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wonryllis · 4 months

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somewhere in northern italy | 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗄 𝗌𝗎𝗇𝗀𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗇.

synopsis. park sunghoon hates oranges, he always has. the tangy citrusy tingles he's so not fond of it. he also hates you, the living embodiment of an orange: cheery, full of life, and well, round. why should he be bothered by it though? all he has to do is work hard to get into his dream university. but the thing is, he really needs a specific recommendation letter for it. something which he can only get from your father. and hypothetically speaking, he can't just ask for it, so he does you 'a favor for a favor'; he fake dates you on your trip home for summer break and surprise surprise your family owns the biggest orange farm in the country.

or where, sunghoon falls for the one thing he has hated all his life.

word count. 1.6k (teaser) full fic: est 10k-15k? maybe more?

meet the cast. park sunghoon who has an obsession of taking photos with fem!reader who loves being photographed.

genre. fake dating AUUUU!!!! ANDDD enemies to lovers!!!(for hoon), frenemies to lovers(for you), fluff, crackkkk, nsfw, suggestive, sunghoon getting cockblocked all the damn time, set in lombardy, northern italy. popular x unpopular but it's mildly mentioned. sunghoon thinks you are a spoiled brat, a very very studious and upright sunghoon. oh and did you know? orange, orange and orange (sunghoons nightmare) rich girlie and old money reader, sunghoon is gobsmacked at reader's house, parents..(do i really need to add?) and the orange farm.

warnings. allusions as to reader being daddy's princess and being sheltered and hoon struggling every day with oranges and painting a good image of himself to get that letter. nsfw warnings will be added in the full fic. (also no it's not a chubby reader)

RELEASE DATE. TBD

written so far. 15%

author's note﹙ ⌕. ﹚ had this random ass idea while having orange juice yesterday ksjksj. taglist is open for this as well as the permanent one, just let me know and i'll add you asap! not sure if this' good enough kindly bear with me. PLS DONT LET THIS FLOP I REALLY LOVE THIS BABY ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

꒰⠀ N O W P L A Y I N G. ⠀꒱ cruel summer by taylor swift, one kiss by calvin harris & dua lipa, karma by taylor swift, me by taylor swift, call it what you want by taylor swift, blinding lights by the weekend, fireworks by katy perry

"you wanna go down to the lake?" sunghoon looks up to find you at the door, more like peeping in from outside. his hands stopping mid-air with his spongebob boxers in hand, in the middle of unpacking what was left of his luggage. he moves at the speed of light, shoving them back in before you can notice the print. but too late you already saw it well, "you wear spongebob?" your laugh tickles his insides and it feels weird how he seems to like it.

no, he did not want to go out right now. after that stressful breakfast in the garden he just wants to fall face first into your fluffy mattress and sleep it out under your silk comforter. but something about your laugh makes him intrigued, would going down to the lake with you show him more of this side of yours? now this would probably be the seventh time he has wondered of how prettily you laugh. the curve of your eyes and the faint dimples on your cheeks his favourite things. oh? he picked favourites already it's weird, he thinks.

"yeah, let's go. just lemme change my shirt real quick," disappearing into the bathroom before you have the chance to speak. though when he steps back into the room,"your taste is funny," his spongebob boxers hang at the tip of your index finger as you look closely at the design. "put that back!" he scolds, choking on his spit while he rushing over.

"why? don't tell me you haven't washed it? now that's really bad hoonie," the tone of your voice teases his nerves but honestly he's used to it, more precisely he doesn't hate it as much as he thought he did.

"y/n," he warns, albeit not seriously and you can see it.

"baby," in a sweet little smile, (one that has sunghoon's hate for you faltering in the slightest each time you put it on) you correct him,"remember?" my fake boyfriend, mouthing out through a sly grin.

it's like an immediate que for him to give it up, he's not gonna win against you. when he used to see you around the university, mingling amidst a crowd of people every single time, he always thought you'd hold nothing against him. in his eyes you were a hollow image, nothing worth it. perhaps he was wrong, for so far you have him tight in a grip, he can't seem to find something to properly hate. that is if he takes the oranges out the picture.

he sighs in resignation,"come on, let's go, baby." happy? his brows rising in a question, softening up at your smile getting wider with a swift nod.

he relaxed too soon.

"was this really necessary?" the palm of his hand slides around your wrist as you walk down the steps of your italian chateau. supporting your heel clad feet and gesturing at the big beige floppy beach hat sitting atop your head. "absolutely! it's my fa- dad!" sunghoon's head snaps at that, immediately turning to look at the pitch of your voice going higher. the real deal, your father still seated in the garden with a newspaper in his hands and dear lord, a glass of orange juice.

it's embarrassing to be seen with you like that, he was gonna say. but oh well, nevermind.

"i see you have your favorite hat on, going somewhere with sunghoon?" your dad asks smiling warmly at your pair. it makes sunghoon scared, aren't dads supposed to hate boyfriends? is he being bamboozled by your family? will he be preyed upon later when you are not there to see? as if it was possible, your entire family though really welcoming of him are a bunch of weirdos, who the fuck let's their precious daughter share her room with her boyfriend they've met for the first time?

when he agreed to fake date you he didn't know he'd have to put on such a detailed act. there's literally no restrictions for you in the house. you do whatever you want, when ever you want. and that includes taking him everywhere you go, because apparently your parents know him as the boyfriend who loves you so much that he can't let you be alone at any time. shouldn't that be a red flag though? he can't with this anymore, just over a day in and he's convinced he can't make it make sense anymore, it's a white towel, he can only go with the flow.

"yes he really wanted to go down to the lake," what me? when? sunghoon's eyes wander in a panic while you smile as if you weren't just lying through your teeth. smile sunghoon smile, just fucking smile, he reminds himself wondering if he should maybe say something, maybe not?,"didn't you, baby?" the little nudge of your elbow against him tells him that he should, oh god its difficult to learn when to do what.

"yeah the weather seems really good," he says, a slight tremor in his voice, internally facepalming himself. he has one job, and he's failing even that.

"hm, true," the acknowledgement from your father helps calm his nerves a bit but it runs on high again at his next words,"be back before lunch though, your brother and sister in law will be home soon. it's been so long since we last ate together," you have a brother? why wasn't he informed about this? is the universe playing a game with him? as if your parents weren't enough, now he has to impress more people. he can do this, for the sake of his recommendation letter he has to do it.

"yes dad! love you," sunghoon waits like a lone statue as you leave his side to press a kiss to your father's cheek. grabbing him by the arm and dragging him away the moment he opens his mouth to bid your father. at this rate you'll ruin it for him before he can ruin it himself. "slowdown, fluffy. i'll fall at this speed," he tries but it's to no avail, he should have known by now, no one can control you.

the walk down to the lake is quieter than he expected, no bickering or fighting. you show him around the small streets and shops on the way, telling him little stories back from your childhood. sometimes stopping at a spot,"so pretty, can you take a picture of me here?" and it's already the fourth time. he doesn't mind though, on the contrary he finds himself enjoying it. it's not everyday he gets to roam around the streets of italy with the perfect weather.

it doesn't take long for you both to reach the deck on the far left. following your lead, he sits down on the edge beside you, legs hanging low over the cold water and your shoes placed on one side. you sit close, arms brushing each other, little finger atop one another. your hair flowing with the wind swipes against his face when you turn the other way, a subtle hint of sweet (you guessed it) orange tingling his smell buds. instead of grimacing his life off, he leans closer for another whiff of it. "sunghoon!" retracting immediately when you turn back to him.

"hm?" a feeling so out of this world, a haze lost in his mind. your words sound blurry and your extravagant hat looks so pretty on you. he almost feels like he has to capture this. "i asked how you like it? weren't you listening? what're you thinking?" and he does, taking out his phone and clicking a candid. he can't believe he now has a photo of you in his gallery that he's taken on his own accord. he's been doing many weird things lately,"it's really pretty," so so many weird things.

"hey fluffy i've been wondering about something," he speaks again, looking away to try to ignore tiny little fluttering butterflies in his stomach.

"what is it?"

"haven't you ever dated before, why do your parents seem so excited to see you have a boyfriend?" there he asked it, the biggest mystery he can't stop thinking about from the moment he set foot in your palace of a house. if it's your first then maybe that would somewhat explain their behaviour, not that it would become normal altogether, just kind of justifiable that he won't be put on the rack. that he's truly welcomed and he's safe.

"not really, no one ever met my standards," your answer throws him off. what?

"does that mean i do?" he tests the water, cautious above all yet his tone still comes off as one of tease.

"yes, except one," he eyes turn to you at that, pupils dilated with curiosity for the one thing stopping him from the title of 'perfect for you' as your parents claimed. meeting his eyes in a lock of contact, you give him a small smile. hands moving over to his white button up, fingers tracing his collar and undone buttons watching his adam's apple bob in a hard gulp as his brown orbs follow your movements, sweat building up at the close proximity when you both lock eyes again,"you don't really like me," sunghoon immediately looks away, a stab of reality, he was actually anticipating something he could change. really park sunghoon? remember you don't like her?

"am i wrong?" you laugh leaning forward to have a look at his face.

"i never said that," sunghoon clears his throat, turning back, suddenly gaining a surge of confidence. park sunghoon what???

TAGLIST ( open. ) @s00buwu @luvyev @deobitifull @nottkwiwin @enhyven @crysieberry @eneiyri @sovlidago @fertiliezedtoesw @laylasmother @pockyyasii @ladyartemesia @kaispulshies @nctislifue @capri-cuntz @sweetjaemss @parksunghoonsgf @ariadores @asteria-wood @laurradoesloveu @en-dream

#SO EXCITED BUT NERVOUS TO SHARE THIS KSJSKH #enhypen imagines #enhypen smut #enhypen oneshots #enhypen fluff #enhypen sunghoon imagines #sunghoon smut #enhypen headcanons #enhypen reactions #enhypen drabbles #enhypen hyung line #enhypen heeseung imagines #enhypen jake imagines #enhypen jay imagines

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 5 months

Note

I was reading sea glass gardens for like the 8th time in a row (listen I was praying to the gods for a fic focuses on Megumi & Yuuta, for a fic that shows Megs dynamic with the Zenins more, and for a fun little gojo adopts the fushiguro siblings and forced his friends to play aunt and uncle. You checked all my boxes. I am in debt to you now.) and its the way I'm still seeing the little details that should've been so fucking obvious to me —

Megumi and Tsumiki fucking around and adopting some of Gojo’s habits and sayings? I know he was so proud that his children is becoming mini versions of him. Toji is crying in the depths of hell while Mamaguro is happy as hell in the pearly gates.

“It’s a garden” it took so long for me to peep that this was his domain. Like tfw when your domain is fucking you up. I pray that Gege shows us his completed domain. Actually I PRAY GEGE LET MEGUMI SHOW OFF HIS FUCKING POTENTIAL. But alas Gege is a coward.

THE NICOTINE PATCH? Oh Shoko my beloved. I get her. I fucking hate cancer sticks but if I had to spend time with corpses, being forced to converse with the higher ups, and having to be friends with Gojo and Geto AND witness their divorce. Well. I would’ve smoked something too. Like goddamn these bitches should’ve been at the club.

The little callbacks to the playbooks? How petty the sorcerer world gotta be for them to have cheat sheets on their enemies. Is that not crazy? Is this who they are? Petty bastards.

toji pulling up to get married in sweats. megumi killing curses at such a young age for his sister? toji giving megumi shit to get him to stfu? oh megumi you dodged a bullet with toji.

BUT WHAT I REALLT WANTED TO WAS THE BATHHOUSE. Megumi needs to go feral as a threat cause imagine how humiliating that must’ve been. A bunch of assholes & such watching you like some fucking cult. I really hope that Megumi and Gojo have some type of reassuring talk about his time at the Zenins.

(Yaga and Gojo going at it while Panda in the room is so funny to be but…it’s also kind of sad. Like imagine seeing your dad figure basically be okay, well not okay but not willing to fight back, about the higher ups and everything.)

Obsessed with the fact that I can toss up what seems to me to be a random niche interest and find a community of people who wanted exactly that. I’m thrilled I checked off your boxes.

The bathhouse was designed to be humiliating by nature. I talked about it more on another post (but fuck if I know where it is), but the point of including that whole bit was that I really couldnt think of any better way to emphasize that megumi wasn’t a person to them.

On its face, the private bathhouse with servants tending to it could be a sign of status. It’s kind of an old world nobility thing to have? Which fits with the Zenin, who are very traditional and value Megumi as their most treasured person to be born to the clan in centuries. He would be presumptive heir if Gojo hadn’t intervened. So they’d easily be able to cast this in their own minds as a good thing, as a way they’re taking care of him. He’s not subjected to the communal bathhouses or small private bathrooms like the majority of the clan—they’ve given him his own private facilities and servants to care for him in it.

However, once you take away Megumi’s consent, it becomes an absolutely humiliating and degrading experience that only happens for the Zenin’s comfort and not his own.

I spoke about this in the other post in more detail, but I tried to imply that this wasn’t the first time the Zenin had done this to him. And there’s two points that kind of implicate that—when Maki’s talking to Yuuta about how it used to be when Megumi was a kid, she says the first thing that they would do when he arrived in the clan was hand him over to the servants to make him presentable. She also talks about how viciously he hated the way they’d make him look in the clan, including stomping the clothes they’d make him wear in the mud. When Megumi himself is talking about the bathhouse, he says he was given over to the servants like when he was a kid. This wasn’t a new experience for him. They weren’t doing this to him for the first time. They did this to him when he was a kid, and he’s reliving all of that trauma anew.

In my mind, it was a product of how selfish the Zenin’s love for megumi is.

He’s their favorite doll. He’s a possession. They want him to look and act exactly the way they expect from him, and they despise any divergence from what they want the ten shadows to be. And they hate it when they’re reminded of how Gojo took him from them.

They don’t want him dressed in modern clothes. They don’t want his hair styled in a manner similar to Gojo’s. They want him to look like the Ten Shadows they always wanted, and one surefire way of controlling that is to simply do it themselves, whether or not megumi is on board.

And the thing is? It is such a fundamentally minor thing to let someone bathe and dress themselves. It would have cost the Zenin so so little to let Megumi do it. Even if they were still dictating what clothes he wore and how he styled his hair (which would still rob him of his autonomy on its own, they could have at least let him do the actual act of bathing and dressing himself. They could have violated him a little bit less than they already were. The biggest inconvenience it would have risked to them would be him doing something not to their exact standards and losing a few minutes to making him redo it. But on Megumi’s end, it symbolizes a huge source of autonomy and comfort. Letting Megumi bathe himself really does impact so little for them, but for Megumi, it could have saved him from lasting trauma.

The Zenin do it to him anyway because they value their minor conveniences over his very bodily autonomy. They don’t even recognize that as a genuine concern. He’s a possession to them. An object. They don’t actually love him, and the love they think they have is actively dangerous to him. They will violate him in a very fundamental way just so they can make sure he looks how the ten shadows is supposed to look, and they won’t care.

Being forcibly bathed against your will is just humiliating, especially at Megumi’s age, and it’s one of the things that hurt him the worst out of everything the Zenin just did to him. I think Megumi takes physical pain better than he does humiliation. Having to be exposed and vulnerable the way he was with other people watching was a more effective torture than locking him in a room with curses for days.

But there’s extra layers to it if you consider 1) this is something the Zenin have done to him before and 2) this is something that he could have stopped.

When Megumi was six, he was definitely at the age where he was already bathing himself. Some parenting books say parents should still be helping at that age, but his parents were completely checked out well before then. He had already been handling all his hygiene needs on his own. Having strange adults force him to let them do it for him was a traumatizing and infantilizing experience that represented one of the many ways the Zenin robbed him of all control over his own life when they had him.

But now it’s happening again.

And megumi probably didn’t think the Zenin would do that to him again, walking into this. He probably explained it away as them doing that to him because he was still a little kid at the time. He told himself it happened because he was six, and he’s not six anymore.

Having it all happen again was a very visceral reminder of how helpless his abusers used to make him, and immediately kicked him back down to that level with a very potent reminder. It’s trauma reawakening trauma. He felt like he was six again. He probably told himself for a long time that it would never happen again and it still did.

The other thing is that he’s a lot more capable in a fight than a six year old. He’s a grade two jujutsu sorcerer. He’s a fighter. And he’s being manhandled by servants who don’t have a lot of cursed energy, if they’re even sorcerers at all, and aren’t meant to be combatants. These are people he should be able to defend himself against easily. He should be able to stop them from doing this to him again.

For whatever reason, he couldn’t.

Maybe Gojos theory about them having something on him was right. Or maybe he was too worn down and broken from the cursed spirits. Maybe it was something else. Whatever the reason, this is something that he would have told himself he was strong enough to stop, and then he wasn’t. He either had to let it happen or couldn’t stop it even if he tried. It’s a new level of helplessness and humiliation that it made him experience.

In short, megumi does deserve to go feral over the bathhouse, and probably needs to. He’s really not okay over it. It would probably be cathartic.

#sea glass gardens #this fic was designed to make sure megumi came out of it with a really bad state of mind and part of the reason why is because it’s meant to #slot into the gap of canon between JJK0 and season 1 #Megumi walks into season 1 with his fixation on maharoaga at an absolutely dire level #he tries to pull the trigger there every other fight #and in my mind a lot of that’s because Megumi’s just /not okay/ when canon starts #this episode with the Zenin is supposed to feed into that #prior to the Zenin mahoraga was a last resort #but when we hit season 1 Megumi’s very decidely hitting ‘last resort’ a bit. prematurely.#he’ll start a fight and be like ‘whelp this is it’ bb try at least #this zenin incident is meant to feed into it #he had his moment of last resort. the moment where even Gojo and Nanami agreed that what the Zenin were demanding he do was a death sentence #and he /didn’t use it/ for some reason. they kept him from it.#mahoraga was his safety blanket over the years. the one sure point of control over his life. he’d die as a jujutsu sorcerer and not have #a choice in becoming one to begin with. but he’d die taking them down with him. he’d die on his terms. it was the /one/ point of control he #had. the Zenin robbed him of that and robbed him of a lot of other illusions of control #megumi didn’t have control over when he slept. when he ate. where he went. what clothes he wore. they even stripped him of the basic act of #getting control over his own bathing processes. it was the most violating loss of autonomy imaginable.#Megumi’s going into season 1 with severe ptsd and an almost manic desire to make sure he doesn’t lose control again. he wants to make sure #that he can at least go out on his terms. he lost every other feeling of security and autonomy and he needs to still have this #also panda was fucking sweating during that time #his dad was Not the most popular man in that room and he agreed #megumi thinks that the Zenin did that purposefully to hurt him and it would honestly hurt him worse to find out that it was a twisted act of #love. like. he gets hate. he understands hate. he knows why someone would do that to hurt him. he doesn’t know why they would do it out of #love. and it would disturb him on a profound level if he knew that was what the Zenin thought of that moment #they told themselves that they were putting him to rights and restoring him to the ten shadows he would one day be again and would #understand then. they can’t conceptualize a version of megumi that legitimately rejects them so they reject his autonomy and freedom in #getting to decide to reject them

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halfgclden · 3 years

Audio

EPISODE 32: A MAJOR OCCURANCE

The sound of spooky intro music plays and fades out. As the microphone clicks on, faint sounds of water and traffic can be heard in the background.

JADE: Hello cryptwizzlers, cryptrackers, but never cryptormentors because we’re all friends here. Welcome to a very special episode of Cryptwins in which we are not actually researching a cryptid. But! Before you shut this off and call us hacks, we are instead researching the recent disappearance of social media fitness guru; Edison Major.

More spooky music plays. There is also the sound of fingers tapping a rhythm. It's typical Joel, unable to contain his energy as he taps the dashboard in time with their intro music.

JOEL: Weeeeeeeell...Maybe we are hacks. —a pause as he laughs— Nah, just kidding. This is the real deal. I'm not sure you're ready for this. This is some spooky, and excuse my French, spooky shit. Tell us more about this Major disappearance? —another laugh— Get it?

JADE: [A short laugh-sigh is let out at Joel’s joke.] Okay, before we begin, two things. One, get ready for the barrage of major and minor jokes, courtesy of Joel here.

JOEL: Got a whole list, be ready! He lets Jade finish, but listeners can still hear the tapping sound while she speaks.

JADE: Secondly, we’re still on the road here, so if the audio is bad or choppy... deal with it? —another small laugh— Anyyyyway. Spooky is right. This all began in September of last year, when @majored posted a picture of himself in a dark basement wearing a weird costume and then immediately went off the grid. And, you know, I’m all for a social media cleanse, people do it all the time. Buuut, what really brought this to our attention was a month later, on Halloween Eve of all nights, when a video popped up of him getting his ass kicked by someone in a Kakashi Hatake costume.

JOEL: Now, I know y'all are asking yourselves "Isn't he a fitness guru? Why was some weeb kickin' his ass?" And to that I say hey! Some weebs are strong, some are Super Saiyan, and others are Kakashi Hatake, the most talented ninja in Konohagukure.

JADE: lets out a laughing wheeze.

JOEL: We don't endorse fighting here. But I digress —a laugh— back on topic. So this guy just up and disappears out of nowhere? And there's not a peep of him until we see Kakashi givin’ him the business. What does this all mean?

JADE: Okay, so, let’s get the full story. @majored goes off the grid, comes back to get his ass kicked by a Naruto character, disappears again, comes back to spit on someone and call them a see you next Tuesday, and then disappears again. And he hasn’t come back online. So what’s up with that? Well... we did a little digging.

Another spooky noise plays over the sound of Jade organizing a stack of papers.

JOEL: Daaaaaaang. I’d say those are some fightin' words, especially from someone who keeps pulling a vanishing act, don’t ya think?

JADE: They really are! I mean, he is from New Zealand, but even so, I think you don’t use that word unless you want to attract some attention. -She clicks her tongue as she gets back on topic- The video was originally posted the night before Halloween of last year, by @ime.are on Twitter. Obviously they got a lot of hate and questions after posting this, but all of them were left unanswered. The only person in the video that was tagged was Major, but upon further examination, this Ime seems to follow and have pictures with someone who happened to be dressed as Kakashi that same night, which has led many to speculate that these ninjas are the same person.

JOEL: So we all know Halloween's a spooooky season. Perfect for parties and all that jazz. But all those costumes make it a perfect time for disguises. Was that even the real Major? Was the person who spit the real Major? Who is this Ime and how do they fit into the story? And who— a pause for dramatic effect and muffled laughter as he tries to stay serious— is this mystery ninja? Tell us more!

JADE: Alright, alright. So this mystery ninja goes by Abel, or @_kllledbycain on the Gram. At first glance, they look pretty much like every other TikTok e-boy; black and white photos, pet snake, the insinuation that they’re dead, whole nine yards.

JOEL: snorts when Jade announces their handle, and again at her eboy comment, wheezing. It's true, it's true!

JADE: And this stuff is so common right now, so nothing really raises any eyebrows, right? Right? Well, tell me, why would a Tik Tok goth go around beating the crap out of a random influencer? Stay tuned for the theory. First, we’re gonna take a step back and look at the whole situation, because, of course, it doesn’t end there.

JOEL: Ohhhh snap! I'm on the edge of my seat, and I bet our listeners are too.

JADE: [clears her throat] So if we go back to the original poster of the video, @ime.are, and we take a look at their Insta, who is on it but... @devinitely? Okay, so @devinitely is in the same place as @majored, clearly, and, for anyone that doesn’t know, she’s been doing a bunch of collabs with @loganvance. This places not one, not two, but three influencers all together in this place where weebs are running around assaulting people.

JOEL: Okay. Okay, I need to know! Where are they? What's bringing all these influencers together? Are @devinitely and @loganvance part of something much more sinister than it seems? [He makes a funny face at Jade and wiggles his fingers, before dropping his voice to a stage-whisper.] Is it some kind of twisted influencer cult?

JADE: Shhhh, Joel, spoilers.

JOEL: [He laughs.] Sorry, sorry!

JADE: [muffled laughter over the sound of more papers rustling.] So, any skeptics out there might say, oh, well, this Ime Are is just a lucky person who happens to be in the presence of more than one social media personality. However, Devin follows the weeb that may or may not have kicked Major's ass. And, according to a cast photo of Rocky Horror, on her boyfriend's Instagram, both the weeb in question and the hot man that tore the two apart were part of the cast. This would be a great time to mention that a link to the video is in the description, as are all the pictures from social media that I'm referencing.

JOEL: [to Jade but loud enough for the mic to pick it up at regular volume] Oh snap, you got everything together in a link? Like, I could click the link to check it out right now? — A pause as he does just that.— Woah, cryptwizzlers, she's not kidding. Click the link in bio, you won't be disappointed. Okay, Jade...hear me out. Given that it was Halloween, the night of nights. Do you think that...maybe it was all an elaborate event? Was it staged? Is any of this real?

JADE: Oh, my dear brother, always the skeptic. Don’t you think that it’s a bit much for him to stop posting entirely in order to get publicity? And we mustn’t forget the spitting on someone in South Dakota, that’s not exactly his brand. Unless he’s trying out something like Taylor Swift and Reputation but... I digress. No, I don’t think any of this is staged, and I’ll tell you why. Let’s go back to the weird cow print basement post. You know who also happened to post something about some cowboy party? Oh, um, Devin’s boyfriend? A picture of him, Devin, and Logan? Which... puts them and Major in the same place on the night that he disappeared.

JOEL: Not a skeptic! Just trying to get all these questions answered. —A laugh— You're right, that's 180 from the online presence he used to have. All theories aside, —a pause— I'd love to go to a cowboy party. Get me a glow-in-the-dark cowboy hat. You know they make 'em. —He laughs again, mouthing 'what?' to Jade.—

JADE: Oh, def. We're getting matching hats. Check out our merch in a few weeks —she laughs— Glow in the dark mothman themed cowboy hats, talk about a niche.

JOEL: Snap, we have to do that now, 'cause I want one real bad. But okay, back on track. This cowboy party. The origin of this theory, yeah? Oh snap...what were those three doing in the same place as Major? And all in cow print too? That's....majorly suspicious! [He trails off into laughter, his voice doing that wheezy thing when someone's trying to finish their sentence before cracking up. Recovering, he adds the following.] Wait, wait, wait. What about—

JADE: Yes, yes, yes. —she cuts Joel off as though he's finished his sentence, chuckling at his joke— Patience, my dear twin, we will get there. —the smile is evident in her voice—

JOEL: I feel like somehow, I ended up as your Padawan for this episode. — he laughs—

JADE: You heard it here, I'm absolutely schooling Joel this episode. — she laughs— First, we're going to backtrack all the way to the original poster again. You know we snooped their whole page, and they're pretty regularly posting pictures with this person, @rengaaay, who isn't an influencer but she makes some of those sick ass roller skating videos... this isn't sus, just cool, link in the description. —a slight pause as she tries to get back to her train of thought— Anyway, what is sus is that she tags two people in her photos all the time... But no joke guys check out their Insta profiles they look different in like every other picture. Which, uh, could just be editing but also could be something.... more sinister? Hold onto that thought.

JOEL: That's such a good handle, dang! Better than @lumberjoel, honestly. I have to say I'm jelly. We should get branded rollerskates, maybe @rengaaay can advertise for us if we ship them. JK...unless? —more laughter as he waits for Jade to get back on the train and pulls up the profiles in question to take a look for himself— Huh...is it editing? Are they masters of disguise? Makeup professionals? —He starts to say something else but is pretty sure he's figured out where Jade's going with this.— What could be more sinister than human chameleons?

JADE: [The sound of papers shuffling can be heard] Oh, yeah, so, it's weird but I think every time the siblings are in a pic together they look more like each other? I dunno if this really makes sense but seriously dudes check the post with this episode because it has a bunch of photos side by side and... yeah. You pull a photo of them by themself and it's like okay, I know what this dude looks like and then you put them side by side and... I dunno, makeup? Contacts? Cloning, mayhaps? And, just so that I'm not just holding on to one thing too much... check their post from August 12th, linked below. Their brother... doesn't have a shadow. Why would you edit that out of a photo? No way are they going that hard to be memelords.

JOEL: Okay, let me look at this. Wha— That's weird as hell. How much hair dye do these two use? Hm. Could be clones? —snaps his fingers—Definitely clones. —he snorts loudly, laughing before clearing his throat— Ahem, uh. No shadow? That's dedication! I dunno, maybe it's some new challenge for the 'gram. Oh...but wait. I found a video. Look, Jade. No shadow. In a video. What the—

JADE: A video, guys. —A moment of muffled laughter before her mic cuts out, but the sound of it clicking on again is followed almost immediately— This is a big family, guys, and a big weird one because their other brother @sleepyfinch... Okay, wait, he himself is pretty normal, super cute, shout out, but guys, ghouls, you know who he has tagged in a recent post? Yet another influencer. Except this one is from Italy? @gaborealis; essentially, he’s a medium, so if you didn’t believe that the supernatural were at play beforehand... buckle up.

JOEL: Wait, wait, I'm still on the video thing. Who has time to edit a video? —his voice cracks when he says video and he covers his laughter as he focuses—

JADE: [wheezing] Shut up —there is no malice in her voice, and she’s laughing too.—

JOEL: So weird, I love it. Oh snap— the @gaborealis? It's time to get ghosty! —echoes "ghosty" and hums the Cha Cha Slide tune for a couple seconds— Okay, so wait. Does this mean everyone's favorite medium is also in the same place as...three? Three other influencers and this weird family of....maybe shapeshifters? No? Too crazy a theory?

JADE: You know what they say, cryptoddlers; no theory is too crazy. Everything Einstein came up with? Theory.

JOEL: Bringing Einstein into it, huh?

JADE: Oh you know it. —a snort— Anyway, according to Devin’s boyfriend’s Instagram, it doesn’t end there. @spencerkeahi, a youtuber and disability rights advocate who comes from Hawaii is also there with that gaggle. Shout out to @elidrising for tagging people and location. So what are these influencers from all corners of the globe gathering together for? Well, let’s take a look at the original poster again. You go on their Twitter, and a few months back it’s all just videos of people... fighting? In some sort of underground place. Mayhaps... the same creepy basement that Major posted his last photo? —a small gasp, as though she’s surprised by this— No, that must be a coincidence... or is it?

Another spooky sound plays

JOEL: @elidrising is the man, dang! Are you tellin' me there's a...—he lowers his voice to a whisper— secret influencers-only Fight Club? I wouldn't put it past @devinitely TBH. Honestly, I'd join one...even though I guess I've broken the first rule but talking about it, huh? Actually— Jay, do you think we'd even be allowed to join? Are podcasters influencers? Poll in my story right now, let us know what y'all think.

JADE: Right now? Joel, this isn’t going up for another week, at least. —She’s obviously trying to sound less amused than she’s coming off— Once we get the blue check we’re influencers, so we’ve got a few million followers to go, I think.

JOEL: Yeah, right now! They'll hear that when the episode goes up and respond in real ti— Oh, no. You're right. Oops. No poll in my story, y'all. False alarm. Blue check, huh? You heard it here, cryptwizzlers, we're gonna get that blue check. Tell your friends, tell your family. Heck, tell that cute barista at your coffee shop to listen to our podcast! We might just do a giveaway when we get that lil' blue swoosh.

JADE: [clears her throat.] You know what’s a great way to get us that blue check, though?

A different, light sort of spooky music begins playing in the background, meaning that it’s time for the ad break

JOEL: Take it away!

JADE: Checking out a little app called Creature Comforts. Alright guys, not that this show isn’t one hundred percent real as it is, but for real, I love this app. A dating sim that features everyone’s favorite... for lack of a better term, monsters. Did you watch the Shape of Water and go, “Damn, I’d tap that”? Do you want to snuggle with a Sasquatch? Do you just wish you could find yourself a GF with more eyes? Well, have we got the app for you. Creature Comforts lets you do all this and more. A choose-your-own-adventure game where you can smooch beasts, marry Mothman, and ignore the outside world. It’s seriously all I want. And, if you enter the code cryptwins— that’s the name of the podcast you’re listening to, no capital letters, when you download the app, then it’s only 99 cents to play without ads. Which, trust me ghouls, is worth it. I don’t want anything interrupting my cut scene with the most stunning eyes in West Virginia.

JOEL: Don't forget that scuba diving date with Nessie! Or, or...that half-day hike with Bigfoot. —he's laughing again smh— There's a reason Jade does the ad reads and not me. But, I can tell you that Mothman is sure to sweep you off your feet. And it's not just because he can fly.

JADE: It’s the —a pause for finger snapping— alliteration for me. But that’s Creature Comforts, exactly how you think you’d spell it, don’t ask us ‘cause we’re dyslexic, and cryptwins, like the name of this podcast. Tweet us @cryptwins to let us know how far along you are, who you’re pursuing, and what mysteries you unlock about their backstories. Now... I think it’s time for a timeline, just to get us sorted out, what do you think, Joel?

JOEL: Personally, I'm still tryin' to land a date with the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I guess we'll see what happens. Aw heck yeah! Give us a timeline, give us the dirt. — a laugh — Give the people what they want!

JADE: Okay — the shuffling of paper is heard once more — We start in September: @majored goes off the grid after posting a creepy picture of himself in a weird outfit in a spooky basement. This is around the same time that the Scarlet Surfer was in NYC for fashion week, which @majored accompanied him to, meaning that it isn’t entirely out of the question for him to still be in New York. Also on social media at this time is @devinitely and @loganvance also both is cowboy outfits, though the creepy basement is absent from both of them.

JOEL: I guess September isn't too early for weird Halloween stuff to start? What with the spooky basement and everything. Right? And everyone loves a cowboy moment— or have cowboys become the new clown? I heard there was a clown renaissance and people like them now? I don't really know where we stand on the whole clown— what?

JADE: I see our next hot debate. Cowboys: Hot or not? Personally, I liked cow print, but I can see cowboys going out soon. Once they reach killer clown status is when it’ll be ideal for me.

JOEL: Personally, I vote hot. And uhhh, not to kinkshame you Jay, but killer clowns are a no from me.

JADE: [tsks] Kinkshamed, by my own brother no less.

JOEL: [a loud laugh] You know I'm just kidding. No kinkshaking, ya heard? I'd literally let the Jersey Devil step on me so. To each their own.

JADE: [snorting] Um, gross.

JADE: Now to October: There is a production of Rocky Horror, a cast photo is uploaded to @elidrising, the account of @devinitely’s boyfriend. This places not only @devinitely and @loganvance in Montauk, but it also places @crispyboiz and @_kllledbycain in Montauk too. These are two of the people that are suspected to belong in the video by @ime.are, in which (suspected) @_kllledbycain, dressed as Kakashi Hatake attacked @majored, only to be torn apart by good citizen @crispyboiz. This video is the first that we’ve seen of @majored since his last post, and he offers nothing in response to it.

JOEL: Okay. Okay. Now, you know I love a good shadow-cast of Rocky Horror. I've always wanted to play Frank. I would rock that part. Am I wrong? —he laughs— But okay, that's - count 'em - three influencers in one place? If @elidrising is there, we can assume @devinitely is too because she was in the same location as, uh, whatshername? Logan? And that's the same location as @ime.are. Who took the video of Kakashi kicking @majored's ass. @_kllledbycain— more like killedbyKakashi, eh? Seriously why are all these people together?

JOEL: [as an afterthought] It's gotta be a cult.

JADE: November to December: Nothing happens with @majored, @ime.are also offers nothing except for quote unquote “#teamkakashi”, which is funny because they never tagged Kakashi, but anyways. Upon deeper inspection, there are videos on their Twitter from last May, of people in a fighting ring. And then people fighting on a lake? But the fighting ring looks super dangerous and I dunno, like you said, cult-y? Fight-club-y? Call it what you will. In any case, we are led to believe that this fighting has been going on for some time in the background.

JOEL: Okay, come on. That’s definitely a cult. I’ve seen the movie, can confirm. — he groans— Literally what is an Italian astrologer doing there? Wait, wait, wait. Montauk? You said Montauk. Montauk, as in on Long Island. As in like —he drops his voice to a stage-whisper— the part of Long Island that peeps believe to be the site of a government cover-up involving kidnapping, mind control, and time travel? The part that inspired Stranger Things? That Montauk? Snap. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together sooner. Jade, Jade. What if this is, I don’t know, like, MKUltra 2.0?

JADE: Yes, yes that Montauk, I’m glad you picked up on that. Look, I’m not saying that it’s an influencer’s-only thing, but I am saying that some might be in the area, and maybe involved. At the same time throughout all of this, we have a culmination of more influencers seeming to know this network of people. @gaborealis, an Italian astrologer, is seen in pictures of @sleepyfinch, who was also in the production of Rocky Horror, and has pictures with @crispyboiz and, god, this name is a freaking nightmare, @_kllledbycain. Not to mention this guy has many pictures of weird… family members? Who sometimes look alike? Okay, but seriously, @kodakola and @sonofpeter, how is your hair not straw at this point? Is it wigs? I think my hair would simply fall out. And y’all using Insta filters or what, cause… I’m not gonna get into it, let’s keep going.

JOEL: Maybe they're makeup vloggers or something. Gotta change up the look for views, right? Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and uhhhh, smash that follow button— or whatever YouTubers say. —he laughs— Okay but seriously, yeah. @sonofpeter, @kodakola, whatever you two are doing to your hair, let me know because I'm trying to bleach my hair and dye it bright purple without it falling out. And since we're doing it at our next stop, well, your advice will probably be too late. But still, what are your secrets? Is it...clones?

JADE: Joel! —she’s laughing again.— Timeline and then theories. —she clears her throat— After that long silence, a Tweet emerges. January 8th. "Can’t believe @majored SPAT on me and called me a C-Blank-Blank-T when he checked into @SDFamilyMotel last night”. This places Major across the country from where we believed him to be, but acting so strangely that one must wonder… was that really him? Or was it someone that just looked like him? Or was it a cry for help? Nothing’s been heard since from @majored, which I guess… leads us to our theories. —a pause— You were saying… clones, Joel?

JOEL: Sheeeeesh, this is not @majored's year. I gotta say, this sounds totally different from the vibe that this guy used to put out on his social media. Obviously Instagram is fake blah blah blah, you know the spiel, but like. Damn. He spit on them? —a pause as he considers what his sibling has said— You know....I think that's a really good point. Was that even the real him? Will the real Ed Major please stand up?

JADE: I know. It just seems out of character, and terrible for a reputation, but it also would make sense if... One, this is a fake @majored, meant to stir up controversy before he goes underground again. And with an action like spitting on someone and calling them a name like that? Who cares what the dude does after that? Unfollowed, cancelled, whatever. And why would this guy want to go underground, well, I'm glad you're so interested. Well, the official Cryptwins theory is that maybe... just maybe, the crazy, government cover-up Montauk that we all know and love isn't that far from truth. We see that they have means of covering up shadows —she lets out a laugh— and people whose faces just change? And who else is there, @spencerkeahi, someone who explains rehabilitation, maybe someone who has experience helping people get used to being a clone? @ime.are, a nurse who enjoys taking videos of people fighting? It all adds up, people!

JOEL: Yeah, seriously. With the real @majored MIA, there would be no one to combat the backlash from this supposed...clone? Imposter? And maybe that’s what they want. Looks like Montauk isn’t the ideal vacation spot anymore, huh? Even if their seaside cabins are super chill and homey. But I digress. Something sinister is going on. Something bigger than we can even imagine. A secret underground facility that’s...cloning influencers? Training them? Your guess is as good as mine. And that’s why we’re on this road trip, isn’t that right Jade? To get some answers?

JADE: Exactly. —it sounds as though she is holding back a laugh or a cough.— Cross country roadtrip in which we explore different topics like this one, and on the way, we'll document our progress and any spooky encounters. Check out our insta, @cryptwins to get all the updates, and consider hitting us up on Patreon if you want us to be able to afford the gas to get all the way to the east coast.

JOEL: I’ll be posting behind the scenes content in the “ROADTRIP” highlight on my Insta throughout the trip so be sure to check my stories. You might get lucky and find some special codes for Creature Comforts but, hey. You didn’t hear it from me. -he laughs and there’s the distinct sound of a bag of chips being opened- What Jade meant to say is gas and snack money. So yeah, go go go! Check out the Patreon! We might even do a giveaway at the end of our trip, get you guys some cool souvenirs we pick up on our travels. Not a bad idea, eh?

JADE: Joel, my ears are literally bleeding right now. Thanks. Anyway, our second theory will also be exclusive to our Patrons, so be sure to get the full video there. Cryptwins... out...

Her voice fades out and the music from the beginning fades in, takes over, and plays until the end of the track.

#c: jade #c: jadejoel #a major occurance

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bookishbea · 4 years

Text

Black Friday Reaction

Okay so I’ll be live tweeting Black Friday but none of it will have any sense to it but it’ll just be my reactions

1. The Paul thing is really bothering me

2. I really love the mention of the other characters

3. If Jane is mention is the story about the mom mentioned some more

4. Is the delivery man ted (cause he’s also a sleazeball

5. It’s weird seeing Cory not play a pure bean

6. I love California MIA

7. The little sister (Im sorry I’m bad at names) I self project as autistic and she something else idk

8. Did anyone else noticed Robert’s Australian accent come out?

9. Like I said this is out of order so yeah but I personally think the second song in the show was very shocking as I’m not used to very serious starkid songs

10. When Robert gestures smoking i think its lowkey a refrence to the smoke club

11. I have a crush on lex

12. I love Lauren’s charecter so much

13. I love the name linda becuase it could be like a karen without using that name

14. Not to get poltical but i choose to belive they made an antivax joke

15. Also the marvel nerd in me loves the name becky barnes

16. I know its probaly not on purpose but joeys charecters costume in line looks like the homeless guy’s one

17. Jaimey is great as always

18. The conversation is so cringe i love it

19. I kinda hope torture porn is a fanfic refrence (i know most people would want me to say spies are forever but nope)

20. I love Lauren but shouldnt her accent be included when she sings

21. I love Jeff’s reaction

22. I may get some hate for this but what was bothering me in tgwdlm and i notice in starkid is lack of fan comments in the captions

23. As a theatre fan i love the toy zone song (i am not sure if thats the right name) espcially the do wop becuase it reminds me of older musicals

24. Also since i watched tgwdlm and black friday a day apart its weird to come from songs happening because they are infected to songs happening cause its a musical

25. i love the love the line we are not relaibly to anyone who dies becuase they clearly show in the trailer that someone will die (this is not a spoiler if you watch the trailer for Black Friday)

26. I love Corey but when he dances i notice a bulge (i am not a perv he makes it very obvious)

27. So i rewinded it to make sure i wanst going crazy and realized something as lex says the pepper spray line. She would be good as janis ian

28. I love the touch money part its so cute even if its not supposed to be

29. Jaime plays a perv really well

30. I love Jon’s charecter its hilarious

31. Also i love jon and lauren interactions so it was cool seeing them together not as paul and emma

32. I love seeing more of Jon because although hes reaally good at playing paul paul doesnt have any flavor and its cool seeing jon do something diffrent

33. Jeff’s fuck you

34. Okay I was right it was the homeless guy and i bet the money is paul’s money

35. And this is not a sterotpye as i am jewish myself but i bet Laurens charecter is jewish

36. Its sad that the price thing is true

37. So i am a theatre fan and do not watch got but that music kinda reminds me of got

38. Cant tell if jeff’s charecter is gay and a perv or just a perv (i realzie this could be mmisinterpreted as homophobic i just mean to say that jamie’s charecter just seems like a full out perv where as i cant tell with jeff’s)

39. Obviously you shouldnt be that insane but i do like the lines about how you are in charge of life and dont care about what others think. its goood life advice

39. Looks like Paul’s boss got his wish

40. They are all idiots for holding up the doll when everyone wants to get it

41. Corey’s charecter is like shit, money isnt that imporant

42. Becky why are you a part of this you have moral high ground (yes i am ignorning the fact that cast usually join in dance numbers even if their charecter isnt a part of it)

43. Shouldnt tom get ptsd (see above)

44. Lex you already have one (see above)

45. So i may be overthinking things but how curt says never should settle is in the tune of spies are forever

46. Is it just me or did anyone else notice when the security guard comes in the tune of show me your hands comes in

47. I dont know why but i do love soft bullies because hes like hey im punching you but only for the kid

48. Some may say its schizo or something hannah has but its anxiery or something from how shes expressing it

49. I feel like hannah has a superpower and can tell whats happening

50. Maybe webby is actually wiggly

51. Baby (both hannah and robert)

52. Please tell me my babies not dead

53. Jon’s eee is adorable and silly

54. Wait hes alive

55. Wait no hes dead, im sad liek starkid is supposed to be fun and happy this is the darkest star kid yet. Even oregon deaths were silly

56. I love starkid but this is making me anxious i cant tell if its good anxious or bad anxious

57. Also i relate to the black and white thing not fully but liek whenever i dont feel well sometimes my brain is overstimulating but only in my head its very hard to explain

58. Also i think sometimes kids on the spectrum and im not an expert but i do have it kind of make a friend in their head and i do that too sometimes just to give me advice

59. Also i hope they dont get rid of the black and white as sometimes people go more crazy without the figurative voice in their head

60. Like i said this is going to be random order so i like that emma adopted paul;s Okay and no im not making a tfios refrence

61. Poor Tim

62. Poor becky but even less

63. i thought they were supposed to be mad at g-d but in this and tgwdlm they like g-d

64. I cant tell the other pins on joey’s jacket but the first two i notice are mr wiggly and paul

65. I love Lauren’s acting you can see the very sublte sadness in her

66. Lauren and Joey together ahhhh

67. I know its probaly not a big deal but they should give a seziure warning before the tv scene

68. Did they reuse curts spies are forever outfit

69. Really starkid the obama refrence seriously, i cant tell if im mad or laughing

70. How did Bob get one

71. I do realize they are talking irl but i cant help but wonder if the nazis were a spies are forever refrence

72. Does wiggly have a special power or something

73. I think its similar to the metero the closer you are the more power it has over you

74. The starkid special effects we all know and love

75. Also is that mcnamara

76. Also maybe shooting it (the doll) does the same thing that shooting the affceted does. Give them no power

77. I cant tell what the music reminds me of exactly but the tune does kinda refrence a diffrent star kid song

78. Jeff looks so proud of himself for the peeps line

79. I love the purposeful i presume reuse of lines

80. Is peip like men in black

81. Also hatchetfield kind of reminds me of night vale

82. Is the black and white like the upside down?

83. I wonder if the point was purposeful since someone was filming or just choreographed

84. Yes Jon Singing!!!!!

85. I love the act two opener

86. Did his parents really name him christmas?!?

87. Oh hes literally related to santa

88. I love lauren and joey as eleves

89. Noel another christmas name

90. Isnt the little dance move like a genie move or something

91. Its so cute that she insitincitvely went to their seats

92. Also carving is goals

93. Even though its a penis its still goals

94. I know what you are, say it, santa clause

95. Tom dont yell at your girl

96. Poor Tom

97. But also dont make this about you

98. They probaly werent the head of the school since they were nice, i am sorry but thats true

99. Yass girl fight his ass

100. Also the theatre kid in me is picturing all that jazz

101. he ran into my knife he ran into my knife ten times

102. Yes Becky’s husband (i forget the name sue me) is bad but i feel like becky is more sinister then we realize

103. Becky’s line even if it isnt meant to be is so funny

104. The girl who plays Becky could play Barbara

105. I love how Joey and Lauren look into the camera

106. Jamie saying santa awww such a pure bean

107. The person in the wiggly onsie is goals

108. Matrix glasses for the win

109. Is wilbur a refrence to Charelots Web?

110. Its a cult a cult of wiggly

111. I feel like Sherman young is around 30-40

112. I love how its mommy to sound less pervy

113. Oh wait never mind Linda is mom

114. Shit thats fucked up they killed him

115. I am right a jew no non jew says mensch

116. To quote jared klienman kinky (shoe kiss scene)

117. Also i love this song the adore song

118. Why does them picking up Lauren give me Draco vibes

119. Wait he isnt dead?? im so confused

120. Wait he is dead???

121. Also ethan is creepy now

122. But Roberts expressions are goals

123. Robert your proffesor hidgens is showing

124. What the how does he know her name

125. Savage Wiggly

126. Wiggly is more funny than scary

127. But my poor baby dont be scared

128. What the fuck tom

129. Also poor baby number two

130. At first you think becky is made about him hurting a child but no its about the doll

131. What the fuck Becky

132. Also I wonder if thats the same serum that Hidgens used

133. Tom yelling at the audince is hilarious

134. Also Becky singing is giving me little shop vibes

135. Becky are you drunk or something you so stupid

136. But yayy my baby doesnt get hurt

137. More starkid special effects

138. Also the lighting nod to tgwdlm

139. Also why did they take my baby (see i told you random)

140. So the perv is wiggly

141. Also if he can appear in regular formation on earth why does he need to be the doll

142. Oh wait never mind he explains it

143. Joey talking to the audience and making them hold the apple is goals

144. I love Joey’s song

145. MIA = Missing in Action = Made in America

146. Wait im wrong Joey cant be Wiggly unless he has super powers he cant be in two places at once

147. I know they dont mean sex but still wtf

148. Lauren looks so done i cant

149. Seziure warning after mr presidnet leaves the black and white

150. Unless it was purposeful they should have hidden the dolls better backstage

151. Wait didnt hannah say something about two doors earlier?

152. Seriously Sherman ponies

153. I love the going back line

154. My poor baby lex

155. No Lex dont die not you too

156. Haha throwback to tgwdlm

157. Yes baby you got the gun

158. Also die perv die

159. Eagle screeching is goals

160. Yes lex use that logic

161. Also it makes sense only the adults can be brainwashed

162. There were only adults no children, scary (not sarcastic i promise)

163. Seriously starkid Fortnight

164. Thats why you should never fully grow up

165. Woah what Lex says is deep

166. Yessss Tom

167. Wait Tom dont hold the gun

168. Wait is Charolette alive or just a reuse of costume, if so why would they have jaimie wear it

169. No dont take her magic hat

170. Haha stupid hats cant be magic only dolls obviously

171. Does lauren say something like fucking knife in another show too?

172. Lauren screaming gives me my father will hear about this vibes

173. Also give my baby her hat back

174. Yass Lauren get it girl (i do realize shes playing the villian but still)

175. Yass Robert get it

176. Even though shes a viilain i dont like seeing Lauren get killed

177. But also how did they get the bullet wound on her so quick im impressed

178. Haha the way Gary stops everything to talk to gerald is goals

179. Like hes like oh shit money

180. And then hes like oh wait i have to pretend to care

181. I love how exagerated their dying is

182. Thats an impressive quick change

183. Yess Emma Hidgens

184. But also no hell fuck up again

185. Also Paul interupting is goals

186. Haha hannah you go girl

187. First off I love the song

188. Song off Hannah’s voice

189. Is paul scared normal or because of the hive

190. Wait all the tgwdlm charecters are back like nothing happened im confused

191. Haha the Hatchfield band is back

#black friday #starkid #tickle me wiggly #the guy who didn't like musicals

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gracie-p8-officialblog · 4 years

Text

Spilling Tea On Phantom of the Opera 2004

DISCLAIMER: I just want to say from the start that it is not my intention to offendanyone, you're entitled to your opinions and I'm allowed to have mine...

Ok, so, I just watched this movie a few days ago on my laptop and it was pretty much my first time sitting through the movie. I watched a few clips of the movie on YouTube but... Then, I decided to watch the whole movie. And this was my reaction.

Don't get me wrong! There WERE parts I liked but... That was just half of the movie... But overall... Um... It was meh. Ahem. Down to business!

My opinion on Gerard Butler as the Phantom? Um, wow. And not in a good way. I feel like this was a case of a talented performer being grossly miscast as the Phantom. I think this Tumblr post best describes on what I thought of his singing.

"He's supposed to have the voice of an angel, but it sounds like he's been gargling vinegar" ~Quoted by @faded-florals

Don't get me wrong. His voice is quite good for an untrained singer but... The Phantom is one of the biggest musical theatre roles of all time! It's right up there with Jean Valjean. It's really not a role that could go a competent singer, someone who's never sang professionally before but could be good once they've been trained up a bit. The role demands a truly great singer... And he wasn't right for the part.

His voice felt too strainy, growly and rock-ish for the Phantom. I didn't like how Joel Schumacher bought into the whole "sexy Phantom" thing and cast a hunky heart-throb, who was nowhere near disfigured enough. It's meant to be a gothic thriller novel with a small romantic subplot, not a B-grade vampire romance movie!

As for Emmy Rossum as Miss Christine Daae... it's true, her voice is good. She should know though, should she wish to excel, she has MUCH still to learn (Heeeeehee. Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

Emmy's Christine had little-to-no character growth and personality but I don't think it reflects her as an actress, but reflects more on the director and casting director because of how young she was (but more on that later)

Not only that, her Christine was SIGNIFICANTLY dumbed down and oversexualized. I mean, the entire point of the story is that Christine grows strong enough to overcome the trauma of an abusive relationship and make sure that her abuser never hurts anyone ever again but still shows the Phantom compassion and sympathy. I mean, her story arc is her becoming strong-willed enough to overcome the Phantom's pull/spell/enchantment/hypnosis or whatever you percieve it as on her! And don't get me started on her costumes because of the SEVERE lack of modesty.

The chemistry was a little flat because she was underage and her two male love interests were both in their 30s (which totally isn't HER fault, of course, but the directors could easily have cast someone else older)

Her voice, too, strikes me as being much too young and undeveloped. She has a very pretty, sweet-sounding quality to her singing but she doesn't sound rich and operatic enough to be a convincing Christine. Rebecca Caine and Amy Manford do the best job of singing the way I think Christine ought to sound- a maturing opera voice! Though POTO is NOT an opera (you wouldn't believe how many people actually think it is...), it does revolve around opera, and Christine is an opera singer, not a pop star.

And now onto... Everyone's favourite vicomte!!!!!!

C'mon people, put your bottles down. It is a truth universally acknowledged (or at least in the wee Raoul Defense Squad Circle) that Raoul is one of the greatest and most underrated boyfriends to ever exist in musical theatre and it's almost impossible to hate him because of how relatable he is.

Ladies, puh-leeze. He's much more relatable than you admit and face it, we all have a little bit of Raoul in us. Failure to see things staring us in the face, saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, having a 'see it to believe it' attitude when we have little-to-no evidence on something... yeah, don't pretend you don't see a trend. Raoul is relatable whether we want him to be or not.

My thoughts on Patrick Wilson as Raoul, he was one of the few redeeming qualities of this not so great movie. Yeah, the swordfight and Tarzan leaps were a little too much but can you blame him?! And though I feel like that foppish wig made him look more like a magic elf prince than a vicomte, he couldn't control that!

His Raoul was so gentle and caring! Yeah, his acting was a bit stiff but at least his voice wasn't a chore to listen to, it has this warm, tender, comforting quality to it which suits Raoul. I really loved the way he sang "Don't throw away your life for my sake" and "I fought so hard to free you" in the Final Lair (😭😭😭) It feels like Raoul is genuinely apologising to Christine.

I know, I know... The Hadley Fraser fans are approaching with menacing expressions as we speak but let me clarify. I still think Hadley is amazing but... His Raoul kinda felt a little too shouty for me and his Raoul was closer to the LND-canon than POTO-canon (not his fault though).

Miranda Richardson (aka. Rita Skeeter) as Madame Giry is kind of weird. I mean, I know Madame Giry's supposed to be a little Strange and Mysterious. But this Mme. wasn't really Strange or Mysterious at all, or even slightly Spooky at all. She was just kind of an oddball. Popping up in random places to give warnings about the Phantom and looking at people as if she were questioning their life choices or something. As for her daughter... well, Jennifer Ellison's Meg was so-so. She's got a sweet-sounding voice and that added scene where she looked for Christine in the lair was a nice touch... But... Her Meg was kinda forgettable and uninteresting. Meg is supposed to prance around shrieking that the Phantom of the Opera is here, not whisper it in a blase manner that you half expect to be followed up with, "by the way, what's for lunch?" Not to mention, she rivaled Christine as far as low-necked costumes went.

Minnie Driver as Carlotta was spot on! Yes, I know she didn't sing the score but her acting was alright. She was very over-the-top and self-centered, which is great for Carlotta, but I felt her portrayal was a little too childish to be accurate. Carlotta is a successful middle-aged diva who's willing to scream and storm when she doesn't get her way, but she isn't a two-year-old pouting and throwing tantrums. (Yes, there's a difference.)

Ciaran Hinds and Simon Callow played Firmin and Andre, respectively. Their managers kinda felt like twits and nothing more. Also, Firmin's masquerade costume was ridiculous. The stupid kind, not the funny kind. ...Well, okay, it was a little funny.

I'm not going to touch on every song here, but I will say that "Hannibal" was beyond awful (if you thought the costumes in the stage version were a bit risque, you should see the movie ones- no, actually you shouldn't) and that "Think of Me," while very nice, was not particularly memorable. Christine's dress, however (despite its less-than-ideal neckline) was GORGEOUS, even though it looks completely out of place in a musical that supposedly takes place in ancient Alexandria.

"Little Lotte" kinda lost its charm by being spoken instead of sung. And Gerard Butler's voice in "The Mirror" was too rough and raspy for my ears and made me cringe in sympathetic shame. The title song was like a cheesy, campy B-grade horror movie tbh, trying way too hard to be spooky and chilling ("ooh, look, Phantom's Lair! It's DARK and SCARY down here!") and succeeding only in being cringeworthy. Not that I've actually ever seen a bad horror movie- or any horror movie at all, for that matter. Unless you count this one.

Christine's costume, too, annoyed me no end. She was basically wearing a corset and drawers under the dressing gown. *facepalm* The dressing gown is supposed to go OVER your COSTUME to keep it CLEAN, peeps. It's not a BATHROBE. And the amount of eye makeup she had on would terrify a raccoon. Yikes.

Though I liked the random horse because of its nod to the Leroux novel.

"Music of the Night" was so blah-slash-touchy-feely that it made me summarily uncomfortable.

I'd like to be able to say something nice about "I remember/Stranger than you dreamt it" but I have none. One thing that bugged me to no end was how Christine is no longer wearing stockings, like dude, that gives some GROSS implications. Anyways, let's skip to Il Muto!

Oh, but first I should say that "Notes" was rather a flop and that "Prima Donna" is unmemorable and indeed should probably be fast-forwarded as there's a rather unsavory bit involving a crew member showing the audience what he thinks of Carlotta's behaviour.

"Il Muto," I must say, was pretty doggone funny. Carlotta's "Your part is silent. Leetle toad," cracked me up into a bunch of giggling little pieces, and the little vignette of the Phantom tinkering with Carlotta's throat spray made her croaking later on a lot more believable.

Now for "All I Ask Of You", SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I honestly can't understand how anyone could listen to this song and still maintain that Christine and Raoul don't belong together. He represents everything she needs- stability, protection, a guiding hand and affirmed affection. She represents everything he needs, in turn- someone to show affection to and his childhood friend.

One thing I definitely think could have been left out was the scene in which Erik kills Buquet- we totally did not need to see him being chased, terrified, through the rafters and finally strangled. Gross.

And the Phantom and his rose crouching behind that statue... I think this was supposed to be sad, but there was too much snot mixed with tears for it to be sad. It was, again, gross. So was Gerard Butler's pathetic attempt at the "all that the Phantom asked of you" line. And the lack of a chandelier crash in that scene made the song anticlimactic.

And "Masquerade" was so-so but... The Phantom's entrance is anticlimactic somehow, and his Red Death costume (if indeed it's supposed to even BE the Red Death) is unimpressive. I don't like how Raoul just runs off to desert Christine as soon as things start looking ugly (yes, I realize he was going to get his sword, but still... something could have happened to her while he was gone. Duh, did this guy learn anything from "Little Lotte/The Mirror"? Just sayin)

As for Madame Giry's flashback immediately following, I like how it gives us some of the Phantom's backstory, but it seems really abrupt. You don't even realize until she's done that she was talking to Raoul the whole time- it sounds like she's just randomly reminiscing about Stuff, and if you didn't know the story you might be sitting there thinking, "who is this strange woman again?"

Also, Christine leaving wherever-it-is at, like, five in the morning to go to who-knows-where, completely oblivious to the fact that the Phantom is driving her. Whaaaaaaaaa? How'd he know she was planning to go for a graveyard stroll? Was he watching her through the mirror again? THAT'S JUST CREEPY.

"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" was rather mediocre and dulled down the fact that it is a Christine Empowerment™ song. Why, exactly, does Christine's father have the biggest monument in the cemetery? If he were a rich and famous violinist as his crypt seems to suggest, why on earth was his daughter struggling along as a chorus girl taking free music lessons?

The swordfight... Well... I had mixed feelings about it. Sword fights are all well and good, but... The swordfight takes away the element of mysterious danger to the Phantom. Okay, fine, Christine getting Raoul to spare the Phantom's life is a nice touch, I guess, but did it strike no one else that his "now let it be war upon you BOTH" makes absolutely NO sense after that? If she just saved his life, why would he suddenly be all, "thanks, but no thanks, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUUUUUUUUUU"?

And "Twisted Every Way" was after "Wishing" which made ZERO sense. Plus, I didn't like how they cut most of it because in the musical, it gave Christine a spine!

"Point of No Return"? Hooooooo boy....... There are so many things wrong with this number. Let's just a list a few.

*HOW did no one recognise the Phantom through his "disguise"?! At least in the stage play, it made more sense because of how he was wearing a cloak that obscured most of his body.

*Christine's sleeves falling down over and over again were REALLY annoying.

*It was just too touchy-feely for my taste.

*The fact that Emmy Rossum was a teenager during filming made this scene gross because of the way they oversexualized Christine in this scene.

*Gerard Butler's voice in that scene made me cringe and shake my head in sympathetic shame.

*In the stage play, Christine ran from him, showing her own agenda and resistance to his pull! While in the movie, she didn't resist him!

*Now for the one that took the cake... The disfigurement! Or it would be a disfigurement if it actually made him look, y'know, deformed. Instead, as several people have put it, he looks like he got a bad sunburn or something. It's really rather pathetic. It makes him look more like a drama queen than he already is! Yeah.... I really don't like this movie.

On to... Final Lair!!!!!!!! It was a flop. From Raoul's whining and flailing around and his stringy hair flopping about (shallow complaint, I know, but it's so ugly) to Christine's sappy melodramatic "don't make me choooooooose" faces to the Phantom's prancing around with his ropes and maniacal laughter that somehow wasn't really scary at all... yeah, it was a flop. A major, major flop. And though The Kiss wasn't all that bad, all I could think of was, "She's SIXTEEN! SIX! TEEN! THIS IS CREEPY, DISTURBING AND GROSS!"

Which is why it's so difficult for me to admit that, um, I... cried at the end.

I COULDN'T HELP IT GUYS HE WAS ALL ALONE THERE IN HIS LAKE WITH HIS MONKEY AND HIS SMASHED MIRRORS AND HE WAS CRYING AND IT WAS SAD.

And then that rose on the gravestone? That single red rose? And the look on Old Raoul's face (still Patrick Wilson, by the way, under all that makeup) when he saw it and realized he wasn't the only one visiting Christine's grave? Yup, I lost it again there, too. And I really didn't want to. Because I tend to cry over movies I love, y'know? And I didn't love this movie. At all

Yet I still cried at the end. I'm not really sure why. I think perhaps it had something to do with the way the story still "got" me, deep down inside, despite the lousy casting and less-than-perfect singing and ridiculously unnecessary elements that totally didn't need to be there. It's still a tragically beautiful romance, and even a bad film can't kill that.

In conclusion, I think Mary Poppins can best express what I thought of POTO 2004.

In conclusion, I rate it a 2.7/5

#Grace spills tea #grace speaks #poto 2004 #phantom of the opera musical #phantom of the opera #the phantom of the opera #Phantom of the opera 2004 #movie review #my reviews

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theragamuffininitiative · 6 years

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Last Days of Summer @KCRep

Well this has been long in coming

Guys.

I saw Last Days of Summer with Corey Cott and Emily Padgett and it was amazing and now I’m here a week and a day late to talk your ear off about it. ;)

I went with my favorite cousin (shhh don’t tell the other cousins) to see the show because she likes theatre too but her family doesn’t care so they never see things.

She knew I was a fan of one of the cast, and I did my level best not to fangirl too hard and I think it was an all around success. :D

This was yet another exercise in the “how far will Rags drive across the country to see a show if it is at all a possibility to do so” which I think is going to drive my parents insane.

When we got there, I did what I forgot to do at The Lion King and asked if it was ok to take pictures of the curtain call. Unfortunately, because of copyright reasons with Jason Sherwood’s set design, pictures were not allowed. :P But now at least I think I’ll remember to ask the ushers at shows, because curtain calls are my favorite thing and someday I will get pictures at them.

I’m not going to spoil the story for anyone who may want to read the book the musical is based off of, or just in case it gets produced again. (please please please) But if you’re curious, there’s this.

We went the last night because I couldn’t get away sooner. I would have loved to see the first show and then seen the closing show because I know they did a lot of changes, but I’m really happy with the version we saw.

It opened with a radio suspended on a wire, and the crackling voice of a baseball announcer set the narrative into motion. The radio was one of my favorite parts of the production, it was a great storytelling technique.

Robbie Berson as young Joey Margolis was amazing. All the kids in the cast were, but as the main protagonist....antagonist? hm, anyways, the main character, he carried the story the whole time in a great way, always believable as an incorrigible kid and strong enough to dig into the deeper parts of the story.

Jim Kaplan as Craig Nakamura was also amazing, and I love the character of sweet but feisty Craig so much.

These two boys, honestly, they were such pros.

And what can I say about Corey and Emily? They are stars, obviously, and I loved every second they were on stage, together or separate.

The end of Act One features a pretty big blow up between Joey and Corey’s Charlie, where Joey allows his emotions to get the better of him and turns on Craig. Charlie scolds him and tells him he has no choice about growing up and gives him a thing or two about being a man. Honestly, that act one closer was pretty great, but it also gave two of my favorite moments of the show:

1) When Charlie gets fed up with Joey’s selfish behavior, Corey bellowed “sit down!” and one older audience member audibly went “whoa” XD XD XD.

2) in the song that follows (”Says Who? Says I”), there was a moment where - for lack of a better description and realizing it’s a pun considering what team Charlie Banks plays on - Corey became a giant on that stage. For most of the production, all the players were equals. Kids and adults and ensemble members alike, they complimented each other and no one outshone anyone else. But near the end of the song, and probably on purpose for the story, Charlie/Corey towered above everything else as he belted out lines that were equally self-deprecating and proud about who Charley and Joey should be. I was in awe. It was a great moment.

Emily’s disguised yet still noticeable baby bump made for some fourth-wall-breaking humorous moments for the audience, considering her starlet character and lead romantic interest persona. But it was all good. XD

I. am. seriously. in. love. with. that. staging. I could talk about the sets all day.

Jeff Calhoun’s directing. Can I get an amen.

Jim/Craig’s performance of “We Always Had a Garden” is honestly the part I got the most emotional over, and he sang it like an angel, I was very wow.

I need the album.

Chris Dwan as Stuke was great. I started to get worried about Stuke’s mortality when he went from “occasional comic relief” to “goofy tag-along friend” and, well, I was right. But he was great and he had this fantastic little random dance number (”This Time It’s For Real”) while singing about his latest crush. It was precious. XD

There was, as the review I linked to said, a lot crammed into this little show. Like, a lot of a lot. The first act balanced everything pretty well, the second act was a little stuffed.

One of the big climactic moments in act two felt very rushed, and one of those “we’re just going to assume the audience gets what we mean” and the audience gets it but isn’t allowed any time to appreciate it. I’d like to see that done a little differently, but I completely chalk it up to there just being such a wealth of plot to deal with in those final scenes and numbers.

Speaking of numbers, if you want a taste of some of the music aside from that one clip with Robbie and Jim, Corey performed some of the songs with some cast members at his concert that week:

“You Never Have to Say Goodbye” - cue tears

“No One Else For Me” - sweeeeet

I love Big Band music so much. Jason Howland for the win.

“That’ll Be You and Me” is sort of a bonding moment for Joey and Charlie and it reminded me a lot of the character dynamic between Zach and Henry in Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, one of my favorite movies.

The wedding scene was hysterical. You’re just gonna have to take my word for it, but the blocking on it was perfect and the characters played tug-of-war across the stage trying to get Charlie to board his train on time and keep the rabbi from passing out as he flew through the “ceremony.” XD The Rabbi was a good character. Give Gary Neal Johnson a hand.

I did not cry. There were moments. But I didn’t. XD

Everybody kept swearing and then the boys would make “can we say that word” jokes, like in the middle of a song, when you knew what they were going to say because it rhymed, and I’m old fashioned but it was also great. XD

There’s an earlier scene where the baseball team is helping Joey memorize his answers for his Bar Mitzvah (”The Only Way to Score”) and it was both funny and precious as everyone except Joey learns all the Hebrew answers.

“Just Like Us” and its reprises kept the show solidly focused on Joey, and his buddy Craig.

I wanted to give both Joey and Charlie all the hugs.

I whooped for the orchestra at bows. I’m always like the only person who does that at a show, but I appreciate the orchestras so much, it’s just my thing now: I whoop loudly in support of the pit musicians, deal with it everybody.

My cousin enjoyed it :D :D :D

Standing ovation, btw, of course.

Okay, so, after the show:

We stuck around with a group of peeps to stagedoor. Folks, this is the first time I successfully stagedoored something lol.

Corey was the first person to come out, and... - poor guy. XD He was booking it, making a very determined beeline for the exit. If I was left to my own, I would have let him go, but the guy in front of me stopped him so I got up my courage. He was polite and kind to us, but you could tell he just wanted to go home. (and afterward he ended up apparently getting delayed like seven hours trying to get back home to the city, so I don’t blame him at all) So he signed a couple posters and playbills, and then as he was walking away I stepped forward and asked if I could get his autograph. He was like “yeah, ok” and then, rather than giving him the playbill, I pulled out my Bandstand album jacket. :D :D :D Guys, he lit up, it was the cutest and happiest thing. He went from “ok sure” to “awwww yeaaaaah!” and signed it like six times because my marker wasn’t working properly lol, and then was like “um that’s gonna have to be good enough” even though I told him the first time was ok. XD

So then everyone else started to come out, and I got a lot of the cast to sign my playbill, including all the main kids, Emily, and most of the baseball players - who were the coolest about doing autographs so bless you dudes. Young Jim somehow has the neatest signature.

And then we went home! XD

As usual, I am certain I am forgetting all the things, but there we are. I only wish I could have gone twice. I would love to have gone earlier so I could tell everyone to go see it. But I’m reasonably sure it will get more productions, so be on the look out for it! :D

#rags sees a show #ragamusings #last days of summer #stagedoor stories

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nootvanlis · 6 years

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My thoughts on the Freelancers Anonymous movie ✨ It’s kind of long and spoilery so it’s under a read more.

Intro.

Overall I’ve got mixed reviews about it. Particularly with the characters and the comedy. I’m particularly picky about comedy because I don’t laugh at things easily so while the audience laughed at some things, I remained silent. I hate when things are advertised as “comedy” and it wasn’t funny (obviously in my opinion since comedy can be subjective) *cough cough Almost Adults* but it did manage to make me laugh and it was light hearted and fun. Its best quality is that it’s very female forward/empowering (there’s also only 1 guy in the cast and he never talks). The app is actually a very a good idea and I’m glad it’s going to become a reality. What a great way to advertise a product; turn it into a movie 😂 Honestly, I’d actually bare to rewatch it again and laugh at somethings again 👌OK AND OBVIOUSLY NATASHA WAS A STAR 💖

Gayle

First topic, Natasha as Gayle because I love talking about her. Her character was cute, very genuine, but of all the characters I felt that Gayle was very “vague.” Sure she was quirky and determined but of all the characters, she felt the least fleshed out. Everyone had qualities that stood out and had grown throughout the movie but Gayle was just there, being her cute quirky determined self (she did stand up for herself when her mom was questioning her life though which is relatable). Which actually made her feel very real but surrounded by a bunch of comical characters, it felt kind of off for her to be there. She can kind of come off whiny (maybe it’s the way Natasha does her voice for Gayle) which kind of made me cringe or meh, but yet I’m still attracted to it LMAO But this is all my opinion of course, maybe I’m just picky.

Whoever put Gayle in thigh highs and a garter belt, I hope they have a beautiful life. As for the rest of her outfits, they were a hit or miss. Sometimes, Gayle looked older, sometimes she looked young. Gayle’s casual outfits at home were honestly some of her best looks. Also Gayle in a wedding dress 💖

Gayle was a woman of many talents; she was an online cabaret singer, read erotic novels, and angrily tap dances (that was fucking amazing to watch 😂). How Natasha managed to pull all that off is worth praising d: Especially the tap dancing. Because of how quirky Gayle was, these all come off as comedic but I honestly believe Gayle was making bank on these weird ass jobs with the way Natasha portrayed her XD Gayle’s moans were TOP NOTCH and my ears and other regions tingled. Sign me the fuck up for those hetero ass erotic audiobooks. Anyways... in a way, the movie was also praising the arts as a viable choice of career.

Other than her rift with her fiancee, Gayle’s conflict was with her mom who wanted her to find a “real” job. I thought all that was very relatable and was handled and resolved very well. A little rushed but it fit in with the plot so it was fine. The only other person Gayle communicated with other than her mom and Billie was the wedding planner, Patty.

Story/Plot/Comedy

The story, while very basic, wasn’t boring at all. It’s a bunch of jobless women who make an app together. The story flowed very nicely but I found the beginning to drag and the movie really started to pick up in the last 30 min (which was the wedding/launch party scene). The jokes became more organic towards the end where in the beginning, they felt kind of forced. I also think a lot of things were resolved too quickly which I’ll talk about later. Especially in the last 5 min. The comedy was good and bad in some parts and when it’s good, you’re laughing out loud. When it’s bad, it feels very forced where at times I felt I had to force myself to laugh because the audience was laughing and questioned whether it was supposed to be a joke.

Billie

Oh boy do I have a lot to say. Billie was unlikeable which is unfortunate since she’s the main character. Her relationship with the FA peeps were more believable and genuine than her relationship with Gayle, who was her FIANCEE. Her and the group dynamic was actually endearing. You want to cheer them on. She wasn’t reprimanded for the shit she tried to pull off. It all worked out in the end (obviously since she’s the main character and it’s a comedy) but I felt like she didn’t deserve the good ending. She hasn’t made up for it. She took the money that someone gave to her to help launch the app and spent it on the wedding so that Gayle wouldn’t be suspicious that she was still unemployed. THEN, she booked her app’s launch party THE SAME TIME AS THE WEDDING TO SAVE MONEY WTF. You’re marrying the love of your life and you want to split your time with that and your career? I get that she’s unemployed also probably having a mid life crisis and that she finally got something going for the app but it’s just unreasonable. Of all the characters, I found her to be the least funniest. The thing is, she wasn’t an asshole, she actually cared too much. She was just trying to make everyone happy. I just didn’t like the way she went about it AND THEN made the same mistake again. Her priorities were all over the place. When she needed to focus on the wedding, she was focussing on the app + FA peeps and vice versa.

Billie and Gayle

The one thing I can say about their relationship was it felt unbelievable. I believe Gayle loved her but not the other way around. Gayle was very understanding of Billie’s unemployment and even went out to seek another job. If anything, I felt like Billie just tolerated Gayle. Hell, even Billie has better chemistry with her rival than her fiancee. I just felt like Billie didn’t prioritize her enough. She prioritized the wedding, but it felt insincere and only did it because she had to. I honestly believe Billie would put the app before her own fiancee. At one point, I thought they were going to break up, but I remembered it’s a comedy so they obviously wouldn’t. I even thought they were gonna call off the wedding in the last 5 min of the movie. Billie was lying throughout the whole movie to her fiancee and that just doesn’t sit well with me. And before anyone asks, yes there were kisses and they were throughout the movie. Nothing too wild. Still felt like Gayle were into the kisses more than Billie. One thing I commend about their relationship; Very normal. Very realistic. Typical couple shit. Just like how I felt Gayle’s character, it felt very lacking in a cast full of unique characters. But I also think it’s nice to see a normal healthy lesbian relationship being portrayed without any strange gimmicks. They fought, they had cute moments, they had random conversations, they had dinner at home that Gayle cooked, they had to deal with mother in laws, they had to deal with changes etc. and they did it all together like normal relationships.

Freelancers Anonymous

I felt the movie really shined (other than Natasha) when it came to these unique characters that Billie met. However, they almost seemed like overgrown children that became more likeable as the movie went on. Like, literally give the script to children/teens and it’d still make sense. I actually found them all very stereotypical and annoying at the beginning and in the end, I really liked the group dynamic. Them as individual characters wouldn’t stand out so it was good that they were together as group throughout the whole movie. While Billie’s relationship with Gayle was dull, I found her relationship with them to be endearing and genuine. It grew and progressed organically and I believe that Billie’s friendship and business with them will be long lasting and successful, unlike with Gayle.

The wedding planner, Patty, was supposed to be a stereotypical annoying wedding planner but I found that every scene she was in, she shined and made me laugh. Gayle’s mom was ok but helped with Gayle’s character growth. Gayle’s mom will be super relatable to a lot of people, especially those working in the arts.

Ending

Like I’ve said, the last 30 min (the wedding/app launch) were the best and I found myself laughing the whole time. However I’m not satisfied with how quickly it was resolved. Gayle found out about Billie’s scheme to have the app launch party THE SAME TIME AS THE WEDDING and what happens? Nothing. They kiss and the movie ends. Gayle’s never even met the FA peeps before, so I think I’d be pretty insulted if my NOW WIFE, was also prioritizing a group of people I’ve never met and the app they made during our wedding day.

#god i thought i'd never finish #im tempted to write more

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ladyloveandjustice · 6 years

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SO INFINITY WAR

I don’t have many feelings since I came in pretty detached from the MCU. Like, I care about Thor and his core supporting cast that’s left and I care about Black Panther and Wakanda peeps a lot...and I don’t want bad things to happen to Spider-Man because he’s just a sweet kid but he’s Spider-Man so bad things are obviously going to happen to him and that’s the extent of my feelings on the MCU characters for real.

I came into this move super detached with the feeling it would be an overhyped Event Comic in cinematic form and boy it sure was. Very True to that.

Positives-

I did generally like some of the interactions- they were pure fanservice but the good time. Thor’s conversations with Rocket were actually genuinely sad and touching and probably the closest the movie got to making me feel an emotion, they were a good pair and the fact they WERE a pair and did bond quite a bit was novel. The fact Thor’s gone into an extremely chipper version of “literally all my loved ones are dead so nothing matters anymore might as well just charge right in for the vengeance !!! :D” does feel true to him, I mean what else can he do at this point. I’m not sure how much of enjoying whenever he’s on screen just comes from liking him best to begin with though. He sure was in this a lot.

The two Peters immediately starting to argue about pop culture was a very “yep that’s gonna happen” moment that felt genuinely funny. I think Tony and Peter’s relationship worked for me in this movie more than it did in like, any of the previous movies, probably because they’re wasn’t much focus on it and it was just Tony being Worried which is naturally going provoke an “aw”. Peter’s “death” worked because he seemed ACTUALLY SCARED (something no one else in this movie was at any point, making it impossible for the threat to feel real).

As stupid as literally everything else in those scenes were, Loki being like “haha kill Thor i don’t care” and then it actually starts happening and it’s like “wait nevermind I do care stop” was like. Yep. there he is.

Negatives:

wow was this a movie just like an event comic! By which I mean the deaths were stupid shock stuff and nothing really mattered. As soon as they killed Heimdall and Loki two minutes into the film I was like, “yep don’t care about anything that happens after this now”. First of all, Heimdall’s death was boring and expected, very black guy dies first, very just random and unearned, I was just like “Yeah...okay...”

As for Loki, I honestly don’t mind him dying, he was gonna at some point, but it didn’t have to be such a stupid death. like I know movie Loki isn’t incredibly competent or the schemes within schemes dude his comics counterpart sometimes is , but one would still think he could come up with a better plan than “i’ll pretend i’m gonna betray everyone but then in the same breath try to attack Thanos with a dagger”. Could they not have even shown him ATTEMPTING to play the long game here? All they had to do was do the same thing where Loki pretty obviously cued Thor with “I’m still on your side”. then join thanos for a little while, attempt to find out his weakness then try to weaken and kill Thanos and die. It would have been at least slightly more effective.

I mean, it may not stick, because comic book movie, but it pretty much screamed “Tom Hiddleston wanted to be in this as little as possible, he is out for good” so.

Gamora’s death was even more shitty and badly written (it seems more likely she’ll come back than Loki though). The definition of fridging too, since it was entirely to “develop” (HUGE air quotes) Thanos. They were trying to make me feel sorry for Thanos and feel he’s complex and conflicted or something but it’s not happening. The scale of his actions was too great for that. His abuse of Gamora is too great for me to buy that he cares about her, and even if he did, it’s in such a shitty way it shouldn’t count. Also his motivation is stupid. These planets, if they are like earth, did probably have enough resources for everyone, they’re just not distributed equally. Killing half the population does nothing for that. Going with “I’m in love with the personification of death” would have been way less stupid than this. Stop trying to make me feel sorry for him. I don’t.

This movie also definitely had the Tone problem people claimed Thor Ragnarok had but i really didn’t feel. I did feel it with this movie. The constant quipping here was even worse than Age of Ultron and just felt so out of place considering the huge losses these characters were taking that we were supposed to Take Seriously. And all of them went on too long. I mean I chuckled at a lot of them, but it made it impossible to be invested because apparently the characters don’t care about what’s happening either. They didn’t treat Thanos like an actual threat half the time, so why should I take him seriously? I think the worst example was for Thor to wake up, immediately after the death of a tremendous amount of people he cared about, and for it to instantly be a quip-off.

To contrast Thor Ragnarok, they didn’t have him immediately quipping after the death of Odin, they had him start to freak out then just had the next threat immediately come so he didn’t really have time to dwell on it and after that funny stuff happened TO him, mostly. The death itself wasn’t ever made light of either. (The loss of the hammer was, but I mean. it’s a hammer.) There was just this sense that he couldn’t afford to dwell because whoops the next weird situation is already here. He had to bury his grief for the movie to work, but that seemed consistent to his character and the sitch he was in. He had to roll with it, and therefore so did the audience. It was consistent with the fast pace and outrageous vibe of the movie.

Here there wasn’t that vibe. It just felt disjointed. And Thor definitely did have time to react and rage in the immediate aftermath, so it’s weird he would wake up and the tragedy is immediately made light of with Peter trying to compete with him. The convo with Rocket later was better, but didn’t make up for the weirdness

And the whole Thor situation! Just immediately undoes what Thor sacrificed to accomplish in the last movie! So soon after it! He managed to save Asgard’s people except whoops not really, half of them are dead, where are the other half, who the fuck knows . also where the fuck is Valkyrie.

Everyone in this movie constantly made the stupidest decisions possible in order to let Thanos have the infinity stones. Which they acknowledged, and I get it’s how heroes operate, but it was still a Lot. Peter Q wins the prize since his stupid decision was inconsistent with what he did earller in the movie.. He went from being ready to honor Gamora’s request to kill her to keep Thanos from the stone (like it was shown he literally would have done it) to just letting Thanos escape because he was upset about Gamora’s death.

Also the fact Thanos is supposed to be so ridiculously powerful and yet somehow doesn’t kill people like Tony or Peter or even Steve in one hit...that’s a standard comic thing but it was a lot more distracting in a movie for some reason.

And of course there’s the ending which is very “this is obviously going to be undone”. Just like the comics I guess! But like, no need for somber black credits when we all know there’s no way Spider-Man’s gonna die for real.

Basically, it was watchable, mostly because I was detached and not super invested in the mcu. I mean, they sure did fuck over Thor and crew and wasted a ton of potential the ending of the last movie had, which annoyed me a bit, and the Wakandan characters felt like they were barely in it even thought they were...but yeah, that’s the extent I have on feelings.

As entertainment and spectacle and “oh cool these characters interacted” it was fine whatever. As a story, it was a mess, so. Yep. Sure does seem true to event comics.

#avengers infinity war spoilers #avengers infinity war for ts

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survivetashirojima · 4 years

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Episode #2- “I really try-harded that challenge“ -Vi

Night 4 vibes (I’m so lazy to do people so here we are) That moment when the vote was unanimous and extremely sketchy, but you in 3 alliance chats so you feel kinda good. Ahshahabeuebsk

okay I didn’t confess the whole first round but: HELLO ok this is probably the org where I know the most people going into it, so I’m trying to be chiller rather than rush around to introduce myself to everyone. Maddy has gone farther than me in every game I’ve played with her so I’m gonna try to break that tradition also I have a bad history with being betrayed by people who’ve previously hosted me [jay, Drew, Anna Jane,] so the fact that there are TWO of my previous hosts [stephen & andrew] that is so sketchy also Julia is in this game which is so funny because we’re both in ILM [i literallu just got eliminated in that but still] Anyway, I randomly won immunity the first round which was hilarious because I literally was just fucking around and putting random answers half of the time

Okay, I was paranoid that like it was basically a unanimous vote, because it seemed impossible to me to have 18 people in a tribe and only have one name going around. I'm still terrified that we are going to unmerge and all of a sudden be thrown back into a tribal game. Personally, I think that Julia is probably going to be an easy vote next round if she continues her inactive streak. Parts of me though thinks that maybe we should keep her around because if she is going to be inactive she is going to be easier to beat in the later game. I brought this up to Pat (bc he's the one I trust the most right now and the one that I really feel like I need to/really want to work with) and we kinda both agreed that its too early to make a big move. There are 17 of us left and I don't really want to stand out in the crowd. As long as I can stay social and keep my steady middle position of activity, I think I will be okay for a little bit longer, and then maybe I can start thinking about big moves. Besides, if we went with my plan last round it would have been Stephen going, and I really didn't want him to go. So I'll just pretend to have no original ideas for now and kinda just go along with majority. Then I'll figure out my time to strike, and hopefully it doesn't get me voted out.

Well that was anticlimactic. The entire tribe was hella quiet. However, Pat, Madeleine and I were added to an alliance with Brien so we kinda decided to vote out Tom just bc Brien was like jg mentioned tom then all of us were like "Good enough for me" and then voted. My paper was real cute. I drew a goose on it. Somehow I fucked up with Stephen. That was smth. Idk what I did a year ago but OoPs. I also really like Jay. He's pretty cool to talk to. He also voted Tom with us I assume. :D Yeah first tribal didn't solidify many alliances I guess. It was very quiet. I'm also trying to not go with my old peeps. I'm actually trying to annoy them enough that they vote me. Idk if it's working tho *eye squint

IM FREEEE. I really try-harded that challenge. I used words as specific as possible from different countries in hopes that no one else would know it so I can do my homework and so if the tribal is hella quiet again, I don’t have to have anxiety of being voted out DX. Thank the lords. Rip the 5 that didn’t make it. Not really with Julia Bc she abstained

you know honestly not that mad about losing. nobody can say i’m a challenge threat. i’m consistently participating but consistently not doing well, could possibly work out for me. tbh just upset that someone else did mauve. i like that color a lot. who the fuck thinks of mauve besides me?? i didn’t even google that shit i went oohh! mauve. i like that color and then someone STOLE IT IM LOOKING AT YOU MADISON (unless it wasn’t her then i apologize)

I don't feel extremely confident not being safe, but if the trend of voting out inactives continues, Julia should be going next. For now, I'm just trying to like stay social and not get voted out.

right now Pat is my number one. I enjoy talking to Kevin but he seems kinda clueless, Jay and I have talked strategy, Stephen and I have talked strategy and Brien and I have talked strategy but all that strategic talk was based around last vote so this vote could possible shake lots of things up.

This season... idk what to make of it. On one hand tons of people makes it easier to blend in. On the other hand it makes it harder to tell what people are thinking. I think though im getting most of the truth. I’m sure there are alliance out there I dont know about, it would be silly to pretend there arent. However, im confident in my social connections to keep my name out of talks. And the further we go the less people are needed for majority, so if I keep building bridges with people like Pat, Kevin, and even Ricky, I should be able to slot into majority alliances when they’re made... ideally I wont have to make one myself though, i dont need that target.

Just realized that I have yet to make a confessional this round. Last vote was boring...Tom voted me but it was unanimous. I have immunity this round with 11 other people and Julia is really inactive so I'm pretty sure it's her. Honestly, it can't be me so if for some reason she doesn't go I don't care as much. With that, she will just strike out next round anyways and I know Madison was saying yesterday that she would love a two for one deal. I still think it'll be Julia though. Bye witch.

CASUALTIES:

CAST ASSESSMENT:

PART 1- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3DMOSl6JjI&list=PLB-4yJ0EHce-bxHQVmQVdrV6tx36_6Jly&index=6

PART 2- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ix5K_wVfRP0&list=PLB-4yJ0EHce-bxHQVmQVdrV6tx36_6Jly&index=7

PART 3- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVST7_CECi4&list=PLB-4yJ0EHce-bxHQVmQVdrV6tx36_6Jly&index=8

#Purrvivor

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bub-the-voidling · 5 years

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Custom Card Competition wk 17: Madness

(This is a post about a private Card Brewing competition. Entries were not open to the public)

This week, we’ve all collectively lost our minds and constructed our own interpretations of that madness!

In case you didn’t understand that, we’re making madness cards this week :P Think [Basking Rootwalla], [Basking Rootwalla], or maybe even [Falkenrath Gorger]. Without further ado, I’m Sami, I like [Guild Summit] [Forbid] control and this is week 17 of the custom card competition!

This is just to keep you from peeping when I link the write up, I’ll come up with a better way to do this.

Anyway! Card time!

Starting off the competition we have a brave soul, someone who dares delving into the scariest and deepest depths of a mad mind. A horrifying little line of text included that makes everyone quiver in fear. “at random.” Funny how much we fear that.

So, what do I have to say about it? This is one of the rare occasions where it’s handled actually well. I will complain about the card in just a minute, but please understand how impressive that little feat is. Someone made a card that randomly sacrifices and discards cards and did it well. That is worthy of praise.

Now, why if I like this card so much is it the first card and obviously not the winner? Because this is a madness competition, and while I agree that randomness is a mad thing what this does with madness is sadly lacking. It continues the card’s theme of making everyone sacrifice some sort of permanent but it kind of feels like it randomly chose planeswalkers and artifacts while adding an unfitting increased price.

What would I do then to improve this card? Actually, I have quite a bit of suggestions, the first one is that I would make the hard casting slightly weaker since it just seems better to hard cast it, it does a little bit of everything for cheaper. Land destruction, creature destruction, and the best kind of non-targeted discard. Maybe move one of them to the second part, like maybe the land destruction. You could also swap out the discard for the artifact, because no one wants to really pay extra to get to destroy someone’s artifacts. Second suggestion, keep the randomness for the madness cost. It’s a bit weird of a change at first, but maybe the card could be just the hard cast part, but once you madness it people lose the ability to choose. Third suggestion in case you don’t want to change the card because of the card identity is that you could simply reduce the cost of the madness part, because honestly it kind of stings paying 6 mana after discarding a card for just sacrifice one of everything.

Also making it just sac opponent’s stuff for madness could be another option, but hopefully you get my point. I really like it, but it’s not quite there.

7/10, someone get the oddly specific dice for our lands…

What’s with you guys and submitting things a week late? >:/ This isn’t equipment week!

Joking aside this is an interesting card. It’s a [Hellbent], or [Heckbent] as it now is madness support card. That’s also an equipment. Now this is one heck of a card, so what does it do? It makes YOU discard cards when your creature deals damage. Now I can’t remember who told me this, but the card really makes me think about the saying “Every downside has some upside.” I’m fairly certain it wasn’t worded that way, but the point is that we’re using this obvious disadvantage in our favor since we’re playing a [madness] deck.

Interesting to note is that it’s not combat damage it triggers on, it triggers on any damage. So, if we equip this on [some] sort of [pinger]. We have a discard on demand, but if you would equip it on one of those two examples they would be effectively turned off until you want to discard cards. Which you usually do since this is a discard card for a discard deck, but you don’t always want to discard. Even if you have cheap spells such as [Fiery Temper] or [Asylum Visitor] you sometimes run out of mana or have to spend said mana on other things.

So, what’s my take on this madness support card? Although I can’t help but to love the weird equipment with its strong downside that tells you, it doesn’t ask it tells you to build around it. As much as I admire that I sadly must admit that this might be over some line in “This is too weak.” I love weakness, I honestly think people usually try to make things too strong without appreciating that it’s okay if a card doesn’t do everything. It’s better that cards have weaknesses than just being all upside. [Technically] [these] [have] [weaknesses], [but] [really]? So why am I saying all of this? Why do I think this is too weak? Wasn’t weakness a good thing thirty seconds ago? Yes, but if the downside is too great you end up with a [Tibalt] instead of a [supreme card that is the pinnacle of card design].

What do I want from the card? Simple, some way to reward you for using the card. Now that might sound really stupid since you’re supposed to use the card to discard other cards, that’s the whole reason to use it! I mean yes, but there has to be some carrot to this stick. Otherwise I would much rather use [Key to the City] to discard for free at will and then get the chance to draw it back again. Or maybe [some] [discards] for 2 mana that literally gives you back new cards. Hell, if you want to go blue [Forbid] is pretty darn cool. The last example might not be too tempting since it costs a lot but hopefully you get my point. You are supposed to get something in return for discarding cards, otherwise you will not use this in favor of something that doesn’t turn off your creatures and gives you some sort of upside.

What can be changed for it? Now, if you’re still reading this just know that I might just be talking out of my ass and that everything you just read might’ve been bullshit. But I believe that to turn this into something great the reward could be something like giving stats once heck/hellbent. But talking with the creator they had a worry that the text would simply be too much, so I have a second suggestion. Remove this little bit “you control.” Now what the hecko does that do? Well, if you discard the mask and pay for it… You can equip an opponent’s creature. Remember the comment about turning off a creature? Oh what I would do to turn off the opponent’s creature~ It’s a minor tweak that has large ramifications. Now the card can be used as an offensive tool that makes the opponent ask “Is it worth blocking or attacking? I’ll discard these if I do…” and so on. That’s at least my take on it.

6/10, lovely idea, just not quite there. (Holy moly that was a wall of text.)

Originally, I wanted to have this card just before the winner because I like the card, but I wanted to talk more about it. But the last two are so ridiculously close that I don’t even know yet who will win. Well as I’m writing this, now that you’re reading this I’ve made up my mind.

Anyways! This seems like a simple card, no? A changed version of [Obsessive Search] which is good since just making better versions of cards is usually not too great. Unless we’re talking about a [Untamed Wilds] into [Rampant Growth] scenario. It’s not strictly better since you can’t cast it at all until you discard it (sorcery doesn’t mean anything). Although I like the idea of non-existent mana cards, the madness cost being absolutely free… It gnaws at me. Probably [breaks] [dredge] but I’m not too sure, dredge is a weird fellow xD But the problem with being a free discard is that it can go into any discard deck you want. If there’s enough [discard] then you can sure as hell just slam this one in to get some extra value, thin your deck or whatever you want. It’s free after all!

I’m going to break the pacing a little bit and throw over one of the ineligible cards here since it’s from the same person.

If you didn’t run away because you saw Phyrexian mana, twice. Let tell you why I think this card is slightly better designed. It’s [well] [known] that a redraw is worth 2 life. A card could just be printed at a blue Phyrexian mana and only say “Draw a card.” at instant speed and be balanced. It would even almost be objectively worse than [Street Wraith] since wraith can be a creature for 5 mana. Something is always better than nothing. That also goes for drawbacks, something is always better than nothing, paying 2 life (or 1 blue mana) to draw the madness card is more balanced than just getting the redraw for free. It kind of goes along the lines of why we don’t play Street Wraith in all our decks. We all know that having smaller decks (IE 56 instead of 60) is better, so having a draw that only costs life should be essentially free. But it’s not, because life matters, even if it’s a constant resource like Energy, in that it doesn’t go away after each phase. That 8 life or even just 2 life simply is not worth it. And same would kind of go for this card, you wouldn’t just slam it into any discard deck because you wanted a free redraw and free discard. You would have to put some thought into it. Even though I’d speculate this would still be really popular because of the madness tag on it.

Also, with this version sorcery actually matters and is fitting.

Anyway, the card you submitted, I like it. But I honestly wish you’d keep your original submission.

7/10 the Phyrexian version is like half a point better, and since math is math it would be 8/10.

The first entry I had this week, also one of the best, if not the best. Now what’s so special about this? Does it interact with madness in a new and interesting way? Does the madness trigger change how you play the game or even build a new deck around it? Kind of and not really. It does kind of interact with madness in a new way. But instead of making the madness on itself important, it applies it to all other madness cards.

So it’s a madness support card, and for the record I would’ve allowed it even if it didn’t have the madness tag for 3 mana. But now it can be cast earlier than T5 if you madness it. And the support it gives is exactly what you’d want in a fair madness deck. A reliable way to consistently get madness triggers. Yes it’s only at your upkeep, but worst case you get to loot deeper into your deck. Which your opponent also gets, not sure how I feel about that.

Anyway, once you do cast a card for its madness cost the madness never ends and you draw another card and discard a card, hopefully continuing the chain of madness. Now this can probably get broken somehow if you’re comfortable with playing a 3-mana enchantment to chain this madness combo. But what you could also do is play [Madness Creatures] or a vampire tribal thanks to [Falkenrath Gorger] and just fairly cast 2-3 or more creatures at the beginning of your upkeep with the madness chains. And that’s what I really wish from this card, that idea is making me love the card. I have this thought that this is like [Experimental Frenzy] in limited. Strong and fair, but honestly it might be broken somehow. Maybe with storms.

10/10, really great entry. Only thing I didn’t like was that it made the opponent draw and discard as well. Might be faulty judgement on my part, but that’s honestly how I feel.

Fun little tidbit, the person who made this was originally not going to enter before they had drawn the artwork for the card, but they didn’t have time to finish it so I kind of forced them to enter without art. Sorry not sorry, this card is great.

This is exactly what I was hoping and looking forward to in this competition. A card that interacts with madness more than just being cast for madness, and this does it in a great way. Hard casting it, you have a worse [Merfolk Looter] as it has no power. And if you discard it and pay the flavorful red mana you might get it out for cheap, but its ability is swapped from looting to [Rummaging], the red version of going through your deck.

Seems well balanced as there’s some tradeoff for the discard effect rather than just making it a 1/1.

I don’t have a lot to say as this is exactly what I would ask from a looter/rummager with madness, even the cost is swapped for red as it should be as rummaging is a red ability, also a [mad ability].

I can’t even come up with anything I’d change, maybe the madness cost to 1R, but that’s probably not even needed. Unsurprisingly, this card is our winner 😊

10/10, we have a winner and he has protection from protection! Congratulations to Ape of Justice for winning this week’s custom card challenge!

I want to do a little update, but first let’s real quick show the ineligible entries this week.

First off we have the person who made the prompt’s card! And… wow, this is interesting. Madness X on a creature (plus BR). This is… quite awesome, if you want the creature and not go minus in cards you’re going to have to pay 4 mana for it and get a 4/3 plus looting 2. But then the other options are really interesting, 2 mana for a 4/3 haste flier where you also discard 2 cards, it could in the [dream] [scenario] work out quite well for you or maybe even be what you intend to do later on in the game to madness some more. But really late game you can even use this as some weird ass card draw spell. Like a [Braingeyser] but with a creature on top of it.

But sadly, the card is a bit too pushed with one little thing. The 1/1 creatures. I honestly think having the 1/1 makes the card do a bit too much, I’m not too big of a fan when cards do everything. You can’t have a reasonable creature, card draw, a large army with relevant creature types, and haste them all. It’s the reverse problem of the helmet card from before.

8/10, teach me the meaning of that word you- Oh wait you can read this. <//-//<

And last off this week we have…

A card you already know what I think of as I used it to compare one entry.

8/10, you know this already.

But this card brings up the point I was talking about earlier. Personally, I’m a slightly conflicted about the scoring system I’m currently using. I’m trying to get it as accurate as I perceive the cards but having flat numbers is kind of limiting. For example, the Tides of Insanity would’ve been 9.5 and the card above I would’ve given a 7.5, but because math works as it works it’s rounded up to 8. And if I would be allowed to go even wilder, I might’ve given it a 7.4 which would translate to a 7 in the current system. I know this all sounds like humbugs and you might not even really care. And that’s fine, in that case just go to the next prompt and good luck ^^ But if you’re still reading this, I want to hear your opinion. I want to know how you want my scoring system to continue, bellow this will be two links to two different polls, and I would like to ask you to please ask you to click ‘em and vote in them. Or just reach out to me and chat about the scoring system. It would help me out a lot.

[Poll 1]

[Poll 2]

Thanks for reading that little wall of text and thank you for being patient with this write up taking so long. Hopefully you guys and girls were enjoying the prerelease as well ^^ But without further ado, here’s the prompt that you already know!

Investor gadget! (Fuck you Ape, I’m keeping it.) We're flipflopping from being mad lads and lassies into being investigators! Make a card that revolves around the investigation mechanic. Examples of this are the one and only [Inspector Gadget!], [Tireless Tracker], [Confirm Suspicions], and since someone's going to ask, yes [Erdwal Illuminator].

Good luck everyone and have a wonderful week <3

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survivor-switzerland · 7 years

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EPISODE 0 (BALLOTS): GET ANOTHER SHOT AT TAKING THE CROWN - KEEGAN

I'm watching everyone join the chat and keeping tabs on who played once or twice so i know who look out for on the ballot or possibly in the game. I know people from my season probably hate me and will never trust me in games ever again so i'm trying to keep my head down and my wig on because i know if i do get voted in along with that don't like game me, i'm truly fucked. I'm still excited and hopeful for the best.

Every time I look at the ballot, I flinch and cringe a bit because it's almost guaranteed that whoever gets on this season will have a partner with them from their season which is pretty much an alliance right off the bat. It worries me because I could be without a seasonal partner which could put a target on my back if I do get into the game, or the game will be even harder to play because everyone will be expected to be with their partner and divergence from that system could cause serious chaos

Honestly, I don't think I stand a CHANCE against some of these other people in the ballot. Some people in the ballot are literal legends in both the TS and BB communites so I'm honestly just hoping for the best that I'll make the cut. If I make it onto the cast I hope Dom, Nick & Luke are there with me since I know them all but I'm sure I'll be happy with whoever I'm in the game with as long as I get cast!

Well I'm nervous as always when it comes to public vote. I think I can get enough votes to make it!! I know I have a fan club that is doing what they can. If I don't get in it's not like it's the end of the world!! Yeah it would be fun but there are always more seasons!!! I just hope it's not casted with people that are gonna be inactive or complete butts. Like Matthias - please no I like him but please don't cast him. In games he is a mess.

I feel like people have more connections with alot of people here in the tumblr community. Me in the other hand has less connections with most of the community. I can tell by this ballot that if you are popular you can get instantly in and I feel like there's more to this ballot but it's just my guess. I feel like the Great Lakes people are all in and another season of 4 I forgot (on phone btw) is in as well. That's probably a pre-made alliance by now and if I was in ima make sure to find an idol first and making sure my own cover is there so that way one by one they will go down, honesty is the best policy and I play true to the heart and I may be nice, but if I played a 2nd time ima play like a comp beast that no one can try to beat. My entity of advertising is to not campaign and not to ask people to campaign for me but to get them to campaign to vote me without me actually doing the work but with a little bit of me saying yes please vote me but without saying to vote me in a lot of vocabulary terms. Win or lose the ballot it was great being asked to play again despite whatever happens will happen.

i don't think i have a shot at being cast so i don't have much to say. i just hope that the cast is adorable. if i get in then this world is fucked up.

It's funny to submit a confessional for a series you haven't been cast on yet. There's 30 options. I have played exactly 3 games in the community since joining in late 2016. Myanmar was my first game and I tanked that pretty bad. Since then, I won House of Shade 16 and I played Survivor Wikia: Morocco on Facebook and placed 4th, winning Player of the Season. I now feel like I'm ready to come back to Tumblr Survivor and see if I can play a better game than previous. Looking at the prospective cast, I am the oldest on the ballot by 4 years, so I definitely have my work cut out for me no matter what. I have only played with Keegan, my Myanmar castmate, but I'm friendly with Trent (Kiribati) because he hosted Survivor Wikia: Morocco. My strategy for campaigning has been to just be visible in the VL because a lot of people have made it obvious that they only know a few people and they, for whatever reason, are required to fill up the ballot with 10 names. I'm befriending as many people in the chat as possible to take the opportunity to be fresh in their heads when they're selecting randoms to fill out the rest of their ballots. So far, I like Nick (bio video notwithstanding), Tyler (though the vast majority of the community has told me to stay far away from him), Renee, Ian, Benjamin, Zack, Logan, Ci'ere (who lives in the same city that I do), Steven, Ashton, Kage, Luke, and Bodhi (that list was longer than intended. It looks like I just like everybody).

To summarize: My campaign is literally just participation. My friends from other ORGs voting for me is the same expectation everyone else should have. The real game is convincing losers you don't know that they should vote for you in addition to the 3-4 people they have history with.

Um I'm worried I'm not gonna be cast becuz I don't really know anybody in this community but strategies hmmmm I'm in pretty big reddit org community so Ive posted the ballot in there everyday which probabaly got me some extra votes people couldn't get. But other than that I feel like the only people I'm getting are the other Great Lakes people which maybe is enough but I doubt it. Anyways, hopefully I'm cast..don't think I will be.

I'm not really doing much for the ballot honestly! I'm just posting it in a few chats I am in and sending it to friends that I know are voting for me. I am also making sure that I vote myself everyday and haven't missed one yet! I'll probably get more aggressive as the days go on, because I want to make sure I at least have a group of 10-15 I know are voting me. What I like is that you are required to vote for 10 people in my group so I hope I'm not just skipped and some people accidentally vote for me!!

Right now my strategy is being an annoying fly and fly into all the chats I'm in and tell them to vote for me. I was shook to see 4 Bora Bora reps including myself in the ballot. Not to mention 3 Mystic Falls peeps and Luke as well. I'm already trying to assess these people in the ballot and get a read on them. Anyways hopefully all the Bora Bora and Mystic Falls get casted because I love them all.

I'm supposed to be well liked so hopefully that gets me the votes?? Okay back to being an annoying fly.

Alright there friends. Welcome to my second season on Tumblr Survivor. I'm very excited to get everything working, it's all falling together with relative ease.

So on my ballot, there's quite a few people. A whole 15 of them in fact.

Ok so Logan and I are both from Maine. I have NO FUCKING CLUE where Ellsworth even is, but I'll trust that it's in Maine. We are also both Jews, and with the addition of Daisy, this might be the highest concentration of Jews in human history. We hit it off well enough, we'll work together if we can.

Dom R seems like a cuck, but fortunately for us, I'm also a cuck! what a beautifully cute insult. Now, Dom was kind enough to elaborate on his game in his little campaign video, and it is CLEAR to me that he is not that great at this game. He'll make the merge, and he'll be eliminated as a threat, and everyone(including me) will say "oh no, Dom was robbed." But we'll be wrong. He doesn't understand the game a high enough extent I don't think. He is very much on the "prove myself, make a move" train, which is NOT HEALTHY. I hope that Dom proves me wrong with his game, because I really like the guy off of my first impression alone, but I think he'll make a move too early and pay for it.

C, I, E R E, don't forget the apostrophe. God, this is an annoying way to say your name. On that fact alone, I didn't vote Ci'ere in the first two ballots. However, I decided on a whim to talk to him, and I actually really like the guy. He's a little over the top, but hey, so am I, just in a different way. I'm excited for Ci'ere, because I think that I can make other people feel rubbed the wrong way by him, but I also think that he could be a great ally.

Akito seems beloved, so I'm checking that name on every ballot. I want to maximize my own chances by throwing away my votes at people who I feel are already guaranteed a spot. I don't click that well with Akito, but I think I could if we were on the same tribe.

Max lists off 3 seasons they were on previously. Um, excuse me, but isn't this SECOND chances?

I am PUMPED for some Brett. I didn't care about Brett until now, but his calling out the Tumblr community in his paragraph that is posted ON TUMBLR is incredible. I really hope that he gets on, because we need at least one straight white male to fulfill the diversity requirements.

Keegan's intro is so LONG, but he seems like a good threat to have around. I think he's got a decent shot at winning, but not really. He says that he will do anything to win, which probably includes losing.

Steven and I won't click I don't think. He says iconic about FOUR DAYS. Like, iconic is only a cool word if you don't overuse it. See Brett for more info. He's gonna make big moves, so I want him on my side. He won't win, but he could make it a little ways into the game, and he'd be a convenient shield because EVERYONE is rooting for his success in the VL. I actually take back that we wont get along. "Nothing says winning like two rocks in your pocket" is a beautiful quote, and I really like Steven now.

Dom A was player of the season in India. I was POTS in my season as well, so hopefully there will be a mutual shield relationship with us two.

ASHTON and I never really clicked on GL. I liked the guy, but Kage wanted him gone, and I wanted Kage in charge, so I let it happen. Ashton was MAD at me, but I did what I had to.

Kage was my favorite. He LOVES grabbing control of the game and tearing it to the ground, but the problem is that everyone sees through him. Kage will be an early boot this season, but he'd better be on my side until he goes.

Luke thinks that he played a good game in Great Lakes. I very much disagree with this notion, and I need to avoid telling him that I think his game was very average. He just played idols that he found out of sheer luck too early, and got voted out for playing too hard. His social game makes everyone think that he's scheming too much, which is not exactly what you want the perception of you to be. I am excited to play with Luke again because I really love the guy, but I'm going to have to keep my mouth shut.

Lily gave a terrible bio, and all I know is that her perception of the game seems below average.

Daisy seems very intelligent. I would love to work closely with Daisy. She and I are both Jews, and I've very offhandedly mentioned the possibility of a Jewish alliance called "the Jews did this" just because I think that's funny.

Alright!! ON TO MYSELF! So am I going to win second chances? probably not. I don't think I have that much of a shot at all actually. But I'm going to give it my all, and try to play the most fun game that I possibly can. I'm floating around so very many new strategic ideas, and I'm narrowing in on a game plan. I want to be that one guy who is just controversial enough that people will think I'm a goat, but just sensible enough that people will want to work with me. I essentially want to be Abi Maria, except it's all an act. I am very excited to play this game out. I don't know to what extent I will take this strategy, but I know that to an extent I'll be playing a new character this season, which excites me quite a bit. I'll throw challenges just a little bit this time around, because I think that it's exhilarating, but I don't want people realizing that I'm throwing them. There's a whole new dimension that needs to be applied now. Originally, I just wanted to seem like I am not a threat at all, but now I have to seem like I'm not trying to seem like I'm not a threat, while still minimizing my threat factor. WHEW this is gonna be fun.

Outside of my ballot, I really like Ryan. He talks in a way that shows his intelligence. He pauses, and then lets out a bunch of words at once, which is a very appealing way to speak in my opinion. I think he's going to overplay, but I'd like him on my side while he does it.

Renee is going to be one of the bigger threats in the game. I think she's not in a great position to win, but she's got a good shot. I'm very excited to play with her.

I really love Ian's accent. He wants to prove himself which is great for my game. I don't want to prove myself at all, I just want to win, and these people saying that proving themselves is important is EXCELLENT.

Trent is over the top in the best possible way. I love Trent.

Apparently Ashley Sarah is very popular, so I'll watch out for her.

Zack is a very good player. That is no good.

Uh so like, I'm not entirely confident about getting onto the season and I really do think it's all down to the season that I originally come from. People literally hate the Great Lakes cast and it's not hard to see why because all tea, they're some of the most annoying people I've ever met in my life. I'm being shady by not voting for any of the other Great Lakers on the ballots but that's because I don't want any of them in the season with me! Ashton and Kage don't deserve it and quite frankly, Bodhi is full of himself and he ain't that great so there's that!

I'm trying my best to campaign for votes, getting a couple people from outside the community to vote for me so that's cute. I'm putting the link in my Skype bio, on my Tumblr and just places where people might click it and vote for me! I really do think that I deserve this second chance but there are 4 Great Lakers on the ballot and like....people won't wanna vote for all 4 of them so they might be leaving me out. I'm literally guilty by association for being on one of the worst seasons but I was one of the shining lights of that season, know that. Can't wait to get dragged for this in the GL reunion chat if this gets released. Oops!

Finals can't keep a hoe from campaigning

I'm so glad that campaigning is 1/3 of the way done because I think I'm annoying everyone by telling them to vote for me everyday lmao. I'm one of the lesser known people in the Tumblr community, so I'm going to have to work twice as hard to get my name out there and collect dem votes. Luckily, people like unique names so that's a plus for me!! My predictions on official cast locks from group one are Trent, Tyler, Matthias, Ryan, Nick, Renee, Ashley Sarah, Abel, Jeff and Zack. For group two: Bodhi, Keegan, Brett, Steven, Ashton, Logan, both Doms, and Kage. This is based on video views and how people are socializing/campaigning for their faves. I didn't really care for Max's video, but their self-deprecating manner and individuality makes me hope they get through. I'm trying to socialize a lot in the VL, send some cute selfies lmao, and literally message every group chat I'm in to garner votes. I literally gave someone my face wash routine asdfghjkl. I hope that people are liking me and that in about 9 days 'll be sending confessionals from in the game! I really want this second chance and I'm gonna go all out for it.

Hey fam so it's day 4 of the ballot and~~~~~ I'm not sure how well my chances of making it on are tbh. I've done some campaigning and asked friends to vote but it's really a daunting task to keep up with it everyday lol. Honestly though I do think I have a good shot of avoiding being the 5 who don't get in (from my group)

I see people advertising e v e r y w h e r e.... like they really going HAM!!!

I feel like there's sooo much pregaming going on that I'm not apart of kfhslajd rip. Bodhi in particular..... he messaged me like day 1 and we had a really good conversation and seems like someone I could work with. But as the days went on I talked to some others & they're all like "omg Bodhi is so great i love him" sooo I see you Bodhi!!!

WHICH OF YOU UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS DECIDED TO MOVE THE PREMIERE DATE UP TO A FRIDAY. THE ONE DAY I CANNOT BE THERE ON TIME. LITERALLY FUCK Y'ALL. Also idk why but some of the people that are potential cast mates annoy me. I hate that they annoy me and i know it's wrong but like, it's their names and the way they talk and how close they are that just... irk me. This is gonna sound so awful when these confessionals get released.

Whew! So I probably should've submitted by now but I keep forgetting. Anyways, so far my strategy is to not campaign too much. I figure most people are voting based off their friends, or based off who they think had the most convincing plea's. So if someone wasn't already gonna vote for me, they're not gonna change their mind just because i sent the link to a random VL and asked them to. If I see someone send a link I'll add on, "hey, vote for me too!" but I really don't think it's gonna make a huge difference. I really hope that people see me and know that I deserve this, and that they choose to vote me in.

It's the last day!!! I'm so nervous!!! I hope I get in but I also don't wanna flop !!! I think I have a decent chance tho. So many names I don't know will allow me to get some new allies so that will be nice. Unless they all turn out to be snakes. Ugh. I'm hoping that if I do get in I'll have at least one friend. Maybe Keegan or Dom. Not sure how Zack will feel cause I haven't spoken to him since game wonder if he would be ally or target me from start???

Oh man, I meant to send in one of these a few days ago right after the link was set up but work and life happened and I forgot oops.

Well, to start things off, I'm really hoping I got enough votes to make the top 10. I want my Second Chance! Plus my bestie Brett is also on the ballot! If we both get on we can power our way through the game together! First ever joint winners of Tumblr Survivor?

Other than Brett, I know Logan, Daisy, Ashley Sarah.... and.... Jevvon. I think that's it? I'm not exactly friends with any of them but having playing a bit with most of them I have an idea of how they're games are. I'd rather play with people I have some knowledge of rather than people I've never even heard of (sorry not sorry).

I'm not sure there's much else to say at this point. I put in a lot of effort, maybe not as much as I could have, but hopefully it pays off!

Today is the day!! I've gotten to talk to several people on the ballot as we help each other get votes. I really look forward to knowing if I made it in and working with some of these people!!! I really should play more survivor so maybe this game will help me get back into that side of the org community!! Nervous but I think I have enough to do it.

The more time that passes, i'm starting to think that maybe i didn't get cast for second chances. Truth be told, i'm not that popular and i'm sure the people that always talk will probably get voted in because they most likely made a bunch of email accounts and had their friends vote too, so i'm slowly losing hope on the fact that i got cast. To me, i'd rather expect not to be cast and then expect too much and get short changed. If the so called "annoying" people get cast and i'm not, then i would have dodged a bullet but i'd still like to play. I'm sorry i'm not that bitch, that's just not my style

Voting Closure- Well voting has ended and my chances going in are pretty...pretty low. I did not campaign at all and I know most of these people played harder to get in. It would be a total miracle if I was in, I would be surprised if I was in because I did not campaign at all. I guess it depends on how you are perceived as. Thank you so much for reading this and hope to see you another day. =)

i am filled w anxiety

well im not getting cast so that's fun. but it was super fun and awesome to be considered!!! anyways buy How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful on iTunes.

So the ballots have officially come to an end and now I wait. There are some people on the ballot I can 100% see myself trying to work with like Dom, Logan, Luke, etc. It doesnt appear to me that I have any enemies on the ballot, which is a huge plus... not to mention I have no rivalries with people because I havent played in 200 years. I think I have a far shot at getting a chance to come back... my name was first on the ballot which might help???? As long as there wasnt too much of a rigged system I shit be looking pretty to go in on Friday :)

With voting over and the game beginning on Friday, I'm starting to get nervous I didn't get enough votes to make the season.

I'd love to be on the season and get another shot at taking the crown!!

oh my god. okay so voting is over and all i can say is... i really hope i got voted in! i feel like a lot of the good people were on ballot 1 so idk if i'm like actually gonna get in.. a lot of irrelevants and people i never even heard of were on ballot 2 and i'm just like.. sis put me on ballot 2 so i have a better chance of getting voted in. but i still have hope!!! i campaigned my ass off so hopefully people who said they would vote for me actually did... i also hope i at least have some allies that get voted in with me so i'm not all alone!! ahh i'm stressed till friday... yall really stressin me out. but, let us pray.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (translation: I have no idea if I advertised enough or if people like me enough, and I'm hoping that my doubts are misplaced on both of those fronts. So I'm just kinda sitting here and... waiting. @Drew hmu with those leaks ;) ayy ;) how bout it ;) i'll bring you something from wawa next time we come to michigan ;) i dont think yall have wawas in michigan so ;) ayy)

I'm not too confident as far as the result of the ballot goes, but I hope that I stood out enough to make people want to vote for me. Bodhi made a mock poll to see who people think got voted in and apparently I was doing well, so I think that's a good sign! Even if I don't get to play in Switzerland, campaigning was really fun (and stressful 😅) and I'm so grateful that the hosts considered me to return. So thanks to y'all and to everyone that voted for me! 💕 Cheers to the beginning of what will be a great season (that includes me in it)~

I tried being a bit more strategic with my votes in the final half. I tried voting for only one player from each season, because I know how difficult the game will be if there's already a huge alliance of players that know each other. I keep trying to reassure myself that there's only a small chance that I won't be making it just based on the nature of the votes, so I really hope I get in!

Brett is so annoying I hope we're both voted in so I can vote him off 2nd bc he isn't worthy enough to be a first boot

Right now I'm a bit anxious on the cast reveal. I really don't know if I made the cut or not. BUT, to my surprise some people whom I've never even talked to ended up voting for me! I'm kind of surprised and thankful for that. So anyways I have some confidence I will be cast but who knows.

I'd like to give shout out to those who voted for me! THANKS Y'ALL! I hope all of your votes were enough to get me in!!

Greetings there, cowboys. I've been listening to some cool music recently! And more importantly, I've been thinking out my strategy. I want people to think about me just the right amount at first, but then fade into the background. I want to be one of those people that on day one, people want to be the first to get to strategically, but then I want to float down that river until I crash into a goddamn beaver damn and get voted out in 7th place.

My social game is exactly what I want it to be. My pregaming hasn't been anything firm, but I've talked to a few people and planted seeds for future social connections. I'm not getting super close with anyone pregame, but I'm bonding with people over various portions of our identities. Oh, you're Jewish? Me too. Let's be friends. Oh, your name is spelled weirdly? Me too. Let's be friends and bond over lying about our names so that people don't misspell/mispronounce them when we order food. I've said that I refuse to play the same game twice, and that is still true, but I have to rely on my anyone-but-me if I want to succeed. I can't try ANYTHING strategic that people will be threatened by. I need to be very moderate, just empowering others to do what they want to do, and sticking in the background.

I've worked pretty hard to get on the season, so people are going to think of me as a threat, but my new goat personality might be enough that their fears will subside.

i'm feeling decent about my chances of getting on. most people have told me they felt like i was a lock, and lowkey i just got announced to be in another org so i didnt campaign like at all. so it could go either way.

The ballot is over and I feel like my chances going in is slim. Idk how many people voted for me and I feel like the most outcasted person since I don't know many of these people.... But let's see what will happen.

#ihopeiseeyounever #confessionals

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flauntpage · 6 years

Text

OPINION: I Saw a Diverse and (Mostly) Well-Behaved Parade Crowd

I walked at least eight miles on Thursday.

My wife went down to the parkway around 7 a.m. and my dad and I got on the EL at Girard Avenue around 8:15 a.m., headed to City Hall.

We had some trouble, ironically, crossing Broad Street, so we had to get back on the Market-Frankford line and walk down from 30th Street Station.

Not totally ideal.

For some reason, the subway concourse was blocked when we tried to get through, though other people, like Russ, had no issues moving underground to the other side of City Hall. And sections of Broad that were opened earlier (like Locust Street) were completely blocked off by 9 a.m., so whatever.

Anyhow, because of that “roundabout” trip throughout Philly, I feel like I got a good, long look at what I thought was an incredibly diverse turnout.

If I had to guess, I’d say 50% of the crowd was white, 40% was black, and the other 10% was anybody and everybody who lives in Philly. I saw a decent number of Hispanic and Latino families, and some Asian families, too. Women were well-represented (40% maybe?) and I saw lot of children, too, who seemed to be doing okay in the large crowds. The area I walked was Locust up to 17th and the Parkway, on both sides of the route.

After the motorcade passed by CB headquarters at the Ritz, I saw a black guy taking pictures with his group and a makeshift Lombardi trophy. A random white guy walked by to look at the faux trophy and the first guy, Lamar, grabbed him and told him to get into this photo:

I walked over to Lamar and asked if he’d share some thoughts on the parade experience.

“It was Shangri-La,” he said. “It was a utopia of Eagles green everywhere. We waited all these years, my whole life. I’m 34. It was beautiful, everybody getting along, everybody in unison. There’s nothing bad I can say about it.”

Lamar described the crowd as cool, and wild, but in a “fun way.”

“They were behaving themselves. It was all fun stuff, like a ‘fun’ wild, not a ‘destructive’ wild, because there were kids around. It wasn’t any of the negativity that the national media wants to give us. It was just Philly. We’ve got another level of fun. You have to be from Philly to understand it.”

A pair of guys across the street, Andrew and Sean, flew in Thursday morning from Tampa.

“We were born up here but we moved when we were younger and we’re still diehard fans,” said Andrew, who grew up in Cherry Hill. “We flew up at 6 a.m., got in at 10:35, and came right over to the parade. It was an awesome experience. I’m 28 years old right now and my dad is 62, so he was four years old for the 1960 championship and has never seen a Super Bowl. And we haven’t obviously, so it’s the only championship I’ve seen outside of the Phillies in 2008.”

Andrew says he and Sean bumped into some other people from Jersey that they didn’t know and spent part of the parade hanging out with total strangers.

“Honestly, it wasn’t as bad as some of the things you see,” he added. “Mostly it was family fun. Most of it. I mean, there are those guys who are on top of statues, and it’s fun to see because it’s part of the experience, but everybody was pretty well behaved overall. I didn’t see any fights or anything like that. I think everybody was unified by the win.”

Torrey Smith seemed to share that opinion:

People keep asking me what was the best part about the parade…to me it was looking around and seeing people from different races, social class, and their families together…United for one reason…To celebrate the success of their football team!

— Torrey Smith (@TorreySmithWR) February 9, 2018

So when I look at that crowd I want people to experience that type of unity all the time. So when you question if athletes should just stick to sports you are dead wrong…we can help be and create the change we want to see because the people are connected to us and we are them!

— Torrey Smith (@TorreySmithWR) February 9, 2018

There was, of course, some dumb stuff that happened.

Here’s an idiot damaging city property and wasting taxpayer dollars on the future repair:

Shoutout to the guy at the parade who fell off the light pole pic.twitter.com/4Mqt6iXL6w

— Austin Vitelli (@AustinVitelli) February 8, 2018

I don’t have any context for this, but it looks like drunk dorks going after each other:

Classic City of Brotherly Love pic.twitter.com/PpS4pYeb7a

— Barstool Heartland (@barstoolhrtland) February 8, 2018

And Glen spotted a couple of morons being morons:

First trouble of the day. Two idiots start fighting for space in front of the Palm. One takes a swing at a cop. Someone will see the end of this parade from jail. pic.twitter.com/kbJs6eBcyc

— Glen Macnow (@RealGlenMacnow) February 8, 2018

And if more idiot lawbreakers were in action, they’ll hopefully be identified and tracked down, like the suburban kid who was arrested post-Super Bowl for flipping the car. His father, ironically, is named “Whitey,” which is perfect.

Otherwise, I didn’t see a ton of misbehavior. Pissing in public was probably the worst, though I only saw four port-o-jawns on the south side of City Hall. I’m not sure how it looked on the parkway. A lot of businesses closed their doors and others were just swamped with people, so the bathroom situation was highly questionable and logistically impossible to nail down. Market Street near 13th was a clusterf#@! of people trying to stay warm while waiting in line for the EL, post-parade.

And the pot smoke is expected, so whatever, should be legal by now anyway. If you’re bothered by a whiff of that in the air, might be time to recalibrate your moral compass, though I do empathize with parents who have to explain the smell to their kids.

The thing that really bothered me isn’t even specific to this parade, or white people, or black people. It’s actually a Philly problem in general, but people just throw their trash on the ground with total disregard for decency. I understand that this is a massive parade with thousands of people walking around, and the trash can situation is less than ideal, but show some pride in your city. I see garbage and dog shit and cigarette butts laying around EVERYWHERE in Philly on a normal day, so we really have to do a better job here, as Andy Reid would say.

Also, it was just people being lame in general by overdoing things. For instance, the “Fuck Tom Brady” chant was funny the first time, but not the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, or 27th time, so that got old quickly. Same with the “Nick the Dick” cheer. Some of y’all need new material.

And when people are trying to get from one place to another, don’t just shove them in the back from behind; take a look ahead to see why they’re standing still. Maybe they’re stuck also. I had to wait 15 minutes to leave the Ritz because people simply could not organize themselves in a two-way fashion. Employees had to come down to the lobby and literally tell people when to leave and when to enter, sort of like that road construction where one lane is shut down and you wait for the PennDOT dude to flip the sign to tell you when to go.

Another thing I spotted was this crew, the same jabronies who showed up at the NFL Draft with their fake Christian message:

I followed these guys for a bit and didn’t see a ton of folks harassing them. I think people were just sort of rolling their eyes instead of wasting their time engaging in the pointless back and forth. That’s different from what I saw in April, when the “Jesus or hellfire” peeps had a larger group and garnered more attention from the crowd:

This guy says you don't need the Eagles when you have Jesus Christ pic.twitter.com/fsvrjCxeGQ

— Kevin Kinkead (@Kevin_Kinkead) April 27, 2017

“The Eagles are masturbators!”

“No, not that!”

That’s about it, as far as my experience, which was five or six hours in a relatively small portion of the parade route near City Hall.

I didn’t see it all, but neither did Ernest:

Staying in my empire today while the plebeians, I mean Eagles fans, enjoy the #EaglesParade. pic.twitter.com/vILnxlJXNt

— Ernest Owens (@MrErnestOwens) February 8, 2018

Better to be a “plebe” than casting judgement from the ivory tower.

Just my opinion.

OPINION: I Saw a Diverse and (Mostly) Well-Behaved Parade Crowd published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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