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jjheejz · 3 years

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About Internet Water Army in the case

This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).

19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below

18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)

Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details

Originally posted on 16 August 2021

[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].

The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.

Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.

*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).

If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.

Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations

Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army

When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.

Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:

Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]

Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]

Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]

Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]

Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well.

Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.

Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.

On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧

Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them.

Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.

Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:

The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .

Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).

Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.

In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.

The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.

Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).

There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.

Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)

The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.

Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.

Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?

First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)

Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps).

Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?

Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news.

Timeline of events:

13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions

14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news

15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react

17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]

Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.

When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.

Conclusion

Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.

Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.

Bonus

Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.

What's funny? The self-deteroriates:

Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"

Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?

Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.

So what should we do? Link here

Related posts 🛏️:

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thedreadvampy · 2 years

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NO I'VE GOT IT hang on Tumblr my stand-in therapist I've got this

I fucking hate. when people have feelings for me (either friend feelings or Feeling feelings) that I don't reciprocate bc I do often ends up feeling forced to React Correctly and I feel like 99% of the time when people have had crushes On Me that I don't reciprocate I've ended up being blamed and getting a lot of anger/denial/boundary crossing about my not being into them.

like since I was 13 or 14 people have consistently made it impossible for me to Not reciprocate their feelings and it's been. really painful and uncomfortable and often put me in really bad situations.

so now I feel. like ugh I don't want to be doing that. like putting your feelings for someone onto them and making them their problem can almost be an act of violence in itself like it can make. everything really awful.

and I have no GUARANTEE that the other person isn't feeling like I have felt. because I've worked really hard to pretend I'm fine and avoid making people feel bad when they're kind of being intensely pressuring and aggressive to me. so like. if I didn't tell those people, then how can I trust that someone else would tell me if my feelings were causing them distress or making them feel pressured???? I wouldn't tell me!

so like. when I actually do feel really strongly about someone. like either I have a crush on them or I Really Want Them To Be My Friend I really like them I think they're cool and fun and we should be friends. I am fucking terrified of expressing that or letting it slip out. like my Want To Be Loved is so huge and overwhelming that it could make people feel really pressured or pushed or afraid to say no to me.

bc when I know that often when someone has a crush on me or admires me I'm like. really on edge around them. I don't feel safe I can't relax I'm watching everything I do - am I leading them on? am I talking myself in a position where they feel misled or where I can't say no without causing a scene? are they going to let me walk away from them if I want to? - and it's not anything wrong with them or anything they're doing it's just. too much bad experience.

and I'm so afraid. of making other people feel that way. of creeping them out or making them feel unsafe. that I'm honestly kind of unfriendly or standoffish or cold to a lot of people I really want to be friends with! or I will have a burst of like. sending someone I want to be pals with a message or telling someone I like that they look amazing and then I FULLY panic and spend days thinking like 'oh god I put them in such an uncomfortable position I made it weird this is fully stalkery weirdly intimate behaviour and it's Really Obvious I Want More Here and that's not fair on them. can't ever speak to them again. fuck.'

(if you're someone I follow long-term but don't know IRL and I've ever sent you a compliment or a 'hope you feel better' or sth and then not. really talked to you. that's where we're at. I think you're cool and would like to be your friend but I don't know how to want things or pursue relationships with people without it making me feel like a Horrible Presumptive Creep In Your Inbox so I feel like I constantly have to be like BUT WE'RE NOT FRIENDS I KNOW WE'RE NOT FRIENDS I'M NOT PARASOCIALING YOU OWE ME NOTHING)

I just. yeah man it is in fact The Trauma and I'm really mad about it bc I know that I'm not being creepy and overbearing and I know that to the degree that my behaviour is off-putting or overwhelming it's mostly because I'm overthinking so much because of this specific baggage and if I could just get over thinking that Me Liking Someone is an act of unforgivable violence against them personally, me liking people would be entirely fine and boundaried and respectful.

but my horrible brain will not let me live it's like 'however nice someone is to you You Are Not Their Friend And Friendship Would Be An Imposition. having a crush on someone is basically the same as you sexually assaulting them. stop doing the horrible crime of Wanting To Be Loved and instead return to the correct and acceptable role of Wanting To Be Helpful But Disposable'

#the reason me and Sam work really well #is we both have the same vibe of It Is Unacceptable To Ask For Love I Must Only Offer Service #but both of us are so committed to carrying all the weight that neither of us can and we both have to submit to being loved #basically my recommendation for a lasting relationship from my lofty 10 year perch is #find someone whose brainworms are in a similar but complimentary direction to yours and then go from there #WARNING: CAN BACKFIRE i loved my ex but unfortunately our brainproblems gelled in the other direction #seems great to be like Oh You Want Support I Want To Be Supportive but in fact it just makes you both Worse #red said

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seoafin · 3 years

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tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be 😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

#honestly I don't have high hopes unfortunately 😭#but who knows I might be...pleasantly surprised #idk I don't have high hopes in manga nowadays so hmmm #anyway as always I enjoy ur thoughts <3 ❤️❤️#hope ur doing well!!!#and getting all those genshin impact goodies #🐱 anon #long post

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leftnipsdoodles · 5 years

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with Eris coming back i wanna give some attention to Asher bc im Like That

specifically, the fact that he might very well be the person Eris referred to as her cousin back when they were both alive. and i’ll get to sth abt that in a second, but first, here’s what the lore regarding this person says:

Undelivered, lost.

Cousin, do you remember the streets of the Last City? Do you remember eating fresh red grapes and playing tag between the market stalls? You cannot. We grew, we died, we were reborn. But I remember. It is the one thing I know is true. You used to LAUGH. What manipulation of the fates has led us each to our own calamities? [Forceful, looping script.] I listen to Vanguard channels every day for news of your death. If and when that news comes, I will fly to you at once, no matter where I am and no matter what front I fight on. [Aggressive pressure, carved deep enough into the paper to tear it.] I swear it.

- lore entry ‘Letters’, presumably letters Eris wrote and tried to deliver to several different people

3. I submit to you now photographic and video evidence recovered from civilian family albums, historical archives, and extant Ghost recordings originally captured in the Last City. Behold, ERI-223: a child of the Last City, born to civilian parents in a mortal-Guardian integrated neighborhood. Behold, too, tiny VIP #1786—though he is almost more unbelievable than ERI-223, if you look at his smile.

- lore entry ‘Forgeries’, dissecting and fact-checking the Truth to Power lore (in this case, confirming what Eris said abt her backstory in Letters)

i highlighted the contextually important parts here.

We grew, we died, we were reborn. -> Asher confirms multiple times that he’s never been to the Reef and goes above and beyond to distance himself from Reef Awoken. while this might mean he just died on Earth and doesn’t remember being at the Reef, it’s equally as possible he’s simply Earthborn.

You used to LAUGH. What manipulation of the fates has led us each to our own calamities? / [...] though he is almost more unbelievable than ERI-223, if you look at his smile. -> I used to think Toland was a good contester for being the person she talks about, since he’s also suffered a pretty bad(ass) fate like Eris, so she could be referring to him. But, we do know he’s still as... jovial, as ever. Asher on the other hand is known to be a big ol’ grump. The only time he does anything close to smiling is when he’s being condescending lol

I listen to Vanguard channels every day for news of your death. -> Eris obviously knows what’s going on with Asher’s ‘disease’. The first time we hear about him is in the grimoire where she visits him at the hospital while he’s in a coma after the whole Brakion thing. Toland’s already dead more or less but more importantly, the Vanguard wouldn’t report on him since he’s not affiliated with them because, yknow. He’s a ball. Asher on the other hand (heh) is specifically said to work under the Vanguard and his death would definitely have to be relayed to them.

now, the only reason i’m not 100% on all this is because, as always, the timeline in Destiny is a mess. I’ve talked abt it before but unless we get confirmation that Ghosts are able to revive someone at an age they never were (bc they died early or whatever), i dont see it adding up. Asher looks old, bruh. and he’s Awoken. we do know that while they do age outside of the Distributary, they do it at a much slower rate than humans. so for him to look this old, he must’ve been around for centuries before dying (since humans’ lifespans in this universe are already tripled). but the way the Awoken lore is written, it doesn’t sound like they have been on Earth long enough to warrant him ever getting this old before dying and being rezzed as a Guardian. and by his own admission, he’s been a Guardian long enough to see 6 different Hunter Vanguards come and go, which, while Hunter Vanguards change more quickly than the others, would still give us a rather long timespan. i will point out that all this COULD still add up, just because the timeline in Destiny has always been incredibly vague. so even if it doesn’t seem to add up now, the author’s intent would overrule any inconsistencies.

the other thing i want to put up for debate is the familial aspect of it, since I feel like these two being related feels ‘unbelievable’ (not that it has to be, but lbr). bear with me for a second, im gonna throw a lot of speculation at you but i hope you can understand that im doing my best to keep it in line with what we know: Awoken seem to face some sort of discrimination on Earth. 2 NPC lines hint at this: 1) ‘Who cares if he’s an Awoken? We’re in love, mom!’ 2) ‘I can’t believe it. I don’t mind that he was Awoken, but an artist? I mean, come on!‘ this is today, in a time where Awoken have been on Earth for a while. it was probably worse when they first got here, even tho in the lore, it is mentioned that generally the arrival of the Awoken was seen as something positive (since they came in a time of need, specifically to help. so not only were they seen as actual aid, but they also brought hope that not everything from outer space is here to kill humans). however, i’d say that especially in a day-to-day context, they would still be mistrusted. especially once they started banging humans. we all know how ppl react to outsiders ‘stealing’ things from them.

now, since we’re told that Eris grew up in a ‘mortal-Guardian integrated neighborhood’, when we know that most civilians outside of the Tower tend to be wary or even fearful of Guardians, i think it’s safe to assume she was born into a more ‘progressive’ environment. meaning it wouldn’t be a stretch for her to grow up around Awoken.

we don’t know for sure whether Eris is Awoken or just a Human with a very pale complexion (her being transformed by the Hive doesn’t help). either way, what I’m getting at with all this is that ‘cousin’ doesn’t have to be a familial term. ‘cousin’ is used by the Reef Awoken to refer to Awoken Player Characters (who, even tho it’s later hinted that we’re from the Reef ourselves, are presumed to be Earthborn by said Reef Awoken). ‘brother’/’sister’ is used as well. if we think Eris is Human, her calling an Awoken kid ‘cousin’ would fit in with her being from an integrating neighborhood. (EDIT: we even have the lore mentioning humans as ‘cousins’ of the Awoken: ‘Those who left went to scour the ruins for lost history and give some succor to their Human cousins [...]’ -lore entry ‘Revanche V’) if we think Eris is Awoken herself, her calling another Awoken ‘cousin’ wouldn’t feel unusual either. on the other hand, there’s the untapped potential in Awoken-Human hybrids that are mentioned by the lore but just *clenches fist* never fkn explored. so her looking so different from him could have a number of explanations and doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not related. but like i said, i think the majority of us can’t see it lmfao

ANYWAY what im saying is that whether ‘cousin’ is meant literally or figuratively, it wouldn’t disprove the possibility of Asher being the cousin Eris mentions as part of her past.

so uhh, these are all my thoughts on the matter. feel free to tell me your own if you disagree or feel like adding sth!

#asher mir #delete later #steroid gaming #me while playing destiny: do snakes have buttholes #me when im not playing destiny: -and thats why i think the sociopolitical climate on the Reef is what it is. especially when we take into ac

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aliceyinh · 3 years

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Life Goes On

Hi uhh.. I know this might seem kinda random and all bc it’s not bts related but I just wanted to share a little sth I wrote last year after a very rough period in my life just came to a close and I know how it feels like to think you’re alone in your struggles. So this is for anyone struggling, especially if you have a mentally ill parent. But also anyone else. You’re not alone. You’re never alone. And reading this again after almost 9 months I can tell you: It does get better. <3

[TW: mental illness/ psychosis/ depression/ bleeding(mental wounds)]

I think I want to talk about something today. I don't know if I'm ready but I wasn't ready when I packed my bags back then and moved to Canada. I just wanted to do it. And so I did.

I've been feeling lots of ways in the past couple of months, with multiple changing moods in one day. You might be asking yourself where I want to go with this but honestly I don't quite know myself. I thought many times about if I even should or not but there will always be points for and against it so.. screw it.

I think this year and all it's events resurfaced some things I had stuffed and buried somewhere deep down because I was tired of living with them - but never really healed from them. Which is probably why I ended up being crushed by them and in the state I am right now when they were presented to me again.

My mother suffers from a mental illness, in more detail the exact diagnosis states the words "Paranoid schizophrenic psychosis". As many mental illnesses it's something that can be treated, but never cured. My mom has lived with this illness for many many years, in fact, she lived without needing any therapy or medication for almost 10 years between her first and second psychosis and then again for around 3, completely stable and what others would label as "normal". This year, after being in the house for almost 2 months because of Covid she fell back into another psychosis after hearing she'd loose her job due to the pandemic. Because of this she was unable to work and fell deeper into a hole she couldn't get out of - and a hole I couldn't even find to get her out of because the way the psychosis affected her brain often made it impossible for me to reach her. The pandemic hadn't been friendly to me either. I think we can all agree that the amount of stress and pressure each and everyone of us has been under is beyond anything any of us could have ever imagined. Although I was still lucky enough to have a job, work had been more than a handful, conventions to have some carefree time were canceled and traveling was off the table. And then on top of that I suddenly was faced again with the weight of knowing that if I collapsed, if I quit my job to escape the stress, if I moved out to have some freedom, my mother would not be able to survive in the state she was in. There were no financial cushions, no one to look after her, no one to react if things went south. Coming home was always both, daunting and nerve wrecking. There were a lot of reasons I'm not going to go into why I didn't immediately react or call in family members. Let's just say the arguments against these options were just as big as the option of getting help. So in between 50 hour weeks, very little sleep, health issues, the stress of an ongoing pandemic and exhausting conversations to try to get my mother to see her neurologist and get back on her medication I just kept going - because I was the only one still able to. Everything just kept going wrong left and right and I heard my body screaming for a break and for me to get out of this because I hadn't realized until now how traumatized her last psychosis (I was too little to really know what was happening with her first one and she had her second one when I was in 11th grade - that's where it really hit) left me. I was always on edge. The way she spoke, her tone, her body language.. she didn't even have to say anything for my body to go into full on panic and fight or flight mode. A lot of time I felt like I didn't even have a mother anymore... there was just nothing left of the person I used to know. I do not blame her by the way. It was never her fault. She's probably suffered from this more than I can ever imagine. After all the stigma of mental illness was a lot worse when she had her first Psychosis back in the 90s. If anything, I admire her for the fact that she just keeps getting back up, being able to go back to a "normal" life - because many don't ever really get back out of it. But with everything going on it was just too much.

And I think I'm paying the price for not allowing myself to slow down. Because after she finally agreed to taking her meds again and her thinking going back to the way it used to be within like two weeks I kept feeling worse and worse. Don't get me wrong. The health problems were there before. Probably because of stress, not eating too well and just some weaknesses I've been dealing with. And the fact that for months and months I had one little thing after another and everything just getting a tiny bit worse each day despite me stripping myself down to the very last bit of energy I had left made something crack - in my body and soul. And now that I'm finally starting to process it and heal from them I have a hard time accepting that I am not the super energetic, positive, stress resistant can do person I used to be. Which again, makes it harder to heal in the first place.

It's funny how sometimes, healing from something feels more like being cut open again. Watching the cut bleed and then very slowly close is even worse. It burns. It itches. You get impatient. And you really want to scratch off the crust but you know it's going to take even longer to heal then. And it's already taking too long. It's agony, it's feeling better. And ever so often, even though you gave yourself all the time to heal, a scar stays where you used to bleed. And although you don't feel the itch and the pain anymore it's at times hard to look at. And to come to terms with the fact that some part of you will forever be a little different.

To be brutally honest. I'm scared of a scar staying. I'm scared I exhausted my mind and body so much that neither will be able to ever fully recover. And I am beating myself up about it. Yesterday a friend reminded me to be patient and give myself more time - give my body more time, give doctors and medicine more time. That I am healing and healing... is a long process. And it's gotta start somewhere so I decided to write.. and if you see this, share it with you. So you might understand the why and how and to let you know what happened and in the hopes that it might be a lesson to others to listen when their body is asking for a break.

#mental health #recovery #psychosis #mentally ill parent #not bangtan #it does get better

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haynescheung-blog · 6 years

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22 Aug 2018- First Day Filming

4am there’s a Canadian customer asked about my project and he said, “Well, let’s have pancakes together.” So we had pancakes together. I’m not sure if it’s because of midnight the restaurant kinda stopped serving already but still offered me pancakes, but the pancakes weren't good at all. They were so dry... well... at least now I know when NOT TO ORDER. Oreo pancakes are quite.. too sweet, too heavy. I sincerely hope it was just an accident. Otherwise I’m inviting people coming to have bad pancakes with me is not a really nice thing to do isn’t?

What I feel: There’re so many reasons why I love this restaurant. One of them is the people here never bothers me no matter how long I stayed here. But there was a waiter kinda cross my boundary. He’s a mid-aged man and he likes to touch me (shoulders, back, hands..), which I really do not appreciate it. Last time before I left the restaurant he kissed my face so sudden that I don't even have time to react so I just left. Today in the morning he saw me and he kissed my face again, even I kinda push him over. So I just told him that ‘in my culture, we don't do a lot of touching’, which I supposed maybe I’m too nice to say it. But well.. as long as he doesn't do it again, I’ll try to be nice. He seemed to be a bit embarrassed by his action. I just don't understand why I’m like a toy to some of those weird mid-aged men (just some), and I seriously feel angry about it. I don't think he dare to touch people he perceive as real woman, but then I am, I am a human-being as well, and I’m 21. I think I have to stand out for myself. It’s very rude and disrespectful to belittle others, and he doesn't even know my name.. sorry but fuck off. I’m also proud that I finally know how to protect myself and confront against men. I used to be “nice” and find a lot of excuses and even consider their perspectives. Now I can say I’m finally growing up and be kind to myself. If I don't respect myself, no one would. This is what humans are. This is the reason why I cannot trust human beings. It’s difficult for me to embrace them and myself everything. Not that I don't accept flaws and ugliness, or they don't meet my expectations. I just want to be as simple as it could be. Relationships. Connections. I know I can never understand a person fully, and this is why we are all very lonely. But then we are lonely together.

I always trying to reach somebody, yet I’m the one who built up so many boundaries; boundaries to isolate anyone gets across my border. I like to be on my own at all times, and I like talking and knowing strangers. I could spend hours just listening to them, but I can hardly build a real relationship with anyone. It could take me years to truly trust someone. I like living this way, but I begin to wonder if it would be a problem of me in a long term?

At least I’ve got myself, and my artist teacher in HK who’s always my backup. I’m very lucky. I want to be a true artist, because artist is a genuine being. I want to be real and humble. Be who I truly am means I can fully embrace and accept myself. I’m still far away from it cause I still have to remind myself many times, but someday I’ll get nearly there and being genuine and humble will be just as natural as breathing.

2:15p.m.

I was told by the manager here that it might probably not a good idea to film the restaurant around here for privacy reasons, which I can totally understand that might not be very respectful thing to do. But then I found it interesting about their reactions of me filming around. No one has any idea why I’m doing that and what I’m going to do with the clips.

Tough from my perspective I thought I was allowed to film around.. Well, there are many workers in this restaurant and some of them are fine with it some of them aren't. Im curious of how they actually feel rather than Im feeling anything for my behavior. I do respect them, though. Especially I was editing my video in an open area, where I film with customers in it. I feel like no matter how good my manner is or how nice I’m trying to be, what I did obviously across their border. Not many people like to be seen in this way. It’s ok if they appear in my vision, but not filming it. It’s ok if I take video of the table that I’m having pancakes with some strangers, or I even stick the notes around without their permission, but its not right to offense anyone’s privacy in the restaurant.

I guess this is the limitation.

Am I ok with it if someone filming me working?

It feels different than I’m filming myself right.

I’m the director, which means I can take away any clips than I do not like, but they don't have a choice.

Now I’m under their eyes, I’m the one who’s being watched.

How do I feel?

When I was editing the videos, I was both watching and being watched. It is actually the same now, the only difference is, I’m the person who is being seen whatever I do, but I’m not scared, because I know why Im being watched, but they don't.

4:29pm-

I’m just a bit tired, since I didn't sleep much yesterday as well. I started to feel a bit numb. I couldn't think very deep and fast. I just keep wondering about literally, the way of seeing. I was watching the second episode but I almost fell asleep.

What if I film myself, watching myself through my cell phone, and people watch me through the screen? I’m not allowed to film around the restaurant, but I am allowed to film myself, right?

What if filming myself makes someone feel uncomfortable because I am looking at them through the screen on the Gopro camera?

4:51pm-

almost fell asleep, i tried very hard to stay awake and doing sth, as long as I convince myself that I can do it, I can do it. Everything is about faith. Someone is coming or not, I’m doing it. My mind cannot function as good, but I’m typing out some words now. Make sense or not, they keep me awake. My stomach doesn't feel really well, so I don't wanna drink coffee. It’s still far too early for caffeine anyways. If I finish this challenge, I can have a whole day sleeping. Just think of it. I need to film myself now. Because I’m sleepy. I need to document it.

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kkahii · 6 years

Text

produce 48 talk ep 3 and etc

this is extremely long btw

as usual, my picks remains unchanged. in fact, my love for my main picks have intensified lmfao

i am so happy kaeun is still first, but i wouldn’t mind if she doesn’t get center in the final lineup tbh. like what she said to sakuchan, it’s ok because sakuchan fits center better BUT i do want her as leader sfm. remember during the first ep, she was like if she hadn’t debuted, maybe she would have been in nayoung’s place so I WANT THAT FOR HER. side note: she was rank a’s leader tho, but we never got to see how it went, so idk how good she’ll be but she has... the leader vibe lol

i livestreamed the 3rd ep and haven’t watched with subs yet but, from what i saw, kaeun and jurina didn’t even bother claiming either leader or center. it’s nice. they’ve both been playing it safe imo (even tho jurina’s still being used as evil edit fodder against sakura smh)

i’m fine w jurina just stepping back and letting other people handle things for a change. she’s got too much on her shoulders w akb/ske already (and i’ve been reading too many of her interviews during ‘rena loss’ period and she’s just so sad omfg og kami 7, rena, and masana then mayuyu SHE’S SO SAD AND LONELY)

also, i was so confused why boombayah t1 was getting so much hate. turns out they laughed or something about choosing “the weakest team” ?? my stream must’ve lagged at that part but i did see t2 cry and it was sad. this turn of events tho made the tv audience very sympathetic towards the members and i think erii’s gonna be this season’s sohye or something

also also i watched the fancams from my picks and those within my radar, and i can say that they all did great especially miyu (tbf, she sang an akb song lol but it was still great!!). in terms of the recent fancam, my top 5 fave perfs from my picks are: miyu (ugh maybe she can be main vocal) > kaeun (nailed it as usual) > jurina (she got 2 lines i think, and the giggle was awkward af but i end up giggling with her??? her impact) > juri (arggghhh want to pinch) > everyone else BECAUSE I’M TOO SOFT

i’m.... actually fine with the amount of screen time jurina’s been getting? like. one of the main reasons she’s had haters since she was born her debut--and this only to my knowledge, 48g jurina fans are welcome to correct me--is bc akb management kept pushing her to the front and basically made her center almost immediately. fans of the other girls weren’t happy about it. she’s also always had this confident “super middle schooler” image which people weren’t easily drawn to compared to acchan’s girl next door image that jp people want to root for.

anyway. i digress. as i was saying, i’m fine with the amount of screen time she’s getting right now bc at least there wouldn’t be more people hating her for hogging attention or whatever. the most screen time she gets is when she’s being evil edited against sakura (during first eval most esp., other times i think they’d just get some random moment of her reacting weirdly and put that up next to sakuratan’s face lol) BUT the little moments we see of jurina behind the scenes or in the bg, she’s being supportive and caring and fun and SHE’S BASICALLY HAD MOMENTS WITH THE TOP 12 KR trainees i think (jp trainees are all her kouhai, so). and most importantly, she’s claimed kaeun with her “unnie saranghae” so there’s that

ETA (liveblogging of the ep):

i’m now currently watching with so-so engsubs (from kshow lol)

i’m at the part where they’re choosing center and i just realized that if jurina had chosen kaeun, they would’ve put that in the footage and shown her handwrite kaeun’s name in slow mo with a voice over of how she chose kaeun over sakura lbr here. which is why i think she chose sakura bc i think jurina’s deadass serious about wanting 48G on top and if sakura is center, a 48g member is center

byj said sth like, “why don’t they look happy [on stage]??” when they were rehearsing for nekkoya... SHE OBVIOUSLY WASN’T LOOKING AT JURINA SMH

when the songs were revealed and the 48g girlies saw high tension UGH CUTE

yuukatan literally saying she wasn’t charming enough to get chosen :( i honestly wondered why jurina didn’t pick her THERE’S ONLY TWO OF YOU FROM SKE HUHUHU i think they’re not close BUT STILL :(

HONDA HITOMI IS SO CUTEEEEEEEEE I WANT TO SQUISH

was...... jurina’s team the only one who didn’t think about choosing the “”leftover team””??? they had the chance to choose first yet they chose to go with a team that was probably on par with them in terms of skills maybe??? boombayah t1 really done fcked up (they did say sorry to them tho, but still)

jurina going over to comfort yuukatan :( and even tho she went back to her place to proceed filming, her body was still angled over to yuukatan’s team :(

also, i think it’s a hilarious but great coincidence how jurina managed to form a global idol team. side note: i thought at first that it was only kaeun and jurina who could communicate in japanese with each other but apparently eunyoung can too?

anyway, no offense but kaeun was more of a leader than eunyoung for their team tbh? at least she was like, let’s choose between these two~ while eunyoung seemed bias from the start lol

haeun being the cutie choreo of their group. chungha’s daughter is doing well

boombayah t1 really out there choosing only korean trainees smh their leader who chose their team members had no sense

omfg nako making a team of only cute members I CAN’T IT WAS HER INTENTION FROM THE START skdjsfm

and juri’s team chose her as center THAT CENTER/ACE AURA CAN’T BE HIDDEN JURI

I CAN’T WITH SAKURATAN’S ENTIRE DRAMA/SCREENTIME ONLY ABOUT HER BEING/WANTING TO BE CENTER lmfao

nako <3

they deadass stopped peekaboo perfs in the middle dsakhfldjsl

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