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crystalninjaphoenix · 4 years

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Delusions & Discussions

A JSE Fanfic

It’s time for the next entry in this series! And I think this one is one of the more intense ones, but who am I to say? Maybe nothing can top the last-minute reveal in the last story. But yeah, basically something happens with Jameson, then we another reveal (one that some people guessed! I’m so proud of you!) and we catch up on some characters, and that’s it. I’m really enjoying this series, hope you guys are too!

You can find the other stories under the pw timeline tag!

Chase’s phone pinged with a text notification. Before he even looked at it, he knew it was Marvin. He sighed, deliberately not reaching into his pocket to get his phone out. Instead, he continued loading dishes into his dishwasher. He had energy for one task today and he was sick of seeing the pile in the sink.

The text tone went off a few more times before Chase had finished. He sighed, putting the last tea mug into the washer and closing the door. He pressed the button to start it before walking over to the kitchen table and collapsing in one of the chairs. Only then did he take out his phone and look at the repeated texts Marvin had sent him.

Hey you still coming? JJs already here were not gonna start without you. Hey did you get my last text? Hey are these sending? Chase do you still want to come?

Chase winced. Maybe he should’ve picked up sooner. Marvin wouldn’t say it, but he got nervous when people didn’t reply. Chase texted a quick reply saying he’d been caught up in something and he was on his way now. Then he sat at the kitchen table for five more minutes before actually standing up and heading to his car, throwing on a jacket and his cap so he’d look a little bit more put together.

It was a Wednesday. He knew this because of two reasons: he had to remember to visit Schneep in two days, and Marvin had texted him last Wednesday asking if he wanted to come over for a little get-together. “Were gonna watch otgw and have cake,” he’d texted. “Consider it a late birthday party :) Yknow, for me kslahfjd” Of course Chase didn’t want to let him down, so he said he’d be there. He promised. He’d resolved that he’d do one task today, and then go over to Marvin’s house for cake. That would be his reward for completing the task.

He arrived fifteen minutes later, parking on the street before walking up to the door and knocking. “Don’t come in!” He heard Marvin shout. Two minutes after that, Marvin opened the door, holding the bundle of cat fluff that was Ragamuffin. “Get in quick, Luna’s got the zoomies,” Marvin said. Chase nodded, and stepped inside.

Quickly closing the door behind him, Chase saw that the house was back to normal, or at least to how it was before Marvin left. There were folded cardboard boxes against one wall, leaning flat against it, but otherwise everything was in order. Marvin’s posters and knickknacks were scattered about as usual. JJ was sitting on the sofa, holding Luna the cat to his chest, even though she was trying hard to wiggle free. Once JJ noticed Chase had closed the door, he opened his arms and let Luna go free. She landed on his lap, jumped to the coffee table, ran across the surface, jumped onto the floor, and proceeded to zoom across the room at breakneck speed. “Are you seeing ghosts?” Marvin asked her in his special I’m-talking-to-a-cat voice. “Do they spook you?” He leaned over and let Ragamuffin hop out of his arms, who huffed and went to sit on top of the snake terrarium.

“Cuties,” Chase muttered. “Anyway, what’s up so far?”

“Not much. We got the cake and plates and stuff out.” Marvin gestured to the coffee table, where a tall chocolate cake sat under a plastic container. There was a stack of three plates, accompanied by knives and forks. “We considered making popcorn, but figured you’d probably want to be here for that.”

“You could’ve gotten started without me,” Chase said, smiling nervously.

“Yeah. But we didn’t. We’ve just been chilling.”

And Chase had kept them waiting. He tried not to visibly wince. “Well, we can get started now.”

Cake first, then the movie? JJ suggested.

“Sounds great!” Marvin said cheerfully. He suddenly reached out and grabbed Chase’s hand, swinging it slightly. “Glad you could make it, dude!”

“Hah. Glad to be here.” And he was. Really, he was.

They ended up sprawled across the living room, with Marvin on the sofa, JJ in the armchair, and Chase perched on the sofa’s back like a bird. They’d sliced the cake and started eating, making meaningless small talk. They talked about work for a bit, with Marvin mentioning he was looking for a new job, hopefully something he could preform in. Chase briefly touched on his situation running his own channel and Jack’s, but he quickly moved on; didn’t want to unload everything on the other two. From there, the conversation switched to various games. JJ had been playing Subnautica, so the other two gave him tips and hints. Then Luna ran back into the room, stared at them, and ran back out, so Marvin gushed about his cats for a bit.

Chase had moved back down to the couch and was going in for a second slice of cake—it was rich cake, but his first slice had been pretty thin—when he noticed it. There was a manila folder on the coffee table. One which looked familiar. “Hey.” He picked it up. “Isn’t this the, uh, case file thing? You still have it?”

Marvin shrugged. “Well you haven’t asked for it back. I read through it already, but I’m...doing some rereading.” His brows furrowed, in confusion. “I thought I’d read something recently, wanted to see if it was in that. Do you want it back?”

“No, no, I’m good.” Chase started thumbing through the papers. He didn’t linger too long on any one of them, especially not the ones with photographs. A few words stood out: crime scene, fingerprints, flashes of names.

JJ cleared his throat, and stood up. I’m going to make some tea, he said. Either of you want anything?

“No. But thanks,” Marvin replied.

“Yeah, um, I’m good, thanks,” Chase said.

JJ nodded, and vanished through the doorway leading to the kitchen.

“Do you...think we made him uncomfortable?” Chase whispered to Marvin.

“I...don’t know.” A flash of sudden panic flew over Marvin’s face. “Why, did we say something?”

“I don’t know, he just kind of left suddenly.”

“I thought he just wanted tea.”

“I mean, he could.” Chase looked down at the case file in his hands, folding it closed. “But I think...h-he also seems a bit uncomfortable when we mention Schneep. I guess the last visit he had with him kind of freaked him out. But I think they’d really like each other, you know.”

“Yeah, they have a similar vibe,” Marvin nodded. “Damn, I really need to go see Schneep. I keep forgetting. I say, ‘I’ll put it in my calendar after I’m done with this thing’ and then I forget while I’m doing the thing, so I forget to make a note of it, so I forget to do it all together.”

“God, mood, bro,” Chase sighed, rubbing his eyes. “But at least you managed to see Jack, so that’s something.”

Marvin suddenly snapped over to look at Chase. “How do you know about that?”

Chase paused, confused. “I...was there?”

“You were? You saw me?”

“Um...yeah?”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Marvin asked, sitting up straight.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Chase shook his head, now utterly baffled. “I did say something. Multiple somethings!”

Marvin sat his plate on the coffee table. “Well, I guess I didn’t hear you. You should’ve walked up to me instead of just going away, it would’ve been less awkward.”

“Dude! We had a whole-ass conversation!” Chase gaped. “You came up to me first, remember?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!”

“When we ran into each other at the hospital?” Chase asked. “Remember? I was in Jack’s room, and you came in and said you wanted to talk to Jack so I left? The twenty-first of August? Any of this ringing a bell?”

Marvin held up a hand, asking Chase to pause. He reached inside his pocket and pulled out his phone, unlocking it. A few swipes later, Marvin looked up at Chase with wide eyes. “The twenty-first?”

“Yeah.” Chase nodded.

“Um...Chase...” Marvin said slowly. “I just checked my calendar, and I didn’t go see Jack until the twenty-seventh. You weren’t there at all.”

“What?” Chase just stared at him. “Is...is this a prank? Cause it’s kind of a mean one, bro. My memory’s already shitty enough.”

“I swear to you this isn’t a prank or anything, Chase. I wasn’t there.”

Marvin sure sounded serious enough. But he’d always been good at putting on a performance. Chase shook his head firmly, and stood up. “No, I saw you there. Stop fucking...don’t lie to me. I have enough to deal with.”

“I’m not lying to you!” Marvin got to his feet as well. “Chase, I don’t know what you saw, but it wasn’t me!”

“Well I don’t see things!” Chase protested. “I never had before, so why would I start now? Why would I just imagine you being there?”

“I don’t know!” Marvin started biting his thumbnail, but then stopped to ask Chase a question. “What happened when you saw me there? What did I say?”

“This is ridiculous,” Chase muttered. “I don’t know, you knocked on the door, cause I closed it, so I opened it. Then you were like, ‘oh so you are here, are you busy’ and I was like, ‘no, nice shirt, hey it’s been a while,’ and you said, ‘yeah, do you mind if I talk to Jack?’ and I said, ‘no, it’s okay, I’ll wait outside,’ so I waited until you came out and I went in to say goodbye to Jack and then I left too.”

“What shirt was I wearing?” Marvin interrogated. “Why’d you comment on it?”

“I don’t know, it was a green T-shirt, I thought it was a little weird so I said something about it.” Chase shrugged.

Marvin inhaled sharply. “You thought it was a little weird that I was wearing that, when I only wear green for St. Paddy’s Day and I hate the feeling of wind on my skin?”

“I mean, yeah a little, but—”

“I don’t own a green t-shirt, Chase!” Marvin suddenly shouted. “You know I don’t like them! You can go look in my closet and hamper if you want, I don’t have anything like that.”

“Well, who was it, then?” Chase demanded. “What, are you saying that someone was pretending to be you—”

Crash!

Marvin and Chase turned in unison towards the sound. JJ was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking very pale. The remains of a ceramic mug were shattered at his feet, tea spilled across the floor. “Jameson?” Chase asked. “Are you alright?”

Jameson was frozen, barely breathing, eyes wide. Marvin took a step forward, reaching out a bit. “Hey, is something wrong?” When Jameson didn’t respond, Marvin walked the rest of the way towards him. “JJ, please, you’re—”

Jameson suddenly turned around and dashed back into the kitchen. Marvin looked back at Chase, then darted into the kitchen as well. Chase hurried to follow.

The kitchen didn’t look any different than usual, so nothing in there could’ve upset Jameson. The closest thing to something out of place was the kettle, sitting on the counter. Nevertheless, Jameson was sitting on the floor, hands braced against one of the cabinets, head tilted down, shaking as he heaved in deep gulps of air.

“JJ?” Marvin hesitated, then approached, getting down on his knees next to JJ. Chase leaned over the both of them, unsure what to do. “JJ, what’s wrong?”

“Ahh!” Chase jumped once he realized Jameson made that sound. “Ahh! Uuh! Hnnm nnihh, annn!” They were sounds of distress, made by a voice that couldn’t wrap itself around words. “Eee! Eh, eehhhn!” Tears were starting to drip from his eyes.

“Whoa, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay!” Marvin held up his hands, as if to keep them both in Jameson’s line of sight. “What do you need? Are you okay with touching?”

Jameson shook his head furiously. “Nnuh, nnnah, nnn—tih-tih-tih—”

“Okay, got it, no touching.” Marvin was careful to keep his voice soft. He looked up at Chase and shook his head, at a loss for how to proceed beyond that.

Chase, meanwhile, was scrambling over his knowledge about what to do when someone was having a panic attack. He’d looked this up before, but...well, he’d never expected to be using these steps with Jameson. Jameson had always been the calm, cheerful one. Chase shook his head. Stop concentrating on the unexpectedness of it, just go. He walked around to Jameson’s other side, slowly sitting on the floor. “Hey Jays, I need you to breathe with me, okay? Look at me. Can you do that?” Jameson managed to turn his head to the side, eyes catching on Chase. “Okay, good. Just watch me and do it with me, okay? In and out. In...” He inhaled slowly. “...and out.” Exhaled slowly. “In...” Inhale. “...out.” Exhale.

After a while, Jameson managed to keep pace with Chase’s breathing. Chase nodded encouragingly. “You’re doing great. Now, you know the 5 senses method, right? Can you do that now? Start with five things you see.”

Jameson pulled away from the cabinet a bit, casting his eyes around the kitchen. His hands came up, and he began to sign, shakily listing things he saw. Kettle. Fridge. Cabinets. Marvin. You.

“Good, good job. What about five things you can hear?”

That one took a little bit longer. You. Cats. Fridge. Lights.

“Very good. Three things you can touch?”

His hands patted the area around him. Cabinet. Tile floor. Clothes.

“Nice. And two things you can smell?”

Jameson’s tense posture had loosened up by this point, no longer breathing as quickly. Spilled tea. Marvin’s detergent.

“You’re almost there. Just one more. One thing you can taste?”

Cake from earlier. Jameson closed his eyes, slumping back against the cabinet. Thanks, Chase.

“Hey, no problem.” Chase smiled, even if Jameson couldn’t see it. “Is there anything else you need? Like a blanket or something?”

That would actually be good.

“I’ll get one,” Marvin said, standing up and leaving the room.

“Anything else?” Chase asked. “Do you want me to drive you home or something?”

Jameson shook his head. I want to keep going like this didn’t happen. Can we just...forget it?

“Oh, of course.” Chase nodded. “Yeah, we’re all just gonna—just gonna put everything in a box. Then we’re gonna close the box, duct tape it closed, and shove it under a bed. Never to be seen again, unless you want it to be.”

JJ chuckled, opening his eyes. Alright, then.

Marvin reappeared, holding two different folded blankets. “I got a normal one and then I got the weighted one Grandmam got me. Which do you want?”

“Weighted one? That’s new,” Chase remarked.

“Yeah, she just got it when I went to visit. Dude, it’s so great. And I heard it helps with anxiety problems and stuff. So I figured, I mean, if you want, y’know.”

JJ nodded. That sounds great. Can we go back to the living room?

“Yeah.” Chase got to his feet, holding down a hand for JJ to take. “Let’s go. You still want to watch the movie?”

Of course. JJ took Chase’s hand, letting him help him stand. But technically it’s a mini-series.

“Movie’s shorter,” Chase said with a small grin. “Now c’mon.”

The show passed in mostly silence, with a break to make popcorn after twenty minutes. Marvin couldn’t help but add commentary, but they didn’t have a conversation through the show as they might have otherwise. JJ remained in his place in the armchair, Marvin’s weighted blanket wrapped around him like a burrito. Once it was over, Chase turned the lights back on, ruining the illusion of them being in a movie theater.

“I love this series, guys,” Marvin said, a big smile on his face. He waved his arms, slapping his legs. “Guys, I love it so much.”

“It’s a good show,” Chase agreed, returning to sit on the couch. “I like the message about being siblings. I could show it to Sophie and Nick, but they’re a little young.” He chuckled. “Maybe in six years.”

Jameson was quiet for a while. His expression was unreadable. Then seemingly out of nowhere, he signed, Did you know I was in a car crash once?

“Wh—” Chase’s mind went blank. He could only gape at Jameson. What—? Why—? Well, sorry, of course, but—what? He realized that this was the true definition of being speechless. He couldn’t think of words, and if he could, he wasn’t sure he would say them.

Marvin, after a stunned silence, cleared his throat and said, “JJ, are you sure you want—?”

Chase didn’t know, Jameson signed idly. Didn’t I ever tell you? You know I was in the foster system.

“I—I just—” Chase shook his head. “I didn’t think to...to ask, like...that’s not something you ask someone. Why they were a foster kid, I mean. I...”

Jameson was leaning back in the chair, staring up at the ceiling. I suppose that’s fair. I’ve told Marvin, but not you or Jackie. Maybe I should. Yes, that’s what happened. Family car ride. Someone in another car fell asleep at the wheel, head-on collision. Mum and Dad didn’t make it, and I hit my head pretty hard, and now I can’t talk. It’s called acquired apraxia. He spelled out the second word so there could be no mistaking it.

“That...” Chase shifted in his seat, once again rendered speechless. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Marvin reach forward and pick up the manila folder that was Schneep’s case file. He started flipping through it, probably to avoid feeling awkward. “That’s...awful, Jays, I’m so sorry.”

Thank you, Jameson signed. You can guess what happened from there. Mum and Dad were the last of their respective lines, so into the foster system it was. Didn’t get out until I was sixteen. Don’t think people wanted kids that were “damaged.”

“That’s bullshit,” Chase growled. “Kids are kids. If you’re not prepared for a ‘difficult’ one—” He spat out the word like it tasted dirty. “—then you’re not prepared at all.”

Jameson smiled. You’re a good dad, Chase.

“Oh. Um, thanks.”

Family should stick together, you know. Jameson paused. They should always look out for each other. He fell silent. The room was filled with tension, thick enough to feel it as you breathed. Jameson raised his hands—

“That’s the bitch!” Marvin suddenly shot to his feet. Chase and Jameson jumped, comically in sync, and looked over at him. “Oh. Sorry, guess I startled you.” Marvin smiled sheepishly. “I just got excited.” He looked down at the case file he was holding. “Were you guys...talking?”

Jameson shook his head hurriedly. He looked like he very much regretted what he was saying, like he’d been in a trance that he just now came out of. He even looked a little...horrified. But he put on a shaky smile. What is it, Marvin?

Oh, I was just—” Marvin opened the file to a spot he’d marked with his finger. “You know Schneep got a new doctor, since the last one disappeared?”

“Yeah,” Chase said. “Dr. Newson.”

“Yes, yes! That’s the bitch!” Marvin nodded excitedly. “I tried to visit Schneep outside of visitors’ hours, and she came out to tell me off for it. I thought her name was familiar, like I’d read it somewhere, and it’s in here.” He pulled a series of stapled papers out of the file, flipping to a specific one and reading it over. “There was this big Christmas incident, with video clues and a search for five people. Three of those people ended up dying, and apparently the third was named Jeremy Newson.” He looked up at the others. “That can’t be a coincidence. It’s not the most common name.”

Chase sat up straight. “Gimme that paper.” Marvin handed it to him. Chase scanned the details of the incident. Which included a picture of the victim, Jeremy. “He does look like the doctor lady,” Chase realized. “Holy shit, how has nobody else realized this?”

“I don’t know, I’m guessing that not everybody looked at this section,” Marvin shrugged. “And the people who did probably didn’t know of Dr. Newson when they read it.”

“If she’s related to one of the guys who Schneep supposedly killed, is that a conflict of interest?” Chase wondered. “Can we sue her?”

“I don’t know, do we need to sue her?” Marvin asked.

“I dunno, she was kind of...” Chase made a vague gesture. “There was a tone issue, when I last talked to her, let’s say that.”

“Tones probably aren’t good grounds for suing.” Marvin’s eyes were alight. “We’d need proof that she was actually doing shit.”

“We don’t know if she’s doing anything, though,” Chase pointed out.

“Can we find out?”

JJ coughed, drawing the other two’s attention. I don’t think we should go about suing people willy-nilly, he said. Someone worse could come along, easily.

Marvin frowned. “I guess.” He paused. Chase handed the stapled papers back to him, and he replaced them in the file, closing it. “You guys want to stick around any more? Or is it time to go home?”

Chase smiled softly. “I’m...I’m ready to go home, if that’s okay.” He was very, very tired. The little gathering had turned out to require more energy than he expected, and he was now into below-zero, in terms of energy. He wanted to lie down forever and never wake up.

“Alright, that’s cool,” Marvin nodded. “JJ?”

I can stay for some time longer, JJ said, considering. Not too long, though.

"Got it. In that case, see you later Chase? Text you or something?”

Chase shrugged. “Sure.” He wasn’t sure if he’d answer, but Marvin could just text him anyway. In case.

Goodbye, Chase, JJ signed.

“Bye, Jays.” Chase headed to the door.

“Wait!” Marvin looked around. “Where’s Luna? Is she in zooming-toward-the-door range?”

She’s not in the room, Marvin, JJ signed with a smile.

“Alright. Go ahead, Chase.” Marvin waved a bit. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you.” Chase opened the door and went outside, quickly closing it behind him in case the tiny cat was indeed somewhere in the room. Once he was in the clear, standing out in the evening air, he sighed. Deeply.

This had been...a lot. A lot he wasn’t expecting. But he was done with it now. Time to go home, get in bed, and not get out.

Chase walked to his car, pulling his keys out. As he unlocked the door, he saw...something. Someone was sitting on a bench on the side of the road, reading a book. Nothing too strange. But he frowned at the figure anyway. This felt...familiar.

He shook his head, and got inside the car. He was just tired. And ready to get home. So he headed in that direction, never noticing how the figure on the bench turned to follow him with his eyes.

——————

“You’re gonna break your wrist. Probably.”

“Thank you, Jackie, very help—ow!”

Jackie looked across the room to where Dr. Laurens was. “Told you.”

Laurens hissed. She’d been trying to yank her hand free of the handcuff for the past five minutes, and it was clear by now that it was too tight for her to make any headway. She sighed, shifting from a crouch down to sitting on the floor. Her wrist throbbed. It felt like the metal of the handcuffs had cut into her skin. And her head was pounding again. She watched Jackie silently for a little bit. “Why do you do that?” she asked.

“What, this?” Jackie was doing sit-ups, curling up and down with his hands behind his head. He didn’t stop to go look at her this time. “You’re the psychologist, you should know about how it’s important to keep a routine when isolated. Until you showed up, I had a period of like three months where I saw literally no one.”

“No one?” Laurens asked. “What about...him?”

Jackie faltered. “He...didn’t really talk to me. Well, h-he did for a little bit, but then he gave up, even when I did see him. So...yeah, he doesn’t count.” He resumed his exercise, now flipping over to do push-ups. “Another reason I do this. So I keep in shape and I can kick his ass when the time comes.” He chuckled, but his words sounded a bit...hollow.

“Hmm.” Maybe she should start up an exercise routine too, then. She was already getting bored, sitting on the floor. Sure, she was handcuffed to a pipe, but Jackie was cuffed to a support pillar, and he’d managed to work around that. “You do anything else?”

“Lot of daydreaming. Remembering. I don’t know.”

They fell silent for a moment. Laurens closed her eyes and leaned against the wall, managing to wedge her head between some of the wooden supports to rest against the cool concrete. She let the headache take over, a tiny drum pounding in her temples and forehead.

Some minutes later, Jackie had given up on his routine, and was now lying on the floor spread-eagle, staring at the bare rafters overhead. “So...what did he want?” He asked softly.

Laurens opened her eyes. “He just asked me a bunch of questions. About Schneep, mostly. Wanted to know...well, everything, basically. Everything that I knew about him.”

“You say anything?” Jackie asked dully.

“No. Nothing at all.” It was easiest to stay quiet entirely, refusing to acknowledge him. Not necessarily easy, but easiest. She recalled now that scarred face with its dual-colored eyes, the way he smiled and cajoled and got close. And she shuddered. “He’s not gonna just ask questions forever, is he?”

“Probably not,” Jackie said plainly. He looked over at Laurens just in time to see the blood drain from her face. “Hey, I mean, it might not be you. Might be me.”

“You?” Laurens repeated, aghast.

“Yeah.” Jackie looked back up at the ceiling. “That’s what he did with Schneep...once I arrived, at least. Hah...stupid me, not telling anyone where I was going, just following a lead on where he went. I should know better by now. But I thought...” He trailed off. “...I thought that...it was just Schneep. That he just left after what happened to Jack. I didn’t think anyone else was involved, but guess I found out the hard way.”

“I’m sorry,” Laurens whispered. “He...Henrik did do those things, didn’t he?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes Anti just wanted help, or for him to hold the murder tools and get his fingerprints all over them.” Jackie folded his arms. “I think it was, like, the first week I got here. Schneep and I got put in a room with some unconscious guy, and Anti told him to kill the guy. Hen didn’t want to, of course, so Anti said that...” He stopped.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Laurens said gently.

“No, I want to,” Jackie said. He took a deep breath. “Anti said that if Hen didn’t kill the guy, then he’d kill me, then the guy. And that he’d do it painfully. I told him not to listen, but then he broke my arm, and Henrik just couldn’t—couldn’t watch it.” Jackie rubbed his upper arm unconsciously. “The guy never even woke up, so there’s that, at least.” His eyes suddenly widened, as if regretting going that far. “Sorry, there’s just something about you that makes me want to talk.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” Laurens said. “Which is great. I’m a therapist, helps in work.”

That got Jackie to chuckle. It faded quickly. “Look, you can’t...can’t give him what he wants, okay?”

Laurens stared at him. “I can’t promise that, Jackie.”

“I know. But...just keep that in mind. I-I don’t know.” Jackie rolled over. “I’m gonna go to sleep now. Good night.”

“Good night,” Laurens repeated.

She wasn’t tired. And it wasn’t just because there was only the concrete floor to sleep on. Apparently if you got tired enough, you’d fall asleep anywhere. No, she was busy thinking. She’d been left alone for over two weeks, luckily enough, but it seemed like things were about to change. She...didn’t know how to proceed. She knew she had to get out of here, but how? There was a way, wasn’t there? Because if there wasn’t...she didn’t want to think about it.

She watched the light from the basement window fade, and eventually the buzzing lightbulbs overhead shut off on their own, leaving her in the dark.

——————

The door closed. It must’ve opened, but he hadn’t heard that, only the swing of it shutting. His head turned to look in the door’s direction. There was someone in the room now. Did he recognize him? He felt like he did. What was the name?

“Hey, Schneep.”

He latched onto that phrase. Friend. Only friends called him that.

But what if he’s lying?

He hadn’t considered that.

You should be lied to.

Awful, awful, awful.

Not them again. He looked up towards the ceiling. Augen, Augen. They were staring at him, blinking, all different colors. One of them dropped from its spot on the ceiling, dangling by an optic nerve. He flinched back, growling at it.

“Hey, I need you to—”

He growled at the man, too, backing up and pressing against the wall. No closer. Not until he could figure out if he was lying. The man’s uniform looked familiar. A beige outfit with a nametag that he couldn’t read—why couldn’t he read it? Where were his glasses? His hand touched his face and head, looking for where they could’ve gone. They weren’t there. His nails started to dig. Maybe they were underneath, if he could just get under there—

“Hey! Stop!” The man suddenly surged forward, grabbing his wrist. He yelped in surprise, managing to yank it away, hitting the man’s face in the process.

No grabbing! No no no no, this man wasn’t to be trusted if he suddenly grabbed people. Who knew what would happen next? When would the ropes and cuffs come in? “Nein,” he gasped out. He was shaking, breathing coming a bit harder. He could only manage the one word. “Nein, nein, nein.”

“Just calm down.” The man reached forward. As he watched, the man’s features started to twist. His eyes fell out, dripping along his face, his hair darkening.

“Did you miss me? Did you miss me? Did you miss me?”

It was him. “Nein! Geh weg!” He scrambled backwards, his leg hitting the frame of the bed. Bed! That would be safe, safe place from him. He immediately fell to the ground, scooting backwards until he was mostly underneath.

“I can’t underst

and you.” “What’s

your name?” “It’s so good to see y

ou okay.” “Henrik, I ca

n’t stay like this.”

He hid his face in his hands, whining, blinking against the tears. Where was Jackie? Was he alright? Where was Jackie? Where was Jack?

“YOU KILLED YOUR BEST FRIEND!”

He was laughing at him, laughing, laughing. He screamed, trying to plug his ears. There were hands coming for him, hands reaching, and the laughing wouldn’t stop. He saw eyes, one green and one blue. Smiles in the shadow’s face.

“Come with me, Henrik. Come with me, come with me.”

“Get out from under there.”

“I won’t do it again.”

“C’mon, man. You know I won’t hurt you.”

“What’s your name?”

“I just need you to take these.”

“I’m going to keep you.”

One of those voices might be safe. But maybe not. Better safe than sorry. “Geh weg—!” He kicked at the reaching hands, his own too busy trying to cover his ears. “Get away from me! Shut up!”

Where was he? He suddenly realized he didn’t remember. He was in a room, last time he checked. Did that change? He couldn’t see any walls. It was dark. He remembered being out in the dark once. It was raining. And a man had asked him, “Are you okay? You’re blocking the sidewalk.”

Yes, yes. He remembered. He looked up at the man, and he’d mistaken him for someone else. The man had looked very similar to him, it was an easy mistake. He remembered saying, “Jack? What are you doing out here? In the rain?”

And the man had looked confused. “I’m not Jack.”

And he’d laughed. “Do not try to pull this on me, I can tell the difference between all of you. You should go home.”

The man’s confusion had slid away, right off his face as he adopted another mask. “Right, just running some errands.” The man had smiled. “Didn’t know it was going to rain. What are you doing out here?”

“I...don’t know.” He’d said that. He’d said that because he was in rough ocean waves, untethered from the boat that drifted through reality. He’d said that, and he’d started to shake as distress set in. “Again, again. I-I don’t—”

“Hey, it’s okay.” The man had smiled. It was so similar, so easy—not like the smiles he would give him later. “Why don’t we go to my house?”

And he’d nodded. He thought it was Jack. “You know how I get, thi-this will pass.”

“Yeah, I know.” The man had grabbed his arm, and started pulling, and he’d let it happen. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Was he in the house now? Maybe he was. Maybe the man—he didn’t want to say it, he didn’t want to say it—was in the room, like he’d been that night. The man had sat him down on the sofa, and let him talk and chatter, listening intently...maybe too intently. And eventually he’d fallen silent, and then he realized. “You are not Jack,” he said.

“No, I’m not,” the man said.

“I-I am sorry, I just—you look a lot like him—” Later, he’d wonder why he’d ever mistaken the man for Jack. The man’s two-colored eyes, the scars across his neck and face—ah, that was why. The face was astonishingly close, under those scars. He’d wanted to see Jack. So he’d seen him.

“Is this Jack a friend of yours?” The man had seemed interested. Friendly.

“A good friend, very good friend,” he’d said. And then the tears had risen. He remembered covering his mouth. “I think I did something very bad to him.”

And it all came pouring out, the tale of an accidental operation. The man had stayed quiet through it all. And at the end, he’d seemed sympathetic. “Sorry that happened,” he’d said.

“I need to go back, I-I need to fix it.” He’d been shaking with the need to do so.

“You’re not exactly in a good state to.” The man had smiled again. It looked a bit...different. “But if you insist, I can get you a Lyft or something. You’re welcome to stay here.”

“I need to go back,” he’d repeated. “I need to see, a-at least.”

“Alright. Give me a second, I’ll call someone.” The man had stood up. “It’ll be a while, though. You want anything to drink, or something?”

He couldn’t remember if he’d said yes. But he did remember that five minutes later, the man had handed him a mug of coffee. He’d mumbled, “Thank you,” and five minutes after that, he’d finished it. But something was wrong. Everything was slow, slow, slow-motion record with sound distorted enough to make you dizzy. “I feel...I feel strange...” he remembered saying.

And the man had smiled again. “I know.”

And he’d realized he was in trouble.

Wait, when had something grabbed his arm?

He jolted. He was in that room, that room with the white walls, and someone was grabbing him. He screamed, pushing at that someone, hitting them—him—as hard as he could. Let go! Let go! Let go!

“Calm down, Schneep.” A man’s voice. “It’s me, remember? I just need you to take these.”

He shook his head. No! No, he didn’t know if he was lying! People lied all the time, he lied all the time! Lied until he couldn’t tell if his memories were right or just more false beliefs—there was a word for those, a word, a word—more delusions! He managed to push away from the man speaking, falling back, tripping onto a bed.

“Please don’t make me do this.” The man—he had no face, no face—set something on a table, and he pulled out—

“No! No no no, nein nein!” No more needles! He hated them, they stored darkness inside and put that darkness in his mind. He couldn’t think with them. He pressed back against the wall, pulling his knees to his chest. He grabbed the nearest object—a pillow, it was a pillow—and threw it at the man. It bounced right off.

“I’m so sorry, this’ll only take a moment.” The man quickly closed the distance, and managed to grab his arm. He tried to pull away, but not quick enough to stop the needle. The man quickly backed up. “It’s just a light sedative, it won’t knock you out.”

He curled up on his side, waiting. It had been him, hadn’t it? He didn’t want to say it, he didn’t want to say it. A. That had to be a name he��d given himself, didn’t it? But it had been A the whole time, hadn’t it? Pretending to be someone else, like he always did, changing faces as easily as changing a set of clothes. He wore people’s bodies—he’d felt A in his body, his, making him do terrible things. What did he want to do now? What was the needle this time?

“Okay. We’re good? Good. Look, just swallow these. I’d give you water, but not allowed.”

He felt...he couldn’t put words to it. There were song lyrics in his mind that would do that, describe it easier. He mumbled...scattering sparks of thought energy, deliver me and carry me away.

“I’m so sorry, but you need to take this, okay? It’s going to help.”

He wouldn’t open his mouth. It seemed important not to do that. But there was a fog inside his head, weighing down his bones. So when the man squeezed the sides of his face, he let his jaw drop open. Now there was something—he recognized the feel of this. Little round something. Pill. He remembered he was supposed to eat this, right? Yes, yes. It was medicine, it was supposed to help. He swallowed it. He felt...tired.

“Okay. Good.” The man backed away. “I’ll see you later today, Schneep. Okay?”

That song from earlier had more lyrics. They were stuck in his head now. He murmured some that he remembered. Understand what’s going on inside my mind, doctor I can’t tell if I’m not me. He liked those ones.

“...okay. I’ll see you.”

The door closed again. He was alone.

But he was never alone.

“Did you miss me? Did you miss me? Puppet boy.”

He whimpered, curling into a tighter ball, squeezing his eyes shut. He was always there.

#jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye fanfiction #jacksepticegos #septic egos #septic egos au #chase brody #marvin the magnificent #jameson jackson #jackieboy man #antisepticeye #brigid writes fanfiction #pwtimeline

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onceuponaredstring · 3 years

Text

January 26th

Sinkhole Swallows Small Town In Central Norway Overnight

Without much thought, Axel set his phone and the headlines he'd been scrolling through aside as his image library finally finished syncing on his home desktop.

Tired eyes scanned the screen methodically as Axel searched for the stock images he had in mind for the latest webpage he was working on. Better to find it now while it was on his mind than hope he remembered it when at the office Monday morning.

A simple misclick took him from his work library to his personal and suddenly Axel found himself with a different kind of tired. The kind that settled in his heart with an old fondness and pushed a heavy sigh from his lungs.

The redhead wasn't sure how much time passed staring at the small thumb nails of familiar scenes, familiar blue eyed blondes and old smiles, before a muffled voice broke the unwelcome spell.

“Lea? Are you coming to bed?”

The sound of his middle name was a good reminder of the here and now; a testament of a very different life tied to it.

"In a bit, Ti. You know I'll forget this by Monday if I don't find it now," Axel called back, rubbing his eye behind his glasses with one hand and firmly clicking back into the right folder with his other.

The sound of bare feet on hardwood approached his office, the soft jingle of a dog's collar from the living room, and then there were strong arms draping over his shoulders where he sat.

“How much convincing do you need tonight to put down your work, hmmm?” Tifa spoke into his ear, her soft breath shifting the tufts of red that hung in front of it.

Still searching the screen in front of him, Axel leaned his head against a firm bicep with a hum, "As soon as I find this graphic. Promise."

Tifa's raised brow was practically audible in the small room and brought a small, mirth filled smile to his lips. “Please don’t pick me up again." Axel brought his hand away from his mouse to instead thumb gently at a pale arm.

There was a knowing hum as the limb below his palm slipped away. Axel felt his chair spin beneath him not long after and chuckled as his eyes slid closed. When they reopened he was met with a pair of warm brown irises and confident hands plucking the glasses from his face.

“I’m cold. Come to bed," Tifa commanded, setting the black frames beside the keyboard and stepping back playfully with his hand in hers until she met resistance.

With a roll of green eyes, Axel left thoughts of work and stock images and young blondes with blue eyes and old memories behind in his office in favor of following the woman wearing one of his old band tees and a cute pair of black panties back to his room.

"Let's get you warmed up then."

February 3rd

“Earlier today a crew discovered cracks forming in the walls of the Aswan Dam. Water levels in the Nile are higher than ever seen in recent history and there are concerns-”

Axel stood in the living room with a little frown as he eyed the blurry television until a long yawn broke his stare. A dog, even lankier than him if that were possible, yawned in return from her spot on the couch, her long tail thumping against the cushions.

There was a soft giggle from the breakfast bar where Tifa sat, dressed for their Tuesday morning run that he was absolutely late for and scrolling through her phone next to a bowl of yogurt and fruit. "Look who's finally awake."

The redhead blinked, rubbed his eyes and yawned again.

"I brought blueberries for smoothies later."

He perked up a bit at that and shuffled his way across the open space, making sure to place a kiss atop a head of long black hair in thanks before he went about grabbing a glass of water for himself and a larger one to go about tending his plants as he shook off the last dredges of sleep.

It was an incredibly domestic feeling, hearing but not listening to the news, watering his too many plants as his… well as Tifa ate his food and Artemis looked longingly but lazily out the window behind the living room couch.

It was everything he wanted in life and yet his thoughts still wandered to the what ifs and could have beens he'd been awake all night thinking about after making the mistake of checking a certain Instagram page again. Just out of curiosity he'd told himself, as he scrolled through pictures of vineyards and gondolas and beautifully old architecture against sunsets and cobbled streets.

Roxas must be in Italy these days.

"Dilly dally shilly shally." Words spoken under soft breath brought Axel back to the present. He managed not to yelp as he almost overflowed his Calathea pot. "Dilly dally shilly shally.” Tifa spoke louder, “How long are you going to make Artie wait for her walk, Lea? Look at what a good girl she's being!"

And the borzoi was, in fact, being a good girl. Warming her luxurious red coat in the late morning sun.

"I'll have you know she practically kicked me out of bed last night," Axel accused even as he gave the patient dog a good scratch under her long snout.

"You were probably snoring!"

A dramatic gasp. "I do not! You take that back!"

The playful banter eased the ache that had settled beneath his ribs. At least a bit.

He didn't even need his jacket for their now afternoon run.

February 17th

Saria’s Song played muffled from his coat pocket for a third time as Axel struggled with groceries, pulling his keys from the front door, and the zoomies of a very excited borzoi.

"Is Artemis okay?"

Axel blinked at the lack of greeting and worried tone the moment he answered Tifa’s call. The dog in question shoved her nose up under his coat. "Huh? Yeah, why wouldn't she be?"

"You didn't feel it?"

"Feel what, Tifa?” Plastic crinkled as bags were set on the counter, the redhead leaning against it with a frown as his confusion mounted. “Are you okay?"

"Lea, turn on the news." The fine hairs on the backs of his arms stood up at how serious her tone was. Artemis followed under foot as Axel went about finding the remote.

"Reports from multiple countries across the world are still coming in-"

‘Magnitude 6 Earthquake Felt Around The Globe’ the headline read in solid black text. The ticker tape below scrolled by with phone numbers for disaster relief lines and shelters around the world.

"Subway tunnels have collapsed in major cities including New York, Chicago, Boston. Buildings in London and surrounding areas have been reduced to rubble." Axel stared in disbelief, cell phone held tight in his hand as he watched live footage of the devastation play on the large screen. He hadn’t felt the earthquake at all. Was that what had caused the unusual traffic on his way home from the store? How had he missed it? He’d been stopped on a bridge for fucks sake.

“The stained glass and chapels of multiple holy buildings in Vatican City have-”

His mouth ran dry and his fingers went slack, phone almost dropping from their hold.

Wasn't that where Roxas was?

Distantly he could hear Tifa calling to him over the line, "Are you still there? Lea?”

It was late in the evening over there his brain supplied. Was Roxas out partying with friends who barely spoke the same language? Was he tucked in the expected safety of some hostel for the night? Was he in the city at all?

“Axel!”

The redhead gasped, fresh air suddenly refilling his treacherous lungs. "Sorry. Yeah. I'm here.” A weak chuckle accompanied the next words to leave his dry mouth, “The world's really falling apart, ain't it?"

Faced with the reality that the Earth may actually be doing just that, Axel felt shaky on his feet. He let himself fall back into the couch as Tifa told him about the mess her bar had become. Thankfully she’d been the only one inside, still prepping to open for the evening, and remained unharmed. "I just got home.” Axel replied dumbly. Artemis set her face on his lap, staring up at him with big oblivious brown eyes. “Let me get changed, check the apartment and then me and Artie will swing by to help with cleanup, yeah?"

Twenty minutes past from hanging up the phone until then. Axel sat, still on the couch, hunched forward with elbows on his knees and messenger open on his phone screen.

You know I love you. I want the best for you. Just want u to be happy.

Whatever that looks like.

I know

But I need some space

It's just too hard to see you right now </3

But I'm here if you need me

The little icon of his ex-loves face sat next to the last text bubble marking it as read, the words typed more than a year ago now glaring up at him in the dimming afternoon light.

At the bottom of the screen was a new message, typed out, waiting to be sent.

With a long groan, he hit the arrow and stood. Slid the phone into his pocket with shaking hands before he could think on it any longer.

There were a few plants on the floor of his office, dirt spilled out over the hardwood, terracotta cracked and chipped. He’d deal with them later. First things first, he needed to get out of his office clothes and get Artie ready for the walk to Seventh Heaven.

No matter how disconnected he felt from the current reality.

--- U okay? [sent 5:46pm February 17]

#i can finally know peace now that this has been written #maybe I can sleep at night again lmao #//#r: if the world was ending!au

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