you’ve expected it to turn out like this anyways. that this love of yours would turn out unrequited, since the first time he caught your attention.

yeah, you’d wait for him. you’re not even sure if you could even go a whole lifetime without forgetting him.

but you’re not sure if he’d ever feel the same, because his yearning for football surpasses anything he’d ever feel for another person.

so all you can do is just support him from the sidelines, foolishly getting lost in his presence, for that’s all you’ll ever be in sae’s story.

as a supporting character in his journey to become the best, it feels as if all your answers were already set in stone, like a game dialogue that you could not alter.

and despite how much you want to go against the rules and tell him right now,

all i want for my birthday is just to be yours.

it’ll never work out.

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okkotsyui · 1 year

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YOU LOVE HER (it's over)

1 : you already found someone to miss // s, itoshi

NOTE ;; my part on the collab w/ @aoshei !! ofc i have sae, my no.1 bbg. // angst , no comfort \\

.. ..

when sae told you for the first time that he's going to spain, you cried.

he promised you that he'd call you every day, despite the time difference.

he kissed you softly for the last time before he walked onto his flight.

sae promised he'd always love you.

so when you woke up one morning to find his contact unavailable and all ways of contacting him blocked, you cried. he broke his promise to you. sae was gone, and you couldn't get him back.

.. ..

that was two years ago today and you were certain that you had moved on from your first love. you had been on dates, kissed other people, dated other people. but it had never felt the same as it did with sae. you two were young, dumb kids, fresh into the world of teenagers, but you loved each other. or so you had thought, and deluded yourself with. you were now eighteen, a full-time college student studying for your dream.

so, why? why did it ache your heart to see the news headlines, all screaming in your face about the return of the 'treasure of japan, itoshi sae' ? it had been four years since he had left the country, abandoning you .. leaving you all alone to drown in your misery. it had been two years since he had cut you out of his life without explanation as to why.

all you wanted today was to be left alone. you cancelled plans with your friends, postponed that date that you were meant to go on tonight. you had accepted the fact that you had never truly gotten over itoshi sae, and you couldn't bare the idea of accidentally bumping into him.

but the world is cruel. fate is even crueler. that's why you were currently stood in front of the man who shattered your young heart, a coffee in his hand. you couldn't breathe. your vision was trained onto his left hand which held the beverage, an engagement ring nestled onto his ring finger.

sae watched you stare at his hand, a cold expression on his face. he had closed his heart off to you years ago, and that wasn't going to change now. he didn't spare you a second glance, walking past you as if you were another nobody he didn't even bother to remember the name of.

you watched him leave .. leave everything that the two of you once shared. hushed whispered of promising to marry each other when you grew up. planning out your wedding with him. buying small cakes from stores, eating it together as you both giggled in between wedding vows. sae had left it all behind without as much as a second thought.

so when the day arrived, the news frantically reported on itoshi sae, a newly married man, posting pictures of the blissfully perfect wedding with his new perfect wife. and you sat alone again, tears staining the front page of your newspaper, your heart shattering once more.

#☆wrks #☆collab #bllk #bllk x you #blue lock #blue lock x reader #blue lock x you #sae itoshi #itoshi sae #itoshi sae x you #itoshi sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #itoshi sae angst #sae itoshi angst #bllk angst #blue lock angst

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saenora · 9 months

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HEATHER! • SAE ITOSHI

tw: angst, implicit smut… subpar + self indulging <//3. i read it once so idk… likeokah. mdni

thankyou to @leviismybby @keiskyutie for being the bestt babies and teaching me how to write smut💀 ilys 🤍

sae itoshi doesn’t love you, as his strong hands grip your hips, your moans echoing through the room, —he sets the pace kneading into your plushy flesh— your hands gripping the folds of the white sheet, head buried in pillow, he hides away from your gaze.

sae doesn’t fuck you in missionary/mating press, he's afraid his eyes might giveaway his true feelings, the moment they meet yours he'd hate the way you'd look at him, your eyes glimmering with love and affection.. the affection he deprives himself. the same that his heart has yearned each time your hands accidentally brushed washing over the facades he puts up.

sae doesn’t lace your fingers with his, because if he did you'd hold it better and never let it go; daunting him of a possibility where you won't be reach out for him anymore or perhaps when you'll beg him to hold it omce more. he slips off, fisting your wrists as you ask for him to trust that you'll catch him.

sae deafens himself to your sweet moans and melodic cries of I Love Yous, his name slipping off your lips effortlessly.

he'd hate the way you’d run your hands through his hair… tugging, eyes fluttering as you’d clench around his girth, your touch burns him from the inside, as your vulnerabilities seeps through naked. he’d blind himself to your smile, telling himself one day he'd be the reason you'll lose it.

you'd be a naked soul under him ready to give your all, without asking for an ounce in return. the moeent where his head would touch yours, all his weapons turning usless against the urge to hold you close, to have your hearts beating as one. he'd find himself at mercy of your peace. the intimacy of the moment driving away his fears. he'd hate the urge to kiss your soft lips, for it may unveil histrue self. its too weak, you're too weak to bring his walls down he chants like a prayer while a ray peaks through the dark alleys of his crooked heart.

you’re not enough, you wont ever be, no matter what lies you feed yourself as he lays next to you, giving away not even bits to hold onto. he shuts you out. you wont be the one to hear his aching heart beat. "love need not be a two way street sae" you whisper to his back, inaudible.

you eat your own words, a hand hanging in mid air, maybe one day he'll let someone in, someone capable to fight his inner demons… someone he’d reach out to. and you widthdraw your hand, “its too early…”, “…he's too broken” you're not the one.

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simp4fictionalmenandjesus · 1 year

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unimportant

“i don’t expect to be the most important thing in your life but god damn it, i thought i’d at least be in the top 5” with itoshi rin and itoshi sae. angst/no comfort.

rin itoshi

rin was really starting to piss you off. you’ve tried your best to understand him. you always listen to his problems. you stay with him when he needs company and leave when he doesn’t. not to toot your own horn, but you’ve been a pretty good girlfriend.

so, when you walk into your shared apartment, tearing up slightly because of a bad day at work, you immediately go to look for your boyfriend.

rin is analysing game footage for his next match. the opposition had brought in a few new players so he needed to get a grasp on how good they are.

listen, you weren’t one to disturb rin when he was working. you knew your boyfriend loathed being disturbed while attending to his duties but right now you need him to hug you and cuddle you until all the stress leaves your body.

“rinnie…” he doesn’t look at you, but you know he hears you because of the small grunt he lets out in reply. “i had a really bad day, can we hang out?” you’re staring at rin, waiting for him to ask you what happened.

he does not, in fact, ask you what happened. instead, you’re met with a groan and a “stop complaining.” wow. what a lovely boyfriend.

you try again, desperate for some form of comfort. “rin, please.” you need him right now, and his match is in three weeks, surely he can spare enough of his time to give you some words of solace.

he finally looks at you, a harsh glare meeting your eyes. “i’m working. y/n, leave me alone.” and you know he sees your puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks, you know that he knows you’ve been crying.

he turns back to the screen, ignorant of your existence. that’s when your sadness turns into frustration.

“rin, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?” you’ve walked up to him now, leaning over him to press pause on the game footage.

he doesn’t say anything but just glares again. he’s treating you like you’re a bug. your frustration only grows.

“oh my fucking god!” you throw your hands up in exasperation, glaring right back at rin. his voice is filled with apathy to your emotions, “i need to work. i’ll talk to you later.”

you start laughing. it seems that your unexpected reaction finally caught rin’s full attention. “listen rin, i know how important soccer is to you. i don’t expect to be number one on your priority list, but god, i at least thought i would make the top five!” rin stares at you without saying anything.

you continue your mini-rant “you know what, next time i’m upset, i won’t come to you. i wouldn’t want to risk disturbing your oh so precious game footage.” you stare rin dead in the eyes and send him a clearly fake smile. “next time you’re upset, don’t come to me either. i might be working.”

rin just glares. there’s something that’s so belittling about him not replying to your outburst. it makes you feel like a nuisance to him, but you suppose you are.

you leave the house. at least you’re angry instead of sad.

sae itoshi

you met sae in the airport with a large smile as soon as he came back to japan, immediately jumping into his arms and kissing him. you had missed your boyfriend dearly.

you, of course, expected sae to spend a bit of time with you after getting his passport renewed, but then he joins the u-20 japanese team for a match against the new government project blue lock.

that’s fine. sae will be able to spend some time with you right? wrong. before the day of the match, he trains and works. it’s alright though, he’s playing an important game, of course his preparations will take up a good chunk of his time.

after the match, he’s still busy working and training. you’re starting to realise that sae won’t spend a lot of time with you while he’s here.

all you really want is one day. a day where you and sae have a nice date together, where you’re able to finally have a full heart-to-heart conversation with him.

you walk into your mini home gym, sae’s inside. he’s doing bicep curls with weights you couldn’t lift with both of your hands. “sae! can we go on a date today?” your eyes are hopeful.

sae turns to you and sighs. “i can’t today, maybe tomorrow?” you return his sigh with an even bigger one. “you’ve been saying that for the past few days now.”

sae’s getting irritated. you can tell by the way he subtly squints his teal eyes. you’re bothering him.

“y/n. i have things to do, i can’t abandon it for some stupid date.” his words are harsher than they should be and he knows that, but it’s your fault for getting him upset, you keep bothering him about these dates. it’s annoying.

his words piss you off, and he continues to piss you off as he speaks again. “we can just eat at home like we always do.”

you feel your frustration growing but you take a deep breath to calm down, you don’t want to have an outburst. “sae, i want to go on a proper date with you. don’t get me wrong, i love staying home with you and just hanging out together but i want a special date, y’know?”

sae glares at you, he drops the weight on the floor and you wince at the loud crash. “y/n. i’m busy with soccer training. i can’t go on a date.”

it’s always soccer. at this point, sae might as well marry soccer because jesus fucking christ it’s all he cares about.

you walk up to him, you’re done trying to be nice. your index finger points into his chest. “i know you’re busy and i don’t expect to be the most important thing in your life but i thought i’d at least be in the top five.”

you sigh and step back from him, refusing to look at his expression. “never mind. i’m going out.”

sae doesn’t try to stop you.

do you want me to do any other of the boys?

#blue lock x reader #rin itoshi x reader #itoshi rin x reader angst #itoshi rin x reader #rin itoshi angst #itoshi rin angst #rin itoshi x reader angst #sae itoshi x reader #itoshi sae x reader #itoshi sae angst #sae itoshi angst #sae itoshi x reader angst #itoshi sae x reader angst #blue lock x reader angst #s4fmaj fics

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tteokdoroki · 1 year

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*ੈ🌩️‧₊˚— skeletons + sae itoshi.

૮˶ᵕ ༝ᵕ˶ა synopsis — sae doesn’t realise how much being away from home affects him, until he hears your voice again.

⭑ warnings — please read + mdni ! characters aged up to 20s, angst, hurt no comfort, long-distance, established relationship, mentions of mental health, pro player!sae, fem!reader - not beta read !

⭑ words — 2K.

⭑ notes — hi beautiful babies!! this is the first of a few fics i have queued for my week away. i wrote this a while ago and it’s based off of skeletons by keshi !! hope you like <3 - m.list ✩

in all honesty, sae itoshi doesn’t expect you to pick up. it’s way too late for you, just breaching the early house of the next morning in japan. there’s a seven hour difference between madrid and tokyo, sae knows because he’s looked it up a million times before anticipating a call or text from you. and right now, you’re probably sleeping, you’re supposed to have been sleeping.

but alas, your phone rings and you pick up on the third— voice groggy over the comforting crackle of static on the line. “h…hello?”

for a moment, the older itoshi brother listens to you and your natural ambience. he notes your deep breathing, still recovering from the depths of sleep, and the slight whines you let out with your yawns as you stretch your stiff muscles. maybe it’s weird, but sae misses all of your sounds, he misses waking up next to them— curling his arm around your waist on nights you’d snuck over to his childhood home just to see him.

“is anyone there?”

snapping out of it, sae clears his throat— fixing his voice as it sits hoarse in its base before he speaks. “it’s me, love.”

“sae!” shifting from the sheets tells sae that you’re more awake now— alerted by the symphony of his voice over the shitty landline. “shouldn’t you be asleep by now?”

“could say the same for you, it’s four am over there.” he knows that he’s wrong, you’re seven hours ahead and it’s only ten pm for him — meaning it’ll be closer to five am where you are and sae itoshi is never wrong. he was born with impressive gut instinct and a quick mind but this time he’s wrong on purpose. he makes a mistake because he wants to stall for time, keep you talking a little longer and hear your voice for a few minutes more…because maybe that’ll keep the demons away.

keep his head floating above the water he seems to have fallen in.

sae is drowning in his dreams, and if he reaches out he can’t touch them— to him, the greatest of all time…they’re unattainable.

“five actually, and my alarm is meant to go off soon. i thought you were it and then i saw your contact…” you manage to say through a yawn, rubbing your eye’s unbeknownst to your boyfriend since he’s halfway across the globe. if he could see, if he was there—he’d probably call you cute, wipe your eyes for you and force you back down to sleep. but he’s not here and he can’t see because there’s a distance between you that can only be fixed by grainy face times on your cells.

“i wanted to call.” the midfielder clarifies, cutting you off sharply but his words coat the inside of his mouth like cotton, as if they’re hard to say — melting over the line like rice paper on his tongue.

“okay,” breathing slow, you hug your knees to your chest and let your silence tangle with the crackling static. “you don’t usually call first.”

“i needed to hear your voice.”

“i’m here. i miss you. do you want to switch to facetime?” sae has half a mind to tell you no. if you switch now, you’d worry— you’d see how hollow he’s become, how sleep deprivation eats at the pink tinge to his flesh and clings to the undersides of his dulling aquamarine eyes. you might think that he’s dying and perhaps he is. the pro player feels like he is. every day is harder, his bones feel heavier and his muscles weaker — he needs medicine. he needs you.

you’re the only drug sae would ever inject into his veins— your smile, your laugh, your heart. they make him better, make him feel alive. so he relents, “gimme a sec, i’ll call you.” he grunts and taps the button to video-call, waiting for you to pick up again.

“there you are, handsome. tell me about your day.” blue light from the early morning filters over your skin— the footage of the FaceTime call is grainy, probably because it’s still a little bit dark outside for you but you’re beautiful. to sae you’ve always been beautiful.

the elder itoshi brother makes a small effort to smile at your compliment, the expression blooming on his cheeks which you mirror, happy to see him — he misses you too. “i don’t wanna talk about it. you do the talking. i just want to listen to you.”

“alright well… i worked today— yesterday. sorry! timezones,” you miss the way sae winces at the mention of your time difference, the invisible divide between you both, as you settle back into your bed to admire him. “my shift sort of sucked, you know how it goes.” your boyfriend listens to you intently, makes faces at the complaints you make about customers, clients and coworkers alike.

sometimes, the midfielder doesn’t understand you how you devote your life’s work, your beauty and intelligence to an industry that chews you up, spits you out like dirt and drives you to the edge of falling to pieces. sae doesn’t doubt you, he knows that you’re talented and wishes you saw the same value in yourself that he did.

you deserve better. so much better.

perhaps he’s the same as you, working for someone else until he breaks and he’s better than everyone else— all in the name of becoming the best in the world.

“you hate your job. quit. i earn enough money to take care of you.”

“and you hate yours. but you won’t come home where i can take care of you.”

sae rolls his eyes at your quip because of how easy it is for you to read him despite the way he hides his emotions behind a clay mask. he’s always been like that, but he feels the need to tuck away the uglier parts from him even more of late— even if you’ve seen it all before. the late nights where he’s feeling sad and goes to bed, sae wakes up feeling even worse. especially without you but even now with your face on a screen, beaming at him the same way you have all your life— he doesn’t feel any better.

you’re meant to be his solace.

quickly changing the subject, sae nods his head as if to push you in a different conversational direction. “tell me about what you did after work.”

you hesitate, peering into his ocean eyes for a split second. “i went to see rin at blue lock. he’s…he’s doing really well, you know. you should come see him sometime. you’d be proud of how far he’s come since we were little.”

it’s not that he doesn’t care about his younger brother, but the relationship between rin and sae itoshi is probably long past any attempts at repair. you’ve been stuck in the middle for as long as you’ve known them— pulling them close despite the boys repelling each other like polar magnets.

you were the glue when they were kids, keeping the three of you together and to this day you still tried to manage the gap between the two brothers, despite their disputes. their differences.“can we please not talk about that half-ass piece of—“ you glare over the phone from across the globe and sae silences himself, pursing his lips to avoid scrutiny from the love of his life. you.

“you know, you never told me what happened when you first came home from Spain.” you blurt after a moment's quiet. “but i think i’ve always sorta known.”

“yeah?” the magenta haired midfielder challenges, brushing a hand over his tired face.

“yeah…” nodding subtly, you shift and roll onto your side— a solemn expression dancing across your features. “you changed. you hurt him, sae, real bad. rin changed too.” you say hoarsely, as if the words you’ve uttered burn at the insides of your throat like bitter liquor. “you’ve not shown that same fate to me, you know better than to lash out at me. but you’re different. you don’t smile anymore. not with your eyes like you used to — i miss that.” i miss you. is what you really want to say. not just physically, but emotionally. you want your boyfriend back, not the empty shell of skin and bones you have now.

even sae picks up on the hidden meaning behind your words— he doesn’t smile at you like he used to.

for once the eldest itoshi decides to be honest with you. he thinks to tell you how stressed out he is, how he’s scared his plan for this soccer thing might not even work out. he decides to be honest in words that he knows best and not all the details because he doesn’t want you to break over him.

“talk to me, itoshi.” you cut through his thoughts like a knife through butter.

“i’m afraid of myself, and i hate it.”

“then come home, sae.” it’s a nice offer, a tempting bribe. to be home with you when sae knows that would be the closest thing to giving up. he knew you wouldn’t get it. you wouldn’t understand how much soccer meant to him but you can’t be blamed for that. the thing you love most in the world isn’t your career— it’s him. “come home and be with me.”

your wish would be as selfish as his — you don’t want him to give up soccer for you and he doesn’t want to leave soccer to feel better with you like he knows he would.

“i need to make it to the end of the season — i have to.”

“sae, you’re tired. you look like a ghost.”

“i don’t even know if i’m going to make it.” he snaps, desperate and pleading with you not to make this more difficult than it already is. “but if i don’t try. then all of this will be for nothing. my goals have changed, but i worked hard for this and i will get what i want.” he spits out as if there’s acid on his tongue, burning through the little solace of love you’ve tried to wrap him up in. sae runs a hand through his silken locks, sighing as he briefly looks away from your crumpled face on the screen. “so stop asking me to come home for you because i won’t. it’s not worth it. you’re not worth it.”

you gasp, tears flooding your eyes. you know he doesn’t mean it, or maybe he does — it’s been difficult to read sae recently, he’s slipping from your grasp like sand between your fingers and you just have to let him. another beat of silence echoes between you both — but neither of you make the effort to speak. sae doesn’t correct himself and you don’t force your hand to make him apologise.

you care enough for him not to make him fight— to make sae choose his own battles. you’d never ask him to pick soccer over you, because you know what his answer would be regardless… but that doesn’t mean it hurts you any less to watch him destroy himself for it and to lose the boy you grew up loving to a sport you may never understand.

though, that doesn’t stop you from lashing out and bearing your own fangs either — if he was going to throw salt in your wounds, you could do that too.

“i have to go, itoshi. get some rest, you look like shit, but you that’s what you want, right? it’s worth it to you.”

you hang up before he can say a word and sae can’t bring himself to message and apologise. because he knows that you’re right, you’re telling him to pick soccer because he can’t make that choice for himself.

sae itoshi is a pro player now. he’s gotten what he’s always wanted — he’s achieving his dreams as the corpse of the man he once was. the one who loved you proper.

but that doesn’t matter anymore, whatever his team wants out of him they get.

since his skeleton’s out for the taking.

#blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #itoshi sae x reader #itoshi sae x you #itoshi sae angst #itoshi sae imagines #sae itoshi x reader #sae itoshi x you #sae itoshi imagines #sae itoshi angst #blue lock x you #bllk x you #bllk angst #blue lock angst #blue lock imagines #bllk imagines #✧ ₊˚੭ — writing #tteokdoroki

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yooils · 1 year

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RUIN MY PLANS ! sae itoshi x manager! reader. fluff.

☆彡– really, he should have known better than to let someone in so easily– now you've ruined his plans and stained your muddy footprints all over his heart.

part two is out now!

even in the beginning, it was always just sae and soccer.

(wrong. there was also rin– who used to idolized him as one would a celebrity, and his supportive parents– who sent him snacks and supportive notes when he was abroad.)

nevertheless, there really was no one in the small world of sae itoshi; hidden beneath the bitter guise of frigid thunder and even icier storms– until you first came in as his own brand new manager, (slightly naive) smile differing strikingly from his indifferent countenance.

you've unsolicitedly trampled all over his once-tranquil paradise over the years, sae thinks, because now he can't imagine a future without you– it makes his skin crawl and it feels sickening. how mediocre of him.

and just as sae starts to slowly accept the unfamiliar whirlwind of emotions in his life after denying his feelings for so long, his fragile world collapses again.

"i'm going to resign soon."

oh.

sae's heart sinks to his stomach. he feels like his whole world is falling apart– just like in the movies– and he's infuriated. resentment always came easily to sae, after all; but the fact that it's you makes his stomach churn.

(you, who unexpectedly won a place in his life with your lukewarm anecdotes, stupid laughter and reckless work habits. really, he should have known better than to let someone in so easily– now you've ruined his plans and stained your muddy footprints all over his heart.)

the soft music thrumming through the speakers of an expensive restaurant fuels his rage even more, and you're still sitting there nonchalantly– calm and composed, expression showing no signs of discomfort nor awkwardness.

and it really pisses him off.

he's treated you so well over the years too; trying to be on his best behaviour on his interviews with the press (read: not walking off); listening half-heartedly to your ramblings on how to increase his popularity (though he couldn't care less); and even going so far as to mind his language sometimes.

upon further reflection, maybe he really was the jerk here.

but in contrast to his internal turmoil, sae's demeanour remains tepid save for the slight furrow of his eyebrows. "huh? what's wrong with you?"

it comes out a lot harsher than intended.

you've known sae long enough to read his minuscule body language, and that the slight wince at his own words mean that he's a little apologetic– not that his ego would have ever allowed him to admit it. (if anything, it makes you realise that you've stayed in this job too long for your liking.)

–it's absolutely unhealthy to be around him for so long, you affirm to yourself. that's why you're resigning after six gruelling years.

the way you shift in your chair almost makes him worry.

"it's nothing big, i just want to start a normal life." you respond, albeit tentatively. "maybe cut off travelling around for a bit, have a less stressful job, get a partner–"

he scoffs at that. (it's not due to jealousy, definitely.) "you could do that even while being a manager; it's just a little busier than a normal life. plus, it's not too stressful, is it?"

you work more than 17 hours on busy days– even answering his spur of the moment midnight calls. as much as an eye candy as sae is, you don't think your heart can handle him much longer despite how unaffected you look.

(little did you know, he would've long cut back on the immense workload if you had so much as mentioned it– he would have gone beyond limits to keep you by his side, because you're the only constant in his world of football. and he likes that.)

"i suppose so– i guess settling back into Japan might make dating a lot easier, as well as stop my parent's nagging." you sigh. "they're constantly pestering me on when i'll get married."

sae's had his share of flings in europe before– so he has no idea why his heart races so fast at the mere thought of a reckless idea.

"so date me."

you choke. his face stays stoic, utterly contradicting to the way he swallows thickly– he really is a mess. now he's ruined every single healthy relationship he's ever had in his life.

and never in your life did you think you would get to hear sae itoshi ask you out, even if it was just for his own benefit. "it won't hinder with your work, and it'll be easy to convince your parents, won't it?"

you hate how persuasive he is.

(that night, you end up making a decision that might just cost you more than your sappy feelings.)

1.8.23

#log– works #he would be a caring bf :(#and then he realises that he likes u too much #and dumps you #blue lock #blue lock fluff #bllk fluff #sae itoshi #sae itoshi x reader #sae fluff #sae angst #sae itoshi fluff #sae itoshi angst #blue lock sae #sae x gn! reader

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raesoreos · 1 year

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Promise | itoshi sae

sae itoshi x f! reader

warning: angst with no happy ending, ooc! Sae, sick! reader, reader has a fatal disease, angst no comfort ( a bit?)

———————————————————————

“I’m sorry but Ms. y/n Itoshi is diagnosed with Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease”

Sae’s eyes widen at the doctor’s statement. It is a rare disease. No wonder why you keep forgetting almost everything, your personality keep changing and have abnormal changes in you.

“so how can we treat her disease doctor?” Sae asked the doctor in front of him and glanced at your figure on the bed

“We currently have no cure for the disease but the least we can do is treat her with antidepressants to help with her anxiety and painkillers to relieve her pain” the doctor explained

“-but i hope you can stay with her till the end of her life because people who got infected died within a year” the doctor added

Sae was shocked. He doesn’t want to lose anyone he loves. Not you. He didn’t want to cry in front of the doctor. He was holding back his tears.

He wanted to cherish this time with you, taking a break from his job being a professional soccer player.

All this for your sake.

——————————————————————

“ I don’t remember who i am, Sae. Do you even know me?”

You sat on the hospital bed. You got warded. You can’t understand what the doctor’s saying. But he clearly said that you had to stay in this hospital for a year and after that you can freely go anywhere that you like

“Yes, in fact , i knew you very well. You’re the loveliest person i’ve ever knew in my life. You’re also my responsibility “ Sae replied and he fed you some pancakes with maple syrup with a plastic fork

“Say aah”

Sae’s lips formed an O and you mimicked his gesture, he then brought the pancakes to your mouth and Sae’s expression softened when he saw your expression after he fed you with pancakes.

“ IT WASH DELISHUS FEED ME MORE”

Your eyes shine and Sae giggled at your demeanor. He thought that you look so cute when you eat your favourite food.

Although he was kinda sad because for you, it will always be the first time you taste pancakes

—————————————————————

“ Sae why are you here all the time? Aren’t you tired of me?”

He knew this side of you very well. The personality where you always feel down and unappreciated. You’re feeling like everyone’s hating on you, including Sae.

“ You’re my priority y/n. I will always be here for you. I will do anything for you. Without you, this world is nothing to me”

Sae gets close to you and hugged you, managed to calm your feelings down

You never knew why everytime Sae was here, you always feel safe. You always feel appreciated. You always feel like he is your savior. But you still have a question.

“Who is y/n?” you asked

Sae widen his eyes, breaking away from the hug slowly, caress your soft cheeks gently

“You, or should I say the love of my life ?”

You smiled at his statement. Why do you keep forgetting almost everything these daysbit never forget about him.

“I hope that we can fight my disease together. So we can be free from this place and travel anywhere together” you said while smiling at him

He wished for that. He wanted that so bad. But he couldn’t make it happen. You almost broke him down to tears.

“I really wanted to do that. I hope we can still be together till the very end” He said

————————————————————————-

Sae looked outside the hospital window, seeing the moon

“The moon looks beautiful today. Don’t you think so too y/n ?” Sae glanced at your sleeping figure

You’re still pretty just like the first time he met you

He went to your bed and admiring your flawless features while you’re sleeping

He smiled.

“But you’re more beautiful than the moon and I am glad to meet you” He said and after that, he went asleep beside you while holding your hand.

————————————————————————-

You saw Sae arrived at your ward with a big bouquet of flowers.

“Ta- da ! Look what i have for you “

He brought you your favourite flowers, red roses

“WAAA IT LOOKS SO LOVELY SAE !“ you said happily. He managed to capture some photos of you with the bouquet and even a selfie with you.

He looked at the picture. He was so happy and thought he was lucky to have you as his significant other

He put the flowers in a vase, grabs a rose and gave it to you

You inhaled the scent. It smelled lovely. He thinks so too. He glad that he bought these for you

It was your favoirite after all

Not to mention that the roses reminds him of you.

————————————————————————-

“Don’t go please”

“HANG ON ME Y/N”

“NO DONT LEAVE ME”

He shook your body numerous times but you didn’t even flinch from his actions. Your heartbeat and your pulse stopped. He broke down and crying. He tried to wake you up.

“PLEASE WAKE UP Y/N PLEASE”

but still, you didn’t respond

His body started to shake. He wished it was a dream

But what if it wasn’t ?

Sae woke up from the nightmare.

“Hey u-uh Sai?”

Sae was shocked. He glanced the figure in front of him. Did you leave him?

“Hey y/n. It’s Sae by the way. Is there anything you need” Sae asked. Did you forget about him? But thank god, he was relieved that it was only a dream. A bad dream.

“You look like you had a bad dream. Do you need a hug?”

Sae’s eyes watered. He hugged your figure and

his tears stained your hospital gown

“It’s fine. I’m here” you whispered

He hugged you tightly and carefully. As if you’re fragile person

“ I dreamt that you leave me alone in this world. I don’t want that to happen”

He cried. You rubbed his back and your gestures managed to soothen him a bit. Only for him to fall asleep in your arms

“You’re such a kid Sae. I would never leave you”

————————————————————————-

You find yourself becoming weak, you can’t see anything.

Your vision darkened. You can’t see anything. Not even Sae

“SAE PLEASE HELP ME I CANT SEE ANYTHING OH MY GOD!” you screamed for his help and you touched your eyes. You can feel the salty water came out from your eyes.

The nurse barged in to your room, called the doctor and examined your current state

Sae went to your ward after he finished making your favourite dessert, green tea mochis.

Only to discover that the doctor was examined your health. And he saw you in a depressed state. His happy expression turned into a worried one

Sae fastened his pace to your bed, asked the doctor a quick question

“Is there anything happened to her doctor?”

“Unfortunately yes. She lost her sight. At this point, we can’t do anything. I’m sorry Mr. Itoshi”

He was standing there horrified, he quickly went to your figure on the bed.

“ Y/n ?”

“Sae?”

He quickly hugged you. He doesn’t want you to forget his face. It was selfish but he doesn’t want the love of his life forgetting him.

“You’re safe with me now” Sae comforted y/n by rubbing her back

You broke the hug.

“i smelled something good” you said

“i brought some mochis” you smiled. You still look angelic. He thought. He doesn’t want this to end. Although it costs him his job, he would do anything for you

His thought quickly got brushed off when you caressed his face

“I don’t want to forget your face Sae. Your features are perfect. Although I can’t see but I always believe that you are a beautiful guy inside out” You beat him to it.

He was so happy as he hugged you back

“I promise that we will get out from this place as soon as possible” You said

————————————————————————-

The promise turned into a lie.

He went to your ward, only to discover a broken vase on the floor with wilted roses.

And an empty bed.

He stood there. He was devastated. It was devastating.

Where are you?

This should be a joke right?

He heard footsteps from behind

“Mr. Itoshi”

Sae’s eyes widen and looked at the doctor who was in charge of you. He knew he’s gonna tell him bad news.

“Ms. Itoshi (y/n) passed away just now”

His world fell apart. It feels like he lost a part of him. As if he was being cut into two. It was hurt

It was painful

Sae didn’t manage to do anything

He only could feel the bereavement took over his body. No words can describe his current feelings.

He went home. To his shared apartment with you while having a breakdown for the whole week.

He can’t believe he lost you

His love

His world

He wasn’t the same anymore.

He realized how he truly had loved you

————————————————————————

Sae heard a knock on his apartment’s door

“Sae I know you’re in there OPEN THE DOOR FOR FUCK’S SAKE” he heard a yelling alongside some loud knocks on his door

he knew that voice

It was Rin

Sae opened the door. Rin entered his apartment. He was shocked seeing Sae’s state. He looks like he didn’t manage himself. He fell into a state of melancholy after your death

Rin opened his mouth

“You didn’t answer my calls. “ Sae glanced at his phone that has ran out of battery.

Rin sighed

“ Why didn’t you go to y/n’s funeral?“

“ I don’t want to.”

Rin was mad. He grabbed Sae by the collar.

“ SHE IS YOUR WIFE SAE. SHE IS YOUR WIFE. IT WAS HER FUNERAL. WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU SAE?” Rin shouted at him

“shut up rin”

“what the fuck-“

“SHUT UP YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL”

Rin saw the droplets fall to the marble tile. He glanced at Sae’s expression

He was crying.

“it was her funeral nii-chan. why won’t you-“

“ y/n wouldn’t want to see you like this”

“i dont want-“ Sae stuttered

“ I iust don’t want my last memory of mine about her is me seeing her lifeless body being buried to the ground. I wanted my last memory about her is us being happy in each other’s arms“

#blue lock #sae itoshi #blue lock sae itoshi #itoshi sae #blue lock angst #bllk angst #bllk x reader #sae x reader #itoshi rin #rin itoshi #sae itoshi angst #itoshi sae angst #sae angst

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