#bruce wayne my evil kitten. father of my heart (evil heart)

[thebestestbat]

Batman and Robin (2011), #14

i restrained myself from two whole pages this time but. he still really thinks damian is 2 seconds of non-supervision away from murdering people; either that or (and this is what i think is really happening) he is using that as an excuse for how scared he is, in a way that would make damian think bruce believes that.

"it could backfire like it did with nobody."

"if you think i'm going to stand here and apologize for worrying about my son's well-being and the choices i see you making." i think he's worried more so about damian's well-being, but he doesn't make it sound like that. especially with:

"i'm terrified that you don't care about anybody but yourself."

and-- "i'm not sure if this is going to work." this being vague but generally it means damian staying with him. he's threatening to uproot damian once again from the normal that he's started to build in gotham. what is damian hearing here? you need to leave, again, you need to start over, again, i don't want you anymore.

#anti bruce wayne #damian al ghul #my little baby. my assassin of my life #bruce wayne my evil kitten. father of my heart (evil heart)

[butwhyduh]

The Worst Batfam Story Ever Written

I don’t half ass things and this fic is a full ass.

This is not my opinion of the characters and in fact a parody of it. Just know that every bit of serious hate I get based on this fic, I will add one semicolon to the story. That is a threat. There is nothing serious in this and no warning.

It was a long stormy night in Titan’s Tower and Tim Drake had just got finished crying over his sad pathetic life as a son of a billionaire when there was a loud scratching on the door. He looked over in absolute terror, knowing that his skinny noodle arms would never protect him in a real fight. His only hope was his giant massive brain that he normally used to consume anime and down coffee like it was life blood.

Jason scratched again at the door with a massive fishing hook. He had just seen I know What You Did Last Summer and Damn if he didn’t love the drama. The murder. The murder drama. He loves murder.

He could see Tim, tiny tiny Robin, shivering like a wet kitten. He was definitely gonna kill this kitten. There was no other options and no way this story would end different. Tim was furiously typing away on a computer

Tim had a massive headache. He was desperately trying to contact the other heroes outside of the tower to come protect him but no one answered. Not even Dick all the way across the country living his own life in Bludhaven. How dare he be so selfish, Tim thought bitterly. Now I’m gonna die like everyone else in my life.

He felt his heart start to beat rapidly as the evil monster Red Hood hacked at the door with a hatchet he kept in a holster on his massive thigh for moments just like this. Ever since he had to dig himself out of his own grave after being murdered by the joker, Jason carried a hatchet just in case.

The door splintered and tim jumped to his feet only to sway. Oh no, when was the last time he had coffee? It was more that two hours earlier. He wouldn’t survive a fight without it.

And much to the confusion and amusement of Jason, Tim hurried to start a pot of coffee instead of going to the panic room. How pathetic is this kid?

Tim’s hand shook as he barely was strong enough to lift the carafe to fill the coffee pot with water. The door burst open and Tim saw Red Hood’s massive long legs strolling inside before he fainted to the floor.

A habit instilled in Jason from his time as the worst angriest Robin ever had taught him to catch people who faint. So the man who cut off mob lieutenants’ heads in his free time, caught the fragile Robin like a broken bird and laid him to the ground.

Like the Grinch growing his heart sizes, Jason suddenly felt other emotions beside rage and furious horniness. Protectiveness. Who was watching this child? Who let this baby be hurt? Was no one watching him? Dick should have been a better brother. There was literally no adult figure that Jason could be mad at first over him.

“God, someone has to save you from yourself,” he muttered before getting up. He grabbed a cup and gently cooled coffee until it was safe. He held Tim’s head and gently fed him the drink.

Tim slowly started reviving like a man receiving an antidote to poison. Jason hugged him tight and gently pet his hair. “You’re too pure for this word,” he wailed.

“I’m what,” Tim asked in his half stupored state.

“Shhhh, just sleep,” Jason said and Tim fell into a gentle naive sleep on the drug lord vigilante would be murderer. As soon as he was certain the ever so tiny boy was asleep, Jason got up without waking him to call Dick. He had a blinding hot rage for Bruce but now Dick too was abandoning a Robin. To die. Death. Another death.

“How dare you leave him alone! I almost murdered him,” Jadon snarled.

“What?? But I can’t get up! Damian just fell asleep on me with his paci and elephant stuffy like all eleven year olds do! I’m basically his father!” Dick also wailed.

“Well…” Jason said.

“Well,” Dick responded.

“I’ll just have to corrupt him to being a villain,” Jason finally said. He could teach the gentle depressed child at a tender age of seventeen how to become a murderer. If there was 2 mass murdering Robin’s in Gotham, then there would be less crime. That math made perfect sense.

“You can’t! He has the most tragic backstory of all Robins and I already fired him!” Dick gasped.

“It is true. He has the saddest story. I’m instead going to barely join the family again and steal your long time best friend and ex girlfriend to be my friends,” Jason answered.

“If you must. But leave the children out of it,” Dick said weeping before Jason hung up in abject rage.

———————————

Back at the Wayne Manor in Gotham, NJ

Bruce Wayne sat at the cold dark last seat at the end of the long cold banquet table that reminded him of his dead parents. Both shot. Pearl necklace broken.

The tiny sliver of his heart filled with paternal instinct shot through him like lightning.

“Don’t you know I brood on Friday night?” He growled. “Alfred, ready the bat plane. I have to physically abuse one of my boys.”

“What will I tell Master Duke and Miss Cassandra who will expect you in the morning?”

“I don’t know, man! They never add them to the stories!”

I write this in part of the huge influx of people saying that they hate the fandom interpretation of the characters when in reality even in comics are they rarely consistent in writing and everyone just picks what they like. So let’s not take it that seriously and just consume content you want.

#batfam #worst batfam story #bat boys #Jason todd #Tim drake #dick Grayson #Damian Wayne #Bruce Wayne #alfred pennyworth #batfam parody #parody