#breezer woods

[ladylooch]

Nico request where you let one of his teammates babysit or the new baby comes to meet the team?

A/N: Dad Nico.... *soft sigh* The sweet content we need after a rough playoff Saturday ( at least for me. Congrats if you had a better day 🤪) Here she is...Nico's daughter in What My World Spins Around AU.

Word Count: 1.1k

No warnings with this one.

The metal door bangs closed behind me as I enter the New Jersey Devil’s practice rink. I am weighted down by the carseat that holds my daughter along with a backpack stuffed to the brim with anything and everything I thought we would need. My eyes find Nico who flies along the ice with Jesper Bratt. They’re approaching the net in front of me. Nico passes, then received the puck back, tucking it into the top right corner like it’s so easy. His grin is electric as he peels into the corner by me. He glances up, doing a double take at me. He glides along the zone closer to me.

“You okay?” He asks through the glass. 

“Yeah.” I respond with a big smile. I’m fine. So is our daughter, Lucie. I just needed a change of scenery that wasn’t our kitchen, living room or bedroom.

“Walk this way.” He points to my left. 

I follow the boards along to the bench. I am acutely aware of how on display I am as fans and players alike watch 

Coach Ruff, who I wouldn’t consider to be much of a softy, blows his whistle, skating towards the bench with the rest of the Devils following.

“Hischer, who is this?”

“My baby!” Nico exclaims. The guys cheer loudly, sticks tapping against the ice, hoops and hollers making my cheeks spread wide. “And her hot mama.” I accept a kiss from my husband then put Lucie’s car seat on the boards for the guys to see her. She’s the real star of today’s show.

“Hi sweetheart.” Nico murmurs, reaching down to unsnap her seatbelt straps. She startles in her sleep, hands swaying in the air, a soft puff of a noise coming from between her little lips. The group of sweaty, tough hockey players literally swoons in front of me. They all skate closer until the whole team and coaching staff is surrounding us.

“Um, sorry I didn’t mean to distract you.” I chuckle, scanning their faces. No one, including the gruff head coach, seems to mind.

“We were about done.” Nico tells me, tossing a wink as he works Lucie’s arm out of the straps. 

“Damn. Now I want another.” Brendan Smith moans. “Never got a daughter…” He trails off, looking at her decked out in lavender. Her head has a light pink headband that accents the thick, dark hair she was born with.

“Look at her face.” Erik Haula groans as her little lips pucker while she starts to awaken again from the commotion. “We probably stink.” He jokes. I nod my head in agreement.

One player, Jack Hughes, peels off from the rest of the group, beginning to flick pucks down to the far net.

“Too cool for your best friend’s baby?” Jesper Bratt asks him, slapping his breezers with the blade of his stick.

“Nah. Held Sweet Lu half the night at dinner yesterday.” Jack had come over with a bottle of expensive tequila for me, beer for Nico, and demanded baby snuggles as payment. I don’t think he was even fully in the house before he took her from my arms.

“Uncle Jack is her undisputed favorite.” I tell Jesper. Jack’s eyes catch mine and I see the softness there for our daughter. He winks at me, then is off on his own.

The rest of the group takes peeks and some of them begin to peel off, letting others get a better look at their Captain’s new world.

“Hey Hisch, how is your baby so cute but you’re so ugly?” Miles Wood asks with a shit eating grin on his face, give her foot a gentle squeeze. Nico rolls his eyes, grabbing the car seat from me and skating down to the door of the bench.

“Because my wife is prächtig.” He answers, skates clacking on the mats as he walks towards me. “Gorgeous.” He murmurs a translation, leaning in to kiss me. I wrinkle my nose at the smell coming from him.

“Woof.” I cough, adjusting to breathe through my mouth. He puts Lucie’s car seat on the bench, using a BioSteel towel to wipe off his hands and face from the sweat dripping on his skin.

“Yeah, stinky.” He chuckles, reaching into her car seat and pulling her into his arms. “Wanna take a spin, Lulu?” 

“Slow, Neeks.” I nervously bite my lip.

“Mhm. She’s safe with daddy.” I smile, knowing that’s the truth. Everything about her will always be protected by her dad… and his 19 teammates who still look entranced by her little face bundled against the red of Nico’s jersey.

As Nico twirls around the ice with her, the Social Media Manager, Erin, approaches. 

“Hi, would it be okay if I took pictures of them for the team socials? I can avoid anything showing her face.” We haven’t shared pictures of her full face on social media and haven’t decided if we ever really will. As parents, we just want to keep her safe.

“Um, yeah that’s okay with us.” I say. 

“Thank you! They are so cute out there together.”

She maneuvers around me, holding her camera up and clicking along. Nico notices, looking at me. I give him a head nod that it’s all okay with me. Lucie eventually wakes up completely, whining softly to her dad. He skates her back to me, noting her tightly closed fists.

“She’s hungry, babe.” 

“Yeah, it’s time.” I nod, taking her back from him. 

“Ohmygosh.” Erin murmurs, tilting her camera to show me. Nico is holding Lucie out in front of his face. Her little arms are stretched to the side as he spins her slowly. Jack is next to Nico, his cocky smile wide as the two players laugh at whatever face Lucie is making. Nico’s face is everything in that picture. It’s like Lucie is the only thing in the world that exists. I know that look well. It’s been directed at me daily since we met.

“Can you send that to me?” I ask her. 

“Oh definitely. There are a ton of good ones. Let me edit them a bit and I’ll email them over. Thank you for letting me do this. Devils fans are so in love with your family… respectfully.” Nico and I laugh.

“We’re pretty great.” He grins directly at me. There’s that look again.

“Hey, do I get a turn with her now?” Jack asks, slowing to a stop in front of me.

“Um, I have to feed her then, yes?” I turn to Nico who shrugs like it’s fine with him.

“Yeah. Let Uncle Jack take her. Remind him of what happens when you’re too desperate to wait.” He tosses me a wink.

“Hischier.” I scold him, cheeks flushing red as I adjust my backpack on my shoulders. “For the record, I wasn’t the impatient one.” Nico laughs.

“Something about short, black dresses.” He snaps his teeth jokingly at me,

“Something about desperate NHL captains.” I shoot back.

“Something about married people.” Jack mumbles with slight disgust, then skates off to rip more pucks into the net. 

#Nico hischier #nico hischer blurb #nico Fischer fan fiction #New Jersey devils #hockey writing #NHL fan fiction #my writing #writing requests

[thesocklesswonder]

3S podcast transcript. Transcriber: SocklessWonder. Air date: TBD

SCRIBBLES: Welcome to the first episode of Scribbles' Squirky Scrutiny, the podcast that examines all the quirky and weird things to be found in Sornieth. With us today--

MACUIL: "Squirky"?

SCRIBBLES: Yeah, it's a word I just coined. It's a portmanteau of silly and quirky. You like it?

MACUIL: It's, uh, something. Were you just trying to be alliterative or--

SCRIBBLES: Right! Getting back on track - we welcome to the podcast Macuil, who has just released her first book, "Suddenly Soaring in Sornieth: A Chronicle of Magical Curiosities."

Macuil, what can you tell us about your book?

MACUIL: Well, it's a book that discusses strange happenings all around Sornieth. It ranges from things like temporarily disappearing pond water all the way to how a crisis was averted at the Great Furnace last winter.

SCRIBBLES: [nodding] Oh, that sounds like a fun read! Was it fun to write? I forgot to ask: Have you had anything published before this book?

MACUIL: I haven't, no. Primarily because you rejected my short story submission at your magazine for being, what was the term? "Silly and insig--"

SCRIBBLES: Oh, ho! Look at the time! Let's take a break to hear from one of our sponsors: Boulder Breakers, er, Bashers, landscaping specialists. [music plays]

--ad--

SCRIBBLES: And we're back from that lovely message from Boulder Bashers. Keep them in mind if you need to remove a pesky stray boulder from your lair.

Macuil, writing is a tough profession, so, what made you interested in it?

MACUIL: Well, I read a lot of books as a hatchling and young dragon. I read fiction, but my passion was always non-fiction. I went to the library and read book after book, trying to discover why things were the way they were.

My parents were very supportive. They even installed a library at home in my brother's old alcove. He left our clan before I hatched, but Mother never had the heart to put another hatchling in his place.

SCRIBBLES: Oh, that's so, er, personal and emotional. Moving on! Macuil, what made you so curious about, er, curiosities? I mean, what was the impetus that drove you to eventually write a book about them?

MACUIL: Well, Scribbles, I became interested as a hatchling. I had scarcely been out of the egg a day when I saw something that didn't make sense. Now, granted, I hadn't seen much in my short amount of time in Sornieth, but I had seen the many members of my lair doing chores, writing notes, doing sporty things, and flying.

On the afternoon of my second day as a hatchling, I saw a snapper dragon. I don't remember her name. She was from a neighboring clan, but moved shortly after that day. She seemed to have been trying to find a way around a large outcropping of rocks--

SCRIBBLES: Sounds like she should have called Boulder Bashers! [giggling]

MACUIL: [giggling] Oh, yes, for sure. Oh, ho!

Well, this dragon decided to use a ramp. She built it with wood planks and it worked quite well! She went to the top of the rocks and sat, seemingly contemplating the world. I snuck up the ramp after she had seated herself. I intended to discover what it was that made her climb all the way up there.

I was about halfway up the ramp when there was a loud cracking sound. The planks were breaking with me on them!

SCRIBBLES: Oh, that certainly sounds distressing. How about we take a break to hear from our sponsor, Beach Breezers wind supply professionals?

[music plays]

--ad--

SCRIBBLES: And we are back! Remember Beach Breezers the next time you're at the beach and the lack of a breeze bums you out.

Macuil, you were telling us the ramp was about to break. Can you tell us more?

MACUIL: Unfortunately, 'oh, yes'. I shrieked and flapped my wings, but I was too young to fly.

The snapper heard me and looked down. I could see the alarm in her eyes. Her vestigial wings fluttered in frustration, but she could no more fly than could I!

SCRIBBLES: Oh, my, this is terrifying! How did you manage to make it out of there?

MACUIL: I certainly [i]felt[/i] terror! Just as the planks were about to snap completely, I heard a mighty roar. I looked up and saw the snapper. Her dark brown eyes were shining with a ferocity I'd never seen before and haven't seen since.

Suddenly, she jerked violently to the right and then to the left. She roared again. Then came the oddest thing: Her wings started to grow!

SCRIBBLES: Wow! That's not normal. How did that happen?

MACUIL: I don't know how exactly it happened, but just before they started to grow, there was a great pink and purple flash of lighting. It struck her, but it didn't harm her. I was stunned - despite my extreme youth, I knew lightning hurt.

SCRIBBLES: Wait -- you said the lightning was pink and purple? How curious!

MACUIL: Exactly!

Well, her wings grew in an instant and then she flapped them like she'd been flying her whole life and swooped in to rescue me just as the planks gave way!

[silence and then the sound of a pencil dropping on the desk]

SCRIBBLES: That-- that's so [i]exciting[/i]! What happened next? Did she say how she did it? What did your parents say about it? Oh, I'm all out of breath!

MACUIL: Well, you'll just have to read it in the book - that story is in chapter one!

SCRIBBLES: Oh! My stars! I forgot to take another sponsor break, that was so exciting. We'll be right back!

[music plays]

--ad--

SCRIBBLES: We are back - please keep Tomo's Trivia Tablet in mind when trivia pops into your head. The history of our land depends on [i]your[/i] good memory!

MACUIL: Isn't that your day job? Kind of a conflict of interest, isn't it?

SCRIBBLES: I, ah, hey! Didn't you tell me you have a book tour coming up?

MACUIL: [silence for several seconds, then a sigh] Yes. Yes, I do. The tour starts at the Highland Sanctum. There will be a reception on the cliffs overlooking the island ruins off the northeast shore. We're going to have a light luncheon and I will get to thank all of my contributors and my publisher. The book signing follows.

SCRIBBLES: That sounds lovely! Are tickets available to the general pub--

[high-pitched screeching sound and then Scribbles screams]

SCRIBBLES: It's a monster! Run! It hit my face! Not the face!

MACUIL: Calm down! It's just a bat! Why do you care about your face, anyway? This is a podcast.

[flapping sound; more screeching; Scribbles screams again; banging sounds; silence; Scribbles bellows a wordless war cry]

Stop that! You're scaring it! Scribbles, put down that cleaver! Where did you get that? Why do you even [i]have[/i] a cleaver?!

[clanging sound; flapping sounds; screeching; Scribbles screams; door slam]

MACUIL: Come, little one. Come here. Yes, that's it. I'll set you free, sweet friend. There you are - goodbye!

[gentle flapping sound fading; door bangs open]

SCRIBBLES: Where is it?! Where's the monster?! I brought backup!

[footsteps on stairs]

MACUIL: There was no monster, as I said, Scribbles. It was a bat and I released it from the window over there.

SCRIBBLES: It's still open - it could come back!

[flapping, scrambling sounds; slamming sound; cracking sound]

TOMO: What is going on here? What monster? Who is this? Is that-- is that my recording equipment? Scribbles, you know that's what I use to record my thoughts so I don't forget them. Why is it down here in the basement?

[silence; Scribbles panting]

MACUIL: Hello! I'm Macuil. Scribbles was interviewing me for their podcast when a bat flew in. It frightened them quite a bit.

TOMO: Podcast? Wait, is that why you made me recite that script? Am I one of your "sponsors"? How much are you charging?! I can't afford to pay you in treasure or gems. If you recall, you get room and board in exchange for services.

SCRIBBLES: No, it was just a filler. You don't have to-- I'm not charging you. It's free publicity! Now more dragons will help with your memory project!

TOMO: Well, that does sound nice. Is that a crack in the window pane? How hard did you slam it?

SCRIBBLES: I was keeping the monster out. It was an accident!

MACUIL: Excuse me, but are we finished with the pod--

SCRIBBLES: Oh! No! I had some more questions.

TOMO: Not now, you don't. You're going to have to go get a job to pay for that window. Shoo! Go, on!

[light flapping sound]

TOMO: Is this thing still on?

MACUIL: I think so.

TOMO: Well, there's no sense in letting a good podcast go to waste! I'd like to pick your brains a bit, Macuil. Do you have a moment to answer some questions?

[chair scooching sound; footsteps; gently shutting door]

[END]

#flight rising #scribbles #tomo #dragons #scribbles flight rising #tomo flight rising #fake podcast

[lemonjestercoffee]

Url Tag Game

Rules: Spell your url with song titles and then tag as many people as there are letters.

gee thanks @plentscorner- i don't even know if i know any songs that start with some of these letters. imma try tho

L = Loreley - Blackmore's Night E = EveR ∞ LastinG ∞ NighT - Hitoshizuku and Yama (Vocaloid) M = Mr. Capgras Encounters a Secondhand Vanity - Will Wood O = One Last Ale - Paddy and The Rats N = New Way Out - Lemon Demon J = Jack in The Green - Coyote Run E = Enchanté - Dirt Poor Robins S = Shut Eye -Stealing Sheep T = Taglio - S.J. Tucker E = Everything Moves - Bronze Radio Return R = Reggae Mortis - Aurelio Voltaire C = Come Along - Cosmo Sheldrake O = Open Your Eyes - Aviators F = Fear & Delight - The Correspondents F = For Alice - Omnia E = Enemies to Lovers - Joshua Kyan Alampour E = Endless Summer - Abasfacto

so fucking many songs i listen to start with T apparently, i swear if half of them just removed "the" i'd have way more options. i almost couldn't complete this cause there's only like- two songs i actually listen to actively that start with E, but five Es in my user

i don't have that many mutuals so imma just target people i think would be mildly annoyed by me doing this @breezere @sweetlilacscribbles @vespertin-y @distiramoth

#kai time #tag game #augh

[greekmythstoldbyanasshole]

Odysseus

So first off, we’re going to talk about Odysseus. Odysseus was like that smart, but weasely guy you know. The kind of guy who is great to have around if you need to find a way to sneak out of a bad blind date, but also the kind of guy who cheats on his wife while she’s sitting at home literally turning away handsome and rich guys left and right. 

But I digress. 

So, Odysseus was on his way back from the Trojan War on his way home to Ithaca. The place, not the college. At this point, his ego must have been huge, since he created the entire field of hacking when he designed the original Trojan Horse. 

After leaving Troy, Odysseus and his buddies were looking for a place to stop and chill out for a bit. I mean, I probably would have just grabbed a couple of Red Bulls and tried to power through until I got home, but that’s just me. They eventually found an island and thought, “This island probably isn’t full of monsters, so that’s cool.”

Island was totally full of monsters. It held the terrible Cyclopes, known for horrendous things like living in caves, eschewing government (and law) and grouwing crops from rain personally sprinkled by Zeus. Seriously? This is the description that these guys get? They’re horrible because they are special farmers who live in caves and fuck with the government? They’re only a few steps away from being a US Senator. 

Odysseus, feeling like Jesus, took 12 of his guys with him to do some ‘splorin’. He told everyone else to stay on board and remain at the ready at their oars, to which I’m sure the not-cool-enough-to-be-a-part-of-the-landing-party guys gave a very convincing nod and said, “Ya, we’re totally going to do that.”

O-dawg and crew then saw a cyclops and decided that the best course of action would be to follow the fucker while holding a wineskin full of specifically unmixed wine. None of that “Barefoot Red Blend” bullshit. 

Ok, so at the beginning of the story, I know I said that Odysseus was super smart, but the following tidbit makes him seem like a bit of a moron. He took one look at the big, ugly, Fox News Conspiracy touting Cyclopes and was like, “It’s customary for all Greeks to be, like, super inviting hosts, who give out sweet gifts to their guests. I’m sure these guys will be like that and not murder us in their caves or anything.”

Then, like a normal Air BnB guest, Odysseus waited in the bushes until the cylops started tending to his sheep, and then snuck into his house. 

When they got into the cave, everyone started bitching about how musty and cluttered it was, as if they hadn’t just broken in hoping for free shit. There were baskets full of cheese and animal pens full of lambs and little baby goats, who were hopefully weraing those little pajamas like you always see on Facebook. The cyclops had made a bed out of willow branches because Ikea hadn’t been invented yet. 

After a while, Odysseus’s homeboys started getting nervous about the whole, “breaking and entering” thing, so they suggested some light robbery. 

“Why don’t we just take some cheese and leave?” They asked, like dicks, “We can always come back later for some lambs.”

Odysseus decided to take the moral high ground. He packed up their things, left a nice tip and a detailed review, got back on his ship and sailed home. 

Just kidding. He acted like a baby. 

“They’re supposed to give us a gift because we’re their guests,” he pouted, knowing full well the difference between an intruder and a guest. He also had a name! How great. His name was Polyphemus, which definitely doesn’t sound like a sexuality. 

So Polyphemus came back to his house and had his sheep with him (like a normal person), rolled his rock-door into place and then milked his sheep. When he was done, he realized that there were 13 strange men in his cave. Not one to judge, but what kind of life does Polyphemus lead that he doesn’t notice 13 random guys in his house? Just how into milking his sheep does he get? Also, what were Odysseus and his crew doing while they were waiting? Politely coughing to let him know that people were watching? There are so many questions. 

When Polyphemus finally got around to talkking to them, he said, “Who the hell are you guys? Like, pirates? Or what?”

Odysseus, super pumped to get his weird guest-gift, said, “We’re Achaen soldiers. We were just fighting in Troy, but we got blown off course, so now we’re here by Fate. We’re in your cave because Zeus says that hosts should give their guests gifts...so...you know...”

“Dumbass,” Polyphemus retorted, “We’re Cyclopes, bruh. We don’t care about Zeus’s laws. We helped him defeat the Titans, so now he waters our plants. He’s essentially our sprinkler system. But,” he continued, “I do care about something. Where did you land your ship?”

As soon as Polyphemus said this, all of Odysseus’s men were probably like, “Fuck. We’re probably not getting that god-damned gift basket.”

Odysseus, though, being the king of thinky-thinky said, “We don’t have a ship. Poseidon decided to smash it against some rocks. We are the only survivors.”

Suddenly, Polyphemus remembered that he hated the number 13, so he grabbed the 2 nearest guys to him, smashed their heads against the wall, and then fucking helped himself to a nice meal. 

Cyclops Cave Air Bnb:

           We got some free cheese and the goat yoga was fantastic, but the host fucking ate my cousin. 2/5 stars

After that, the cyclops laid down on his sad excuse for a bed and went to sleep. 

After apparently just hanging out while his buddies got devoured, Odysseus pulled his sword out of his ass and charged headlong at Polyphemus. However, he paused halfway down the cave as soon as he remembered that there was a big-ass rock blocking the doorway. Remembering that he was better at verbal jousting than physical activity, Odysseus put down his sword to think up a plan. 

After waking up, the giant strolled over to his kitchen, cracked 2 eggs and made himself an omelette. Only, instead of eggs, it was men. Because this guy is just terrible. 

After this, Polyphemus led his sheep out to pasture, and rolled the stone back into place, because everyone in this story is a dick. 

At this point, Odysseus’s men start to cry, which is the first reasonable reaction anyone has had up until this point. Meanwhile, Odysseus decided to try something useful for a change. Among his weird collection of things, Polyphemus had a “hug olive wood log” which was “definitely not a dildo.” Odysseus told his men to sharpen the log and then harden it in the fire. 

When Polyphemus got back, he milked his sheep and then ate some Panda Express while watching Ellen. Nah, he ate more guys. 

After the cyclops was done eating, Odysseus gave him some of that crazy, unmixed wine. Which was apparently a big deal because, apparently back then, everyone would lose a drinking competition to a college girl named Amanda who passes out after 1 1/2 Bacardi Breezers. Anyways, Polyphemus downed it. 

“You know,” the cyclops slurred, “If you tell me your name, I’ll give you a gift.”

At this, Odysseus got a guest-gift hard-on. It didn’t matter that literally half of his men died, he was going to get some decorative bath soap. Odysseus just smiled like a sleazeball while pouring more wine. Not yet having gotten the spins, Polyphemus continued drinking. This whole cycle repeated itself again, and not until the cyclops was good and wasted did Odysseus say,

“You want to know my name? My name is Nobody. That’s definitely what everyone calls me. Nobody. I would tell you to ask my buddy over there to vouch for me, but you fucking ate him.”

Accepting this to be as normal of a name as Polyphemus, Polyphemus said, “Well, Nobody, here’s your gift: I’ll eat you last!”

At this, the cyclops laughed so hard that he threw up the wine and human bits, and then passed out in all of that. 

Gross. 

Without a moment to lose, Odysseus and his men pulled the log “out of hiding,” whatever that means, and stuck it in the fire until it was as red-hot as early 2000′s Ricky Martin. The men took the flaming rod and jammed it into the cyclops’ eye hole. Since he had killed all their buddies, they made sure to wiggle it all around and keep it there until his blood boiled out of the socket. 

Gross.

Meanwhile, Polyphemus was understandably freaking the fuck out. He was causing such a hubbub that all of the nearby cyclopes came over to see what all the yelling was about.

“Dammit, Polyphemus, what is wrong? Surely nobody is killing you by force or treachery?” they asked, apparently unaware of all the strapping young men in the cave.

Polyphemus screamed, “Yes! Nobody is killing me by force and treachery!” 

Apparently fed up with his sarcastic-ass answers, the other cyclopes said, “Ok, man. Whatever. If you are alone and screaming like that, you must be crazy. Try praying to Poseidon to cure your womanly hysteria.” And, without opening the door like decent friends, you know, to see if he was actually ok, the cyclopes just left. “Eh, he’ll be fine.”

Hearing all of his definitely-not-getting-Christmas-presents-this-year friends leave, Polyphemus screamed. He shoved the boulder out of the way and stood in the opening, ready to catch any shithead who tried to escape. However, Odysseus weren’t no bitch. 

Later that night, after the cyclops had put in his earplugs or something, Odysseus stole some branches from the branchopedic bed and used the branches to tie groups of 3 sheep together. He did this just enough times so that each of his buddies would have a 3 sheep luxury package, but not enough for him, because he was an arrogant motherfucker. 

After tying the three sheep together, he told his crew to each grab on to the belly of a sheep, which, I guess, were huge? Odysseus took the biggest ram for himself (phrasing) and held on. 

Instead of waiting until, like, 5 o’clock in the morning to grab some sheep, the poor suckers spent the whole night hanging upside down. When the sun finally rose, Polyphemus let his sheepies out to play. As the sheep went by their blind master, he tapped each one on the back to make sure no one was escaping. The following is how I picture that scene to have played out:

*pat pat*

“Hmm, this is weird. 3 of my sheep must have gotten tangled in my bed and got stuck together. I’ll deal with that later. Next!”

*pat pat*

“God, my sheep are dumb today. 3 more sheep are stuck together. Good thing I’m patting these sheep down for escaping prisoners, or I might think someone was up to something.”

*pat pat*

Odysseus and his big ram *wink wink* were the last to leave. As it came near the cave’s entrance, Polyphemus put on his Border Patrol cap and stopped the ram.

“My old buddy,” Polyphemus said to the ram, probably while looking in the wrong direction, “why are you in the back today? You usually lead the group. Maybe you feel bad that daddykins got blinded by that big, mean bully, Nobody? And he got me drunk! Rude. I’m sure if you could talk, you would tell me where he is hiding.”

But he couldn’t talk, because he was a ram, and that would not be logical. Like the rest of the story. 

Odysseus had a mild panic attack when Polyphemus *pat pat*ed his ram down, before it waddled over to its friends in the pasture. 

When all the sheep had gone far enough away from the cave, Odysseus and his men released themselves from the sheep. Can you imagine how badly their arms must have hurt at that point? I mean, I sometimes need to take a break when I’m straightening my hair, and that takes, like, 8 minutes. Tops.

After getting off the sheep with jello-for-arms, they grabbed a bunch of lambs (with their mouths?) and hauled ass down the mountain. When he finally reached his ship, Odysseus, being an arrogant moron, turned around and yelled, “You! The guy who was a dick and ate your guests, the ones who totally didn’t sneak into your shitty cave, I hope you enjoy the punishment Zeus has in store for you!”

Polyphemus, the guy who didn’t just hear the whole sheep plan, nor the sheep yoking, nor the lamb stealing, heard this taunt from forever away on a boat in the middle of the ocean. Pissed, he grabbed a piece of the mountain and threw it at the ship. It’s a whole new level of angry to rip off, and then throw, a piece of mountain. The piece of mountain grazed the ship, which resulted in a mini tsunami. This pushed Odysseus back into the shore. His crew frantically pushed the boat back out, where they doubled the distance they had before. Odysseus was about to call out to the cyclops again, but his crew told him to shut the hell up and be glad that they had escaped. However, Odysseus was mad and arrogant, and Twitter didn’t have the balls to block his account, even with all the racism and threats of nuclear war, so he yelled again. 

“Cyclops! If anyone asks you who blinded you, you can tell them it was Odysseus of Ithaca!”

Hearing this, Polyphemus remembered a prophesy he’d heard about the Boy Who Lived. No, not that one. About Odysseus. He prayed to Poseidon in the style of Veruca Salt, if Veruca Salt had become a dictator. 

“Don’t let Odysseus make it home! Actually, no. Let him go home, but all his friends die! And...it takes forever! And when he gets there, there’s a whole bunch of shit going on! And make his lawyer get arrested for paying off a prostitute! And kill his hamster!”

After praying/bitching, Polyphemus threw another mountain chunk at Odysseus. This throw also resulted in a mini tsunami that pushed his boat to shore. This time, however, it pushed the boat towards the rest of Odysseus’s fleet, which apparently existed. Instead of booking it, the men decided that right then was the best time for a gyro, so they ate a feast of the lambs they had stolen and drank DILUTED wine. When the sun rose the next morning, they took sail. They were happy to be alive, but also really sad about the guys who had been turned into BK’s Chicken Fries. 

But, the fun was just beginning because Poseidon was pissed. 

#odysseus #trojan war #greek mythology #poseidon #odyssey #funny

[sentimentili]

Eye wide open

Finally, A break from the horror known as 10th board exams. Three months of constant planning and studying, I finally get to have a vacation. The air was humid, bright blue skies, the sound of waves after a long flight from Hyderabad to Goa and then the long road to the hotel; all very worth it. The flight isn’t really that long but the whole process of going to an airport and the jazz is just too tiring. When we entered the hotel and we noticed the corridor with blue and white colour themed hotel rooms which were basically cottages on either side and at the end of the corridor was the restaurant. 

The restaurant had very old music playing, we could hear the chaos happening around the kitchen while entering the restaurant side of the hotel and then we saw the view.  We were up the rocks, there were beautiful coconut trees reaching to us, the hot sand and the beautiful ocean. 

You could basically eat and watch the waves. 

The more and more I saw of this hotel, the more and more I loved it.

My mom and her friend had already started unpacking and settling down in the rooms. 

All the rooms available in the hotel didn’t have room numbers, but names of each greek god. The room that my mom and I were staying in was called “Ira”, which meant the personification of peace. 

I enter the room and I notice that most of the furniture in the room was blue, which just made my day. The bathroom was small but very clean so I think I was okay to give it a pass considering how beautiful everything else was. I noticed a large hole in the vent that was in the bathroom, the vent was made out of wood and had one corner of it chewed open.

Even though that seemed very shady I decided to just stub a ball of tissue paper so no one could really peep in through it. 

All of us then had dinner together and this time my mom didn’t mind if I wanted to order a breezer which is also a very rare moment for my mom to have. I think the humid air has gotten to her or maybe she’s really happy that her kid’s boards are over ( for awhile at least). There were people dancing on the dance floor, a whole crowd was mostly eating and some really young girls have a bachelorette party. It was basically a very mixed crowd in one restaurant who were really happy for some reason. Now that I think of it it was probably just something in the air, I don’t even know.

What was really unexpected was that the owner of the Hotel was also there with us, she was a blonde with really white skin wearing a black top and black pants completely enjoying her drink and out of nowhere she got a whole set of ceramic plates. 

These ceramic plates were then distributed to everyone on the dance floor and then she asked them to smash it on the ground as hard as they can and break them.

My entire reaction to that moment was just to understand what was going on. My mom then called the waiter and asked him and he said that the greeks have a tradition to break ceramic plates to share or to celebrate a joyous moment together. (I tried one plate and ran back to my table, It was still too much for my head to contemplate).

The music that they kept playing all day was just mostly “wasn’t me” by shaggy. 

As much as I really love that song (or did) , It got to me after it was played the 10th time.

I had ordered this dish called “ratatouille” because of course the movie and I was really curious what was so great about it. Apparently not much, it was a very acquired taste to like and it had brinjal. WHY WOULD I ORDER BRINJAL ON A VACATION?! I don’t know but I was definitely very disappointed since it didn’t even look like what was in the movie.

My mom mentioned this later to one of the managers in small talk and he just sighed and said “come on, ladies”. (very embarrassing but of course we ordered it because of the movie, who else would order brinjal on purpose?)

The next day I had to push my mom and her friend to go to the beach.

The worst part about being on a beach with two really beautiful old women is that they will do anything to not tan or go under the sun or it was just my luck that my mom and her friend didn’t want to.

Finally my mom agreed. 

Luckily the beach was really close by but it meant to sort of trek down the mountains with chappals which was probably not a great idea but somehow mom and I managed. 

Mom found a comfortable shack to just go and chill in under the shade while I was pretty busy enjoying the water.

After maybe an hour, I finally go check on my mom. 

I entered the shack and I notice this huge painting of shiva which said “boom shankar” on the wall right behind where my mom was sitting. 

My mom has taste, let’s just say that.

Of course since my mom was in a great mood, she let me have another breezer, I’m just glad I didn’t say anything about how she was trying to avoid the sun at this point. 

My mom will wear really dark sunglasses and a scarf to cover her entire face just to avoid the sun and I would even forget to put on sunscreen.(the contrast between us is sometimes pretty evident although we look very alike)

After the beach, we go back to the hotel and I just rush to the room to get sand off of me. I enter the bathroom and instantly hop in the shower.

While I was showering, I noticed that the ball of tissue paper from the vent was gone. 

I thought maybe it just fell by accident or maybe someone from outside removed it.

As much as I was trying to avoid that stupid whole in the vent, I just couldn’t. 

If anyone even tried peaking in through the vent they could easily notice anyone in the shower so it was already pretty scary for me to deal with at that point. 

Then I started to hear noises coming from the other side of the vent, turns out that’s the area the waiters and cooks tend to chill or have conversations. 

For about a very long time I was just hoping no one would realise the hole in the vent but there it was. A dark brown coloured eye that covered the hole, directly looking in my direction. 

I instantly screamed. 

#twist vacation SiteSpecific teenager thriller #shortStories

[wwwbastrophomenhealth]

1" x 53" x 67" Gray Wood Breezer Mesh Screen

1″ x 53″ x 67″ Gray Wood Breezer Mesh Screen

View On WordPress

[feverflushed]

I was tagged by @hothedgie , @whoareurl @mypoorfaves, thank you! 💕 (Idk how to put the read more thing, I’m sorry!)

Rules: 1. Always post the rules. 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you. 3. Write 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people.

hothedgie qs

1. How are you feeling right now? I’m excited/worried af. I’m going to perform a Harry Potter stage play in a few hours, and I’ll be portraying Luna, I’m nervous ahhh. 2. How long have you been part of this very exclusive turmblr-community? Uhm, a couple of months. 3. What is the idea behind your url here? I think it’s pretty self-explanatory. 4. What’s the core of your kink? I really love caretaking. So probably that, fevers and coughing. Not much into snz, but I’m growing fonder. 5. Which kind of sick-fics do you like the most? The fluffy ones omg. I’m weak for cuddly sickies and worried caretakers. 💕 6. Tell me three characters you googled to find sick-fics about and were happy I found a lot of. Uhm, they’re mostly Yoi related… besides Viktor and Yuuri, I’m really happy when I find Otabek fics! 7. Tell me three characters you googled to find sick-fics about but didn’t find any (or only a few bad ones). OMG, hakuouki related characters. That show is so good, yet so underrated. 8. What was the most serious illness you ever had? Pneumonia. Coupled with asthma it was… hell unleashed? 9. Do you remember your highest fever? When did that happen? Last winter I had a flu from hell with a fever of 40.6 (105), apparently. I tend to get hallucinations a lot when I’m feverish, so I can’t remember shit about the thing itself, but I remeber being pissed af bc I was hallucinating about a gardener who stole a pink cabbage from me and I tried to get that back. (???) I don’t make any sense when I’m healthy, go figure when I’m sick. 10. Do you have an imagination of an “ideal illness” for yourself or an observation? No, I don’t take any pleasure in being sick myself ;3; 11. Do you have a job in the medical field; or have you ever thought about it? I’ve thought about it. I’m a major emetophobic tho, and that comes with the packet. So no, thank you.

whoareurl qs

1. What first drew you to the snez? Idk… I just recently started getting fond of the snz itself, so I think it was the huge amount of awesome fics/art in the community? Idk. 2. What are you reading right now? An anthology of homosexuality-themed stories I have to read for work, since we’re having a public reading about ‘Love is love’ soon, and I’m hella excited! 3. Favourite alcoholic beverage? Bacardi breezers… I don’t drink much alcohol. 4. Do you speak any other languages? Besides English and Italian, I speak German, Spanish, French, and Slovenian. 5. Have you ever crashed your car? Never! I’m a careful driver! *knock on wood* 6. What’s your favourite overused sickfic trope? Caught in the rain, probably. 7. Best sickfic AU scenarios (for any fandom you like)? Idk? I’m happy as long as I get fluffiness, lol. 8. If you’re a writer/artist, do you also write/art vanilla stuff? If this question doesn’t apply to you, what are your opinions about pineapple on pizza? If you don’t like pizza, wtf man? Pineapple on pizza is a blasphemy. Every time you put pineapple on pizza, a unicorn dies. 9. Do you prefer writing or typing? Writing! 10. Do you sleep with the window open or shut? Shut, always! 11. What’s the first thing you think of when I say “elephant”? A big grey butt. (??)

mypoorfaves qs

1. Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Love them! 2. Favourite type of cereal? Honey flavoured cereals 3. Any place you’re dying to travel to? Iceland. 4. What’s your favourite element on the periodic table? Gold. (Basic bitch) 5. How many keys are on your keychain? I have two sets of keys. One with house key and car key, one with eight keys from my grandpa’s flat. 6. Your opinion on flatbread pizza? I second Adrian here, every pizza is good. 7. Is your dresser length-wise or width-wise? I’m not sure I got this question right… 8. What are you procrastinating doing right now? Translating a nine-sheet essay from German for my martial arts instructor. I feel bad just thinking about it. 9. The job you’ve held for the shortest amount of time? I worked as a kindergarten teacher for a couple of months. 10. How can people tell when you’re lying? I’m the worst liar the world has ever seen. I blush a lot, and my voice gets shaky, I’m really tense, and you can really tell I’m uncomfortable. 11. Artist/musical group you’ve been following for the longest? Enya and Loreena McKennitt, probably.

Everybody I know has done it already, so I’m not tagging anyone. Thank you for the asks tho. 💕

[hazelwilliamsblog]

The Best New Men’s Fragrance Releases For Autumn/Winter 2019

Is it possible to have too many fragrances? Looking at the crowded state of the bathroom shelf it would seem so, and yet there always seems to be room for one more. That’s because different scents are like different outfits or new identities: there’s a one to slip on for every mood and occasion. You can’t really be a fragrance hound and limit yourself to a handful – especially when there’s a constant flow of newness to tempt you. This crop of autumnal scents present a tale of contrasts – dominated by leather, rose and the rich, spicy greenness of galbanum.

Gucci Mémoire d’Une Odeur Eau de Parfum

Like anything, fragrance is personal and subjective and for too long our tastes have been dictated by marketing managers at giant perfume houses telling us what “masculine” and “feminine” is. Gucci’s major fanfare at launching its first “universal” scent basically ignores its existing line and its own Alchemist’s Garden collection in particular.

They’re not the first big fashion brand to unveil this concept: Calvin Klein did it very successfully in the 1990s with CK One. Still, Gucci’s first stab at encouraging the masses to share a scent is a pretty good effort all round; from the cult-inspired ad campaign with Harry Styles and friends, to the actual juice itself. It contains chamomile, jasmine, vanilla, woods and a synthetic mineral edge that reminds us a little of vintage books – in a good way.

£92 for 100ml; gucci.com

Frederic Malle Rose & Cuir Eau de Parfum

First, imagine a chauffeured Bentley with the finest of leather seats; now, picture a grand dame doused in expensive rose water reclining against the plush upholstery. As she exits the car her scent will linger, wafting airy rose with a darker undertone of sumptuous leather. That should give you an idea of the new Frederic Malle edition from Jean-Claude Ellena. And yet, it doesn’t contain any actual rose: it has Timut pepper, peach accord, blackcurrant and bourbon geranium in the top, vetiver, cedar and cumin in the middle and leather accord in the base.

£200 for 100ml, fredericmalle.co.uk

Comme des Garçons Copper Eau de Parfum

Always pushing the scented envelope, Comme Des Garçons is a fragrance house with a fondness for abstract concepts. After all, the cult Series 6 Synthetic line featured notes such as tar, kerosene and nail polish remover and had names like Garage, Soda and Dry Clean.

The name suggests a cooler, metallic scent but it is not. In contrast, Copper is comfortingly warm and spicy. Galbanum, pink pepper, tobacco leaves, cassis and violet leaf are the ingredients listed – with a sweet tobacco note coming through most strongly. It’s the perfect autumnal scent.

£140 for 100ml, comme-des-garcons-parfum.com

Tom Ford Soleil Neige Eau de Parfum

First there was Soleil Blanc, now there’s Soleil Neige. So, winter sun in a bottle then? Tom Ford’s inspiration for his latest release is the jet-set playgrounds of Morzine and Courchevel. Sun on snow is brought to life via carrot seed, jasmine, orange flower and Turkish rose with a dry down of labdanum, benzoin and vanilla. It’s creamy, cool and smooth. Think of sun glinting off a fresh layer of powder, under pure blue skies, high in the French Alps and you’re there.

£164 for 50ml, tomford.co.uk

D.S & Durga Notorious Oud Eau de Parfum

The latest offering from D.S. & Durga, Notorious Oud, is a bear hug of a scent. The NYC perfumers have created a Brooklyn take on this Middle Eastern (Indonesian in this case) staple and spun it with a diverse set of ingredients including Afghani saffron, camphor and white galbanum; Bulgarian rose, lavender, civet, catalo; and North African papyrus.

Oud is a big note, and rather like die-hard New Yorkers in general, it’s brashness conceals a big heart.

£220 for 100ml edp; harrods.com

Byredo Slow Dance Eau de Parfum

Slow Dance is a celebration of the awkward intimacy of the first dance. In America, it’s a more romantic concept that plays out on Prom night with everyone dressed for the occasion. In the UK… well, it’s a naff school disco with a cheesy sound track. Thank god fragrances aren’t literal. Otherwise, this should rightly smell like a potent mix of Lynx Africa, Impulse body spray, sports hall sweat and Bacardi Breezer.

Just like the classic prom scene movies, Pretty in Pink and 10 Things I Hate About You, where “teenagers” are played by 20-year-olds, Slow Dance is wiser than it’s years. The combination of labdanum, violet, vanilla, patchouli and opononax (myrrh) smells a lot more sophisticated than the spotty youth we remember.

£110 for 50ml, libertylondon.com

Acqua Di Parma Yuzu Eau de Parfum

The Signatures of the Sun collection marks a redesign of some existing Acqua Di Parma scents in black glass bottles and the unveiling of a Japanese-inspired floral collection that sits beside it: Yuzu, Camelia, Osmanthus and Sakura.

One of our favourites is the bitter sweet Yuzu, playing homage to the native Japanese citrus fruit. It features Sichuan Pepper, lotus, mimosa, violet leaves, jasmine, musk, liquorice and sandalwood. It’s an energising, uplifting floral scent that will wear well in the day, especially for mornings.

£197 for 100ml, acquadiparma.com

Jo Malone Rose & Magnolia Cologne

The cornerstone of Jo Malone’s Christmas 2019 collection is a big Ol’ floral fragrance, Rose & Magnolia, alongside a reprise from Orange Bitters, which fans will welcome. You can get your hands on it already because “Christmas” now begins in October for certain retailers. Rose & Magnolia has all the hallmarks of a classic Jo Malone scent – aficionados will not be disappointed.

£104 for 100ml, johnlewis.com

Malin + Goetz Leather Eau de Parfum

Leather is the key theme over at Malin + Goetz. How funny that we would revere the smell of dead cow hide so much we’d create entire scents dedicated to it. This is definitely vegan friendly, because the impression of leather is created with notes of lotus flower, pepper, clove, muguet, orchid, green violet, leather cedar wood and sandal wood. It’s warm and enveloping like an old chesterfield.

£75 for 50ml, malinandgoetz.co.uk

Baxter of California Pacific Cannabis Eau De Parfum

You may have notices that cannabis is currently garnering a lot of air time and column inches at the moment. And in the ensuing rush to create CBD-related personal care products it was only a matter of time before someone celebrated the humble weed in fragrance form. However, while this is a perfectly pleasant scent from our favourite barber – it has strong notes of patchouli and sage – it’s a bit disappointing due to the lack of the green, earthy scent of the cannabis plant, which we expected.

£95 for 100ml, selfridges.com

Floris London Vert Fougère Eau de Parfum

The fougère is considered the original blue print for “masculine” fragrance and one of the main olfactive families of perfumes, after Paul Parquet created Fougère Royale for Houbigant in 1882. Floris has been around for even longer, and it’s created a modern take on the storied fougère.

Galbanum, grapefruit and bergamot open the scent, revealing a heart of neroli, ginger and lavender over a unique base of amber, patchouli, cashmere & cedar wood and a smoke accord. It’s full of layers with a dark, green undercurrent.

£120 for 100ml, mrporter.com

The post The Best New Men’s Fragrance Releases For Autumn/Winter 2019 appeared first on Ape to Gentleman.

The Best New Men’s Fragrance Releases For Autumn/Winter 2019 syndicated from https://manscapedshop.wordpress.com/

[chriskarrtravelblog]

5 amazing places to discover on the Isle of Wight

PALM TREES, WHITE BEACHES AND FAMILY-FRIENDLY ATTRACTIONS ALL COMBINE TO CREATE AN IDYLLIC ISLAND PARADISE JUST ACROSS THE SOLENT.

In 400BC, the Celts gave the island its name which means ‘place of division’ because it divides the Solent as it flows out into the English Channel. Today, its unique placement to the south of Britain and surrounded by the sea makes it one of the most popular holiday destinations in the UK.

It’s ideal for families searching for a seaside holiday, couples after a walking retreat or big groups looking for a place to celebrate a special occasion. We have a range of fantastic Isle of Wight holidays for you to peruse; keep reading for five of the most amazing places on the Isle of Wight.

Walk along one of the island’s best beaches: Freshwater Bay

While on a holiday to the Isle of Wight, many people automatically head to Shanklin or Ventnor, both beautiful beaches, leaving the peaceful sandy coast of Freshwater seriously underrated. This hidden gem is perfect for families and groups looking for a seaside location where they can spend their time on the island.

A mixture of grey flint and chalk pebbles covers much of the beach while there is sand below the low water mark and some sandy places to sit. Go rock pooling here or explore the caves that were once used by smugglers – you can walk inside at low tide but be careful not to get cut off by the sea. The best way to see these caves is by kayaking along the coast.

You can also try surfing or paddle boarding; water sports are popular in the bay. When you are done, eat at the beach cafe or head to one of the cosy pubs.

Stay in: Little Halt Cottage, Freshwater (sleeps 10)

This quaint cottage offers a wonderful getaway for a large group. It’s less than a mile from Freshwater Bay beach so you can spend every day of your holiday down by the waves.

As it’s set in the tranquil western part of the island, it’s a wonderful spot for a private gathering, whether that’s an anniversary, birthday or simply the chance to have a get-together with friends. It would also suit a big family plus one dog as there’s a secluded garden to run around in, as well as a patio area and outdoor furniture for dining alfresco.

Visit the iconic landmark: The Needles

If this is your first time on a holiday to the Isle of Wight, you mustn’t miss a trip to The Needles. Take a coastal walk across the beautiful Tennyson Down, a landscape that inspired the poet himself. The Tennyson Monument is a great pitstop; take a picnic and sit at the bottom of the huge granite cross while breathing in the salty sea air and taking in those spectacular coastal views.

Follow the National Trust’s Meander with Maud walk which takes you past historic sites and even a tearoom where you can grab a coffee and cake. Keep an eye out for rabbits and wildflowers as you set out across the Downs and when you reach the wonderful vantage point that is the Tennyson Monument, you might even be able to spot yachts out to sea.

If you don’t want to walk, you can even take the Needles Breezer bus from Yarmouth, saving you valuable time which could instead be spent lying on a beach. For those more comfortable on two wheels, there’s also a cycle route to The Needles Battery.

Stay in: Milton Stables, Freshwater Bay (sleeps 4)

The perfect family-friendly escape, this cottage is 3 miles away from The Needles, allowing you the opportunity to enjoy an hour or so’s walk directly from the property itself. It is also less than half a mile’s walk from Freshwater Bay making it a great location for a beach holiday.

An open-plan kitchen/diner with French doors is the hub of the house. It’s a cosy and welcoming holiday home with touches of colour and there’s a delightful outdoor patio area for lunches in the sunshine. You’re welcome to bring one dog along with you and there are plenty of walks across the Downs and along the coast that you and the canine companion can enjoy.

Discover the secrets of an Elizabethan fortress: Carisbrooke Castle

Existing on the Isle of Wight for over 1,000 years, Carisbrooke Castle is a magnificent fortress and is now open for the public to explore. Famously the prison for the deposed Charles I, you can see the well-preserved castle and find the room where he was held and attempted to escape. Kids will love meeting the resident donkeys who live here and have drawn up water in the well-house for hundreds of years.

The Princess Beatrice Garden was opened by Queen Victoria’s youngest daughter as a memorial museum to her husband. Designed by TV gardener Chris Beardshaw, the garden still evokes the old Edwardian style and has plants and colours that pay homage to Princess Beatrice. There are water features, an orchard and battlement for you to enjoy.

While here, you’ll also come across the Carisbrooke Castle Museum, chapel and tearoom – learn more about its fascinating history before enjoying a well-deserved lunch break.

Stay in: Virginia Cottage, Carisbrooke (sleeps 6)

A picture-perfect family retreat, this beautiful cottage is just half a mile from the castle, making it an easy day out, and there are plenty of restaurants, shops and parks for you to explore.

It’s a Grade II-listed property due to the beautiful old features found throughout, including wooden beams, deep-set windows and characterful feature fireplaces. Sympathetic design has led to a warm and welcoming space full of soft furnishings so you can enjoy a cosy and relaxed holiday getaway. Fire up the wood burner in the lounge and everyone can curl up together around a crackling fire. The south-facing garden includes furniture and a BBQ for you to dine outside on a sunny day or during the evening under the stars.

Have fun at the UK’s oldest amusement park: Blackgang Chine

This place opened in the 1840s and is still going strong. Calling itself the ‘Land of Imagination’, this amusement park has tonnes of fun rides and attractions to keep little ones and big kids entertained all day.

There’s a dinosaur park, fairyland and pirate cove, while rides include the Cliffhanger roller coaster and the Waterforce slides. Let the kids enter Rampus Mansion, where goblins and trolls have taken over or enter The Musical Pet Shop where animatronic animals sing on command. There’s a hall of mirrors and a Crooked House that will throw you off balance. Discover a whole world of fascinating and magical intrigues at Blackgang Chine.

Stay in: Park Lodge, Ventnor (sleeps 6)

A very pretty cottage set in the centre of the Ventnor Park area, 6 miles from the fantastic Blackgang Chine.

This charming Swiss-style lodge was built in 1881 and still retains some of that old-world style. The long open-plan kitchen/diner offers two tables and plenty of space for the group to get together. Big windows let in lots of light while the lounge is a cosy space for everyone to gather together. The holiday home would be great for a family on a escape to the Isle of Wight as the parkland just outside the door provides plenty of space for running around and playing games. There’s even an 18-hole putting green nearby and it’s less than a mile down to the shingle and sand at Ventnor Beach.

See the boats head out to sea: Ryde Harbour

The seaside tow of Ryde is a great place for a holiday escape with its many attractions and miles of sandy beach. While here, we’d recommend a stroll along the harbour, watching the boats come and go or sitting on the front while the sun sets. It’s the perfect way to wind down while on a break to this scenic island.

While staying in town, there are a whole range of activities to keep you busy during the day, with Quarr Abbey, a bus museum, go-karting and a vineyard to visit as well as the opportunity to get involved in plenty of watersports.

After a busy day, why not head to a waterfront restaurant? There are delightful eateries by the harbour where you can enjoy spending your evenings.

Stay in: Iona Cottage, Seaview (sleeps 8)

From this pretty seaside holiday escape, it’s just 3 miles into Ryde and as it’s located to the eastern side of the town, the cottage is within easy reach of southern Isle of Wight attractions that include Bembridge Fort (7 miles) and the Isle of Wight Zoo at Sandown (6 miles), as well as beautiful shingle and sand beaches.

A stylish lounge, lit by a skylight and French doors, offers a wonderfully central space in this seaside escape. There’s a second lounge for you to enjoy while a quirky table and chairs set creates a beautiful centrepiece to this open-plan space. A BBQ and furniture can be found outside where a lawned garden and terrace awaits.

Which of these amazing places will you visit during your holiday to the Isle of Wight? With beautiful beaches and the UK’s oldest amusement park, there’s a tonne of excellent attractions and natural spots for you to seek out.

  The post 5 amazing places to discover on the Isle of Wight appeared first on Britain Magazine | The official magazine of Visit Britain | Best of British History, Royal Family,Travel and Culture.

Britain Magazine | The official magazine of Visit Britain | Best of British History, Royal Family,Travel and Culture https://www.britain-magazine.com/features/inspiration/5-amazing-places-to-discover-on-the-isle-of-wight/

source https://coragemonik.wordpress.com/2019/06/11/5-amazing-places-to-discover-on-the-isle-of-wight/

[lipwak]

VHS #331

Burnt Offering - The Cult of the Wicker Man, a great documentary on The Wicker Man, Firesign Theater - Weirdly Cool - A PBS pledge drive for WLIW, Clockwork Orange, *** Burnt Offering - The Cult of the Wicker Man.2001 Documentary on The Wicker Man. This is the dub of the PAL tape Dawn made for me. With commercials.Narrated by Mark Kermode Burrowhead,  Kermode at the stumps of WM #2, Christopher Lee, Seamus Flannery, Edward Woodward, Britt Ekland, Ingrid Pitt, Anthony Shaffer, Peter Snell, Robin Hardy, David Pinner. All Robin got out of Ritual was the hare. Pinner reads from his book, describing Willow’s dance. (I have some info on the picture Howie is "licking off the wall.”) Who would be the faded dancer in the book "The Ritual". Interesting that it would be a faded dancer… Ronald Hutton, scholar , (http://twm.wikia.com/wiki/Behind_the_scenes_-_still_pictures?file=Bts_wm_27.jpg), The Golden Bough Skoda commercial, …. Famous Grouse scotch, Norwich Union, Anadin, Andrex, Blockbuster, canteach.org EW - never saw it as a horror picture. Piano tilt is obvious in the shot they use. Two great quotes from Britt:  "It wasn't the usual, beautiful girl...which I really was in those days.” and "It was more of an acting role!”” Annie Ross overdubbed her voice. Kermode at Anwoth. Cover of a script: British Lion Film Productions, The Wicker Man (Never seen one of those…) Seamus: RH unforthcoming in providing decisions. No production manager to involve themselves in that sort of thing. Jake Wright: started Mon 10/9, ended Sat, 11/25 (Wrap was on 11/24) Ingrid: Never been so cold other than in the war. Wright and Flannery on the fake trees: EW story about having to move the apple trees around, true or not. Snell doesn’t doubt it. Ellengowan regulars. Britt’s bleak comment. Kermode visits. Beer glasses being hurled. Sad to hear the crew didn't get along. Harry Waxman. Almost left 2 or 3 times. c/u of script shows handwritten notes. What script was this? Jake recounts body double scenes. 4th nude scene = Willow's dance. The other 3? (The graveyard scene, Ingrid in a tub, the young girls dancing over the fire (supposed to be naked) Britt: "The model had this big ass.” “Sorry" Bacardi Breezer, American Express, SeaFrance, Standard Life, Mean Machine, UK Gold, Homebase, Grolsch beer, Amex Zwellers had a book with the Wicker Man in it. Used “hurdles” to construct the Wicker Man. (http://twm.wikia.com/wiki/Wicker_Man_drawings) Seamus Flannery's comments about the face of the Wicker Man are familiar. (Where have I seen it before? I assume it is on one of the extra movies on the DVD.) EW: Never ever have I been so frightened. (Quote him as Oak carried him.) Burning the live animals Shaffer quote almost the same as in one of the above extras on the DVD. only the following animals… The whole cast and crew were moved by the experience of burning the wicker man, the ritual. Shot of Eric Boyd-Perkings in what is probably the editing van. pic of the script is page 49 with handwritten notes British Lion projection room on Broadwick St? CL: There’s an enormous amount missing. Deeley, "it isn’t one of the 10 worst films I’ve seen. I’ve made worse films myself.” Ahead of it’s time. Salesmen were completely baffled: Shaffer. Doesn’t the calvary come? Isn’t it a bit heavy? Yes it is. Eric Boyd-Perkins Two people controlled distribution. Star Wars collectible magazine series Fact Files, MasterCard, Wega tv, Motorola phone, Argos, Orange texting, Jsearch, Mean Machine, Homebase. Roger Corman interview same as in WM Enigma (one of the extra movies on the DVD)? 2nd features had to be 80 minutes so had to be cut down. I need to find out more about John Simon, the American distributer. WB only showed it in 2 drive ins at Atlanta…. Nice to see Deeley, the man who who had so much to do with the film's losing it's full length. Not to buy into the paranoia about the missing footage but he seesms to be changing his tune somewhat in retrospect. "Its a pity it was this one cause it feeds all the loonies" Michael Deeley in talking about theories of the missing reels. He does come across as respecting it's value now. Lansdown(?), co that picked up spares and junk film. :Eric Boyd Perkins RH says they restored all of Corman’s print. Broadway musical in the offing… All sorts of very strange groups, Wicker Man appreciation society, fanzines whatever they are... Burning Man. Beltane Festival in Scotland looks like fun! Shaffer: "I look forward to when we are pagans again. I think we'd have a much better time of it.” (Shaffer died that year.) The end Nobles Gate Scotland Film and TV Productions 2001 (the Edinburgh television production company) Thanks to Gail Ashurst Beltane Fire Society Catterall, Ali (w/ Simon Wells  - (2002). Your Face Here: British Cult Movies Since the Sixties. Fourth Estate. ISBN 978-0-00-714554-6.) The Ellangowan Hotel David Lally Simon Wells Stills courtesy of Eric Boyd Perkins - also edited The Wicker Man Enigma Seamus Flannery Freemantle Media The Kobal Collection (= Rex/Shutterstock) The Ronald Grant Archive (http://www.ronaldgrantarchive.com/index.html) Fred Bennet construction manager Very good overall. Very well written. Bremmner Bird and Fortune - Stephen Mallet *** Firesign Theater - Weirdly Cool 1:10, missed beginning, with pledge breaks by Firesign Theater See also VHS #212 Starts a Pussycats to eat them when the sun goes down…. *** end of The Element of Crime Lars von Trier *** Clockwork OrangeIFC(some audio static) cuts off just before the end when the politician brings in the huge stereo and they play Beethoven’s 9th. *** Iraq war starts from here: https://youtu.be/f7iorfwcmeY?t=1h32m48s CNN: Rumsfeld as we bomb Baghdad (3/21/03?), "we are seeing slices of the war in Iraq, not what is taking place…” with video of bombs exploding in color, Is Saddam in control of Iraq? Brett Baier (Fox newsman), 9:56 pm, these are very precise weapons, shock and awe, what makes you think they won’t sit this out? For one thing, they are a repressed people. This is not an attack on the Iraqi people, this is an attack on the regime, Gen Richard Myers, every single target has been analyzed, minimizing innocent lives, it was the absolute last choice, BBCPaul Wood w/ video, Dan Goure *** BBCvideo with techno  music of the bombing, they daylight shots of the injured, ground invasion, Saddam *** C-SpanChris Hedges, War Is a Force That Gives Us MeaningVirginia Festival of the BookCharlottesville, VA3/20/03 See the whole thing here: //www.c-span.org/video/?175618-1/dreams-war comradeship, we worship death, Jeux interdits (Forbidden Games) film, precision then not in the Gulf War, first casualty is truth, *** C-SpanJohn Brown, Former Foreign Service Officer, you don’t introduce new products in August - Andrew Card… *** BBC Iraq footage with music, injured, riot police, fires in the distance, oil fires *** Fox News Kuwait sirens with reporter wearing a gas mask *** BBC Iraq footage with music (same as before)Sun 3/23/03 *** BBC footage with music, weeping women, oil fires, troops, captured soldier, men with guns, Saddam, various Iraqi officials, mother with injured child, planes taking off,3/25/03 *** BBCNews intro, day 7, 3/25/03 *** BBCfootage with music: troops handing out supplies, injured, tanks3/27/03 *** BBCfootage with music: supplies being unloaded, donkey cart, mud, supplies being unloaded to crowds, highway signs, navy ship *** BBCfootage with music: refugees, tanks, inspecting cars, camels and oil fires, helicopters, huge bomber taking off, gun boats, British, troop waving, food line, British flag-draped coffin *** BBCtoughest fighting yet to come, *** BBCfootage with music: troops running, child crying, getting water, B-1 taking off, night shots, marching in street, Bush go home, oil fires, convoys *** BBCfootage with music: troop waving, people cheering, rubble, helicopters, sun over the dessert, people surrendering, city at night3/31/03 *** BBCday 13, bombardment continues, street fighting, Colin Powell travels to Turkey, *** Letterman top 10 list: Iraqs minister has to say about the war *** Travel Channelcookie humidor, Ritz Carlton Naples, Disney Yacht and Beach club Orlando, 

[thedamiansmith]

They Broke My Watch

I haven’t done one of these in a while, so here we go for another round of “why I hate the NSW Blues”. Here’s my player ratings from Origin II:

NSW 1. James Tedesco - injected some spark but was substituted early for the more reliable Ron Palmer and failed to make an impact on returning 2. Blake Ferguson - one half of the left edge "Booze Brothers", touched the ball less times than there are bottles in a pack of Bacardi Breezers 3. Josh Dugan - some solid attack and defence, his game is progressing nicely. Will be devastating if he ever figures out how to pass the ball 4. Jarryd Hayne - the man, the myth, the legend. The most influential player on the park. Scored a try and thought he was superman, then apparently went home. Butchered a try by not passing to Brett Morris, butchered a second try by passing to Josh Morris in seat 32A. Had a hand in everything, usually to drop the ball or let in a try. Hayne Plane? More like the MH370. I never thought there'd be a more overrated player than Willie Mason, Jarryd, take a bow.   5. Brett Morris - Yeah he goes alright. Extra points for playing outside a rank imbecile.   6. James Maloney - some deft touches interspersed with some astonishing stupidity. As effective in defence as the honesty system. Blues should have been docked 2 points for his stupid beard. 7. Mitchell Pearce - hands down the most accurate kicker in the competition. Can find the opposing fullback with the accuracy of a tomahawk cruise missile. Still not half the halfback his father was.   8. Aaron Woods - Looks like Khal Drogo, plays like Joffre Baratheon 9. Nathan Peats - was brought in to provide a more dynamic running game out of dummy half and who knows, maybe we'll get to see it one day.   10. Andrew Fifita - man of the match in game one, so naturally he had to have a break this time around. Looked lost without some criminal element written on his wrist band to inspire him.   11. Josh Jackson - a good, solid toiler. I'll spare him the insults everyone else is rightfully copping.   12. Boyd Cordner (c) - I was genuinely surprised he was named as captain. And surprised that he was in the side. And that he is a professional footballer. The rugby league equivalent of a christmas present from a relative you rarely see - well meaning but ultimately a useless dust collector. 13. Tyson Frizell - See Josh Jackson 14. David Klemmer - Harambe or King Kong. A big, dumb animal that doesn't know how he got where he is and doesn't know that what he's doing is wrong. 15. Wade Graham -  I presume his selection was some kind of Faustian deal with the Devil, where he makes the team but everything he does falls apart. This is the most reasonable theory. 16. Jake Trbojevic - showed some exceptional work with an outside in pass that caught the opposition napping, presumably because Queensland were trying to read the name on his jumper.   17. Jack Bird - I honestly cannot recall him playing. The stats have him for 19 minutes and 3 runs, but I'm sure that's well within the margin for error.

QLD 1. Billy Slater - I never saw Clive Churchill play, but Slater is the best I have ever seen.  2. Val Holmes - Brilliant finish for the first try. Then the 'Flanno' polish kicked in and he dropped more pill than Michael J Fox at a pharmacy  3. Will Chambers - Never in position and saw the sideline more as a suggestion than an actual limitation. Did his side the favour of wiping himself out, allowing a more competent centre to carry Queensland to victory.   4. Darius Boyd - Played a strong game at center while taking notes from Billy Slater about how an actual fullback plays the game.   5. Dane Gagai - targeted heavily by NSW, weathered everything they sent at him and scored two tries. My man of the match. Here Laurie Daley demonstrated his tactical genius by targeting the competent winger instead of the idiot on the other edge.   6. Johnathan Thurston - the best player in the game. Played with one arm behind his back just to make it fair.  7. Cooper Cronk - the third best player in the game.   8. Dylan Napa - Queensland have adopted the NSW strategy of 'pick an imbecile from the Roosters' with the same result. Overall poor game. Only plus side is he looks a lot like Jake Busey and he was good in Starship Troopers and The Frighteners.  9. Cameron Smith (c) - second best player in the game. 10. Jarrod Wallace - Played a strong game in the style of Martin Lang - "if you can remember anything about the game afterwards, you didn't play hard enough" 11. Gavin Cooper - a strong, solid second rower. I bet NSW wish they had one of those.   12. Matt Gillett - see above  13. Josh McGuire - after Gagai the best player on the park. Tackled everything that moved and some things that didn't.  14. Michael Morgan - a true match winner. If I had to criticise him I'd say he looks a bit like Sean Spicer.   15. Coen Hess - Didn't really see much of him but when I did I noticed he looked like a young Dolph Lundgren, circa Universal Soldiers. Thumbs up.   16. Tim Glasby - Some players are just made for Origin. Tim Glasby isn't one of them.   17. Josh Papalii - Looked out of breath when he ran on to the field for the first time, like Axl Rose running to the mic in Winnipeg in 2010 and being unable to get through the opening bars of Welcome to the Jungle. Like Chinese Democracy, too little, too late.  

[boathippies]

Day 1084 - Thursday, March 30, 2017

Tyrrel Bay, Carriacou (0 m; 6961 m / 6049 nm total) Some misc chores, including laundry. Geez, really missed bucket laundry, not. My forearms are a little sore from wringing out clothes; haven't worked those muscles in awhile... Around 5 pm, we headed to shore, to Slipway Restaurant, for a few beers. Gary and Chris, SV Breezer, stopped by for a few cold ones as well, so enjoyed their company for a bit. Around 630 pm, we headed over to Carriacou Marina for pizza night while Gary and Chris headed off to their dinner choice. Ordered a Hawaiian pizza, hold the pepperoni. Well, they held the pineapple as well. Wood-fried, but not as good as we remember from last time through. Disappointing.